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yoificfinder · 5 years ago

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Thank you for all your recs, they have been getting me through these tough times. Hope you are staying safe, sane and healthy! Do you have any recs for fic where everyone loves Yuuri, can be cannon or AU, I just love seeing my boi surrounded by the love he deserves!

You're welcome, nonnie! I'm glad what I'm doing (the only thing that feels kinda productive while in quarantine) is helpful to other people, especially in these trying times. Let's not forget to thank the writers and artists who provided and continue to provide us these pockets of happiness. I'm sure a kudos or comment will go a long way.

Now, for everyone loving Yuuri... Oh boy, I kinda feel overwhelmed because is there any yoi fic that's not basically a love letter to Yuuri, generally speaking? I know in this famdom, we love and support Katsuki Yuuri!!!

So, tried my best to put together a rec that's a mix of all kinds of love for Yuuri (familial, friendship, romantic, all around appreciation of our precious bean):

A Piece of Paradise by @voxofthevoid [T, 1.5K]

Yuuri took one look at the room – Viktor with hearts in his eyes as he stared at a terrifyingly familiar album, his mother smiling and clearly on the verge of squishing her son-in-law’s cheeks together, Mari hovering over the two with naked amusement in the twist of her mouth – and fled.

In which Victor is busy admiring his husband's baby pictures, and Yuuri stumbles into a sake-induced conversation with his mentor.

And the answer is... by nessiesaur [G, 1.5K]

Yuuri Katsuki is adorable, but also one of the most mature people in their class. Yuuri Katsuki is in her study group, which definitely saved her ass on the midterm. Yuuri Katsuki is…wait, who is he!?

Fields of Gold by Haro / @accioharo [G, 14K]

It’s difficult to believe that he’s inspired people like this; that children and teenagers in Japan and around the world lace up their skates or put on skates for the first time and think of Yuuri Katsuki, just like they think of or thought of Victor Nikiforov. He almost can’t take it. It’s too unbelievable. He’s just… Yuuri, after all.

Yuuri Katsuki with a stack of gold medals is still just Yuuri Katsuki.

He can imagine Victor repeating the same words back to him with his own name and how he’d argue that is absolutely not the case, and he laughs inwardly a bit at that.

(The story in which Yuuri Katsuki wins everything there is to win and retires as Japan's living legend, because he's incredible and beautiful and he deserves it. Aka 'Yuuri wins all the gold', the fic.)

Future!Verse ABO AU series by @yukipri [G to M, 16K] *WIP

a multi-media (art, comics, headcanons) Yuuri-centric polyamory (with Victor, Yuri, Phichit, Minami, Chris, and Otabek) a/b/o AU. Mostly domestic fluff with OC children.

Heartbreaker by @deathbycoldopen [E, 92K]

If you ask Yuuri, he'll say that he's never been on a date, or even been asked on one.

If you ask anyone else, they'll burst into tears.

***

Alternatively titled "Five times someone tried and failed to ask Yuuri out on a date, and one time they didn't have to."

hopeless, breathless, baby can't you see by @xyloophones [G, 15K]

The weekend of last year’s Rostelecom cup, Yuuri Katsuki declared his love for fried pork in a press conference, got caught by paparazzi rescuing a dog from a river, revealed a short program costume that showed off his multitude of soulmate marks, and broke Viktor’s world record. All while being, objectively, the cutest human being on the planet.

The entire skating world–– including Viktor–– fell in love instantly.

Or: a soulmate au where the first time you touch your soulmate(s), colored marks appear on your skin. Yuuri has more marks than Viktor’s ever seen on someone. Viktor has none.

Jason's Master Plan (to dating the Cute Asian Guy) by @qwertzu824 [T, 9K]

Jason Hesling, young ice hockey prodigy, rising star of Detroit Ice Tigers and part-time model, had a smile that made women and men alike weak at their knees. It’s been a while since anyone managed to catch his attention – until he met the Cute Asian Guy at Detroit Ice Castle and decided to become his next boyfriend.

Meanwhile, the actual Ice Tiger™ is having the time of his life watching the pretentious JJ-wannabe trying to charm the pants off the completely oblivious, happily married Katsudon.

just like me they long to be by sparklespiff / @todaythesamesky [T, 4K]

"Haven't you noticed that Yuuri gets everything he wants?"

"Everything that's in somebody else's power to give him," Mari says, before Victor can bring up last year's GPF. "He's not magic, just pretty."

"But it's like magic. My theory is that it's because he's sneaky beautiful, so you're not expecting it, and then, under all that stuff, whoa! Gorgeous. And it's too late to save yourself."

"Stuff?" Victor keeps smiling but makes his voice cold, the way he does when reporters overstep. His Yuuri doesn't have stuff. Everything about him is beautiful.

or:

Yuuri lives in a Beautiful Person Bubble. It's Victor's responsibility to make sure he never finds out.

katsuki_fc wrote by tetsurashian [G, 12K]

Just because Yuuri isn't big on social media, doesn't mean his fans aren't.

(aka a social media fic)

Macaroni & Kisses by Jaeger_Babe [G, 6K]

Their college is holding a contest for whoever can raise the most money for charity. The prize; a years supply of Mac and Cheese. Cue Phichit, a hungry and unstoppable force, fully prepared to exploit the campus' love for Yuuri Katuski by opening a kissing booth for a day.

Even if they don't win, it's worth it to see Yuuri's face when he tells him Victor Nikiforov is in line.

my better self by @spookyfoot [G, 1.5K]

Mila's the first friend Yuuri's made in Russia. Technically, Yuuri became friends with Yurio in Hasetsu, but he'd never say that to Yurio's face.

On his first day training in Russia, Mila stole Yuuri from the rink and showed him pictures of Victor and Georgi wearing Spice Girls t-shirts Victor had picked up at a consignment shop during Skate America in 2006, and a video of them skating a synchronized routine to "Stacy's Mom."

"Don't let anyone here intimidate you. I guarantee none of them are scarier than Yura." They watched Victor skate circles around Yuri on the ice, Mila's camera primed for blackmail material—just in case.

_________

Yuuri and some of the women in his life, through the years.

Smokes & Stone by @94mercy [T, 4K]

Mari is five years old and she is watching her little sister grow inside her mother’s stomach.

Mari is eighteen years old and she is watching her little brother’s obsession decorate his room in more merchandise than any one person should own.

Mari is twenty-four years old and she is watching her little brother leave his family behind to chase his dreams.

Mari is thirty years old and she is watching her little brother fall in love.

snapshots from the Katsuki siblings' lives wherein Mari attempts to be the best sister that's ever existed

The Way to Life and Love is a Curved Trajectory by @crossroadswrite [T, 5K]

“Do you know Katsuki Yuuri?” Victor asks Chris, two minutes later, when he finally manages to convince himself to stop looking at the dip of Katsuki’s back and his powerful thighs in those tight Mizuno track pants, and the way his hands are poised in the air mid-skate, and his slicked back hair and brown eyes and flushed cheeks.

Christophe hums into the phone in a way that suggests he not only knows Katsuki Yuuri but he’s acquainted with him. Chris’ version of acquaintance is very physical and usually involves a healthy amount of groping. “Don’t you?”

“He’s Japan’s Ace,” Victor says, trying to rack his brain for more information. “His step sequence is good?”

Chris hums again. “You’re not that oblivious that you haven’t heard of Unfairly Beautiful Yuuri.”

“Who?”

(Or, the one where Victor falls - literally and then figuratively - for Yuuri. Also something about a Best Ass Poll that is way more official than it should be.)

Yuri Anonymous by preciousbunnynoiz [T, 2K]

Phichit runs a support group for all the people with unrequited crushes on Katsuki Yuri.

Which is everyone.

Everyone has a crush on Yuri.

P.S. I'm also linking this previous rec of some personal favorites and podium family/YuuYu friendship because they're also full of Yuuri-love.

#yuri on ice #yoi #yoi fic rec #all the love for katsuki yuuri!

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hellyeahheroes · 6 years ago

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My gripes with Nico part 2

Let me address some rebuttals.

Scarlet Witch is Marvel’s answer to Zatanna? You’re wrong. I don’t give two flying fucks and a screaming cooch about how Marvel thinks Wanda is magical and is suddenly not a mutant. Chaos magic basically masquerading as probability manipulation powers? Get the fu—.

Point is I want an actual mage with a staff or spells or whatever. Yes I know Arcane Marvel sucks compared to DC’s but no, I aspire for higher quality mages and witches and warlocks and wizards.

“The Eternals gave her Chaos energy or some bullshit so she is magical.”

Look Marvel, I know there was a time where you didn’t have the rights to X-men so you tried to separate as many characters as possible from that mythos, but no. Wanda is a mutant. Stop bullshitting me.

Nico is Marvel’s answer to Traci 13? Okay just because they are both Asian or half in Traci’s case does not mean Nico is a response to Traci. First, they debuted within months of each other with Traci debuting in action comics first. Traci was not super popular to warrant an equivalent and I doubt Brian K Vaughn even knew that Traci existed when he created Nico. And the thing is that at least Traci is competent in her ability in which Nico has been in more comics than Traci and in comics where she is the focus and has yet to figure out how her abilities work. Or she did but a writer didn’t read Runaways vol 2 or 3.

I want the Witchbreaker.

This development for Nico was taken from us due to future writers not even bothering to read the character’s history. This is where Nico was becoming as powerful as Dr. Strange and due to editorial and authorial negligence, it was forgotten about.

This was Nico’s Leap of Faith moment. This is where it was finally coming to full circle. She was going to be Marvel’s actual answer to Zatanna and because of very shitty writing in Avengers Arena and Avengers Undercover, that regressed her development to what we see now, we lost the witchbreaker. Point is if Nico went to Murderworld with the Witchbreaker, Arcade would have been killed within the first issue. But Hopeless aka Hallum conveniently forgot this so his stupid Hunger Games rip-off could work.

So when I see shit like this where there is this apprehension towards her abilities, I get annoyed because she is more than capable.

But why Dr. Strange? Why do I want her to be mentored by Dr. Strange? I am going to let the latest issue of Captain Marvel make my case for me.

For context, Enchantress switches Carol’s mind with Dr. Strange’s. Aside from the amusing Freaky Friday shout out, read what Strange is saying about his abilities. It requires discipline to master the magical arts(something Scarlet Witch never shown because again she is a mutant). And there is no one more controlling than one Stephen Strange.

And look at the dialogue between him and Carol. That is just one iota of a constraint stream of dynamic that Nico and Strange would have because Nico has unlimited power within her grasp, but has the understanding of a novice. Whereas Strange has mastery of the arcane, but has limits. And let’s not even delve in the personality of both characters. This is Strange trying to teach something that he considers basic to someone in his body. Imagine how frustrated he’d be with Nico who can’t even work an effective healing spell and got her ass handed to her by a 12 year old girl.

It’s gold. And Marvel missed the boat capitalizing off the whole new guard meets the old guard routine that they live for in Wolverine and had insane success with Kate Bishop and Clint Barton. Dr. Strange needs something fresh and trust me, no Dr. Strange would mind a new dynamic.

I get frustrated with Nico because it is like there is a chapter being ignored for the character. It would be like if Uncle Ben never died or Tony Stark never was captured by terrorists using his weaponry. I am missing an intergral part of growth as a character and I am stuck with “I don’t know what I am doing” Nico.

