#(also i think the last ACTUAL fluff fic i wrote where nobody suffers was a GSR fic which i am now searching for)

[bisexualstokes-archive]

i think that nick/greg ficlet was the first fluffy fan fic i’ve written in a decade

[musings-on-bucky-barnes]

Q&A Part 3 with Owlet about The Infinite Coffee & Protection Detail series

Here is Part the Third of Owlet answering questions about The Infinite Coffee & Protection Detail series and also about her other writing. Some of the questions are from readers of the first Q&A, and some come from a Tumblr post of suggested questions for writers.

Warning for discussion of rape.

OWLET'S NOTE:

Thanks for all the cheers and good wishes on part 2! I'm glad people think the behind-the-scenes stuff is interesting and not just me being a windbag.

I was delighted that so many of you seem interested in my novel! It's not available anywhere yet: I still have to find an agent, and who knows how the heck long that's going to take? (I am NOT cut out for self-publishing.) But I certainly hope it'll find a home. If you want to keep up with me on tumblr (vmohlere) or twitter (virginiamohlere), I assure you that when such time comes, I will scream about it a LOT.

Pink floaty hearts, y'all.

  Reader questions:

From EssayOfThoughts:

 I know that you say that you like to imagine AOU doesn't exist, but I will admit (because I find Wanda deeply compelling and the twins story as a whole very interesting) that I've wondered a lot about how your Bucky would deal with the Maximoff twins? Like, on the one hand there's Wanda's ability to mess with minds, which he'd hate, but simultaneously (at least according to the AOU prelude comic) the twins was effectively radicalised by HYDRA while they were pretending to be SHIELD and expected to be their weapons which is not wholly dissimilar to Nat or Bucky. So if you're willing to acknowledge AOU just enough to ponder this I'd really like to know your thoughts! If not, of course, I understand.

Wanda’s not a character I’ve given much thought to. You’re right that her abilities would freak Barnes out. But he has a strict policy of observation before reaction, so he would give them a chance. And they’re so young (and so broken) that his protective instincts would kick in. I think they could probably count on some wary kindness, along with a dose of irritation at Pietro’s shenanigans.

From Ev42:

 Thing I can't stop thinking about today: babies. Specifically, Bucky + baby = ???

 I personally am a sucker for "Steve knows nothing, Bucky's a pro" thing re: babies. Mix that up with the Mission and the Briefing and what would we get? I keep think about, idk, maybe Sam has a niece or nephew, or one of the Olds has a grandchild or grandniece or something, and I just really want your thoughts on Bucky + baby... Please?

Barnes would be too worried about inadvertently hurting an infant to be willing to touch one, though he likes the directness of slightly older kids.

If in the presence of Steve trying to deal with an infant, the Briefing would definitely have a lot of commentary about everything he was doing wrong.

From Fred1085:

 I guess if I had one question though it would be: Do you always see Bucky existing as Barnes, the Briefing, and the Mission, or do you see a time in his future in which those aspects of him would be more integrated. Not through the magical Asgaridan science, but through his own force of will/healing?

  He definitely does become more integrated over time. The Mission is a protective identity, and as he needs it less, it recedes. The Briefing is literally his memories, which he does recover many of over time, though that’s a long and painful process. There’s a lot of regression throughout the long-term forward progress. But he keeps some of the habits, like “confirm” and “deny.”

 MusingsOnBuckyBarnes:

 After “This, You Protect”, the Mission went to ground so to speak for a bit and Bucky was distressed at its loss, at it not communicating with him. But over time as he heals and it recedes, he wouldn’t be so upset?

Exactly. When the Mission’s going quiet is part of the organic process of healing, he misses it but isn’t upset by its loss.

From stentorian_lore_n:

 Did Bucky and Steve ever make a donation to Sam's VA?? :)

Yes, of course! But Sam had to be bullied into buying a better chair for himself, because he wanted all the money to go to programs.

There’s a lot of red tape involved with how much money the center can receive in donations, so Steve & Bucky give that much each year, even much later, when Sam does in fact move to NYC to become an Avenger.

From englishghosts:

 Also, since you're taking questions, I'd like to ask you something. (TW RAPE)

Although Bucky suffering sexual abuse and torture "for fun" during his time with HYDRA makes perfect sense in my head (70 years in the hands of powerful white men who had complete control over him, it's difficult to imagine nobody got ideas), especially with the imagery of the bank scene, it's something we don't see that often in fics outside certain areas of fandom. I'm really glad you included this, because for me it not only makes it more realistic, but also it brings an extra layer into Bucky reclaiming himself and being comfortable with touching and his feelings for Steve. So the question is what made you decide to include it in this fic?

Like you say, powerful men with a powerful man under their complete control, over the course of 70 years – to me, it’s a given that among the many abuses he suffered was sexual abuse. It was always part of the character, for me, one of the many layers that he needed to work through to reclaim both his body and his self.

I started to think that the romantic-physical relationship with Steve was an inevitable part of Barnes’s healing process, because he and Steve really just do love each other SO much. The more I thought about it, the more I could see that given the style that I’d set up, writing Barnes’s reactions to things kind of obliquely, would be SUPER FUN for writing about bodies and sex. I cackled my whole way through writing that section.

And, you know, there were a lot of commenters who were like “hey man where’s the smut?” – a few of them NOT SO NICELY. I’m glad I stuck it in its own section, though, because I know there are also a lot of people who like to only read the gen parts.

From Selkieinthesea:

How did you come up with the curses? My favorite is “Lenin’s pickled scrotum.” It makes me laugh every time I think of it. I’d use it, but I have toddlers so then I’d have to explain what pickling is, what a scrotum is and why you’d pickle one.

