#(about riona tbt)

[asoulofstars]

Riona as the Seasons

Okay, time for my analysis/response. Spring -- Far and away had the most votes. I can understand this, because spring generally stands for renewal, hope, cycles starting anew, etc. Riona's optimism is nearly unwavering. She exudes hope. For me, though, Spring is too transitional for Riona. I don't see her as a Spring.

Summer -- Had one vote here on tumblr and one from my roommate/co-author of the overall world and the person who probably knows Riona best outside of myself. As my roommate said, Summer is when you see the most stars. Summer can also be extremely turbulent, with the weather going from storms to sun quickly. I'm truly surprised there weren't more votes for Summer. It's, to me, the epitome of Riona. Warm, often smothering, full of life and activity and energy, and the night skies are endless stars.

Autumn -- NO votes at all. Again, I do think it's too transitional of a season for Riona. I think it's a little more apt for Riona as a transitional season than Spring, though. Autumn is where a lot of her trauma happens; the way things die as Autumn turns to Winter is so fitting for Riona's journey. Finding the beauty in Autumn despite the end result, while sometimes a struggle due to her mental health, is something that she can do and loves to see. And the sadness that she carries is like the chill on a day that seems warm.

Winter -- Had one vote on here and a half vote from a friend not on here. I don't see this one at all, but I also do not like Winter in the slightest myself. XD But I think it's too cold, too barren, and too still for Riona. There's not enough light in Winter for her.

Please feel free to share your reasoning for your votes!

[asoulofstars]

I've decided that Riona wears glasses. She's near-sighted, and you can tell when she's really tired because she takes them off and starts rubbing the bridge of her nose. Her frames are always purple. This goes for faerie and human verses.

[asoulofstars]

meta + touch

One would think that after the pain Riona's been through, the burns and the gouges, that she would be so touch-adverse. That she'd never be able to trust a hand on her again. But the opposite is true. Riona craves touch. She doesn't know how to function without it. Touch forces her to remember that she's not alone. Touch is such an anchor point for her, and if you are one of Her People (TM), then like. There is no personal space ever. You're part of the bubble. She's gonna be on you like a weevil.

[asoulofstars]

Also, preceding yesterday’s @nightmarecountry trying to revoke my custody to Riona, Wilds once again is able to verbalize things about my own OC that I cannot.

[asoulofstars]

Was thinking this morning about beauty standards, and Riona does not shave her body hair in faerie verses. She keeps herself neat, of course, but faeries never had the societal expectations to shave the way that human society did. (I think that the standards of the faerie world are that they keep themselves neat/to their own preference, as various sensory issues or sensitivities exist that could cause individuals to choose to shave.) Riona tends to not expose skin, though, due to her insecurity about her scars. Unfortunately, the burn scars prevents hair from growing over them, so she cannot just hide them with her body hair.

In human verses, I think that it definitely depends on the verse and how old she is. If she's raised in the time when it's expected, I think she is taught to shave her body hair, and she does her best to keep up with that as part of her routines. I think that hygiene in general is something that Riona keeps up on very well, even during the time that she is being impacted by her depression the worst, and part of this is because she feels like she's able to cleanse herself in more ways than one. In verses where she may have been raised in a time when it wasn't expected, I think she once again keeps herself trimmed, neat, and based on her own preferences.

Under the cut is detailed description of her body hair (so slight nsfw context) and self harm mentions.

Her arm hair is thin and lighter brown than her head hair. Her leg hair is darker than her arm hair and slightly thicker. Her armpit hair is similar to her leg hair. Her pubic hair is the thickest, darkest, and curliest amongst her body hair. Her pubic hair is what she keeps up with maintaining the most, especially with her love of being eaten out. Her armpit hair is next, because when it gets too long, it catches and causes annoying sensory problems when she's trying to get dressed or move her arms. Her leg hair is next, as it can get itchy. Her arm hair is last; she's never had to do anything with her arm hair.

Her mental health can still be seen in her body hair, though, as she's much more careless when shaving/grooming herself when her mental health is low. She isn't purposely nicking herself, but she doesn't care as much and makes mistakes, so there are more little nicks than usual.

