#((where he is ruthless and wants to take everything away from scrooge))

[rare-yanderes]

So I just realized that if there’s yandere versions of the DuckTales characters, it’s usually not from the 1987 version so here ya go. Kinda wrote this in a rush since I have work and work and work and work and you get the idea.

TW for mentions of murder, kidnapping, endangerment, manipulation, stalking and abuse.

Posts will be much less frequent and more sporadic, my apologies. I’m just kinda losing it with juggling college and a minimum wage job.

•I see Glomgold as a possessive, obsessive and manipulative yandere.

•Now Glomgold isn’t exactly an intimidating by looks kind of person so depending on how you first meet, I imagine you’d be certainly caught off guard. He’s so self absorbed he couldn’t possibly connect with someone else beyond seeing them as a tool to use to gain the advantage over Scrooge.

•Do not mistake his age for weakness. He may not be at peak physical strength but he’s still getting a workout by adventuring and engaging in dangerous fights, so he’s not weak by any means. His ruthlessness disallows him from giving up that easily in a battle.

•If you work for McDuck industries you bet your ass that this whole scenario will at first play out as a rivalry. Glomgold’s hatred for Scrooge goes to bizarre, petty lengths. As far as you’re concerned, you are just another attempt to piss Scrooge off and so Glomgold’s original intent of doing so by kidnapping you seems relatively normal and you don’t fear trying to escape the goons he sends to catch you. Eventually, however, Glomgold’s actions will portray otherwise and even his lies won’t spare you from the truth; he’s gobsmacked with you.

•Jealous, jealous, jealous. If jealously physically manifested itself as a person, Glomgold would be the result. Seriously, he cannot stand when your attention isn’t solely on him and his accomplishments. Often times, especially in the early stages of his obsession, he’ll devise plans to monopolize and direct your attention towards him. Any of your focus on anything else is a crime, even if it’s something as dumb as a butterfly floating around. If you’re in a conversation with someone else, he’ll pull you away with an excuse. If you’re doing your own thing, he’ll bud in and loom over your shoulder the entire time.

•If there’s someone else participating, he’ll whisper threats and blackmail into their ear or althogether sabatoge your experience with them so you never hang around them again.

•It’s a big mistake to ignore him in any form, even for a few seconds. His resulting wrath is not a pretty sight, especially in public. Talking to Scrooge especially pisses him off to a murderous edge. He’ll do anything to get you away from Scrooge, who he sees as trying to take you away from him. The idea that you’re focus is anywhere else but on him is incredibly frustrating to him and is a bit of a damage to his ego.

•Pathological liar. In an attempt to keep your attention and praise solely focused towards him, Glomgold will absolutely lie and spin fables on some of his achievements. He’ll say he’s #1, he’ll talk about how he’s saved people before. He’ll put on a charitable front, blabing about his recent donation to homeless shelters. (This of course, is probably false.) He’ll blackmail, extort, and cheat his way to you if he has to without remorse.

•He’s not just lying to you about himself, he’s lying to you about other people in an attempt to isolate you from them. To Glomgold, everyone else’s attempts at befriending you are an invocation of rivalry that he must prove he can triumph in. Any friends you had are now Glomgold and his approved inner circle which he still gets jealous of if you’re with them for too long. He seems himself as a perfectly fine replacement for all friends and family you have, a result of his ego.

•Speaking of ego, despite lying to you about being better at everything than everyone else, (especially Scrooge,) he can’t help but sometimes believe his own lies if you go along with them too. If you want to get on his good side, you’d better start playing along and flattering him to all hell. If he’s angry and about to murder someone, your reassurance may just save their life. Calming him down by complimenting him usually works and detours him long enough for the offender to escape with their life.

•Unfortunately, using this tactic has the opposite effect in any escape effort you may have planned. The more attention you give Glomgold, the greedier and more needy of it he gets until he’s so attached to you you won’t be able to remember a time he isn’t around you.

•Likes trashing Scrooge McDuck in any way possible. Any idolization of him from you is a huge nope. If he’s not doting on you, vying for your attention, he’s plotting on how to kill, steal, or make Scrooge McDuck miserable. The most comical thing about this is that he also wants you to share in his collective hatred of Scrooge McDuck, so get ready to hear about it all the time. Disagree and you’ll have an entire essay of why Scrooge sucks handed to you.

•Still really offstandish about spending his fortune so instead of buying you expensive gifts and items, he’ll steal them by hiring others to do his dirty work then play it off as just a simple act of kindness. This has double points, it lowers your guard around him and it also means he doesn’t have to be any less poor.

•Directly confronting Glomgold about his behavior is a bad idea. Any hit to the ego causes him to freak out and try to mend it in dangerous ways by either proving he’s better or eliminating the threat altogether. Any idea that you’re about to leave and focus your energy elsewhere will cause him to go from rationally plotting rivals downfalls financially to irrationally murdering them out of anger. Then, he’ll cling onto you even more so you don’t leave his sight.

•As his obsession grows, so does his possessiveness. Eventually, there may come a time where he sees you as more of a diamond to polish than a person with a separate existence, especially when he’s parading you around Scrooge. You’re his greatest treasure and he’s not about to give you up. He’ll brag about how he’s got the upper hand over Scrooge, how he’s got the one thing that’s more valuable than anything else.

•On the idea of parading you around, Glomgold loves showing off how wealthy he is to everyone else. You’ll be in public, dragged wherever he wants you to go, participating in whatever activities he wants you to participate in. At least, unlike other victims of yanderes, you will have the rare privilege to go outside. Unfortunately and obviously, it’s only if Glomgold is no more than three feet from you at all times.

•Escape results in angry threats of murder to people you care about, especially any friends or family. Glomgold is already a psychopath, so there won’t be any forwarning. There won’t be any downfall or an attempt to stop himself. As soon as he’s attached, he’ll do anything to achieve his goal. He has no qualms about murder. It’s rare that he’ll ever be the one to directly cause it though, preferring to hire assassins and other people while he watches from afar.

•He’ll deny it every time the idea is brought to the table, but man is he lonely. He doesn’t have close family like Scrooge and people who care about him beyond the business deals he makes. So much of his need for attention comes from that depressing fact. Few enjoy his company or hangs around purely because they like him. Maybe you ended up being dopesh enough to spare him some kindness and he just attracted to it obsessively. Don’t let him use it against you, though. He’ll guilt trip you however he needs to have you falling into his hands.

• A yandere (DT2017) Scrooge sees you as someone fragile and in need of a loving guardian to protect you. Scrooge would honestly lock you away and swallow the key and say it’s for your protection. Very lovey dovey despite having a rough exterior. Honestly, I think that 1987 Scrooge would be much like the DT 2017 version only much more possessive than just overprotective, and a little less affectionate.

• A yandere (1987) Glomgold on the other hand sees you as the prized treasure he needs to show off to everyone he runs in to. Someone who needs to have their attention on him at all times. This may, depending on the circumstances, make it a little easier to escape if you can somehow get his attention off of you for one single second. (Usually by pointing out where Scrooge is if there’s an event involving him)

•The same goes with the 2017 version, though I think with that version of Glomgold, you may have a better chance at using his emotions against him. The 2017 Glomgold is more childish and a little less logical so you’d have an easier chance. Plus, he’s short as fuck lol.

[lady-of-endless]

Heavy in Your Arms (Muriel x Reader)

Author’s Note: This is some sort of an AU in which the apprentice actually worked as a healer at the coliseum at first. I've crushed my heart writing this so I pray it's going to be good. Thank you for your time!

Everything was so loud that after every fight, the noise was echoing inside his head even if the act of violence was over. His whole body was not aching because of the well-known exhaustion or the constant severe injuries, but because of the sharp regret and guilt that were torturing him more than any sharp blade, heavy chain or ruthless hit. For the sake of his only one friend, Asra, he had to endure this over and over again and never dare to complain.

'He said that he'd hurt Asra if I didn't work for him. So I hurt everyone to keep him safe.'

As Muriel stepped into the light, at the start of every sick show in the coliseum, he would remind himself those phrases, repeating them even during the fight.

Blood and sport, entertainment for many people of Vesuvia, naive enough not to see how sadistic and rotten everything was.

If he could only mute the cheering from the coliseum at least for a day. He wanted peace, the sound of nature over the disgusting screeches that were begging for more brutality, more critical hits, more victims. He wanted to disappear and not be remembered for his deeds, not be remembered at all. After every long day, all that Muriel wanted was to be left alone in silence where he could not hurt anyone, being his only wish. Even if the only place where he could hide after every fight was an underground cell with bad lightning, he would sit on the ground with his back against a cold humid wall and listen to the sound of his own tears hitting the ground. It was all that he could do, taking some moments of his own silence to think about the ones he killed that day without wanting it.

Nothing was going to last, not even the apparent peace from the underground halls of the coliseum where the cells were located. It was all disturbed when you finally appeared.

As a healer of the court, you were put in charge of the area of the coliseum, moreover, to take care of Lucio's champion. There were not many healers that wanted to work there because of the risk but the principle that everyone deserved healing, even him, brought you there.

The only difficulty was that he never wanted you or your help.

Daily, you tried to run as fast as your feet could through the halls and secret rooms of the coliseum to where the fighters rest after the murderous show. As you reached his cell, the door would always close before your eyes, because of him. Being so close but so far away to reaching him and always losing the chance to help was frustrating, unfair. It burned your composure down bit by bit. Stubbornness had you waiting for him, leaning against his door until you were forced to leave the cells of the coliseum at night.