That is a mystery and a blessing from the part of my brain from which jokes arise. Every one of them delighted me. “Lenin’s pickled scrotum” hearkens back to college jokes in Russian History class about how they embalmed Lenin with a mixture of Twinkie filling and maraschino cherry juice, and of course scrotums are always hilarious, I don’t know how people who have them even deal.

from Ev42 (about the fic “Love Is for Children”):

 Nicholas. Anything to do with Nick Fury? Bc I think that'd make his faking-my-death-without-telling-Natasha sting that much more. Ouch.

 I'm trying to imagine how Nicholas meeting the gang would go. I... have no idea? Barnes would bake, of course, but what? The Olds would be happy. Barton already knows. I guess I'm just trying to figure out what the hurt/happy ratio for the rest would be

I actually have a tiny bit of this written out – it was originally going to be another piece of ICaPD, but I couldn’t get it to have any kind of arc to it, and the pacing was just BALLS.

Anyhow, yes, Nicholas is named after Nick Fury. His sperm donor is no one of import, and the only one of the Avengers who knows about him is Clint.

The snippet I never wrote involved Bad Guys kidnapping Nicholas & Steve/Barnes/Nat/Clint/Sam going on a rescue mission.

In this universe, Nat & Clint have a couple of Barton-Romanoffs, of whom Nicholas is the first (Clint adopts him). Tony & Pepper likewise have several kids in this universe.

  The remaining questions are from a “Fanfiction Writer Asks” Tumblr post by criminal-minds-fanfiction:

Do you prefer writing OC’s or reader inserts? Explain your answer.

I haven’t written a reader-insertish kind of thing since I wrote a Duran Duran scifi AU when I was 14 years old. Original characters are where it’s at.

What is your favourite genre to write for?

Fantasy, for sure. Tho romance tends to worm its way into most of my stuff.

If you had to choose a favourite out of all of your multi chaptered stories, which would it be and why?

I think This, You Protect has better pacing than The Long Road Begins at Home, and writing it helped me fall back in love with writing.

If you had to delete one of your stories and never speak of it again, which would it be and why?

Um. Maybe my Loki poem? Tho I don’t think it’s necessarily bad.

When is your preferred time to write?

First thing in the morning, tho I’m grateful to be able to write almost any time. In the past couple of years, I've gotten into writing into the notepad on my phone, so I literally write any- and everywhere.

Where do you take your inspiration from?

Absolutely everywhere.

In your xxx fic, what’s your favourite scene that you wrote? [Any of your Bucky fics]

The chapter of Team-Building Exercises where Barnes & Pepper go to France is something I’m so proud of. I think I did pretty well with the action and the pacing in that one, and I love writing Pepper.

Their first Thanksgiving, with the Sandwich of Suffering, is also a favorite.

In your xxx fic, why did you decide to end it like that? Did you have an alternative ending in mind? [The Long Road Begins at Home]

It was always going to go Thanksgiving to Thanksgiving.

If you write OC’s, how do you decide on their names?

ARGH NAMES. What a pain. Second only to titles in terms of terribleness. I try to roll a few names around and chew on them until I find the one that feels right.

Do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them?

I have notes for 3 more sections of Infinite Coffee and Protection Detail – one that’s pure fluff, one that’s an action scene, and one at the very end of their lives. But I dunno. For one thing, the last one is unbearably sad. And I don’t really have Barnes’s voice in my head anymore. I think it’s time to be done.

More about the action scene is answered in response to a reader question in the previous section. The Sad Ending is just too far off in tone that it doesn’t fit the series at all, so let’s leave it in a dark drawer. But Barnes & Steve live for a very long time and remain faithful to the successive generations of their Avengers family. And when they go, they reach the end of the line together.

The fluff scene is CAT JACK and will post on Friday, June 7. (it's not a full story, just a snippet)

Are there any stories that you wished you’d ended differently?

The epilogue chapter of This, You Protect has some cute jokes, but it’s pretty weird, and I kind of wish I’d left it off.

Do you prefer listening to music when you’re writing or do you need silence?

Depends on the day. I definitely like music when I’m Pondering, though.

How do you feel about writing smutty scenes?

LOVE IT

Do people know you write fanfiction?

People know about my MCU fic, yes.

What’s your favourite minor character you’ve written?

That’s like asking about my favorite child!! Hill is definitely up there on the list, though. Hair Club in general was fun to have around.

Has anyone ever guessed the plot twist of one of your fics before you posted it?

I wish I could remember what it was, but yes. That was really fun.

If you could write only angst, fluff or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why?

Smut, because I think the best smut is also really emotional, so it’s not like cutting out angst, fluff, or anything else.

xXx

The link to the full list of questions for fanfic writer is here:

http://criminal-minds-fanfiction.tumblr.com/post/172926526725/fanfiction-writer-asks

(EDIT: link appears to be maybe-broken?)

[hithercamealexander]

Secret Santa reveal!

Hey everyone! Merry Christmas!

Some time ago I joined @boku-no-secret-santa’s gift exchange, and it’s time to reveal my gift and my secret santa, so here goes!

I wrote an All Might-centric fic for Agatha (@mydoriya), with some angst and a lot of fluff, so I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it!! >.<

There you go, Agatha, so Merry Christmas! :D

P.D. It’s also posted on AO3 (https://archiveofourown.org/works/13141350)

Keep smiling...

