#(Just like in original You can hEAr how rELIEVED 'Izzy' sounds there)

[justimagineitblog]

“You Used To Love Me” Michael Gray Fan Fiction - Chapter 10

A/N: Alright this one broke and mended my heart all at once while I was writing it - goddamn these characters hahahahaha. 

WARNINGS: Swearing, Violence, Guns, Death, Alcohol - 

I know I’ve used swear words in previous chapters but this one is quite heavily riddled with it, I also thought I’d warn that there are mentions of death in this one my loves - it’s nothing too full on and I don’t go into heavy descriptions but I just felt like this one needed a warning just incase x

As always, please enjoy xx 

As the alarm goes off, Charlie and I both jolt awake in bed. It only takes a few moments to realise that it’s almost half an hour past when we were supposed to be up.

“Fuck!” He shouts as he jumps out of the bed, ripping the sheets back. He’s going on a work trip this weekend with his brother, and if the time on the clock is correct, then the car should be pulling up any moment. 

I tear myself out of the bed after him, frantically running around with him to help him get ready. 

“Charlie your suit case is in here!” I call as I hear him fumbling around my apartment for his luggage. He runs back into the room, tearing through the cupboards for his suit. 

He strips naked right in front of me, and I can’t help but laugh at how much of a mess this is as I try and help him get his suit on. 

“He’s gonna kill me if I’m late” he stresses, his hands desperately trying to do up his buttons but he fails. This is a big weekend for their business. If he’s late or messes his up, I know how horrible he will feel about it for a long time. 

“Hey, just breathe okay, let me do this” I coo, swatting his hands away as I do his buttons up for him. 

He nods, closing his eyes and drawing in a deep breath. Once his shirt is buttoned up he takes off again, scurrying around gathering all his paper work, luggage and some how wriggling his shoes on. We both jump in fright as the beeping of a horn below signals that his car is here. 

Swearing repeatedly, he runs to the door, but freezes right before he walks out. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry” he breathes, turning back to me with a shaking his head.

“Stop, it’s okay” I promise him, my hands on his chest as I straighten his tie and jacket “You’re gonna be amazing” 

With a relieved smile, he presses his lips against mine. I hold his face, trying to soak up as much of him as I can. 

“I’ll miss you, don’t get in any trouble while I’m gone eh?”

“Me?” I furrow my brows “I have no idea what you’re talking about” 

He laughs, pulling me in for another kiss. 

“Okay, okay you have to go” I chuckle as the car horn continues to beep downstairs. He gives me a few last pecks and before I know it he’s gone, running down the hallway, leaving me flustered in his wake. 

I run over to the window, watching as he gets in the car and gives me one last wave. I return the gesture, blowing him a kiss that he pretends to catch as the car pulls away and disappears from my sight. 

Slinking back through my apartment I collapse lazily back into my bed, arms and legs flailed in every direction as I fall back asleep. 

LATER THAT AFTERNOON

“Hello?”

“Hi you” 

I smile as Charlie’s voice speaks like honey through the phone line. 

“Miss me already?” I tease.

“Most definitely” he replies, when suddenly the sound of excitement and hollering fills the phone.

“The deal went well then?” I chuckle at his excitement.  

“The deal went… incredibly,” he begins, trying to speak over the mens in the background “Actually, we made an ever bigger deal than we originally planned on… they want to financially support the entire business, Izzy”

“Oh my god, Charlie, that’s amazing!” I exclaim 

“I was gonna wait to tell you when I got home but… Izzy I think we’re going to move up here” 

My jaw drops as I press the phone closer to my ear to make sure I heard him right. When I don’t reply, he begins to fill in the blanks eagerly. 

“They want us to move up here Izzy, they want to support us and the whole business-“

The weight of what he’s actually saying begins to wash over me as a million questions leap and bound through my mind. 

“Charlie-“ I stutter “You’ve been there for 5 hours” I blurt out, glancing at the clock. 5 hours. That’s barely enough time to decide you want to move 3 hours away. Permanently. 

“I know, I know, but we just made the biggest deal of our lives… I’ve gotta follow this Izzy”

“Oh my god” I breathe, trying to sound excited but doing an absolutely horrid job of hiding my shock. 

“That’s not why I wanted to call you though, I think I have a proposition for you” I hold my breath. So far, I couldn’t have predicted this conversation even if I tried. I have no idea what is about to come out of his mouth.

“Well you see, I told him I wasn’t moving up here unless they set us up with a proper home because…” He takes a deep breath before blurting out his next words “I want you to come with me, Izzy” 

The second the words leave his mouth I freeze. Go with him. Did he just ask me to move away with him? Move three hours away? Away from my home. The place I grew up. Away from my job. Away from the Shelby’s. 

“Izzy? Izzy are you there? What do you think?” I hear his muffled voice asking through the phone as I snap back into reality. Heat rises up my neck and over my face as I fumble for my words. 

“What do I think?” I echo his words. I don’t know what I think. Actually, I’m thinking way to much.

“I know it’s a lot. You don’t have to pack your bags right now. I’ll tell you all about it when I get home” 

Pack my bags?

My breath quickens as do my racing thoughts and heart rate. 

“Okay, I have to go!” he rushes quickly as the shouting and hollering behind him gets louder, urging him to go and join the celebrations. 

And just like that, the phone line goes silent. I stand in the lurch for minute after minute trying to digest what just happened. I fumble for a chair,  trying to steady myself as I sit down. The whole conversation was such a rush and a whirlwind that I feel physically light headed. 

We’ve only been together for a month. 

But if I don’t move away with him, is that the end of us? We would hardly be able to visit one another during the week. And even weekends aren’t always free. Between both of our work schedules, how would we ever make time. Three hours away. That’s no short trip. If anything happened back here, I wouldn’t be able to get back in a hurry. What if Tommy got into trouble? And Arthur? What if Polly needed me? And then the most regretful, dreaded thought crosses my mind. What about Michael? 

I feel physically ill. I can’t move. I can’t do this. The phone that’s rested in my lap begins to ring obnoxiously, frightening me so badly I almost throw it clean across the room. Maybe I should. Maybe I should break the goddamn thing. 

“Shit” I hiss, running a hand through my hair as my heart pounds so hard it feels like it might just jump straight out of my chest. 

I yank the phone towards my ear, completely exhausted and flustered. 

“Izzy? Darling it’s Polly” 

I sigh, trying to calm myself down enough to sound somewhat normal and coherent.

“Hi Poll, what’s up?”

“Look don’t panic, we just need you to come down here okay”

The tight nervousness of her voice snaps me straight out of my cloudy, foggy state.

“Polly what’s going on?” I reply urgently, standing up from my chair in a panic.

“It’s alright. Just come down to the office okay? We’ve got a client here and-” she pauses as voices in the background get louder and I strain desperately to hear who is there “We just need you to go over some things”

“I’m coming now” I hang up the phone immediately. 

Something isn’t right. 

I race out the door without my coat, my hand bag, anything. I don’t even bother trying to be subtle as I run through the streets, tearing my way through people and around corners until I see the office ahead. As I get closer the fear in the pit of my stomach grows bigger and bigger. 

Polly never sounds like that. What the hell is going on. What am I about to find inside. 

The sound of sudden shouting from inside sends a crashing wave of fear and adrenaline through me as I burst into the office through the back door. What I find when I walk in sends my stomach into back flips. I freeze, almost tripping over my own feet from stopping to abruptly. 

