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chelseypprimrose · 2 years ago

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Handy With His Hands / handyman!negan x housewife!reader / 18+ / pre-apocalypse

Warnings ⚠️ : unprotected sex, adultery, oral (f receiving), rough sex elements

Summary: being a housewife is quite dull, especially when your husband is a corporate jackass- until a sexy handyman comes to fix your shower.

A/N: I got this little saucy story in my head while reading some handyman!joel miller stories and I just thought: Negan + handyman? so hot! my stories are always something out of a cheesy porno scenario but idec , i know i’m never going to have these fantasies happen to me in the real world so i believe it’s self care to let my dulu stories write out on paper 🤭 please enjoy 🤍

not proof read yet 🫣

“can you please just get someone to come and look at that thing? i’m sick of having to take cold showers!” you exclaimed, your voice travelling from the kitchen to the living room where your husband was on a phone call. “i’m on the phone, honey.” he replied back, hidden annoyance in his tone, recognisable to you but if anyone else was to hear, they’d think it to be cheerful. you cursed him out in your head, counting down the hours until he was going to be gone on his long business trip. finally, you’d be able to take a break from your expected housewife duties, one of your favourite things to do when your husband was away, catch a few rays in your back garden, take a dip naked in the swimming pool. you had to find thrills where you could as your life was a revolving door of the same boring routine, day in and day out. you craved for something, some sort of adventure to come into your life and completely turn it on its head, you were still waiting on that day unfortunately.

you’d been married to your husband for around three years now, even if it felt like forty. it had been a fairytale at the beginning, he’d get you flowers every week, freshly picked, take you out for dinner at least four times a month, he’d seemed like the perfect man to get married to, until you were locked in, bounded by the commitment and paperwork. he’d neglected those responsibilities, it was rare for him to even take you out for a date night anymore, it was usually just forcing you to go to dinner meetings so he could show you off to potential clients, having to spend your evening being hit on and leered over by slimy old men, your body used to close business deals. always buying you some diamond necklace or earrings after the fact, to keep you happy. you spent most of your time at home when not being used as a dress up doll for your husband, cooking, cleaning, keeping the house in perfect condition - not that he ever noticed.

“alright, i’ve got someone coming round to look at the shower, i’ve got to leave for my flight dear. i love you. i’ll give you a call when i land.” he says, his suitcase rolling on four wheels beside him, his head coming down for a peck on your lips, absolutely no spark or electricity through the kiss, not like it used to be. you mumbled a love you back, as you watched him walk out of the front door, a sigh of relief when the door shut behind him. you took your apron off, placing it on the hook next to the cabinets in the kitchen. walking upstairs into your shared bedroom, you quickly changed out of your clothes, putting on a new two piece bikini you’d treated yourself to a couple weeks ago, topping it off with a pair of sunglasses to keep the sun out of your eyes. grabbing a towel on your way out, you slid the patio door open, folding out the towel and placing it on the sun lounger, sitting down on it and lounging out. connecting your phone to the bluetooth speaker outside, you decided to put on your relaxing mix, hoping it would help you get a small nap in before the repairman was here.

it was really hard to get one on such short notice, how your husband had been able to get one the same day baffled you, probably pulled some strings with one of his business buddies you thought. while you had good money in the bank, you despised how your husband would treat other people that weren’t in the same tax bracket as you both were. you were the more generous person in the relationship, giving to various charities when you could, even though it annoyed your husband to no end when you did. in a selfish way, you revealed in it, any subtle way you could piss him off without making it obvious that was your intention, you’d jump at the chance. giving money to those who needed it AND being able to make him angry - win win scenario.

you’d been sat in the back yard for around a hour, lightly snoring as you went in and out of a light sleep, you hadn’t heard the doorbell go the multiple times it had, being awoken when the wooden side gate hit the fence with a loud crash. “holy shit!” you shouted, pulling your sunglasses off your eyes to look towards the gate, seeing a man standing there with a large toolbox in his hand. “hey, didn’t mean to scare you doll. no one answered the doorbell and i saw the gate was unlocked so.” you got yourself up from the sun lounger, taking a couple steps towards the man so you could get a better look at him. damn he was fine, a tight white t-shirt with black cargo pants, covered in what looked like dust, white paint, other substances you could only assume he’d gotten from his line of work. a tattoo peeking out from underneath his sleeve, one on his forearm as well, steel-toe capped boots making slight clink noises as he moved on the concrete path underneath him, you thought he was too attractive to be a handyman, a ‘magic mike’ dancer sure, you give over everything in your bank account to see that little fantasy come to life. his hair slicked back and beard trimmed neatly, your eyes couldn’t help naturally scanning over his muscular, dominating frame.

“hi! you must be the handyman my husband ordered?” you asked, eyebrow raising as you put your hand out for a handshake. “well, i work for the same company, i’m Negan.” he introduced himself as he grasped your hand, meeting yours. his hand felt slightly calloused, a side effect from his job you gathered, you couldn’t deny how sexy they made you feel, being used to the smoothness of your husbands, it was a unlikely turn on. “oh right! i’m y/n. thank you for coming on such short notice, i’m absolutely sick of having cold showers, don’t know how much more i can take of it.” you joked, a small smile sat on your face. “i’ll show you where it is so you can get cracking, i bet there’s more things you’d rather be doing, so hopefully it won’t take too long.” you motioned for him to follow you, walking through the patio door.

Negan followed you into the house, unbeknownst to you, his eyes glued to your small bikini bottoms, showing off your ass in what could only be described as gorgeous. he knew it was wrong, looking at the bosses wife in such a way but he couldn’t help himself, becoming a recent single man again, he hadn’t had the time to get back into the dating scene which in turn meant he wasn’t getting any action and it was driving him nuts. he was only a man, when he’d got the call from your husband, he wasn’t expecting his wife to be home alone, dressed in a bikini, looking good enough to devour.

you got to the en suite bathroom, opening the door, showing him where the controls were. “here it is, i have no clue what’s wrong with it, it just won’t let any hot water through.” you stated, you’d never been good with stuff like this, your husband had always had people on call to fix problems around the house. “i’ll be fine doll, i’ve dealt with this problem loads of times before.” he waved it off with a laugh. “would you like anything to drink? to eat?” you questioned, putting on your best innocent smile. “i wouldn’t mind a coffee, doll but don’t make one on my account.” he beamed back at you, turning away to grab something from his toolbox, you took a look at his tight cargos as he bent down, they shaped the muscularity of his thighs perfectly, his ass looking perfect in them. “i’m sure i can rustle something up for you, how do you take it?” you asked, a slight smirk on your face from how you’d worded the question to him. “no milk, two sugars please. i like it sweet.” he bantered back, leaving you to saunter off to the kitchen.

you returned back to him, slightly boiling coffee in hand, placing it on the large counter where the sink and mirror were placed. “so, how long have you worked with my husband? i don’t think i’ve heard about you before?” you quizzed, knowing the names of your husbands many business partners and staff, you’d have remembered a unique name like Negan, you were sure. “ah not long, used to be a gym teacher before this job, needed a change and i’ve always been good with my hands.” you laughed, the image of Negan bossing around a load of pre teens making you smile. “i wouldn’t have pegged you as a gym teacher, to be honest with you!” he laughed right back at you, turning his head to look towards you. “yeah, a lot of people have told me that, i loved working with the little shits all day, gave them a run for their money, i can tell you that much.” he grimaced, realising what he’d done. “sorry doll, don’t mean to swear, pretty unprofessional of me.” you giggled again, shaking your head at him. “i don’t mind, stop worrying! it’s nice to be in the company of a man who doesn’t change himself to suit other people.” Negan took notice of that, wondering if you were talking about your husband. “well, that’s fucking me all over doll. so, what do you do?” you sighed, knowing how what you said next would come across. “housewife, i stay at home, look after the house and get taken to business dinners when i’m needed.” he noticed your drop in tone, he could sense that you weren’t really happy with that but he didn’t want to speak out of turn. “well your doing a bang up job, this place is immaculate.” you blushed, your husband had never complimented your hard work, always just expecting the house to be sorted, never thinking to thank you for your efforts. “thanks, it’s nice to hear that. i’ll let you get on, if you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask.”

it was about a hour later when Negan had finally finished the shower, it now letting out hot water again. “you are a angel, finally i can have a nice shower!” you exclaimed, hands clapping enthusiastically, Negan laughing at your actions. “absolutely no problem doll.” he smiled at you, trying to escape his thoughts of you taking said shower, the bubbles dripping down your body as you washed them away, how good you’d look naked. “so, stop me if you have somewhere to be but i just got finished making dinner, i forgot i was alone so there is more than enough if you wanted to stay for some?” you asked sheepishly, expecting him to decline, a young single man probably had better things to do on a friday night than sit in with a boring housewife for dinner. “i’d love that doll. let me just take my tools back to my truck.” you freaked out internally, you were excited to spend some more time with this devilishly charming man, he was a breath of fresh air compared to the people you had to hang around with when you were with your husband. always other couples that were all business talk, how many sales they’d made that year and how much they were getting for their bonuses, it became exhausting over time.

you plated up the chicken florentine, along with some vegetables and sauce, bring the plate from the counter to the dining room table, the dimmed lights almost highlighting your body, you’d changed into a pretty sundress while he’d gone out to the truck, deciding a bikini wasn’t proper dinner attire, not bothering with underwear, if your plan was to go your way. placing the plates on the table, you grabbed a bottle of wine from the vast array of choice from the wine cooler and glasses for you both. you took a seat just as Negan walked back through the door, his eyes rising up as he smelt the food from the table. “fuck me doll, that smells good!” he clapped his hands together as he sat down beside you, starting to eat. “i hope you like it, i didn’t know if you ate meat but…” you trailed off. “no i do, i’m not one of those vegan pussies, don’t worry.” you laughed, his vulgar language causing a stir from within you. you poured out a glass of wine for you each before tucking in yourself. “i’ve got to say, i’ve never had such hospitality from anyone before, i’m always called to clients houses but the most i’m offered is a drink and then they leave me alone to work, this is a nice change.” you smiled, hoping you hadn’t been too much in his hair, you just couldn’t stop yourself, you wanted to know more about the intriguing man. “well, i aim to please. hospitality gets drilled into you as a housewife, it’s sort of all i’m good for.” you said, taking a sip of your wine, feeling like you were softly venting a little due to feeling comfortable in Negan’s company. “i’m sure your good at other things doll, better than the shitheads i normally encounter in this job.”

“well i understand that, i’ve met my husband’s clientele and they aren’t my type of people. always boasting about themselves, not caring about others, i hate it really.” you confessed, knowing you were opening up to much to a man you didn’t really know but you felt at ease, like you could speak freely, unlike when you were in your husbands company. you and Negan had finished eating, you finished the last of your wine, taking your plates to the dishwasher, bending down to place them inside, not remembering you had no panties on, fully on show for Negan and he’d definitely noticed. he’d almost done a double take, seeing your pretty pussy on display, a grin widening on his face as he understood the message. he got up, walking towards you as you raised up again, going to put the cooking utensils in the dishwasher when his large hands wrapped around your waist, you turned to look at him.

“you know doll, i think i should thank you for such a lovely evening. don’t you?” you looked up at him through your eyelashes, your chest heaving up and down with deep breaths as your heart began to beat irregularly at the closeness of such a gorgeous man. “i don’t know… what did you have in mind?” you questioned, your arms coming to meet at the top of his neck, wrapping around to pull him closer as your faces were inches away from each other. “i think it would be fair payment to screw your pretty little brains out, right over this countertop.” you moaned out at his statement, his hand coming to tug at your hair softly, before yanking harder, testing the waters. “i think, you should put your money where your mouth is, Negan.”

he growled, backing you up to the countertop that was behind your back, slightly pushing you against it. he captured your lips in a heated kiss, his hand still pulling at your hair as you whimpered into the kiss, silently begging for his hard touch. no one had ever been so rough with you, husband included. “i know how much you’ve wanted this, don’t think i didn’t notice how you aren’t wearing any panties, you were planning for this, weren’t you doll?” he whispered against your lips, his other hand now going underneath your skirt, dancing on your thighs before he got to your wet heat. “i don’t just offer dinner to anyone that comes to the house, you know.” you whimpered out, feeling his finger tips on your clit, moving small circles on top of it. “i’m hungry for dessert now doll, open those pretty thighs for me sweetheart.” he lifted you up onto the counter, your legs sat on his shoulders as you lifted your dress up enough for your whole pussy on display for Negan. his tongue met your hot skin, licking a stripe up your core, starting slow. your hand came down to meet his hair, gripping tightly around the strands that had fallen loose from his slicked back style. you moaned out, not used to the feeling of having such a skilled man between your legs, savouring every movement you felt him make. so methodical and well thought.

he sucked on your clit harshly, you squeezing his head slightly as your thighs contorted together, trying desperately to grind yourself closer to his tongue, chasing the blissfully sinful feeling that was racing through your body. “fuck-fuck! Negan, i’m not- going to last much longer if you keep doing that! fuck!” you panted and whined at the impending arrival of your orgasm, he chuckled at your confession, pulling away from you to back up. “i want to feel you doll, i want to feel you clench around my dick, turn around for me.” he purred, letting your stumbling legs fall back onto the ground as you turned to face the counter, your nipples standing erected through the thin material of the dress, contrasting against the cold marble.

he dropped his cargo pants, letting them fall down to his ankles, his impressively large piece now hanging out, you felt the bulbous tip playing around on your entrance, running up and down your folds at Negan’s movements. he finally entered you, holding a tight grip on your hips, nails slightly digging into your soft flesh, letting your pussy stretch out to accommodate his girth. he pulls out, and slides back in with little to no hesitation, finding a happy pace between rough and soft. you moan out, one hand coming to wrap around your throat as he moved his pace to more rough. “fuck doll, you fit me so well- taking me so good baby.” you whined out again. “please, please! harder! i need you, Negan- fuck!” he grinned at your begging, leaving your lips like a pretty song. he obliged, upping the ante to absolutely rock you.

“RING! RING!”

you gasped, pulling your head up from the counter to see the light illuminating from the landline phone situated near the window, your husbands name on the caller id.

“fuck, fuck! stop i need to answer him!” you tried to manoeuvre your body to grab the phone that was finger tips away from you, pushing your body closer before negan reached out over you to grab it.

“better answer it before he gets suspicious dollface.” he clicked the green button, passing it down to you, your face bright red with nervousness.

“hey-hey honey.” you breathed out, finding it hard not to make pleasurable sounds while Negan was still fucking you rough, you could barely talk with his hand still grasped around your throat. he showed no mercy.

“i just got to my hotel, did Negan manage to fix the shower?” your husband asked, you allowed a small grin to peak out on your face, thanking god your husband couldn’t see you right now. “yeah, he did a really good job, such a nice guy!” you drabbled on, hoping he wouldn’t ask many more questions, fearing you couldn’t stay quiet for much longer. “that’s great, so i’m going to try and get some sleep before the big meeting tomorrow. just wanted to let you know i got here okay. i love you.” he said, you almost dropped the phone from how rough your stomach was hitting the side of the counter, Negan relishing in the predicament you’d found yourself in. “ok-okay honey. i love you t-too.” you gasped as Negan proceeded to smack your ass hard, the sting catching you off guard, making it harder to find your words for your husband. “are you okay? you don’t sound too well?” you rolled your eyes into the back of your head, wishing he’d just fuck off so you didn’t have the anxiety of having to string sentences together. “yeah i’m fine, think i’m just a bit ill. i’ll l-let you get some sleep. love you. bye.” you quickly got out, pressing the red end call button, slinging the phone off the counter, the object hitting the ground with a smack. “you are such a bastard.” you slightly laughed with another moan. “didn’t want him worrying about his dear wife now did we doll? thank you for the five star review though, i appreciate it.”

the wet sounds still echoed around the room, you could feel yourself getting ever so closer to what you knew would be a world shattering climax. “fuck, i’m so so close, please! fuck!” Negan held you firmer in place, his hips snapping against your behind, his dick filling you up to the brim. “let go doll, come all over my dick.” that was all the permission you needed, you let yourself climax, sobbing in pleasure, waves of pleasure rippling through you, nearly too intense for your body to handle it. you cried out his name, your fingernails digging into your own palms as you circled your hips, riding out your orgasm.

Negan wasn’t too far behind, he couldn’t help but spill inside you, quickly pulling out to finish the rest on your now red glistening ass, from the countless spankings he’d given you. you both almost collapsed, breathless, unable to get your heart rates back to normal for the time being. Negan held you to his chest, your back meeting his torso in a warm embrace, chests heaving. you felt the sticky ropes of his seed on your dress, making it stick to your ass as you licked your lips to regain some moisture back as they’d gone dry from all your moaning and whining. his hands ran up and down your body, coming to play with your breasts over the material.

“fuck doll, do you have any more repairs for me to do? because i would gladly fix every goddamn thing in this house for this again.” you laughed, turning around to look at him, face beat red from the strenuous actions you’d both participated in. you reached behind him and pulled open one of the cabinets behind his head, the wood snapping with the force, taking it off its hinges so it hung off.

“whoops. you might need to take a look at that.”

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rwrbficrecs · 1 year ago

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September Faves

Enjoy these September recs from the team 🥰

Best Bar in The World by @pridepages (book-verse)

@heybuddy-drabbles: Well, I can now confirm that I'm 100% cerified a pridepages fan. The way she picks the themes of the original source and uses them in a different setting is just absolutely flawless, the same happens in Little Pages. It's gives you the same feelings of reading rwrb but also reading something new and different all at the same time.

My Brother’s Keeper by @indomitable-love (book-verse)

@janetical: Written in Philip’s POV, it tackles all the canon events in a frustrating yet heart-wrenching way. I knew what I was getting myself into when I noticed the POV, but I really did hate Philip less at the end of this fic. Everything is entailed in this little story: unresolved daddy issues and grief, internalized homophobia and Philip acknowledging Henry’s first time. It will make you cry, and it will end on a somewhat happy note.

For all the world to see by @everwitch-magiks (book-verse)

@suseagull04: This is a fic I couldn't put down! I'm always a fan of Henry being a writer in fics (so the description alone caught my eye), and the mix of cute moments with firstprince (and David) and plot twists had me hooked! It's also such an interesting look at the life of a writer and how difficult it is for them to have anonymity, which was especially interesting to me because of the writers strike in Hollywood.

he looks up grinning like the devil by @coffeecatsme (book-verse)

@read-and-write-: Also known as the frat boy AU, if you want some hurt/comfort that really does what it says on the tin. Don't be afraid because it is completely worth it!

written in the stars by @indomitable-love (book-verse)

@heybuddy-drabbles: This is just so beautiful. It's basically about Henry mostly. I didn't expect the "past" part would hit so hard but it did. I had to put it down a few times because it was truly heartbreaking but it has a happy ending. Don't be fooled like I was about it being all fluff. It's not, it's very nostalgic and they are apart for a long time but I still recommend it because, like I said, it's really beautiful.

Deep Blue by @myheartalivewrites (book-verse)

@thesleepyskipper: This was just a stunning piece of writing that does such a wonderful job of evoking images of the seaside cliffs, swimming in the cove and spending lazy days in the cottage above. At the same time, we get all that delicious pining and FWB to lovers fun within that beautiful setting. The spicy bits are beautifully done too! Highly recommend!

Rae of Sunshine! (series) by @three-drink-amy @indomitable-love @clottedcreamfudge @everwitch-magiks @the-amber-fox @villiageidiot @athousandrooms @welcometololaland @dustratcentral

@rmd-writes: I couldn't choose just one fic from this series gifted to me so I'm recommending them all, but every fic very much deserves the recommendation! Nine food-themed fics featuring everything from an exploration of Henry's life through food to chef!Henry to craft services trailer!Alex to matchmaker!Pez to the world's most cursed coffee habits from some of my favourite authors (and people)

What Do I Know? by @three-drink-amy (book-verse)

@babiemonk: The angst is so good I cried

Screw Your Courage to the Sticking Place (and forget macbeth is a fucking tragedy) by @celaestis1 (book-verse)

@babiemonk: So amazing, I didn’t want it to ever end. The angst was so good. The kidfic element was perfect. Possibly the perfect fic.

@dot524: I absolutely loved this one. Such a ride and I enjoyed every bit of it. I also really enjoyed the character of Alex’s daughter. Lots of complexity, great story arc.

God Save the Blessed American President Mom by @zipadeea (book-verse)

@babiemonk: This fucking broke me I cried for at least an entire day

@suseagull04: This is such an introspective look at Alex and Ellen's relationship (and Ellen as a character in general) and it's so good!

like father by rizcriz (movie-verse)

@indomitable-love: A really lovely and sensitively told conversation between Oscar & Henry, where Oscar catches Henry sneaking out of the lake house. This one got me right in my emotions. Very healing.

Bite Your Tongue On Purpose by Woodsarelovely (book-verse)

@darwinsfinchesx: Coffee Shop AU with a twist. This fic has some of the best dialogue I’ve ever read. It’s delightful, funny, and the characterization is on point. It leaves a big smile on my face every time I re-read it.

seldom what they seem by @jumpinginmuddypuddles (book-verse)

@gwiazdziarka: Sleeping beauty AU, where they don't need to fight with witches or dragons but there are... other problems. I love modern-day solutions to fairy-tale problems and here it actually just makes everything more complicated.

Mr. Bodypillow by @inexplicablymine (book-verse)

@gwiazdziarka: Yes, I recently recommended this one as wip, but now it's complete and I just need to bring it up again, because it deserves all the attention. Alex and Henry have the most amazing relationship here that goes outside of usual norms. It's also the warmest and the sweetest thing that I've read in a while. And it has great ace representation.

@read-and-write-: Is Ace!Alex very special to you? Do you want to feel like someone is wrapping you in a soft blanket? Then Mr. BodyPillow is for you! It's beautiful and will leave you feeling all warm and fuzzy inside

come pick me up by @smc-27 (book-verse)

@suseagull04: This fic will both make you laugh and give you all the feels. An awkward first interaction when Henry requests an Uber ride leads to an instant connection and sizzling chemistry, all leading to a conclusion that, although satisfying, will leave you wanting more of this verse!

the winner takes it all by @dumbpeachjuice (book-verse)

@myheartalivewrites: A Tour de France, rivals cyclists AU! Keeping a lot of the book dynamics, Alex and Henry find themselves competing against each other on the Tour — and then falling into bed. This has everything: thrilling sports passages (even though I haven’t ever watched the Tour in my life!), romantic tension, a great read.

