#(I'm just making excuses)
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Bitches be infantilizing me until they realize my autistic struggle with personal hygiene prevents me frrom achieving the beauty standard 😔🙏
#why is society like this#why are autistic people who mask to please society the only autistic people worthy of respect#why can't I just have my sensory clothing and my one jacket that rarely gets washed without people insisting that I'm#broken/abused by parents/homeless/in need of help#oh i am in need of help but when i actually ask for it you don't fucking care do you#i'm just making excuses#fuck you actually#autistic things
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at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"
like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.
"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."
... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.
and i'd still keep writing.
i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.
i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley
"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"
and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.
it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.
you create because you're greedy.
#every time someones like ''AI will replace u" im like. u will have to fucking KILL ME#there is no replacement here bc i am not filling a position. i am just writing#and the writing is what i need to be doing#writeblr#this probably doesn't make sense bc its sooo frustrating i rarely speak it the way i want to#edited for the typo wrote it and then was late to a meeting lol#i love u people who mention my typos genuinely bc i don't always catch them!!!! :) it is doing me a genuine favor!!!#my friend says i should tell you ''thank you beta editors'' but i don't know what that means#i made her promise it isn't a wolf fanfiction thing. so if it IS a wolf thing she is DEAD to me (just kidding i love her)#hey PS PS PS ??? if ur reading this thinking what it's saying is ''i am financially capable of losing this'' ur reading it wrong#i write for free. i always have. i have worked 5-7 jobs at once to make ends meet.#i did not grow up with access or money. i did not grow up with connections or like some kind of excuse#i grew up and worked my fucking ASS OFF. and i STILL!!! wrote!!! on the side!!! because i didn't know how not to!!!#i do not write for money!!!! i write because i fuckken NEED TO#i could be in the fucking desert i could be in the fuckken tundra i could be in total darkness#and i would still be writing pretentious angsty poetry about it#im not in any way saying it's a good thing. i'm not in any way implying that they're NOT tryna kill us#i'm saying. you could take away our jobs and we could go hungry and we could suffer#and from that suffering (if i know us) we'd still fuckin make art.#i would LOVE to be able to make money doing this! i never have been able to. but i don't NEED to. i will find a way to make my life work#even if it means being miserable#but i will not give up this thing. for the whole world.
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I think it's important to remember that just because you find someone basic or boring or whatever, you're actually very wrong and they are a unique and layered person with their own complicated life, emotions and interests. They don't have to perform anything to show you how interesting or special they are.
That straight white girl with her stanly cup and sephora makeup doesn't have to show you what makes her 'unique'. The older gentleman who shares conspiracy theories on facebook and mows his lawn early in the morning doesn't have to prove he isn't an 'npc' to you. The woman with the 'Karen' haircut and her son who watches stupid youtube videos don't have to drop everything to demonstrate to you that they can break the stereotypes you've associated with them.
Every person is a real person. Even if you never see them do a thing other than what you expect them to do, they are just as deep and emotional as you are because they are ALIVE! They're real! And they don't owe you a tour into their lives just to prove to you that they have thoughts and feelings! Just because you lack the empathy or understanding to see that someone who doesn't share your same lifestyle, hobbies or stereotypes might actually have a rich and detailed life, doesn't mean you're right.
#if I see one more idiot call people 'NPC's I'm gonna smack them#'but all they do is follow trendsss'#you follow trends too! it's just that the trends you follow are the ones you personally think are fun!#hypocrit you are for not understanding that humanity is diverse and people can have different lifestyles and interests#don't be a fool!#stop making excuses for your own lack of empathy and start training yourself out of this dangerous habit
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Chillin and getting a drink after a day of manipulating the masses 🫶
#myart#Transformers One#TF One#Sentinel Prime#Airachnid#Zuka said that and it was so funny#Ermm I just wanna say that I don't know anything abour drawing transformers or robots 😶#So plz excuse me if it's a lil ugly here and there#I just hadd to draw the baddies 🙈#It's not a surprise that I'd be falling for them lol#Kept it a lil messy than how I usually draw so I don't focus on trying to make it look good :p#Anyways hope yall like this one!#I'm pretty proud of it! :D#tfo sentinel prime#tfo airachnid
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I fucking hate having conversations about Important topics where the other person(s) is being argumentative about it. Especially when they keep talking over me.
