#((hi I'm alive I promise! I really want to come back here when things settle but we could really use help in the mean time))

[originalcollectionartistry]

I always knew... SFW

Hey all!

I'm so sorry I haven't posted anything lately... things happened and I didn't have the energy to write.

Echo's sequel is coming, I just need to edit. I have a Tech fluff in the works and I promise I'll for Wrecker and Crosshair soon.

Anyway, here's a Hunter fic for you! I do have a smutty part 2 planned for this one, I just need the energy to write it.

CW: Angst, emotional torment, jealousy, idiots in love, protective Hunter, Hemlock trying to manipulate reader

Word count: 2673

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Once you had settled in Pabu, you thought the missions were over but no. You still went on missions for credits, or to help Phee retrieve some artifact. You didn’t mind, but it always felt like they were becoming more and more dangerous with less chance of all of you coming back alive. When you did all come back alive, it was a different opponent you silently fought on Pabu.

You didn’t know what it was about Shep’s sister-in-law that made your skin crawl. Only that she was a sweet talker and could manipulate very easily. Phee was always cordial with her, but Tech and Echo made their distrust very clear while being polite. What you didn’t like was how all over Hunter she was. Hunter never made it clear whether he was interested or not which made you on edge. The way she was flirting and touching him made you feel sick every time you saw it.

“You, okay?” Wrecker elbowed you, snapping you out of thought.

You looked around and saw everyone staring at you expectantly. Hunter’s face was set in an unreadable way, so you didn’t know if he was annoyed or concerned.

“Hm, yeah,” you smiled. “Just a bit tired. What did I miss?”

You were re-briefed on the newest mission and your role in it. You were to sneak with Tech and Echo to retrieve the information needed for Rex about Hemlock’s location on Tantiss while Hunter, Wrecker, Crosshair were to draw fire if it was needed, Phee was the getaway driver while Tech was occupied. While Echo plugged into the station, Tech would go on about decryption and you would scour for all relevant information as Echo transferred and moved files around, all while keeping the alarms off.

Hunter looked at you expectantly and you nodded. “Yes Hunter, I know what to do.”

“Alright. Let’s stock up and head out in 4 hours,” Hunter ordered.

You all dispersed to stock up on rations and equipment and as you left, you saw Meela saunter up to Hunter, practically laying herself on his chest. You heard her compliment his commandeering and how he was so strong for your team. You rolled your eyes as Hunter looked down at her and thanked her before taking her waist and moving her elsewhere. You gagged slightly before moving things onto the Marauder. Crosshair noticed and chuckled a little. Everyone knew of your crush on the sergeant but at your request (begging) the squad swore to not tell Hunter. Besides, it was best for him to figure it out on his own.

“You’re really not going to say anything?” the sniper snarked as he loaded his shooter above his bunk.

You glanced over from your spot, where you were loading rations into the compartments. You shook your head and kept quiet. You really didn’t want to have this conversation, especially with the chance Hunter might walk in at any time.

“Alright then. Keep your secrets sarad. He’ll find out eventually.”

Hunter joined you not long after. He made orders to move out earlier than expected. Wrecker shoved his equipment in the compartment before settling into his bunk, Echo and Tech finished upgrades on the ship and you closed your compartment to finish stocking once you were on the move.  

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“Gods sarad! Can’t you go faster?” Echo asked desperately. “They’ll be on us any second!”

“Two more seconds! I’ll find it!” You were frantically sorting through files while Tech decrypted everything. You made a sound of success and told Echo which one to grab.

The mission went wrong from the get-go. You weren’t counting on motion sensors or silent alarms. The Empire typically used overwhelming numbers and force to counter an opponent but this time it was a shock to you all when Crosshair commed almost instantly once you were inside that you needed to move fast as there were troops converging on your location. Hunter and Wrecker distracted some troops and drew their fire but there were still troops coming.

Echo disengaged from the station and Tech unplugged his datapad. You all drew your blasters and set out to rendezvous at the ship. You all ran frantically, exchanging blaster fire behind you.

You didn’t look where your foot landed and tripped, falling flat on your face. Echo and Tech paused, and you screamed at them to keep going. You’d be fine! The mission was more important. They hesitated but saw you get up before they were rushing off to the rendezvous point.

You got yourself up and shot the four troopers surrounding you. You ran to catch up, but a trooper was able to stun you from a blind spot. The last thing you saw was troopers surrounding you and picking you up before you blacked out.

This was not good. I’m sorry guys… I’m sorry Hunter.

______________________________________________________________

You had assumed you’d be transferred and thrown into a cell but as you walked around the room you’d been given, you wondered what Hemlock’s game was. You sat on the bed, hoping this wasn’t some sort of seduction tactic. Hemlock wasn’t your type. Your type was back on the Marauder, being flown back to Pabu to see his ill-defined girlfriend. Whether or not Hunter knew, you saw Meela draped over him in a supply closet before heading out and he had made no move to remove her. So, with a broken heart, you walked on, pretending to not see them.

“Still wondering if your clones will find you?” a voice resonated behind you.

You turned and found Hemlock standing in your entryway. He placed something on a shelf near the entranceway before approaching you, a smirk on his face.

You shrugged. “That depends entirely on if they got away or not. I told them the mission comes first and to not risk their lives for me. So, Royce Hemlock, if they escaped then they’ll probably return to our base. It’ll be a while before they notice I’m gone.” You hated saying it, but you felt it a little bit true. The batch had their own lives blooming, and you didn’t know if you were part of it.

“Hmm,” Hemlock mused. “It must be hard not knowing if you have a place with them. Not knowing if they value you to come for you.”

You raised a brow. Your boys cared for you as their own. You were a family. What in the Force was he talking about? They had to come back for you… right?

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“WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE’S NOT HERE?” Hunter roared. “You three were supposed to be here before any of us!”

Phee looked concerned, she’d never seen the boys this angry or upset before. You were clearly more important to them than they led on. She knew you were their medic and an integral party of their little family but with the way Hunter was acting and the others reacting, it was clear they cared for you much more than she thought.

“We have to go back for her!” Omega begged. She nearly lost Crosshair to the Empire. She wasn’t about to lose you too.

Tech sighed, “She was right behind us. She told us to keep moving after she fell, and we heard her breathing heavily behind us. Besides, we have no idea where she is. For all we know she’s been moved and detained. It’ll be more prudent to regroup and plan. Maybe she’ll find a way to escape and alert us.”

Hunter stared into one of the monitors on the ship, staring at the picture you all took of each other after a successful mission. Your smiling face, adrenaline filled eyes, messy braids, and everything about you. Over his dead body he’d abandon you now.

“We’re going back for her.” He growled. “Now.”

Tech looked at the ships communication system and noticed it flashing. “That may not be necessary. It seems she’s found us,” he said, noticing the comm channel matched yours.

Accepting the comm, Hunter’s face set in a hard line, seeing Hemlock’s face.

______________________________________________________________

Smirking in the clone’s face, Hemlock set the communicator down in a position that showed you and him in the bedroom. He wanted to play a game and let these clones know just how disposable they were to you.

“So,” Hemlock started, muting Hunter’s end of the call. “You believe the clones don’t care for you? That’s not like them. Their sense of family and loyalty is remarkably well-known.”

You grimaced, wanting him to stop talking. You knew that about clones. Everyone knew that about clones. You fought alongside them for 2 years. You knew the loyalty clones felt to each other and their generals; before Order 66 of course. It was their genetic specimen, Jango Fett, that gave them their sense of loyalty. Mandalorians were notorious for their family strength. It was like they were genetically incapable of not taking children under their wing or forming a family. You’d heard stories of Jango only wanting an unaltered clone to raise as his son, and other Mandalorians taking foundlings and orphans and giving them a home.

“You don’t need to remind me. I know them well enough.”

Smirking, Hemlock swiped a lock of hair behind your ear. “Oh, but you said you didn’t know if they noticed you were gone. Do you not feel a part of their little family?”

Wrecker and Omega were such mischiefs that you rarely saw them unless they were hungry and eating. Echo was usually on his own or with Rex, Tech was with Phee and Hunter… gods knew if he was with Meela a lot of the time. You made a face and Hemlock noticed the flare of anger in your eyes.

Looking over, he saw Hunter and Omega screaming silently from the comm, begging you to see them. The game the doctor was playing was deliciously agonising for them and he was loving it.

“Perhaps it’s time you found a new family. I’m always looking for an assistant. Especially one familiar with medical practices.”

You side-eyed the doctor, sensing the flirtation and desire to have you change to his team. To join the Empire.

“No. I have no desire to leave them. I just… It’s hard being in love with someone who doesn’t love you back. Especially when they love someone else.”

Smiling wider, he set his trap. “Ah, unrequited love. I’m guessing a certain sergeant hasn’t noticed your affections. They’re clear as day to everyone around you, how has he not noticed?”

Hunter was hitting the durasteel beside him, screaming for you to look at him.

“NO! Of course, I noticed! I could always sense it!”

The batch watched helplessly as their medic was interrogated and teased and their sergeant cried helplessly that he cared. They never noticed how sad you were, loving the security they had on Pabu. Crosshair grimaced, looking silently to Wrecker and Echo, both of whom knew like he did of your affections towards Hunter. They just never guessed how torturous it was for you to keep it hidden. You wore your heart on your sleeve, hiding your feelings must've been draining.

“I always knew… I just didn’t want to risk losing you…” Hunter felt useless and powerless. He wanted to scoop you up and hold you tightly, promising that you’d never feel this way again. They failed you; Hunter failed you. They failed in making you know and assuring you of your place with them and their love for you.

You scowled. How dare this small man try and worm his way into your good graces through false sympathy. “I don’t know what your game is Hemlock. But regardless of my feelings, my sergeant is happy with his partner and the others are content. As long as he’s happy with Meela, I don’t care how I feel.”

Hunter’s head shot up. Meela? You thought he was with Meela? Meela was the one hitting on him! He never cared about Meela! He just didn’t want to hurt anyone so restrained himself from touching her, even if to remove her from his space. He couldn’t bear to even be near the woman with how thick she laid it on, regardless of his rejections. He had told Meela many times that he wasn’t interested and that his sights were set on someone else, but she wouldn’t let up. When she came onto him that day in the supply closet, he was sure if he pushed her away, he’d push her into the wall and cause injury.

“I mean, Meela is lithe and beautiful and smart and witty and quick.” You ran your hand through your hair, messing it and giving Hemlock a sense that you were losing control of yourself. “I mean, she’s the whole package! Who am I to that? Just some civilian that was assigned to them. They didn’t even need me!”

How could you say that? Of course, they needed you! You made the team better! They would probably be all dead if not for you! Hunter’s fists were tightening until he could feel himself leaving indents under his body glove.

“Tech is the smartest man alive! He was perfectly capable of acting medic without me!” Tears bloomed in your eyes, hating how easy this man was pulling these fears out of you… supposedly.

Hemlock smiled in Hunter’s direction, loving the look of helplessness in the clone’s eyes.

“Sounds like they took advantage of you and your talents.” He wiped a tear from your cheek. “A lovely young woman such as you? Anyone would be lucky to have the honor of your affections.”

Sighing, you allowed yourself to decompress. “No… they never did that. It was wartime. I was never a priority. Love was never a priority, not even for me.”

Hemlock was getting frustrated with you. Every time you would walk into his trap, you’d slide yourself out of it. Which was the game you were playing.

You clued into what his intentions were pretty quickly. The good doctor wanted to make you insecure and question your place with Clone Force 99 so you would join him and gain a sense of security. It was very amusing to you, to see him start to flounder. He kept trying to set you up to become sad and turn against your family and it was so funny to you. As insecure as you were about your place with the batch, they were loyal to you and you to them.

Eventually you saw the communicator by the door and saw Hunter near tears and you realized he heard everything you’d said. You smiled and subtly nodded to him, letting him know you were okay. Your family was coming for you, and you’d wait for them forever.

“Well,” Hemlock stood, smoothing his robes out. “I’ll leave you to your thoughts. We shall see if your clones come rescue their medic.” He “calmly” stormed out, gripping his gloved hand in anger. As much as he wanted to hurt you, you were more valuable alive and well and could bargin.

“Tech, you get those coordinates?” Hunter asked frantically. He wasn’t going to make you wait anymore then you had to.

Nodding, Tech quickly punched them into the navigation system and set off to your location.

Hunter had a new mission now. His mission was to bring you home, tell you his feelings and love you for the rest of his life. He had been yours for years now; since the Clone Wars started and since you were assigned as their medic. Your loving nature, wit, intelligence, charisma, and so much of you and who you were made Hunter weak in the knees. As your commanding officer, Hunter had to maintain a distance and so while he made it clear he cared for you as a part of the squad, he made sure to swallow his feelings, so he didn’t compromise you.

Settling in his seat, he swore that would change. He would ask to make you his and love you for as long as time allowed him.

I’m coming cyare. I’ll find you soon.

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I hope you all like it! I took some inspiration from @arctrooper69 series "As iron sharpens iron" which is awesome and y'all should read it! (I hope thats okay!)

Anyway, like I said above, I do have a smutty part 2 planned but life has overwhelmed me so it might be a hot minute for that!

Enjoy!!

[alienoresimagines]

What if John was never shot down ? (Gale edition)

Here are the HCs for how I think Gale would've dealt if John had never been shot down 😊 Also I'm terrible at prioritizing so this will be a fic, I promise :) Again, lots of Angst (John HCs here)

MOTA masterlist

From the moment he gives the order to bail out until he makes it to the camp, he only has one thought : Bucky

He's absolutely terrified but the only thing he can think of is that if he dies now, Bucky'd never know what exactly happened

He's torn between being grateful that Bucky's in London because that means John doesn't see him go down or see him not come back to Thorpe Abbotts and regretting having sent him to London because he knows Bucky will be crushed

He spends most of his time worrying about Bucky, Bucky who he'd left to relax in London because he needed a break and to whom Gale had promised he'd be there to welcome him back but instead he gets shot down

And Buck knows John, he knows sometimes he's the only one who can really get through to him

He knows John's reckless, even more so lately and he's scared of what John'd do when he learns that he went down, especially since he'll either be put down as MIA or KIA

That being said, the thought of going back to Bucky keeps him going

It's the memory of John's smile, the lingering touches and the hopeful look in his eyes that make Gale takes a step forward and then another, it's what makes him stand back up after being lynched, what keeps him upright during the awful train ride

During his interrogation, he imagines what Bucky'd say if he was here, mouthing off the German officer. It's the only thing that makes it slightly bearable

Once he arrives at the camp, he busies himself with settling him and his boys. He tries not to think of Bucky too much but he feels his absence like a gaping hole in his side. It's just too quiet without his quips, too cold without his arm around his shoulders. At night, he lays awake wondering about Bucky, who's surely heard by now

And then, Brady and Crank arrives. Without John

He's heartbroken to hear the state Bucky was in, and he can only imagine how he's handling the flak house, where he can't be useful like John always needs to be

But he is slightly relieved to know he wasn't flying, because if Bucky is reckless on a good day, he doesn't want to imagine what he's like when grieving. He wants to shout loud enough that Bucky'd hear me from England to let him know he's alive

But then he realises that he will never know if Bucky goes down. He'll never know if he's cleared for duty and flies missions again or if he's sent to do a desk job or sent home

The thought is terrifying. It's only been two months but it's already the longest they've been apart since meeting

As months go by, his relief that Bucky isn't there grows because if the life in camp is unbearable for him, he knows John'd go mad

Still he anxiously waits at the fence for each new arrivals

But in the darkest hours of the night, shivering in his bunk and so, so alone, he allows himself to wish, selfishly, that Bucky was here because even when John had more bad days than good, seeing him and talking to him was always the best part of Gale's days

He's unbalanced too. The reason why they are such good leaders together is because they are good leaders on their own, yes, but mostly because when one falters the other is always here to be strong

But John isn't here and Buck is the only major here for their boys. He convinces himself he's not allowed to falter, that he needs to be constantly strong and here for his boys

Doesn't hesitate to give some if not all of his food rations and blanket to those he thinks need it

He doesn't allow himself to imagine Bucky but they've spent so much time together he can hear what Bucky'd say sometimes

He aches with how much he misses him and needs him

Having the radio work soothes that ache a bit, he feels closer to John listening to the BBC and imagines that they're both listening to it at the same time. Other times he stays awake to look at the moon and hopes Bucky is too

The thing is, they're good friends because they see each other, past any facade the other might put. But John is the only one Gale allows to see him so he really has no one to be vulnerable with, no matter how many times Benny, Brady or Crank offer

They can see Buck is withering away, he's the one to lose the most weight out of all of them

He doesn't speak about how he got to the camp but the scars on his cheeks say it wasn't pleasant

Still he bottles it up and doesn't accept comfort because that would mean faltering, and he needs to be a leader, not a friend

When the cold settles until it's too cold to be sleeping alone, Benny and Brady offer to have Gale bunk with them and assure them they can fit 3

And while Buck has no doubt about that, the mere idea of touching so much nearly has him throw up. He likes them, they're his friends, but they've never touched him for more than a shoulder bump and the hug they shared when they reunited in the camp

The truth is, he's as touch-staved as he is repulsed by touch. Gale knows the only one he'd be comfortable touching so much for so long is John

He declines the offer so each pair of men gives him one of their blankets and absolutely refuses to accept when he tries to give them back

So he still shivers, but he doesn't freeze to death

The boys try to get him to eat more, Benny shoots him a glare whenever he tries to offer his food away but he still fades away

Receiving the letter from Bucky saves him because, even if he reads between the lines, it means Bucky's okay enough to be back at base. John's waiting for him, Gale has now tangible proof of that so he takes care of himself a bit more, and only lightly flushes when reading John berating him for not having done so in favor of others

It becomes a weapon : "C'mon Buck, you have to eat all your portions, what would Bucky say if he knew ?" and "Hey Buck, if you try to give your food away one more time, I'm writing Bucky and we both know he'd parachute himself right over here to spoonfeed you if he has to"

Writing to Bucky lights a fire in him that gets him through the march

He's determined to go back to him and he escapes with Brady and Crank, Benny choosing to stay with the Tuskegees (Macon/Benny you will always be famous)

His heart shatters upon discovering John's lucky deuce in his footlocker and seeing the obvious care with which his stuff has been handled because he can only imagine how John felt

Tears up a bit when hearing John's voice for the first time in years and nearly falls to his knees when he's finally in John's arms again, trusting John to keep him upright

He has John promise to be the stone in his shoe, always, meaning "please don't let me go ever again" and by the way Bucky's grip on his waist and back of his head tightens, he got the message

Soaks up all the affection John gives him, even if a bit overwhelming at times

He flinches once and Bucky looked so hurt, nearly fleeing to the other side of the room so he wouldn't hurt Gale again

After that he initiates contact too but nothing too big, more like linking their pinkies together under a table. To let Bucky know that he needs that grounding and loving touch, that Bucky's touch is the only one that doesn't feel like a burn but rather like the golden warmth of spring when the sun finally shines after months of rain

Cries more than he has in years when he and Bucky talk a bit more about their experience and apologies for having gone down though Bucky will never let him finish that sentence

They both have separation anxiety after that but they're never going to let each other go again so they'll work it out and heal together :)

Let me know if you have more!

[ladykailitha]

Grief (A Friend Indeed) Part 10

Just two more chapters to go and then this little story is done. I'm glad I wrote it. It was very cathartic for me. I hope it brought some comfort to you too.

Here we find out who Steve has been grieving this whole time and that Eddie mourned them too.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9

****

Steve was quiet and contemplative on the trip back. And Eddie let him be. That was quite the roller coaster of emotion he had gone through and he knew Steve needed time to sort out all of his thoughts and feelings.