Love-Love by @smc-27 (book-verse)

@myheartalivewrites: a tennis AU set at Wimbledon, which obviously holds a special place in RWRB hearts. Alex and Henry as rival tennis players who’ve hooked up once, and then end up as doubles partners. A quick read that left me all warmed up from the inside.

a flicker, a spark by acastle (book/movie-verse)

@daisymae-12: Wow I don’t have the words to truly convey how much I loved this fic. It diverges from canon at Kensington and the events that follow are so beautifully written. This fic made me cry over an OC, made me feel seen when I recognized parts of my own cultural background woven into a story, made my heart ache for everything Alex and Henry have been through and made me tear up some more. This is one of the most heart-wrenching canon-divergence fics I’ve ever read and I know I’m going to be thinking about it for a long time.

Baby, All At Once (This Is Enough) by @iboatedhere (book-verse)

@daisymae-12: This fic is such a lovely look into Alex & Henry’s life post-canon and had me absolutely melting from the softness of it all.

Will You Brie Mine? by @cha-melodius (book-verse)

@daisymae-12: A fic featuring cheese and Henry being the one to sell it, what’s not to love? This was such a sweet fic and I loved the interactions between them! @cha-melodius always writes such amazing fics, and this was no exception.

#monthly faves #rwrb fic recs #firstprince #firstprince fic recs

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basedkikuenjoyer · 1 year ago

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A Marvelously Wonderful Life

1102 was a very tough chapter to write about. I usually have a draft ready from the Raws, but here there were a few angles I had to look at it from. So y'all are getting a Christmas bonus. On the surface this is just a cool, cool chapter. We split between Kuma and Bonney's stories, showing the former's side of known events. It's so moving in it's own right, do remember part of why I choose to focus on the meta narrative aspects is because it's hitting very close to home. And y'all this one's a doozy. Bookends. So this flashback begins with Ginny saving the day at God Valley the way she did and now ends with Kuma setting a precedent for the exact narrative trope we're looking for? Showing hidden sides of known events.

That's it, that's like...the entire foundational building block of all this weird shit I've said. Kiku was perfectly set up to do this with all of Wano, but it'd really start looking like a new recruit narrative fast. It's not just saying that the same way anyone could do that, we've pointed out several specific places where you could guess something happened based on context clues. Miss Unassuming is kinda the #1 archetype to pair with a twist told that way. In essence, this flashback starts and ends by setting a precedent. That's one way you could look at it, given I can tie both to Victoria Cindry is blowing my mind.

You cheeky lil shit. Don't worry, I'm not getting ahead of myself. This could just be a last note of the flashback and next chapter we're back to fighting Saturn. Kuma pops in to save the day with a last ounce of humanity, the miracle we didn't see with Cindry. Tomorrow we'll talk big picture, why I still wonder if this is a red herring walking the same line as Yamato. But first we have to ask the basic question, where does 1103 go from here? Because it can do that...but did we see it? A repeat of how we came back from the big cutaway. When we skipped the night in the lab. Is this the start of us coming back to that? Don't forget that was a double-bluff too.

That is an intriguing possibility. Always cool when you see the concept you expected but in a different way that's instantly so much better. Yeah, that is the way to play with the flow of this narrative. Skip the night, get to the high drama, fill in the night, finish the fight. To me, if that's what we're doing then this is almost assuredly heading towards the "Double Rashomon" idea. There'll be one more segment away. Maybe it's the alternate take on Wano. Maybe that's through Sword and Drake's report. Maybe it's the two Stussys as a pretext to let Marco do it. Maybe it's something completely different with or without alt-Wano as the fourth, real one. Neat right?

Crackle. Oh man, story's picking up another frequency again. There's something I'm left with here. Kuma's a total patron saint of teddy bears and genuinely good dudes everywhere. He's so cuddly and sweet and I know some of y'all are gonna hate me for this but he's also kind of a trusting idiot. So it's interesting you have that "Bakura" split personality element seep in.

We've broached this subject before, it's where Okiku was an evolution of Himura Kenshin. Which is really just the difference between a man making big, grandiose axioms about nonviolence vs. a sensible, pragmatic woman who will bear the burden of doing what's necessary as a last resort. Remember how much Kuma's sacrifices troubled Ginny. A little more grit and realism from the very spiritual Kuma probably would have been better for everyone involved, but at least people end up remembering you as a figure like Oden.

Makes this little crackle very interesting. It theoretically works as a Chekov's Gun; a way for Kuma to have a happy ending if Vegapunk snuck it in anyways. Or it works as a roadmap for where Kuma, saintly as he may be, fell short and is part of something bigger. Recall, we do make a point of showing something similar out of Vivi losing her cool in a tense conversation with Cipher Pol. (Psst, and Stussy setting up still struggling with personal identity issues that are silly to worry too much about.)

#one piece #post wano musings #chapter 1102 #bartholomew kuma #jewelry heckin bonney

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thoughtsbyharu · 9 months ago

Text

Guts and Guts (spilled) Album Thoughts

My thoughts about Olivia Rodrigo's 2nd album, Guts!

Hi everyone! Long time no post! A lot has happened for the past months and I haven't posted a lot :(

Anyway, so Olivia released an album last September! This review is sooo long overdue haha but at least I could also review the new songs released on Guts (spilled) which is kind of like the deluxe edition of Guts.

I am very excited for this album because her previous album, "Sour" was one of my favorites. I listened to this on its release and it did not disappoint! So let's talk about my thoughts about it.

1. all-american bitch

Rating: 9/10

Memorable line/s:

"I don't get angry when I'm pissed. I'm the eternal optimist, I scream inside to deal with it"

"I'm grateful all the time (Grateful every f*cking time)"

Thoughts:

Way to start an album! The song is very catchy and the pop rock elements just hits up my alley. I heard that she used some American pop culture references in this song so I did some researching to know the meaning of them (since I am not American lol).

The overall tone of this song is somewhat sarcastic. I think the song is about how people expect her to be the "perfect American woman" when some of that ideals are quite destructive. Take for example the line:

"All the time, I'm grateful all the time I'm sexy and I'm kind I'm pretty when I cry"

and the line

"I don't get angry when I'm pissed I'm the eternal optimist I scream inside to deal with like "Ah""

It's like even if you are upset or angry, as a woman, you are expected to be calm and mature and handle things gracefully like a proper lady. Basically, bottling up your feelings because you, having negative feelings and expressing them doesn't sit well with people.

These types of expectations are toxic and unhealthy. Keeping your thoughts internally because people will be inconvenienced is such bs. Having emotions isn't a crime because guess what, women are people too. We should be able to laugh when you're happy, cry when you're sad and get mad when you're angry.

Overall (before this section takes too long), I like the song and it's meaning. I especially love the outro. Oh! and have you guys seen her performance of this song on SNL? It was amazing!

2. bad idea right?

Rating: 8.5/10

Memorable line/s:

"Seeing you tonight is a bad idea right?"

"I only see him as a friend (The biggest lie I ever said)"

This is like hearing the thought process of your friend who can't leave their ex or move on 😂

It's a fun song and really catchy. I love the build up before every chorus hits. It's fun to sing along to.

It's funny because this song reminds me of one of my friends and his on/off relationship with a girl. Like, he keeps ranting about her but he just keeps coming back to her. Saying things like, "Well, we're still friends so we're still hanging out" but then regrets it later when stuff happens. This song reminds me soooo much of him. No matter how much advice we give him he always does the opposite.

Anyways, to my friend out there, hope you move on already!

3. vampire

Rating: 9/10

Memorable line/s:

"I used to think I was smart but you made look so naive"

"You can't love anyone, 'cause that would mean you had a heart"

So this song was said to be about a previous boyfriend but others said that this is about Taylor Swift, but I think I'd go with the former. I did some research and she did have a former boyfriend that fits the description so maybe it's about him?

The lyrics is kind of like "All Too Well" all over again. Not saying it's bad but it's really weird to think that a lot of young women can relate to it. I mean, why do these men always go after young women who's like, years their junior? The line "Went for me and not her, 'cause girls your age know better"?? Like dudes, why can't you find someone your age? Young women in their late teens to early 20s are still figuring out life, leave them alone 😂

Anyways, the song is quite good and pretty hard to sing so kudos to Olivia! I watched her live performances to this song and it's just so amazing.

4. lacy

Rating: 7.5/10

Memorable line/s:

"I see you everywhere, sweetest torture one could bear"

"People are people but it's like you're made of angel dust"

"I despise my rotten mind and how much it worships you"

This is definitely about envy. It's the kind of envy where you admire someone because you can never be like them. Do you guys get it? (haha)

She puts "lacy" in a pedestal because she's basically perfect; which is something that she (Olivia) thinks she could never be. Basically, "Lacy" brings out her insecurities and this is frustrating her.

I think most of us has their own "lacy". Maybe it's an idol, actress, friend, etc. and I get it because I also have my own. The thing is, you are your own person and that lacy is also their own person. You will never be them because you are you. It's alright to acknowledge the feeling of jealousy but don't let your life revolve around it. Do things that are best for you.

5. ballad of a homeschool girl

Rating: 8/10

Memorable line/s:

"I'm on the outside of the greatest inside joke"

"Each time I step outside, it's social suicide!"

This is not a ballad, this is an anthem!! 😂

I have to say, this ain't just for the homeschool girlies but awkward and socially inept people too (like me). I am laughing all throughout this song when I first listened to it because it is TOO relatable for my own good.

I love how chaotic it sounds, like a mind of a very confused and anxious girl who does not know how social stuff works.

P.S. can't find a fitting gif for this sooo bear with me

6. making the bed

Rating: 8/10

Memorable line/s:

"Well sometimes I feel like I don't wanna be where I am"

"Every good thing has turned into something I dread"

"I got the things I wanted, it's not what I imagined"

This is such a very personal and emotional song. I've been watching BoJack Horseman recently (I'm on Season 4 pls no spoilers) and this song reminds me of him. This song could be about her rise to fame but it could also be interpreted as facing the consequences of your own actions thus the title.

9. logical

Rating: 8/10

Memorable line/s:

"No, love is never logical"

"I know I'm half responsible and that makes me feel horrible"

"i fell for you like water falls from the february sky"

Another ballad~ It's about how she wished she left an unhealthy relationship sooner. She reminisced about how she ignored all the red flags because she loved him. This is probably about that guy on vampire because some lyrics talks about how he took advantage of her because she was young. And yes, when you are young, immature, and inexperienced, love is not logical. She seems to blame herself over it as well which made me want to give her a hug :(

The song makes me sad.

10. get him back!

Rating: 9.5/10

Memorable line/s:

"But I am my father's daughter, so maybe I could fix him"

"Wanna kiss his face, with an uppercut"

"I want sweet revenge, I want him again"

This feels like the continuation for "bad idea right?". Get him back is a song about having complicated feelings for an awful ex. She wants to get back with him but at the same time she wants to get revenge or get back at him for breaking her heart.

Song is very catchy and I hope I could hear this live soon! (Olivia please come to the Philippines) One of my faves in this album.

11. love is embarrassing

Rating: 9.5/10

Memorable line/s:

"My God, love's embarrassing as hell"

This is logical but in a lighter tone or when you are at the stage that you've moved on but you suddenly remember what you did and you get second hand embarrassment for yourself 🤣 It's giving "What the hell was I thinking, tf did I do that for??"

This song is so fun and I found myself singing it from time to time. One of my favesss

12. the grudge

Rating: 11/10

Memorable line/s:

"You took everything I loved and crushed it in between your fingers"

"My undying love, now I hold it like a grudge"

"I takes strength to forgive, but I don't feel strong"

"How could anybody do the things you did so easily?"

"It takes strength to forgive but, I'm not quite sure I'm there yet"

Ngl, this song made me cry. Every time I try singing it I always end up tearing up or crying. It's like you are trying to move on and forgive someone but that pain still lingers and it hurts so much and you can't bring yourself to come in terms with. To anyone who is in the situation, give yourself time because as they say time can heal all wounds. If you must cry, then there's no shame in crying.

13. pretty isn't pretty

Rating: 10/10

Memorable line/s:

"There's always something in the mirror that I think looks wrong"

"...I could try every every lipstick in every shade, but I'd always feel the same "

"You fix the things you hated, And you'd still feel so insecure"

Seriously Olivia. Why should you always write songs that are so personal and relatable?? I gotta be honest, but this song made me cry again haha. I dunno, I just can relate to this song soooo much. I love how Olivia wrote this because it captures the struggles of being an anxious and insecure individual. Anyway, on a lighter note, I love the guitar and the bridge of this song. This is one of my faves.

14. teenage dream

Rating: 10/10

Memorable line/s:

"When am I gonna stop being wise beyond my years and just start being wise?"

"They all say that it gets better, it gets better, but what if I don't?"

Another ballad and yes, I am crying because of this song yet again. If I have a song I want my teenage self to hear, it's this song. I am an eldest daughter in an Asian household so this song just pulls my heartstrings so much because it makes me feel heard and my feelings validated. I am expected of many things so this song comforts me.

The slow buildup to a rock tone during the outro is also such a nice tone.

15. obsessed

Rating: 10/10

Memorable line/s:

"You both have moved on, you don't even talk. But I can't help it, I got issues, I can't help it baby"

You don't know how guilty I felt when I heard this song for the first time hahaha. At one point in my life, I've been soooo insecure at my boyfriend's ex and the lyrics just hits me like a damn truck because my thoughts are exactly the same!! I mean, sometimes you just can't help to compare yourself from an ex you know?

I love the contrast of this vs. the other 3 songs because this is pop rock. I love the instrumentals for this!

16. girl i've always been

Rating: 8/10

Memorable line/s:

"And I can't say I'm a perfect ten. But I am the girl I've always been"

A country song! I love how lively this song is. The lyrics is kind of empowering in a way because it feels like Olivia has accepted that she is flawed and is not pretending to be that perfect girl anymore.

17. scared of my guitar

Rating: 7.5/10

Memorable line/s:

"I can't lie to it the same way that I lie to you"

"So we'll stay together 'cause how could I ever trade something that's good for what's right."

Another sad song (please Olivia I'll run out of tears!). I think Olivia is pertaining to her songwriting skills here and how she uses it to express her raw and authentic self. She compares how honest she is with her songwriting versus her relationship with others. It is implied that she isn't transparent about her feelings with other people, possibly because she is protecting herself.

18. stranger

Rating: 10/10

Memorable line/s:

"I cried a million rivers for you but that's over now. You're just a stranger I know everything about"

"You are the best thing that I'll ever keep so far out of my life"

"If I'm not enough for you, you're not enough for me"

This song is so uplifting and positive for someone who already moved on. I love the lyrics of this as it speaks about moving forward and forgiving someone but never forgetting. Oh! and I love the reference from "enough for you". I also love the guitar on this one.

19. so american

Rating: 9/10

Memorable line/s:

"He's like a poem I wish I wrote"

"Oh god, it's just not fair of him to make me feel this much"

"I'm probably gonna marry him if he keeps this shit up"

"I really love my bed but man it's hard to sleep when he's with me"

"I don't wanna assume this stuff. But ain't it love? I think I'm in love"

Guysss we finally have a love song!! This is such a perfect way to end an album together with "stranger" because it feels like a chapter has closed and another one has opened! This is her first love song since her debut right?? It's sooo good. The lyrics are so cute and makes me smile. She describes this guy as the best thing that's ever happen to her and that makes me happy somehow? She sounds sooo inlove and adorableee! I really love the bridge it makes me all giggly ><

-----

My Top 5 Picks:

stranger

the grudge

love is embarrassing

obsessed

pretty isn't pretty

-----

Overall Thoughts:

I gotta say, kudos to Olivia and her team because they manage to create another good album! It's great that they are consistent with pop rock and ballads and I especially appreciate that they added a little country touch on the song list!

Overall, like Sour, I love how this album is so personal. Ngl, this made me cry more than Sour ><

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tc-doherty · 2 years ago

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aaaaa thank you!!! I am awkward af when it comes to talking to people. I'm having a struggle with balancing fantastical and realistic elements in fighting. I am well versed in using a bow but that is where my experience in weaponry ends what advice do you have for weapon maintenance? Did things fall apart or break easily or were they generally pretty sturdy? Do you have a chart/info about the weights of weapons? (this is my main blog) I hope there aren't too many questions here!

You don't have to thank me, I am literally so happy to be able to talk about stuff like this with someone!!! On the flipside maybe I'll ask you some questions sometime because archery is the one thing I don't know anything about.

Maintenance tips: things are generally pretty sturdy but they still do need care. You would need to polish your sword and apply oil to it to keep the blade in good condition. Always clean it after it's used, nothing gets to me like seeing somebody put a bloody sword back in a scabbard LMAO

It will get nicks and scratches in it. In the sword style that I studied, the top half of the sword was sharpened and used for attacking, the bottom half was dull and used for blocking and defending so it naturally got a bit chipped. Especially the part that's sharpened will need to be re-sharpened from time to time. If you're talking about European swords at least, things like katanas are a whole lot more fragile and will shatter if you hit them at the wrong angle.

As per the weight of various weapons I can tell you from experience that they are actually not particularly heavy. A single-handed sword like mine is maybe 1 to 2 pounds, I don't have an exact weight for it. A two-handed sword is more like 3 to 4 pounds, but the weight is distributed between 2 hands so it doesn't seem very heavy at all. Mine is synthetic so it's clunkier than metal, but even so it felt light when I was using it. Even so, most fights don't actually last that long because you are swinging a weighted thing around and it gets tiring. Weapons are sized to the person using them so the weights can vary. I'm short so my swords are lighter because they aren't as long.

Daggers obviously are very light, I did cane fighting which is lighter even than a sword. I would say the buckler is about the same as a single-handed sword, maybe a little heavier? Definitely a bit more awkward. I never got to do anything with full-sized shields or polearms so I can't speak from experience but I imagine one that's being used is probably still relatively light. All of the gear together would start to weigh on you but the individual pieces I wouldn't expect anything to go higher than 5, maybe 6 pounds.

I'm about to run out but I will see if I can find anything specifically about the weights of various weapons and send it your way when I get back. And of course, if you have any other questions in the meantime feel free to send them!

#writeblr #writing #asks #weapons

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sickgraymeat · 1 year ago

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whats your opinion/take on marceline and simon's relationship?

Good question that I don’t fully know the answer to tbh shdbdbbs but I’ll do my best. I have tried to write about it but I think I’ve always kind of shied away from actually thinking about it too hard. If anyone reading this has read my fics, please know that I am ashamed of the way I tried to dance around everything related to him lol. I have so much more to say but it’s pretty painful and I’m not great at writing or completing a story anyway so I took the easy way out and pretended sometimes. As many of us do, easily, and joyfully even— this is me saying that Bonnie being happy to hear Simon’s call doesn’t mean her trauma isn’t real or that she doesn’t associate him with it. If you have to be around someone who hurt you a lot, you can get so good at faking it that you even trick yourself, especially in the moments when they’re around or mentioned. That’s just survival. Anyway!

I think he was a good caregiver and I don’t think he abused her (and I think shipping them is capital G Gross I wish I didn’t know that was a thing lol). I think him flirting with her in “I Remember You” (is that the right one???) is probably NOT a common occurrence based on her reaction. Marcy is obvs experiencing a lot of heavy emotions in that scene and she can be overly trusting, and I obviously may be wrong about that regardless, but my interpretation is that she wasn’t expecting that at all. Simon in his shoulder length hair era (like flashback in “Simon and Marcy”) actually hits super hard for me as a caregiver with a fucked up (dissociative and sometimes dangerously distractible) brain, and I think his caregiving is a really good parallel to Bonnie’s in that it’s something they do for themselves as much as for the ones they care for. Which isn’t to say that it’s selfish (and I can relate to some degree so I can’t really judge either way) but Simon clearly needed Marcy — in particular, needed her to need him — at least at that point. She gave him a sense of purpose and a reason to both live and avoid the crown as much as possible. Also evident in F&C. Not going into specifics jic but if you’ve seen it you know what I mean. He’s also just very much a dad, even to the point of treating his penguins (and NEPTR….. to an extent lol) like children, which again parallels Bonnie— they both created kingdoms where they not only rule but also love in a way that they alone can define. I think Simon’s dad-ness is probably partly just in his character, but also partly missing Marcy and wanting to atone for leaving her, and probably partly just Gunther wanting a father figure if the crown is in play.

Ultimately Simon was there for Marcy when she had no one else, and when she didn’t believe she was worthy of being loved and taken care of. He did an okay job, but she’s spent her life inflating that and idealizing the Real Simon (as opposed to Ice King, who I have to say is not a different person — based on his range of emotions and actions and fallibility, closer to Simon than the pure elementals are to their regular selves). For me, Simon using Hambo to make a portal and everything else about their interactions in that episode is a pretty good indicator that she isn’t his priority. He’s obviously in a hurry and under a lot of stress, but even in “Broke His Crown” when he acknowledges that, his fatherly feelings toward her are pretty patriarchal and not as thoughtful as her feelings toward him. Regardless, I think it’s good for them to have some distance. He was a good caregiver, and she probably needed to believe that he was perfect, but I’m guessing what they have now is more like friendship, and that’s probably for the best. She’s no longer dependent, and he’s not dependable. AND most importantly, friendship might allow them to see each other more clearly and have the conversations they’ve needed to about the times he hurt her and yeah maybe also about the times he hurt Bonnie and everyone else.

Sorry that was so long and thank you for asking!!!!!!!!!

#ask #anon #anonymous

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hotdogdynamitezzz · 2 years ago

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I am sorry for this late feedback but something more important came up in personal life.

I truly agree with what you said that I will be going through a lot of personal transformations because I am. Everything that I used to believe in before, is slowly shattering down and it feels too sudden? I do want the good things for myself but the pace at which all these are happening, makes me distressed. I have started to keep less expectations from people/friends in general and this protects me from getting hurt. Also, yeah, i am charging ahead towards my goals in life , they are far now but i feel like i will be getting close to them soon. I am not the person that I used to be before and sometimes it shocks me but eventually i know that it will help me in the long run. I haven't been through a breakup, so i guess it means changing old patterns and coming out of them. Even though, i wanted something " lovey dovey" in my solar chart but i guess that's not important in my life right now.

