#(Dean thinks it’s mostly angsty mary things and some is but actually she’s mostly doing hot lesbian shit.

[quietwingsinthesky]

(Ignores the evil parts of the later seasons) guys dean was so happy living in the bunker with his family that’s all he wanted

[elizabethrobertajones]

Do you think we'll see Dean and Jody discuss Cas? Does Jody even know Cas exists? They told her s8 angels exits and she was claire but still i thibk textually they never mentioned his name around her? Im guessing they are gonna discuss Deans feeling about Mary since Jody knew her but Cas?

I don’t know, which I know I say to like basically all questions about speculation but this one is something I don’t really have a clue about and I’m not even sitting on my thumbs pretending not to have an opinion because I’d rather not say anything on the record until I know I’m right or not… I really, genuinely, to the best of my ability to sound it all out and guess from the available information, don’t know :P 

It depends how they handle Cas being gone overall, whether Dean’s openly, loudly mourning him all the time every episode constantly, which is a detail where I’d only be able to offer you a confident speculation on the eve of this episode anyway after seeing the first 2. If Dean goes stoic and jaw-twitchy but quiet about it then probably not but that’s just like… super obvious and short term.

In the mean time, please assume the tin foil hat position you’d take to listen to a conversation that sounds like this:

There’s quite a lot to pack in with meeting Patience, and getting our guys some good face to face time with Jody for any emotional support they need to sponge off her. Sam doesn’t seem to be around so he may be off with Jack, but if he wasn’t, he’d probably want to learn how to be a mom to him from Jody, for all we know :P Thematically it might sort of be that way anyhow - if Patience doesn’t come in direct contact with Sam it seems ridiculously unlikely she’s not going to be thematically connected to him and therefore Jack through an extremely easy join the dots between 13x03 and 1x09. (Sam already kinda went one round with this sort of thing in 12x04 so in a way he’s got his booster shot of dealing with it directly so it can just be storytelling mirrors for him :P)

Certainly Jody is more connected to Mary symbolically and in general the Wayward Sisters stuff has been more about parenting and those dynamics recently, with 11x12 looking at how Jody copes and teasing us with hindsight for Mary’s return with Dean talking to her about wishing his mom had been around, and in 12x06 and 12x22 she and Mary sort of bounce off each other as moms directly in a continuation of that - in 12x16 she’s not around except on the other end of phonecalls but Dean’s carrying on parenting Claire as a hunter a lil bit. 

Of all of those, 11x12 was the only one to make a nod to Cas with Claire holding grumpy cat in one of her scenes, but the show has decided to treat him a lot as just the inciting incident to get her onto the road hunting by dragging her into the life, while Dean does the thing he does around feisty wayward teenagers, and probably was mostly responsible for switching Claire’s amateur detective attempt onto a hunting thing in 10x20. I don’t want to make Claire cringe but I think she thought he was actually kinda cool and inspired her or something, because she had not had any interest in the supernatural side of things before that episode… 

Despite all her connections to Cas I think Dean sort of birthed hunter!Claire, so the story sort of wanders that direction and leaves Cas behind because he’s more like Azazel in Claire’s story than anything, even if a very sad soft squishy Azazel who gave her a stuffed toy for her birthday :P Still they played it like her forgiving and hugging Cas was about the same as Dean finally getting to shoot Azazel, in both case freeing them to go do their job with the angsty backstory resolved…

In any case, I think Cas is probably an emergency contact Jody has for Claire-related stuff, although whether they told her to or not, she’d probably always call Sam and Dean first because she knows and understands them (and has met them), and I think the story is asking us to believe that with this symbolism of Claire getting past what Cas did to her family, she’s in a new stage of life he’s not a part of in the same way even if she does cling onto grumpy cat, and Cas is still family to people who consider Jody as family, who she considers family. Sort of shunting him from awkward dad no. 3 of 4 as per 10x20′s recap and symbolism to a weird uncle or something. (Although if Jody has mom symbolism to both Claire and Dean, that makes them siblings and Cas her brother in law… this found family stuff is really difficult :P)

So there’s all that shaping my expectations - Claire’s not in the episode and she’s our connection between Cas and Jody. Previous episodes have made it clear that Sam and Dean really hate calling even beloved friends with their shit and don’t tell Jody alarmingly huge things like that Mary came back from death. She’s been offering a shoulder to Dean personally while he’s been going through all his stuff, and in 9x08 I think Sam did open up to Jody more than Dean even when they were all in the same room, never mind in that and 7x12 they got split up from Dean and actually bonded (And I think this is also a quote from Kim Rhodes but also just something fairly obvious, that because Sam was the one connected to her more in her intro episode and ended up shooting her zombie son for her, they’ve always had a closer emotional bond via shared trauma). 

I don’t think it’s showing that Sam and Jody aren’t as close now to have her switch focus to Dean but that Jody is determined to get Dean to open up to her *too*. In 12x06 they have really different attitudes about her when Sam makes the comment about Dean’s “animated Japanese erotica” which show how they’ve grown in different directions with Jody. So I think Sam’s closeness to her is fairly accepted fact and now Dean’s the tough nut to crack for her :P Anyway she’s made the offer two or three times now that she’s there to talk if Dean in particular needs her (definitely 10x08 and 12x06… Can’t remember if she said as much in 11x12 although they did also have an actual personal conversation in that episode, so one point to Jody there). I think 12x06 made it clear there’s still an owed conversation of greater than that opening up and spilling the beans on what’s making him emo right now, so there’s that.