As they neared Ashland, Eddie asked, “Are you okay? It got pretty heavy back there.”

“Sorry,” Steve murmured.

“I wasn’t asking for forgiveness,” Eddie admonished gently. “I was asking if you were okay.”

Steve sighed. “I guess I just had so many things bottled up that it all came out in a rush.”

“So talk to me,” Eddie said softly. “I know you think you can’t talk to anyone else because they’re all younger than you. But I’m not. So spill.”

Steve let out a long shuddering breath as if he had been holding it in for years.

“It’s just there have only ever been two adults involved in the whole Upside Down shit,” Steve murmured. “Well, there have been others, but either they haven’t been trustworthy or they’ve died. And I’m not going to lie and say I’m not bitter about Mrs Byers taking her family out to California and leaving me as the remaining adult.”

“Oh shit,” Eddie said softly. He hadn’t even thought about that. “That wasn’t right. I get she was trying to get Will and El as far away from Hawkins as she could, but considering the frequency of the U.D. coming back, it does seem selfish when looked at from your point of view.”

“El wasn’t the only one grieving Hopper’s death,” Steve spat out. “Why were only her feelings taken into consideration? Why was his funeral ‘a private family’ affair instead of one benefiting a hero where the whole town could attend? Why was El the first one that got to see him? Why did it take days before anyone else was informed?”

Eddie saw a shoulder and pulled off onto it, the Bimmer crunching the gravel as it slowed to a stop.

“It must have been so hard on you,” Eddie murmured. “You mentioned back at the diner that he always looked out for you and then suddenly he was gone and no one thought to ask you if you needed time to grieve, right?”

Steve nodded. “I just felt so stupid after it was announced that he was alive, you know? Like how dare I mourn someone who hadn’t even died. But I thought that once everything settled down we would get a chance to talk, but nope. He went off to California with the Byers. They’re supposed all be back before school starts, but who knows if that’s even true.”

“Steve it isn’t stupid you grieved,” Eddie murmured. “But I bet if you told him what you’ve been feeling, he’d pretty upset that he hurt you like that.”

Tears started streaming down Steve’s face. “I just want to be loved as much I love them, is that really too much to ask for?”

Eddie unbuckled his seatbelt and pulled him in for a hug. “Of course it’s not. And I don’t doubt if you stopped to really think about it you can name at least a half a dozen people who love you as much as you love them.”

Steve let out a watery chuckle. “I could probably fill up all ten of my fingers, if I was honest to myself.”

Eddie wiped away his tears. “There you have it, big boy. But it’s okay to cry and if you feel like you need to fall apart, call me. I’ll come over with beer, weed, and bad horror films to mock until you laugh.”

Steve wiped his nose on his arm. “You promise?”

Eddie leaned back far enough to hold up his pinkie. “I pinkie promise.”

Steve hooked his finger around Eddie’s and shook on it.

“You ready to face the road again?” Eddie asked.

Steve nodded. After a moment or two of silence, he spoke up. “You remember when ‘fake’ cried for Keith?” He used his fingers around the word fake to put it into air quotes.

Eddie, who was about to pull into traffic again, cut the engine. “Holy shit. It was Hopper, wasn’t it? That’s who you were remembering.”

Steve nodded. “It’s easy to cry when thinking about him, you know?”

“Because it’s new and even though he’s not dead, you never got your resolution?”

Steve nodded again. “I just feel so selfish about the whole thing, you know. He wasn’t my dad. I wasn’t related to him in anyway. But I thought I meant something to him, you know?”

Eddie turned the car back on and eased into traffic. “I’m sure you meant a lot to him, but there could be extenuating circumstances that prevented him from expressing that. Like I said before, I bet if you told him how you felt he’d be gutted.”

Steve just shrugged.

Eddie glanced over at him and then back at the road. “You tell anyone about this and I’ll tell Dustin about the time you flirted with his mom to get the brownie recipe.”

Steve’s went wide. “That was not flirting! I was just buttering her up a bit. That’s not the same thing.”

“Oh I know that,” Eddie said with a grin. “But would Dustin know the difference?”

Steve thought about it for a moment. “You drive a hard bargain, Lord Eddie.”

Eddie giggled. “You know, sometimes I forget you like ‘Star Wars’, you just aren’t great with their titles.”

“The third one is my favorite, after all.”

Eddie cleared his throat. “So back when I was just little metalhead, dealing for the first time one of my best customers was the Chief.”

Steve blinked. “Oh wait, I think I did hear something about that. I’m surprised he wasn’t fired.”

Eddie shrugged. “He wasn’t up for re-election. Sheriffs are elected. And small town like Hawkins, change is difficult. Hop would have to straight up murder babies in town hall and smear their blood over the church walls to get people to not vote for him.”

Steve snorted. “I doubt even then. It would take him being soft on homosexuals before they ousted him.”

Eddie laughed. “You’ve got me there.”

Steve smiled at him.

“So,” Eddie continued, “the reason I bring it up is that despite what people think, I’ve never been arrested for dealing and Rick hadn’t either until Hop ‘died’.”

Steve straightened up in his seat. “What do you mean?”

“Hop always said it was better to steer Rick away from certain places because he could,” Eddie said, “then it was to arrest him and have an all out war with the new supplier.”

Steve’s eyes went wide. “That’s why Rick didn’t get arrested until Powell took over because he didn’t have the same philosophy that Hop did.”

“Right in one,” he said. “And it did get bad with people trying to fill the void he left behind. Uncle Wayne convinced to stop selling once I was out until Rick was released because I couldn’t trust the new suppliers not to cut their shit with something dangerous.”

“Holy shit, yeah,” Steve agreed. “So why are you telling me this?”

“Because Hop looked out for me, too,” Eddie said. “Especially when my old man rolled into town. He would make sure he got to the carnage first and made sure I never got a record.”

Steve scratched his cheek thoughtfully. “That makes since I always wondered why the police or Jason never brought up your arrest record. It’s because Hop made sure you never got one.”

“So this is me saying,” Eddie finished, “I get it. I get mourning him. Because in my own way I mourned him, too. Because between Hop and Uncle Wayne they made sure I could get out of Hawkins when the time came.”

“This is exactly why I pushed for a public funeral,” Steve grumbled, sinking back into his seat and crossing his arms. “I don’t know who had the final say on that, but it makes me mad that just because they didn’t have a body people in town wouldn’t want to come see anyway. It blows.”

“Here’s that,” Eddie agreed.

Too soon they were pulling up the Nelsons’ and the sun was starting to set.

By silent agreement they both got out of the car and sat on Steve’s hood to watch the sunset in a beautiful array of blues and purples until the sky darkened and the stars came out.

“Thank you for today,” Steve murmured. “For all of it. Getting me out here, taking me to my grandmother’s grave, sitting with me when I talked to Uncle Percy. Helping me with my grief even though yours is far more fresh and painful than mine.”

“Grief is grief, Stevie,” Eddie murmured. “You don’t get to decide when it heals over. You were there for me when my dad showed up, so I was more than happy to return the favor with your family.”

“Thanks, man,” Steve said.

“So...” Eddie said. “You want to tell me why you and your uncle weren’t keen to let your other uncle see you?”

Steve snorted. “He’s the one that was the most against my mom getting any kind of inheritance. He didn’t think she should have gotten anything because she was a girl child. He kept saying that she got her money in the form of the lavish wedding she had when she married my dad.”

He ran his fingers through his hair.

“He’s sued her at least three times that I know of. If he had seen me he would have started screaming about how my mom didn’t deserve that money and that I was just as complicit in its ‘theft’ as she was.”

“But he got the house or whatever it was, right?” Eddie asked.

He nodded. “Yeah and the two acres of land it sits on. If he were to sell it would go for at least a few million, easy.”

“I’ll bet,” Eddie said, whistling long and low. “Which means Percy got the business?”

“Which another thing that upset Uncle Jasper,” Steve said. “But Uncle Percy is the oldest and had the best business sense, but he can’t let it go that he thinks his siblings got the better deal.”

“I heard this quote once about how some people are content in life, but that others just can’t be. That they will always seek more. Nothing will ever be enough.”

“Uncle Jasper is definitely one of those.”

Penny poked her head out the front door. “Come on in, boys, it’s really getting late.”

Eddie and Steve stood up and walked back into the house, feeling lighter then they had since before March.

****

Pt 11|Pt 12

Tag List: @spectrum-spectre @estrellami-1 @zerokrox-blog @artiststarme @swimmingbirdrunningrock @gregre369 @pyrohonk ​@a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @chaoticlovingdreamer @messrs-weasley @goodolefashionedloverboi @maya-custodios-dionach @val-from-lawrence @i-must-potato @danili666 @carlyv @rozzieroos @emly03 @wonderland-girl143-blog @justforthedead89 @bookworm0690 @itsall-taken @bookbinderbitch @redfreckledwolf @vecnuthy @littlewildflowerkitten @scheodingers-muppet @mira-jadeamethyst @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @gutterflower77 @genderless-spoon @hel-spawn @ellietheasexylibrarian @anne-bennett-cosplayer @mamafaithful @yikes-a-bee @dragonmama76 @flaming-reauxster @r0binscript @awkotaco24 @ilikeititspretty

[mcntsee]

Letters to her

prologue

summary: kaz’s letter to y/n throughout the years.

warnings: Kaz’s past is kinda mentioned, mentions of death, cursing

note: I tried to express kaz’s feelings and growth with every start and finish of all the letters, hopefully you guys understand it too. I added a little something at the end, hope you enjoy! <3333

first letter:

Deer y/n

My da said you can came come play wheneber you want to come play with my me again can you please come play with me soon pleas?

I miss you and Jordie miss and da and the little kitteny miss you we all misses you very much

Love Kaz!

(I drawed a pist picture of you and me and spots playing)

2nd letter

Dear Y/N,

I hope you're doing okay. I wanted to say a big thank you for being there when we said bye to my da. It made me feel better knowing you were there, even though it was kinda sad.

Guess what? Jordie said we're gonna move to Ketterdam. He says it's cause he wants me to go to a good school there. I'm not sure about leaving this house, but Jordie says it'll be good for us.

The cool part is that you live in Ketterdam! That means we can hang out more and play together. Remember when we used to build forts in the living room and pretend we were pirates? Maybe we can do that in Ketterdam too.

I'll miss this house a bit because it's where we played hide and seek and had ice cream parties, but I think Ketterdam will be fun too. And I'm really happy cause we'll get to see each other more often!

I will see you soon, okay?

Love, Kaz!

3rd letter

Dear y/n,

I'm really, really sorry I haven't come to see you yet. It's not 'cause I don't want to, I promise. You're still my bestest friend ever. It's just that things got a little crazy since we arrived.

Jordie met this guy named Jacob Hertzoon. And guess what? Jacob offered us a whole bunch of money for our house! Jordie said it's a really good thing 'cause we can use the money for important stuff. But it also means we're super busy.

I didn't want you to think I forgot about you or anything. I miss you a lot and I still want to see you and play together. Maybe once we're all settled in our new place and get the money, we can have a big adventure like we used to.

Thanks for being the best friend ever. I promise we'll hang out soon, okay?

Love, Kaz!

4th letter

Y/N,

Are you okay? Please write back! Jordie is gone. I need to know you're alive.

Kaz.

5th letter

Y/N,

I heard you went on quite the journey to Shu Han just to retrieve my cane. I assume the trip was bearable. Your efforts are appreciated.

It's curious how life unfolds, isn't it? One day we're children playing in the streets, the next we're scattered across the world for various reasons. Yet, here we are, still connected by some thread of familiarity.

I imagine you'll return from your expedition when the time is right. Until then, business with the dregs continues as usual. The city keeps turning, and so do its dealings. As for me, well, I have my own matters to attend to as soon as I’m able to walk again.

- K.B.

First note

Get well soon! Let me know if you need anything else.

- Love, Y/n!

6th letter

Y/N,

Your letter reached me, and I must admit, it contained more substance than I anticipated. Word travels fast in the Barrel, and it seems that Haskell has taken quite an interest in your recent endeavors. His words carry weight, though they seldom come without a price.

If his assessment holds true, and you manage to prove your worth in the upcoming job, it could indeed elevate you within the ranks. Haskell’s recognition of your potential is both promising and concerning. The higher one climbs, the more treacherous the fall can be.

In the midst of this, know that I await your return.

May you navigate these challenges with the same tenacity that has carried you thus far. I wish you the best of luck, Y/N. Tread carefully.

- K.B

7th letter

Y/N,

You certainly have a talent for uncovering promising recruits. Jesper Fahey. The word on the street is that he’s got a steady aim that’s worth noticing. The skills he possesses could indeed be valuable, particularly in the line of work we find ourselves engaged in.

However, I must tread cautiously when it comes to individuals entangled in debts and vices. Jesper Fahey, from what I’ve heard, is no stranger to gambling. His tendency to wager recklessly has garnered quite a reputation, one that isn’t entirely favorable. The loyalty of a man buried under the weight of debts is a precarious matter. Whether his skills can outweigh the burden of his choices remains to be seen.

Your perspective on recruits is valued, and I’ll certainly keep a watchful eye on Fahey. I trust your judgment, and I’m willing to entertain the possibility. In the midst of all this, remember that your return is anticipated and your presence missed.

Return safely,

K.B.

8th letter

Y/N,

Do you remember Jesper? It’s almost comical how, after discussing him in my last letter, fate seemed to conspire to validate our conversation. Not long after I sent those words to you, I found myself intervening to prevent Jesper from getting himself thoroughly thrashed due to his gambling debts.

I hope I’ve made the right call by extending a hand to Jesper. It’s a calculated risk, one that I’m hoping will pan out in our favor. There’s potential there, no doubt, but potential doesn’t always translate into reliability.

This letter is short, I know, but I will tell you more about it when you come back.

Stay safe,

K.B

9th letter

Y/n,

It’s been days since your last communication, and the weight of uncertainty presses heavily on me. The quiet absence of your presence has stirred an unease I’m not accustomed to.

I’ve seen you handle insane odds, and I know you’re more than capable. But here I am. My mind keeps wandering to places I’d rather it not go, imagining scenarios that could have unfolded, and none of them are sitting well with me.

I hope that this silence is a result of strategic detachment, that you’re immersed in the intricacies of the job and haven’t had a moment to spare for correspondence.

I’m not accustomed to this vulnerability, nor do I care for it. Yet, here I am, plagued by the absence of information. I ask you, if you’re able, to dispel this uncertainty. A simple message, a token of reassurance – anything to quell this rising tide of apprehension.

I await word from you with an intensity I hadn’t thought possible. May it come soon.

Expectantly,

K.B

10th letter

Y/N,

I received the coat you sent, and I must admit, it's a rare occasion when I'm at a loss for words. It's unlike anything I would've chosen for myself, yet somehow, it feels surprisingly fitting. I can't deny its utility either – I appreciate it.

Jesper and Nina have managed to cultivate a special talent for driving me to the brink of exasperation. Their camaraderie is both amusing and bewildering, a chaotic symphony that I'm still attempting to decipher.

Today was no different. Jesper's antics at the club bordered on audacious, and Nina's unbridled laughter was enough to turn heads in our direction. As I tried to navigate the sea of chaos they create, I found myself, unusually, yearning for a return to some semblance of normalcy.

I must confess, the prospect of your return holds an allure I hadn't anticipated. There's a steadiness in your presence, an understanding that's often a rare commodity in these tumultuous times. The chaos, the hustle – they feel more manageable when you're around.

Till then, I'll persevere in the sea of antics that Jesper and Nina stir up, counting down the days until your return.

Until then,

Kaz

11th letter

Y/N,

Your mention of the jurda parem caught my attention, no doubt about it. It’s a name that carries weight, and I’ve got a feeling we’re treading on some dangerous ground here. It’s the kind of thing that’s best left untouched until we’ve got a better handle on what it entails.

Listen, I won’t preach, but I’ve got to say it – be careful and keep an eye out for trouble. The city’s not known for being kind to those who don’t tread carefully, and I’d hate to see you caught in something you didn’t see coming.

I’ve got a job for you. One that’s right up your alley. It’s always better discussing these things face to face, so when you can, make your way back. The sooner, the better.

Until then,

Kaz

12th letter

Y/N,

I’ve never been one for words, as you well know. My tongue seems to have a mind of its own, often saying the wrong things at the wrong time. And when it comes to matters like these, I’ve found that my eloquence takes a swift exit.

So, here I am, writing this letter in hopes that the words come out right, that they somehow capture what I’m feeling. I’ve spent years navigating the intricacies of this city, and yet the complexities of my own emotions have managed to elude me.

I’ve always valued our connection, from those early days of childhood mischief to the present. You’ve been a constant in my life, someone whose presence brings a sense of order to the chaos that surrounds us. And somewhere along the way, that bond transformed into something deeper, something I’ve been grappling with.

I find myself wanting to say more, to articulate the thoughts that remain half-formed in my mind. But it’s difficult, Y/N, and this letter might be the best I can manage.

What I’m trying to say is that you’ve become more than a friend, more than a partner in crime. There’s a depth to my feelings that I’m only beginning to understand. And if I’m being truly honest, I’d like to explore where this path might lead.

I understand if you need time, if my sudden candor is a lot to process. But I wanted to put these thoughts down, to let you know where my heart is at. And if you’re open to it, if you’ve felt even a fraction of what I’ve been feeling, then maybe we can navigate this new terrain together.

Kaz.

Second note

I’d like to explore where this path might lead too.

Love, y/n!

13th letter

Y/N,

I can't thank you enough for stepping in when I couldn't. I hope the contractor in Lij wasn’t hard to handle.

Now, I have a proposal of a different kind. How about we put our skills to use in a more relaxed setting? I'd like to take you out to dinner. No heists, no secret dealings, just you and me, navigating the menu instead of the back alleys.

I've made reservations for us at a place that's a bit more reputable than the Barrel's taverns. Consider it a step toward normalcy, a chance to enjoy an evening without looking over our shoulders.

Looking forward to your return,

Kaz

14th letter

Dear Y/N,

Your letter reached me, and I've got to say, the way you put it into words – how much you miss me – it hits home. The distance is a constant reminder of the warmth I've grown accustomed to, and I find myself missing you more than I thought possible.

This job is driving me insane, and my thoughts often wander back to Ketterdam, back to you. It's like a pull, a magnetic force that tugs me back to the life we've been building together.

I bought something with me – a box of those chocolates you can't seem to get enough of. The catch? I'm hoping they survive the journey and don't turn into a gooey mess.

I want you to know that with every sunrise and sunset that passes, I'm getting more restless to return to the city that's been our canvas, our backdrop. Until then, my thoughts are with you, and I'm eagerly counting down the days until I can wrap my arms around you again.

With all my longing,

Kaz

3rd note

I apologize, it seems the chocolates didn’t fare too well. I hope they’re still somewhat salvageable and that they manage to satisfy your sweet tooth.

- Kaz

15th letter

Dear Y/N,

I hope this letter finds you on the mend, wrapped in warmth and taking good care of yourself. It pains me to know you're unwell while I'm away, unable to offer even the smallest comfort.

My love, get well soon. I miss your laughter, your presence – they're a part of my life I can't bear to be without for long. The distance feels heavier when I know you're not well.

Today, during the heist, I saw a small brown cat with delicate white spots. The sight of it was like a reminder of simpler times, of moments when things were less complex. It stirred memories of my old cat "Spots," whose antics used to provide a reprieve from the realities of the Barrel.

As I look around, I find myself yearning for the day when I'll return to Ketterdam. Until then, my thoughts are with you, my love. Rest well, recover soon, and know that I will be there soon.

