#(I'm not like Offended- I have no grounds to be; I'm not Irish)

[marzipanandminutiae]

why are you determined to make this joke work sir

middle-aged male tourist at the museum, during a discussion about the cafe nearby and how I recommend their hot chocolate: what's your last name?

me, thinking he's having trouble reading my name tag: oh, it's Surname

him: is that Irish?

me: well, it can be short for Longer Irish Name Containing Surname, but for my family it's English from-

him: if you were Irish, we'd know what was in that hot chocolate! haha! ;)

me: ...ah. well, I have to go relieve my colleague upstairs now, so enjoy the rest of your day!

him, still in tones of high jocularity: what about your boss? I bet he's Irish! what's his last name?

me: ooookay have a nice day bye!

[greypetrel]

'also ask me about Doris the Rage Demon' cit

Sooo 👁️👄👁️ now I'm curious?

Hello! 💜✨

GLAD YOU ASKED.

Doris is a lovely Rage Demon who just wants a family of her own and lives in the stove. Please picture her speaking with the exact voice of Doris Day. Fic under the cut! (the title is an attempt at Genitive form. I tried studying Irish with failing results, if you read it and notice a mistake please let me know!)

Bean Chullen

BOOM.

It came from the kitchen, just after a quick spike of mana, and it made him jump on the armchair he was sitting on. The house wasn’t so big -or at least, it was a big complex, but most of it was still under a work in progress of renovations and repairing, the inhabitable part itself, by now, wasn’t so big. Nor they needed much more except from the spare bedroom Aisling insisted having, and keeping always ready should someone came by. He should have heard if someone had made it through the dutch door in the kitchen, Cullen Rutherford, ex Templar, ex Commander of the Army of the Inquisition, thought, old paranoia quickly building up while he jumped over, caught a spare sword he kept by the door -just in case- and strode to the kitchen. He should have heard footsteps, the hinges of that door always complained noisily… Yet…

He opened the door abruptly, guard held high and ready for the worse, just to be met with a lot of black smoke fuming out of the oven, and the green eyes of his wife, crouched down on the ground with her hand around her head, glaring with pure scorn towards the unhinged, crumpled door on the front of the stove.

It didn’t take long to guess that what had just happened had been but the latest battle in the ongoing war between former Inquisitor Aisling Lavellan and the “Stupid human stove” as she called it.

“Are you fine?”

“Yes. But your evil contraption is cursed.”

She declared, voice as scornful and offended as her face was, raising up from her curled up position on the floor just to stride angrily at the window to open it. He did the same with the door, abandoning the sword against the wall -he knew she didn’t want it on the table- and opening the top half. The hinges whined noisily, putting him at ease that yes, any intruder who tried to sneak in through the back garden wouldn’t be able to enter unannounced. Checked that, he kept on, trying to follow Aisling’s logic in a particularly out of the box line.

“I don’t feel anything from the oven, what kind of curse it is?”

“Good, that must be lyrium effects being finally over. I guess there’s a Rage Demon inhabiting the thing.”

He stopped mid-motion, an empty tray in his hand he wanted to use to sweep out some of the smoke staying perfectly still as the ex Commander looked at the ex Inquisitor. Wife who was as serious as in any war council preparing big operation and reporting this and that activity of enemies, crazy mages, bandits, demons and so on and so forth.

“Really.” He asked, perplexed.

“Yes, it’s the only possible explanation. A Rage Demon. They’re in love with you, moreover.”

“That’s very unfortunate, I happen to be married.”

She kept on grumbling, her cheek getting a little pinker at the remainder, snatching a towel from the back of a chair and waving it through the smoke, trying to make It flow out the window quicker. He chuckled, finding it adorable as he helped her, doing the same with the tray.

“That’s the point. They’re obviously communicating their hate for me. They’re very jealous and are trying to get rid of me. Like in that song with Páidín and his wife. That’s why I can’t make the damned thing work.”

She explained, as it was the most obvious thing in the whole world. He knew she was frustrated at herself, it didn’t mind how many times he told her he didn’t mind doing the cooking, she wouldn’t just let it go without a fight. She quickly got a couple of basics of the stovetop, but the oven and baking failed her completely, too used to cooking on campfires and limiting her skill to very basic survival.

He tried not to laugh when, satisfied with the smoke being partially cleared out of the kitchen, she rolled the towel around her hand and slipped it in the oven, to retrieve a baking tray full of… What looked like very flat coals, so black they looked almost blue and still faintly fuming. He wanted to assume they were cookies, but with her professed love for orlesian tiny cakes, he couldn’t really say. He had a grasp of what really happened, but had to ask.

“So, the Demon made the oven explode?”

A moment of silence. The tray with the maybe-cookies, maybe-cakes, was carefully placed on the table in the centre of the room. She looked down at its content, taking her time to answer.

“Love?”

He coaxed her, getting closer and leaning on the table, just beside her. She scoffed.

“… You said it would have taken but few minutes to bake cookies. Well, it didn’t, when I checked they were still raw, so I used magic to speed it up.”

Another moment of silence. He tried, he really did, to rein himself in, be as stoic and composed as years of Chantry training taught him, remember every Chantry Mother who scoffed or scolded him to keep a straight face and perfect posture. But he wasn’t a Templar anymore. Hadn’t been for enough to succeed.  He started to laugh. And couldn’t bring himself to stop.

She blushed till the pointed tip of her years, now directing her best scolding glare at him.

“It- It wasn’t supposed to explode! I just wanted to raise the temperature!”

He couldn’t reply, tears coming to his eyes and cheeks starting to ache. She stomped her feet, blabbered something in Elvhen he didn’t grasp fully -something something cursed shemlen devices something- in that tone of voice he knew wasn’t offense but embarrassment, and marched to the door.

“W-wait, where are you going?”

“Building a fucking campfire that makes any sense! You and Doris figure it out by yourselves!”

“Doris the Demon?”

“Yes, she’s a good demon, she wants to start a family and likes the colour pink, she’s great at cooking. But she doesn't share, so I have to go. You two have fun, I’m building a fire-pit.”

And so, in the next days of renovations and works around the farm, they built a fire-pit that Aisling deemed of a decent enough size for any medium elven clan, lined it in stones and added some benches around it. Even Sera, when she stopped laughing her ass out at the explanation that there was a demon living in the stove now and courting Cullen, decided it wasn’t half a bad idea to have some safe place for bonfires. Dagna was granted to use it for experiments, and everyone was happy.

Doris was allowed to stay in the family, provided she behaved. And she did, as Aisling never again tried to bake unattended after the door of the oven was repaired.

[vostok3-ka]

For the tag game, I have to immediately go for Killashandra because it just sticks out so much. What happened in Ireland, Aisha???

Ahhh my favourite WIP! Thank you so much for the ask Max! I love this work so much, I'm so in love with the concept and idea and vibe and playlists and everything and yet- I have only written two google docs pages for it... This fic is about Steve and Bucky's Irish history and their relationship with the Irish revolution and the troubles, and the Irish mob in NYC. It is supposed to be really Irish-based, and explores the Soldier's involvement with the Troubles in Ireland. This one is fairly new, and I am so excited to work on it (after my exams, crying shaking sobbing) Here is a little snippet:

Gentle flowers rolled across the hills, blanketing the little country road with their sweet smell. A carriage, horse-drawn, held together with haphazard pieces of nailed-in wood, creaked and groaned its way along the path, large stallion bobbing his head as if in tandem to the noise. "We're almost there," the driver yelled over the racket, tilting his head backward slightly, addressing the man huddled between the bales of hay the back. "Thank you," the man muttered and hunched deeper into his jacket. His face was flushed a gentle rose, dark hair barely reaching the tips of his ears, and he bore the expression of a person who wanted nothing more than to be somewhere else. Beside him, to his left and close to the back of the carriage, was a large bag, wedged in between two particularly sturdy bales of hay. Loose straps, clearly made to be fitted around a torso or shoulders, fluttered in the breeze, buckles clicking against each other on the occasions they met. Sighing deeply the man let his head fall back onto some hay, squinting up at the bright sky. It was shockingly clear, with not a single cloud to be seen, and the sun smiled cheerfully down at his inquiring face. He raised an arm, and threw it over his eyes, blocking out the brightness. Next thing he registered was the chattering sound of a young girl, as well the lack of rolling wheels and clobbering hooves. Something banged against the side of the carriage across him and he shot into a sitting position, left hand making an whirring noise. He shoved it beneath his jacket across his torso, and glared at the offending source. A bright eyed girl, no older than twenty, laughed at his expression, before directing her gaze at the driver. "Where'd you find this one?" "Picked him up somewhere between here and there." "That doesn't answer my question," she whined. Hopping down from his seat, the driver clapped his horse on the back. The animal huffed, and the girl turned back to the man in the back. "What's your name?" "Slavik" "No last name?" "Morozov." The answer was curt, and Morozov stood up in the back of the carriage, tugging his bag free and slinging one of the loose straps over his shoulder so that the entire thing hung down at his hip. He slung a leg over the side, and leapt down in one smooth motion. The ground felt oddly still beneath his feet, and he swayed slightly. The girl laughed again, and he shot her an annoyed look. "Not used to carriages?" "No." The driver watched them with an amused smile. "Eh, Morozov," he grinned. "You'll get used to them soon enough living here." Morozov's face twitched at the mention of the word "living" and he peered around him. They were in what looked like a farm's courtyard a way away from the rest of the little town. Behind them, a farmhouse with an astonishingly large chimney cast shadows over the courtyard. A barn stood a little distance out, along with some other scattered buildings that disappeared behind the farmhouse. "He's going to live here?" the girl asked, surprise coloring her voice. "No." "Down in town," the driver clarified as he went round to the front of his horse, gripping the reins he had thrown forward.

Thank you so much for the ask and have a lovely day!!!

[kahran042]

Adrian's Adventures in Time!

Lately, I've been wondering what one of my OCs would do if they were chosen to take the place of the protagonist in Pepper's Adventures in Time, so I decided to go with Adrian "The Anti-Fraggle" Bernhardt because I can't imagine any of my OCs who's less like Pepper, but still has a beloved pet. I hope I didn't make him too unlikable here, but considering who he's interacting with… at any rate, enjoy, and let me know what you think!

Adrian: Uh-oh. Liberty Bell? Hare Krishnas? This looks familiar. I'm… trapped in Pepper's Adventures in Time, perhaps one of the worst edutainment products ever released! NOOOOO! Narrator: Out of curiosity, how do you know about Pepper's Adventures in Time? Adrian: Mom got it for Kiera when she was nine. She didn't like it, either, and we made fun of it together once.

Narrator: FALSE. No way! These guys are totally un-colonial. The Hare Krishnas, a cult stressing devotion to the Hindu god Krishna, first appeared in the United States in 1966, and they DIDN'T crack the Liberty Bell. The Liberty Bell was actually cracked at the foundry or forge. Adrian: No, it wasn't. They wouldn't have let a cracked or broken bell out of the forge. The Liberty Bell was forged by abolitionists to be rung whenever a slave was freed, but because said abolitionists were almost as cynical as yours truly, it was made of substandard materials, and it was cracked by its own clapper while being rung sometime in the early 19th century. Narrator: Well, excuse me, Professor Know-It-All. By the way, that was a demonstration of the Truth Icon. Use it often! Now back to Pep--er, Adrian's Adventures in Time…

Poor Richard: Prithee, lass--my, but thy clothing is odd! Oh, I am rude. I do not mean to offend, stranger. Prithee, have mercy! Adrian: Okay, you have to be one of the ugliest people I've ever seen. And I'm not a lass. Poor Richard: I have commited no crime, lass, and my name's not O'Kay. My ancestry is English, not Irish. Poor Richard, at thy service. Adrian: If you haven't commited a crime, then why are you in the stocks? Poor Richard: Well, 'tis a long story, but I am at thy mercy. You see, something awful has happened to Benjamin Franklin. He once led the people of our fair city to be wise and good and frugal. Now he gives them ridiculous, silly advice, and they follow like a flock of sheep! Adrian: If you ask me, it's what they deserve for never learning to think for themselves. Poor Richard: Foolishness and frivolity rule our once fair colony, thanks to Ben! Adrian: Ben probably isn't totally innocent, but like I said, if the colonists weren't so stupid, none of this would have happened. Poor Richard: For pointing out their folly, my friends and neighbors have clapped me into these stocks. Please, lass, I need thy help most desperately! Adrian: For the third time, I'm a lad, not a lass. And why should I let you out? You could be lying about being innocent. Poor Richard: But thou must! Adrian: Well, maybe I just don't feel like it. Poor Richard: But thou must! Adrian: This is starting to seem familiar. Poor Richard: But thou must! Adrian: … Poor Richard: But thou must! Adrian: … Poor Richard: But thou must! Adrian: …FINE. I'll let you out. does so

Narrator: It's Terra! Twenty-two ounces of musteline attitude, and LOTS of teeth!

Watchman: Here now! I saw what you did! You let that criminal go! Adrian: To be fair, he wore me down with incessant "but thou must"-ing. Terra: starts sniffing the watchman's feet Watchman: I'm the King's own watchman, I am, and you're under arrest! Adrian: For what? For tampering with the King's justice, for outlandish dress, and--HEY! Yer a girl, are ye not?!? Adrian: Trust me, you're not the first person to make that mistake. Watchman: Ye can't fool me, you're a girl! You're also charged with wearing trousers in public! C'mere, you! Let's just empty those pockets! Watchman: tries to grab Adrian Adrian: dodges the grab, then throws the watchman to the ground with a swift nagewaza Narrator: Adrian wins. Flawless victory. Adrian picks up Terra, who is sniffing at the unconscious watchman Adrian: And now we just need to find some way back to our own time. C'mon, girl. Wait, what's that!? A carriage pulls up, and Adrian hides in a nearby alleyway. Suddenly, a cat appears out of nowhere, and Terra leaps out of Adrian's arms and starts doing the weasel war dance Adrian: Terra! NO! Terra bumps her head on the side of the carriage and faints Pugh: Oh, bother, what is it now? Some snot-nosed colonial brat, I suppose. I just had these wheels polished, you know. Percy: It appears to be some sort of cat…snake…thing, General Pugh, sir. Ima: A kitty! Oooooh! The watchman enters Watchman: 'Ay! Has anyone seen a strangely clad young girl about? She's a felon, and that rat-like creature over there is her accomplice! Adrian (thinking): Wait. Didn't I just kick that guy's ass? Percy: Well that hardly matters, does it, you malodorous fellow. That cat snake is dead. Watchman: It is not! It's just stunned, it is! Percy: See here now, man, that creature is stiff as a board! Watchman: That creature was stiff before it ever hit your carriage! See there, he's looking at you! Hello, whatever kind of creature you are! Percy: It is NOT looking at me because it CAN'T look at me! That cat snake has perished! It is deceased! Defunct! It is an EX-CAT SNAKE! Adrian (thinking): Judging by their desecration of a classic comedy routine, I'm assuming that these are the bad guys. Hope Terra's all right. Terra gets up Watchman: See! I told you! I told you! Percy: Oh, why don't you just shut your gob and find this mysterious girl, you fatwit! Watchman: Yes, sir! Right away, sir!

Adrian: Why hasn't anyone done anything about that bastard General Pugh? Quibble: Because everyone in this town is a spineless coward, that's why. Have you ever seen more worthless men in your life? Victor: Who asked you, toots? Anyway, there WERE some people who wanted to get rid of him. Especially Ben Franklin! But when he changed his mind and said "Everybody do your own thing", I guess we all changed our minds, too. Quibble: That would be a nice theory, dear, if you had a mind to change. Adrian: Hey, you stole my line! At any rate, you aren't doing your own thing. You're still marching in lockstep with Ben. Victor: Zip it, babe. Quibble: In your dreams, weasel boy. Adrian: What's with all your weasel-bashing? If Terra were here, I'm sure that she would be deeply offended.

Adrian: What's your name? Quibble: I'm Quibble Quabble, and this thing is the love of my life, Vicar Victor Bicker. Adrian: I'm sorry to hear that. Your parents must have really hated you… both of you, actually. Victor: I can speak for myself, dearest. Quibble: Put a cork in it, dearest. Adrian (thinking): Yeah, yeah. Just fuck and make up, already.

Adrian: What's up with Ben Franklin? I've heard that he might be disturbed. Quibble: Oh, Ben's not disturbed! He's really cool. He's the one who taught us to, you know, let all your feelings out. Adrian: …Because Ben would normally support repressing one's emotions? Victor: "Ben"? "Cool"? You like him, don't you, Quibby! You have a crush on Ben Franklin! I knew it. I just knew it! Quibble: Helloo! Why don't you come and live in this world with us, Victor? Ben is married! Geez. Adrian: Never stopped Ben.

Adrian: Why hasn't anyone done anything about the Pughs? Quibble: Hey, they're a pain and all, but most of us have our own problems. We don't have time to save the world from British generals, you dig? Victor: What, you're too busy doing your nails? You have no sense of social injustice, Quibby. Quibble: Oh, go tell it to the chickens in the henhouse, weasel-boy! Adrian: Seriously, at least TRY to come up with some new insults.

