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mrwinterr · 4 years ago

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Die Happy

Pairing: Ghost!Bucky Barnes AU x Female Reader; tiny hint of Sam Wilson x Female Reader

Summary: You summon a really friendly ghost.

Warnings: Smut 18+ (consensual vibes all around, masturbation, vaginal fingering, oral [female receiving]) and language. Dabbling into the occult (use of a Ouija board).

Disclaimer: I’m a spooky bitch, I like how Ouija boards look like, but I would NEVER mess with them.

Title Inspiration: “Die Happy” by Dreamers

A/N: I was on Reddit and I stumbled across an erotic audio that inspired this, so I definitely owe it to them. I’ve just been dying to write a ghost AU. I decided to hold back on the smut on this for now and maybe save it for later. This can be turned into a series, but I don’t want to get ahead of myself. Idk. You tell me! Enjoy!

It’s here.

It’s finally here. The package that would help you find the answers you were so desperately looking for was finally here.

Package in hands, there’s a skip to your steps as you happily make your way back into the living room of your somewhat new home. You had moved in almost six months ago, but it still felt so surreal. You, a homeowner. All those years of saving up and house hunting - you finally did one of the most adult things you could do in your life.

The small house had been in the neighborhood for decades and owned by plenty before you, in fact, too plenty, but for a home in Brooklyn, New York it was surprisingly affordable. You’re still patting yourself on the back for how you managed to score this place at such a bargain price.

It was the ideal place, really; surrounded by friendly neighbors and with a great home association. It was at a reasonable distance from your workplace and the city. Furthermore, cosmetically, it was your dream home. You never took a second to ask why someone would quickly put this home back on the market...until recently.

The realtor had assured you that everything in the house was functioning properly before you signed away. There was little to no refurbishing on your end, which was part of the dealbreaker, but now you can’t help to wonder if the realtor was duping you. A young, pretty woman and a first-time homeowner? That was easy bait for them, right? There had to be a catch or information that they were withholding and well, you weren’t about to wait any longer to find out.

Lately, strange things had been happening and while at first you brushed them off as mere coincidences, they were becoming almost too outstanding to ignore.

First, it was the air conditioning unit acting all wonky. You kept the house at a reasonable and comfortable temperature, but you found yourself often sporting hoodies even during the warmer seasons. The technicians couldn’t find a single problem with it and besides whenever you scheduled a visit for inspection, it was magically working just fine. Never mind the breeze that blew past you here and there…

Next, much like the AC unit, the electricity started to have a mind of its own. Before you could flip the light switch or press the button on your remote, it was always one step ahead of you. It was almost like you were living in a smart house, but instead of acting on voice command, it read your mind.

Not to mention, things disappeared and reappeared every now and then. Small things like the morning paper would vanish from the coffee table and if you couldn’t locate where you last left your keys, you never searched too far.

Then the eeriest one of them all was the unexplained smell. There was a distinct yet alluring scent that would waft by when you felt that breeze pass over. You had deduced that it wasn’t any like of your fragrance collection nor was it from the only friend that visited you. It was a pleasant odor and almost calming to you.

You didn’t want to believe it, but these weren’t just common occurrences - these were tall tale signs of a haunting. The spirit wasn’t vengeful, that much you gathered since it didn’t make attempts to harm you in any way. Sure you could just either ignore these oddities or relist the home, the latter which wasn’t in your favor because it wasn’t that simple. Instead, curiosity won the best of you and you opted to take matters into your own hands.

Literally.

“Whoa!” You hear your close friend Sam Wilson exclaim and watch as he scoots to the other end of the couch as far away as he could when you pull the Ouija board out from the box. “Shit, girl. I knew you liked Halloween, but I didn’t think you were that spooky!” He said, his eyes bugging out in disbelief that you’d ordered such a thing.

You roll your eyes at him and place the board on the coffee table. He immediately gets up from his spot and sets what he deems is a safe distance from it as if the object was cursed. You’re not deterred by the Ouija board at all. It had quite the opposite effect because you were all too fascinated with the supernatural.

“You really shouldn’t mess with that kind of stuff,” Sam warns as you handle the remaining piece, the planchette.

“I don’t know why you’re so scared,” you respond, blowing him off and kicking away the now empty box.

“And you’re not?!” He says incredulously, “trying to speak to the dead is not right!” Well, it certainly wasn’t normal, but so weren’t the things that were happening in your home lately.

“I need to find answers, Sam!” You bite back, the volume of your voice matching his. You didn’t miss the hint his exclamations gave off and it bothered you. “What do you expect me to do? Continue living like this? I’m not in control of my own home.”

Oh, he knew. He was your closest friend and you trusted him enough to share your theories about your home and the experiences in it.

“You really think this place is haunted.” It comes off as more of a statement because he can see you’ve clearly made up your mind on how you’re going to prove the theory.

“Why do you think I can’t have Sarge or any pets over?” You absolutely adored Sam’s dog Sarge, but he made it apparent that he didn’t like something about or in your house.

Before Sam could try and spit out an explanation you’ve already heard, you stopped him, “I’m not going crazy! And I certainly am not going to spend another fee on having a technician tell me there’s nothing wrong with the units again.”

“Look. Why don’t you just come spend the night at my place and we can think of another way to approach this?” He offered and you knew that offer all too well. It had always been on the table. When you decided to move to Brooklyn and were looking for your own place, Sam had offered you a room, but you were hellbent on making it on your own. You were proud and independent...and weren’t sure about taking the next step with him.

Sam was everything your past lovers weren’t and you while you both weren’t official, a couple of dates happened here and there, something was holding you back. You cherished his friendship so much and a part of you feared finding out what it could be that you weren’t willing to jeopardize what you two already had if anything more came out of it and then failed miserably. He made it clear how he felt about you, but you brushed it off casually each time. Sam knew you simply weren’t ready.

“Thanks, but I’ll be okay.” You reply, breaking away from seeing the look of concern on his face and back to the planchette your hands were fidgeting with. You knew he was a skeptic on these kinds of things and only worried for your safety.

The nights he had spent here nothing strange ever happened. It’s like these occurrences were only happening about you. Sam wasn’t sure if he believed in ghosts or not, and he deeply cared for you, but he wasn’t about to stick around and find out. He knew that you could be stubborn, but there was only so much he could do to change your mind from where he stood and he just hoped he hadn’t lost you yet.

The small crack of thunder in the sky indicated a storm was coming and you took that as a sign to convince Sam to leave for the day. You didn’t want to fight with him about this. The few times you did talk about a possible haunting were just humorous conversations to Sam, but you were always being serious. It was evident that you two were not on the same page.

“You should probably start heading home before the rain comes,” you advise, standing up to walk over to the front door, hoping it’d sway him, but he knew what you were doing. Sam wasn’t mad. He was always very patient with you.

He only nods in false agreement before following your lead. “I’m coming back first thing in the morning to check if you’re still alive though,” he jokes, before pulling you in for a hug and giving you a kiss to the side of your head. His words elicit a light chuckle from you, but is mostly muffled against his biceps, then you’re playfully shoving him out the door.

As soon as his car disappears from the end of the street, you jolt and head snaps quickly at a sudden crash from the kitchen. You make your way in that direction to find the mug gifted to you on your last birthday from Sam shattered in pieces all over the kitchen floor.

The last roar of thunder must’ve been a strong one or the elevation of the shelf had been slightly off or maybe the house didn’t like Sam…

You shook your head at that last silly thought from your mind and sighed preparing to clean up the mess. Once that was done, the gloomy weather quickly casted a blanket over the sky and with a remix of fast raindrops against the windows and pavement and the lag in thunder, you didn’t waste time on the mission.

What better time than now? It set the mood. Were you scared? You weren’t sure. You were already convinced you were living with a spirit. You didn’t ponder long enough to think about the aftermath. Was this all just a bunch of hocus pocus or pseudoscience? Would you get possessed by a demon or would he be like Casper?

The use of a Ouija board, especially by someone inexperienced as yourself, was highly not recommended and very much frowned upon during your upbringing. If only your parents could see you now...

The spirit in your home couldn’t be that bad though, right? If they wanted to possess you, they would’ve done so by now; unless they were just waiting for an invitation. Well, there was only one way to find out.

You dimmed the lights and lit a few candles around you. Was this insulting? You did some fair share of research, but most of what you knew about Ouija boards were credited to horror movies.

You take a deep breath and begin to summon your supposed roommate.

Bucky felt bad as he watched you clean up the mess he made in your kitchen. He knew you liked that mug, but he didn’t and he certainly didn’t like how Sam made you feel. Sam made you feel all sorts of things and Bucky knew that, which explained why Sam never experienced anything unusual in the house because Bucky didn’t like seeing you with him.

He was aware of how silly it was. A ghost jealous of two living humans. He had his turn, but it was tragically cut short. He was so young. He left everything behind to fight a World War. There was a high chance he wouldn’t come back and he was sadly part of that statistic.

But why did his afterlife have to consist of seeing the most angelic living human being just waiting to fall in love with the perfect living man? He didn’t get a chance to live out that part of his life, so was he bitter? Yes. And especially outraged at any distress that was brought upon the current tenant of his old home.

Bucky wasn’t sure why he was able to roam around his old stomping ground over the last couple of decades. He tried his best to communicate with the previous owners but he always ended up scaring them off. When you moved in, if he wasn’t already dead, and you could’ve seen him, he just knew he would’ve been as pale as a well...ghost. He made sure to not send you running for the hills.

He tried to help you with everyday things, trying his best to be subtle. He didn’t even spy on you during private moments like in the shower or on those lonely, needy nights. He proved himself to be a ghostly gentleman.

He even tried to not eavesdrop on your conversations and almost always disappeared when guests were present, but he heard you raise your voice earlier at Sam. He wasn’t sure what you two were arguing about and sure it was petty on his part, but before he could summon enough energy to knock over the mug, Sam was already gone.

Bucky followed you back into the living room and watched as you lit the candles scattered around. He lightly smiled believing you were attempting to relax. If only seeing you in peace was enough to put him to rest - permanently - but when he sees you take a seat back on your couch his expression fell and he swore his heart would stop again if it could.

“Oh no,” he says as he watches you stare at the Ouija board on the table before you. Bucky starts pacing in front of you, his hands over his head. Anyone that set foot and stayed long enough knew this place was haunted, and he knew you weren’t stupid and besides he wasn’t as subtle as he’d like to have been lately.

“Is anyone here?” He hears you ask the first question. He looks over your direction and sees your eyes are closed with both hands on the planchette.