And Cas and Mary have been connected all through season 12, in their arcs, in the subtext, in basically everything, and Dean textually named that in 12x22 that in the start of the season he’d “got Cas back, got Mom back” and in 12x23 of course he loses both, again, in a highly inter-connected way, and so again they’re going to be parallel lines to him, though again I think showing how he feels differently about one and the other and hopefully we get to unpack what those individual losses mean by the way of having both at once (and Crowley, who often in these cases is included to put a finger on the scale :P). 

One of the things confusing me right now is of last night’s behind the scenes set peeking which revealed a Turducken Slammer relaunch from the ever-hopeful Biggerson’s, which is not letting frequent murder and mayhem and dodgy meat recalls on its premises stop it from trying. Even if it’s as overall irrelevant to the story in the sense of being mentioned or actually explored as the Mystery Spot sign in 12x01, it’s still telling us something and making connections. I mean yeah it can just be worldbuilding continuity but it’s always picked for a reason and they know what all these signs mean and how to connect them, which is why we have the beer language for example. 

And Jody is pretty deeply connected to season 7 and Dean’s arc. And this connection was obliquely referenced in 12x06 in that moment I already mentioned, where Sam outs Dean’s porn habits to Jody. It was a nod from Yockey that he’d watched past Jody episodes because in every way it was a season 12 style rehash of Sam’s “strictly into Dick” comment, which was from a Jody episode. And… look, maybe this is the best way to explain how I felt the season 12 references were kind of out of this world in their scope and intelligence :P 

For starters, that comment was not just a run of the mill Dick joke, that was a Robbie level Dick joke, which collected up a hilarious character thing for Sam (his fucked up moment when he should have made the barb, his determination to hang onto the Best Zinger Of His Life until Dean next gave him an opportunity and bless Sam’s cotton socks he delivered it like a pro :P) and Dean’s spiralling obsession with Dick as a Dick or Anime thing. Dean’s anime-watching was from 7x01, when he was waiting for Godstiel to blow up the planet in despair, and was at just about the lowest point we’ve ever seen him. In 7x02 Bobby gives him the “You just lost your best friend” pep talk, which is a role of comforting parental figure Dean then went and lost that season when Bobby died. And in the end of 7x02 Dean reveals how Not Fine he is to Bobby’s answerphone, which is important that it’s never commented on again but I think affects how Bobby treats him and in the subtext of 7x09 you have to know all that happened. 

In 7x09 Bobby’s on his farewell tour of comforting advice to his adopted sons, in the last great set of retconning episodes to embed him permanently into their backstory as having always been there for them, to make it hurt juuust that much more than it already does. Towards the end of the episode he has another talk with Dean that mirrors advice Dean will get from Frank and Ness in 7x11 and 7x12, and *that* is opened up by Dean getting drugged by the turducken slammer and going on about how he doesn’t care about how he doesn’t care, and that he feels great for the first time since Cas and the black goo. Like, wow, his depression and hurt and betrayal didn’t go anywhere just because he said he was fine, who knew :P 

And that’s the backstory to Dean’s obsession over killing Dick, who has taken everything from him by this point in season 7, told through the medium of anime and sandwiches and somehow always ending up about Cas and Dean’s feelings for him. The anime was an attempt to not care and not think about it that the slammer actually inflicted on Dean, and was used to get Dean to tell us how he really felt. By 7x12 it’s a joke for Sam to make implying Dean’s into lowercase dick, with one of those false binaries the show loves making. And like in season 13 Dean’s lost a love interest and a parental figure, and now things are really blurry about which one hurts more in this short run of episodes before they both reappear in the narrative and make it confusing. 7x11 makes the hurt most about Bobby. 7x12 subtextually tells us rather a lot about Cas, especially by making a Bobby figure to contrast in the background with the lady in the shop who literally calls Dean an idjit at some point, I think, or some other Bobby-ism, to make it clear that Ness is definitely not standing in for that and all those Cas parallels are probably where it’s at while Dean fangirls over him :P 

And nope I’m not even done unpacking the Yockey Robbie Edlund turducken because of course JODY is all tied up in this completely. She’s incidentally in 7x02 as a useful local beloved character who can get menaced by Dr Sexy and let them know there’s leviathan nearby, and so she’s pretty embedded in the early Leviathan worldbuilding. Of course Edlund being Edlund, while the lil girl leviathan is channel surfing for ideas, there’s a Biggerson’s advert, I think the same one that plays in 7x03 or 7x22 about their pie salad bar (it’s like a salad bar, but pie!) and in the end she lands on wanting to be a Dr Sexy when she grows up. 

(Stop me when you think this might somehow subtextually be about Dean :P)

The Dr Sexy leviathan has an amusingly childlike view on being a surgeon as a result of forming its opinions on that job while being a little girl, and apparently not listening to the memories of the poor guy it ate except to get a frightening knowledge of anatomy. It very much acts the part of being a doctor on TV who can just wheel patients off to perform unnecessary surgery, as per the malpractice of our favourite sexy doctor on TV - and there’s a thing to contemplate about “I’m not a doctor, I just play one one TV” but that’s digressing :P But it goes and menaces Jody and Bobby goes and saves her, and Robbie brings her back 2 more times in season 7, once in 7x06 to thank Bobby for saving her, and to link them romantically so she can even more handily take over the parental role by being romantically linked to their adopted father, which is just a sort of easy association to help. And in 7x12 of course she’s just there and helping and mourning Bobby a lil bit with Sam (since Dean was the one in the focus for mourning Bobby in 7x11), drinking his dubiously won scotch from 11x16 (… Rufus didn’t have to let him have that one, Bobby WAS insisting it was a ghost :P I think he just wanted Bobby to have a win after seeing how down he was.) But that IS a Jody episode so it would have been on Yockey’s list for homework for 12x06 and it contained the anime/Dick thing. 

