#(I scheduled this in 2018 so I don't know exactly when it will start)

[zahri-melitor]

Ric Grayson, or Tim 'Nightwing' Drake: a story of how Tom King's Nightwing pitch would have functioned.

You can often see the remains of discarded or overruled pitches in comics, if you look at structural decisions and compare them to pitches that you know were made.

One obvious one people might be familiar with is that Helena Bertinelli, back in 2003, was being set up to be removed from the Bat books and transferred over to what eventually became Greg Rucka's Checkmate 2006. There's a whole establishing storyline done in Gotham Knights by Scott Beatty. However, Gail Simone's pitch for Birds of Prey, which was published a mere two months after the Beatty story wrapped up, took Helena and used her to expand the Birds of Prey roster. It's a move that likely redirected Helena's character arc permanently (though the ghosts can still be seen in the choice to use Helena B as Matron in Grayson).

Equally: I hypothesise the reason we got Ric Grayson is because we got Young Justice 2019.

If you look at the storytelling, in terms of cover dates:

Dick was shot in Batman #55, in November 2018

Tynion's 'Tec run finished July 2018

Young Justice 2019 started March 2019

City of Bane started September 2019

King's pitch for Tim to take over the Nightwing mantle would probably have been a 12 issue run, to my eye; with the schedule that Nightwing had at the time, it would have been 6 issues (twice monthly) and then 6 issues (once monthly), ending the run and placing Dick back as a restored Nightwing...in issue #61, August 2019.

City of Bane kicked off the next month, being King's big 'all family-in' storytelling climax arc. It would have been the perfect place to put Nightwing, once again himself, reuniting with people. (I cannot tell how this placement would have gone should King have got his full 100 issue run; but I don't think City of Bane was significantly shifted forwards?)

Now I can't tell if the twice monthly issues dropped to monthly because Ric Grayson went down like a lead balloon with the fandom, but that would have been a very fast turn around in solicits for DC to withdraw support on a new direction (about a month). If it was expected to remain twice monthly, then I still think it would have been a 12 issue story, but might have stretched to 18 to meet plot needs over in Batman (King doesn't seem to have an issue about padding stories to get timing to line up in ways he wants them to)

King's pitch was also made at the time when Tim was still Red Robin, but clearly there was internal interest in transitioning him away from the name and into some other identity as part of the shift away from n52. Putting Tim into the Nightwing suit for 6 months to a year would have been a nice intervening step to use as the prompt to give Tim a new identity.

It's a pitch from King that just...fits in really really well. I can see how he'd have had it interact with things. Especially as King really hadn't had an opportunity to use Tim in his run yet due to the Mr Oz storyline, and he'd been pulling so many other faces through his story.

(I will also note that the 'Drake' identity and costume for Tim appears in January 2010 in Young Justice; Bendis' initial concept was clearly taking Tim back to Robin before he also tried a 'new costume' growth arc).

But instead Bendis wanted to use Young Justice to anchor the whole Wonder Comics initiative, and he wanted Tim as Robin for it because the concept was to pull in all the nostalgia for everyone for Young Justice 1998, thus having everyone in their original identities. And that whole decision probably had more lead time than your average comic, so it took priority over suggestions of moving Tim to Nightwing (because they already had plans brewing).

(And then Young Justice got fucked over with SO MUCH editorial meddling, to the point that I cannot wait until enough people have left DC that we actually get stories about exactly how bad it was, rather than just inferring it from what can be seen in the text itself)

Come back next time for when I instead explain what I think happened with the accepted pitch for Ric Grayson (and how I cannot BELIEVE this was actually an accepted pitch, given the way it was treated as a hot potato; it feels more like an editorial dictate of a concept that was passed off until Dan Jurgens came up with an idea of how to make it into an actual plot)

[lovesosweeet]

better left unsaid // cth

chapter thirteen

in which orion has leukemia, and calum doesn’t know.

calum hood x fem!oc

read other chapters

august 3, 2018 los angeles, california orion

I've not left the apartment since I got home from the hospital two days ago, except to take Duke out a few times a day. The nausea has been unrelenting the entire time and I feel like I've been hit by a bus. I don't even sleep in our bed. I spend the whole time on the couch.

I'm grateful that I've only vomited once, but I haven't eaten a full meal in several days. From being stressed about Cal leaving to getting started on chemo, food hasn't exactly been appealing. I can tell my weight is going to plummet over the next several weeks, but it's hard to fight the feeling that I'll throw up anything I eat and also that adding anything else to the chaos in my stomach already is not a good idea.

Duke has been a great cuddle companion and has barely left my side. Calum called again yesterday but hasn’t yet called today. The time zones make it so confusing and I keep forgetting whether he’s ahead or behind of me in time. He texted me a few hours ago—it was just a selfie of him and Ashton backstage, letting me know they were about to perform. Once they finish the show tonight they’re flying to New Zealand, which I know he’s excited about.

It’s been long enough now that I think he should be off stage soon, if they aren’t already, but I know they’re going to be kind of chaotic afterwards because they’ll be rushing to the airport. I don’t plan on calling him at all; his schedule is so insane and busy, and I know he will do his best to call me as much as he can. I’ll call him if it’s important enough, but so far nothing has happened that should mean I call him.

This morning I woke up to a banging on the apartment door and to my dismay I found my moms had ordered groceries for me. It was just a bunch of easy to make foods — cans of soup, frozen pizzas, instant ramen — but it still frustrated me that they would do that without asking me. I don’t need their help.

I grumble silently, dragging the food inside with Duke sticking his face in the bags. “Nothing for you, sorry buddy.”

Once I get the frozen food into the freezer, I go to flop back on the couch. My body aches so much. I don’t feel like I can stand for more than a few minutes at a time. I’ve debated checking with Macy to see if she would be able to walk Duke for me, but I’m scared to rope another person in on my secret. I’m on the couch watching more Girl Meets World when Emelia texts me.

From: emi✨ how ya doin today? need anything?

To: emi✨ yuck. am fine. just don’t wanna move ever again.

From: emi✨ do you want me to walk duke for you? i can come by after work!

I want to say yes, but she’s already doing so much. She’s the one who will be driving me to and from chemo next week, and she’s already planning on coming over again tomorrow to keep an eye on me. I’m hoping I feel okay enough to hang out with Macy in a few days like we’d planned… I decide I am just going to suck it up. I can handle it. What's the worst that can happen?

I text Emelia "no" and then muster as much strength as I have left to get off the couch again. It's time to take a shower, I decide.

It takes me a somewhat shameful amount of time to get to the bathroom and turn on the water. I crank it all the way up because I'm freezing. Before I get in, I grab a pair of Cal's boxers and one of his hoodies to put on when I get out, and then I hook my phone up to the Bluetooth speaker so I can listen to music.

The sound of Maisie Peters' brief but iconic discography echoes in the room while I step under the hot water, and I instantly feel better. Washing my hair feels weird because it's so much shorter than it was when I last washed it. I pump out far too much shampoo for the amount of hair I have left, but it smells nice, so it's fine.

I'm singing the words to Worst of You when the music is replaced by ringing. Someone is calling me, and, if I had to guess, it's Calum. Of course, he calls right during the first time in the past several days that I can't answer. Quickly, I rinse the shampoo from my hair and try to scrub my entire body, undoubtedly missing a few places, but I just want to get out.

Tossing the sweatshirt on over my wet hair and clumsily stepping into the boxers, I grab my phone off the counter and hit the button to call Calum back. While it rings, I wrap the towel over my hair and walk out of the bathroom, plopping back on the couch.

"If it isn't my favorite girl on the planet," Calum answers.

My mood instantly lifts but I roll my eyes. "I'm telling Joy that she's not your favorite. She won't be happy."

"That's different and you know it."

I smile. I love that he loves his mom so much, but being ranked higher than her is really such an honor. She's a wonderful lady.

"Sorry to miss your call, I was in the shower."

"No, it's fine! We're driving to the airport now and I just wanted to say hi really quick."

"How was the second show?"

Calum starts talking about a technical issue that I don’t really understand but try to listen intently. Something about the sound in his earpieces cutting off and no one believed or understood him so he had to play the whole show not being able to hear anything. He said the fans made him a sign to remind him of his lyrics (a common trend) and someone threw a beaded bracelet onstage that had a C and an O with a heart between them.

“It’s yours now,” he says. “It won’t fit me but it’ll fit your tiny wrist.”

I smile. It’s a cute memento and I am glad the fans are kind of warming up to me. I try to avoid looking for their opinions and thoughts on me but it’s a bit inescapable if I go on any of the 5SOS pages to check for updates.

“Can’t wait to have it,” I tell him.

“Did I tell you I’ve flown Mum out to Auckland? We’ll get there around the same time.”

“No! You didn’t tell me, but I’m jealous. I miss her.”

“She misses you too. She said they’d love to come to LA for Christmas, too, so we can maybe start planning that?” He says it like a question. “I know it’ll probably be you planning it because I know you love planning but it doesn’t have to be just you.”

My heart gets warmer at the thought. I love hosting and spending time with our favorite people, especially for special occasions. It could also be the first time we get to introduce our families to each other. We only have one guest room, but Cal’s office/studio could fit an air mattress for Mali if she doesn’t bring a partner. My family could just come up for the day, or maybe Cal and I could sleep on the couch and give my moms and brother our room.

Then I remember treatment plans and all of the uncertainty in my future and my head starts to spin. Will we be able to host if I’m going through treatment? Maybe Cal should just go to Australia for Christmas without me, and I’ll stay here and get treatment or just spend it with my own family. I try not to think on it too hard, but there is still, devastatingly, a chance that Calum won’t be happy when I tell him I’ve been lying.

He wouldn’t break up with me over it, I don’t think, but sometimes when he’s mad he does lose sight of rationality. It’s not a unique trait to him. We all do it. He’s never gotten mad at me—we’ve had fights and arguments but he’s never been angry with me specifically, more a situation or something that just frustrates him. I don’t know how he’s going to react, and maybe that’s part of why I didn’t want to tell him at all. I am 98% sure Calum would’ve opted out of tour for me, but that other 2% gnaws at the back of my brain.

Would he have ended it then and there? Why go through the heartache of being with someone you know will die soon?

“Orion?” Cal’s voice interrupts my spiral.

“Sorry, what?”

He laughs. “I said you’d probably want to be in charge of planning Christmas.”

I laugh nervously. “Yeah, I mean… probably.”

He’s silent for a minute. It’s a short pause and with anyone else, it wouldn’t matter or stick out, but with Calum, it does. “You okay?”

I hate how easily he’s able to read me without even being able to see me. I quickly try to come up with an excuse. “Yeah, just been having a hard time sleeping. The apartment feels so empty without you.”

Calum pauses again, and I know it’s because that idea makes him a bit sad. “Would you feel better if Em stayed there? That could be fun, a four month sleepover with your bestie.”

I purse my lips, holding back that Em has already stayed here one night of the three that he’s been gone. “Maybe.”

He sighs. “I’m sorry you’re feeling lonely. Let me know if there’s any way I can help. Even if it’s just to fly home for a day whenever we have a break or to fly you somewhere for a day. I don’t care. I want to see you, especially if you’re down, okay?”

I want to shake my head but he can’t see me. “Cal, it’s fine. We’ll be fine. Just might take a bit to get used to.”

“I don’t want you to get used to a life without me, O. I’m here, forever, okay? Whatever you need, I’m there.”

With each word, I can feel my heart ripping down the middle, inch by inch. I don’t know how it’s still whole.

“I love you,” is all I manage to say. I’m choking back tears, the guilt is so much. How can I keep this up? How can I hold this in?

“I love you, too.” He sounds sad now. “Love, we’re almost to the airport. Do you want me to call you again once we’re through security? We don’t have to stop talking.”

I clear my throat. “No, it’s fine. I’ll be fine. Just text me before you take off.”

“We’re both gonna be fine. I’ve gotta go. I love you.”

I feel my tears slowly trickling down my face and I don’t bother to wipe them away. “I love you. Bye.”

