#((and aaAA look at the boy without his hoods!!))

[dannystheone]

hi!! i’ve been loving all of your south park content!! i love ur writing style sm 💗 i hope it’s okay if i request a lee kenny drabble! maybe stan and kyle are trying to get him to do something for them, and have to use tickling to convince him! feel free to reject this, no worries if you do!! tysm, i hope you have a good day!! 💗💗

Oh of course! I love this idea aaaa it's been on my mind since you requested it I love lee Kenny *-*

WARNING: KIDS SWEARING

Do Us A Solid, Kenny! (Lee Kenny/ Ler Stan and Kyle)

Stan and Kyle visit Kenny's house to try and convince him to be a part of their Science Fair project. When Kenny's price is too steep for the boys, they have to think of another way to convince Kenny.

```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

"Kenny, your little friends are here to see you." Kenny's mom, Carol, knocked on the boy's door and allowed his friends into his bedroom. Kenny looked up from his action figures on the carpet and waved to his friends.

Stan and Kyle stepped over Kenny's toys and lewd magazines. "You boys play nice now." Carol closed Kenny's door behind her.

"Omph, hi guymphs." Kenny picked himself off the floor and went to visit Stan and Kyle.

"Hey Kenny." Kyle waved.

"Sup dude. Hey Kenny, we got a favor to ask." Stan addressed. Kenny shrugged and sat on his bed.

"Whumph umph guymphs?" Kenny asked behind his hood. Stan and Kyle exchanged a glance before they spread their hands in explanation.

"You see Kenny, me and Kyle paired up to do our science project together for Misses Garrison's class. Our project is on the study of anatomy." Stan explained. Kenny nodded along.

"...Well, Cartman was supposed to be our test dummy for the project, but he had to travel unexpectedly. So we came to you to ask!" Kyle smiled while he said this, with Stan looking a little uneasy.

"Amph me wumph?" Kenny shrugged.

"Our project is on the digestive system, so we'd need you to wear this shirt-" Stan pulled out a white T-shirt with a hand-drawn diagram of the digestive system on the front. "-while we explain the different organs that make up the system. We also have a cardboard cutout with information on it, and some other gay shit like that, whatever. Can you do it?" Stan asked.

Kenny narrowed his eyes while he thought.

"Mm, omphay. I'll do it." Kenny shrugged. Stan and Kyle shouted and high-fived each other.

"Yes! Thank you, Kenny! You're a lifesaver!" Kyle held Kenny's shoulders while he grinned wide.

"The Science Fair is this Saturday. We can pick you up if you-"

"Mm! Waimt a minumte!" Kenny's eyes furrowed. Kyle and Stan looked at each other before looking at Kenny.

"What's wrong dude?" Stan asked.

"Imph it's om Samurmay I meed momey. 300 bumcks." The boys mouths went agape at this.

"Dude- what?! 300 bucks, we don't have that kind of money!" Kyle exclaimed. Stan sat down on Kenny's bed and looked directly at Kenny.

"Dude come on Kenny there's gotta be something else we can do. It's one Saturday for like three hours, we gotta give up our Saturday too! Look, after we do the project, we can get pizza and play video games and hang out without Cartman!" Stan tried convincing Kenny.

"Yeah man, it'll be cool! And we can watch the new Terrance and Phillip! Without Cartman! That's like the best part!" Despite Kyle's words, Kenny shook his head at the offer.

"Mm-mm. 300 bumcks. I'll do the promject." Kenny crossed his arms defiantly. Kyle and Stan slumped their shoulders in dejection.

"Dude what are we gonna do? Kenny was the only kid aside from Cartman not already involved in the Science Fair!" Stan groaned. Kyle pinched the bridge of his nose to try and stave off a headache.

"Kenny come on, do the project for free. You owe us anyway." Kyle's hand splayed. Kenny's eyebrows knitted themselves in confusion.

"Owme youm form whamt?? I do everymthimg form youm guymphs! If amythimg, youm owme me! 350 bumcks!" Kenny refuted angrily.

"What?! Dude don't raise the price that's a dick move!" Stan shouted, standing up from Kenny's bed.

"Kenny don't make us convince you to do the fucking project. Just do it 'cause you're our friend." Kyle crossed his arms in frustration. That made Kenny pause.

"...Howm arm youm gonma comvime me?" Kenny asked curiously. Stan and Kyle exchanged glances once more. Stan grabbed Kyle's arm and swung him to turn their backs on Kenny to discuss amongst themselves in hushed whispers. It sounded like Stan had a good idea when Kyle excitedly agreed with him before the two turned back to Kenny, all business.

"Kenny, last chance. Do the project with us for free on Saturday and we can hang out afterward. Otherwise, we'll have to use drastic measures." Stan and Kyle's faces were blank as stone. Kenny resumed his tough guy act. He crossed his arms and turned his head away.

"Fumck no." Kenny replied. Stan and Kyle looked at each other with lidded eyes before suddenly pouncing on Kenny; tackling him on the bed. Kenny's eyes widened as he kicked his legs out wildly.

"Mmph! Whumph the fumck?!" Stan had himself wrapped around Kenny's left arm and Kyle wrapped around his right. Kenny's legs were free to kick out at random.

"Sorry Kenny, but we need you at that Science Fair! And if we can't have you do it for free, we're gonna have to force you to do it!" Kyle shouted, before sneaking his hand underneath Kenny's orange jacket and scribbling his fingers in his tummy.

"MMPH!! Sthmhmhmhmm!" Kenny giggled behind his hood, his eyes squeezed shut. Kenny pulled on his arms and bucked his hips to try and throw Kyle's hand off his belly.

"Come on Kenny! Say you'll do the Science Fair!" Stan exclaimed. He wrenched Kenny's arm away from his side to shove his hand in Kenny's side.

"Mmm-mhmhmhm! I meheheheed momey!" Kenny's eyes squinted in his giggles. Kyle's hand snuck higher to Kenny's ribs, which made him squeal.

"Aw dude, I can feel your ribs! Sick!" Kyle remarked. It was easy to ladder his fingers between every rib space and vibrate his hand in a ticklish way.

"Sounds like you need that pizza, huh Ken? You could have it for free if you say yes to the fair!" Stan tried to persuade Kenny, accenting his words with squishes to Kenny's side.

Kenny's orange jacket made shuffling sounds as he shifted all over his threadbare mattress. His lewd magazines that littered his bed fell to the floor.

"Guyms sthmhmhmp! I cahahahamn't dohohohom thahahat!" Kenny's muffled laughter huffed behind his hood. Kyle grew a bit aggravated as he moved his hand back to Kenny's tummy and delivered spastic jolts to his midsection.

"MMPH!! Kyhyhyhyhyle nohmhmhmhm!" Kenny's hands clenched in Stan and Kyle's grip. Stan was having trouble navigating Kenny's ticklish spots with his hand still above his jacket, so he started going for spots where the jacket was thinner.

