#(Maria is more well adjusted but she doesn't carry all the burden. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

dammitadolfnomorecake · 6 years ago

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🏰⚔️🐲👑 - 34. So this is Eren's mental breakdown chapter. Everything was so real to him. He doesn't want to die, he just wants to wake up and find everything was a dream

Eren felt as if he was walking on eggshells as his heart raced and mind sluggishly churned. Having been checked over again by Historia, the princess had then helped him back to his tower. He may have just woken up from a coma, apparently, but he was exhausted. His movements heavy and clumsy, even when supported by Historia. All of it had felt so real. The touch of Levi's skin. The beat of his heart. The warmth as he held him in his arms as he slept. He'd thought when Levi woke, his alpha would be happy to see him, but the look Levi had given him... they'd cut bone deep. It was like the man found him nothing more than a burden or annoyance. Settling down on the sofa because stairs were far too much effort, Historia gathered him into her arms. Eren caving into her warm hold, both he and his omega desperately needing someone show them love. With a simple wave of her hand, a fire began to burn in the hearth across from them. He would have preferred it to be Levi's hold, but how was he supposed to look at him. He knew about the clutch, then yelled at him for killing it... His Levi wouldn't do that. His Levi wouldn't be like that. His alpha loved him, or he had. Once his tears had started, he couldn't stop, sobbing and coughing against Historia's shoulder while Maria made tea in his kitchen. How could none of it be real?! Logically, he wouldn't put it past Obsydin, nor would he put it past him to have created this new dream world just to keep him preoccupied. When his sobs fell to small hiccups, Maria handed him a mug of tea. Gathering himself up, Eren's cold fingers hurt from the warmth of the mug in his hands. He couldn't process all of this, hell, he could barely keep his eyes open, but if he fell asleep, he might just wake to find Levi still sleeping in his arms. Stroking his hair, Historia's voice was soft with sympathy "It's alright. I can feel it. I know what you're thinking. You're awake now, but you need your sleep" If she knew, then she knew why he couldn't sleep. Shaking his head, he mumbled out "I can't. I can't wake up and find him sleeping" "You're already awake" "I'm not... I can't be" "You are" "Did you see the way he looked at me? It can't be him" "Eren, Levi's still in there. Don't give up on him" "He hates me" "No, he doesn't. I promise you. Now drink your tea for me" Historia only wanted him to drink given the herbal sedatives Maria had added "I don't want to sleep. Please don't make me sleep" "I'll stay by your side. And come morning, you'll see that you're no longer dreaming" "Please... I can't... Historia. It hurts too much" "Shhhh... You're ok. You're awake now, and I'll stay with you" Maria interrupted from where she'd sat on the coffee table "Princess Historia, we don't have much time. Rod is bound to notice your absence" "Ymir will take care of it. Eren's in far too much pain to be left alone right now. We also haven't heard about his dream" "It wasn't a dream" It couldn't have been... it just couldn't have been... This had to be the dream "Eren, it was. I'm sorry that it was" "You told me to find a dragon. You said he could help. You told me to, Historia. You said he'd help Levi!" The tickling in his throat and the stuffy feeling in his nose was growing worse again. He couldn't help the coughing that bubbled up again "Your dream must have picked up upon my presence. Your mind telling you things as it wanted to hear" "But... I saw it" "Drink your tea. Everything will be ok come morning" The sedatives only took minutes to kick in. Historia carrying him up to his bedroom, which had been cleaned in his absence. Laying him down, Eren climbed under his furs, before promptly passing out. He hadn't wanted sleep. He wanted Levi. He wanted to see him, even if he hated him now. A whole month? Had it been that long? Levi and Historia had talked in weeks, and dropped the word month. They'd been apart for a year, yet Levi couldn't stand him after only a few months together? He'd been so excited to come home... but what was the point of being here if Levi wanted him gone? His sleep that night was dreamless as he slept late into the morning, feeling lost and confused as he woke in his bed without Levi. Whining softly, he buried his face in his pillow as fragments of the previous night came back. Historia! Shooting up, he found his room devoid of the princess's presence. The omega's heart dropping until his eyes came to find Levi sitting on a chair across from his bed, staring at him. What was he doing there? Didn't he hate him? Drawing the furs up to cover his exposed chest, he nervously toyed with the stitching on the side "Levi?" "You were sleeping again" "Maria made a herbal tea... How long have you been here?" "I don't know? All morning?" All morning? "Then why didn't you come to bed?" "Because I was trying to figure out how I feel about you" Eren clenched the blanket, trying not to fall apart. Levi was still being