Then we hang up, and I can really start sobbing. Duke runs over, his ears perked up. He’s not sure why I’m crying and he hops up next to me, sticking his face by mine. When he starts licking my face, I stop him. I’d read something about how all bodily fluids post-chemo are essentially poison. I don’t want to get Duke sick, too. I can’t handle that. We can’t both be sick.

I pull Duke close to me and squeeze him as much as I can without hurting him. I don’t know how I’m going to get through this, but I know I will, at least for now. I’ll have Em and my moms and Ash and Duke and everything will be fine. It has to be.

next chapter

a/n: spoiler next chapter will have a bomb drop hehehe

[pastamansta]

Occasionally, I think about the film that "Spider-Man: No Way Home" (2021) is not.

While I had my fun in theaters, while I enjoyed getting to see Tom Holland, Andrew Garfield, and Tobey Maguire all get to share the screen, while there is a lot of good in the film... I always find myself wondering about the film that we didn't get. While there's been a few talks about what the original draft for a sequel to "Spider-Man: Far From Home" (2019) looked like, there's never been definitive answers. However, it seems obvious to me that there wasn't much setup for the direction that the end of the trilogy took. This isn't exactly shocking, however. After all, it's hard to imagine watching just the Watts trilogy without knowing anything about the greater MCU. "Spider-Man: Homecoming" (2017) is a very different film than the one that follows it, mostly due to the non-Spider-Man films that came between the two, especially the films where Spider-Man still had to make an appearance.

Lots of films in the Marvel Cinematic Universe are like this, however. "Iron Man 3" (2013) notoriously ends on a dramatic send-off, one that would have to be ignored by the time of Iron Man's next scheduled appearance; "Avengers: Age of Ultron" (2015). "Ant-Man and the Wasp" (2018) has a similar problem. If there were any fans of Ant-Man that weren't fans of the larger MCU, I'm sure they'd be wondering why exactly he was put under house arrest. That's not to say that the films don't mention what happened off-screen, they actually do a totally adequate job of re-capping previous entries, but that's to say that it's hard to picture why exactly the characters were taken in the directions they did when you don't watch the films... that they barely appeared in. These films were not just not made to be watched without becoming invested in the entirety of the MCU, they're nearly impossible to understand without.

This problem is made far worse by the introduction of the series. Now, you don't just have to watch twenty-six films, give or take a disputed entry or two, to understand the latest Spider-Man film... You also need to watch a six-hour series, "WandaVision" (2021) and a four-hour series, "Loki" (2021). That's intentionally discarding "The Falcon and the Winter Soldier" (2021) and "What If…?" (2021) as "truly option" content.

While I can't promise that the original draft, one that had not yet considered the MCU's coming fixation on the idea of the "multiverse," would be any more or less entertaining, it might, at the very least, feel more consistent than the film we received. Whispers of a film with Kraven the Hunter and/or Scorpion, hired by J. Jonah Jameson to take down the masked menace at any cost, sounds like a film that could reasonably come after Spider-Man's dramatic clash against Mysterio and more dramatic world-wide unmasking. To me, consistency means a lot, especially when you've got something good on your hands.

Funnily enough, though, "Spider-Man: No Way Home" (2021) is not the film I'm here to talk about.

I'm going to lightly criticize "Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse" (2023) and then lock my doors.

The sequel to "Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse" (2018) is one of the best films that I never asked for. Dramatic, high-concept, and more ambitious than I expected, even from a sequel to such an already ambitious movie, I can't help but wonder if it's too much.

The original film is so charming, funny, and easy to enjoy. It's perhaps the best starting point for anyone who's never seen a superhero film before.

So... why isn't the sequel another one of those? A lot of the film is dedicated to small, intimate discussions between Miles and his family, or semi-philosophical debates between dozens of variants of Spider-Man clashing over the concept of "canon events." Does this not feel somewhat out of place when you think about how the first film was so casual that it introduced Spider-Noir as a near-parody gulper of egg creams, when the actual Spider-Noir is best known for taking on a Vulture who cannibalized Uncle Ben and a Doc Ock who... well, you can research that yourself. Of course, I loved the endless references and throwbacks and reveals and action and spectacle... but is this really a sequel that feels like the first?

I've heard so many people criticize the film's ending, the hidden "See Part 2, Coming Soon" that soils what was otherwise a "perfect experience," but... what else is there to expect? It's not a family-oriented comedy with some stunning, dramatic moments anymore... It's just another epic, just another "Avengers: Infinity War" (2018) and, frankly, as much as I like it, I'll always be disappointed.

However, I can't just end on that note.

I have to push my luck.

I have no doubt that some, upon reading this, would ask, "Then what direction should the sequel have taken?"

Well, we've got six mains; Miles Morales, Peter B. Parker, Gwen Stacy, Peni Parker, Noir, and the pig. What's a proper threat for a team of six Spider-Man variants to go up against that every director of every Spider-Man film and every company that's ever owned the rights to Spider-Man has daydreamed about, but called "too ambitious" to portray on the big screen? I'll give you a hint; it was set up in "The Amazing Spider-Man 2" (2014), teased in the after-credits of "Spider-Man: Homecoming" (2017), and even worms its way in to "Morbius" (2022).

If you can tell me honestly that you prefer the idea of the sprawling epic we received to a fun, in-line sequel where the main cast returns to go up against a multi-verse spin on the Sinister Six, then we'll just have to agree to disagree. In the meantime, I'm heavily disappointed in this future winner of the 96th Academy Award for Best Animated Feature.

Bravo. Well done. Five stars. I'm let down.

[stereax]

I think MM is cooked, he’s 1 of 2 players to not outright deny his involvement and there’s also the damning picture of him in the hotel room

I'm rolling with the idea of innocent until proven guilty (the report comes out). There's a LOT of moving pieces and we won't know for sure what happened until we get the report - and even then, we don't know how accurate the report will be to what really happened.

Under the cut, I'll explain more. TW we're going to be talking about the 2018 WJC scandal in-depth, so if you're sensitive to sexual assault themes, please don't read forward.

I'm scheduling this post because I'm honestly a little terrified about this one, for (hopefully) obvious reasons. Sorry for the delay on this, in advance. God, fuck, shit, I know this is a bad idea, and I'm reasonably sure this is gonna get me cancelled (as much as a Tumblr account can be cancelled) lol... please be nice?

Before I get into the discussion, a disclaimer: I am not denying the 2018 WJC rape case. I fully believe that it happened. What happened is terrible and disgusting and should never be allowed to exist in professional hockey. I am analyzing one player (Michael/Mikey McLeod) and his possible involvement in said scandal.

Innocent Until Proven Guilty: A Stereanalysis.

Everyone charged with a penal offence has the right to be presumed innocent until proved guilty according to law in a public trial at which he has had all the guarantees necessary for his defence. - United Nations Universal Declaration of Human Rights (UN UDHR) Article 11 (look, international relations IS a useful major!)

Let's start off with the (very limited) facts of the case, from the lawsuit: At a gala in London, Ontario, celebrating the 2018 gold medal of the Canada World Junior's team, a woman (EM) meets a hockey player (Player 1). She becomes increasingly drunk and ends up going to Player 1's hotel room. They engage in sex (seemingly, at this point, consensual, though EM is intoxicated and possibly Player 1 is as well - the ethics of drunk sex are not my realm to parse out, and I will not be analyzing whether this specific instance is rape or not, as it is ultimately moot). Player 1 then invites his friends into the hotel room without EM's knowledge or consent. The number varies; in the lawsuit there are eight total players, but police say there are "reasonable grounds" for only five players. Important to note here is that most media says the lawsuit is against eight CHL players, among which 2018 WJC players are included. These five-to-eight players then proceed to sexually assault EM, intimidating her and blocking off exits. EM and her mother soon open a case with the local police on this issue. Player 1, upon being informed of this investigation by Hockey Canada, goes so far as to contact EM through Instagram and beseech her to "put an end to" the investigation.

Yikes.

We've got up to eight players (five that are going to be named in the report, it seems) that have raped EM. At least one of these, and likely several, but presumably not all, are members of the 2018 WJC roster. We will assume that all these facts are accurate.

On the picture: I can't find it anywhere. I'm looking. It doesn't help that seemingly ALL of Reddit is shut off with the API protests. Fire it my way, if you can. I've seen mentions of it in other places, so I will believe it exists, but I'd like to see it.

Mikey not saying anything doesn't mean he was or was not involved, in my opinion. It would be, frankly, stupid, to make comments on the investigation while it's pending. Remember how anything you say can and will be used against you? Exactly. Any legal advisor worth their salt would tell you to say as little as possible in front of the media.

Every other player on that team, barring (I think) Formenton and Batherson (both on the Sens), have denied they did anything. Formenton's contract wasn't re-inked and he's playing in Switzerland. Batherson was wearing an A when there was a recent injury on the Senators' roster. If we go Court of Public Opinion and claim Formenton is guilty and Batherson is innocent, we still have four-to-seven players' names to fill in. And it's entirely possible that none of those players were on the WJC roster.

Now, consider the NHL's position on this. They're just emerging from the wakes of the Kyle Beach scandal. Do they really need a second major sex scandal on their hands? Especially one at the hands of players and not staff? Would it not be easier to simply round up the players reasonably suspected to be part of the sexual assault and explain to them that yeah, you'll be taking a "personal" leave of absence or playing in Europe until this is resolved?

"But Stereax!" you say. "Cale Makar! Carter Hart! Those guys might be involved and they would be protected by the league because they're stars!" To this, I simply say: Mikey is not a star. As much as he plays a vital role on the Devils, he is far from a Jack Hughes-esque kind of player. I'm fairly certain they could Europe him with little or no real issues.

"But Stereax!" you say. "They did so little about Kyle Beach, even though Kane and Toews were publicly implicated! Nothing happened to them, and they're all but proven to have known and done nothing about it!" To this, I once again say: Mikey is not the face of a franchise. He is not a star. In the eyes of hockey, he is a replaceable 4C. You remove him from the team, you can put Shango or Boqvist in as the 4C and shuffle the third line accordingly.

Another thing to note is how, from the very limited information Mikey did give us, he stated that he was working with the authorities. If a person sexually assaulted someone else, and then ended up under an investigation, would that person willingly work with the authorities? Would they go so far as to say that on record? I'm doubtful.

Even if the NHL was to take no action, I sincerely believe that the Devils' organization would have done something if they were aware that Mikey was involved in the scandal. Unlike some organizations in the league (coughcoughRangerswhocough), the Devils tend to do things with general respect for humans. Like Fitz, who took the time to sit down with Severson and basically tell him that we'd love to keep him but he's too expensive, then help engineer the sign-and-trade to Columbus, getting Sevo the extra contract year. From a team that outwardly had a gender equality night, it would seem antithetical to the organization's roots to knowingly shelter a rapist. Hell, why would they write a FEATURE PIECE on McLeod in the playoffs? That's just asking for trouble.

Speaking of the playoffs - the report is dragging on. It's been months since we were promised it. Devils fans had worried that the report, if it would be indicting Mikey, was being postponed until the Devils were out of the playoffs so as not to mess the team up in the middle of their run. The run's been over for a month now. The report still isn't out. That's perhaps a good sign, that the report wasn't being held just so Mikey could have his "last hurrah", so to speak.

Think now about Ben Johnson. When he was found guilty of rape, the Devils terminated his contract basically immediately. Johnson never played for the Devils, splitting time between the AHL and ECHL affiliates (Albany Devils & Adirondack Thunder). Even so, it was a hard-line and immediate stance from the organization in a league that keeps trying to get Mitchell Miller ice time.

Or Jake Virtanen - though he was found not guilty of sexual assault by court, his contract was bought out and then he hauled ass to EHC Visp in the Swiss NL, where he got in enough fights with his teammates that the team basically told their manager they'd walk if he stayed. Recall Virtanen was a 6th overall pick in the NHL, probably the best non-lockout-era player the NL had ever seen, and he was that unpopular and much of a jackass.