Even if no word was exchanged between you two ever, Muriel knew all that you were trying to do. He knew how you always struggled to reach him, but he still never accepted your help. He knew how you followed him every time after a match and never let you get closer. Seeing how you were running after him to help confused him and irritated him. Who would want to get in touch with a ruin? Who would care about a murderer?

“I saw today’s match, I’m glad that you’re safe but I would feel better to see you and make sure that you really are safe.” Those were some usual lost words when you waited against his door, seated on the ground, for something that could not happen.

You stole the calmness from the only place where he could find such thing as a gladiator and it bothered him more than you thought.

“Maybe one day you’ll let me in.” You’d always say, pulling your knees up to your chest. “We could talk, I could take care of you properly.”

Insistence, constant knocking on his door, your voice when you begged him to let you help, those were the elements that were being present each day. With each day of this ritual, Muriel gradually started to get closer to that door to the point in which he would also sit on the ground, back against the same door and listening to your voice, never responding.

“I know that you don’t want to do this…” You said in a more whispered voice when the guards faded temporary from the area of the cells. Carefully, you repeated that phrase every day since you discovered that truth.

You always watched him from afar during every duel, ignoring all of the rumors about him that were floating around those who watched him because of clear reasons that were visible to you. His face never showed any pleasure for another's suffering, his moves were always hesitant, and he never started the fight. In the end, when he turned his back to the crowd in order to return to his cell, the face behind his long strands of hair was a pained one, full of sorrow, while his chest was moving erratically because of the heavy breathing and anxiousness. He never wanted to do it, but only you observed it and since that moment, you decided to try and reach him harder, analyze him more.

Seeing him so often, your mind never stopped to reach new realizations. Muriel’s hair was long enough to cover his face, messy enough to indicate that he was slowly forgetting about his well-being. The metal collar and chains were the burden of a prisoner, a possession. Those were so heavy that it made him think how if there ever will be a chance to make them disappear, he will not be capable of slow or gentle moves of his hands anymore. His right arm was encased in an armor, cursed with the resemblance of the one Count Lucio had. With this, the Count only wanted to associate the strength of his fighter with him. The strongest color from what Muriel was dressed with was a brutal red that stole the attention from other colors such as the calm green from his eyes, the shade that was capturing a whole forest. Each element that could show his true self was hidden, creating one perfect weapon for Lucio to use, and no one deserved this.

How could so many people enjoy his pain so much? How could they not see the truth? Those simple questions were able to make anger overflow from you at the start of each duel when the spectators were screaming in joy and excitement.

Now, after another day and another round, he was carrying himself into the narrow dark tunnels towards his cell and you were running after him, just as always. Following the clinging sound of his heavy chains you wanted to shout for him to stop and wait. Unfortunately, your lips were sealed in this case, not knowing his name and not going to accept the thought of calling him how everyone did. 'Scrooge of the South' disgusted you. Everyone from inside the court affirmed that he was a brutal man, but they never heard of anyone being hurt after the show. That was because he was always isolating himself, keeping himself away from everyone so that he could not make more victims, but again, only one person could see this.

All of these thoughts pushed you further, made you run faster, reaching the opened cell door. Stopping in front of that door, where he was standing, you were breathing heavily while watching his intense stare, feeling so relieved and lucky that you finally caught him. The gladiator looked at you closely for some moments in which you tried to catch your breath so that you could talk.

“I found you.” You said still breathlessly smiling softly to him.

That was the only smile that looked pure and was offered to him since he has become a gladiator.

It was the first time you saw his eyes closely. The green shade was warm, clear, calm while looking at you. Muriel realized that he stopped in his tracks for too much time.

“Forget this ever happened, go heal someone else who really needs it. Leave and forget me.” He said before closing the door with a slam.

He did not have any right to be healed or taken care of after what he did. He was hurting people, you were healing them, it was impossible for him to do that to someone like you, to let you get closer to his blood stained hands.

…

With the sudden death of the Count, the coliseum died as well, becoming a ruin after a long time in which it should have been destroyed. Time passed and somehow, Muriel finally reached the silence he was wishing on. Even if things changed, some remained the same as a memory of who he was. Those were heavy reminders of who he was in the past, one around his neck and two around his wrists along with other scars and flashbacks.

Days were full of activities in the nature, able to wash away the times in which he was forced into something he never wanted. Muriel was not missing a thing from the coliseum, except for one act that happened on the daily basis. He did not want to admit that he had questions about your actions.

What evoked the thought of you was an innocent dream he had in which your face could be seen again. Waking up from that dream or memory, he was drenched in sweat, breathing heavily and thinking about how you probably disappeared in an excruciating way just like the other workers from the coliseum. There are myths about the ones who you dream of that are saying how those persons are subconsciously missed by you. Muriel did not believe in anything like that.

Of course, no one can be sure of myths.

Unexpectedly, in one rainy night, a memory was waiting for him, knocking on his door.

Already frowning at the thought of some unknown visitors, Muriel sighed and opened the door just to see who was it, without the intention of letting strangers in or even talking to them. His breathing stopped, his mouth dropped open slightly, his eyes were wide and his mind was trying to understand.

“I found you.”

If only you were a nameless ghost he could banish and not one of his fears. Unknowingly, you were not any of those in reality. You were the most gentle shadow of his past. Hearing your words and seeing you again made his stomach fold inside out and his head spin. It has been so long since he has not seen the relieved expression from your face and suddenly, Muriel knew exactly how many years past. Five years of change in his life in which the way you looked at him now was the same as from the past. Only the pressure of his lungs reminded him to breathe again.

He could not forget your persistence but could you forget his frustrating declines?

Muriel's grip on the wooden door of his hut tightened. It could be so easy to let you go again the exact way he did in the past, with a slam of a door in front of you, but he was too stunned to move and unsure if he truly wanted to do that once again.

“No.” He said as a reassurance for himself and a way of convincing you that you did not know him at all. “You have to go, now.” Worry that you could remember him made Muriel doubt the spell and its effects even more.

Swallowing hard when he was asking himself why was he so hesitant, Muriel averted his eyes from your face when he saw you wanted to protest.

“I can't, please listen. I got lost into the woods and you were the only one around here.” You explained everything rapidly watching the man curiously, asking yourself why he looked so shocked. “Please, do you think you can help me?” You asked before catching your breath.

From all the times in which you were asking him to let you help behind a closed door at the coliseum, now you were asking for his help.

No. you were asking a stranger for help.

Something intangible in him did not want to close that door anymore. You could not remember him, it seemed, and you needed help, those were the only reasons that convinced him to let you in.

“It's dangerous out there at this hour...” He said, already doubting his decision, moving away from the door. “But tomorrow, you're gone.” His voice sounded guttural for some reason.

Those words were not a requirement, obligation, or favor. It was just something he knew it would happen, it was just to remind him that eventually, everyone leaves him.

Remembering your burning wish to help him, made Muriel want to return the favor at least once. However, once was enough for you to want to come back frequently.

After that night, you returned to thank him properly and after that, you kept on showing up the next few days under some well thought pretext. Something was drawing you closer to him from the beginning, it was a feeling that you could not explain. It made you curious to find out why by yourself.

The hut was a blossoming place. Surrounded by flowers stuck into a healthy soil, rays of sunshine that were warming the inside of the hut along with a fire. Getting used to the slightly bitter but pleasant smell of freshly cut wood was a bliss. The murmuring sound of the river that was close to the hut was soft enough to never wake him up in the morning. Your presence from time to time almost felt natural in that place but intruding in the same time.

Some people keep happy moments in the form of memories, in their minds and lock them until there comes a time in which they want to reach the feeling from when they were happy again, fantasize about it. What did Muriel have as real peaceful moments? Before he let you in that night, it was when he found Inanna and that was all. Now, Muriel had to admit that he gathered some other memories you offered him.

Even the moment when you exchanged names was a calming memory. Watching you lay down on the ground in the forest, between forget-me-not flowers, smiling at him and inviting him next to you was another one. Helping him find wood for the fire, or cooking with him and even the times in which you'd accidentally fall asleep next to Inanna.

Muriel hated how he connected your presence with the symbol of the coliseum initially, when you never gave him the agitation of that place from his past. Guilt was starting to tie around him when he saw you smile at him unknowingly of who was the one standing in front of you.

That guilt made concentrating on usual tasks almost impossible. It dug up the past and threw it in his face.

That was not the only thing that grew stronger. As the guilt was pushing him closer to the point of telling you everything, your perception got faster to the finish line. The odd feeling you had when you saw the broken chains from around his neck and wrists was getting bolder. So strong that one day, the inevitable happened.

It all came back to you in full force like a frontal hit. The man that you found when you got lost in the forest was the man you tried to reach so many times.

You looked at him in shock and silence. Muriel was taking care of the fire from the hut, his back facing you. Looking at his scared back and shoulders, you finally remembered how each scar was created in the past, being more worried about the scars from his heart.

The echoing sound of your fists banging against his door in the coliseum filled your head now.

“Muriel.” You softly called his name, ending that terrible sound from your head. Even when you only called his name, it was so hard to understand what he was feeling exactly. This time he knew what he was feeling because of the tremble from your voice. Fear and anticipation. A part of him knew why your voice sounded so broken but the other part of him did not want to accept it. “I know you. From before...” You tried to explain, being washed by the wave of flashbacks.

The day he was most afraid of was finally here and even if he was planning it in his mind, he was now unprepared and watching you tremble in place because of him.

As you stepped closer, Muriel's posture changed immediately, backing up and making his chair fall in the process, the sound making Inanna wake up from her slumber. Day by day, Muriel tried to tell you about his past but seeing how peaceful everything was going, delaying the truth every time seemed to be better even if he was never proud of that. It was a mistake not telling you, letting hesitation devour his motivation. Now, you found out alone and nothing will make you stay. He was sure of it. He lost, once again being his fault.