@ubernegro

#marvel #nico minoru #the runaways #runaways #dr. strange

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thereadingcellar · 5 years ago

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** spoiler alert ** My Review of The Shadow Glass To think that this fantastic story landed in my lap because I received an ARC in exchange for an honest review of The Bone Witch. This was such an all consuming trilogy with bits and pieces of different books it reminded me of: the Witcher (the way the runes were drawn and it has a bard), Memoirs of a Geisha (the way the asha are trained), Twilight (the way Kalen tells Tea not to move when he kisses her for the first time in the 2nd book–Edward and Bella much?), a little bit of Avatar, the Last Air Bender (the different elemental powers used, wind, water, fire, air, earth) Harry Potter (betrayal of teachers and dragons aka the aza), The Bear and the Nightingale (a powerful woman coming into her own powers to right wrongs society has accepted), I read somewhere a little bit of GOT but I never watched/read those books…I know, gasp. Mulan (how Kalen trains Tea super hard, kind of like how Li Shang trains Mulan). And some Divergent (anti hero giving her life for the better good, brooding handsome love interest). How could one not love the this? First of all, THANK YOU RIN CHUPECO (not sure if you’ll ever see this review) for a couple things: 1. Creating this amazing story that consumed my life while obeying Stay at Home Orders 2. Softening the blow of Kalen’s death by giving us a heads up in the first book. GOOD LORD, I still cried when he actually died. Also, did anyone else picture a younger, buff, Ben Barnes (Prince Caspian) as Kalen?! No? Just me? 3. The loving sibling relationship between Tea and Fox until the very end 4. and Kalen’s POV on your blog. Honestly, you knew we would need that and you delivered. Can you please write all 3 books in his point of view?! Please. I do have a question though. Given how there was so much LGBTQ representation from many of the characters, was Prince Kance asexual? 1. He admits he had no feelings for Inessa, 2. thought of Tea as a sister (which, even though we’re happy she’s with Kalen, come on! I wish he would’ve had at least a little crush on Tea!), and 3. He never really pursued a relationship with anyone or showed any interest. If so, kudos for the serious representation. Likh. How can you not love Likh and her journey, her transformation, from male to female. Her reasoning, explaining what it felt like to be born in the wrong body and wanting to finally feel comfortable in her own skin; the reader can’t help but want Likh to be loved and accepted. Then finding love with Khalad, accepting her just the way she is, yet being completely oblivious to her (and his own) feelings for the longest time. The innocence is so real, it’s adorably painful. Not to mention how kick-ass Likh is as an asha. Yas Queen. I wish there would’ve been more dialogue between Kalen and Tea in Shadow Glass. I know that Kalen is man of few words, but the first half of the book had me longing for more insight into their relationship. Kalen’s confession of his love for Tea in The Heart Forger was so moving and deep, I wanted to see more of that in the third book. I wish the third book would have given us some more intimate moments, especially leading up to his death. It felt short changed, they shared a moment and it was taken from them, as many other moments were during their quest, which I guess is a reoccurring theme in their relationship. They would never truly be happy until the very end. However, Chupeco gives us Kalen’s insight later on on her blog when she writes his POV, something I didn’t know how badly I needed. Your welcome https://www.rinchupeco.com/kalen/ Your welcomeBut Tea’s drunk scene?! YES! I love how she lets her inhibitions down and just swoons over her love for Kalen, to the point that she basically says she wants to marry him! And how he never scolds her for her performance. She’s so in love that she sings a song about him! She never sings! She also professes how glorious in bed he is, like damn Chupeco, why couldn’t we peek into that part of their relationship? lol. Instead he’s amused and gives in to her. How can we not love this guy! Can we just gush over how much Fox and Tea love each other?! Very rarely have I read any genre that puts such importance on sibling relationships! I read in one of Chupeco’s interviews that she imagined Fox as her older brother that passed away before she was born and it just made me love Fox even more. I couldn’t stop from crying when Fox begs Tea not to leave him behind when she does the rune from the book of hidden runes to make him human again (I can’t remember what it’s called). He’s willing to follow her to the after life and spend the rest of his new life making up for turning on her. Like wow. Understanding his anguish, choosing Tea over Inessa, which I think has to do with when Tea lowers the veil during his conversation with Inessa earlier in the story and he claims he would slay his own sister if he needed to because she was getting dangerous. When he feels her presence, before he can explain anything to her, she builds the veil back up and seals off all connections with him, understanding that he will be safer this way, but still hurt from what she’s heard. She never once holds it against him. Not. Ever. The guilt he feels for not believing her, all the time lost between them, the fact that he would leave Inessa behind to make up for everything shows us how deep their connection and devotion is to each other. And Inessa and Kalen aren’t ever jealous. The Oracle! I did not see that coming. That was some A+ plot twist there. She was a formidable opponent and there was a few times where I didn’t think Tea would be successful at the very end. It also cleared up a lot of questions I had about the Oracle, which I appreciated. And the betrayal of Althy. HOW COULD SHE?! I was completely floored when Althy says that although she influenced Tea, it was still Tea’s doing, killing Daisy. Like, no. NO. It was not her fault, how dare you, sir! To sit there and say she was doing this all for the sake of also getting rid of magic. Girl, you lyin. When she delivers the fatal blow to Kalen, I was emotionally wrecked. When Druj turns into a Blight at the very end, I was at the edge of my seat. But of course, Tea comes through showing how powerful she truly is, unfortunately, at the cost of her life. My heart breaks for Tea because it’s one trial after another until she finds peace in death, easing (my) emotional turmoil by having Kalen join her.When she offers Kalen the opportunity to be human again!!! Like, girl! This world does not deserve you! Tea is always putting those she loves ahead of her own needs and desires. I imagine it was the most painful thing she’d ever have to offer, she probably couldn’t live with herself if she didn’t, but of course he turns her down, there’s no Kalen without Tea. I thought I wouldn’t like when Tea gives the rest of her story, written out, to the Bard, because that meant we couldn’t be with her as she continued her mission. But the Bard, true to his word, tells the reader the story from the other side, what we wouldn’t have been able to know if it was just Tea telling it. Everything told from the present point of view was always told by him. However, I’m biased. I just wanted to know more about Tea and Kalen lol. Given how the story revolves around death, the books don’t talk much, if any, about what happens when someone dies. Dark Asha are able to raise people from the dead, but never saying what the after life holds. Understanding that reincarnation is a common belief in Asian cultures, when Tea asks Fox where he went after he died, he says something along the lines of, “nothing and everything” making the reader wonder what death truly holds. At the very end of The Shadow Glass when the Bard is paying respects to the statue of Tea and Kalen, before Fox and Inessa’s wedding, he hears a familiar voice, turns around in disappointment when the voice and face don’t match. The woman he see’s says, “sons with my fire, daughters with my eyes. Mayhap one day, they will. A life worth dying for is a life worth living after all’” and then the man and woman disappear. They don’t enter the party, they don’t leave the palace, they just disappear. There’s a possibility that they may have been reincarnated. Another theory could be that this was her final goodbye to the Bard for telling her story. Interestingly enough, after Tea gains her black heartglass back during her exile and goes to the Gorvekai to pass the final trial Love, the one she failed the first time, she receives a vision: “A new vision swam through my mind. I saw all seven daeva bowing to me, with Kalen, smiling and alive, my hand in his, while I stood surrounded by light. You were right, Lily, my heartsglass wept. A prince on my arm, surrounded by silver. You were right.” The main possibility is that they’re living in the after life, because once she drew the rune to give her brother back the life he lost, all magic in the world would disappear, meaning both deava and Tea and Kalen would no longer exist because they were now magical creatures possessing the shadow glass. I’d also like to think Tea and Kalen are rewarded for their good works and given the opportunity for a second chance in life, however, the interaction with the bard could have been an apparition since no other instances of reincarnation are hinted at. Needless to say, I have an emotional hole in my heart after having finished this trilogy. It’s always hard closing a book with characters you grew so fondly of. Excuse me while I binge watch the office to cheer myself up. Rin, did you cry at the end as well?

#the bone witch #the heart forger #the shadow glass #rin chupeco #booklr #bookish #bookshelf #reading #bone witch trilogy #tea and kalen #theshadowglass #the bone witch spoilers

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swearronchanel · 6 years ago

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7.09🎄🌟

Comments on the Call The Midwife Christmas special! *proceed with caution*

Here we gooo

aw Lucille hey

That’s a cute baby 😭

You right Jenny Lee, if only I had a damn map of life lmao

SPACE ELVES LMAO

Reggie!!! My harrrt

That paint probably is pure lead sjskks

Vi’s hair is rough

LMAO who is this old woman she is annoying already

go home shelgah is the new go home roger (if you know you know!! Lol from the show Sister, Sister)

ROCKIN AROUNDDDD THE CHRISTMAS TREEE

new car in this bitchhh

shealgh’s yellow scarf and coat is cute af

AW TEDDY

TRIXIE MY QUEEN!! SHSJKS SHE HAS RETURNED THE SHOW CAN GO ON

!!! THAT WILL BE ME IN 12 DAYS ARRIVING IN LONDON !!!!

the babs pic :(

their tree tho😍

Sister MJ annoyed to have to walk is a big mood

“our work is here” wow this is sad already

Phyllis already knows there’s something sus going on

“They gonna see everything you got” LMFAO LUCILLE

THE QUEEN OF POPLAR IS HOME

wow just kidding 😂😂

omg the Asian babies are so adorable

but what is up grandma from Balto

NOTHING TO DECLARE BUT MY ANNOYANCE LMFAO OK ME AGAIN AT THE UK CUSTOMS

mama bear phyllis😭😭

sister MJ is like listen I’m the sweets and candy queen here back up

HERE SHE IS

BEATRIX IS HOME💖💖

PUCCI?! HONEY GOT SHMONEYYY

omfg my heart MAMA PHYLLIS BATHING THEM

babs sweater omg 😢 I’m crying already

Phyllis omg stop Fuck my heart

PATSY AND DELIA IN SCOTLAND

GARBO OMG LIKE GRETA GARBO she was famous and famously gay I see what they did there najsksk amazing

SISTER MJ FAKING AGAIN LMAOO??

oh shit morphine maybe not faking then lol that can f*ck u up 😂

Fred our pure ridiculous angel

Omg stop sister MJ 😭😭 when she dies it’s over man

Didn’t think the mother house would be by the beach/sea

My mom just made a funny ass remark but it’s kinda mean I shant say

OH SHIT SHES GONNA CRASH

who is that woman tho?

LMAO sister Mildred is like sister E I’m kinda vibing with it 😂 but if she comes for Phyllis then I will have a problem

Sister J just SNAPPED 💀 she is not leaving poplar and that’s that !!

Omg this kid looks like my little cousin

My gal is already back at work!! grinding all day let’s get this bread

Ok I feel their annoyance but it’s true hospitals have a lot of upsides

like number one there are doctors there lmao

oh no😭😭 why is the kid left alone? that’s not fair 😭

YOU’D GO UP LIKE A BOMB FIRE SJSKKS VI IS RIGHT

Aw the little angels (lowkey reminds me of the best Christmas pageant ever LMAO again if u know, u know)

Trix’s coat!! A damn look

A damn BELL?? holy sh*t this convent is like a prison

sorry @ God but I would never

Fred wants to gather the orphans gifts omfg he is SOFT <3

Aw Mother Jesu (but also I don’t know what I imagined her as but this lady isn’t it)

Sister J will not go bc we would riot

*throws to ground* I felt that

APPALLING MUSIC LMAO SHELAGH IT’S CALLED HAVING TASTE

it’s prob the stones I bet

Lucille looks so CUTE love the fit

Lucille and sister MJ together is always a sweet moment

The Turner’s new car is fire I love the color

Shelagh’s pink scarf is cute too, she got the whole rainbow. She has to make up for all the lost years of not being able to dress lol

ok but I have to say the three shades of pink is bothering me, looking like a Scottish pepto bottle (or peppa pig😂)

AW FETUS SHELAGH/SISTER B

📢📢📢 just bc she wants it doesn’t mean it’s right 📢📢📢

Another Mavis wow can they stop recycling names already Lmaoo sheesh it’s not that hard

throw a Gabby in the mix, or matter of fact cast me (imagine LMAO)

This is so sad omg, the little girl watching the others be adopted I can’t 😭😭

Ok sister winnie we see u with some vocals!

Oh shit TB yikess

“Sometimes love is not enough” ouch that shit ‘hurted’ :(

Oo k trixie 😍 we see u

sweetie was in Paris Yass as she should (but lol love how they ignore the fact she left bc she relapsed)

PHOTOGRAPHIC NEGATIVE LMFAO VALERIE STOP

trixie running in her dress and stockings I can’t lmaoo but we love a fashionable midwife but imagine how gross her feet will be through those sheer nylons

not at all relevant but I remember tipsy-ly walking around the Brooklyn bridge barefoot after my hs prom and my feet looked like charcoal after 💀💀😂

SHE’S PUSHING STANDING UP???

My sister in law is cringing bc she’s currently 7 months pregnant and is imagining giving birth outside on the street

the Beverly sisters with rubber gloves 😂

Well that dress is ruined trixie 😂

How do they make those umbilical cords look so real?

the Barbara name tag😭

“It’s only a dress...” character growth ok, Beatrix has grown up 😢

I keep saying but I really can’t if shelagh adopts May

What is up with this pregnant lady who spooks like a dear?? (My sister in law said that lol)

no way she remembers something from 2 years old

SHELAGH IN BLUE SLACKS?? YES A LOOK OK

Glad she finally is in pants tho lol, serving Laura Petrie looks

📢📢Everyone has a story.. 📢📢

My mom just said she wants those vintage tree icicles 😂

It’s been real sister W but bye bye

LMAO WAIT SHE SNAPPED

I remember reading that she was leaving so I’m not surprised

“I feel called to stay here and I don’t care who’s calling me” OK SIS !!! 📢 TELL EM

“Is your knocked elastic gone?”LMFAO aka don’t get your panties in a twistttt

A donkey I’m weakkkk

Patrick gave him Tim’s tree aww

LMAO Tim is pissed

This damn donkey lmaoo this is funny

ofc he likes candy😂

Shelagh and Sister J delivering a baby! This is pure

They said clever girl so take a shot

Another boy today!