“Oh my God,” he barely whispers and realizes, “she’s really trying to talk to me.” He couldn’t believe you’d be so brave to risk such a thing and importantly willingly reaching out to him.

“Yes! I am! I’m here!” She can’t hear you, idiot. “Fuck, of course she can’t hear me.” Bucky argues with himself on what to do before he remembers how Ouija boards work.

He almost can’t believe it when he does it, but he’s able to delicately move your hands and slide the planchette over to the word ‘YES’.

Your eyes pop open and you gasp when you see that you got an answer. You're frozen and look up in front of you half expecting the spirit to show itself to you, but you don’t see anything.

At least that’s what you think. Unbeknownst to you, you’re staring right at Bucky or rather through him. His expression mirrors yours - complete and utter shock. He was never able to easily move or touch anything solid in years. The incident with the mug earlier, that kind of stuff usually required a lot of concentration and energy on his part. He’s also scared that he’s frightened you with that move, but at the same time excited that he’s successfully communicating with you.

You’re unsure if you should continue. You were half expecting this to be a bust, but it moved. It actually moved! While you were excited that this worked, the tiny voice in the back of your head had you considering that maybe you shouldn’t go any further, but who ever really listened to them? You blink a few times and refocus your attention on the task.

“What are you?” You ask.

“What am I?” Bucky repeats the question, “I’m dead.” Wait. He starts to spell the letters ‘D-E-A-D’ with your hands on the planchette. He compares the sight of the corners of your mouth lifting, amused at that response, of course he was dead, as to what angels must’ve felt like when they earned their wings. If anyone believed in that sort of stuff...either way he felt very blessed.

“You liked that one, didn’t you?” Bucky said more to himself with a big smile on his face. He loved this! It was like he was having a conversation with you. It was something he only ever dreamed of for the last six or so months.

A particular flash of lightning followed by a thunderous sound startles you and you breakaway from the Ouija board. You weren’t going to lie. You were still absolutely spooked out and decided that maybe that was enough contact with the dead for the day.

When your heartbeat finally returned to its normal pace, you got up and turned on the lights, made sure you blew all the candles out and turned in for the night. Before you left, Bucky watched you look around the room and bid goodnight to seemingly nothing, but he knew it was meant for someone - it was meant for him.

The days that followed, you were growing curiouser and curiouser that in your spare time, you started digging into how much can come out of the Ouija board, but first you needed to figure out who you were dealing with.

With as much access as you were granted, you found out about a man, who was around the same age as you, that had died during World War II and the hauntings that would start to occur after the first tenant took residence upon this home.

The house belonged to a man named James Buchanan Barnes, but signed it under the name Bucky. How cute. You thought to yourself over the nickname, then you saw an accompanying photo of who you assumed was living with you. It was in black and white and the quality wasn’t that up to par, but from what you could make out you could determine enough. Cute name for a cute guy.

You read the experiences of others that lived here before you and they all seemed harmless. They were just spooked and you didn’t blame them. They had every right to be scared, but you didn’t scare that easily.

You’re so engrossed with your findings, you barely paid any attention to Sam, even when he’d come in to check on you. He had the spare key in case of emergencies, and you ignoring most of his unreturned phone calls and missed texts, uncharacteristically you, to him was deemed as an emergency.

Sam was only less than thrilled to see your enthusiasm on all this. Normal people didn’t go around poking at the dead. He pointed out you were lucky you didn’t get possessed, not paying any mind or adhering to you claiming he was probably a friendly ghost.

“This isn’t an episode of Casper!” Sam says fed up again. His face falters as he watches your shoulders visibly slump. He hated killing the vibe, especially when you were excited, but you were excited about something all too unreal and that shouldn’t be messed with at all in the first place.

“What if I can help him?” You try reasoning with him, “What if I can help him pass on? Then I can live in peace...and so would he.”

“You’re already lucky that you’re unharmed,” Sam reminds you, “I’m just worried about you.”

“I know you are, but I’ll be fine,” you assure him, hoping you could keep that promise. After all, you couldn’t even confirm you were really communicating with Bucky.

You were relieved that the conversation with Sam didn’t take a turn for the worse like it easily could have. You understood where he was coming from and you were lucky to have someone like him care so much about your wellbeing. The realization never fails to punch you in the gut for not allowing yourself to give in.

So why were you more scared to commit than of willingly reaching out to a ghost?

Take two.

You sat perched up and ready to communicate once more. Bucky, on the other hand, is more than ready and the cool familiar breeze that passes you by lets you know that he’s here.

“Who are you?” There weren’t exactly formalities with contacting the dead and your heartbeat starts to pick up as you’re slowly spelling out ‘B-U-C-K-Y’.

“Bucky,” you whisper. Boy, did Bucky like the sound of his name coming from your lips.

“How did you...die?” you had to swallow in between the last word in that question, hoping it wouldn’t trigger a negative response. Even in the afterlife, death couldn’t be an easy topic.

The letters ‘W-A-R’ and the number ‘2’ gives you your answer. It was him! Internally, you’re overjoyed that you’ve figured out your ghostly John Doe, but you try to remain at ease.

“Did you knock down my mug?”

Bucky rolls his eyes at that, but swiftly moves your hands over to ‘YES’.

“Okay. I mean that wasn’t very nice,” you couldn’t just bite your tongue as the sass flowed right out of you.

‘S-O-R-R-Y’.

The apology takes you by surprise, and suddenly you weren’t mad about the mug anymore.

“It’s alright. It was just a mug,” you try to assure him. You’d just have to explain to Sam another time that the ghost broke it. No biggie. Yeah, right. What with the tiny arguments, he’d most likely believe you destroyed it out of anger and frustration at him.

Your arms were getting tired from the position they were in. Several minutes had passed since you last said anything to Bucky and you weren’t sure of what to ask next.

Where does this end? Do you ask him to leave? This is his home. No, it’s not anymore. It’s your home now. But he doesn’t belong here anymore. How do you help him pass on? Did you have that ability? Do you hire a medium? Enlist the help of a priest? Call a ghostbuster? Your mind grew tired all too quickly, you slumped back in your seat, breaking away from the Ouija board.

Bucky watched as you rubbed the muscles of your sore arms. He felt helpless. He wishes he could ease or take away your pain. Instead, all he could do was watch and make sure you were okay until you were ready to start talking again.

With your hands back on the items, you ask, “are you still here?” Bucky responds with ‘YES’. You take a deep breath and close your eyes, mentally preparing yourself, before proceeding with the next question.

“Can you show yourself to me?” There the ultimate question and Bucky can’t help but ask why? Why were you interested in seeing him? He was a lost cause.

“No?” you ask more to yourself, still staring at the word through the eye of the planchette, and frown at his response.

Bucky wanted nothing more than to show himself to you, but he didn’t know how. For decades he was nothing but a gust of air. No matter how hard he tried to show himself to previous owners, he was never successful.

You pull your hands back away and place them in your lap, unsure of where to go from here. Well, you couldn’t force a ghost to do something they didn’t want to do, but you hoped that maybe perhaps seeing him would make it less taxing while communicating.

There’s a sudden iciness that covers the side of your cheek, sending a chill down your spine, causing you to flinch and your hand rising quickly to warm the spot.

Bucky almost disappears at the sudden reaction. He can’t believe it. You felt that. You could feel him. It was different than pushing your hands in different directions because this time, neither of you needed the help of the Ouija board.

You’re not sure where he is as your eyes scan the room, you wanted to feel that again. Sure, the cold was a bit alarming, and as sharp as his icy touch was, so was the surge that flowed through you. It was unexplainable, but soothing.

It sucked for Bucky because he couldn’t keep your eyes trained on just him.

“Are you sure you can’t show yourself?” You ask again, this time convinced you didn’t need the Ouija board anymore.

However, Bucky needed the board to reply. You sigh in defeat as you watch the planchette slide across to the word ‘YES’. You couldn’t allow yourself to get mad. You just couldn’t understand how it was possible for him to do all these other things, but not be able to show himself. Whatever it was, you’d just have to accept that you’d never understand ghost logic.

The sound of the planchette scraping against the board, offers you the word, ‘F-E-E-L’.

Feel? You definitely felt a presence, but now it was confirmed. It was him. He was trying to communicate through touch.

“Yes, I felt you,” you let Bucky know quite eagerly. The planchette remains unmoved after that and instead of what would appear to be awkward silence, the seconds that were passing by could be more appropriately compared to that of a ticking time bomb.

“Touch me,” you request.

Bucky’s stunned. If he were alive and well right now, he’d no doubt be on his knees for you with a command like that. He floats over to you and is only more than eager to touch you again, but he’s not sure of where. Feeling a soft anticipation of a ghostly tingle, he hesitantly places both hands on the underside of your jaw, in a cradle-like fashion, hoping it'll stop your wandering eyes.

You stand still, frozen in place, now seeing the breath of air that escapes your mouth in a cloud of smoke. He’s definitely here and in front of you.

“More,” you say barely above a whisper.

Fuck. Bucky inwardly swears at himself as you unintentionally egg him on. Testing his limits, what more could he already lose? He was already dead.

He goes all in. He leans in and presses his cold, dead lips to yours in the most gentle and light kiss ever. When he pulls away, he sees that your eyes have closed and he can’t help immediately start to wonder if you actually felt that or not. He sure as hell felt it. He can’t be certain as he tries to gauge at the expression on your face. Shit, why did he do that?

“Do it again,” and this time with a more affirmative tone, Bucky doesn’t question anything anymore and obeys. His lips dig deeper against yours, you let out a small moan and purse your lips to respond. You don’t think about how silly it must look to be making out with practically nothing, not knowing what to do with your hands because there was nothing to hold onto, but despite that it all felt too real. He was real.

Bucky’s mind is reeling at the sound of pleasure that spews from your mouth, he can’t comprehend how this is even possible. He’d been dying to know what kissing you felt like - what you felt like at all.

When your lips start to get numb and turn blue, you reluctantly pull away. You open your eyes to a dark room and wish you could at least hear him, the sounds of ecstasy played a pivotal role in intimacy.

Your body temperature returns to normal, blood rushing, mind a haze. You stand up and head towards your bedroom without another word. Would he take the cue to follow you? You can’t be sure. You can’t see or hear him, but your actions say otherwise and make you both feel as if he wasn’t dead at all. It was now a game of cat and mouse.

Bucky or not, you were unabashedly turned on. In moments like these, it was hard to be in control of your own body and the only thing you could do was give in to the desires. In this instance, your body couldn’t make up its mind because as if you weren’t just freezing your ass off while kissing Bucky, you were suddenly hot all over.