Contrast this with Mikey, who the entire team seems to love. Take the Desert Island interviews, where every player asked says they'd take Mikey or Nate (the Superbuddies) or both onto a desert island for entertainment. Or how Luke's first dinner with the Devils was with the Superbuddies, Jack, and Dawson. Or generally how Mikey (and Nate) seem to parent half the young'uns on the team. Is Jack "our parents raised us to believe in gay rights and support the queer community" Hughes going to knowingly associate with a rapist? Is the team, which Jack has outright said was excited and had no issues with pride night and were looking forward to supporting that - is this a team that would all stick by someone who's committed sexual assault? Hockey culture and all, but I'd hope the Devils would be better than that.

And here we get to the most intriguing part of Clouder's Defense, what I call the 7+1 Theory. There have been whispers of this in the media and among circles of those in the know. The 7+1 Theory, most simply, is: Eight players were in the room where it happened. Seven sexually assaulted EM. One walked in and out, "unaware" of what was going on. (How "unaware" is up for debate. Some sources say that Player 8 was unsure whether whatever was happening was consensual and just resolved to stay out of it.) If this is the case, was Player 8 Mikey? We have no way of knowing.

And that's the long and short of it - we don't know. And we won't know until the report is released. And even when the report is released, how much will it say? How accurate will it be?

Now, if Mikey IS indicted in the report, all of this speculation is moot. However, I wouldn't go so far as to assume he is involved until we get the report - there are significant factors playing in his favor, which I've outlined above. I'm sure there are more that I'm forgetting, but I've spent way too long on this post already...

When the names are named and the information is released, only then will I pass judgment. Until then, I'm going to stick with the UDHR and presume innocence, both for the sake of legal thought and for the sake of my own sanity.

Once again, please do not take ANY of this as me dismissing or belittling sexual assault in any way. What happened in that hotel room in Canada was horrific and should never be even implicitly approved of by the NHL. I hope this report comes out sooner rather than later and justice can finally be served.

[dojae-huh]

JN and JW hinting they are starting to record for 127 cb album. The keyword is "starting" we may not know when it'll release it could be next year. DJJ start recording for mini album since Jan 2022 its means the plans had been cooked since 2021. DJJ is still busy with fansigns and if the fancon is a tour we might get another date at least until July. TY solo is on June 5th. Dream tours is still going until July 11th (if theres no additional show). If nct2023 will be release on Aug then Dream cb is on Sept (SM said they both in Q3). On the other hand, today timeline has been talking bout TI bbl, he said about sleeping for hours and feel hopeless. I dont know exactly what he refered it could be anything, but I bet its about lack of solo activity and his e-date is due. Or it could be about his songs got rejected by SM. SM has a plan for whole year, its only on Q2 yet already messed up (aespa and Taeyeon cb should be on April). Seems like he cant fit anything on the masterplan and he frustated. I pity him really, but SM is SM, they are business oriented company. He must be working on something profitable if making music doesnt give him a place in company. I wish he has a bit of DY/TY confidence in building his own idol self, doing something to gain attention from gp, networking with people in industries, creating his own portofolio on sns, etc.

I'd prefer to wait more but get a good result out of it.

Granted, we, fans, lost fate in SM after the mess of the last year, however, the delays were always a problem, meanwhile SM does have a record of performing well (2018 run, NCT2020 run). DJJ's debut and aespa's comeback show improvements in quality of preparations. As such, I wouldn't catastrophize. It's in SM's interest to give 127 an album this year. Album sales and new songs for a new tour bring money, not delays. It's not like 127 is an unprofitable group or a group from a small company that has no funds for a new comeback.

I think what's important to realise is that the fear of 127 disbanding is not valid anymore.

Taeil's bubble.

Fans in quirts "read the future". They put words in Taeil's mouth, they don't know what he feels really, what he meant to convey with his bubble. Who wouldn't want to have a long sleep? People dream of having lots of money and not needing to work. And here is Taeil, with money, and not needing to wake up 3 a.m.

Taeyong did a promotion today in a theme park for the Rose day. He said he always wanted to do something on this day, and here he is, giving out 605 roses on the street. The company heard his wish and arranged the flowers and the event. Is this mistreatment? If Doyoung and Taeyong get budget for their covers and dance numbers for a YT channel, then why it is expected that Taeil would be treated differently? Being the best vocal in the group? Why SM can give him two solo numbers for Link+ and center a cooking show for YT content around him, but "acts evil" otherwise?

We don't know what is the deal with Taeil. Is it the problem of scheduling and him needing to enlist soon, or maybe it's a problem of him being a less popular member and SM starting the solo releases with more popular members for a better publicity, or maybe he is stuck with the creative side of things/SM not finding him a worthy A-track yet. He will get his solo album sooner or later. Everyone does now, so there is no worry about that.

You wish Taeil to be like Taeyong or Doyoung. Will it make him happier? Why the fans refuse idols like him (homebodies who instead of wandering the streets of a new city spend hours playing pool or who cook meat in 20 ways) to exist and just be? He has respect from people around him, he is friends with renowned producers, he has security in his job, he travels the world, he has money for a private pilates instructor, he has time to play piano and guitar and learn how to compose, he has freedom of doing lives where he sings for hours for millions of people tuning in if he wishes so... and if he sounds or looks unhappy or frustrated sometimes it is because noone is always happy, it's simply impossible, our human programming doesn't allow it.

Anyways. Let's stop thinking for idols and pity those who made it to the top of idol career.

[dmitri-smerdyakov]

You're totally right about the tattoos thing. Sometimes people don't want to show their tattoos but can't cover them for some reason. Doesn't mean they still like them. How do these people think former gang members feel about their tattoos?

Exactly; I got my Beasts/Potter tattoos between August 2018 and April 2019 (I think it was April - it was definitely early-2019 when I got my last Potter tattoo), so I got them before it was obvious just how awful JKR is. I had no way of knowing then just how terrible she was back then, all I knew was that Potter and Beasts meant a lot to me and got me through my teens and early adult life.

There's a few reasons I haven't gotten cover ups or removals, but it is mostly down to money: I'm, to be blunt, poor as FUCK right now. I've spent the last two and a half years working at various schools through an agency that has taken hundreds of pounds off of my earnings, and the summer camp I usually get work at didn't need me except for two days this summer because they had so many returning staff and very few children (cost of living crisis, am i right?) I've spent the last month job hunting and despite sending off at least 100 applications, I've had two interviews and one scheduled one for two weeks; I've had to apply for Universal Credit because I have barely any money left, and even then that's not coming in until mid-September, and that's not going to be anywhere enough to get five cover-up tattoos, especially since the Leta flower is pretty big.

There's a few other reasons I haven't, but it is mostly down to money. And I'm sorry, but I'm not covering my arms from wrists to elbows with bandages (due to a personal struggle with MH etc), nor am I going to put body paint on my arms every single day or wear wristbands going up my entire arm. As for sleeves, it's not just because of the humid weather but also because of sensory issues related to my autism - if I get hot then it gets itchy and sweaty and uncomfortable etc. Besides, I don't want to cover up my other tattoos that mean a lot to me and that - frankly - look amazing as fuck just because of the Potter ones.

Thankfully, my Potter/Beasts ones are relatively small: Tina's wand, a Newt quote with his signature, the Deathly Hallows symbol and the tiny Potter glasses/scar are all pretty minimalist. The Leta Lestrange orchid (with her name above it and two words beneath it) is pretty big, but to be honest most people don't even realise what it's from. That tattoo is also bordering extremely closely to my Last of Us Part II tattoo, like the artist left about 1mm of space between one of the fern leaves and then the Leta tattoo (which is a testament to how great he is quite frankly because now it looks like I've got a little sleeve going on), so covering it would be very hard.

It's also worth mentioning that during this discussion, someone replied to the original tweet about Potter tattoos having a bigger regret rate than transitioning, saying that far right Nazi groups have apparently started tattooing Norse runes on their bodies and using runes in their bio/display name - which horrifies me because I have a Norse rune tattoo from the How To Train Your Dragon series, and the last thing I want is someone assuming I agree with Nazis all because I got a tattoo that says "Night Fury" and was taken from a family film about dragons and Vikings.

[piggyinthemiddle]

How Porky got so fat...🐷

In this blog, I wanted to talk a little more about my progress with my weight. I've seen many insecure people lately, unsure gainers and feedees who doubt themselves and aren't sure whether fattening up is the right way for them to go.

Of course, I can not make that decision for you, but at least, I can share my "road to pork" with you. Maybe that helps, in any way whatsoever.

Before I start : If you have a negative opinion about this, just keep it to yourself. I don't really give a crap about what you think, and it just ruins the vibe for those who wanna read this. Thanks, big fat preech. ;)

🐽 How it all started 🐽

I knew that this fetish was part of me for many, many years. I've always been rather chubby and it never actually bothered me. I often fantasised about getting bigger, and being fed, also into extreme sizes and under extreme circumstances, but that was it : Fantasies. Never would I ever have thought I'd start doing it, in real life, to my actual body. Not because I didn't want to, but because I felt like I have to fit into society norms, and I shouldn't enjoy this because it's bad, blah blah blah. You know the deal.

All of that turned around in very early 2019, maybe even late 2018, when I started gaining some weight randomly because I didn't do as much sport and activity as before, for work reasons and shift schedules. I softened up a little and as soon as I realised, it turned me on like crazy. The fantasies got more intense and at some point, after several months, I decided I wanted to try it out "just once". So, I covered myself in unhealthy foods and stuffed my face for a day, and I felt so alive and great that it got me addicted. Porky's first "official stuffing", if you will.

However, "Just once" quickly turned into "several times a month", and I gained more and more weight, ending up with a small but chubby belly by the end of 2019.

🐽 The Pandemic 🐽

Boy oh boy.. Then came Covid. I grew more and more bored, being locked at home, and overeating became a very normal, almost every day habit. Mainly for the sexual pleasure it gave me, but also just for seeing my body grow bigger and wider by the week. I took it rather easy for the first few months of 2020, but then, around June, I started to consider turning myself into a piggy for my own enjoyment. I honestly didn't care much about other peoples opinions on my body at that point. I just wanted to grow into exactly what I wanted to be.

Considering became choice in late August, and with the first day of October 1st, 2020, I began to fatten myself up with a plan and a schedule.

It worked incredibly well, I gained very fast and my body started to become rounded and big within a few months. 2020 turned into 2021, and by summer '21, I had gained over 35 kilos of pure fat. But it wasn't enough. I needed a lot more. So, I adjusted my calories and my schedules and overdid it even more. My kilos piled up on me and I slowly became huge. On Christmas eve 2021, at the family gathering, I was stuffed like an actual pig and my gut was so full and tight that I needed a 2h nap from all the pressure in my stomach. To this day, I've no idea if anyone noticed just how extremely fattened up I was that night, but if they did, they never mentioned anything..

🐽 2022.. and NOW 🐽

I haven't stopped fattening myself since mid 2020. I gained over 60 kilos at this point, my BMI is at 47 and I'm rated "extremely morbidly obese" already. It shows, especially on my gut. If you've seen me on Grommr, you've probably seen the huge lard-filled belly I carry around. I'll add a picture here, too.

I'm not even joking or overdramamtising it to be kinky, I really am extremely fattened and ripened at this point and my belly looks like I'm about to burst when it's fully stuffed and pushing outwards. I'm covered in very light stretch marks, my belly is shaped like a giant lard ball and sometimes it hangs down so heavily after my sessions that I need to rest it on my kitchen or bathroom counters to be able to stand up straight.

Recently, I started showing myself off on the internet, like a big prize hog, and I've got very similar feedback there too. Many people seem to be fascinated with my shape and my fat pig gut, they want to see me in all sorts of different angles, and I'm happily providing. I love the attention, I love being treated like this, and I love being 'reduced' to what I am now.

People want to fatten me more, and I'm accepting it. I'm getting bigger and fatter for likes now, and I'd have never ever thought this would ever be possible. I stuff myself tight and round, post the outcome and get even more validation. This has been my absolute dream so far.

I'm no longer a chubby little piggy. By now, I'm a huge, fat, ripe porker. And I love every second of it. 🐖🥓

Here's one of my most recent pictures, taken immediately after finishing my fattening session for the day.

I stuffed myself so tight here that you can't even see my fatrolls anymore. They clearly show and hang down when I'm empty-bellied in the mornings.