With all my affection,

Kaz

16th letter

Dearest Y/N,

There are times in life when words are inadequate, when even the most eloquent phrases fall short of capturing the depth of one's emotions. Today is one such day, and I find myself grappling with a sentiment that defies my usual precision.

I love you, Y/N. There, I've said it, though the words seem almost insufficient to convey the weight of my feelings. You've woven your presence into the very fabric of my being, and I find that I'm navigating uncharted territory, stumbling upon emotions that have long remained dormant.

In a world marked by uncertainties, you've become my constant, the one I turn to when the winds of the Barrel grow fierce. I cherish our bond, our shared history, and the future we're forging together.

As the days pass, my conviction only grows stronger. You've touched a part of me I thought was unreachable, and I find myself grateful for the warmth you've brought into my life.

Love,

Kaz

4th note

I love you too, more than words can express.

- Love, y/n!

17th letter

My Love,

I've stumbled upon something while on my trip to Lij, a revelation that caught me by surprise. My old house is up for sale. I confess, it's a notion that's been hovering in the back of my mind, a possibility I've been toying with.

And then, as if fate had a hand to play, it occurred to me – what if we made it our own? Y/N, would you consider it? The thought of creating new memories in a space that's intertwined with my past is something that holds a certain allure. A place where we could carve out our own sanctuary, away from the schemes and chaos that surround us.

If this notion speaks to you, let me know. It's a step I'd only take with you, a shared decision that would mark a new chapter in our journey together.

Love,

Kaz

18th letter

This is to certify that Y/N L/N and Kaz Brekker is (are) now registered as the absolute proprietor(s) of the land comprised in the above-mentioned title, subject to the entries in the register relating to the land and to such of the overriding interests set out in section 30 of the Registered Land Act as may for the time being subsist and affect the land.

Kaz Brekker __________

19th letter

My love Y/N,

I hope this letter finds you in good spirits, even though I’m far away in Shu Han. I wanted to share something with you – I stumbled upon the perfect dining table. It’s a piece that seems to embody the essence of what we’ve built together, a symbol of the life we’re crafting, even from a distance.

As I stand here, thousands of miles away, my thoughts are never far from Ketterdam, from you. Every corner of the city is a reminder of our shared journey, of the future we’re molding. And with every passing day, I find myself longing to return, to be by your side again.

The plans we’ve made, the dreams we’ve spun – they’re a driving force, propelling me forward through the challenges that Shu Han presents. I promise you, Y/N, I’ll be back soon enough.

Until then, know that you’re in my thoughts, my heart, every moment of the day.

With all my affection,

Kaz

20th letter

Love,

I’ve come across some interesting information that might be of use to you. It seems that there’s a rumor circulating about a certain merchant in the Fifth Harbor. This merchant, it’s said, has been trying to make deals with both the Merchants Council and the Whitecrows, something that has my interest piqued.

I’ve also managed to uncover some details about a potential source of counterfeit currency that might be making its way into the hands of certain unsavory individuals. The source, surprisingly, seems to be tied to a printing press hidden away in the Barrel. It’s a curious development, one that could have far-reaching consequences.

And finally, I’ve received word that a shipment of goods has gone missing from a storage warehouse near the docks. This might not seem significant at first glance, but it’s the timing that intrigues me. A missing shipment, coupled with the merchant’s deals and the counterfeit currency – it’s all connected, I’m certain of it.

Stay vigilant, stay cautious. And know that even in the midst of our separate tasks, you’re in my thoughts.

I miss you, and I love you.

Love,

Kaz

21st letter

Y/N,

Listen to me, and listen carefully. You need to come back to Ketterdam, now. What you walked into, it was a trap – calculated, deliberate. I can’t explain it all in this letter, but trust me when I say your safety is in jeopardy.

I don’t care what you’re in the middle of, what plan you’re executing – drop it, and make your way back. I can’t lose you, not now, not like this. The threat is real, and the longer you stay where you are, the more danger you’re in.

I’m begging you, Y/N, hurry back. We can sort through the details, I’ll explain everything, but right now, all that matters is your safety. Don’t delay, don’t second-guess. Just come back.

Kaz

22nd letter

Love,

I’m pleading with you, begging you to reach out, to let me know you’re safe. This silence, it’s a torment I can’t bear. Every thought is tinged with worry, and I find myself grappling with scenarios that are far too grim.

I don’t care about the details, the reasons – they pale in comparison to my overwhelming need to know you’re okay. We’ve faced down darkness together, navigated treacherous waters, and I can’t accept the idea of you being lost in the midst of it all.

Please, Y/N, come back to Ketterdam. If you’re reading this, if you’re anywhere, find a way to let me know you’re alive. I’ll make sense of the rest later. Just, my love, come back to me.

Kaz

23rd letter

Y/N,

I can’t wait any longer. The silence is a weight on my chest, a suffocating reminder of the unknown. I’ve agonized, I’ve begged, and still, there’s no word from you. It’s time I take matters into my own hands.

Please, hold on. I’m coming. I hope you’re okay, I hope you’re just out of reach, waiting for me to catch up. It’s a risk I have to take.

I love you.

Stay strong, my love. I’m on my way.

24th letter

My Dearest Y/N,

It's been a week since you left us, a week of darkness and aching emptiness that nothing can fill. I know you won't get this letter, that these words will remain suspended in the void, but I find myself needing to put them down, needing to release the feelings that have taken hold of me.

The pain is suffocating, a weight that's settled into my bones. I still can't grasp the reality, can't accept that you're gone, that your light has been extinguished. It's a void that stretches beyond comprehension, a void I'm stumbling through.

The memories are a double-edged sword. They're a balm, a reminder of the moments we shared, of your laughter, your warmth. But they're also a blade, a reminder of what's been taken from us, of the future that was stolen away.

I want you to know, even though you'll never read these words – I love you. I always have, and I always will. You were more than a partner, more than a confidant. You were my anchor, my solace, my reason to keep pushing forward.

It's impossible to fathom life without you, Y/N. Your absence leaves a void that can never be filled. I can only hope that wherever you are, you're at peace, free from the pain that's gripped my heart.

Until we meet again, my love,

Kaz

25th letter

My dearest Y/N,

Six months have passed, and the ache of your absence has only deepened. The city, our city, is a different place without you. The crows, the ones you brought together, are slowly finding their separate paths, their separate destinies. It's as if the world itself is reshaping in your absence.

I found the little box where you kept all those letters. Your letters, my words – I'm surprised, in a way, that you kept them all. It's a piece of you that I'll treasure forever.

It's in these moments of solitude that I find myself yearning for your presence the most. Your laughter, your insights – they're still very much alive in my memories, and they continue to guide me through the labyrinthine twists of this world.

I miss you, Y/N. More than words can say. The void you left behind is as vast as the Barrel itself, and there's a hollowness that's impossible to fill. I can only hope that, wherever you are, you've found the peace that eluded you in life.

Until the next time we meet, my love,

Kaz

26th letter

My Dearest Y/N,

Time has continued its relentless march, and two years have slipped through my grasp since you left us. The city, once our canvas, has taken on a different hue, a different weight. The crows have scattered, their paths diverging, and the life we built together feels like a distant memory.

I wanted to share something with you – I've made a decision about the house, the one that once held the echoes of our shared history. It's a decision born out of the reality that without you, it's ceased to be a home. The walls, the rooms – they're empty without your presence, and it's a stark reminder of what's been lost.

Putting it up for sale again, it's not just about letting go of a physical space. It's about acknowledging that our time together, our shared moments, live on in memories, not in bricks and mortar. I carry you with me, always, but it's time to release the hold the house had on me.

Life continues to move forward, though it's a path I tread with a shadow that can never be dispelled. I hope, wherever you are, you've found the peace that eluded you in life. And I hope, wherever I am, you're watching over me, your presence a guiding light through the darkness.

With a heart full of love,

Kaz

27th letter

My dearest,

It's been almost three years, and some days it feels like it was just yesterday when I last saw you. I miss you, fuck, I miss you so much. It's like this gaping hole, this emptiness that can't be filled. No matter how many schemes I plan, no matter how many crows I put to work, it's like there's this void that's always there.

I was gonna do it, you know? I was gonna ask you. I got this ring, this small little thing that I bought just a month before you fucking died. It's funny, you know, I never thought I'd be the one to feel this way, to want something that much, to want to stake a claim in this shithole of a world.

But I guess that's what you did to me. You turned this cold, calculating schemer into someone who wanted more, who wanted you. I'm sorry I didn't ask you sooner, that I waited, that I let time slip through my fingers like sand. I'm sorry I couldn't be the one you deserved.

You were my light, Y/N. You shined a light into my darkest corners, and now that you're gone, it's like the shadows have returned with a vengeance. I need you, I need you so fucking much it's like a knife in my gut every damn day.

I don't know where you are, what's out there after this life, but I hope you're somewhere better. I hope you're at peace, and I hope you know that I'm here, waiting in this shithole, missing you every fucking day.

I love you, Y/N. I love you so fucking much it hurts. And I wish... I wish I could've showed it more when you were still here.

With all my shattered pieces,

Kaz

28th letter

Deer Y/N,

This will be the last letter I write to you, and as I put pen to paper, I’m filled with a mixture of emotions that words could never truly capture. The passage of time has been unkind, separating us by years that have felt both fleeting and eternal.

It’s strange, the way grief works. It’s a steady ache that never truly fades, an ache I’ve grown accustomed to carrying. There’s an emptiness in my heart that’s become a part of me, a void that can never be filled by anyone or anything else.

I’ve learned to navigate this world without you, though it’s been a journey fraught with challenges and moments of unbearable pain. There’s a longing, a yearning, that can never be quenched. You were my constant, the force that kept me grounded, and now that you’re gone, there’s a piece of me that will forever remain incomplete.

As time marches on, I find myself grappling with a heartbreaking reality – the sound of your voice is fading from my memory. The way you felt, the touch of your hand in mine, it’s becoming harder to recall. It’s as though the vibrant details of your presence are slipping through my fingers, leaving behind a hazy impression.

And oh, Y/N, the thought that your laughter will never again reach my ears, it’s a pain that reverberates through my very being. Your face, once etched in my mind with unparalleled clarity, is beginning to blur around the edges. The little details that I once treasured, the nuances that made you uniquely you, they’re slipping away, like grains of sand carried by the wind.

I love you, Y/N. Those words have become a mantra, a whispered refrain that echoes in the corners of my mind. I carry your memory with me, every step of the way, and I hold onto the hope that, wherever you are, you’ve found the peace that eluded you in life.

As I place this letter alongside the others, a part of me hopes that somehow, somewhere, you’ll receive these words, that you’ll know that you were loved, that you’re still loved, even in your absence.

I miss you, “we all misses you very much.”

Love, Kaz!

[oh-stars]

Hi! I really hope this doesn’t come off as rude, but I was wondering if Carve A Space was taking another hiatus?? It’s seriously my favorite fic ever and I don’t mind waiting but I just wanted to ask and see 🩷 I have been keeping up with your other writing and I just love your writing.

Unfortunately it ended up taking a hiatus when that was never my intention.

I'm kind of struggling with it as a whole right now, but I do have a chunk of the next chapter written so here's a little sneak peek.

--

Steve’s eyes spring open, hand immediately tightening on the weight settled on his chest, and the other gripping the sheets beneath him. His ears strained, listening to the sounds around him for the tell tale lumbering of a demogorgon or the heavy boots of a Soviet. Instead, he heard a truck backfiring in the distance and a dog barking — a normal, furry dog with a face and snout that didn’t unhinge itself into a tooth-petal nightmare. His heart was racing, skin clammy as he narrowed in on his surroundings.

Little puffs of air hit his face, Charlotte’s curls brushing against his jaw where she’s drooling all over his chest. Her hands are scrunched in his shirt, cheek squished against him as she sleeps peacefully, completely unaware that her father is seconds away from exploding. He tries to time his breathing with hers, leaning forward to kiss her forehead as he rubs her back.

She’s alive, she’s sleeping, she’s got him.

They’re safe.

Steve glances around the dim room, the streetlights washing the bedroom in a soft orange. They’re at Eddie’s, that’s right. His eyes dart all around, tracking the different posters and figurines and accessories and things that Eddie has. There’s more personality in this room than Steve’s ever seen.

He’s a little jealous of it.

--

Not going to make any promises on when it's going to be out, but I hope to have it out soon.

[tb5-heavenward]

Hello!!!!! Just read your fic 'Talented Amateurs' and its soooo totally awesome and the writing is AMAZINGGGG!!!

I completely understand if you're not planning on finishing it but was wondering if you had any ideas about the ending you'd thought of? Was super curious as to how the rest would pan out!!!

Thank you <333333

oh man, I am sorry for how absent I have been lately! I have actually spent the past few years moving home to Canada from the USA, and getting settled at home again with my family. I've been split between semi-single parenthood, immigrating my husband from his home country back to mine, and then three or four different jobs across two different countries, depending upon how one counts that, and the rigamarole of generally getting life back into a manageable state. I've been through so many big changes over the past few years that I more or less have to conceptualize just the whole first half of my thirties as having been about just Getting Settled.

As to TA and writing in general, I would love to get back to it someday, the nature of writing for me is that I do end up taking long breaks in order to Live Life for periods of a few years at a time, but I always do mean to come back. I don't want to promise anything, but theoretically things will start to settle back into a real and actual routine in the latter half of 2024, as I whittle my days back down to just working one job, taking care of one household, and having my kid back in school for the bulk of the day.

It's not the only big project or big property I squared myself up against, but it is one that has a very clear roadmap of a plot in my head, so no fear there. As far as Heavenward having been kind of a jumping off point for what I thought the most interesting aspects of TAG Season 1 were, talented amateurs was really the same as far as what I thought about where Season 2 left things, and where I would have gone with what I thought was the other most interesting aspect of the show as a whole, that is to say Penny/Gordon, and the notion of the whole cast as adults with relationships.

The most terrifying thing about TA as it exists right now is that it's maybe only about 30% of the story I ever intended to tell, which speaks to just how awful it is to have my brain. Basically, the intent was always for it to be three parts long, each about 200k words, one for each trimester of the pregnancy it centers around, and for that to unfold in ways that I thought would be entertaining. As a story it is genuinely never far from my head or my heart (I reread it myself with embarrassing frequency) and the broad strokes of the answer to that question of where it goes next actually hinge on whether or not Jeff Tracy is alive or dead in TA's version of the TAG universe, and I never quite settled that question for myself. After how long it's been though, I think I at least have enough perspective to know which way I'm leaning.

I'm very much due for a rewatch of the series, and hopefully I can carve out time sometime soon to make that happen.

As far as something that may or may not resemble a glimmer of hope for a future where I get my ass back in gear, here's a cut and the first half of the chapter I left off in the middle of writing, for whatever that's worth!

61 - knit and purl

Grandma Tracy hasn't had much to knit in a while, and her fingers ache slightly, her muscle memory for the task having gone somewhat to rust. There's no great call for hats and scarves in the South Pacific, no one particularly in need of cableknit when there's Gore-tex and nanofleece to be had. Still, it had all come back quickly enough, and the bag she'd brought with her is no longer full of knitting needles and yarn, but of a gift for her grandson.

Not, crucially, the one whose birthday it actually is, though she'd caught Alan's sideways glances and nods of approval during the flight over, so it's not as though she thinks he minds.

Alan is presently in the process of very carefully putting TB2 down in an empty patch of farmland alongside a dirt road stretching between two fields. The windbreak around the farmhouse is in sight, as is the hulking green pickup truck rumbling along the road towards their appointed landing coordinates. From over her shoulder, Grandma Tracy can feel the intensity of Virgil's silent attention where he leans forward in one of the passenger seats, not wanting to backseat drive, but equally not wanting Alan to fudge the landing. John's still down in the cargo bay, hopefully buckled in.

Grandma isn't worried, though she can see her youngest grandson's tongue caught between his teeth and poking out between his lips as he concentrates. When the Thunderbird finally settles gently to the earth below, she watches him let out a great big breath and grin to himself, and when he glances across the cockpit towards her, she can tell he's after reassurance, and she's only too happy to oblige. "Nicely done, kiddo."

"Not too bad," Alan agrees, though his smile widens at the praise. He pushes his seat back, unbuckling his harness and stretching before hoisting himself upright and clambering back into the cabin proper. "I'm gonna get changed. You okay, Virg?"

Virgil's slept most of the flight through, and could probably do to get up and move around himself, but with his leg still in a cast and TB2's interior not exactly friendly to those in a state of reduced mobility, he's going to need help getting up and out of the ship. "Fine, Al. Good job. Give Grandma a hand before you go."

Grandma Tracy waves Alan away as he turns around, already extending a hand in her direction. "No, no, I'll sit a minute. Go get in your civvies, sweetheart. We're not in a hurry."

Alan shrugs and reverses course, giving Virgil's shoulder a light punch as he passes by, heading for the lockers and showers tucked back behind the cockpit. Virgil looks mildly disgruntled to have been overruled, but his expression softens slightly when Grandma turns in her seat to give him a gently knowing smile. "Hard to be back in your bird and not be the one flying, hm?"

"It sucks."

There's a blunt, uncharacteristic bitterness there that's hard to miss, the past few weeks have been hard on Virgil, in no small measure because they've been hard on his brothers. The pressure release of Gordon's circumstances seems to have done little to improve Virgil's mood, and it's hard to tell if he wants attention drawn to his attitude. She suspects not, and doesn't comment, only nods sympathetically. "Well, we're all on the ground now, and you can take it easy for a while."

This gets no better answer than an non-committal grunt, and the fact that Virgil's been taking it easy for weeks now hangs in the air, obvious but unstated, and then dissipates into nothingness as the cargo lift hums from behind them, and John returns from the lower cargo bay, with the little plexiglass sphere that houses his AI companion held loosely in one hand. "Al getting changed?" he asks, stooping slightly as he moves through the cockpit, coming to the front just in time to offer his grandmother a hand to her feet.

"Showering first," Grandma informs him, and accepts his help to stand and stretch. "Help an old lady back down to terra firma, won't you, dear?"

"Of course," John answers immediately, and offers his arm in a solicitous and genteel fashion, at odds with the way he's often written off as cold and distant. There's a rarely seen streak of gentility in John, most often only seen by his grandmother, who has the fortune of being one of the few recipients of his softer affections. Her hand on his arm is steadied when his palm closes lightly over her fingers, and he contrives to help her aboard the cargo lift in a way that doesn't make her feel doddering and weak. "I'll be back for you in a minute, Virgil, unless Alan gets you first," John attempts to tell his younger brother, but the only response is another dismissive grunt, and this is lost in the hydraulic hum of the cargo lift.

"Never mind about him," Grandma says, tipping her head lightly against her grandson's shoulder when he sighs aloud. "Gordon will cheer him up one way or the other, mark my words."

[hornyhornyhimbos]

babeeesss so i got two new tats today and now I'm thinking about Eddie being with you and whispering praise in your ear as the artist keeps going. God just imagine him saying 19 & i think 20 on the promot list while you're just like "stop, not here not right now" THAT FUCKER KNOWS EXACTLY WHAT HEA DOING AND IT LEADS TO A HOT AND HEAVY MAKE OUT IN THE BACK OF THE VAN

this was really fun to write hehehe, also i hope the tattoo scene is somewhat accurate, i am still a tat virgin 🥲

pov: eddie, the boob man, is obsessed with your new underboob tattoo ♡

18+ duh, reader gets a tattoo so mentions of needles, there is a scene of eddie playing with reader's boobs, fingering f!receiving, explicit language, 1.6K words oops, beta read by @dungeons-are-too-cold

"you're doing so well, baby," eddie whispered, meeting your cheek for the softest kiss imaginable.

"eddie, she literally just put the stencil on," you sassed.