My brain freezes up easily and I can't think, so I end up just talking in circles and the other person ends up thinking in just a stubborn idiot.
Give me a few minutes to thin without talking over me and I might be able to form a fucking sentence.
Heck, give me some quiet and I'll write out a fucking DISSERTATION!
#then if I try to explain I'm having a hard time because of my adhd#I'm just making excuses#because i know I'm wrong#I'm so fucking sick of people
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Cringetober Day 1. Screenshot Redraw
inspired by this early eah scene where raven "lets her bad side out" playing guitar and my cousin and I go "apple's probably losing it" and then they cut to her and she's making this face ↓
#starting off cringetober strong with day 1 on day 4 lol#I'm gonna steamroll through 2 and 3 today (and I have 4 unposted from last year so that's convenient)#prompt months are a good excuse to a draw bunch of media But last week my cousin and I rewatched some eah (my first time since high school)#so it's in my brain right now anyway :)#ever after high#eah#raven queen#apple white#rapple#tagging rapple because I made this with rapple intent but technically this is literally just what happened LOL#I Still feel like I didn't push her expression quite a far as they did but you can look at the screenshot. she's sooo funny she's so#unsubtle#this also started out as a meme redraw can you guess the meme#huge shoutout to the heart card in the bg looking like a deliberate choice on my part to make this look romantic#september 2024#(yes I did start this a little early)#cringetober 2024
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this too is yuri (the relationship between me and two of my own characters i love too much)
#my art#oc#mika#heidi#anthro#furry#the rare human art from me. my love for them surpasses my insecurity about never drawing humans until it was almost too late#ALMOST....but not quite....i hope. i think i'm improving i think i'm getting the hang of it to some extent#human heads are just so long and also flat and also hard to make look right in a way animal heads aren't#presumably because the human brain is so conditioned to recognise other humans that it immediately notices mistakes#(making excuses)#anyway i forgor to post these before art fight started so here they are now
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the lovers, reversed
(aka I'm still freaking out about Jou)
#art#ride kamens#i am about to go off on wild speculation so excuse me in advance#I HAVEN'T PLAYED THE EVENT YET so this could all be just absolutely nothing but i gotta get it out#(still debating if i wanna save the event for after i finish part 2 or not...)#this is my last chance to throw wacky theories out there okay#i've just. been thinking a lot about the riders the characters are based on and how they relate to their different classes#like the choices seemed SO random when they were first revealed but they do mostly make sense when you think about it#to the point where i actually do feel like i should've been able to call ooo for ambition. damnit.#however i did always feel like jou was a bit of an outlier and now i'm wondering if that's gonna be like...a thing#idk man just the fact that he's gonna have a special double card and bond henshin with taiten is nuts to me#especially since we're clearly on the verge of SOMETHING happening with soun and uryuu#what does it mean. WHAT DOES IT MEAN#what does this mean for the future of tower emblem#and it hasn't escaped me that there is no class associated with evolution (YET)#and thinking about who jou is based on i'm just like#(waves hands) YOU KNOW?!#(plus i'm still like WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR RUI AND HAYATE but that's a separate thing)#i'm gonna try and take my time and not rush through part 2 but i also am SO impatient#i gotta knooooow#given the way my predictions tend to go though i'm either 100% accidentally right about the dumbest thing#or jou is fine but leon fucking dies or something and i'm gonna throw my phone into a lake#HAVE FUN GUYS I GUESS
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armand + preparing to tell louis about his past
