#((she's already confronted her murderer and has worked to overcome her fears of repeating her parents' mistakes))

[theheadlessgroom]

@beatingheart-bride

With books in arms and sweets in hands, the couple soon departed from the bookstore, the elderly proprietor cheerfully bidding them goodbye as they stepped back out onto the street, which had proceeded to come a little more alive, more couples walking to and fro, in and out of shops, the streets alive with the chatter of friends, the laughter of children, and the jubilant music from the nearby restaurants.

Truthfully, Susannah seldom gave much thought to any future in which she'd be a wife and mother. Until meeting Philippe, that sort of notion felt far more like a pipe dream than anything else, unable to envision anyone being eager to make her their bride, let alone mother of their children, but ever since falling love, she'd found that had changed quite a lot, and thus, she found herself daydreaming more about what was to come.

Would they have nights like this in California? Walking the streets together after dinner, their children running ahead of them, giggling up a storm as they enjoyed everything the world had to offer? Would the little ones play in the grass, gathering flowers and begging their parents for sweets from the nearby vendors? Would she and Philippe put them on their shoulders, and let them see the world from a whole new vantage point, and make them feel like they could touch the stars, the way her father did? She liked to think so.

A gentle smile crossed Susannah's face, and she couldn't help but lay her head against Philippe's shoulder, the way so many other ladies did with their gentlemen, feeling more content than she had felt in a very, very long time.

[acephysicskarkat]

Redemption, Forgiveness and She-Ra S5

So just to spite the anon who told me to stop posting my opinions, I’m gonna post another opinion!

This will contain spoilers for SPOP, Avatar: the Last Airbender, The Good Place, and Steven Universe.

So the most common take that I’ve heard about S5 from Catra stans is that it’s a story about redemption and forgiveness and that if I’m in any way critical of it then I’m saying abusers can never redeem themselves.

To which I say: the second part is a strawman argument, and the first part doesn’t help because it’s a bad story about redemption and forgiveness.

Part 1: Redemption

The problem with S5′s stories about redemption is that they are, universally, undercooked.  For things that the fanbase had been wanting for months, they’re surprisingly lacking in meaningful impact.

Catra’s is the least bad, because Catra is at least on-screen long enough to tell us that it seems to be sticking, but it’s still not good.  It’s rushed, it’s weightless, and it feels like they didn’t even check what she’d done in the past three seasons that she would need to find redemption for.

At no point does she meaningfully confront her actions (which, in case you’ve forgotten, ranged from bringing about the death of Queen Angella (S3E6), to repeated attempts to murder or permanently harm Adora (S1E11, S1E13, S2E5, S3E4-6, S4E3), to bullying Scorpia (present throughout but most obvious in S4E6), to taking part in a war crime (S4E8)), nor does she really confront the jealousy and spite that drove them.  Indeed, the episodes that could have been spent showing us her character development are spent showing us that she still has a very unhealthy attitude towards Adora (S5E6) and telling us that she underwent her character development offscreen, while we were distracted by Double Trouble (S5E8).

Hordak’s is even worse, because Catra at least admits she wronged people, even if the focus is put almost entirely on Catra feeling bad about it.  Hordak realises, accurately, that being made into a cog in a machine of conquest is bad (S5E13)...but he never makes the leap onscreen to it still being bad when he did it to other people, as he did to Adora and the other Horde kids (S2E7).  It treats Hordak’s decision to break free of Horde Prime as if it in and of itself makes him good, overlooking that the life he’s trying to go back to was the one where he ruled over an empire of stolen children.

I don’t even want to get into Shadow Weaver.

AtLA gave a compelling redemption arc to Zuko by having him confront the consequences of his actions.  SU gave a compelling redemption arc to Peridot by showing us, in great detail, her evolution from antagonist to ally.  SPOP just kinda tells us that characters are good now and expects that to work out okay.