Narrator: TRUE. Most colonial women sewed clothes for themselves and their families, but upper-class women often had their sewing done elsewhere. They had really important things to do, like painting china and learning to dance. Adrian: But would a colonial shop really be called "Ye Olde Sew and Sew"?

Narrator: TRUE and FALSE. Colonial bakeries certainly had signs, but they didn't have names like "Ye Olde Sprouts and Rice". The concept of health food wasn't around yet. Adrian: So, you'll point out the anachronism of a health food store in 1764, but not the inherent anachronism of a store in olden times being called "Ye Olde Whatever"? Narrator: Come to think of it, that's actually a wicked good point. Adrian: Thanks. Wait a minute. What do you mean, "actually"?

Tattle: Hello? Oh, 'tis a fine young girl. Can I help you, lass? Adrian: Where do I start? I'm lost in time, the Pughs stole my ferret, everyone seems to think that I'm a girl, and I don't know what to do. Tattle: Now, just relax, lassie. My name is Tattle Taleteller, and I know everything about everyone! Just tell me what you want to know! Adrian: I said this to that other lady, too, but your parents must have really hated you, even more than mine hate me. Also, I am not a "lassie". I'm 100% man, despite my androgynous charm.

Adrian: Have the Pughs always been like this? Tattle: Oh, yes! When old Hugh Pugh I was here, things were even worse. I guess we're just lucky that Hugh Pugh II spends so much time powdering his wig instead of making us miserable! Adrian (thinking): That has got to be an innuendo. Wait, did they even have innuendos in colonial times? No, they must have had them. After all, Shakespeare used them.

Adrian: Ima Pugh stole my ferret! Have you heard anything about that? Tattle: What's a ferret? Adrian: It's pretty much hamster hardware running cat software. Tattle: Oh, that's right. I heard just a little while ago that the Pughs got a new pet. I'm so sorry, little girl! You'll forget about him, in time. Adrian: In case you haven't noticed, I'm not a girl. And my ferret isn't a "him", for that matter. At any rate, I can't just forget her. She's one of the four things I love. Tattle: Oh, didn't you know? Animals who go into Penn Mansion NEVER come out, dearie. At least not…the same way.

Adrian: What can you tell me about Ben Franklin? Tattle: Ben is perfectly fine. After all, he did give us the excellent Doctrine of Personal Mellowness and all. But that's not the whole story, no ma'am! I heard that Ben and his wife Deborah are having problems! Yes ma'am, she's always leaving the house to go somewhere! SOME people say she's seeing another man. Adrian: Hey, what's a relationship without a bit of mutual adultery? Tattle: SOME people say it's that Poor Richard! Adrian: Poor Richard? Having sex? With another human being? Right, and I'm Matthias Corvinus, King of Hungary and Croatia.

Narrator: TRUE. A colonial bakery might have been run by a woman. It didn't happen that often, but it wasn't unheard of. Adrian: Yes, but that's not a woman. It's some sort of anthropomorphic pig creature.

Adrian: Can you help me? Goody: Certainly, child! What do you need? Some soy flour? Some tofu? A nice cabbage cookie, perhaps? Adrian: No, thank you. shudders Goody: Well, you don't seem to be affected by the mass lunacy that's plagued this colony! I believe you actually shuddered at the mention of tofu! Adrian: It was the cabbage cookies that made me shudder. Honestly, I kind of… like tofu if it's cooked right. I'm guessing you haven't been affected by this "mass lunacy" either, then? Goody: No, thank heavens. Nice to meet you. I'm Goody Gumdrops, and I own this once fine establishment. If there's anything I can do for you, let me know. Adrian (thinking): And that's three! Three women in this town with unbelievably stupid names! At least this one seems nice enough.

Adrian: Is it true that Ben Franklin is responsible for the weirdness going on here? Goody: It is! He came into town dressed like a fool, all covered in beads. Then he started passing out his foolish Doctrine of Personal Mellowness. Adrian: Hey! Don't insult fools. That's the freakin' 0th Major Arcana of the Tarot you're talking about. Goody: My friends and neighbors BELIEVED it! Before I knew it, they were ALL dressed like Ben! Adrian: Has it occurred to you that your friends and neighbors might be mindless sheeple who can't think for themselves? Goody: Then they started talking strangely. Everything was "Groovy". And it gets worse! They all stopped working, and developed bad habits almost instantly! Now they're all as worthless as a bunch of lame oxen! Adrian: Sounds like it's butchering time. Goody: You seem like a sensible lass. You should go to Ben's house and try to talk him out of this foolishness. May you have more luck than I did. Adrian: I'm not a lass. And wouldn't it be a better idea to teach these idiots to actually think instead of just blindly following what Ben tells them?

Adrian: Was this always a health-food store? Goody: Heavens, no! You could get anything you wanted here, from strawberry tea cakes, to airy cream puffs, to chocolate bonbons! Adrian: Anything except healthy food, apparently. realizes he's drooling, wipes his mouth Goody: When the town went mad, they stopped eating sugar! All they wanted was tofu and brown rice! They BURNED my bonbon recipe! Adrian: Yeah, totally sounds like the "let it be" attitude of the hippie movement. These are clearly not normal hippies. They're poorly-written strawman hippies created with the express purpose of initiating a tedious fetch quest! Goody: They even made me change the name of my store from "Goody's Delectable Delights" to "Ye Olde Sprouts and Rice". HMMPH! Adrian: Both of those names sound pretty anachronistic, if you ask me. Goody: I can't even get chocolate anymore. Oh, how I miss the smell of baking chocolate! Adrian: By "baking chocolate", do you mean chocolate made for baking or chocolate that's being baked?

Narrator: A swarm of pesky flies are buzzing around Goody's shop. Adrian: Shouldn't that be "A swarm of pesky flies IS buzzing around Goody's shop"? And isn't "pesky flies" redundant?

Adrian: Did you say you were a gamer? Roland: Indeed I am, lass! My name's Roland Bettmuch, and games are my life. Interested in a game of chance, or a game of skill? Poker, perhaps? Adrian: You do know that poker won't be invented until 1829, right? And I'm not a lass. Roland: Oh, drat. Those uncool Pughs took my deck of cards. Darts? No, they took those too. Let's see, what do I have… Jacks? No. Chess? No. Checkers? No. Horsehoes? No… Hey, I know, do you have a horse? Adrian: No, but-- Roland: Total bummer! My aura is turning dark! Adrian (thinking): ♪ Without your light, and I will sing no requiem tonight. ♪ Roland: Oh, wait, I know. We'll play marbles. I've got them right here… Adrian: This had better not be going where I think it's going. Roland: AAAAAH! I'VE… Adrian: Finish that sentence, and you'll regret it. Roland: If you find them, let me know, okay? Later, Cosmic Cat.

Adrian: Here are your stupid marbles. That will be one shilling, please. Roland: Ha ha ha! You are a little sharpie, aren't you, kid! Tell you what. You give me the marbles, and I'll teach you to gamble with the best of 'em. Adrian: No. No money, no marbles. Roland: MONEY?!? But kid, where's the sport in that? Where's the action? Where's the thrill of the Game? Don't you have the Game in your heart? Adrian: Yes. My games are Magic: The Gathering and Super Smash Bros. I need a shilling to get back to a time when those games exist. Now hand it over. Roland: Oh, all right. Here's a shilling. It's all I have, you little robber. Adrian: Thanks. Roland: Oh, go fly a kite. flicks a shilling to Adrian, who catches it Adrian: Way to get crap past the radar! I hate to say it, but thumbs up.

Adrian (thinking): Wow, and I thought that baker lady was fat. Lee: Yes? (Chomp munch) What can I do for you, lass? (Belch!) Would you perhaps like to groove on a nice leg of lamb? (Urp) Adrian: No, thanks. I'm not really hungry, and I'm not a lass. What I'd-- Lee: WHAT?!? Not HUNGRY? (Whuff!) Good grief, girl, how can you not be HUNGRY? I'm hungry all the time. Adrian: Like I said, I'm not a girl, and I'm too sad to eat. My ferret has been kidnapped. Lee: Hmmph! I never understood the point of having a pet. They just eat all your food, and they never bring you more. (Ack) But I suppose you are upset. Poor lass. Adrian: For the third time, I'm a guy. And you could help me by answering a few questions… Lee: Oh, certainly! (Belch!) By the way, my name is General Lee Stuffed, retired from His Majesty's Royal Army. So what do you want to know about, lass? Adrian (to himself): One. As I believe I've told this idiot three times now, I'm not a lass. Two. It's the British Army, not the Royal Army. Three. It's good to know that unbelievably stupid names aren't reserved for women in this town.

Adrian: My ferret was stolen by the Pughs! Penny: I'm telling you, girl, a person has to protect his or her property. I suggest you get a cannon for home protection. Adrian: Guns are for idiots who are too stupid and lazy to learn to use real weapons or martial arts. Besides, I don't want to hurt anyone. I just want my ferret back and to go back to my own time. And I'm a boy, not a girl. Penny: Oh, you can forget that. Those Pughs never let go of an animal, once they have it. Totally bad karma, little dudette. Adrian: If you're going to get my gender wrong, you can at least learn the correct vocabulary. The feminine form of dude is "dudine", not "dudette".

Adrian: My ferret was just snatched right out from under my nose. I don't know what to do. Are there any cops in this town? Penny: Cops? I don't follow your groove, kid. What's that mean? Adrian: Oh, you know, people who are nominally intended to make sure people aren't breaking the law, but are in fact more invested in upholding the status quo. Penny: Oh, THOSE cats! Well, there are those awful redcoat sentries all over the place--have you ever noticed how they all look alike? Adrian: Well, that is kind of the purpose of uniforms, hence the name. Penny: Anyway, General Pugh owns those dudes. They're useless. Adrian (sarcastically): A general commanding soldiers? What a twist. Penny: So is the Watchman, for that matter. The Pughs bribed him as soon as they got to the colonies, and he does anything they want. Adrian: Does the Watchman have a name, or is he just "the Watchman"? At any rate, I kicked his ass once, and I can probably do it again if needed. Narrator: NOTE--The Watchman will not be seen again for the rest of this game, so it will not be needed.

Adrian: Can you tell me anything about yourself? Penny: Well, as long as you're not trying to sell me anything, I guess I can. My husband's name is Eggbert. We own this carpentry shop. Adrian: Eggbert Pyncher? It's a terrible name, but at least it's not a pun. Penny: We used to spend our money on all kinds of foolish things, like food and clothes and things. Now I've discovered the virtues of saving! Adrian (thinking): Lesson learned. Thrift will turn you into a timophiliac straw miser. Penny: I can make a week's worth of soup out of one cabbage! I save every penny, every single one! Adrian (sarcastically): And I'm sure what you do with those pennies is totally family-friendly. Penny: Ben Franklin says it's okay, so it's okay! Adrian: Isn't Ben Franklin the one who said "A penny saved is a penny earned"? Of course, Adrian M. Bernhardt is the one who added "…but you can't buy jack shit with a penny" to that particular pearl of wisdom.

Narrator: The brass plaque by the collar says: "My beloved Fluffum Foo, All I did was shampoo you. Shave your paws, Pierce your nose. Put rings upon your little toes, So why oh why did you run away, And jump into the sea that day?" Terra may only have a tiny little ferret brain, but even she knows that Pennsylvania is landlocked, so she wonders how Fluffum Foo jumped into the sea that day.

Adrian: Can I see your husband? Deborah: No. Adrian: But I really need to see him. Deborah: No. Adrian: But, you don't understand. I'm trapped in 1764, and my ferret's been kidnapped by the Pughs! Somehow, I know that I need Mr. Franklin's help to rescue her and get back to my own time. Deborah: Lass, I'm truly sorry about your "ferret", whatever that is, and there WAS a time when Ben could have helped you, but not now. He can't even help himself. He's gone 'round the bend, filling the colonists' head with all sorts of silly mush. I'm allowing him no visitors. If I let you in to see him, he'd just be a bad influence on you, too. Adrian: As I believe I've told everyone in this fucking colony by now, I'm not a lass. And since I'm not a dumbass like the rest of the colonists, I could be a good influence on Ben. But you'll never know unless you let. Me. In. Deborah: If you could help Ben, get him interested in his experiments, perhaps I'd let you in. I'm sorry, but you have to leave now. Goodbye. Adrian: How the fuck am I supposed to help Ben if I'm not even allowed to see him? Deborah: That's your problem. slams the door in Adrian's face

Adrian: Please, Mrs. Franklin, if you'll just let me-- Deborah: ABSOLUTELY NOT! slams the door in Adrian's face Adrian (thinking): Are all women named Deborah such bitches? Because she reminds me of a slightly less evil version of my mother. Come to think of it, she looks sort of like that Poor Richard guy, but not quite as ugly. Hmm…

Narrator: TRUE. Ben loved sunlight and fresh air, and would never live anywhere that he couldn't have a window. Many people in the 18th century felt that outside air, particularly night air was bad for you and caused illness. Ben didn't believe that. Sometimes he took what he called "air baths", where he would lie outside in the shade naked. Adrian: Hey, my girlfriend Karin does that… except that she's not naked… and she does it at night… and she calls it "moonbathing". So, I guess it's completely different, then. Narrator: Shame that she's not naked, eh? Wait, is she hot? Adrian: Frankly, it's none of your business whether or not my girlfriend is hot. I love her, she loves me for some reason, and that's all that matters. She's one of the three reasons I want to get back to the present so badly. Narrator: What are the other two, if you don't mind my asking? Adrian: My sister Kiera and my car Alcyone. Narrator: You have a sister? Is SHE hot? Adrian: …She's FIFTEEN. If I could find you, I would punch you in the face right now.

Narrator: For the answers to the following questions, look in your documentation on page 19. Adrian: Ah, copy protection. My old arch-enemy. Narrator: I thought I was your arch-enemy? Adrian: I have a life outside of you, unnamed narrator.

Adrian: Thanks again for dinner. Young Ben: I'm glad you enjoyed the mush, my friend. Mother would have made roast beef if she had been expecting you. Adrian: Pro tip…to make it seem more appetizing, call it "oatmeal" or "porridge" instead of "mush". Young Ben: 'Pro tip'? You say things strangely, friend. But speaking of sweating, I'd better start making candles. The Night Watch put in a huge order this morning, and they'll be expecting them tonight. Ugh, the smell! I HATE candlemaking! Adrian: Night Watch? Sounds pretty cool, kind of like something out of a fantasy novel. Young Ben: The Watch will pick them up here. I'll just light the fires, get out the wicks, and then-- OH, NO! Adrian: What? Young Ben: Shh! I forgot to buy wicks in town today! My father'll skin my hide if he finds out! I'll just sneak back out for a few minutes, and-- Adrian (thinking): …'Skin my hide'? Paging the Department of Redundancy Department. Josiah: Benjamin? Young Ben: (Yikes!) Y-Y-Yes, father? Josiah: You did buy wicks when you were in town, didn't you? Young Ben: Uh, well, I… Josiah: Benjamin Franklin, if you forgot again, so help me, I'll switch you 'til you can't sit down for a fortnight! Adrian (thinking): Wow, that's pretty damn harsh. And I thought my parents were bad! Young Ben: Uh, just a moment, father, I'm looking for them… Friend, I don't suppose you have any wick, do you? I'll be eternally grateful if you can help me! Adrian (thinking): Yeah, right. 'Eternally grateful'… and I'm a sea monkey. But yet, I can't help feeling an urge to help him out. After all, his dad makes my mom look like… Karin.

Adrian: Some people might say Ben Franklin is the cause of all this, but I'd say that it's more the fact that the other colonists are spineless idiots who can't even use the chamber pot without Ben showing them how to do it. That being said, was his change gradual or sudden? Poor Richard: Oh, it was sudden! The old gent fell over, and when he got up he had all these wild ideas in his head! Uh, or so his wife tells me. He's my--my oldest friend. His plight grieves me more than I can say, as does the fact that I have to speak against him publicly.

Adrian: Is there any way you could let me have that key? I need it to rescue my ferret and get out of this crappy-ass time period. Poor Richard: I will give thee the key, if thou will help me distribute these proverbs. I fear the time is growing short. Adrian: Proverbs? You mean "clichés", right? Poor Richard: A proverb is a saying that points out the error of a person's ways. I hope they'll cure my fellow colonists of their follies. Will'st thou help me? Adrian: I have a better idea. You give me the key, and I don't snap your neck like a toothpick. Poor Richard: Such is my offer, lass. Adrian: For the millionth time, I am not a lass. And there is no way in fucking hell that I'm brainwashing these idiots with your stupid "proverbs". They're already brainless enough, thank you. Poor Richard: Read each proverb, and judge which colonist could learn the most from it. Adrian: No. You see, according to string theory, time is composed of fixed points, so altering history would only create a secondary timeline where America is still part of the United Kingdom, and my timeline would remain unaffected. I have no interest in how this particular timeline turns out, so I have no investment in forcibly "improving" the colonists. I just want to save my ferret and go home, and I need that key to do so. Poor Richard: But thou must! Adrian: Fine, fine, I'll do it.