“Now you finally have the best reason to leave. Staying here would only do harm to you.” He said not believing in his own words, screaming on the inside for you not to listen to what he was saying.

His deep voice was always calm when he was not letting you go but now when he had to, his voice was dead. The eyes that were embracing the whole forest in his irises were now at the bay of tears, burning.

All of the people he met along the way were scared of him, his past, face, height, scars. But not you, not at the coliseum and not even now in his hut when he wanted to be left alone again for the sake of your safety. Now, when it was logical for you to leave, you had no intention of proceeding to do so.

“I don't need any reason because I don't want to leave. Why do you want me to go so badly?” You closed your eyes in a frown remembering how hurt he is.

Muriel looked away as well and Inanna whined while tugging onto the ragged material of his trousers with her teeth. She then looked at you desperately and back at him, repeating her tries to make him stop pushing you away. Muriel looked at her and sighed. Inanna was the one to always scold him for not letting you closer but as much as he was attached to his familiar, Muriel thought how she does not understand the whole story.

“I never truly wanted you to leave.” Muriel admitted without even breathing during that phrase. “But someone like you should be protected, appreciated.” The last word was a low growl, thinking about how he never got to tell you or show you how much he appreciated you or how much he started to depend on your presence. “What you found, was never what you needed.” He explained referring to himself and the words you told him when you reached him, twice.

He turned his back, taking a seat on the ground in front of the fireplace, watching it closely. Muriel never really experienced what true warmth felt like before you. You brought that warmth where everything felt cold, and he did barley anything. Even if at first, he had no idea of how to handle it, Muriel let some unseen scars heal. Blaming himself for not showing you how special you were to him was now his current activity.

“That is exactly what you do now, can't you see?” As much as you did not like to raise your tone, you had to at that moment, trying to make sure he understood what you were desperately trying to say between tears. “I'm always so happy to come here and see you, help you with the chickens, play with Inanna, feel special, wanted, finally.” Your breath hitched with the last words.

What Muriel wanted more than anything was for you to never get hurt by him. You both saw in the past what he was capable of doing and in his mind, fear was transforming the possibility of hurting you seem true even if it was a lie. Along flashbacks at night with the screams of his innocent opponents, something more disturbing appeared. It sometimes terrified him to the point of refusing to sleep, being scared to close his eyes the next night.

“I wanted to protect you from myself.” He insisted, repeating, this time his tired eyes being directed to you with no hesitation.

His voice was always calm but not now, when all of his fears reached him, it was trembling. His eyes were always locking down hope when looking at you secretly.

“Is that why you never accepted my help in the past?” You asked even if it was all clear, recalling each time he tried to keep the distance and every word making sense.

No answer came from him after this. Muriel hid his now watery eyes with strands of hair that covered his face and sit down in front of the fire, in silence. He tried to deal with what he was feeling now alone, in silence, just like he always did when he was alone.

Inanna looked at you with big gloomy eyes while resting her nose on her paws, her ears being back.

You stepped closer to Muriel, knelt in front of him and embraced him with your whole body without saying anything yet. Muriel froze at the feeling of you clinging to him so tightly. He never really wanted you to go away from him. Not even when he was in that cursed place and you were chasing him. Muriel was feeling so heavy in your arms because of all that self-condamnation. His hands were hovering over your body without touching you. Being held by you was always feeling so fulfilling but not deserved by him.

“Tell me, how am I supposed to leave the one that makes me feel more than just safe and appreciated?” You asked in a whisper, burying your face in his hair.

You shut your eyes tightly and stayed there, holding him, feeling his heart beating hard against his rib cage. Your chest was pressed against his, heart racing as well in the proximity of his. He could not escape you and he did not want to.

Living his life on the principle that he is a burden did not let him ever want something from someone but now he wanted you, your words, presence, affection. He wanted to ask you what will happen if this want of his will transform into need, scared that he will depend on you.

You slowly pulled away from him to press your lips against his forehead while your hands traveled to the sides of his warm face.

With that, his hands finally dared to touch your skin, arms around your body pulling you closer. Seeing how he was capable to be as gentle as he wanted, Muriel buried his face in your neck, breathing in, eyes closed. Unexpectedly, he finally felt how letting go was not about forgetting, it was all about learning to move on, accepting what was happening to him.

“Thank you.” He said still not being satisfied with his own words but embracing you tighter.

Muriel kept his eyes opened, thinking how he was ready to thank you in a more effective way. If he was never good at expressing things with his words, he was ready to let his gestures speak to you and confess. His right hand gently pushed your hair behind your ear while his eyes were fixated on your lips. You froze when you realized his intention and waited patiently. You both stayed like that for some moments in which his face got slowly closer to yours, eyes looking back up at yours for consent and again at your lips. None of you knew whose heart was beating louder and harder.

You smiled softly at him and closed your eyes, thinking how he will understand that it is alright. His left hand found yours and caught it tight while locking your lips with his for the first time. He was so gentle in the kiss as if your lips were only flower petals that could bend.

Muriel felt how his soul was finally home. That place was found in time on your shoulders, where he was always laying his head on. Your shoulders that carried his suffering to the end of the line, started to carry Muriel's love after.

Your stubbornness was powerful enough to push you closer to him, closer than you ever expected. His hands were scarred from murder and yet you trusted them completely, more than anything.

Muriel learned every day how soft souls have the chance to see themselves in the mirror of the soul of someone else and how the past can be erased with help. He learned to believe in change and steps took forward.

If two people cannot stay apart, they are not meant to be apart.

[popculturebuffet]

Ducktales Reviews!: The Split Sword of Swanstatine! or Sometimes You Just Have to Punch Your Problems Away

The race for the missing mysteries takes Scrooge, the kids and a sorta hyjacked Lena and Violet to a mystical market to hunt down the pieces of the mythical sword of the warrior king swanstanine. Naturally a split artifact leads to a vignette episode as the kids pair up to find the pieces while Scrooge and Heron face off. Dewey and Webby face blindness, Louie and Violet face Louie’s reputation as an underworld kingpin, and Huey and Lena face Huey’s Feral Side. The race is on with full recap and spoilers under the cut. 

Not a lot of background here.. I was excited enough for this one as Steelbeak and Rockerduck came back, but I went from “This will be pretty good and oh look Flula Borg” to HOLY SHIT LENA AND VIOLET ARE BACK LET’S GO ALREADY. So yeah, there’s not a lot to get started here that can’t be done as we go, let’s get out there and talk about some ducktales.  We open in a vast marketplace whose name i’ve already forgotten.. it’s almost 4 in the morning here and I have terrible memory with name sometimes, I make no apologizes. Naturally given the big declaration at the end of the last episode the family is on the hunt for a missing mystery.. and Dewey is on the hunt for Street Meat, though Scrooge denies him any till they get the job done... I mean they can eat and go treasure hunting. They can do two things. Let him have some lamb dammit, spiced lamb is fucking delcious you monster! Or whatever that is the point is it’s larged, well seasoned and makes me hungry!  But starving his grandchildren aside, Scrooge has no doubt they can acomplish this as a family.. and then notices his future in laws are also there and his whole big speech game is thrown off by the question of why. To me it’s because we need more of them, quit old man your already 0-2 this episode, but turns out the explination is one of the funniest jokes of the season.. and this is a season that’s include “There now your susceptible to vampires”, “Yipiee Kai Yay Mr. Falcon!”, Darkwing’s Cookbook, Gene’s Soda Commerical, Gladstone having a mental breakdown over having to be a normal person, and Della trying to deflect the blame for traumatizing children. This bit is on par with that.  Violet explains that Scrooge told everyone to get on the plane. I assume Donald and Della are with their signifigant others, Beakly was getting some much needed therapy and Launchpad.. was flying the plane.. and also had Drake and Gosalyn with him because he double booked and had to take them with him to assist whatever ex of his is in trouble this week. Point is that bit’s freaking hilarious and Scrooge simply asks if they enjoy history and the answers are a predictable “Not really” from Lena, which given her own personal history is vast, terrible, and traumatizing up until the last year and her adoption by two gay men, relationship with a charming young lady, and gaining a beloved nerdy sister, that tracks. Violet of courser says it’s her life. Scrooge takes it: He’s used to having half his adventuring party either not caring about culture and history, the Saberwings just keep the average up. So Webby does the natural thing and tackle hugs her girlfriend and future sister in law while Scrooge smiles because why wouldn’t you. 

And I was happy about this: not just hte tackle hug, because that was precious, but Scrooge eagerly accepting them along for the ride. I was worried for half a second that as good as the gag was that’d be the episodes big underlying issue.. but nope, his confusion was more “Wait why are the extra children here”, than questions of worth and given their previous appearance had him willingly inviting them along, and Lena and Violet only opting out due to fears about her magic getting them all killed and to support her sister, it woudln’t of made any character sense for him not to, doubly so since their up against a shadowy organization of ruthless thugs. Granted Beakly likely sighed after returning from her midnight therapy and called the Saberwing parents by Ty and Indy are probably used to their daughter’s friends elderly Uncle taking them to strange places in the middle of the night by this point. I mean one of their daughters can turn bluper sayain now, the ship on normal behavior kind of sailed over a cliff a while ago. 

But Scrooge soon detects what he thinks is heron but is actually a woman who justifiably punches him. Turns out Heron was actually hiding in a stall though, and brought all her friends with her.. except Blot.. and while at first I was going to make a joke I realized they probably don’t want the guy who drains the magic out of everything near a magic artifact he’d probably destroy despite the consequences. So Bradford probably just sent him to murder the lucky charms leprechaun... he DOES have a life outside of trying to Murder scrooge... he can want to murder cereal mascots too. He’s a renascence evil mastermind. A sword fight ensues, with Scrooge telling the kids to pair up and go find the pieces while he keeps Heron busy. 