LMFAO FRED AND REGGIE SCHEMING

It’ll be crazy fr if shelagh takes this little girl home, she’s already got two kids she doesn’t watch 😂

I’m triggered when I watch elections, takes me back to that horrible day in 2016..

Shelagh and sister J on the beach <3

BURGUNDY SLACKS YAS SHELAGH shawty got 2 pairssss

SECRET CIGS LMFAO OMG I LOVE THISSSS

Patrick can mind his damn business ok

They’re bonding over smoking and I love IT

THE INTENSE ASS MUSIC

IM NERVOUS WTF

SISTER JULIENNE CRYING OMG MY HEARR

SISTER MILDRED TAKING ONE FOR THE TEAM THANK U LORDT

BEATRIX SERVING 60s DREAM LOOKS 😍 why doesn’t my hair look like that?

I’m also lowkey sad at the lack of Phyllis in this ep

ANGELA SPOKE HOLY SHIT IT’S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE

THEY FOUND BILLY OMFG ANOTHER CHRISTMAS MIRACLE

“You come home with me” BYE MY EYES ARE SWEATING

Trixie looks so damn good & her hug with sister Winnie was cute

the Turner’s are now that family in “in takes two” who they say collected kids 😂😂

This is so cute but I can’t believe it!! And then their were 5 Turner’s!

Neal as one of the 3 kings I am a mess

Vanessa Redgrave PLS chill I can’t I’m shedding caucasian tears 😭😭

LUCILLE HAS A BOYFRIEND??

OMG NO SHE BROUGHT THE CHURCH 🥰🥰🥰

Val is also serving a look!

STOP NOW IM CRYING FR FR

HARK THE HERALD ANGELS SINGGGGGG

I LOVE THE CHOIR UGHH

EVEN PHYLLIS SINGING <3

“we share the shift from darkness into light..” 😭😭❤️❤️ UGH MY HEART

That was so good I can’t wait to be able to watch season 8 in real time next month in LONDON!!

#call the midwife #i'm bad at this #it's all for fun #commentary

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basicshadowhuntersstuff · 6 years ago

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This week in Shadowhunters news, updates, sneak peeks, and behind the scenes. All the stuff you need to stay up to date.

Official Promotion

ShadowhuntersTV shared a video of Alberto (Simon) discussing Freeform’s Summer of Service.

ShadowhuntersTV tweeted: Maia behind the scenes of #ShadowhuntersSeason3.

ShadowhuntersTV tweeted: Bullseye, Magnus. #Shadowhunters

Freeform shared a video of Kat (Clary) discussing Freeform’s Summer of Service.

Freeform (article): 25 Reasons to Love Alec Lightwood Even More Than You Already Do

Freeform (video): OTF 3024 – What’s A Fashion Trend That You Love? | Freeform

ShadowhuntersTV tweeted: Luke's always looking out. #Shadowhunters

Shadowhunters In The News

HollyWire (interview): Hollywire interviews Kat (Clary) on the Teen Choice Awards pink carpet.

E!News (poll): Kat (Clary) was nominated as TV’s Top Leading Lady 2018

Just Jared Jr. (article): Katherine McNamara Debuts Gorgeous New Blonde Hair on Social Media

Digital Spy (article): Shadowhunters season 3b: Release date, episodes, spoilers and everything you need to know

Matt Carter (article): Shadowhunters season 3 progress report: The editing process

Tell-Tale TV (poll): Harry (Magnus) and Matt (Alec) are competing in Tell-Tale TV’s Battle of the Ships.

SpoilerTV (article): Shadowhunters - Episode 3.21 - 3.22 - Titles Revealed

HollyWire (interview): Shadowhunters Luke Baines Talks Season 3!

Fr Conventions (interview): [What About Conventions?] : Will Tudor

Fr Conventions (interview): [True or False] : Katherine McNamara

Twitter & Social Media Stuff

Brian Hui (makeup artist) tweeted some behind-the-scenes photos:

David Castro (Raphael) earlier in the season. [1]

Kimberly-Sue Murray (Seelie Queen #3) in all her Seelie Queen glory.

Todd Slavkin (showrunner) directing Kat (Clary) and Emeraude (Izzy).

Todd Slavkin (showrunner) tweeted: Having such a special time editing 321 & 322 aka a true love letter to the fans. If you enjoy watching it half as much as I've enjoyed making it, all is good #tearsofjoy #tearsofsadness #specialtimesintheshadowworld #shadowhunters

Bryan Q. Miller (writer) tweeted a list of “hints” about each episode of 3B.

Matt Hastings (director) shared some behind-the-scenes photos:

Working with this uncommonly talented fella was one of the highlights of 3B. Can’t wait for you to see what’s behind the shades. ⁦@LukeBaines⁩ #Shadowhunters

We’re starting an indie band. Wanna join? ⁦@Kat_McNamara⁩ ⁦@LukeBaines⁩ #Shadowhunters

Through the looking glass with ⁦@Kat_McNamara⁩. #ShadowhuntersSeason3

Always reaching for the best quality on #shadowhunters. Couldn’t have done it without these amazing humans. #PierreHenry & #DPRogerChingirian

These guys. Filmmakers to the core. Brothers forever. #chrishatcher #pierrehenry #ShadowhuntersSeason3

A quiet moment of reflection with this wildly talented and deeply decent fella. ⁦@HarryShumJr⁩ #MagnusBane #ShadowhuntersSeason3 #redballoon [2]

And this fella. The incomparable unstoppable Production Designer #DougMcCullough and his team made all of our dreams a reality. Actually, they made them better than we imagined. Committed professionals all. #Shadowhunters #Season3

Group shot! ⁦@HarryShumJr⁩ ⁦⁦@DomSherwood1⁩ ⁦@WainwrightAE⁩ ⁦@EmeraudeToubia⁩ ⁦@NoahDanby⁩ ⁦@Kat_McNamara⁩ ⁦@arosende⁩ ⁦@isaiahmustafa⁩ ⁦@MatthewDaddario⁩ ⁦@aleyordolis⁩ #Shadowhunters #bts #huntersmoon

Oz Comic-Con announced that Matt (Alec) is joining Dom (Jace) in Brisbane and Sydney.

Kat (Clary) wishes Clary a happy birthday and shares a behind-the-scenes picture.

Matt (Alec) shared baby photos and landscapes:

'sup.

The usual. Check out this newt.

Similar! Sunset yesterday.

In the mountains, duh.

Kat (Clary) shared her own baby photo: DIY mermaid... #fbf

Kimberly-Sue Murray shared photos of herself as the Seelie Queen on Instagram and complimented the costume department and makeup/hair/prosthetics department.

MCM Comic Con shared a video of Kat (Clary) and her excitement to attend MCM London Comic Con.

Todd Slavkin (showrunner) shared some pictures from 3B:

I know you’re starved for content. This is my mini-micro trailer for 3b #feedthefandom #theleasticando #shadowhunters

3b micro trailer continues #relax #playnice #everyonewillgettheirturn #shadowhunters [3]

Another piece of 3b #girls #shadowhunters [4]

Jack Yang (Asmodeus) shared a photo on Instagram: Clowning around on the last day of shooting. @harryshumjr was a wonder and joy to work with. You sir are a gift to the world 🌎 Thank you for letting me play in your sandbox. #TeamEdom

Nicola Correia-Damude (Maryse Lightwood) shared some fitspiration on Instagram.

John Rakich (Locations Manager) tweeted: I'm so proud to be a part of something that's meant so much to so many. Not just as something entertaining but something that grew to inspire such passion, dedication and positivity. #bestfansever #shadowfam #Shadowhunters #saveshadowhunters

Nuno De Salles (Cast Trainer) shared a throwback photo of Matt (Alec) during leg day.

Lisa Berry (Cleophas) tweeted: So much love to yah @toddzer1 you’ve made a kick ass show. You have us waiting with bated breathe. #Shadowhunters

Luke Baines (Jonathan Morgenstern) tweeted: Just saw scenes from 3021 and 3022... when @toddzer1 says it’s a love letter to the fans, he means it. It’s everything you could want and more. #ImNotCryingYouAre

Steve Byers (Underhill) tweeted: #Shadowhunters has illustrated for me how Fandoms have a very real influence on shows creatively. Ultimately economics will usurp wishes and fanfics but a passionate audience is a very beautiful thing.

Javier Munoz (Lorenzo Rey) shared a cast photo on Instagram: Hi friends. I miss you. A whole lot. @shadowhunterstv

Harry (Magnus) shared photos of an action figure given to him by a Korean Shadowhunters fan on Instagram

#SaveShadowhunters (continued)

On June 4th, it was announced that Freeform wouldn’t be continuing on with a fourth season of Shadowhunters. Here are a few major highlights. (Our full roundup for #SaveShadowhunters can be found here.)

Twitter & Social Media Stuff

VIP Outdoor Media shares an outstanding video created with footage of Jack Yang (Asmodeus) at San Diego Comic Con with the Save Shadowhunters pedicab and bike billboard.

Carl’s Jr. (Fast Food Chain) gets sassy about #SaveShadowhunters

Articles

Film Daily (article): Everything we want to see happen in ‘Shadowhunters’ S3B (and a possible S4)

ShumDario News (article): #SaveShadowhunters: the shows’ impact, and why we’re raising hell

Twitter (moment): The #SaveShadowhunters hashtag was featured in Twitter’s #HashtagDay moment.

Other News

Hollywood Reporter (article): 'Crazy Rich Asians' Sequel Moves Forward With Director Jon M. Chu (Exclusive) Harry (Magnus) will have a prominent role as Charlie Wu in the sequel.

PopSugar (article): Harry Shum Jr. Is Cool and All, but Just Wait Until You Meet His Wife, Shelby Rabara

#shadowhunters #bss news roundup

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kindly-creatot · 8 years ago

Text

boss ass barista

based on the prompt idea i had a little while ago.

this is what it became. c:

a little one-shot for my fav DP pairing, dash baxter/danny fenton.

Danny normally likes his job, really. There are days when it's not exactly his favorite thing to be doing but you know, most days it's chill. It's next to the university he's attending so he can go from work to class pretty easily. It's also usually quiet in the mornings when he opens.

It's the weekend shift that he doesn't enjoy. At least he wasn't alone in his misery as Tucker also had the early weekend shifts with him. Sam, the lucky rich bitch, had everything paid for by her parents so she usually hung out in a corner of the shop while the boys worked.

"God, this blows, Danny," and listening to Tucker complain all day wasn't high on the list of things that Danny likes to do on the weekends. In fact, it was pretty gosh darn low.

"You've said so, Tuck. Like 10 times already…" he mumbles because he was sure Tucker wasn't looking for a reply. Danny would rather focus on his text book since there was a huge test coming up soon. History was never his strong suit so he'd need all the help he could get for this damn test. Saturday mornings were never that busy so he usually had a good amount of time to study. He was interrupted in his little study session by the door opening and the chime going off. He glances up at the two guys coming in the shop and had to blink because they weren't the usual hipsters that liked to come by.

The two guys were fit. Like, Danny would bet money they were in college on some kind of sports scholarship. The blonde guy was pretty easy on the eyes too, lightly tanned skin, bright eyes and an easy smile. He had broad shoulders and a tapered waist, at least from what Danny could tell since he had low slung sweats and a tank top on under an unzipped hoodie. The other guy was obviously Asian, built almost the same as his blonde friend but a bit more stocky. He had on the university's sweatshirt and a pair of sweats as well, basically confirming Danny's initial thought of 'jocks'.

"Hey, what can I get you guys?" He greeted them as they made it to the register to order. They glanced at him for a second before going back to the menu board. Tucker had been playing around with it earlier and had drawn a coffee machine as a robot in one corner with a speech bubble that said "can I take your order?"

"Well, I doubt he can make it right…" the blonde guy spoke to his friend and Danny's easy (fake) smile fell just a bit. "This doesn't even seem like a good coffee place… just because Star likes it…"

"Dude. Don't be rude, just order your drink," the Asian guy smiled at Danny like he was sorry. He should be for such a shitty friend, Danny thought. "I'll have a large caramel macchiato,"

"Ugh. I guess I'll have… a medium mocha frappe with soy and no whip," the blonde said as much with a slight sneer to his mouth. Which was a shame since Danny thought he had such a good looking set of lips.

"Right, that'll be.." and as Danny was about to say the price the blonde guy just waved a $20 in his face and frowned. "Thanks. Names?" He got the change and grabbed his sharpie to write their names on the cups, like any good hipster coffee shop does.

"Kwan," the Asian guy smiles. Danny smiles back at him and writes his name.

"Dash," the blonde grunts out. Danny frowns and writes the name 'Crash' on the cup before setting it aside and out of the way so the blonde doesn't see it.

"I'll have them right up for you guys," he states and turns away. Tucker is grabbing Kwan's cup to make his coffee and Danny is slightly glad that he can make the blondes drink to show him he knows his shit. Aka his job.

He's finished quickly and taking care of another customer when Tucker calls out the names on the cups.