Flustered, you pulled down your shorts, tossed them carelessly across the room, perhaps a little too harshly. If he wasn’t going to help you out, then you would do the job yourself. A mad smile on your face, surprised you weren’t the least bit embarrassed if he was going to watch you or not. It only added to the thrill and the excitement.

Trying to regulate your breathing, you lie down on the center of your bed and run your hands over your face down to where you needed them the most. Your fingers experimentally graze along the wet spot of your panties, groaning in acknowledgment of the sudden arousal. There’s no sense in conjuring up a justifiable explanation as to how something so seemingly innocent as the kiss you shared with Bucky got you so crazed. Not wasting any time, you lift your hips up and bend your legs to slip the flimsy garment off.

No longer a thin barrier between, your entire body shivers slightly, a sharp gasp escaping your lips, when your fingers make first contact with your clit and you begin to rub slow slow circles over it. Your stomach sinks in with each relieving exhale, your breathing growing heavy. Your fingers run off course and dip into your folds, past the floodgates, your fingers resurface coated in your own wetness and you use it to an advantage in invigorating your clit.

Eyes closed, you start to think about Bucky. You want to feel guilty or believe this was all wrong. Instead of getting off to someone like Sam or someone real for that matter, you lied there baring yourself to a ghost. You try to picture that baby face of his, and all that you could based on the lone image you found of him on the Internet.

The curve of his full lips that you were fortunate enough to feel on yours moments ago. You already knew they were soft, but what about his other features? Did his eyes sparkle or were they like black holes? What color were they? They had to be of a set that could hypnotize someone. Maybe it was okay that you couldn’t see him because if you had you just knew that you’d be at his mercy.

And that was just on the surface of it all. How was he like in other areas? How would his tongue feel against yours, on your skin, in you...The simulation causes your thighs to clamp up, knees involuntarily knocking into each other; your other hand clutching onto the bed sheets. He made it that easy, but you needed one more good push to dive in the deep end.

A thin layer of sweat coats your skin from the increase in body heat, then an abrupt familiar cold sensation runs through you, his alluring scent filling your nostrils, your legs forcefully separate; all tells you that Bucky was here. You pick up your head, always a small hint of disappointment flashes through your features at the fact you still and won’t be likely to ever see him.

It shoots a wild pang through Bucky’s chest because he doesn’t miss it; never knowing he could read someone so openly. He missed out on a good chunk of his life. He missed out on someone like you. Life was so cruel.

Your thoughts aren’t as far away from his as you start to wonder, why was it all so easy - seamlessly flawless - with him? Running with only first-party information and two silent conversations, you were already willing to go headfirst for halos for Bucky. Was it pathetic? You didn’t care anymore, whatever would ultimately bring you to him, you just knew in the end you’d die happy.

Your head falls back in defeat and you try to keep your emotions at bay, until you feel the hem of your shirt being lifted, exposing your midriff. Your lips cave in and you wince at each uncalculated cold peck Bucky’s lips leave on you. Whereas you felt a minor sting at how cold his touches were, for the first time, Bucky felt like he was on fire at how hot to the touch you were in this moment. This moment with him.

His lips create a path down to your core, and the contrast in temperature feels good. Not knowing what to do with your hands again, your arms lie sprawled on the bed on either side of your body, then you mentally curse at another sad truth that you had no one to hold on to.

A cool breeze brushes past your folds and your heartbeat spikes up again. Bucky never imagined he’d ever be able to make someone feel this way. It was pointless for him, but he dreamt about it countless times. And then he wickedly thinks how he was dumb to not spy on you during those nightly sessions. He was missing out. You were absolutely divine in his eyes.

“Bucky,” his name slips past your lips when his make contact with your swollen clit. It started off so innocently, but when he pulled his lips back and ran his tongue over the wet spot you left on them, giving him a taste of what you had to offer, he wanted more.

The cold, with each bit of contact from Bucky, was no longer a thing as your body quickly acclimated to it. Bucky uses his fingers to spread your pussy lips apart and allows himself to get a better taste. Your head lulls back, sinking in deeper into your pillows.

There’s only so much you could do to communicate with Bucky, you want to feel his hands all over, but instead you pick up on the slack as you grab and squeeze handfuls of your breasts, massaging them and adding onto the sensation. Your groping proves to be successful when you draw out more noises.

Bucky’s eyes never tear away from watching your reaction, the way your body moves from pleasure - pleasure he’s bestowing on you. His mouth doesn't require guidance as his tongue pulls all the right moves, weaving its way through and between your folds. He drags out a long moan from you when he dips his tongue in and then captures your folds between his lips, tugging as he sucked on them.

“I-I need,” you try to voice out your desires, but you’re reveling in so much, especially in being able to feel Bucky’s fingers digging into the sides of your hips; you bite down on one of your fingers, trying not to let out a crazed scream.

Bucky doesn’t want you to hold back though, so he introduces his fingers into the mix as they take turns in you. You wished you could hear him and all the sounds of his onslaught. To hear those pretty boy moans, the filthy pops and slurping noises. Was he a dirty talker? God. Imagine the things he would say.

He gets the message loud and clear. You want to come, and so he quickens his actions until your body goes into overdrive. When you reach your peak, your eyes snap open, pupils blown, and your back arches up in perfect bridge-like fashion. It almost looks like you’re being possessed before you come back down releasing choppy gasps of breaths.

Exhausted, you struggle to stay conscious wanting to communicate with Bucky one last time, but it felt like the orgasm almost sucked the life out of you. The puffs of cool air against your pussy are an indication that Bucky is still present and he wasn’t going to go anywhere just yet. He hasn’t moved from his position and is short of breath, in awe of seeing you coming undone for him and more so the fact that this happened. This wasn’t just another one of his dreams.

For as long as he’d been an apparition, he’d hoped to be able to finally pass on and if this was his actual last day on Earth, then he’d gladly accept it because one night with you was enough.

Bucky would die happy.

A/N: Yeah, the ending wasn’t strong, but I wanted to leave it open for interpretation. Let me know what you think! A simple like and reblog is enough to help a sis out! Thank you for reading!

#mrwinterr writes #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x you #sebastian stan imagine #sebastian stan smut #sebastian stan fanfic #ghost!bucky barnes #ghost!bucky #ghost au #sam wilson x reader #sam wilson x female reader #sam wilson x y/n #sam wilson x you

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thirstyforred · 4 years ago

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tagged by @stillness138 <333

if i were a month, i’d be: september ･ if i were a flower, i’d be: hollyhock ･ if i were an album, i’d be: 'Til Death by Aesthetic Perfection ･ if i were a mineral, i’d be: amethyst ･ if i were a sound, i’d be: rain ･ if i were a colour, i’d be: green ･ if i were a drink, i’d be: porto ･ if i were a fruit, i’d be: pear ･ if i were a quote, i’d be: “Men [...] think, “Time is vast”. But the truth is far more disturbing. Time is endless.” - Outsider, unused files from Dishonored (2012) ･ if i were a television series, i’d be: idk Leverage?? ･ if i were a movie, i’d be: Gone Girl ･ if i were a fashion brand, i’d be: Massimo Dutti ･ if i were a mythological creature, i’d be: upir ･ if i were a taste, i’d be: sour ･ if i were a scent, i’d be: red berries ･ if i were a fabric, i’d be: linen ･ if i were a body part, i’d be: ear ･ if i were a song, i’d be: Lana Del Rey - Off to the Races (FrankJavCee Remix) ･ if i were a god(dess), my four attributes would be: spite, dusk, honey, hunt

List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line.

"The Critiques of the Eternal Fire," the man read in an amused whisper title from the spines of a few books. -Sublime, that's wonky ass line </3

Wenn Keldar fragte, dachte Erland nicht einmal daran, sich zu weigern. -from my attempt at writing small thing in German about Erland and his Suprise Bastard, Brecht. i will finish it. at some point

They are in the garden. -Red and Green, and Green and Red, love when the title is longer than the first sentence, also it's true for my entry in this week's Flash Fic challenge lol

You're in the sewers, deep, deep underneath the city. And it stinks. -Salamandra, i like this one bc everything but this first line is 1st person pov in this fic

"What's on your mind?" asks Nithral, half lying, half sitting by the edge of the small pool. & "Is it getting any better?" asks Namrevlis, and strokes the head of the male elf lying on her lap. - through the open pupil of the skies, two lines here bc I posted the original, polish version, as two works. i wanted them to somewhat mirror each other

Doadrick Leumaerts died. - Slama's self-insert x that nilfgardian spy WIP <3 No worries tho the very next line is "Well, not really"

It's morning, one like many others, or so it seems. -where witchers dwell, I love to add a bit of uncertainty right from the start

It’s yet another party and everyone acts like the war isn’t right behind the corner, and Roderick approaches the side table with all alcohols, for a second considering his options. -Belle Alliance, i feel like whenever I write Roderick narrator just naturally tries to turn into a snappy bitch

At this hour of the night, Jacques doesn’t even open his eyes to check what, or rather who, is sneaking their way into his bedroom. -sweeter than blood, wonder who that could be lol

Roderick de Wett wasn't a happy man. -accidentally competent, he's ok, he just hates the weather :/

I guess l like short openings or long complicated sentences that probably need to be edited to make more sense, but either way, I like to open my fics somewhat in medias res

#tagged #my writing

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kuntrabida · 5 years ago

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2. the axon snaps and thoughts can’t travel (a rant abt COVID-19, senior year spring, and college in the fall)

12 may 2020

the gap year. the fall sem. the jump cut. the FUTURE. much on my mind right now folks lmao (prob folk in singular since like one (1) person’s gonna read this ashvcxjkv)

okay so let’s break this DOWN ig. yea LET’S unpack my inner psyche and my mental baggage at this point because i’m sure that i can’t be the only one feeling this way and even if i am, i’d like to get it off my chest and not rant to the same five people who’ve heard me talk about the same sad subject throughout the entire duration of quarantine asdjfkvcxufdsw

let’s start with senior year haHA :) still haven’t gotten over that xoxo even tho i’ve tricked myself into thinking that i have! gonna refer to it as ye olde Jump Cut because that’s exactly what all this feels like... like mother nature just threw the video file of my high school experience into a fuckinn Premiere timeline or smth and slammed her fist on the W key (an esoteric reference, i know, i know, my bad, but iykyk).