"Why do you need the money so bad Kenny? If you say it's for magazines, I'm gonna get your hips." Kyle threatened. Kenny's eyes flew open as he shook his head quickly.

"Mm-mm! Mm-mm! I meed it form my simster!" He admitted. Kyle and Stan's hands stilled for a moment.

"For your sister? Dude screw her, you'll get money later. We gotta do this fair-" Stan started, but Kyle shot him a look. Kyle removed his hand from under Kenny's jacket.

"What's up with your sister, dude?" Kyle asked. Stan rolled his eyes and took his hands away as well. Kenny sat up on his bed and held his own hands.

"Welm, it's herm birthmday nemxt weemk...amnd I wamnted tom get herm a premsent. Thamt's why I meed 400 dollarms form the Sciemnce Fairm-" Kenny explained, but Kyle made a scoffing sound.

"Wait a minute?! It's 400 dollars now?!" Kenny started giggling earnestly behind his hood and hiding his face with his hands.

"You fucking!-" Stan growled and started grabbing Kenny's sides. Kenny burst out laughing from the unexpected attack; his arms clamping to his sides and his knee jerking up out of reaction.

"Nohohohom Stahahahan!" Kenny shifted to Kyle's side, but Kyle pressed his fingers in Kenny's thigh. Kyle found a shredded hole in Kenny's jeans and started squeezing the bare skin of his thigh.

"You better start lowering that price dude! The fuck kinda present takes 400 dollars to pay for?!" Kenny snickered behind his hoodie and tried to push Kyle's hands away.

"Hmhmhmhm! I dohohohomn't knohohohow!" Kenny wriggled all over the bed as both Stan and Kyle's fingers pressed and prodded his skin.

"So you don't even know why you're asking for so much money, you're just dicking with us." Stan asked in a monotone voice as his fingers tazed Kenny's ribs. Kenny started belly laughing as he couldn't properly defend himself; his head knocking back with his newfound laughter. His hood fell off his head, his blonde hair poofing out along with his unmuffled laughter.

"Guy-Guhuhuys! Seheheheriously! Gehehet off!" Kenny's hair fell over his eyes as Stan and Kyle targeted his ribs and his thighs.

"You gonna do the Science Fair, Ken? We can do this all day!" Stan reached upwards and started spidering the back of Kenny's neck. The skin was warm from all his laughing in his oversized jacket. Kenny cringed and ducked his head to the side.

"If you pahahahay mehehehe!! Ihihihihit's 450 dohohollars!" Kenny shouted, his smile wide and bright. A bandaid on the bridge of his nose crinkled with his laughter. Kyle made an offended sound.

"Alright dude, that's enough! Now you're just fucking with us!" Kyle slipped his hands underneath Kenny's jacket and took hold of his hips. He started pressing his thumbs into his hip divets. Kenny squealed and started squirming underneath him.

"KHYHYHYLE DOHOHON'T!! Stohohohop!!" Kenny begged and gripped Kyle's wrists in protest. Stan was amused, and let go of Kenny to let Kyle do his thing.

"' Don't stop?' Alright, you said it!" Kyle braced his fingers behind Kenny's back to get a better grip on Kenny's hips. Kyle's green hat tipped forward as he dug his thumbs in Kenny's divets.

"Gahahahahad! Plehehehease! Ahahahahaha!!" Kenny started going a bit berserk at this spot being targeted. Stan put a hand on Kyle's back to try and still him a little.

"Are you gonna do the fair or not Kenny?!" Kyle demanded, his thumbs tirelessly jamming into Kenny's waistline. Kenny's laughter hit a high-pitched peak.

"CHRIHIST! Okay okay okahahay! I'll dohohoho it! I'll dohohoho the fahahahair!" Kenny shouted. Stan pried Kyle's hands away from Kenny's hips as soon as he yelled out his answer. Kenny breathed in deeply from his assault.

"So, you'll do the fair, Ken? Sorry we had to do that to you." Stan scratched the back of his head while Kyle rubbed his fingers. Kenny grumbled as he forced his hood back on his head and pulled on the hoodie strings to hide his face.

"Myeah I'll do it... form 100 bumcks...Samurday is my wormking daym, so if I dom the fairm I losme momey." Stan looked at Kenny with his mouth agape.

"Dude, you could have just said that from the start! We didn't know you worked over the weekend! If we did, we would have paid you from the start!" Kenny shrugged at Stan's words. Stan looked to Kyle.

"Two fifties each?" Stan suggested. Kyle nodded wordlessly.

"Alright cool. Well, thanks Kenny. Nice seeing you dude." Stan gave Kenny a bright smile and clapped a hand on his back, as if everything that just happened didn't just happen.

In the end, Kenny made it to the Science Fair with Stan and Kyle and wore his digestive system T-shirt while Stan and Kyle performed their project. Kenny was still given pizza, and video games, and watched the new Terrance and Phillip with Stan and Kyle (without Cartman).

Kenny was also given his 100 bucks to spend on his sister's birthday present. She was incredibly grateful, but she had no idea the real price he paid for that present.

[prince-ofspades]

Familiar

Why is this so familiar...?

((SO I really like the recent Steven Universe episodes, and the new song 'Familiar' has to be one of my all time favorite SU songs dhfdshd And since I have Deltarune on the brain, I couldn't help myself jshgdhjhgfg---- I really want to get deeper with this au jhsdghsj-- I already have design ideas for Queen Spade (replaces Pink Diamond), and a bunch other characters-- tell me if that's something you guys would like to see.))