Riona does her best, though, and she is a well groomed woman.

[asoulofstars]

Fantasy Deep Dive: Roles

What role does your muse see themself in?

Riona sees herself as the caregiver. This is both because of the expectations put upon her by her parents and because of who she is naturally. In both her main verse as a faerie and in her human AUs, Riona’s parents end up putting an unreasonable amount of pressure on Riona to be the perfect daughter, and as the older sibling, it is her responsibility to care for Soll. However, Riona also put that responsibility on herself, because from the moment Soll was born, she did not want anyone else to take care of him. The only thing that she was willing to let anyone else handle for her was the breastfeeding, because she could not physically do it herself. This caregiver role was something that she wanted, and she desperately clung to it, and after Soll died, it was the only thing that she knew how to do. If she could be a caretaker, then she could prove her value to other people. So she clung to that role, she clung to that label, and she tries so hard to make sure to take care of everyone around her, and she does so at the detriment to herself. But her parents had proved to her that their love was conditional, so she needs to prove to others that she deserves their love. And if that means putting them first, then that is what she will do.

How does your muse feel about that role?

Riona defines herself by this role way more than necessary. She needs to do some serious soul searching and figure out how to take care of herself. She definitely becomes a martyr in a lot of ways for her caregiving role, and it is not something that she does on purpose, but because she is filled with so much guilt and self-loathing over Soll’s death, she believes that she deserves to suffer. She would be absolutely horrified if anyone else ever called her a martyr, but she has become a caregiver at the detriment to herself and has made a life out of self-neglect and suffering as penance.

However, this also leads to some resentment, deep down. She may not even consciously realize it. But she is pissed at her parents for letting her assume this role in a way that no child ever should have assumed the role, and she hates them for putting that kind of responsibility on her shoulders. With therapy, Riona knows that she would not carry the kind of guilt she has over Soll’s death if it weren’t for this weight on her shoulders that he was her responsibility. She was a child herself, and it never should have been her responsibility. In her faerie verses, the age gap is wider; it is twelve years apart versus the four years of the human verses. Riona has her patterns and takes care of Soll during the days when her parents are doing their own duties amongst the community. In human AUs, it is a form of parentification at its finest. She was the eldest daughter of Irish Catholic immigrants; it was expected of her to take care of the house and family. She may have accepted it and doted on Soll, but that does not change that it was not her responsibility from the start.

What role(s) do other people believe they fall into, and how do they feel about it?

Well, the entire point of the novel trilogy is that Riona is the hero because she chooses to be the hero. She will never quite see herself as the hero, but her friends and her mentor, Morrigan, do. While she will never like or enjoy the hero label, Book 2 is especially about her journey of accepting this label. She is absolutely a reluctant hero, because she feels like she is just doing the right thing, the necessary thing. She does it for the sake of everyone else, because she is a caretaker, not a hero.

Are there roles they aspire to but fall short of?

I think Riona mostly aspires to be a caretaker, and she falls short of being a caretaker in a healthy way. I think that with time and therapy and self-discovery, she absolutely can be a healthy caretaker, but that has yet to happen within her current character development.

I think that the one she really aspires to be is an explorer. And in many ways, she succeeds in this, though she would never define herself as an explorer. But I think it fuels her, especially after the events of the novel trilogy or after her closure with Soll. She needs to rediscover herself and who she is and what that means, and she needs to explore. It is why she becomes an anthropologist in human AUs, why she is a writer, and it plays a huge role in her worldview post novels.

[asoulofstars]

cactus, sage, camellia!