THE JUMP CUT – senior year’s over and i know it’s a stupid fucking thing to be upset about during a LITERAL GLOBAL PANDEMIC where people are losing and risking their lives and entire livelihoods are being upended but i still... can’t help but feel upset and terrified and devastated about what i’ve always viewed as this buffer period in my life between high school and college to just VIBE and figure myself out a little bit more being cut short. especially when, for once, things were going so well.

god, the last thing i wanna do is sound dramatic and utterly tone deaf because I RECOGNIZE my privilege and how incredibly fortunate i am to have a roof over my head and food in my fridge and a bed with a damn duvet cover to sleep in at night but i’m... so fucking sad. i’ve BEEN so fucking sad, and i think what’s even worse is the fact that i’ve been DENYING how fucking sad i’ve been feeling because i don’t think i’m... allowed to be sad in this situation? but at the same time i consciously understand that my feelings are valid and everything... it just feels like legitimately everything else in the world right now dwarfs all my concerns combined. but alas. here i am, making a blog post about my feelings to finally try and sort them out...

i just aghsdfhxhzjlk i wasn’t finished. that really is the best way to put it. i wasn’t finished with any of it. and i suppose a lot of that is my own fault for taking all the good times for granted (but also lowkey the fault of idek who... american society? for romanticizing and commodifying the culmination of high school oop)/

i feel like so many people focus on those big milestone events associated with senior year: prom, graduation, senior awards, etc. but to me personally, and to nearly every one of the friends i’ve talked to, it’s the little things that matter most — the absence of which we feel the deepest. i miss spilling coffee on myself in the cafeteria and burning frozen pastries in the toasters and complimenting people’s outfits in the hallways and staying in the building from dawn till dusk and eating takeout on the floor and hastily texting my friends at the end of the school day asking if they wanted to hang out or if they could give me a ride home and i MISS spontaneous sushi and starbucks excursions and quiet heart to hearts in coffee shops and last minute target runs and stressing out about music events and belting in the practice rooms and learning choreography in parking lots where confused drivers would momentarily glance over and just KEEP ON DRIVING and lying on the ground in one of the school’s hallways facing the sun when the light would hit JUST RIGHT through the glass and i could close my eyes and pretend i was at the beach or on an island or in a canyon somewhere or SOMETHING, anywhere, anywhere but there. and i feel this chasm in my throat whenever i think about it because looking back at those moments, i realize that there’s literally no place i’d rather be right now than inside my high school building on a normal ass day dealing with normal ass problems with exceptional, radiant, life-giving souls there to have my back and support me and hug me wow, GOD, hug me. wow how i miss hugs. and I miss my friends. shit.

hell bro i even miss the days where everything would become a little too much for me and i’d have to find recluse in a digital media classroom and the scent of old lemon-laced coffee grounds as they brewed into dingy styrofoam cups and wandered through the halls with me during the period, into the music room where i literally grew UP and found my voice and discovered validity in my own identity and all that JAZZ and into the bathrooms where i’d spend such subtle, unsuspecting mornings with friends still practically sleepwalking and FUCK bro. frankly i’m just not ready to jump into a life where all the things i hold dear are “remember when”s. i can’t imagine this entire world that i’ve built for myself being a thing of the past, a thing that i’ll look back on as one of the best fucking times of my life even though i never realized it when it mattered, a thing i still want so so so much more of, that i am not and may not ever be ready to let go. i want it all back. but i know getting upset over it is a futile pursuit, because there’s nothing i can do, and that just fuels this feedback cycle of anger and hopelessness and denial and back again.

i do think of that good ol’ winnie the pooh quote, though. “how lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” but it doesn’t really make anything hurt any less. and i guess i’m just tired of hurting lol.

THE FUTURE – dawg what the fuck is happening with colleges in the United States right now bro what is the protocol what do i DO¿

pretty damn self explanatory. my defense mechanism has ALWAYS been, “at least things will be better a couple months from now!!!!” and yeah, with university and the reality of getting to attend my dream college fast approaching i did believe that for a hot second but CORONA DAWG CORONA just plunges everything into the sea of uncertainty. i know i’m not the only one frustrated by this damn virus and i should be comforted by the unity we all have in our confusion but lmao i do not feel any better! no! one! has! any! answers! asdjfkvlcxvjl being a graduating high school and incoming college student right now is so FUCKING confusing and frightening and once again i want to acknowledge what an incredible privilege it is to even have the option of a higher education open to me but it’s such a multifaceted and unpredictable issue this year and thinking about the future — again my go-to defense mechanism and at the very least a worthy consideration since i’ll be putting down hella dollars for it — has been the cause of so much stress...

THE FALL SEM – i! don’t! know! if! it’s! gonna! be! on!line! and i am not planning on staying in my house any longer for a goddamn variety of reasons soo i have no clue how to plan for this! no one does right now!

our administration keeps affirming that we’re planning for a return to normalcy in the fall semester but a considerable amount of students and experts alike are saying that it’s essentially a cover so no one’ll panic and decline or defer their acceptances. SO MANY OTHER COLLEGES are revealing their contingency plans to have an online semester and ahaHA if i have to STAY in this HOUSE for ANOTHER 4 MONTHS that would FRICKIN SUCK DAWG lmaO i’ll leave it at that! so i’m: very much panicking!

i know that things are so uncertain right now and there’s really no point in trying to predict what’s going to happen in the next couple of months because so many unknowns remain. i know that a lot of universities are gonna be in deep shit if they don’t open in the fall but at the same time, if it’s a damn public health risk it’s definitely better to keep as many people home as possible. but i have no CLUE what institutions are gonna end up doing and again, literally no one does either! i was listening to a podcast yesterday about university plans for the upcoming academic year and i got asdhvjckxv so stressed when they said that we could be one week away from the start of the school year and things could still be drastically different the next week... there’s just no way of knowing much of anything and god i hate that. it’s making me so goddamn anxious.

i really doubt things are going to be back to normal in New York in the fall sooo...? i don’t know man again it comes down to asking people questions they don’t have the answers to and that’s just incredibly frustrating because i just want to know ONE THING for certain right now. ONE THING! idk i just wish that my college would be a little more transparent about their plans as they move along and figure things out but i know that’s not feasible. at the very least i hope things will be safe enough for them to make dorming on campus an option — freshmen have a pretty ample amount of singles available anyway. but if i have to spend the first semester of college onLINE in THIS HOUSE that’s... gonna suck. especially because i’m still probably going to be paying thousands of dollars for it which is, as my grandmother says, foul!

THE GAP YEAR – to defer or not to defer? that is the question.

so naturally in preparation for a potentially wonky ass academic year i’m considering deferring enrollment. but lmao... the deadline to do so is in uh *checks watch* three (3) literal days so. don’t know about that chief!

like, i know i’m PROBABLY NOT gonna end up taking a gap year. but i guess it’s just the fact that i have so much more canvas space to daydream about it that makes it so appealing... there are so many more possibilities that i can think of that are more likely to be open to me. then again, nothing’s guaranteed. not even my own health in the fall. which is also pretty fuckin scary as hell.

y’all wanna know where i get my gap year daydream fuel? UNJADED JADE. bruh i’ve been binging her videos like MAD especially the ones where she interrails Europe during her gap year and UGH. it seems incredible. and that makes things even more confusing because i really don’t know what the right decision to make is right now. to defer or not to defer...

again it’s all so heavily influenced by unknowns. of all the things that could happen, i’d much prefer to have a regular freshman year fall with the people in my class whom i’ve already been getting to know pretty well through groupchats and social media and the like. they’re a pretty dope bunch and i think college with them is gonna be a hoot and a goddamn half. but if i’ll end up just staying home and watching zoom lectures in my basement anyway... i’d much rather be taking a gap year.

and i’ve been brainstorming what i’d do during this gap year (again, thanks Unjaded Jade for the god-tier content agh) and there’s just like... so many options. i could get a goddamn JOB and start saving up for tuition instead of paying tens of thousands for online school. hell with the money i make working full time i could probably save up enough to afford an apartment so at the very least i could move out of my house into a place where i feel more comfortable. and lmao I: s a l i v a t e at the thought of using that time to focus on my writing, too. the amount of writing i could get done in a year of empty calendar space... glorious. what an utterly glorious prospect.

and of course, i’d love to fucking travel, volunteer (with a reputable and well-intentioned organization) in a foreign country, do a workstay abroad, take a train across america, but again, i don’t even know if any of that’s going to be feasible in the fall. it’s so FRUSTRATING because i’ll think of a possibility and then another one comes in and completely shuts the former down.

and it’s not like i can ask anyone for advice right now because we’re ALL none the wiser. plus, i’ve realized that frankly, even if it’s unreasonable, i don’t want anyone to tell me that my plans for a gap year aren’t feasible. it’s such a petulant thing to say... but i don’t want anyone to add to my sense of there being a limited amount of options that i can take advantage of because everything’s already so goddamn stifling as is. i guess the prospect of a gap year excites me so much because it seems like a year where i don’t have to be defined by anyone or anything but myself. and that’s so fucking liberating.

i just want the freedom to imagine right now because that’s when i feel happiest, but at the same time i’m afraid to get my hopes up for anything because i have this sinking feeling that the absolute worst case scenario is going to become reality. lmao. people in my state aren’t even fucking social distancing correctly so i’m damn sure that we’re in for a second and a third wave and that’s gonna suck but people are stupid as hell :)

lol on that positive note, thanks for reading this... increasingly depressing and chaotic rant. don’t really think i’m doing this “blog” stuff right but if you got this far, i love you. leave a note if you so please, comment your thoughts, reblog if you’d like (still don’t really understand the difference between reblogging and reposting on this app but lmao feel free to click the boxy arrow thing), and stay safe and healthy and all that jazz <3

#corona #high school #senior year #college #rant #blog #if you can call a frayed amalgam of rants a blog lmao #writeblr #i'm doing this shit wrong I can FEEL IT #anyway thanks for reading #I read this back and it sounds way more dramatic and deep than it is I apologize for the melodrama

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kiheons · 6 years ago

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I know you just wrote it but a follow up of the one-shot where aquaria left brianna? Maybe where brianna goes back to aquaria thinking this went on long enough and aquaria doesn't let up (at first)? She maybe even found someone else, Idk i was just obsessed with it i need more

Okay so first of all, that technically wasn’t a one shot. I didn’t put enough detail for it to be a fic. Same with this. But this ended up being 5000 words long so yikes. If I ever turn this au into a full blown fic (i might as well) this scene will likely be split in two, if not three parts.

it got a bit humorous as times. god bless katelyn. brianna has some issues. sorry the continuity is a little wonky.