[siodium]

𝘕𝘌𝘕𝘋𝘖 𝘊𝘓𝘖𝘛𝘏𝘌𝘚 𝘏𝘈𝘜𝘓 ft. 𝙎𝘼𝙉𝘿𝘼𝙇𝙋𝙃𝙊𝙉

welcome to part one of my nendo clothes haul where i’ll be featuring some clothing sets~ i bought a lot of individual clothing pieces as well but am i ready to style them?? no

i’m hesitant to shoot the second part of the haul bc it look me literally the wHOLE DAY to do the shoot and edit the photos aND I DIDN’T EVEN HAVE TO DO ANY STYLING it’s gonna take forever if i had to mix and match pieces ugh ;_;

so for context i bought nendo doll bodies from amiami like over two years ago?? but i only recently started to invest in the hobby and by that i mean i’ve already spent over $200 on clothes and stuff

is this how it feels to be an adult with an income

ok but in my defence it’s A LOT of clothes i’m not even kidding

i even bought duplicate items by accident bc my dumb ass didn’t check the cart properly ughhh

anyways yes my nendos have more drip than me

let’s get into the haul~

for reference i’m using the nendoroid boy body in almond milk

you should have already seen the first outfit from my previous post but i thought i’d show it off with the hat that it came with as well

this cafe/bakery outfit is definitely one of my favs!! it came with so many individual pieces (hat, apron, top, shorts, a hip pouch thing) which means i can style the pieces with other items to create a brand new look~

i bought the brown shoes separately and they were a little pricey but no regrets they match perfectly with the outfit and they’re so well made?? the little details wow O:

i rly like the maid/gothic lolita outfit as well!! the set came with a bonnet too but i have no idea how to put it on sandy’s head :// might wanna try it on someone with less spiky hair

one taobao seller gave me a free gift that came with blu-tack so now i don’t have to struggle to make sandy hold his teapot and teacup heheh

i meant to show off the shoes ok i’m not trying to be sus 👀

this is how the dress looks without the apron

the next outfit is bringing back the poopio maydays feels

the shark outfit was something i’d been looking forward since i ordered it from a carouseller in feb i think?? apparently taobao shipping kept screwing up the orders so it only came like a few weeks ago yikess

also i got this shopping cart too bc i thought it’d make a good photo prop but now i’m not so sure hmmm it’s still rly cute tho

aaaa he looks so soft in this outfit

too bad the hood doesn’t fit over sandy’s hair but it does fit properly on akechi so i guess only smooth and unpoofy hair works with it

there’s a human sized version of the shark slippers that he is wearing and i’m tempted to get a pair for myself lmao

finally we have the mafia-zaddy-from-wattpad outfit

i got this set bc i thought the inner shirt with tie and the black pants kinda look like akechi’s summer uniform except the tie isn’t stripy and i don’t think i can remove it

well doesn’t rly matter it looks great i love suits

also these are the only pants i got that have velcro at the back and they’re so much easier to put on compared to the ones with elastic waistbands (those get stuck on the joints a lot...) 👍 velcro supremacy

that’s all for part one of the haul now i need to rest zzzz sooo tired

is this how it feels like to film/shoot a lookbook......

[fandomlurker]

A Ponderous Rewatch: Bubba Bo Bob Brain and Cameo

Can I just say that I think I’m somehow getting worse at keeping the screenshot count down?

Neither the cameo nor the main episode in this post are animated by TMS, so that’s not the reason for the surprisingly high screenshot count. However, the regular episode is animated by Wang Film Production, who are the same folks that animated the very first PatB segment and have done most of the episodes I’ve covered so far, including the previous one. I can tell they’ve gotten a better handle at animating our main duo in the skit we’re looking at today, especially Brain. Wang Film Production is no TMS, but they’ve gotten very, very good at expressions. They’ve also seemed to settle into a rounded and soft design for Brain, something that they’re kind of known for among fans if I recall correctly. Pinky can still be a little…off at this point in time, though.

Moving on, the cameo that we’re starting with is animated by Akom Film Productions. They’re the folks who usually do the animation for the Chicken Boo and Goodfeathers episodes, and they usually do a pretty good job with those characters. As far as our mouse duo go, though, Akom has only done “Opportunity Knox” so far. You know, the one with the oddly nightmarish Brain close-ups. Thankfully we get none of that since it’s only a short bit.

So yes, onto the cameo in “Noah’s Lark”!

So this is actually a Hip Hippos episode, but luckily we don’t have to deal with them at all right now. The premise is the story of Noah’s Ark, obviously, but the character of Noah is done as a parody of the stand-up comedian Richard Lewis, who was somewhat popular in the 80s. The most modern and notable media he’s been involved in that people on Tumblr might know him from (or at least, what I think folks here might recognize, it can be a little hard to gauge that since both millennials and gen z folks are the main demographic of this site) are Robin Hood: Men in Tights where he played Prince John, and Curb Your Enthusiasm where he plays himself.

Noah is rounding up two of every animal to go onto the ark (which is a popular depiction of how the story goes, but is actually false: it’s supposed to be seven male and female pairs of “clean” animals of each species and one pair of “unclean” animals of the same species, but that’s as far as I’m going into that topic). He’s nearly finished the list and has just been mauled by the wolverine pair, and…

“Lab mice?...”

The fact that he’s specifically asking for a pair of lab mice raises a lot of questions that I don’t think we have time to unpack.

The pair of lab mice that he gets is, of course, Pinky and the Brain.

And Pinky is, for the very first time in the series, crossdressing, presumably to pass as a female mouse so he and Brain can survive the great flood by boarding the ark.

…This is also a lot to unpack.

“Check!” they both exclaim, although Pinky does it in a very deep voice for some reason.

Wow, look at the surprise and then hostile suspicion on Noah’s face there!

Their outfits are very 1950s, with Brain even carrying a suitcase. Anachronisms aside, these two really went all out for the “we are a normal, heterosexual pair” ruse, didn’t they? Not only is Pinky in a dress and a blonde wig, but Brain even put on a little bowler hat. Why did he feel the need to do that? Did he feel left out of dressing up otherwise? Was he afraid he wouldn’t look “manly” and hetero enough without it? I have so many questions…

“Whew! These pantyhose are killing me, Brain!”

Wow, for once it’s Pinky physically hurting Brain, even if it’s a relatively minor tug on the ear.

“I think I prefer knee-highs…”

…Pinky, you’re not even wearing pantyhose. What the hell are you talking about?

Assuming that this is just the result of an animation oversight (which, honestly, I’m certain it was), we now know that his disguise went so over-the-top as to include pantyhose which Noah wouldn’t normally see…and also it’s a type of pantyhose that Pinky doesn’t even like wearing, which implies to me that this is something Brain acquired for him.

There is just so much going on in cameos like these if you think about them for even a few seconds.

Also, I agree with Pinky. Knee-high pantyhose are much less uncomfortable to wear.

BONK!

So the mice are allowed to board and the audience is left to think that their little ruse worked, but immediately after the two run off and are out of listening range Noah rolls his eyes and says

“Who am I to judge?”

Heavily implying Noah completely saw through it and let them on anyway. Wow.

That’s the end of their cameo. Who’d have thought that this little scene would be the precursor to Brain having Pinky crossdress to disguise him as Brain’s wife so many times in the series? And who’d have thought that this very first time wouldn’t fool anyone at all?

But now let’s move on to the meat of this rewatch post:

We open to Acme Labs at night, as usual, though I’ve never noticed until now how lonely and eerie the place seems if you ignore our mouse duo.

“Pinky… I believe I have conceived my most brilliant plan to date!”

Oh boy, we have another first for today! Brain is very much a fan of using temporary mind control for his plans. It’s the method he falls back on the most, which is very interesting when you consider his various psychological issues involving having control taken away from him all his life.

“I shall use subliminal mind control to take over the world!”

“…Pinky?”

The hand-on-hip pose here is great.

“Today’s inside story is country mega-star Willie Ray Cypress!”

Uh, Pinky? Considering that this is pretty much the expression you had while looking at Pharfignewton, I am very, very worried about you looking at the Billy Ray Cyrus parody the same way.

“Don’t tell my head, my empty hollow head!~”

“You know I wouldn’t understand!~”

Same, Brain. Same. It’s just like Pinky to enjoy a song as earworm-y as this (not to mention how relevant this parody is to his everyday experience with Brain’s plans), but lord was the real song this is making fun of annoying as hell back in the day. Like, I was a small child at the time this song came out, and I still hated how often this would be played on the radio.