so cold and he didn't know what to think "I... you said you loved me" "And I think I do... Everything's different now" "They don't have to be" "Eren..." "They don't have to be. You... you let me mark you. You told me you loved me. You said we get through this together" Levi scratched the side of his head with his pointer finger "I know... but..." "But what?" "I just don't know how I feel about you. I just don't feel anything" He couldn't do this. Levi's voice held no emotion at all. It truly felt as if the time they'd spent together meant nothing. Like the last month of him taking care of the alpha meant nothing. Climbing from the bed, he glared at Levi "You don't feel anything! You don't feel anything! What was I then? All those sweet words, just for a fuck?! Then if you want to fuck, I'm right here. Go on..." Levi didn't reply, Eren's anger growing. His magic swelling around him as he yelled "Go on, you fucking coward!" Snarling, Levi rose from the chair, striding over to him and grabbing his arm in order to throw him down on his bed "Do you think this is fucking easy for me!? I'm supposed to love you! I think I love you! But nothing feels right anymore!" "It doesn't feel right because you... You never loved me" "That's not true" "Isn't it?! I was so happy you were awake... and you hate me" Levi sighed "I don't hate you" "You don't love me either... you're such a coward. You left me alone for so long, now you're leaving me alone again" Turning from Levi, Eren curled into a himself. Why couldn't Levi let him in? Even if Obsydin was in there, it wasn't like Eren wasn't infected either, but he knew he still loved Levi. Placing a hand on Eren's back, Levi's fingertips dug lightly into his new scales. Eren's body betraying him by arching back into the touch "I do know I think you're beautiful. And warm. You feel so warm" Placing his other hand on Eren's side, Levi ghosted his fingers down to the teen's hip "Maybe I do want to fuck you?" "I thought you didn't want me" "I don't know what I want. I didn't realise how far gone I already was, but you're so warm" "Then come back to me..." "I'm already here" "That's not what I meant and you know it" Tugging down the side of Eren's pants, Levi's hand moved to grip his limp dick, starting to pump it slowly "Why can't I feel anything? I know how you feel in my hands and around my dick, but... It's like the things I see aren't reaching my brain" Whining, the teen was already starting to slick. His body too well trained when it came to Levi. Even this Levi. Growling at his whine, Levi withdrew his hand, as the other hand came off Eren's back. Grabbed by the hips, he was forced onto his hands and knees, before Levi busied himself untying his pants "You look good like this, and you smell incredible. Like a little bitch in heat" Biting his lip, Eren closed his eyes. Sex had always worked for them... except when he'd been sleeping. If he'd been sleeping. If this was the dream, then what did it matter what Levi did? Feeling the tip of Levi's erection rubbing against his opening, Eren whimpered slightly as the alpha started to push in. He hadn't even prepped him, not that he usually needed all that much prep, and Levi wasn't being as slow and gentle as normal. Trying to control his breathing he coughed into the crook of his elbow, drawing a hiss from Levi "Fuck. You're so fucking tight. You ripple with each cough as you try and get me deeper" Eren's eyes shot wide as Levi drove the rest of his shaft hard into him. He could feel the tearing as his boyfriend didn't wait for him to adjust, pulling back and starting to ride him hard as Eren's magic tried to heal him "Fuck... shit... feels so fucking good inside you" For Eren, it took a little longer before the pain turned to pleasure. He missed the loving warmth of their bond, but fuck... the way Levi was abusing his sweet spot had him begging for more. He loved Levi... "Gonna fucking knot you" "Please. Please, knot me" Levi's left grabbed at his hair, forcing him up as the man drilled his arse thoroughly "I told you I was, and I am" Shoving him back down, Eren whined as he pinned there. Levi shouldn't be as strong as he was, but with one hand, he'd effectively stopped all movement for teen by driving the air from his lungs and launching him into a coughing fit "Fuck... fuck.... ah... ah..." Levi's knot flared, Eren pushed down completely against the mattress as the alpha slumped on top of him. For some reason his body decided he couldn't cough and come at the same time, opting for coughing as he felt as if his dick would fall off with the pressure in his belly. He had to come in the worst possible way "This arse of yours feels so fucking good, Eren" The throb between Eren's legs was starting to hurt from having not come when Levi knotted him. Rutting against the bed, Eren couldn't quite get enough friction "Didn't you come?" Shaking his head, he found Levi pushing himself up, before pulling him into kneeling. Snaking an arm around his waist, Levi took his leaking erection into his left hand. Thumbing at his slit, Eren bit his lip to keep from moaning "I want to hear you. I want to hear you want me" Eager to please, Eren nodded quickly "I do. I do, master. I do... only you. Always only you, Levi. Please make me come" Starting