And, if he’d watched the deleted scene, at the end of the episode Dean makes it clear that he’s not sitting alone in the dark watching anime, he is strictly into Dick, and goes and reads an article on Dick “erecting” a tower.

(I hope it is clear how much I love the Dick references in season 7 by now and I’m not sorry, they started it :P)

So yeah. Jody is already intrinsically linked into a ridiculous chunk of the Dean/Cas subtext from season 7, the absolute wild nonsense that Edlund and Robbie were messing around with with pie and turducken and Dr Sexy and anime and Dick, to create the absolutely most ridiculous, like… no one part of it on its own in isolation doesn’t make you cry laughing, bit of storytelling (that, of course, added up into a full picture, just makes you cry a lot in earnest for poor Dean right then).

To me this is the picture of Dean mourning Cas in season 7, and the unique elements to season 7 are the anime (already referenced in season 12 just as an aside and I don’t think as anything more than a witty reference to past canon except that Dean was “kinda bummed” about Cas being gone (and don’t worry, I’m getting to Berens :P)) and the turducken, and Jody as one of the key characters wandering through all this picking up the emotional baton from Bobby, which she has been attempting to use on them ever since season 9, when they got back in contact with her after neglecting her all of season 8. 

(And, oh gosh, I stared out the window to try and collect my thoughts for the next paragraph and washed up on thinking about Sam going and crashing out on Jody over the Dean in Purgatory period instead of hitting a dog and ending up with Amelia, like Dean with Lisa except by the time Dean gets back Sam’s probably been whipped into shape and is wandering around Sioux Falls in a deputy uniform…)

Anyway yeah, to go back to 13x03 finally… If the Turducken sign isn’t portentous of anything, I’m still seeing the Gas n Sip sign, in the maroon colours rather than blue one, but still, in a Berens episode. And if you can’t get mourning Cas in season 7 via Jody and a turducken related things to stick, you can totally shortcut through the fairly simple steps of Berens + Gas n Sip = 9x06 and assume whatever personal feelings stuff Dean and Jody talk about, this is a great way to cram Cas into the background via the enormous glowing yellow sun that has come to represent him. (And, of course, it was Berens who had the “morning, Sunshine” line for us in 12x03.)

So I think the set stuff and character stuff all have some fairly good slap to the back of the head things for Dean to maybe open up to Jody or at the very least for whatever he says to her to be heavily subtextually about Cas even if Jody asks about Mary. Because Dean’s wearing weirdly Cas-coded clothes, and Jody is wearing the family unity red n blue plaid colours. The maroon Gas n Sip seems to be more about family and even Wayward Sisters, since it was prominently used behind Claire in 12x16 and maroon has been a lot about family because of the infamous red hoodie that Kevin, Charlie and Cas all wore, and that Mary was put in maroon within an episode of getting back (and Chuck tried to cash in on it in 11x21 to make himself look harmless and cute and relatable in the same hoodie). But even in 12x16 having the Gas n Sip sun looking over Claire, with her connections to Cas, made it seem like he was watching over her too. The colours change the meaning in some ways but the overall message is the same. I think in 13x03 we have to remember it’s also going to be about the Wayward Sisters so whether Jody and Dean are having a personal conversation or not, the sun might be about Cas but the overall thing might be a more neutral family building thing for the main arc stuff. If it was a blue Gas n Sip I’d immediately think it was all about Cas and oozing tragic subtext *everywhere* and completely unavoidably.

(it might also just be that they’re maroon because Biggerson’s are and maybe there’s some sort of corporate alliance of Gas n Sips connected to Biggerson’s, because, after all, Dick Roman ended up owning both franchises and by 7x23 you can see that both are involved in his masterplan, which is part of why I love so much Cas is then intimately connected to both later while still in a gloomy penance mood about the whole thing and everything he’s ever done since…)

… So to actually answer your question, I can see some really really convoluted reasons in the history of the show that if Dean and Jody have their big important “seriously how are you” talk in this exact location while hanging out and hugging in front of all these signs, that they might either not mention Cas at all because he’s not a part of the openly stated story going on between Dean and Jody and all this family stuff and Wayward Sisters and everything absorbed into the entire chunk of the show about parental relationships, of which Jody has been a part since 7x06 thanks to Robbie. Or it’s a part of the emotional backstory to Dean losing Cas which Edlund kicked into high gear in 7x02 while dibsing all the important Dean and Bobby conversations which shine a light on Dean’s loss and Cas, also dragging Jody into a ridiculous web of Dr Sexy and stuff that Robbie and then much much later Yockey were playing around with.

Either way,

[almaasi]

reaction post typed while watching SPN 12x20 ‘Twigs & Twine & Tasha Banes”

that Max & Dean parallel though!!!

07;30

idk what to expect but my sister says there was a cute text post she saw which she’ll show me later

i’m assuming it was destiel-related (spoilers: it wasn’t, it was dean-is-bi related)

here goes

i’m rooting for ya, steve yockey and richard speight jr

-

i have new headphones! but my shift key is still broken

-

07;31

recap OH MY GOD THEY WERE SO SMALL 12 YEARS AGO WHAT THE FUCK

remember when they were ADULTS to me

and now baby sam is three years younger than me

oh dear

they were definitely thrown into adulthood too soon, i’m still a smol human at age 23

-

FETUS SAM HAD A TEXAN DRAWL HOW DID I NOT NOTICE THAT

-

AAAAAH IT’S THESE TWO I LOVE THESE TWO

max ? and ... dammit i forgot her name? alissa????