#iwtv#iwtvedit#interview with the vampire#iwtv spoilers#armand#louis de pointe du lac#loumand#please excuse the quality of these gifs i know they're grainy as shit - the scene was SO DARK and armand's face SO TINY in it#but it was worth it to me to make grainy gifs because the acting here is INSANE and i wanted to highlight it#armand's monologue is such a standout but these silent moments before it fascinate me#did he take louis to the museum planning this? was it just a possibility that he might have abandoned but this is the moment he chooses?#has he ever brought anyone here before or has he always been alone? has he TOLD anyone about himself before?#the way he braces himself. the little steadying exhale as he flips on the lights#it's such subtle vulnerable wonderful stuff#anyway once again i'm sorry these are garbage quality i did my bestttttt
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isn't it weird how if you get up at 7 or 8, do your work all day, then have free time and go to bed at 11 that's absolutely fine
but if i said i get up at 10, do fun stuff in the morning then work in the evening and go to bed late, i could be called lazy, nevermind that i'm getting just as much or MORE work done as i would in a traditional work day
#ramble#idk if this is a me problem or not#i've tried to do the early rise early bed thing again and again and it just does not work for me doing freelance right now#maybe it's bc i used to work at a bar so i'm more comfortable being active in the evening#i love working at night because there's less going on to distract me#what used to happen is i would get up early then fight executive dysfunction all day saying i couldn't do fun stuff until i did my work#then my will to work would hit at 10pm and i'd be up till 2am anyway#right now my routine is waking up later and playing a game or knitting for an hour or so and then working in the afternoon and evening#something something capitalism and 9-5 and adhd don't go together#this sounds like i'm just making excuses but it works and i'm actually getting shit done and sleeping enough so i don't see the problem#i just figured i'm probably going to sit and do nothing for a few hours in the morning anyway so i might as well give myself permission to
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I offer to the public: Black Sam!
So. Erm. :D
Peep the way I didn't feel like doing plaid
Taglist:
@achios
@angel-shaw (I just felt like you should be @ ed for this particular drawing-)
@ashertickler
@aurorialwolf
@dukecollinsbf
@infinitelovewiithoutfulfilmentt
@moronkyne
@pandoraroid
@plaqying
@porters-fangs
@professionallyyappinabtangst (I literally just showed you this)
@puffin-smoke
@skunkox
@starlogician
@sunsickcrab
@themeridian
@tunacatfishes
@www-dot-why-are-you-here-dot-com
@zimix-whispers
#redacted audio#redactedverse#redacted asmr#redacted fanart#I'm literally drawing the entire solaire clan rn#and I was supposed to save this for next week when I came back#but my friend wouldn't stop drooling and Nevy was idk what NEVY was doing yesterday#but#I just felt the need#to bless thy eyes with the possibility that is black Sam#picture it#SHAW PACK BIPOC ALL OF EM#that's what I'm here for#to spread that agenda#nods#I also drew Lovely and Alexis but you're genuinely getting that next week bc#I would say Vincent gay and then make lovely a she/they#STOP IT TBF MY VINCENT AND LOVELY ARENT EVEN TOGETHER SO TECHNICALLY IT STILL REMAINS TRUE#'why aren't they?' because vincetn is dating Porter and lovely is dating treasure pls keep up fireflies#redacted sam#<< forgot#lucid is Picasso#can't miss the hatred for my own art so I will say the more I look at this the more o hate it#but that's neither here nor there#now if you'll excuse me#I'm going to go into Alex's dms and get called pretty and perfect while being showered with kisses BYE BYE
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13 missed calls from Alfred probably
#hws poland#hws lithuania#lietpol#long post#they're both making excuses#anyway yeah I hope it's obvious this isn't to spite any other ship I love a.meliet and f.rapol too#just needed somethign for dramatic purpose#had to make them socks in bed people because I can't draw naked feet ok#this was in my files for a year I'm amazed I finished it after all
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I saw this in my twitter timeline
#i think we all know who this is about#by the way I'm a complete fatass *and* draw her as you wish so please don't come after me LMAAOO i just thought this would be funny#is this too woke#/j obviously#dungeon meshi#dunmeshi#delicious in dungeon#dungeon meshi falin#delicious in dungeon falin#dunmeshi falin#falin dungeon meshi#falin delicious in dungeon#falin dunmeshi#falin touden#falin thorden#i love chubby falin though#it just makes sense#to me at least#and it gives me an excuse to cosplay her /j
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whaaaat I'm actually slightly elaborating on this joke au???