cactus ⇢ something you’re currently learning (about)? Mun: I'm currently on Duolingo learning Irish! Riona: Depending on the verse, she is learning about her own magic or constantly learning more about the human body and physical trauma. sage ⇢ what ‘medium’ of art (poetry, music, fiction, paintings, statues etc.) is the most touching to you? why do you think that is? Mun: For me, it's got to be fiction; there's something about the narrative that I can dive deep into. Riona: I think for Riona, it very much depends on her mood. She craves connections and stories, and every piece of art tells a different story, and so I think that things touch her for different reasons, but I don't think she has one that she favors or connects with the most. camellia ⇢ what were you like when you were younger? do you think you’ve changed a lot? Mun: Well, I really don't think I've changed all that much, tbh. Things have changed around me, but I think that I've always been the extroverted, feels everything and shows that, emotional, loving, ADHD disaster that y'all know now. I've always been a fairly self aware person and fairly confident in who I am--shoves the rejection sensitivity under the bed--and I think that's always helped me, especially as I gain more knowledge and life experiences, and I'm able to adapt and set goals for myself to better myself. Riona: Riona was a very lively child, and while she never loses her heart, after Soll dies, she does her best to be invisible. She doesn't want people to see her, because then she doesn't have to lose them when they decide she's too much. I think the closest that she gets to her "old self" is when she first meets Luke, and them being young, carefree, and a bit stupid before reality sets in and complicates things. And that only lasts a few weeks, so it doesn't really count. Because I don't want her to be sad forever, I do usually put her in situations where she can be "too much" and not have people run away from her, but even with therapy, she's so scared all the time, and she really just doesn't know how to be her "old self" again.

[asoulofstars]

8. someone they view as a role model

For the longest time, Riona's role model was her mother. Caitlin had grace, class, and poise. She was elegant and thoughtful, and she took pride in the things she did for the community.

It wasn't until after Soll's death that Caitlin became someone Riona didn't want to be. Because she never wanted to hurt anyone, but especially any future children, the way Caitlin hurt her.

"I miss who Mama was. I miss thinking that she was the pinnacle of what I should be. I miss thinking that being successful was being put together. Maybe growing up is knowing that you won't ever have it all put together, but I've realized that a lot of Mama's put-together-ness was actually her suppressing her emotions and what she was thinking and feeling. She had beliefs about how one should look and act, and she would scold me for dipping a toe out of line. I think there's a certain elegance and poise in knowing who you are and being yourself."

[asoulofstars]

𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚎 𝚗𝚒𝚏𝚝𝚢 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚖𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚌𝚊𝚗 𝚍𝚘

Tagged by: @debelltio Tagging: Steal it!

i. Creative writing! Riona in human AUs loves to write fantasy, and she dabbles in poetry. In faerie verses, she writes a lot of poetry.

ii. In her human AUs, Riona's like a human x-ray machine. She can tell where bone remodeling has taken place, what kind of injury might have happened.

iii. While normal for her, in faerie verses, Riona can fly, and those who find that abnormal would find it nifty.

iv. She has a way with plants! She loves to garden, mostly in human AUs, as faerie verses have Flora Faeries. She makes her gardens precise and well presented, so they're visually very beautiful, too, when everything is in bloom.

v. She has a knack for languages. It's one of those things she ends up hyperfixating on. She has achieved rudimentary conversational status in a few languages.

vi. Organization. If you need things labelled and reorganized, she's your girl. Just know that it may not make sense to your brain.

vii. The Info Dump (TM). Girl has ADHD, what can she say?

viii. She's great at research, too. Woman has a doctorate in human AUs, after all.

ix. Constellations and stars. She knows their locations. She knows everything.

[asoulofstars]

Fantasy Lounge Day 3: Secret Heir Headcanon

HC: Does your muse’s family have a well-hidden (or not so well hidden) secret? Is your muse in on the secret or is it something they have yet to uncover? How has knowing, or NOT knowing, impacted your muse? 

There was an unspoken truth that was only noticeable after Soll died. This unspoken truth was that Soll was the favorite child. Though faeries are matrilineal – or, rather, dependent on the parent who carried the child – Soll was treated with a reverence that Riona was not. Riona never realized that after she got her patterns, her mother withdrew from her. Caitlin blamed the stars for not providing more intervention during the War; she blamed the stars for the losses that the communities faced. She blamed the stars for decimating her family. Riona became a mockery of that pain. Riona with her bright blue wings that never stopped moving, stars shining just as brightly as they did against the night sky. Caitlin decided that her next child would be the one that she could pass her legacy down to; she had decided that this child would be an Air Faerie, or maybe a Fire Faerie like Doyle; she decided that she had nothing more to impart on Riona except for the obligation of helping her learn the world. Caitlin withdrew emotionally when Riona was thirteen years old, and she was never given the same sort of affection from her mother. She was taught to be proper and to try and make herself smaller than she was. Her father still made an effort; they connected in quiet moments, and Doyle didn’t seem to understand why Caitlin had given up on Riona in many ways. But he followed Caitlin’s lead, and his relationship with Riona also became more withdrawn. He wasn’t as affectionate with her as she got older, and he stopped being amused by her quirks.