Cue Credits and cue the episode itself being split into three vignettes. I do love vignette episodes, episodes of half hour shows that split into 3 different stories taking place at the same time and break from the formula, with two of the best I can think of being the Avatar classic “Tales from Ba Sing Sei”, most famous for the really gutpunching bit with Iroh singing at his dead son’s grave.. jesus I teared up, not a joke or an exaggeration literally teared up, just thinking about it. On the opposite end we have the season 12 Simpson’s episode Trilogy of Error, which while during when the rot started to set in for the series is easily a classic on the sam tier as the first 10 seasons. It alfeatured an at the time young Daniel Radcliff as Lisa’s love interest, Marge getting accused of attempted murder after accidently chopping homer’s finger off, Bart and Milhouse turning informant ont he mob and  the tragic life of Linguo. It’s a classic. 

But yeah three pieces, three teams of two, and three story segments. So like last week I can easily divide the stories up and unlike last week I won’t be frontloading or forgetting anything since their divided up much more evenly and are played back to back to back rather than intercutting. So with that in mind...

Dewey and Webby: The Hidden Truths of Temporary Blindness and the Albino Snakes We Mistook for Cats Along the Way

The Dynamic Duo Returns! Seriously I did the legowork, I.e. went to google and despite the two’s dynamic being a sizeable part of season 1 and a plot point at the start of season 2, which also put the final nail in my shiping them coffin as it was very clear they were basically siblings in all but blood at this point and I wisely jumped off the ship and nuked it from orbit. But outside of Webby’s subplot with Dewey and Louie in “The Town Where Everyone Was Nice!”, it just.. hasn’t come up again. They’ve just had other dynamics to explore with the show and thus the two really haven’t interacted as much for the rest of the series thus far. They still interact, it’s just not really as a major part of any episodes plot till now. So while not a pairing I was expecting it was nice to have it back. For about ten seconds.  Yeah cards on the table this is the weakest of the three segements. While the other two have intresting settings, setups, and character dynamics we genuinely haven’t seen this one has.. a weird version of a dynamic we’ve seen done better, and an antagonist who feels oddly flat this go round. It’s just not THAT intresting despite some intresting moments but it’s best to just get into it to explain why. 

The basic setup is Webby is hoping to use bold de-ducktion to figure things out while flying under the radar while Dewey’s solution is naturally to ask everyone they meet, and then shout at Gandra when they do find the piece. This naturally gets a flashbang thrown at them, though we do get one great bit where Gandra asses their threat levels with Webby’s being high and Dewey’s being Eh, which tracks. And the thing that stings here is.. Gandra COULD’VE been an intresting opponent for Webby. While Huey and Violet, being fellow genuises as well as Huey’s personal stake in it for her hurting Fenton last year/season would be a better match, pitting Webby against someone just as focused and thought out in fighting, but who rather than use strength uses cybernetics and various gadgets would be really intresting, especially since the other two villian matchups are equally perfect. But instead.. it just feels like Gandra could’ve been replaced with a random fowl soldier. She just uses a flash grenade and some pakour, no real unique skills of hers or insight into her character or anything remotley intresting on her first Fenton-less outing just... “eh I use tech stuff because i’m the tech girl bleh”. The show can do better, and Jameela is given nothing to work with to the point I genuinely worried she’d been replaced.. she hadn’t, but it’s NEVER a good sign when you give an actor so little to do character wise I can wonder that. Also it’s a bit of a nitpick but it genuinely bothers me that Flula Borg, John Hodgman and Jason Mantzokus all got guest star credits.. but April Winchel and Jameela Jamil got nothing. And you could say April’s a long standing voice actor and all that.. but Tress Macneile also got a guest starring credit for next week’s episode solicit, so it’s clearly not that, and just comes off unintetionally sexist and obnoxious and has bothered me since the episode summaries came out. 

That out of the way the basic conflict is our heroes are flying blind, literally, with Dewey able to easily amble along, while Webby struggles as she can’t analize blind.. which comes off as bullshit to me. I HIGHLY doubt Beakly, paraoid mess she is, would not train her granddaughter to be able to fight without seeing. It’s one of the most basic training techniques in media. There’s a reason it pops up Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles a lot. To fight on instinct and with your other senses. And the instinct part is the lesson and insn’t a bad idea, it’s just the tool they use for it means they have to make Webby entirely helpless in a way that’s nonsensical to her character to make the plot work and it drags the bit down, thoguh we do get an utterly hilarious bit where Dewey mistakes a coiled white snake for a kitten. But our heroes make it through, Webby eventually saves Dewey with a leap of faith and Dewey has Webby hit a flash grenade back at Gandra which works somehow and blinds her optics despite you know.. someone who uses this kind of tech probably being smart enough to protect her own cybernetic eyes from flashbangs. But the kids have the piece.. and  a snake now even if it terrifies them. I wish one of them had taken it home a snake fits either of them and Webby’s dealt with worse.. which is the whole problem with this segment. That being said getting to see Dewey pull a hank venture and turn his normal near-suicidal reckleness into a strength was great I just with it was framed in a way that wasn’t “plannig and knowing things is stupid USE IMPULSE”. Thankfully we can move on.  Louie and Violet: The Silver Tongued Viper and The Violet Blade versus the Billion Dollar Man

Next up is Violet and Louie, a team up I didn’t expect at all but works well, and is a much better contrast. Webby and Dewey are similar enough, despite his rampant stupidity, that having a “one side teaches the other how to use something else and tap into their inner self”lesson didn’t work> Here it works perfectly: Someone who speaks frankly and seeks the truth through reason and research paired with someone whose greatest and most cherished talent is the ablility to lie and swindle. It’s a good contrast. Their headed for the underworld since, as I forgot to mention, each of the clues is framed as coming from the heavens (the first piece being on top of a statue), the underworld and the heart of the earth.

 Violet, and understandbly given her sister is magic and the general nonsense the duck family runs into, takes the underworld part literally taking an axe and some coins to pay the ferryman with her. Louie however figures it’s usually just a flowry way of putting a con..  and while he’s wrong about mythology given the ducks have met gods and the ENTIRE next episode (which likely features selene since i’ts now established they leave out guest stars if there’s more than three apparently) is about the gods they met... his instincts are not wrong and it is nice they aren’t. Sure some myths are real but sometimes a clue isn’t literal, and it’s clever that hte underworld here is the criminal underworld. 

Turns out center piece for the sword is an underground den for the criminal underworld focused around spice eating and general no goodnik shenanigans and Louie’s come prepared. In a bit of character stuff I REALLY love, Louie���s built up a rep as “The Silver Tounged Serpent”, with him bluffing that violet is his companion, having simply used a web of lies and word of mouth to build him up as the worst and most vile criminal imaginable. It’s not a bad plan and while Violet rightly points out he’ll have to live up to it eventually, and Louie naturally deflects that as “Future Louie’s” problem, not realizing in this case Future Louie is about 2 minutes from being present Louie, it’s not a bad scheme. Sure it’s risky as hell and he picked the worst place to use it.. but having an alias he can use to sneak into places like this where Scrooge would be made in an instant, and can easily come up with lies for the rest of his family minus Huey, whose useless not for being easily detectable but because he can’t lie to save his life and this very episode cements it. Most of his family is certified grade a badass, and can easily help him bluff or back up his claims or make him look like one. it’s just this time he happened to get Violet instead whose brutally honest and while badass, isn’t great at running con games nor pleased about any of this. That and Louie’s biggest weakness is forthought: While his brothers either don’t plan at all or overplan, Louie underplans: He has good ideas and good schemes and scams.. it’s just he has no real endgame for any of them and Violet sees right through that.  Still meeting the Spice Baron, played by Flula Borg who I mostly know from this song he did with Ninja Sex Party, though I also forgot he was in PItch Perfect 2...