And the really depressing thing is that both these characters actually could have sustained really compelling redemption arcs!  I would have loved to see Hordak meaningfully realise onscreen that the universe does not consist of him, Horde Prime, Imp, Entrapta, and a bunch of largely interchangeable pawns for him to treat as he sees fit.  I would have loved to see Catra wrestle with and overcome her resentment of Adora, maybe come to understand that being Shadow Weaver’s favourite fucking sucked actually.  The show just didn’t bother, and so what we got was on par with a bad fanfic or the backstory for a D&D character.

Part 2: Forgiveness

For my money, one of the best stories about forgiveness in modern media is in a third season episode of The Good Place called “A Fractured Inheritance”.

Explaining it with as few spoilers as possible, protagonist Eleanor Shellstrop discovers that her cartoonishly neglectful mother Donna faked her death and seems to have built a new life where she’s a good stepmother to a child.  Eleanor spends most of the episode convinced that her mother is running a scam, but eventually concludes that this does appear to be sticking and gives up her plan to reveal Donna’s secret, cautioning her not to go back to how she used to be.  At the end, she opens up to a friend about the trauma she sustained as a result of her upbringing.

SPOP could never.

"A Fractured Inheritance” tells a more compelling story about forgiveness in 15 minutes of screentime than she-Ra S5 managed in four and a half hours because The Good Place cares about Eleanor’s trauma.  It’s portrayed as pretty understandable that she has a grudge against her mother, and working through that takes time and sustained proof that Donna has changed.  More than that, forgiveness isn’t portrayed as a magical button that instantly solves Eleanor’s issues; just because she’s letting go of her anger towards Donna doesn’t mean that the harm she suffered as a result of Donna’s neglect goes away.  Her fear of opening up or being vulnerable, stemming from a childhood of constantly being shat on when she did, is still there, even after reconciling with her mother.

Contrast this to She-Ra S5.  The second Catra says she’s sorry, Adora is willing to forgive her and go across the universe to help her (S5E3), even though in their last interaction, back in S4E3, Adora actively tried to kill her for pretty darn compelling reasons (you may remember those reasons from S3E4-6).  Adora gets, like, a brief rant in S5E4 where she seems to be confused about this, but there’s never a point where she meaningfully seems to process the trauma she’s suffered as a result of Catra’s treatment of her, which we know has been toxic, controlling and unhealthy since they were kids (S5E3).

More than that, there’s never really a point where any of the people Catra victimised in the first four seasons gets to deal with that.  Glimmer seemingly never realises that Catra is why her mother is dead (S3E6), which is especially jarring given that the effects of Angella’s death on Glimmer drove the entire previous season; Entrapta barely remembers that Catra betrayed her and sent her to her presumed death (S5E6); Bow thinks someone who’s done nothing but attempt to hurt his friends for as long as he’s known her is adorable (S5E8); Scorpia forgives her before she even finishes saying sorry (S5E13); and both Frosta decking her in S5E9 and Perfuma’s understandable irritation with the woman who bullied her GF in S5E10 are portrayed almost as jokes, the latter never escalating beyond mild rudeness.

This also extends to Hordak, who, after his tissue-thin face turn in S5E13, gets a baffling montage that tries to portray his picking up an abandoned child and indifferently turning her over to an abusive sorceress (S2E7) as somehow heartwarming and a big bonding moment, and then the notion that Mermista might have some grudges against the guy who burned down her home and displaced her people (S5E7-8) is framed as comic.

I’m not even saying that neither of these characters should never be forgiven by anyone!  Just that the forgiveness they get in the show is lacking in dramatic weight, because the actions that are being forgiven don’t feel like they mean anything.  Catra has hurt Adora, Glimmer, Entrapta, Scorpia, Mermista and countless unnamed innocents, and it’s all treated like it has the same impact as borrowing Adora’s Xena DVDs and forgetting to give them back.  Hordak should be considered Etheria’s greatest monster given the number of people who’ve died as a result of his actions and maybe one person is slightly irritated at the prospect of having to send him a Christmas card this year.