-

i’m still sad about mick :c

also my brain always wants to call him mitch for some reason

-

07;36

that is a niiiiiice house. nice rainy weather too, kinda comforting

-

07:37

THIS WOMAN IS IMMEDIATELY THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN ON EARTH TO ME

-

07:38

“I COULD CLEANSE YOUR AURA IF YOU LIKE”

she’s a witch SHE JUST GOT 3000% MORE ATTRACTIVE

-

07;41

ANDY IS CUTE TOO

OH GOD STEVE YOCKEY I LOVE YOUR CHARACTERS SO MUCH

-

07:44

alicia!! i was close

-

07:46

????????? STABBED????

SHE’D BETTER SURVIVE

D:

...........what if steve yockey’s episodes are all “main character dies, inducing a story”

oh no

-

07:48

dean stroking his own hands nfhhggfhhghh that’s not meant to be sexy but it’s sexy anyway

he has such beautiful hands

i want all the gifs of this

-

07;50

dean being so in tune with cas he understands his motivation to do good regardless of whether the outcome reflects that!!!

dean knowing instinctively if cas is possessed!!!!!!!!!!

sam still wearing pink eyeshadow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-

07;53

THE FACT THEY’RE PARALLELING MAX & ALICIA WITH SAM & DEAN IN SEASON 1

AND THE RECAP INCLUDED A MENTION OF SAM’S SHINY HAIR

ALICIA HAS GREAT HAIR WITH PUPPYDOG EYES AND MAX IS QUEER AS FUCK AND FULL OF SARCASM AND SALT

I WONDER WHO IS THE PARALLEL FOR WHO

HMMMM 

/sarcasm dean is bisexual cough cough

-

07;57

i know it makes no sense and is Wrong but

does anyone else lowkey feel like “cass” seems way more ~~feminine~~ than “cas”?

(dean still spells cas with two Ss. will we ever know where the extra S comes from?)

-

08:00

whaaaaaaat

two marys

did i miss something

oh must be a shapeshifter

-

08;01

“mom plz call me back i’m having boyfriend trouble”

-

08;04

max; “i got the bartender’s phone number”

i’m so fucking enjoying this incredibly obvious season 1 dean parallel

i really wanna see some dean-is-straight-and-you-are-erasing-his-heterosexuality stan get this parallel waved in their face

-

08;06

GRENADE LAUNCHER

-

08;08

all right i want flower symbolism people on this, stat

looks like a a pink rose and a pink orchid

google says a light pink rose = “Light pink roses are associated with gentleness and admiration, and can also be used as an expression of sympathy.”

but it might also be lilac so = The lavender rose is often a sign of enchantment and love at first sight.

and the pink orchid = the pink Orchid has the honour of representing innocence, femininity, grace, joy and happiness.

basically i think it’s meant to represent andy’s character as a cinnamon roll

...in fact he’s so sweet and trustable that i’d go so far as to say it’s a) either a ruse and he’s the bad guy, or b) he and max are getting together later

obviously he’s giving off hella gay vibes but NOT TO STEREOTYPE or anything

....but actually i wanna cry of happiness i LOVE OBVIOUS SYMBOLISM SO MUCH

-

08;13

my theory; the tasha banes they’re seeing is a shifter and/or the other witch

-

08:15

what if......meat suit

oh dear

-

08;16

DEAN HOLDS A FUCKING WINE GLASS WITH A FULL FIST

-

08;19

what if......she did a spell to put herself back together but “twigs & twine” means she ain’t sticking around for long

-

08:20

tasha; “parents seem smart and strong and perfect, it’s only when you grow up that you realise they’re just people”

yeah

also important; doctors are also just people who studied some stuff once, and unless they continue studying, their knowledge could very likely be 10+ years out of date and therefore cause you more harm than good

every professional you meet and ask advice from is knowledgeable in that one subject but they don’t know everything, and they don’t know you. you know you better than anyone. feel free to distrust professional advice. if a professional tells you something, research it yourself before believing it.

seriously i’m not kidding. like, use your common sense, but trust that all people are often wrong. professionals will make up bullshit to seem better than you. even the world’s kindest people still have the right to put their own interests first, and they will. not saying everyone lies, but that people don’t realise they’re incorrect even if they’re experts on a subject. especially if they’re experts on the subject.

the best people admit they could be wrong even if they know their stuff inside out. because facts change, the world’s collective knowledge changes, and people’s opinions and understandings evolve over time.

also yeah. parents don’t know what the fuck they’re doing any better than you do. even if there was a “guidebook to life”, it’s not a one-size-fits all.

look idk what i’m saying here BUT THAT’S THE POINT

-

08;32

what if...... the other witch reanimated dead tasha for her own purposes

-

08;37

aw man andy’s dead too

-

08:39

;n; noo max

-

08:42

YYEAAH MARY PUNCH KETCH IN THE FACE

-

08:44

YES MARY MAKE HIM WHIMPER

-

08:49

MAX NO DON’T TAKE THE POWER

-

08;50

ALICIA NO

OH GOD WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS EPISODE

-

08;53

I 

don’t 

ev

what

how why 

what vthe FUCK.

i cannot fucking COMPREHEND

what the fuck

what the fuck

what the f u c k

-

06;55

oh no is he gonna make a demon deal or something

-

08;57

PART OF ME IS LIKE OH NO DON’T DO THE THING MAX

PART OF ME IS LIKE YES FUCKING DO IT MAX

?>???

-

09:01

??????? ketch is a SHAPESHIFTER

??