All Might flinched as he dug his nails into the palms of his hands. He hadn't even noticed that he was doing it until he felt the pain. He looked at the red marks he had left on his skin and sighed. It was the third time today he had caught himself clenching his fists too hard; Recovery Girl would scold him again. 

But he couldn't help it. 

Nighteye's last words echoed in his mind. He could still hear the weakening beeps of the machines that surrounded his old sidekick, the aseptic smell of the hospital, the colour of his eyes fading away...

-All Might, could you photocopy this document for me?

Cementoss' voice brought All Might back to reality. His fellow teacher was staring at him with a worried look in his eyes, holding a folder with 2nd-year students' records. Nobody had yet voiced their concerns, but everybody knew that All Might was not holding on very well after the raid of Overhaul's lair. All the students involved had come back scarred in some way or another, but Midoriya Izuku, Togata Mirio and All Might had taken the worst hit of all. Sure thing, others like Amajiki or Kirishima had only just been discharged from hospital after sustaining pretty serious injuries, but the wounds that those three had received were not of the kind that heals quickly. 

All Might looked at his watch while the photocopying machine wheezed and flashed. 1st-years were now training with Aizawa, while the 3rd-years were in one of Present Mic's loudly educational English lessons. All Might thought about the two talented young men; he thought about the one who had been considered the ideal vessel for his power and about the one who had actually inherited it, and he was surprised when he noticed that, as well as pride, he felt a pang of jealousy. Both of them had suffered just as he had the loss of Nighteye, but while he was still sulking in the shadows, being told off by his colleagues for not paying enough attention to his duties, Midoriya and Togata had resumed their lessons at UA and were proving to Nighteye that they were indeed becoming great heroes. 

How pathetic.

He was All Might, the number one hero, and yet he was nothing but a shadow of what he had been. He looked at his reflection in the computer's black screen and grimaced. He saw his sunken eyes, the bags under his eyelids, and thought of Nana. "A hero must always smile!" 

Smile indeed... Master, what would you think of me if you saw me now? I couldn't even protect Nighteye... Is this the hero that I wanted to become?

The hot summer sun shone down on UA while All Might sighed again.

-----------------

Deku had decided that the night heat and the jarring, endless cry of the cicadas were too much for him and that, if he couldn't sleep, he might as well make use of his insomnia, so he got out of the house, careful not to wake up his mother, and went to Dagobah Beach. He usually liked training there, as it made him think of his first encounter with All Might and how he inherited One for All, but that particular morning it was just a painful reminder of his failure to save Nighteye, and his heart filled with those doubts that had been eating him inside ever since All Might passed his power on to him.   

What if All Might has made a mistake? What if Mirio-senpai could have saved Nighteye? Am I... am I really good enough? Will I ever be?

Suddenly, a lean figure in the distance caught his eye. The sun had only just started to rise, so he couldn't quite make out the person's features, but it was certainly a familiar figure.

-All Might!- he yelled, waving his arms, and the figure started and turned around. Indeed, it was All Might, but what was he doing here at this hour? Though, Deku pondered, the same could be said of him.

-Young Midoriya!- All Might looked sincerely startled- What are you doing here?

-I couldn't sleep and I just decided to go for a run. It usually helps me clear my head. What about you, All Might?

Deku glanced at his teacher's face. He had been worried for the number one hero ever since he incident. After all, Nighteye had been All Might's sidekick and one of his closest friends... Not to mention his profecy about All Might's fate. Deku had vowed to twist fate, but after the conclusion of Eri's rescue, could he still keep his word?

All Might scratched his head.

-I guess I couldn't sleep either. It's not easy, these days- his hand went to his left side, to his scar, in an automatic movement that wasn't lost on Izuku- So much has happened, and yet... I yet I am still unable to do anything at all.

-That's not true, All Might!- protested Deku- You're still the Symbol of Peace! The light that guides us! The light that guided Nighteye! That's why he was a hero capable of sacrificing himself for other, like Mirio-senpai! Because you inspire us, because...

Deku stopped talking; he felt that if he continued he would choke on his tears. All Might gave him a sad smile and gently patted him on the head. The pain he felt inside for Nighteye's death and his own failure as a hero lessened when he looked at Midoriya and he sensed his heart well with pride. He was becoming such a great hero, and he didn't even notice...

-All Might- the boy sobbed, in a quieter voice than All Might would have expected- do you... do you ever think that you were wrong? That someone else would have deserved One for All more than me? That I can't be a proper hero?

Deku's shoulders were trembling, and All Might understood how hard it must have been for him to see Nighteye die with his own eyes. He thought of Nana, of how he felt when he saw her chest stop moving, and then looked back down at Deku. A smile crept up to his lips.

-Young Midoriya...- All Might put his arms around the boy's shoulders and pulled him into a warm embrace- Never once.

-------------------

They never saw it coming.

In one of his exceedingly less rare days off, All Might had decided to visit the girl that his colleagues had saved from Overhaul’s lair. He hadn’t actually gotten a chance to properly talk to her yet, but after everything that had happened, he couldn’t not do it. He also knew that her quirk was unstable and dangerous and that she was the one most afraid of her own power, but All Might considered that the most important reason to speak with her. She needed to know that she wasn’t alone.

He stopped and leaned against a lamppost.

That’s a good job you’re going to do there, you socially awkward failure.

As All Might he could take on the world, but as Yagi Toshinori… Ever since he had accepted that his “true form” was going to be his definitive one, he found himself ever more self-conscious. He wanted to believe that he could still actually inspire people, but the reveal of his secret to the world after his fight with All for One and the widespread discussion on whether he was a fraud or not that had spread like wildfire in the media had been slowly eroding his confidence. At least he still had Young Midoriya's admiration and, if he could get Young Eri to trust him, just a little bit, maybe he could feel that there still was in him some of the he hero he had once been.