Enjoy. 🐷✌🏻

[comicaurora]

How old were you when you decided to start taking Aurora seriously? ("taking seriously" as in, deciding to start making it a comic, and putting work into making it come to life rather than it just be a dream project or a fun thought)

File dates indicate I first started drawing proper test pages for the comic at the very beginning of 2018 (a random snippet of a very early draft of Dainix's intro arc, just to get a feel for the comic tools in CSP) although I remember I had drawn up some short experimental intro comics probably as early as 2016, and I had full digital illustrations of some of the characters in my college application portfolio around 2013-2014, although I don't think any of those made it onto my current computer.

I started on the proper comic, like the actual illustrated pages that made it onto the site, in march of 2019, but it seems like I created those files as early as october of 2017, so it's possible I was playing with the sketch of the first chapter pretty dang early.

It's a little tricky to answer this question, because the very first form this story took was comics I drew in my old sketchbooks, so there was never a time when I didn't want to make it exist in some comic-shaped form. Initially I just wanted to make a story for me to read, because I was very bored and hungry for fantasy that wasn't boring, depressing or both. But somewhere along the line it occurred to me that I could make something other people would want to read too. I don't know exactly when I made that switch - I suspect it was fairly early in the process, because due to who I am as a person I have a very strong urge to share what I make. For me, just making the thing wasn't enough - I got so much more energy from showing it to people and discussing it with them than just drawing it for myself. I got zero interest or positive feedback from my peers in middle school and quickly resolved not to share anything until I was certain it was good, which in hindsight was a maladaptive attempt to avoid being bullied by people who, shockingly, didn't actually determine their bullying schedule off any internal logic I could work around. But it did motivate me to practice a lot and branch out artistically in directions that had previously not interested me. Having a distant but attainable end goal was exactly the kind of carrot on a stick I needed to lure my baby ADHD brain into actually sticking with something for a change.

At this stage I'd say it was firmly "I want to do this someday." Not because it wasn't practical or realistic, but because I wasn't ready. That's how it was through most of high school, though after I got my first drawing tablet and began exploring digital art around 2012-2013, things went from "it'd be cool someday" to "I have the tools I need to do this as soon as I'm ready." After that I started playing with drawing programs, acclimating to the weird experience of using a drawing tablet instead of pencil on paper, and even toying with a little simple cel animation with the built-in bare-bones app that came with my tablet.

The idea of drawing the illustrations for the videos I was starting to do came from the same impulse - I wanted to get better at digital art, and needed to in order to make the comic a viable possibility. Again, it let me trick my brain into focusing on getting really good at something, which was a practice I'd never been able to sustain for long without a concrete end goal in mind. Sticking with something for its own sake didn't work - I needed that delicious dopamine feedback to keep me going, and the constant rush of "I'm getting better at this and that's getting me closer to this thing I really really want" apparently did the trick.

But I actually think this is around where I started faltering - late high school and very early college, so like 2012-2014. Aurora was the first big writing project I'd ever really loved, and I knew from experience that first writing projects were usually bad. They were valuable for skill-building and refinement, but were they actually worth showing to anyone? Plus my notes/timeline file had gotten really massive and unwieldy at this point, and playing with the cast and story was turning into a chore of continuity rather than a fun exercise. It was getting bloated - rather than making the story go anywhere I was just adding little bits onto it every time they occurred to me. Every cool idea I was having had to be mashed into this one world I was playing with, and I worried it was getting out of hand. So I dropped it for over a year and spent my time playing with an urban fantasy ghost story concept instead. That got far enough in development that I still have a saved color swatch for it.

I played with it and built it out and felt more serious and cool with this Edgy Dark Adventure with a psychopomp vs an immortal witch vampire and a wild cast of colorful supporting weirdos, and then I realized I was really bored. Once again I'd built a cast of characters without a plot to actually use them, only this time they weren't even characters I particularly liked.

So I tentatively went back to Aurora. I think this can't have been much before 2014, but I'm not certain on that. And with the benefit of a year's time on the backburner, I'd boiled it down to the core elements I really liked and rendered out all the filler and padding I'd stuffed it full of back when I was just using it to store every cool idea and character I had. I was relieved to know that this story and cast of characters I liked so much was turning out to be actually worth exploring, and I went a lot harder on the worldbuilding and establishing an actual set of arcs and plots to keep the characters engaged and occupied by an interesting diversity of setpieces, side characters and events.

By early college (2014-2015) I think I was back in the swing of things, determined to actually make the comic happen (once I was ready and good enough, natch) and enthused about rewriting the basic arcs and beats from scratch rather than touching that bloated timeline file I'd abandoned a year earlier. By junior year (2017) I have a distinct memory of doodling out the first designs for Tynan in my Greek Thought And Lit course, which is a pretty good indicator that I was getting committed to the granular parts of the story.

It wasn't until after I graduated in 2018 that I really started thinking about, you know. actually doing it. not someday, now. I was free from school and mentally decompressing from a decade and a half of nonstop stress and pressure, the channel had hit its first major jump and was actually making us a proper living so I didn't need to pivot to a job hunt like I'd feared, and if I didn't bite the bullet and start immediately I would probably just keep procrastinating it out of a mounting sense of guilt and insecurity until I couldn't bear to look at it again. Sure, I could still get better, but at that point I'd done enough headfirst dives into the unknown to conclude that it is literally impossible to fully prepare for something before you experience it for the first time. If I kept waiting until I felt ready, I would never start. So that's around when I started looking into building the site, drawing up the first three chapters and going from there. Sometimes you gotta say "fuck it", push yourself off the diving board and hope you figure something out before you hit the water.

[beautifulpersonpeach]

Jimin's Got that Busan Juju + A Comment on His Photo Folio (Repost)

Anonymous: Hi BPP, I hope the concert was wonderful and everything you asked for. I would really like to know your opinion/analysis about my query below because I started with BTS last year and I am still struggling to figure this out.

So before I started with BTS, the one person whose name I constantly heard was Jimin. Some of my friends who are into BTS loved him and it felt like he was everywhere so when I started with BTS I tried to avoid him. I tend to veer towards the less well known member. However, no matter how hard I tried, I always saw myself watching Jimin. It started with performances and then everything else. Now I don't think he is my bias. I often try to stay loyal to the hyung line but I somehow end up looking at Jimin. I just don't get it. What sort of magic is this? Am I noticing him because everyone else is? I am so confused about this whole situation. Like I know he is good to look at but any idea what the deal is. Lol, I sounds like a teenager with a crush. Do other people feel this as well or am I actually a teenager with a crush?

Lol even if you don't respond to this, I hope this makes you laugh.

***

It’s that Busan juju.

It’s his God-breathed visuals.

Gaia herself crafted that man to be every man, woman, and other’s dream. Athena’s rival, Aphrodite’s muse, Beyonce’s godson.

Jimin’s visuals have always been my favorite. His vocals have always been my favorite. And I’ve slowly come to accept he’s the best dancer in BTS. There was a time (mid-2018 or so) that he seemed so perfect I briefly considered the possibility he might be a sociopath.

Sometimes he falls off my radar (the rapline consistently stay on my radar) but then he pranks Hobi, says something savagely sassy, or his vocals pierce my brain like a lightning rod and he gets on my radar again.

The new ARMY recruit (non-ARMY friend who watched the Grammys) asked me recently why I don’t think of Jimin as my bias or even bias wrecker (that title belongs wholly to Jungkook), and all I could say is that he doesn’t annoy me enough to be my bias, and with how much I like Jimin, I like Yoongi a touch more, Hobi a teeny bit more, and Joon about as much as I like Jimin, maybe. Why that is exactly, I don’t know. People choose their biases for all sorts of reasons, or rather, their biases choose them.

Jimin is a bit of a special case because everybody notices him. It’s quite literally impossible not to. It’s why so many people feel threatened by this guy breathing anywhere near their biases, cause they know their biases would sooner get on one knee, or better yet, turn around and kneel with their asses in the air, for Jimin to do whatever he wants. I just need y'all to watch any of their MV reaction videos, I mean BTS reacting to themselves. Pick anyone at all. And look at their faces when Jimin comes on the screen. I almost feel embarrassed for them because it’s so obvious. Jungkook showed up in Chelsea boots during soundcheck the other day, and his energy? Hyung’s copycat indeed. They all see Jimin for what he is. Jimin himself knows what he is. I have a pet theory that one reason he’s so heavily leaned into his ‘cute, harmless, almost helpless good boy’ persona lately, is to try to seem less threatening. Most maknae line solo stans hate him to a hilariously absurd degree, because they view him as real competition. It’s why they’re so proactive with their hate, always on schedule, never missing a deadline. Some hyung-line akgaes too feel that way tbh. I’ve seen more than one person say Jimin is this generation’s Prince (the artist). And let me add something I’m working on in response to another ask about my favorite sub-unit in BTS (it’s 3J after the rapline): the 3J unit is the only unit filled with aces. You read that right. J-Hope, Jimin, and Jungkook are the true aces in BTS, it might just take some work to see it cause one of those three people goes around saying he wants to be waited on like Cleopatra taking milk baths.

Anyway, I digress.

I hate to be that person, but in your case, you sound a bit like Anthony Bridgerton talking about Kate Sharma. You can’t take your eyes off him? You end up looking only at him? Anon, you might be under the Jimin Effect. I suspect you’ve Jim-ined and cannot Jim-out, as they say.

Maybe accept it? Loving Jimin is a very enjoyable activity and I can speak from experience.

Originally posted: April 12th, 2022 8:00am

**

Repost EDIT: Reading this post now, after Jimin's photofolio teasers have dropped, made me Laugh. Out. Loud.

Y'all, I hollered. Jimin really is something else, and whatever he is, only Jimin himself knows it. The other members have a very good idea, but the full expression of Jimin is something only Jimin knows. And that makes me giggle. It makes me love him a little harder. It makes me feel things - to know that there will always be something new to learn about him, to explore with him.. it's an intoxicating feeling. It's one I feel sometimes when I think about Namjoon, Yoongi, and Hoseok. The only criticism I have of Jimin's photo folio, is that it comes with no sound, and that's a criticism I'm making only because it's Jimin. I wish this photofolio was a film series instead. Only because I want to hear more of Jimin's vocal evolution. Imagine what he would sound like inspired by the moon's relationship with Artemis, or "freedom"...

Anyway, I hope whoever wanted a copy was able to get one. I hope the worry-toned asks I was frequently getting about Jimin, subside now. I hope his antis finally get a clue. And I hope more of us sit back and just enjoy the ride that is Park Jimin. I've said before that I think he is the most threatening person in k-pop. Lol. It's just what it is.

(He's problematic)

*

(I mean look at him)

*

*

(It's the casual arrogance for me)

*

(Qu'y a-t-il d'autre à dire ?)

Y'all, I laughed. 💜

[mobiused]

how do you think the choerry situation compares to the haseul situation? i'm a pretty new orbit and only started stanning in hula hoop era so i have no idea what it was like back then

Tbh my memory's kinda hazy but here's my feeling of it:

Communication between the girls and Orbits was so sparse, the only time we got news about them was through BBC released info, or seeing them in schedules. So it was totally normal to not hear anything about anyones existence for weeks, and I guess even months. We didn't even get regular selfie uploads - there were 2 SNS posts for Heejin for literally all of 2018. Like... how did we live like this lmfao.

So about a week after the start of butterfly promotions, it was announced that Haseul's grandma passed away and she needed time to grieve. We were given an explanation for her absence and everyone could understand that there's no timescale for when she'd be OK to return. Even so, at the end of Butterfly promotions, we were told that for personal reasons she wouldn't participate in activities for the time being. She came back in July 2019, but in Jan 2020 we were told that because of Haseul's anxiety, she wouldn't be in the So What comeback (even though her voice was on 3 of the songs) and this got extended to Why Not era too. We got implicit confirmation of her returning, when she was featured in the end of year teaser, New Moon, almost a year later. Some people were actually mad at how BBC handled this because of the lack of updates on Haseul, but what exactly could they say. "Haseul update: still struggling with anxiety 🤷‍♂️" like%*$,,%,% what could they update us with except from the fact she wasn't ready to return... there's nothing Orbits could do except from give Haseul support and hope for her condition to get better enough to return, which she did. She actually said thank you for the 1st win that they got with So What whilst on her hiatus too.