"Order up for Kwan and Crash!"

"You've gotta be shitting me," he hears as he writes the name of the customer he's helping out, Amhika , as she leaves a small tip in the jar.

He does smirk in the blondes direction as he leaves with his frappe and a chuckling friend behind him. The friend, Kwan, waves as they leave the shop.

Danny feels that today was a good day, even if it was only 10am. -----

The next time the blonde jerk comes through is a Wednesday. He was with the Asian guy again, Kwan, if Danny remembered. They were dressed for school though and not looking like they stepped out of the gym a second ago.

The jeans that blondie wore were a heaven-send to Danny though as they seemed to be that somewhat in-between of tight and just right fitting. The shirt though was form fitting yet woefully covered by a worn letterman jacket from a high school.

He gets up to the register before realizing who was behind it, Danny assumes, because he sees Danny and instantly his easy smile is gone and replaced with a flat look.

"Hi, what can I get you guys?" Danny is smirking at them when they finally glance his way.

"Yeah, hey is Star working today?" Kwan asks with a smile and Danny honestly can't imagine this guy frowning. Danny looks behind him to see where his blonde coworker went to.

"Uhm, she's supposed to be. I think she's grabbing more caramel sauce from the back," Danny answers with a shrug. "Oh! Are you the boyfriend I hear about all the time?"

"Oh, yeah. That'd be me, sorry," he's blushing now and Danny just laughs a bit as Star finally makes her appearance from the back.

"Kwan! You didn't tell me you were stopping by!" She smiles wide and sets the caramel on the counter before going to hug Kwan around the neck. It's cute as he lifts her up and kisses her cheek.

"Well, we have a test today in Sports Med so Dash said we needed caffeine," he tells her and Danny can only nod along as Star does too.

"Well, good. Danny here is, like, the best barista we have," she smiles at Danny and he feels the blush on his cheeks.

"Yeah, if only he could actually spell…" the blonde grumbles as he crosses his arms. Star looks confused for a moment before a look of enlightenment graces her delicate features.

"Oh! This is what Dash was complaining about when he was talking about coffee this weekend?" Star giggles into her hand and moves behind the counter. She scoots Danny out of the way of the register to punch in her code for the employee discount as she gets their orders. She gives Danny blank cups with a smile, and pointing to either cup as she says their names. "Kwan, Dash," and then goes back to talking with her boyfriend.

He sees Dash watching him but makes no move to be subtle about writing the name 'Rash' on the cup. Danny finishes the drinks easily enough and sets them by Star, since she was still chatting with Kwan, and goes back to surfing through Twitter on his phone.

"Oh, here. This ones yours, Kwan and then…" she pauses to giggle just a bit before handing the cup to the blonde. "Uhm, here's yours, Rash," she giggles into her hands as the blonde takes the cup and glares at Danny. His brows furrows and he's got a cute little wrinkle to his nose that makes Danny think, "cute," and turns away quickly. Kwan follows his friend out the door after kissing Star goodbye.

Star turns to him with a smirk and just shakes her head.

"What?" Danny chuckles as he keeps scrolling through the feed. -----

They go through this process a few times a week now.

"Order up for… Bash?"

"Order for Lash?"

"Order for Smash?"

"Flash. Order up for Flash,"

It's getting fun, honestly. Danny gets a mental exercise out of rhyming names and he gets to see that expression on the blondes face every time. It's great, because he's so open with his anger or irritation. It makes Danny wonder if he's open with other emotions.

"Dude, you re spending way too much time figuring out rhymes for this guy," Tucker tells him one Saturday shift. "It's like you have a crush or something on the guy," and Tucker seems to hit it head on as Danny stares at him like a deer in headlights.

"Uhm," he can't find a response and that's all the response that his best friend needs before he's busting a gut laughing at the raven haired boy.

"You do! You do have a crush on angry captain america!" And that's when Sam chimes in. He was hoping that her skull headphones wouldn't allow her to hear this conversation.

"What's this I hear about Danny having a crush?" She's smirking like a Cheshire Cat and Danny suddenly feels flayed open. She's always had a way with knowing exactly what was on his mind.

It. Was. Freaky.

"Nothing! You hear nothing, Sam," Danny tries desperately to diffuse this conversation like the bomb that it was but that proved fatal. To Danny at least.

"Oh no you don't, bub. If you have a crush, you have to tell me," she smiles like she's innocent and Danny narrows his eyes. "I mean, aren't we best friends? Do you keep secrets from your best friend that buys you the newest video game?"

Low blow, Sam. Low blow, he thinks.

"Ugh, no it's.. Its just this guy that comes in with his friend. He's kinda rude so I put the wrong names on his cups," Danny crosses his arms and looks out the window as Sam laughs now.

"That's classic 'Danny Flirting'," Sam tells him and he can't help but gawk at her. "It is!" She defends and tucks a strand of inky hair behind an ear. "You are snarky and that's how you flirt,"

"Whatever," -----

The next few times that Kwan and the blonde come by Danny tries to not deal with them. Since revelation of the crush, Star has found out. Which means that Val has also found out so if they come by at night, then blondie probably knows the snarky barista has a crush on him.

Yeah, Alex. He'll take 'embarrassing situations for a coffee shop employee' for $200.

Yeah, no.

Danny makes excuses instead, like any sane and rational person with a crush.

"Oh, we need more beans. I'll get them,"

"Look, we're out of caramel sauce,"

"I've gotta mop the bathrooms,"

There were only so many times that he could avoid them though. Well, not them but more the blonde. They seemed to be a package deal though, never one without the other, as Danny saw it.

"You're avoiding us," Danny froze up as he was walking backwards from the bathrooms and mopping as he went. He knew that growl. Blondie.

"No, I'm not," he replies without looking. "I do actually work at my place of employment. You know, it's a job?" Danny can't help but drawl out the word 'work' as he continues mopping.

A large, muscled arm reaches over his shoulder and grabs the mop handle to stop him. Danny can only imagine the strength in his grip and swallows as he can imagine those strong arms around him, gripping his hips hard enough to save bruises.

"Let go! What're you doing?" Danny speaks out and turns to face Dash. Only to come face to chest with him. Where as most guys continued growing out of high school, Danny was sadly settled at a height of five foot nine inches. Dash was obviously taller.

"I'm getting your attention, dipshit," he growls out and Danny can almost feel the vibration in his chest. "You're so… annoying. Just… listen for a moment okay?"

"Uhm," Danny starts and Dash looks at him sharply, making Danny shut up instantly.

"I'm not that good with… with expressing feelings other then anger so…" Danny see the blush on his chest first before it reaches his cheeks and oh, Dash has freckles. "I just think you're cute… and kinda funny in a bitchy way… so go to dinner with me,"

Danny is struck speechless for a moment. Two moments. Then Dash makes a noise like pain and pulls his arm from over Danny's shoulder with the mop still and slams it into the yellow bucket of water so that it splashes lightly.

"Never mind," he mumbles and shoves his hands in his front pockets before turning from Danny and walking away. It's then that Danny notices that Star is giving him the Look and that Sam has the same one pointed at him from her corner of the shop. He turns back towards where Dash was and notices that the man had left the shop.

"Go, you dumbass!" Star tells him with a wave of her hands.

"Right," and Danny rushes out the door to catch up with the blonde. -----

"Dash! Hey, Dash! Fucking stop!" Danny was sure before this moment that he was fit but holy shit, he wasn't.

Lucky for him, the blonde had stopped walking and was looking at him slightly irritated. People were looking at them as Danny stood in front of the blonde, hands on knees and panting as he caught his breath.

"What." It wasn't a question. Or at least, not phrased as one.

"I just… fuck, I thought I more fit then this… I didn't get a chance to tell you…" Danny looked up at him through his mop of raven hair. "That isn't how you ask some one out,"

And now Dash looks pissed. Face red and brow furrowed so his nose is scrunched up. He glares at something to the right of them and Danny chuckles.

"But I do. I do want to grab dinner with you," Danny smiles at the blonde as the brow unfurrows and the glare turns to a glance through blonde lashes.

"What..?"

"Dinner. You and me, tonight. I get off at 7," Danny bites his bottom lip as he grabs one of Dash's arms, uncaps his sharpie and writes his cell number across a nicely toned forearm. He finishes it with a little heart and his name before capping the marker again and feeling his own face heat up with a blush. He chances a glance up at the blonde and is almost blown away.

The grin on Dash's face was… stunning. He could put the sun out of work, Danny thought.

"Call me?"

"Yeah, I'll, uhm… I'll do that. 7, tonight," Dash is stumbling his words and Danny smiles shyly as he starts backing up.

"I should get back to work," he gestures back towards the shop and sighs.

"Uh, yeah. Okay. 7, tonight," Dash smiles again and Danny nods. "See you," he grins and Danny swallows with a smile himself as he starts walking backwards.

"7, tonight. Don't forget," Danny's turning now. "I'll see you later, Crash," he smirks and Dash barks out a laugh before turning around himself and walking away. Danny watches him go, biting his lip and thanking whatever benevolent creature was controlling the universe for an ass like that.

#swagger bishie #teddy ghost #dash baxter/danny fenton #danny fenton #dash baxter #danny phantom #fanfic #my writing

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elizabethrobertajones · 8 years ago

Text

12x13 watching notes

I’m posting this but you can pretty much watch my soul depart my body while reading so idk how entertaining it is to read because I got bored, not angry :P

Expectations? Well apparently the subplot is Dagon, who has been apparently by IMDB last time I checked cast as an asian actress, so she's going to die and that's going to be enraging (and it's Buckleming so she'll probably die of stupid, in a weird ass way) and she's hanging with Kelly and Lucifer's baby so THAT's going to be a disaster, so the subplot is already making my brain itch.

The main plot, on the other hand, I am ready to mock gleefully whichever way it comes and expect better than average Buckleming-ing because it's the MacLeods and they like them and put in extra effort. It's going to be like the true Dabb vs cars test - can he wrangle Buckleming to fix the plot hole that's existed basically the entire time I've been in fandom or will it remain hilariously open despite all this revisiting of the past and fixing, like, everything, that's been going on... Are they a law unto themselves or can they fall in line and deliver one of these Dabb-era canon reworkings that address what the fans want to see (aka, no stupid plotholes)? The plothole is SO egrarious they aaalmost pointed it out themselves in 9x21, commenting about how it was bad to keep Gavin from his proper death, but we have never seen COSMIC CONSEQUENCES from it, which are sort of a thing right now...

Though 9x21 has a whole little scene mocking fans, so idk how Buckleming feel but being nice to us is probably their last priority these days and they really do not fit in with all the other writers who are making love to the show :P

Recappy of 9x21 which I watched, like, the day before yesterday, so we're good. I do wonder if Sam and Dean not knowing the exposition of who Gavin is and what happened to him is the plothole already erasing their memories of 6x04.

Like, Crowley has to explain because even HE doesn't remember that incident, he just knows this about Gavin's ship??

Or will the recappy carry on with 6x04...

The good news is we get Sam delivering the line about Coooosmic Consequeeences again IN the recap. This automatically improves my mood.

Nah, on to "What the hell is a prince of hell" exposition without showing Gavin asking Crowley if he was one and Crowley cheekily handing him the title before regretting it and telling him not to ever mention it again, because one or the other of the 3 remaining Princes of Hell may have come for him :P

Poor Cas delivering clearly understandable exposition while bleeding into the Plaid Sofa - if the Princes keep being a thing then we're gonna see that a lot.

Oh thank fuck for Davy Perez and his clearly understandable one line exposition - Ramiel also mentioned the bun in the oven and his sister Dagon in one sentence and spared us clumsy Buckleming recapping of cobbling together a whole montage about this from various hints in the episode.

Listen I've done my rewatch up to where I joined in with fandom so I have now survived the recap of every single Buckleming episode while wryly commenting on it or watching fandom snark about it, and that's probably one of their best because it's so concise I would not have credited them

*random generic ghost death after an incredbly long time watching this lady's bedtime routine* After 12 seasons I'm pretty numb to these deaths, which makes all the suspense kind of time wasting unless it's really well done or contains really obvious hints about the plot - ah well, it wasn't offensive and minimally gross on this show's scale, so :P

Can't believe Dean doesn't sign off with "thanks babe" when talking to Cas. It would be so easy I'm actually confused when it doesn't happen.

He's out of focus but is he wearing a brand new purple shirt? Also have we seen Jensen wearing this at cons? The colour scheme is vaguely familiar but I may just be getting used to Dean wearing purple. Sam keeps swinging between blue and red (they're in the same scheme as last episode, purple and blue, here) and red and blue are the conflict colours - Dean's plaid has been suggesting unification and resolution especially given the colours he wore to talk God and Amara out of it. Purple is the natural extension of that where everything's mixed... or it's totally other symbolism of purple, but I like contrasting him and Sam, and Sam HAS been wearing red and blue at random, seeming a lot more scattered. And he's not talking to Mary.

