#((finally rolls back onto wally ahaha))

[queenofcats17]

Two Doofs In Love

@randomwriteronline answered an ask of mine and now I have to write it. 

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Joey Drew had been in love with his brother-in-law for a long time now. He’d kept it on the down-low, though, partially because Sonja was such a raging bitch. He’d been terrified of what would happen if she found out about his crush on her ex-husband. Even when she was gone, though, he refused to act on his feelings. 

There was no way Malcolm would actually accept his feelings, he thought. Malcolm was a good man. A genuinely good and kind and wonderful man who made the world a brighter place simply by existing. He had his shit together. He was a functioning human being. There was no way he’d be interested in Joey romantically.

Joey knew he wasn’t exactly a prize. He was fake and awful. He wasn’t a good person. Not like Malcolm was. They could be friends, yes, and ex-brother-in-laws, but not romantic partners. So, he resigned himself to just pine after Malcolm from afar. 

But Malcolm did love him. He did return his feelings. And Henry was forced to watch these two idiots dance around each other. Pretty much everyone could see Malcolm and Joey were head over heels for each other, but Henry was about the only one with a direct connection to both of them who had to listen to them gush about each other. 

Even now, he was listening to Joey dither about whether or not to propose to Malcolm. 

“I just don’t know,” Joey said, drumming his fingers on the table. “What if he says no?”

“He’s not going to say no,” Henry said. 

“Out of everyone, he couldn't possibly choose me.”

“Joey, he’s not going to say no.”

“I mean, he’s smart and handsome and has his shit together. He couldn’t possibly be interested in someone as fake and terrible as me.”

“He won’t say no.” Henry was face down on the table. Joey wasn’t even listening to him. He probably could have said Malcolm wanted to throw him against the table and do him right there and Joey wouldn’t even acknowledge he’d heard him.

“Hey, Joey?” The door to the kitchen opened and Malcolm stuck his head in. “Can I talk to you?” 

“Oh, sure.” Joey gave him a nervous smile. 

Henry lifted his head to see the expression on Malcolm’s face. He was praying that at least Malcolm had finally managed to get up the courage to act on his feelings. To his absolute delight, he could see determination and a bit of nervousness painted on the other man’s features. He knew what was about to go down. 

“I���ll give you guys some privacy.” He quickly got up and left the room, giving Malcolm a wink as he did so. Malcolm remained calm as Henry did this, keeping his gaze on Joey. 

“So, uh, what did you want to talk about?” Joey asked, leaning awkwardly on the table. 

“Joey.” Malcolm crossed the kitchen, getting down on one knee in front of him. “I want you to marry me.”

Joey froze, staring at him. For a moment or two, he just watched Malcolm, eyes wide. Then he began to cry. Not sad tears, but tears of joy. He had an adorable lopsided smile. Well, Malcolm thought it was adorable. 

“Ah...Ahah...” He laughed weakly. “You...You got me good. Henry told you, didn’t he? Ahaha...This is...Very funny....” He was dangerously close to starting to cry out of sadness. Because this couldn’t possibly be real. It had to be a joke. Malcolm wouldn’t actually love him. 

Malcolm smiled softly, taking Joey’s hands in his. He didn’t say anything, just holding Joey’s hands and smiling at him. Slowly...Slowly it dawned on Joey that this wasn’t a joke. This wasn’t a joke and Malcolm absolutely meant every word. 

“Really?” He whispered. 

“Really,” Malcolm said. 

He’d made sure to ask Charlie’s permission before doing this, just to make sure it was alright. It was, after all, a little weird to suddenly have your uncle become your dad. Charlie had, thankfully, been delighted by this idea.

“Yes!” Joey wrapped his arms around Malcolm’s neck. Malcolm grinned, hugging Joey back. 

From the living room, Henry smiled to himself. It was about time. 

.

Joey went out and told everyone he could the very next day. After he’d asked Henry to be his best man, of course. He wanted his best friend to be at his side for this, something Henry was more than happy to do. 

Kim and Niamh were first, mostly because Malcolm had mentioned Niamh might be able to officiate and Joey wanted to ask if she could. 

Kim, sufficiently surprised by this announcement, blurted out, “Condolences.” He then slapped a hand over his mouth, his face going as red as it could from embarrassment. 