Your welcome. But while he’d like to give our fake arch criminal his prize, someone else already offered him a literal, not figurative ton of cocaine.. I mean Gold. Got the wrong show there for a second. Unsurprisingly it’s Rockerduck whose done this and unlike the wasted opprotunity above this battle of wits is between the perfect opponents. Rockerduck is easily what Louie would become without his family: A shifty conman with a flair for lying, contacts in the criminal underworld and aversion to doing the hard work himself. He’s such a perfect opponent for Louie I don’t know why I never considered the two going head to head before, but it’s utterly fantastic. John Hodgman is also far and away the MVP of the episode guest villain wise, with some of the best lines too, my favorite being, after making a spice pun, demanding the assorted roughnecks “Laugh, LAUGH AT MY SPICE PUN”.. just the way he demands it with a mixture of karen and a whiny teenager is inspiried. But yeah, Rockerduck knowing who he’s dealing with challenges Louie to a spice duel, basically eating the hottest spices imaginable till one folds, winner takes all.  Naturally Louie’s ep included being a champion at this, and naturally his first instincts are to bail and when that fails, keep lying while Violet encourages him not to. I mean he’s ignored the pink and red angels on his shoulder telling him not to do bad things, why would the new purple one be any different. But Rockerduck has the edge as his taste buds were burned off in cryo.. though in another great line he laments he can never enjoy hard boiled eggs again. Which fair enough but.. you know two geniuses.. one of them can simulate taste buds. Regardless, Louie’s in trouble and his attempt to simply cheat his way out fails and the baron dosen’t tolerate Cheaters.. or Cheetahs.. or Cheating Cheetahs as seen in a great sight gag with a cheetah which requires the Baron to clarify it’s both. Point is Louie is screwed.. but Violet then downs all three, without a bead of sweat for reasons the episode explains at the end of this segment, but works since we don’t know violet well and the mystery of how she did it is a compelling question for a second. Our heroes have won but Rockerduck plays his trump card: that they aren’t who their saying they are.. but turns out the truth is even better than the lies Louie has, as Violet quickly spins Louie’s legend with the outright acomplishments he’s had, including defeating the bombie and defeating Scrooge’s entire Rogue’s gallery with a pen stroke.. both true. And unlike the last segement this bit of true strength feels earned: Louie’s other ablility besides lying is seeing all the angles.. and thus like Violet.. he sees the truth. He can see what a person feels, know them better than they may know themselves or the lies they might tell themselves simply through a keen eye. He can pick apart a million dollar defense system simply with a few glances as seen last episode. Louie’s lies may be useful.. but his biggest strength is inddeed his ablility to see the truth. Louie backs violet up as conquerer of the shadow realm (techincally true) and scourge of magica de spell (not even remotely true as Magica has the same problem with face blindess scrooge has with Darkwing and just Darkwing but with everyone). Rockerduck tries to complain but the crowd turns on him, our heroes escape, and Louie compliments violet. As for how she did it meditation, which fits her pefectly so I easily accept it, and a spice of the month club.. which is oddly specific but eh, this bit was really fun so i’ll give it to her. Plus her usualy steely demanor means she likely has a great poker face.. as seen by the fact sh’es soon guling a nearbye trough of water and screaming. Great.  As you can tell I liked this segment better, as it’s a clever duel that uses wit instead of strength ilke the others this episode, and forces Louie to find his real strength as his usual one backfires and really helps define Violet even more giving her a strong sense of truth, which fits her like a glove, and a nice dynamic with Louie. It was an odd pairing, but it worked wonders and brought the episode back to life after the last segment killed some of the momentum. And thankfully that momentum keeps rolling into the best segement:

Huey and Lena: Harnessing Your Inner Feral Goblin Child for the Greater Good

As you’d expect, our heroes are doing what they do best: Lena is trying to reign in a quirky nerd, and Huey is overthinking everything by trying to triangulate where the blade of the sword is. Naturally Lena just finds it as it’s embeeded in a compasss pattern on the earth, hence being part of the earth. Unsurprisingly Lena’s solution.. is to wack it free with a mallet... you know there’s a reson she’s one of my favorites and it’s nice to see two of my faviorites who haven’t interacted hardly at all have some time together. Naturally Huey objects to destroying the thing they came for and figures out how to remove it using the clues. Unfortunately for him, but happily for me, Steelbeak is back! 

I missed this feral asshole, and Jason while not getting a ton of lines sadly, does make the best of what he has, and is used less as himself on purpose. Also while he’s still kind of a moron, as I mentioned in my Tiff of the Titans review, this version is still CLEVER. He may not be book smart, but he can think on his feet and come up with plans and here.. his plan was the best of the three we’ve seen: Just wait for the ducks to come by and solve it for him and then beat them up and take it or as he puts it “Not the first time a nerd did my homework for me. “ Dumb dosen’t always mean incompetent, and he still has his classic self’s easy sense of planning.  Had Lena not been there he would’ve won his piece and been the ONLY member of his group to do so. But Lena is there and now fully trained, so she stops steelbeak by freezing time, Za Warudo! style. Though unlike DIO she can’t manipulate anything, or go get a steam roller though given her powers she can probably make something into one, so tha’ts still on the table. She instead enters someone’s mindscape and uses that to freeze time for a bit.. how .. I have no idea, but it’s an interesting concept and the white look of the void their in now is neat, with only steelbeak himself present in a black and white negative of himself.  Huey takes this as time to plan indeiftely till he finds one that works, shooting down actually fighting Steelbeak as “a cowardly brute’s way out”. We then get a great montage as Huey tries everything, from reasoning, to barganing, to crying, to a TON of hilarious and obviously ineffectual disgusies, to lying.. which as you’d expect is simply holding the massive sword blade behind his back and going “what sword.” It’s a really great montage that shows off two things: Danny Pudi’s talent, and that Huey.. can’t reason or trick his way out of this. He can’t plan his way out. And that’s why Steelbeak is the perfect foe to put him up against: Unlike Webby who faced something she could understand and Louie, who simply faced his evil counterpart, Huey faces his exact oppsotie: Huey thrives on logic and as we soon learns bury’s his emotions and impulses and dosen’t fight unless he HAS TO and even then it’s usually in a group. Steelbeak.. is a dumb, impulsive, thug who thinks out his plans on the fly, if at all, laughs at logic, and thinks the best solution to everything is punch it or blow it up. He can’t be reasoned with, Huey isn’t good enough at deception to trick him, and outrunning him was the first thing Huey tried and failed miserably. Steelbeak is made of huey’s blind spot, his inablaity to act without thinking. And he can’t fight it. 

While Lena’s humored him despite her annoyance with Huey’s stubborness, she finally breaks and tries to force him to admit he has to brute force his way out, with Huey refusing.. but his refusal brings out a door to “the duke of making a mess”. Naturally something this ominous and personal, and the fact they have no other options and she wants to prove a point, is catnip to Lena who lets the king out.. who turns out to be what you’d get if Bart Simpson’s evil deformed twin Hugo and the messed up Dipper Clone from Gravity Falls did a fusion dance. While also in a nice nod looking VERY similar, with his broad fangs and red eyes, to the evil version of mickey from runaway brain. It’s also somehow the SECOND TIME i’ve seen a child supress his negative emotions to the point they manifested into a person shoved deep inside our hero’s head. Lena naturally loves this feral goblin who Huey explains as all his impulses and emotoins, his spur of the moemnt ones anyway, funneled into one being so he can use logic and only logic.  So basically.. Huey is bruce banner.. get.. this kid.. some therapy. 

Point is Huey dosen’t want to embrace his wild side, while Lena points out he needs to, and that sh’es learned from experince being a part of ones self someone ignored entirely as Magica’s shadow he can’t just ignore this and hope it goes away. And given Bruce Banner eventually got several more split personalities which turn into hulking rage monsters, which are a sadist with a good core, a raging child and a las vega leg breaker, and that KO repressing TKO just lead to his other half killing everything he loved and only getting that snapped back thanks to god himself... yeah maybe Lena’s right. And this really brilliantly plays into Lena’s development: Her past two episodes have been entirely about her solving a problem, her nightmares and her wondering magic, that she’s been running from by facing it. She’s learned by now you can’t just ignore something and expect it to go away. Again, that’s how you get Hulks. You have to face your sometimes literal demons and yourself to get better and make things better. And now she’s learned that, it’s Huey’s turn. His entire problem has been that he functions entirely on reason and when reason can’t work, he falls apart. It’s something I honed in on last week and has come up again. The point Lena, and the episode, is making with this bit is that sometimes you just have to trust yourself and go with your gut.  Huey, reluctnatly lets the duke out who goes Donald on Steelbeak... seriously while the big team shot of the cousins and triplets at the end of season 2 showed Huey as Fethry.. he’s easily the most Donald of the group. He’s considerate, romantic, seriously the date he set up for Fenton really was sweet and Violet is in for some very nice evenings.. but also stubborn, prone to mental breakdowns, badly needs therapy (which donald IS getting so there’s hope), and when angry is a demon sent straight from hell. I REALLY hope this gets pointed out at some point.  However without focus the Duke is useless so Lena convinces Huey that he needs to not fight the duke as some evil demonic part of him but accept him: USE his rationality and strategy with his more violent and angry impulses. The two reunite with a hand shake, seriously i’m getting so many KO and TKO vibes this episode what the actual hell, and thei rmerged self easily beats steelbeak witha  wedgie and tied shoelaces. It’s beautiful to see and Lena is brought to tears.  Before we get to the finale, this was EASILY the best segment, using Lena’s character growth to faciltiate Huey’s that’s been going on all season: making him see he needs to step out of his comfort zone of logic and accept his own inner strenght, his complete self, to really function. It’s good well done stuff and the setting is really intresting.  THE FINALE: You are my Inner Strength

So naturally all the parts come together as Scrooge and Heron’s fight lands near Huey and Lena with Webby, Dewey, Violet and Louie all showing up soon after. Scrooge in a really nice moment is  utterly proud of the kids, having had the utmost faith in them to get the pieces, and having his faith validated. He may be a cynical, sometimes assholish, old man.. but he loves and believes in his kids and future kids in law, he trusts them more than himself and he’s come far enough to not doubt them when he needs them most. FOWL however has regrouped, and Scrooge.. just gives them the assembled sword. Unsurprisingly, if still awesomely this is a ploy: Heron tries using the sword.. but it flies out of her hand and into Scrooges. He out gambited them. Also getting JoJo’s Bizzare Adventure vibes this episode with all the planning and counter planning and I am loving it. As he explains the sword reponds to true inner strength,  while heron is all surface level: All malice and schemes and nothing beneath her character, as are the others. There 3 dimensional characters.. but their all pretty open with who they are and not really open to introspection, where as our heroes are and thus grew.. and Scrooge already knows his inner strength: The kids. THey helped him  become a better person, all of them except violet and she just joined the family give her time. They’ve all helped him let his walls down and let people in again after the tragedy of della destroyed him emotionally and put the walls up thick, with Lena being the one to finally get him to destroy them for good. They’ve all helped him be better and he’s helped them all be better in turn, giving them a live of adventure where there their best selves and becoming great kids who will become incredible adults. Their love for one another is what drives them. And thus activates the sword. FOWL seemingly decides to just book and our heroes have won.  Scrooge rewards his kids, new additons included, with some street meat cut byt he sword, and we get nice little shots of the lessons having sunk in with Huey knawing into his like a rabid wolf and Dewey and Webby sharing theirs blindly i’ts a sweet conclusion to a fun episode. But given we’re in the thick of the story arc now, FOWL naturally didn’t just book it for no reason.. this was all a setup. Heron calls back to Bradford with a mission accomplished and a lock of scrooge’s feathers. 