Thank you so much for the reading, it was really helpful and insightful ✨

Hello! Omg don't apologize for the late feedback, I appreciate you even coming here to give me such personal thoughts and details. It was so honest I was really touched by what you've said. Touched as in I feel like crying with you cuz Ik how scary it is to have so many things breaking apart quickly and you don't feel ready :( and I wish I could give you a hug rn omg. It is super distressing and it sucks feeling like you have to change in order to be happy so you can protect yourself. That part really hit deep tbh, but I want you to know you don't have to stay guarded to protect your heart even though it feels like the only option rn. Staying true to yourself and keeping your peace protects your heart enough. I know you feel so shattered from everything you've gone through and it seems like you're going through a tower moment rn and seeking emotional shelter if that makes sense? Just something to keep your heart safe because you can't take anymore after everything you've gone through at once. It is overwhelming when this happens, it does feel as if you're breaking apart and no one can help. But those you've trusted and have stayed by your side during this you can always trust. Ik it can even be hard and draining to just talk to others when you go through these events and it seems neverending :( but it will come to an end and you will be able to keep your heart safe and your peace.

I'm not at all surprised you were hoping for a more lovey dovey year because honestly whenever I see a lot of change and turmoil present in charts I also hope they have a year filled with more love. Because that's when you really need it the most. So I'm hoping love does come your way this year and I'm wrong 🥺.

I think you will discover a lot of goals and be put on the path of what you're meant to do this year and that's beautiful. I'm happy that at least one good thing can be seen coming out of this year, it gives you strength and hope when you can see yourself getting close to them and that's sooo important for this development and painful growing stage in your life.

I'm seriously sending you so much love and hugs rn🫂🫂

This has been the most special feedback ever. This is totally unrelated but I had a really emotional dream last night and it was probably close to when this ask was sent because I woke up and fell back asleep around 5am my time and when I checked my tumblr this ask wasn't sent yet but when I woke up it was. The reason I bring this up is because I can't remember the dream exactly but it had to do with myself and this strange random man I've never seen before that turned on me and I felt really broken. He made me feel very threatened in a way? Like I couldn't turn to anyone for help. It had some fantasy elements to it as well but I can't really remember. It was a weird dream where he felt like the one for me but then all of a sudden turned on me and vanished. And for some reason in this dream others hated me too? I remember one part rn where I fell off a cliff and sunk into the water feeling unseen and suffocated? Basically I woke up wanting to cry because I felt so alone in this dream.

I just wanted to share that with you because I felt an emotional connection through this ask. I hope I'm not coming off as opportunistic or manipulative because I know some people say those things to take advantage of others. But genuinely that dream really struck me and it was such a similar feeling to your ask so I had to tell you about it.

I'm rooting for you and sending so much love and hugs🫂🫂💖💖💖💖💖 I'm really grateful for this special feedback, I wouldn't even call it feedback because it sounds so business-like and this feels way more meaningful. Sending you the best of luck to fight through this year and hopefully love will come your way.

(I'm also decorating this ask with the vibe I get from you and sending you beautiful angel numbers in the aesthetic that I feel for your current situation 💕 I'm seriously going to look back at this ask and think about it a lot. It's just a really meaningful ask for me)

#asks #ask game #astro asks #ask blog

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beseojun · 10 months ago

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✰ Reflection: seojun looks back on the performance of cake ✰

being in the interview room again after a performance makes him feel giddy in a way. he remembers when he did his team performance to a cherish song and got to reflect back on that. sure his team didn’t do well since they didn’t bring anything new to make the song theirs but he had been reeling that he even got the chance to perform a song by a group he adored.

seojun bows toward the people in the room before he settles into the chair. he lets himself relax and doesn’t let the nervous feeling hit him. he can do this and he doesn’t mind answering questions. it’s just making him remember his time here more than he thought.

did you expect to be performing at all while being a coach?

he instantly finds himself shaking his head before answering. “i didn’t expect it but i should have. i don’t mind performing. i feel like i’m in my element whenever i do and i enjoy getting to perform alongside the group i helped out. i hope i was able to be an example for them as well.

was there anything you struggled with when it came to training your group at all?

“i struggled with something internally more. i’ve been a dancer and can even make choreo but i always thought it would be hard to get people to follow what i tell them. sometimes i feel i can communicate better with dancing than words.” he just never taught before so it was different but he didn’t hate it. “it was nice learning though and i hope i taught them well with the small amount of time i had with them.”

so you’ve said it’s your first time coaching anyone. are there any doubts with doing this?

he nods instantly. “of course. i always have doubts in my mind and being a perfectionist doesn’t help. i always wanna prove i can do something even if it seems impossible plus i’m learning to enjoy being a special coach. seeing everyone learning what i did before just makes me happy and i like being able to help do so.”

you do know that your team could be the losing one tonight. how would that make you feel?

he bites at his lip some. he expected this question in a way and he already has an answer wanting to come out. “honestly, i’d feel disappointed and like i didn’t even do my job as a special coach. it would be a bit heartbreaking to lose but at least i know i got something across to my team. even if we worked together a little bit, i enjoyed my time beside all of them.

#be:ngs2p3 #이서준 — ✰ solo #( wc: 451 )

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call-sign-shark · 1 year ago

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Now that I'm a bit more relaxed I can enjoy this new chapter of your marvelous work teehee! Sorry for the delay, I swear I couldn't wait to catch up with Nina's story and God I wasn't disappointed. I'm sorry if this comment is messy but I have so many things to say!

First of all, Nina being Tommy's personal translator should have bothered the fuck out of her lmao. Besides, the issue of unmarried women that is so relevant to your story is always perfectly handled. I particularly appreciate how you not only talk about dishonor and fear of Nina's uncertain future, but how Thomas Shelby marrying Nina would also be a revenge over Aunt Rita, hence showing the subtle competitiveness in Italian family. Wonderful. Moreover, the story of Winston is an absolute threat. The cunning beast always scaring Nina's mother certainly out of spite is such a fun idea. The cat is definitely as fierce as his owner. “Don’t trust him. He lets you get close and, when you least expect it, he attacks.// “He seems cute, but he’s feral.” Pretty sure we're talking about my adorable baby Nina and not the cat. She probably wanted to say "I". And it seems like Tommy agree with me. 😇

If I'm being honest Reb, I am genuinely amazed by your writing style. Descriptions and atmosphere are definitely your strengths and how you add little details only fleshes out the story even more and make it so realistic I'm wondering if it's really fanfiction or some canon elements I missed. For instance, the moment Tommy and Nina walk together and he starts paying attention to her features got me shivering. It was such a peaceful and poetic scene, which perfectly represents their relationship so far: they don't trust each other, but they can't deny the mutual respect nor... The crush curiosity they have for each other. "Some irrational part of him wondered how it would feel to brush his fingers against it" Like this line was so sensual and soft at the same time.

The whole way you write Nina's disgust at Stefano and how her mother smile and be like "oh look, come talking" don't only hit close to home, but is so well-described that I almost shivered. Also, I loved that Thomas already seems to know Nina well and even himself is surprised by her burning hostility. What a bastard, I'm kinda happy she threatened him with a knife but gosh it didn't even work... I swear I was tensed during the conversation and so relieeeeeved when Stefano's brother called him back.

He nodded, understanding that it was her way of telling him not to inquire further. But although it wasn’t his business, he couldn’t help but wonder what could’ve possibly made her mood darken like that. Being a man, he knew the look on that guy’s face all too well, but he could tell there was something more to that.

Admittedly, that's a big chunk I quoted here but the whole passage is amazing. I'm hooked by the way Tommy stayed behind, quiet, didn't intervene but still looked at the scene with his cold and piercing blue eyes, and display a hint of worry for Nina. Usually I love the "love at first sight trope" more because it's very difficult to write dawning feelings and it takes a long time, but you make it look effortless.

Now the plot of the marriage with Agnese is also perfectly handled, for you still keep the fact that she's a beautiful girl and Tommy isn't indifferent to her charms. But he's well aware that she might be too sweet for her, that's why I loved the line "he knew he probably wouldn’t be able to love her, with time he might learn to feel some kind of affection towards her". That's heartbreaking but so true and canon for Tommy. (pls Tom can't you realize Nina is made for you? I'm saying this because their hands accidentally brushing against each other got me feeling all fuzzy and I giggled like a schoolgirl)

I'm not going to copy paste the whole passage but Reb, honey, the entire paragraph about Nina's finding comfort in her father's office and her feeling of injustice about the fact she's a woman was a powerful, gripping and so beautiful passage. I think it's my favorite of the whole chapter. I already talked about it in last chapter but I am also in love with the relationship between Nina and her father. He's trying his best, conflicted between the love for his daughter and the fear she will never get married. It must be also difficult for him. I am glad he said no to Stefano's father even if it was temporary and wants Nina to think about it ...

Ahh Nina's cousins insulting her of being a witch because of an unfortunate event made me laugh! Especially their fear for Winston, sent by the devil aha! But I feel it, Sicilian family are sooo superstitious but I'm digressing. Also I must admit that I can only applaud that beautiful parallel between Nina and Tommy when they are talking in the kitchen at night and he explains to her how people also thought he was a wizard or something. As you pointed it in your work, this is such a genuine and humane moment for Tommy and I love how, for the first time, she doesn't see him as the cold gangster but as a man. Just a simple mortal man. Their banter about the tea and the whisky... Gosh I ship them so much it hurts. Like I really ship them. In truth I could perfectly picture the scene in my mind, the two of them talking for hours -- this is such a peaceful scene. They'd be so good for each other. Nevertheless, the “Yeah, you better do, ‘cause if you don’t, I’ll come all the way to fucking Birmingham to kick your ass.” line got me laughing. My sweet Nina! Truthful to herself. 🖤

THE ENDING? I am kicking my feet like a teenagers reading Vampire Diary, this is RIDICULOUS. But the "Call me Tommy" aawww... I can't wait for next chapter!! And seriously Reb you can't imagine how much I love Nina, she's so precious, she owns my freakin' heart.

Heart, Body and Soul || Tommy Shelby x OC

PART III

Summary: Tommy makes up his mind about who it his that he’s going to marry. An unwanted encounter rattles Nina, and leaves Tommy with questions.

Warnings: mentions of arranged marriage, slow-burn, small age-gap (Tommy’s 30, Nina is in her early 20s), time-typical misogyny, drinking, smoking, mentions of drugs, mentions of violence, English is not my first language.

A/N: here’s the third chapter! I got a bit carried away with this one, and I hope you’ll like it. Here and there in the series there will be some sentences taken from the show. At the end of the chapter, you’ll find the translation of a few Italian sentences. Feedback is always appreciated☀️

PREVIOUS PART

SERIES MASTERLIST

Gif credit

Dividers credit

The first few days following Tommy Shelby’s arrival were probably the busiest the Ferrante family had ever lived. Among lunches, dinners, nosy relatives and business meetings, no one had a moment’s rest, not even Tommy himself. The guest had been occupied by countless meetings with Vincenzo and Mario Ferrante, aiming to draw up a plan of action to take down Sabini. However, he had not openly declared his intention to court one of the girls yet, keeping everybody on edge. Nina had a suspicion that he took pleasure in keeping them waiting, enjoying that bit of control. Or maybe it was part of some kind of plan. Whether it was strategy or pure entertainment, it was working.

Sitting at the breakfast table, she tried to capture fragments of the conversation that was going on between Tommy Shelby and her father in the next room, but their voices were too low for her to pick up their words. The rattles of pots and pans caused by her mother surely didn’t help. After an indefinite amount of time, they made their way into the kitchen, apparently ready to go out.

“Nina,” her father addressed her, making her raise her head from her breakfast. “Mr. Shelby is coming with you and your mother to the city.” He announced, gesturing towards the guest. “He has something to do, and he’ll need someone to translate for him.”

Nina had to hold back a snort at her father’s words. She had totally forgotten she had promised her mother she’d go to the city with her to help her with the groceries, and now that she had to be Tommy Shelby’s personal translator, she wanted to go even less. However, she nodded in agreement, knowing all too well there was no point in protesting, especially with her father.

Satisfied by her answer, Vincenzo walked up to her to place a kiss on her head. “Grazie. Ci vediamo dopo, vado a parlare con zio Mario.” (“Thank you. I’ll see you later, I’m going to talk to uncle Mario.”)

Her gaze followed him as he said goodbye to her mother and moved to leave the room, but not before whispering something in the gangster’s hear. Once her husband was gone, Maria Ferrante smiled and gestured towards the table, encouraging Tommy to have breakfast, her lack of English making it impossible for her to formulate a single sentence. He nodded in thanks and sat on a chair, opting for a cup of coffee. Silence fell in the room, only broken by the clattering noise of the utensils. Nina couldn’t help but notice how neat he looked, even in the early hours of the morning, already dressed and freshly shaved, and she suddenly felt somewhat self-conscious about her disheveled hair and house clothes. It wasn’t like she cared about what he thought of her, but showing herself like that made her feel like she was at something of a disadvantage. Off guard, even.

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see her mother glancing at them from time to time, unsuccessfully trying to be subtle as she waited for them to interact in some way. A sigh escaped her lips as she poured herself some coffee, shaking her head at the ridiculousness of the situation.

She was well aware about her mother’s hopes and wishes. The prospect of having an unmarried daughter was terrifying, not only because marriage was a woman’s duty, but also because women didn’t get far in life without a man taking care of them. Moreover, the village was starting to talk. Older women speculated about Nina’s behaviour, about the reasons behind it, about where her fierceness would lead. If word about a possible dishonour spread, the whole family would be ruined. But it was also a matter of pride. If Tommy Shelby chose to marry Nina, it would be a victory against Aunt Rita and her beautiful, perfect daughter.

Just as she was about to get up to go and get ready, a dark shadow whipped past her head from above and landed softly on the ground without a sound. Tommy’s head snapped towards the spot where the shadow had landed, and Nina almost chocked on her coffee, already knowing that all hell would break loose as soon as she saw her black cat standing in the middle of the room. She was quick to put her cup back on the table, but before she could intervene, her mother let out a scream, waving the rag she had in her hand against the animal, a long series of Italian curses leaving her lips. Nina placed her hand in front of her mouth, trying her best not to laugh as the cat stared at the woman with his bright yellow eyes, an imperturbable look on his little face, but as soon as she caught sight of Tommy Shelby’s stunned expression all of her efforts to suppress her laughter failed.

Her mother glared at her, crossing to her to hit the back of her head with the rug. “Fai sparire quella bestia.” She spat out, before turning on her heels and leaving the room.

Winston had a habit of snuggling on tall cabinets, in the dark, where no one could see him, just to jump out at the least suitable times - that is, when Maria Ferrante was there. That cat terrified her, not only because she was scared of cats in general, but especially since he was a black one. When her daughter years prior brought that bad omen inside her house, she even threatened to leave. Sometimes, Nina wondered if the cat was doing it out of spite, somehow sensing that her mother hated him with all her being.

Nina watched as the Winston sat next to the table, starting to lick his paws as if nothing happened, then she glanced at Tommy, who had seemingly recollected himself after that burst of chaos. He stretched his hand out to the cat, which stopped his movements to follow him with his eyes, his little body slightly stiffening.

For a moment, just for a moment, Nina considered staying silent and let him risk his fingers, but her good nature took over. “He’ll scratch you.” She warned him. “He only lets me pet him.”

Tommy withdrew his hand, furrowing his brows. “It didn’t seem like he wanted to scratch.”

That’s the point, she thought to herself as she grabbed her cup again and leaned with her back against the chair. “Don’t trust him. He lets you get close and, when you least expect it, he attacks.” She explained, shifting her eyes in the direction of the cat. “He seems cute, but he’s feral.”

“Reminds me of someone.” He quietly murmured, and if the room hadn’t been so silent she wouldn’t have even heard him. But she did, and she was struck speechless by his statement. His eyes shined with amusement at her baffled face, clearly proud about the fact that he had finally managed to dumbfound her.

Was it a compliment? An insult? Was he just having fun? Nina couldn’t read him, and it only made her more nervous. But she quickly regained her composure, unwilling to give him too much satisfaction. She emptied her cup and put it on the table, clearing her throat. “I’ll get ready, and then we can go.” She changed the subject, getting up from her chair.

Tommy mirrored her action, and before she could leave the kitchen, his voice stopped her. “Do you have whiskey?”

She turned around, shifting her gaze between the clock on the wall and the man in front of her. She opened her mouth to say something, astonished by his peculiar choice of breakfast, but again, words failed her. Deciding that it wasn’t her business, she took a bottle and a glass out of a cabinet and placed them on the table, before walking out of the room.

Tommy Shelby undoubtedly wasn’t an ordinary man.

Tommy wasn’t so sure that the place where the Ferrante’s personal driver had taken them could be actually called city. There were a few shops, and even a public square with a small church, but it was kind of empty, and it was still within the limits of the village. He figured that “city” was probably their way of referring to the area outside the outskirts, where the whole family lived to keep a low profile while conducting the business in the big cities.

Walking next to Nina, Tommy took advantage of their proximity to take in the details of her face. She had an interesting kind of beauty, her features were sharp, but harmonious as a whole. Her brown irises shone with a golden hue in the sunlight, and were framed by long, thick lashes. She had pulled her long black hair into a braid, exposing her delicate neck. Her tanned skin seemed soft, even velvety, and some irrational part of him wondered how it would feel to brush his fingers against it.

He pushed back the thought, shifting his gaze just in time for her not to notice that he had been observing her. He had to admit that Nina aroused his curiosity, for one reason or another, and he would have sworn that she felt the same way about him. He was not unaware of the glances she stole him from time to time, when she thought he wasn’t looking. She studied him just as much as he studied her.

“What is it that you have to do, Mr Shelby?” Nina’s voice jolted him out of his thoughts, her question reminding him that it wasn’t her the girl he was supposed to keep his attention on.

Tommy sucked in a breath, the words he was about to say felt heavy on this tongue. “I need to buy a gift for your cousin. Today I’ll start courting her.”

Saying it out loud made it even more real. Until that moment, that marriage had felt like something that wouldn’t happen to him, like something he was setting up for someone else. Now Tommy was starting to realise how much his life was going to change, and that thought was almost suffocating.

“It’s about time.” She raised her eyebrows, a hint of mischief in her voice. “Finally we’ll be able to sleep at night.”

“What, you were so scared I’d choose you that you couldn’t sleep?” He squinted his eyes, the ghost of a smirk playing on his face.

“Yes, I was terrified.” She nodded, taking on a fake serious tone.

He was about to retort, when Maria Ferrante called her daughter from behind, making them stop in their tracks. Too caught up in their bickering, they hadn’t noticed that Nina’s mother had fallen far behind. A guy Tommy had never seen before was now walking next to her, amiably allowing her to lean on his arm.

“Nina, guarda chi c’è.” She slightly raised her voice, motioning her to get closer.

Tommy watched in confusion as Nina’s expression changed, the slight clenching of her jaw hardening her features, her whole body tensing. She didn’t obey to her mother’s request, choosing to wait for them to approach her instead. She kept her gaze fixated on the young man, staying silent even when he came close to them, Maria still on his arm with a big smile on her face. She told them something in Italian, sending a meaningful glance to her daughter, before leaving the three of them alone to walk into a shop.

Tension filled the air as Nina glared at him, visibly annoyed by the grin on his face. An unmistakable glint of malice sparkled in his dark eyes, mixed with an emotion that Tommy couldn’t quite recognise. And it seemed that the more she scowled, the more his grin widened. Tommy was already familiar with the hostility Nina was capable of, but the look in her eyes was nothing like the one she had given him the day they had met, or the ones she reserved him when he said something she didn’t like. It wasn’t simple distrust, or suspiciousness. No, it was much more than that. It was personal. She seemed repelled by his presence.

And Nina was repelled. Because she knew that behind the pleasant face, the charm and the good manners, Stefano Spinietta was a disgusting person. He was the son of one of her father’s business partners, the boss of another mafia family, which operated both in Sicily and in New York. In the last few years, Stefano had been very clear about his intentions towards Nina, and he had taken too many liberties with her, to the point where she had found herself in the position of putting a knife to his throat. But the threat didn’t have the intended effect; if anything, it only made him more relentless.

Stefano looked at Tommy as if he had just noticed his presence, before turning to her again. “Non mi presenti?” He asked, leaning towards her.

“Non parla italiano. Vattene.” She said shortly, eager to put an end to that encounter.

“Ah.” He said, as if he had finally understood something. “È il gangster.”

Nina was about to speak, but the words died in her throat. She didn’t want to fuel the conversation, and there was nothing she could say that would convince him to just leave. And Tommy’s piercing gaze kept her from being too obvious about how upset she actually was. Stefano wasn’t doing anything improper, after all, and she didn’t want to make a scene for nothing.

The sound of a clacson made them turn their head to the road. Stefano’s brother stopped his car next to them, leaning out the window. “Sali.” He gestured towards his brother, and Nina had to restrain herself from exhaling a sigh of relief. Giving them one last look, Stefano jerked his head in goodbye and got into the car, before disappearing down the road.

Probably sensing her irritation, Tommy took his case out of the pocket of his jacket, offering her a cigarette. Being an occasional smoker, she hesitated at first, but then she placed one between her lips, hoping that it would soothe her nerves. Tommy took a match and lit it for her, before lighting one for himself. She took a long drag, and although she wasn’t really used to the taste, it did help a bit.

Tommy puffed out the smoke, asking the question that had been burning on his tongue for a while. “Who was that?”

“No one important.” She shrugged, flicking the ashes.

Nina suddenly threw her cigarette away, regaining her composure. “Don’t you have a gift to buy?”

That same day before lunch, Tommy Shelby gave Agnese the beautiful, expensive necklace he had bought for her, and the whole family knew he had made up his mind. She wore it proudly, with a radiant look on her face, well aware that this was only the beginning. Now they would start to get to know each other, to spend time together, albeit always accompanied by some of the female relatives. Then, when the right time came, a proposal would come, and she’d have what she had been wishing for all her life.

At the lunch, she sat next to Tommy, under the delighted eyes of her mother and aunts. They hadn’t had the chance to talk much until then, but Agnese could already tell she would’ve grown to care for that man. He was handsome, charming, he had decent manners. Despite his reputation, he didn’t seem cruel and he had been respectful towards her in their few interactions.

As for Tommy, Agnese’s beauty hadn’t left him unimpressed. She was a beautiful young woman, and more than once he had to scold himself for letting his eyes wander over the soft, generous curves. Her full, rosy cheeks were particularly pretty, especially when they took on a red shade of bashfulness. She gave the impression of being a gentle and sweet girl, and although he knew he probably wouldn’t be able to love her, with time he might learn to feel some kind of affection towards her.