"see? you're doing great already. someone i know once ran out of the tattoo shop before he ever finished signing the safety waiver."

you smirked, holding back a series of laughs. "did his name happen to be teddy bunson?"

eddie’s lips scrunched into a thin line, his expression one of slight indignation. still, he leaned down and left a kiss to your hair, whispering, "something like that."

soon enough, the tattoo artist had finished cleaning her tools and was ready to 'ink you up' as she'd called it earlier. for someone covered in ink and piercings herself, her personality read one and the same with a unicorn.

the machine came to life with a string of vibrations. you were sure your heart was buzzing in time with it. the artist leaned over your midsection and looked up at you with an eager smile.

"now, i need you to breathe your nose for this part, ok?" she instructed, easing the tattoo gun ever so closer to your skin.

you nodded, watching as the needles pressed into your skin. you released a steady breath, settling into the pain. a good pain, you told yourself.

"and we have contact!" the artist said with a giggle, still intently focused on her work.

eddie bent down close to your ear, and by the smirk on his lips, you already knew that whatever was about to come out of his mouth would make you either blush or want to scream at him, probably both. "breathe through your nose for this part. now, where have you heard that before?"

ok, maybe he'd make you want to do some other third thing: suffocate him with your bare hands.

the artist must've heard or gathered what eddie whispered, because you could see the outline of her teeth clamping down on the inside of her mouth as she held back a laugh. she knows eddie too well, you thought to yourself.

"edwin, can you at least try to act civilized?" you tried to scold, though you were pretty sure it sounded more like begging.

the pain ramped up as the gun glided across your sternum. "shit," you exhaled a breath you didn't know you'd been holding.

"funny. that's usually the word that follows my instructions too."

every curl, every strand of hair, you wanted so desperately to rip it off his head and feed it to him.

"eddie, if i make it out alive after this, i'm gonna kill you," you said. promised, even.

the tattoo artist let out a chuckle. "trust me, it's definitely not the worst i've heard. you'd be surprised at the things i've heard guys say when they watch their girlfriends get sternum tats."

"she's right, you know," eddie said with a pout. it was one you wanted to simultaneously kiss and smack off his face. "you can't expect me to act normal when your pretty titties are out on display like that."

if you had the physical strength to facepalm, you would've, but by this point, the pain was becoming a little too overwhelming for you to talk or move through, so you settled for a world-record-breaking eye roll.

"that's why i don't usually let boyfriends in for sternum tats. i remember now," the artist said through chuckles, not once looking up from her work. "you're lucky eddie is a friend of mine."

about four hours had gone by, filled with nearly unbearable pain and absolutely unbearable annoyance, driven by eddie of course, when the artist was finally finished with your tattoo. you nearly cried at how beautiful her work had turned out, and when you turned to look at eddie, he wore a matching face of sheer excitement and shock.

it was two little vines of wildflowers under each of your breasts, met in the middle by a poppy on your lower sternum. poppies were eddie's birth month flower, but they had also been your favorite since childhood, so you figured if things went south for you and eddie (even though you highly doubted they would), you wouldn't have such a hard time separating the two from each other.

after she'd told you all about how to properly care for it and you'd said your thank yous and goodbyes, eddie led you out to the van, pecking soft kisses on your ear every couple feet.

"what are you doing?" you asked, an eyebrow cocking upward as he pulled you toward the back of the van.

he swiftly opened the white doors before gripping your waist, lifting you into his 'miniature man cave' as you'd deemed it. "getting a better look at that tattoo."

while the outside of the van may have been freshly painted white, the inside was everything but. the previously beige carpet had been ripped out and replaced with shaggy, orange carpet. a tiny, blue bin filled with throw pillows and blankets sat in the corner, next to eddie's emergency water bottle stash. mini brown curtains with groovy flowers hung over the windows, the tops decorated with beaded valances you'd helped eddie string together.

he pushed you back against the shabby carpet, pulling himself in behind you and closing the van doors with a loud slam. eddie made grabby hands at your oversized shirt like a child, but you weren't giving in that easily.

"eddie, i can't believe how you acted in there," you scoffed, your arms crossing lightly so as to not touch your chest. "you were childish. and an asshole."

he pouted, his eyes darting away from you. "i'm sorry. i just couldn't help myself though. you have such beautiful tits, how could i resist?"

"well, i'm not sure if you were aware, but we were in public," you scolded. "you could've at least tried to act like you have some decency."

he hovered over you, leaving kisses all over your neck. "next time, i'll look away, i promise. or better yet, i'll cover them so i can't see them. how's that sound?"

something close to annoyance bubbled under your skin. "you'll just look for any excuse to touch my tits, won't you?"

his lips met the crook of your neck again, sucking hard enough that you were sure it would leave a bruise later. "maybe," he pouted, releasing his lips from your skin.

his hands glided down to the hem of your shirt, tugging lightly at the ends of it. "do you mind," he paused, running a thumb along one of your love handles, "if i take a closer look at your new ink, baby?"

you nodded your head, letting out a sigh. "go ahead, love."

he slowly peeled the cotton over your head, his cock becoming hard as your tattoo came into view. he was careful not to touch it, careful around the plastic wrap that sat on your skin, but gently let his hands slip up to your breasts. his cold fingertips met your perky nipples as he sighed. "beautiful. absolutely fucking beautiful."

his fingers moved in gentle circles over your tits, occasionally pinching and flicking at them the way he knew you loved. "i know this was your first tattoo, but i hope to hell it wasn't your last, babe. i think i'd die a happy man just seeing your beautiful skin covered in ink."

eddie sunk his mouth onto one of your nipples, the other still sensitive under his touch. he pulled off your boob with a pop before asking, "mind if i stay like this for a while?"

heat pooled in your stomach as he licked and nipped at your boob. "go ahead. i'll die a happy woman seeing you like this."

as he continued to work at your tits, a nagging desire popped into your mind, and it seemed almost involuntary as your hand slid down your body. you stalled around your thighs, dragging small circles on your skin, before dipping under the waistbands of your sweatpants and panties.

he hadn't even noticed it until you let out an unintended, "fuck, eds."

eddie moved his hand from your boob down to your arm, pulling your hand swiftly out of your clothes. all he said was, "mine," before replacing your hand with his own, moving his opposite hand back to your neglected nipple.

his rough fingers inched inside your cunt. hearing your slick squelching against the digits as his mouth worked at your breast, occasionally leaving bites and nips at the hardened bud, it was driving you absolutely crazy.

his fingers pumped against your g-spot, and you were close, really close. "oh, fuck, eddie. please," you whimpered, your hands gripping the carpet so hard, you were sure you would rip it out when you released it.

eddie didn't say anything, just kept on what he was doing. his rings were cold against you, adding to your sensitivity. as he thrusted his fingers harder, you couldn't get enough of it.

"yes, yes, yes," you repeated, and as his mouth clamped down on your tit once again, the coil in your stomach snapped and your orgasm rushed through your veins.

his fingers pumped even faster as they worked you through your high, and the only thing you could manage was, "fuck, eddie!" as he trailed his mouth from your tit to your lips, a delicious string of spit trailing up your body.

he let go of your lips, long enough to let you catch your breath. a cheeky smile came over his face as he said, "gorgeous. absolutely gorgeous, baby."

you attempted to catch your breath, watching as his hands went back to playing with your breasts. "oh, eddie," you sighed, your eyes glazed over and focused on one thing: him.

"so pretty," he said, his mouth meeting your tit again. he kissed them gently, making sure not to work them too hard. "can't believe you didn't get one of these tats sooner, baby."

-> taglist: @dungeons-are-too-cold @rupsmorge @esoltis280

[dramatisperscnae]

@normaltothemax asked for this >w>

"Hey, Jay. It's been a while."

Dick pauses in front of the headstone, staring at the name carved on it. He knows it by heart, of course, has done since the moment he saw it, but that doesn't make looking at it any easier. Jason doesn't belong here, not if there was any justice in this world. He ought to be still alive, still laughing and being a general little shit and bouncing over trips to the bookstore or new deliveries from Wilde's in Kensington, not…not here, beneath a granite cross.

And it has been a while since Dick's been able to visit. Everything with Bludhaven kind of devoured his life - almost literally, especially over the past half a year - and now with Bludhaven gone…well, here he is. And feelng guilty as hell about it. Sure, it's only been a year since his last visit, but even so. He could have made time earlier.

With a soft sigh he settles on the ground beside the headstone, laying the small bouquet of flowers he brought at its base. Jason's favorites; he can still remember that, even after all this time. Leaning against the stone Dick stares at the grass, lost in thought. Where should he begin…?

"Bruce is doing okay," he says quietly. "Alfred, too, and Babs. She and Alfred trade recipes sometimes; she gave him one for a cinnamon cookie the other day that you would've loved. I'm back in town now, at least for a while, so I'll try to come visit more."

A pause. Dick's hand runs over the grass idly. "…I miss you, y'know. We all do. I know I've said it before, but I-…I should've been there for you. More than I was. Hell, I should've been there at all. You were a good kid - a helluva good kid - and I was…I was too busy being angry at Bruce to bother seeing it. I've…I've tried to make up for that, with Tim. Tried to be there for him, so I don't fail him the way I failed you. I think it's been working, for the most part, so there's that."

He falls silent then, hand still tracing over the grass. At this hour, with the sun's last rays shining over the horizon, the cemetery's deserted except for him; there's no one to really hear if he keeps speaking aloud. That's why he chose now to visit, to ensure he won't be disturbed. The words keep coming after a few more moments.

"…A part of me wonders if you hate me for that. For not being there. For failing you. You've got every right to; you deserved better than that. I should've been better than that. I should've been there. But I wasn't. Not even when you needed me most. I'd hate me for that; I can't blame you if you do."

He laughs softly then, hollow and mirthless. "I've let everyone down, it seems…You, and now Babs, and Bruce…and Bludhaven…But hell, you don't want to hear me whining about that," he adds with a shake of his head. "I know I wouldn't. And you're probably tired as hell of me apologizing, but…what else can I do? I can't change the past. Can't make it up to you, not really…best I can do is just try to learn from my mistakes and not fuck things up again. Doesn't feel like enough, some days, but what choice have I got?"

Dick sighs again, eyes sliding closed as his head rests against the gravestone. "…I miss you, little wing. I'm sorry I never told you that before. I'm sorry I'm saying it so late now. I'm sorry I couldn't be the brother you deserved. And I promise I'll visit more often now I'm back in town. I owe you that much at least."

[purplecatghostposts]

Pls pls pls more of the lil one off u just wrote. I'm just really curious to see Tim's (and Jay's) full reaction once Brian actually wakes up, all the questions- the feels that could be had.....oh man

Hell fucking yes, let’s continue this bad boy! (Previous Part Here!)

This ended up being a lot more of Tim and Jay talking but Brian is still very important I swear

Tags: Hospitals, Mentions of Blood and Violence, Arguments, Hurt/Comfort, Smoking, Self Deprecation, Very Minor Self Harm Via Pulling On Hair

Word Count: 2k Words.

— —

Tim made his peace with the fact that Brian was probably dead years ago.

No, that wasn’t right…

Tim accepted the fact that Brian, along with Seth and Sarah, were probably dead years ago. There was no peace to knowing this however. It haunted him— looming over him like the very same childhood monster come to life that now was tearing his life as he knew it apart. His first and best friend was probably dead and it might’ve be his fault and there was nothing he could do about it.

Now that Brian very much wasn’t dead (yet, he was losing a lot of blood still) and instead, lying in the backseat of his car unconscious, Tim was… Processing some things. A lot of things. Then when he realized how hard it was to take all of this in and drive at the same time, Tim focused on getting them to a hospital first and figuring out the rest later.

It’s a blur, really. Tim and Jay administer Brian under the claim that he was injured during a hunting accident and they accept it. More common here than most places— it’s a good lie. Tim watches them wheel Brian away with the promise that they’ll be updated as soon as they have new information. Tim and Jay find a place to sit down in the waiting room, in the corner and away from everyone else.

Then Tim can think. He can think about Jay shifting restlessly next to him and about how they fought the last time he saw him. He can think about Brian, being alive and how he’s the Hooded Guy and how that maybe means he hates him. He can think about how Brian isn’t dead but might die anyways and there’s nothing he can do but wait. He can think about trying to say something to Jay but being unable to voice any of it.

There’s a lot to consider. Tim thinks he would have a breakdown if he didn’t feel so numb.

He tries to look around and focus on something else but this time, he feels anxiety creep under his skin. Because the walls are sickeningly white and they’re closing in on him and fucking hell he hates hospitals so much.

Jay startles when he stands up, tensing immediately. Tim hates that Jay doesn’t trust him like he used to and maybe some of that is deserved. Not all of it though. Nonetheless, Tim meets his gaze steadily and says, “I need a smoke, you want to come?”

“Shouldn’t we wait?”

“We don't have to go far.” Tim points out. “And I can’t stand being in here another minute so I’m going with or without you.”

Jay hesitates, then stands with him and follows him out when Tim heads for the nearest exit. They settle by the side of the hospital, away from prying eyes. Tim fumbles for the last remaining cigarette in his pocket and feels a little tension bleed out when he takes a drag from it. It’s not much, but it’s what he has, so Tim clings to the thing that makes sense in front of him and breathes out slowly, pressing his back against the wall.

Jay’s eyes dart around but they keep coming back to him. His lip is tight, shoulders hunched, and after a couple minutes of nothing, Tim sighs. Now or never apparently.

“So,” Tim says, and Jay snaps to attention, “Where do you want to start?”

Jay doesn’t say anything for a while, but Tim can see the gears spinning in his head. He doesn’t need to clarify, Jay has been wound up like a spring the entire time. Full of questions but angry and processing, the same as Tim.

“You lied.” Jay spits out at last, and somehow, Tim knew that this would be where they would always end up. “You said no more secrets but you— you knew. You knew I was still looking for Jessica and you still didn’t say a thing! Is she even still alive?”

“She’s alive. And I didn’t tell you because I was trying to protect her.” Tim tells him, calmer than he feels. Inside it feels like a storm. Crackling full of emotions that make his throat burn but he shuts it down. Not now. If he lets this fight blow out of proportion, it’ll get physical, and that’s the last thing either of them need. He can be angry too but one of them needs to be in control and looking at him now, Tim knows it’s not gonna be Jay.

“Protect her?” Jay repeats, fury flashing in his eyes. “I’m not Alex! I’m not going to try and shoot her!”

“But Alex will and that’s why.” Tim pushes back. “All you did was ask some questions and it almost got her killed.”

“What, so it’s my fault?”

“That’s not what I said.” Tim doesn’t rise to the bait. “But this whole thing we’re doing? It gets people killed. Alex thinks she’s dead and it’s safer for her if it stays that way. Like it or not, if you set foot near her, Alex has a chance of tracking her down.”

“You could’ve told me all this! If you explained then— then I wouldn’t go near her! But you didn’t— you didn’t fucking trust me!”

Jay bares his teeth, hackles raised and waiting to strike. Ironically enough, some of the fight drains out of Tim upon seeing it. When did it become like this? When did all those months of having no one but each other wash away and bleed into bitterness?

They were close. So very close. And now Jay is ready for a fight that he expects to start and Tim still feels angry. For Jay attacking him over a tape— twice— and for the fact that Tim almost wants to punch him. Almost.

But he breathes in deeply, shoving the urge back where it won’t bother him, and he puts out the cigarette. It can’t help him like he needs now. It’s barely ever been able to help him really, but that’s another matter entirely.

Tim stands up straight and Jay shifts, a spring locked and loaded.

Tim says, “I’m sorry.” and watches as Jay visibly falters.

“I’m sorry,” Tim repeats again, just to drill it into his head, “But you’ve made some rash decisions in the past and I made the choice before I began to trust you. By the time I did, I had forgotten about it until I saw it again. I panicked— I knew what it would do to us if you found out so I tried to hide it and… You know the rest.”

Jay’s eyes search his own, squinting hard like he’s trying to find a lie or a trick. When he finds none, his shoulders go slack and Jay lets out a long breath. “Oh.” He says, no longer looking at him. His eyebrows scrunch together, deep in thought.

Tim doesn’t say anything, letting Jay figure out how he feels about that. After a long while, Jay says, “Thanks. For— apologizing.”

Tim nods. Another beat passes before Jay says, “I’m sorry I proved you right.”

Tim lets out a long huff. “I didn’t exactly put you in a good situation.”

“I pulled a knife on you.” Jay points out.

“You did.” Tim agrees. “That part was fucked up.”

“I don’t know why I did it.” Jay confesses, approaching at last and sitting up against the wall. Tim sits down beside him, watching as he rubs his eyes. “I mean— I know why. I was pissed and— I didn’t want to stab you but I wanted you to listen to me and answer all my questions and that just… Seemed like the only way to do it?

“I was just so fucking mad. It felt like you betrayed me and I couldn’t believe I fell for it again. Couldn’t believe that I always fucking fall for it.” Jay’s hands travel up to his hair, gripping onto it in a way that has to hurt. “Something is wrong with me.” He says, muffled, and his eyes squeeze shut.

Tim frowns. He knows that tone all too well. He knows exactly what’s running through Jay’s head.

Gently, he loosens Jay’s grip until it falls away from his hair and no longer hurting him. “You’re a person who needs help,” Tim murmurs to him, “Not a monster.”

Neither of them say anything for a long while. It’s fine for the most part. Peaceful. Nobody pays them any mind.

But eventually, Jay clears his throat and starts with, “So. Brian.”

Tim swallows thickly. “Brian.” He echoes.

“He’s alive.” Jay says. “And the Hooded Guy. And he saved my life and when I asked him why he said— he said that he did it because he didn’t know what else to do.”

Tim doesn’t know what to say. He rubs his eyes, trying to think. “You almost died.” Is all he can manage in the end. Then, bleakly adds, “Brian might still die.”

“He… Might.” Jay agrees weakly. “But he might not.”

Tim almost laughs. “I’ve never been that lucky.” He finds himself saying. “I just got him back and now I’m going to lose him.”

“You won’t.”

“And how do you know?”

“Because— because he’s the Hooded Guy. And he’s never gone down before so something tells me he’s not going down now.”

Jay says it with such an air of finality that Tim finds it hard to dispute it. This time, he does laugh, a breathy sort of laugh but it’s a little easier to breathe once he does. “Good point.” Tim smiles, and Jay smiles back.

The tension is gone, or at least, enough of it is that it feels like they can relax with each other. Tim rests his head on the wall behind him, shuts his eyes, and lets himself believe that everything will work itself out, one way or another.

—

Brian is stabilized. The nurses tell them that he’ll probably be out for a while since he lost a lot of blood and needs time to rest and heal.

Jay and Tim spend as much time as they can stand by his bed and the rest just around the back of the hospital, close enough to be warned but not trapped within. Though, that’s more an issue for Tim than it is for Jay, but Jay tells him that he’s not that big of a fan either.

Two days after administering Brian to the hospital, Jay and Tim are softly talking to themselves when the back door to the hospital opening causes them to look over. Immediately, both of them scramble to their feet.

Brian stands in front of them, a few feet away from the back door, and stares at them. His hospital robe has been discarded, blood-stained hoodie and jeans back on, with the only things missing being his gloves and his mask. His gaze is intense but Jay hasn’t the slightest idea what he’s thinking, as his face betrays none of it.

Then, after a long and silent standoff, Brian turns and begins to walk away from the hospital. Fortunately, with how weak he is, it’s easy enough to catch up, but Jay struggles with what to say.

“Brian?” He asks, and Brian’s face twitches in a way that feels uncomfortable. “Brian, you can’t just— you were hospitalized for a reason! You have to go back!”