So he walked towards Hosu's general hospital with a small box of mochis in his hand, hoping they would cheer up the young girl, when an earth-shattering explosion shook the ground. 

Nearly losing his balance, All Might managed to grab a lamppost and steady himself, and when he looked up for the source of the explosion, he saw in horror that the hospital was up in flames. Black smoke swivelled up into the sky, and even from the distance he could hear the crackling of the flames and the victims' cries of distress. He was suddenly paralised. He body refused to move.

What can you do? Nothing.

Who can you help? No one.

Remember Nana. Remember Nighteye. 

You're useless. You're a fraud. 

Give up.

Give.

Up.

All for One's voice echoed in his head. He clutched his left side, panting heavily. His scar burned, throbbed, making his flesh shudder. He tried to shut the voice out, to make it stop, but it wouldn't. A part of him wanted to listen to him, but then again...

Eri.

Eri was in the hospital.

Eri was the target.

All Might sprang forward, his muscles moving on his own. The mochi box dropped to the pavement, its contents spilling, but he couldn't care less. Only one thought filled his mind.

He had to save Eri.

Every great hero has that moment where his body just moves on its own to do what is right. You can become a hero, Toshi. Smile!

He was nearly out of breath when we reached the blazing building, yet he never slowed down. He could see that some heroes, those around the area, had already come in aid of the victims. Some of them had scratches, some bruises, but nobody seemed to have been severely wounded. However, it seemed that there were still people inside the hospital, judging by those who were escaping the burning inferno inside, coughing and heaving. But no matter where he looked, he couldn't see Eri. His heart rushed. Would he actually lose two people in the same place with such a short time difference? No. No, he wouldn't. He was All Might. He was the Symbol of Peace. 

He would succeed.

People gasped when they noticed the scrawny, dishevelled man jumping into the flames, but none of the heroes had time to react and stop him.

The burning heat was the first thing to hit All Might right in the face, as he felt his lungs bursting with fire. He held his breath, hoping to be quick enough not to end up roasted, and moved forward. A few people ran past him towards the exit, looking at him as if he were a madman (he was, in a way, wasn't he? he thought), and as they passed by his side he caught wind of something of a villain or two villains, and of a fire quirk, or an explosion one, he couldn't be sure amidst that chaos. What was clear was that it wasn't going to be easy. 

 The explosion caught Eri in an uncomfortable light sleep, turning and twisting in her bed, but as soon as the quake hit she leapt up. She knew something was amiss. And, somehow, she knew it was her fault.

Years of living with Overhaul had taught her that everything bad that happened was always her fault.

She held on tight to her bed sheets, remembering how those two boys had risked their lives for her. The blond one. The green-haired one. Her heroes. Would they come to save her once more?

She hadn't got the chance to thank them properly. Maybe she never would. Maybe that was for the better. 

She could hear people screaming and running outside her room, but the door was tightly locked and she couldn't get to the other side. Through her window, all she could see was mayhem. Then a thump at her door. She started, trembling. Was her father back for her? Would Overhaul punish her very harshly? Her hands shook. 

Another thump, this time stronger.

Then the door flew open, hinges hanging loose.

Two men came in. Eri didn't recognise them, but she knew that they weren't good news.

One of them was sturdily built, with more bulging muscles than a normal body should have, while the other was lean, with light hair and tired eyes. They looked around the room as if there were nothing out of the ordinary in their actions and grinned widely when they spotted the trembling child in a corner of her bed.

-Well, well, well, who do we have here. If it isn't the little lady.

The lean man's voice was melodious and could even have been described as pleasant, were it not for his obviously disdainful tone and the hint of madness that one could detect in his countenance. The big man just grunted.

-Just take her, Setsuno, I don't want another fucking hero squad chasing our asses.

-Language, Nakatani, there are children present- Setsuno Toya mocked his companion - We don't want the young miss to turn us to dust like she did with her real dad, do we?

Eri looked down, trying to hold back the tears. She was a monster. Maybe she was better off in a laboratory, as she had been her whole life.

-You're gonna come with us, kid- Setsuno said, extending his hand towards Eri- and you don’t get to choose. We'll get you and Overhaul and everything will be back to normal. The Eight Precepts of Death will be revived once more and Overhaul will see to it that we're never defeated again.- His eyes shone, insanity within them.

Maybe she was better off dea-

-EVERYTHING'S FINE NOW!

All three people turned, dumbstruck at the sudden intromission, but all Setsuno found was an enormous fist that connected with his jaw and sent him flying to the other side of the room. His companion, Nakatani, blinked and, without even noticing, took a step backwards, as it was no one other than All Might in front of him. Compared to the bulk of the number one hero, even his musculature paled. 

Eri was gaping in awe. Having lived cloistered within the prison that Overhaul had built for her, Eri knew nothing of All Might or of his heroic deeds, so she hadn't the faintest idea of who this enormous, blond man who had barged in and knocked out her torturers was, but then he smiled at her and she felt something move in her heart.

-EVERYTHING'S FINE NOW!- he repeated- WHY? BECAUSE I AM HERE!