He glanced over at Nina, who was playing with the food in her plate, scarcely paying attention to conversation going on around her. The light breeze of the garden stirred the few strands of hair that had escaped from her braid, making them brush delicately against her face. She extended a hand in the direction of a bottle of red wine, but it was out of her reach, and she struggled to grab it among the great number of plates, bowls and bottles laying on the table. Apparently being the only one to notice her difficulty, Tommy handed her the bottle, their hands accidentally brushing in the process. It was the smallest touch, barely perceptible, but it was enough for them to lock eyes. He let his fingers linger against hers for a moment, a brief moment that seemed to stretch into infinity, then, as if they had burned themselves, they both retired their hands abruptly. He cleared his throat, bringing his attention back to Agnese, hoping she wouldn’t notice he hadn’t been listening to what she was saying.

Nina poured herself a glass of wine, wishing the alcohol would numb the turmoil of emotions going on inside her. The encounter with Stefano, her aunts’ and cousins’ judgmental stares, the empty conversations, the way everybody acted overjoyed as if they hadn’t been on the brink of a war until just a week before with the very man they were welcoming into the family. Everything was becoming too much, and the only thing she wanted to do was to get up and run to the safety of her room. But she took a deep breath and stayed where she was, knowing that it would ruin the mood. She didn’t need to give her family yet another reason to resent her.

So she was patient, and sooner than she though the lunch was over. The routine was always the same - the women cleaning up, the men smoking, discussing business, and playing cards -, but this time, Nina didn’t even bother to get angry about it. She didn’t have the energy to deal with another negative emotion. She’d help around, and then lock herself in her room, or maybe go for a walk. It was a happy day for Agnese, and she didn’t want to spoil it with her sulking.

In the afternoon, when Tommy and Agnese went out for a walk, with the women of the family walking a few steps behind them, Nina took refuge in her father’s office. It almost felt like a sanctuary, sacred and untouchable, but even though no one was allowed in there without his permission, she never really cared to follow that rule. She found comfort in the dim light and the mahogany furniture, in the smell of books and cigars, in the ticking of the old pendulum clock standing in a corner of the room. It reminded her of a time when she used to sit at her father’s desk, drawing or doing her homework as he read through his papers, and they just enjoyed each other’s presence. It was a simpler time. Or at least, it was for a while. Because even then, she had to face the scourge of being a woman. Because she was seen as a girl before being seen as a child. And she could never understand why she had to fight to stay at school, why her, her cousins and her female friends were expected to retire after elementary school to stay at home and learn how to take care of the house. Why her brothers never had such problems. What she was quick to understand, was that the world wasn’t kind to women, that somehow being a girl meant being less smart, less strong, less capable. That gentle and nurturing were the only things she would ever be allowed to be.

Her father giving her permission to finish school had ignited a spark of hope inside her, hope that things might be different for her, that she could have something more than a family and a house to take care of, that maybe being a wife and a mother wasn’t everything that a woman was fit for. But that spark had been extinguished when she wasn’t allowed to get into university, or to have a part in the family business, not even in the legal side. Yet, she couldn’t bring herself to despise her father, the deep affection she felt towards him was stronger than any kind of resentment. He had always loved and protected her, and he still did.

Sitting on one of the soft chairs with a book in her hands and Winston curled up in her lap, Nina found it hard to concentrate on the words she was reading. She blankly stared at the pages, her mind wandering somewhere else. The sound of the door opening cut through her thoughts, making her raise her head from the book.

Her father stopped in the doorway, putting on an expression that meant to be reproachful, but that was made useless by the softness in his eyes. He actually expected to find her there. His daughter didn’t move from her spot, knowing all too well that he wouldn’t kick her out. He had never done that, and he wouldn’t start now. It was not a secret that Vincenzo had a soft spot for that daughter who was so much like him, which made him overlook behaviours that most fathers wouldn’t accept from their daughters.

He sat on his chair behind the desk, folded his hands in front of him and looked at her, with the air of someone who wanted to say something but didn’t know how. Nina stroked the cat, tension rising inside her as she waited for him to speak.

“I talked with Spinietta.” He started, distractedly rubbing his hands. “Actually, I also talked with his son, Stefano.”

Nina gritted her teeth at the sound of his name, hoping that her father would stop beating around the bush and tell her what was going on already.

Vincenzo exhaled the breath he didn’t even notice he was holding, before straightening his back and going straight to the point. “He wants to marry you.”

Her heart dropped to the pit of her stomach at his words. She blinked, trying to process the words he had just told her, hoping that she had heard wrong, or that it was a misunderstanding. Before she could formulate a coherent sentence, her father spoke again.

“I told him no.” He reassured her. “That at least for now, you don’t want to get married.”

“Good, because I have no intention of marrying-”

“Let me finish.” Her father sternly interrupted her, making her clench her jaw. “I told him no.” He repeated, his tone getting softer again. “But I think you need to start thinking about your future.”

Nina shook her head in disbelief, feeling the heat of anger rising to the back of her neck and spreading on her cheeks. She knew that this moment would come, but a part of her was starting to believe that at least her father would leave her alone.

“It would be good for business, Nina.” He leaned back in his chair, speaking to her as he would to a child. “And he’s a good guy.”

She scoffed, putting the book aside as she got up from her chair. Winston mewed in protest after being dropped so harshly on the ground, and if Nina hadn’t been so enraged, she would’ve felt guilty for forgetting about him. She crossed her arms over her chest, looking her father straight in the eyes. “I am not marrying him.”

Vincenzo nodded, knowing that trying to reason with her would be of no use in that moment. He would wait for her anger to wear down, then he would try to compromise. He didn’t want to fight with his daughter, and he didn’t want her to think he was trying to control her because he wanted her out of the house. They would talk again, maybe after his niece’s marriage, when everybody would be calmer. She would understand that he had her best interests at heart.

Nina walked up to the door, eager to leave that place that had become hostile to her.

“You don’t have to decide now.” Her father’s voice sounded behind her. “Just think about it.”

Laying in his bed, Tommy stared at the ceiling above him, taking deep breaths. The moonlight shining through the open window dimly illuminated the room, casting shadows on the walls. He closed his eyes, hoping that the night breeze would lull him back to sleep, but the shovels wouldn’t stop banging against the wall, keeping him on edge, threatening to break through. Green eyes hunted his dreams. Murderous green eyes, ferocious green eyes, scared green eyes, dying green eyes. A grey man with green eyes, coming for him. It was a matter of time.

He sat up, rubbing his face. On nights like those, he regretted not having opium or whiskey in his room to help him get through them. His throat was so parched it almost burned, and he found himself in an urgent need for water.

He silently exited the room, trying not to make any sound as he went down the stairs in the darkness. A strange noise came to his ears as he got closer to the kitchen, and from the living room he was in he could see that the light was on. When he walked through the door, Nina was facing the counter, fumbling with a kettle. Before Tommy could make his presence known, she turned around, flinching and dropping the knife she was holding.

“Shit.” She hissed, picking up the knife from the floor. She raised her gaze on him, her pupils still flaring, but she relaxed as soon as her brain registered who it was that was standing in front of her. “You scared me.” She mumbled, throwing the knife in the sink.

“I’m sorry.” He held back the smirk threatening to make its way on his face. “I just needed some water.” He explained, walking further into the room.

“Help yourself.” She took a glass from the cupboard and handed it to him, before pointing at the jug on the table.

Tommy poured himself a glass of water, and sighed with relief when the liquid ran down his burning throat. It wasn’t whiskey, but it was better than nothing.

“I was making myself a cup tea, do you want some?”

Tommy raised an eyebrow, glancing at the clock on the wall. “Do you always drink tea at this ungodly hour?” He teased her, taking a seat at the table.

“Only when I can’t sleep.” She replied, grabbing two cups nevertheless. “Are you always up that this ungodly hour?”

“Only when I can’t sleep.”

The room was filled with silence as Nina put the kettle on. The events of the day had troubled her so much that her mind wouldn’t let her sleep, racing without cease. Even though she’d never admit it to herself, a part of her was glad that Tommy was there, that she wasn’t alone with the thoughts inside her head. She sat on a chair in front of him as she waited for the water to heat, resting with her chin on her hand.

After pondering for a few seconds, Tommy squinted his eyes, pointing at her. “I spoke to your cousins, today, and they said some interesting things about you.” He leaned with his back against the chair.

“They do like talking about me.” She joked, mimicking his movement and crossing her arms over her chest. “What did they tell you?”

“That you’re a witch.” He revealed with a mocking tone in his voice. “And that I shouldn’t get on your bad side.”

A look of surprise crossed Nina’s features, mixed with something that Tommy couldn’t quite read. She shook her head, and an incredulous laugh escaped her lips. “So they still think that.” She said, more to herself than to him.

“Why is that?” He furrowed his brows, an amused smile appearing on his face.

“When I was a child there was a girl my age, in the village, we didn’t get along really well.” She started to explain. “She even pulled my braids, once. One day, while she was running around the school courtyard, I stood there whispering to myself: ‘fall, fall’.” She whispered the last two words, the corner of her lips slightly turning upwards. “She actually fell and scraped her knees. My cousins and some of their friends heard me, and word started spreading around that I could lay curses. When a few years later I found Winston, they just came to the conclusion that I was a witch. They thought he was sent by the devil or something.”

If there was one thing that her whole family believed in, it was superstition. For the first few weeks after Nina had taken the black cat in, her aunt Rita wouldn’t even enter their house. But now, calling her a witch was probably the only way of explaining to themselves her behaviour.

“They used to say the same thing about me when I was a boy, you know.” Tommy confessed, seemingly getting lost in some distant memory. “That I had the power to lay curses.” His blue eyes rested on her, shining with a mischievous glint that broke through his ever-unmoved expression. “Only that I didn’t go around with a black cat, but with a screwdriver and a blade.”

For the first time since Nina had met him, Tommy Shelby seemed human. He was always so cold and unfazed that one could hardly tell that he had any emotion at all. That childhood memory seemed to have awakened something in him, but it was something so ephemeral that it went away as quickly as it came, and soon it was as if it was never there.

She got up to turn off the stove, then proceeded put some tea leaves in the cups. “How do you drink your tea?”

“Black.”

“Of course.” She teased him, not really expecting a different answer. She carefully poured the water into the cups, trying not to burn herself in the process. She could feel Tommy’s gaze on her, and it surely didn’t help. Sometimes it felt like he could stare right into her soul.

“So what can I do to get on your good side, eh?” His husky voice broke the silence again.

Nina grabbed a lemon from the basket on the counter, then she placed it on the table along with a knife. “You can start by making yourself useful.”

Tommy frowned, looking at her in confusion. “What’s the lemon for?”

“The tea.” Her eyebrows furrowed as well, his perplexity leaving her as confused as him.

“You put lemon in your tea?”

“Yes.” She nodded. “I drink it with an awful lot of lemon and an awful lot of honey.”

“Sounds terrible.” He murmured.

“You have whiskey for breakfast.” She raised her eyebrows. “You’re in no position to judge.”

“I guess I’m not.” He conceded, tilting his head. He watched as she turned her back on him again, walking towards the counter. She had a quick wit, he had to give her that. He rolled up the sleeves of his undershirt, then he grabbed the knife and started cutting the lemon in half for her, grinning to himself.

In front of their steaming cups of tea, Nina and Tommy found themselves talking about anything and everything, not even fully acknowledging the time going by. Conversation flowed easily between them, and it helped them forget the very troubles that had kept them awake and brought them in that kitchen, even if just for that night. Maybe it was because they both needed it, or maybe because late nights were made for bringing down walls and sharing secrets that couldn’t see the daylight. Maybe it was because it is only in the deepest darkness that one’s true self can no longer be hidden.

But eventually, their night had to come to an end. Standing in the doorway of the kitchen, they exchanged the last few words. Nina’s face suddenly got serious, and she hesitated a bit before speaking again. “Just… be good to her, alright?” She asked him, her voice laced with worry.

She didn’t need to say the name for Tommy to understand who she was referring to. He nodded, and when his eyes met her brown irises, everything became clear. She never hated him. All that time, she had been trying to protect herself, and the people she loved.

As if scared by her own vulnerability, Nina recollected herself, her gaze hardening again. “Yeah, you better do, ‘cause if you don’t, I’ll come all the way to fucking Birmingham to kick your ass.”

Tommy held back a smile, still impressed by her boldness. “You have my word.”

“Good.” She nodded, taking a few steps back. For a few moments, neither of them said anything, waiting for the other to be the first one to go. Deciding it was time to go back to bed, Nina glanced at Tommy one last time. “Goodnight, Mr Shelby.” She said, making to leave.

“Nina,” he called to her, and the sound of her name rolled off his lips so naturally that it was hard to believe he had never pronounced it.

She stopped in her tracks, turning to look at him again.

“Call me Tommy.”

“Fai sparire quella bestia”: “take that beast out of my sight.”

“Nina, guarda chi c’è”: “Nina, look who’s here.”

“Non mi presenti?”: “you won’t introduce me?”

“Non parla italiano. Vattene”: “he doesn’t speak Italian. Go away.”

“È il gangster”: “he’s the gangster.”

Heart, body and soul tag list: @zablife @queenofshinigamis @raincoffeeandfandoms @call-sign-shark @kmc1989 @babayaga67 @kmhappybunny240 @diorrfairy @mariaelizabeth21-blog1

Regular tag list: @iamngoclinh08 @lilywinchesterlove @fandom-puff @capitanostella @caelys @lucillethings @peakyxtommy @queenofkings1212 @lyarr24 @kmc1989 @call-sign-shark @jomarch-wannabe

Tommy Shelby tag list: @50svibes

#Nina for the win #Reb babe 🖤#Tommy shelby x oc #Tommy shelby #Nina is my little feral cat

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merakiui · 4 years ago

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Hello! I come with an odd request, its smth i just thought of out of the blue, but can you write something for Diluc, Kaeya and Xiao's reaction to a GN!reader who has a soft spot for slimes? :")

Like they actually get followed by slimes but they dont hurt them or anything, theyre like their personal bodyguards of sorts ahhaha

I just find the slimes so cute, but if this isnt too interesting to write for its okay ;;3;; Thank you for your time!

Diluc, Kaeya, and Xiao with an S/O who Likes Slimes

note - awww this was a very cute ask, anon!! also, I hit the 900 followers milestone! omgomgomg thank you all so, so much!!!!! your support and nice messages are what keeps me going! :D <3 <3

🔥 Diluc 🔥

Diluc always thought slimes were annoying and troublesome. They’d get into his vineyards and bother his workers with their aggressive nature.

So he’s isn’t amused when he watches you walk up the winery steps, a group of slimes hopping behind you. He has to stop his work because he’s just so confused. Why aren’t you using your weapon to take them down? Why are they following you?

Maybe you’ve got some sort of attractant on you that’s enticing the slimes. Whatever it is, he doesn’t exactly care. He just wants those slimes off of his property.

Diluc stands out in the open, expecting an explanation as his workers look on in mild worry and bewilderment. It’s not exactly common to see so many slimes peacefully mingling with a person.

Even though he tries to dislike the fact that all of these slimes are bothersome, it’s hard to deny the fact that you’re so happy around them. You’ll tell him that one just started following you and suddenly it became an entire fan club of slimes, all of whom seemed to find comfort in your presence.

Diluc doesn’t really understand the logic or reason behind that, but as long as you’re safe and the slimes don’t wreak havoc he supposes it wouldn’t hurt to let them stay for a little bit.

Your cheery mood definitely influences this choice and he finds the sight to be endearing.

But that doesn’t mean the slimes get to stay forever. Diluc doesn’t want to risk losing business as a result of the slimes, so you’ll have to either spend time with them away from his property or on specific days.

Maybe the two of you have a small picnic in the forest and the slimes join you!

He doesn’t want to admit it, but whenever the slimes surround you like enthusiastic puppies he thinks it’s quite adorable.

🧊 Kaeya 🧊

He considers it to be charming in its own unique way. At first he assumes the slimes are up to no good, but when you hold him back from attacking he’s very confused.

And then the slimes hop over to you and they don’t even try to hurt you. He’s even more surprised when you go over and pat one of them, as if they’re your friends.

Once you explain that the slimes have taken a liking to you ever since you saved one of them, you’ve made it your goal to never harm them. So they’ve become your little guardians.

Kaeya thinks that’s absolutely adorable. His sweet, lovely partner surrounded by slimes… It’s a strangely cute sight!

Under the guise of a flirt, he’ll say how the slimes resemble overprotective children shielding their parent. And he slyly says something about how he could be the father. The lot of you can be one happy family!

But then the slimes turn on him, threatening him with their own elemental abilities. You can’t help but laugh as they surround you in their attempts to drive Kaeya away.

Whenever he tries to come within touching distance of you, your new friends are quick to lash out. Kaeya pouts about it, somewhat jealous that you’re giving the slimes all of your attention.

“I just want to hug you, my dear,” he says. “Perhaps even kiss you, but those slimes are quite tricky…”

Once you’ve had your fun, you’ll find a way to show the slimes that Kaeya means well. He is your lover, after all, and he’s not going to hurt the slimes. At least, you make him promise not to hurt them.

He doesn’t mind the slimes as long as they’re not going to cause any harm to Mondstadt and its people. And, of course, no harm to you!

The slimes have always looked cute, so he supposes he’d rather have small, cute things fawn over you rather than aggressive hilichurls.

☁️ Xiao ☁️

He probably noticed it when he was watching you from Wangshu Inn. You were coming back from a long day of commissions and a trail of slimes were following you.

He thinks it’s strange at first and then even stranger when they aren’t attacking. But there aren’t any signs of demonic influence and the slimes don’t appear agitated, so it’s really none of his business.

Maybe it’s safe? Xiao can’t be sure, so he meets you outside just in case. It’s a surprise to see him out in the open, but he just wants to know why you’re bringing dangerous monsters back to a public space.

You’ll have to assure him that they won’t cause anyone trouble. After all, the slimes are your friends! They helped you out when you were struggling during one of your commissions.

He’s a little relieved to know they don’t harbor any ill intent towards you, but he still has his doubts. Xiao doesn’t really think the slimes mean well; they’re always so quick to attack anyone within their proximity so it’s very weird to see so many gathered around you, peaceful and unbothered.

But you’re absolutely positive that they’re safe and won’t disturb anyone. They’ve started treating you like a friend and you think it’s only fair if you reciprocate those feelings.

Eventually, Xiao warms up to the slimes. It’s cute…in a weird way. He likes seeing you so happy whenever the slimes come hopping over to you.

As long as they don’t try to use their elemental powers against you, he’s fine with them crowding around you. Although he will get annoyed if they continuously prevent him from spending some alone time with you.

It’s a silly sight to watch him chase away the slimes as if they were stray cats.

At some point, though, he is going to want them to leave you alone. It can be tricky to have so many slimes near you when you’re trying to go on dates with him or relax after a long day of work.

#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact headcanons #genshin impact hcs #genshin impact diluc #diluc x reader #diluc headcanons #diluc hcs #diluc #genshin impact kaeya #kaeya x reader #kaeya headcanons #kaeya hcs #kaeya #genshin impact xiao #xiao x reader #xiao headcanons #xiao hcs #xiao

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dauntless-gothamite · 3 years ago

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Prove Them Wrong [1/?]

Fandom: Divergent Pairing: Eric Coulter x Fem! Reader Summary: Y/N is a Dauntless transfer from Erudite, and she has a drive, an ambition that sets her apart--it always has, even back in Erudite. She brings her perseverance (and need to prove others wrong) to Dauntless when she transfers, and she uses her mind to make her way through the initiation process. Along the way, she makes friends and enemies, and she finds herself comfortable around the man most people in Dauntless avoid at all costs: Eric Coulter. A/N: hey, everyone! so some elements of this are based on myself and how I interact with people, mainly because I tend to bond with people who are not well-liked (i.e. I got along well with teachers everyone hated, consistently). I plan to keep most descriptions of the reader vague so you can insert yourself, though! this first chapter is a little bit slow, but I am already well into writing chapter 2, and I am really excited about where this fic is going! Enjoy!!

“Dauntless!” Marcus Eaton called out--Abnegation was hosting the Choosing Ceremony this year--and as your blood hit the burning coals, a series of cheers and claps erupted from the fearless faction. You took your place next to the other Dauntless transfers and snuck a glance at your family. Your parents looked sad--disappointed, almost--but it was nothing compared to the way some parents reacted to their children choosing another faction. Your father caught your eye as he pulled a handkerchief from his crisp blue suit and handed it to your mother, who was just barely containing her tears. Quickly, you looked away. A moment later, a girl with dirty blonde hair sat down beside you. Her loose grey clothing indicated she was in Abnegation, or at least she had been. She was Dauntless now, and so were you.

A series of names you only half heard filled the room, and before you knew it, the ceremony was over. Then, as if they’d been waiting for the chance to get up from their seats, all the Dauntless rushed out of the building, racing for the train tracks. You and the other initiates stared at them as they began to climb, shocked. Sure, you knew you’d be taking the train, but you’d never thought about how you’d actually get there. Shoving the thought out of your mind, you began to climb, the Abnegation girl from before and a girl from Candor scaling the poles on either side of you. Once you made it to the top, you saw everyone standing in a line, facing away from the train. That’s when it hit you: they were going to run and jump onto the train. This was unlike anything you’d ever done, but it was exciting, and you knew that with the right speed and angle, you’d be fine. When the rails started to vibrate and the train came into view, you took off.

You weren’t the fastest, but you weren’t the slowest either, and that was worth something. At the very least, you would make the train. Then, out of the corner of your eye, you saw an opening, and without hesitation, you jumped. It was so different from life in Erudite. There, nothing was done without consideration. You had to look at a problem from all angles and weigh the possibilities, consider the outcomes of every scenario, even for the simplest of tasks. Here, you could just do. It was liberating, and you knew you’d made the right choice. Although, it would be damn near impossible to drop all of the habits you’d picked up in Erudite. Some aspects of the scholarly faction were simply a part of you; it would be impossible to erase that. But, for the sake of your survival, you’d have to do your best.

“Hey,” said a voice from behind you. You turned around and saw a boy with brown hair and dark eyes, which stood out against his pale skin. “I’m Albert,” he said. “But everyone calls me Al.” He stuck his hand out and you shook it.