Anyway the pattern of the plaid looks weirdly flat and 2-tone to me which is probably a commentary on the writing skills of the duo :P

Mary and Ketch are in this episode. It's starting to seem really cluttered but hey I guess they're busy working on something? Could be a random lead in to next episode.

Could be classic Buckleming Clutter.

I should stop judging but I would be worried about fitting in a ghost hunt and Crowley, Rowena and Gavin chatting, never mind throwing in a side plot, never mind not just doing basic exposition about what Kelly's up to but making it complicated with another set of main characters >.>

I do like seeing Mary though so

Poor Cas being the only one not in the episode

Yeah Mary's wearing red and blue striped plaid. Her ring is tucked into her shirt, and she's having fun killing monsters and testing the BMoL's toys with Ketch, who has been a John parallel at the very least for his completely uncompromising approach to monsters. Now it seems he's training her up, testing her to kill monsters (which in this underground carpark vibe place but a ton of dead monsters around her and the implication it's training, makes me think of 8x17 and Cas being trained to kill Dean - is Mary being made to harden up against monsters even more - including family like Cas.

I'm sure this will go very well for her.

We cut to this because Dean mentioned how maybe Mary would want to work with them. He says they haven't seen her in a while, suggesting that a great deal of time has passed since 12x12 IF that was the last time they saw each other.

(I guess we have a huuuge fan fic gap now so Dean n Cas have probably been together for a few weeks at least)

I suppose all these time skips this part of the season are because there's a baby situation going on and they want to escalate it...

I almost commented on Ketch's suit but realised I was about to compare it to Joan Watson because I did watch Elementary at some undisclosed point during these notes so far :P

His stop watch thing seems like a gimmick playing off last episode though. Mary and timing - she refused to give up the colt while Ramiel had a stopwatch countdown. Now Ketch is timing her. She feels she's on borrowed time...

I'm sure this will go well for her.

Blatant Dean reference is blatant when Mary claims she's hanging out watching pay per view and using the magic fingers. Filed under: ... do Buckleming realise how suggestive that was always meant to sound when Dean said it? Why is Mary telling Dean this. Sam always looks horrified when he catches Dean using magic fingers. THE GIFS OF HIM DOING IT.

Oh well. Buckleming.

And then Mary says she's still resting up from the Ramiel thing. Honestly, my BFF might be shipping Mary and Cas to my despair but think about Sam and Dean - their mom and BFF are constantly not around and complaining about no leads on the case, just, like, resting up...

"You're an excellent liar, Mary" It is a family thing.

Has Ketch REALLY, REALLY never been told, put 2 and 2 together or otherwise had it made clear to him that Sam and Dean don't know Mary is working with them? Sure Sam and Dean saw them help in 12x09 but there's something different between calling for help and accepting the proposal and they KNOW they'd be suspicious to work with them after Toni

(Poor Toni, character assassinated in 2 episodes by Buckleming, who are now explaining her away as a rogue operative because they made her go past a point of no return and now she's been ditched from the story... Imagine if that happened happened and she was still allowed to be around without the very well-justified reason she's now the face of the BMoL torturing Sam and Dean and can't be allowed near them. And we thought from 12x01 she had a ton of potential to be interesting and nuanced and all... Argh)

Anyway this makes it very clear they're untrustworthy to work with because of the way they have to be all unsubtle about Ketch thinking that Toni went too far when SHE thinks HE's the psycho.

"So... drink?" Oh, they're dating now I guess

Huh, Crowley. Randomly. Whyyy.

I mean, why didn't they give him an episode to be all weird and sketchy about having Lucifer in his basement while dealing with his family nonsense without SHOWING him having Lucifer in his basement? 12x12 was slick but obviously did not have time to focus on that... Following it with what should be a Crowley-related fluff family episode about Gavin being useless and dorky (I assume. I watched 9x21 too recently and I'm helplessly attached to the doofus again) and Crowley, well, we could have shown him, like Mary being sketchy about the BMoL or Cas in season 6 being sketchy about working with Crowley, just kind of... itchy about time and what he can do and generally having a load of tells something's up... Keep Lucifer out of the episode entirely and focus on Crowley's emotional state to sort of retroactively add the emotional stuff that had to be left out for time and drama last time.

Like, 12x12 was so full on, you need a REST episode after which you think Gavin's return would be perfect MacLeod fluff, and we keep Lucifer away

But nah he's here so suddenly we have to see him and see Crowley interacting with him, and all that subtle menace and whatever from the end of 12x12 evaporates because we're just leaping right in. We shouldn't have seen Crowley until whatever brings him to hang out with the rest of the MacLeods later in the episode (as I'm pretty sure we saw them doing in a promo)

Ugh. :P

Maybe I'm just being picky but I did NOT want to see Lucifer again immediately, and Crowley keeping that secret, and sure WE know he has Lucifer in his basement but no one else does so now we know Crowley's secret, tell it like he has one! Don't show us more!! LESS IS MORE

Also whenever Crowley lectures Lucifer it just reeks of hubris like this is going to blow up in Crowley's face and now it feels like it's going to Buckleming up in his face instead of the more subtle way it could have gone.

Since they're now explaining how Crowley stole a Lucifer for himself.

Maybe Rowena knows he has him but in that case you think they'd use 12x11 to hint there's more Dean doesn't remember or shouldn't remember, OR have Rowena tease him on screen that she knows stuff he'd die to know if only he knew he had to know it :P

Oh, nope, he just sabotaged it somehow. Even Rowena doesn't know.

I know I have a lot of headaches pretty much permanently but there's one that shows up in a little line just above my eye that I'm sure is tuned only to the frequency of Buckleming episodes and only shows up when I watch one.

I'm burning a candle to ward off evil spirits.

Didn't work

Just keysmashed at Mittens and went to go get another cup of tea. Buckleming... Pls. we're 5 minutes into the episode.

I mean in the interest of explaining random things that fans might complain about, explaining why Lucifer is Nick again is... I suppose... an effort...

I SUPPOSE it interests Crowley to collect everything remotely useful connected to Lucifer.

His diary for the week after Swan Song is packed.

I mean we always knew he was snooping around doing various behind the scenes things, but aside from anything else that's too much ass-pulling by saying Crowley did this Crowley did that 6-7 years ago in a row.

Not sure I can look directly at the rest of anything else that happened in the last minute of screen time :P

Lucifer snarks about how stupid this all is. Including also pointing out something that was bugging me that I wasn't going to mention, that Crowley isn't even keeping Lucifer down in Hell where he can be SOMEWHAT contained, but he's got him surface level in his usual dingy rooms.

That comment is just inserting an eye roll :P

Dean is suspicious about Mary's motives for being busy, while Sam is eager to explain it away, which I'm not even sure is flipping their positions about it or not, because Dean has been grumpy about Mary not wanting to hang out with them, but Sam was explaining THAT away too, so he mostly seems to be reacting to what Dean says in defence of Mary, which I guess may be making him less critical of her actions as he's getting to them through the filter of Dean complaining about her staying away or being weird. But of the 2 of them (while Cas has a few more reasons to be suspicious than her sons as of 12x12) Sam has more reason to seem suspicious of her because he was the one asking Mary how she was and asking Mary what SHE got them into last time.

Maybe they're both sort of suspicious but beither wants to commit.

Oh god we don't have to watch a guy die while he's peeing do we?

oh good >.> He's just going to die randomly in this creepy bathroom

Does he have no preservation instinct

Did Sam just say something about ADHD ghosts? Or was it something else and my hearing is messed up? It honestly barely makes sense in context because he was talking about how there's just a ton of haunted stuff at museums but obviously most of them don't seem to be aggressively haunted like this. (And I think it's a nice detail to assume that there's a lot of potential ghost activity at museums given they're ancient artefact-collecting places and those are the exact sort of things that might have a spirit attached.

maybe he said ancient ghosts.

Maybe I will assume he did even if it turns out to be "ADHD" when someone finds the captions for it because that makes more sense >.>

*Dean messes with some priceless artefact weapons and we cringe as he drops them and wonder if this is a metaphor for Buckleming handling canon*

Okay one small good thing: Dean remembers the detail about Gavin's ship.

Whether this is because Crowley told them or Bobby told them, I have no fucking clue but 6x04 only exists if Gavin is slam dunked back into his watery grave, so. Probably Crowley.

Anyway yay Dean's photographic memory.

I actually had to go check with Mittens and demand spoilers if this ever gets addressed and fucking hell Crowley thinks the Winchesters actually killed the Nephilim already what the fuck what the fuck WHAT THE FUCK

Fortunately on that note it's dinner time and I'm putting 7x20 on.

Oh my god Crowley thinks the Winchesters killed the Nephilim??? THEY WERE ARRESTED MOMENTS LATER

HOW DO YOU FUCK UP SO BADLY YOU PUT PLOTHOLES IN YOUR OWN WRITING FROM LITERALLY THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE FOR THIS SHOW?

Does he think Cas did it??

he maaagically knows EVERYTHING ELSE THAT HAPPENS EVER INCLUDING ANY PLOTHOLE FROM 10 YEARS AGO THEY WANT TO FILL

HOW

Why did Crowley have this conversation in the same room as Lucifer and not even try to hide what he was talking about from him?

unrelated side note: why did Crowley think Sam and Dean killed the baby?

Why did Lucifer say "Oh my dad" now the entire fandom has to stop making that joke ironically

maybe if I don't comment on this plotline at all it doesn't happen

Anyway! Sam and Dean stay at the museum overnight for some reason. Guess they really like the movies. Anyway they smuggled a Rowena in with them. I should probably just stop asking questions at this point.

Sam has also decided to stop wearing his jacket and is distractingly beefy and this is not coming lightly from me, a person who has never really objectified Sam ever except for maybe a little in season 7 when he has that hair and sideburns combo

I clearly need something to distract me here :P

Also the last scene involved a lingering close up of a lady's chest. In a coat, but still. Dodgy camerawork to accompany everything else.

*Sam casually manhandles Rowena and pfft I don't wanna ship it but yikes it's a messed up brilliant ship for Sam*

Dean has already kind of decided Rowena is OK, but Sam still has some serious issues and is also apparently grabby with her and well, 10x19 is still a thing, and... just gimme witch Sam already

Oh yep there's Dagon. Now don't die. Already killed the angel in the black vessel, so this is all going well >.>

Blah blah usual line about demons being more sympathetic than angels and Lucifer is just misunderstood. Dagon's pretty cool but she is just reciting pretty much word for word other lines about Lucifer or angels or demons that other characters have already said in more dramatic and weighty episodes.

She does seem more sympathetic about the whole Lucifer's baby thing than anyone else so far.

Also how did random angels track Kelly when Cas couldn't

Also how did Dagon track her etc

The wide shot reveals the absolutely standard boots for female characters on TV which I started noticing and getting bemused about in Person of Interest and then I realised badasses like Parker wore them in Leverage, and now I can't stop seeing the everywhere on Action Female Characters I guess because there's a certain amount of high heel where you can kick butt and still run around. They still seem really unpractical compared to wearing non-heeled shoes but I suppose they're the limit for actresses who have to wear them all day. Eh.

Anyway Dagon seems nice and they have the same taste in boots so I guess they can be BFFs now.

Oh my god we're past the midway point of the episode and finally we get to the promo scene which seemed like it had been at the start of the episode.

Nice to see this is getting the appropriate amount of emotional weight.

At least Dean's wearing his Cas plaid/plaid that looks like the sofa/TFW plaid

Sam is back in red.

GAVIIIIIIIN

I like how they said Crowley was sick to get him here... Crowley is kinda fucked over but not in that way.

Also what a gullible cookie to believe Crowley might get sick.

he doesn't know aaanything

"That's my ship!" "should've been"

YEAH GAVIN GET ON THAT SHIP

He's so sweet. "Oooh! There's Mr MacCallum(?)'s hook! Had no hand, ye see."

I feel weirdly proud of him

Oh wow I'm Rowena in this scene

Boooooring he had a girlfriend

I mean I still love and support him but I am disappointed because 9x21 had that ambiguous guy who seemed to feel right at home in Gavin's one-bed room and assumed they were hooking up with Abaddon

oh well maybe Gavin thought he was single again what with the going to America thing/things had been complicated because of this guy and they were going to America together and Gavin retroactively was already feeling reeeeeally guilty about it before this all came back to - heh - haunt him. Maybe that's why he thought he was going to Hell - he was fucking off to America with his boyfriend after dumping Fiona because he was worried to take her with him for justifiable reasons about ship safety.