-Fuck!- Nakatani threw a punch at All Might, turning everything in his way to ash, but All Might saw it coming miles ahead and ducked in time. He knew that he had barely a few punches in himself and that he could only keep his muscle form for an incredibly short amount of time, and that even only after mustering every single ounce of force he had in himself, but it had to be enough to save Young Eri. In a smooth movement he adjusted his feet, immobilised with ease the villain's scorching arm, and smashed his head into the floor. He heard something crack, probably bone in addition to the floor tiles, and he jumped away as Setsuno thrust a broken glass shard towards him with his quirk. The sharp edge razed him and blood trickled down his sleeve. All Might hissed and lunged towards Setsuno, who avoided a near-fatal blow only because All Might flinched, his body unable to keep going much longer. The villain thought quickly, he needed another strategy, he couldn't believe Nakatani had been taken out so fast, fuck, how come All Might was back, wasn't he fucking retired? Fuck, this wasn't in his plans, he couldn't face All Might, he didn't have any weak points, fuck, fuck, fu-

Then Eri caught his eye.

The girl. Go for the girl.

All Might was still reeling from the ache in his limbs when we understood what Setsuno intended to do, and he jump just in time to stop all the projectiles from crashing into Eri.

He held the girl in his arms, feeling her small, trembling body, and even though the pain of his wounds was nigh unbearable, he looked at her, and when he saw her face flooded by tears but with a sparkle of hope in her eyes, he did what he always did, what Nana taught him to do, what Nighteye wanted him to do.

He smiled.

-Don't worry, young lady. Everything is fine, I'm here now.

Without letting Eri go, All Might stood up, shards of glass falling from his back and arms, and gathering the little strength that he had left, he strode to where Setsuno stood, trying to put together one last attack, and punched him with all the fury of his soul.

-CALIFORNIA SMASH!!!

 When Eri opened her eyes again, the bulging muscles had gone, and in their stead stood a skinny, dusty and bleeding man. Her brain tried to understand what had happened, but then he looked at her and smiled again, and she felt the same thing she had felt when she had seen him appear through her room's door. The same thing she felt when she first met Deku and when Mirio had given her his cape. 

She felt hope.

She hugged All Might with her short, little arms and buried her face in his chest, and for the first time in months, despite the numbing pain of his wounds, All Might felt at peace.

-------------------

-All Might Power Cookies? For All Might?

Todoroki gave Deku a skeptical look.

-Well, yes! I mean, they are the best ones! They are produced with a special grain from Hokkaido which is extremely beneficious for muscle implementation and which also helps with blood circulation, not to speak of the delicious flavour of...

-Yeah man, we get it, we get it!- Kirishima tapped Deku on the shoulder. The whole class knew of Deku's habits of muttering endlessly about subjects that thrilled him (mainly All Might, of course).

The attack on the hospital and All Might's unexpected intervention had caught everybody by surprise, and as soon as they learnt that the villains responsible for the fire were in custody and All Might was in hospital with some wounds, they raced there to see their teacher. Deku was especially worried, since All Might hadn't answered any of his texts ever since and he didn't know the extent of the damage. Mirio had told him, in confidence, that the perpetrators had been some of Overhaul's minions, trying to kidnap Eri for some kind of mad scheme of bringing back the Eight Precepts of Death. Where had All Might found the strength to fight the people who helped kill Nighteye was something that Deku had no idea, but he was concerned about how it must have affected his teacher. 

The students of 1-A reached All Might's room and lightly knocked on the door. All Might was sitting up on his bed, talking to Midnight, who had come visiting, and his eyes lighted up when he saw his students flooding in through the door.

-Oh, well- All Might blushed slightly, and Deku and Ochaco looked at each other and giggled- This a very pleasant surprise!

-We couldn't NOT come, All Might!- Iida felt obliged, as usual, to give a few introductory remarks, moving his hands in an extravagant motion- As students of UA's Hero Course and future pro-heroes, it is our duty to look after our fellow heroes and mentors!

-Well said, Iida!- whooped Kaminari- That's our Class Rep! 

All Might smiled, covered in bandages as he was. Deku responded with a shaky smile. All Might seemed well enough, but what did really lie behind the eternal smile of the ex-number one hero? 

-How are you doing, All Might-sensei?- asked Yaoyorozu with her soothing voice.

-I have been better- All Might laughed off his students' worries. He wished that he could still freely use this muscle form to comfort them, but he would just have to do his best as he was. 

-Were you able to fight like that?- Todoroki seemed somewhere between worried and suspicious. All Might wished he knew what was going through the young man’s mind; after all, he was Endeavour’s son, who had risen to the number one position after All Might’s retirement. He had no idea what Todoroki thought of him before, but know, being the weak shadow of what he had been, he feared he had lost the young man’s respect.

-Not like this, no- he answered, pointing at himself- I managed to get all muscle-y for a while and that was more than enough.

Then, to his amazement, all the kids looked at him with glittery eyes, brimming with excitement.

-That’s All Might for you!!- exclaimed Kirishima, lifting his fist- That is so cool!

-He was the number one hero, after all- slipped in Mina. Iida nodded very energetically.

-No less will be expected of us as pro heroes, everyone, so no slackening! Let All Might’s example inspire you all, understood?- he said.

-Oh, come on, Iida- Sero jumped on the class rep, taking him by the shoulders in a friendly gesture- You can't expect us all to be like All Might! That's aiming too high!

-Yeah, exactly!- protested Mina- All Might is the Symbol of Peace! We're more like... the Symbol of Brave-but-dumbness, or something like that.

The class burst out laughing with Mina's joke, but All Might couldn't help but wonder at the students' behaviour. Did they actually still look up to him? Did they still... admire him?

Suddenly, he noticed a slight nudge to his bandaged hand, and when he looked up his eyes met with Deku's.

-I'm so glad that you're all right, All Might- the boy was smiling, a smile that reached his eyes and that filled All Might with warmth- You're incredible, you really are...