All heads shoot towards me. Tommy, Arthur, Polly and Michael. They look terrified, there eyes wide with panic as they’re stood at the edges of the room, their backs practically up against the walls. And it doesn’t take me long to figure out why. My eye’s immediately fall over a man stood in the middle of the room. 

He’s standing amidst the office desks which have been flipped and smashed all over the floor. Paper is thrown everywhere. I would call him a stranger, but he’s not. I know this man. We all know this man. He is a client. Bill Rodgers. 

I have seen him a few times. Met with him. Met his wife and children. He pays donations to us once a month, in return, we look after his family if they ever need anything. A simple agreement. We do that for a lot of families around here. He’s never been overly warm. But friendly enough. And I don’t know him incredibly well. But it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to realise there is something wrong. Besides the fact that the office is a mess. With chairs, desks and tables scattered across the room. Paper work everywhere. Bill stands in the middle of it all. 

His doing I assume. 

And he is completely wasted. I can smell it on him. All the way from the door way, my nose catches the distinct smell of whiskey. It almost fills the room. You have to drink bottles of whiskey, or spend days on end inside of a pub to smell like that. Even the way he stands, head to the floor, grumbling, swaying. Muttering to himself. But that’s not even the most concerning thing. No. The most concerning thing about Mr Rodgers is not his drunken stupor. 

But the pistol that he is clutching in his hand. 

I swallow hard when I see it. I glance to the floor, where I realise they have placed all of their guns. 

He must have demanded them to drop their guns. 

What I cannot figure out, about Bill, is what the hell he wants. He has never caused any trouble. Never gotten in trouble with the law. Never betrayed us. What the hell is doing here in a drunken rage with a gun?

“Bill,” Tommy begins, his arms outstretched to him “This is Isabelle” 

I glance nervously at Tommy as he signals for me to come over to stand beside him. I rush over to his side, and he steps in front of me ever so slightly.  Bill looks up at me gravely, through the disheveled hair falling in his face.  I try to hold his eyes, staying calm and gentle. In his state, anything could set him off. 

“And what is she gonna do about it huh?” He growls “They’re dead Tommy” 

“Bill-“

“No, Tommy” he shouts “I pay you donations every month, yeah, and you look after my family in return. BUT THEY’RE GONE! THEY’RE GONE TOMMY!” His voice grows louder as he waves his arms in the air, and we all take a few steps back as we watch the pistol in his clutch nervously. 

Tommy opens his mouth to speak, but I beat him to it. 

“Bill,” I say gently and he shoots his eyes in my direction “Just tell me what happened, and I can help you. Whatever you need. But I have to know how to help you first”

He stares at me, reluctantly, angrily, before something seems to give. 

“They’re dead” He breathes “Sarah, and my boys. I was out, and the house was robbed. They stole everything and killed my fucking family” 

My heart drops. He lost his family. All of them. This man is hurting. He is in pain.  We are supposed to provide protection. His house being robbed is something none of us could have prevented, or helped, but he has just lost his entire family, and he’s looking for someone to blame. 

I can’t believe my own actions when I find myself walking slowly towards him. I feel everyone in the room tense, as I do. This man may normally be harmless, but right now he is intoxicated and armed. And I’m walking straight into it. 

“Izzy, don’t” I hear Tommy’s voice hiss so silently I almost miss it. But I ignore him. 

“Bill, we can help you okay” I take another slow, weary step towards him treading so lightly I barely make a sound “We can find the men who did this, but I just need you to put your gun down for me”

He sways, seeming to lose his stability. The whiskey coursing through him right now must be making him see double. 

Suddenly he bursts into sobs, and I almost jump out of my skin. He sinks to the floor, falling among the debris in a pile of sobs and cries. 

Keeping my eyes firmly glued on the gun, I lower myself to his level. 

“No one can help me” he whimpers in between cries. 

“We can help you, I promise” I breathe, the stench of whiskey slapping me in the face and burning my nostrils as I shuffle closer and closer. I’m only inches away from him. Close enough to reach out and take the gun from his lose grip. With one head in his hands, and the other hanging by his side, he’s so distraught I don’t even think he would notice. 

I hear feet shuffling around me, as they all begin to reach for their guns just incase. 

I hold my breath, praying over and over again silently to myself as I extend my arm. My hand shaking as I close in on the pistol. 

But the second my skin touches his, my hand brushing the pistol ever so slightly as I almost grab a hold of it, it sets him off like a match igniting a bomb.  His giant stature lurches upwards as he roars with rage. Happening all to fast for me to comprehend, or even try to escape, he shoves me with a brute force that I’ve never felt before. He pummels me, bashing me up against the wall, the back of my head colliding with it so loudly against it that I think I black out momentarily as everything goes white. My ears, are ringing, piercing and loud and I only just begin to comprehend what’s happening when I feel his hands around my throat. 

His forehead is pressed roughly against mine, his thick breath hot and drenched in pungent alcohol as his chest rises and falls heavily. I grab at his hands, clawing desperately to try and pry them off as his grip tightens. He shakes me like a rag doll, shoving me so harshly into the wall that I’m just waiting for it to give way. He stares at me with rage, with ferocity that I have never seen before. Frozen, paralysed in fear, all I can do is stare back into them. 

The sound of gun chambers cocking all around us catches his attention, and suddenly I’m being pulled away from the wall. He spins me around, and the blow to my head as well as lack of oxygen disorients me completely. It’s not until I feel the burning of cold metal against my temple that I come back to my senses. Bill is stood behind me, one arm around my chest to keep me still, my back pressed against him. The other hand, is pressing the barrel of his pistol against the side of my skull. 

I stiffen immediately, not even breathing as he faces me towards the Tommy, Arthur, Polly and Michael, who all have their guns aimed at him. 

“PUT THE FUCKING GUNS DOWN OR I’LL BLOW HER BRAINS OUT ALL OVER THESE WALLS” He screams at them, his booming voice almost defeating me in one ear as he presses the pistol harder against my head. 

Tommy, Polly and Arthur drops their guns to the floor immediately. 

But Michael doesn’t budge. 

Our eyes lock, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so terrified. He is completely pale, all the blood drained from his face as he aims the gun at Bill’s head. 

“Just put the gun down” I whimper, and he shakes his head frantically, refusing to. 

“Let go of her” he growls through clenched teeth, his voice cracking and shaking.

My ears prick as Bill cocks the gun, the chamber clicking.

“An eye for an eye huh,” Bill breathes, beginning to sob again “I fucking kill her and then we’re even for you not protecting my fucking boys”  

“Bill let her go” Tommy warms, holding his arms out to him “We are going to find the men that did this and when we do, they are going to get what they deserve. But this…” she shakes his head “This isn’t the answer”

My eyes dart from Tommy back to Michael, who has not moved an inch, gun still aimed. 

“I TOLD YOU TO PUT THAT FUCKING GUN DOWN” Bill shouts at Michael, completely ignoring Tommy’s words. 

“Michael” I plead desperately, dread washing over me so heavily that I feel ill. I watch as he shakes his head, refusing. His wide open, panic strike eyes have turned glassy, and I can feel tears stinging and biting at my own eyes.  

“It’s okay,” I breathe, giving him the smallest nod I can manage with the pistol against my head “Just put it down” 

His eyes flicker between me and Bill, and I have to fight to not release a harsh exhale of relief as he lowers his gun to the ground. 