-

oh man

this episode!!!!!! WHAT A RIDE

10/10 honestly

even the things i didn’t like about it at the time (dead characters of colour) were kinda ~fixed~ by the end (mostly. rip tasha banes)

i mean it’s not one of my favourites because it was so very angsty and heartbreaking but IT WAS GOOD and WELL-CONSTRUCTED

i fucking miss cas though, this news to no-one

now i wanna see what my sister’s tumblr dash thought was so cute about this episode

i just went to ask her, and oh it was about the max/dean parallel pfff of course i noticed that it was blindingly obvious

[destielmixtape]

What I’m working on

@winchester-reload tagged me to talk about any WIP I have going on. Currently, I’m putting all of my focus into my third long fic, the last in a Destiel trilogy I’ve been working on since October. They average about 50k apiece. I’m 26k into the third one.

Rules Do Dis: List all the things you’re currently working on in as much or little detail as you’d like, then tag some friends to see what they’re working on. This can be writing, art, vids, gifsets, whatever.

What I’m working on:

Journeys (part of the Wake Up series): Journeys is canon compliant through today with the exception of Castiel losing his wings in the fall and the arrival of Mary.

I’ve been struggling a bit with this one. So far I think it’s the strongest of the three. The first story was mostly fluff and smut. The second was more action and angst. This third one has more of an angst/mystery plot. 

One thing about this series that people either love or hate is that there is a major OC that becomes a love interest for Sam. It’s her presence that really drives the plot of the second two stories. 

The series focuses heavily on music for thematic guidance. 

Excerpt from Chapter (7): “Whisper Tales of Gore”

Castiel sat on the edge of Charlene’s bed, next to the pile of her belongings they had somewhat successfully brought back from her apartment. He had removed his jacket and rolled his sleeves up like he’d seen Dean do countless times. He watched as Charlene paced back and forth, drink in hand, the now nearly empty can of taurine-infused yellow-flavored energy beverage flashing in the dim room lighting.

“I think the first thing we need,” she said seemingly to herself, “is a list of the major life events that have occurred since meeting Dean. Like, the big stuff.” She pivoted and headed the other direction. “Things that changed you. Him. Both of you.”

“Could you further define ‘change’?” Castiel asked, nervousness taking a backseat to amusement. Charlene was excited, focused. Any self-consciousness he felt earlier had been obliterated by the woman’s endearing self-possession.

“Well, deaths are a good start; I’m guessing you’ve both had your fair share of those.”

The angel laughed bleakly. “I think I could make a whole tape just about the deaths. There have been more than enough.”

“Well, the deathiest deaths, then?” She turned to him and grimaced. “Your deaths, at least the ones that directly pertain to Dean?”

“Wow, this is angsty.”

She clanked the can down on the nightstand and turned toward him, clasping his shoulder with one hand. “You need the dark,” she said with emphasis. “You can’t have the light without it.”

He nodded solemnly. “I understand.” 

She released him and smiled. “I told you Sam exposition-dumped all over me before, but that was his perspective of his life. I need something similar from you.”

Castiel carefully scrutinized his lap. “I am not sure how to even begin. No one has asked me about my life before. My journey.”

Charlene exhaled softly with a visible slump. Castiel looked up to see the corners of her mouth downturned in a way that looked unnatural on her face, as if she’d never done it before. “Their loss,” she said softly. Suddenly, she straightened up and leaned past Castiel to retrieve the quad ruled notebook and a pen from the bed. She flipped it open to the first page and began scrawling with a precise, slicing script. For Dean.

She leaned up against the dresser and put the pen to her chin. “Okay, Cas, let’s begin at the beginning. How did you meet?”

He blinked slowly at her and didn’t speak for a moment. Then he began, voice low, purposeful, almost proud. “It was commanded of me. Heaven needed Dean. He broke the first seal of Lucifer’s cage, and he was the only one could prevent the Apocalypse. I was sent into hostile territory as a Warrior of God. I flew through hell fire and the sound of millions of souls screaming in agony. I wrestled a knife from his hands, wrapped my grace around his soul, and dragged him from Perdition.”

Charlene’s mouth hung open as she stared at Castiel through dark lashes. “Holy shit.”

His eyes were a clear, ponderous blue, salt spray on the wind. “That’s why my wings are black,” he added softly. “Scorched by the fires of Hell.”

Her breath caught in her chest and ached for the angel. She blinked rapidly and shook her head, cheeks flushed, then scratched something down in the notebook. Complete and total badass.

“Just so you know, you’re going to have to go into great detail later regarding the fact that you have actual fucking wings, okay?,” she said, voice edged with something he could not place. She stuck the pen in the book and tossed it on the dresser, then dug into her pockets to produce a white and blue packet of cigarettes and a lighter with a picture of a groundhog on it. She slid one out with practiced fingers and brought it to her lips. Castiel tilted his head curiously at her and furrowed his brow.

“I was not aware that you smoked,” he said, rough voice taking on a tone of paternal disappointment.

She chuckled, taking the unlit cigarette away from her lips to respond. “I don’t, really. I save it in case of emergency creative endeavors regarding angels and true love and the fucking apocalypse.”

The angel’s soft lips twitched into a smile and he gave a shy shrug.

“Do you mind?”

“No, I suppose not.”

With that, she slotted the cigarette between her lips and lit it, shielding it from the wind out of habit. She took a deep drag, then pulled it away between two fingers. She leaned back into the dresser and exhaled upward, blowing a perfect and practiced smoke ring. Tendrils of white climbed upwards from her fingertips as a lazy smile opened across her face. She rolled her head back toward Castiel, who smiled.