With Choerry, the perplexing thing is not really the lack of updates (because again, what would they say? "Choerry still sick, whoops, Choerry's surgery went well, Choerry is on an IV drip today", all this is clearly TMI and useless, fans are just being nosy) but rather the complete lack of explanation. At the same time, it's understandable that her health details aren't being divulged, it's not fair to demand that. I guess it just feels strange because of when it happened with the tour, she missed a show because of her health, so we assumed it was exhaustion and from being overworked. It's been 12 weeks since we last saw her, since their last American show, but she's still sick. I know some people take longer to recover than others, but I don't think it takes 12 weeks or longer - it seems to be something else other than tour exhaustion that's up with her, and it's concerning to think of what it could be. Without literally ANYTHING to go off, whether it's her mental health, a long term health condition, or a physical injury, it's just worrying when orbits are left to speculate because... you start to think of the worst.

I think it this time round it just feels worse because we got so used to hearing from the girls, at minimum, on a weekly basis with Fab and social media updates. But with no explanation of why she's MIA, and the sharp drop in contact from what we got used to, it just feels so wrong. And like... people don't seem to even care beyond getting viral I Miss Choerry tweets...

[aphrodite1288]

Ji definitely wants us to know he's hiding something otherwise he could have just removed the photo but he didn't, especially because the next photo is from the same day and he doesn't cover it, so why is the other one covered? After Ji pulled off 181204 i could expect anything from him he is always two steps ahead

Exactly! He didn't cover the other polaroid RIGHT NEXT To the one in question because Ksoo was not in the frame probs he took the pic.

As we can see it in the pics dear @bobobosinsinsin Sent us :

In Kaist show the same polaroids were hung on the fridge! With the same magnets! And the one in question was hung by an Orange magnet in both pictures from past and present but it wasn't hidden by the business card ! Why? Because in Kaist Ji was the one in charge of the filming he can tell what to film and what not. He controlled mostly everything! So he wouldn't show his fridge that close so he didn't have to hide the photo with a business card that unveils personal info of a technician! But! little did we know ! It's his way of hinting ! Ji has a pattern and I've discovered it through the years! Hear me out, his pattern is :

Showing something in a certain situation in diffrent times frames: past and present and changes something in the present for us to compare with the past and get the hint! And he did it Thrice or more but I could only catch those three times he adopted his retrospective pattern of hinting!

1) In December 4th 2018: he hinted to us that he will have a scandal by putting his manager on his live without him knowing and he let his manager talk on the phone without warning him beforehand and eventually Manager-nim mentioned that they're going to film for a scandal ! Yes Ji did that : opened an IG live without giving any notice to his manager 5o watch his words and not stay anything confidential! But Ji is a smart ass he pretended he didn't mean it and cut the live and told his manager to stop talking after he said "at 7pm Mr.Kim is coming for the filming of the scandal" like who the fuck opens a live with their manager speaking on the phone to a company for a schedule let alone a dating scandal schedule!?? Oh please don't tell me Ji was innocent and Didn't know his manager was going to have that important phone call with Disspatch?? Without even having to film for a scandal ! He isn't allowed to open a live without letting his managers know first! Especially when his manager is with him in the car and clearly was talking on the phone all the time about a huge important matter! And he did that because his manager for that day wasn't his original manager ! It was another one because his manager was in Osaka for other reasons! So he played Dumb on the new manager because this one doesn't know Ji's tricks like his official original manager! So he pulled the game on the poor new manager and it worked! again with the Retro-pattern : He exposed Disspatch by telling us he bought clothes on the day of the live which was December 4th! Because He knew Disspatch would say that he went straight from Hawaii trip on December 2nd to see Jenn right after his tiring 15 hours flight wearing the same clothes he told us he bought in the December 4th live!!! He made us discover later in January 1st 2019 that what Disspatch said was lies in lies because it's impossible for him to wear clothes he bought on December 4th during December 2nd when he came from Hawaii! Surely he can Teleport but he can't time travel. That's Uno!Secondo: The two guys kissing in black and white pictures'frames on his nightstand! He made a live and made us notice the pictures of the guys kissing! Then! The next day he opened a live on insta again (after checking the internet and stalking kadi pages to know that we already got the hint and we started analysing!) And he took down the frames on his nightstand! Pretending that we caught him and that he is too dumb to keep two kissing men pics on his nightstand displayed to millions of fans on the live! We called him stupid, reckless and clumsy ! Little did we know that we were the stupid ones! And that he was hinting to us ! And he made us -again use his Retro-Pattern- turn back in time and compare the pictures'frames from the live in the past and the one in the present! That's his smart Pattern : Reveal hints in the past and Make a similar situation in the present or us to notice we saw this somewhere do we go back in the past to compare the situation but in different time frames and Boom! We got the hint and unsheathed the truth!

Here'r pics from the two lives and we already posted about this back in 2019:

Here's when he turned the frames to face the wall in order not to be visible to the audience.

For help here's the chronology of the lives and events for you to understand well:

https://aphrodite1288.tumblr.com/post/678157169200365568

Thank you for everyone who helped me with the pics and finding the post related to Jo's IG lives and credits to original owners of the pics ( @dika_couple on twitter + @bobobosinsinsin )

@Admin_Fallone

[tmblrvision]

Tmblrvision 2021 Head of Delegation Intentions Survey RESULTS!

As is now annual tradition, you filled out a survey which looked at your intentions to participate as Head of Delegation (HoD) for Tmblrvision 2021. You were asked which countries you were interesting, as well as some additional questions that would help shape the contest.

This year, 29 of you filled out the survey. Last year, I received 35 survey responses and ended up with 41 participants. If I set the range to ±6, that means I should anticipate between 23 and 35 participants this year!

Most of you who filled out the survey are previous HoDs, but as always there's room for new faces around here!

I'll start off with the results that y'all are probably most looking forward to: Which countries are y'all gonna go for?

Top 11 Most Wanted Countries

At the top of the list this year is United Kingdom, though (SPOILER ALERT) there may be more opportunities to claim that one, so who knows if the battle will be as difficult as you anticipate. Italy, Sweden, Australia, Finland, Ukraine, Belgium, and Ireland were all amongst the most wanted countries last year as well, with Germany joining the group. Many of you are also aiming for the Special Guest spot, despite not knowing which options are available, which is interesting. Finally, quite a few amongst you don't really know what to go for, which is fine! Maybe the results of this survey can help. (Also, if you need ideas, join the Tmblrvision Discord server, get the song suggestions role, and look through songs that have been suggested by others!)

Other Popular Countries

18 countries in all had at least two people thinking about claiming them, including countries we did not see last year, such as Greece, Austria, Hungary, and Malta.

Less-Wanted Countries

22 countries had exactly one person thinking about claiming them, and if you're one of those people, maybe you're best off going all in on them! These countries include four countries which have won Tmblrvision: Slovenia, Israel, Algeria, and current winner Luxembourg! Also, someone's interested in the Vatican... I wonder what they have in mind?

Unwanted Countries

The list of "unwanted" countries is once again not very surprising. Smaller countries (such as Andorra and Cyprus), the Caucasus (Azerbaijan and Georgia, both of which were last seen in 2018), and MENA countries (Tunisia and, surprisingly, Turkey) were on nobody's minds out of people who filled out the survey. Maybe someone can find a hidden gem for one of those countries!

Special Guest Country Poll

Here are the results of the Special Guest Country poll! Only one country didn't get a single vote, and while there were clearly three tiers of countries based on number of votes, the Top 5 was never in doubt. Because there's a tie, and I can't be bothered to find a way to break this tie, all five countries are now eligible to be claimed if someone picks the Special Guest Country. These countries are: Brazil, Canada, Kosovo, New Zealand, and USA! As always, if one of these countries is claimed, they will be ineligible to be the Special Guest Country for the next two editions.

Which Platform Will We Use?

A majority of you use Discord (89.66%) or Twitter (79.31%), with less than half of you still using Tumblr (37.93%). (One person uses Reddit!) Also, a majority of you said that you would participate in Tmblrvision if we used Discord (86.21%), and more than half said Tumblr was fine (65.52%). Despite its wide usage, only 37.93% of you would participate if we used Twitter.

In line with that, Tmblrvision will remain hosted on Tumblr, with important things such as sign-ups and song reveals going up on this page before anywhere else. However, the Tmblrvision Discord server will also continue to be an important part of the contest, with most communication happening through that platform. In addition, the rule requiring participants having an active Tumblr account will be withdrawn this year. You will be allowed to participate as long as you're an active member of the Discord server. More specific information regarding this will be included in the rulebook for this year.

Also, I asked for your suggestions on what to rename this contest, but most of you said to keep the Tmblrvision name. Since Tumblr will remain the contest's home (at least in terms of where most of the content is), we're keeping the name! Thanks for your suggestions, though. Some suggestions included:

EuroFan Song Celebration

Europalvision

Renvision / euRENvision

Recapvision

PollDaddyVision

Brian

Should the United Kingdom be split up into its constituent countries (England, Northern Ireland, Scotland, and Wales) for Tmblrvision?

This was asked a few years ago and the results were highly mixed. This time, it seem like a large majority of you want it, so: This year, you will be allowed to claim England, Northern Ireland, Scotland, and Wales! Eligibility rules for each country will be the same as every other country, meaning that if someone is eligible for England, they are probably not going to be eligible for any of the other countries.

Should Belarus be allowed to participate given its broadcaster has been suspended by the EBU?

This one was also a resounding YES. We will be using the white-red-white flag for Belarus this year.

When Are Sign-Ups?

Sign-ups for the 2021 Tmblrvision Song Contest are on Saturday, 10 July, 8pm CEST and will run for a maximum of 48 hours. Time and date are subject to change in case of anything important that pops up but this will be communicated to you ASAP. Last year's winner has yet to inform me of which country they're claiming so... hang tight. Also, if you've never done this before, you'll need to put this date and time in your calendar and be quick: Last year, I received 33 country reservations within less than three minutes of the link going up (Tumblr posted the scheduled post about two minutes late). Don't believe me? Here's the timestamps...

One Last Thing...

...I thought this would be a fun time to reveal the logo and the emblem for this year's contest!

The slogan, Resplendis pour nous!, is inspired by a lyric from Luxembourg's first Eurovision winning song, "Nous les amoureux", which won 60 years ago. Incidentally, outside of the Special Guest Country, there are 60 countries eligible to participate at Tmblrvision (including the four constituent countries of the United Kingdom), which is why the emblem consists of 60 different circles coming together to represent a glowing sun.

See you in July!

[zhansww]

I decided to switch to an ask, hope that's okay. So one big reason why I commented in the first place because I thought of you as some crazy shipper, but after talking to you for a while I saw it's not really true. That was purely me being wrong and I apologise. I just went through your whole pinned post and a lot of it was stuff that I already expected and I still don't think I can change you mind but really, a lot of that stuff is things that friends could do. 1/?

Getting dinner together, giving somebody a necklace etc. friends can do that too. Some might even see it as an elaborate marketing strategy. You see it as romantic, because you want to. And most of the stuff, like posting something at a certain date or time of the day or changing song lyrics is just pure speculation. They might be coincidence. Some things might not even have anything to do with them together but something completely else. 2/? You say that you try to not see hints where there are none, but stuff like that, analyzing dates and looking for clues in what exact time of the day a certain thing was posted in sm is just that.You see those things as romance because you want to see them as such, not because they objectively are. That's exactly it, seeing things where there are none. 3/3

I said this more than once already but I am open to having my mind changed. If I didn't, I wouldn't ask for discussions in my pinned post. To have a proper discussion, though, both parties should 1) have the same amount of knowledge on the subject, 2) leave their emotions out of it and 3) be open to the possibility of being wrong. So again; I am open to having a rational discussion about this. If you aren’t, please let me know.

Getting dinner together, giving somebody a necklace etc. friends can do that too.