“I’m Y/N,” you said, glad to have already made one friend. You smiled before turning away to look out at the city; the train provided a great view when it wasn’t in the center of the city surrounded by buildings. While you were looking at the skyline, you saw movement and heard screams of both terror and excitement to your left. You turned to see what was causing the commotion, and you saw people jumping from the train onto a gravelly roof.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Al said as he joined you at the edge of the train.

“This is crazy,” you agreed. But whereas Al looked terrified, you were grinning, adrenaline from boarding the train still pumping through your veins, making you aware of each and every nerve in your body. Then, with the roof coming up, you took a few steps back, ran forward and jumped.

Your body hit the gravelly roof hard, ripping a hole in your blazer. Thankfully, it seemed like that was the only thing that broke; your body felt perfectly fine, if a little sore from the impact. You looked around to see Al a few feet away from you, and you smiled, glad he’d made it. The two of you got up and headed to the other end of the roof, where the initiates who had already jumped off the train stood facing a tall man with cropped hair and neck tattoos. “Alright, listen up,” the man said when the last car of the train passed the edge of the roof. If someone wasn’t off of it yet, there was only one stop for them now: factionless. “I’m Eric, one of your leaders here at Dauntless. I will also be overseeing your training, which began the second your blood hit the coals. So, rather than waste any more time, let's get on with it. You want to get into Dauntless, this is the way in. Who is going to jump first?”

At this point, everyone was peering over the ledge Eric stood on, more focused on what was behind him. A dark hole in the concrete far below where we stood. You looked around you, nodding at Will, who you knew from Erudite, happy to see a familiar face amongst all this chaos. As you moved towards him, the girl from Abnegation who had sat next to you earlier stepped forward. “Me,” she said, volunteering to jump first. Everyone looked around with wide eyes while Eric scoffed.

“The Stiff? Alright.”

Unbothered, the girl stepped onto the ledge, and a few seconds later, she disappeared into the shadowy depths of whatever lay below.

Watching the girl in grey jump first had sent a shock of surprise through you, but it was followed by something new, the desire to try this new and dangerous thing before you, and as the third jumper stepped off the ledge, you found yourself stepping forward, volunteering to go next. As you stepped onto the ledge, Eric raised a pierced brow at you, waited a few seconds for the previous jumper to get off of the net, and jerked his head towards the net, motioning for you to jump. And then, in a silent response, you jumped, a smile unexpectedly gracing your lips as you made contact with the net below, landing with a bounce. You turned to the man standing next to the net who helped you out of the net, and he introduced himself as Four before directing you to stand in line with the other initiates who had already jumped. Minutes crawled by as you waited for the rest of the initiates to jump, and after what felt like forever, Eric landed in the net and directed his cold stare at the initiates lined up as he slid off the net without Four’s assistance--though it didn’t seem like Four was inclined to help him, either. Interesting.

The transfer dorm was small, crowded, and damp--somehow it was exactly what you expected and entirely different at the same time. As everyone claimed a bed, Four and Eric stood near the door, ready to make an announcement. You smiled at the Candor girl with short, black hair who was setting up the bed next to yours, about to introduce yourself when one of the trainers by the door--most likely Eric--cleared his throat, silencing the room. “Welcome to Dauntless, Eric said. “As Four just explained, this is where you will be staying for the next few weeks while you complete your training. You will receive more information about the training process tomorrow morning at the first session, but for now all you need to know about it is that the training room is three floors up, down the hallway, and to the left. Meet in the Pit, which is upstairs, in fifteen minutes for some announcements from Max and dinner.” Then, he left.

“That guy is all business, huh?” the girl you were about to introduce yourself to said lightly.

“Yeah,” you smiled back. “I’m Y/N, by the way.”

“Christina,” she replied with an outstretched hand. As you shook her hand she looked you over and said, “So, Erudite. What made you want to transfer?”

“Well, it is best for one to go to a place for which they are well-suited…” you trailed off. “What about you, Candor?”

“Candor is a place of words and action, with slightly more words. I wanted more action,” she shrugged. A thud on the bed on your other side distracted you before you could respond, and you turned around to see familiar light green eyes.

“Will!” you said, wrapping your fellow Erudite transfer in a brief hug. You’d vaguely registered his name at the choosing ceremony followed by the word “Dauntless”, but it hadn’t really dawned on you until now that there were fellow Erudite transfers here. “Have you seen Edward?” you asked.

“Yeah, he’s right over there,” Will replied, pointing to the corner of the room. You waved at Edward, and he smiled back as he continued setting up his bed.

“Amazing,” you said softly, more to yourself than to Will. “By the way, this is Christina, she’s from Candor,” you said, remembering your new friend. Will shot her a smile, and Christina reached out to shake his hand.

“Nice to meet you,” she said enthusiastically.

“Likewise,” Will replied. Seeing all of your fellow transfers getting to know each other was exciting, and even though you wanted to stay in this room with all of them and get to know everyone else, you knew it was a better idea to start making your way to the Pit; there was rarely a time when showing up early was a bad thing, and leaving early would make sure you got there in time even if you got lost along the way. As you started to head out down the hallway, the former Abnegation joined you, seeming to have the same idea. “Hi,” you said, introducing yourself. “I’m Y/N.”

“I’m Tris,” she replied quietly. “You were in Erudite, right?” she asked.

“I was. And you were in Abnegation?”

“Yeah.” There was something sad about the way she said it, but you decided to let it go; you didn’t really know her yet. As you were thinking of what to say next, Tris interrupted your thoughts saying, “My brother just transferred there. To Erudite, I mean.”

“Don’t worry, he’ll love it,” you said, smiling fondly as memories of the Erudite libraries surfaced in your mind. “You get to spend so much time learning and teaching others, and they actually respect personal space--at least a little bit. I’ll even let you in on a secret: the suits are much more comfortable than they look, I promise.” She laughed a little bit at the last statement, and you relaxed, starting to enjoy her company.

As it turned out, you and Tris had no trouble finding the Pit, and it wasn’t surprising that you were the first ones there. Both of you sat down, and you did your best to ignore the occasional looks from Four and Eric as they stood on a balcony overlooking the Pit with Max, the head of Dauntless leadership and the faction’s representative when the five factions held council, and talked amongst themselves. Soon, thankfully, a few more of the transfers sat down with you and Tris, and they were soon followed by a steady trickle of transfers, the room getting louder with each person who entered. Max walked to the edge of the balcony and called for everyone’s attention, and the room got quiet, a nervous excitement filling your body.

“Welcome, initiates,” the leader’s low voice filled the room. “We are glad to have you here at Dauntless. Here, you will be trained to be protectors of our city. You will be tested physically, emotionally, and mentally, and it will be hard, but you will come out stronger and braver, which is what you need to be to survive in this faction. Your training starts tomorrow; you will be working with Four and Eric, the initiates who aren’t transfers will be working with Lauren. For now, dig in, you’re going to need your strength for tomorrow.” Cheers erupted across the room, and people got up to grab food before racing back to their new friends. This was the beginning of something new for everyone, and excitement raced through your veins. You were ready to start your new life.

#motherfxking-flannel #motherfxking flannel #eric coulter #divergent #divergent imagine #dauntless #erudite #tris prior #four #tobias eaton #amity #candor #abnegation #veronica roth #eric coulter imagine #eric coulter x reader

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ventiskies · 4 years ago

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when he accidentally injures you | Xiao, Albedo, Bennett

a/n: hello anon!! im doing well, thank you!! hope you are too !! thank you for giving me the chance to add characters HHHH ive been DYING to write for Xiao, Albedo and Benny so i took the opportunity to! hope you like it !! also,,, this is probably my longest post !! i loved writing this <3

pairing: Xiao x gn! reader, Albedo x gn! reader Bennett x gn! reader

warnings: vague mentions of injury and blood

Xiao

★Xiao and you had been on a stroll, something you casually did together whenever Xiao was in a good mood. the adeptus wasn’t one to get out of the confines of Wangshuu Inn, so every time he does, you cherish it and spend it as if it was your last

★but this particular stroll didn’t go as planned, at all

★the two of you had left Wangshuu Inn in the morning, when the weather had seemed as if it would be sunny the whole morning, but it had betrayed you the moment you had set foot in Minlin, the skies had loomed with darkness and occasional rumbles of thunder

★Xiao could have easily teleported the two of you together, but a sudden attack with a ruin hunter had caused him to get distracted

★he could easily defeat the creation with a simple use of his elemental burst, but you were in the vicinity and he didn’t want you getting injured, despite the chances of hitting you were low, he wasn’t going to take the chance

★he had strictly told you to stay back and out of sight, making use of the terrain to jump and strike at the core with his polearm whenever the hunter was aiming to him, but he should have known you were stubborn

★the moment you had ran into the fight, arrow pointing to the ruin hunter, the said war machine had immediately turned towards you, all four of its arms aiming missiles towards you

★Xiao had been too slow, and when he had realized it was aiming towards you, you had already been sent back flying after the hit

★your name fell on his lips, his eyes widening in anger when he had seen what the creature had done, and without any hesitance Xiao summons his elemental burst and sends the creature falling to pieces

★“y/n,” Xiao mutters, worried that he would be met with the sight of you dead, “y/n, where are you?”

★you gave a weak groan, unable to raise your head after hitting it on the sharp rocks. Xiao made his way towards you, and the rain started pouting

★Xiao knelt down and cradled your head gently, seeing the gash on your head. you were most likely suffering from a concussion as well from the way you were unable to look at him in the eye, and your hands grabbing your forehead as if it had exploded

★his eyes showing evident worry, and this was the first time he had felt so scared

★he knew he was powerful, and he was beginning to regret even taking you out of the safety of the Inn. this shouldn't have happened, he was with you because he wanted to protect you,

★and here he was being the cause of your injury

★“y/n, can you hear me?” he asked, and when you hissed the moment he placed a gentle hand on your head, he curses lightly, unable to keep himself calm as he always had anymore, “hold on,”

★Xiao had lived for years and had suffered watching deaths and injuries of the people he had been close with since he had became the adeptus of Liyue, but for once, he had felt a different type of hurt when you had been injured this time

★because this was his fault; what if it had happened again?

★he had teleported the two of you back to Wangshuu Inn, and had asked Verr Goldet to help you just because he was afraid of hurting you further

★and she knew more than to question what happened, especially after Xiao had told her with the weakest voice she has ever heard him use, and pleading eyes to take care of you.

★when you had healed completely, you noticed Xiao had distanced himself from you more than when you had both met the first time, and it had worried you to no end

★it had came to a point where he would disappear whenever you tried to search for him at the balcony, and you were getting upset that he was running away from you because of the accident that was caused by your stubbornness; and the fact that you knew Xiao blamed himself had only made you more guilty

★”Xiao,” you gently said, walking outside with a bowl of his favorite almond tofu, “I miss you,”

★he had to contain himself to avoid disappearing on you again after he heard the words. Xiao wasn’t much of an emotional person, but the memories from the accident had left him afraid of getting close to you again, in fear that he would hurt you once more

★but when he had met your glossy eyes and saw the pained expression you held, he knew that it was only going to be worse is he had avoided you

★”y/n-” Xiao started, but you had only dropped the almond tofu and ran into his arms, hugging him tight as if you were afraid to let him go

★and (with reluctance), Xiao had hugged you back, twice as hard

★it would take time for him to get back to his usual self and trust himself to go out and adventure with you again, but for him, you would wait your lifetime.

Albedo

★An experiment going wrong was a part of alchemy. It was something Albedo would expect to happen fifty percent of the time he conducts something for the first time

★He has gotten a handful of injuries from it that he had sometimes forgotten that people outside of the realm of alchemy wouldn't know what it would be like to expect a burn or scars after the first test

★So of course, sometimes even the smartest people could be careless

★Albedo had brought you to his lab in Dragonspine, claiming that he had found a rare plant and wanted to see if it was able to withstand heat

★Putting it in a flask, he had placed it on a test tube holder and your curious eyes had caught sight of the glowing pink tube

★“What’s this?” you stepped closer to inspect the glowing flask, and Albedo wordlessly looks at you with a fond smile. your curious gaze at his work had always made him feel happy; you truly were endearing

★Albedo turns on the burner, and the moment the fire had hit the flask, the substance had instantly exploded, causing you to recoil back and grab at your face when the substance had burned your face

★instantly, Albedo had abandoned his failed test and attended to you, trying to pry your hands away from your face

★“My love, I’m so sorry,” he says gently, trying to see the damage that the explosion has gave you, “please look at me,”

★you felt tears well in your eyes, the burns on your cheeks combining with the coldness of the snow stinging your face

★when Albedo had successfully pried your hands away , he grabbed them gently and looked at you, “we- we need to see the deaconess,” he mutters to himself, feeling his heart ache seeing you holding back tears, never in his life had he regretted conducting an experiment so badly;

★he had wished he was able to take the pain away from you, he absolutely despised seeing you so hurt

★after you had healed, Albedo would make a rule that you weren’t ever allowed in the premises of his laboratory ever again, and that you were banned from joining him whenever he was conducting experiments

★it had hurt you when Albedo had adamantly decided on it, but you knew that it would only hurt him more if you tried to fight him about it

★he was still blaming himself for the incident; despite him knowing that errors were completely common in alchemy

★his greatest fear was hurting you, and if he was given a choice, he would rather have you far away as possible from anything that could lead to potential harm

★(and that especially meant that when the time comes and he loses control and destroys Mond, he hopes you would be far away from him as possible, too)

Bennett

★Bennett knew he was bad luck, he knew that was mostly the reason there wasn't anyone on his team. no one wanted to get hurt and gain nothing on an adventure. no one wanted to bring a bunch of medical supplies for when an accident that was bound to happen, happens

★no one but you

★you were the only member in Bennett’s team; you were a duo. you didn’t wield a vision, but that didn't make Bennett think of you any less, in fact, he thought you were the bravest person ever for being just a feet away from him outside of Mond, and now you were a team member of his

★injuries were common for you. there would always be some sort of scratch or bleeding whenever you went out on an adventure with the pyro vision holder. if there wasn’t a monster encounter, the two of you would accidentally trip and fall into a lake

★but when the latter happens, Bennett would have a fire for the two of you, and settle in an empty (at least, you hope was) hilichurl camp nearby to warm up in

★it was the norm now, and despite Bennett wanting you to just choose another team because he couldn't handle seeing you in pain from his luck, you had always reassured him that the unexpected turns of events because of his luck was just what you had loved about adventure, and you always trusted him to take care of you whenever something like that happened

★but of course, it was only a matter of time until it was Bennett himself who had hurt you

★you were both fighting a cryo abyss mage, the bastard’s protective shield already broken by Bennett’s elemental skill, causing the creature to start crawling on the ground pathetically

★you were sure its health had already decreased a significant amount that one slice could kill it off instantly, and you had wanted to give the final blow

★but Benny seemed to have a different idea

★the moment Bennett had saw you coming, it had been too late for him to stop, because the same moment you had ran towards the abyss mage, he had raised his sword and sliced the creature hard to the point that his sword had accidentally sliced your stomach as well

★thankfully, your clothes were thick enough that the cut hadn’t been deep enough to get stitches, but it still hurt so badly that you had fallen to the floor, clutching your stomach

★“y/n, what happened?!” he asked, too worried to remember that it had been him who did it, “are you okay?!- wait, no, that was a stupid question, let me see,”

★Bennett was an excellent team leader, but sometimes, he could be a little oblivious

★he gently lays you on his lap, taking out supplies from his belt. he had saw a glimpse of red, so he takes out towels to wipe the blood

★he had gently asked if he could lift your shirt, and when you had weakly nodded, he assessed the damage

★and that was when he had saw the burns by your cut

★burns. the abyss mage was a cryo one, and there wasn't any source of fire where you were but him

★Bennett felt his breath hitch, hands holding the towel clenching in fear. what had he done?

★“no, no, no,” he says in slight panic; this was exactly what he was afraid would happen, “no, no, y/n I’m so sorry. I was supposed to protect you,” his voice broke, gently pressing the towel on your wound to soak up the blood, and when he heard you hiss in pain, he felt tears well in his eyes, “I’m so sorry...”

★he knew the cut wasn’t deep, and you were going to be okay, but the mere thought that the fact you couldn't move and were in pain was because of his doing had caused Bennett to be unable to focus

★you were taken to Barbara immediately, Bennett carrying you bridal style the whole way back (he had been silent, while you had tried to start a conversation with lighthearted banter with him, he had only given you a half hearted laugh before focusing on his journey back) and was healed with a simple swish of the deaconess’ hands

★but afterwards, Bennett had started to spend less time outside of Mondstadt, saying that he had preferred to read at the library with you, and that was extremely unlike of him

★you knew it was because he was blaming himself for what had happened, so you had to let him know that you were fine, and that you knew that it was bound to happen anyways

★It would take a lot of reassurance for Benny to agree to even step a foot outside again, but in the end, it would be worth it to see his adventurer spirit once more

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beyondspaceandstars · 3 years ago

Text

Happy Engagement

Relationship: Loki x Reader Warnings: contains some dark elements: manipulation Summary: Loki has always thought of you as his and there isn’t anything he won’t do to keep it that way. A/N: I’ve been sitting on this one shot for a while! I had the idea for it months ago and finally wrote it and then it just sat on my computer while I wrote other stuff but I figured since I don’t have anything really new this week it’d be perfect to put out! I hope you enjoy it because I greatly do :)

Masterlist

Loki had always been an interesting force in your life.

You two met when you were just children in school. You two were the official unofficial outsides of your school year — he was a prince, you were a peasant. Despite his royal standing, he’d play with you at recess. For these outlier ways, you two never interacted much with the other kids, life practically forcing you two to one another.

At such a young age, you hadn’t realized how significant this bond would become. As a child, you were just glad someone was talking to you. He shouldn’t have even been looking at you, should’ve maybe been disgusted with your presence alone. You should’ve been some onlooker, amazed by him and his magic but you weren’t — well, except for the magic part. His magic was little when you were kids but it drew quite the amazement from you.

Over time, you two naturally grew with one another. From childhood into your teens and still, now, you two made an unlikely pair of best friends as young adults. All of this though did not come without some bumps along the way.

In your teens, Loki had almost completely shut you out. For some reason, he seemed to be acting embarrassed by you. Your mother had warned you this may happen but you thought he was different, swore he was, unless his sincerity was like the many other tricks he played. Eventually, supposedly after some talking down from his brother, Loki appeared back at your door asking if you wanted to go for a walk.

This disappearing and coming back had become a habit for him over his teenage years and into adulthood. Loki never explicitly told you why but you could tell there was something eating away at him. It had been there a long time and it felt like disassociating himself with you was his solution.

You thought everything was coming to an abrupt end when you fell pregnant. You had been seeing a nobleman who was a regular customer in your parents’ shop. He was absolutely charming and delightful, practically swept you right off your feet within minutes of meeting. Your parents were ecstatic when he asked to court you.

You yourself were stunned but you ran to tell Loki about it. He was speechless. You tried telling him about the man but something in Loki snapped. He got unreasonably upset, spewing hateful comments about the man, practically forcing you out of his chambers in the process. He went radio silent again.

You tried to ignore losing your best friend — again — and focused on your new relationship. He wooed you endlessly with dates to lavish dinners and dawning you in lovely gowns. It was all so much more than you had ever expected in life. He’d tell you you deserved it and whisper sweet nothings in your ear as you two would get so lost in one another.

A bit shamefully, hypnotized by the romantics of it all, you gave yourself to him. Tangled in the sheets with him as your guide, you let the man you felt you would marry have every last bit of you.

And for a while after, it was blissful. Nothing had seemed to change between you two until he announced he had to go away for a bit. Confused, you asked why suddenly now facing the fact you were losing another person in your life. He explained he was needed by his father on a different realm, part of the family "business," as he described it.

Days after his departure, you learned you were pregnant. Around this time, Loki popped back up in your life. You felt relieved having someone to confide in but when you told him of your pregnancy, he was far from the supportive force you thought you’d get. He didn’t yell or get upset per se but he was beyond stunned.

He left for a bit then but can back in less time than last. This time he brought along baby supplies and congratulated you. It was a complete one-eighty from his prior behavior but you accepted it, gratefully. Loki ended up being your main person throughout the pregnancy as clues of when your boyfriend would return were nonexistent.

"Did he know you were carrying his child when he left?" Loki had asked you one night. You two were sitting in the living room of the makeshift house you had acquired. You didn’t feel very good that this was the home you were bringing a child into when you knew her father could’ve provided her with a better one. But, at the end of the day, it was a roof over both your heads.

You crocheted another knot in the baby blanket. "No, he didn’t. I didn’t even know."

Loki gave a passing hum at that answer. He didn’t ask about your boyfriend very much after that.

Once your baby girl arrived, she became your entire world, your entire focus. Between caring for her and working to provide, you had little time to worry about your boyfriend still being gone. But it wasn’t as lonely as it may have looked because Loki was always by your side. Working around his royal duties, he’d take time to come visit you and your daughter even sometimes staying for dinner or to play with her. You didn’t miss how he was unintentionally becoming the father she was missing. You never said anything, though, always biting your tongue as you waited for her father to return.

Hope began to face on that front after your daughter turned three. Maybe he was just a footnote in your life, a foolish hopeful dream, but at least he had given you the lovely gift of your child. You weren’t giving up, still placing him in the boyfriend spot of your mind, but you couldn’t deny doubt crept in. Maybe a relationship of any capacity just wasn’t in the cards for you.

Or so you thought.

As Loki continued with his royal responsibilities, he was growing older and more powerful. That’s when the rumors of marriage began floating about. Your mother had brought it up to you once asking if you met any of his potential suitors. Your stomach did a somersault. You didn’t even know there were suitors, let alone met any of them. You tried to keep your cool and just told her no.

Who these suitors were and if they really existed, you never found out. You never even had the guts to ask about them especially after Loki pulled you aside one night after a dinner at the palace.

He rarely ever invited you to dinners with his family so to get this spontaneous invitation, you didn’t hesitate to attend. He even allowed you to bring along your daughter. She was playing with some servants’ children when Loki asked you to the garden.

"Feeling like a nighttime stroll?" You asked with a little laugh. Loki just smiled.

"There’s actually something I want to speak to you about."

"Oh," you frowned. "Is everything okay?"

Loki nodded. "Yes, yes, everything is fine." He looked up at the sky, almost lost in thought as you walked. You thought for a split second how lovely he looked. "I’m sure you have heard by now the…talk about my anticipated engagement."