It’s genuinely impressive as there’s no way F.O.W.L. can loose here: They win the sword.. and they have both the feathers for whatever nightmare they have planned for the Ducks, and another Missing Mystery for their grand scheme. They loose.. and they likely already have a plan to get any mysteries the ducks gather, just like last time, and they still get what they want. Either way Scrooge and the audience are unaware of the real plan, and FOWL is still ahead. 

Dew-abolical! 

Final Thoughts for the Episode as a Whole:

While a bit weaker than the last two weeks, and almost entirely thanks to the first segment, this episode is still a fun ride and a great way to kick things off now the ducks and F.O.W.L. are both on the offensive. It was also a great way to bring the Saberwing Sisters back and give them some fresh dynamics outside of Webby for a change, bring back some old faviorite vilians and in general pack a fun, Barks and Rosa style adventure story into the myth arc while still dripping with the character progression and dynamics this show lives for. One dark spot aside this really is a great episode, and the other two segements are clever and fun enough to easily ignore that. This season continues to be the show at it’s absolute peak doing what it’s always done best: taking the past and making something fantastic with it.  Next Week: The kids, sadly minus my girls, audition to replace Zeus! Horay! Finally Zeus got MeTooed! It took long enough.. I mean they wrote entire sonets about his sex crimes. This isn’t a Bill Cosby situation where it suprised the general public, no one liked him since greek times to begin with. Also DAISY RETURNS! Horay! And so does the incredible storkules, MASTER OF COCKBLOCKING!  Also Horay! Seriously unlike the last two blocks of episodes there’s not a one i’m not excited about in the bunch.  Until then you can check my blogs for more reviews, and I plan to do the first episode this month and adjust my patreon rewards accordingly. You can follow said patreon at pateron dot com/popculturebuffet, comission reviews of other ducktales or cartoon episodes for 5 dollars an episode by shooting me an ask or message on here, and get out and vote tomorrow.. that’s not related to me but given how crucial this election is. Do it get out and vote. Until we meet again it’s been a pleasure. 

[dregstrash]

“our christmas party turned into a tropical theme because the radiator is broken and it’s hotter than hell in here - damn you look good without a shirt i never noticed before asgdhfjgkhl”

I was tagged by @daniellepal to do some holiday fluffiness and I mean this is semi-canon so why not. I tried my best.

Modern Kanej AU

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Crow Club Inc. was a multimillion dollar trading company. It traded in the New York Stock Exchange, made deals with billionaires, and had offices in many locations all over the world. So Inej couldn’t understand why on Earth they couldn’t have their bloody radiator to work especially on the most crowded party of the year.

Inej had only been hired two years ago, as an outside consultant, but she had suffered through enough awkward office parties to know that if there was one party that needed the powerful chill of their air conditioning, it was their Christmas Party. But either Haskell, owner and CEO, was skrimping again or the old radiator had finally given up on this world. No matter the case, Nina’s carefully planned Winter Wonderland themed party was out the door, and a hastily improvised Floridian tropical paradise took its place. Unfortunately, the memo didn’t reach everyone so what resulted was a mismatched clash of heavy coats and gaudy floral patterns.

“There, at least you look on theme.” Nina came up to Inej and tucked a plastic flower behind her ear. 

“It would seem I’m one of the few.” Inej smiled looking down at the borrowed red Hawaiian shirt that used to belong to Nina. It was large enough that Nina had wrapped a spare belt around her waist and managed to create a makeshift dress that was a little shorter than Inej was used to. When pointing that out, Nina had merely shrugged and gave a wink.

“It’s not my fault that Haskell is a cranky old coot who couldn’t be bothered to pay for a replacement heating system. Besides, I’m not minding so much now.”

Inej followed to where Nina’s gaze had wandered, and she shouldn’t have been surprised to see Matthias Helvar, the overly muscular, overly formal chief strategist, starting to take off his heavy Christmas sweater revealing the sweat-soaked white undershirt that was sticking to him like a second skin.

Inej rolled her eyes, and walked away before Nina had a chance to leave her first. While Nina just like to flirt her way through all the departments, she had taken a particular liking to the only man who seemed to fight every instinct to ever notice her. The two were explosive on their best days and decidedly icy on their worst. But looking at the way Nina was studying the young man made Inej think that one way or another Helvar was going to get cornered. And Inej hadn’t decided whether that would be a dream come true or his utter nightmare. 

She made her way through the party, trying to make small talk with her other coworkers, but inevitably Inej found herself with her back against the wall and a soda nursed in her hands, being content to be the wallflower for a while and watch as the heat turned up higher and the party continued on. 

After all that Inej’s been through, she couldn’t have imagined ending up somewhere she could have been happy. Doing what she does best and gathering data and information from all over the world and meeting people who could be her own family. She loved Nina and her energy. She had a few great conversations with Matthias every once in a while. And she even started to get to know Wylan, the new hire who was a wizard with numbers. It was even better because he just started dating Jesper, Inej’s first friend at the company. 

“Brekker! Can’t you do something about this heat?!” Inej heard Jesper’s drunken yell and stifled a laugh. 

Inej was sure that Jesper was the only one who could talk to Kaz Brekker as if they were friends. As far as Inej knew, Kaz Brekker had no friends and he seemed determined to keep it that way. He may have only been twenty-one, but Brekker was Haskell’s protege and an utter genius. He seemed to know things about the market that nobody else could guess or predict, and had launched Crow Club Inc., from a rundown building to an international success.

He was the one to find and hire Inej, and since then he went to her for advice, he sent her on assignments, and seemed to rely on her for things that seemed to be outside her grasp. But she managed and working with him had taught her so much about the tricky business of the stock market, the endless pit of greed of men, and the ruthlessness that was sometimes necessary.

“If you want to do something about the heat, Fahey, you do something about it.” Kaz’s rasp shouted.

“Gladly!” 

Inej watched as Jesper stripped off his shirt and laughed out loud at the bright red color that rose to Wylan’s face. That seemed to rub off on the rest of the drunken partiers because by the time the heat had climbed up to sauna levels, everyone was either half dressed or getting there.

She was suddenly very grateful for the makeshift shirt-dress that Nina had made. Inej felt the sweat build up on her upper lip and on her brow, and if she hadn’t just promised to be the designated driver for Jesper and Wylan she would have left this hellish heat that was this building.

“I’m surprised your still here, Wraith.” Kaz said as he came up beside her. She didn’t turn her head.

Wraith, the nickname she had apparently earned after she had gotten unattainable inside information from the competing company belonging to Pekka Rollins. 

“In and out like a ghost, looks like a bonus is in it for you this year, Wraith.” He had said. She had rolled her eyes, trying to let the flush of pleasure at his attention roll off her shoulders. 

Inej did try to keep her distance from Brekker. But he needed her to be his shadow. To have ears open and watchful eyes at important meetings or inside another company’s walls. And she wasn’t completely blind, she noticed the sharp lines and tailored edges that formed his face and the way that his dark brown eyes analyzed and calculated everything. 

But even with the face of some dark angel, he was cold, cruel, and entirely-obsessed with money-- or that’s what she told herself. Because even with all the reasons to not have feelings for Kaz Brekker, all it took was the smallest hints of his whole trust in her and her trust in him to break those walls down.

“I didn’t want Jesper and Wylan to die in a fiery crash, so I offered to drive them.” She said simply sipping her cup. 

“Always the noble one,” The rough timbre of his voice vibrated through her and she wanted to close her eyes and revel in it.

“Someone has to be.” 

“One can’t be rich and noble, dear Inej. And between rich and noble, I’d rather be rich.”

Inej scoffed and turned her head to give him a searing look, but then stopped short when she noticed that Kaz wasn’t wearing a shirt. Kaz Brekker, the master of the fine Italian silk, the young man who had a very specific personal space issue, and the champion of keeping it professional was not wearing a shirt and that very fact alone knocked Inej’s breath out of her chest.

The hard planes of his chest and the pale muscles of his abdomen were gleaming dimly with sweat, and his hair was pushed away from his face in an effort to keep the sweat away from his face. Lean corded muscles were unfairly put on display as he leaned against the wall next to her with his arms crossed, and when a drop of sweat rolled from his brow down his neck Inej couldn’t help but stare at it.

Inej coughed uncomfortably, trying to grasp at something to say.

 “A-All the money in the world and you couldn’t afford to fix the heating?” She finally muttered.

At this Kaz’s shark eyes roamed over the barely dressed, sweating crowd, and fell back on Inej. He felt his gaze take in the length of her dress and the smooth curve of her neck, and it wasn’t until his eyes met hers that she realized she was holding a breath.

“I’m not sure all the money in the world could have given me quite a view like this, Wraith.” 

He had walked away then. She didn’t know to where or what he was going to do. But she followed his movements, watching his muscled back, as he dodged the sweaty bodies and left the room entirely that she expelled the tension. It wasn’t until the temperature in the room miraculously changed after his disappearance that Inej fully processed what had just happened.

Kaz Brekker had complimented her. The cold-hearted Scrooge of Christmas had come up to her half naked and looking like a man strewn from stone, and complimented her. And for what it’s worth, Inej just drank the rest of her soda and almost wished that the heating would be broken forever.