Of course they can. But do friends feel the need to be secretive about it? When it comes to their dates in June 2018 and December 2019, they spent the night together. Not to mention, they went out of their way to spend 520 - Lunar Valentine's Day - together. Would friends do that? Right after the date in Dec 2019, Yibo wore a pink hoodie to the airport, which as far as we know was the first time he wore pink of his own volition. In his interview with Cosmo two months later, he got asked "what's the first thing that comes to your mind when hearing the word romance?" and his reply was "pink pink". Cp fans think this means that gg was the one who gave him that hoodie since dd himself doesn't like pink. But even if he didn't receive it from gg, Yibo must have been in a romantic mood to be wearing pink - and that, after being with XZ, his “friend”. Regarding the necklace, if it was given by a friend, then why does Yibo constantly wear it yet hide it? To compare, he wears the necklace and ring Han-ge gave him at any event/recording and he wears those openly, too, the way you're supposed to wear jewelry, right? He wears the ox head necklace at events and also in private, in selfies, in between schedules, during rehearsals etc and he started hiding it, i.e. wearing it under his shirts, after fans started fighting about it. Surely, you know that Yibo is an honest/straightforward/blunt person. If we cp fans were wrong with our theory, he would definitely call us out and simultaneously please his solo fans by telling them they're right, thus putting an end to drama among his fans - but he hasn't. The only thing that explains this is assuming he received it from a romantic partner cuz being involved is something that Yibo’s company would not allow him to go public with so instead, he has to hide the necklace as well as his relationship. Likewise, he surely wouldn’t be wearing the necklace all the time if the one who gave it to him wasn’t even closer to his heart than Han-ge is.

Some might even see it as an elaborate marketing strategy.

Marketing what exactly? CQL is over and done with and they don't have other projects together. Not to mention that their connection has brought more harm to their reputations than good and they have way more solo fans than cp fans. Thinking ggdd would go through so much or any trouble just to give credibility to a lie implies that they do it for clout (which neither of them needs or wants) or that they think that queer relationships is something to make fun of or else, that they have no integrity. What exactly is it about them that makes you think they would be such people? They both starred in a BL. Yibo even insisted on trying for that role although he got rejected twice. XZ has shown his support of the lgbt community before. Given Yibo’s entire attitude and e.g. his song lyrics in WuGan, he doesn’t care about fame/clout. He does what he’s passionate about because he’s passionate about it and for money, according to himself. And I don’t think I even need to point out why XZ has clearly no need for more attention. (In fact, his studio asked fans in a recent statement to stop their fan support and voting etc - as a result, his supertopic dropped several spots from the #1, after having been there for months).

And most of the stuff, like posting something at a certain date or time of the day or changing song lyrics is just pure speculation. They might be coincidence.

So what is the limit? How many coincidences do there need to be exactly for them to stop being coincidences? How can posting something at precisely minute 3 or minute 8 always be a coincidence? Especially when XZ wrote in an older weibo post that he uses kadian. He posted at 13:28 in two of his latest updates. On TTXS, Yibo got asked what romantic things he’d do for his partner and he literally said he’d remember certain dates and times and do something surprising. In a more recent weibo, Yibo made a post in support of Han-ge at precisely 21:00 - the kadian of which means "ai ni", love you. He once posted an ad for his mobile game at 18:21 which means "Yi Bo ai ni" and which could have been directed at his fans. Some of their kadian might be but not all of them are reaching and the sheer quantity of all the kadian they've been using proves that those are not coincidences either. Regarding the changing of song lyrics, yes those are speculation. Gg never actually said he'd do that. But the circumstances around those is what makes it seem meaningful. And that time when he changed the lyrics to have the letters ybxz in the beginnings of lines seems meaningful and obvious enough as is.

Some things might not even have anything to do with them together but something completely else.

Of course that is a possibility and one that I am well aware of. I can and do obviously only base my judgement on what we see and know. If there’s something I don’t know that would somehow make my pov wrong, I would be willing to admit that and change my mind. When it comes to things like XZ, changing lyrics to ybxz or Yibo, posting at 10:05 (gg’s birthday) or talking about ordering clothes home to share and then seeing gg in those clothes or gg posting at times that have Yibo’s name or dd, posting at times that have XZ’s name - make it unmistakable to me that they are each other’s special someone and not anyone else’s. Since those things only fit each other.

You see those things as romance because you want to see them as such, not because they objectively are. That's exactly it, seeing things where there are none.

At the beginning of your message, you apologized for assuming I’m a crazy shipper but you end the message with this. “Seeing things where there are none” is what I’d consider crazy shipping so that last sentence sounds like an insult to me. I don’t know what to make of this, lol. Your assumption that I want to see those things as romance is wrong. They’d have it soooo much easier if they were just friends, why in God’s name would I want them to have it more difficult? They wouldn’t feel the need to hide so much, to be so distant in public. We’d probably get fanservice and selfies and joined endorsements. The scandal from February may not have ever happened cuz they’d definitely have fewer cp fans. It’d be awesome if they were nothing more than friends. Not to mention that making wrong claims about a relationship between two real people, solely based on what my desires are, is selfish - it’s about what I want instead of what is. I do not have that attitude. The fact that I wanted to believe they’re just friends is precisely why it took me several months to concede that I must be wrong. I kept dismissing all that I saw as coincidences or as platonic. I do not want ggdd to be lovers but I also don’t want to deny reality. I know that my perception may be fallible, though, so of course I am open to discussing this. I would welcome being proven wrong about this. You don’t properly back up your claims and your arguments don’t take all that we know into consideration. Which is why so far, at least, you haven’t made me see differently.

[tellmegoodbye]

Harley are you up very late?? I feel that you ought to be asleep by now. It's morning here! But in any case, questions:

1) How did you meet your girlfriend?

2) Middle part or side part? Or, ZIG-ZAG part, the chaotic late 90s resurgence option.

3) Are you a breakfast skipper? Or is breakfast absolutely necessary?

🖖🙃

Hello! It's 7am here actually. Though I won't lie, I have been up for quite a bit. Stress tends to kill my sleep schedule (long story) I did get some sleep though. No worries. ^_^

1. Well this is definitely a story! Okay, so we met back in 2017. I was following her on wattpad (yes, I know, this was before I had moved to ao3) and I was lowkey obsessed with the fic she was writing. She's a really good writer and she's the one who inspired me to start writing my own fic! Anyway, after a while of me stalking, I mean, ghosting her, we eventually got to talking. We became best friends pretty quickly and we met in person for the first time in summer of 2018. One month later, and exactly a year after we spoke for the first time (august 12th) she asked me to be her girlfriend. So we're coming up on our four year anniversary this year. 💖

I will admit, the long distance is hard. With her living in Canada and me in Florida we only get to see each other a couple times a year, and when covid hit we were separated for 17 months. But hopefully we won't be long distance for much longer because she's applying to a university in my city and once she gets in she'll be able to move down here. So I'm very excited for that!

2. Uhhh, middle? I think? Sometimes side, but I don't know I never give my hairdresser any specifications cause I never get anything more than a trim. I know next to nothing about hair styles. 😂

3. I'm guilty of skipping breakfast, although I hate doing it. Usually it happens when I sleep in but unless I'm really low on energy that day I'd still get some cereal or something. I'm actually guilty of skipping 2 and sometimes even all 3 meals throughout the day which is very bad but if I'm stressed and sleeping through the day it's difficult for me to remember to eat. Breakfast is very necessary though and if I'm feeling fine and my sleep is normal I always try to eat something.

[mindthebulletso]

What?! No I'm not !! the only side I am in is that of my way of seeing the world, my conscience, my cynical character and experience. Because I am very selective and I have chosen people to follow. I don’t follow you because you are a Louie but because I consider you a smart girl, so seeing how easily many have fallen into this, imo, manipulation hurts me. For Louis above all else. Because I remember being one of the first in 2018 to speak openly about Sony Sabotage in HS2 favor and I perfectly remember what and how it was answered to me!!

Because I remember Why I looked for the Rads ....and how the world has turned upside down 🤣 Having moved away from Styles for other reasons, having taken a different approach before this perhaps affects my thoughts and reasonings but how can you not understand that you are doing exactly what Sony wants (regardless which Label we will discover has louis now) years of Larries VS Anties hasn't really opened your eyes? How is it possible? Have you ever noticed how many Louies (not larries) always write "team" and never "Sony" Have you ever noticed how full their accounts are with everything Harry does / doesn't do in real time? Twenty-five years of Kardashian (Hello Uncle Irving) did not help to understand StarSistem is based on chatter and not only on good things? They often update before Larries! if you want to know what happens in Harry Styles life follow a Louie. nice no? If you watch MV to "see how shabby it is" and then talk about it on social, however, you contribute to creating curiosity, chatter, comments, quarrels. If you always complain using Harry as a yardstick, you keep Louis in this funnel that L is crushed in one way or another. If you look back and you don't see how much 2015!Louis was tired and only blame Xander for that , thinking that he was happy for singing a bit more because Zayn was gone or for the water fights with Liam it is you who considers him half of a ship!! If you confuse his nostalgia and humility for lack of ambition or trust , you consider him half of a ship. If you love Louis and have decided that Harry is an active part of his sabotage why don't you get to completely ignore him, always, in the most absolute way after having clarified your position? And if you have decided this, how can you accept Niall and Liam, whom you consider his brothers do not take sides with him but rather, as soon as they can, they raise Star!Styles? Have you ever thought about how he can feel seeing that his fandom, while insulting Styles' new life, spends days asking for OneDirection!Louis? And the braces, and the hair, and the beanie, the headband, and the tank top .. he had to admit this is frustrating but nevertheless Louies continue and if you point it out the answer is "Old!Louis receives more likes " 😒

anyway let's go.. “Because I loved Styles anyway and I have a past with him” Ok. Let's start from here then. Azoff and Sony in 2013 begin to seriously plan H solo career. Azoff has a story, a very clear story, but you voluntarily ignored it at that time, only to blame Styles for choosing them (being chosen) now!! Like three silly kids Louis Niall and Liam until 2016 believe in an 18-month hiatus 😂 . Do you really think they are so naive? Seriously? Louis William Tomlinson who at 20 sees a hole in the writing process of the band and turns everything upside down does not understand what is the destiny designated? Among other things, the same for all boyband before 1D and info easily accessible on google But “he was in love "ok. But then you have to admit you start from the starting point that you now strongly reproach Larries. You have to admit you are living in Young & Beautiful Spin Off because instead I see a strong, smart, brilliant man, who for 10 years has been fighting tirelessly for his individuality. I think this passive Louis is the result of the FF you read because you are the first who make everything go around Styles, even before Sony. Someone stuffing your head saying Harry doesn't need Larries anymore. Are you Sure? Because business is brutal and Labels don't exist for your enjoy. They don't invest in you leaving you power. It is quite the opposite. The more you make money, the more you are a puppet. Just check the difference in numbers between H and Justin, Ariana, Selena, Ed, DuaLipa to understand what I mean!

the Direction taken is the right one, it is having a good success - well deserved - but, believe me, not enough to justify the investment made. And do you really think Azoff, manager since the barter still existed, evaluates the point of view of a 25-year-old who even made almost deny the first album? Who no longer took his mommy on holiday when Harries started complaining about her presence? Do you really think these guys signed contracts to their advantage (I'm not talking about money of course)? Do you really think Styles can say in Sony -I don't do this-? Based on what? Do you blame Harry for his ambition but do you really think he has alternatives? Especially in Sony that has no other icons of this generation? Someone make you believe Harry is loved by everyone but have you ever come out of the fandom bubble to read what so many locals write about him? don't you read how much hate he receives? Azoff arrives in 2013, from that moment on did you see his life change for the better? Less work, more attention to his health or did you see him arrive at the end of 2015 without voice? or do you think "better life" is going out with Taylor Swift and Kaya Gerber Because in that case you love the life Louis says he hates 😟 And considering the type of music he produced, do you think his 2021worldtour is to safeguard his voice and health? Really!? And how is it possible if Azoff loves Harry person and not Harry MoneyMachine? Do you really think Harry is so naive that he doesn't know this? Do you often notice how bad it is aging, How dull are his eyes.. Isn't this already an answer? And if you want to say "that's what he deserves" wow do you remember that you don't really know them and that they are only singers / strangers you love? They are not really your son? that you've never been to their room and their songs aren't a gossip magazine?