Luckily, Brain pounces on the remote’s off button and puts an end to the nonsense.

But oh, the look of sad betrayal on Pinky’s face is heartbreaking! I’m sorry, sweetie!

“It must be inordinately taxing to be such a boob.”

Heh, Brain said “boob”. /inner six year old

“You have no idea…”

“Pinky, do you know what a subliminal message is?”

“Something you leave on a subliminal telephone answering machine?”

Nice try, Pinky.

“No. It is a recorded message perceived only by the subconscious human mind.”

Two things here:

This diagram bothers me because my mind always interprets the way they’ve drawn the bottom of the cerebellum as the person shutting their eyes extremely tightly.

Brain using his own tail as a pointing stick is very, very cute and I love this detail.

“I have recorded such a message.”

He’s still holding his tail, aaaa!~

“Citizens of the world, you are under my control. You will do whatever I say…”

“Nice mix, but it’s not exactly danceable, is it?”

Oh, Pinky. Only you would sincerely compliment Brain’s incredibly dry mind control message and then immediately point out a flaw that has nothing to do with its purpose. Bless you, you stupid and wonderful little mouse.

I like how Pinky’s interjection startles the hell outta Brain for a moment, too.

“If people heard this message enough times, they would succumb to my control and we could take over the world!”

Notice that despite Pinky being a minor annoyance and despite the fact that Brain claims that everyone will be under his control, yet again it’s still both of them taking over the world.

“What do you think, Pinky?”

And he still wants Pinky’s input. It’s small and scattered and very, very subtle, but in my opinion this is Brain’s most frequent way of showing that he cares about Pinky. Brain likely isn’t even aware that he does it. Pinky might not be aware, either.

“I think I’m getting dizzy and I rather like it! Ahahahahahoo!~”

“Sometimes you hurt my head, Pinky…”

And yet, Brain. And yet…

“The only problem: How to get this message repeated worldwide airplay…?”

Offscreen, Pinky turns the TV back on and startles Brain again, but only for a moment.

Another great pose and expression here: Mildly annoyed, but interested and on the verge of an idea.

“I just adore Willie Ray!”

“I listen to his song twenty times a day!”

I…really don’t know why they chose to have this shot done with Brain walking over the “camera” towards the TV so we get a brief close-up of Brain’s mousey behind. It made me laugh, though, so I thought I’d share.

“Pinky… Are you pondering what I’m pondering?”

I’m also kind of obsessed with this brief expression of Pinky’s I unintentionally managed to capture. It’s a bit of a smug, knowing, and yet endeared look. I’m sure it’s completely unintentional on the animators’ part, but I love the idea it gives me of Pinky knowing exactly what Brain’s thinking but purposefully saying something entirely unrelated to playfully tease him.

“Well, I think so, Brain, but burlap chafes me so.”

To be fair, Pinky, I think burlap chafes everyone. And were you thinking about doing a potato sack race? That’s the only connection to burlap I can think of that would be in any way relevant...

“Country music, Pinky. I will go to Nashville and become the biggest country music star of all time! Everyone will hear my record and my subliminal message and I will take over the world!”

In all honesty, that would probably be easier to do in the early 90s when this takes place since country music wasn’t such a…well, “dead” is a bit of an exaggeration, but country music as a genre is incredibly unpopular nowadays with the occasional notable exception. In the early 90s? Not so much.

“Egad, Brain!”

This is the most enthusiastic swoon I’ve seen and heard from you yet, Pinky.

“Oh! But no, no… It takes people years of hard work to become famous, Brain.”

Well, that or they’re born into a famous family. Or they’re just rich.

“Why, take Kathie Lee Gifford for example: She did community theatre, and—“

I actually can’t find anything via Googling about Kathie Lee doing community theatre before she became famous. She seems to have studied music and drama in university, and had a folk music group in high school, but the only reference to theatre I can find is professional musical theatre in the late 90s.

It’s possible Pinky’s right, though.

BONK!

BRAIN! …Wait, where did you even get that tiny club?

“Stop talking, Pinky, I must think.”

You… Brain, I think I’m starting to see why some fans believe you may be as neurodivergent as Pinky is, but in a different way. I can’t in good faith elaborate on that myself, since I haven’t been diagnosed as such and it would be completely disrespectful of me to do so, but if anyone wants a good little theory on that, try here.

“I have calculated every ingredient necessary to become a country music mega-star. Read me the list, Pinky!”

He’s typing by hopping from one key to another, aww!

Eeeh, the lettering work on that computer is pretty bad, though.

“A cowboy hat.”

“Check!”

“A southern dialect.”

“Check, ya’ll!”

“Nice, Brain.”

The way Pinky says “nice” here reminds me of this meme. Also, aww, Pinky’s always ready with the compliments.

“Working class values…”

“I enjoy beef jerky and the comedy stylings of Gallagher. Check.”

His visible cringe at having to say he enjoys Gallagher is wonderful. I first heard about Gallagher through My Brother, My Brother and Me, but for anyone that doesn’t know, Gallagher is a frankly terrible prop comedian whose most famous act was smashing things on stage (usually fruits of increasing size) with a large mallet that he called the “Sledge-O-Matic”, ending with smashing a watermelon. It was apparently a mildly popular bit of comedy in the south. Does that sound entertaining? No? Yeah, that’s…that’s why Brain is cringing so hard.

“A song.”

“Check!”

A song titled “A Song”. Brain, sweetheart, I think you’re going to need to put in a little more effort than that.

“A name consisting of not less than three words.”

“From now on, I shall be ‘Bubba Bo Bob Brain’. Check.”

I would make fun of him for this name, but honestly it’s kind of genius in its bland simplicity.

“And…a height of at least six feet!”

“Aaa--guebuh…”

Whoops. Forgot about that one, huh?

“Drat!”

“There must be some way for me to increase my height…”

Gee, if only you had a fully operational mechanical human suit just laying around.

“Hmm, let me think…”

“Don’t hurt yourself, Pinky.”

He is trying his best!

“Faster, Pinky! Faster!”

…Why does Pinky have to spin the thread? The whole point of sewing machines like this is that they’re powered electrically, Brain. Are you just making him do this so Pinky feels included?

Oh. Oh no…

Brain’s “WTF?” face is great. He’s surprised and yet not at the same time, because things like this just happen when you have Pinky around.

“You amaze me, Pinky.”

“I do my best…”

A very cute exchange.

So instead of using the mechanical human suit they usually fall back on in times like these (maybe it’s under six feet tall?), the mice instead come up with…this.

“Proceed, Pinky.”

I have to give them some credit, regardless of how ridiculous this is, as sewing denim to make a very bizarrely thin and tall pair of jeans must have been an absolute nightmare.