[inkyardpress]

20 Paperbacks to add to your TBR

Real talk: we can all agree hardcovers make for gorgeous collectors’ items, but there are times when only a paperback will do. They’re easier on the wallet, way more portable for reading on the go and they’re easy to conceal (oh, say, for some sneaky reading during family functions). Here are 20 new and upcoming paperbacks we wouldn’t want to live without:

The Black Witch by Laurie Forest

Powerful magic. A deadly legacy. A world at the edge of war.

Evil looms on the horizon, and for Elloren Gardner, granddaughter of the last Black Witch, pressure to live up to her magical heritage is building. Elloren’s people, the Gardnerians, believe she will follow in her grandmother’s footsteps. But Elloren is utterly devoid of power—in a society that prizes magical ability above all else.

Granted the opportunity to study at the prestigious Verpax University, Elloren sets out to embrace a destiny of her own, free from the shadow of her grandmother’s legacy. But the university may be the most treacherous place of all for the granddaughter of the Black Witch, and Elloren soon realizes that the world she knows is not what it seems. If she is to survive the coming danger, she’ll have to free her mind from the assumptions she was raised with, and learn to trust the very people she’s been taught to hate and fear.

Add The Black Witch to your Goodreads Shelf!

The Inexplicable Logic of My Life by Benjamin Alire Sáenz

The first day of senior year:

Everything is about to change. Until this moment, Sal has always been certain of his place with his adoptive gay father and their loving Mexican-American family. But now his own history unexpectedly haunts him, and life-altering events force him and his best friend, Samantha, to confront issues of faith, loss, and grief.

Suddenly Sal is throwing punches, questioning everything, and discovering that he no longer knows who he really is—but if Sal’s not who he thought he was, who is he?

Add The Inexplicable Logic of My Life to your Goodreads Shelf!

Ace of Shades by Amanda Foody

Welcome to the City of Sin, where casino families reign, gangs infest the streets…and secrets hide in every shadow.

Enne Salta was raised as a proper young lady, and no lady would willingly visit New Reynes, the so-called City of Sin. But when her mother goes missing, Enne must leave her finishing school—and her reputation—behind to follow her mother’s trail to the city where no one survives uncorrupted.

Frightened and alone, Enne has only one lead: the name Levi Glaisyer. Unfortunately, Levi is not the gentleman she expected—he’s a street lord and a con man. Levi is also only one payment away from cleaning up a rapidly unraveling investment scam, so he doesn't have time to investigate a woman leading a dangerous double life. Enne's offer of compensation, however, could be the solution to all his problems.

Their search for clues leads them through glamorous casinos, illicit cabarets and into the clutches of a ruthless Mafia donna. As Enne unearths an impossible secret about her past, Levi's enemies catch up to them, ensnaring him in a vicious execution game where the players always lose. To save him, Enne will need to surrender herself to the city…

And she’ll need to play.

Add Ace of Shades to your Goodreads shelf!

Renegades by Marissa Meyer

Secret Identities. Extraordinary Powers. She wants vengeance. He wants justice.

The Renegades are a syndicate of prodigies — humans with extraordinary abilities — who emerged from the ruins of a crumbled society and established peace and order where chaos reigned. As champions of justice, they remain a symbol of hope and courage to everyone... except the villains they once overthrew.

Nova has a reason to hate the Renegades, and she is on a mission for vengeance. As she gets closer to her target, she meets Adrian, a Renegade boy who believes in justice — and in Nova. But Nova's allegiance is to a villain who has the power to end them both. 

Add Renegades to your Goodreads shelf!

Runebinder by Alex R. Kahler

Magic is risen.

When magic returned to the world, it could have saved humanity, but greed and thirst for power caused mankind's downfall instead. Now once-human monsters called Howls prowl abandoned streets, their hunger guided by corrupt necromancers and the all-powerful Kin. Only Hunters have the power to fight back in the unending war, using the same magic that ended civilization in the first place.

But they are losing.

Tenn is a Hunter, resigned to fight even though hope is nearly lost. When he is singled out by a seductive Kin named Tomás and the enigmatic Hunter Jarrett, Tenn realizes he's become a pawn in a bigger game. One that could turn the tides of war. But if his mutinous magic and wayward heart get in the way, his power might not be used in favor of mankind.

If Tenn fails to play his part, it could cost him his friends, his life…and the entire world.

Add Runebinder to your Goodreads shelf!

(Don’t) Call Me Crazy: 33 Voices Start the Conversation About Mental Health edited by Kelly Jensen

Who’s Crazy?

What does it mean to be crazy? Is using the word crazy offensive? What happens when such a label gets attached to your everyday experiences?

In order to understand mental health, we need to talk openly about it. Because there’s no single definition of crazy, there’s no single experience that embodies it, and the word itself means different things—wild? extreme? disturbed? passionate?—to different people.

(Don’t) Call Me Crazy is a conversation starter and guide to better understanding how our mental health affects us every day. Thirty-three writers, athletes, and artists offer essays, lists, comics, and illustrations that explore their personal experiences with mental illness, how we do and do not talk about mental health, help for better understanding how every person’s brain is wired differently, and what, exactly, might make someone crazy.

If you’ve ever struggled with your mental health, or know someone who has, come on in, turn the pages, and let’s get talking.

Add (Don’t) Call me Crazy to your Goodreads shelf!

The First to Know by Abigail Johnson

Dana Fields's father never knew his parents. When Dana secretly does a DNA test for her dad, hoping to find him some distant relatives for his birthday, her entire world implodes. Instead of a few third cousins, Dana discovers a half brother her age whose very existence means her parents' happy marriage is a lie.

Dana's desire to know her half brother, Brandon, and the extent of her dad's deception, clashes with her wish not to destroy her family. When she sees the opportunity to get to know Brandon through his cousin, the intense yet kind Chase, she takes it. But the more she finds out about Brandon, her father's past and the irresistible guy who'll never forgive her if he discovers the truth, the more she sees the inevitable fallout from her own lies. With her family crumbling around her, Dana must own up to her actions and find a way to heal the breach—for everyone—before they're torn apart for good. 

Add The First to Know to your Goodreads shelf!

The Afterlife of Holly Chase by Cynthia Hand

On Christmas Eve five years ago, Holly was visited by three ghosts who showed her how selfish and spoiled she'd become. They tried to convince her to mend her ways.

She didn't.

And then she died.

Now she's stuck working for the top-secret company Project Scrooge--as the latest Ghost of Christmas Past.

Every year, they save another miserly grouch. Every year, Holly stays frozen at seventeen while her family and friends go on living without her. So far, Holly's afterlife has been miserable.

But this year, everything is about to change. . . 

Add The Afterlife of Holly Chase to your Goodreads shelf!

Someone to Love by Melissa de la Cruz

Constantly in the spotlight thanks to her politician father's rising star, Olivia Blakely feels the pressure to be perfect. As the youngest girl in her class, she tries hard to keep up and to seem mature to the older boy she's crushing on, even as she catches his eye. But the need to look good on camera and at school soon grows into an all-consuming struggle with bulimia.

As Liv works toward her goal of gaining early admission to art school, including taking part in an upcoming student show, her life spirals out of control. Swept up in demands to do more than she's ready for, to always look perfect and to succeed, Liv doesn't know who she is anymore. It will take nearly losing her best friend and even her life for Liv to learn that loving herself is far more important than earning the world's approval.

Add Someone to Love to your Goodreads shelf!

The Wicker King by K. Ancrum

When August learns that his best friend, Jack, shows signs of degenerative hallucinatory disorder, he is determined to help Jack cope. Jack’s vivid and long-term visions take the form of an elaborate fantasy world layered over our own—a world ruled by the Wicker King. As Jack leads them on a quest to fulfill a dark prophecy in this alternate world, even August begins to question what is real or not.

August and Jack struggle to keep afloat as they teeter between fantasy and their own emotions. In the end, each must choose his own truth. 

Add The Wicker King to your Goodreads shelf!

Oh My Goth by Gena Showalter

A note from Jade Leighton’s journal

Years ago, a tragic accident robbed me of my mother and emotions. Because I find beauty in darkness and thrive outside social norms, I’ve been labeled a “freak” at school. I know my continued apathy hurts my loved ones, but I’m not about to change. Nothing will ever hurt me again.

Then I wake up in an alternate reality…and everything else has changed. Goth is in. I’m considered cool, and my archenemy—the formerly popular Mercedes—is the freak. But my real friends won’t talk to me...and the new boy is getting under my skin. As my world spins out of control, I’m desperate to return to normal. But the more time that passes, the less I’m sure what “normal” really is.

Add Oh My Goth to your Goodreads shelf!

Stealing Snow by Danielle Page

Seventeen-year-old Snow has spent her life locked in Whittaker Psychiatric—but she isn’t crazy. And that’s not the worst of it. Her very first kiss proves anything but innocent…when Bale, her only love, turns violent.

Despite Snow knowing that Bale would never truly hurt her, he is taken away—dashing her last hope for any sort of future in the mental ward she calls home. With nowhere else to turn, Snow finds herself drawn to a strange new orderly who whispers secrets in the night about a mysterious past and a kingdom that’s hers for the taking—if only she can find her way past the iron gates to the Tree that has been haunting her dreams.

Beyond the Tree lies Algid, a land far away from the real world, frozen by a ruthless king. And there too await the River Witch, a village boy named Kai, the charming thief Jagger, and a prophecy that Snow will save them all.

Add Stealing Snow to your Goodreads shelf!

Our Own Private Universe by Robin Talley

Fifteen-year-old Aki Simon has a theory. And it's mostly about sex.