Adrian: Here. It's a proverb. I'd suggest giving it away. That's what I did. snickers Quibble: A present? For me? Oh, how sweet! Let's see what it says. "Quarrels never could last long, if on one side only lay the wrong." What's THAT supposed to mean? Is it supposed to mean that Vicar (sic) and I are BOTH wrong?!? Well, that's ridiculous! That's stupid! That's…that's true. Oh, dear! (Sob!) Oh, Victor, how could I have been so mean to you? Victor: Oh, cookie ears, I'm SO ashamed! I behaved like a beast! (Sniff!) Quibble: Victor-poo! Victor and Quibble embrace Victor: Quibby-wips! Quibble: I'm sorry, sweetums! I wuv you! Victor: No, I'M sorry, sugar-toes! I wuv you, too! Adrian: Glad that Karin and I are never like that in public. retches

Adrian: I finished passing out the proverbs. Now key me. Poor Richard: Did thee, lass, truly! Tell me, did they work as I hoped? Adrian: Yes. Frankly, it was wicked scary how quickly the people realized their faults after reading them. It's like the "proverbs" were actually some sort of mind-altering charms or something. Poor Richard: The news gladdens my heart! Here, I have finished with the next three. I pray they are as successful as the first trio! Adrian: Seriously? More proverbs? Oh, well. Might as well brainwash some more colonists. But while I'm here, could I ask you a few questions, Deborah? Poor Richard: Deborah? Who is Deborah Franklin? My name is Poor Richard, and I have never heard of this Deborah Franklin woman! Adrian: Suuure…

Adrian: Have you heard anything about my ferret? Poor Richard: I've heard nothing, but if I were thee, I would try to save him. Terrible things happen to the cats Ima casts her beady eyes upon! Adrian: Um… SHE'S a ferret, not a cat. Poor Richard: Any animal that is not a dog is a cat to me.

Adrian: Have you heard anything about the Pughs? Poor Richard: Lass, it is the Pughs that I fear will end my proverb-carving endeavors, once and for all! Adrian (thinking): And good riddance, if you ask me. Poor Richard: I'll not waste my time talking about them. Adrian: And yet, you just did.

Narrator: This proverb says: "Early to Bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise." In other words: "You'll do well if you work hard and don't party too much!" Adrian: Counterpoint: "Early to Rise and early to bed, makes a man healthy, but socially dead." In other words: "Working hard is fine, but if you don't make time for fun, your life will be dull and empty." Narrator: …Good point.

Throckmorton: Hey, little dudette! You wanna play? Adrian: Thanks, but no thanks. I need to find my ferret. You haven't seen her, have you? Throckmorton: No, I haven't seen her. Don't worry so much, little sister. Maybe your ferret will find peace, love, and happiness with the Pughs. Adrian: That's what I'm afraid of.

Throckmorton: Wow, that was heavy! Do you think she means us, Marty? I mean, we don't usually go down 'til the sun comes up! Marty: I totally think so, brother. I feel way stupid. Throckmorton: You're right, brother. We have been a couple of silly dudes. I think we should get back to our studies, you dig? Marty: I hear you, dudette. We've wasted too much time already. We thank you from the bottom of our hearts, little lady. You've shown us the error of our ways. Adrian: …I'm not a "dudette" or a "lady". As I believe I've told everyone in this town at least once, I'm a guy. Marty: (Sigh.) I just wish I knew what to do about the Pughs. I wish Ben would TELL us what to do next! Adrian: Showing that you have officially learned absolutely nothing. Marty: Ah, well. Let's go, brother! The world of medicine awaits us!

Narrator: This proverb says: "Beware the Gossip who speaks ill of thy neighbors. With thy neighbors she likely speaks ill of thee." In other words: "If somebody tells you gossip about someone else, you can BET they're spreading gossip about you, too!" Adrian: Why does only the proverb about gossip use "she", anyway? Sexist, much? Narrator: What did you expect? It's 1764. Adrian: …Good point.

Adrian: Here. You're next on the brainwashing list. Tattle: Oh, boy, what is it? Somebody's mail? Papers from somebody's garbage pail? Let me see! Beware the Gossip who speaks ill of they (sic) neighbors. With thy neighbors she likely speaks ill of thee." Oh, what is this? I'M not a gossip! You can't possibly mean ME! Adrian: Technically, I don't mean anyone. The village idiot is forcing me to hand these out in exchange for a key. Tattle: I never talk about anyone! It's not MY fault that my neighbors are all weird! Adrian: Hey, I'm not arguing with you there. If I spend one more second with those people, I'll go insane, which is why I need to get back to my own time. Tattle: Did I tell Nellie to be a grouch? NO! Did I make Penny be such a miser she won't even buy food for her husband? NO! Adrian: Why can't her husband buy food for himself, anyway? Tattle: Did I--Oh, dear… I…I guess I might be a gossip, after all. Oh, I'm so confused! Excuse me, little girl. I want to think about this. Adrian: You know I'm not a girl, right?

Adrian: throws a proverb through Nellie's window Heads up, bitch. Nellie: So what is THIS? One of Poor Richard's stupid proverbs? No thank you, young lady! In fact, you just tell Poor Richard to come stand under my window! I feel like bouncing potatoes off of somebody's head today! Heh heh heh! Adrian (thinking): I hate to admit it, but I'm starting to like this lady.

Narrator: This proverb says: "Wealth is not his who has it, but his who enjoys it." In other words: "Don't waste your money, but DO have fun with it! Don't be cheap!" Adrian: Wow, one of these that I actually completely agree with! Money wants to be spent, after all.

Adrian: Here. You might be interested in this. Penny: What is it? Gold? Silver? Oboy, Oboy! --Shoot, it's just a proverb! Oh, I guess I'll read it. Here goes: "Wealth is not his who has it, but his who enjoys it." Now what's THAT supposed to mean? You can't mean ME. I enjoy my money. Adrian: Yes. I've noticed, and frankly, it's disturbing just how much you "enjoy" said money. Penny: I'm not a miser! I'm not a skinflint! I'm-- Oh, who am I trying to kid? Moths fly out of my purse every time I open it! (Boo hoo!) I'm a cranky old miser! Well, I'm gonna change my ways! What will I do first? Maybe I'll go shopping! Yeah, groovy! I just wish I knew what to do about the Pughs. If only Ben would give me some advice! Adrian: Wasn't Ben the one who told you to save your money? Penny: Oh, well. I'll see you later, little girl. I'm going out on the town! Adrian: …Is it really that hard to tell?

Adrian: This had better be the last batch of proverbs. Poor Richard: What?!? Oh, tis (sic) thee, lass! Adrian: Just give me the proverbs so that I can brainwash the rest of the colonists. Or you could hand over the key right now and save us both a lot of trouble. Poor Richard: I'm nervous because the Redcoats have been watching me, that's all. Here, take the last two proverbs. Off with you, before they arrest you as well! Adrian: And then I get the key, right? Poor Richard: Lass, thou art kind as well as brave, but I must stay and close up my stand. But fear not, for I am quick and quiet as a shadow! They'll never catch me. Adrian: Oh, really. You didn't look so shadowy with your head stuck in the town stocks. And I'm not a lass. Do I have to strip naked to prove it or something? Poor Richard: Ha, ha! Well, I've learned from my mistakes, thou sharp-tongued rascal, so off with thee! Adrian: How come no one else in this town talks like you, anyway? And why don't you stand under Nellie's window for a while? I'm sure she'd enjoy it.

Narrator: This proverb says: "Tart words make no Friends: A spoonful of honey will catch more flies than a Gallon of Vinegar." In other words: "Don't say mean things to people. They'll like you better if you're nice." Adrian: Who the fuck wants flies? Besides, you'll catch even more flies with a Lump of Manure, but you won't hear any proverbs about that.

Adrian: throws a proverb through Nellie's window Here you go. Nellie: What is it, what is it? Oh, it's just some stupid wooden carving. Let's see what it says… "Tart words make no Friends: A spoonful of honey will catch more flies than a Gallon of Vinegar." Oh, dear. I suppose this means me. It must! Oh, no, how could I have been so mean to everybody? I'm sorry, little girl… Adrian: Boy. Nellie: Sorry, little boy. I've been just awful to you. Adrian: I'm eighteen. Nellie: What? Adrian: I'm eighteen. I'm not "little". Nellie: Well, I can't just call you "boy". Adrian: Well, you could say "Adrian". Nellie: I didn't know you were called Adrian. Adrian: Well, you didn't bother to find out, did you? Nellie: Excuse me, I think I need to go inside and figure out how to apologize to everybody. Oh, if only Ben could give me some advice! Adrian: You want some advice? Try thinking for yourself for once. Nellie: Ah, well. I'll see you later!

Adrian (thinking): Oh, no! Someone trashed Poor Richard's stand before I got a chance to! Come to think of it, where is the little prick, anyway? And, more importantly, who cares?

Narrator: That's a good idea, but there isn't enough water in the bucket to fill the jar. Why don't you look for water somewhere else? Adrian: …So, there's too much water to carry, but not enough to fill one jar? Guess it's kind of like the aquarium in Zork Zero. Narrator: Huh? Adrian: If you ever get a chance to play Zork Zero, go to the Parlor in Flatheadia, save your game, and type "take aquarium", then "enter aquarium". Then restore your saved game and enter those two commands in reverse.

Adrian: What are you working on, Sally? Sally: Oh, 'tis nothing. Just a sampler. Adrian: A sampler? Sally: Tis (sic) a bit of cloth, embroidered with a saying. This one says "Honor thy Father and Mother". (Sigh) Believe me, I'm trying. Adrian: Hey, at least you don't have my parents… or your grandfather, for that matter.

Narrator: Adrian only likes cabbages when they're made into kimchi. There's NO WAY he's going to take one. Adrian: Well, at least they aren't radishes.

Narrator: It would be rude of Adrian to go back into the Franklins' private rooms. Adrian: So? In case you haven't noticed by now, I'm not exactly a polite person. Narrator: All right. We were just too cheap and lazy to make a set for the private rooms, and there's nothing in there that you need, anyway. Are you satisfied now? Adrian: Yes, very.

Adrian tries to use a tomato on himself to fake an injury Narrator: Adrian doesn't want to get tomato juice on his favorite hoodie. Adrian: Good point. I guess they had to get me into those stupid colonial clothes somehow. All right, but I'm changing back as soon as I'm done with this mission. Narrator: Deal.

Adrian: returns the colonial clothes to the clothesline where he found them, albeit with a tomato-juice stain on the shirt, then changes back into his hoodie, jeans, and headband

Ben: Okay, child, let me clue you in on what's gonna happen! With this experiment, we're going to prove that lightning is actually MADE of electricity! That cosmic lightning is gonna be drawn to this kite--because lightning can't resist anything that flies around next to it, you dig? Adrian: "Cosmic lightning"? Sounds like a good name for a rock band. Ben: Besides, lightning loves silk. Fabric of the gods, remember? Once the lightning gets close to the kite, the electricity will groove its way down the string, and hit this key, you dig? Then we put the key on the bottle, and we have a jar full of lightning! Totally groovy, huh? Adrian: I have to admit, that's actually… pretty cool. It's literally catching lightning in a bottle. Ben: Of course, if lightning STRIKES the kite, things will get a little hotter! In fact, we may end up looking like baked yams! Here it comes… Yahoo! Adrian: …"Yahoo"?

Adrian and Ben are surveying the lightning-struck remains of Ben's hot tub Adrian: What a mess. Ben: Ah, well. 'Twas a noble experiment, anyhow. Good gracious! Is that the "hot tub" I've been spending all my time in? Adrian: Yes… or, at least, it was. Kind of a shame, really - it was a pretty cool hot tub. Ben: Aye, 'tis nothing but a mess now. Help yourself to anything you may find in the wreckage, lad. Deborah will have my head if I don't clean this up soon. Adrian: Thanks. I hate to say it, but you look… better. Ben: Better? I suppose so…At least I'm no longer wearing those ridiculous clothes. Adrian: I wouldn't say "ridiculous". If nothing else, it looked pretty comfy to me. Yellow isn't my color, so I wouldn't wear that exact garment, but if something similar were available in a dark and/or cool color, I'd wear that. Maybe not in public, though… Ben: Oh, I can't wait to show my darling Deborah that I've regained my senses! Excuse me, boy. Adrian: You know I have a name, right? It's Adrian. Adrian Bernhardt. Oh, well. At least someone actually recognizes that I'm a guy. Ben: Deborah! Oh, Mrs. Franklin! Adrian: …You call your wife Mrs. Franklin?

Adrian: I'm here to get you out of here, if only so that Ben will stop moping and help me rescue my ferret. Poor Richard: Get me out of here! Hmmph! And how do you propose to do THAT? Those guards may be idiots, but they're not fool enough to let me out! I'm going to rot in here, and I hope the man who's responsible--that pig-headed Ben Franklin--rots somewhere else for all eternity. Adrian: You mean hell? Poor Richard: He's lost his mind, girl, and he's taking the whole of the British colonies with him! Adrian: I'm a boy, as I've told you more times than I can remember. At least you're talking like a normal person now… Poor Richard: My mother always warned me about him, but did I believe her? Oh, no! Of course not! BAH! Lazy, good for nothing…! Sitting around in that hot tub all day…! Never a thought about what he's doing to fair Philadelphia…! Never a thought about what he's doing to ME! HMMPH!!!

Adrian: I've uncovered your secret, and am, frankly, surprised that I'm apparently the only one. You're really Deborah Franklin in disguise! Wait… you have a daughter, which means that you've had sex. And since you're also Poor Richard, I guess that makes me Matthias Corvinus, King of Hungary and Croatia. Deborah: Oh, so you know who I am, do you? And what of it? Those fools out there will find out soon enough as well, and wait till you see the headlines! "Wife of Famous Inventor Arrested while Dressed as a Man!" The British will get a fine hoot out of that, and then they'll stretch my neck, just the same! Adrian: But…we can escape now! All you have to do is-- Deborah: What would be the point? To go back to my worthless husband? I'd sooner hang than see that pitiful excuse for a man again. Wretched beast! Rotten old ninnyhammer! Addle-pated fatwit! Mangy old goose! Pathetic waterlogged warthog! Adrian (thinking): What does Ben see in this bitch, anyway? If I were married to her, I'd want to spend as much time away from her and her nagging as possible! He must have jumped at the opportunity to become ambassador to France.

Ben: Come in, lad. I've been trying to write a new pamphlet. I must help the people get back to the good old colonial ethics of hard work and diligence! But don't worry your head about that. What are we going to do about that ferret of yours, lad? Adrian: Terra is probably in Penn Mansion. Can't we just go ask for her? You're a pretty important guy in Philadelphia, right? Ben: Well, I suppose so, but that wouldn't help us anyway. I have never had any influence with General Pugh. I never liked the fellow, nor he I. Adrian: Then I guess we'll have to break in. Ben: Ha ha! I appreciate your enthusiasm, lad, but we'd need an army to take Penn Mansion. It has more guards around it than Ima has dresses in her closet! Adrian: How many guards? Ben: Six, lad. Adrian: Quite a lot of guards, then. Still, I bet I could slip past them--if only I could get across the river. Ben: I think we can take care of the river. I know we can get you in--it's getting you out I'm worried about. If only we had someone to back us up… Adrian: Ceiling H. Cat. I sense another fucking fetch quest coming up. Ben: (Sigh.) I am quite sympathetic to your plight, lad, but I don't think the colonists are likely to take on armed redcoats for the sake of a ferret. If only there were another reason for them to gather at Penn Mansion… well, if you think of anything, let me know. I'm going to work on this pamphlet.

Adrian: Here. Take this. Quibble: Oh, all right. Let's see it. Come on, Vicar (sic), look at this with me. Then maybe she'll leave BOTH of us alone! Victor: Whatever you want, my little squirrel-lips! Quibble: Okay, let's see… WHAT?!? The Pughs have been LYING to us? How COULD they! Oh, and Ben's changed his mind about the New Ways! Y'know, they did seem kind of silly…but those rotten PUGHS! How COULD they! GRRRR! Oh, Vicar (sic), how could we have been so silly? We have shirked our duties to this colony! Victor: Indeed, my love. We must fly to Ben's side, and join him in protest! Little girl, you've done us a great service, and we thank you most sincerely! Quibble: Tell me, girl, what is your name? I want to tell my own daughter all about you, when I have one! Adrian: First of all, I'm a boy. Second of all, my name is, uh, Richard Garriott. Victor: We'll always remember you, Richard! We'll see you at the protest! Quibble: Yes, farewell, Richard!