“Ki-yi-yippee-yi-yo. How do I look?”

I’m getting flashbacks to the similarly deadpan singing of “Camptown Races” from last episode. Brain’s really on a western kick lately, isn’t he?

“Oh, very nice, Brain!”

Your finger-framing may be focused on the back of Brain’s head for some reason, Pinky, but your pupils are definitely pointed a bit…lower.

“It’s ‘Bubba Bo Bob Brain’.”

“You are my manager, Colonel Pinky.”

This is a reference to Elvis Presley’s manager, Colonel Tom Parker, who was honestly quite the bungler when it came to managing Elvis’ career. I honestly don’t think Brain’s making a subtle jab at Pinky’s competency here for once because Brain’s grasp of pop culture he’s not already interested in is surface level at best most of the time.

“You discovered me playing the guitar on the front porch of my humble pig farm. Any questions?”

“Oh, just one: When you farm humble pigs, how far apart do you have to plant them?”

“…If I could reach you, I would hurt you.”

Hey now, you’re the one that asked, Brain.

“But for now, on to Nashville!”

“On to Nashville!”

BONK!

“This is a pain that is going to linger…”

That’s what you get for rolling your eyes at Pinky’s enthusiasm.

No perilous car trips this time! Instead, the boys are getting bus tickets to Nashville.

“Two tickets to Nashville, please.”

“Ooh-wee!~ You’re a tall drink a’ water, aint’cha, darlin’?”

…Ma’am? Excuse me, ma’am? Ma’am, are you flirting with The Brain?

Like, sorry, that “tall drink of water” saying is not just to point out that someone’s tall. It’s specifically for flirting with someone who is tall and gorgeous and a refreshing sight to see, like a tall glass of water on a hot summer day.

This lady is flirting with a mouse on stilt legs.

I know that Brain’s disguises are prone to inexplicably work even when by all rights they shouldn’t, but…

“Actually, I am a lab mouse on stilts.”

Brain does his usual bold and plain truth shtick and I’m a little surprised that he didn’t react to what she said beyond that. Then again, this is Brain and he’s quite terrible when talking to women in general, so maybe we dodged a bullet here.

“…At least he didn’t ask me to pull his finger.”

I’ve worked in retail and food service for years, ma’am, and if that’s the extent of your experience with unpleasant men, consider yourself lucky.

“EGAD, Bibby-boo-bop-Brain! Round trips are so exciting!”

“It’s ‘Bubba Bo Bob Brain’, Pinky.”

“Right! Sorry. Zort!”

Honestly, Pinky’s version is much cuter.

“Concentrate, Pinky, concentrate!”

BONK!

“YES! This pain will definitely be with me a while.”

Brain out here looking like a bad Minecraft texture.

Hello again, Warner Siblings! Gosh, that little fringed western skirt on Dot is cute.

“’The Rowdy Ranch Nightclub’… What are we doing here, Boobie-baa-baa-Brain?”

I checked the official subtitles for this and yes, that is exactly what he mistakenly calls Brain here. We have had both of these two call each other “boob” or some permutation of it this episode.

Pinky and the Brain sure is a show that exists.

“…It’s ‘Bubba Bo Bob’ Brain. And according to statistics, and inordinate number of country western superstars have gotten their start at this very establishment.”

You probably didn’t need me to tell you this, but there’s no Rowdy Ranch Nightclub in real life. There is, however, “The Rowdy Ranch”, uh, ranch in Texas.

“Egad! [gasp] Do you suppose Minnie Pearl performed here?”

“One can only hope…”

Man, Brain, you are really laying the sarcasm on thick this episode. Come to think of it, he’s been slightly more sassy towards Pinky than usual this episode as well. I suppose he’s still sore about the end of the last one. You know, for reasons.

BONK!

At least he’s getting some karmic punishment for it, I guess.

“I am a telephone repairman from this area!~”

This little ditty this man is singing has bugged the hell out of me for quite a while, as it certainly sounds like it’s a reference to something but I never knew exactly what it was referring to until just now thanks to an old Animaniacs Usenet group from way back in the day: It’s a parody of the song “Whichita Lineman” by Glenn Campbell. The writers are really giving it their all with the pop culture references this time.

“When I give the signal, play the subliminal message tape.”

“Right-o, Bippie Bebop Balloola!”

“…Sometimes you frighten me, Pinky.”

Why, though?! Despite it being a mistake it’s honestly a goddamn adorable one. Why must you fear affectionate, innocent, unknowing malapropisms, Brain? Pinky’s still going to do what you told him to.

Anyway, Brain is ushered onto the stage as a newcomer and he’s…not exactly any more eloquent than Pinky was just now.

“Howdy, you all. Here’s a little…ditty I wrote. Hope you enjoy it…you all.”

Here’s the thing: Brain’s not one to get stage fright, and while he’s not the best actor he’s still usually better than this. He was saying “ya’ll” and getting the country-isms perfectly fine beforehand, although he was still doing it in his deadpan Brain way.

Now, suddenly, after hearing Pinky cutely screw up his fake name and going on stage he’s starting to mess up. It’s like Pinky’s error is still in the back of his mind and flustering him enough to throw him off for a bit.

He gets back into the swing of things when he starts singing his song, though.

“I am a lab mouse, I escaped from my cage

Never had a job, never earned minimum wage.~”

“He ain’t half bad.”

“Ain’t half good, either.”

OUCH. That’s a little harsh. Sure, the lyrics are kinda blah but he’s a decent singer here. Really, it’s just not a genre of music that his voice fits very well.

Also, lady? You’ve got a suspiciously busty doppleganger in the back there. That’s got to be a bad omen for you.

“But you will respect me, YES, once my plan is unfurled!~

You will call me your leader, I’ll be king of the world!~”

Careful, Brain. Your complicated emotional complex is starting to show in those lyrics.

There’s some more nice facial expressions here too. I can’t really capture it with still images, but Brain’s got a very tender demeanor when he sings about being king of the world.

“Now, Pinky!”

…I just noticed that Pinky’s wearing a completely different outfit here at the nightclub than he was when boarding the bus to get to Nashville. He was previously in an all-white colonel outfit and now he’s in a more generic yet very sweet cowboy get-up. Did you make yourself an entire wardrobe, Pinky?

Another minor detail is that while Pinky’s cowboy hat is a generic tan colour (although before, it was white), Brain’s hat is completely black, which as per western film traditions marks him as a clear villain.

You and I know he’s not really a villain and is, at worst, an anti-villain…but I thought this was worth pointing out anyway.

“Citizens of the world, you are under my control. You will do whatever I say.”

I love how he does this completely unneeded strum on his guitar in the middle of his subliminal message. It's for the drama!

“Buy my record and listen to it twenty times a day.”

Corporations be like…

Who am I kidding? Corporations nowadays would have you pay a fee monthly to have a song on your phone playlist and you would never really own a copy.