“There you go Bill, all the guns are down, now let us talk to you eh?” Tommy negotiates, trying to sound as calm and gentle as he can. But I can see his palpating jaw. His tense body. The veins in his neck bulging from holding his breath. He is the furthest thing from calm. 

For a moment I feel Bill’s grip loosen, and in my peripheral I can see the pistol fall away from my head as his arms falls to his side. 

He’s letting his guard down. 

I shut my eyes, taking a shaky breath in through my nose. 

“You’re going to find them” he growls his orders at Tommy “And when you find them, I’m going to kill them” 

“Bill…” Tommy shakes his head, trying to be as polite as possible “Bill I can’t let you do that. If you kill them, they’ll only send you to jail… just let us take care of it-“

“TAKE CARE OF IT!” He screams, and I can’t help a whimper from escaping my mouth “YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TAKE CARE OF MY FAMILY. BUT YOU DIDN’T-“

Tommy opens his mouth, to try and say anything that will calm him, appease him. But once bill has been set off, there is no taming the fire that is his rage. I should have known. There is no reasoning with a drunk man. 

With a grieving man. 

“No, no, this is your fault” I feel him nodding his head behind me as he points the gun at all of them “This is your fault, and you’re the ones who are going to fucking pay. YOU’RE ALL GOING TO FUCKING PAY”

His cry is the one of a final war cry, and I know what’s coming next. 

The next moments of my life feel like they are in slow motion. Suddenly the barrel of the gun is pressed straight up against my head again as he shoves it against my temple. The last thing I see is Tommy, Polly, and Arthur lunging forward, all shouting and begging for Bill to stop before it’s to late. 

This is it.  This is the last thing I’m going to hear.  The last thing I’m going to feel is the end of a pistol pressed again my skull, before I feel nothing at all. Please let it be painless. 

A single gun shot fires into the atmosphere. 

I expect nothingness. More black. Maybe heaven. Or hell. Though I’m not ever sure if I believed in God. 

But I feel myself breathing, my chest still rising and falling. I hadn’t even realised I had squeezed my eyes shut when they shoot open to find myself still in the office. 

I’m alive.

The first thing I see is Michael. His gun aimed not at me, but at where Bill had been standing.

It wasn’t Bill’s gun that fired. It was Michael’s. 

Bill is dead.

Everything washes over me all at once. Relief. Horror. Fear. Adrenaline. My head is pounding, and entire body feels like I’m floating. Completely weak and empty. Not strong enough to stand, and having lost all feeling in my body, I feel myself collapsing to the floor. 

Right before I hit the ground, I find myself falling right into a pair of arms. All noise is muffled, and I feel completely numb as I almost completely pass out for a moment. The only thing I can hear is the throbbing and pounding of my head. It’s not until I come back around moments later that I realise whose arms I’m in. 

They’re familiar arms. Strong. Firm. I’ve felt this exact grip before. They way the seem to hold me together. I thought I had forgotten how they felt. But I still know them anywhere. 

Michael. 

He scoops me up with desperation, and I don’t know who is clinging on to who as he holds onto me like its his life that depends on it. The only thing stopping me from crashing to the floor is him. His arms has envelope me completely, engulfing me in like a safety net. Wrapping me up in a way that I’ve only ever experienced with Michael. 

My body and mind still completely disoriented, I find myself only being able to cry. That’s the only thing that comes out. With my face buried in his chest, he holds the back of my head, pressing me so close to him I can barely even breath. But I don’t care. I’m alive. 

“You’re okay, you’re okay, I’ve got you” He chants frantically against my ear, and I can’t tell who he is trying to calm down more. Me or himself. 

Beneath his chest, I can hear his heart racing. It pounds loudly against my ear. His grip on me never lets up, he doesn’t budge whatsoever. He just holds me. Let’s me sob, staining through his shirt. Everything else fades out. Everything seems to go away. Not just Bill’s attack. It’s like the last few months haven’t even happened. Nothing else matters right now except for the fact that I’m in his arms. 

I feel a pair of trembling hands on my face and when I look up I find my eyes opening into Michael’s. His eyes are wide, panic filled and pooling with tears. As we stare at one another, it’s almost like he can’t quite believe I’m in his arms right now. Even though it’s over now, he still has residue terror all over his face. I know he thought that he was about to lose me for good. Forever. 

Up until now I’ve barely been able to take a full breath or even begin to stop hyperventilating. But something about the hold his eyes have on me begins to centre me. I feel myself being grounded. Like I’m coming back to my surroundings. Those serene blue eyes give me something to anchor to as the panic slowly but surely leaves my system. 

Without even meaning to we find our foreheads pressed to each others, his grip on my face still firm. 

“Look at me” his voice is barely a whisper, as it shakes, threatening to break completely “You’re safe”

Pulling me back into a hug, he grips onto me so tightly as if I’m going to disappear if he doesn’t. And I don’t want him to let go, because I feel like I might just break and crumble if I don’t have him holding all my pieces together.

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[jobrookekarev]

17, 18, 30!

17. What fic are you most proud of?

Definitely, I Remember it All Too Well. It was like my first multi-chapter jolex story and I'm really proud of the way that it turned out. It definitely turned into something that was a lot more than the original idea that I had but I was just so happy with it!

.

18. What is a line/scene you’re really proud of? Give us the DVD commentary for that scene.

(Spoilers for I remember it all too well in case you want to read it beforehand.)

(Okay so little bit of background This takes place post 16x16, but Alex has recently moved back to Seattle they’ve trying to be in a relationship again. And as a result of them sleeping together, Jo is now unexpectedly pregnant. )

“Yeah, that’d be great, I’d love to have you guys here as much as you want and you can bring over whatever you need. You could move in if you wanted to?” Alex said but immediately regretted it as he watched Jo’s eyes grow wide. “You don't have to or anything and I know that with the kids, we should let them get to know each other before we try and combine our families, just never mind, forget I asked.”

(I feel like Alex was always the one to just jump in head-first, like for him walking away from Jo and coming back, he forgets that they didn't just put a pause on their relationship and that he can't just jump back in with things. He also realizes that he can't just move in with her or have her move in because of the kids they have, AKA the twins Alexis and Eli and Jo’s baby boy Asher. I've heard so many stories about step-siblings and step-parents. Also from my own experience with my older half-brother and my mom and their relationship, I know that it's really important to take it slow and not immediately try and play happy family. You need to acknowledge the feelings and wants of the children and create a relationship with them between the new person before you have them step in as a parent. I think that it's like that with any child that you work with.)

“Alex it's okay, really. I thought about it too,” Jo said before she looked down at the plate in her hands. “But you're right we should take things slow with the kids and let them get used to each other first, but then maybe we could give it a try.”

“I'd like that, there are two extra rooms upstairs so maybe in the next couple of months if things go well you could move in with me?” Alex offered with a shrug as Jo smiled.

“Yeah, that sounds good, maybe in less than a couple of months though,” Jo said, as she looked over at him with a kind of longing that he knew all too well. “I miss sleeping next to you.”

(I forgot how much I had these two pine over each other. I feel like, in seasons 12 and 13 especially there is a lot of pining and longing between them which I absolutely love writing.)

“Me too,” Alex said as he stared at Jo, her skin glowed from the pregnancy and suddenly he imagined what it would look like when she was further along with her round belly or even when she had their baby in her arms.