Adrian: Has anyone ever told you that your head looks like a balloon on a stick? Goody: Lass, is this from Ben? Oh, it IS! Let's see… WHAT?!? Those horrible, terrible, sneaky PUGHS!!! Ooh, what FIENDS! I'm GOING to that meeting. We'll just GET those Pughs, that's what! Adrian: Wow, do you think you used enough capslock in that sentence? Goody: …Do you suppose I should bring my big, heavy ladle? Heh heh heh… Adrian: Well, I know it's tempting, but we don't want to resort to violence. Not right away, anyhow. cracks knuckles Goody: Oh, all right. I'd best close up the shop and get ready. Just come by if there's anything you need…Oh, by the way, lass, what's your name? Adrian: I'm not a lass, and my name is, um, Adam. Adam Lovelace. Goody: Well, I thank you, Adam Lovelace! I'll see you at the rally, if not before. Excuse me!

Adrian: Here you go, Tattle. Unfortunately, it's not an application for a name change. Tattle: Well, the last thing you gave me was pretty special! Let's see what you have for me now! Mm hmm… Mm hmm… Oh, dear! WHAT?!? You don't say. …Oh, MY! OH, DEAR!! Imagine that! Ben Franklin really WAS sick! Oh, I can't BELIEVE those awful Pughs! Tell you what, little girl, I'm going to that rally! Adrian: Zip-a-dee-freakin'-doo-dah. Tattle: I owe a lot to you, lassie. You showed me the error of my ways. Thank you--Oh, my! I don't know your name! Adrian: Considering that you don't even know that I'm a boy, I'm not surprised. My name is, um, Nikola. Nikola Tesla. Tattle: Well, it was a pleasure to meet you, Nick. See you at the rally!

Adrian: Here, catch. makes a pamphlet into a paper airplane and throws it through the window Nellie: Whee! That was fun! All right, let's see what we have here. Uh-huh… sure… What?!? WHAT?!? WHAT?!?! NO WAY!!! It's INFURIATING! To think, the Pughs have been taking advantage of us all this time! Well, I'll just go to that rally and give those Pughs what for! Thank you, Adrian!

Adrian: What's up? Roland: Huh? Oh, nothing much, Cosmic Cat. It feels good to be virtuous. I just wish I knew what else I should be doing. I'm bored, you know? Adrian: Well, this might interest you. Roland: Cool! Sock it to me! 'Kay, let's see… WHOA! HOLD THE CARRIAGE! Is this TRUE? And I thought I was a dishonest, sneaky street weasel! Adrian: Don't insult weasels like that. Roland: Those rotten Pughs! They were taking money from everybody before I had the chance to! We'll put a stop to that! I'm goin' to the rally! Hey, Cosmic, you never did tell me your name. Lay it on me, so I know who to thank! Adrian: It's…Gary. Gary Gygax. Roland: Well thanks a million, Gary! I'll see you at the rally! Adrian: Bye.

Adrian: Here. It's from Benjamin Franklin. Lee: For me, hmm? Oh, bully! Let's see. I just hope it doesn't have anything to do with tie-dye. Oh, my! Oh, MY! WHAT?!? I can't believe it! I just can't! Oh, it's wonderful to know that Ben is back to his old self! And as for those Pughs…If only I still had my cannon! I'm going to that rally, young lady! Thank you! Adrian: Is that "cannon" as a singular or a plural? Lee: Well, I'll be off then, young--oh, what IS your name, girl? Adrian: I'm a boy, and my name is, um, Douglas. Douglas Adams. Lee: It's been a pleasure, Douglas, lad. I'll see you at the rally! GET THE PUGHS! TALLY HO! YOIKS AND AWAY! Adrian (thinking): I just hope he can fit through the pub door.

Adrian: Here. Penny: Ooh, what is it, what is it? Oboy, a Special Edition from Ben! Let's see… EEK! I… I can't believe it! Those--those PUGHS! How COULD they! OOOH! Just wait until I get my hands on that rotten General! I'll take that Bavarian lace shirt Nellie made for him last week and STRANGLE him with it! Or maybe I'll just bring him back to the shop and saw him in half! Yeah, that's the ticket! Adrian: Your penchant for gratuitous violence is disturbing, and that's coming from me. Why not just go to the freakin' rally, like everyone else? Penny: Okay, I'll look for you there! I'll just go change out of these ridiculous clothes, then I'll go to the meeting. See you later-- say, what IS your name, child? I'd like to properly thank you. Adrian: It's, er, ah, it's Shigesato. Shigesato Itoi. Penny: What an exotic name! Thank you, Shigesato. I'll see you later!

Adrian: Here. It's a flyer from Ben. Billy: Ben, huh, little dudette? Let's see what he has to say… Yeah… Uh-huh… Yeah… Uh-huh… HOLD ON A MINUTE! Oh, MAN! I can't BELIEVE those… PUGHS! They've been robbing us blind! I'm glad Ben is better, kid, but I'm so angry right now I could spit nails! Hidel: Indeed, nails! Billy: We're going to that rally, lass, and you better believe it! Adrian: Oh, and mail out the rest of these flyers to the sheeple, er, colonists, okay? Billy: You bet! By sundown tonight, everyone in Philadelphia will know what a rat that wretched Pugh is. Come on, Hidel, let's get moving-- Oh! by (sic) the way, what's your name, lass? We really owe you one! Adrian: As I've been trying to tell you, I'm a lad, not a lass. Oh, and my name is, um, Richard. Richard Garfield. Billy: Fare the well, Richard! Godspeed! If you'll excuse me, we must get these flyers into the mail, and prepare for the meeting. Goodbye! Hidel: Right, bye!

Adrian: This is the last one. Finally, I'm done with this fucking fetch quest! Marty: Let's see now… What!?! General Pugh's been swindling us out of our money? The Stamp Act never even PASSED! That total worm-dude! Ben goes on to say that we should all stop dressing, acting and talking like ninnies! Hey, Throckmorton, are we ninnies? Throckmorton: Well… Marty: I fear we are, brother. See here, Ben is organizing a protest against General Pugh! We must show our support! Throckmorton: Yes, let us make haste! Marty: We thank you most sincerely, lass. You have done us an immeasurable favor. Tell, (sic) me, what is your name? I want to remember you always. Adrian: Uh, David. David…Sedaris. And I'm a lad, not a lass. Marty: Well, best of luck to you, David! Throckmorton: Yes, farewell, David-dude!

Adrian: Now that the warp in the spacetime continuum is fixed, I should be heading home soon. Terra: (ferret noises) Adrian and Terra begin to warp back to the present Ben: Lad? LAD?!? Adrian: Goodbye and good riddance to all of you. I'll remember you in therapy. Marty: Goodbye, David! Quibble: Goodbye, Richard! Nellie: Goodbye, Adrian! Tattle: Goodbye, Nikola! Lee: Goodbye, Douglas… Adrian and Terra return to their own time, but can never scrub their minds clean

[toastedkiwi]

First Man

Summary: you debut a song on stage at the AMAs.

Pairing: Chris Evans x Daughter!Reader, Harry Styles x Popstar!Reader

“No, I got no clue to what she’s performing,” Chris said to the interviewer and looking at you.

“You’ll just have to wait,” you said.

“POPS!” You both hear.

Chris turns knowing exactly who it is. He opens his arms and hugs his son-in-law who’s in an elaborate suit. You smile.

“I’ve missed you,” Harry exclaimed as your dad cups his face.

“I know, Bubba,” Chris said smiling.

You greet Harry’s mother Anne and sister Gemma whilst your dad and husband hug each other like long lost lovers. It took awhile for your dad to warm up to Harry but after seeing the way his only daughter and only child was being treated warmed his heart. It took some convincing from you as well. Chris couldn’t let just anyone marry his little girl.

Yes I'm gonna stay with him tonight

I'll see you in the mornin'

No of course, he won't drink and drive

Chris immediately gets teary eyed seeing you onstage in a gown at a grand piano with spotlight shinning down. He hasn’t heard this song and neither has Harry as he hears you singing. It brings Chris back some memories.

“No, I’m gonna be with him tonight,” you said into the phone.

“Excuse me? Who’s this boy? Is it Tyler? Adam? Tom? If you’re back with Holland, I’m gonna fuckin—.”

“No, Daddy. It’s somebody else. I’m not dating one of your costars. That was a mistake.”

Chris sighed and said, “be careful. Don’t drink and drive.”

“No, of course not,” you said.

“Call me if anything happens, I’ll be there, comet.”

“I know, Daddy. I’ll see you in the morning.”

Oh you'll like him, he's really kind

And he's funny like you sometimes

And I found someone I really like

Maybe for the first time

Chris sniffles and tries his hardest to keep it together especially with a camera pointed at him and Harry. He focuses on the stage where you’re singing.

“Daddy, please! You’ll really like him. He’s really kind,” you said. “And he’s funny like you sometimes.”

“Excuse me?! My jokes are killer all the time, Comet! —Knock, knock,” your dad said truly offended.

“Come in,” you said.

He gives you one look and you start running. He runs after you growling. You scream when he grabs you and lifts you off the ground.

“Have I taught you nothing?!” Chris exclaimed. “We’re gonna try this again, Miss Thing.”

“Oh Jesus,” you rolled your eyes and you can’t help but smile.

“Knock, Knock,” he said.

“Who’s there?” You asked playing along.

“Boo,” he said still holding you tightly not wanting to let you escape.

“Boo, who?” You said confused.

“Aww, munchkin, don’t cry,” your dad said pressing a kiss to your cheek. “It’s just a boy. No need for crying over him.”

You laughed and said facing him, “but Daddy. He’s really good to me. And I think I really found someone I really like— maybe for the first time.”

He can’t help but frown and narrow his eyes.

“Who is he?” He asked.

“His name is Harry,” you said smiling.

No I don't need a jacket

It's not that cold tonight

And you worry, I get it

But he's waiting outside

“Grab a jacket!” Chris yelled at you before you can leave.

“It’s not that cold,” you said as he comes over to you from the kitchen. “And I’m 21, Dad.”

“I know how old you are. I was there and I know you’re a popstar and I—,” he said.

“And you worry, I get it,” you said.

“Yes, so grab a jacket, comet,” he said pointing to the hallway.

“But he’s waiting outside, Daddy,” you said.

“And he can wait longer. Also, you still live under my roof which I don’t get when I know you’re making a shit ton of money off of your music,” Chris said.

“You know they’re still renovating my house,” you said. “And I’m pretty sure you like having your own daughter around again.”

Chris scoffs and shoos you back down the hallway. He knows you’re right. He loves having you around even if you both get very busy with work. It’s nice to know you’re around safe and sound.

You’re quick to put a leather jacket over your outfit. He follows you out without hesitation. You give him a look but he’s got his murder glare.

“Hey, I was thinking that I got the wrong house,” the Brit said as you get in and he’s got the windows down.

Chris looks into the car and you said, “dad, this is Harry. Harry, this is my dad.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, sir,” Harry said.

“Comet, didn’t you have a poster of him on your wall with some other boys?” Chris asked looking at you.

“DAD!” You looked at him mortified.

“It was One Direction, right?” Chris said.

“Yeah, but we split off into different directions,” Harry said.

“But she didn’t like you,” your dad said. “It was a different one.”

“Was it Liam?” Your boyfriend asked.

Chris shook his head and said, “it was the dude with the bleach blonde hair.”

“Oh, Niall. He’s a cheeky little Irish fucker. I don’t blame you, Y/n,” Harry said.

You try getting out of the car to get away from the embarrassment but Harry locks the doors on you. Chris smiles a bit.

“Have fun, comet,” Chris said pressing a kiss to your temple as you hide your face into your hands.

He steps away from the car and threatened, “I’ll fucking destroy you, Harry, if you hurt my little girl.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it, Mr. Evans,” Harry responded honestly.

I swear on my heart

That he's a good man

I know you'll stay up late

Just waiting for me

“You should be asleep, Daddio,” you said putting your arms around his shoulders.

“Had to make sure you got home safely, munchkin,” Chris said putting a hand over your forearms.

“But you’ve got a plane to catch in the morning,” you said. “And he’s a good man.”

“He was in a boyband, Y/n,” he said.

“He’s in a man-band now,” you said with a giggle.

Chris can’t help but laugh as he stood up from his spot on the couch.

“I still don’t trust him,” your dad said making you frown.

You held me so tight

Now someone else can

But you were the first man that really loved me

You looked to the crowd with a tear rolling down your cheek. Your dad is openly letting the tears stream down his own cheeks. Harry smiles at you with tears of his own building up. He knows it’s about him and your dad but mainly your dad.

Now you're driving to the airport

Not just me you pick up anymore

I've got eight days off coming up

And I can only come home for four

Yeah I just met his family

“Harold,” Chris said.

“Mr. America!” Harry exclaimed throwing his arms around your dad.

You smile happily at your dad and he gives in hugging your boyfriend. He hugs you next and kisses your cheek before helping Harry load your bags into the car. There’s not much— only your carry-ons. It’s a short trip to Boston so everyone can meet Harry and you can spend time with your dad.

“How was London?” Your dad asked as Harry is outside playing with your cousins.

“I met his family,” you said.

“So, it’s getting serious?” He asked.

You nod your head. It breaks his heart but he won’t tell you that.

He makes me really happy

I think he might be the one, oh

I swear on my heart

That he's a good man

I promise he loves me

He'd never hurt me

You held me so tight

Now someone else can

But you were the first man that really loved me

“I promise you! He makes me really happy, Daddy,” you said.

Chris scoffs. You’ve always been a pretty happy kid and even with a chaotic life you live, you’re sunshine peaking through the clouds on a rainy day or more like a shining star around a world of darkness. No boy or man will change that. You’ll cry for a week or so over them and your dad will be there to comfort you or at least try to.

“Dad,” you said.

“Come here,” your dad said seeing you aren’t too happy with him.

You plop down next to him and he pulls you into his side.

“I worry,” Chris said.

“You always do,” you mumbled.

“Yeah it’s my job as you’re my daughter. I don’t want you with an undeserving man of you,” he admitted. “You deserve the best.”

“I think he might be the one,” you said.

“You sure?”

You nod your head.

“Well, shit,” he said.

“Dad,” you said.

“You’re growing up on me, comet.”

Now you're on the driveway

Faking a smile

You wish you could tell him he doesn't deserve me

So I had to stop the car and turn around

To tell you, you were the first man that really loved me

Your dad wants to yell at Harry and tell him to stay the fuck away from you because nobody is good enough for his little girl. But Chris bites his tongue and smiles from the driveway as Harry drives off with you.

“Wait! Stop the car!” You exclaimed.

Harry does and you’re quickly out the car. You run to your dad and into his arms.

“You know I love you, right?” You said.

“Yes, comet,” Chris said.

“You’ll always be the first man I love,” you said. “He’s just in second place.”

“HEY! I heard that!” Harry yelled making your dad smile.

“Shut it, loser!” Your dad yelled back.

And before they open up the doors

I say I've never seen you cry before

You say "You've never looked so beautiful

You know you'll always be my little girl"

You're looking at me, while walking down the aisle

With tears in your eyes, maybe he deserves me

“I don’t think I’ve seen you cry before,” you said.

“Only when you aren’t looking, bubs,” your dad sniffled adjusting your veil. “And you’ve never looked so beautiful.”

“Dad,” you said.

“You know, you’ll always be my little girl, Y/n,” Chris said. “My little shooting star.”

You nod your head with tears streaming down your cheeks. Your dad hugs you tightly.

“You sure you wanna do this?” He asked.

“Yes,” you said.

“Alright, just let me know ‘cause I’ll drive you outta here and we can watch Disney movies at home,” Chris said holding you still.

You shake your head no and said, “he’s the one, Daddy.”

Chris smiles at your words and said, “we can’t keep him waiting any longer.”

“Yeah, we can’t,” you said.

The doors open and you take your dad’s arm. You both start walking down the aisle. Chris can’t help but smile looking at you as you look at Harry. Your eyes sparkle looking at your soon to be husband. Maybe Harry isn’t that bad.

You don't even know how much it means to me now

That you were the first man that really loved me, that really loved me

You really love me

You’re quick to get off stage and go to your dad who’s in the first row with everyone. Chris stands up just as quickly. You go into his arms and wrap your arms around his waist. Everyone cheers and applauses for you.

“Fuckin’ shit, comet,” your dad whispered into your ear and holds you tightly as you cry into his chest. “I wasn’t expecting that at all.”

“I love you, Daddy,” you said.

“I know. I love you too,” he said wiping away your tears.

“And I love you both,” Harry said putting his arms around you both.

[symptoms-syndrome]

What is your opinion on the movie Split, if you have seen it, with regards to how it depicts DID? Because like I feel like someone with DID would be offended but at the same time don’t KNOW whether they actually would be? Like when I see anti-asexual or anti-Irish sentiment and think “Hmm. Well that is certainly offensive from an objective viewpoint, but am I personally offended?” I do feel like if the twist behind the ‘Beast’ alter being superhuman was that he had been bitten by a werewolf, because there were so many hints towards him being a werewolf and the whole backstory they gave the protagonist about being a hunter, I feel like it would have suited the story better and avoided the ‘all people with DID are evil’ trope. Am I saying this right?