This became even more apparent after Soll was born. Both Caitlin and Doyle were Elders in the community; they had obligations to the other faeries and training the young community members who had received patterns that aligned with their subtypes. Doyle was often training Flashers to wield their emotions like tools, warning them of the dangers of letting their emotions control them, and he applied those lessons to his own life as the tension with Caitlin was sometimes unbearable, so it was easier to acquiesce to her desire to pull away from Riona.

But Riona was Soll’s big sister, his caretaker. She was a Star Faerie; her training was at night. She could take care of Soll during the day, and she did everything she physically could for him. She doted on him, and she adored him. She didn’t realize that Soll was the favorite over her. She assumed that the discrepancy in their affection was due to their ages and what they could and could not provide for themselves. Besides, she loved Soll, and she didn’t see how anyone couldn’t love Soll. She just never saw the loss of that relationship with her parents until they went from giving her crumbs to giving her nothing at all.

After Soll’s death, after they blamed Riona for his death, Riona was caught in a house of lies. They shattered down around her, burning and cutting her like her parents did that night. She understood that Soll was the favorite child. Again, she loved him too; he was the light of her life. She didn’t think that there was anything wrong with him being the favorite child. She just didn’t realize until he was gone that it meant that she was nothing to her parents. She was trapped in this house because of social customs, trapped walking on eggshells and doing her best to seem invisible. She followed all her parents’ rules without hesitation, because she knew that disobeying them, even in the slightest way, would mean that the tension between them could snap. She tried to do everything she could to make home life easier; she would trade with others to have all of her parents’ favorite items at home. She would keep the food well stocked, and she made sure everything was always clean. But it was never enough. The house was suffocating. Riona still doesn’t know why she was the child they gave up on. She doesn’t realize that they gave up before Soll was dead. She just knows that they did give up, and she doesn’t know how to handle it. It shaped her into who she is, for better or worse, and she knows that she must always treat everyone with kindness, because an absence of that makes the world bleak and empty and hollow. Riona knew that Soll’s death was also the death of the people that her family was before. But she didn’t know why she was the one who was the focus of that loss.

[asoulofstars]

Fantasy Lounge Launch Day 2: Portals Prompt

Prompt: Your muse finds a mysteriously shaped hole in a tree trunk, just big enough to fit through. What do they find on the other side? 

All Riona ever wanted was to escape. To run far away from this place and away from the family that hated her. She didn't mean to find the portal, though. She tripped. Just like she had at the park that Sunday, letting go of Soll's hand. And she fell through to the other side. She looked nervously at the roots, wondering if the portal was going to disappear and leave her here. It did not, glimmering ever so slightly. It was as if it was saying home will be waiting for you. It was her choice: go back to where she knew what to expect or explore the world she’d stumbled into. She was thirteen now, and it had been a year since Soll’s death. Her parents’ silence was worse today. Normally, the silence was direct, and it simply existed. There were no underlying spaces to come and claim her, to cut her, to remind her of her faults. Today, though, every moment felt so pointed. Every moment was just heavy and painful and felt like she was breathing in ash. It was being drowned and struck by lightning and being stabbed all at once. She could not go back to the house like this. She needed to have her own space. She needed to explore.

“You promise I can go back?” she asked the portal.

Its glimmer seemed to wave at her. Always. It is your choice.

She nodded to herself, and she took off through this wood, trying to figure out where she was. She felt like Alice, going down the rabbit hole to Wonderland. She was starting to wonder if that was only a story. Or maybe she hit her head when she fell. This could just be a very strange dream. Even still, no one would be waiting for her to wake up on the other side.

She toyed with her skirt as she walked, and she wished that she had a heavier jacket; it was a relatively mild October in Wellesley, but here, it felt like it should be in late October. Yet, upon thinking her desire, the temperature warmed up, and she had to stop to tie her jacket around her waist.