When Brianna wakes up the next morning she wakes into the kitchen saying “Aquaria what do you want for brea-” Before she remembers that Aquaria left the night before. She’s still like well she’ll be back later today. Brianna going about her day, asking Aquaria questions before remembering that she’s not there. It’s kinda weird but Brianna isn’t worried. A full day passes and Brianna is still sticking to her story that Aquaria is gonna be back eventually.

The second day Monet calls demanding to know what the fuck happened. “Brianna, Katelyn just called me. She says that Aquaria showed up at her place two nights ago, sobbing and looking a mess. She had all her stuff with her too. Aquaria is refusing to tell either of us what happened. Clearly, this has something to do with you.” Brianna scoffing. “Is she still doing that? It’s nothing we just had a fight.” Monet isn’t buying it at all. “Are you sure? Because I know you’ve fought before but Aquaria has never done this before. Brianna she’s practically hysterical. Neither of us can mention you without her crying.” Brianna pushing all the guilt she’s feeling away. “She’s overreacting like she always does. I apologize for the inconvenience.”

That’s how Monet knows something is seriously wrong. “What the hell? ‘I apologize for the inconvenience?’ Brianna I’m your best friend not one of your clients. What is going on? I’m worried about you two.” Brianna does not want to do this anymore. It’s none of Monet’s business if her and Aquaria are fighting. “It’s none of your business Monet. So stop asking. I’m busy, I’ll talk to you later.” Brianna hangs up before Monet can reply. Her phone rings at least 4 more times, all from Monet.

Brianna just throws herself into work. Goes to the office because the house is too empty without Aquaria. Stays there long past midnight, looking over forms, calling business partners. She ignores 2 more phone calls from Monet, 3 from Katelyn and one from Bob of all people. Brianna goes home at 2 in the morning, pretty convinced Aquaria will be there by now only to find the apartment just as empty. Brianna makes dinner, accidently makes two portions, eats alone and replays their fight in her head. It’s the same thing on day three, except this time no one calls and Brianna wakes up in the middle of the night and works until the sun rises because she keeps dreaming about Aquaria.

On the opposite end of the spectrum Aquaria has been curled up on Katelyn’s couch for four days in a row. Katelyn doesn’t know what Brianna did but whatever it was it must have been bad. Nudging Aquaria up “Hey Qua Qua. I was thinking about going out tonight. Wanna come with?” Aquaria doesn’t really say anything, just kinda stares at the floor. “You’ll feel better I promise. I already asked Vixen, Asia and Jordan. It’ll be fun.” Aquaria mumbling. “Okay.” Katelyn is honestly just grateful that Aquaria is at least willing to take a shower and put on some makeup. Katelyn has never seen anyone looked this depressed about going clubbing. When they get there everyone else has already arrived. Vixen and Asia both hugging Aquaria. Katelyn is pretty sure Aquaria hasn’t told them what’s going on but Aquaria is smiling, or at least trying to.

Asia asks Aquaria about a new project at work and Aquaria finally seems happy for the first time in 4 days when she talks about it. She talks about how the new collection is coming along and she’s really excited to see it debut. Katelyn is happy for her. And then Asia asks “How is Brianna doing by the way?” Aquaria’s face falls and Katelyn is panicking right away cause she’s pretty sure Aquaria is going to start crying. Aquaria just looks completely emotionless instead. “I don’t know. I don’t care. We broke up.” Vixen is like what the fuck “Wait what? What happened?” Aquaria snapping “It’s not important. We broke up and I’m not talking about her. Brianna is a control freak who apparently can’t exist if she isn’t putting people down. She can go fuck herself and I don’t care what happens to her!” At this point Aquaria is yelling and some people are staring. Aquaria huffing “Whatever. I need a drink. Jordan let’s go.”

Aquaria taking shots one after another and when Vixen tells her to slow down she tells Vixen to piss off. Alcohol hits her hard and fast and after not even 2 hours in Aquaria is already drunk and Katelyn is very very worried. “Aquaria maybe you should sit down, I’ll get you some wa-” Aquaria trying to shove Katelyn away “No I’m gonna dance. I’m gonna dance and find someone hotter and fuck them. Fuck Brianna I don’t care!” Katelyn trying to keep Aquaria from flopping off her chair. “Uh huh yeah fuck Brianna. Here let’s maybe go outside.” Aquaria keeps yelling though “She’s a bitch Katelyn! She said I’m a kid and that I don’t have a real job but guess what? I’m an adult! I can buy alcohol and fuck people and I’m gonna fuck someone.” Katelyn is like yeah you’re definitely not, you’re way too drunk for that. Beckoning Vixen over and by this time Aquaria is crying “She’s a fucking bitch.” Katelyn patting Aquaria’s head as Aquaria drunk cries into her top, exchanging glances with Vixen. “I work hard I’m worth something. Right? Right?” Vixen looks so damn pissed off and Brianna may be her sister but Katelyn is ready to kill Brianna. “Yeah. You’re worth something.”

The two of them dragging Aquaria out of the club, shoving all 5’8 of Aquaria into a cab. Vixen looks livid. “You better talk to your sister because if she’s at work tomorrow then I’m giving her a piece of my mind.” Katelyn is like fuck cause she knows Vixen isn’t exaggerating. “Give me until noon. I’ll talk to her I promise. I’m mad too.” On the way back to Katelyn’s apartment, Katelyn texts Brianna. “We need to talk.” Brianna sees the message but doesn’t respond. Katelyn somehow managing to drag Aquaria out of the cab, paying the driver, and hauling her Aquaria into her apartment. Katelyn shoving Aquaria onto the bed, taking off her heels and going to take her own makeup off before sleeping on the couch. Katelyn doesn’t know what happened but Aquaria had a hard night, might as well let her take the bed.

Katelyn waking up suddenly because there’s a loud crash. Immediately getting up and rushing into the bathroom to see Aquaria with her head in the toilet puking her guts up and crying. Katelyn’s nightstand got knocked down by Aquaria in her rush to get to the bathroom. Katelyn kneeling beside her, holding Aquaria’s hair back as she throws up, rubbing her back and telling her she’s gonna be okay. Aquaria heaving, eyes bloodshot. “Hey Aqua. You okay?” Katelyn rubbing circles into her back and Aquaria picking herself up, leaning against the cabinets. Her hair is messy, makeup smeared, she’s still in her dress from last night and looks awful.

Aquaria sobbing “I told her I hated her.” Katelyn tucking some stray hair behind Aquaria’s ear, asking “Who?” Even though she’s pretty sure she already know the answer. Aquaria’s voice cracking “Brianna. I told her I hated her. I called her a sociopath.” Normally Katelyn would kill anyone who said that about her sister but Aquaria looks devastated. “ I told her she was gonna die alone and unloved.” Katelyn hugging Aquaria, Aquaria curling around her. “Katelyn I love her.” Sobbing, trying to get her words out. “I love her so much.” Katelyn just hugs Aquaria, telling her over and over “I know, it’s okay, you’re gonna be okay.”

Aquaria wakes up the next morning on Katelyn’s bathroom floor with a killer headache and a disgusting taste in her mouth. Katelyn is on the floor next to her, using a towel as a pillow. Aquaria doesn’t remember much of last night but when she manages to stand up and look at herself in the mirror the smeared makeup and tear tracks tell her all she needs to know. Turning the faucet on and rinsing out her mouth before shaking Katelyn awake. “You’re gonna get sick. The floor is cold.” Katelyn blinking awake. “Fuck did I fall asleep? I was gonna try and drag you back to bed.” Aquaria laughing. “You could have just left me here. I’m such a messy drunk I probably deserved it.” Katelyn looks at her and its nothing but pity. “You didn’t deserve it.” Aquaria trying to ignore the feeling of dread. Clearly Katelyn knows something Aquaria doesn’t. Katelyn getting off the floor. “I’m gonna make breakfast. Take a shower. You look like a trainwreck.” Aquaria throwing a tissue at Katelyn as she walks away, laughing.

Aquaria spends a solid 30 minutes in the shower trying to remember what happened. She’s still pissed at Brianna. She should start looking into getting a new apartment. Her head hurts. Katelyn and Brianna use the same shampoo. She knows Katelyn definitely can’t afford that so Brianna must buy it for her. She’s single again. She told Brianna she hated her. Aquaria standing there, watching the soap drain when Katelyn bangs on the door. “Get the fuck out you’re gonna drive my water bill up!” Aquaria coming into the kitchen to find Katelyn drinking coffee and looking at her phone and it reminds her so much of Brianna except Katelyn is poor as shit and her kitchen is not nearly as nice as Brianna’s and also they’re drinking folgers, none of that fancy Ethiopian stuff. Katelyn catches Aquaria staring. “Stop judging, Brianna’s the rich one not me.” Aquaria taking the cup of coffee Katelyn’s offering her. “I thought you were making breakfast.” Katelyn pushing a box of cereal towards her. “I had to drag your dumb drunk ass out of the club yesterday. You’re like 6 feet.” Aquaria mumbling “5 foot 8” and Katelyn rolling her eyes “tomato tomatoe the point is it’s Cap'n Crunch or nothing. You’re a plebian like me now.”

Katelyn sitting on the counter, sipping her coffee while Aquaria leans against the stove and eats dry Cap’n Crunch. It’s nice. It reminds Aquaria of her life before she met Brianna. Katelyn putting down her mug. “Aquaria.” Aquaria doesn’t look up at her, focused on her cereal. “Yeah?” Katelyn sighs. “What did you and Brianna fight about?” Aquaria stopped chewing. Katelyn looks concerned. “I don’t want to talk about it.” Now Katelyn looks pissed. “Aquaria you showed up at my apartment at 3 in the morning 5 days ago in tears, moped around and refused to talk to anyone for 4 days, and then proceeded to get black out drunk and puke your guts out in my bathroom before crying on the floor for about an hour! Brianna on the other hand has been ignoring all my calls and texts, I have no idea what she’s doing but knowing her she’s probably not eating anything, not sleeping, and is working herself into an early death!” Aquaria feels so guilty because she did just barge into Katelyn’s life. “I’m sorry.” Katelyn groaning. “I’m not looking for an apology Aquaria. You’re my friend, I would be here for you either way. But you’re also my sister’s girlfriend and you look absolutely miserable and I would be a terrible friend and sister if I didn’t at least attempt to fix this.” Katelyn taking a deep breath. “I care about you both. So please tell me what happened.”