“Let’s buy his record…”

“And listen to it twenty times a day…”

Lady, that doppleganger is still over there. Do you need a distraction while you sneak out the back?

This smug lil’ jerk. Gotta love him, though.

And so Brain’s cassette tapes fly off the shelves at record speed.

Man. Cassette tapes. I feel so fuckin’ old…

“I don’t know ‘bout ya’ll, but I can’t get enough of Bubba Bo Bob Brain. Let’s hear it again!”

JFC, that spittoon. Blegh! And just what do you need that rope for?!?

“Well, he’s the hottest thing to hit Nashville since my mama’s jalapeno grits! Here’s Bubba Bo Bob Brain!”

Having just recently learned what exactly “grits” is, I am very disturbed by the idea of jalapeno grits.

“I’m your biggest fan! What d’you say to that?”

Hi, Dolly Parton! I’ve gotta say that the animators nailed the caricature of 90s Dolly here pretty well. She’s instantly recognizable, unlike some other celebrity parodies Animaniacs does. It’s not just because of Dolly’s, uh…most renowned physical characteristics, either. That’s a very Dolly Parton smiling face.

Not much to say here other than that Dolly’s a sweetheart of a woman, from what I know about her, especially for a celebrity. She’s a staunch supporter of Covid relief and Black Lives Matter as well.

That said, she’s sadly—both in the 90s and now—most well known for…

“I’d say puberty was inordinately kind to you.”

BRAIN!

Well, yeah. That.

I guess now you can see what I mean about Brain not being very good at talking to women. Like, he’s definitely not ogling her here. In fact he’s just kind of…stating something he’s noticed and looking absolutely done with this whole celebrity thing. But Brain you don’t just make a joke like that about a woman’s bust size no matter how deadpan you do it, you ass!

“Haha, go on.”

She takes it well, though, just like Dolly seems to in reality.

Still, though! Brain, you retroactively deserved all those run-ins with doorframes.

Continuing on the buxom southern women thing this episode has decided to run with (seriously, what’s going on here?), we now have a brief parody of a Hee Haw skit.

“Hahahahaha!”

“Hey, Bubba Bo Bob Brain, I just got back from France!”

“How’d you find it?”

“I used a map.~”

“Hahahahaha!”

Yeah, that’s an accurate depiction of Hee Haw style humour.

“And the Country Tune Award for best male vocal goes to…”

“Bubba Bo Bob Brain!”

Here we have Garth Brooks and Crystal Gayle emceeing this awards ceremony. I had to look up who these two were supposed to be, though, since the caricatures are pretty vague this time.

“EGAD! YIPPEE! Narf! Ah hahahahahaha!”

Aww, he’s so happy for Brain! And oh, is that yet another outfit I see? And a much more appropriately sunshine-y yellow and flamboyant one at that! Pinky really went all-out for this.

Again with the tongue hanging out too, except this time it’s more understandable.

“You’re embarrassing me, Pinky.”

And you’re continuing to be a jerk, wow. Someone needs a nap or something.

“Pardon my effervescence, but your accolade is more than any bucolic mouse merits.”

“What’s he sayin’?”

“I don’t know.”

Yes, Brain just used the word “effervescence”, much like in that one Tumblr Twilight meme. To those reeling from the fact that this compares Edward to Brain via their shared pretentiousness: You’re welcome.

Also, a Brain-to-common English translation: “Pardon my bubbly enthusiasm, but your award is more than any countryside mouse deserves.” Would that have been so hard to say, Brain?

“…I’d like to thank my mama and Elvis.”

I wouldn’t thank Elvis. He was an asshole. But that’s probably not wise to say at a 90s country music award show, so I guess it’s understandable.

“Oh, how nice!”

“Well isn’t that nice!”

“I’m outside the Grand Ol’ Opry, where tonight’s concert featuring country music sensation ‘Bubba Bo Bob Brain’ is being televised worldwide.”

“In two words: Bubba is hot!”

I… That’s twice in this episode where a human woman thinks a tiny, big-headed mouse on stilts is hot.

Furries, come get these poor, confused women.

“You gotta know how to cut ‘em

Know how to shuffle

Know how to deal the cards, before you play Fish with me.~”

Hello, Kenny Rogers. I only know the song parodied here, “The Gambler”, again through “My Brother, My Brother and Me” and the long and hilarious conversation about it.

It’s kind of weird to have a song that was made famous by Rogers in 1978 sung like it’s a recent hit in an early 90s awards show, but ehh. Maybe the shelf life of hit country songs is a lot longer than songs of other genres.

And then you die in your sleep~

“Do you realize what will happen if the world hears my song just one more time?”

“An angel will get its wings?!”

If only, Pinky.

“NO, Pinky!”

I think all this country stuff is really getting on Brain’s nerves. He’s being snappy and irritable and lashing out an abnormal amount ever since arriving in Nashville, and there’s not a lot of joy in the minor successes he’s had so far. Like, compare Brain smiling and praising Pinky for his work during the alien encounter spoof they did together, the last episode with Brain cheerfully singing to himself when he was certain he’d win the race…to now where he’s yelling at Pinky for minor mistakes that no one but himself is aware of and being joyless and faking pleasantries and rolling his eyes at the country stars he’s surrounded by. This mouse is crabby as all hell, and I don’t think it’s just because he finds the whole country western thing stupid and below him. This is a mouse who’s done and will continue to do degrading things to achieve his goal of world domination without this much jerkishness.

I think he’s still fuming about the whole Pharfignewton and Pinky thing, and the current plan being a very rural, country-focused plan like the last one with the Kentucky Derby is just exacerbating it by reminding him of it. Like, you don’t even have to take it in the gay way I am and instead take it in a “how dare that goddamn horse take the complete attention of my friend/world domination partner away from me and my plans, this sucks and I can’t believe Pinky’s just being his usual dumbass self like everything is fine and the same” sort of way.

But the gay way makes way more sense, fight me.

…Okay, don’t fight me, I’m tired and old and I really don’t want to get in internet fights about cartoon mice.

“My subliminal message will take permanent hold, and the world will be under my control!”

Ooof! We’re back down to “my” control and not “our”. Jeez, Brain. You really are spiraling right now, aren’t you? Your attitude has quickly devolved from the beginning of this episode...

“Oh, that.”

And dang, even Pinky’s enthusiasm is starting to get deflated.

“Now, do you remember what you have to do?”

“Yes. I need to make a dental appointment. I have horrible plaque buildup!”

Pinky, you do realize that unlike a regular, non-sapient mouse you can just brush your teeth, right?

“The tape, Pinky, the TAPE!”

“Oooh, right! When you give the signal, I play the tape.”

“And now, I’d like to introduce…”

“This is it, I’m on.”

“Good luck, Booba Bip Bop Brain!”