(This is without getting into the fact that Glimmer and Entrapta are expected to deal with the consequences of their actions to some degree, with each getting an episode focused around that (S2E2, S2E4).  It’s kind of wild that Glimmer nearly destroying the world because she took a reckless risk in a desperate gamble to try and save the people she cares about from the Horde blitzkrieg, a gambit that she immediately tried to fix when she realised she’d fucked up (S4E10-13) is treated as something that causes a notable rift in her friendships, but Catra nearly destroying the world because she was just that jealous of Adora (S3E3-6) is breezed past with an “I’m sorry.”  Entrapta building the robots causes the Alliance to hold grudges; Hordak waging 25 years of warfare is [shrug] Just Horde Clone Things.)

3. Salvaging These Plot Points

Now, as I implied above, the notion that I think these characters are irredeemable is a bullshit strawman, a thought-terminating cliche that Catra stans use to dismiss criticism without processing with it.  So how would I go about it?

Catra

I would start by having Catra and Glimmer be in the same escape.  Having her attempt to sacrifice herself in S5E3 had some weird thematic issues given her previously established self-destructive streak (S2E5, most of S3).  If we have to keep the bad plot point where Adora recovers the friend who loves and cares for her and immediately goes “well, we gotta leave our friends back home to deal with a colonial invasion while we charge across the universe to save my abusive stalker ex who’s never respected my personhood or autonomy”, I’d probably look at the two biggest missed opportunities in the season: S5E6 and S5E8.

S5E6 is terrible, and should just be expunged mercilessly with fire for its baffling endorsement of the sentiment “yes i abused u but now u hate me so i’m the victim really”.  Its replacement should probably be focused around Adora genuinely processing the harm she’s sustained as a result of Catra’s treatment of her, probably deciding at the end that she’ll accept Catra’s help but is still understandably suspicious of her given the established mistrust (S1E8) and hostility (S4E3).

S5E8 is easy to fix, though; instead of it mostly being the characters bumbling around a haunted house, I’d make the setting actually do stuff for the characters’ arcs.  We already know that First One ruins can bring up memories, so I’d turn it into a reversal of S1E11 where Adora and Catra’s friendship can actually be rebuilt, probably culminating in Catra saving Adora from falling off a cliff as a symbolic rejection of the resentment she would have been struggling with throughout the episode.  This is probably where Adora starts to actually believe that Catra has become a better person.

Basically, the goal here is to show the audience that Catra is working to overcome her issues and become a better person, instead of telling us that it happened offscreen.

Hordak

The problem with Hordak’s face turn is that at no point in the show, including after we’re supposed to treat him as Good Now, does he seem to give a shit about anyone not on a list that contains maybe 4-5 names.  I’d probably put in some scenes earlier where his experiences seem to be actually changing him for the better: maybe his response to Entrapta asking him to spare Catra isn’t to commute her sentence to a suicide mission, or he feels a sudden sympathy with a captive Etherian after the fall of Salineas, as the shared feelings of loss line up, and orders their release.  Basically, the idea is to put in some groundwork so that it actually feels like he might be safe to have around, instead of him betraying his tyrannical overlord because he misses his life where he was, himself, a tyrannical overlord.

I also would not play the idea that people might be a little bit suspicious of a man with a 25-year history of ruthless oppression, colonial violence and unprovoked warmongering as a joke.  Just one of those personal quirks.

4. Summary

In conclusion:

S5 is a bad story about redemption because it doesn’t give the characters being redeemed engaging or compelling redemption arcs, favouring a blind rush to the ending, and it’s a bad story about forgiveness because it treats the actions that are being forgiven as though they don’t mean anything, even when episodes or entire seasons have been built on the effects of those actions.  It’s not that these ideas are bad in general, that these characters axiomatically couldn’t be redeemed or that forgiveness is problematic; it’s just that the execution is bad.

Anyway, thanks, jackass anon, for inspiring me to set down my thoughts in detail like this!