“You ever smoke, Cas?”

“No.”

“Never? Why not? And don’t start rattling off health concerns, because I’m pretty sure they don’t apply to you.”

“It has never… come up. I do not eat or drink.”

“You’ve never drank? Alcohol?”

“I have had alcohol. But it takes quite a bit to have any effect on me.”

“How much is quite a bit?” she asked as she took another drag, this time exhaling normally.

“I drank a liquor store once,” he mused.

She raised an eyebrow.

“To be fair, I thought the world was ending,” he said, monotone betrayed by a hint of wry amusement.

Charlene walked to the nightstand and ashed into the empty drink can, then crossed her other arm over her stomach. “You wanna try it?”

He eyed the cigarette warily. “I believe this is what the public service announcements refer to as ‘peer pressure’.”

“That is exactly what this is,” she said, extending the cigarette toward the angel.

Castiel reached up hesitantly from his seat on the bed and took the cigarette awkwardly, pinching it between his thumb and forefinger. He haltingly brought it up to his lips but she stopped him.

“No, no, Castiel, not like that. You’re not Ernest fucking Hemingway at his typewriter. Here,” she said, sliding another cigarette out of her pack. “Hold it between two fingers, like this,” she demonstrated, holding it between her index and middle finger. “Like you’re gonna stab a dude in the eyes.”

“Do I want to know why you know how to stab someone in their eyes?” he said with a raised eyebrow.

“No, you do not.”

“Very well.” He repositioned the cigarette to Charlene’s specifications, brought it to his mouth again, and then stopped. He looked up at her with lost eyes.

“Oh for the love of Pete,” she grumbled good naturedly. “Like this,” she brought her new cigarette to her mouth and lit it. “You stick it in your mouth, then pull on it like you were sucking through a straw. Do not swallow it. Once it’s in your mouth, then you inhale.” She demonstrated, and then continued on the exhale, “you inhale for about three seconds, hold it for about three seconds, and then gently blow it out. Most people cough at first, but I doubt you will.”

He nodded, took a deep breath and on the exhale brought the cigarette to his unsure lips. They pursed around the end, and he did as Charlene instructed. The sensation was strange. A slight burning, more like a tickle but inside of him. He pulled it away and held his breath under Charlene’s watchful eye. He exhaled through his nose, and then suddenly it hit him; he felt a mild yet dizzying wave of euphoria roll through his body and dissipate into the air. He scrutinized the cigarette between his fingers curiously before repeating the procedure, and was pleasantly surprised by a second wave of dizziness.

“Curious,” he muttered, eyeing the cigarette suspiciously.

“Wait, do you feel something?”  she asked, leaning down to examine Castiel’s face.

“I feel… dizzy. In a pleasant way.” He made a motion to take another drag and Charlene stopped him.

“Whoa, whoa, pal. Wait a second.” She grabbed the can and brought it to him. “You have to ash that puppy, like this,” she took another drag from her cigarette and then tapped it into the can. “Your turn.”

Castiel gingerly tapped the cigarette over the can to relieve it of its half-inch head of ash. Charlene crouched into a squat, dangling both the can and her cigarette in between her knees as she stared at Castiel in fascination.

The angel was miles away as he took another drag off the cigarette. He was mildly aware that as an angel smoking should really have no effect on him whatsoever, at least in theory. The truth of the matter was that he didn’t know any angels who smoked, so he had no point of reference. This was virgin territory. He smiled at that thought, and then let himself slowly fall back onto the bed with a soft and pleasant whumph. He held the cigarette up above his head like a brass ring.

///

If this piques your interest and you want to read more, my Ao3 works page is here.

Tagging: @malicezero, @compulsive-baker, @crossroadsangelcastiel, @emptywithout and anyone else who wants to do the thing!

[maximumkillshot]

Make It Better

Warnings: ANGSTY AF, like it’s bad for a while there, then it gets better. Some cussing possible, mentions of S14 stuffs.

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Characters: Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester, Reader, OMC Luke, (Multiple other charaters mentioned

A/N: This is from an ask by @carribear31 Her ask reads:  So I have an idea, it could be angsty. Going back to beginning if seadon 14. Dean is free from Michael and comes back to the bunker to find all the AU hunters there. Him and reader have been together for awhile but seeing all these other hunters need her for this and that makes him feel unneeded and useless and even a bit jealous when he notices one other hunter seems to seek her out more then the others. Now with Dean feel sorry for himself and pushing her away she must prove they belong together. Happy ending please! Thank you!

“All I Could Do” Masterlist- CLICK HERE

Overall Masterlist- Click Here

“When You Call” Masterlist- Click Here

“The Situation” Masterlist- Click Here

“How has Y/N been?” I asked my brother. Michael taking over wasn't something that only affected me. Hell, Y/N had been together for over three years. Before all of the shit hit the fan I was planning out the proposal, I even had the ring ready, and yet the last thing I remember hearing is her screaming at me, asking why.

“She’s broken, Dean. What else do you expect?” answered my brother. “You broke a promise to her, you promised you’d never let him in and yet you let him in right in front of her. I don’t blame her either.”

“Does she hate me?” I asked, pain in my eyes.

“No she doesn’t. She’s been looking for you non stop. She didn't sleep for the first two weeks, only closing her eyes when her body gave out. Jack had to force her to eat and Mom had to get her to shower. She was nothing without you. She even thought that it was all her fault.”

“What?”

“She thought that if she wasn’t there when Lucifer did what he did, you wouldn’t have done what you did to protect her.”

“ I would have done it regardless.”