to grind against him, given he wasn't able to fuck him thanks to the knot, Levi teased him into coming as he jerked him slowly. With tears rolling down his face from his desperate need, he went boneless the moment he came across the furs, before tensing as Levi bit into his should, just by his collar. Holding the bite for a few moments, Levi pulled back and lapped at the wound as he spoke "Good omega... you're so good. So warm and soft" There was still a frost in Levi's voice, but maybe kind of a hint of warmth. His belly felt all warm and gooey like it did after a thorough fuck. A sensation he was sure only Levi could bring out... Was Levi still in there? Was he reacting to his boyfriend humanity? If he was, then maybe Levi could get better? Eren just needed to remind him that he was loved and human... He could do that... "Levi... I love you. I don't care what you do to me... I love you" "Do you think those words make me happy? You should care about yourself. You could end up dead if you stick with me" "I don't care. If it's you, I'll go to the end of the world. Just don't throw me away. Don't give up on me... I know I'm cursed. I'm like you, but I love you. I feel you" Well. He felt him in him, was more what Eren meant. Levi's next move surprised him as the alpha dropped his forehead to rest on Eren's shoulder, arms moving to hold him tightly as he swore Levi sniffled "I don't know what I feel or what I'm doing an saying. Nothing comes out and nothing feels real. It fucking broke me to see you when I came out my rut... I'm only going to hurt you. But... I can't seem to leave you alone. I get so mad when people touch you, but I don't know how to touch or want you anymore" "Then let me be by your side. I'll help you. I'll stop you when you get too much" "I'll hurt you. I'll hurt you over and over" "And I'll die if you leave me behind again" "Don't talk like that. You said you'd rather be dead than with me" "I came out of a coma" "So that makes it ok? Ok for you to say shit like that? I don't want to hear it. You're not allowed to be a shitty idiot like that" "I..." "Just shut up. I forbid you from getting into trouble and I forbid you from dying" Eren tensed with a small cry, suddenly shoved back down with his chest against his furs as Levi started trying to ride him. Even cursed, it seemed Levi could give commands. This... this could be a problem "You're to stay by my side. And no more fucking comas. You sleep when I tell you. Where I tell you. Understood" What? Huh? What now? "I said, do you understand?" "Yes, master" "Fuck, I love it when you call me" Deciding new rules was probably best decided when not buried balls deep in someone's arse, yet Eren still nodded. Maybe this dream would be better? Levi didn't let up until he'd come again, and Eren's coughing got so bad that the man needed to put the kettle on. Curled up under his blankets, the omega was verging on sleep when Levi brought the bowl of boiling water over to him. Unable to sit up, Levi was forced to take care of him, the man not even voicing his annoyance as he did. That had to be progress, didn't it? That Levi wasn't mad for his illness "Stay awake. No sleeping" Tell that to his body. His magic didn't seem to be as strong as it was supposed to be, and now they'd finished up, Levi's cum combined with Eren's slick was burning at the still healing tears "Sorry" "Is there anything you need?" "What? No. Sorry..." Levi didn't know which herbs he needed to add to the hot water, so it was better Eren didn't risk pushing the man too far "I need to get back to work. I'll send Historia in to sit with you" "You can't stay?" He really wanted to cuddle into Levi's side and to start shoving love down Levi's throat until he got it again "Do you want me to?" Levi didn't sound like he wanted to. It kind of sounded like now he'd fucked out his frustrations, he didn't want to be there "You don't have to. Thanks for the water" "Yeah. Right. Ok" And that was it. Making sure his pants were in tied back up, Levi left him. He didn't even look back as he went. So... that hadn't meant anything at all? He really had just wanted to root and run. Looking at the bowl of scolding hot water, Eren didn't see the point anymore. Pushing it off the edge, the enamel bowl clattered loudly on the floor. He was sick of crying, but his omega was screaming in pain. It wanted him to chase Levi down and force him to stay with them. To force him back to bed... Even if it was just his body he wanted, Eren could give him that. He'd give him anything. By the time Historia found him, Eren had worked himself into hysterics. Between the coughing, the lack of healing and Levi's scent upon his skin, he couldn't breathe. He'd clawed at his collar when he'd started to choke, yet the stupid thing wouldn't budge, driving him further off the edge. He hated it. He hated Obsydin and he hated Erwin. Even with Armin there, he'd still been so lonely without Levi, and everyone knows how easy it is for omegas to grow lonely. They just didn't tell you how badly it hurt when your cursed boyfriend left you too. Inside of him, something broke. Climbing to the top floor or his tower, he picked some belladonna as he went, already consuming the mass before Historia found him semi-conscious on the