Anyway heart sharing au- the gist is that loop made an oopsie and accidentally made a wish while having their little meltdown and it was fulfilled.... in an unexpected way. And also they didn't even realize that they made a wish in the first place.
Good news is that Loop and Siffrin are both still alive! no dissolving into light for loop!
Bad news is that siffrin now has a star in his chest too in a slightly more gory version of Loops chest star thing- his just also breaks reality a little bit and gives people headaches when they look at it. also now his heart is what is keeping both of them alive, somehow, Siffrin is not freaking out about this, or just... not as much as Loop is. call that playing heart potato with how they yeet that thang back and forth to survive
there... isn't really plot figured out I'm just making doodles for fun that happen to be au stuff?
click for higher quality
#my art#isat#isat siffrin#isat loop#in stars and time#sifloop#two hats spoilers#isat spoilers#isat au#heart sharing au#this is just an excuse to draw sif and loop making the others freak out with whatever the fuck they have going on#body horror#since enough people seem to have tagged the other piece with that so i'm tagging it here too#siffrin#loop#woe. crack isat au be upon ye#i have seen enough angsty aus so i have decided to make something SILLY#(jk there can NEVER be enough angst for this game)
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I really want Nightmare and Dream to freaky friday swap into each other's bodies and have to deal with their enemies from the other side.
Like Dream is trying to get used to one eye and being encased in goop and how do you control these tentacles and every few minutes one of the boys appears to ask for something or show him something or just hang around him. He's trying his best to sound professional and stern (it's not a great impression) but also he feeds off negativity now right?? So why does it sting so much when they're around him?
Meanwhile Nightmare is goop-free and seeing in two eyes for the first time in centuries (and probably takes twice as long to do things because he forgets he doesn't have tentacles anymore). He's trying to sound upbeat and cheery (again, not a great impression) but also good grief people really bother Dream for things. It seems like every way he turns there's somebody who needs something or has a sob story or a complaint, and he's beginning to realise why Dream protects Blue so violently how are you emitting all this positivity please don't leave me. Also where is Ink. Every five minutes where is he what is he doing.
#UTDR#UTMV#Nightmare Sans#Dream Sans#Freaky Friday au#I just want them to trade places and see what the other deals with and realise how different it is from what they think#Nightmare thinks his brother just frolics and has fun all day long and is loved#And has to realise that actually the whole multiverse has his number and they aren't afraid to dial it#And Dream thinks Nightmare is living with a pack of attack dogs that he controls with threats#And has to realise he is a single father to 4 of the strangest and most clingy creatures in the multiverse#And also this is a good excuse to make them talk and get along and you know I love that#Anyway I need to sleep#One more day of work and then I'm freeeeee (for like 2 days)
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this description made me realise what one of my favourite MXTX character tropes is: Over-Worked, Under-Appreciated Employee Who Is Not Above Becoming Somewhat Evil About It
#jin guangyao#shang qinghua#sha hualing#ling wen#svsss#tgcf#mdzs#jgy#sqh#shl#i can't get over the descriptions of shl ''the demon race’s star employee Sha Hualing''#''her current role as an overworked and underpaid employee seems something of a downgrade''#honestly the other three would probably get along relatively well if they could just shove sha hualing into a cupboard somewhere#let them do paperwork and drink tea together in a calm room where no one is bothering them u.u#they're all in fantasy public service and should be allowed to commit a few atrocities. as a treat.#i'm so happy to have finally found an excuse to draw sha hualing i love her design#every other character is wearing upwards of 7 fucking layers - she saw a sexy sexy niche and decided to fill it... or sqh did i guess#i debated putting yin yu in here as well but you know what. even if he works for a ghost king he just really isn't that evil#sorry yin yu once again you just don't quite make the cut#(also he wrecked my composition)#my art
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