SNOW

I think there was some earlier in the dark but it was boring and dark

Also hi I never see snow :P

Mr Ketch still pestering Mary for a drink. He's really into her. Goes and brings up her kids though "It might be best if you were to... disengage from them, for a bit." - dude, that's all she's done all season

Oh look and her ring's back out in plain sight. (She's also wearing a grey plaid - totally drained of colour - "nothing comes before my family"

Oh he's REALLY hitting on her now, telling her she's the best hunter he's ever seen and she might play at being mummy, but blah blah blatant Mark of Cain Dean parallels about blade in her hand blood in the air that's the real you

"The best you"

And yeah all that same paralleling about how it scares her to be a killer etc that Dean goes through

As well as the "you play at - " phrasing that was so horrible levelled at Cas in 9x22 about playing at being one of the angels.

This random museum lady has a ring on her necklace. She hasn't really done enough to be a Mary mirror?

Maybe things will change. At least for now she's just misplaced part of her exhibit because ghosts :P

Pretty sure we saw the ghost go after the white lady but honestly knowing this show I'm kind of worried for her friend

Welp it's still chasing her

Ooh yay Winchesters saved her

No time for character development. Too much going on. Gavin is already confronting his dead girlfriend

I guess this is how Gavin gets talked to go on the ship, so he can protect her >.>

They're blatantly just saying they can't burn the locket to justify sending Gavin back

I didn't watch 7x19 because I didn't want to put myself through it, but it does include a ghost having both bones and an item he's connected to aside from that he uses to move around, so I guess it's pre-existing Buckleming canon and I'm glad I remembered that without havig to relive the episode

"You don't intend to tamper with the flow of time, do ye?" Do they hear the dialogue they write? :P Gavin... literally... is here... tampering with the flow of time... Sam and Dean are just sticking up for the exact thing they've always said about putting Gavin back where Abaddon found him.

I guess Rowena is protesting because she likes him, but still... She might have found a better way to say it

Awww no Gavin is alone someone please give him a hug

Well Rowena did earlier

more hugs for Gavin... at this point all I want out of the episode. I'm still watching FOR Gavin

Hey Crowley. Popping up out of the blue with no explanation to defend Gavin some more.

This is kind of anvil heavy about someone from the past deciding to go back because they don't fit in and there are loved ones back there which is all horribly grim Mary-related stuff >.>

Though she doesn't have a "past" to return to, just Heaven, and we've had periodic opportunities for her to go back throughout the season so idk if it's maintaining the threat until the last minute like the way Dean suffered in season 11 with the temptation of Amara/the Empty that she represented, or just foreshadowing. Outside of Buckleming episodes I feel Dabb era is kind of more nuanced, but we'll see...

*stares at the emotional beats in this scene some more* honestly that could have been worse. Crowley was probably way too over-emotional about it considering he resented that he didn't want Gavin to die in 9x21... Not sure that making him cry was particularly kind to him although maybe he's learned to stop hissing in horror at feelings and never really got better, just manages it more... Anyway, his attachment to Gavin is completely hypothetical since he's ditched him in the future without a glance back except for sulking about feelings some more. Idk maybe he's been keeping a better eye on him than he has on with Winchesters or he'd fuckin' know that they were still desperately looking for Kelly.

I suppose Cas has been shouldering that one more than the Winchesters, and he'd not chat to Crowley about it all.

Hrm.

Anyway, trite emotional scene and then they take Gavin off and just leave Rowena? Even Baby looks embarassed to be in this episode. Rowena didn't even come to see Gavin off??

I'm glad their weird Latin spellbook helpfully has just the ingredients of the spell helpfully also listed in English just in case you were curious what they were/didn't remember them from last time

Eehehe the jar of angel feathers

Henry Winchester nostalgia

"and Abaddon" I'm amazed the sad music didn't record scratch

Also they're not even using the door.

"Oh this is a tough one" Aw Dean don't get too over emotional :S

*Sam notices a fly or something in the background while Dean looks all sappy about a love story*

Ugh I'll let Gavin have that. It makes no sense whatsoever how she appeared like that but okay :P They wanted to show us that I guess instead of just zapping Gavin back. Over-tell everything!!

Anyway I guess "Dabb vs cars" is now to be tagged with a strong sense of pride :P

Although also some disappointment he still has to deal with Buckleming

Also so this episode is still going on

They rewrote history

MARY

She brought food!

Terrifyingly coded food because Mom Beer and the betrayal burgers which date back to Cas in season 6

Dean is dramatic

Also they've changed clothes so this may be up to 3 months later

Oh dear, I think she's about to tell them she's hooked up with Mr Ketch in a Buckleming episode

You know my terror of them fucking this up is actually making it seem like this conversation is going better than it could have. I've only been annoyed with like two details of charactersation/silly dialogue choices so far :P

Dean's just done the despairing blink realising that family is waaaaaay more complicated than just saying they're family

Which he already knew but he has to go through it with Mary because this has been about tearing down all his notions about her and it doesn't work unless he's at least a LITTLE bit betrayed by her.

Rowena and Crowley... okay that wasn't the end of the episode.

Yay Rowena I guess :P I can't believe anyone still remembered 10x23 - we were sort of mostly pretending it didn't happen. (Also blaming Crowley for everything, not Sam even though he's the one who started it) - but Rowena remembered >.> And she rights the wrongs done against her. Always.

*random spooky end*

#12x13 #season 12 spoilers #my stuff #buckleming appropriate wank for ts #I kind of just want to go to bed now :P

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daughterofdescartes · 6 years ago

Text

Why my first ‘situationship’ was doomed from the beginning: a personal Romeo & Juliet story

LONG BUT NECESSARY INTRODUCTION

Ah, failed ‘relationships’. It happens to the best of us. It always ends with hurt feelings, you know, because life is programmed to make us all suffer, since nobody knows why we’re here on this planet anyway! I’m turning 20 in December, and am getting over my very first “special someone” *sighs and looks into the distance*... I’m just kidding he wasn’t that special, just happened to be the first dude I had a “thing” with, that’s all. Even though he’s not that special, the experience I went through involving this guy is what changed my life. Yup, I just said that. Sounds hella dramatic, but i’m literally a changed woman. It was a spiritual journey from beginning to end. 90% of the people who know me don’t even know this happened to me. So, if you’re reading this, consider yourself very lucky! Or not, this is going to be really long and I don’t know how interesting I can make this, but stay with me, you guys...

If you want to know what happened, I can tell you this story very shortly without any of the details, and it will just seem like a very dumb story between two youngsters who both didn’t know what they were doing, like my own modern twist on Romeo and Juliet lol.

TLDR: I met an emotionally unavailable American guy on a dating app, we talked for a week and then we told each other that we liked one another. After another week, I got very overwhelmed and said that we need to take a break. A month had passed and we started talking again. I got immensely insecure because at this period i was the only one texting first. Confronted him with my insecurities many many times. We still talked for a time span of around 3 months. Right now we haven’t spoken in over 3 weeks and I have honestly accepted that this whole situation was doomed to fail from the beginning and am reborn as a new person.

Honestly? I don’t think I’m very heartbroken at all. But this whole experience did tamper with me psychologically, so it’s not like I have no healing to do or anything. I went through a lot of emotional suffering, never truly understanding where it was coming from, but during my evening walk with my dog, a light bulb lit up above my head... (a sockhop beneath my bed, press like if u get the ref xd)

Just so you guys know, this McGuy still haunts my mind everyday. Not all the time, but the thought of him or what has happened, will cross me at least once a day. With this experience being very ‘spiritual’ and all, I have been thinking, a lot. I know, very deep of me. I’ve been thinking a lot about who I am as a person and why I am the way I am and suddenly... it all clicked.

I was always thinking about him and his actions, but when I started seeing the bigger picture, aka including myself in the story, it suddenly made a whole lot more sense. It was never really about him, it was about Me. So here’s kind of a prologue talking about my history after this long ass introduction.

PROLOGUE

In my 19 years of existence I had never before messed with anyone romantically. I always just crushed on people, not knowing if any feelings were reciprocated, not knowing if there were any secret admirers (doubt it). I’m not ignorant of the reasons why i’ve been celibate my whole life. I know that i’m kind of shy, pretty insecure, look unapproachable as fuck, not a 10 out of 10 according to society’s standards, etc.

I used to have a harder time coping with the fact that I had never once experienced mutual ‘romantic love’, but when years and years pass by, you just realize that being a celibate teenager is okay. Although I was okay with it, I still had my moments of frustrations. “What’s wrong with me? Why hasn’t anything happened yet?” But always got myself back on my feet again, telling myself I’m fine and just need to be patient. You’re young, you’ve got lots of time! What’s the rush? Even if majority of your friends already had their first kiss in 9th grade; it’s no big deal, right? You just gotta keep yourself busy with other teenager things like, procrastinating school work, being angsty and rebelling against your parents, spending time on the interwebs and whatever else the teenz do.

So, I kept myself busy throughout middle school and high school, had at least one crush every year, because ya girl gets bored sometimes. Most of them weren’t that meaningful, since I kind of suck at talking to guys in general, because I think they’re aliens. So, I never really got to know most of my crushes as people. It was still a fun time regardless, because who cares about rejection, if you just keep it a secret forever? Except for this one dude I obsessively crushed on for 6 years (while simultaneously crushing on other people, wow multitasking Queen), and Young 14 Year Ol’ Me thought it was a very good idea to tell All my Friends in 8th-9th grade, because 14-15 year olds are so trustworthy and won’t tell anyone, right? I’m pretty sure that guy knows how much I liked him and is kind of creeped out, but 14 year old me was just very excited and infatuated.

Anyways, I graduated high school with ok results and 0 romantic experience! Now this is where life Really Begins!!!!! Time for UNIVERSITY!!! *crowd cheering*

I’ve always been a creative, artistic soul, though I think that quality is diminishing more and more every year, or maybe I’m just imagining it. Nonetheless, I didn’t Really know what I wanted to study, but have always considered architecture an option because of its creative side.

Boy.

Most tiring semester of my life. You only understand once you experience the archilife. I once pooped and when I was done, I stood up and looked back, I literally was astonished at the sight of my own feces, because I had literally forgotten that I had pooped, that was how tired I was. If you are grossed out right now, grow up. We all poop.

This major is extremely grueling and taxing on both your physical and mental health. If you’re a procrastinator, oh boy, now that’s adding fuel to the fire. I kept procrastinating finishing/starting my preparation for the final big presentation and ultimately had a big mental breakdown, and decided that I wanted to quit architecture. It was never my passion anyway, and this is one of the majors you must be passionate about, or else you won’t make it out alive unless you’re a masochist.

What comes next after architecture? Sinology aka Chinese studies. I only grew up speaking Shanghainese, so mastering the Mandarin language is something that I have literally always wanted. I was always insecure about my Mandarin skills, so let’s just do that lol.

No matter how awful architecture school might’ve been, I still met some cool people that I really clicked with. (I’m talking like people you can count on one hand, I’m not that social, okay) Which I was really happy about, because I was scared I wasn’t going to have any friends, because I kind of suck at making them.

Changing majors was a big shift, suddenly I was all by myself again and had to go through the whole making friends progress again, schucks.

The architecture campus is in Brussels, while the campus for linguistics is in Leuven. Brussels is a lot more diverse, I would say, so there are less white Belgians.

Let me tell you something about white Belgians, they are horrible at socializing. Especially the province I live in. They’re horrible. I’m also horrible. Conclusion? Making friends in a predominantly Belgian white class, was freaking hard! BECAUSE NO ONE EVEN CARES ABOUT GETTING TO KNOW YOU!!! THEY JUST LOOKING AT THEIR PHONE BITCH!!!! OR TALKING TO THEIR OWN CLIQUE BEING BORING STAYING IN THEIR COMFORT ZONE!!!! Why do new kids in American movies get so much attention, but the two times I’ve been the new kid literally no one cares. That’s the sad reality of life. I mean Hello? If y’all are not gonna make effort to become friends with me? Are you trying to say? That I have to do the work? Bitch?

So a month had passed, and I still had no friends, it was pretty darn lonely, but I was getting there slowly. But here’s a funny thing! On one of these lonely nights, I was watching a youtube video and it was sponsored by GUESS WHAT? a dating app! WOW... Now here’s where The Story beginz..

CHAPTER 1: INCOMING

So ya bitch was entertaining herself on YewChewb, I was watching some video from some Chinese American guy, and in this glorious video, he is advertising this dating app called EastMeetEast... Yeah, it’s a dating app where Asian people meet each other. Me, a bored lonely dumbass bitch, was like okay, let’s see what this is about. This should be Funny!!! So I made a profile, with some catfishy pictures of myself, you know, take her swimming on the first date and all that shit. So, I match with a few guys okay fun, (you could only match with, only girls or only guys) And this dodgy app requires men to pay for the app so that they can message with girls, because if you use it for free, they can’t see girls’ messages or something weird? Mind you, girls can see and send messages for free. We love this reverse sexism!

Also, this app isn’t very popular in Belgium, mainly American people use it, so ya. I mainly matched with Asian Americans.