Brian finally stops, spinning around to face Jay. Jay almost steps back from the weight of his gaze but stands his ground the best that he can.

“A hospital,” Brian says, voice rough, “Is the first place Alex will look. You’re lucky he didn’t find any of us here.”

“He can’t— he won’t shoot any of us in public!” Jay protests.

“No.” Brian agrees. “But he can wait until we leave, tail us wherever we go, and kill us there.”

Jay’s mouth snaps shut. Brian turns away again but Tim catches his wrist before he can move and causes his whole body to still. Brian looks back and Tim doesn’t so much as blink twice. He’s focused, unrelenting, and doesn’t leave any room for an argument.

“We,” Tim says, “are going to book a hotel room, sit down, and talk.” His gaze hardens. “You owe us answers.”

Brian says nothing, not even to defend himself. Slowly, he nods, but Tim doesn’t let go as he leads the rest of them towards his car.

“Won’t the hospital staff look for us?” Jay asks the other two as they walk, feeling eyes on him but unable to pinpoint from where.

“They won’t remember us.” Brian tells him without looking back, a certainty tone in his voice that tells Jay that he has experience in this matter. Jay can’t find it in him to dispute it.

— —

Anddd I’m gonna stop it there because it’ll take me a lot longer to write them actually having a Serious Talk with Brian bc I gotta think about what he’d tell them and what they’d ask a lot more BUT I hope this was still good!! Damn this might as well be it’s own mini series at this point.

Requests are still open so feel free to send another for a continuation or otherwise! Thank you for the ask, glad you enjoyed the first part :)

[notsobxd]

task #3- absence

dear ma,

hi ma, it's james. jim. it's been a while, a long... long time, actually. i miss you.

i bet you're worried sick right now, wondering if i've managed to get myself killed — i'm sure you're looking to the stars and just hoping that i'm alright. hoping i'm alive. that i'm safe. i am, ma, i'm all of those things. i haven't gotten into too much trouble, and morgan is here with me— she's not really assisting in the staying out of trouble part, but you know they'd never let me do anything that would actually put myself in danger. maybe my reputation but, never me— never my life.

so, a bit of an explanation— i got stuck in this town on a planet called 'earth,' which is honestly a pretty fascinating planet. i remember hearing stories about it but, i always thought it ceased to exist. yet, here it is !! the town im in, it's called evermore. i know... weird name for a town, right ?? i thought so too. what's even weirder about it is that you can't leave it— no matter what you do or where you go, you'll always end up right back in town. that's why i haven't come home. that's why i haven't been able to contact you. i've written tons of letters like this but... space-mail isn't really a thing. not yet, anyways.

i've been here about a year or so now, though i'm not entirely sure. time seems to move so much slower on earth and yet i feel like the days are slipping through my fingers. i had a girlfriend for a little while, you would of loved her. her name is rosetta. she was... like everything you could have dreamed of for me to find in a partner. she was a gardener, and she LOVED flowers. i think you would have went crazy seeing how different plants are on this planet. she had this wild red hair and always was dressed to the nines, and her accent ?? it was adorable. she was adorable. though, as you can assume by my use of the past tense— we're not together anymore. she wanted to settle down, start a life here, make evermore WORK but... i'm itching to get out, ma. i can't stay here for the rest of my life. not when there are so many corners of the galaxy left to explore. it was for the best, and i still care for her even if i am lousy at showing it, but, god you woulda loved her. i know you would have. you both could have mothered me together, scolded me for not getting my life together in unison. now that woulda been a sight.

i've done a lot of things i'm not proud of here. i've fallen back into old habits, had some brushing-of-elbows with the law, made a couple enemies.... your head would likely be rolling hearing about some of the nonsense i get into— especially when me and morgan are left to our own devices but... i'm doing my best, ma. i'm thinking about you everyday. i'm thinking about you and the inn and long john silver. you've always been the strongest person i've ever known, and i wish i had a way to show you sign that i'm alive and i'm doing okay.

i've got some cool friends amongst the enemies, and... theres this girl i've had the most embarrassing crush on for as long as i can remember and i'm finally getting to know her. ma, she is out of this world. getting to hang out with her, to hear her thoughts, to see her smile ?? it's greater than any treasure i could find or adventure i could go on. she has the most fascinating outlook on the world, and everyday i get to know her a little better. she helps to keep me grounded, reminds me that there is still adventure left to have here. i don't know why she gives me the time of day but man— i'm a lucky dude for it. don't get too excited, though, i'm not going to tell you her name. i don't want to jinx it, but maybe one day, if i don't mess this up, you'll get to meet her. i hope you do.

i miss you more than words can describe, ma. i'd give anything to have you here with me right now. you always worried about losing me, but i promise that no matter how many lightyears apart we are— you'll never lose me. i'm still upholding my promise, and i'm gonna make you proud.

look for me in the stars, ma. that's where i always seem to find you.

your son,

jim.

[agirlwholovesrockstars]

If you don't know me by now

☆AGATHA'S MASTERLIST☆

☆ EDDIE MUNSON'S MASTERLIST ☆

summary : you're a popstar and your school Hawkins High invited you to come over to host an event and you're their special guest and you take relationships very seriously, that's why you don't do dates quite often because you only want to settle for the one and that is Eddie, you got curious about him since you always fancy rockstars

word count : it's not gonna be long, I promise 🤞🏻

warnings : 18+ Shy!Eddie Munson x FEM!reader, language, no use of y/n but reader is Agatha hehe (I really want to have a rockstar bf like Eddie in the future 🫠 let me have my moment here lmao) establishing a relationship, reader and Eddie are both 20, reader having period and dysmenorrhea, Eddie is a little insecure in this, that's just it!

what to expect : 100% fluff, a super cute fic- I swear to god hahaha

note to reader : Eddie Munson is literally my type of a guy 🥹🫶🏻 I always stress about the fact he is truly a goddamn walking green flag, I wanted to write a fic about Eddie that he is amazingly the best boyfriend that you could ever ask for! so yeah, that's like I'm kinda using my own name in here, call me delusional or whatever lol but he is all I ever wanted! too bad he's just a fictional character 🥲

author note : I've never read a fic that is FEM!reader who has intense dysmenorrhea and us ladies like that need a representation hehe I have TOO MANY FIC IDEAS just sit tight and see my other stuff in the making ;))

You've been on tour for 3 years and your parents are so pleased of you

by pursuing your dreams and working hard

You're determined, consistent and you faced so many obstacles in your career

you join opportunity that lays on you, once it's on there you never missed it, you auditioned, you practiced every single song, you keep improving your talent and skills

One thing you don't do is to never quit and to never stop once you finally had it

You always loved singing and it's the reason why you're still alive, it's what keeps you going

Music is your life

Without it, you don't know what you would do

ever since when you're a kid, your parents are always supportive and giving you boost to accomplish your goals

You loved to sing your heart out and that is all you ever wanted to do in your life is just to sing and perform

You also have a few genuine true bestfriends from the school that you studied, Hawkins High

Steve & Robin

Max, Dustin, Lucas, Mike, Erica, Will, Jonathan, Argyle, El and Nancy.... you like bonding with them but you and Steve & Robin are much more close

Hawkins, Indiana is your hometown, it's your birthplace, your childhood memories are in there

But the time when your singing career got skyrocketed, you and your family moved to Los Angeles

Your last concert has officially over, your manager Alex passed an envelope from your school, Hawkins High

Your eyes sparkle with excitement, you speedily open up the letter and read what it says

"Hi Agatha, will be having you as our special guest in Hawkins High for our school program this coming Friday, we are thrilled to have you."

You squealed in exhilaratingly while jumping in the process as you place the letter against your chest with a big smile on your face

"I believe it's about your hometown? Isn't it?" Alex says while she takes a sip of her coffee

"Oh! Yes it is! Alex!" You grinned at her and you paced back and forth inside your tour bus and obviously you couldn't wait for it

"Calm your heart down, sweetie" Alex puts down her cup on the coaster while she became apprehensive from your overjoyed discomposure

She kinda regrets showing the letter to you now

you sigh with a breathy laughter "Aw, I'm so sorry, Alex" you smile

"It's just that it's been so long, I missed my family, my friends" you chuckled a little bit as you remembered your memories with your friends

"Good thing, it's your vacation, you can do whatever you want after that" Alex while she looks over to your schedule

Alex is like your big sister, she is so protective of you, she acts very serious but once she loosen up, she is so fun to hang out with, you also chose her to be your own manager, your parents treat her as a part of the family

You sat down on the bunk bed "You could do whatever you want too" you say while you're trying to look at her eyes

she turns around to face you from the small coffee table "you know, I can't do that, right?"

"You sure you can, you just won't stop and try to take a break for awhile like all you do is work!" you straighten up and went for the small refrigerator and grab your pistachio ice cream pint

A small smile tugs at her lips while she thinks deeply "I feel like you're right"

"Well, of course, I'm right" you scoffed and shake your head while you search for a clean spoon

The silverware clangs as you look for one utensil

"What about you? don't you want to get out of the comfort zone and start dating?"

The cold dessert sends glacial through your mouth and it caused brainfreeze

Your face crumpled up while chewing at the pistachio bits from the ice cream

She snickers while watching you and you roll your eyes at her

"You know the reason why I can't just date like that- what if he isn't the one?!?"

"Yeah, yeah, I know that, hmmm" she places her index finger on her chin as she thinks again

You squint your eyes at her while you're scooping the ice cream

"How about we make a deal?"

It made you stop yourself by eating your favorite ice cream as you listen to her carefully

"Once you're in Hawkins Indiana, you'll date someone and I'll be traveling the places that I badly wanted to go, what do you say?"

You nod slowly "I'll say it's a deal then" you extend your arm out to shake hands in agreement

"But one condition, if you don't do what exactly as I said, I'll resign as your manager" she saids jokingly

You jeered on her "in your dreams, Alex" you say as you both shake hands

"Welcome To Hawkins" it says on the roadside

10am is the call time in your school

You've taken a bath, you fixed your hair, you did your makeup

You chose a dark brown polo blouse with black coat and bell bottom and you wear black boots

"Ah! I couldn't wait to see everybody!" You say as you sit down on the passenger seat

"I just know this is going to be awesome" Alex says as she taps her fingers on the steering wheel

"Why do you say that?"

"Nothing, I'm just awating at the anticipation that you're probably the first one going to lose at the deal"

You chortled while putting mascara on your eyelashes "We will see, don't we? Alex?"

Alex parked the tour bus and you ran quickly outside the vehicle

You inhale the summer breeze while closing your eyes for a moment

"Agatha?" someone called you out, you knew who's raspy voice coming from

You open your eyes and you saw Robin waving at you while bouncing up and down

"Robin!" You ran towards her almost knocking her off the ground

She laughs "I missed you too!"

"Where's Steve?" You say in muffled sound

"I'm right here" you pulled back from Robin and see Steve walking towards beside at the both of you

"Steeeeeeve!" Your eyes flickering with so much happiness in them

"I miss you like crazy" Steve says while hugging you

You pulled back while you're chuckled of how you acted seeing them again "I miss you guys so much!"

"Look at you now!" Robin excitedly says as she looks over to your tour bus

"Our little star became the shiniest ever!" Steve says and he booped your nose with his index finger and you giggled

"I'm on my vacation! We can whatever the hell we want!" You smile lopsidedly

"I like the sound of that" Robin smirks to Steve

"Best believe we'll be there" Steve says while throw his arm around your shoulder as they gave you a tour inside of Hawkins High

You eyes roam around the school hallways and you look over to your locker that you used before

There's a lot of changes and new renovations but it still feels the same

Robin nauseated in disgust "Ew- do you remember the time when Jason Carver is so head over heels with Agatha?" her face scrunches up

You groaned "He's not my type and I turned him down politely" you shrug

"He shouldn't been had given the kindness, he is a scumbag!" Steve throw his hands up

You laughed with them and something that caught your eye

Steve and Robin voice became a blur to you

A metalhead cutely smiles at the picture proudly raising his guitar on the school wall

You read the name of his band "Corroded Coffin" with 2 more unknown boys on the bottom, you assume that his bandmates

Your heart begins to race and you didn't even noticed that you're looking at it for hours

"Who is that?" You point at the picture

Steve & Robin stopped talking for a moment as they followed your gaze

"Oh, that's Eddie Munson" Steve places his hands over his hips and he mischievously grin

Robin smirks and they both know what's your type of a guy and you're so dead "We got a crush on the horizon!"

It made you tear your eyes away from the picture and you squeeze your eyes shut

You facepalmed and you put your hand over your mouth

Both of your bestfriends shared high-five right in front of your face

And you knew this would be so fucking unpleasant

The whole school gymnasium is packed loaded filled with a lot of students

Max and everyone is on the backstage

"I just don't get it why you don't date?" Max trying to look at your eyes while you giving yourself last few touches

"It's because, Maxine" you say in a sing song and made her roll her eyes at you

You know she doesn't like to be called like that

"I want a boy that who genuinely loves me! I don't wanna settle for someone who is an asshole" you say as you put back your black coat on

"She got hot shots for our boy, Eddie" Robin snickers

"Oh, do you now!" Dustin grins

Mike, El, Lucas, Jonathan, Argyle, Will, Erica, and Nancy started clamoring

"What qualities do you want from a boy exactly?" Will asks

"kind, caring, supportive, always there for you when times get tough, never fails to make you feel loved and just the perfect man ever" you let your hands fell down on your sides

"I know what I said is too good to be true because I-I know men like that doesn't exist I'm like writing a fictional character" you let out humorless laugh

"Eddie is the answer to your dreams, Agatha" Lucas nudges you with a giddy smile

You got confused "What do you mean?"

"Eddie is kind" El says to you

"He is caring" Mike smirks

"Number one supporter for real!" Erica says

"he's the one who will be there for you" Dustin grins

"He is truly the man won't stop showering you love and compliments" Nancy added

"In conclusion, the best man ever" Steve says as he fist bump to Dustin

"Why are you guys telling me this?"

"It's because he's the one that you're looking for!" Jonathan exclaims

"He has the greatest weed, man" Argyle is obviously high and you shake your head with a smile

"Eddie is our friend even we don't knew him that much but judging by his actions? He is a good dude" Dustin says trying to convince you

Your heart grows bigger and you try not to smile

The conversation went for a brief silence

The principal announced your name and your friends cheered for you

"Eddie might be watching you" Steve teasing you

"Oh, stop it, Steve!" You push him playfully

You grab the mic and greeted the audience

You winced at your friends for being so loud at the backstage and you laugh

"Deep Purple by Black Dog" instrumental starts playing

You started singing and the whole crowd was just in awestruck by your stage presence

You feel happy but also at the same time stress by your friends teasing you about your feelings with Eddie

Much to your dismay, Eddie overheard a lot shouts of joy and he stopped and looked over the gymnasium door window

Of course, he will halt his tracks as he heard the familiar voice and the band instrumental playing

He is shocked and almost collapsed that Gareth and Jeff help him back up to his feet

He grew weak just by seeing you in singing and he always loved you and hearing your powerful voice

You didn't know he has also have feelings for you

"Woah, are you okay- o-ooh- Holy shit!" Jeff jumps in excitement

"Is that Agatha?" Gareth eyes widen while he holding Eddie back up not looking at him

Eddie does not say anything as he pushes the gymnasium doors as he enters inside

His heart might explode anytime soon as he watches you closely

Gareth and Jeff gave each other's knowing looks as they both know how Eddie worships you in secret

even Eddie isn't vocal about it but they knew his about his infatuation with you

at the autograph table, Gareth and Jeff pushed Eddie with your picture on the line

Eddie made a perplexed expression on his friends but he followed them anyways

He wanted to back out as soon he became closer and closer to you

You haven't seen him yet on the line, you're so caught up from all the sweetest messages from your fans

"Oh no, I'm next" he thinks to himself

"Uh- hi?" he spoke, grunting softly how his voice shakes

He sounded so nervous he hates it

You're still signing and you raise your head and back down and back up again your eyes widened

You made a double look at him "it's him" you think to yourself

You're both staring at each other what it feels like forever

Your eyes softens as you stare at him longer "he looks so beautiful up close" you think to yourself

"Just act cool, Munson" he keeps reminding himself ignoring the fact that you're fucking staring at him like he's some kind of a celebrity

The girl he has a crush on is smiling at him

"Hi, Eddie!" You say enthusiastically your excitement to finally see him in person is clearly unshielded and that made him so extremely confused

"You know me?" He points to himself, he is so dumbfounded and you're enjoying this

"Yeah"

"Cool" a smile grows on his lips as he scratched the back of his neck exposing his muscles on his arms

You gasp softly at the sight of it and you drew your attention away from it before you could do anything that is embarrassing you saw his shirt, it says "Hellfire Club"

"You love to play games?" You motioning to his shirt

"Y-yeah, I do, you know D&D?" He clears his throat

"I do, but I still struggle to understand it though" you shrug

A light bulb comes to his mind "I-I could teach you" he smiles sheepishly

Your crush being so shy to you is so cute "I'd love that"

"You w-will?" His smile reaches to his cheeks

You nod and you give the autographed picture of yours

"I will also love to hear you play"

Eddie could just kiss you right away, he couldn't believe his own crush, knew about his existence and his band?

You're the girl that he wants ever since you moved on from another town so soon

"The Hideout" he says plainly

You tilt your head at him and he realizes "I mean, that's the place we perform"

"Oh" you giggled "I'll be there to cheer you on" you wink at him

Your smile and your laughter is music to his ears

"You better go over there before your friends tease you" you jerk your head on the side and Eddie saw Gareth and Jeff clearly controlling their sniggering as they both watch you

He blushes and ducks his head down shyly

"My god, this man is so adorable, I could scream" you think to yourself

"You should come over at my place, I'm having a reunion party going on" you say not making it sound desperate that you want to have him forever

His lips apart at the thought that you're inviting him? He would die for you right now

"S-sure, I'll be there" he grins at you and walks away fast

His cheeks were on hot fire

You prop your arm up the table and rest your chin on your hand as you sigh

You're falling in love so hard with the cutest metalhead you ever laid eyes on

Alex saw the whole thing "I knew it was you" she squeezes your shoulder

You groan while signing the next picture "it was worth it, are you happy now?"

"I am" Alex smiles to herself while she crosses her arms

You thanked everyone and thanked the school staff

You expressed your gratitude and appreciation for everyone who came

You and Alex and your friends headed out towards the exit

You stretch out and immediately folded slightly as you felt an intense pain, you're having abdominal cramps

"Are you doing good, Agatha?" Steve asks, eyeing you in concern

You take a deep breath "y-yeah, I'm good, I'm just exhausted, that's all"

"You should get some rest like you just recently got finished from your tour and did this and now you're going to host a party" Robin always rambles if she saw you in pain

when she rambles really wildly that means she is worried about you

"You guys, I'm fine, this is nothing" you say you wave them dismissively

You know, Steve & Robin won't believe you but they check on you as they can

"How come I didn't knew about Eddie?" You ask in curiosity

"I think for a short amount of time, you've met him while you're just rising up from your career" Steve says

"What? Really? I can't seem to recall it"

"Yeah, you take home your studies instead when you're conflicted with your schedule" Robin added

Even you don't remember it, Eddie never forgets the first time he saw you, you're the only one that he loves until now he didn't knew that he can bump into you again, it's so unbelievable to him, he thought he might never see you ever again because of how popular you are

You're at your house and everyone is in there

Loud music coming out from the speakers

No problem with the food and drinks cause' Argyle got it covered

Everyone is dancing and having a good time

You remove your coat and you're trying not to hold your stomach

You're experiencing dysmenorrhea at the moment but you always ignore the pain that you're having right now

Eddie came with his RV van and he is very nervous

He checks on himself rearview mirror like in the 100th time

He calms himself down while taking deep breaths

"You got this" he says to himself

He's wearing white polo unbottoned on the front with necklace chains hanging on his neck and black denim pants with his Reebok

Of course he would never leaves the house without his rings

He rangs the doorbell and you swing the door open

Your words caught up in your throat and Eddie does the same

You swallowed and chuckled nervously "Hi, Eddie! I'm so glad you came!"