Same talk about Louis Fam. Louis Tomlinson openly lashes out against Euphoria chatting with his HetStalkerNumberOne creating more promo or against Zayn when he drops GY but is unable to tell his stepfather / sisters to stop using his life like that? Really? Or do you think he did this but Mark ignored that ? Everyone uses him but he, passively again, cannot do anything. Do you really think Louis is this? Why? Look Louies focused on commenting What Harry is doing in istagram? Look how much power they are giving this stupid thing? They put Harry at the center of Louis' life, they considered him Mrs L. Styles weak and closed in the suitcase with the only ambition to jump on his cock. why this daily need to highlight how disappointed you are with the person who has become? Are you more concerned that Harry cheated on Louis or that Harry cheated on you? Because if you think Louis has a new life why you don't go on too? The position is clear, why keep playing the Sony game? How do you think Louis feels when he sees his fandom has absorbed that his pubblic life has been closely linked to his girlfriend for years now? When you read that H's lunch with stringer was cruel and nobody mentions anymore three days later he was paps with El and the dogs? Just because The Sun canceled? What does it matter he had to undergo this, he had to get out of bed, go out and go to the pap (in 2020 only if you are 12 you can think that the paps are not scheduled) You can also think that there is a friendly relationship with E but why you accept that she is also present when a month later they go to GoKart? Why can't only Louis spend The first Christmas without Fizzy and Jay with his sisters? Why can't Louis alone participate in the B.L.M. march? We told ourselves that the cause was more important than the company and it is true. But important for whom? For us or for him that of B.L.M. did speak before everyone when it wasn't “trendy” ? Why doesn't even his fandom fight for his freedom? from everyone?! Why Do you think this imposition is healthy for him? Or do you think he chose this, because if you think this then all JLYMV was a joke for you and it's okay but I ask you, do you really believe that it is no longer hard for him suffer the presence of Eleanor than a Harry Styles SmileyNails ? Are we talking about what's harder for him or for you? Does Louis individual really care about anyone? Because my heart breaks to see how, even if it were reality, his pubblic life is linked to this girl as if she were the star! Everyone has a girlfriend but not even Kilye Jenner was so present in Travis Scott's career, private life. Why don't you rebel against this? Why "thank you Eleonor" ? Why is your selfishness more important than he has to live this actively? Why do you think it is easy for him after 10 years? Whatever your opinion about , Louis has not interacted publicly with Freddy since 2018. Why don't you get angry with Louies who do not care about this and clog social with his pics not respecting Louis' will? Why do you only get angry with a certain part of fandom and not with those who help a small group of people to spread this child's face wildly despite Louis not doing it? Why don't you ask yourself "louis does not do this, it is the case that I do it"? Who is your Louis landmark or the baby's family? Why is Louis never enough? Why don't you see Louis' individual freedom is not seized by Harry Styles but by Sony which is who should protect him from Azoff / Styles? If your answer is "Sony does not believe in him enough" I'm sorry I have news for you, you believe Louis tomlinson is not worth enough .. and while you continue this useless fight between Louies Larries Labels will continue to use Harry, Louis for their bank accounts and only for that laughing at us whatever the real personal situation between the two of which I honestly care zero but, as you can see, in one way or another it is still at the center of our attention and if Larries have the justification "I believe in them" what excuse do you have?

[jaehyunisyoon-oh]

Ae-jeong [ affection ] chapter 1 : The first encounter

Pairings: NCT Jaehyun X OC/You

Genre: Romance, thriller, romancethriller, best friend to lover, fluff

Haewon POV

The day of the incident, December 1st 2018

SM’s Office

I heaved a sigh of relief at successfully holding the elevator door before it closed, grimacing slightly because today I decided to go to the office with heels as high as 5cm. I exhaled annoyed and took off my heels, -the hell- with all of this I will be barefoot through the cold floor of the SM office in this winter.

   "Your feet are all scratched" I turned around and Jaehyun with his black hoodie was frozen while leaning his body against the wall.

   "Shit, Jaehyun, since when were you here?" I asked.

   "Since a while ago, didn't the doctor say you shouldn't be carrying heavy things for a while?" Jaehyun asked then took the box I had been carrying.

   "This is your v live property for today's live broadcast" I dodged, trying to avoid his sharp gaze.

   "Is there no male staff in the NCT team?" Jaehyun asked coldly. If he has that look, that means I have to be careful, otherwise, he can explode in this elevator.

   "There are tons of them, but you know how hectic it was. The other members just had to take off the accessories while running around, and then this box was left behind and by chance, I was still in the basement. So that's how it is," I explained at length. He remains silent, which make everything more awkward. Then silence broke out between the two of us, and if it's like this I don't know what to do. When I was little, every time Jaehyun sulked I would reluctantly have to share my weekly ice cream portion for him, and we will make it up again. But now, it would be very strange if suddenly ice cream pop up out of nowhere from my pants pocket right? Oh my god, why is going to the 5th floor take so long? Suddenly the elevator stopped on the 3rd floor and the door opened, a bearded man in a full cycling shirt looked at me while grinning like a fool. Yes, my brother. Cousin more precisely

   "My sister?" Said Siwon with a dramatic pretentious face while entering the elevator. Then Siwon with his body still sticky with sweat hugged me.

   "CHOI SIWON ARE YOU CRAZY ?! HOW MUCH HAVE I SAID DON'T HUG ME WHEN YOU ARE ALL SWEATY LIKE THIS?!" I shouted. More precisely, wrath. Fortunately, in this elevator, there are only three of us.

   "Let your brother hug you, it won't kill you ... Soon Oppa has a schedule to Hong Kong so we won't meet again until...maybe at Christmas... Jaehyun? What's up?" Siwon hugs me and just realize that Jaehyun was behind us enjoying our lovely siblinghood moment, which I hate because I don't like it if by chance some workers see it, and start to think that I am the luckiest person on earth by coming from a rich household, being cousins to Siwon and is Jaehyun's best friend. That all happened before I was even born in this world, there is nothing I can do about it.

   "How are you, Hyung? I have a V live schedule on the 6th floor" Jaehyun answered casually.

   "I don't usually see you two together, you said that in the office you want to be professional with each other? Be careful later on becoming the centre of attention" Siwon raised his eyebrows with a happy smile. Look how they are chatting casually while I already want to pass out because I can't breathe in Siwon's arms.

   "Compared to being afraid of being topic of the gossip, it's better to fix your drunk habits, stop rummaging through our family story," I grumbled.

   "Eyy, at that time Oppa made a mistake. Seeing the two of you growing up like this, makes Oppa so emotional "Siwon increasingly tightened his arms and pressed his cheek to mine.

It's annoying to remember that again. Exactly after one year working as Entertainment manager of NCT, I am so glad that everything went peacefully because Jaehyun and I agreed to hide our relationship. But all of that was destroyed because Siwon explained everything very detailed about our 'friendship' at the Halloween Party last year. After midnight, when everyone was half-drunk (except the manager because they had to take the artist home), Siwon went onstage and made a very long speech, talking about how proud he was to see me achieving my dream - yes everyone already knew that you both are cousins since your mother married Choi family's youngest son - and suddenly reveal all the useless things about me and Jaehyun that make all the employees went awed.

"I went back to the basement because my charger was left in the practice room. Then I saw her ran around carrying a box this big" Jaehyun pointed at the large box he was carrying. More precisely like rattling me to Siwon. I gave him a cynical look that was completely ignored by him.

   "Geez, Choi Haewon, you should not have carried this heavy stuff, last month you just had a Lasik surgery, what if the stitches come off? Then you... AWWW Haewon that’s hurt!" Siwon's chatter was interrupted as he grimaced in pain because I just bit his cheeks. It just so happened that the elevator opened on the 5th floor and I left those two annoying humans together.

When I arrived on the 5th floor, many employees were greeting me, a little surprised to see me barefoot while busy staring at the device in my hand. When I entered my cubicle, there were tons of unsign documents on the table. There is a placard with "Haewon Choi / Entertainment Manager of NCT" printed on it. I was just sitting down when Na-ri, the head of the artist planning department came in and brought several boxes with Louis Vuitton written on it.

   "Haewon, we have a problem" Na-ri stood still, shaking her cellphone. I looked at her confused then stood up, looked at the cellphone and read the short message from Louis Vuitton who wanted their items to be returned right now.

   "What? it's like 10 pm and drove to their office will take 2 hours. Oh my god, this is why I don't like it when a high-end brand asks us to do endorsements. After getting what they want, they will suddenly treat us as if we are going to steal it, "I said.

   "How annoying, you should know the bracelet that Taeyong used was immediately out of stock. Taeyong's bracelets were trending all over the internet, yet they treat us like this? it seems like we have to stop doing this just to get a discount for the NCT stage outfit, can't we ask to raise the budget? 10 million won per member doesn't seem to be enough, "said Na-ri.

   "Unfortunately I can't do that, the budget problem is the realm of finance and I don't want to argue with Mr Jang, our budget is at its highest now, we have to cut down a little bit because we have concert upcoming. And don't forget that we are the youngest team in this company, and I don't want to take the risk, that's kinda sensitive in Korean culture" I answered seriously. Mister Jang has been the head of finance at SM for almost 15 years, his hobby is to tell how hard the idol's of that time to have proper accommodation and now we are buying outfit that cost like one freaking car. Suddenly Na-ri's cellphone vibrates, and the owner of these box sends us a message again. I showed the message to Na-ri, with an annoyed face she posed as if to slam the box... which she couldn't possibly do because the price of one item in it could cost her entire salary.

   "Alright, I'll return this right away," Na-ri said while sighing, I patted her back and put the cellphone into her backpack. Na-ri looks very adorable today, I and the other employees almost died out of laughter because Na-ri casually entered the meeting room with a rabbit-shaped backpack, short pink skirt and a white blouse. Fortunately, SM does not have strict regulations on how to dress its employees, in the end, this company is in the field of Entertainment and this type of company is famous for its concession in binding regulations that exist in Korean companies in general.

   "Here, take my car. By the way, NCT's schedule will end in 2 hours, and they will immediately be taken to the dorm by the manager. So you should go straight home. " I give my car key to her.

   "Thank you. Oh, by the way, Seung-ho Oppa (NCT manager) is still sick, can you please find someone to take the members home to the dorm? Today is the last day of NCT Dream's concert, maybe you should start asking anyone besides the managers." Na-ri pleaded and I replied with a happy smile. Finally, my chance came too.

   "Of course I can," I replied with a smile, trying to hide my intentions from her.

   "You ... don't even think about it! Just find someone else who can take the ..." Na-ri's chatter was cut off when I pushed her out and hurriedly closed the door to my room.

Jaehyun POV

10.50 PM

SM's Parking lot

We all just finished Live broadcasting on V app and now we are heading to our van to go back to the dorm. Every end of the year is tiring. No, this year is very tiring because all of us, as in 18 members, is promoting under NCT 2018 project, a Lee Soo Man's project that was finally happened because Haewon- our entertainment manager- felt that this project is going to be a very brilliant marketing step. Well, guess she was not wrong. Almost every day some members do live broadcasts, almost every week we have a schedule to appear on events or TV shows, even last week we just signed an exclusive contract with a sports clothing brand. Everything went according to plan and as artists, we are very proud to make it happens.

I, Doyoung, Haechan and Johnny had just arrived at the parking lot when I saw a woman, a girl to be exact, leaning against our van. She wears jeans with a black coat that almost sank her entire body, barefoot with heels on both of her hands. What was she thinking of not wearing any footwear in this weather? I exhaled annoyed while approaching the girl. The other members, especially Haechan gives dramatic screams and the others have put on a super horror face because our nightmares have finally happened again.

   "Guess who will take you guys home today?" Haewon asked with her sweet smile while leaning in our van.

   "Don't joke, where's Na-ri Noona?" Asked Doyoung while looking around.

   "Na-ri is returning the sponsors' belongings and Seungho Oppa is still sick. Don't ask too many questions and get in quickly. The weather is very cold, you can't catch a cold on this super tight schedule," Haewon explained while with great difficulty trying to open our van's door.