Turning-point, The Life-Changing Encounter of Death: I match with a 19 year old with the initial A. We’ll call him A for the rest of the story, like some fun little mystery like in Pretty Little Liars. (I’ve never watched it) He only had one picture, but he’s cute. Half Italian, half Chinese. Ok, fun. So shortly after matching he sends me this message on the app: “if you want to talk my username is @_________”. He didn’t really put anything in his bio if i remembered but one thing that was stated on his profile is the HIGH SCHOOL he was in. First red flag. HIGH SCHOOL. First of all, what the fuck. Second of all, why the fuck? But ok lonely ol’ me was feeling Adventurous and this matching with people thing was fun. Male validation did not exist to me before this historical day and chatting with a good looking guy was unheard of.

It didn’t really say what social platform the username was for, the platform always get censored because the app just wants you to pay for the app to talk with people, crayzy. But i just assumed i’d find him on instagram, because that’s where everyone’s texting nowadays. I found him and followed him. He followed me back and messaged me, bingo.

We talk for a short while. I said some cringy ass shit I would literally never say to anyone in real life, because a shishter was feeling very Bold that day. I have never said cringier shit than when i was talking to this guy. It wasn’t anything creepy I just complimented his looks and all he said was “thanks, i’ve seen your pics too. very pretty.” Uh? Who talks like this? What kind of dry ass chicken breast are we eating here? He tells me he’s a high school senior and is born in ‘99. Stayed back a year since he migrated from Cuba to Miami. OK, interesting.

So after shortly introducing ourselves to each other, he suddenly asks if he can have my number? and I was like ??????????????????????????? Why?????????? Forgetting that people actually talk on iMessage, I barely ever do that. But that’s what A meant. I was sceptical but intrigued.

We talk some more. Doesn’t seem like a bad guy, and he texts back quickly. This is entertaining. When once again, A asks me a sudden question. “Can I call you? We don’t have to if you don’t want to.” My head is full of question marks and I start getting sweaty at the thought of having to call a person I barely know. Like I guess this is American culture? Or I just don’t understand calling culture because I have no friends who enjoy calling? But I was like? Calling? That hateful thing my parents force me to do when mailing is not quick enough? Why would you want to do that?

So I’m like, “UH. I DONT KNOW MAN. I’VE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE SO I’M KIND OF NERVOUS LOL. I DON’T THINK I’M READY FOR THIS” (not actually in caps, but this symbolizes my very nervous energy)

And he replies, “It’s okay. I don’t want to push you into doing anything you’re not comfortable with.”

We were literally talking as if he was asking me to have sex with him, when it was just about a dumbass call. It’s so funny.

Whatever, we continue talking. It’s time for me to sleep. He says “Buenanotte Bella” ..... ?????? OK.

Next day comes, we talk again. He once again asks out of the blue if he can call me??? So I say

“Are you really that curious?”

“Well, aren’t you?”

I was curious, so I caved in and let him call me. It was so nervewracking. The only men I interact with on a regular basis in my life are my dad, brother and my dog.

Boy, the moment I heard that voice say “hey”. That’s the moment I got hypnotized and became a clown for nearly 5 months. I didn’t know you could be this attracted to a voice, but okay. Unfortunately, my voice cannot compare and he did not get hypnotized in return. Wack.

The call wasn’t too bad. It’s cute looking back at it. I couldn’t believe a guy actually wanted to talk to me. That person texting me, was a real human being with a real voice. I was fucking wonderstruck over the fact that a good looking guy was talking to me so I was on cloud 9, Okay? lmao

So the time difference between A and I is 6 hours right. Most of the time we’d start talking when it was evening in Belgium, so for A it was always in the afternoon. Only he could say good night to me, and I never could to him. This created a pretty big inbalance in the attachment levels imo.

In this chapter (the first 2 weeks) he would always ask me what I was doing. Like that’s not your business sis. I don’t wanna tell you that i’m a loser that’s not doing shit even though she has shit to do??? But apparently he always wanted to see if I was busy or not so he knew he wasn’t disturbing me and so that he could, you guessed it, call me.

Everyday, we would text each other, and that was fine, until the dreaded question came. “Can I call you?” BITCH WHY DO YOU WANNA CALL SO BADGSJOGJOISGJI I SWEAR. I didn’t absolutely hate it, but there were just factors that made me not like calling very much. (nearing the end i definitely came to hate it)

1. I don’t want my parents hear me call with a guy (I literally could’ve worn my earbuds I don’t know why I never thought of it... we stan a dumbass bitch)

2. Sometimes there was literally nothing to talk about because we’re foremost still strangers and it was awkward

3. The fact that I wanted to hide this from my parents, made me highly aware of how loud I was speaking and I couldn’t fully express myself, scared that my parents would barge in on me calling.

4. 90% of his jokes flew over my head, they weren’t that funny. I’m sorry, A. I’m funnier. And that’s just tea.

5. EVEN DURING THE CALL when there was nothing to talk about he’d be like “so what’s up wyd” bitch? calling you? I couldn’t concentrate on anything else everytime because I was a nervous wreck.

6. Even if I wanted to do school work, I would push that aside to call him because, I wanted to hear his voice. Ke$ha - Your Love is My Drug

7. BECAUSE I WANTED TO HEAR HIS VOICE we would even call until 4AM TALKING ABOUT LITERALLY NOTHING IT WAS SO AWKWARD WHY KILL MY CLOWN ASS. I RUINED MY SLEEPING SCHEDULE FOR THAT DONKEY

Our text conversations were honestly, more fun, because when we were calling, a bitch couldn’t think straight. Our calls were most of the time not that fun I don’t understand why he wanted to call everyday.

Mind you, the shyer i get, the more monotone I get. So I would react very coldly and in a stiff manner during the calls just saying: “Yeah.”, “Sure.”, “Wow.”, “Ok.” BECAUSE I didn’t have time to think and didn’t know what to say 99% of the time. So a week after getting to know A, during the 64th silence in one of our calls, he says this:

“This is gonna sound really insecure but, do you even like talking to me?”

“Yea.”

So romantic...... I’m swooning...... Pick me up......

Call ends. It’s almost time for me to sleep, but I’m still thinking about what he said right there, so I text:

“Would a person really stay up until 4AM calling someone although they don’t like talking to them? Silly” JGOIJGOIDSGJOSIGJOS JUST SHOOT ME RIGHT NOW I CAN’T BELIEVE I SAID THAT

And then he said something along the lines of “I don’t know if you’re talking to me because you’re just bored, or there’s something more.Like tell me what you want from me, woman” like??? woman?????? SECOND RED FLAG DONT CALL ME WOMAN SHUT THE FUCK UP I HATED THAT SO MUCH

So i was like “idk what do YOU want from me??” And he was like “well” and i was like “i’ll say it too u go first” (lmfao) and then he said

“Honestly I’d like to be romantic with you but, you know, there’s an atlantic ocean between us” and at that moment my heart dropped when I read this text because this might as well have been the smartest point A has ever made in the 4 months of talking to him. He’s right. This humongous distance has slaughtered any budding of any kind of relationship from the very beginning.

Dude never liked me enough to actually want to initiate a meeting, I don’t blame him. The boy was bored and created an account on a dating app because his friends told him about it. I bet he wasn’t really planning to find an Asian European lover in his last year of high school.

But who was naive/delusional enough to convince herself that MAYBE these two people who aren’t even that compatible in the first place, could maybe MEET someday and FALL IN LOVE??? ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

With the word ‘romantic’ he probably means fuck, i mean do high school boys actually know what romance is uh. The biggest thing that could have developed in under a week is a small little crush. Anyways, i did not realize this properly and took his statement very seriously and thought “Wow a boy just said he likes me WoW, we will make this Love happen No Matter What” I was thrilled.

Next morning I wake up, I’m a ball of sunshine. A guy 7876768 kilometers far away from me says he likes me. That is so meaningful. Wow....

While I was talking to A, I still matched with other dudes on that stupid app out of boredom, but never talked to them because in my maiden’s ♥heart♥ A was still nr. 1, because he just said he likes me WoW. So while messing around on that app, i keep noticing there’s a green dot next to A’s name, meaning he’s active on the app. And i’m like hmm..... ......................

Me, a nosey bitch, said somethign dumb like “oh you’re active on weird hours” and he just said

“yeah, left it open and let my friends mess around with it”

.................................hmmmmmmmm investigation time even though it’s literally not my place and I am not entitled to any form of commitment at all

Let’s talk about the biggest red flag of all red flags that I decided to ignore,

A’s instagram account. Let’s talk about it.

His username does not include his name, there are NO pictures of him in his feed, only posts dank memes and likes his own posts and if you look at the people he’s following, you see something very interesting!

Half of it are instagram accounts of Asian girls... And most of them weren’t even like popular accounts like they were just really freaking random accounts most of the time, and other ones were girls he met on EastMeetEast.

Yup........ I looked at his moderate collection of Asian girls and thought. Wow this makes me uncomfortable, but he said he likes me, and I don’t think anyone else will ever like me so I should stick to him..... I guess!!!

The only redeeming factor of his instagram is that his profile picture is a kitten, I think her name was Eko or something. Don’t let him hurt you, kitty cat.

So discovering this information, I felt hurt. He said he wants to get ‘romantic’ with me??? Why is he still collecting other Asian girls when clearly, we will fall in love someday?

To confirm my already confirmed suspicions that he isn’t in love with me, I send my Indonesian best friend on a mission and let her create an account on EastMeetEast. I told her to try match with him. THEY MOTHAFUCKIN MATCHED I LITERALLY DONT KNOW WHY I WANTED THIS TO HAPPEN THAT HURT LIKE A MOTHAFUCKAR AT THE TIME. MIND YOU, I TOLD HIM MY BEST FRIEND IS INDONESIAN, AND HE SEES THAT AN INDONESIAN BELGIAN WANTS TO MATCH WITH HIM, WHEN 10 PEOPLE IN BELGIUM USE THIS APP. JGSIDOGJOSGJOISGJ MEN ARE SO STUPID

Notice the sudden spike of emotional instability and irrationality after he told me he liked me? It’s extremely important actually. At the time, I did not understand what I was going through emotionally. And I think if you’re just casually reading this, you might be wondering what was wrong with me too. Thank you for worrying about my wellbeing, you are a better person than A.

So increasingly, I get more and more nervous concerning literally everything that is not pointing towards the direction that he is in fact in love with me, after one week. That’s 7 days, if you will.

I myself was also questioning my sanity throughout this whole process, because I never thought I would go that far. I talked about other guys to see if he would get jealous. (I don’t really think he cared lmao), constantly checked his activity on instagram (he just likes dank memes about fucking girls or something, what a chad)

Week 2 chimes in, I can tell he still ‘likes’ me, talks about stuff that happens in his American high school life, boasts about literally anything possible to make himself look good, jokes around, some intellectual conversations here and there between a weirdo horny for Asian girls and the most hopeless romantic to have existed.

I was watching a very stupid Belgian reality show, reminiscent of ‘Jersey Shore’ or ‘Ex on the Beach’ that kind of stuff. And I touched on the topic that, men cheating on women is highly popularized in media, and i said that women probs cheat just as much but are better at hiding it,

and he said, “Ha, I would know about that”

And I was like aw, I’m sorry. He talked about the fact that he had many failed relationships, most of the girls breaking up with him, if I remember correctly and eventually I got curious over the amount of partners he’s had in his 18 years of being alive, so I asked about it.

And he says “I don’t know, I don’t keep track of that stuff”

??????????????????????????????????? ???????????,

My heart started racing at this point. I was like “What do you mean?”

A says, “I just don’t count that stuff” And in my mind, my inexperienced maiden’s mind could not comprehend that you could be with so many people at such a young age that you lose track of the number? Actually, you know what, anyone with a healthy mind will find this hard to comprehend, i’m not the crazy one here in this case. Like I look at his instagram, and look at what he says and it doesn’t add up LMAO. Also he kind of fucking sucks at communicating how did he manage to cop that much pussy?

I kept asking for a number and he just keeps saying “I don’t know. It shouldn’t really matter right? I don’t keep track of that stuff.” But I was just so fucking pressed like? WHAT????? HOW CAN YOU LET SO MANY RELATIONSHIPS FAIL THAT YOU CAN’T COUNT THEM. YOURE 18, IS THIS AMERICA????? IS THIS WHAT CHILDISH WAS RAPPING ABOUT??????

I was pissed because he just kept refusing to even give a rough estimate, I’m a capricorn we love em statistics (idk what i’m saying)

So I was angry and gave him short answers. Guess what he sends,

“Call?”

I say, “No”

Iconic.

But a few minutes later I give in??? I DON’T KNOW WHY???? LMAOO and we call but it was This Very Last Call that Killed Me

The Call of Death

Call starts. I’m still pissed about the whole thing and he goes,

“So... what’s the beef with my romantic past?”

And I say I just really wanted a number because I wanted to at least have an estimate to have something to grasp onto???? fuck so he’s still very irky about it, doesn’t wanna talk about it, MAYBE BECAUSE HE LIED???? BITCH?????