I honestly don't give a shit about it's depiction of DID if I'm being 100% honest. It didn't bring anything new to the table or introduce anything that hasn't been said or in the public consciousnesses. While I definitely don't think depictions like that do anything good for DID, I don't think they have the same level of impact that people act like they do.

I can't imagine any scenario in which someone would watch a movie like Split and think "yeah that's probably how DID works," like if I disclosed my diagnosis to someone and they thought I could climb up walls or whatever that would give me more concerns than "wow that's an offensive idea of DID."

Counter to that, I personally find some depictions of DID made by people with DID (or supposedly with DID) more offensive than Split. Things like TikTok or YouTube videos where alters are all super defined, switches are clear, all the parts are fun and cute and it's just presented as "LOL fun people in my head! Watch different alters react to flaming hot Cheetos!" Or "informational" posts about "how to react to someone with DID" that say things like "ask who's fronting! Don't act entitled to niceness from all alters! Give stuffies to littles!" are for me, far more offensive mostly due to them being more, IDK, realistic? Or grounded or believable. Like someone is more likely to believe I want to be greeted by part name all the time than they are to believe I have an alter that can bend steel bars. Maybe that's that person's experience, but they're often framed more as a "universal" experience with DID, which is worse than smth like Split, or even smth like that documentary about that murderer with DID, because both of those are sort of like. About one specific person more than they are about DID on a whole I guess? Or present themself as such.

I did think it was a shitty movie just from a movie standpoint LMAO. It was just kinda boring.

But also when it comes to media in general I think people do put a lot of undue weight on it, sorta putting the cart before the horse and focusing on the wrong things. Like I honestly rly enjoy United States of Tara even tho it's like, in my experience not really accurate at all to my experience with DID or a lot of people I know. It's entertaining, and IMO that's the main like, priority with media. And like, re:cart before the horse, it's almost like acting like Sixteen Candles' depiction of an Asian man is why those stereotypes exist, as opposed to that depiction being a reflection of already-existing racist ideas.

I also really love Fight Club, even though it (if you look at it through the Tumblr-typical very narrow lens and strip all nuance from it) could be said to fit some offensive stereotypes I guess. It's to date one of the best depictions of dissociation and confusion about time loss stuff I've found describing my experience. I related to it really hard NGL.

I guess the TLDR here is that I think there's a diff between "offensive" and "inaccurate" as well as a difference between smth being offensive in a hypothetical way as opposed to offensive in a way that like. Actually matters. I think people get really caught up in media stuff bc they have Tumblr fandom discourse disease and it's an easy thing to be like "that bad" as opposed to things more nuanced.

[hopelesshawks]

Did I see bnha match up!? Yes please :) I'm a women in my late 20s, half Irish half Scottish, kinda baby faced, green eyes, glasses, brunette but constantly dye my hair (currently fire engine red). I'm the mum friend, but will laugh if you fall over(while helping you back on your feet). Only way to truly piss me off is to hurt my family(I count my small circle of close friends part of my family too). Can be very sarcastic with people that know me. I give great advice, according to my family/friends but I'm terrible at sorting my own shit out. Also chronically ill, Fibromyalgia and awaiting Ehlers Danlos Syndrome testing, I don't really remember what not being in pain feels like. I'm very stubborn, and hate asking for help. I adore children/babies/any animal. Sometimes prefare the company of my dog over people(an introvert at heart). I love to read, and sing(can kinda hold a tune). Terrible at cooking but I'm a decent baker. I give my everything in a relationship, but also expect the same dedication from my partner. Kinda hate my body, broad shoulders and hips, hourglass shaped, but have more belly and thigh than I'd like. Love lanuage is gentle touches and soft loving words. Would like a male pairing please :) Sorry for the wall of text!

400 Follower Matchup Event

Don’t apologize! The more info the easier it is for me to match you with someone ❤️ (and hopefully the more accurate?)

I match you with Midoriya! He’d be patient with you even at your most stubborn and would 100% be just as devoted to you and the relationship as you would be. Not to mention you both share the fierce desire to protect those you’re close to.

Today has been a rough day.

Your fibromyalgia is flaring up more than usual, pain coursing through your body and exhaustion making you feel heavy. Getting out of bed seems a difficult enough feat without trying to add productivity on it, so you’d cancelled your plans with your boyfriend citing an abundance of work to get through, and resigned yourself to a day spent in bed. You saw no reason to tell Izuku the real reason behind your absence. It would only make him worry and you were well accustomed to pain after having spent so long grappling with your chronic illness. That’s not to say a part of you wouldn’t appreciate the company, but you can handle it just fine yourself and the last thing you want is to bother anyone with a problem they can’t really solve anyway. A day in with just you and your dog would do the trick just fine and hopefully tomorrow would be better.

Or so you had planned.

Right around the time Deku usually gets off patrol you heard the sound of your front door opening. Before you could panic your dog was racing to the front door and shortly afterwards the sounds of excited yipping greet your ears. You roll your eyes, already knowing who your surprise visitor must be, even as a fond smile tries to stretch your face. Sure enough, Izuku walks into your room with a large duffel bag thrown over one shoulder. “Izu you didn’t have to-” you begin but your boyfriend pays you no mind as he drops the bag onto the ground with a heavy thud, his mind already whirling a mile a minute as he begins to ramble.

“Ok so I’ve been doing some research and I’m sure you’ve done the same research and I don’t want to tell you how you should be taking care of yourself because you know best and what’s better for you is better for you so if you want to tell me to shut up that’s ok and I won’t be hurt or offended because it’s your body your choice! I actually don’t think that’s the right phrasing to use here but that’s not important ANYWAY I’ve been doing some research on fibromyalgia and they were saying that relaxation and minor exercise can help with the pain and before you say anything I know that must be why you cancelled because you told me you were ahead on work a couple days ago and I memorized your work schedule so nothing should have suddenly come up since we talked last night so I was thinking we could try doing some light yoga if you’re feeling up for it and then maybe I could try-“

“Oh my god, Izu breathe,” you cut him off before he can drop any further down the rabbit hole. “Sorry, I just didn’t want you dealing with this alone and I guess I got carried away,” he admits sheepishly, moving to sit beside you on the bed. “Baby I appreciate it but this isn’t why I gave you a key to my apartment. I’ll be fine you know, you didn’t have to come help me,” you insist, although the gesture has touched you all the same.

He gives you a soft smile at the words, his hand coming up to gently caress your cheek as he collects his thoughts. “I know I didn’t have to, but I wanted to. You mean everything to me, so if there’s anything I can do just let me know. Otherwise I’ll just lay here with you until it gets a little more manageable deal?” he offers gently. “Sure.” “Perfect,” he sighs in relief, sealing the deal with a kiss.

[xbellaxcarolinax]

Tinker Bell and Grumpy Girl

Alex x OFC (Sabina)

Word Count: 5051

Warnings: Profanity, CORNY, inaccurate descriptions of Ireland and professional camera’s 😅

AN: So I never thought I'd write something like this. Obviously I don't know these people in real life, but I must admit it was fun and it passes the time. This came about from the many conversations I've had with @didiintheblog. This is dedicated to her! 💙(Hope you like it) I may work on another part, but for now, this is it. Also, I know next to nothing about Ireland, to which i apologize for in advance. I’ve tagged those I think might be interested. Also, no face claim, because I’m lazy. I hope you all enjoy 💙

...

Her eyes follow the rising foam bubbles as she swirls the dark drink around her chilled glass, completely distracted. She blinks, her contacts irritating her eyes. She wished she'd remembered to bring her damn eyedrops.

"Sabina, what's wrong?" Her sister plants her hand over the rim of her beer, stopping her movements. She shifts her eyes lazily to look at the offender, brows knitting in a sort of confusion.

"What? Nothing."

"We’re at a pub in Ireland for fucksake! Can you maybe smile a bit? Could you do that for me?" Her sister, clearly over her shit, purses her lips, slowly removing her manicured fingers from the glass, "Don't waste your Guinness. That's like holy water here." Sabina rolls her eyes with a sigh, lifting the glass to her lips before chugging the dark, hoppy beer in one go. She wipes her lips with the back of her hand, letting out a low belch that had her sister giggling.

"Happy?" She croaks, pushing the empty glass towards her.

"Good girl." Her sister smiles, rushing to finish her own beer.

“So when is this guy supposed to get here?” Sabina drum’s her fingers over the table top, littered with water droplets from their sweating pilsners.

“His name is Danny, and he said he’d be here soon.”

“He could be a creep.”

“He’s not.”

“You met him online, how would you know?”  

“Shut up.” Her sister mutters, keeping her eyes on the door in search of the man that she only knew by photo. After deciding he still needed a few minutes, she scans around the quaint little pub, her eyes falling on someone in particular that made her eyes twinkle.

*Gemma," Sabina warns, "You got that look in your eyes. Cut it out."

"He's cute though," The older sister giggles, "And so are his friends."

"You forgot about Danny already?" Sabina grunts, “Whatever, go get him.”

"Oh, I would, but he doesn’t seem to be interested in me at all. He's looking at you." Sabina jerks to look at Gemma before snorting, leaning back against the wooden chair with arms crossed.

"I'm being serious!" Gemma giggles, "Go look, he's to your left, but don't make it obvious!" Sabina sighs, but shifts her eyes to view whoever it was through her peripheral, but that proved challenging, so she turns her head completely and-

Oh.

Could a pair of eyes ever be so blue?

"He's cute right? Look at that hair, God, Sabina!" He offers her a toothy smile before focusing on the animated conversation his friends were having.

“He’s okay.” Sabina shrugs, lying right through her teeth. Gemma rolls her eyes, leaning forward to get a good look at her.

“If I’m gunna get laid, so are you. There’s only so much tinder can do for you.”

“I didn’t come here to get laid! I came here for you!”

“Which I will forever be grateful for, sister,” Gemma rolls her eyes, “You might as well. He’s hot.” Sabina looks to her left again, watching this hot mystery guy laugh as he spoke with his hands. Whatever he said must have been funny since all his peers roared with laughter, but they must have been halfway intoxicated by now, empty pilsners and shot glasses taking up every inch of their table.

But Gemma was right, even his friends were pretty attractive, probably not as good looking as him in her opinion, but still very attractive. Even the two blondes that sat with them were pretty. It was just a table full of pretty people.

He seemed to hit it off with the ladies too, as not only one of the blondes at his table was vying for his attention, but a couple of other girls as well, seemingly going up to him and squealing ridiculously. Sometimes the squealing girls would go over to the other guys sitting around him, babbling some nonsense, but the live music made it hard to actually hear what they were saying.

Eventually the handsome mystery man turns to her again, as if sensing her stares, winking at her with this little smirk on his face that made her scowl and her heart beat faster at the same time. Sabina turns away quickly, pretending to distract herself with her phone, taping the black screen like an idiot.

“He looks oddly familiar.” She mutters, tossing her phone on the table with little care.

“Yeah, that’s because you see him in your dreams,” Her sister says with a laugh, and before Sabina could retaliate, Gemma reaches over to grip tightly at her wrist, “There he is!” She suddenly squeals, “Danny!”

Well, at least he looked exactly like his photos. Dark hair and blue eyes, and this little gap between his teeth, he was a catch.

“Gemma?” He says her sister's name with a timid smile, the Irish accent strong, yet extremely charming. They hug, and Gemma introduces her to him. They had chemistry already, which was cute considering they met online. The trip to Ireland was meant for them to meet, and since Gemma didn’t want to travel alone, she dragged Sabina with her. Sometimes it felt as if Gemma were the younger sister at times, but Sabina would do anything for her, regardless of age difference.

Dublin had been charming so far, the city had something archaic about it. She might as well enjoy the trip, already deciding the things she wanted to do. They could cover a lot of ground in a month, though Sabina realized that much of her sightseeing would probably be alone as her sister would be caught up with Dublin Danny.

After a few minutes of watching Gemma and Danny talk animatedly with each, their chairs turned towards each other and their knees touching, Sabina decided to order them a round of drinks before stepping out. The pub was hot and she wanted to enjoy the fresh air that wasn’t available to her back home in her polluted city. Leaning against the wall of the pub she watches Dublin’s nightlife commence, young people coming out to party on such a lovely Saturday night. Open signs now flickered on and street lamps began to light up the cobblestone streets.

“Cigarette?” An accented voice asked her, a box of some foreign brand of cigarette in her line of vision. Pushing her hair behind her ear she looks to the person who offered her the sickly stick. Blue eyed, bun-boy was smiling down at her, his eyes a bit glossy, no doubt from all the beer he and his friends were chugging.

“Um, no, thanks. I’m good.” She replies, watching him pull out a pair of shades, shielding his eyes from...whatever it was that was bothering him at night. What an ass.

“You’re here on holiday, yeah?” He places a cigarette between his lips, putting away the rest in his pocket. Lighting it, he takes a drag, inhaling the toxic fumes before releasing it over his shoulder and away from her.

Sabina couldn’t even answer the question by how entranced she was with his simple movements. He didn’t even sound Irish, or maybe she just wasn’t good with accents. He raises a brow, waiting for her to answer, and she clears her throat, turning to look away from him in favor of counting the lines between each cobblestone under her booted feet.

“Uh, yeah, holiday.”

“You’re American.” He states, inhaling more of his cigarette. After finishing half, he smashes the tip against the wall before putting the remainder back in the box. He was so fluid in his motions, anything he did seemed unreal.

“Is it that obvious?” Crossing her arms, she tilts her face in an attempt to make some type of eye contact with him. He was tall, very tall, and very lean. She could tell he was fit from the tightness of his white t-shirt and how it molded over his body like one of those white marble statues you’d see at museums. He was incredibly attractive.

“You Americans have a very distinct accent,” He smiles at her, showing off his pearly white teeth, “I have to admit, I think it’s pretty attractive.”

“Yeah, okay.” Sabina snorts, cracking a smile. He seemed to enjoy that reaction from her, and his smile grows as he leans a bit closer to her. Ahh, he was even cuter up close, even with those stupid shades on.

“Absolutely. It’s charming, really.” He grins.

“Where are you from?” She finally asks him, fiddling with the frayed ends of her distressed shorts.

“Denmark.”

“Denmark?” That explains the accent, “I don’t know anyone from Denmark.”

“And I don’t know anyone from America. I’m Alex, it’s a pleasure to meet you…?” Sabina cocks her head, letting out the tiniest huff of laughter. The guy was cute and a smooth talker.

“Sabina.”

“Sabina,” He repeats, testing the name in his mouth like a new delicacy at a fancy restaurant, “That’s a beautiful name.” Again, he smiles charmingly at her, lowering his shades so that his eyes could peek out from over the black frames, “French?”

“Italian.” She rolls her eyes, more for show than anything else. God, this guy was cute. What the fuck was he doing talking to her? Before he could answer with what she assumed was another charming reply, someone else interrupts him.

“Alex,” One of the blonde girls steps out, rubbing her arms to warm herself from the evening chill, “You coming back? You’re missing the stories.” The blonde looks at Sabina, offering her a weird smile before bringing her eyes back to Alex, “Well?”

He lets out the most dramatic sigh, as if highly inconvenienced, lolling his head to the side to look at her, “I’ll be right there, Alicia.” The blonde nods, giving Sabina one last glance before heading back in the pub.

“Girlfriend, huh?”

“Uh, no, not really. No.” He seemed frustrated, already digging into his pocket in search of his pack.

“Right, well, it was nice speaking with you, Alex,” Sabina pushes herself off the wall with little grace, untying her denim jacket from around her waist and draping it over her shoulders, “I’m gonna head inside. You probably should too.”

“Wait,” He says quickly, grabbing a hold of her wrist, “I’d love to see you again.” She turns back to look at him, brows furrowing. She didn't even shake off his grip, too distracted by his lovely face.

“I’m not in Ireland long.”

“Neither am I. Doesn’t mean we can’t meet up when we have the chance.” He offers her that smile again, super charming, and probably a Scandinavian thing. For a moment, she’s stunned, and for once, her sister might not have been wrong about her assumption. “Let me take down your number.”

“I-uhh, fine.” She finally relents, holding her hand out so that he may hand her his phone. Alex’s grins, digging into the back pocket of his jeans and fishing out his phone, slapping it right into her open palm. She quickly taps in her number, thinking she might be fucking crazy for doing so, but whatever. If he was crazy, she’d block him and that would be the end of it.

“Why thank you, beautiful, you will not regret it.” He gives her a little bow and she laughs with a shake of her head.

“I hope I don’t.” Leaving him to smoke the remainder of his cigarette, she sits back at the table with Gemma and Danny, who were so engrossed in their conversation that they barely noticed her. She leans back against the chair, feeling eyes on her. When she turned, it was that blonde, Alicia, looking at her with a curious expression. Sabina shrugs it off, ordering herself a glass of wine, sipping the drink quite happily. Alex makes it back to his table and the wild chatter and laughter begins again. It was hard not to look in his direction, but she couldn’t help it.