Aquaria doesn’t have an appetite anymore. “We got into a fight. I accused Brianna of using her job to run away from talking about some problems we were already having. She keeps treating me like a kid and I’m tired of it.” Katelyn sighing. “Yeah she has a history of doing that.” Aquaria nodding. “Yeah. Brianna said she wasn’t running away and that her job was important. Like, actually important. Not like my job which is something that anyone can apparently do.” By this point Katelyn already has a pretty good idea of what’s going on. “It’s not like I worked my fucking ass off to get my position or anything. It’s not like I barely sleep and rest, no apparently none of that shit matters cause clearly everything I do will never be as hard or important as what Brianna does!” Aquaria is yelling at this point. “I’m always gonna be inferior to her, she’s always gonna see me as some immature kid, she’s always going to look down on me just like she fucking looks down on everyone!”

Aquaria is out of breath at this point. Katelyn waiting for a bit. “And when did you call her a sociopath?” Katelyn doesn’t sound angry, just neutral. Aquaria mumbling. “I threw a glass at her and then a vase. I told her she treated everyone around her like shit and called her a sociopath and said that it’s the reason Bob left her and the reason I’m leaving her too. I told her she was going to die alone and unloved and that I hated her and then I left.”

Katelyn is quiet. “You know when Bob left Brianna threw a plate at him and he called her a sociopath too. He said that she was incapable of being emotionally vulnerable and caring about anyone but herself. That she looked down on everyone around her.” Aquaria doesn’t say anything, just listens. “You’re both right. It’s the truth. Brianna doesn’t let herself lose, ever. She’ll fight for what she wants and steamroll over anyone who stands in her way, even if it’s someone she loves. It’s cause she’s convinced herself that loving someone isn’t worth it. She hates herself while also thinking she’s better than everyone. Honestly, it’s bizarre and I don’t understand it.”

Katelyn sighs. “But this isn’t like her and Bob. They had other issues too. Differences in worldview, how the other should do their job, arguments about life choices. Brianna has grown a little bit. Barely cause y’know, she’s an idiot, but she’s changed.” Aquaria doesn’t look at Katelyn. “She loves you Aquaria. Truly. I know it’s sounds fake when she says it but honestly I think it’s because she doesn’t know it herself. She’s always been a workaholic. Aquaria when she met you was the first time in years I ever saw her take a break. I won’t apologize for her cause she’s an asshole but she has a good heart. I promise.”

It’s quiet. Neither Katelyn nor Aquaria say anything for a while. Aquaria’s voice is hushed “I still love her. I know I yelled at her but I still love her. But I can’t go back. There’s no way Brianna wants me after this.” Katelyn stretching. “She does. My sister is an idiot. She’s too proud to back down and admit she made a mistake. She’ll keep digging herself into this hole. So I’m gonna go and beat some sense into her. It’s almost 10 and Vixen said if I didn’t talk to Brianna before noon she was gonna go and kick the shit outta Brianna herself.” Aquaria like wait what “You’re kidding, no Vixen worked so hard for this job she’s gonna get herself fired!” Katelyn like yep so we better hurry.

Katelyn looks very relaxed and confident and Aquaria has no clue how “How are you this okay with fighting Brianna? She could ruin your life. She doesn’t even need to ruin my life, I’ve been away from work for 5 days I’ve probably already been fired.” Katelyn shaking her head “You’re fine. I talked to Alaska, let her know that Brianna was being a dickhead again. You have the next week off.” Aquaria looking at Katelyn like who the fuck are you and Katelyn looks dead inside. “Brianna is smart but she’s stubborn as fuck. This isn’t the first time I’ve had to do damage control. Also I knew Alaska in college and we’re pretty good friends. I’m this okay with fighting Brianna because I’m one of the only people who loves her unconditionally and she knows it. Also she’s my sister and if she tries to ruin my life I have so many embarrassing stories that I can leak to the press. You’re lucky, you’re about to witness a legendary Heller style fight.”

While all this is going on Brianna is doing exactly what Katelyn thought she would. She hasn’t been home in two days because she’s been sleeping on the couch in her office for barely 3 hours a day. She’s alive by the sheer will of god and iced coffee. Brianna can’t go home. It reminds her of Aquaria, it reminds her of the fact that Aquaria isn’t there. It’s been 5 days and Aquaria isn’t back and at this point Brianna is wondering if Aquaria ever will be back. When Bob left Brianna laughed about it too and a week later she was being served divorce papers. Everything feels wrong without Aquaria there and Brianna hates it. Yes she loves Aquaria but she should also be able to function without her. But here Brianna is, hands shaking, retyping this email for the fourth time in less than an hour.

She’s tired, angry and she fucking hates herself for ever yelling at Aquaria. What kind of jackass tells their girlfriend that their job isn’t a real job? But she’s okay, she’s fine, she doesn’t need Aquaria. She’s been waking up in the middle of the night because all she can dream about is Aquaria, their fight is replaying over and over in her head. She sits on the couch and curses herself. Brianna hasn’t let someone see her cry since she was married to Bob but its 4 in the morning, she’s so tired, and she fucked up the one good thing she had in her life. She can let herself cry on her uncomfortable office couch for an hour, try and make herself presentable and pretend like she’s okay. She’s been doing it her entire life. Before she met Aquaria and after Aquaria leaves. But Aquaria wouldn’t actually leave, right? It was one fight. It was one fight and Aquaria will be back but it’s day 5 and Aquaria still isn’t back and fuck, Brianna is starting to panic.

Brianna is staring at her computer when Katelyn knocks on her door. It’s an email from Bob and all it says it “You need to fix this. Aquaria is young. Grow up and apologize. Take it from me, your ex-husband.” Brianna feels dead inside. Bob is right. It’s ironic that she accused Aquaria of being childish when she’s literally been refusing to go home cause it reminds her of the fact that she ruined her own relationship cause she was, what, too proud to suck it up and admit that she was wrong? That’s exactly it. It’s how she lost Bob and it’s going to be how she loses Aquaria too, huh. Someone knocks at her door and Brianna just mumbles “Come in” expecting it to be someone with quarterly reports.

Except it’s Katelyn and the look she has on her face is nothing less than rage and Brianna is already on the defensive. “What are you doing here?” Glaring at Katelyn. “I’m at work Katelyn.” Katelyn rolling her eyes “yeah I know. It’s cause you’re refusing to go home, right? I know you Brianna. You’re being ridiculous.” Brianna closing her laptop. “You don’t know what happened, don’t fucking tell me I’m being ridiculous. Aquaria stepping into the room behind Katelyn and closing the door. Aquaria looks exhausted and Brianna’s heart drops. “What are you doing here?”

Aquaria deadpanning. “I’m here to witness a legendary Heller style fight.” Brianna has about two seconds to process what Aquaria says before Katelyn hurls a couch cushion at her. “Brianna Maxine Heller what the f u c k is wrong with you!” Brianna ducking at the cushion takes out a stack of papers and bounces off a file cabinet. “Katelyn what the f-” Katelyn yelling “No you shut up and listen for once in your goddamn life! Aquaria showed up at my door 5 days ago looking absolutely devastated! And it was your fucking fault! She told me everything that happened, what the hell is wrong with you that you think it’s okay to say that Aquaria’s job is nothing? To tell her that she’s some kid? I know Alaska, she says Aquaria is one of the hardest working people she’s ever seen! Aquaria has never asked you to go to any kind of event with her but you’re always dragging her along here and there even though she’s fucking busy!”

Brianna protesting “Because it’s what expected! How the hell is everyone going to show up with their partners and I show up alone?” Katelyn throwing another cushion at her “That’s your problem, not hers! You think any of those wives of those rich fucks have jobs? They literally do nothing all day! Aquaria works full time! Hell, she works more than that! How many hours a week do you work, Aqua?” Aquaria glaring at Brianna. “52. I work on weekends and overtime.” Katelyn nodding. “That’s fucking right. And how many do you work Brianna? 46! I know because you’ve fucking told me! So if we’re just comparing numbers, which I know you know how to do because you’re a slut for math, then you’re already an idiot because why? Because Aquaria works more than your pompous ass and then she has to go to your stupid parties and meetings too!”

Brianna has nothing to say to that but the hell if she’s backing down. “She doesn’t even do anything! Picking out clothes isn’t a job!” Katelyn looking at her like she grew another head “Brianna who the fuck do you think picks out all the outfits you wear when you go to your meetings? Why the hell do you think you have a stylist?” Brianna stuttering and Katelyn just continues “Because you fucking suck that’s why! If you genuinely think that all Aquaria does is pick out clothes then you must be stupider than I thought because all you have to do is fucking google her to see that that is a fraction of what she does! By your logic all you do is talk to people and anyone could do that!” Brianna frowning “That’s not all I do my jo-” Katelyn covering her ears “Nope I’m not listening to you because I’m Brianna Heller and I’m a jackass who thinks I know everything even when my fucking girlfriend is trying to explain it to me because she can tell that I’m an idiot!” Brianna can hear Aquaria snicker in the background and that just pisses her off even more.

“My decisions affect the entire world, not just some random model!” Katelyn glaring at her. “Yes they do. But that doesn’t make you any better than Aquaria.” Brianna protesting “That’s not what I was saying.” Aquaria piping up “No that’s exactly what you were saying. That’s what you’re always saying. That because of what you do, and who you are, you’re somehow better than me. You’re somehow better than all of us. You go on and on about how much you hate the rest of the narcissistic asshole CEOs you have to work with but you are exactly the same. You look down on everyone because you think what you do is the most important thing.” Brianna opening her mouth to say something but Aquaria cutting her off “No, you’re going to let me talk. You treat me like I’m a kid. That I somehow don’t know how the world works or that when I’m mad about something that it isn’t something worth being mad about. You dismiss my anger as tantrums. I’m your girlfriend Brianna not your fucking child.”

Katelyn jumping right in “And knowing you, Brianna, you probably used that weird mommy kink thing you two have against Aquaria.” Brianna flushing red but Aquaria just nods. “Yeah. She did.” Katelyn shouting “Do you realize how, one, fucking weird that is, and two, how toxic that is? Now I don’t know much about a mommy kink but I have called guys daddy before so I assume it’s the same thing and-” Brianna groaning, “Katelyn I don’t want to hear about your sex life” Katelyn sticking out her tongue “Well I’ve walked in on you and Aquaria fucking more than once so you’re gonna hear about my sex life. My point is that shit takes trust. So for you to manipulate that is real fucking shitty.” Brianna is quickly running out of defenses. “Aquaria threw a glass at me. That’s childish.”