[bored-arachnid]

Tesis is a solid thriller that falls a few steps short of classic

(The English translation of the title is “Thesis”, but I refer to it as “Tesis” simply because that’s what it says on the dvd case and I’m already used to calling it that. Open Your Eyes is also a translated title, but I can’t be bothered to learn the Spanish name)

Put simply, Tesis is a thriller film about “Snuff Films”, a real life phenomenon. If you’re fortunate enough to not know what those are, I’m sorry to tell you they’re essentially “murder films”: films where the filmmaker(s) capture, sometimes torture, and murder the subject, all without any special effects. Disturbing, right? Well, apparently it has a market. Especially with violence in popular movies in mine, an alarmingly large amount of people are at least somewhat curious to see what that kind of violence looks like, even if they’ can’t imagine financially supporting a murderer. That reaction is a more thorough premise of the film: a film student writing a thesis on violence in media shows some curiosity into watching such films, very disgusted, but also twistedly curious. The meta bit about this premise is the fact that the filmmaker wrote and produced the film while still in film school. Ammenabar likely had some interest in violence in media himself, so the film is very obvious reflection of his own state at film school, albeit slightly more disturbing and graphic. 

Tesis actually plays with your own expectation of violence, calling attention to how you, the viewer, much like the protagonist, Angela, and the writer, have an interest in seeing violence. When we see Angela inch towards the site of a graphic suicide, you don’t want to look away either, wondering what she’s going to see there. Regardless of whether a purpose like “artistic merit” or “story development” is used as a pretext, you’re still curious about watching violent things happen. Actual brutality is rare enough in the film proper that I feel more comfortable calling it a thriller rather than a horror film. Either way, i think the point of both genres is to induce and bring awareness to some fear in the viewers, and Tesis, by and large, succeeds at that.

The greatest strength of horror as a genre, at least hypothetically, is a true openness about how it will end. While an action film will tell you that the hero is in danger, you know they’re somehow going to win in the end anyways. Romance movies will end with the couple together, or occasionally with a bittersweet goodbye, comedies and fantasies end pretty much where they begin according to the hero’s journey, so on and so forth. But horror films can end satisfyingly with success or failure. It’s a common trope for a single survivor to make it out, but it’s also common to be confronted with a truly brutal tragedy, or a more thoroughly optimistic overcoming of the threat. Tesis uses that really, really well. Since the film is about Angela’s deadly curiosity into snuff, it’s easy to imagine it killing her, her deciding to stop her search, or even her somehow overcoming the threats and escaping. And all of those endings would compliment the theme and character arc in different ways. The film doesn’t just scare you with the notion that the world in the script could kill or harm the characters, but that the story is absolutely willing to do so. There’s at least a few moments that could easily pass as the conclusion of the film as well, adding to the film’s meta suspense (although some viewers might find themselves frustrated and waiting for the move to end after one or two fake outs).

In terms of formal elements, Tesis fares less well. Unlike his next film, Open Your Eyes, Amenabar’s first feature relies on fairly traditional sources of suspense, like musical cues, dramatic irony, and threats of external danger. The real charm of the film comes from the mystery of whether or not Angela is actually in any danger, which lends a different kind of tension to scenes with “antagonists”, who may turn out to be innocent passerby. I hesitate to call it psychological horror, but the thrill of wondering what, if any, of the conspiracy presented is true, leads to a type of fear and suspense you only get in these kinds of movies. I think that strength alone makes Tesis work watching, especially if you have an interest in thrillers or horror, but Open Your Eyes is ultimately a much better exhibition of that feature. That’s not only because it’s a remarkable film in it’s own right, but because Tesis has a few character driven plot holes and flaws that really hold it back, especially on repeat viewings.

What’s the biggest gripe with horror protagonists? They’re dumb and aren’t careful enough. What’s Angela’s biggest flaw? I imagine you can infer the rest. There are a few key moments where Angela is just...really dumb. She’ll lay all her cards on the table too early, falls to really obvious logical fallacies, and just straight up forgets key details. She can be rather clever, but there’s at least a few scenes where you’ll probably be yelling “No! Why would you do that?!” at the screen (or just internally, if you’re as fearful of judgey neighbours as myself). There’s not much to say about this flaw, but it really is such a deal breaker for a lot of engagement with the story. When the dramatic tension isn’t dictated by what the natural course of action or only clear solution is, but rather how intelligent your protagonist is in any given moment, the weight of the story is totally lost. You become focused on how things will end up, not where the characters and story take you. At least this issue is somewhat lessened by the equal dramatic potential of positive and negative outcomes in the story.