-Young Midoriya...- All Might started to say, but then Midnight interrupted his thoughts.

-It seems you have a visitor, my dear- All Might and the rest of the children turned towards the door, that Midnight had opened to reveal two figures, one of them a tall, scruffy man in black and the other one a tiny white-haired bundle of nerves.

-Yo- Aizawa greeted the class and gently nudged Eri forward. The inquisitive gazes of all who didn’t know her yet (that is, everyone apart from those involved in the raid of Overhaul’s lair) fell on the young girl, who shrank in fear of all those strangers, but, suddenly spotting out Deku in the midst of the crowd, she regained a bit of self-confidence and, after inhaling deeply, strode forward. She stopped in front of Deku, who wasn’t entirely sure what she was doing there, but whatever it was he nodded in approval. Meanwhile, Aizawa kept his eyes fixed on Eri; he didn’t want to risk any possible catastrophe that the girl’s uncontrolled power might unchain, but she had pleaded so much to be able to visit All Might that he had finally given in.

Eri finally got to All Might’s side with her eyes stuck to the ground. All Might wasn’t sure whether the girl was scared, angry or what was it that she was feeling, and he felt completely at a loss for words. He opened his mouth to say something, but then Eri just leapt up into the bed and hugged him tightly. All Might was stunned, unable to move for a second, when he started feeling the girl’s warm tears soaking his shoulder.

-Thank you. Thank you- she whispered to his ear- You’re an amazing hero.

All Might held her tightly and not caring that his students were present, he let his tears flow freely for the first time in a very long time.

 A few hours later, after sharing cookies and tea with Eri, Midnight and Aizawa, all the students of 1-A left for home, except Deku. He excused himself to Iida and Ochaco, telling them to go ahead without him, and stayed behind to speak to his teacher. It had been a long day for All Might, but he had held on quite stoically.

-All Might- his teacher looked at him, his usual warm smile on his lips- Thank you for saving Eri. It must have been quite demanding, given your situation…- Deku couldn’t help but fumble on his words; his mind worked faster than his mouth and he just hoped that he was making sense- The thing is, I just wanted to know that… that I’m very proud that you chose me. Even though I have many doubts, and a lot of the time I feel I’m not up to the part, but seeing what you did there… how you risked everything for what you thought you had to do...- Deku looked up, and the intensity of his gaze impressed All Might- I will become a great hero. A hero that you, that Togata-senpai and that Sir Nighteye can be proud of! I promise you I will fight to create that future!

All Might fell silent for a moment, pondering the young man’s words, and then, looking into his eyes, he smiled once more.

-Really, Young Midoriya… You have already created that future. You already are a hero.

The afternoon light of the sun dwindled as two stars, a rising one and a falling one, continued to burn bright.

[hyacinthetic]

end of the year writing meme 2k17

because i did this last year and i want to gloat over my truly embarrassing uptick in wordcount.

Total number of completed stories: 8 + 1 wip + 1 snippet.  Total word count: 151,100, MOTHERFUCKER. Fandoms: voltron, persona 5, natsume’s book of friends.

Overall Thoughts

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you'd predicted? TOO MUCH VOLTRON. WAY, WAY TOO MUCH VOLTRON.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January? i have 40k of lotor/matt sitting on my hard drive. it's going to break 60k after edits. i don't want this life.

What's your own favorite of the year? the post-series winter cult au was my favorite bit of writing, but i am gonna clutch the pseudo-utena pastiche (disclaimer: not actually related to utena in any way) to my chest all the more because nobody else will. 36K WORDS, MOTHERFUCKERS.

Did you take any writing risks this year? mmm. i've used the second-person pov before to varying degrees of efficacy, but the junior detective kurusu akira fic and the every day au were the first times i really tried to use it as a proper conceit -- a choice that related to the way the character wanted the story framed. ymmv on how well they worked (ha! ha! most of the second-person punch in the junior detective fic happens in the ~20k after the prologue, oh god, nobody even knows what i'm talking about). at the v. least, i still think the every day au's ending wouldn't pack such a punch from any other perspective.

Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the new year? WRITE STUFF THAT ISN'T VOLTRON, FOR FUCK'S SAKE. i've been reduced to just clawing at doors hissing LET ME GO... LET MY PEOPLE GO ...

From my past year of writing, what was...

My best story of this year: definitely the post-series winter cult. people keep describing it as hard to get into, which, yeah, it is. but it's also the most polished piece from this year.

in general, my best fic is always still the dazai/yosano thing from 2016. i didn't even round out all the subplots for that one, but because it's a crack ship, the whole dynamic is something i made, and i think that earns it a place on the trophy shelf.

My most popular story of this year: the shrine guardian au, i guess? which is bewildering, frankly: it's very fluffy, but i don't see that it does anything better than my other works. not to be all lucille bluth, i love all my children equally!!! and its prose is fine, but i wouldn't call it a standout piece.

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: it is a tie between my two big voltron aus -- i understand why the pseudo-utena flopped as hard as it did (60k worth of fic crammed into 36k, badly edited, had to cut two subplots and it still turned out a mess), but the darkest timeline auniverse fic was decent work with mediocre prose and a fuckton of worldbuilding. i'm this close to digging up a worldbuilding meme and answering all the questions that literally nobody will ever ask. THERE WAS SO MUCH TIMELINE BUILDING IN THAT ONE.

Most fun story to write: fun & joy are lies. all fic is suffering. only the motor fic came close, and that was awful in a different way: two characters with little established personality having to build chemistry and worldbuilding at the same time. fuck you both.