“Is anyone else here?” she asked aloud.

Part of her wanted there to be someone else. Anyone else. But part of her wanted this to be hers and hers alone. She never got to just enjoy nature anymore. Everything was an escape. But here, she could stop and breathe. She could smell the distinct differences between the long grass and the wildflowers that she could see. She could hear the birds singing. She cleared her throat and sang a few notes. The birds continued her song, and then they paused, so she sang back to them. They kept going back and forth, and then the birds came to join her. They were little cardinals and blue jays and robins, and they sang her song in their own pitches, and she harmonized with them.

No other humans, but she wasn’t alone. She smiled to herself.

“Thank you,” she told the birds.

They chirped at her, nibbled her fingers affectionately, and flew back to the trees. Riona watched them go, and then she followed the sound of rushing water. She hoped for a waterfall. Her parents always talked about going to see Niagara Falls, but that never happened. And it never would, she knew that.

She found the waterfall, and she stopped at the side of the stream that it created. She took off her shoes and socks, and she put her feet into the water.

“I know I should go back,” she whispered. “I cannot hide forever.”

“What are you hiding from?” the wind whispered back to her.

“You know,” Riona replied. “Everyone knows.”

“Do they? What do they know?”

“That Soll is dead, and it’s my fault!” Riona stood up, shouting at the waterfall.

“Child. Why do you think it is your fault?” The wind is still quiet, gentle.

“Because Soll was my responsibility! Because I let go of his hand! Because I was too slow!” Riona felt tears well up in her eyes, and she shut them to try and stop them from falling.

It did not work, but the world around her seemed to stop. There was no noise. She opened her eyes, and she let out a breath. The world had shifted, day to night, stars sparkling around her. She lay in the grass beside the stream, and she let herself cry.

“You are but a child,” the wind whispered to her. “You cannot carry this burden on your shoulders. The world is yours. You are important, and you are capable of making change. Remember that.”

“How? Dreams are always forgotten when you wake up.”

“Keep it in your heart. It will come out through your choices.”

[asoulofstars]

Fantasy Lounge Launch Day 1: Portals Headcanon

PORTALS

HC: Where is your muse’s favorite place in the world? If they had a portal that opened to one place, where would they want that place to be and why? Does it hold sentimental significance or does something else draw them there? 

For Riona, this truly varies verse-by-verse. She is a sentimental creature at heart, and she needs these places to have meaning for her. There are a variety of places that this could end up being, but if we look at the building blocks of her faerie verses and human verses, then it is only a few places that would truly be special.

In her faerie verses, this is Morrigan’s Peak above everything else. Well, more accurately, it is the cove underneath Morrigan’s Peak. There are so many good memories that she has of playing in the water, being with her favorite people, and she has a phenomenal view of the stars when she’s there at night. Morrigan is her mentor, and Riona feels usually most relaxed with Morrigan, if only because the Elder Star Faerie Whisperer can understand Riona on a different level. Communicating with the stars is something that makes Riona feel so small at times, no matter how much she loves and adores the stars. The cove was also where she got her patterns that revealed she was a Star Faerie, so she takes great pride in existing in the Cove.

Her secondary space would be the tree that was placed over where Soll was buried; it becomes her place of solitude and comfort when she does not want to be around other faeries. She feels like she can tell Soll things she cannot tell anyone else.

Her tertiary space would be the home that she and Aislinn build together. She knows that she is safe there, and she generally winds up spending time there with all of her most favorite people. In her human verses, her primary spot would be a couch. She generally has a specific couch in mind, belonging to Luke or Aislinn or the Milton-Peters or Mrs. Holmstead depending on the day, but it is not just any couch. She has too many good memories with both Luke and Aislinn and the extended families of Luke and Aislinn to choose one couch, and it generally depends on her mood and needs and who she thinks a hug from could fix or what point of their lives they are in and what she might think about going back to. This means that as they get older and Aislinn invests in building a ranch, Riona also feels quite at home at the ranch with the horses and goats and ducks and amongst the flowers and vast gardens that Aislinn curates. Riona loves spending time with Aislinn on the ranch and helping her.

