#(To be fair

[bodyhorror-bimbo]

So. It turns out when girls are flirting with you. That generally means they are into you. Like as more than friends.

I’m so stupid.

[dekariosclan]

Professor Gale Dekarios of Blackstaff Academy: Now, class, I believe I’ve shared with you how I was kidnapped on a Nautiloid, hmm? How I teamed up with a group of adventurers, found the love of my life, saved all of Faerun? And how, through all of that, I still managed to focus on learning whatever new spells were made available to me, even if they required intensive study?

Students: *nodding*

Gale: Excellent. *shuffles papers in his hands, looks down at them, frowns* Then you’ll understand why I’m a tad irritated that half of you couldn’t be bothered to complete your assignments because *squints at papers* ‘your Tressym ate your homework’? *Looks up at class* Truly? That’s the excuse you’ve decided to go with? I myself used to come up with some very creative tales, but I know for a fact that you all do not have Tressyms!

Student: It wasn’t our Tressym that ate it, Professor Dekarios. It was yours.

Gale: …

Gale: *turns to shout over his shoulder* TARA! A WORD PLEASE

[thesadboisguidetolife]

Going from left to right, top to bottom, we got a Miso Glazed Salmon over a Thai Red Curry Rissoto, Butternut Squash Gnocchi with fried Sage, Stuffed Cabbage Rolls, Mexican Hot Chocolate Panna Cotta, Bananas Foster Cream Pie, Cacio E Pepe with Grated Cured Egg Yolks, Cremini and Goat Cheese Stuffed Pork Tenderloin, Shrimp Scampi Pasta with Bacon Jam, and Braised Short Ribs over a Cheesy Polenta.

.......... just to name a few 🤷‍♂️

Since y’all a wifey material post a meal you made 😂😂

[thomas-the-goat-of-satan]

okay. imagine this. you're twenty. you're the highest that you've Ever been. most of the blood in your body has been drained. by a vampire. those are real. you can't move your own body. you're in an extraordinary amount of pain. and!! and. you're face to face with The scariest man in the world. he's super hot. he looks at you and says, "I'm told you've lived a fascinating life!" what do you say in response? nothing?? immediately plead for your life?? cry a little?? well, let me tell you something. that exact scenario happened to my good friend Daniel Molloy, and what HE said was, "...I never said that."

[laur-the-cat-prince]

puppet tango 👯🎶

[clockwayswrites]

I wrote some birb out of order, because a little someone demanded it...

“Ah, hi there,” Danny finally managed to say. He gave a little wave of his fingers at the small face staring at him from around Jason��s legs. He also tucked his wings closer against his back. The wings had to be what had her looking at him with that sort of shocked wonder like that. It wasn’t every day— “Are you a new grandpa?!” Danny blinked. “I—sorry, what?” Lian dashed out from behind Jason and over to him where she stood at his feet with her hands up. What else was he supposed to do? He picked her up, perching her carefully on one of his arms and keeping his other hand behind her back to balance her. Unconsciously, one of his wings curled around her, but she didn’t even seem to notice. She was too busy pressing her small, chubby hands against his cheeks. “I have Grandpa Bruce—” (which came out more like ‘Bwuce’) “—and Grandpa Oli—” (‘Ohwee’) “—and Greatpa Alfie!” ('Owfee') Lian explained. “And you’re old like Bruce and Oli but not so so so old like Alfie and you’re here, so you must be a new grandpa! What’s your name?” Danny could feel the blush heating up his face. “I’m Danny, but—” She threw her arms up in the air and Danny scrambled to keep her balanced. “Grandpa Danny!”

[two-wizards-in-a-trench-coat]

i think some users on this website have either no idea or forgot that they live in echo chambers and doesn't compute that there are a lot of issues that the average person simply doesn't know about

[ckducky]

This one goes out to @a-dauntless-daffodil. They infected me with the hilarious idea that Charlie is jealous of an inanimate object.

[drulalovescas]

Dean Winchester has a type. And that type is dark haired and blue eyed and eager to sacrifice his life for Dean.

[taibhsearachd]

....just remembered that time a bunch of other fifth grade girls had a little "intervention" for me at recess, like "Aubrey, you could be so popular if you just stopped acting so weird!"

And like. No the fuck I couldn't. That was never going to happen. Because I had tried being less weird when I first moved there, I tried being normal and outgoing and etc, and I ended up ignored. I got weird because I gave up on getting along with most of the class, indulged in the things that made me happy, and actively growled at the people who had been cruel to me.

I was not lonely during this time. I had a best friend at that school whose house I could bike to. Her younger sister and my younger sister were best friends. We would regularly have sleepovers with the most epic hide and seek possible and seances and shit. I was not lonely.

But these girls saw me being weird, not affecting them at all, not lonely, and they felt the need to get together and go "hey stop that".

I did not.

[jonnywaistcoat]

You are writing 2 seperate books about the horrors that are held within the london underground system do you have beef

Ah, I see where the confusion is: I've got a two-book contract, the first of which is for a book about the London underground, the second of which is about ????? (haven't fully decided yet). Not saying it's an impossibility that it is also about the underground (god knows I've experienced enough horror down there for two!) but I guess we'll have to wait and see.

[medusas-graveyard]

War knows

Earth, now in danger after the infinite realms waged war against them, is on a time limit to reverse it. The shadows speak of a person; the only person who can change the fate of the whole planet. So the Justice League scramble to find this person, only for it to be revealed as Daniel Fenton-Wayne, the newest adoptee of Bruce Wayne.

The same person who made headlines in Gotham media for his mid-western charm, looked at them blankly and told them good luck.

[girbirty]

my season 4.5 theory theyre in love ... ok hear me out .

proof: max was a better boyfriend (gender neutral) to el in season 3 than mike could have ever dreamt of being ever in his entire stupid life

[linguistics-and-lesbianism]

mountain goat fans will be like “you gotta listen to this song it makes me so emotional” and then they show you a song about being a possum digging around for garbage

[oifaaa]

Trying to explain to a cishet man that if I wanted to be in a relationship right now I would be is apparently much harder then it really should