floor. Not caring what he wanted, the girl was by his side in an instant, sitting him up as Maria came at him from the other side, tapping his cheek as she tried make his blurry world come back into focus "Eren. Eren, what did you take?" "His lips are blue. He's not getting enough oxygen. I can't tell how long he's been like this" Wasn't she supposed to be a dragon? Couldn't she smell what he'd taken? Whoops... He would have laughed if he could have "Historia, hold his hair" When Maria tried to stick her fingers in his mouth, Eren fought the best he could, until she finally got a firm hold on his mouth and bottom jaw. Historia turned traitor, sticking her fingers down his throat to make him vomit the herb up. Why couldn't they just leave him alone? He wanted to wake up. That was all. Throwing up, he hated both women... despite the fact they held him tightly even after he threw up on them "It's ok. Shhhhh. Shhhh, you're ok" "Historia, we can't leave him like this" "Maria, can you find Armin and Erwin please? I don't think Eren should be left alone right now" "I'll see what I can do" Historia waited for Maria to leave, before scolding him. Eren was too out of it to know or to care that he was babbling and begging for her to let him go. He'd messed up, and now he was stuck here. There was no way Armin would let things drop, and Erwin... god. Levi would crack the shits over it all. When both princes did come, Armin promptly broke down into tears. He didn't like it when Armin cried. But he supposed with the herb filled vomit and his fucked-upness his friend had already figured out what he'd tried to do. For his part, Erwin was silent before abruptly leaving. The Prince probably preparing to have him evicted from his castle... not that he didn't deserve it... Everything he ever tried had failed, so why would this be any different? * Levi was sitting in his private quarters when Erwin came storming in. For the better part of the afternoon, he'd been staring at his hands, thinking of how Eren seemed to be the only thing that thawed the frost he seemed to be bathed in. The sex had felt amazing, until Eren had started coughing so hard there was blood on his lips. Whatever small spark had pulled him back to his senses ever so slightly had been snuffed out. Gazing down at Eren's body, he felt angry that he'd fucked the brat. Eren was in no condition, even if he'd goaded him into it. He wanted to feel Eren. He wanted it to be ok for him to wrap his arms around him. He was still looking to his hands as he was hurled from the bed and thrown to the floor. Despite having one arm, Erwin didn't let it stop him. Straddling Levi's waist, the alpha smacked him so hard in he face, Levi saw black for a moment "You stupid fucking bastard!" Genuinely confused, a hand went to his nose, finding it broken. The brooch Eren had gifted him was nowhere in sight "Eren just tried to kill himself! What the fuck did you do?!" Levi growled "He did what?" "He swallowed belladonna, but I suppose you don't care now that you can't feel him!" Punched it the face again, it took a long moment to register "He was in Historia's arms, begging to wake up. And it wasn't exactly hard to tell that you'd fucked him and left him" "He didn't want me there" "Of course he wants you there! He just came out of a coma that he thought to be real!" He was getting pretty sick of hearing that "It wasn't real" "It was to him! Now he wants to go back because you're an arsehole! He used to mean more to you than a fuck" "I don't know what he means to me anymore!" "Then you shouldn't have stuck your dick in him! He thought you were never going to wake up! You heard him last night!" When Erwin went to smack him a third time, Levi caught the man's hand, baring his teeth as he snarled "He is my omega" "You just said you don't want him" "I said I don't know how I feel at the moment!" "Well, let me make it easy for you. You stay the fuck away from him until he's healed" "Like hell I will. He belongs Donne" "He tried to kill himself!" "He tried to wake up! You said it yourself! He told Historia he wanted to wake up! He's messed up in the head!" "He's messed up because he was in a coma and you left him again!" Slowly Levi's fingers grew to claws as he glared at Erwin. Anger. Ok. He could do anger easily "You stay away from him" "Levi?" "That stupid omega belongs to me. So does this prince" "Obsydin" "Correct. For a Smith, you're marginally intelligent" "And for a dragon, you're an arsehole" A dry laugh crackled from Levi's throat "You humans are so pathetic. Take Eren. He could have everything he ever wanted or desired if he just walked away" By now, Levi's claws were now starting to cut into Erwin's hand and arm "I don't know if you've noticed, but Eren is stubborn" "Trust is just another weakness. Eren has bound his soul to me. That makes him mine to do with as I please" "Eren's innocent in all of this. I forced him to draw the sword, so why go after him? Why go after Levi?" "Without his body, I'll never be reborn. And once I am, boy... I'm going to enjoy every moment of it. You humans were never meant to lead" "My ancestor killed you, and trust me, when the time comes I'll be more than happy to kill you all over again"

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