Folks, I swear to you that I tried to get a decent screencap of Pinky slapping Brain to figure out if he slapped his back or his ass and for the life of me I could not get it. The slap goes by just that fast and I’d honestly have to go frame by frame if I wanted to get it, but my video player will not go that slow.

Either way, Brain is certainly startled by the contact but is fixated more on the continued mangling of his fake name.

“How many times do I have to tell you, my name is--!”

Uhh, Brain? Getting a liiiittle close there.

“—Bubba Bo Bob Brain!” exclaims Kenny Rogers. And oh boy are these screencaps exploitable. Again, you’re welcome.

“Yee-haw! Let’s start this hootenanny!”

Better than last time you came out on stage to sing at a show, at least.

This time the crowd even sings along with him, and they’re not even hypnotized yet. Much better.

“Now, Pinky!”

“You are under my control, you will do whatever I say…”

“I will do whatever he says… Whatever he says… Whatever he says… Whatever he says…”

A confusingly consistent detail here: Every woman in the crowd has swirly red hypnotized eyes and every man in the crowd has swirly green hypnotized eyes. Why? Who knows!

“Way to go, Blubber Boo Bean Brain. Narf!”

Heh, that hand flip.

It looks like Pinky is trying hard to suppress his verbal tic here for some reason? Or maybe he’s just realized that he’s messed up the name again and is cringing in anticipation of Brain yelling at him? Either way, poor guy… You really don’t deserve any of what’s coming.

And what’s coming? Well, given Brain’s heightened pissy attitude and his mental issues with not having things go exactly the way he wants them to, plus his obsessive need this episode to correct Pinky on this one thing that doesn’t need to even be addressed because no one else hears it, plus other repressed emotions…

“Do me a favour and forget my name. While you’re at it, forget you ever knew me!”

Holy shit.

…Now you fucked up, Brain. Now you fucked up.

Man, I hate the one thick facial hair on the dude in the middle. It’s so unsettling.

“Hey, who’s that skinny guy on stage?”

“Who is he?”

“Get him off!”

“Boo!”

“We wanna see someone famous!”

Yup. Look at what you did. You messed this up all because you were having a temper tantrum about Pinky messing up your stupid false name. You hang that head in shame. And you apologize to Pinky.

Later...

“Tonight’s inside story: A complete unknown somehow made it on to the stage at the Grand Ol’ Opry.”

“…Turn that off, Pinky.”

You know what? Keep it on for a bit, Pinky. Let Brain wallow in this humiliation just a bit more. He needs to have the lesson set in.

“I’m trying to concentrate on a better plan for tomorrow night.”

“Why, Brain? What are we going to do tomorrow night?”

“Same thing we do every night, Pinky:”

“Try to take over the world!”

Hey wait just a minute! You can’t just reuse this excellent ending from “Win Big” on this episode! Brain doesn’t yet deserve to get back to being cocky and determined after being such an ass!

Ahh well. He does get better, folks, I promise. This is just a rough patch. Brain is… He’s going through some things, I think. He’s not processing his emotions in a healthy way and it’s really coming back to bite him.

Listen, I understand this whole thing with Brain being extra grumpy and hostile after the whole Pinky dating Pharfignewton thing is largely coincidence. We don’t actually know what order these episodes were made in, after all, and the Animaniacs writers were not big on continuity.

Here’s the thing, though: I still find it fascinating that these episodes were aired one after the other…especially with a random cameo with Pinky and Brain disguised as a married couple in between. It makes for the beginning of a strange sort of arc that occasionally reminds us that, hey, these two mice are a duo and something is amiss when that duo is broken up or there is a strain put on that relationship.

I’ve read that after a while, network executives at the time tried to push for these mice to settle down and have families and for the skits and the eventual spin-off to largely abandon the whole world domination thing. They wanted it to be more sitcom-like to rival and imitate shows like The Simpsons.

That obviously doesn’t work. It can’t work. The writers, especially Peter Hastings, very much pushed back against the idea. When you have a duo of characters who fit together and play off one another so well, when the basic premise of a story is of a pair of characters working together to achieve a goal, and when those characters just mesh so perfectly and basically complete one another…trying to add another main character just puts the entire story completely out of wack and/or changes it into something unrecognizable. You can add reoccurring characters off to the side, sure. You can have a nemesis or two pop up and return every now and again. But with something like Pinky and the Brain where the main story is a small pair against incredible odds working towards a singular goal, disrupting that core relationship is going to cause a domino effect that will ruin the whole thing.

All this to say that I like this approach that’s going on here much more, even if it was completely unintended by the creative team: There is the element added of Pinky, off-screen, dating someone. It’s not something that’s brought up a lot and whenever it is brought up, Brain is irritated. We’ve seen at the end of the last episode where this development was introduced that Brain is unusually snappy, and now in the next episode he continues to be angry more often than he was before. It’s a more subtle and smooth way of seeing how these characters react if something or someone threatens to come between them, in a way that doesn’t immediately break the entire premise to pieces. Of course, it helps that Pharfignewton is…largely absent for all this and is only brought up every now and again. It’s not a perfect way to explore this kind of thing, but it’s preferable when compared to something like Pinky, Elymra, and The Brain.

However, after this episode Brain’s temper begins to de-escalate, and we won’t pick back up on this accidental “arc” for a few episodes. So to folks who are maybe a little bit bummed out about his behaviour here: don’t worry. We’re getting quite the breather next time with a very odd alternate universe skit courtesy of the Warner Siblings  messing around with character placement, as well as an entire Animaniacs episode devoted to a Pinky and the Brain skit…fantasy style!

[neoangelic]

Midnight; mark lee

➳ You sneak off with your midnight boy, Mark Lee. He’s the cool biker-type frat boy from the infamous Nu Gamma Tau house but he’s different when you’re alone.

➳ frat boy! greaser! mark lee x reader (if greasers can be total DORKS) | college au | fluff

➳ note: requested by @leemarkmywords​ 5000 years ago im so sorry babe shit HAPPENED  but I pulled through and wrote it over the course of like six months. I’m sorry its short but i might write more on midnight!mark. Idk if this is soft enough aaaa.

➳ word count: 1730

If you could describe Mark Lee in one word, it would be midnight. He was everything and nothing all at once; the intersection of your dreams and reality. Midnight black hair, midnight black car that he couldn’t even drive, midnight air, and midnight summers. That was Mark. When you were with him, the sky was always a deep, somber blue. The city didn’t do justice for any stars at night, but the twinkling of his wonder-filled eyes was enough for you to gaze into. Midnight black leather jacket, midnight drinks, and midnight kisses—the stolen kind.

“Surprised you managed to sneak out.” The figure jumped at the sound of your voice.

“I didn’t know anyone was out here,” his voice was full and boyish. “Don’t like partying either?”

“Not when there are strangers,” you turned to face him, the moonlight and streetlamp being the only sources of light. He was tall, black-haired, and big-eyed. You looked at the green bottle in his hand, cocking an eyebrow. “They allowed you to take that?”