Again, she noticed how these random girls would come up to the table, starting mindless conversations with him and the others, and the Alicia girl was all over him. It made her wonder why he’d even ask for her number in the first place. He seemed to enjoy the attention women gave him though, even allowing one to play with his long, luscious hair. There was a lot of photo taking too, with his friends, with that Alicia girl, with those other random girls. Whenever the conversation or attention would shift away from him for even a moment, he’d literally pout. It was weird, and it bothered her.

Who the hell was this guy?

After a while, she got bored of watching Gemma and Danny and Alex and his attention issues.

“Yo, Gemma, I’m out. It’s late, I think I’m still jet lagged, I’m gonna head to the hotel.”

“Are you sure?” Her sister asks, “What about him?” She jerks her chin towards Alex.

“Attention whore,” She mutters with a shrug, “Too good to be true. I’ll see you at the hotel. It was nice meeting you Danny.”

“Likewise.” He says in his pretty Irish drawl.

“Be careful!” Gemma shouts as Sabina smacks money onto the table.

“I’ll be fine, it’s round the corner. Bye.” Waving them off, she totally ignores Alex who was already watching her, probably expecting some kind of farewell.

“Sabina, hey, wait up!” She hears him call after her, easily catching up with her pace, “Let me walk you to your hotel.” His shades were resting atop his hair, and she got a better look at his sparkling eyes.

“I wouldn’t want to keep you from you cheerleaders.” She responds, searching her pockets for her headphones. She needed to listen to music and ignore him.

“Wait, what?” He asks dumbfounded, “What are you talking about?” So he was gunna act fucking stupid?

“And you can delete my number as well, you won’t be needing it.”

“Woah, what? Stop-hold on, Wait!” Alex jogs in front of her, halting her measured steps.

“Look Tinker Bell, I don’t know what game you’re playing, but I really don’t want to get mixed up in whatever mess you have going on with all those chicks.” Confused, he steps in front of her when she attempts to maneuver herself around him.

“Tinker Bell?” He snorts, “What? I thought we hit it off well!”

“You and a whole bunch of people hit it off well. You’re a ladies man right? I’ve been around your type before,” She crosses her arms, “Granted, they were never Danish, but still, you’re all the same. Tinker Bell’s.”

“What does that even mean?” He pleads, stepping in her way again like some kind of football goalie. She huffs, crossing her arms again and stomping her foot.

“Peter Pan’s little fairy friend? The one that dies if she gets no attention? Yeah, a Tinker Bell, that’s you.”

“Totally not true!” His Danish accent was more prominent now that he was pleading, “I’m just dashing.” Well that didn’t help. It was almost kinda cute, but she shakes her head, pushing past him.

“Yep, it is. It was a pleasure, Alex.” He watches her leave, stomping down the road in those cute shorts. He sighs. At least he still had her number.

…

“Come on, Gemma! Trinity College!”

“It sounds boring.”

“But the Book of Kells is there!”

“I don’t care.” Gemma snorts, leaning against the wall as she sipped on her coffee.

“So you bring me out here for your benefit, but won’t do a single thing that I want to do? You’re a terrible sister.” Sabina grunts, dramatically flinging herself onto the plush sofa.

“Don’t you want to go shopping? Buy some souvenirs for Cat, mom and dad?”

“We can still do that, it’s not like I’m denying you,” The younger sister moves her hand around for more emphasis, “You can bring Dublin Danny too. He can entertain you if you get bored.”

“Dublin Danny?” Gemma raises a brow.

“Yeah, that’s his new name.”

“You’re stupid.” Sabina grins when her sister lets out an amused chuckle, “Fine, I’ll give Dublin Danny a call.”

“Perfect.” Sabina’s phone vibrates over the coffee table, and she grabs it thinking it was her friend Cat calling at the ass crack of dawn, but when she sees the unknown number with a +45 call code, she hesitates. Accepting the call, she slowly brings the phone to her ear.

“Yo?”

“Sabina?” That fucking Danish accent.

“...Yes?”

“It’s Alex. Is this a bad time?”

“I thought I told you to delete my number, Tinker Bell.” She could hear the noise of displeasure he makes at the name.

“Really? I can’t say I recall.”

“What, is no one showering you with attention today?” Gemma moves to stand in front of her, hands on her hips and brows raised.

“Is that the cute guy from the pub?”

“Shh,” Sabina hisses, covering the receiver with her hand, “Shut up!” Gemma smirks, pulling out her phone to call Danny.

“What sass,” Alex’s comment has her focusing on his smooth voice again, “Are you American girls all like this, or am I just lucky?” The words were dripping in sarcasm, enough to make her scoff.

“What do you want?”

“I’m free today. I thought maybe we could meet up.” She could almost hear the smile in his voice.

“Right. No.” Sabina wanted to hang up so bad, but she struggled, still wanting to hear his stupid voice.

“Come on, why not? We’ll have a good time, I promise.”

“Even if I wanted to, I can’t. I’m going sightseeing with my sister and her internet boyfriend.” She could hear shuffling in the background as he chuckled. It sounded like he was cooking.

“So less of a holiday, more of a catfish?”

“Something like that,” She mutters, “But he’s not a catfish. He’s actually not bad looking.”

“Like me, ‘the cute guy from the pub’?” He replies coolly, his ego shining through. Sabina cringes, whispering curses under her breath that was loud enough for Alex to hear and respond to with a short laugh. She hears him call out in Danish for someone, sounding like the name Marco before continuing, “Where are you going?”

“Trinity College.”

“Wonderful place. It has an amazing library,” He comments, “What time are you going? I could meet you there.”

“What makes you think I want you there?” Sabina scoffs. Alex must have been speaking loud despite not being on speaker because Gemma instantly comes running back with a reply.

“We’ll be there at two!”

“Perfect,” Alex chuckles again, “Thank your sister for me. I’ll see you there.” The line went dead and Sabina wanted to chuck her phone across the room.

“Gemma!” She screeches, tossing a sofa pillow at her sister who easily dodges it in a flurry of giggles.

“What! Sabina, come on, don’t be stupid. He’s super cute! And what was that accent?”

“He’s Danish.” Sabina mutters, dropping her head into her hands with a groan. She taps her phone for the time. 11am. Three hours till she’d see this fucker.

“A Scandinavian!” Gemma sings, “How dreamy. He’s a Viking!”

“No he’s not, he’s a Tinker Bell.” Gemma stops in the middle of making her sister a coffee, scrunching up her features in confusion.

“He’s a what?”

…

Trinity College had a large campus. Located in the middle of the modern city, walking into the campus was like walking back in time. It was beautiful, with an east wing and a west, large enough to get lost in.

“So where are we off to first? East or west?” Danny asks the sisters, smiling when Gemma scowled, “Come on Gemma, it’s really not that bad.”

“Thank you, Dublin Danny, I had to convince her.” Sabina pulls out her phone to check the time, 1:55 pm. He was probably not even coming. She was almost disappointed.

“Dublin Danny?” He repeats with a chuckle, scratching at his short raven hair, “Is that what you both have been calling me this whole time?”

“No!” Gemma reassures him, “Sabina is stupid, don’t mind her.” She brings her glaring eyes to her sister, who only shrugs in response while popping her bubblegum.

“I kinda like Dublin Danny,” Sabina says to him, “Don’t you?”

“I’ll take it,” He shrugs, “So when is your friend coming? Alex, right?”

“He’s not my friend.” She says hurriedly, the tip of her converse digging into the dirt in her nervousness.

“Really?” Danny asks, “Gemma says he is.”

“Gemma doesn’t know what she’s talking about.” This time, Sabina glares at her sister who offers her a sheepish grin.

“Fine, not your friend,” Gemma corrects, “Your love interest. Better?”

“No!”

“Well how much longer should we wait? If you want to go see the Book of Kells, then we should leave now before it gets crowded.”

“Let’s just leave now.” Sabina insists, almost pleads.

“That won’t be necessary,” The Scandinavian man appears beside her, dropping and arm around her shoulders and flashing her that stupid fucking smile. Where did he even come from? “I’m sorry I’m late. I’m Alex.” He waves at her sister and Danny before looking back down at Sabina. Her gawking made him chuckle.

“Aren’t you gonna introduce me?” He whispers down at her, and the little hairs on the nape of her neck stand.

“Gemma, Danny.” She grunts, pointing at each of them as she shakes his arm off of her.

“Nice to meet you,” Alex smiles, “And I must thank you, Gemma, for inviting me.”

“Oh, it was no problem.” The older sister grins, loving the tension she created for her sister, “Sabina loves the company.”

“Whatever, Dublin Danny, lead the way, please.” Sabina stomps on ahead of them, and Alex immediately turns to Danny with a curve in his brow.

“She has a nickname for you too?”

…

After years of only seeing it on google images, the Book of Kells was magnificent in person. The colors were so vivid, ancient swirls made with ancient ink to form a grand illustration. It was magical. Sabina could stare at it all day.

“You really like this stuff, huh?” Alex whispers over to her, his hands stuffed in the pocket of his denim shorts. He was bored, and would much rather admire her then an old medieval book. He’s been there a few times anyway, it never changes.

“What does that mean?” She whispers back, annoyed, keeping her eyes on the display as she inched closer to the glass.

“You know,” He waves a hand around before stuffing it back in his pocket, “History stuff.”

“Yeahhhh. Yes. I do.” She rolls her eyes, reaching for her phone in her back pocket for a picture.

“No, you can’t,” He puts a hand over hers to stop her movements, “They don’t allow pictures. Trust me, I tried.” He motions toward the expensive canon camera slung over his arm. Sabina sucks her teeth and pouts, shoving her phone back into her pocket.

“I know,” Alex chuckles, “Something about copyright infringement and flash affecting the ink.” She sighs but nods, adjusting her little backpack that he thought was cute on her. Actually, everything about her was cute, really.

“Fine,” She takes one last look at the book before glancing across the mass of people, “Where’s Danny and Gemma?” Alex shrugs, searching around as well.

“They’re probably exploring another part of the university.”

“How are they just gonna leave us like that? Un-fucking-believable.”

“Hey, hey, don’t get so worked up, grinende pige,” He smirks, “We’ll meet up with them later.”

“What did you just call me?��� She squeaks, the unfamiliar Germanic language sounding like gibberish to her.

“Something suitable, don’t worry,” Alex grins, grabbing her by the hand and pulling her towards an exit, “You like books so much? There’s a huge fucking library that way.”

…

“How are you liking Dublin?” Alex eyes her, following her delicate fingers as they type away on her phone, messaging her sister of their location.

“It's cute.” She shrugs, placing her phone down and finding the courage to finally look him in the eye. His eyes were so blue and intense, and fucking gorgeous. Fuck.

“Cute? The city is cute?” He shakes his head, “You’re weird.”

“And somehow,” Her eyes sweep over his face, as if searching for answers, “You look familiar.” He smirked, leaning his chin on his hand as she continued her observation.

“Oh yeah?” He chuckles, “Tell me more.”

“You’re full of yourself, Tinker Bell.” She mutters, taking a bite of her forgotten pastry, “And you said you were free today,” She points out as she chews, “What did you mean by that? Aren’t you on holiday too?”

“Well, no, not really,” He shrugs, “I’m here for work. Four months.” Sabina cocks her head, finally interested in what he had to say.

“What do you do?”

“I’m an actor.”

“Hmm,” She hums, pursing her lips, “Are you any good?” Alex scoffs at her question, pouting his lips in a way that made her gaze gravitate towards them.

“Am I any good? I’m fucking super.” He says haughtily, crossing his arms over his broad chest.

“Oh yeah?” She sucks her teeth, “Where’s your Oscar then?” He bursts out in laughter, a grin stretching over his perfect lips before he licks them carefully.

“I’m still working on it,” He finally says, leaning forward on his arms, “But when I get nominated for hottest actor, you’ll be the first to know.” He winks at her after their little staring contest, appreciating the way her cheeks colored. He grabs his camera, fiddling with the lens and looking through it a few times while he continues his chatter.

“So Sabina,” He begins, “You are American, but no American is really American.”

“What?” She snorts, “What the hell are you talking about, cheese Danish?” He rolls his eyes. She had a knack for name calling.

“I mean to say that most American people come from somewhere else, yeah?”

“Uh-huh, some.” She replies flatly.

“Your name is Italian, but are you Italian?” Finally, he brings the camera to his face, focusing the lens a bit more until it was to his liking, peeping through as he points it directly at her.

“You better not be photographing me!” She hides her face behind her hands, peeking through the slits. He still had the camera pointed at her.

“Aw, come on! I’m doing a series of portraits, and luckily you fit exactly what I’m looking for.” He lowers his camera down to his nose, his brows raised up in question, “Are you gonna answer my question, grinende pige?” She makes a low noise of disapproval, still hiding behind her hands.

“Dad is Turkish, mom is Italian.” She mutters her answer, slowly dropping her hands, giving Alex enough time to snap a picture of her. The camera shutters softly, and she blinked at the noise, confused as to why he even wanted to photograph her.

“Perfect.” He mumbles, smiling down to view the image on the tiny screen, “You look amazing.” Again, heat rises to her cheeks as the compliment easily falls from his lips. He then holds out the camera to her, “Check yourself out.” She cautiously takes it, turning it over in her hands to gaze at herself. The image was vivid, her eyes wide and sparkling and hair shining like waves of chocolate. How did he manage to make her look that good?

“How did you do that?” She questions softly, looking up at him with a look that had him swallowing thickly. Alex bites his lip, looking away from her for a moment. When he looked back, her features were twisted in confusion, her attention now on something behind him.

“Do you know them?” She asks, “They’re staring at you.” Alex looks over his shoulder at two girls he most certainly didn’t know, but they certainly knew him. They began to giggle, hands over their lips when he turned to them. He flashes them a quick smile, and they took it as an invitation to approach him.

“No, I don’t know them.” He shrugs, “But they recognize me.”

“What?” Before anything else could be asked, the girls approach. They were nice enough, asking for a photograph and an autograph, then heading on their merry way. Alex grinned at the attention he was given, causing others in the cafe to look at him. He was living for it.

“Okay, I see what this is,” Sabina says, crossing her arms with a laugh, “Tinker Bell, are you famous or something? Am I unaware of your status?” Alex shrugs, taking back his camera when she offered it back to him.

“Something like that.” He plays with the little bun sitting on the back of his head. Gemma was right, his hair is amazing.

“What is it that you’re filming now?”

“TV show. Vikings. You heard of it?” As a matter a fact, she has. Deep in the crevices of her brain, she remembers how her friend Cat would babble on and on about some show with Vikings and hot ass actors.

Oh fuck.

“Wait, hold on.” Sabina grabs her phone, immediately video calling Cat. Alex smiles, amused as she fumbled with her phone, her nails clicking loudly on the surface.

“What’s up, Beany?” He laughs at the disembodied voice, smiling stupidly at the nickname.

“Catherine, can you tell me who this is?” Sabina flips the phone view so that she could see Alex eating his puff pastry with enthusiasm.

“Sabina! What the FUCK!” Cat’s screams were loud enough to be heard throughout the university cafe, and Sabina immediately clutched the phone to her chest in a panic, as if that would silence her friend on the other end. Cat’s screaming continued, much to her irritation, but highly amusing to Alex. Sabina brings her phone to her face, “Cat, we’ll talk later.”

“That’s Ivar the Boneless, you stupid BITCH!” And with that, Sabina ends the call, tossing her phone aside with an embarrassed sigh. Pushing her hair away from her face she met Alex’s eyes, and his blue irises were filled with absolute mirth.

“Seems you’re famous. Congratulations, you’re one step closer to winning that Oscar.” She mutters, clearing her throat before grabbing her bottled water and drinking as much as her thirsty ass could.

Alex barks out another laugh.

…

Grinende pige- Grumpy girl

...

@didiintheblog @inforapound @a-mess-of-fandoms @shannygoatgruff @leilabeaux @youbloodymadgenius

[judgement-free-sideblog]

Salt and vinegar

First of all, thanks to everyone who read my first attempt at the first person writing, I always struggled with that.

I must say I didn't plan to write a second part to Cakes and accidents because I am a sucker for one shots with open endings, but I actually had a clear idea in my head about how it should continue, and I found a spark of inspiration so here is the part II.

And thanks to @tholland96 @jillanaholland for commenting.

Also part of the inspiration came from this interview in case you want to check it out.

Tom Holland x reader

One shot

Warnings: Fluff, cursing, poor table manners.

The message was bright and clear in your cellphone screen, but still you had to look at ti three more times to make sure what it says, and once the idea had sink in your head you tossed the device away in the laundry basket you were supposed to do that night as if it had somehow offended you. That wasn't real, it was a cruel joke of destiny that Tom Holland, actually Stanley, said the voice in your head, invited you to have dinner with him.