“She won’t hear it, so she threw herself into work.”

As we pulled into the bunker I saw some people, including Bobby working on he other cars in the garage…

After parking and cautiously opening the bunker door, everyone froze, but Y/N.

Her hair was disheveled and thrown into a bun. Standing at the war room table, coordinating the next attack it seems. All of the other hunters around her looked up, prompting her to do the same.

As I made the way down the stairs I saw her slowly turn towards me, an angel blade in her hand. Her eyes were closed as she looked up, almost preparing to see that blue glow of Michaels eye’s glaring at her like they did the day he took me.

When she looked up, she looked like she aged tenfold. She must’ve lost 50 pounds, her eyes sunken. She looked from my eyes to Sammy, then back to me.

“I-If this is a trick Michael, I swear I will rip you from him myself, and I torture you if you thought the cage was rough… wait until you get a load of me.”

When I went to walk towards her immediately Jack and a few of the other men surrounded her. One of the men commented to me, “I don’t believe that the commander said that you could touch her.”

“Stand Down” I heard her say from the behind the wall of men.  They immediately parted like the red sea.

She placed the blade on the table, “Is it really you, Dean?”

That hurt… She usually calls me baby or some chick flick pet name.

“Yeah, it is Sweetheart... I”

“Your room’s the same way you left it. It was off limits.” She turned around, addressing the rest of the hunters.

“You mean our room,” I asked, clear pain in my voice.

She huffed and turned my way, “ That stopped being our room when you broke your promise. That room was my prison, surrounded by you and no way to get to you. That….” She looked around, noticed that she was raising her voice, and gaining attention. She then took in my state and breathed, “ You already know where the showers are. Get cleaned up, we’ll discuss this after I come up with yet another plan to deal with your mess.”

I looked at my brother and he went to lead me past the other hunters to my room.

“She hates me,” I said plainly.

“No, she loves you so much that she tried everything to keep this place running because she knew that’s what you would have wanted, Dean. It may not be what you were expecting, but that, that was the best you were going to get, given the circumstances.” I walked into my room, only finding some things out of place. One of them is a photo of ourselves sitting on Baby’s hood. The frame wasn’t on the nightstand where it was supposed to be, the frame was smashed to pieces, the photo painted with dried tear stains. I kept on looking around and I found something… The wedding ring box was kicked under the nightstand when I opened it the ring was missing. I couldn’t see anymore at this point.

As I undressed I noticed there was a new scar on my bicep. I couldn’t think straight so I just undressed and went to the showers. By the time I was out I could hear Y/N laughing with a guy, he had his arm around her hip, joking around. It made my blood boil. Then I finally caught his name, Luke. After I got dressed I came out of my room and was met with mostly unfamiliar faces, I’ve never felt so out of place in my own home.

Sammy could see my visible uneasiness and he leads me to the main war room, explaining everything that they came up with to rebuild the hunter network. I was impressed but I was also seething because this Luke guy was getting handsy with Y/N. The minute my brother saw me eyeing them Sam said, “Luke was the only one who could get her out of the room after Michael took you. She only trusted him. The first time she laughed all the first month came from him.”

“So what’s their deal, because from what I’m seeing here. Maybe it would’ve been better for me to stay away.”

“What?” questioned Sammy.

“Look at how happy she is, so carefree.”

“She hasn’t been like this since you were taken. She is like this right now because you are back.”

“Then why isn’t she letting me touch her like that?”

“She’s hurt, Dean.”

“How do I make it better?” I asked Sammy, my heart being crushed.

“Maybe talk to her about it, in private.”

I took a deep breath and started to walk towards her.

As soon as she saw me in her peripheral vision she straightened up, almost on guard, which she’s never done with me, even when I had the mark of Cain.

“Y/N?” I asked.

She got off of the counter she was perched on and said, “Yeah?”

“We need to talk,” I said as I glared at Luke.

“Where do you want to talk at, exactly?” She asked.

“Our room.”

“We don’t have a room, you have your room and I have mine.”

“Fine, my room.”

She immediately grabbed her beer bottle and started walking to the room.

As soon as the door shut I hear her say: “ So what do you want to talk about?”

I huffed, “How about how when I came home you acted like I was nothing to you. Let’s start there.” I sat at the desk in my room while she sat on the bed.

“In case you haven’t noticed I am cleaning up Michael’s mess, thanks to you.”

“That is bullshit Y/N and you know it. Before this you would’ve jumped into my arms, practically sobbing.”

“Well, I did all of my sobbing when I thought that you were dead. Right here.” She said as she stroked the pillow on my side of the bed. “Michael was never going to let you go and I knew that. I knew that you were not strong enough to kick him out.”

I was silent as she continued, “For a while actually, I was waiting for Michael to come in here and off me himself. I waited in here… You know why?”

I shook my head no as she laid down, “Because here was where we laughed, made love, here are our best memories. So I locked myself in here, waiting to die with nothing but the best memories. That way I didn’t have to look at the husk of my boyfriend when Michael drained the life out of me.”

She looked to the right, where my nightstand was, “Instead I could look at that picture of us on the impala, mere seconds before you told me you loved me. Or I could grab to the left, grab the quilt that you got me from New Mexico.”

She Sat back up with tears in her eyes, now bringing tears to mine as I sat beside her, “I don’t think you realize what it’s like to wait for the man that you love to come back and kill you. The worst part is that it wasn’t even the man that you love, just the thing that he let in.”

She got up frantically wiping tears away, “So you’re going to have to excuse me when I didn’t jump into your arms like some chick flick. You’re going to have to deal with the fact that every time I close my eyes I see Michael killing Sammy, Jack, Mary, Bobby, everyone, then him letting you through just long enough to see the life drain from my eyes.”