What’s my spoiler-free take on this movie? It’s pretty decent, definitely worth watching if you have some interest in horror or thrillers. It’s not quite an exceptional exhibition of those genres, but it’s creative and effective enough to have a lot of value in watching. Most importantly, it does produce some pretty decent scares. I’d say Open Your Eyes is a much better option for a suspenseful story of a similar style, but the two aren’t exclusive to each other. If you wanted to hear a numerical value for this movie, it would probably be something like 7/10, but I don’t think a numerical value like that really communicates what makes a film worth watching or not. If those strengths I mentioned earlier really sound interesting to you, I think it’s really worth watching.

[thetappingsolution]

Eliminating Phobias and Fears

If you have a fear or phobia, you know how uncomfortable or even how debilitating it can be. If you want to learn how to use Tapping to overcome ANY fears or phobias, big or small, I’ve pulled out Chapter 11 from my first book, “The Tapping Solution,” to help you. 

Lindsey was terrified of clowns.

I know, it sounds pretty funny. I can hear you snickering: “Clowns? Really? This is a serious problem? She was scared of clowns?”

But the reality is, clowns terrified her. While it might seem amusing to those of us who don’t share that fear—and while she was aware that it wasn’t rational—she was frightened nonetheless.

Lindsey is a fun, bright, happy 24-year-old and one of the team members at our company, The Tapping Solution. When she was five years old, she had walked in the room while her parents watching the Stephen King miniseries It, which features a murderous clown.

While she has no recollection of the incident—her parents told her what happened and why they feel this is where her fear of clowns started. Clearly something made an impression on her.

I had known about her fear but didn’t understand how serious it was. Then I heard from another team member that Lindsey had seen a picture of a clown and had started crying. I realized at that moment that this was a full-blown phobia that was affecting her life.

This fear perfectly illustrates an underlying element of all fears and phobias: the conditioned response. It’s not a logical fear, and it serves no purpose. But once the pattern has been programmed into the system, the conscious mind cannot override it.

While the clown phobia seems especially amusing, the pattern is the same whether the fear is about public speaking, enclosed spaces, heights, needles, germs and dis-ease, dentists, or snakes. The phobia usually starts with a negative experience. After that, the patterns of fear keep running again and again, each time the person encounters that scenario.

You might argue that the fear of snakes is real—snakes can be dangerous—whereas the fear of clowns is not real because clowns aren’t dangerous. Yes, humans have a natural, smart, genetic tendency to be wary of potentially dangerous snakes; that’s very different from a phobia.

I don’t have a snake phobia, but I would be scared if a venomous cobra were in my office right now. That’s a natural and rational response. What makes a phobia different is that it is not rational. The fear is present even if there is a nondangerous snake in an enclosed cage across the room.

Likewise, most of us would be a little nervous about speaking in front of 5,000 people; even speakers who have done it hundreds of times might feel a little agitation or excitement. A phobia, on the other hand, would keep us from putting ourselves in that situation in the first place!

You might remember that the original tapping breakthrough happened when Roger Callahan was working with Mary on her water phobia. Her fear disappeared instantly after tapping. It worked then and continues to work very effectively with fears and phobias of all varieties.

Using EFT to Clear Out Fears and Phobias

In just about an hour of tapping, we turned around Lindsey’s phobia. I’m sharing the process with you here, because it’s similar, no matter what fear you’re working with.

Even talking about clowns made Lindsey anxious and fearful. So we began the tapping with the very simple and broad statement Even though I have this fear of clowns, I choose to relax now. Go slowly with fears and phobias; there’s no reason to suffer through the process.

We did several rounds of Even though I have this fear of clowns . . . and then tapped through the points, repeating “this fear of clowns . . . this anxiety . . . this stress in my body . . . ” We continued until she found herself calm and relaxed. Now I was able to ask her when the fear had started.

She shared with me what she had heard from her parents—the experience of seeing the movie It as a child and being terrified. She didn’t have a conscious memory of this experience and didn’t feel anxiety when she talked about what her parents had told her. But just to be sure, we did some tapping on it. We proceeded to tap on Even though I saw this scary movie when I was a kid, I deeply and completely accept myself.