And of course you didn't want to read much into it, you have been talking in an amicable way for the last three days and he was probably trying to be friendly with you. But if you had to sit next to that charming smile and those breathtaking eyes that make you smile like an idiot just by thinking about them, for more than 20 minutes you will end up making an awkward mess of yourself and he would probably feel uncomfortable and would run away scared.

You pick up the phone and ignore the text to call your sister, she may be younger but the list of broken hearts in her past made her the perfect person to give advice, and since it was almost 8 at night she may be free in her new home all those mile away.

"Well he clearly enjoys your company" The voice of your sister told you in the phone after you briefly summarize how you meet him "Y/N why are you doing this? This Holland guy is clearly interested in you, what the hell if he said is name is Stanley or Lucas or Wenceslaus" She made a pause to let you laugh, she always did that, even when she was angry, making jokes was a second nature for Y/S/N "If anything it only means he wants to have a more normal discret experience as a young adult, and trust me it that is hard to find, you should see the blokes out here, they feel like just because they have a couple thousands followers in IG I should be kissing the floor they walk on"

"I suppose you are right, but I haven't done this in so long what if I mess it up?" You said with a voice a little more desperate than you hoped for.

"Then at least you have had dinner with a handsome lad, and you will move on. Look you are not sure if this is a date right? Then take it that way just two friends eating, a normal conversation, maybe a beer and please big sister put on a bloody dress" she said before you start lecturing her on how little you cared for gender specific clothes and she talked some more about her new school. By the time you hung up it was 9:00 and you sent the answer to his text.

Sorry, busy doing laundry. Sure mate! 6 works for you?

"Oh Y/N why did you say mate?" You asked yourself outloud, you really were bad at this.

And here I am, being useless. You are such an adult. 6 works perfect, I'll pick you. Sweet dreams mate! 😉

His text came in within minutes and you let go a relief sigh, before start thinking about what you should wear, but Y/S/N was right, you had to take it as calm as you could, and he was in fact a charming friend, worst case scenario you still were going to have dinner with Tom Holland, that couldn't be bad, and with that in mind you finally went downstairs to do the bloody laundry.

"Looking good Bristol" he said once you open the door at exactly 6:00 pm the next day. "Good thing Tessa is not coming today, will be a shame to get grass and dirt on that dress" he add pointing down to the skirt of the flowy summer dress you finally picked, looking at you for one second to long. So maybe it is a date your mind said happy.

"Oh that's too bad, I actually got her something" You said picking out something from your purse "So she won't be out there chasing innocent british pastries" You said giving him a chocolate cake plush toy. And following him out to his car.

"This is adorable" He said again smiling with his whole body, and you wonder again how does he do that? "Sorry I forgot to tell you to don't posh up, I'm actually just coming out of the gym" Actually never mind. Your mind told you since he was wearing again a simple black tshirt and dark blue jeans, and then you could notice his hair was wet, he probably had just taken a shower ... don't go there. "And I'm actually starving, chips sound good?"

"Sure, I actually didn't like the ones in Bristol so it would be nice to eat them here." Yo said trying to shake your thoughts away from the danger zone and putting on the seatbelt "Isn't it late for being at the gym? I hope you are not an excercise addict"

"I don't think I am" he said with a little laugh "But what do you think is this too much" He said with an obvious pretend innocence flexing up his arms making the tshirt rise on his abs. That's obscene sir, sorry girl you are on your own. Said your inner voice shutting down all logical thinking

"No, you look quite... healthy" You said finally looking to the left, never finding a review mirror so interesting.

"Good I would hate to be too big" he said and you could hear the amusement in his voice, and somehow the fact that he was aware of your obvious crush on him make you confident enough to acknowledge the elephant in the room.

"Obviously, period pieces never look good on beefcakes and you can't be spiderman forever" you said casually and he turn at you a bit astonished.

"When did you knew?" He said and thankfully his tone was not anger nor embarrassment just genuine curiosity "And I would love to do a period piece, what about Heathcliff ?"

"Well I don't believe there is many Staffordshire bull terriers around named Tessa" You started "But I actually recognized you when I saw you" You finally confess, feeling the pressure lifting off your shoulders "But I thought since you were not comfortable giving out your own name it wasn't my place to say anything. And Heathcliff is overrated Linton on the other hand is more of a challenge"

"Oh don't be so harsh on yourself, I didn't mind giving my name or not, it just seemed something funny to do at the time, and Tom or Stanley I actually enjoyed talking to you" He said while he found a place to park. "Do you mind walking from here? Is a nice place but doesn't have and actual car park".

"Not at all, as long is not more than 5 blocks, I am getting hungry" you said with a smile while he maneuver to park his Audi.

"O'Neill's Kingston upon Thames" He said once you were both on the ground and he once again offered you his arm "Have you ever been there? Great food"

"I actually never been there, but sounds fine, let's go" you said gladly taking his arm and walking by his side and a couple blocks later you were finally at the Irish Pub.

"A pint of Guinness and cod and chips" He said returning the menu to the waiter.

"And the lady?" He asked while you struggle to not take forever to decide what you wanted, an old bad habit that your mother have tried to change constantly.

"The Bacon cheese chips and a pint for me as well" you said finally putting the menu away.

"My kind of girl" He said and winked at you, clearly not realizing that your legs will stop working because of it "So when do you go back to bristol?" He asked and that honest interest encouraged you to speak.

"By mid September, my mother is actually about to toss my train ticket in the trash since I didn't came back for spring vacations, but I had so much work that I couldn't."

"I totally get it, whenever I'm away my dad makes such a big deal about it" he said letting go a little laugh "I mean is not the same since I didn't go to college but is sweet"

"Oh but you cross the Atlantic, they have reasons to be worried. I'm just one train away" you said and a small spark of pride shine in his eyes, was he self conscious about you being in college? No that was ridiculous. "Anyway I actually needed this, my friends from uni are in their houses and my friends from high school are too happy with their boyfriends and girlfriends to hang out with me." There I'm a loser now we are even.

"And your sister is gone, been there. I have the feeling Harry is going to break up with me when he gets a real girlfriend" he said and make you laugh, a bit louder and more nasal than you wanted.

"That's some laugh" he said laughing too but instead of making you shut up or get embarrassed you laughed louder causing the waiter to look at both of you like you were crazy while holding your food.

"Yours is no better sunshine" Yo said finally and giving a I'm so sorry look at the guy that kept looking at you and he finally put your food on the table. "This looks delicious" You said taking out one of the chips making a cheese string to extend from the hot plate.

"That's like too much cheese" He said making a funny disgusted face, and then proceeded to add more vinegar and salt to his chips.

"And that's like too much vinegar" You teased back at him, and then taking a big sip of the Guinness.

"No darling, this is too much vinegar" He said taking one of the complementary pickled eggs on de table and giving it a big bite.

"That's actually fucking disgusting..." you started but ironically and unplanned you were betrayed mid sentence by the beer and a loud and horrifying burp came out of your mouth, and the shame and the look on other people faces made you want to be swollen by the floor "Oh shit, I'm so sorry, that was so awful, I'm so gross..." The apologies start bubbling in your mouth while your face turned red and you dare to look at him, and the serious look on his face could have broken your heart in the very moment because you could almost hearing him say how you should end the dinner for once.

"Oh you wanna get tough" He said instead and took a sip of his beer and let go an even bigger burp and then looked at you with the brightest smile yet and add "Beat that baby" and he raised his opened arms as if he had won. You only smiled and nodded and you kept talking about other nonsenses until two beers and a order of onion rings later he was waiting at the door for you to came out of the bathroom to walk back to his car.

"Sorry I take forever, I went back to give a bigger tip to the waiter, we were so awful" You said at him.

"You were awful, I was being completely charming" He said and this time he didn't offer his arm to you instead simply took your hand without saying a word and before you noticed you were already walking holding it tightly.

"Of course you were, the guy put two more picked eggs at the table for you and kept looking drooling" You said and he laughed.

"Sorry sweetheart I can't turn off this pretty face" He said pointing at him when you reached the car, you couldn't agree more.

"Well he must be in love, that's a lot of vinegar to want to kiss someone" You said, again before you could think better and stop your tongue, he stood still and you questioned yourself if you had offended him, since he didn't say anything you let go of his hand and try to walk to open the door, but before you could do it he grab you by the wrist, and you froze immediately.

"That's actually quite disappointing you know?" He started no smile, but no anger either, just an honest tone, he let go of your wrist but you remained in your place "But I have never think it's okay to try and kiss someone in the first date so I figured it would be okay"

Your feet were still on the ground but for a moment your head was miles and miles away in the sky screaming of happiness and incredulity, it was a simple four letter word yet it felt like the most beautiful poem in his lips, and at the same time your logical thinking brought you back to the ground in a millisecond, you needed to be certain of what he had said.

"Well I was not aware this was a date, otherwise I wouldn't have ordered the extra onion rings" you said and give him a timid smile.

"Then I must be terrible at this" he said opening the car door for you "Although I wouldn't mind, but as I said it's a first date so I just want to take you home safely.

"Well that's really sweet of you" you started and he start the car to get back to your home "And since apparently I'm incapable of behaving like a decent person in public when I'm with you next time you should come to my place".

"I like your indecency" He said "And I would love too, are you going to tell me that you can cook too? Because in that case you are officially annoyingly adult"

"Of course, my speciality is reheated pizza in the microwave" You said and he laughed, there was a narcissistic pleasure about being able to make him laugh.

As a perfect gentleman he walked you at your door, there was so much that you wanted to tell him, but the idea of going out with him again soon was so powerful that you almost didn't mind watching him leave.

"That was the funniest and more amazing date I ever have"

"Oh stop it" You said blushing again "I'm going to start believing you and it would get to my head"

"Believe me, I almost run to the drugstore to buy a toothbrush" He said and give you a devilish wink that make you thank your door for being behind you holding you still.

"You know how unfair this is when you look like that?" You said desperately looking at your feet "And for what is worth I have an amazing evening too, and if I'm honest I wouldn't have mind at all too" You said and dare to touch his arm softly before turning your back at him to get inside.

He suddenly grabbed you by your waist and turned back to him, planting a quick soft kiss on your cheek, and you could see the fun grin on his face, he was not being considered he was torturing you with anticipation, and you love it.

"Goodbye then" He said and with one last wink he walk away and got in his car.

You stood ther for solid five minutes touching your face where he had just kissed you and watching the street, then you finally get inside thinking about how happy and uneasy this force of nature of a man made you feel, he would be the end of you, but you wouldn't change it for the world.

[aliceaddellheidde]

PART 8

Zdenka

After a while in the car, we stopped in front of the red brick house with white windows. Niall nearly run out fromthe car. We went to the house. Robin hugged Gemma, Anne, and Harry. Louis leaped at them too and Liam shook his head. No one noticed me, so I was looking aroundthe corridor. I caught every detail.

„Time to eat.“ Anne said. We all followed her. In front of the dining room, Niall grabbed my shoulder and pulled me into the room. I always responded to the touch with pull, so I pulled away now as well because of my unhappy past. This probably will never change. Fortunately, he quickly went to the table. Liam, Louis and Gemma sat opposite. Anne and Robin sat at the end of the table. The only free chair was between Niall and Harry. Like really? One of them wants to date me, and the other behaves weird. It will be fun.

Anne came from kitchen with a big pot. ,,We have creamy carrot soup especially for you.” Robin laughed and smirked atLouis who was reached after ladle. But Anne's hand stopped him. ,,Guest first!” I took a soup and then napkin and spread it on my knees. I started eating. It was an excellent creamy, carrot soup. Almost like in the restaurant.

,,So, Zdenka, tell us something about you.” Anne said with a smile. Oh shit. Do not talk much. And do not forget about decent education!I placed the spoon in the plate, wiped my lips, folded my hands into the lap and looked at Harry´s mother „Well I do not know what you want to know. There is not much.” I admitted. I'm a terribly boring, do you want to hear that?,,Are you studying here? Or did you come to London for a holiday?” Robin asked. Really?,,No, I do not. I graduated few years ago. I work as an Au pair.” I smiled on him.

,,Where did you come from?” Liam asked ,,I am from Slovakia. It is a small state in Central Europe. I came to London two years ago.” You certainly have not heard about that state.,,How old are you?” Robin asked. I was surprised by the question. You does not ask for the age of lady!Anne looked at him with a raised eyebrow. ,,I'm 24 years old.” I answered. ,,Seriously? I would not say you are so old” said Harry and he smiled at me. ,,Everybody says it, to be honest, but thank you.” That was true. People were saying I'm looking like 16 years old. I started eating a soup.

,,And what did you study?” Robin asked again. I put the spoon in the plate, wiped my mouth and folded my hands into the lap. ,,Why are you doing this?” Niall asked. I wanted to answer him, but Robin asked the first one. So, it's a priority. ,,At high school, I studied as a social worker and at college I studied as a free time animator. So, since 15 I've been working with people.” And now solve what I actually studied.I laughed to myself. I smiled calmly and looked at Niall. He looked at me with those beautiful, blue eyes. Hey, bitch! Go back to the ground! Now!,,And this” I pointed on napkin - ,,is part of dining manners.”

I continued to eat soup. Damn! What if I offended them?Again I put a spoon and repeated that stupid ritual. ,,Excuse me, I did not mean to say that you have bad dining or something. It's just that I was taught to eat like that.” I apologized. ,,That's okay.” Anne said. Harry wanted to ask something. ,,For God sake, let the girl finish her soup!” she screamed at her son and I got scared too. But I had to laugh at it. This is not right! Oh my manners again.,,I'm sorry.” I whispered to Harry. He just raised his eyebrows. I shook my head and finally ate the soup.

Robin brought the new plates along with rice bowls. Then he returned with large roasts full of roasted chicken legs. ,,Finally a normal meal!” Niall exclaimed. He was pulling for food, as if he had never eaten. When he sat again, he unwittingly hitmy shoulder. ,,Sorry.” we said at once. When I finished my fifth piece, I noticed that only the last two pieces of meat remained on the roast. I was still a little hungry. I´m eating too much. Correctly I should eat one or two and not five. A stupid etiquette. If Mrs. Woodward had seen me now. She would be unhappy with me. But what am I supposed to do?

,,Take them Niall. I can see you looking at them.” Gemma said. ,,Will you mind if I take one?” I asked, but I regretted it. Now they look at you as a murderer. You better keep your mouth shut woman.I gulped.,,Ok, no. Niall take both of them.” I wanted to run away.I would not even think of such forwardness in the past.

Niall looked at me. ,,No, take it. It just made us feel surprised. You ate as much as Niall did. More than us.” Anne spoke and smiled at me. I blushed and lowered my head. ,,Excuse me, it's inappropriate. Niall justeat them.” I looked at him and smiled. He smiled at me too and put one piece on my plate. ,,But ...” I began, but he interruptedme. ,,Eat.” he ordered and I obeyed.

,,Does anyone want a dessert?” Anne asked. We both noded. Anne just shook her head and smiled. ,,You would be a great couple. I just do not know who would feed you.” If that was true. But who would be interested in me.Everyone started laughing. That's right, it's funny. I´m ridiculous.I was blushingagain. ,,Don´t worry. They always laugh from me.” he whispered in my ear with his Irish accent. I got goose bumps. I remembered one sentence that was in my unwritten guide.,,I was taught that every meal should be tasted during a visit, so if there are no allergies to it.” ,,That's what I totally agree with.” said Niall. ,,Clearly you agree. The more food, the better, right?” Anne smiled, placing pieces of banana cake in front of us. ,,When you eat this, you will be sick for sure.” Gemma said, shaking her head. ,,Harry, there's a banana in it.” Niall said and smirked on curly boy. He looked at the cake and ran into the kitchen. I started laughing. Niall watched me with a weird look, so I stopped. The loud laugh in society is not tolerated! Another note.

Harry returned with a full mouth. ,,At least shut your mouth.” his mother said. ,,Can´t.” he said sitting down. I started eat, but Harry was still trying to swallow all cake in his mouth.,,Try to drink. It will do better.” I said to him and I smiled again. He frowned, but he obeyed. ,,Will you tell me who taught you the ,,right dining”?” He asked. ,,The person I worked for.” ,,You worked for the Queen?” Yes, of course.,,No. Not for the Queen, but for someone who is important in certain social circles, where it was required of me.” You don´t need to know exact name. Girls can have their secrets.,,You really told us a lot.” Louis said. ,,It is not important where I worked.” I laughed. ,,Excuse me, please.” I got up and walked away to the toilet I sawin the corridor.

,,She is nice, but a little weird.” I heard Robin said. ,,What did you expect? She knows us from yesterday and today she is in our house.” Anne said. ,,That was your idea mom.” Gemma interjected. I didn't listening them more.

I walked out of the bathroom and Niall waited in the hall. I pulled away from the door so he could come in. He didn´t move, so I went back to the dining room.