You step aside and he says "Well, thank you for inviting me, my darling"

"My darling" you restrain a squeal you feel so many butterflies on your stomach

Everyone shoots knowing looks at you while they glance at Eddie

Steve, Jonathan, Argyle stole Eddie for a moment

You hissed on another hit of pain again on your stomach

You plastered a smile on everyone but Eddie notices it

You looked amazing but he knows something else is bothering you

Eddie is a good reader when some of his loved ones are distressed

Just by one look, he knows it, he just knows it

The party is doing well as you planned

When everyone is saying their goodbyes to you and hugged you

You want them to stay for more, it's not even that late yet but all of them are like wanting to come home immediately

Eddie is the one who is left behind, who is clueless and confused just like you

You saw Steve & Robin dragging Dustin ass out of your house and you heard their mischievous laughter

Oh, they're up to about something else

You shake your head at them as you watch Steve's car drove away

You suddenly feel nauseated, you cover your mouth and ran towards the bathroom and slam the door shut

You throw up and it feels like all of your insides is gone just how painful it is

This is what you hate when you're time of the month, you have extreme dysmenorrhea

You cancel appointments, meetings, or even shows, if you're having sickness like this

Eddie runs after you but he step outside when he heard the door slam with a bang

Eddie heard your vomiting and is now worried about you, he knocks on the door softly when he heard the water running

You flushed down the toilet and wash your mouth on the sink

You cleared your throat "Um- Eddie- I'm fine, you can go home"

You sound so sick, he can't leave you alone like this

"Are you sure?" He steps back when he saw the doorknob moving and you go outside of the bathroom

You almost fell but Eddie catches you, holding you tightly

"Woah there, sweetheart" he says while he checks on you

You looked so queasy and you bring yourself to look at him and to his hands on your waist

You blinked and he just stares at you

All you can see is care, he cares for you, he hopes that you'll trust him to take care for you

He is so gentle with you and your heart flutters more

Maybe, your friends we're right about him

You say "OW!" while you hold your stomach and Eddie put his arms over your shoulders as he brings you to sit down on the sofa

"Eddie, no- no- you have to go home, please, I'll be fine" you reassure him

"I can't go home if you're like this!" He whisper-shout

You feel fluid coming out from your private area and you rush towards the bathroom again

Eddie watches you and you shrieked

He doesn't think twice of coming after you again

"W-What happened? Are you okay? What is going on?" He asks his tone might be too loud or too high in worry he doesn't care at this point

You open the door a little and he tries to open it wider but you stopped him

His face crumpled up in puzzled expression as he tries understand what's going on

"I-I'm having my period and I don't have anything, I ran out" you winced of what you just blurted out

He saw the period blood droplets on the bathroom floor and your stained underwear

You got embarrassed as you quickly covered all of your clothes out of the way where he can't see it

"I'll be back" he says while he digs up his keys on his pocket

You thought he will be disgusted but he isn't "W-What?"

"What do you need?"

"Uh- 28cm sanitary pads with wings- um- that's all"

You're taken a back with his eye contact and he listens very carefully to you

You can tell he that really does care and it feels genuine

You've never met a guy like that and it made you love him even more

"Clean up and I'll be back in a flash, I promise, just wait for me, okay?"

"Okay" you say softly with a small smile

Eddie only knew about girls having period is normal, he isn't the type of a guy that acts like it's the worst thing ever

Yeah, it does hurts like hell but he doesn't horrid by it, because he knows it's the natural thing that woman reproductive system has....

He had no girl in his life or even in his family, this is the first time that he witnessed a girl having her period

He picked up so many advices from his uncle and his friends of what a girl wants and what a girl needs

Eddie stops over at the 24/7 hour store and he gulps of how many choices at the ladies section

But he picks the one you that asked for, he grabs more just in case, he also taken a note of how you bleed so badly, your heavy flow can't take just one only pad it could gush out of it

So he took the menstrual pants that costs a lot more than your usual pads but he doesn't mind it, the priority is to taking care well of you

He put in his cart some cool fever and balm oil for your aching stomach

He also grabs 3 ice cream pints, pistachio ice cream, cookies and cream, vanilla

He saw you eating those three ice cream flavors

He takes the white cheddar popcorn he saw you eating that as well tonight

He also orders chocolate mousse cake

He shoves everything on the passenger seat as he quickly turns on the engine and droves back to your place

It's been 30 minutes since Eddie left and you're in your bedroom and you're on your pajamas

A hot compress laying on top of your stomach, that soothes the pain a little but you can feel is still there

You heard Eddie came back and he calls out for you

You stand up still wincing at your stomach and you're limping towards at your door

"Eddie, I've been waiting for yo-" you paused when you saw Eddie carrying too many bags

"Are you feeling any better? I bought these!" He says with a cheeky smile while he raising the bags

He puts down everything that he got from the 24/7 store near to you

"I brought these because I-I've noticed how much you bled, I think you need these" he gives it to you

Your eyes glows so much admiration, your heart made a backflip of how thoughtful he is

"I also bought 3 ice cream pints!" Your eyes light up when you saw all of your favorites

"Aww, Eddie, this is so sweet" you say

He became flustered while he shakes his head shyly

"Well, I need to take care of my girl" he grins while he continues to show what he got for you

"My girl?" You raise your eyebrows "you never fail to make me fall in love with you, Eddie" you think to yourself

You watch him and you can't hear of what he says anymore

You appreciate everything of this

You smile in content and you finally found the one that you always been looking for

You're very certain of it

You excused yourself and you headed towards the bathroom

as soon as you walk out from the bathroom he asks "Doing alright?"

"Yeah, I feel much better, thank you"

"You know, I don't feel like I should leave, I could stay" he says, his guts tells him not to do it

You became light-headed as you stumbled back and Eddie manages to catch you again

You fainted right between his arms

"Nope, definitely not coming home just yet" Eddie says

He carried you towards your bedroom and places the hot compress over your stomach and he covers you with blanket

He saw on the bed side table that you already taken a medicine "Buscopan Venus"

He carefully rubs the balm oil on your forehead and you sigh comfortably

He admires your pretty face and how your eyelashes flutters while you're sleeping

He let his eyes wander around your room and he saw the guitar pick necklace that he gave to you before, before you left, his eyes became misty, you kept it after all this time

You woken up and the pain is now gone but you can feel all of your insides are grinding with such pain

The flow is coming out of you is real strong

You looked over to your side and you saw Eddie sleeping peacefully on the couch while he hugs a pillow

You change your position on the side as you taken a chance to look over at his features

"He is so handsome" you think to yourself

His curls touches his cheeks, you loved his scent, you look down on his chest you noticed some of his tattoos peeking out

You remove your blanket and get up and walk towards to him

You crouch down and you can't help but hold his cheek and you caressed your thumb softly not wanting to disturb his slumber

"I love you" you whispered

You smile and take a last look at him before you exit your bedroom

Eddie thought he might be dreaming he heard his crush says "I love you" he changed his sleeping position

You look over to your living room and all of the mess is gone

You chuckled slightly, Eddie cleaned up your house

You walked over the refrigerator and heard someone walking down the stairs

Eddie rubs his eyes and yawns "Goodmorning, what are you doing? why'd you get up?"

"For breakfast? and uh- goodmorning" you say while you grab the bottle of apple juice and placed it on the kitchen table

Eddie noticed something streaming down on your bottom and your period blood goes through straight to your pajama pants

"Honey, you're bleeding"

"What?" while you're holding the waffle batter

He gestures to your pants and you groaned and annoyingly

"Oh no"

"What?!"

You ran back up towards to your bedroom and you saw your bedsheets are now covered with period blood

"I knew it" you say as you remove the bedsheets

He tuts "I got this, clean up and I'll handle this"

"Eddie, you've done enough-" he cuts you off

"Let me take care of you, please" his pleading eyes convinced you otherwise

You sigh in defeat "Fine, the laundry is on the left side"

As you finished freshen up, Eddie is the one who cooked waffles to you

To your surprise, he is an excellent cook

Eddie and you both shared laughs and even eat ice cream pints with you

"Gotta say, I love the waffles" you say as you wipe your plate using your fingers to lick off the remaining whipped cream

"The pleasure is all mine, sweets" he says as he grabs your white cheddar popcorn that he bought last night

You take it and open it up and you shove your hand down on the bag, you crunch one popcorn inside of your mouth

You smile "why are you so nice to me? why is that?"

His cheeks suddenly grows red "it's because I like you" he thinks to himself

"I just wanted to take care of you, that's all" he says avoiding eye contact with you

You bite your lip and you think of your decisions

You have to tell him how you feel

Eddie's mood slightly changes, he frowns a little bit because he is a nobody, he is so out of your league

He is a freak and you're a popstar, little did he know that you don't care of what he is

What you do care is how he treats you like the way you wanted to be treated

He is perfect and he doesn't know it

It's noon and he thought he is overtime staying over at your house

He wished to stay a little longer or he means forever and you think the same

He waves bye to you shyly while he walks towards to his RV van

He frustratingly groans of not saying the truth to you as he opens the door

"Eddie, wait"

You walked behind him

He brings himself around to face you, he thought you feel unwell again

"Thank you, really, for everything that you did today and last night" you smile at him

You can't even bring yourself to say it

"You don't have to thank me with anything, if you need something, just call me, okay?" He says as he pats your shoulder

"Okay, Eddie" you say softly with a smile

You might get melted if you stare at each other again, so you turn your heel and walk away

Eddie watches you, you pressed your lips together and you remember of all the things he did last night and today

Maybe.... You read him wrong, he was just being friendly and you on the other hand expecting something more bigger than that

You frown as you reach for the doorknob you can't even look back at him that way again

You wanted more than just friends

You can hear Eddie's keys jangling and he opens the door, you slowly turning the doorknob of your front door open

"I wonder...." You think to yourself

Eddie shuts the door and put his keys back to his pocket and calls you

He ran towards you

You heard his voice and your heart stops of what you just predicted

You dropped your hand onto your sides and he grabbed your shoulders

Turning you to face him, furrowing your brows as you look at him

You look down where he holds you, he stares at you with loving eyes

He caresses his thumb on your shoulders

Before you know it, he pulled you closely into his chest and he presses his lips to kiss you

You yelped at his action as you watch him closing his eyes as he kiss you fiercely

Your eyes softens with delight, his lips felt good

He pulled back and you pout "I-I'm sorry, I really like you- I do- I'm crazy in love with you, Agatha" he stutters

"You like me?" You say breathlessly

he is afraid of rejection but with you he will never regret that he confessed it "Yes, if you'll have me"

"I love you, Eddie" you say as you pulled him closer to you

You brushed his lips with your thumb and you cup his cheeks with a smile on your face

His heart might come out of his chest, he easily melts within your touch

You slam your lips onto his and his eyes widened but he recovered

He holds your waist tightly and you wrap your arms around him

The kiss was so desperate but burning with desire

He deepens the kiss as he slids his tongue onto your mouth and you mewl

None of you wanted to break the kiss and it felt the like the world stopped moving for a moment

Your eyes became glossy when you both pulled back

You giggled how plump his lips are

"I-I don't seem to understand" he lets out a breathy laugh

"I am so in love with you, you have no idea" you say as you throw your arms around him

You lay your head on against his chest

"But I'm just a-" you cupped his mouth and you shush him

"You're perfect, Eddie, you're an incredible guy" you told him while you pinch his cheeks

He chuckles and as he places a kiss on the top of your head

"You're perfect, you're an incredible guy" your voiced echoed to his mind his insecurity removes it self away from him the second you told him that like it didn't even existed

"I love you so much, Eddie, if you'll have me" you say as you pulled back to look at him

You read his eyes and you can tell how radiant they are- he is the most happiest man in the world

"Are you kidding me? of course, I fucking love you!" He exclaims and you bursted out laughing

He scooped you up and you whooped in shock and you crack up at his action

You hold at him tightly as you lay your head over his shoulder and you kiss his neck

He swing your door open and kicks it close

He sats on the couch and he places you on his lap as he peppers you with lots of kisses on your chest, neck, cheek and your hand

You giggling "Stop! It tickles!"

He snorted "I love you, I love you, I loooveee you" he says as he pecks a kiss to your lips

"I love you endlessly" you say as he clashes his lips onto yours

You can feel him smiling at the kiss and you sigh in comfort

Eddie gave you a piece of chocolate mousse cake as you make a conversation with him

You ate it and you hum on how indulgent it was

You both have the same interest with music, fashion, movies, and life, you find out he was also bullied too

You also have the right amount of friends, quality over quantity....

You've never engage in conversations enthusiastic like this

He made it so easily when you're with him

You can listen to him for hours

Eddie popped up on the VHS player and it starts playing "The Godfather" (1972), you heard the iconic soundtrack while your hands on the sink and you slowly your turn around

He flushed himself on the sofa with his one arm extended on the side and he looks at you beaming, you gasp with a tender smile sitting on your lips

"Oh my... H- How did you know?" you say as you tear off a paper towel to dry your hands

"I saw your poster on your bedroom and I think this is the good time to finally watch this film"

You let your jaw drop and he chuckles "You haven't seen it yet?!?" you're so appalled

"I'm sorry" he laughs "I'm more like into horror, I dig that kind of stuff"

you hum "You're in for a treat!" you say with a wide smile as you sat down beside him and he wrap his arms around you

You look up at him and he is already staring at you "You should expand your knowledge in films too, you're missing a lot!"

"Yeah, I think I need to" he nods

"Oh, yes you are!" you elbowed his stomach playfully and he snorted, you scoff at him "you're so uncultured!"

He dramatically acts like he is being stabbed in the heart and you laugh

You pat his knee "Now, pay attention" as you point at the television

He smirks at you and he squeezes you

you both cuddled up together at night as he embraces you while you bury yourself on his chest

He snuggled with you and kept telling you that you look stunning yesterday and he is so starstruck at your performance

You grin at him and he is worried about your period, you felt a little dizzy, so he gave you a glass of water

"Why do I deserve to have someone like you" you told him as you place the glass on the bed side table

"Because you let me take care of you" he says as you scoot over to give him space and you throw yourself onto him as soon as his on your side and he chortled

You both said "I love you's" a zillion times already

"I love you, sweetheart" he says to you while he rubs your back

"I love you even more" you say as you hug him

It feels so warmth on his arms, you can't even express how joyful you are

It's 6am in the morning and Eddie shuts his eyes when he saw the bright sunlight at the window, he flinches a little

He froze when you moved slightly not wanting to wake you up, instead, he put his arms around you

Caressing your head lulling you to sleep....

Dustin is right "he is a good dude" more like the greatest

🎶"Just trust in me, like I trust in you"🎶

[ivarlover]

UNEXPECTED

Part 3.5

(Flashback #2, last flashback)

Part 3 (sequel #3 to UNLEASHED and UNDENIABLE)

Alex + Modern Ivar

Modern Ivar + Katia

Mentions of Female Reader + Hvitserk

If you're new here and want to catch up, just scroll down my page, and the first chapter to UNLEASHED is at the bottom, then UNDENIABLE, and now, UNEXPECTED...

NSFW 18+ ONLY

This was supposed to be just a one-shot, but the story has come alive, and the need to write more can't be ignored. At this point, I have no idea how many chapters this will end up consiating of. Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it! 🔥

Summary: During a hot weekend with your classmate, Alex, and his best friend, Ivar, the two of them had their own fun together. And now, it had turned into an entire relationship between the two of them that neither of them had seen coming. Now, that reality had set in, they navigate the relationship and all that comes along with it, the good, the bad, and the unexpected. Now that they were just getting into the swing of things and finding their groove, Ivar's ex fiance comes back into the picture, and it seems she is sure to shake things up.

Warnings, The sequel in general: Totally NSFW, Unprotected anal sex (male receiving), oral, male to male contact and more, a bad case of the feels, and smut, with me, there is ALWAYS smut. 🤣 Each chapter will have its own warnings.

This chapter: This chapter is a flashback to better explain the current situation. Heartbreak, major case of the feels, not a good Katia, a pissed off Hvitserk, and Ivar beside himself

Please leave a comment and let me know what you think!

Words: I don't know; there are many, many words 🤣

Let me know if you want on or off the tag list!

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When they returned, they shared their news with everyone, and Aslaug threw them a surprise engagement party at Ivar and Alex's club, with Alex's help, of course. All had gone well, and it seemed everyone was happy for them. Well, everyone except maybe Hvitserk.

"What do you mean, Hvitserk doesn't like you? He's always seemed to really like that I've finally settled down with a good woman," Ivar asked Katia, completely taken back by her assumption.

"Well, it's just something he said to me in passing. It was probably nothing. Don't worry," she replied, dropping her head.

Placing his hand under her chin, Ivar pulled her head up for her eyes to reach his. "What did he say, Katia?"

"It's nothing, really, Ivar. I shouldn't have said anything. Forget about it." She pulled away from and turned around.

"It's obviously not nothing. Now, for the last time, what did my fucking brother say to you?" Ivar was beginning to get annoyed. Why would Hvitserk have said something to her?

"Well, umm, he just said something about how he knew women that would do anything he asked and that I'd better not hurt you and umm, I'd better hope I wasn't with you just for the money or he'd," her voice cracked and Ivar turned her around to face him again. She was looking at her feet nervously.

"Or he'd what, Katia? I'm going to kick his ass! What the fuck! Did he threaten you?"

"Umm, I don't want to cause problems, Ivar. Just forget it," she pouted, glimpsing up at him when he didn't see.

He pulled her close and made her look at him, "Now. Or he'd what?"

"Umm, he said I better hope I wasn't with you just for the money or he'd call one of the girls he knows for a favor, and they'd be sure I regretted it."

"What the fuck!" Ivar saw red. "I swear, he is mine. What a dick! I can't believe he said that to you! You don't worry. I'll take care of him." He was raging inside as he hugged her. She smiled slyly but he didn't see.

"No, Ivar. Promise me you won't say or do anything. I don't want to be the reason you have any problems with your brother. Please, let's just forget it," she hugged him tighter. "Please, Ivar."

"Katia, I've nearly killed men for less. How dare he suggest such bullshit! I know your intentions with me. Why is it so hard for him to believe you could just simply love me? He needs a good ass whooping!"

Katia felt bad. She really didn't want to cause problems with them, but she also worried about Hvitserk getting into Ivar's head. She didn't need Ivar to doubt her. Wasn't it best not to be too close to him for a bit until she gained his trust, too? She was divided. "Ivar, please. I don't need him to hate me even more or not trust me at all. Can't we just take some space and time from him and let him see for himself how much I love you? I understand where he's coming from. He's just trying to protect and look out for his little brother, Ivar, " she pleaded, hoping he'd listen. She hugged him tighter and rested her head on his shoulder.

"Damn it, Katia. Fine. We'll just stay away for a while. I can do that. And you're right. He's always been protective of me. Maybe if he can see us out and see for himself, but Katia, I will say something to him about not talking to you like that again. Ever. If he has a problem with you, he can address it with me! Anyway, we're going to be too busy planning the wedding, oh, and having sex. That's definitely going to keep us busy," he grinned, pulling her toward the bedroom.

"Making love, Ivar.'

"Oh. Right. Sorry. We're going to be busy making love," he licked his lips as he pulled her into the bedroom and closed the door.