(So originally there wasn't a jolex baby in the story. iI was just Jo and Alex sleeping together at the wedding and then decided they wanted to be in a relationship and trying it out with all three of their kids. So the expected pregnancy and baby was like a late idea that I had had. I thought it added such a great level of drama to the story that I couldn't pass up the idea, even though I knew that it meant I would stretch out the epilogue. Also, I felt like it motivated Alex to show (not tell) Jo that he was all in with her. And that's something that I wanted him to do I wanted him to show through actions and the things that he did that had he loved her and that he was going to be there for her and their child and her son as well so that's why I had this scene.)

He could imagine what it would be like in a few months when they lived together, Jo would hold their baby and sit at the table as they ate together, with their three kids around them. He would sit next to her and have his arm around her shoulders as he talked with Eli, Alexis, and Asher about what they wanted to do that afternoon. He wanted them to all be a happy family together. He wanted it all right now and he hated that he had to wait for it to happen. However, Jo was right they needed to take things slow for the kid’s sake and he knew the wait would be worth it. She smirked as she caught him staring and came over to pull him out of his daydream with a quick peck to his lips.

(I don't know if you caught this but this is pretty much somewhat similar to what happens in the last scene I thought it was a really good little bit of foreshadowing.)

“I also got something for the twins, to help with the adjustment,” Jo said as she went back to the diaper bag and grabbed out a book before handing it to Alex.

It was a children's book titled ‘You're Getting a Baby Brother!’ Alex smiled as he flipped through the pages. The story detailed what it was like to live with a baby brother and Alex thought it was fitting, especially considering that if they were going to be a family it would include Asher as well as the baby Jo was pregnant with.

(So this is a real book you can find it on Amazon. I've read it before with my kiddos (I’m a teacher and I have nieces and nephews) and I figured that this book was a little really fitting for the twins with Asher.)

“This is great. I'm sure the kids will love it and it'll help them get used to Asher, although he's not a baby anymore,” Alex smirked as he smiled over at Jo and he couldn't help the way his eyes trailed down as he stared at her stomach. (Alex just can't help himself)

Jo caught his eyes and sighed as she shook her head with a smile. “You know, don't you?”

“Know what?” Alex said, looking back up at her as he played along, waiting for her to say it.

“You know that I'm pregnant,” Jo said, raising an eyebrow and waiting for him to deny it and knowing that he wouldn't.

(I thought this would be really fun for Jo to not get to tell Alex she was pregnant and just realize that the way he was looking at her like that was because he already knew! And Alex figuring it out when he went to talk to Meredith was something that was discussed in the @thejolex chat and I was throwing around ideas with them for the epilogue. I can't remember who suggested it. But a lot of times everybody or throw around ideas or ask for help and we all talk about things and throw in dialogues or scenes and it's always really helpful! It's also very exciting to share something angsty and then get yelled at!)

“It wasn't really that hard to figure out,” Alex said with a wide smile, he was absolutely giddy at the thought of having a new baby with Jo.

Alex put the book on the counter and reached out to her. Jo allowed him to place one hand on her stomach as they both stared down at her belly. He knew that she still wouldn't be showing for a while, yet he was still disappointed when her stomach felt the same as it always did.

“I’m only eight weeks, so I’m not showing yet,” Jo said as if she was reading his mind as she placed her hand over his and they both looked down at her belly. “I've had Carina check me just to be sure. She did a full exam and work up and everything’s fine, but I haven’t scheduled the ultrasound. I wanted to wait until after I told you so you could come too.”

“You want me there for the ultrasound?” Alex asked, looking up at her again.

“Of course I do. I want you there for all of it Alex. I want you to be a father to our baby,” Jo said as she squeezed his hand.

(So this was Jo really want it because she knew how hard it was for Alex not knowing the twins until they were five and missing the first years of their life and not knowing Izzie was pregnant. So she knew how important it would be for him to be involved from the beginning and just how excited he would be to be there for the first ultrasound. It was also kind of a little bit of contrast between her and Izzie and the relationship they have with Alex. I feel like the two of them knew two very different Alex's. Alex was still kind of a frat boy when he was married to Izzie and he matured so much since then, especially in season 13. When he was with Jo he was much more mature. I feel like Jo knew the man that Alex is and Izzie knew the boy that Alex was.)

Alex was so relieved that even after everything he put her through, Jo was willing to allow him to be in their child's life. He thought that she would still be hesitant because he had left once before and he didn’t think that she wouldn't trust him again so easily. After breaking her heart he knew it wouldn't be so easy for her to trust him again, but he was so thankful that she was giving him his chance.

(So that’s it! I was really happy with this. I thought it was a good mix of cute and fluffy and serious development. For the story as a whole, I wanted Jo and Alex to rebuild their relationship in pieces, step by step. I do feel like I kind of rushed it a bit, wish I had broken it up into several more chapters or turned it into a sequel.

Originally this was just like a 1 + 5 story but it evolved into a lot more and although I'm really happy with it, if I was going to redo it I would draw it out more. Still, I really feel like the point in the story translated well. With any piece of writing, you're always going to look at it a second time and think, oh I could have done this differently, but I'm also really proud of what I was able to accomplish. Multi-chapter stories are really hard for me to finish and I was so happy that I was able to complete this one.)

.

30. Tell us an idea for a longfic you want to write in the future.

So so many ideas I literally have at least 50 ideas for Jolex that I have not pursued.

The one that I really really want to write, that I have started writing, but I haven't finished it. I got kind of stuck and I haven't been able to go back to it. It’s this one where Alex calls Izzie to testify at Meredith’s trial. Alex hears the twins in the background and asks about her family and Izzie says that she has a husband and twins, Alexis and Eli.

Then Alex says that he's married to Jo and they're expecting a baby, so Izzie congratulates him, and then she agrees and comes out with her family. So they fly out and Jo and Alex meet Izzie, her husband, and Eli and Alexis. Then after the trial, Alex and Izzie start talking and Jo gets to know the twins and Izzie's husband and she starts to put together the pieces and she thinks that the twins might be Alex’s. So she goes to talk to Alex but sees Izzie and Alex together.

There is so much more drama than I haven't told you about! But I just thought about what it would be like if both Alex and Izzie have the same things in life. They each have a partner and kids and what if the twins were Alex's? What if they weren't Alex's? What would mean for both of their families and for their partners and what would happen? Would Jo share her thoughts about the twins being his with Alex's or would she keep that to herself? Would Izzie try and pursue Alex if they met up again? What would Alex do if he was faced with the choice between Jo or Izzie with the same steaks?

It's a really good idea and it's a really good story, but I got to a point where I think I got it got too big and I got overwhelmed. Then I got to a point where I got stuck and I didn't know where I wanted to take the story so I had to rethink that. Also, I haven't really had the time to pursue it, especially with T. S. Jolex week and then school started up, so I started working more hours since I'm a teacher. I just really haven't had the time to sit down and really plot out this story and try and pursue it again, but I really hope I get the chance to.

[faejilly]

wip meme :) can i ask about SH "i do" the infamous arranged marriage au, "wing!fic" cause **yeet**, and "rubbish heap" amnesia <3 <3 <3

anyone can always ask about ALL THE THINGS. Not sure I know what you want from them, though, so feel free to poke at me again if this isn’t it.

The infamous arranged marriage au was originally a twitter thread: here

I started it for a Big Bang and realized it was going to be too long to get done in the time frame, and have revisited it multiple times since then, but I keep rushing, I think, because I don’t usually write long fic, and to be done properly this one needs a very slow burn, which isn’t something I usually write either, and trying to slow down and linger in it is apparently not in my usual skillset.