,,Zdenka wait.” he called after me. He said my name so beautifully. ,,Yes?” I turned to him. ,,I'd like to apologize to you for that in the hospital. I was hungry and tired, but that does not justify me. I just wanted you to know it was not because of you.” Why he has to be so adorable when he looks at me? Who would not forgive him. ,,Oh, Niall. Don´t worry. Nobody can always have a good mood.” I laughed and walked away.

The table was cleaned and everyone, except Gemma´s parents, sat in the living room. Liam said they had gone somewhere. I'm alone in the house with four crazy boys. Yippee. I forgot about Gemma. At least someone normal.I sat down on the edge of the corner seat, just as Harry walked into the room. ,,That guinea pig is hungry again. It's like Niall.” he murmured under his nose. ,,I've heard you!” Niall cried and walked inafter Harry. They both headed in my direction. ,,You have a guinea pig Harry?” I asked. ,,I don´t, it´s Gemma’s.” ,,Can I see it? I also had a guinea pig a few years ago.” I looked at Gemma. She got up from the chair and I quickly followed her. I walked aroundHarry and Niall. They both looked after me.

We went into a large, bright room with bed, wardrobe, table and a few shelves. ,,You have a nice room.” ,,This was my room. Now I'm living with a friend in the apartment. Fluffy was brought here by my mother, because he could not stay alone.” She picked a hairy creature as big as a little rat from cage and handed it to me. It had long hair that tickled my hands. ,,It´s beautiful.” I carefully sat down on the floor and began to pet it. ,,It remind me ofmy guinea pig.” Gemma smiled and watched as the Fluffy stretched over me and was slowly falling asleep. ,,He likes you.” ,,Yeah, animals like me. It is worse with people.” I sighed. ,,Harry likes you and Niall too. Just choose one.” She laughed. ,,Of course. Harry is your brother, and I think he's been doing this to every girl. I really do not know what he would got from me. And Niall is a sweetheart, but that would not work. I'm not good foranyone.” I said, ,,Maybe to Fluffy. He´s amazing.” We both laughed. ,,It's great when it starts screaming around the house for food. Gemma, rename him to Niall.” Harry's voice came from the door. I frowned at him because Fluffy woke up. He rolled his eyes and sat down on the bed. Moment later other boys came. Louis sat down next to Harry, Liam on the chair beside the table, and Niall sat down next to me on the floor. We touched with shoulders. He gently scratched Fluffy behind his ears and he fall asleep again.

My phone was ringing ,,One thing” from boys in the corridor ,,We found a Directioner.” Liam laughed. I put the guinea pig on the ground and ran over my phone.

,,Hello beautiful. What do you need?” I asked my best friend Rachel. ,,David invited me to dinner and I need to buy clothes. I can´t go there in jeans.” She was nervous. ,,All right. I will be there in minute.” ,,Thank you.”

I went back to room. ,,I don´t like to ruinfun, but my friend needs my help.” Niall sadly loveredhis head, but then he looked at me quickly again. ,,I'll giveyou a ride.” he said and was getting up from the floor. ,,It´s not necessary. I'll take a taxi.” He shook his head and left the room. ,,He´s terribly stubborn.” Gemma laughed and hugged me. Liam waved at me and Louis huggedagain. Harry was hanging on us. ,,You will choke her. We have to go.” Niall said from the door. Harry frowned at him. Then he let me gowith a kiss on cheek.

I left house with red face and there was still car ridewith Niall. He opened passenger's door for me, sat on his seat, I told him the address, and we drove away. ,,Did you have fun today?” he asked after a moment. ,,Yeah. I think it was quite good for the first time. I would like to stay longer, but unfortunately I can´t.” I answered silently. I would be so happyif that car ridehad lasted all day and I could watch Niall. His hair, a beautiful face, an amazing, irresistible smile, beautiful blue eyes and the perfect lips that must be incredibly soft... .

,,Hey Zdenka, are you listening to me?” he asked me. I blinked and returned to reality where Niall was lookingat me with a raised eyebrows. ,,Yes. Well, actually ... not really, sorry. I was thinking about something.” ,,Then I'll take you on one shot and maybe I'll learn something about your thoughts.” Niall said and began laughing. He pointed on my t-shirt with sign "One glass away from telling everyone what I think". ,,Nice t-shirt.” He was blushing a little. ,,Thank you.” Even I was blushing, but fortunately thanks to Mrs. Woodward, I was able to accept compliments. ,,Purple is my most favourite colour.”

We started to slow down and turned to a gas station. We went out and while Niall was tanking, I went to buy water. A moment later he entered, paid, and went back to the car. Some girl ran out of the car in our direction, followed by another two. ,,Niall! Niall! Will you give us an autograph?” He looked at meapologetically.,,They're your fans.” I shrug my shoulders and took step back.

Niall started signing. Then the girls noticed me. ,,Are you dating?” One of them asked. ,,No.” I shook my head. ,,We're just friends.” ,,That's good, because Niall is mine.” She laughed a little madly. ,,Not at all! He´s mine!” her friend called out to her. They started laughing. They took photos and left. We got into the car and Niall started to apologize. ,,It happens to the famous people.” I laughed. He started laughing with his typical laugh. ,,Surely your photos will be on the Internet. So you'll be famous too.” ,,Please. Nobody caresabout me.” ,,I don´t believe it. Such a pretty girl like you should be interesting foreveryone.” I looked out the window so he can´t see my red face. Seriously he said I'm pretty? Niall fucking Horan thinks I'm pretty! This was not just a hallucination.

His phone rang. ,,Will you take it, please?“ he asked, looking on the road. ,,I can´t pick your calls.” ,,And I can´t drive with the phone in my hand. Besides, Harry´s calling.” He glanced at the display and then at me. I rolled my eyes and accepted the call. ,,Hey Ni. Have you already taken that chick to her friend?” ,,Ehm Harry, it's me, Zdenka.“ I heard laugh on the other side. ,,Ah, and where is Niall?“ ,,He is driving.“ ,,Just tell him we'll meet in the studio when he dropsyou.“ ,,Ok, bye.“ He made muah soundinto the phone. He sent me a kiss? These lads are really weird.I shook my head and Niall looked at me curiously. ,,You have to go to studio after this.“ I told him and I returned the phone onits place. ,,We are there in a moment.“ What? How fast the ridewent. Maybe we'll see again. It was fine with them even when it was short.

He stopped in front of Rachel's house after few minutes. He stepped out of the car and opened car door for me. I took off my belt, took my backpack and stepped out. ,,Thanks for the ride.“ I hugged him. I did not care that hewas a world star. Try to resist when Niall James Horan is standing in front of you! He wrapped his hands around my waist and hugged me firmly. I felt his breath on my neck. I had goose bumps on whole body and I was barely breathing. I was like teenage girl. ,,You are welcome. Have a nice day with a friend.“ he whispered. ,,I'll try.“ He let me go, went back into thecar, waved at me and left.

I walked to the house with wide smile. Rachel did not have to ask anything, she knew what was happening. We went shopping in a small shopping centre. Rachel chose a long, knee length, green dress and a white shoes without a heel. We returned home an hour before David appeared in frontof her door. They went hand in hand on their dinnerand I put my headphones on and went home.

I took a shower and turned on a laptop. I found an email from Gemma. She wanted to know when I would stop again and that Harry still talks about me. I shook my head and wrote to her to say hi to that fool and I´ll call her. Then came Facebook message. Ni93 wrote to me:

Ni93: Hi 

Me: Hello

Ni93: We just finished in studio. How was shopping? You did not look very excited about it.

Me: Yeah, it was fine. I do not like shopping, but what wouldn´tyou do for the best friend. You might have had more fun in the studio.

He did not write anything for a long time, so I turned off my laptopand went to bed. I could not sleep. Finally, I got stuck in front of the tv. I watched the DVDs until the fifth at morning. Outside, the sun was already rising and I just stopped Iron Mana and Captain Americas in their fight. I crawled under the blanket and finally fell asleep.

[himbowelsh]

"I'm gonna need you to calm down." - the Philly squad upon seeing a gator in the bayou visiting Roe's family.

prompt me like a love song baby (ACCEPTING)

Gene’s not sure what he regrets more – inviting Babe down to Louisiana for the week while his cousin is also visiting, or saying it was fine if Babe brought his friends with him.His sister Minnie put it quite nicely. “We call him the creepy cousin for a reason, and it ain’t because he’s a friendly guy. We call him that cause he’s weird, a little scary, and has his share of problems. You’re supposed to keep him away from kids or open flames, not invite your boyfriend down here to meet him.”

To be fair, it’s not like Gene planned it this way. Babe’s visit had been a very spur-of-the-moment thing – as in, Babe called him up one day and told him, “I need to get out of Philly for, like, a week. Can I please crash at your place?” Apparently half a country away seemed like a far enough escape from whatever trouble Babe refuses to tell Gene about. Gene wasn’t even surprised when Babe called him from the plane a few days later and sheepishly told him that the rest of his crew was coming along.(Gene shudders to think of being crammed in alongside the Philly bunch on a long plane ride. He thinks he’d start looking for parachutes before they even made it off the runway.)His cousin showing up on the Roe family’s doorstep on the morning before Babe is set to arrive: that’s a surprise.Merriell Shelton straightened up in the doorway, bared his teeth in a shameless grin, and wasted no time making himself at home. He bedded down on the couch (the guest room, Gene insisted, was for Babe), drank all of the beer, and leered at Gene and his siblings over the top of the Bayou Chene Times. If there’s one thing Merriell’s good at, it’s showing up when he’s not welcome. If he’s good at anything else, it’s making people so uncomfortable that they want to crawl out of their skin.(Minnie and Winnie, the twins – who aren’t actually twins, but are so alike in every way that the family considers them a single unit – hate Merriell with a passion. He antagonizes them, they snap at him right back, and it turns the entire house into a war zone. Gene is ready to rent a hotel room, just because he knows he won’t be able to endure them for long.)Merriell is the last person Gene wants in the house when his boyfriend and his friends show up. But, well, it’s not like he can kick his cousin out. His mother would never let him, or forgive him for suggesting it; his aunt would roll in her grave. Merriell might not care either way, but Gene won’t risk the wrath of his Maman.So, when a gaudy orange taxi rolls through the bayou and pulls up in front of Gene’s family home, Gene is waiting at attention in the doorway; and Merriell is lounging on the porch.“Where in the sweet hell,” Merriell mutters, “did they find a taxi in the middle of this swamp?”Gene doesn’t answer. He knows better than to question Babe’s way of doing things by now. The taxi could be stolen, for all he knows, and he really doesn’t want to find out.As each person steps out (there are so many folks in there that taxi might as well be a clown car), it couldn’t be more obvious that the city-dwellers are out of place. Fran is wearing a sunhat and sunglasses. Bill is grimacing down at the mud staining his pristine white sneakers. Julian’s in jeans, for god’s sake, and Spina has a damn map under one arm. Worst of all, Babe’s Irish porcelain skin all but makes him luminescent in the warm bayou sunlight. The snorts he’s wearing do his bony legs no favors. Gene has no doubt he’ll be red as a cherry before the day is out, and moaning about how much the sunburn hurts.He doesn’t get much of a chance to gape at his out-of-place guests, however. Babe catches sight of his boyfriend and breaks into a grin wide enough to light all of New Orleans.“Gene!”Babe rushes forward, and the next second Gene finds him swept up in an enthusiastic hug. His arms lock around Babe’s shoulders; he pulls him down to plant a kiss against soft lips. In an instant, Babe is pliant against him, and Gene has to stop himself from grinning. He’s missed this.When they break apart, Babe is flushed as red as his hair, and he’s still beaming. “Oh god, you look –” he says, and is cut off by Gene kissing him again. “Great,” he finishes, when the part for air once more. “You look incredible.”From over Gene’s shoulder, he hears his cousin whistle. No force on earth is getting him to tear his eyes from Babe just to tell Merriell Shelton off.A part of him wonders if the Philadelphia gang are actually from earth. If they were some bizarre pack of aliens, it would explain a lot.An unholy shriek splits the bayou, and that’s what gets Gene to tear his attention away from Babe. To be fair, Babe does the same thing. He reels around at the first sound of his friends in trouble, and is already bounding towards them before he catches sight of something that makes him freeze in his tracks.Then Babe screams, and everything falls to chaos after that.People are wailing. The taxi’s horn blares. The Philadelphia tourists run around each other like chickens with no heads, any sense completely abandoned in their panic. “HOLY SHIT,” someone is hollering. It’s shrill enough that it could be Babe, but there’s an equal chance of it being Bill, or Julian. It’s definitely not Fran. “THAT’S A DINOSAUR. THAT IS A GODDAMN DINOSAUR.”Fran has climbed on top of the taxi,  armed with her purse and ready to use it. Spins is hammering on the car windows, but the driver has locked the door. Babe has leapt into Bill’s arms, clinging to his neck like a damsel in distress. Julian is on the ground, curled up with his hands clasped over his head, ready for the end of times. Guarnere, in classic Wild Bill style, looks ready for a fight.They’re all losing their minds over an alligator.To be more accurate, they’re losing their minds over Etienne.Etienne has lived around their home for as long as Gene can remember. He’s a friend of the family. Not their pet, of course (“You can never tame nature,” Gene’s late grandmére once told him a small solemn-eyed little boy who never forgot her words. “You gotta to learn to live with it, or it’ll eat you up.”), but a friend all the same. Etienne and the Roe family have an unspoken agreement: you don’t bother us, we won’t bother you. He Roe children were kept well out of the way of the ancient gator as children, though little Gene always dared to venture too close when his mother’s back was turned. In exchange, Etienne gobbled up the pests around the Roe home, and left all the “good things” (like people) alone. Etienne isn’t someone Gene’s Maman will invite in for dinner, but he’s harmless.Mostly.Gene wonders if he has a taste for Philadelphians.Bill drops Babe to the ground, and Babe immediately wraps himself around the taxi’s tire. He looks like he’s crying. Everyone’s screaming so loud that Gene can’t tell whose voice belongs to who.He takes a few steps back onto the porch. For a few moments, all he can do is watch in bemusement. He’s jolted out of his gaze by an inevitable  snort of laughter.“You’ve really thought this through,” Merriell drawls, and takes a long drag from his cigarette.Gene sighs through his teeth, and debates the merits of intervening. He could let them wear themselves out – it seems easiest. Then again, if they keep this racket up, the entire bayou is going to be awake, and old Etienne might just get offended enough do do something about it.So he reluctantly clears his throat and steps forward. “Everyone,” he calls; and when this gets no response, “everyone!”Nothing. He’s not sure what he expected.A sudden projectile flies past his head, not leaving Gene time to duck. It shatters against the nearest tree with a loud crash. The noise is jarring enough that, all at once, the chorus of screams cuts off. Merriell is standing up now, staring at the group with a wide-eyed, unreadable expression. He’s doing the thing again, Gene realizes, and fights not to moan. The creepy thing. This is why Merriell is the cousin they don’t like to leave alone in the house.“Oh, look at that. You do know how to shut your mouths.” Merriell’s lips curl back in what no sane person would call a grin. He looks thrilled. “Makes it lots nicer ‘round here when it’s quiet.”Babe is the one to break the spell that Merriell seems to have cast over the group. His attention swivels back to Gene, and he chokes on air as he fights to form words. “G-G-Gene! There’s a, there’s, it’s a goddamn –”“That’s Etienne,” Gene interjects, stepping off the porch again. “Afraid I’m gonna need y'all to quiet down. My Maman’s inside cooking, and all this screaming’s not good for the gumbo.”Fran is staring at him as if he’s lost his mind – even though she’s the one clinging to the hood of a taxi. “You gave that monster a name?”“He’s our neighbor. We’re friendly.” To prove it, Gene gives Etienne a wave. The old gator, smart enough to not want to get involved, slinks back into the depths of the bayou.Only when he’s gone do the Philly crew seem it safe enough to exit Crisis Mode. Babe peels himself off the ground, while Bill lifts Fran off the hood of the car. No one bothers to help Julian up. When they all turn to Gene, wide eyed and expectant, Gene is reminded of schoolkids waiting for the teacher’s instruction. He’s never wanted to be a teacher.“Lets go inside,” he says after a beat. “Time for you to meet to family. My brothers are out, but my sisters are in, and so’s my Maman. They’re all dying to meet you.”“And who’s this asshole?” Bill demands as they pass Merriell (he pulls Fran a little closer to him when Merriell leers at her). His cousin doesn’t seem offended in the least, so Gene just rolls his eyes.“That’s Merriell. He’s part of the family, but he ain’t supposed to be here now. You can ignore him.”As the Philly gang filters through the doorway, one after the other, Gene feels like a mama duckling counting heads. Only when he gets to the last head – full of messy ginger hair – does he pause to look up into Babe’s bright face.“That might have been a rough start,” Babe whispers, looping an arm around his waist, “but this is gonna be a great vacation, Gene. I’m sure of it.”Gene bathes in the confidence of his boyfriend’s words. He wants more than anything to believe that Babe is right.The jagged smile he glimpses on Merriell’s face, however, suggests that Babe and his friends are in for more trouble than they’re prepared to handle.