“Did you mean congratulations?” Malcolm asked, trying to stifle a snicker. Joey just stared at them blankly, his head tilted adorably to the side. Malcolm wrapped an arm around his waist, briefly distracted by how cute Joey was. 

“No no, he meant what he said,” Niamh said, nodding solemnly as she put a hand on Malcolm’s shoulder.

“Niamh, no.”

“Condolences, Malcolm.”

“Niamh, stop that.” Kim groaned. 

“Um...Anyway, I was hoping you could officiate the wedding, Niamh,” Joey said, managing to shake himself from his confusion. “Malcolm said you could do that?” 

“Yeah, I can do that,” Niamh nodded, already beginning to grin. She’d heard from Thaische how much Charlie adored his duncle. Giving that boy a Whole New Loving Dad would be more than worth it. Plus, it would probably make Joey less sad and mopey.

“Is Charlie alright with it?” Kim asked. “It must be kind of a weird situation.”

“I made sure to ask him first,” Malcolm assured him. “He’s very excited.” Joey smiled to himself, feeling warm inside at the knowledge that Charlie was excited to have him as his new dad. 

“Hell yeah!” Niamh pumped her fist in the air. “I’ll do it!”

“Thank you,” Malcolm chuckled. “I appreciate your excitement.”

“Well, congratulations,” Kim said with a gentle smile. “For real this time. We’re really happy for you two.” Especially Joey, he thought as he glanced at his boss. Everyone at the studio worried about Joey. 

“Thank you.” Joey murmured, leaning on Malcolm. His cheeks were turning a bit pink. He still couldn’t believe this was happening. 

“We’ll talk to you later about the details,” Malcolm said. “But right now we need to tell everyone else.”

“Alright. Best of luck!” Kim waved as they exited. Niamh was already planning her speech. 

When the Music Department heard the news, they all clambered to volunteer their musical services for the wedding. Both Malcolm and Joey told them they really didn’t have to but the musicians had all made up their mind that they were going to do this. However, they needed direction, which meant they turned to Sammy. Who did not want to do it. 

“Aw, c’mon, Sammy. Please?” They begged. 

“I have work I need to do,” Sammy said, gesturing to the stacks of paper on his desk. “Actual work. That doesn’t involve weddings.” 

The musicians of his department visibly deflated, all incredibly disappointed by his refusal. Yeah, they probably could do this without him, but they wanted him involved. They were all about to disperse, but Wally put a hand up. 

“Don’t worry guys, I got this,” he said. He walked up to Sammy, turning on the cuteness and giving him the biggest most adorable puppy eyes he was capable of. Sammy tried to resist. He really did. But Wally’s puppy eyes were just too strong. He was too cute. 

Sammy let out a long-suffering sigh, hanging his head. “Alright. Fine.”

The department cheered and Wally threw himself onto Sammy in a big hug. Sammy blushed, muttering something about how this was going to be a big pain. He seemed perfectly happy to be hugged by Wally, though.

.

The months leading up to the wedding were rather hectic. There was a lot of planning to be done, which Henry was more than happy to help with. As the best man, it was his job to help in any way he could. He wanted to make this day the best he could for Malcolm and Joey. They deserved to be happy. 

Sammy made a big deal about not wanting to do this whole music thing, but he’d dedicated himself to it so he was going to do the best damn job he could. Sammy Lawrence did not do anything halfway. Some of the Music Department regretted asking his help because of his perfectionism. Still, they knew he was going to do a good job.

When the day came, everyone was rather excited. Charlie especially was practically bouncing out of his chair. Seeing his delight made everyone involved even more dedicated to make this wedding the best they possibly could. No one was allowed to make that child cry. 

Everyone was running around, trying to get everything set up. The Music Department had brought their own instruments, rentals in some cases because they didn’t want to damage their personal ones, which were a nightmare to transport in some cases. Especially when it came to the larger instruments like the cellos and tubas. 

Malcolm and Joey were getting ready in the back, both helped by Henry. Malcolm, being the goth he was, had gone for an all-black tux. He looked very stylish, especially to Joey. Joey looked like he came out of one of the Bendy cartoons, at least in his color scheme. Well, he always looked like that, but he looked particularly nice in his fancy tux.

“Isn’t it bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the ceremony?” Henry asked as he fussed with Joey’s bowtie.