They need that initial spark when they meet, that’s so intrinsic to their relationship, I think, but then they both pull back (for good in universe reasons) and I keep not pulling back hard enough, I think, and then I’ve lost all my conflict and it’s very dull.

But that first oh no he’s hot is still delightful.

Finally they were let inside, and led to a conference room. Their escorts waved them in without entering the room themselves, and Magnus heard them start to walk back down the hallway to whatever it was Shadowhunters did when they weren't lording themselves over anyone else forced to exist in their presence, when he heard the footsteps stutter to a halt.

"Where do you think you're going?" The voice from the hallway was low, but sharp enough to carry into the conference room. Magnus rolled his eyes. Apparently they weren't supposed to be left alone, not even here, in the front wing of the Institute, which was as public as anything in the Shadow World ever got. He couldn't quite catch the guards' responses, some annoyed sounding mutter that got cut off by that same low voice, though it was somehow even sharper the second time. "Ashkeep. Kitchens. Refreshments. Proper ones, you know very well what they're supposed to get. Don't linger."

Magnus froze, his eye-roll interrupted half-way through.

"Wellstone." The voice continued, clearly annoyed at the guards, not the Downworlders that waited just out of sight. Magnus wondered if said voice knew that they could hear him. "Go to the library for the marriage portfolios, like you should have at the beginning of your shift when you got the assignment. And both of you, stop wasting our guests' time."

Magnus shared a glance with Kalyani, who looked even more startled than Magnus felt. The unknown Shadowhunter had just called them guests, with the implied corollary that he expected his fellow Nephilim to be good hosts. Or, well. He'd been in the hallway to re-direct the guards, he probably didn't expect the Nephilim to be good hosts, but he had the clout to make them behave better despite themselves? Or something? Magnus couldn't resist a quick shrug with raised eyebrows at Lorenzo, who shifted a little in his chair, clearly trying to appear less startled than Magnus or Kalyani, but not doing a very good job of it.

"My apologies," the voice had reached their doorway, and the unknown Shadowhunter stepped inside with a polite nod. 

Magnus' brain stuttered to a halt. 

He blinked, wondered if maybe he was hallucinating. Nothing changed. He was still staring at Mr. Improbably Tall, Dark, and Handsome, the young man standing in front of them at something approximating parade rest. The graceful line of his shoulders was set off by the dark black lines of the rune on his neck, and he was even almost smiling, the apology in his words echoed by the expression on his face. 

Or he was until he met Magnus' eyes, and for half-a-breath he seemed to stutter to a halt, too.

SEE? They’re so fun.

Anyways.

So the wing!fic is a weird hodgepodge of Serious Politics and Alec’s Wings Like Magnus And Refuse To Behave Normally. I feel both points are underscored by this running mental commentary of Alec thinking about all the stuff he won’t admit out loud. Which is a salty joke, he doesn’t want people to know he maybe doesn’t hate them! But also, he’s never admitting his feelings out loud and then I’m sad.

Magnus is flirting with him and he doesn't know what to do with that. He knows even less what he's supposed to do when their hands touch before the ritual and his wings curl, want to wrap around Magnus' body the same way their fingers are pressed together, wants more in a way he's never let himself before.

And then it all goes to shit and he almost gets Jace killed and everyone knows, and his wings are tucked so tightly closed they ache, and he’s never ever taking the glamour off again.

&

Magnus calls and asks him for a drink and he says yes without a thought, and his wings snap open and flap, once, hard enough he can practically feel the breeze even through his glamour.

And then he has to say no, and he feels them droop in disappointment, and it takes more concentration than he’ll ever admit to make himself lift them up so it doesn’t feel like they’re dragging on the ground as he goes after Clary.

&

He finds a perch with a relatively clear line of sight, and uses his runes to listen for the familiar lilt of Clary's voice. (She's arguing. With the Alpha. God, she's an idiot. He hates that he kind of likes her nerve, though. Not that he's ever going to admit that out loud.)

&

Simon's stuffed in a locker room in the back, and actually quite easy to rescue. And even cooperative about it, listening while Alec tells him how he's going to get him out, minus a surprisingly short holy fuck are those wings? tangent, which is a nice change from everyone else in his life lately. (Except Magnus.) He definitely likes the mundane better than Jace or Izzy at the moment. Not that he's telling Simon that, ever.

AND IT DOESN’T GET BETTER. ON EITHER COUNT.

But I’m not quite sure how terrible it’s going to get, and if I let it get as terrible as I think it should, I’m not sure how I’ll pull it back out again, and I 💯 believe in happy endings after that sort of angst, so. It’s lingering in stasis for now.

RUBBISH HEAP

Honestly, the amnesia’s the least terrible of the three things I crammed together, and I feel that that maybe says things about me I don’t usually admit. :D But yes! Amnesia!Magnus!

Magnus flinched back, but he looked confused now, rather than angry. He looked like he was starting to realize this might be more than just a weird Shadowhunter with an awkward proposition.

"Catarina Loss." Alec managed an eternity later, after they'd been staring at each other long enough for his heart to start beating again. "We should call Cat."

"You know Catarina?" Magnus' posture eased, and Alec couldn't decide if that made things better or worse, if he should be relieved that Magnus still remembered her, or if it hurt even more because whatever was wrong appeared to just be about Alec himself. Again. 

Alec closed his eyes and swallowed. It took another breath before he could nod. You introduced us. He didn't think it would help to say that out loud. Instead he fumbled out his phone and scrolled to her number, dropping his phone with an uneven thud on the table after he hit the speaker button.

"Alec?" Cat's voice came through after only two rings, and Alec shuddered with relief. "It's the middle of my shift, can this wait?"

"Cat." Alec stopped, completely unable to think of what to say next that wouldn't just turn into a wail or a scream. Apparently he sounded broken enough he didn't need to, because he could hear her inhale, loud and ragged. 

"Are you ok? Is Magnus—"

"You know this Shadowhunter?" Magnus interrupted.

The noise Cat made was remarkably similar to the one Alec had just done himself, which was oddly comforting. She figured out follow-up words faster than he had, though. "Where are you?"

[wallflower-willow22]

Innocent Rebel

My First Story

I wanted to start off by saying if you're reading this. Thank you. Just one view makes me so happy and the thought of someone liking and enjoying my work is great. Secondly, I just want to mention that this is my first time publishing a story that I've written anywhere so I am both nervous and excited. So I hope you enjoy this short story about a young girl exploring her sexuality and going beyond her limits. Thank You.

_________________________________________________________________________________

“Oh fuck” I gasped as I woke up with a start, I automatically checked my watch the illuminating blue light flashing the late 03:03 on the plastic face of my digital watch, great! I thought.

“What’s wrong? Did you not enjoy that?” she purred a coy smirk on her face as she stretched her long, long limbs, I sighed internally fuck she was a beauty to look at. Memories of the last few hours flashed through my mind like lightning.

“No.” I sighed “It was great, fabulous even just it’s probably the reason my phone is lighting up like a fucking Christmas tree”

“Ahh” she sighed in realisation, as she flopped on the bed “ I didn’t think someone as cute and innocent as you could swear…. of course, you proved me wrong”

I scoffed loudly “You barely knew me for what? A few hours. Shows you for judging a book by its cover” my favourite idiom slipped out of my mouth easily. Idiom, idiom, oh how I loved that word. If there was one thing I missed from A levels it was the vocabulary in English, the sophistication and elegance of such words just made me feel so confident and smart and empowered. Like I didn’t need physical strength; my wit and words could be my sword.