We all decided to trust the girl and sat in the passenger seat with very tense faces. Doyoung, Haechan, Johnny and Taeyong looked very pale while watching her trying to adjust the height of the driver's chair.

   "Haewon, the button is on your door," Johnny said with a sigh.

   "Oh, thank you, Johnny," Haewon replied with a grin.

   "Johnny Hyung, how about you just drive?" Haechan asked Johnny.

   "Lee Haechan! It would be very dangerous if an idol drives alone, you understand right? Just wear your goddamn seat belt and go to sleep there!" Haewon grumbles.

   "Wouldn't it be more dangerous to let Noona drive?" Grunted Haechan and checked once again the seatbelt he was wearing.

   "Never mind, stop making Haewon nervous, I still want to live longer in this world" Said Taeyong who was met with Haewon's ferocious look.

During the trip to the dorm, I could not stop staring at the girl beside me. She looks very adorable when she's serious. Her petite body must try as hard as possible to drive this van, and I should be worried because I am inside it. For several times I saw her moving her legs, and that made me very uncomfortable because I'm not used to seeing Haewon with blisters on his body, if Grandpa Han sees this, he will be very angry.

In a short time, our car has entered the gate of our dormitory, and as usual, there are already Sasaeng huddled waiting for us there. I can tell because most of them wore white shirts with our names printed in it when they saw our car coming, they immediately surrounded us while pointing the camera at us.

   "They all are this many?" Haewon asked, gritting her teeth.

   "It's not as much as usual, considering the weather ... Some must be very smart not to freeze themself to death," Johnny replied.

   "They can't go up, can they? You all close the window's curtains now!" Haewon looked back with her horror face.

   "Ahjumma said that there are some Sasaeng who live in this apartment, they even wait at the dorm's front door every night" Doyoung answered as he lowered his bucket hat.

   "Aish, you guys just moved here, it looks like it won't be possible to move again, especially since SM has just paid in full for this dorm. I don't want to argue with Mr Jang from the financial division," Haewon chats at length.

I could see the girl in a hurry to take her handbag and start looking for something, then after a while, she growled in frustration because the object she was looking for was located somewhere of that bag she had never tidied. I stared at the girl exasperatedly, with my impatience, I wanted to scold her, but with a situation like this, it felt like I could save my scolding for later.

Author POV

NCT 127 Dorm

After almost 30 minutes of drama with the Sasaeng, they finally arrived at their dormitory. Haewon took a deep breath seeing the condition of the 10th floor's dormitory residents, feeling grateful that Na-ri and herself managed to win the budget to hire maid services for all NCT dorms. On this floor, there are Mark, Taeil, Yuta, and Jaehyun while the other members are on the 5th floor. In the living room, Yuta is tidying up things in his suitcase. When he saw Haewon coming, Yuta immediately closed his suitcase, after all, they seem to realize that no matter how close they are with Haewonm she is a woman after all and it would be very embarrassing if he let Haewon see something that should not be shown to others especially to a woman. Haewon smiled and immediately walked towards the kitchen, checking the performance of the maid service recommended by Na-ri herself.

   "here, it must be very tiring going here with all those Sasaengs.." Mark emerged from the kitchen, offered a glass of water to Haewon with half-sleepy eyes.

   "It's okay, Mark. Make sure to sleep early, tomorrow morning there will be shooting for your concert's VCR" Haewon smiled at Mark and took the drink.

   "I heard, better to prep my skin using some mask, right?" asked Mark while holding his cheek, Haewon laughed at Mark's behaviour. When they first met 1 year ago, Mark looked like a child and now he is taller than her.

   "You already look good Mark" Haewon replied while patting his back. Mark looked a little shy and went straight to his room. Mark always admires her, and it is common knowledge that he has a little crush on Haewon. Jaehyun was very, very uncomfortable if Mark had shown it very clearly when they were together.

   "Haewon, have you eaten? I want to heat Ahjumma's cooking, do you want some too?” Taeil also appeared from the kitchen while carrying piles of Tupperware from the fridge.

   "No Oppa, I have to go home now" Haewon smiled and slowly left the kitchen area and walked to the front door. Haewon intends to go straight home when suddenly Jaehyun pulled her hand and opened the door to his room.

   "Why?" Asked Haewon confused. Jaehyun said nothing and pushed Haewon until she sat on the edge of his bed. Haewon's eyes widened when Jaehyun suddenly squatted and she flinched to the cold sensation on her ankles.

   "Don't wear anything that you don't even know how to use. For example, heels?" Jaehyun smiled mockingly in the direction of Haewon while rubbing the medicine on her blistered ankle.

It's been a long time since she has a conversation with Jaehyun, and it feels very nice to see his best friend's room again. Jaehyun's room is very minimalist, the arrangement is simpler than his bedroom in the Jung's family house. Haewon looked at Jaehyun and felt a little guilty because he often ignored Jaehyun's invitation to hang out together. Haewon was at the end of her semester when Jaehyun was announced as a member of SMRookies after that every time Haewon visited Korea, they only met at the Christmas party held by their family. And now, even though they are working at the same company, plus the fact that Haewon leading NCT projects herself doesn't mean they can freely show everyone that their relationship is this close. First, Haewon is always busy in her office on the 5th floor, while Jaehyun always practices on the basement floor and NCT's schedule is always tight. Besides, Haewon often goes abroad to attend contract signing meetings with parties who want to work with NCT.

    "Sorry, I should pay more attention to Sasaeng. I didn't think they would be this brutal. It seems like I have to make an emergency meeting immediately" Haewon bowed her head looking all sad. She is gazing at Jaehyun's hand who painstakingly applied ointment all over her ankles. Jaehyun stared back at Haewon and shook his head.

   "Take your time, you know that Sasaeng is a difficult matter. Even SM is seen giving up on it ”Then Jaehyun took something from under his bed, thrusting sneakers on Haewon's lap.

   "Wow, apparently my shoes are here?" Haewon smiled and wore those shoes. Smiling slightly as she closed her eyes, feeling how comfortable it was to wear shoes compared to the heels.

   "You have to stop leaving all your belongings in my house, Eomma is very worried, she thinks that you are senile at this age" Jaehyun laughed a little at Haewon's reddened face. And he thought that was very adorable, well that girl would always look adorable to Jaehyun.

   "Isn't that our picture?" Haewon stood up and walked toward the wardrobe where Jaehyun kept all his things. Amongst all the stuff, the only thing that stunned her is a photo of Jaehyun and Haewon's family while on vacation in Disneyland.

    "It was our first vacation together" Jaehyun lay down on the bed. Still looking at Haewon who smiled looking at the photo.

    "Yeah and you were crying because apparently, Mickey Mouse is so big to you, oh my god you're so cute at that time" Haewon hugged the photo and looked at Jaehyun with a big smile on her face. Suddenly the memory becomes fresh again, the memory of their first encounter that leads him to the most beautiful fate of his life.

December 25, 2003

Jung’s family house

Little Jaehyun rolled his eyes in annoyance, this was the umpteenth time he was forced to be the role of a husband in the house played by his cousins. Jaehyun is an only child and all his cousins ​​are girls, he's already fed up with all this, suddenly throws all the cutlery in front of him and runs into the backyard. The little boy was still sulking while playing with snow piled up in the yard when he could feel someone approaching him, his father with a glass of hot chocolate sitting beside him.

   "Are you okay?" the man asked and Jaehyun shook his head. The man smiled, understanding that his child must feel very lonely being the only boy in this household.

   "I didn't ask you guys to give me a little sister, but at least give me a friend to play basketball," Jaehyun said while staring at the long-frozen basketball hoop. Jaehyun's father smiled and wiped the chocolate that was on the corner of his son's mouth.

   "Let's pray that Uncle David's next child will be a boy," said Jaehyun's father. And Jaehyun exhaled, more pessimistic that there would be more male offspring in this family besides him.

   "If Uncle David's next child is a girl then I will make him a boy," his son's innocent words made the man burst into laughter. The conversation between the father and son stopped when the gate was wide open, and several people got out of a black car. A man in a suit walked towards the two of them with a big smile, behind him, there was a woman who was holding the hand of a girl who kept her head down.

Jaehyun's father stood up to the man and hugged him tightly. Jaehyun frowned in confusion. This is the first time their family has a guest at a Christmas party. He saw his father returning with a little girl on his hands. The girl was wearing a white dress, long hair flowing and looking all embarrassed. Jaehyun felt awkward when the two people were in front of him.

   "Jaehyun, this is Letisha Alana Choi or Haewon, let's say hello," his father said. Jaehyun stood up and extended his hand trying to shake hand with her. A little upset because the girl is not yet returned his good intentions. Suddenly the woman who is the mother of the girl whispered something in her ear, the girl immediately looked up at Jaehyun with her bright brown eyes sparkling.

   "You like basketball?" asked the girl that he replied with a small nod. Then the girl smiled very brightly and take his hand. At that time for the first time in 6 years of his life, he saw a very beautiful smile.

And until this moment Jaehyun was still stunned to see the smile that Haewon always carved. He realizes that this is not right, because his family considers Haewon their daughter. But he could not stop this feeling no matter how hard he tried to.

"Why?" Haewon lifts her eyebrows looking at Jaehyun who kept staring at him.

"No, it's just...you are very beautiful today" Jaehyun smiled and Haewon with all her strength had to hold back not to blush. If not, Jaehyun will tease her until a time limit that she can not specify. But Jaehyun's praise gave a warm feeling to her, a sign of gratefulness that having Jaehyun in this world is the best thing that ever happened in her life.

Haewon POV

11.50 PM

Location Unknown

"Yes, I just come out from the dorm," I said to Na-ri who has been calling me for a while now.

"You've made sure Haechan and Johnny don't play games, right? If they are late tomorrow I will be furious because shooting starts early in the morning" Na-ri said from the phone.

"Yes, oh my god we are not their babysitter, let the boys lived, Na-ri!" I replied quickly. Before going down I took myself to the dorm on the 5th floor. Talking briefly with the manager about tomorrow's schedule, scolding Haechan for drinking coca-cola on this cold day, and almost having a heart attack because Johnny casually came out of the bathroom wearing only a towel.

"Alright, I'll pick you up tomorrow morning. Thank you for the car, by the way. " I ended up lending my car to her because it will be uncomfortable to take a bus to Louis Vuitton's office, it's already very late and it could be a danger for her. I thought that she already ends the call but then she asked again, "with what are you going to go home now? Jaehyun?" Gosh, if he takes me home now, I can guarantee that by tomorrow our face will be all over the news.

"are you crazy? do you know how much Sasaeng are outside? I'm taking the bus" I said with a snort of annoyance. I just argued with Jaehyun because he insisted on taking me home. I have my reasons, I don't want a piece of cheap news about our relationship popped up while NCT is at its peak year.

"Do you know how to ride a bus?" I gaped in disbelief at the question.

"Really? Do you think I'm stupid?" I replied rhetorically.

"Well who knows, you're rich from birth ... eh no, before you were born you already inherited all of your family's wealth. Naturally, you never take a bus, right?" I shook my head at her babble. Of course, I know how to take the bus, back in school at SOPA Jaehyun and I always took the bus. That is the kind of topic I always try to avoid, when I arrived at the bus stop, I end the call with Na-ri and waiting for the bus to come.

There is not a single person around here considering that it's almost midnight and this place is kinda desolated because lots of idols live around here. Should I just take a taxi to go home? I waited, and wait for the bus or taxi to come but there are none of them passing by. Suddenly realize that on weekdays, bus stop working at 11 PM which was 50 minutes ago was the last bus of today. I tried to remain calm, as the coldness hit me and I tighten my coat.

At this time, all I can think of is to use my last card, the only person that is still awake and will pick me up immediately. I sigh a relieved sign and start calling the number.

"Uncle Jung? It's me Haewon... I'm sorry but can you pick me.." my words stopped as I feel something stab my shoulder, something very sharp, I can feel the hot breath flowing through my neck as the person come closer to my ear."There should not be a girl in NCT's staffing" the person said. The sharp edges leave my body and that person run immediately, I was about to chase after that person when I found myself all weak on the floor with blood flowing from my shoulder...

to be continued