Your heart practically stopped beating at that moment. Your hands instinctively gripped at the skirt of your dress as if you were ready to run away at the drop of a hat. Trying to keep your voice stead, you said, "Yes, I believe my mother mentioned that to me the other day."

He shot you an unreadable side glance. Your hands gripped the fabric tighter. Why were you feeling like this? Was that…jealousy you felt? You didn’t understand where that had come from. This was your best friend. Your prince best friend. He was bound to get married and have a lavish life with his bride. You couldn’t stop that, you couldn’t change it.

"Do you know anything of the women I have been offered?"

Was this another one of his cruel jokes? You wanted to vomit all over the bushes of flowers passing you as you walked. You managed to shake your head in response. "I’m sure they’re all wonderful."

He scoffed. "More like they’re all incredibly boring."

You gasped, "Loki, I’m not sure you should be speaking that way of them."

"It’s doesn’t matter," he shrugged, "because none of them are what I want."

You didn’t know if you actually wanted to know what he was seeking. You looked at him wearily.

You two walked in silence for a moment. Loki was now watching the ground intensely. You couldn’t believe how much his gaze was wandering. It must’ve been for courage because the next words out of his mouth were ones you had never thought you’d ever hear. From anyone.

"I believe you could be what I want," he said. He spoke your name so softly. "I’d like to ask for your hand in marriage."

You stopped walking, your legs suddenly unable to move. Your eyes grew wide as complete shock raced over you. You didn’t know what to do, too scared to speak because you didn’t know what was going to come out. Your first thought was that this was one of his magic tricks. Maybe he wasn’t even here, just a clone of him as he wished to make a fool of you. It wouldn’t be the first time but he had never been so cruel.

"You’re not saying anything," Loki noted. He had stopped a few feet ahead of you, completely taken off guard by your halt.

"I-I don’t understand." The words felt so heavy forcing their way out of your mouth.

"I don’t believe I stuttered, dear."

Your jaw dropped, surprised it hadn’t hit the floor already. He was seriously asking this. Loki, a literal prince, and your best friend, was asking for your hand in marriage. But — But you just didn’t know why. Why would he ask such a thing? Not only were you an unwed mother, he knew very well about your boyfriend. It was almost insulting he’d think you’d give up just because business or whatever it was was taking a while. You didn’t even want to begin to think about what this could all mean for your daughter.

"Loki… I… I don’t know. This seems crazy—,"

"Crazy?" His expression turned dark. You suddenly regretted the word despite it holding true. "What is so crazy about me wanting to take your hand? I thought this could be good. You and your daughter would have everything you’d ever want. You’d be a princess for crying out loud!"

You flinched at his anger. You had never seen him so enraged before. It made your whole body stiffen.

"I see. This… This is very generous of you but my boyfriend…"

Loki chuckled but there wasn’t any humor found within it. "Of course. The nobleman." He rolled his eyes. "Tell me again, dear, how long has it been? Do you really think he’s going to just show back up one day?"

"Of course," you nodded. "He told me—,"

"He’s not coming back."

You began shaking your head, growing more and more upset as the seconds passed. "You don’t know that."

Loki sighed, defeatedly. "I do know that, dear." A heavy pause. "I know that because I’m the one that sent him away."

You were certain in that moment your heart had stopped. Everything had stopped. You could barely tell anymore how you got from point A to point B.

"Wh-What do you mean?"

"What I mean is I’ve had my eye on you for a long time," he explained. He was standing so tall making you feel minuscule. "I always thought you could be just right for me but then that nobleman waltzed into your life. Granted, he wasn’t me. He couldn’t give you what I could but he tried his best." Loki shrugged. "I had no choice, really. He threatened everything. He derailed my plan but it’s alright. I think after tonight it’ll be back on track, correct?"

You held your hands up in defense, practically begging Loki to slow down. Your head was spinning. "You sent away the father of my child?"

Loki sighed, sounding actually regretful. "Truly, that wasn’t ever my intention. I didn’t know he was going to do that."

"And you think since you forced him out of the picture, you can swoop in and ask for my hand in marriage? We never had a courtship! Are you even hearing yourself?"

"I’m a prince, darling." He sounded so casual. "We do not court like the rest of you."

Gosh, you felt like you were going to vomit. Your hands fell to your stomach as you tried to calm yourself. You had never heard Loki separate you two so clearly before. Like he had drawn a line, definitively.

Your words tasted like venom as you forced yourself to speak. "Can I at least think about it?"

"I’m afraid not. They’d like an answer tonight."

Tonight. That was what this dinner had been for. You weren’t invited just out of the kindness of his heart. You had been attending your own engagement party.

"Loki, this… I— This is insane. You’re— You’re insane—,"

"Am I, really?" He pressed, taking a few steps closer. You trembled under a darkened gaze you had never seen before on him. "I’m not sure that’s how you should be speaking to the man trying to offer you a bit of… stability."

"Stability?" You repeated. "You think that’s all that I want?"

"Would this not grant your daughter a better life? The little shop of yours is only getting you two so far, dear."

The shock had worn off as you were now being filled with rage. "Don’t you dare bring my daughter into this anymore," you gritted. "Of course, I want nothing but the best for her but I also deserve someone who will truly love me. You’re — You’re just asking to fulfill some royal commitment and trying to pass it off like this is some big, grand gesture to help me."

Loki looked a bit taken back by your words. Even you were a bit surprised by yourself. You didn’t know where this fight was coming from within you. Probably from the depths of motherhood, if you had to guess. But it felt good in a way.

After a heavy moment, Loki asked, "Was I so wrong to assume this proposal could actually help us both?"

That was the real kicker of it all, you thought. This actually could help you both.

"I want to marry someone who loves me."

Loki seemed to debate around the idea mentally. "I’m certain that within time something could bloom. I’m not a psychopath, darling." He smirked. "But I truly can’t believe you’d give this up all for the minuscule chance at love, the hopeless thing that got you where you are today."

You gasped. "I would’ve had true love if you hadn’t banished him away!"

Loki let out a humorless laugh. "You are so adorable, you know that?" You flinched as he got close enough now to place a hand on your damp cheek. You were practically forced to look in his eyes as he spoke. "That man was nothing but a spoiled brat and I refuse to believe you actually fell for his game."

You felt yourself crumbling down again. Way beneath him. "He… He was really…"

"Don’t you dare try to defend him, do you hear me?" Loki spat. That darkness was washing over but this time it felt like a storm you couldn’t escape. "I will not have my bride speak such niceties about another man."

"Your bride—,"

"While I’ve enjoyed this little midnight confessional, we have some good news to share with everyone, don’t we?"

You didn’t know what to do. What to think anymore. He wasn’t letting up. You were trapped. It was like the prison gate had shut behind you. You were stone-cold now, completely under his control. You were giving up in complete defeat. You could scream until you were blue in the face but you were running in circles. At least your daughter would know a home.

"Yes."

Loki’s face lit up. He removed his hands from you. "Fantastic," he said, heading back towards the palace. You helplessly followed beside him. He wrapped an arm around your waist and said, "Happy engagement, dear."

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slightlymore · 4 years ago

Text

hardest to love

part of the ‘soulmates collection’

surgeon!doyoung x surgeon!fem reader

others: haechan, jaemin, jeno

genre: medical au (but the medical part is not heavy), romance, angst, smut, fantasy elements, “enemies” to lovers, mutual pining

warnings: +18, esplicit sexual content: doyoung is a hard dom and a soft dom in different scenes, short instances of sub doyoung, finger sucking (I know, I have a hand kink), spanking, raw, ice play, fingering, dry humping, thigh riding, choking, use of "sir", orgasm control and denial, edging, overstimulation, light degradation, oral f, brat taming, safe word, wine play?; lots of teasing; swearing; discussion around death; doyoung is a jerk but gets better

words: 13k

note: you can read this as a stand alone without having read the other works in the soulmate collection. what you need to know: haechan, jeno and jaemin travel different universes with the purpose of getting doyoung and yn be together. mark is trying to do the opposite. sometimes doyoung can remember past lives and sometimes he can't. this life takes place in a hospital. if you're confused by the three boys’ story everything will be explained in their backstory fics coming soon.

__________

Haechan let out a single deep sigh.

“Damn it. Doyoung is a fucking jerk in this life.”

The three young men were standing in the corner of the room watching two students trembling mortified in front of a pissed off Doyoung before he could turn around on his heels.

“I thought he was a jerk in all lives,” Jeno commented while dusting off imaginary lice off his jacket.

"I’ll be honest. When you said 'hell' I didn't expect the ER."

“Well have you ever been to-” Haechan continued but stopped when noticing Jeno not listening to him anymore but observing their third friend instead.

“Hey, Jaemin?” Jeno put one hand on his shoulder.

Jaemin was weak and paler than usual, eyes wide and with a slightly trembling chin. He then followed the direction of the younger gaze and gasped himself.

“Yeah,” Haechan grated the back of his head. “I’m sorry. I told you this one is going to be hard.”

Jaemin gulped, looking at himself walking around the bed and checking on the patients.

That Jaemin looked exactly like him.

The only difference was the clothes. That doppelganger had a doctor gown instead of a sweatshirt.

“How is this possible? I don’t understand how I can be here and there at the same time.”

Haechan sighed at Jaemin’s comment.

“You could consider it time travel. Now, listen to me.”

Jaemin let himself be grabbed by Haechan’s hands, pressing on both of his arms and looked at the other’s intense eyes.

“You have to avoid yourself while we work and-,” he stopped as if making sure to have Jaemin’s whole attention, “-you can’t talk to her.”

As if Haechan’s voice was a spell that summons people, Jaemin raised his gaze from him to look behind Haechan’s shoulder where a woman was slowly walking the corridor, eyebrows furrowed trying to understand the medical records she was carrying.

“Shit,” Haechan silently cursed and, placing one hand on Jaemin’s cheek, he indicated to keep quiet by putting one finger on his own lips.

If Jaemin weren’t so weak in the limbs upon seeing her, he would have felt the tingle on his skin coming from Haechan’s palm, or he would have realized that the woman walked past them as if they were all invisible.

Jeno, arms crossed on his chest, followed the woman with his eyes then nodded once as to indicate that the path was clear.

“Why can’t I talk to her?”

Jaemin’s head wanted to turn around and catch another glimpse but Haechan didn’t move his hand from his face yet.

“You might, I promise. But only when I say so.”

“Haechan and I can shapeshift and become invisible but you can’t and we won’t be around to babysit you all the time. Do your part and stay out of trouble.”

"You look mean,” Jaemin mumbled.

"I am. Now move."

__________

A breath.

A deep and heavy breath.

He was hearing it inside his skull. His own irregular breath inside his own skull.

Then a loud ringing suffocated every other sound in Doyoung’s ears. Like tinnitus, he thought, so used to elaborate information by classifying it into boxes.

The man was looking at his hands as if they were not his, fingers gripping the defibrillator pads, watching how the chest underneath them rose and fell.

Again.

And again.

A machine. The defibrillator and Doyoung.

And that body as well.

But it was too broken to be fixed.

And when he barely heard the nurse’s question he straightened his back. “Time of death,” he inhaled, his hands now uncovering the wristwatch, “2:41 am,” he exhaled.

__________

Doyoung felt it inside his hands, under the skin.

It was uncomfortable.

He looked at his left palm and wished it trembled.

"A surgeon," the announcement came in the form of a hard pat on the shoulders.

Doyoung blinked surprised and put his glasses back up on the nose.

"Great hands," the professor shook them with vigour, his eyes wide open and intense. "Steady," the old man continued his litany of compliments.

Doyoung let him wiggle his arms for a few more seconds before sighing as another student grabbed the professor's attention.

The young boy looked down at his hands as well after the man turned his back.

His eyes scanned every line in his palms as if seeing them for the first time.

"Those hands will do big things in the future" and Doyoung now, shoulders heavy, moist fringe patted on his forehead in the humidity of the terrace, felt like cutting his hands off.

Yes. Big things.

Like playing with life and death.

Didn't you just kill a man? he asked his hands, lower lip trembling instead of his steady fingers. Huh? and you're fine?

Doyoung tightened his fists with disgust and punched the air while letting them fall with force to his sides.

The rain intensified and he stepped in the front further until feeling the cold and heavy drops hit his face. Their sound was chaotic and it calmed Doyoung's heart.

Again.

I can do it again. I've done it before.

I do it again.

I can get over it.

He opened up his hands under the rain until he started to not feel his fingertips anymore.

Then he walked back inside the hospital.

__________

When you had to deal with the first dying patient, you were paralyzed.

It was very early in the morning. Your head was still full of the dreams you had just a while ago. Your heart was full of life and excitement for finally being able to work in the field.

"Get your shit together."

That voice startled you.

Doctor Kim, the most ruthless and cold person you've ever met, was your supervisor as an intern.

You looked up at him and caught his dark eyes on that spectrally pale face.

You just moved. You had no idea what you were doing. Terrified, you let your body work automatically.

Doctor Kim was calm and efficient while your whole mind felt out of place.

Oh, God. Oh God, please.

And when his voice finally reached your ears as if from far away you sunk down on your knees.

"Good job everyone."

The kindest thing he has ever said to his interns.

The other vaguely kind thing was his introductory discourse.

"I know that interning at the ER is dreadful, but that's life."

He was staring you all down, a short line of fresh out of med school trembling kids, no one having the courage to meet his eyes.

"You have to be ready to see all sorts of things here. Okay, let's go."

And that was it.

The encouragement of his introductory discourse.

You'll feel like shit here, welcome.

You hated him and you swore to yourself that you won’t behave the same.

Ever.

He was like a souless machine, walking around and tending to his duties. Lost in thoughts as your eyes scanned his figure walking busily around the hospital, you actually wondered if he had feelings at all.

The first time you saw Doctor Kim actually show some type of sentiment, was when he exited the surgery room one day.

You were walking around with the others and checking on the patients when he walked through the corridor like a storm. It was unclear what type of feeling that was but it made you unable to stop staring at his side of the face and back as he entered his office.

The anaesthetist came out soon after, slowly and sighing deeply.

And then you understood.

You've lived many of those days afterwards until you had to welcome your own row of interns.

You smiled and did a nice short welcoming discourse.

And at that moment you, unfortunately, got what Doctor Kim meant when he was brusque with you in the beginning.

It took you all three years of residency to finally get it: there were no actual right words to tell the students and there was no point in giving fake hope that everything is going to be alright.

Still, there was no point in being a rude ass like him. So you at least smiled kindly and encouraged your students.

God knew they needed it even more now.

You've never spoken much to Doctor Kim besides what was needed or the routine good morning sir and the short morning he would answer with.

So it was strange that on the first day of your career as a real surgeon, after your hands and those of Doctor Kim near each other worked, barely moving, his muffled voice ordering the tools, your muffled voice doing the same, you hugged him.

You hugged him that day for no reason besides the overwhelming feeling of being alive.

Doctor Kim, after every surgery, good or bad, would always walk out on the terrace.

You followed him that night and stopped behind his frame. You had to talk to someone about what just happened and he was the only one who might understand.

He was facing the city lights and the wind breeze ruffled his hair. He didn’t care to push it off his forehead.

"You did well today," he said quietly without looking at you.

Oh, you blinked fast.

Your first surgery was a success but your heart was beating so fast that you couldn't understand your feelings.

Were you happy? Were you about to cry? Did you want to scream and jump? What did you want?

But Doyoung just complimented you.

So again, you let your body work automatically and you looked at yourself, as if going through depersonalization, timid feet filling the space between you and Doctor Kim, your hands touching his waist and going around it until meeting each other on his stomach. You placed your head on his shoulders and closed your eyes.

"I was so scared," you whispered.

Doctor Kim's body was stiff, no reaction from his posture, no words coming from his mouth.

Was he shocked? Was he wondering what the hell were you doing? Was he about to tell you to get your shit together again like that first time three years prior?

But he didn’t do any of these things.

He sighed once and you imagined him closing his eyes and enjoying the warmth of your body.

Even if for a moment. Even if it was all in your head and he actually hated it.

Then he took a step forward and you had to let him go.

And when he turned around and placed one palm on your shoulder without looking at you in the face, you remained alone on the terrace, breathing the cold air deeply and longing for his hands to hold you a little longer.

__________

Doyoung didn't speak to you again after that night.

Nor did he look at you once.

While you found yourself staring at his nape every time he walked around. Or turning your head as if following the trail he left behind.

You couldn’t wear perfume in the hospital but it was as if Doyoung did because he’d pull your senses towards him by something invisible.

As if that first touch you shared connected you to him in obscure ways.

“Here’s the coffee that you asked for, sir.” You entered his office after his dry “come in”.

His expression was priceless and for a moment you felt the urge to look behind you and see if there were a ghost scaring him.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“Bringing you the coffee?”

“I asked a student to do it, not you. You’re a surgeon.”

Your lips were dangerously trying to form a smile while you placed the coffee on his desk.

“Why does it matter? I am free while those students are busy learning how to be doctors.”

“You think that just because you hugged me once when you were emotionally unstable, now we’re friends?”

That question was so sudden and cold to make you snap your head upwards.

His eyes were darker than usual and you almost gulped.

“No, sir.”

Your voice came out as a tiny exhale and if he felt sorry for his sudden and out of place tone, you couldn't see it on his face at all.

"I was just being friendly as all colleagues would," you added a new note to your own tone, trying to perhaps make him feel guilty.

"You can give me up."

His reply shut you up and you furrowed your eyebrows. “What?”

"I'm saying," he spoke slowly, "that I don't want to be friendly with you. Now, please leave."

________

"I'm going to fucking kill him!" you threw your head back to drink your espresso shot as if it was alcohol and slammed the paper cup back on the counter.

Jaemin sighed pouring sugar into his coffee.

"Why did you even try? He's a jerk."

The man sipped on his drink slowly, the warmth of it misting his glasses.

“I just-” you huffed, crossing your arms on your chest. “We’re colleagues. It made sense for him to be a piece of shit with us when we were interns but now? ‘I don’t want to be friendly with you’” you mocked his deep voice. “Who the fuck does he think he is? I swear I’ll accidentally stab him with a knife!”

“Hm. Do you like him?” Jaemin asked with an unimpressed tone.

You almost grabbed the coffee from Jaemin’s hands and threw it in his face.

“Are you insane? What does that mean? Why would I like him? Kim Doyoung? Me-” you pressed your index on your chest, “liking that asshole? I hate his guts! I can’t believe you said something like this! What’s to like about him?”

Jaemin felt his fringe move around his forehead at your intense voice as if it were wind.

“No need to get so worked up about it. You’re just talking so often about him lately. Also, he’s objectively good looking. He’s also smart. I understand.”

“He’s the ugliest man I’ve ever laid my eyes on! And he’s an idiot! And I don’t talk about him! I have no idea what you’re all about.”

Jaemin rolled his eyes and finished the drink.

“Talking of ugly. What’s that shirt you’re wearing?” you asked.

The man’s head snapped down to look at it. “What’s wrong with it?”

You chuckled once. “Where did you buy it?”

“It’s a normal Polo.”

You laughed even harder. “A Polo you say? And what’s that? A knock off Holo?”

“What’s Holo?”

Jaemin’s face was genuinely confused and it amused you even more.

“Are you getting enough sleep? You’ve been acting weird lately.”

“Or,” he relaxed his expression, lifting one index up, “I come from an alternate universe.”

You chuckled once and hit his shoulder lightly as a greeting, liking his new joking side. “See you later then, alternate universe Jaemin.”

__________

Doyoung wanted to hit his head on the desk.

Your expression, hurt and shocked because of his stupid remarks made his heart tingle in a very uncomfortable way.

One thing was being severe and one thing was being rude for no reason at all.

But the thing is that you were everywhere and he hated it.

Doyoung hated that you were trying to get under his skin.

Like a scent. Like some kind of drug.

He’d scrub his hands and forearms even harder before going inside the surgery room as if with the water and soap he could get rid of the feeling of your arms around his torso under the rain too.

What were you even thinking? Asking for reassurance? From him? Reassurance from the most hated man in the whole hospital? What did you even expect? Why would you even try?

What a reckless person.

He noticed it the first time he saw you as well.

Eyes wide with curiosity and surprise, looking around the ER like it was the best place in the world. Doyoung hated your happiness but he also hated the fact that he would have to assist that light slowly die out with time.

Or at least he thought that would happen.

Days after days, months after months, he paid attention like a scientist looking at his object of study, taking mental notes and registering results. Doyoung would jolt with secret joy when his theories would reveal themselves to be true but then, like a rollercoaster, he’d feel weighed down with grief seeing you in the same state as his one.

Until he didn’t know what to desire to see anymore.

Until one day he lifted his eyes, head full of a soliloquy towards you. “How are you today? Tell me you got better. Tell me you still have your light because no one needs too many black holes in here.”

Until he realized that he couldn’t remember anything about his life before you.

And when you hugged him that day, he felt proud. For your success and your light.

You were a star and he bathed into that warmth for a little before remembering he was still a black hole and black holes attract stars until engulfing them whole with no turning back.

_________

“Why are you always around?” he blinked annoyed.

You straightened your gown that shifted after bumping into him and sighed loudly.

“In case you forgot, I work here.”

Doyoung sighed.

“This is the farthest yard from where you’re always playing with your friends.”

“I had business coming here.”

“What business?”

“That’s my business.”

Doyoung’s corner of the mouth twitched.

“It’s our business.”

“Are you a communist?” you placed your hands on your hips, tilting your head to the side.

“I’m your superior. What are you doing here?”

A few nurses whispered passing you by and you cleared your throat, trying to relax your face muscles. Doyoung rolled his eyes once upon seeing your new fake cordial expression.

“Apparently I’m doing such a good job that Mr Jung wanted to compliment me,” you raised your chin.

“Mr Jung?”

“Yes.”

His nostrils widened as if he had too much air to inhale and didn’t have time to get it little by little.

“He doesn’t just summon people to compliment them. Stay away from him.”

You scoffed incredulously at his innuendo.

“Are you hearing yourself?”

“Very well. Get back to work now.”

“Are you perhaps jealous?” the words slipped from your mouth before you could stop yourself.

But Doyoung, to your biggest surprise, smirked a little, lifting his eyebrows once.

“And if I were?” he asked, then walked around you, leaving you still for long moments in the corner of the corridor before being able to walk again.

_________

“And then he said, “and if I were?”

Jaemin gulped his food and chuckled. “I can’t imagine that.”

“I know right? Was he crazy?” you asked with your mouth full, swinging your knife.