I shook my heading allowing my internal monologue to fade away like floating clouds and focused on the task at hand, my thumb hovered over my dad’s number glaring at me in the dark. I didn’t realise that whilst deep in my thoughts I had tuned out Isabelle's words,

“Lizz, Lizz, Lizz!!” she exclaimed her hands waving in front of my eyes drastically, I blinked quickly

“Huh?”  I mumbled incoherently

“ Wonderful you’ve come back to earth” she muttered, “ I said what are you going to do then? And do you want me to come with you? “

I smiled shyly at the words, no don’t become hopeful,  do not become hopeful please for fuck sakes don’t do this I repeated this mantra to myself (internally of course). I could feel my heart clench at the images of me and Izzy that swam in my brain like small fish. Fish. Fishy. Oh, My God, my mother is going to kill me I thought.

“I’m going to die” I answer dramatically, she rolls her eyes “ No seriously, I have one, two three, like 30 missed calls here and that’s just from my mum” I scrolled down the screen my greasy thump staining my phone. My throat closed up in fear, “ I mean if your lucky, they’ve only called family and friends but if not well let’s just say my face will be on the BBC news tomorrow morning”

“That’s a bit much, isn’t it? I mean come on when’s the last time you stayed out this late? I mean how bad could it have been?”

“Never.” I screeched “I’ve never ever been out this late, I mean the last time I was out this late, it was a New Years Eve party at my cousin's house”

“Well…” she started “and my parents were there!” her mouth opened... wide,

“What about prom? I mean you must’ve been out late then?” she questioned, I realised then how little she knew about me, unlike David or Lisa she had spent little to no time with me, she didn’t know about my family, she didn’t know about their controlling behaviour.

“Oh God, I’m never going to be allowed out again” I cry, I mean this is the last time my Grandad will ever defend me. Ever! I looked at the screen helplessly as Izzy groaned at the back in frustration, she pulled the covers back with a swish, her slippers padded softly across the room. “I’m making hot chocolate, call me when you’ve sorted it,” she said. I ogled at those small shorts that rode up her back. When she pulled her nighty down to cover her ass, her mouth opened and her arms elongated. She was the epitome of beauty and adorableness, I know it’s not a word but that’s how she looked in that moment.

 I looked at my phone again noticing the +259 in my row of numbers, great they ’d told Lilly, most likely woken her up. What a great idea!. I am so dead. Dead. I took a deep breath and wondered if Izzy would let me stay at hers if they kicked me out? No. Stop.  I didn't want any more negative thoughts. So I took another deep breath and clicked on the number, the phone rang for a millisecond before I heard the familiar warm voice through the device.

“Lizzie, Lizzie Where are you? It doesn’t matter are you ok? Are you safe” she interrogated me viciously non-stop but through the panic, I heard a calm but firm voice “Give me your address I’ll come to pick you up” I groaned what could I say to that? No sorry,  you can’t come pick me up. So instead I replied with;

“ It got late, and I was worried you were still angry at me so I decided to stay with the friend I went out with, she lives on her own and has a spare bedroom I borrowed. She was more than happy for me to stay” Ok so... I left a few things out, like that, I could’ve been home by 22:00 or that I wasn’t exactly using her spare bedroom or that she was far more than a friend. But what they didn’t know didn’t hurt them. Right?.

I twisted my broken nail, as I ripped it from my skin in impatience “ouch” I muttered. I heard a large sigh, it’s like It was replaying in my head; the way his palm covered his face in relief and frustration at the same time, I mean it’s not like I could really blame him. Finally, he managed out

“ I’m sorry I upset you, I know you think I coddle you too much but the last time I stopped well you know what happened, your Grandad’s really worried he blames himself for letting you go out on a Friday night.”

“Are. I sighed as I faltered “Are you angry” I asked him meekly

“No just relieved your safe. You are safe. Right, Lizzie? You arere not lying to me because you think I’ll get angry? I won’t I promise”

“ No, I’m not lying Dad, I promise” I hear my mum scoff in the background and my Dad’s quiet but firm “Taylor. Stop. Now is not the time”, the volume of his voice increased “When will you come back?” he sounded so worried, it broke my heart

“Tomorrow morning, first thing, promise” I said again hoping that the repetition would increase how much I meant it, my voice was becoming muffled with my fingers stuffed in my mouth “ok, just get some sleep, I’ll see you tomorrow.” he paused then quietly almost like a whisper murmured “Good night. Love you” click.

I gulped as my throat began to hurt and my eyes burn. Oh fuck. Not now for fuck's sake. I realised quickly I swore a lot when I was scared, almost like a reflex. So mesmerised in my conversation I hadn’t noticed Izzy leaning against the doorframe her hands nursing a purple mug of what I assumed was hot chocolate.

“So? What happened? Are you dead now? Are we in heaven or something?” she teased, her tone light but her eyes screaming Are you ok? You can speak to me. Although to be fair that may just be the English student in me.

“Yeah, not as bad as I originally thought, I’m going back tomorrow morning”

A mischievous smile played on her lips, her eyes roaming over me like a predator with her prey. “I wonder what we’ll do till then?”

“ I wonder…” her lips crashed onto mine as my hands gripped her waist like an anchor, keeping me steady against the storm, I moaned into the kiss allowing the waves of pleasure  wash over me the feeling of stability and certainty giving me the peace of mind I so desperately needed, forgetting my worries if not just for a little while.    

_________________________________________________________________________

I woke up with the steady beat of a catchy pop song filling my head, oh thank god I thought, not emo or rock music. I mean each to their own and everything but if I’m being honest having two friends obsessed with that depressing stuff was more than enough. Immediately two thoughts came to my mine 1) how was Lisa? It had been ages since I’d seen her, I smile as I elongate my short limbs she’d be so fucking proud of me right now.2) How fucking dead was I really? The sunlight flooded my eyes as I rushed to cover my poor light depraved eyes “ughh” I groaned

“How eloquent, what happened to the smart sophisticated women I went to bed with?” Her teasing tone growing louder as she pulled the covers off my cold, rigid body “ugghh” I repeated as I embraced my curled up figure “ too early, too much sunlight” I grunted out.

“Charming,” she said, the tap of heels moving further away. Wait a minute. Heels? I perked up, my head peeking above the quilt, my eyes watched her figure clear up and my pupils adjusted to the light. She stood still like a statue to be admired in a pencil skirt and maroon top, a black blazer, black stilettos and red bag accompanying her. “Why the fuck are you so dressed up? What’s the time? How late am I “ my pitch increased with each question as I stumbled out of bed tripping and tangling myself into the large quilt attempting to get free. finally after enough waving and tugging and grunting as I’m free from the quilt I trip and stagger into the hallway.

“Relax” she laughs “ I have an early morning meeting,  it’s only  06:00 am but I have to leave. Make yourself at home and if you want we can do something when we get back. Otherwise, just leave the key under the mat and I’ll call you later? Cheerio”

Cheerio. What? I shook my head aggressively trying to wake myself up.  I go to the bathroom to brush and wash and all that, my heart sinks as I realise the impending doom.  I mean, I could ’ve just not gone back, but all my shit was at home. Worst case scenario I can grab all of my crap and leave. If that’s what they want.