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The last six months flew by. There was only a week left before the wedding. Tomorrow night was going to be their Bachelor and Bachelorette parties. As they lay in bed, his head on her chest, they discussed some of the final touches for everything. Ivar squeezed Katia and said, "I can't believe this is really happening. The woman I love is going to finally take my name in a week, and you're going to give me so many babies!" He turned and kissed her chest.

"Umm, Ivar?"

His heart stopped, "You do want babies, don't you, Katia?"

"Oh yes, of course, I do," she answered, "It's just that I don't know, I don't really know anything about my heritage, Ivar. I've been here longer than I was ever in Russia. Well, at least more than I can remember from there."

"Well, I told you, we can visit there as much as you'd like. I understand you want to know where you came from," he looked up at her as worry stretched across his face.

"Well, I kind of feel like I need to live there or something, Ivar. When we have kids, I want to be able to tell them about my traditions and customs and culture, too, and not only yours. Ya know, those are things you can't truly understand from just the internet."

"What? What, umm," Ivar panicked, "What are you saying, exactly, Katia? You've always said how thankful you were to have my family because you don't have family back there. So what? You want us to move to Russia now?" He was really confused and wondered why this was the first time she'd ever even mentioned anything about caring about anything to do with Russia.

"No, it's just a thought, Ivar. Don't worry. I shouldn't have said anything. I can always go visit just like you said." She kissed his forehead. "Lose that worried look. It's ok. I basically just want to be sure our children have a representation of my culture as well as yours, that's all. I know how strong your mom can be with her beliefs," Ivar gave her a questioning look. She quickly added, "And I admire that about her and want to be the same way, but you know, I have to know them myself first."

"So? What does this mean, then, Katia?"

"It just means you better not give me a hard time when I want to go on a trip to Russia," she smiled.

"You're sure that's all?" Ivar couldn't ignore the knot he now had in his stomach.

"Yes, I promise. I'm sorry I made you worry. I love you."

She leaned up and gave Ivar a quick kiss, trying to reassure him. He let it go but he knew that entire conversation was going to be in the back of his head for a fat minute. How could he make sure she got what she wanted but was still happy with him?

He laid his head back down on her chest and tried to push everything out of his head so he could finally get some much needed sleep. Planning a wedding, as he'd just learned, was a job. Still feeling worried, he finally dozed off to sleep, tossing and turning most of the night.

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"Ok. I'll see you back here, what? 3-4 am?" Ivar said to Katia as he headed to the door to meet his brothers and friends for his Bachelor Party.

"Umm, yeah, well, umm, do you think you'll actually be home that early Ivar?" Katia smiled and winked at him.

"Of course I will. I know you'll be here for me. I already miss you." He kissed her as he wrapped his arms tightly around her. As he pulled away, he said, "Ok, ok. I need to stop or I'm not ever actually going to leave. Just call or text me if you'll be later so I don't worry, ok?"

"Ok," she answered.

As he got to the door, he turned back to gaze at her. "I love you, Ivar," she blew him a kiss, and he left.

A while later, Ivar was on the dance floor dancing his night away when Ubbe came to him. "Ivar, hey, we need to talk. Come to the back so you can hear me." He pulled Ivar through the group of strippers someone had called for the night and that he'd been dancing in the middle of.

Ivar arrived at the venue for his party, where he was given beer before he was even completely inside. He couldn't get quite comfortable, though. Katia's last words to him, even though she'd said she loved him, made him a little uneasy. He wasn't sure why. He pushed it to the back of his mind and tried having a good time.

"What is it that you must ruin my fun, Ubbe? You don't have to worry. I wasn't going to do anything stupid," Ivar said to his older brother, annoyance thickly in his voice.

Waiting for them in the back of the club was Hvitserk, who had the look of murder on his face. Ivar instantly felt worried. "Ivar, it's Katia," Ubbe told him.

Ivar's heart stopped, "What? Katia? What the fuck happened? Is she ok?"

Ubbe began, "Well, I don't exactly know. Torvi just called me. She said Katia never showed up for her Bachelorette party. She was hoping she was here with you."

"Wha, what the fuck? And she's just now calling you? Did she call Katia?"

"Ivar, she said she just thought Katia was coming late because she'd started the evening with you. When she finally called her, it went straight to voice-mail so she called me."

Ivar quickly pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed Katia's number. His face went pale as he looked up at Ubbe and Hvitserk. "She, umm, her fucking number is disconnected." He swallowed thickly and ran his hand through his hair.

"Check her social media accounts. Quickly," Hvitserk instructed him.

Ivar held his phone up to show his brothers. "Page Not Found," displayed across one page and, "Instagram User," on the other. The more accounts he checked, the more deactivated or deleted accounts he found, even including her email.

"Holy shit! What the fuck, man! What do I do? What the hell happened?" Ivar's voice began to quiver as sweat began to form on his forehead. "Did she fucking leave me? Oh fuck!" He fell backwards, luckily into a chair.

Ubbe quickly came to his side. "Ok, do you want to go back to your place, man? Maybe she's there. I can drive you."

"Umm, I, uh. I-I don't know," Ivar answered, in shock, all the alcohol he'd been drinking, not helping. "Umm, Ubbe? Uh, wha, what should I do?"

Hvitserk answered Ivar, "Hey, man, let Ubbe drive you home. You guys check there. See if she left a note if she's not home. I'll go back to Ubbe's place and get my computer to see what I can possibly track down, and I'll meet you guys at your place. Don't worry yet, man. We don't know anything yet."

Ivar dropped his head to his hands, still stunned and not fully wrapping his mind around everything. What had he missed? Where had she gone? Why was this happening? What had he done wrong? He had so many questions and no answers. It was maddening.

"Ivar? Hey? You ok? Did you hear Hvitserk?" Ubbe asked, trying not to show just how concerned he was.

"What?" Ivar looked up at Ubbe in a daze. "Oh, umm, yeah, I heard him. I, umm, I don't know. Yeah, umm, I guess, let's go? What about the party?" Ivar stood up.

"I'll talk to Alex and see if he can end the party for us. I'll help him if he needs me to. You two go on to your place and I'll meet you guys there shortly," Hvitserk answered, rushing them towards the door.

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Ubbe unlocked Ivar's house door and waited for him to go inside first. "Katia? Hey, Katia, are you here?" Ivar called out, hopefully. There was no answer. He looked back at Ubbe, trying his best to hide his emotions that were all over the place at the moment. "She's gone. It's over, Ubbe," he stumbled to the sofa and practically fell onto it.

"Wait here, and I'll check the other rooms for you, Ivar."

Ivar sat there in a daze. He had no idea what he'd done wrong. He only wanted to give her the world.

Ubbe came back through, "Ivar, umm, her clothes are gone from the closet. All her belongings are gone from any room that had anything of hers. There's no trace, whatsoever, that a female ever even lived here at all. Man, I'm so sorry." He looked at Ivar, who was rolling something around in his hands. "What you got there?"

Not looking up at Ubbe, he gave him a cell phone and a piece of paper. "That's her fucking phone. She smashed it," Ivar's voice cracked, still not looking up at his brother.

Ubbe opened the paper. It was a note from Katia.

"Dearest Ivar,

I'm so sorry. I know you deserve way better than this. I need you to know that I do love you. I've never lied about that. But I can't marry you, not now, not like this. I can't just always have everything your mother's way. If we ever had kids, I need to raise them as my own woman and I can't do that this way. I need to find me, who I really am. I hope you can understand. I am truly sorry. I know you'll be ok, though. I love you, Ivar.

Always, Katia"

"What the fuck! Are you serious? She ended your relationship in a fucking note? Ivar. Damn. I'm so sorry." Ivar still never looked at him. Ubbe stepped closer to him, still sitting on the sofa, now with his head in his hands. "Look, man, you're going to be ok. I promise."

Ivar held his hand out to Ubbe and, to Ubbe's surprise, gave him a ring. Ubbe instantly recognized it as Katia's engagement ring. "Aww, hell." Placing his arm around Ivar's shoulders, he sat down beside him.

At that very moment, Hvitserk busted through the door. "Man, cancel your cards, Ivar. Immediately."

Ivar finally looked up, wiping away the single tear that rolled down his cheek. "What? Why?"

"Man, I'm sorry but this bitch wiped your credit card clean. She got a cash advance of the max amount possible and not just that, she took money from your damn bank account, too! Not all of it but a damn huge chunk! Let's just say, she's lucky as hell that she isn't a dude! I'd kick her ass myself!"

Ivar's mouth dropped. He wasn't even able to say anything to Hvitserk about calling her such a name. He normally would never stand for that. "Wha, she did what? Are you sure? How? The banks are closed."

"Man, you know Betty at the bank. Katia called her and she met her there. I'm guessing you introduced them and gave Betty the ok to do such things. Betty was scared shitless when I told her you didn't know."

"Fuck!" Ivar dropped his head as Hvitserk continued. He should have listened to Hvitserk's warnings, but no, he'd pushed him away. How could he have been so blind?

Ubbe just sat in silence, completely stunned, as Hvitserk told them, "And I know where she's going. She is about to board a plane to Russia. I don't know what the fuck for. Didn't she always say she didn't know anyone there? But if you guys hurry, we can probably get there before the plane leaves."

Ubbe asked, "How the hell do you know all that so quickly if she didn't use cards but only cash?"

"Man, wrong time to doubt my skills. Hurry. Let's go," Hvitserk responded, closing his laptop and walking toward Ivar.

"What for? She doesn't want me," Ivar mumbled into his hands.

Annoyed, Hvitserk answered, "Not to chase her down for you, Ivar. To get your damn money back! I knew something like this was going to happen! And it's not right."

Ivar stood up. "Umm, I umm, I need some fresh air. Give me, umm, a few minutes outside alone, ok?" He went to the door, stopping beside Hvitserk on his way out. "I'm so sorry that I pushed you away, Hvitserk. I should have listened to you. I hope, on day, you can, forgive me," and he went out, slamming the door shut behind him.

"You think maybe you could have broken that to him a little softer, Hvitserk? That was a lot to take in all at once. I'm even shocked, and I don't even love her."

"No way. It's best to do all the breaking at once. Rip that damn bandaid off all at one time. And anyway," Hvitserk began throwing his hands up, "She needs a long walk off a short cliff!"

"HVITSERK LOTHBROK!" Ubbe yelled at him.

Hvitserk just shrugged his shoulders, "What? You know you were thinking the same thing!"

"That's beside the point."

"Well, let's go before this bitch gets away," Hvitserk rushed him out the door to get Ivar.

"Wait! Where is he? Ivar?" Ubbe turned all around, looking for Ivar in the dark night.

They both searched for Ivar, but he was nowhere to be found. "What the fuck! Call him!" Hvitserk panicked to Ubbe.

Ubbe's face was pale. "Man, he turned his damn phone off. Can you trace him?"

They went back inside, and Hvitserk went to work. His hacking skills had become very useful today. "Shit! The last signal I have is here on the street, and that was over thirty minutes ago. He could have gone anywhere."

"I'll call Alex and a few of the guys and see if they've heard anything from him," Ubbe said.

"I'll see if I can locate him any other way."

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"Yes, of course. If I hear anything, I'll call one of you immediately. And please do the same," Alex hung up the phone with Ubbe. He was really heartbroken for his best friend. How had Ivar went from celebrating what was the happiest time of his life to suddenly being dumped on his ass and now missing? He tried calling him, but the phone went to his voice-mail.

As Alex went to sit down in the living room, his doorbell rang. Could he be that lucky?

When he opened the door, there stood Ivar, soaking wet in the rain, holding a half drunken bottle of tequila. He couldn't tell, for sure, if that was tears or rain rolling down Ivar's face, but he had a pretty good idea. "Oh, Ivar! Thank God you're ok! Get in here out of the rain."

"She left me, man. It's over. I fucked up somewhere. She's gone," Ivar stood frozen in his spot. "It's over."

Alex urged him to come inside and have a seat. "Damn, man, did you drink all of that tequila by yourself?"

"Uh, umm," he looked down at his hand as he stumbled through the door, "Yeah, and I finished the other bottle already." He dropped onto Alex's sofa.

Alex called Ubbe back and let them know Ivar was there safely and had apparently called his driver, Mike, from his place to town and walked to Alex's in the rain from town, which was a long walk.

"I, ju..umm, I needed some air and some room to think. I didn't want my brothers to see my like this. I'm, umm, I'm sorry, Alex, I'm in a bad way. I'm a fucking mess," Ivar slurred his words.

As Alex sat down beside him and began to try to comfort him, Ivar turned around to him and just dropped his head to Alex's shoulders and began to softly cry. Alex's eyes widened. He was uncertain of what to do. However, as he looked down at Ivar, he knew exactly what he needed and he wrapped his arms around him tightly and hugged him.

"Shhh, shhh. It's ok. Let it out, Ivar. You're safe here. Let it out."

"What, umm," Ivar said between sniffles, "What am I going to do?"

"Well, for starters, you need to get out of these wet clothes. I have some in my room you can wear. And umm, can't Hvitserk find where she went or where she's headed?"

Ivar sat with Alex, trying to calm himself, appreciating the support from his best friend. He finally answered, "Hvitserk already knows where she's going. She's going to Russia. She hates me so damn much, she's leaving the entire country, man."

"Well, are you not going there, too? So you can at least talk to her?" Alex was surprised. They'd seemed so happy.

"No. Hvitserk wanted," Ivar's voice was shaky and his words were still slurred, "To cut her off at the airport but why am I going to chase someone who went to such great links to leave me? I don't fucking care. And she can keep the damn money. Will you tell Hvitserk that for me? I don't fucking care about the money."

Alex was taken back. Katia took Ivar's money? Wow, seemed like they'd all been played a fool by her. He rubbed Ivar's back as he continued to sob into his shoulder. At least Ivar knew he could count on Alex, but that didn't make Alex feel any better.

Once Ivar finally calmed down and puked a few times because of drinking so much tequila, Alex brought him clothes to change into, and a blanket, and Ivar fell asleep on the sofa.

This night had not ended as Alex had thought.

@istorkyou @chapada010101010 @vero-maris-zamo @lostasalice-thisway @ivarhoegh @lonewolf471 @covidinducedsocialreject @tessakate

[bunnakit]

what are your top 5 movie recommendations?

EYY ok im a terrible person to ask because i absolutely do not watch movies unless forced to at gunpoint and most of them are not queer SO here's just like... my 5 fav movies i guess lmao

THE JACKET (2005) dir. John Maybury 🌸

(hey my first non-bl related gif!)

The narrative is a time slip fantasy in which a Gulf War veteran who suffered a death or near-death experience while on active service returns to the United States where he is blamed for the death of a policeman, and incarcerated in a hospital for the criminally insane. Subject to experimental treatments there, which involve him being shut inside a morgue casket while tied in a straitjacket, he eventually learns to travel through time and is able to offer help to various people.

i watched this in high school one lazy afternoon with my mom and became obsessed. i don't think it did well? or was really on anyone's radar? but Keira Knightley is fucking gorgeous in it as is Adrien Brody - both of which i had massive crushes on back then. it's definitely HEAVY and darker, obviously, and has a bit of an open ending but i eat that shit up.

"The important thing in life is to believe that while you're alive it's never too late."

PROMARE (2019) dir. Hiroyuki Imaishi 🌸

Thirty years has passed since the appearance of the Burnish, a race of flame-wielding mutant beings, who destroyed half of the world with fire. When a new group of aggressive mutants calling themselves Mad Burnish appears, the epic battle between Galo Thymos, a new member of the anti-Burnish rescue team Burning Rescue, and Lio Fotia, the leader of Mad Burnish begins.

i've watched promare an embarrassing amount of times, but hey, it's actually a little queer so there's that! the synopsis is just a drop in the hat of what the movie actually is. we love anarchist rebels and advocates for equal rights (and enemies to lovers between a smol angry rebel and a big lovable himbo.) small note - we lost Galo's english VA, Billy Kametz, last year to his battle with cancer. he played a huge role in a lot of my favorite shows and games and it really broke my heart.

DRAGONHEART (1996) dir. Rob Cohen 🌸

Sir Bowen, an English knight of "the Old Code", mentors Saxon prince Einon in his ideals to make him a better king than his father Freyne. While suppressing a peasant rebellion, rebels ambush and kill Freyne. Then a young peasant girl named Kara accidentally wounds Einon's heart. Einon's Celtic mother Aislinn has Einon taken before a dragon and asks him to save the boy's life. The dragon makes Einon promise to be a just ruler with honor and replaces Einon's wounded heart with half his own. However, Einon proves more oppressive by enslaving the former rebels that killed his father and forcing them to rebuild a Roman castle. Einon also has Kara's father, who led the insurgents, blinded. Believing the dragon's heart has corrupted Einon, Bowen swears vengeance on him and all dragons by hunting them down.

listen, i'm old okay? i watched this obsessively when i was a kid. i didn't own the VHS, i'm not really sure why? but anytime it was on tv i was glued to it. i think i eventually did record it onto a vhs.

MILK (2008) dir. Gus Van Sant 🌸

In 1972, Harvey Milk and his then-lover Scott Smith leave New York for San Francisco, with Milk determined to accomplish something meaningful in his life. Settling in the Castro District, he opens a camera shop and helps transform the area into a mecca for gays and lesbians. In 1977 he becomes the nation's first openly gay man elected to a notable public office when he wins a seat on the Board of Supervisors. The following year, Dan White kills Milk in cold blood.

i watched this just as i was coming to terms with my own queerness. i wanted to learn more about queer history and this movie came out at the exact perfect time for that. i was a freshman in high school, i'd never heard of Harvey Milk before, but my mom had and she encouraged me to watch it. it got me doing a lot more research into queer history and learning where we came from so while the movie may not be perfect, may not be wholly accurate, i thank it for that.

TITAN A.E. (2000) dir. Don Bluth & Gary Goldman 🌸

"Titan A.E." takes place in the distant future, after Earth has been obliterated by a mysterious alien race known as the Drej. Cale is a human teenager who has been given a mysterious map by his father, leading him on an unforgettable journey.

i am nothing if not an absolute slut for Don Bluth movies. that man illustrated my childhood. as i got older my mom told me about Titan A.E. and said it was a must watch for my nerdy ass. she was correct. it's not the perfect movie but it's a great look at what Don Bluth and Gary Goldman could've done if we'd considered "animation for adults" back then. we're finally getting somewhere with it now, and i like to think we have them to thank in part for that.

also fun story my husband met one of the animators for this film at a party where a lot of people were doing a lot of drugs and he gave him his card AND MY HUSBAND LOST IT

alright anon and friends i hope i haven't ruined your opinion of me with my taste in movies ~ thank you to all the gifmakers that have made gifs of these films, i'm so glad i didn't have to make one for all of them lmao.

[the-white-soul]

*Flowey is still surprised by Frisk’s boldness on this project. He normally thinks of Frisks as these perfect characters, but this… this is new. And he likes it all the more. He wraps a vine around Frisk’s outstretched hand multiple times and shakes it firmly.*

I’ll paint with you. Then when the shack is ready and Noelle is alone, I’ll knock her out and bring her over. If I take her while she’s conscious, that obviously won’t work out because she’ll know it wasn’t “someone like Jack” who did it.

I’ll join you at the shack soon! I’m just gonna visit my buddy Kara first. *Flowey waves and then burrows back to Kara and looks up at their face with a worried stare. Even though Flowey already knows exactly what’s going on, might as well look concerned.*

You look so down. What happened, Kara?

…Hey.

You know what?

You don't have to tell me.

Whatever you saw, it wasn't important. I think it’s best you forget about whatever person or thing if its hurting you so much. Trust me. That thing won't be bothering with you either anytime soon, so don't worry.