Story with the single sexiest moment: hilariously, despite the amount of porn i like to write, none of my fic's been personally sexy to me since 2013's mikorei pwp in which mikoto blew up some buildings and then convinced munakata to fuck him into a wall. what can i say, i'm an arson kind of girl.

Most "holy crap, that's wrong, even for you" story: nothing posted this year! but i'm gonna talk about my impending january posts because god, fuck, i'm not waiting a year so that i can talk excitedly about my 60k nightmare, i plan to be fucking burned out on voltron by february.

anyway: the first time i tried to explain lotor/matt to my best girl, she promptly texted back in horror: "DID YOU WRITE FIC WHERE LOTOR SOULBONDS MATT AND LEAVES HIM TO GET GANGBANGED." and, like. i want to explain, but the actual explanation wasn't really that much more comforting. so, there'll be that. i guess.

(there's actually no non-con involved! it's not even dubcon! IT'S NOT EVEN MATT WHO GETS LEFT.)

Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters: the fucking motor fic. i knew what i liked about lotor as i was going in -- 90% of my motivation in writing it was "okay, i can't make any of the existing major lotor ships work for me, let's just throw this ridiculous spaghetti galra at a shipping wall and see what sticks" -- but matt was much more nebulous to me. i know fanon matt isn't all that far off from the matt we actually saw in season 4, but i was interested in someone who wasn't an older, cheerful, ingenious, meme-loving version of pidge. and the detail that i really got stuck on was the fact that he was a cadet when he went to kerberos, even though keith was the best pilot in his class and keith couldn't go. why?

obviously the simpler answer's "narrative convenience" and "why would anyone trust keith enough to send him into space with millions of dollars' worth of space equipment". but i really did want to play with the alternative too.

Hardest story to write: fucking god. the european travelogue was downright awful to get out. i think it's partly that there's an emotional density to it that isn't really present in my other fic, and partly that it's 25K OF SHIRO DESCRIBING ARCHITECTURE THAT IS PERFECTLY EASY FOR ANYBODY TO GOOGLE AND LOOK AT WITH THEIR OWN EYES.

i also found sheith particularly hard to build as a convincing slowburn. i have no idea how anyone does it. the ship's selling point, to me, is that keith would give shiro anything. if shiro weren't romantically interested, keith would live and die for him in every other way and be absolutely satisfied by that. i never write keith as secretly wanting more than shiro can give -- he'll do it by accident, when he misunderstands what shiro's capable of, but ultimately that's not what keith wants himself to be. shiro plays by the rules a little better, understands the risks + selfishness of dating someone only to leave them for a dangerous ten-month expedition -- but when it comes down to it, i can't write them as anything other than two people who understand each other at the baseline, where it counts. like, shiro may not actively acknowledge it, but i don't think he DOESN'T know that keith has no breaking point when it comes to him, and that there is very unlikely to be anyone else who could ever be what shiro is to him.

anyway: 25k of no-plot fluff! jesus! it was a fun little experiment, and i'm still amazed and delighted that anyone hunted my tumblr down to ask for fic. but i'll probably never write anything like that again.

Biggest disappointment: can you believe that i wrote 36k of psychic bonding fic and it didn't lead to telepathic porn? there's a lot in the utena pastiche that made me go "mm, not enough", a lot that was flatly messy first-draft fumbling, and i've never been happy about how it turned out, but that's still the biggest outrage to me. like. what was even the point. there's so much about it that makes me itch to rewrite, but the number-one reason that i never, ever will is that i'd have to find somewhere to fit porn to make it worth my time AND SOME THINGS ARE JUST IMPOSSIBLE.

Biggest surprise: i!! posted!! 100k+ words!!!!!!! WITH OVERFLOWING PUNCTUATION BECAUSE I DESERVE IT, MOTHERFUCKER. ficwise, though -- the lotor/matt au. why the fuck would you ship two characters who literally have no screen time together, share nothing in common, and are unlikely to develop a dynamic in future seasons, let alone this one? answer: ME: You have to promise to read the Lotor/Matt thing even though I've realised that their portmanteau is "Motor". MY GIRL: WELL now i have to read it ME: ME: Never mind, your boner killed mine.

but the joke's on me, because the one way to guarantee that i'll write something is a hot girl telling me she'll read it.

i love how most of this meme is grim self-encouragement to finish a fic that feels like it is literally killing me by dint of being the longest goddamn thing i've written in my life.

Most unintentionally telling story: well, it was GONNA be the junior detective kurusu akira fic, but i DIDN'T FINISH THAT.

on a more personal note: the every day au's ending was never in question for me. i'm rarely in the mood for conversation, but i can't stand keeping my feelings to myself: i don't feel real unless someone else can see me. it's why i like to yell in my post tags and do memes even though i follow like three actual personal blogs and a significant portion of this tumblr's designed to actively discourage 90% of people who stumble across it from adding me. the idea that, when you strip the viewer out, the object disappears -- that's probably as 'me' as a story gets.

Highlights + Wrap-up

Favourite Opening Lines (3):

The courthouse's a brushfire of camera lenses.

You wake up. [ ed. nt: not really the most unique or interesting of opening lines, but i've started to appreciate how this echoes throughout the piece and then builds into a clusterfuck chorus by the end. ]

[ nope. the other first lines weren't that great. fuck you, meme.]

Favorite 5 Line(s) Ficbits from Anywhere: [ ed. nt: fuck you, word limits & punctuation. ]

"I knew you were gone—long gone. No one could've called you back. But I just kept saying—if they were really Voltron, you'd be with them. You'd have come back for me."