Katelyn throwing up her hands. “And I just threw a cushion at you! And you threw a plate at Bob at age 32, which if I remember correctly, is a full decade older than Aquaria is now! Childish? Brianna you’ve been hiding out in your office for the past two days! You’re ignoring all my and Monet’s calls and you keep fighting against this even though an adult would know when to give up and admit that they’re wrong!” Aquaria glaring at Brianna. “I threw a glass at you because you insulted me and my work ethic for 10 minutes. Knowing you, if I even tried to do that you’d try to collapse the American economy just to spite me. Because you’re a fucking sociopath Brianna. You treat people like shit and then somehow expect them to still like you.” Brianna is like no, “I’m not a sociopath the definition of a sociopath is-” Katelyn cuts her off “That’s not the point! The point is that you’re fucking crazy! Bob said that same thing. Brianna you can’t look down on everyone around you, especially your girlfriend, and expect her to be okay with it.”

“I don’t do that.” Brianna hates how unsure she sounds. Katelyn sighing. “Yes you do. Bob says you do, Aquaria says you do and I say you do. If you called Monet right now I’m she’d agree. This is your reality check Brianna. If you want to keep denying it and living in your fantasy world, fine. But you’re smart. I know you’ve realized it too.” Brianna hates it because Katelyn is right, she has realized it. She’s controlling, and looks down on everyone and unless she changes it she’s going to lose Aquaria too. Brianna doesn’t say anything, just stares at her desk. She’s tired, she can’t remember the last time she ate, she wants to go home and she wants Aquaria to be there too. Aquaria’s voice is soft. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said the things I did. You deserve to be loved. I don’t hate you. I love you so much and I want this to work but I’m tired Brianna.” Brianna looking up to meet Aquaria’s eyes and Aquaria looks sad. “I can’t keeping doing this if you aren’t willing to put in the work. I don’t want this to end but Brianna unless something changes I can’t stay.” Brianna realizes that there’s a clock ticking now and now it’s on her. Either she decides to grow the fuck up and admit she was wrong or her and Aquaria end like this. And Brianna doesn’t want them to end like this.” Aquaria sighing. “Let me know by the end of the week. If you don’t know by then I’m gonna start looking at apartments.” Brianna’s business brain tells her to take the time, think over the best strategies, get the most out of this but that’s what got her into this mess didn’t it?

Brianna’s voice is strained. “Katelyn can you leave? I need to talk to Aquaria alone.” Katelyn raising an eyebrow “I don’t know if th-” Aquaria shaking her head “It’s okay. Thank you for yelling at Brianna Katelyn. It was very entertaining to watch.” Katelyn smiling, giving Aquaria a quick hug “Anytime. I’m gonna wait outside, let me know if you need me to yell at her more.” Brianna is exhausted but she can’t help but smile. “You’re both terrible.” Katelyn stepping out and Brianna practically collapsing into her desk chair, resting her head on her hands, closing her eyes. Aquaria is quiet, waiting for Brianna to talk. “I’m sorry.” Her business brain is telling her to backtrack, apologizing is losing. “You’re right. You’re both right. I look down on people.” Aquaria agrees quietly. “You do. Katelyn told me you don’t like to lose. It’s hot when you’re fighting other people but it doesn’t work if you’re trying to fight me.”

Brianna laughing dryly. “I can’t seem to admit I’m wrong. Clearly, I have some issues.” Aquaria nods. “Yeah. I’d suggest you see a therapist or some shit but it’s probably a liability.” Brianna sighs. “It is. Monet is a psychiatrist so I’ve thought about it because I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t try and take down my company but even then…” Brianna looking up at Aquaria. Aquaria shrugging “You could try. I don’t care how you do it. But you need help.” Brianna wants to die because this feels humiliating. Aquaria is 22 but she has to tell Brianna this. Fuck, Brianna needs to get it together. “Brianna I can hear you thinking. I’m saying this as your girlfriend. Talk to Monet. She’s your best friend she’s probably be a good fit.” Brianna groaning. “That’s so fucking weird. Asking your best friend if they can be your psychiatrist.” Aquaria rolling her eyes. “I literally call you Mommy when we fuck. It’s really not that weird.” Brianna will admit, Aquaria does have a point. “Okay. Okay, I’ll talk to Monet.” Brianna standing back up, holding the desk cause her head is spinning. Aquaria can tell. “Brianna when was the last time you ate?” Brianna mumbling “I don’t remember.” Aquaria sticking her head out the door. “Katelyn, you were right.” Brianna can hear Katelyn curse. Barging in, pulling a granola bar out of her purse ‘Brianna I keep telling you you need to eat. You’re lucky I know how dumb you can be.”

Thrusting the granola bar into Brianna’s hand and Brianna definitely has to sit down again. “By the way, I texted Vixen. She said she’s not going to kill Brianna this time but if it happens again she won’t hesitate.” Brianna like wait what. Katelyn explaining “Aquaria starting crying about you when we went clubbing. Vixen was ready to kick the shit outta you.” Aquaria like wait I did what “I started crying about Brianna when we went clubbing?” Katelyn like yes “It would have cute if it wasn’t for the fact that you’re a messy drunk and you kept trying to fight Asia cause she wouldn’t let you have any more drinks.” Brianna halfway through her granola bar. “Aquaria are you okay with going home?” Aquaria looking at her. “Are you going to talk to Monet?” Brianna sighing. “Yes.” “Then yes. I just have to grab my stuff from Katelyn’s.”

By the time they’re on their way back to Brianna’s apartment all of Brianna’s exhaustion is catching up to her and she’s ready to pass the fuck out. Aquaria watching her “You really didn’t sleep at all, did you?” Brianna yawning. “Only a little bit. I kept having dreams about you.” Aquaria grinning “were they sexy?” Brianna shaking her head “I wish. It was all about our fight. I thought you were actually going to leave.” Aquaria isn’t smiling anymore. “I almost did.” Brianna squeezing Aquaria’s hand. “I know.” The rest of the ride is silent and by the time they get back home Brianna has already fallen asleep on Aquaria’s shoulder.

#lord this is long #its a happy ending kids!!!#sorta #craquaria #sugar mommy au #this au is spinning out of control #asks #Anonymous

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opepin · 7 years ago

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october: week four

23: i woke up with no problem today. i got out of bed earlier than usual and then went straight to do legs. i’m dreading doing legs for some reason now. i used the same weight as last week to make sure it wasn’t a fluke or anything lmao. i still took 39 minutes or so to finish my workout T_T lol i was trying to go for a 30 minute workout again. oh well! then i got back, hopped on the computer, and showered. kevin got out of bed without me noticing and scared me in the bathroom x_x; i made myself a smoothie and kevin ate the rest of the buns for breakfast. he left for work (yay, he’s made it outside again haha) and then i did some more research protein powders. i am leaning towards getting the chocolate version of pure foods protein, but it is so expensive! it’s like $40 for 1 lb of protein D: i am looking into naked as well as another brand that i can’t remember. then i tested some things and uploaded my tutorials. i got on a client call and then ate lunch while watching ‘no game no life’ and then went on stand up and straight into making templates for customers. it was a nice chill but busy work day. i would like my work days to be like this. haha.

kevin reminded me last minute that we didn’t defrost chicken thighs so i went ahead and made the marinade for the lemongrass chicken breast i was going to make tomorrow. lol our blender cannot puree correctly... lol. i tenderized the breasts and made the sauce and put them in a ziplock bag before washing the dishes. it took me an hour to do that and by that time, kevin got back home. while we were waiting for the rice to cook (he was already hungry), i went to the yoga studio to do more legs. i feel like my legs are getting weaker? lol i honestly don’t see any progress in my butt either. x__x; i am going to eat less fat though and keep on though. before i showered, i took a shot at cooking the chicken breast myself. i hate pan frying and using the stove because it’s hard for me to gauge whether or not i’m cooking meat or burning it lol. i did a pretty bad job: the heat was too high and i burned some chicken a bit. i called in kevin for help and he cooked the breasts so well T_T they were so yummy with the char he got on them. i just need to practice more, right?

i showered while kevin handled the chicken and stir frying some zucchini. then we ate dinner and watched yakitate! japan. after dinner, we both did dishes and packed lunch and stuff. then i went to watch anime and kevin went and gamed. i’ve been trying to sleep early again but it’s been on and off for me. eh.

24: i don’t know how but i managed to do a hiit workout in the morning today and get to the office, but really, i got to work late lol... i think i slept in a bit too long and then i took my time working out and showering... i actually think picking out what to wear took more time than i expected @_@; i ended up leaving as kevin was waking up lol. i got to the office at around 10 am and went straight to work, which was prepping for our training session today. lol, cole was forced to come after he said he was going to work from home because john was locked out of the room and today was an all-hands benefits meeting. he was kjadfnksjdf about it, but he seemed to enjoy the day anyway :P i rushed into the single person office and moved all of my stuff in order for me to do training lol. i will definitely do training at home from now on. it’s so much work moving my keyboard, mouse, laptop, adapters, etc to an office for only 1 hour .___.” well, after that, i went into john and cole’s office to listen to the benefits presentation. it was really fun hanging out with these guys. cole showed me the stuff he got from wish LOL.

then i went to eat lunch in the office and i was going to move everything back to the product office but dave was going to lunch and cole and i planned to get a snack so this was the perfect time for it. we went to chatime and beard papa’s. i got a mango green tea with boba. yummm. we sat down and caught up for a bit before heading back. i moved my stuff and then went straight to talking with dave about the game plan for thursday. i spent the rest of the day trying to build out the agenda with dave. lol i had a lot of work to do tomorrow... dave left the office after talking with me about shortening a section and then cole came into the office and waited for me to pack up. i was thinking about staying a bit longer to finish the agenda but i just left it for tomorrow. we walked and talked to the train station and then i met up with kevin :) we commuted home together and then lazed around. today was my rest day so i had my entire evening free~ well, when i got home, i put chicken in the oven right away and made rice. i think kevin gamed a bit and then we ate dinner while watching yakitate! japan. for desert, we finished an entire bag of cheetos. we have finished all of the flaming hot cheetos and i think it hurts my stomach a lot D: at least it’s gone now! :P

after dessert, we played trine 2 until jon messaged kevin and kevin went to play hots. i wasn’t mad because now i could watch ‘no game no life’ huhuhuh. i watched anime until around 11:40 pm and did some stretching before i went to sleep at around 12:30 am. it was a really nice day. wooo! it’s great when you get everything you need done before a certain time in the evening. i feel like i have a lot more free time ;D

25: i worked from home today in order to prepare for the full day of in person training tomorrow without distractions. i went to the yoga studio and did a hiit workout then i made my smoothie and went to work. at first, i felt overwhelmed, but when the end of the day neared, i felt worse LOL. i had a lot to do but i also had one meeting with another client but i had so much to prepare. our template import failed so i had to recreate two journey maps after fixing up the agenda for tomorrow and creating training guides/packets for each section we were going over. @_@; i asked phil if he could help remake the maps but i had some time after making my handouts so i just went for it until the end of the day. phil was also busy so it was okay. i didn’t get to practice but it was the end of the day and i decided to just let it go and wrote in my little notepad “good luck.” LOL. kevin came back pretty early and i finished up watching ‘no game no life.’ it was a good anime and i can’t wait for more O_O lol.

i found out that there was a crunchyroll app for roku and i downloaded it but when i tried using it later on at night, it crashed multiple times. oh well. i did my oblique workout inside the apartment because i was just using the mat. i watched the latest episode of ‘jane the virgin’ while working out. then i went to shower. then i got to catch up on some anime and youtube videos while kevin gamed lol. he made pasta and i just relaxed. we watched yakitate! japan while eating dinner and then i started watching an anime called something ‘elite high school’? idk. it has good reviews but i got really bored of watching it and i was doing something else after a while. i went to sleep before 12 am so i could get up early for tomorrow’s session.

