#((lol sorry about the fish thing; Sei was just grumpy cause he misses having a pet))

[star-baby-boy-archived]

It helped that Kenshirou wasn’t trying to pressure him to tell anyone. Seitarou took a deep breath and looked up at him again, nodding as he promised to keep it to himself, and that Hitoshi would too. He kept his head up as Kenshirou asked about a diagnosis and potential treatment options. Yes, it was hard to talk about, but if he couldn’t bring himself to tell Kenshirou, then who could he talk to about this? (Probably still Hitoshi, but only up to a point.)

“She says it’s Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and that if we focus on treating that, anything else will go away.” Anything else. Such tactful phrasing. “She wants to do another session or two before she gives me any medication.”

She was determined to learn all the details about his darkest times, to understand what had caused his mental upsets on those occasions and if he was at risk for repeating those. It was important for her to understand those things before she prescribed him anything. In order for him to put those talks off until another day, he offered to talk about his early childhood instead, when he’d first encountered bullies, and some of his more recent experiences with anxiety.

When Kenshirou inevitably, but gently, asked what he meant by “anything else,” Seitarou sighed a little. He didn’t like talking about any of this, but Kenshirou needed to know what he was getting himself into. Or rather, what they were getting into, together. He wasn’t going through this alone, Kenshirou had made that clear to him.

“Dr. Kimura explained that sometimes people with anxiety will get a bit depressed because of it, or vice versa, and that by treating the main issue, the other will go away too. She thinks I fall into the first category, so treating the anxiety should be enough.”

Hopefully. In theory, that was the plan. Seitarou had to admit, it sounded really nice to have these burdens of his just melt away. He wanted that, he really did, it was just going to take some work.

“I don’t think… I like the idea of being on medication,” he admitted. “It’s not like it’s embarrassing to take ibuprofin for a headache, though, so I don’t know why it feels different than that.” Maybe because it’s a prescription, maybe because taking it acknowledged some kind of deficiency he had. He wasn’t afraid of medication itself, so that wasn’t the source of his discomfort. Whatever the reason, it just didn’t sit right with him.

“Oh, I fear that’d just pique his curiosity further! The guy always knows when I’m trying to get him off my back, and he doubles down on the questions in response, trying to get me cornered.”

Musashi could be relentless when it came to his teasing, but he wasn’t a bad kid. Just too curious and bratty for his own good sometimes.

Kenshirou immediately noticed the shift in Seitarou’s mood when the subject changed, and he nodded with a hum when he was informed that Hajime didn’t know of the therapy sessions.

“I see… That’s all right then, you are not obligated to inform all your close colleagues of this, since it is such a personal matter. Hajime simply cares for you like a responsible supervisor should, and it’s understandable that you don’t feel the need to tell him what’s going on exactly. I’ll keep quiet about it too, and I’m sure Hitoshi will, as well.”

He noted “lilac” and “honeysuckle” in his phone’s note app, so he’d remember what sort of items to narrow his browsing to. He’d buy a small set so Seitarou could have a few different types of bath products to spoil himself with.

On to business, though…

“After your session you did text me to say you made it, but I couldn’t ask for much detail then because I had some errands. Could we talk about it now? I know that it’s upsetting, but I would like to know the things you’ll let me hear. Has Kimura suggested any potential options for recovery yet, or is it a bit too early for her to know what you might be suffering from?”

If he didn’t know about the diagnosis yet, it meant that he hadn’t been asking Kimura about her sessions with the lieutenant, probably out of a fear of making Seitarou feel betrayed or violated. It wasn’t unreasonable caution, it did usually feel very unpleasant or even heart-breaking to suddenly realize that someone other than your trusted psychologist had been nosing through the personal information without permission… Kenshirou kept a respectful distance, content to wait for his partner to open up to him about these sensitive matters.

He’d only breach the medical privacy agreement between Kimura and Seitarou, if it was indicated by her that Tanabata could be at risk if Kenshirou didn’t know exactly what terrible thing had begun to plague the boy. Only if things got truly dire, would Kenshirou attempt to force his way in to rescue his lover.