"You stand," Allura whispers, "on territory that was consecrated by the five rituals of essential transference. You stand within the walls that my grandfather built, the walls for which my father sacrificed everything to keep from enemy dominion. The planet Altea remains because I lay claim to it, because I have not yielded to time and I will not yield. You may have served as Zarkon's witch; but in these halls, your very life hangs on Altea's mercy, my mercy. Either you'll remember an Altean's manners or a prisoner's—but so long as you speak to me, Haggar, you will choose one." -- so this fic was a series of dramatic triumphs that i did not build up to and therefore had no right to put in, but i don't care. if i'm going to write 100k++ of fic in a year, it's gonna be spread out over like ten different fics. and this is my favorite of the dramatic non-love confessional speeches that i wrote this year.

Keith lisps briefly and nastily under his breath. "Why would anyone pronounce an apostrophe?” <-- me throwing shade at a hundred years of scifi.

[ fuck you, listicles. ]

[ fuck you pt. 2. all the other sentences sucked. ]

Trivia left out of three fic:

pidge survives the events of the every day au and does eventually go on to form voltron. i left the fic where i did as a dramatic stopping point; in my head, i always knew where things were going to go afterwards. this clarity was helped in no small part because i had to immediately spill my guts to my best girl after she finished reading and realised in outrage that i'd given her a 19k fic in which her otp kissed zero (0) times. but yeah, everything works out -- albeit with a superdose of trauma -- and keith and pidge in particular have a moment which appeals to all my friendship kinks. i couldn't write the sequel in second-person, though, which is probably why i'll never do it. if i can't be pretentious and tragic, and i still can't work in any porn, then what is the point.

shiro, in the weird tattoo porn thing, has no idea of the effect he's having. in his mind, he's just being reasonable. this ties into my preference for writing s3-4!shiro as someone who thinks of himself as the same man who fell to earth a year ago, someone who has survived the galra over and over, someone who wants to lead in the war and deserves to do it. the trouble with this is that about one-point-five of those things are not necessarily things that the original shiro actually believes. i love this discrepancy between writing the two: there's one who buys into his own mythology of being a hero, and there's one who just wants everyone to survive and be happy and safe. in an ideal world (note: ideal to nobody but me), project kuron would be a thing where they created a perfect clone of shiro with all his memories but accidentally infused it with just enough galra beliefs about strength and the importance of war that it sabotages voltron's mission. that particular shiro doesn't mean to be fucked up, but his beliefs are, and he doesn't realise it until after the fallout of everything he's done hits the team. it's the entire basis for his behavior afterwards. this is one of those character development things that fell into the margins between the tattoo porn and its weird au sequel. i should have written the fic in between, i'm sure it would've been less confusing for everyone who read the goddamn sequence, but honestly, you could not pay me enough to write about keith and shiro's relationship falling apart.

this was never made explicit in the fic itself, though it seems pretty clear to me, but here goes. of the ten photographs, nine are pictures that shiro takes for keith to remember them by. the last is one that keith takes for shiro.

Lessons learned about writing in 2017:

when in doubt during edits, read the paragraph out loud. you don't have to do it very loudly, but people respond to something that flows off the tongue even if they aren't actually reading it out to themselves.

you're a niche writer. you write for you. that means you don't really have to edit if you're tired.

deadlines are bullshit. don't sign up for any more events featuring those.

with the way i write, there's always an element of mistrust. in my shorter fics, people are breaking up because they can't trust each other, or they're teetering on the brink of getting together -- but. in my longer fics, i really, really love to throw an unexplained element of mistrust into the mix (see: the fic where shiro leaves his own dimension and refuses to go back without any explanation) and only 'reveal 'it at the end. mistrust is an easy shortcut to tension. it's a good way to reframe the story, but it's also ... hm. predictable if it's literally all you write? i like to think that i'm capable of writing plots whose value isn't entirely based on the way they're told. i just need to let the story breathe once in a while.

the comma before 'too' is grammatically incorrect when that's the end of the sentence. my entire life is a goddamn lie.

there's such a thing as overdetail. a loose sketch and a twinkle of atmosphere will do better than three dense paragraphs detailing exactly where all the cathedrals are. my god, i never want to leave this continent again.

the best writing feeling is posting something and then tweaking all the small mistakes out of it. the second-best writing feeling is bringing someone you like a freshly-killed (read: edited) piece of prose, then demanding pets and cuddling for your great act of magnimity and courage.

looking back on my life, i should have been born a cat.

Fic-writing goals for 2018

post/finish all 80k of my existing drafts, THEN LEAVE VOLTRON FOREVER, I'M SO DARKLY EXCITED ABOUT THIS EXODUS.

seriously, write for any fandom but voltron. oh my god.

maybe i can just dive headfirst into ocean's eight and write a lot of bantery f/f until everyone forgets my embarrassing gay robolion phase.

a sci-fi au for nirvana in fire, heavily influenced by recent military scifi, in which (contrary to all the imperial death traditions) the chiyan army's memories and consciousness are ostensibly deleted from the imperial archives as punishment for their betrayal. several years down the line, jingyan finds his political influence rising with the advice of a helpful and very insistent ai advisor. IT'S TOO COMPLICATED AND I'M STILL THINKING ABOUT IT.

did you know that the natori/matoba section on ao3 has no explicit fic at all? like, zero. 2018 goals, baby. i don't care that nobody needs to know what horrible things they'd do to each other in bed. i'm gonna be this ship's rule 34, or the arsonist who burns down the house of the person who gets to it before me.