“Maybe the director does have eyes on you. And-” he leaned in mischievously, avoiding your cutlery, “that’s why he acts as if he hates you. Because he has feelings for you.”

You chuckled nervously.

“He hates you too!”

“He doesn’t even know I exist,” Jaemin shrugged.

“Hey, Jaemin.”

“Like once I asked him something and he thought I was a patient and when I said that I’m actually-”

“Jaemin! I’m pretty sure I’ve just seen someone looking like you pass that door just now.”

The young man turned around quickly, right in time to see himself exit the food hall.

“Damn,” he laughed for a few moments. “Someone else copied my hairstyle. I guess I’m not that unnoticeable as I thought.”

You opened your mouth to comment on that since you were pretty sure it wasn’t only the hairstyle that the man copied when Doyoung approached your table like a storm scaring the shit out of you.

“What is it now?” he asked, eyes piercing through you.

You let out a long “uhhh” before talking, staring him up and down.

“Are you talking to me?”

Doyoung scoffed then sighed. “A doctor told me you were urgently looking for me.”

You furrowed your eyebrows. “Who?”

“Do I look like someone who knows people’s names?”

Jaemin shook his head.

“Well, I don’t need you,” you let him know.

Doyoung sighed again and the long look you exchanged made Jaemin awkwardly chuckle once.

“You can sit down with us for lunch, sir,” he offered and you inhaled sharply, kicking his leg under the table.

Doyoung looked firstly at you then at Jaemin then at you again as if not believing he was actually talking to people like you.

But the tray in his hands was getting heavy and there were no other empty tables.

He walked around Jaemin and sat down near him.

Then he rolled his sleeves and started to eat in silence.

But only for a moment.

“What?” he asked as you were both staring at him with hanging open mouths.

“It’s our first time seeing you eat,” you whispered.

Doyoung gulped the food. “I’m putting on a show for you guys. I’m a vampire that doesn’t need food.”

“See!” you hit Jaemin’s hand as if catching his attention. “He’s making jokes!”

Jaemin leaned back in his chair as if a little afraid.

“So you talk about me instead of working,” Doyoung commented.

His eyes were on you and you suddenly realized what you’ve just said.

“No,” you quickly grabbed your glass and sipped the water.

Doyoung looked at Jaemin and the young man secretly nodded a little.

And for the first time in years, you saw Doyoung smile.

Like a full-on smile. A big open smile with all the teeth out.

You blinked fast and before realizing your own lips were stretched in a smile too.

He was breathtaking.

You wanted to run away but also crash into him. You were at the top of the world and down in the dumps.

__________

The grunt you let out after hitting a hard surface resonated in the whole hallway.

For the second time.

"You are always where you shouldn't be."

You lifted your pained eyes while massaging your shoulder just to see Doyoung do the same.

"Where am I and where am I supposed to be then?" you asked.

"Around me and you should be far away from me."

"And if I say that I'm doing it on purpose?"

Doyoung's pupils trembled.

"To make you mad," you explained, the little smile creeping on your lips making him tighten his.

“You’re trying to make me mad?”

In your head, all of the conversations you would have with Doyoung sounded fun and risky in a good way.

In reality, you realized, it was so overwhelming that you felt your limbs shake.

“I’m joking, sir.” His intense eyes made you look over the windows.

“You don’t like to look at me in the eyes?” his voice was mellifluous just as his movements, getting slowly closer to you.

“Your eyes make me uneasy,” you replied honestly.

Doyoung tilted his head to the side, curious, inviting you to say more. You looked at him again.

“As if they don’t know fear,” your voice was tiny.

A little smile curved the man’s lips. “Oh, but they know what fear is.”

“And what is that?”

“What you’re feeling right now.”

"I am not afraid," you whispered.

"Then why are you stepping back?"

“I am not stepping back.”

Yet the air got softly knocked out of your lungs as you felt the wall on your shoulder blades.

Doyoung didn't reply and just got as close as to lightly brush your lower lip with his knuckle.

"You're cute when you pout," he whispered, eyes smiley under the strands fallen from his styled fringe.

You opened your mouth to talk but he walked away, leaving you alone and with an abnormally beating heart.

Again.

__________

If Doyoung’s newly humorous side was something interesting to share with Jaemin, his newly flirtatious side was something you felt the need to keep a secret.

Heated up, you walked the corridors like a storm.

Kim Doyoung?

Did your body really react that way towards Kim Doyoung?

Pulse throbbing in places you didn’t want to think of?

Because of Kim Doyoung?

Face buried in your wet hands, the cold water running in the sink, you imagined telling this to your younger self.

Then you lifted your head and turned it off, raising your gaze to look at your dilated pupils in the bathroom mirror.

_________

Doyoung didn’t care about people much.

Hours upon hours of surgery, he only needed to see his colleagues’ hands and hear their breaths while desperately trying to save yet another life. How they looked without the caps and masks was not something of interest to him, especially knowing superfluous details like their names.

Yet, when he briefly noticed the eyes of the second surgeon entering the room, Doyoung furrowed his eyebrows.

Those were not your eyes and those were definitely not your hands in the latex gloves.

And for the first time, he needed to know who that person was.

“I’m Lee,” the man whispered.

“I didn’t know you were on schedule today.”

“Yeah, heard about it last minute as well.”

Were you avoiding him?

If Doyoung’s body could show tremor, he’d had trembling legs under the desk he sat at after the surgery, and if he’d had the habit to bite his nails, he’d be ferociously eating them by now.

Unfortunately, he was stoically sitting in his office, elbows pressed into the hard iron surface, veins missing adrenaline but aggravated eyes.

Walking the corridors while people took a step back to make him pass, looking away when he’d look at them and whispering angrily behind his back, was a bliss.

The protection shielded Doyoung like a fuzzy blanket even if it sometimes felt itchy at night when he found himself the most lonely.

So when you did the same, passing him by as if hating him, he surprised himself at the sudden discomfort. Especially after

well,

after that.

He wasn’t sure himself what it was but it must have been something if it made you uncomfortable enough to not show up to a surgery.

He lifted the corner of his blanket for a moment and he fucked up.

__________

“Y/N.”

You stopped in place.

And so did most people around you.

Many found Doyoung scary but also interesting to observe when his spite wasn’t directed at them.

What did she do? you could almost hear the whispery words passing from ear to ear, amused voices, grateful for not being in your place.

“See me in my office,” Doyoung ordered after you slowly turned around.

His voice was low and no one could have heard it if the whole yard didn’t just collectively hold its breath.

“Yes, sir.”

“You all are surely not working enough if you have time to be useless,” his voice sounded louder and clean all of a sudden. “Do you want some hours assigned?”

Like a spell, everyone looked around and the buzz filled your ears back, leaving yourself and Doyoung the only still figures.

Then he moved as well, the swoosh of his cloak touching your hand when he passed near you.

You inhaled deeply and followed him.

_________

“I am sorry.”

You wished you’d accepted his offer to sit down because that single sentence floored you.

“For what?” you asked with a tiny voice.

“I know I often say things that I don’t mean. And I know that I might have made you feel uncomfortable. So I apologize.”

His eyes were round and filled to the brim with such sincerity to make you swallow hard.

“You don’t have to apologize. It was necessary to make me who I am,” you minimized.

Doyoung looked away for a brief moment. “I mean the corridor incident.”

You blinked at him.

“I made a mistake,” he added.

The first thing that came to mind was the urge to use that to your advantage.

Scold him. Make him feel guilty.

Kim Doyoung making a mistake.

Exhilarating.

The power suddenly surging in your veins went to your head so you suppressed the smile that so desperately wanted to bloom on your lips.

“Yes.”

His expression darkened even more at your reply and his adam apple moved as he swallowed. He actually hoped it wasn’t the case.

“I’ll make sure to keep the surgery schedules separated so you won’t feel uncomfortable working with me. You could have asked me first though before changing it yourself.”

The excitement died out with these words.

“What are you talking about?”

“Thursday’s surgery.”

“I was told you appointed another person yourself.”

“I did not.”

“Well, I didn’t either.”

“So-”

“It’s not like I’m trying to avoid you, no. But if you-”

“I’m not trying to avoid you either. But you said I made you uncomfortable, so-”

“I was messing with you.”

He finally went silent.

“You looked so guilty that I wanted to get a little revenge,” your voice came out a timid whisper.

Doyoung sighed, closing his eyes a little, then he stood up.

“Did I seriously cause you that much pain all of this time?” he walked towards you as if actually concerned.

“You made me cry almost every day.”

He opened his mouth like a fish before closing it. The shocking confession made him lift one hand to cup your face.

You both looked at it with fluttering eyes as if it wasn’t his.

He tried to put it away quickly but you pressed your palm on it to keep it in place.

“I’m joking. I only cried a few times.”

Doyoung’s pupils danced around just like his brain trying to process the information you were giving him. His face, confused and not knowing anymore what was a joke and what wasn’t, amused you a lot.

“I’m sorry I’ve been harsh. I’ve been-”

“A jerk.”

He gulped, his thumb slowly brushing your cheekbone.

That little gesture made you close your eyes for a moment. And when you opened them, you just leaned in and placed a quick and chaste kiss on his closed lips.

“If the corridor thing was a mistake for you, I just did one too. Don’t be too hard on yourself. We can pretend nothing of this happened."

You let his hand go and moved to take a step back just to feel his hold on your face tighten.

Pulling you towards him again, he added the second hand.

His lips were not closed anymore, but very much open to welcome your lower lip between them.

Your hands flew to his hair and pulled him towards you too. He hummed and you whined. And when you both needed air, you let yourselves go, panting against each other’s lips.

A little smile curved your lips, eyes unable to look up. Fingers on his neck, you let them slowly descend to his chest and you took a step back.

You took your lower lip inside your mouth for a moment, as if still trying to taste him and walked a few steps back.

Doyoung followed you, unable to let your body go until you touched the door. His eyes were blown out and he kissed the corner of your mouth again, and again, and again, until kissing you fully on the lips for the second time. Hands on the glass behind your head, you heard his nails grating at it slowly as you let your tongue twirl with his. Then you breathed out and he couldn’t do anything else than just moving his arms away for you to slowly open the door and leave in silence.

After the door closed, Doyoung pressed his forehead on the cold window.

“Fuck,” he whispered to himself, the fuzzy blanket he carefully wrapped himself with all of those years slowly slipping away to his feet.

__________

It didn't surprise you to see Doyoung pretend nothing happened between you as you passed each other in the corridors.

But his avoidance felt weirder than usual, even to external eyes, as if something happened indeed and he tried so hard to conceal it.

"Perhaps it's the 5th coffee talking right now, but doesn't Doyoung look weird?"

Jaemin asked lazily as he rested his body on one elbow placed on the little resting room counter. Said man passed in front of the open door and the furtive look he took of you was interesting enough for someone bored like Jaemin to notice.

You shrugged, quickly stirring the sugar in your own coffee.

"Hm?" your friend smiled at your silence, getting closer.

You sipped the drink.

"Hmmm?" Jaemin put his face into yours.

"Oh my God, get away," you tried to push him away.

"You had sex."

You spat the little coffee you still had on your mouth. Jaemin giggled and took a step back before it could land on his own.

"We did not have sex! What's wrong with you?"

"Okay. So you at least kissed," he looked up to you under his wiggly eyebrows as he handed you a few napkins.

"We-," you wanted to deny but your lips formed a frustrated smile instead. "Shit. I can't believe it either."

"Wow."

"He was- so delicate," you murmured.

Jaemin winced amused.

"But also intense you know? Like it felt-"

"Okay wait. I didn't ask for a full-on description," he made a puking expression at you.

You lightly hit his arm.

"I was just so surprised. I've never seen this side of him."

"Him liking people?" Jaemin giggled. “Yeah. That’s weird.”

__________

"So it's done. We're done. Let’s get the fuck out of here. Seeing myself around is creeping me out."

Haechan sighed, rolling around in his chair. "Not so quickly. They only kissed."

Jaemin furrowed his eyebrows.

"They have to confess," Jeno explained with a sleepy voice, sprawled on his own chair.

"But they love each other."

"They have to say the words."

Jaemin put his hands on the hips. "That's so stupid."

“Tell this to Doyoung. This is what he wrote in the contract,” Haechan mumbled amused, patting his chest where the Book was snuggly packed near his heart.

Jaemin grabbed another chair and sat backwards on it, resting his chin on the folded arms.

“So you know the job is done when they confess? What if they break up afterwards?”

“It has never happened before.”

“And what if it does happen?”

Jeno opened one eye. “Don’t manifest doom.”

“I’d probably have to come back and get them together again,” Haechan replied.

“I still don’t know why you’re doing this. Can’t you just recede from that contract?”

Haechan sat up properly and grabbed his water bottle. “And do what? Go back to the pits of hell?”

His eyes twinkled with mischief.

“I’ve never had this much fun in a very long time.”

__________

He brought it upon himself, he could admit that.

Ignoring you was more difficult than he anticipated and the first reaction he managed to put out when you talked back to him in front of all of the other surgeons was his usual skin cutting one.

You didn’t like it, he could see it.

You’ve never liked it and, honestly, Doyoung could not think of a single person that enjoyed being on the other side of his table.

Perhaps you were getting a little comfortable with him though because you leaned back in your chair and smiled. As if for once he couldn’t get to you.

It made him even more eager to scratch that nonchalance.

So he did.

Until the meeting was over and he got back to his office with a weird sensation on his shoulders. It somehow tasted like defeat.

And when you opened his door with a loud bang and got in, he inhaled and took a few steps back, imitating the steps you took forward.

You pushed him down on the chair, your gazes mixed together just like your breaths as you leaned down.

Only the sheer anticipation of you touching him made him lose his mind a little.

One hand on his thigh and the other going down from his lips to his extended neck and chest, dragging your nail on his shirt until reaching his stomach and belt.

Then you hit one of his feet to the side with yours, making him open his legs even wider.

He jolted and you could visibly see the way his breath stopped for a moment.

"I don't think someone else tried to put you in your place before."

Your voice was dark and his eyelids fluttered before his pupils could fall on the way your palm brushed his crotch. It twitched under his dress pants and he inhaled deeply.

"Unfortunately, it has to be me."

"We're at work-," he tried to speak but the words died in his throat as you cupped his balls.

"Sorry? Didn't hear that."

"Shit Y/N-," Doyoung closed his eyes, jaw muscles tightening as you gently massaged him.

"Hmm, Doctor Kim is at a loss of words?"

You cooed, leaning down even more until almost brushing his lips with yours.

"So cold and composed while you spit venom all day. I really want to see you lose your mind for once."

He opened his eyes right when he started to pant lightly and you gulped upon seeing his dark gaze.

"You'll regret this."

"Can't wait to feel regretful."

"Be careful."

"Don't want to."

His smile grew suddenly wicked and it threw you off as he suddenly stood up, grabbing your wrists and pushing you gently backwards.

"You’ve been loving fighting with me lately. I think that you just need to get laid."

You smiled. "Do you want to help me with that?"

Doyoung scoffed once. "I can't stand you."

"Then sit down."

He put his tongue inside the cheek, staring at your raised chin.

Then his hands suddenly crept around you and grabbed your ass. They squeezed, pulling your hips towards his, making you pant and palm his chest in the meantime. Body pressing on his and his low voice buzzing into your ear made you light headed.

"Arguing with you turns me on so fucking much."

You gulped and noticed the way Doyoung’s eyes fell on your open mouth.

“This is a very pretty shade of lipstick. Makes me want to ruin it.”

His thumb opened up your shocked lips even more by tugging at the lower one, your eyes getting hazy from his expression cutting you in half.

“Suck.”

The order made your legs buckle a little. Your pupils trembled when you slowly let your tongue touch his fingertip. Doyoung got impatient and pushed it until it was all in. You fought the urge to gag and just whimpered, grabbing his shirt into your fists as he watched you hollow your cheeks on it.

“I’ve always wanted to make a mess out of you,” he murmured, his other hand cupping your face and feeling your jaw, going down to your neck and wrapping it into its warmth. You raised your face to give him more space and your hooded eyes trying to look at him as he pressed around your throat made him smirk.

“You like that?” he watched your squirming body trying to get closer to him. He took a step back and rested his hips on his desk, pulling at you until you felt his thigh between your legs.

“What a slut,” he took out his thumb and spread the saliva on it on your lips. “Bet you wanted to suck me off under the desk, didn’t you? Fuck your superior?”

You started to breathe through your mouth, the hand wrapped around your throat making it difficult for you to form any thoughts.

“Or you wanted me to bend you over it?” he murmured, eyes glazing over your breast, his free hand painting one line from your collarbones to the cleavage of it. And when he suddenly squeezed one, feeling its softness in his palm, you almost cried out and dug your fingers into his shoulders.

“Yes, sir.”

Doyoung’s corner of the lips lifted as if curiously surprised.

“And if I don’t do any of those things?” his eyes were on your face now and it made you want to hide away or just beg him to just please do all of those things.

“What are you going to do?” he asked again.

The pool of wetness inside your panties was so embarrassing that you pressed your forehead on his shoulder.

"Then just let me go," you whispered in a tiny voice.

"You're free to g-" he caressed your jaw with one thumb.

"No. I hate it," you went on, lifting your gaze on him, and he exchanged the look, slightly taken aback.

"I dream about you every night. It's not about sex, it has never been just about it. Everything about you makes me go crazy. I hate it and I want you to just let me go.”

Doyoung blinked and cupped your face with both hands.

You just breathed out, ignoring the little voice screaming inside your mind to shut up, palming the back of his hands with yours, suddenly unable to raise your eyes on him.

"I just can't understand and I hate being like this," you added after a quick gulp.

The man opened his lips and you noticed the way you started to breathe in unison.

"There's something so darkly attractive about you," the tiny sigh coming out of your lips made their way on Doyoung ones and he licked them once, his own breath warm on your skin.

"No matter how much I try to know you, there's something that escapes me. I can't pinpoint you and it keeps me up at night."

Doyoung gulped and his hands twitched as they palmed your arms, going down to your hips and pushing you down, gently.

You gasped silently, your core so swollen that the feeling of the friction of your bodies as you rubbed on him could have been enough to make you orgasm.

"Sir-," you found the force to talk but he took his tongue out and you just dove in, catching it inside your mouth and sucking on it the way you sucked on his finger. Your eagerness made his hold even tighter, guiding your body rolls, loving the way you squirmed in his arms.

When you pulled away to whine he raised one hand to bury in your hair.

"You haunt me too," he confessed. "Sometimes I feel so pulled towards you to make me question everything I know about myself."

Your eyes fluttered and your exposed throat looked so vulnerable in Doyoung's eyes to make him lean in and bite on it.

The little moans escaping your lips caressed his ears and when he licked the spots you shivered, your hips not stopping for a second.

It was intoxicating and you didn't dare to speak again but your thoughts were seeping through all of your pores.

"I want you to tell me what you want me to do," you whispered, words broken.

"Don't cum," Doyoung ordered and it snapped something in you.

Your breath grew irregular and he chuckled.

With a little groan, you forced your hips to still but he looked down and clicked his tongue, pushing his thigh upwards and making you bounce on it a few times.

"Don't stop."

"But you said-"

"Don't cum and don't stop."

"I can't last," you mewled, twitching against his body and he pouted.

"Baby girl can't keep that in?"

You shook your head, feeling all dizzy as his hands squeezed your asscheeks, making you rub against his leg again.

"But I said what I said. Are you going to be a bad girl?" he accompanied his last word with a harsh slap on your ass that made you inhale through your teeth.

"Sir- I am begging you."

His hand dropped under your skirt that moved to your thighs in a single movement, the coldness of it on your hot clit making you cry out.

He hummed amused, slowly pressing into you and circling your sensitive bud until your legs started to twitch.

"If you want to cum," he stopped, "you'll have to do whatever I say. Is this an agreement?"

You nodded quickly, so close to orgasm that you started to ride his fingers by yourself.

He retrieved his hand and pressed it on your stomach, making you step back until you barely could keep your balance.

"You know where I live, right?"

You nodded confused.

"See you later then," he smirked and gestured to leave the office.

You inhaled deeply, the arousal so high that you considered just finger fucking yourself in front of him.

"Cruel," you whispered.

"And you love it," was his amused reply.

__________

Timid feet in front of Doyoung's entrance door, you questioned if you actually lost your mind.

Were you really willing to go this far for a single orgasm?

Or multiple, you considered.

Okay. Well, perhaps it was all worth it in the end.

Your eyes darted upwards to take in the view of his house.

The windows were lit on the first floor and it looked like a place you'd love to spend your life in. It was too huge for a single person anyway.

When he opened the door after the ring announcing your arrival you didn't expect to see him in casual clothing. It looked so off that for a moment you couldn't speak, eyeing his feet in warm socks instead of rubber shoes.

Then you hit yourself in your mind. Of course, he won't wear his doctor gown at home.

"Good evening," you finally smiled and he eyed your body with a relaxed gaze, stopping when noticing the bottle of wine you carried in your hands.

“Good evening,” he gestured to you to come in and you walked the distance from the doorstep to the hallway. His hands draped your shoulders and you sighed when he took your wet coat away.

You put in a lot of effort in your appearance, choosing the right clothing and accessories.

And he put a lot of effort into arranging his house for you, lighting up the right candles, you noticed after he indicated a room to the left.

Yet all you wanted to see was him.

And all he wanted was to see was you naked.

Venturing in slowly, you turned around looking at what you figured out was the living room. With the corner of your eyes, you saw the grey of Doyoung’s sweatpants disappear upstairs and it suddenly got silent, safe for the crackle coming from the chimney and the hard rain hitting the windows. You took off your shoes and cautiously walked on the dark wine-coloured rug, close enough to warm yourself. A black glassy mirror was hung on the wall in front of you showcasing the pitiful state you were in because of the storm. Then you looked at the piles of books scattered around your feet placed down in a chaotic path leading to the velvet couches behind you as if someone read them while circling the room and suddenly let them fall on the ground when bored. You followed the spines with your gaze trying to figure out the language they were written in when two feet made their appearance in your peripheral vision, making you snap your head up.

He approached you with a little smile, getting closer and closer like a black cat.

New thick energy made it difficult for you to breathe too deeply so you resorted to short inhales and exhales especially after he stopped so close to you.

Doyoung's hands wrapped yours as he took the wine away and placed it on the coffee table on his left. Then he sighed and you found yourself shivering under his gaze.

"Take this off," he lightly felt your shirt's material with his fingertips.

What? You inhaled, mind buzzing at how easy it was this time. No dinner and fancy courtship?