*He pays mind to only slowly move closer to them, seeing them in such a bad mood. Once he’s close enough, he takes their hand and settles it in his own head before giving it a little nuzzle. Seems he's looking for headpat. And trying to distract Kara from the problem at hand.* Now if you don't mind, I haven't gotten one of these in awhile.

(Kara) "Heh, you never know the extent I like you Flowey. *Sighs* I know you want to distract me but I just called my previous girlfriend I hated her. That's hard to ignore."

(Frisk) "Really? Why? *They are looking for more reasons to continue*"

(Kara) "Noelle was Dess the whole time! I would've been fine with it if she just told it to me. Then she accused me of being with you too much. *Cries* Of course everyone's on Noelle's side. I screamed in her face. Although, she did manipulate my feelings! She made me question my own loyalty to her by flirting with me when I thought she was Dess. The reason I wanted to love her was because she was just Noelle. But Noelle could never allow me to know it was her! I am not wrong, right? Who am I kidding, I don't even know if you'd understand. I shouldn't have a sad life just because someone else is having a worse life. If that makes any sense at all."

(Frisk) "I understand. When you know you are doing the wrong thing but it's..."

(Frisk and Kara) "...for the right reason."

(Frisk) "What if you were away from Noelle for a bit. Maybe a week by yourself. Who knows, maybe even Noelle will change."

(Kara) "What if she gets hurt?"

(Frisk) "She won't. Me and Flowey will make sure she's alive."

(Kara) "How will you know?"

(Frisk) "*Smiles a brighter smile than the sun* We'll know. I promise you, we'll know."

(Kara) "Ok. Where should I go?"

(Frisk) "You should go back home and make our plans. Noelle will stay here. It's a win/win."

(Kara) "Something feels off. Are you planning on hurting Noelle?"

(Frisk) "Come on you don't believe me! You know that's fair. I'm not the most trustworthy person. Maybe you can ask someone, maybe the only one, you can trust."

(Kara) "*Goes on a one-foot kneel* Will she be okay?"

[nickitxrres]

Checking In - Pre-Ranch Attack

where Nicki checks up on Ares after he gets hurt and they spend some time together; Nicki finally tells Ares what happened the last time she was with the Daybreakers. @aresmelaina

tw: mentions of torture, physical & sexual abuse

Ares Melaina

-he's been resting on the bed Val had declared his sick-bed, staring at the ceiling. When he hears somebody come closer and he sees who it is, his eyes light up- Nicki! -he grins and tries to sit up, slowly- You know what's the worst part about being sick is? I get to sleep in my own bed. I kinda got used to both you and Fleet sleeping next to me.

Nicki Torres

-Nicki had put together a little goodie bag for Ares and was cautious as she stepped into the room Val had for him. As soon as she saw his smiling face she had one of her own and sat on the bed next to him- You don't have to sit up for me, mi luz. You did a number on your ribs. -she gave him a kiss before opening the bag and pulling out some snacks- It's mutual. We miss you so much, baby.

Ares Melaina

-he returns the kiss, his eyes lighting up when she pulls out various pieces of fruit- Ooooh, that's for me? -he grabs a pear, almost overripe and soft- We're gonna be sleeping together again before we know it, mi Reina. You're not rid of me for good, y'know?

Nicki Torres

-Nicki smiled, although it was a bit softer- I don't know about that. -he was bound to find out sooner or later- They're gonna send you back to Redwood to heal.

Ares Melaina

Yeah. -his smile slightly falters and he leans his head back- Zack told me. I mean, it makes sense. Guess we'll have to do that once you get back, huh?

Nicki Torres

-of course Zack did- At least you'll be safe. -She runs her fingers through his hair as she tries to keep a reassuring grin on her face- Among other things.

Ares Melaina

Yeah. I won't be a liability for you guys, too. I'm pretty useless right about now.

Nicki Torres

You're not useless. You're never useless. Having you here does so much more than you could even know. For Fleet, for our friends and for me. I just wish it was a different reason you were going back.

Ares Melaina

Right now I am. Can't even really lift my arms. -he sighs softly, blinking up at her- Me too. Like us having killed all the Daybreakers. I wanna fight with you.

Nicki Torres

I know you do, and I would love to have you fighting with me. But I want you to be healthy and alive a lot more. Besides, there's nothing saying you can't come back after you're all healed up, right? 

Ares Melaina

I want that too. I am planning on having a couple of years more. -he smiles but his face falters a little again when she talks about him coming back- Yeah. Maybe. I don't know if it'll be healed up soon.

Nicki Torres

-Nicki smiles softly at him. They both wanted that but she knew nothing was ever guaranteed. Especially now- What if I promise to save all the fighting until you get here?

Ares Melaina

-he chuckles softly, reaching to the side and for her hand- Val said if it heals, it's gonna take at least 10 weeks.

Nicki Torres

-Nicki inhaled a breath- Okay, ten weeks. I can hold them off for ten weeks. I mean, how hard can it be, right? -She laughed a bit at the end-

Ares Melaina

-he laughs too, wincing slightly when it hurts- Be safe, mi Reina. Please. Don't be reckless.

Nicki Torres

-She laughs with him but feels immediately guilty as he winces- I'm sorry, mi amor. -She pulls her legs up and carefully curls into him so she can hold him- I'll be safe. Promise.

Ares Melaina

-he closes his eyes, immediately overcome by a feeling of comfort when she curls around him- Good. You're gonna kick their asses, mi reina.

Nicki Torres

-Nicki wants to hold him tightly to her but she knows that she can't with his ribs and abdomen so she settles for what she has and nestles against him and letting the rhythm of his heartbeat soothe her- I'm gonna do more than kick their asses.

Ares Melaina

Shove your boot so far up their asses they're going to taste the leather? -Ares offers with a smile, reaching out to caress whatever part of her was closest- Ike told me something happened with you and the Daybreakers.

Nicki Torres

To start with, yeah. -she laughs at the thought, but it's true. When she got her hands on them she was going to make them wish that was all she did. His touch was enticing. Her warm immediately felt warmer just from it, calming enough to help numb her reaction to Ares' statement. She was glad that Ares couldn't see her face- He did, huh? What did he tell you?

Ares Melaina

Not much. Just that you had a past with them. -he would shift if it didn't hurt and he wasn't so comfortable, nestled up with her- I told him about what happened with Fabian.

Nicki Torres

-Nicki wasn't surprised. Ike probably wanted the whole story from both of them- I'm sure he asked oh so nicely about that, huh? -she hummed amusement at the end- But yeah, mi luz, I've got a history with them. It's why the whole Fabian thing shook me.

Ares Melaina

Yeah. I'm sorry. I tried not telling him but... He convinced me. -his fingers trail over her clothed skin, gently petting it- Is it hard for you? Being here and fighting them?

Nicki Torres

It's not your fault, Ares. I know what he's like. -for Ares' sake, she wouldn't bring it up to Ike. She was prepared for Ares to ask what the history was but he didn't and she pondered whether she should tell him now- Hard? No, not at all. I'm just getting ancy and worried about everyone else. -she breathes in and pushes the air out of her lungs- You can ask, y'know.

Ares Melaina

Okay. But do you want to tell me?

Nicki Torres

I don't like talking about it, but I don't want there to be unknowns between us in case things happen. Like I don't want you to wonder why I didn't tell you something or feel like I was hiding things from you. So if you want to know, I can tell you.

Ares Melaina

I want to know. -he blinks up at her- You don't have to deal with that stuff alone. Whatever happened to you. So you can tell me.

Nicki Torres

-Nicki sucks in a breath- I know. Ike said something similar. -she focuses on the wall for a moment- You know how before Redwood I was with Zack and his group, right?

Ares Melaina

Yeah. You mentioned that.

Nicki Torres

Well, the Daybreakers attacked the group. It was a massacre. Only a few of us survived and were taken as their prisoners. I got separated from Zack and the others almost immediately. This asshole had "other plans" for me. He beat me, he tortured me and, of course, I can take a beating any day so he came up with another way to get what he wanted and it worked. He wanted me to be his little obedient wife and I was so that he wouldn't hurt this other girl. He used me, touched me, made me do whatever he wanted. Just so he wouldn't hurt her. He's dead now, but it still bothers me.

Ares Melaina

-he listens attentively, carefully. He wants to reach for her hand but stays put, gently caressing her side with his thumb- Oh. Shit. That's horrible. I'm sorry. -he looks up at her, eyes earnest- How did you get out?

Nicki Torres

I.... -she breathes out- I got a knife and hid it under my pillow and after I let him fuck me I grabbed it and slit the motherfucker's throat. Then I ran as far and as fast as I could until I ran into Redwood.

Ares Melaina

Oh, Nicki. -he nudges her with his head, gently- I'm glad you made it out. Shit. That must've been.... You must've been scared.

Nicki Torres

-Nicki nuzzles against him as he nudges her before nodding- Yeah, I was.  And you know I don't get scared. But I wasn't scared to die. I was scared they'd take me back to their camp.

Ares Melaina

What would they have done in the camp? -he knows the answer can't be pleasant, but he wants to know-

Nicki Torres

Best case? Executed me to make an example to the other prisoners. But they're psychos, so I'm guessing probably locked me in a cage to only be brought out to be used for fun and entertainment.

Ares Melaina

Shit. Nicki. -he looks at her, eyes wide and full of sympathy.- Why didn't you tell me? -his tone isn't accusing, but gentle, though there is a slightly pained tone to it-

Nicki Torres

-Nicki breathed out heavily as she met his gaze- Because I don't like talking about it. And I don't want people thinking I'm damaged or weak because of it.

Ares Melaina

Do you think I'd think that?

Nicki Torres

I think that's what most people think when someone tells them something traumatic that happened to them.

Ares Melaina

I wouldn't think that. -his voice is a little quiet before he shakes it off again- I don't really think that's true. I don't think anybody would think you're weak. I mean, you're the opposite.

Nicki Torres

-Nicki brings up her hand to gently caress his face- That's because you know me. And I work very hard to not let it define me.

Ares Melaina

I don't think anybody else would think that either. -he responds earnestly- I... Sharing things like this isn't weak you know? Or living through things like that.

Nicki Torres

No? -she traces his cheek with her thumb- Why not?

Ares Melaina

Why it isn't weak? -he blinks for a moment, not sure how to answer that, and needing a second to put his words together- Because just shouldering that stuff on your own when it's hurting you isn't really strong. It's just...hurting you. I don't think it's weak to share things like that.

Nicki Torres

-Nicki listens and ponders his words- Huh.... I never thought of it that way....I always just thought if I told someone what happened that it would just make it harder to move past.

Ares Melaina

No. I think it can help. Having somebody know. -he looks up at her, tilting his head so he can kiss her hand- I want to help you.

Nicki Torres

-Nicki's mouth twitched at first but when his lips touched her knuckles she couldn't stop the smile from growing- I love you so fucking much, mi luz.

Ares Melaina

I love you too, mi reina. -Ares eyes were wide, full of love as he looked up at her- Can we just stay like this?

Nicki Torres

-Nicki used her free hand to run her fingers through his hair and massage of his scalp- Of course. I'm not going anywhere.

Ares Melaina

-he leans his head back a little nd closes his eyes. His mind ws whirling, with the things Nicki told him, but being like this with her, he had the distinct feeling that things would be okay. fter some time, his breathing began to slow, and he could feel some sense of tiredness swap over him-

Nicki Torres

-Nicki gently hums a soft lullaby as she plays with his hair. She can see how he was relaxing and his eyes drooping. Once he fell asleep she kissed the top of his head and curled around him more to make herself more comfortable so she could stay with him. Despite the threat around them, this felt safe and normal and she knew so long as she had Ares, everything would be okay-

///END

[madefate]

As always, Stolas is a beacon in the storm. Blitz has already forgotten that he'd said anything out loud - that he'd been ruminating on those few harrowing days after being turned away from the hospital, running out to disappear into the world - Stolas' hand is on his cheek and that's real, here present. Blitz turns into it, relishing the softness of his touch, the warmth of their connection, the feeling of absolute, deep rooted safety that he still hates himself for craving but craves all the same.

I will, Stolas says, and Blitz doesn't have a chance to voice his confusion before he continues, I'll come after you, dearest, no matter what.

❝ I know, ❞ he murmurs, still largely out of it, floating somewhere between then and now. ❝ 'M glad you weren't there, though. What a - ... fuckin' shitshow ... 'S all my fault ... but ... ❞ He moves his head so that he rub more of his cheek against Stolas' hand. ❝ Won't do it again. ❞

That he can promise. If he ever hurts someone like that again, if he ever - Blitz closes his eyes again at the thought, a tremble working down his spine at the thought that there's something lurking just below his skin - a monster that'll burst out the second he lets his guard down, spreading destruction with every touch, every glance, every breath.

He can't do that to anyone. But, fuck, he really can't do that to Stolas.

Blitz takes a few minutes to settle in the knowledge that he's alive. Fuck, he really doesn't want to die, does he? A strange, half delirious laugh escapes him as he takes another breath, his thoughts and his speech blurring the lines between them in the haze that comes with concussions. With the pain lessened, he feels like he's - floating.

❝ 'S ironic. Like - ... ten years ago I woulda just ... taken it, y'know? Tried once, didn't work. But now, all I wanna - ... do is ... live. Didn't realize it. I - ... think you saved me. Felt like I was ... couldn't breathe. ❞ He's vaguely aware that he's rambling, through the fog of his head and the exhaustion sinking into his bones. Through it all, though, he has one hand and his gaze on Stolas - Stolas, his guiding light. His home.

❝ 'M glad I'm home ... you're home. ❞ He breathes deeply again, almost luxuriously, relishing the absence of blood churning up into his mouth. He's alive, he's alive, he's alive. Even when Stolas fixes him with one of those glares that means Blitz is going to do whatever he says, Blitz is still smiling languidly, gratefully, softly. And he almost complies without thinking, moving his hand to give it to Stolas.

But that's when the pain rolls through it, and with it, clarity. The moment Blitz tries to lift his palm from the bed, agony burns through his fingers and down into his wrist, like he's just shoved glass through his skin, through his joints. Oh, fuck. He swallows back the instinctive noise of pain, expression flickering before he smooths it into something more neutral, if only out of sheer force of habit.

Roused from the half drowsing state of memories and daydreams, Blitz glances down at his hand and then back up at Stolas, frantically searching his face to see if this is something that Blitz can stomach - if he can do this to Stolas, push him and his magic even farther just for his sake. His ribs and whatever tore in him must have been a fucking nightmare to deal with, and Stolas looks tired.

❝ Are - you ... sure? ❞ His voice catches a little with suppressed pain and not so suppressed worry. ❝ I - ❞ you need your hands to do your job. He does, he really does - it's precisely why the fucks shattered it it in the first place, unaware that he'd trained himself on using both over the years. ❝ ... I don't want you to ... hurt yourself. I got caught, I fucked up. You shouldn't have to - ... ❞

Stolas is offering this. Blitz has promised to be better, to try harder, to stop fucking up so much, and part of that is trusting Stolas. Listening to him when he says things, believing them for what they are. He looks up again, still trepidatious, but less frantic.

❝ ... Okay. But I can't - ... uh ... lift it. And then that's it. ❞

Stolas has always had a high pain tolerance; he's had to, thanks to Stella. She'd thrown one of his plants at him, and when he'd raised his arms to defend himself, he'd heard the snap of the bone as the pot made contact. He remembers what it felt like to have it magically set, how the pain radiates from the injury, making it ten times worse than it had been when it happened…., and then the relief when it was finally mended. It still took time to get fully back to normal, there was still tenderness and having to work on strength again, but not nearly as long as it would have, had he had to wait for it to heal naturally. Plus, there would have been questions if he'd had to wear a cast while it healed.

The family much preferred using its resources to employ a physician that knew to keep their mouth shut than they would having to explain away such injuries. Of course, it also helped that Stolas hadn't gone out much except to handle his duties, so it wasn't that unusual when he seemingly disappeared inside the palace for a week.

While this pain is greater than that had been, it's different. Because he'd made this choice, out of love. He had known there would be pain and willingly embraced it to help Blitz. Stolas would walk through fire, would endure any number of hardships if it meant Blitz didn't have to, if it meant one single moment of respite for him.

And he knows, had seen that Blitz would do the same for him.

When Blitz quietly asks why no one came after him, Stolas looks up, seeing the tears in his eyes. He lifts a hand to cup Blitz's cheek, thumb gently brushing them from his skin. The glittering galaxy of Stolas' magic still surrounds his hand, and he uses the soft touch as a way to soothe Blitz's head at least a little bit. He doesn't want to do too much, doesn't want to prevent the pain from alerting them to any possible issues, but he can't stand to see Blitz hurting so badly. There is so much tenderness on Stolas' face when he gazes at Blitz; he loves him so much.

"I will," he promises again, and he'll repeat it as many times as Blitz needs to hear it, "I'll come after you, dearest, no matter what." The concussion must be messing with him more than Stolas had thought; hopefully easing some of the pain will help at least a little bit, but he'll have to see what else he can do about it once he's finished with everything else. Because while he was worried about the potentially life-threatening injuries, the fact that Blitz seemed to be so confused was concerning, too.

From what little he knew of concussions, treating them meant making sure Blitz got plenty of rest, which meant he'd be staying with him, to keep an eye on him, to get anything he might need. And if they curled up together, that might honestly be good for both of them. Blitz has been running himself ragged between work, looking for Striker, and helping Stolas with his recovery, while Stolas was really only sleeping when Blitz was with him (he'd had a few nights where he'd……self-medicated enough to pass out, and those mornings had not been fun. He was trying to be better about that, but some nights….were harder than others).

The healing process is something Stolas had read about, but hadn't started studying in earnest until after his stint in the hospital. His own injuries had to heal naturally, partly because it takes a great deal to heal a Goetia for anyone less than Belphegor herself, and partly because his doctors were tracking his progress, using him as a test case to see how injuries from blessed weapons healed. Once he was released from the hospital, Stolas had found his medical textbooks and started tracking his own progress. Which had been an excellent jumping off point to learning the spells necessary to help I.M.P. when they came back bruised and battered.

He'd known that setting Blitz's ribs was going to be a process. This was the first time he'd taken care of several large injuries at once, and it was more strenuous than he'd anticipated. That doesn't change his determination to keep going, to keep knitting each of Blitz's injuries back together, until either he can't or there are no more to heal.

Stolas takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly, some of the pain dissipating with the motion. It'll take a little longer to fade completely, but that's fine; he'll handle it until it does.

He watches Blitz, sees him carefully take a breath, and a soft smile slips onto his face. Good. He was breathing easier, which was a big first step. Stolas lifts a hand and softly, tenderly wipes away the tears that have slipped from Blitz's eye, swallowing hard, his own eyes dry. He couldn't afford to give in to his emotions, not yet, not until Blitz was okay. Then he would hold him close and not let go.

Blitz looks up at him, and Stolas just watches him take him in, his smile widening almost automatically when he feels Blitz's hand on his. He'd asked him what was next, and instead of answering him, Blitz thanked him, telling him no more, that he looked tired.

But when Blitz asks him to just splint his fingers if he was up to it, Stolas fixes him with a steady, red gaze, despite how his heart had skipped a beat hearing Blitz call him 'lovebird.'

"You need your hands to do your job," he says matter-of-factly, holding out his own. "Give me your hand," Stolas murmurs, and it's clear he's not quite done yet. "And then I promise, once I bandage everything else, I'll cuddle you as much as you want. But I'm not letting you put yourself out of commission for weeks while you heal, not when I can help."

If Blitz refuses, if he really doesn't want him to deal with his hand, Stolas will respect that…., but he hopes Blitz will let him help at least once more.