Again, we weren’t able to measure a level on it, because she wasn’t emotional about it, but I felt it would be smart to do a couple of rounds just in case. At this point, I could see that Lindsey was relaxed, so I took the next step. Confronting fears and phobias is all about baby steps. (You may remember the concept of “baby steps” from the movie What About Bob? with Bill Murray—what we’re doing is not that different!)

So I went on to ask Lindsey, “If I were to show you a picture of a clown right now, how would you feel?” Notice I didn’t say, “I’m going to show you a picture of a clown” or “Think of a scary clown.” I wanted to continue to ease her into the process. “I’d be a little scared,” she replied. “I’m feeling a little anxious right now.” So we went on to tap on that—Even though I’m feeling a little scared . . . and so forth—until she found herself calm again.

“Lindsey, I’m going to send you a picture of a clown via e-mail,” I went on. “How does that feel? Are you okay with that?” “Yes,” she said. “That’s fine.” We were doing this session over Skype video, so right away I sent her a drawing of a cartoon clown. She opened it up, and I asked her, “How do you feel when you see that?” "A little anxious,” she replied. So we tapped on that until her anxiety went down.

From there, we went on to look at a photograph of a real clown. This is where it gets interesting. When she saw the picture of the real clown, she said, “I hate the red nose. That really freaks me out.” This was an aspect of her phobia. With phobias, you want to be especially careful to look for all the different aspects of the issue—and to clear them all in order to have full relief.

An aspect will always be specific. If Lindsey is specifically scared by the red nose, just tapping on Even though I have this fear of clowns . . . might not clear the fear. So we had to be more specific, tapping on Even though this red nose really freaks me out. . . .

We continued to tap on more and more pictures of clowns. Finally, I sent her a picture of the clown from the movie It. I warned her beforehand, and we tapped on her anxiety about even seeing it. Then, when the anxiety number was down, she looked at it, and we tapped. After several rounds, she was able to look at the clown image and say, “I don’t like the clown. He’s creepy, but I can look at him and my body feels fine.” When I looked at the creepy It clown, I felt the same way!

She no longer had a phobia of clowns. She didn’t like looking at creepy clowns—but neither do most of the rest of us! Our work was a success.

Identifying with Fears and Phobias

One interesting thing to note about the session with Lindsey is that something that came up toward the end, as the phobia was clearing. She got visibly upset and said, “I don’t know who I will be without this fear.” Again, I know it seems amusing because her fear was about clowns, but it is so indicative of the patterns we all run—no matter the challenge, fear, or phobia.

Being afraid of clowns was part of who Lindsey was. At some level, she defined herself that way: “I am afraid of clowns.” She had grown up afraid of clowns, all her friends knew she was afraid of clowns, and she took actions to make sure she didn’t face clowns in her life. This fear was part of the fabric of her life, her identity. Who would she be without it?

We tapped on Even though I don’t know who I’ll be without this fear of clowns . . . and Even though I’m used to being afraid of clowns, I don’t know how to act without this fear, I deeply and completely accept myself. And so forth. These statements began opening up her mind and body to a new possibility, and she then started shaping a new identity without this limiting fear.

She can continue to tap on positive statements of her new identity, such as I am someone who is free of phobias; I now find clowns funny; I choose to be courageous, fun, and bold, even around clowns! and so forth. This serves to reinforce the new identity that she’s already partially stepped into, and it is likely to give her even greater confidence. Without reinforcing the change by tapping in more positive statements, she might not be scared of clowns, but not have any positive emotions around them, either.

Tapping further can make any encounter she has with them fun!

It’s Not about Being Brave or Not

Kris Carr is a brave woman. She’s spent the past 10 years battling a rare cancer, documenting her journey in the film Crazy Sexy Cancer and being a guiding light to millions through her film and New York Times best-selling books. In other words, she is no stranger to overcoming obstacles and living a life of freedom, high energy, and joy.

