#(also i have not raved in years for the record jfc i sure was secretly wild in random ways pff)

[nighttimepixels]

night how do u do it, how do u make things so gay but also pan but also hilarious?? WIZARDRY. Seriously though it's great XD it feels really organic with the girls especially. like, not forced, or so fast? slow burn but also just... organic, idk XD kinda makes me wonder what your early gay realization was! if that's okay to ask??? feels like u got ur finger on the pulse of 'oh shit i'm gay',,,

*wheeze*

Thank you so much?? (//▽//)ゞ I dunno about finger on the pulse but I do try X) Especially with the queer content! Like, most of the girls are pan (per usual, excepting Crimson, who is pansexual but mostly finds herself homoromantic, and Blade, who just id’s as a big ol’ lesbian), but I specifically wanted to write their fic from a wlw perspective. So it means a lot to hear that you think so! ♡♡♡

as for my ‘realization’ - sure, I don’t mind, heh. But it’s under a cut since it’s not skeleton-related content so people can easily skip it if they don’t wanna read. ┐(´∀｀)┌

Long story short, I was the total quintessential sapphic ‘ahaha, we’re just best friends! I’m just comfortable in my sexuality! She’s just the prettiest, coolest, hottest- oh no she can dance, oh geez I sure do love when we’re working on theater tech together and I’m up in the lighting booth helping her check the spots and oh wow she sure does look Very Good in Those Lights ahahahah-’

(=▿= ||||)

Big case of falling-in-love-with-your-bestie, basically. She was new to the state, no less, and we listened to Fall Out Boy and the Arctic Monkeys and yes even Smashing Pumpkins together,,, she got a record player when we were 16 and hoo boi the baby gay feelings when we had sleepovers and she put on a record and we ended up dancing on her bed with only the fairy lights on in the room;;; Meanwhile, she totally dated multiple guys over the years. Which, fair!

Anyways, cue her between boyfriends when we’re 16 or so, a month after our first water rave (yes, legit a thing, and yes, I legit was lowkey a raver for a few years haha - water raves were done after-hours in an indoor waterpark). Cue another sleepover, just us, this time we were in a pile of blankets in her dad’s small study (downstairs, vs all the bedrooms at her place which were upstairs - so we didn’t have to be as quiet, a perk as a teenager at 2am).

Cue her admitting that the guy she was into basically alluded to intending to ask her out officially the next week (might’ve been a school dance coming up..? probably something like that)… but her also admitting she’d been “curious” about “what it would be like to kiss a girl, y’know-” she had a friend where she’d lived previously that was into girls, etc… heh, any wlw probably gets the vague ‘oh I have a friend who, yknow-’ when trying to hedge about curiousity.

Aaaanyways… she sure did ask my oblivious self if she could ‘try it’ with me XD and my, extremely dense gay ass, sure did say “oh, okay- I mean, I’m comfortable with my sexuality! So, um, if you want to…”

… comfortable with my sexuality, mmmmmhm. (ಠ_ಠ)  legit thought I was straight, just an ally, etc. Yep.

Cue smooch that made my poor gay heart flutter. Talkin’ all the good good gay feels. How soft girls are,,, how nice it was that she smelled nice….. how pretty she looked when her eyelashes fluttered closed with the moonlight from the window of course falling over her profile, how cute it was when her leg bumped mine-

Cue me, post kiss, internally saying “yup!! totally comfortable in my sexuality!!!! ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ “

I never ended up properly confessing to her, btw, but about a year later I finally internally just casually went “oh. huh. shit.” after I got a crush on another girl and couldn’t deny that one as easily XD aaaaand after the aforementioned best-friend-who-was-coincidentally-that-fateful-sleepover-night-my-first-willing-kiss, that same bestie casually invited me to a threesome-makeout with the guy she started dating (who I was acquaintancey-friends with as well). Talk about making that guy’s very confused day when his girlfriend and her best friend took off their shirts after he, looking like he was convinced he was hallucinating, agreed to the situation. Aaaaaaand another threesome makeout with her and a different guy after that boyfriend left for college.

Funny, really, bc looking back it really was a... hm. A loophole, if that makes sense? Basically, I was ‘allowed’ to kiss a girl if it was under the pretense of making a guy’s day.

I mean, still a dangerous game to play, but a loophole in the 2000s nonetheless

I was… a youth……..

XD

And hindsight makes me go “oh gods, yeah, no, I’ve been majorly Not Straight the Whole Time” but shit’s confusing in the best of times, let alone pre-2010s when millenial and older queer folk had the added fun of society being extra dumb-and-or-awful outside of the few carved out Accepting pockets. No judgement if it takes you decades, half your life, whatever. Everyone’s circumstances are different, and I respect the hell outta you and your journey!!

Live your best life, I guess is the moral?? And also go with the flow. But also, if you find yourself kissing someone of a not-’opposite’-gender and thinking “wow I sure am straight, but this happens to be absolutely the best”, maybe consider the… possibilities that you have inclinations towards the delightfully queer end of the spectrum. °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖° 

And now I just take that energy and pour it into making queer characters so… Woo!! Smooch a skeleton, hold hands and be soft,, insert to your heart’s content!