He did look like someone that'd rather take you into seclusion and have you for himself as quickly as possible though.

With slightly trembling fingers that you'd never get in the surgery room, you started to unbutton your top. Doyoung tilted his head to the side with a little smirk as if enjoying the show.

And when you actually found yourself with only your bra on he smiled, even more, eyes grazing your skin slowly until you felt a heatwave shake your limbs.

“This too.”

He slowly touched the bra fabric and you gulped.

“Take it off yourself.”

Doyoung chuckled once and went around your torso, unclasping it with quick and expert fingers.

You jolted and you felt your eyelids flutter as it slowly fell down your arms.

Doyoung grabbed the front part of it and dragged it down to the floor, adding it to the weird maze of books making the eccentric design of his living room.

His eyes caressed your perked nipples and you tried hard to resist the urge to cover yourself.

“Pants,” he ordered and his voice was deeper than usual.

You wavered a moment and he lifted his eyebrows once. Do it.

You inhaled and slowly opened the zip.

He bit his lower lip when you bent down to discard the piece of clothing and when you straightened your back he hummed.

“Wear this,” he gently threw a piece of fabric towards you which you caught quickly. It was soft and it smelled like him.

He looked at it, then slowly raised his eyes to meet yours, not moving a single muscle.

You inhaled in again, trying to calm your nerves, desperately wanting to ignore the way he was dressed himself. A white and see-through shirt with the deepest neck you’ve ever seen, barely covering any of his chest. You barely could see his sweatpants as well, but his bare ankles were fully on display, just like his forearms that you could catch glimpses of as he absentmindedly revived the locks blocking his pupils with one hand.

A raw playfulness made his features even scarier in the dim lighting.

“I want you wet. But not from the rain,” he explained, eyeing your confusion.

“You could have just told me to change into it and end it there,” you mumbled, buttoning the shirt up. It was deep blue and oversized, short on your thighs but hiding whatever you had to hide.

“Why? Did you hate that I made you undress in front of me?”

“It was embarrassing to stand naked like that.”

You wanted to sound offended but the pout your lips formed on its own betrayed your secret amusement.

“Nothing that I won’t see up close soon.”

His voice was a whisper that forced you to look away. You wanted to reply but he turned around walking towards the kitchen.

"Besides, I made some spicy sauce. You don't want to spill it on your nice clothes."

“Who said I was going to spill food on myself? I have steady hands.”

You walked over him, taking the plates from his hold and placing them down on the dining table yourself.

You wanted to look unbothered by him just like he looked unbothered by you, but the truth was that you just had to do something to not feel that overwhelmed.

“You don’t,” he argued following you near the table.

You scoffed lifting your head to look at him. “Excuse you? I’m a surgeon.”

“Your hands don’t look like the hands of a surgeon when you’re around me.”

You scoffed.

“I think that the biggest thing in the world is your ego.”

“You haven't seen my-”

“Don’t say it.”

He closed his mouth as the little smile he had on kept lingering on his lips.

Domestic and flirty. It was getting to your head and you hadn’t had the opportunity to sip a single drop of alcohol yet.

As if reading your mind, he grabbed the bottle of wine you brought and fumbled slowly with the cap.

"That's my favourite shirt. And I want to fuck you in it."

The shivers that travelled down your spine almost made your body twitch and your hands stopped in mid-air as you were placing the cutlery.

He smiled at you when you looked at his expression.

His lips. His eyes and cheekbones. His skin under the lights.

Fuck. You really needed a drink.

And after he popped the bottle open with a loud sound that disrupted the silence, the red wine erupted out of it, dripping off his hand up to the wrist you had your drink right off his fingers.

Doyoung’s pupils trembled as you leaned in like a cat and his lips opened to breathe better seeing you lick the drops off his fingertips. Rested with his hips on the table, it creaked when you came forward, even more, hands pressed on his open thighs and reaching for his face. You finally caught his lips in yours and you let him taste the wine on your tongue.

It was rich and slightly sour, then it became sweet as only Doyoung’s taste remained lingering on his lips.

“Delicious,” he commented after the slow kiss. “You have good taste in wine.”

“And men.”

His expression was hidden under his long fringe but you could sense that he was smirking.

Then he raised his head a bit and had a gulp out of the bottle himself.

You had the first row to the show that his adam apple moving up and down gave you. Then your eyes naturally fell to his collarbones and bare chest, his white shirt barely covering anything.

Your fingers gently darted to his skin and you palmed it, then to his prominent collar bones, feeling the warmth of his chain around his neck.

He hummed, letting his head down to catch your hand with his lips. They kissed your fingertips then he finally dove in and let you taste his tongue again, hands quick to let the bottle go and grab your body instead.

Closer closer closer you needed him more and more.

“I need to feed you dinner first,” he grabbed your wrists as your hands tried to unbutton his shirt.

“If you won’t fuck me, I can find someone else to do it,” you whispered.

His eyes tightened and he exhaled once.

The movement was so quick that your head spun and the spank that arrived at your ass made you jolt on your toes before you could lean down on the table, fingers trying to grip the tablecloth.

“Yeah? I want to see you get fucked by someone else while my name spills out of your filthy mouth.”

His voice was raspy and it made you bite your lower lip, ass eager to push back and to rub against Doyoung's crotch. He hummed at your movements and lifted the shirt up to your waist, palming your skin and looking down at the way your ass cheeks engulfed your pretty lingerie. You strained your neck upwards at the feeling of his fingers slowly caressing your lower back, feeling the lace of your panties, then you whimpered as he grabbed the material and stretched it towards him before letting it go.

"You want this little hole all filled up, don't you?" he murmured, hand sliding between your thighs to rub on the soft and thin fabric. Your legs shifted in place at the sensation and you arched your back for more. The little 'Doyoung' making him exhale.

"And I thought you'd keep calling me sir."

You tried to turn your head towards him, wondering if his suddenly absent hand meant that he wanted you to actually call him that.

But then you saw that hand around you, reaching for the bucket of ice prepared for the wine on the table in front of you. And at that moment you realized that it was for you instead - his drink for the night.

The ice cube wetted his fingers when he took it out and he first placed it on your open lips. You sucked on it for a moment, the warmth of your skin already melting it, strands of water slowly descending on your chin and inside your cleavage.

"Say 'blue' and I'll stop," his voice was deep near your ear.

You nodded breathlessly and you shivered feeling his hand hover over your back.

And when you first felt it on your spine, your fingers independently grabbed the edge of the table. Then it went down and down, forcing goosebumps out of you.

Doyoung’s palm soothed your skin, warming it up before reaching to the front to grab at your hard nipples poking through the fabric. And when the cube reached your clothed core you mewled, lifting yourself on the tiptoes.

“Shit-shit-,” you curled your neck down, jolting under his touch, wanting more of it and running away at the same time.

Your panties were all wet and you were unsure if for the ice or your own body and when Doyoung took away the cube, giving you a break by gently pressing his own wet fingers between your lips you wished for the fabric to not be there anymore.

“More?” you whined, chest rising and falling at a crazy speed.

Doyoung snickered once, his hands grabbing your sides and turning you around.

Mind hazy, you didn’t have the time to wonder where the ice cube went, the only thought roaming your head being the need to pull him closer to you.

And you did just that, wrapping his waist with your thighs after he lifted you on the table with a thud, making all the cutlery and glasses jingle.

And you clasped your fingers into his hair while his hands roamed your naked body under his shirt.

It was when he pressed his cold, open lips on yours that you finally mewled, feeling the ice cube travel from his tongue to yours.

It got smaller and you sucked on it, giving it back, hearing him hum deeply into the kiss.

Then he broke it suddenly as if unable to control himself from kissing your neck instead, biting and sucking on your skin as hard as he did on the ice cube. You rolled it on your tongue until it became nothing, finally opening your lips to moan, feeling his cold touch on your breasts as his quick fingers unbuttoned the shirt.

The material of your panties grazed your legs at Doyoung’s rough pull. You watched them fly and land on the lamp behind him.

Then you felt his fingers finally rubbing your clit and you inhaled deeply. You were so horny that you were embarrassed to admit that just a few rubs would be able to throw you over the edge.

Doyoung saw it and from his expression, he was enjoying himself maybe too much.

“Come on love, cum for me,” he murmured on your open lips. You whined, nail digging into his shoulders and you shook your head.

“You’ve been begging me for an orgasm and now you want to be a brat about it?”

His hand worked quicker and when he inserted one of his long and slender fingers inside, you actually moaned loudly.

“Sir-” the title slipped from your shaking lips and he chuckled against your cheek, pushing another one and curling them both, pressing into you and trying to find the sweetest spots you had.

“Right here?” he whispered amused.

You start swearing, moulding his biceps under your tight grip, the table and everything on it shaking at the fast pace of Doyoung’s pumping.

And then it was too much and it overflowed.

The gasp you emitted made you fall forwards. Your arms wrapped Doyoung’s body tightly as you came in spasms, legs trying hard to meet each other around his wrist but pressing into his sides instead.

Doyoung let you whine a little bit more, hand slowing down but never stopping, fucking you through your orgasms as long as he could. Then your jaw got grabbed by his other hand and he lifted your face to meet his gaze. His eyes caressed your fucked up expression before kissing your lips.

"Good girl. I know you can give me another one."

You gripped his shoulders for dear life as Doyoung's fingers came back outside to desperately rub at your over-sensitive clit.

“Doyoung-Doyoung-” you writhed in his hold before he could slip away from your arms and fall on his knees.

You’ve gotten head before, but this time, maybe for the overstimulation or your secret feelings for that man, it felt like the first time ever.

Not knowing what to grab to steady yourself as his tongue danced in circles around your engorged clit, you buried your hands in his hair. His hands pressed into the softness of your thighs just as hard and when he raised his gaze up to look at you from underneath his messy fringe, you felt like falling.

And you almost fell when he resorted to quick short licks that drove you insane, making you cum for the second time in such a short time to make you lightheaded.

The single fuck got prolonged as much as the orgasm Doyoung gave you and when he started to kiss your inner thighs, coming up towards you, on your stomach, pressing his wet open lips on your skin until meeting your breasts, you were ready to admit that you were madly in love with him.

His kiss felt as if you were underwater, unable to breathe and understand space. You felt his arms around you and suddenly you felt weightless and he carried you around until you felt the velvet of the couches underneath you and his body pressed flushed on yours. His waist got automatically wrapped by your legs again as if that were their place and they weren’t aware of it before.

He slipped his hands on your hips, grabbing your ass hard as he murmured against your lips. “Are you going to be a brat with me again?”

His voice was calm but deep as if a storm was incoming, making your knees feel weak.

“Words,” he spoke again, pressing himself a little more between your legs.

You breathed out.

“I don’t know,” you managed to say before pushing him away. He fell to the side, grip softened mostly for the surprise than your strength.

“Are you going to be a brat to me?” you asked, straddling his lap and pressing your palms on his stomach, going up on his hot skin and lifting his shirt until he couldn’t do anything else than take it off.

Then his hands found their way on your skin too, unmercifully squeezing your soft breasts. He didn’t care to be gentle and lifting himself up he sucked on your skin so hard until it was almost painful. You wrapped your arms around his torso and threw your head back, stretching out your neck. He left bites all over it, travelling down, tightening his teeth grip around your nipples, making you pant softly.

“I don’t know,” he finally replied.

He looked at you from underneath his fringe and you smiled at each other. You caressed his stomach from below his belly button and going up until reaching his collarbones and he leaned back on his elbows to support his weight. He followed your hand going down on him then his eyes shifted their focus to watch how your pelvis started to move back and forth on his sweatpants, right on top of his hard cock.

“Mm,” he exhaled as finally getting some relief and you imitated him. You placed your hands on his shoulders and closed your eyes and Doyoung flexed his thigh muscles.

He was enjoying seeing you like that, vulnerable and whiny, needy and horny, while he did nothing to help you with it and leaving you desperate.

His eyes caressed your whole body, his lips parted slightly at the sight of your breasts bouncing softly, at how you were spreading yourself on him. You felt hot and plump, your thoughts were blurry and foggy.

"Look at you," he talked. “What a cute little slut.”

You replied with a whine, locking eyes with him but not being able to do that for a long time as his gaze pierced through you, adding to the sensation his pants gave to your raw clit.

So you kissed his lips, messily and sloppily, breathing on his mouth and he finally caressed your thighs and ass, pressing you down even more and closer to him.

Your arms got tighter around his neck and he buried his face into your chest. His hair tickled your chin and you intertwined your fingers into his locks.

So close to cum, you closed your eyes and just let yourself go, your rhythm lost, your muscles aching, without expecting Doyoung's fingers to suddenly get inside of you.

You squeezed yourself onto him with a cry.

"I repeat. Are you going to behave again as you did today?" you heard him ask as his fingers pumped fast into you.

"No, no, oh fuck, please, no," you managed to answer while gasping for air.

"I'm going to-" you whimpered about to orgasm and Doyoung at that moment got you off of him, pushing you down on your back and lifting your legs around him, edging you.

"You're going to cum when I say so," he commented. "You're lucky I'm even giving it to you at all today," he added.

You bit your lower lip frustrated.

"Babe, please-" you begged.

He smiled brightly at the sudden pet name, shushing you as he began to kiss your legs from the knees down, going lightly on the inside of your thigh, making you twitch as he approached your dripping pussy. But he passed over, nudging at it with his nose just to make you jolt and kissed your lower stomach, passing his tongue on the spots he bit before and continued until reaching your lips.

Then, getting on his knees he finally got rid of his pants and underwear.

You felt your core pulsing at the sight and breathed heavily. He tugged at your legs, dragging you until the back of your thighs touched his hips and holding himself he nudged at your entrance. You let your arms fall around your head and bit down on your hand as his tip caressed your clit.

"Doyoung," you whined as your muscles jolted intermittently. You then felt his fingers drag on your leg until grabbing your knee and putting it on his shoulders he humped your folds.

You let your head fall back into the couch, exposing your neck and making your breasts tighten.

It was too much. You just wanted him to penetrate you and to make you scream.

"I want to cum so badly, please," you begged again.

But he acted as if not being able to hear from you.

Your muscles twitched in pain and you lifted yourself to meet him. He pushed you down and distanced himself.

"Behave," he warned.

You looked at his half-closed eyes and plump lips as he bit it with his teeth.

He was suffering as well. He couldn't take it anymore, you could tell.

And when you took your hand to your mouth and licked two fingers, slowly, without breaking eye contact he gasped.

You were about to suck on them, you wanted to see him going crazy, but you didn't manage to as he penetrated you right at that moment, quick and deep, with a grunt.

"Fuck," he swore picking up the pace until the wet sounds overwhelmed the storm.

_________

It was dark. The only light came from the fireplace bathing the living room with a red and yellow hue.

You were both sprawled on the rug under fuzzy blankets.

"Come sit on my face. Show me where I belong."

Doyoung’s voice was a low buzz, imitating the storm still going on as it has been the whole night.

You rolled your eyes to the side amused, ignoring his warm hand palming your knee, nudging you to come closer.

“You still want to go? I can’t cum again,” you pouted.

“But I want you to cum,” he pouted as well.

You sighed and gently got on top of him with the intent of ignoring him and finally fall asleep.

But his expression changed when you were near enough. “I want you to be completely fucked up when I’m done with you.”

You lifted one hand to cup his cheek and kissed his nose.

He blinked at you amused.

“I love it when you smile like this,” you whispered.

The dying flames danced on his face as he stared at you for a few moments.

Then you clicked your tongue.

“Don’t do this.”

“Don’t do what?”

“Don’t get all dark and distant.”

Doyoung exhaled. “I am not.”

“There’s so much to be proud of, don’t you think?” Your fingers gently started to draw patters on his forehead, going down on his eyes as he closed them, then on his cheeks. He opened his eyelids again after the touch and you talked again.

“Like striving to do good. Trying. Surviving.”

His lips opened to let out a small puff of warm air. Then he hugged you tighter and hid his face in the crook of your neck.

You exhaled too, closing your eyes and lulling his exhausted soul.

“I am so proud of you,” you whispered but you didn’t know if he heard you.

_________

You woke up in Doyoung's bed.

It was huge, warm and it smelled like his laundry detergent. The sheets were soft and luscious, caressing your naked body as you shifted underneath them to look to the side.

Your eyelids fluttered and your lips turned their corners up.

Fighting the urge to squeal and hide your face inside the pillow, you resorted to admire Doyoung's sleeping face.

Resting on his stomach with raised arms thrown around his head, only his eyes and ruffled hair poked out behind his bicep and shoulder. And when he slowly opened one puffy eye you giggled and it curved, showing that he was smiling too.

"Good morning," you whispered.

Doyoung sighed once first. "It's probably afternoon."

His sleepy voice made your body heat up and without thinking you just got closer. He turned on his side and wrapped your body with his arms, pulling you closer to his chest.

"Did you sleep well?" he murmured.

"Like a baby. You exhausted me enough."

The little kiss he placed on top of your head was so unexpected to make you lift your face.

He smiled.

"You inspire so much tenderness in me,” he explained timidly.

You smiled back, resting your chest on his. His hands automatically wrapped your sides as if they've always belonged there.

"I'm glad I'm softening your edges. Now you need to behave like this with everyone else too."

"You want me to kiss the whole hospital on the forehead?"

"Metaphorically."

"Also, I thought you loved my hard edges," he purred, shifting your body to fully rest on top of his.

His hard cock deliciously poked your clit with its tip as his hands slowly made you roll on it.

You exhaled and leaned down, rubbing your lips on his as you whispered. "I do."

His smirk was lazy just like your movements.

"So you want me just like this?"

“I want you. I want everything you are. I want everything that you hide.”

Your hands caressed his chest and came to cup his face. His expression wavered and you found him so vulnerable all of a sudden to make your guts twist.

“Unleash the darkness that you have inside. Engulf me with it. I am not afraid. I want it.”

Doyoung wrapped your body tightly and pressed you down on himself even more.

"There's no darkness inside of me anymore. Not when you're around me."

__________

From “I will not vanish” - Haechan’s backstory

The heavy door opened and closed.

Doyoung looked over his shoulder to see a stranger approach him with slow feet. He raised his eyes and gave Doyoung a small nod.

The other did the same and when the stranger aligned himself with Doyoung, looking over the cold city, they both exhaled.

The silence was so deep, safe for the ambulances screaming in the distance that Doyoung found himself restless.

The stranger leaned on the rail, resting his weight on the elbows and sighed again.

“You know,” he started.

Doyoung looked at him with the corner of his eyes.

“What I like about life,” he paused, “is that you can die.”

The stranger bit his lower lip for a moment then looked over to the other. His gaze felt so heavy that Doyoung’s arms skin got goosebumps.

“Imagine being immortal,” the man continued before letting out a dry snicker.

“Around forever. A pathetic being with no reason to exist besides existence itself. Forever and forever and forever. With no purpose. Until you’d beg someone to kill you but they can’t.”

Doyoung’s fingers twitched on the cold metal of the terrace rail and for a moment his rational mind wanted to ask that stranger just what nonsense he was talking about.

But lately, Doyoung and rationality didn’t match well so he didn’t.

“Immortality sucks only if you’re the only immortal one.”

The stranger smiled bitterly. “Do you want to be immortal?”

Doyoung put his hands inside the gown’s pockets. “I’d die tomorrow.”

“But you wish immortality was a thing.”

“I mean, I wouldn’t have a job anymore,” Doyoung smiled. “But yes. I wish people didn’t die.”

“You’re very selfish.”

That remark made Doyoung frown. “How’s that selfish?”

The stranger turned around and rested his back on the rail instead.

“Why do you want people to not die?”

“Because-,” Doyoung started but didn’t know what to add. “Because it’s painful.”

“For them or you?”

Doyoung sighed. “Okay. I see what you’re doing here.”

The stranger smiled a little.

“It’s not like I think only of myself when others die. I think how unfair it is when I know they didn’t have the chance to do everything they wanted to do first.”

“And what’s that?”

Doyoung thought about it for a moment. “Just- living. Experiences. And most of them actually had enough time to do it. They just took it for granted. And it’s so- painful.”

“And what about you? If you said that you’d be ready to die tomorrow, I guess you’ve been living your life to the fullest with no regrets.”

“Actually, I don’t know if I’ve been living all of this time.”

The stranger shrugged. “Just start now.”

“You make it seem so easy.”

“Living? Hell yeah. You just need to give less fucks.”

Doyoung didn’t reply.

“If you’re ready to die tomorrow, then you should not be afraid of living.”

The stranger’s tone deepened and Doyoung looked his way.

“Who are you by the way?”

“Oh,” the stranger straightened his back and extended his hand. “I’m Haechan. Nice to meet you.”

Doyoung imitated him and shook his hand.

It was warm and in a moment so many thoughts came to Doyoung’s mind to make him breathless.

"I thought I had my life figured out and yet after meeting you I got shocked into awareness."

"You inspire so much tenderness in me."

“I became obsessed with you and it scares me.”

“You could have just told me. You could have told me that you fell apart. Instead, you acted like it didn't bother you at all.”

“You are worth the wait.”

“I can't let go of you.”

Doyoung took away his hand so quickly to almost fall backwards.

He took a few steps on the concrete of the terrace as if trying to get as far from Haechan as possible.

“You good?” the other asked but his face wasn’t mirroring his question.

Instead, a plain expression was adorning his feline features and for an instant, Doyoung felt terror.

“You’re not Haechan,” he found himself whispering.

The man in front of him cracked his knuckles once. “And who’s Haechan?”

“My friend.”

“Friend? Is someone that uses somebody else a friend?”

“He’s not using me.”

“Isn’t he now?”

The man started to walk towards Doyoung slowly, one finger on the rail, grating at the metal with his nail.

“Do you believe in soulmates, Doyoung?”

Doyoung flinched at his name on that man’s lips and started to retreat slowly.

“I do.”

“Soulmates are people that always find each other regardless of everything, aren’t they?”

“Yes.”

“And are you and Y/N soulmates if Haechan is always there forcing you together like some sort of cheap mismatcher?” the man spit out the last words.

Doyoung gulped and his brain tried to remember how he punched him in some past life and actually win. His surgeon hands would definitely get broken in a second.

“Don’t you want to break this cycle? Find your true soulmate?”

“That’s Y/N.”

“Because you say so.”

“I don’t give a fuck about your orthodox theory, Archangel.”

The man stretched his neck to the side and Doyoung didn't have the time to run away.

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