He says “idk maybe over 20″ ...........????? that’s a larger number than his own age and if you do the math he would have had his first serious girlfriend at 12 years old he would have to have had at least 3 to 4 girlfriends every year....??? is this Floridian culture? Is that normal? Is he talking about anime girlfriends in dating sim games????

So this whole topic just upset me like no other, it confused me, I mean what the fuck is he talking about JGOIIJGOISDJGOSDJGOISJG

It got pretty quiet. When A suddenly says

“You know, if you don’t want to talk to me, we don’t have to”

“Hm. Maybe I don’t”

“Ok.”

The whole call goes dead fucking silent for like more than 10 minutes or something. I was just lying in my bed, scrolling on my phone, trying not to breathe, so the mic can’t catch any sound and I am internally dying.

The silence felt like it lasted forever. I didn’t have the guts to end the call. But i said something dumb to break the silence because I couldn’t take it anymore. Idk what I said.

Not too long after breaking the silence, it was so fucking awkward i don’t even know what we were talking about. Clearly, I’m traumatized and my brain is protecting me from whatever happened that night, which I’m thankful for.

So, not too long after breaking the silence, A says very abruptly, something along the lines of, “I’m home now, bye.” and ends the call. ?????????????

To add to the context, he would mostly go on walks during our calls, what a fit Chad. He really spent some evening walks, just calling me, climbing trees, stealing furniture, talking about literally nothing, that’s so iconic.........

Anyways that felt absolutely terrible, and I knew I never wanted to do that again, fuck.

I woke up the next morning feeling just as horrible, not exactly sure why but the previous night had upset me severely. Throughout this whole day I was questioning my sanity, the ‘relationship’ jodsigjosgj, and also wondering, who the fuck is this dude i’m talking to?

Realizing how much each and every word and action affected me mentally, I felt that I was losing control.

My inner thoughts: This guy is a freaking weirdo. He said he likes me, but then does all these things I do not approve of. I started liking him without really getting to know him and now I face the consequences! We should stop talking for the sake of my own sanity!!!

I’ve been talking about A to two of my close friends, they both roasted him and said I need to leave him, since he’s making me feel miserable with these extreme highs and lows.

That day, I decided A and I should stop talking. This way, I won’t feel the way I feel anymore. Actually felt pretty conflicted, because at this point, I had already grown attached to A. He helped me fill my loneliness when I didn’t have any friends yet in my new major and despite all the red flags, I still wanted to see the good in him. I mean, he said he likes me??? Can’t let that pass!!!!!

I confronted A and asked if he was angry during our last call with the long silence and all.

He says, “No, I was just joking around”

????????????????? Idk how dense I really am? But that atmosphere felt heavy and both of us weren’t laughing so I don’t know where the hell he’s coming from LMFAO. But anyways, I tell him what happened last night really upset me for some reason and that maybe we should stop talking, because talking to him everyday had taken an emotional toll on me.

A says, “Ok, if cutting me off is what you really want, then do so”

A keeps typing, then stops, keeps typing, then stops.

“Can you at least tell me what I did wrong, so that I know what to do next time when I land in a situation like this again?”

I didn’t know what he did wrong either. He was just being himself, I guess.

I say, “You didn’t do anything. I just don’t think talking to you is doing any good to me. It shouldn’t interfere this strongly with my daily life, but it is.”

He said he understands, and that we should part ways, if that’s what’s best for me.

I say, “I wonder why I’m having a harder time saying goodbye than you are”

A says, “Believe me, it’s very hard for me too”

Behind my screen, I started crying? How did I get so attached to somebody I barely knew? I couldn’t understand what was going on with me.

I wanted to hold onto him for dear life. From the moment A said he liked me, my mind took off to fantasyland. I got so excited about this mutual liking, that my mind overlooked the realism of this whole situation. I was so attached to the idea of someone liking me and the embellishments of romantic love, that I completely malfunctioned when confronted with reality, when my expectations of a perfect love weren’t met.

Because I didn’t want to let go of that concept of love, I didn’t want to let go of A. Who knows when the next person will like me? It took me 19 years to get my first one? Was my logic lmfao. fuck.

I said, “Maybe I just need some time to sort myself out. We’ll talk again someday.” I could not let him go, not because I even liked him all that much, but because of the sheer reason that he said he liked me.

A said, “Do whatever you need to do to make yourself happy. If there’s anything I can do, please tell me. But please don’t cry.”

In this last conversation before the ‘break’, A was oddly enough very sweet to me, which felt horrible. This is the most vulnerable, genuine side I had ever seen of A in the 5 months of knowing him. I wanted to continue talking, but I already said we should stop talking so I was too ashamed to go back on my words GJOIDSJGOSIGJS

We wished each other the best of luck and said our goodbyes.

I said, “Talk to you later, one day”

“I know. Goodbye.” A said, thinking this was our last conversation, because he didn’t think I would actually hit him up a month later. Lol.

CHAPTER 2: ON HOLD

I still have never been in a relationship, but what I felt the next morning, is what I imagine what half of a break up must feel like. I felt empty and wanted to text him almost immediately.

Yes, ya girl listened to sad songs and she was bawling her eyes out. Jeez. Give me a break.

Lunchtime came around. I looked out the window as it was snowing. I wanted to take a picture and show him, since it doesn’t snow in Miami, fuck please what the fuck. BUT i couldn’t do any of that because I had already said we’re taking a break, wow.

I start tearing up and my mom looks worried.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” The feeling of eating and crying at the same time is horrible. My mom doesn’t ask me anything further and I just keep sulking for the rest of the day. For the rest of the freaking month.

Holding back the urge to talk to him that day was extremely difficult, but imagine how ridiculous I would have looked if sis gave up in less than a day, so that held me back LMAO.

On some days A wasn’t even on my mind and I was living just fine.

On some nights A was all I could think about.

I kept thinking about when I should contact him. After my exams? That’s too long. That’s like 2 to 3 months, he’s over me by then! But if I talk to him before my exams, how will that affect my studies? The struggle was real.

I wanted this break to calm my feelings and for me to get back on my feet. That didn’t happen. I was still obsessed with the idea of what it must be like to be with someone. And for some odd fucking reason I thought I could make that a reality with A LMAOOOOOOO STOP

I thought, the longer I wait, the bigger the chance he’d no longer be interested in me. That thought was absolutely terrifying to me. I had to talk to him by the end of the month, or else I could not salvage This True Love.

CHAPTER 3: KIKI

We’re nearing the end guys, stay with me. It’s gonna be very anticlimactic, so stay tuned!

So after a month of anguish and yearning I send him a text. I couldn’t even wait until I got home. I did it while i was on the bus with 4G, um calm down binch???

We start talking again, but for some reason things just felt different to me. I expected things to be different. I wanted to go back to the euphoric point of when we told each other we liked each other or back to him comforting me in our ‘last moments’ before I momentarily cut him off.

The next day, and the day after, and the day after that, I kept waiting for A to text me first, but he never did. I had to text him first for 4 consecutive days. Is this a bad sign? Did he not like me anymore? He hadn’t even asked if he could call me, which I didn’t really want to do anyway, but at least it meant that he liked me, right? He’d always text back, though. And our conversations were moderately fun. So I couldn’t understand what was going on. I had to know what was going on in his mind. Does he still like me the way he used to?

These 3 months I was constantly very vulnerable, emotionally unstable and very very insecure, once again finding it hard to grasp what I was going through mentally. For tackling these problems, I always went for the approach of wearing my heart on my sleeve. Now, I really don’t know if this was the best tactic, but at least I got everything off my chest and didn’t hold anything in.

“Why haven’t you been texting me first?”

“Honest to god, I’m just really busy lately. If you want to talk, just talk to me. If you’re bothered with anything, don’t deal with it by yourself. I’m here to listen.” A told me he was preparing for his finals. I once again made a clown of myself.

But how busy was he really? He still liked his dumbass memes on instagram, continued following Asian girls, why couldn’t he make time for me? Didn’t he like me?

It dawned on me that I wasn’t on his priority list. And it made sense. Seniors are pretty busy and need to worry about applying for college. Which senior in their right mind would be looking for love? Who was I in his world? Just a part of his collection of Asian girlfriends? Sure that’s kind of hurtful, but can we still make ♥~*LOVE*~♥ happen though? My delusional self thought, Yes!!!!!

As time progressed, I got more and more insecure and kept confronting him with my own problems, and A must’ve gotten more and more sick of my bullshit.

At times he’d text me first, but not make the effort to keep the conversation going at all. I always had to bring up something interesting to keep talking or else the convo would’ve just ended with him giving a one word reply like “lmao”

He asked to call 2 more times, but I said no, feeling slightly traumatized from what the last call did to me lol. Also, I knew if I heard his voice again, that everything would affect me even more. So we never called.

“Can I call you?”

“Why? Do you miss my voice that much?” LMAOOO BYE WHO DO I THINK I AMMMMJSOIGJSOG

“No, I just need my hands to be free, I’m making homework, so calling seemed easier.”

I realized him wanting to call me, wasn’t necessarily because he liked me, it was mostly out of practicality, so that he could multitask and do something else.

A was sometimes just flat out rude, and he honestly doesn’t care. He was a self-proclaimed Asshole (is that something to be proud of?) and said that he most of the time doesn’t care if he hurts people’s feelings. That’s scary. Why wouldn’t you care about being a good person? Lawful Evil.

Here are some other red flags that still didn’t stop me from backing away:

Racial slurs are a joke to him

He really enjoys WWII jokes

Is heavily annoyed by pride month

When I showed him pictures of my dog, he didn’t seem to care at all

He dislikes Ariana Grande

Despite all these things, I was still attached to A. For what? He didn’t even like me romantically anymore at this point. What kind of rose goggles was I wearing? LOL. At this point i just wanted his attention.

I kept holding onto something that was never even there to begin with. The possibility of ♥~*LOVE*~♥ ever happening. I failed to realize that everything was doomed from the beginning. I had been alone all my life and the moment I thought somebody could change that I Snapped Lmao.

1. The distance. For real, who’s actually going to pay that much money to see someone you barely know and barely care for?

2. A was never really out there looking for anything serious. He’s a high school senior for god’s sake.

3. My unrealistic fantasies of what should have been happening to achieve ♥~*LOVE*~♥ constantly clashed with my reality. I was constantly busy fantasizing of what could have been that I failed to see things for what they were. I continuously tried to mold the situation into something it wasn’t.

If you think about it for more than 10 seconds and imagine a situation where we would actually meet, I would probably find the nearest cliff to jump off of. Exactly how much embarrassing cringy shit have I said to this man?

In probably our last meaningful conversation I asked him what he thinks of me, after “knowing” me for around 4 months.

A says, “I think you’re cool, you just need a confidence booster”

He once again, called himself an Asshole and made the point that I actually have a great personality and am really funny and that I just need to realize it. At least he’s aware. I applaud him. He told me things I already knew, but it was still very thought provoking to think about my confidence because it is the root of many of my problems.

Our last conversations felt like I was beating a dead horse. I don’t think any of us care enough anymore. Our situation was dead from the beginning and that’s fine. I’m glad this story has finally come to an end. I wish A would realize being a good person is actually rewarding, but it’s his own choice to change his life for the better. I wish him the best, and I wish myself the best of luck too. He just graduated high school and might just enter a transitional phase like I did lol. Does everyone go through a rebirth in their first year of uni? Maybe it’s just me. Finally this can die. My soul feels a lot lighter. Like in Shugo Chara, how the X-egg becomes a normal egg again and says “Thank You”, that is literally how I feel right now. Wow.

CHEESY EPILOGUE

This whole thing started because I felt extremely lonely and bored lol.

And that loneliness was amplified with my insecurities + inexperience of never having had any romance in my life? I always tend to blame myself, when really, inherently, there is nothing wrong with me. Things like a first kiss, a first lover or a first date all come at a different time for everyone. I just need to stop being impatient and glorifying my own concept of what ♥~*LOVE*~♥ is and just enjoy my life for what it is as time flows.

The thing about my self-esteem is, I am definitely aware of what a great person I am, but I still find it hard to see my worth? Like, I can see it, but I can’t grasp it? I think I tend to magnify and pick at my flaws so strongly that I can no longer believe in my own capabilites... It’s important to be kind to others but we forget that we should also be nice to ourselves.

If I want to make friends and get to know people, I will, and the right people will like me for who I am.

I must realize that I am more than what I hate about myself and that I am in fact good enough. Validation from the outside world can be nice but it’s still Me who really needs to believe it. (dattebayo)

Human beings are so complicated and we need to take all the time we need to understand ourselves and understand why we feel the way we feel, why we think what we think.

If you have been reading up to this point, I would like to thank you for taking your time to read about my experience. Hopefully you learned something too!

I love you :)

#thoughts #story #long post

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