“I don’t really think that applies when we’re both the groom,” Malcolm said. “Besides, I’d hate to deprive Joey of a sneak peek of his future husband.” He winked at Joey, who started to giggle. 

“Well, I’m certainly not complaining.” Joey winked right back. “Any chance to see you in a suit.”

“You two are such dorks.” Henry rolled his eyes.

Outside, most of the guests had been seated and Niamh was testing the microphone, clothed in a long aggressively magenta dress. 

“Can I get a wahoo!” She yelled. There was a loud wahoo from somewhere in the treeline, presumably from Eska. 

Eska had been strangely absent from the area. That wahoo had been the only sign he was around. No one had so much as seen his face since arriving. Joey was rather glad of this, due to how terrifying he found the factotum, but it was still strange. Eska was usually never far from Thaische’s side. 

Speaking of Thaische, he was sitting beside Charlie in the front row. Both children were dressed in their best. Charlie was wearing a nifty little suit, while Thaische wore a dress. The dress didn’t necessarily fit with the theme, but no one minded. He was wearing his poncho too anyway.

“This all looks real nice,” Wally said, leaning back in his chair. He’d chosen to sit beside the band in order to be close to Sammy. 

“Yes, I suppose it is,” Sammy conceded, allowing himself a small smile. 

“Give you any ideas?” Wally wiggled his eyebrows at his boyfriend. 

Sammy gave him a deadpan stare. “Do you want me to ask you to marry me?”

“I mean, I dunno. Maybe?” Wally shrugged slightly, fiddling with his tie. “Do you wanna get married?”

“We can talk about it after this.” Sammy turned back to his sheet music. He knew that if he was ever going to propose, it would 100% be after Wally did something monumentally stupid. He was fully prepared to see Wally do something dumb at the reception and just propose to him right there.

Eventually, the grooms and Henry appeared, and they got everything started. Norman had set up shop in the back, having volunteered to tape the whole thing for the happy couple. 

“If anyone here has any objections,” Niamh began, before putting her mouth right on the microphone. “SIT THE FUCK DOWN!” Everyone winced at the shrieking feedback and the boom of her voice from the speakers. Niamh was a very loud person naturally, and when her voice was amplified by a microphone it was near deafening. 

“THAT BOY IS GETTING A WHOLE NEW LOVING DAD,” she pointed to the vibrating Charlie in the front row. “AND I WILL FUCKING MURDER ANYONE WHO TRIES TO TAKE THAT AWAY FROM HIM!”

No one objected. No one wanted to object, but also no one wanted to have their back broken by Niamh. Because she would do that. They all knew she would do that. 

“Alright, good!” Niamh nodded. “Let’s do this!”

The wedding went off without a hitch. Malcolm and Joey exchanged some very heartfelt vows and Niamh pronounced them husband and husband. They didn’t need much prompting to kiss. The collected guests erupted into applause. Charlie was bouncing up and down in his wheelchair and Thaische was doing happy flaps with his arms because Charlie was so excited. 

Once the couple had stopped kissing, and it did take a while, everyone moved to the reception area for food.

That was when Eska appeared.

He showed up when Malcolm and Joey were getting congratulated by the guests, appearing out of the crowd in his usual overalls and shirt. Joey immediately tensed. This wasn’t going to end well. He just knew it. But Eska didn’t yell or do any of the things he usually did. Instead, he picked Joey and Malcolm up in a big bear hug. 

“Oh, thank you, Eska,” Malcolm said once Eska had put them down. 

“Ah, um, yes. Thank you, Eska.” Joey echoed.

“Congrats,” Eska mumbled before vanishing once more. 

Joey stood there for a moment or two, stunned by the fact that Eska had actually done something nice to him. 

“Hey.” Malcolm nudged him gently with his shoulder. “Are you okay?” Joey glanced over at him, suddenly aware of the fact that their hands were entwined. He could feel the gold band now resting on his finger. 

“I’m fine,” he said, smiling his adorably gap-toothed smile. Malcolm smiled back.

“I love you.” He leaned in and kissed Joey’s cheek. 

“I love you too,” Joey whispered. 

“Dads!!” Charlie rolled up, tugging at their hands. “Come dance with me!” His smile made Joey feel warm inside all over again. And being called ‘Dad’. 

“Alright, alright.” Malcolm laughed.  

Together, they made their way out onto the dance floor, completely oblivious to everything going on around them. They were a family, well and truly now.