No, it isn't that kind of theory. Aki already knows she's bisexual—even if, until now, it's mostly been in the hypothetical sense. Aki has dated only guys so far, and her best friend, Lori, is the only person who knows she likes girls, too.

Actually, Aki's theory is that she's got only one shot at living an interesting life—and that means she's got to stop sitting around and thinking so much. It's time for her to actually do something. Or at least try.

So when Aki and Lori set off on a church youth-group trip to a small Mexican town for the summer and Aki meets Christa—slightly older, far more experienced—it seems her theory is prime for the testing.

But it's not going to be easy. For one thing, how exactly do two girls have sex, anyway? And more important, how can you tell if you're in love? It's going to be a summer of testing theories—and the result may just be love.

Add Our Own Private Universe to your Goodreads shelf!

They Both Die at the End by Adam Silvera

On September 5, a little after midnight, Death-Cast calls Mateo Torrez and Rufus Emeterio to give them some bad news: They’re going to die today.

Mateo and Rufus are total strangers, but, for different reasons, they’re both looking to make a new friend on their End Day. The good news: There’s an app for that. It’s called the Last Friend, and through it, Rufus and Mateo are about to meet up for one last great adventure—to live a lifetime in a single day.

Add They Both Die at the End to your Goodreads shelf!

Four Weeks, Five People by Jennifer Yu

Obsessive-compulsive teen Clarissa wants to get better, if only so her mother will stop asking her if she's okay.

Andrew wants to overcome his eating disorder so he can get back to his band and their dreams of becoming famous.

Film aficionado Ben would rather live in the movies than in reality.

Gorgeous and overly confident Mason thinks everyone is an idiot.

And Stella just doesn't want to be back for her second summer of wilderness therapy.

As the five teens get to know one another and work to overcome the various disorders that have affected their lives, they find themselves forming bonds they never thought they would, discovering new truths about themselves and actually looking forward to the future.

Add Four Weeks, Five People to your Goodreads shelf!

Mirror Mirror by Cara Delevigne and Rowan Coleman

Friend. Lover. Victim. Traitor.

When you look in the mirror, what do you see?

Sixteen-year-old friends Red, Leo, Rose, and Naomi are misfits; still figuring out who they are and who they want to be. Life isn't perfect, but music brings them together, and they are excited about what the future holds for their band, Mirror, Mirror. That is until Naomi vanishes before being pulled unconscious out of the river.

She's left fighting for her life in a coma. The police claim it was a failed suicide attempt, but her friends aren't convinced. Will Naomi ever wake up? What - or perhaps who - led her to that hospital bed? And how did Red, the self-styled protector of the group, fail to spot the warning signs?

While Rose turns to wild partying and Leo is shrouded by black moods, Red sets out to uncover the truth. It's a journey that will cause Red's world to crack, exposing the group's darkest secrets. Nothing will ever be the same again, because once a mirror is shattered, it can't be fixed.

Add Mirror Mirror to your Goodreads shelf!

The Ravenous by Amy Lukavics

From the outside, the Cane family looks like they have it all. A successful military father, a loving mother and five beautiful teenage daughters. But on the inside, life isn't quite so idyllic: the Cane sisters can barely stand each other, their father is always away, and their neglectful mother struggles with addiction and depression.

When their youngest and most beloved sister, Rose, dies in a tragic accident, Mona Cane and her sisters are devastated. And when she is brought back from the dead, they are relieved. But soon they discover that Rose must eat human flesh to survive, and when their mother abandons them, the sisters will find out just how far they'll go to keep their family together.

Add The Ravenous to your Goodreads shelf!

Bad Girls with Perfect Faces by Lynn Weingarten

When I looked up, his smile was wide and real. “Ready?” he said.

I faked a smile back. I had gotten so good at faking things.

I thought: You brought this on yourself, Sasha. You will have to pretend forever now. He squeezed my hand again. He couldn’t begin to imagine what this actually was. He had no idea what I’d done. What any of us had.

When Sasha’s best friend Xavier gets back together with his cheating ex, Ivy, Sasha knows she needs to protect him. So she poses as a guy online to lure Ivy away.

But Sasha’s plan goes sickeningly wrong. And she soon learns to be careful of who you pretend to be because you might be surprised by who you become…

Add Bad Girls with Perfect Faces to your Goodreads shelf!

Zenith by Sasha Alsberg and Lindsay Cummings

Most know Androma Racella as the Bloody Baroness, a powerful mercenary whose reign of terror stretches across the Mirabel Galaxy. To those aboard her glass starship, Marauder, however, she's just Andi, their friend and fearless leader.

But when a routine mission goes awry, the Marauder's all-girl crew is tested as they find themselves in a treacherous situation and at the mercy of a sadistic bounty hunter from Andi's past.

Meanwhile, across the galaxy, a ruthless ruler waits in the shadows of the planet Xen Ptera, biding her time to exact revenge for the destruction of her people. The pieces of her deadly plan are about to fall into place, unleashing a plot that will tear Mirabel in two.

Andi and her crew embark on a dangerous, soul-testing journey that could restore order to their shipor just as easily start a war that will devour worlds. As the Marauder hurtles toward the unknown, and Mirabel hangs in the balance, the only certainty is that in a galaxy run on lies and illusion, no one can be trusted.

Add Zenith to your Goodreads shelf!

Dumplin’: Movie Tie-in Edition by Julie Murphy

Soon to be a movie from Netflix—featuring Jennifer Aniston, Danielle Macdonald, Dove Cameron and others, as well as a soundtrack from Dolly Parton!

Self-proclaimed fat girl Willowdean Dickson (dubbed “Dumplin’” by her former beauty queen mom) has always been at home in her own skin. Her thoughts on having the ultimate bikini body? Put a bikini on your body. With her all-American beauty best friend, Ellen, by her side, things have always worked . . . until Will takes a job at Harpy’s, the local fast-food joint. There she meets Private School Bo, a hot former jock. Will isn’t surprised to find herself attracted to Bo. But she is surprised when he seems to like her back.

Instead of finding new heights of self-assurance in her relationship with Bo, Will starts to doubt herself. So she sets out to take back her confidence by doing the most horrifying thing she can imagine: entering the Miss Clover City beauty pageant—along with several other unlikely candidates—to show the world that she deserves to be up there as much as any girl does. Along the way, she’ll shock the hell out of Clover City—and maybe herself most of all.

Add Dumplin’ to your Goodreads shelf!

[mistermcdee-blog]

Eyyyyyyy. I did it. My god. Those some fine-lookin’ losers though.

To recap:

Mr. Durand Poppeacock

Owner of Poppeacock Inc., fashion house and luxury goods company. Comes from similar origins as Scrooge, immigrating to America from Britain to make his fortune. LGBT celebrity, prefers power over money. Ruthless, shrewd, gay as a blade, loathes and loves Scrooge. It’s complicated. Loves his grandchild Nizar more than life itself and would raze Duckburg to the ground for his grandchild’s sake. Late night glasses of wine laced with diazepam hides a deeply traumatized and unwell psyche. Don’t mention his daughter.

Nizar Poppeacock

Grandchild of Mr. Poppeacock and apparent heir to the Poppeacock fortune. Self-effacing, bashful, cowardly, anxiety-ridden, and almost the exact opposite of his grandfather, wanting to do good; succeeding is another story. Under the lopsided, nervous smile is a mind as ruthless, intelligent, attention-seeking and sadistic as his grandfather--something he tries desperately to keep under wraps and push away for want of being a good person. Parkour and martial arts, especially aikido and muay thai, make him upsettingly strong and swift--not a great combination with the previous statement. But he tries. Lawd do he try.

Eddy Cottontail

Nathan Drake-style adventurer-for-hire at his best and opportunistic thief at his worst. A former archaeology professor turned anarchist adventurer, he’s experienced about everything, he’s old, he’s lost every last fuck to give, and looks every part the grumpy old man. But where Mr. Poppeacock hides vitriol under his sugary facade, Eddy... well, his grumpy exterior is just who he is. But he is also sharp, with a heart bleeding so bad it’s a wonder he hasn’t exsanguinated yet. The first to help someone in need, even when not the smartest move (he knows he KNOWS trust him he knows), it’s a wonder he’s not dead yet. The universe has tried to fix that though. And so has he.

He’s seen a lot.

Pelagosa Cottontail (actual last name: ???)

Silver-tongued, bratty, over-dramatic and sassy, teenaged Pel seems the opposite of her father; the Han Solo to Eddy’s Indiana Jones in their treasure-hunting duo. Quick getaways and quicker schemes are her forte, with a mechanic’s mind and little regard to consequences. While her father understands emotions like the back of his hand, Pelagosa has zero understanding of her own emotions. Under her seeming disregard though for the feelings of other people for the sake of having fun is a want to do good though, she just... has her own way of doing so. Feeling blue? Let’s go vandalize someone’s property. Someone giving you trouble? Kill them throw eggs at them. She wants to help. Really. She’s just kind of terrible at it. But behind a whiny and selfish teenager is a quiet, lurking Imperator Furiosa.

Dr. Lijiang

Child of Chinese immigrants, Lijiang is a highly-educated scientist in particle and quantum physics, teaching at the Duckburg School for Deaf and Hard-of-Hearing. He is mostly likely to be seen waddling at the speed of an electron through the hallways of the research laboratory he shares with Professor Ludwig von Drake, quick to hug and make sure you are aware of just how special and rare of a cosmic phenomenon you are. In his own way, as a childhood incident with illness or accident (only his parents know) took his voice. It takes an understanding of ASL though to know what a sailor-mouthed cuss and rapier-wit smart-aleck the little cormorant with the feet that go plap-plap-plap is.