I drag my feet to the bedroom intentionally dressing as slowly as possible, I grab my car keys from the small heart-shaped tray at the front,  along with the spare keys as I went. I opened the front door and triple checked I had everything. Key check. Phone check. Handbag check.  I took a deep breath and placed the spare key under the mat as she said, then stuck my headphones in and headed for the small red car that would drive me to my doom.    

By Wallflower,

[singingwordwright]

Gorgeous cover art courtesy of @beyondthehunt Originally betaed by @roseglass with some final (eventual) copy-editing by @bonibaru

A Separate Peace (sequel to One Easy Answer) a Malec AU by @maleccrazedauthor

(Also on AO3)

Chapters: 5/28 Word Count: 104,900 Rating: Mature Premise: Arranged Marriage AU, Canon Divergent starting at Ep 1x12

(Please See Chapter List for Notes and Summary)

“Alexander?” Magnus stepped off the elevator outside the Institute’s infirmary just as Alec emerged from what must be Isabelle’s room. Alec’s head was bowed, his shoulders slumped, but he snapped upright the moment he heard Magnus’s voice, eyes glowing gratefully. Jace came out the door after him, but when he saw Magnus there, he patted Alec on the shoulder and murmured something about seeing him later before heading off down the corridor.

“Hey.” It took a couple very obvious tries before Alec managed to make himself smile. “I’m glad you could make it.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t come earlier.” Magnus glanced over at the sparse artwork on the walls of the hallway outside the infirmary, decorative sketches of various healing runes. “Dot is…not doing well. I was with her all day.”

“Are you able to help her any?” Alec asked.

“There’s only so much I can do. She’s…fading.” Magnus rubbed his fingers together, frowning. “Her magic is getting weaker, and with it, her physical strength. Even though we isolated the demon toxin that went into making Valentine’s mind-control serum, we haven’t found a way to stall or reverse the illness such constant exposure caused. At this point, Dorothea is mostly focused on…preparing herself.”

“I’m sorry.” Alec reached out, stroking his hands down Magnus’s shoulders and biceps. Magnus closed his eyes at the touch, trying to release the day’s frustration.

“I’ve known Dot for over a century,” he said, his voice unsteady. “Being immortal—and having immortal friends—naturally you assume they’ll be with you forever.”

One of Alec’s hands cupped Magnus’s jaw. “Valentine’s in custody now. He won’t take any more, I promise.”

There it was again, that deadly earnest eye contact only Alec Lightwood seemed to manage. If anyone had told Magnus a year ago that he’d meet a Shadowhunter—much less a Lightwood—capable of such absolute, unimpeachable sincerity, Magnus would have laughed in their face.

It made the knowledge of what he wasn’t telling Alec that much more burdensome.

“How’s Isabelle doing?” he asked abruptly.

Alec ran a hand through his hair, making it stand on end as he slumped against the wall. “Awful. It’s—it’s terrible, Magnus. I can’t believe she went through this by herself before.”

“Quite likely, it’s worse this time,” Magnus said gently, sliding a hand down Alec’s arm. “She’s adapted to no longer having the venom in her system, which sort of…amplifies the effect when she’s exposed again, especially getting a double dose like this. Alexander—” Magnus bit his lip and turned away, pacing a few steps down the corridor and then back. “You should be aware that from here on out, each time she’s exposed, the withdrawal is going to be more violent. And the more it happens, the more likely she is to hit the point of no return, where the venom withdrawal could kill her.”

“What?” Alec straightened abruptly. “What do you mean?”

“Yin fen addiction is a double-edged sword. The dependency that arises from short-term usage is bad enough. Long-term usage, particularly in larger doses, is toxic and eventually will kill the user—as will cessation of the drug.”

Alec’s face went pale, he fumbled to brace a hand against the wall, leaning forward like he’d been gut-punched.

Magnus began to pace again. “Now, some of that is the result of what the vampire venom is combined with to make yin fen; anyone who crafts it mixes it with a different potion or salve or powder to enhance or prolong the effects. Without those impurities, vampire venom is somewhat less toxic; hence the reason the Accords don’t outright prohibit vampires feeding in limited amounts from voluntary donors. But at this point, without knowing what ingredients went into the yin fen Isabelle originally used, we have no way of knowing how close she is to the threshold for toxicity or irreversible dependency.”

“I need to talk to Lydia, make sure Izzy doesn’t get assigned to any more vampire-related missions, no matter what.” Alec blew out a heavy breath, rubbing his jaw as he slumped against the wall again. “She’s gonna hate that sort of restriction. She’ll think I don’t trust her to do her job.”

“You’ll find a way to make her understand,” Magnus said warmly.

“Why didn’t we know this?” Alec demanded abruptly. “We hear about yin fen, growing up in Idris, or in the Institute, or during our training, but it’s—it’s all apocryphal, you know? There’s no real facts, just rumors about. It’s bad and how we need to avoid it. No explanation of what the consequences may be. Even Izzy, with all her training, didn’t really know.”

Magnus sighed. “Probably for the same reason you were forbidden to hear about the Circle until Valentine resurfaced,” he said, leaning on the wall with his shoulder pressed against Alec’s. “The Clave thinks burying mistakes will help keep the next generation from repeating them. Which is nonsense, of course. The repetition is the result of forgetting the lessons the past has to teach us. I’ve seen it happen century after century. Just look at what’s going on in mundane politics these days and you’ll see ample evidence of it even now.”

Alec responded with nothing more than a grunt. A moment of silence passed before he asked, “Is there anything you can do to help Izzy?”

“Aside from pain-relieving spells that won’t last very long—and I’m afraid I’m not able to stay by her side to keep renewing them for days on end—there’s not much. Right now she just needs to sweat it out. And I’m sorry, I know that sounds…callous and brutal, but—”

Alec hesitated, biting his lip. “There’s supposed to be this, um, this tincture. I don’t know what it’s made of, some rare root. Supposedly it’s made by some, uh, monastic group of warlocks…but I don’t know the Shadowhunter who suggested it, and I’ve never heard of the warlocks. I thought you all tended to function separately?”

“Ah.” Magnus paused, mulling over his next words. “I…may have heard of this group. It’s true we operate individually, so they’re unique in that regard. I won’t mention their name, because they tend to be secretive. I’m frankly astonished that your Shadowhunter knows.”

“He said they helped him overcome his yin fen addiction,” Alec muttered.

Magnus nodded slowly. “That’s possible. They do tend to specialize in healing and reversing the effects of dark magic. Catarina studied with them for a while, but she wasn’t willing to commit herself to the order. They may know remedies for yin fen withdrawal that the rest of us don’t.”

“So you think the tincture would be safe to use?” Alec asked, looking eager.

“If it came from them, then yes, it probably would be,” Magnus said after a thoughtful pause. “I don’t know how this Shadowhunter came across them, but these warlocks have a creed that proscribes doing harm, much like the Hippocratic oath mundane doctors used to take. Since, sadly, most yin fen is manufactured by warlocks, they would feel beholden to devise some sort of remedy for the damage it causes.”

“That’s good to know.” He pulled out his phone and looked down at it, then shoved it back in his pocket with a frustrated sigh. “It could still be hours before I can get this new guy vetted, and in the meantime Izzy’s suffering. Even unconscious with a somno rune, it’s obvious she’s in pain.”

