#(I've emotionally hurt myself thinking about this topic with my fire child)

[cxruscare]

fallingdarknesswarrior replied to your post “I never asked Lady Ophanimon this… but when I Spirit Evolve can I...”

"But we don't turn into normal digimon."

“I know we don’t turn into normal Digimon. But we still are Digimon which is why I asked the question.”

[voidistooshortforausername]

Dear Void,

I'm 99% sure that that post about someone wishing you something on women's day is a joke, but my anxiety wants me to speak up just in case...

Please don't... This sounds dumb, but I really love you and your blog. Like, I love seeing your posts and smiling because of them. I've come to really look forward to seeing your posts cause they're like an instant serotonin boost. And I know that sounds really selfish, that me asking you not to do the sewerslide is because you make me smile... But I can't help it. I dunno, I've always had this fear of seeing something like that on a blog that I really enjoy and care about, only for them to never post or be active again.

Of course you have other reasons not to sewerslide. It may not seem like it but you are loved! And things'll get better. It doesn't seem like it, but it does. Even if it's only in small ways. And if none of that works, give yourself a reason. Like, I set random little "milestones" for myself. My current one is "I can't sewerslide until I do a full cosplay." It helps to do that for some reason. And once I finish that, I make a new, small little goal like that. Something that can be done within a month or less, cause otherwise it's too daunting and I feel worse about it.

I got off topic, I'm sorry. Just... please don't hurt yourself? You have a lot to live for.

And if it was a joke, I'm sorry for kinda... ruining it... I just want you to know that we care.

Your Friend,

Arson 🔥💙

P.S. I know the letter form is weird, especially for an ask, but I thought it'd be fun... 🤷😅

hello arson,

i am not sure how to react.  it’s mostly a joke but also not really? i will give you a little tl;dr before i actually start talking and you know how much i love just ranting.

i emotionally feel really bad due to (some of) my friends not understanding the fact that i’m trans. i should have made it more clear in the post itself/the tags that i wasn’t being entirely serious. i am sorry for causing you anxiety.

i’m not sure how to explain but i will try.

my friends are p much kinda shitty about this. not all of them, i would even say most of them aren’t, but there are some people that i have to interact with because i work with them/go to uni with them who-- know about this stuff but choose to ignore it. and no matter how much i explain this to them, they still do this shit bc “well show me some documents that prove that you aren’t a girl and i will stop calling you a girl” (it’s not a direct quote but a friend literally told me that he won’t refer to me by the nickname i use as my name - my deadname is as feminine as they get - until i get it changed/physically transition while also telling me that i should be happy with my body bc no one will want me if i transition). and it makes my dysphoria skyrocket; i’m usually way more physically dysphoric than socially dysphoric but this shit? it just makes me want to die. it makes me feel so alone despite the fact that i know that most of my friends aren’t like this. i don’t know why, i just can’t stop feeling this way; it’s probably because the people who act like this towards me are the people i have to interact with the most. but hey - i will probably graduate in a few month, i will move out, i won’t have to interact with them anymore. maybe it will get better, at least when it comes to this. 

i hope this kinda-- explains why i said what i said in that post?

(also i don’t know why i’m typing this out, okay?)

when it comes to the “giving yourself a reason” thing-- would you believe if i told you that i did it years ago and set the goal for “staying alive until supernatural ends”? i was that cringe child who would do that but now-- i have cosplays to finish too, and i should really work on my thesis - i have experiments to do and stuff. 

and when it comes to me not hurting myself - i’m working on it. it doesn’t seem possible and i spend a lot of time thinking about relapsing bc sometimes i miss just setting my sleeves on fire and bleeding through shirts at school. but i’m also really trying not to do that, but all i can tell you is “shit’s fucked” to be honest. i’m about-- i was always bad at keeping track, 3 days clean?

i almost forgot - i’m really glad you enjoy my bullshit since pretty much all i do is playing games/screaming about games, being gay for fictional milves, loving my partner, and being uninteresting. 

thank you so much for-- i am not sure how to say it. i really appreciate your concern. thank you so much for messaging me.

your friend,

void

p.s. i really like the letter form, don’t worry :)))