She turned around to me and said, “And most of all you’re going to have to excuse the fact that I am more comfortable with people that have been here for the last eight months, the very same people that helped piece me back together and distracted me every single time I got a call about a lead, the people that promised to find you so that I wouldn’t see the monster that used you as a puppet.”

“Look  I get it if you don’t love me anymore.” I said flat out.

She huffed, “And what makes you think that?”

“You’re a leader, so is Sammy, I’m a run and gunner, okay? This doesn’t work for me.”

“Not yet, Dean. we have much lower casualties because of these parameters.”

“Listen, Y/N I can’t even explain how awkward it is to come home and find a whole bunch of different people in your house and one of them buddying up to your girlfriend.”

It was then that I left the room, almost fuming, I tapped Sammy’s arm and motioned for the keys. Sammy passed them to me and I took off for the night. I did everything to think about something else. But all I could see was the pain in her eyes, the fear. It was haunting.

The fact that I did that to her, it was almost inconceivable. She was always so strong so to have a fuck up like me as her weak point makes no sense. Maybe it’s better if I just keep her at arm's length. The ring’s probably missing because she threw it away out if anger or something. That had to be the only answer. As I laid down on Baby’s hood I decided to keep her at arm's length, that way I wouldn’t hurt her again. After a few hours of sulking, I headed back home.

When I opened the door there was no one up but Sammy.

“Which room is she in?” I asked.

“Her’s, the one in between Jack’s and Luke’s”

“Great” I huffed.

“Look, I know what you think about Luke, but you’ve got it wrong, okay. Luke sees Y/N like his sister. She died in the apocalypse world. It’s platonic Dean, but you’re too jealous to see that.”

“Sammy, I’m tired of people telling me what I do and do not feel, okay? I just want to sleep with Y/N by my side. But that obviously isn’t happening, so please, just let me sleep.”

I laid down in my bed and stared at the ceiling for about 6 or 7 hours until I heard rustling outside. It sounded like Y/N was talking with Luke again. Which never failed to make my stomach twist. As soon as I heard them walk by I rolled out of bed in my boxers and nothing else.  This is my house so fuck what everyone else thinks.

When I walk out I am met by skeptical stares yet again, how my house can feel like a prison I have no clue, but hot damn it seems to be happening.

The minute I walk into the kitchen I’m met by Luke handing Y/N a cup of coffee and Sam laughing along with the normal conversation. The minute I clear my throat everyone freezes and only Y/N is unphased.

“You want some coffee, Dean? We were just about to make some bacon and pancakes,” Y/N’s voice rang out as she grabbed my mug and filled it with coffee. When she went to hand it to me she tried to lean up and kiss me but I turned my face away, trying to keep my distance. I could see the pain in her eyes, but it was better like this.

She looked confused but went about her day, making the food and distributing it to everyone. I refused to let her get mine. The more things she does for me the harder I find it to try to separate myself from her. I can see the pain in her eyes, so I decided to just take my food to my room.

The next few days I did the same thing, minimal contact with everyone, especially with Y/N, it seemed like every day I could see more of her fading away, by the end of the week she couldn’t even smile, which only killed me more.

When I was in the middle of a horror movie marathon I heard a knock at my door.

“Go away Sam!” I yelled at him. I can’t take him asking me to talk to Y/N one more time. I can’t not with how I hurt her.

Then the door opened and I heard her voice, “Dean?” Y/N sounded so broken. I wanted to scoop her up and protect her from anything and everything that came her way.

My body shot up at her voice, almost like it called to my soul, my movements weren't my own.

“Y/N, what’s wrong?” I immediately turned into a defensive mode, looking around her as if something had gripped her.

“Can we talk, please?” she squeaked as tears streamed down her face.

“Of course sweetheart tell me.” I held my arms out to her and she buried her head in my chest as she cried.

“I miss you… I feel like I lost you and that is my worst nightmare, I don’t want to lose you.” She started weeping.  

I started tearing up myself, “I didn’t want to hurt you anymore. I didn’t want to do more damage than I already did Sweetheart, so I thought it was better for me to stay away. After I found the ring box empty I figured you wouldn't want that with me, baby. I thought that I hurt you so bad that you wouldn’t want me.”

“Dean,” She said as she pulled something from around her neck, “before you left the room last week I wanted to show you…” she started sniffling as she untangled the chain. When she was untangling the gold chain she was trying to explain. “I saw the ring, and I stared at it for so long… that would’ve been that last gift you would’ve ever given to me. So I didn’t throw it away..” she held the chain with the engagement ring up to me...

I looked confused as she said, “I kept it with me until we did find you… Until you could give it to me properly. Every time I lost hope I looked at it and I knew that you wouldn’t leave this undone. I carried it because I love you, and that will never ever change. So here.” She said as she opened my hand and put it into my palm. “I don’t want it until you feel it’s the right time. As long as I have you, that’s all I’ll ever need.”

When she curled back up into my chest I took the ring off of the chain and grabbed her hand as she teared up…

“There is no better time than right now Y/N…. So will you marry me?”

She was crying so hard all she could do was nod… and believe me, that was more than enough for me.

Just as I slid the ring on her finger she started kissing me uncontrollably all over my face as I pinned her under me.

I just stared for a while, taking in the tears that she shed…

“What?” she giggled.

I wiped her tears away as I said “Just imagining”

“Oh really? Imagining what?”

“The rest of our lives together, family, all of it,” I said as I leaned down and kissed her.

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