26: oh boyyy. i woke up at 7 am, did my arm workout in the yoga studio, and then showered, and made myself a protein shake before heading out to the office. i thought i would make it in time for our meeting, but i got there 5 minutes late. i was stressed the whole ride because i felt so unprepared to do a full day of in-person training @_@; well, dave was really chill and his attitude calmed me down. we introduced ourselves, hooked up our laptops, and then got to work! we were running about 30 - 60 minutes behind the agenda, but we made it work. everyone in the group was great and receptive and i told me when i needed to slow down. ahha. dave went on a pret run for lunch, we took a break, and then we went back into it. when dave came back with all of our orders, we ate, and then answered questions. i went into smaller things and then after everyone finished eating, we hopped back into training. my brain melted at around 4 pm. o__o i turned really wonky after the session ended. mind you, i only took like 500 steps during the entire work day and i only peed twice LOL. dave made reservations for us for dinner, but i had to decline because i was just so tired after that lol.

cole waited for me in his office so he could show me the pumpkin and 4.5 lb bag of candy/chocolate he got from the amazon truck during lunch! it was $10 for all of that apparently lol. he gave me some chocolate, i gave him leftover starbucks blueberry scones, and we walked to the train station. i was so wonky lmao. i think i was yelling at cole while we were walking and asking weird questions. what a nice way to end a tough day and work week (lol i’m speaking as if it was friday). i waited for kevin on the platform. 2 nearly empty trains left before kevin got to the station -- he tried running for the last one, but didn’t make it. the train that came next was packed LOL but we got on. we got back and my stomach was feeling pretty bad, my hips hurt like crazy from sitting all day, and i just wanted to eat. we got free fruit and chocolate from the front and then we ate leftovers for dinner. we watched yakitate! japan and then kevin gamed and i walked around. lol, i couldn’t make myself sit for a while. then i decided to get my back workout done and i went to the yoga studio. then i showered and watched shokugeki before plopping into bed and just watching youtube videos. i didn’t want to watch any more anime :P

kevin went to sleep at around 1 am, which surprised me. i stayed up until then as well because i was definitely going to work from home tomorrow. i fell asleep waiting for kevin. he stayed up eating a scallion pancake and then going to bed... rood. haha. side note: kevin told me that he waited in bed for me to come back after my workout in the morning only to find out that i wasn’t working from home when he got up LOL. what a silly boy.

27: i slept in today as per kevin’s request lol. he’s so funny. he left for work and then i made myself breakfast: black tea with my vanilla protein powder (when you blend it, it creates foam on top and looks like a latte!) and a bacon breakfast sandwich. in the morning, i caught up with a lot of integration work stuff and dealing with timesheets and whatnot. lol. then i went in and made some changes to clients’ templates and maps. i hopped on a call with phil and caught up a bit. then i sent out some emails and worked on remaking the training template for the second time x__x; i hope this is the last. stand up turned into a design session again, but i stayed on and worked on the templates until 4:30 pm. then i finished creating templates and hiit the yoga studio -- haha, get it? kevin came back while i was exercising. i made rice and we ate leftover chicken thighs for dinner along with some veggies while watching some yakitate! japan. after my workout, i showered and then we went straight into playing new steam games and took a break to eat. i think we played spelunky, helldivers, and another game that was similar to trine 2 but i really liked it. i forgot what it was called. we stopped playing spelunky and kevin talked to ryan on the phone for a bit. i went to stretch while that happened and then after, we continued to game. i went to sleep after i got tired at like 2:30 am and i think kevin stayed up to play a bit of heroes of the storm. it was a nice friday game night with the boyfriend <3333

28: i slept in today again. i woke up at 10:30 am, which was just in time to do my morning stuff and commute to jialing. haha. i ate half of a scallion pancake that kevin heated up in the morning and then i hopped on the train. i transferred at park street today and got on the green line. the experience wasn’t too bad haha. the green line is really clean :O i got off at copley and then walked over to the courtyard restaurant inside the boston public library. i couldn’t get seated without jia so i messaged her and waited. we got afternoon tea and caught up. the food was delicious! i got the darjeeling 2nd flush, and it was the perfect compliment to the sweet and salty treats. we talked and ate for about an hour and then we walked over to the prudential center. overall, afternoon tea was great but pretty pricey. i would go again but not any time soon. then i needed to pee real bad so we stopped by the convention center. the line at the library was long because there was some event happening. i walked jia to the bridge to her hotel and then took the train back home.

i got back at like 3:30 pm. kevin and i meal planned and then we played some more steam games that he bought from the sale. i forgot which ones we tried out...but i know i really like gauntlet. after we gamed for a bit, we went grocery shopping. i felt really crappy for some reason. kevin also felt dizzy because we didn’t really eat lunch. we quickly finished shopping and then got back and i ate leftovers while kevin ate a rice box he got from kam man. kevin cooked some veggies as well. i coordinated with mindy and jia. it didn’t seem like we were going to see jia tonight so kevin and i picked up mindy from the airport via car. then we brought her back home and i just sat and talked with her. we almost forgot about food until mindy mentioned she was hungry. we ordered from fat cat and then drove over to pick up food. they both got lobster mac and cheese. mindy really liked it ;D we also got cajun fries haha. so we talked and ate and it was sooo nice. i missed mindy so much and i’m so glad that she came to visit :D lol we talked until like 2-3 am! it was crazy. i think i showered and both of us went to sleep. mindy stayed up a bit to skype with garrick but kevin and i ko’d at like 3 am. it was also mindy’s first time interacting with kevin?! i didn’t realize that haha.

29: whewwwww! we all woke up super late haha. i think i got up at around 10:30 am? i’m not sure. i asked mindy if she wanted to workout and she eventually got up and we went to the gym. we did a hiit/strength training workout and we died. omg, this video’s difficulty level is high (or i’m just not fit anymore lol). it was a 45 minute workout and we got through most of it, but skipped one set of a weighted move and went into abs and then stretching. we cooled off and then went back and i made us my fave smoothie, but with peanut butter powder! lol it tasted real health but mindy liked it :D she showered, i bothered kevin while he was rolling in bed, and then i showered and changed and we chilled for a bit. mindy got hungry so she ate her leftover lobster mac and i ate a sweet potato. then we took the train to copley and walked to fomu! fomu specializes in vegan ice cream and treats. i got a regular sized cup with a scoop of apple cider donut and magic bar -- the ice cream was soooo good. mindy said it tasted like a thick yogurt, which is true, but it was an alternative that tasted the most like ice cream imo. mindy got apple cider donut and chocolate pudding. omg, their pudding is sooo good. she also picked up treats for yuki :3

we stopped by some small shops and then went into copley place to use the restroom and look at bougie stores. we stopped in sur la table, which was a trap for mindy because she wanted everything LOL. i felt like i was there with kevin :P we found out that copley place is connected to the convention center jia was at AND it connected to the prudential mall?! lol. whutt. so we didn’t need to walk in the rain and got to the other mall i wanted to show mindy. today was weird because there were a lot of weird people outside and one person tried talking to mindy and we also saw two dogs poop in malls and idk .___. was it because it was the weekend to celebrate halloween? idk. anyway, we stopped by sugarfina and mindy got so excited. lol mindy is the most excitable guest i’ve had in boston :P then we stopped by kate spade so she could buy gifts for people. jia met us there and charged her phone in the store while we browsed. mindy got her stuff and then we went outside to make plans for dinner.

jia was indecisive as per usual and she ended up getting dinner with her coworkers and boss. mindy and i called an uber to neptune oyster and put our name down on the waitlist for a seat. the wait was 1 hour and 30 minutes so we walked around north end. we went to mike’s pastry, which wasn’t packed (weird) and mindy got a hazelnut cannoli. then we stopped by modern pastry and then sat down at thinking cup. she got coffee and i got tea and we just chilled there until we went back to check our spot in line. we got there right in time because a bunch of people finished eating and we got seated right away. mindy and i shared 6 oysters and hot and cold lobster rolls. their salad was bomb and the hot lobster roll was delicious! there was so much fresh lobster meat! the cold one didn’t have much flavor and the bread was very dry Dx we left asap and called a lyft home because it was pouring.

we got back and started playing ‘doki doki literature club’ and it got too real after an hour or so. o___o” i might be a bit traumatized. i qq’d after mindy went to shower because it was like 1 am and i was tired. kevin ate the lobster roll we got him and then cooked in the back and after, he retired to his room. jia came by from her dinner / event and actually got on the last train of the night. mindy, jia, and i talked. jia ate her lobster roll. i think this is where mindy and i got wonky from tiredness. lol. mindy rq’d and took a 45 minute nap before her flight. jia laid on the couch with her lololol but she stayed on her phone for a while. then i did some cleaning up and i went to shower. kevin was watching a stream in the room but went to sleep at like 2:30 am. i stayed up catching up on venmo stuff until mindy’s alarm rang and she got up to leave. she called a lyft and i hugged her goodbye. mindy is the chillest guest ever and we have lots more to do the next time she comes visit ;) jia decided to sleep for a few more hours and catch a train in the morning. i ended up sleeping at like 4 am to make sure mindy got to the airport safely and then i ko’d. zzzz. i was definitely wfh tomorrow.

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