So as we walked together up a mountain near her home in Woodstock, New York, I was surprised by something she shared with me. She was saying that at the top of the mountain there’s a steel tower you can climb and see in all directions for miles. I said, “Great, let’s go up!” to which she replied, “Oh, no, I’m not going up there! I’m scared of heights.”

She instantly knew she’d said that to the wrong guy. If an issue is tappable, I’m going to get you tapping! And what’s more obviously tappable than a fear of heights?

I promised her the experience would be painless; she wouldn’t have to do anything she didn’t want to do. So we began tapping right then and there, starting with the anxiety she was feeling at the thought of tapping.

Just like talking about clowns made Lindsey anxious, the possibility of having to face any heights made Kris anxious. Her body and mind started imagining negative future scenarios and creating fear around them, even though they weren’t real and hadn’t happened yet.

Kris and I spent the rest of the climb up the mountain tapping on the anxiety she was feeling. By the time we got to the top, she felt calm. I took a look at the tower. It was perfect, because it had multiple sets of steps at various levels. She could take her time, moving up the levels slowly, tapping each step of the way.

We started at the bottom of the platform, tapping on the anxiety she was feeling. We went back and forth between the global statement Even though I have this fear of heights . . . and specific statements about her body state, both emotional and physical.

For example we tapped on

Even though I feel all this anxiety . . . Even though I feel like I can’t take a deep breath . . . Even though I have this knot in my stomach . . . Even though my body feels shaky . . . Even though I’m scared of falling . . .

We systematically worked through the different aspects that were coming up in her mind and body. Slowly, we started climbing. We went step by step, only moving when she felt comfortable and safe. Up we went, tapping and climbing together the whole way.

Her loving husband, Brian, was there with us, shaking the platform as we climbed to make sure she really overcame her phobia. (Not a recommended strategy when someone wants to get over a phobia, by the way, and Kris certainly let Brian know how she felt about his contribution!)

When we got to the top, Kris’s reward for having overcome her lifelong fear of heights was a majestic autumn view for miles in every direction. An appropriate metaphor for the reward we get when we finally let go of those lifelong fears, phobias, and limiting beliefs: we can then see a beautiful, clear view of our lives and the world.

Two Fears Handled in One Hour

Meggan is a dynamic writer, lecturer, and coach to thousands of women around the world. She was scheduled to speak at an important conference and reached out to me for some help. Meggan had often taken the stage before, with extremely positive feedback from her audiences. But up until that point, she always read her speeches from behind a podium. She never felt fully comfortable with the experience, either.

For the upcoming event, she wouldn’t have a podium. She was also planning on speaking without a set script. The prospect terrified her, so she reached out to me, having heard how effective EFT could be when it came to public speaking phobias.

When we began our session, I asked her to visualize being onstage, without the podium or her written speech, and to tell me what she experienced. Particularly, I wanted to know what she felt in her body. I find that focusing on physical sensations is a great way to get started addressing fears, because it helps us connect more fully to the feelings and determine what’s really going on.

She shared with me that she felt a constriction in her chest and throat when she thought about the event; not a surprising location for a fear of public speaking. I asked her to give the constriction a number, and she said it was a 7 on a 0-to-10 scale.

We began tapping with some very simple statements:

Even though I have this constriction in my chest and throat, I deeply and completely accept myself. Even though something feels stuck in my throat, I deeply and completely accept myself. Even though I have this anxiety in my chest and throat, I choose to relax now.

We kept tapping through various statements and the points, until she could no longer feel the constriction in her chest and throat. I then had her go back to the image of herself speaking up onstage at the event. What did she feel? What did she see? She shared that she felt better and saw the speech going well, but only once she got started.

“I think getting started is going to be tough,” she said. We’d cleared out the stuck energy in her chest and throat, and now the next aspect of her phobia had arisen. So we tapped on the issue of getting started until it cleared and she felt confident enough to continue.

I continued to ask her to visualize the event and to look for anything that didn’t feel right. I even added to the potential pressure, on purpose, in order to make sure everything was clear. For example, I had her visualize the audience not smiling when she first came out, to see if that would bring up any anxiety. Audiences are generally very receptive and welcoming to the speakers, but I wanted to push her buttons a little bit, to make sure we handled all the different aspects of her phobia.