Magnus grabbed Alec’s hand between both of his own. “Wait until you have confirmation. A dubious potion from unknown sources is the last thing Isabelle needs. Now, do you need to go patrol?”

“Soon.” Alec offered him a crooked smile. “But first, we decided we’d try to have dinner together most evenings, didn’t we?”

Warmth surged in Magnus’s chest. “We did indeed. Is there somewhere particular you feel like dining tonight?”

Alec pushed himself away from the wall and extended his hand to Magnus. “Yeah. My room.”

Magnus laughed, slipping his hand in Alec’s. “By all means, lead the way.”

The door to Alec’s room had scarcely closed behind them before Alec’s hand was at the back of Magnus’s neck, pulling him into a deep, urgent kiss.

“I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you all day,” Alec confessed when they came up for air, foreheads pressed together and breathing ragged. “It’s crazy, Magnus. I’ll be in the middle of something completely ordinary, filling out a report or—or whatever, and suddenly I realize I’ve been staring at the wall for ten minutes, imagining I’m with you again.”

The admission flowed from Alec without reserve or shame, so freely it took Magnus’s breath away. No attempt at machismo or stoicism whatsoever. Rather, Alec offered the words with a sense of wonder behind them; as though the feelings he shared were an unexpected treasure he never imagined he’d be able to claim.

“Is it just me?” Alec panted, trembling fingers cupping Magnus’s face as though he held something precious. Emotion swelled in Magnus’s chest until there was scarcely room for his lungs to fill, and he couldn’t help but respond with equal openness.

“No, definitely not.” Magnus ducked his head. “I, um, may have messed up a potion today because my mind wandered,” he murmured.

Alec’s breath puffed against Magnus’s cheek as he chuckled. “Twenty-four hours wasn’t long enough.”

“Not nearly,” Magnus agreed, pulling him back in for another kiss as Alec started tugging Magnus’s shirt out of his waistband.

They staggered across the room together, tripping over themselves in their haste to get rid of their clothing. Alec fell back on the bed and stared up at Magnus, his eyes full of amazement. “Is this how it always is?”

“Not even close,” Magnus said with absolute conviction, sliding his fingers into Alec’s hair.

“I mean, I really wouldn’t know,” Alec said, an edge of uncertainty creeping into his tone. “I’ve never—never felt this way.”

Magnus swallowed hard, feeling suddenly naked in a far more metaphorical sense. He wasn’t sure if it was bravery or naïveté that allowed Alec to bare his feelings with so little reserve, but Magnus wasn’t sure much more of this wouldn’t flay him alive. “Neither have I.”

Alec’s brow furrowed. “What? But you—”

Magnus cut that sentence off with another kiss. “Not like this,” he vowed against Alec’s mouth, then made sure he was too busy to speak again.

By the time they were finished, there was no possible way they could manage a full meal before Alec had to leave. Magnus conjured a plate of fruit and cheese and they ate in bed, popping bites into their mouths as they enjoyed their final few moments before duty would call Alec away.

“Do you need to get home tonight?” Alec asked, chewing slowly on a bite of melon. His lips glistened with juice and it was all Magnus could do to restrain himself from cleaning it off with his tongue. “Late night client meetings, summonings, potions that need supervision, any of that?”

“Not tonight,” Magnus said, stifling a yawn. “I had actually intended to offer to patrol with you, but helping Dorothea today depleted my magic enough that I’ll be better off resting.”

“Would you mind staying here?” The request came almost abruptly, the words rushed as though Alec had to force himself to ask even though he wasn’t certain how they’d be received. “I mean, I can understand if you’re not comfortable staying in the Institute. I just—I don’t want to be too far from Izzy until she’s doing better. But I still want to be with you.”

This Shadowhunter Magnus had married was going to be the death of him. With his heart trying to melt and trickle down his ribcage, Magnus made himself answer lightly, “I have no objections, assuming I’m not going to be unceremoniously evicted in the middle of the night by order of the Clave.”

“No, definitely not. Lydia is running operations now as my deputy and any orders from the Clave will get passed through by her when I’m out, and she’s not going to evict my…husband.” Alec closed his eyes, his lips twitching into a lopsided smile. “That still feels a little strange to say.”

“It does.” Magnus was far too mesmerized by the sweep of Alec’s lashes as his eyes fluttered open again. “It’s…not a title I ever imagined I’d be able to claim, frankly. For anyone, ever.”

“Why?” Alec asked, his smile morphing into a bemused frown. Another piece of Magnus’s heart detached itself and worked its way over to Alec for that innocent confusion, even while Magnus wondered why he couldn’t have married a Shadowhunter whose idea of pillowtalk didn’t involve examining Magnus’s soul with a scalpel and microscope.

“I suppose it varied. Not that the subject came up, really. I had mortal partners I was with for years—decades even. But most of them eventually moved on. The immortality issue was too much for them to handle, or I was too much for them to handle, or they wanted children I’d never be able to produce, or—I don’t know. Proposing to you was—”

“Something that only happened because of extraordinary circumstances.”

“I don’t regret it.”

“Me either.” Alec slipped his fingers through Magnus’s, squeezing gently. Then he took up Magnus’s hand, studying the Lightwood family ring still resting on his finger. “Shadowhunter tradition says you’re only supposed to wear this until the wedding. But usually it’s replaced by runes, and we can’t do that. All your rings are silver. Would you wear gold, if I gave it to you?”

“I’d wear anything you gave to me,” Magnus said, though he had to force the air past his vocal cords from a chest too tight to breathe properly. “Well, except acid-washed jeans. Beyond that, anything is on the table. Necklaces, rings, lingerie, fishnets, even flannel and hiking boots—though I’d probably grumble about the boots.”

Alec grinned and leaned in for an all-to-brief kiss. “You’re lucky I don’t have a fishnets fetish,” he murmured, and slipped out of bed.

“I’m sure I could fix that.” Magnus got rid of the fruit plate with an indolent wave of his hand and curled into the pillows, yawning. “I’ll just rest here until you get back.”

“Is it alright if I let the medic on duty in the infirmary know to call you if Izzy’s pain gets too bad?” he asked over his shoulder as he pulled on his boxer briefs and jeans.

“Of course.”

“Thank you.” Alec shrugged into his shirt, then picked up his hastily-discarded thigh holster from the bedside table. He rummaged around in one of the drawers pushing aside a stele and various papers until he found whatever he was looking for.

“Broken stele?” Magnus asked casually, adjusting his earcuff.

“Hm? Oh, no.” Alec smiled softly, picking it up and then setting it down again. “It’s a child-sized one, made a little sturdier to withstand being dropped. I used it when I first started training. After I hit my growth spurts, I got a larger one that fit my hand better. Max used this for a while, too, but then he got his own.” He closed the drawer, leaning over Magnus for another kiss. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

An impatient rap sounded at the door and Alec sighed. “That’ll be Jace.”

“At least he had the decency to wait until we were done,” Magnus grumbled. “Go do your job, Shadowhunter. I’ll be here.”

Alec stole another swift kiss, then strode for the door, closing it swiftly behind him. Magnus heard Jace remark loudly that Alec smelled like Magnus’s cologne, but their voices faded away before he could catch the retort.

Magnus lay there a long moment, a heavy feeling in his chest as he debated with himself. Finally, the memory of the dark veins snaking across Dot’s lovely face, and the weakness that continued to plague her and wear her down, won out.

Sighing, he reached for the drawer.

On to Chapter 6!

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