As we can see from the above, Riona ties favorite places to her favorite people. It is almost impossible for her to extricate them. Things like the cove beneath Morrigan’s Peak or Soll’s grave she enjoys on her own, but the cove is always better with others. Even Soll’s grave, in both faerie and human verses, feels better when someone goes with her at times. She still likes her alone time with Soll, telling him the things she cannot speak to anyone else, but it is comforting to have the presence of someone else she loves. This is also why, as time goes on and Riona finds other relationships that are as meaningful as the ones she has with Luke and Aislinn, she also has places of comfort with those people. There is nothing more meaningful for Riona than being able to be with her people. Preferably cuddling in their special places.

If she had to pick just one place in each of her verse “types”, she would pick the cove under Morrigan’s Peak in her faerie verses, and she would probably choose Aislinn’s ranch in her human verses. They are places where she can escape in certain senses, places where she does not have the same kind of obligations and responsibilities as she does in the rest of the world. They are places that are home to her. But home is always more of a feeling than a place to Riona, and that is why she needs her people and needs meaning to go with these places. They’re just places, after all, and she can find her people anywhere.

All of this is also one of Riona’s messy contradictions that come with her trauma. She believes these places, these people are home, but she also believes that it is so easy for them to leave her. If she ever lost her people, lost these places, she wouldn’t know what to do with herself. And that is part of why Soll’s grave is a place of comfort as much as a place of guilt and grief. Because she knows that Soll is going to be a constant for her.

[asoulofstars]

Which tarot card are you?

THE LOVERS

the bounty of your heart is abundant. warmth extends from your fingertips, and your smile has the power to light the darkest of rooms. your presence is a comfort– a gift– it is something to be cherished. just beware of stretching yourself too thin; a heart cannot be full if it is constantly emptying itself for the benefit of others. extend that mercy to your own heart, so you may continue to love and let yourself be loved. your chest is not an empty cavity.

NUMBER: 6

UPRIGHT: love, harmony, relationships, values alignment, choices

REVERSED: self-love, disharmony, imbalance, misalignment of values

Stolen from @gingerspiice

Steal it from me!

[asoulofstars]

I’m just continuing to think about the Riona is Orpheus of it all, and like. Riona is a creative at heart, in every universe, but she’s also a believer at heart, and that’s the biggest thing that makes her Orpheus. Seeing the world how it can be, in spite of the way that it is.

And she holds onto that, no matter what. She holds onto love no matter what. Because when the world is against you, you need to believe in love and kindness and have hope to see it through.

And while Orpheus loses his heart, he does bring the world back into tune, and his story echoes through time. The story about him and the woman who inspired him to go to Hell and stand up to the gods themselves.

And, in the end, that’s Riona. She’s hope and faith and optimism and idealism and just believing in things that are so much bigger than yourself, but knowing that change can happen with one person just trying.

And that is so, so important to me, and it’s so necessary for understanding Riona in any verse.

[asoulofstars]

Riona in human verses wears bras from puberty into adulthood until she is kidnapped and tortured. After that, she can’t stand having something so constricting and tight pressed up against the skin that was mutilated.

In faerie verses, any additional support is added into the top itself vs a separate garment to accommodate her wings.

[asoulofstars]

[kicks the door down] worldbuilding time. many cultures have a god or other entity that rules over or represents Sleep. do any faerie cultures have an equivalent?

(in other words: lord morpheus appears differently to each viewer based on their frame of personal reference. how might he appear to some of your faeries, at large?)

Sleep and Dreams would fall under the weird gray area of overlap between Star Faeries and Shadow Faeries. Dream could appear as either. Most faeries would see him as a Star Faerie, as Shadow Faeries are seen as Evil (TM). But if the faeries are having lots of nightmares, well. Maybe he does appear as a Shadow Faerie.

The main difference would be the pattern on his wings. Shadow Faeries have twisting lichtenberg-scar-esque patterns of dark black smoke burned into their wings. Star Faeries have a gentler cosmic touch to them.

I think Riona sees both. Because she sees the hope in the darkness; she sees the dreams and the nightmares.