This process continued, with more tapping, digging deeper and deeper, until she could no longer find any anxiety, stress, or worry about the speech. Instead, she reported, “I’m actually excited for this and starting to think about what I want to discuss. I could never go there before because I was too terrified of the whole experience!”

I’ve mentioned it several times but it bears repeating because it’s so crucial. The way to get lasting results with fears or phobias is to dig deep and address all the aspects of the issue. This is a time when it’s good to look for what’s wrong, to identify problems, to push within yourself and see how it feels!

Meggan was delighted with how she felt, and we were about to sign off from the call when she shared with me that she was excited to use EFT on her other fear: flying. She was going to have to fly to the event, after all!

The fear of public speaking had taken only 30 minutes to address, so I offered to continue helping her with the fear of flying right then, and she agreed.

She shared with me that 15 years earlier, she and her sister had flown together on a small airplane, and the flight was the worst experience of her life. From the start, the turbulence was unlike any she had ever experienced, with the small plane dropping several feet at once, again and again. She had been sure she was going to die. The pilot didn’t say a word to reassure the passengers, and the muted cries and screams of the people around her made everything worse.

They finally landed safely, but to Meggan’s mind and body, the trauma of the experience never left. She had worked on healing and had made progress, but at the deepest level, the trauma was still there—affecting her life in all sorts of ways.

This wasn’t just a fear of flying that we were working on together, it was a deepseated fear about life—about safety, about who she was in the world, and about not having to be on alert at all times. That one experience had taught Meggan that she needed to be vigilant, that the world was inherently unsafe, and that her body wasn’t safe, either.

I used the “movie technique” with Meggan, asking her to recount to me what happened, while tapping at the same time. I could tell from Meggan’s body language and tone that just talking about the issue brought her some anxiety, so I was careful to move slowly. I told her that if she ever felt the emotional intensity was too high, or if she didn’t feel safe, we could back away from the experience.

This is one of the great things about working with people on video Skype or in person rather than by telephone: the visual cues give you invaluable information. Meggan recounted the story of the plane flight from start to finish. I focused on helping her feel safe, guiding her with questions that brought her deeper into the experience when needed and pulled her further out when things seemed to get too intense.

She told me what had happened, step by step, and tapped the whole time. Her first recounting of it was very emotional, but I could see her calming down as she tapped. I then had her tell me the story again, and again, and again, until there was no emotional intensity to any element of it. In the end, when she thought of the traumatic flight, she broke down in tears of joy because she was no longer experiencing the fear and pain that just 30 minutes earlier was paralyzing to her.

I’ll let an e-mail that I received from Meggan the next day give you a fuller idea of the results she experienced:

I’ve been sleeping like a teen since our call. If it weren’t for my toddler, I might still be in bed. It’s not fatigue; it feels more like make-up sleep. The part of me that was terrorized into hypervigilance during that flight 15 years ago, to stay awake, to keep watch, to be ever on the lookout for my safety finally took a bow and stepped down.

Not trusting life takes a lot of energy (smile). I have this visceral knowing that when the make-up sleep has run its course, I’m going to have crazy amazing energy. I’m so fascinated, and semiperplexed, at the session’s effectiveness. I keep trying to conjure the fear I once had for flying and also the naked, exposed feeling I had about speaking without a script in public, and I just can’t access it. It’s not there. I remember who I am, or who I was before these fears made a home for themselves within me. I don’t get how tapping works, and I don’t need to—it just does.

Tapping accessed the actual wound and just lifted it. Poof. Tapping returned to me the actual feeling of calm and safety in my body that the trauma of that flight has been blocking ever since. Like a magician pulling the white tablecloth out from under a dining set, tapping revealed that my trust in the world, in my life, has always been there—as my ground of being—and that the fear was simply obscuring its permanent presence within me.

I’m a convert. A smacked-on-the-forehead, true-believer convert. My gratitude is endless. [fr-ch-optin] Until next time,

Keep Tapping!

Nick Ortner

The article Eliminating Phobias and Fears was first published to: The Tapping Solution