“Why not? You got one too.” He blew lightly over the top of the bottle, making a hollow whistle.

“You’re not a freshie?”

“And you aren’t?” The boy laughed, “It’s my third year here.”

“Touche—how did you know I’m a first-year?”

“I told you,” he said, sitting next to you on the curb, “it’s my third year. I know a face when I see one and I just happen to not know yours. Why’d you think I was your age? Actually, what is your age? I don’t mean to be a lame jane but alcohol isn’t good for you, you know.”

“I see you hanging out with Jisung and Chenle a lot and they’re in my 101 class—”

“Well, them and the other boys—”

“And I’m… of age.” you shrugged, taking a sip of your canned beer. “If you think it’s so bad then why are you drinking it?

“Because I’m legal enough to make stupid choices.”

“Do you make a lot of stupid choices, then?”

He fell silent for a moment, “uh…yeah, I guess.” You could see his ears tint a slight shade of red. From the embarrassment or the alcohol, you didn’t know. A laugh spilled from your lips. “At least that’s what my hyungs say.”

“You don’t look like a frat boy.” Your eyes land on his Nu Gamma Tau varsity jacket and ring.

“What does a frat boy usually look like?”

“Jung Jaehyun.” The reason why you were here—the reason why your friends dragged you here, rather. “Now tell me, which frat boy are you?”

A breeze picked up at that moment, playing with his hair and tousling it around. The midnight stranger’s cheeks turned pink from the bitter cold and he smiled. 

“My name is Mark Lee and you can mark me in your heart—and oh God, did I just say that?”

The next time you saw him, he was leaning against a jet black supercar, the color almost melding into the night. 

“That your ride?”

Mark jumped at the sound of your voice, “oh—no, I don’t drive. This is Taeyong hyung’s car. If I drove—well that’s illegal—I don’t do illegal stuff—shit, wait, does that sound suspicious?”

You laugh, “so you’re babysitting his car?”

“Yeah, basically. Are you walking back to your dorm?”

You held up your keys, “walking to my car. Unfortunately not as cool as your hyung’s.”

“You wanna go for a drive, then?” He took a lanyard out of his pocket, keys and keychains jingling as they dangled. “He’s gonna be busy for a while anyway.” Any excuse he can use to find a way to talk to you.

“You look all cool and stuff but you do realize you’re asking me to drive your friend’s car because you can’t drive yourself, right?” You laughed at the absurdity of the situation. “What if I just run off with your friend’s car? I’m a stranger.”

“Well—” then, without warning, Mark snatched the car keys from your hand. You tried to snatch it back but he simply held it over his head which was well out of your reach.

“Hey—” he grabbed your wrist, placing Taeyong’s lanyard and keys in the palm of your hand as he pocketed yours. Your heart skipped at the sudden contact, mind buzzing with white noise, unable to process what was happening.

Mark’s stare peered into your soul, his cool-colored pupils and cold metal against your palm contrasted the warmth of his hand clasped around yours. “Shall we learn a little bit more about each other, then?” His hand squeezed yours, the headlights of Tesla Roadster behind him flashing as he pushes the button on the keys.

You couldn’t do anything but gulp and nod your head.

“Just saying, I’ve never driven an expensive car before.”

You liked to drive fast. Even if Mark was nervous the first few times you took a spin, he grew to like it. Maybe it was the rush of adrenaline that covered up for his anxieties and clumsiness. Maybe it was the way you liked the windows rolled down so that the stinging wind was an excuse for his flushed cheeks. Maybe it was the fact that you were too engrossed on the road to notice him staring.

There was small talk, too.

But of course, everything had to end once it hit 1:27 am. Taeyong had to have his car back without knowing you two ever took it out and you—well, you had to go back to your studies as a non-partying, hard-at-work, medical student. Your friends seemed to wonder why you weren’t as opposed to coming to parties with them nowadays. Fortunately, they never noticed your preference for a certain fraternity. This kept going on for about two months. You were your usual college shut-in self, busy with research and internships—then you’d slip out near midnight to ‘catch some air’ and take a spin in Taeyong’s tesla (which you eventually got permission to do) or lie down on the cool, dewy grass with Mark Lee. It was a cliche. A prim-and-proper student who let loose at night, switching your lab coat for something a little more risque and your coffee for beer.

Meanwhile, Mark Lee always seemed so far away. Everyone was aware of his talent in composition, presentation, dancing, and just about everything. He was that person who got along with everyone—his charisma was unrivaled and he had a high level of maturity that a lot of good-for-nothing seniors lacked. But with you, he was Minhyung Lee. He was windswept and unkempt and always flustered. His exterior may be leather jackets and skinny jeans but on the inside, he was just a boy who had feelings for someone else. Feelings that grew stronger every night that he looked at you while you looked at the stars. Feelings that made his words stumble and falter.

The two of you were sitting atop the hood of Taeyong’s car, a blanket placed beneath as to not scratch the expensive surface. It was night again. You decided to go to Hangang river this time. Beers were placed in your hands as the chilly December air froze your fingertips with the moistened aluminum surface of the can. You shivered.

Mark hummed. “This is nice.”

“Yeah, Hangang is one of my favorite views.” The street lights bounced and swayed with the river, city lights melting into strokes of oranges and whites and blues. 

“That too,” he met your eyes, “but I mean this.”

“Which is?”

“Us. The way we talk. Just this—midnight escapades, sometimes drinking, sometimes eating—always laughing.”

You weren’t sure if the chill that went down your spine was the breeze or the way his warm voice spoke low and raspy or how his body shifted just enough to feel his shoulder brush against yours. It was probably the warm sensation that spread through your body as he looked at you with a warm and honeyed stare, speaking those words. 

“Yeah.” You hugged your own body to stop the shaking but you still could feel your heart thudding against your chest; tempo presto.

He leaned forward, shrugging off his dark-wash denim jacket. Delicately, he draped the stiff material over your shoulders.

“You know, denim doesn’t retain warmth right?” It was cold to the touch.

Mark froze. “Oh, sorry—do I—do you want me to take it back? I mean, if it…makes you colder.” His cheeks turned pink again. The color rose up to his ears.

“Are you sure you aren’t cold? You’re flushed.”

“N—no. I’m fine. It’s the beer. I’m wearing a sweater and you’re in a shirt.”

“Thanks.” You pulled his jacket closer to your body, trying to create heat. “The jacket helps—I’m just joking.” He put the drinks aside, carefully dropping them onto the floor without knocking them over. You watched mist form with your exhale as you laid down. City-stars weren’t much to look at, but you still liked to look at the sky.

Mark copied your actions, albeit a little awkwardly.

“You know what could keep us warm?”

“What?”

“Body heat—” you tease, turning your body to face him. “we could snuggle.”

He stayed silent for a few moments. The alcohol was sinking in for both of you. Just like that, you stared at him. You saw his lips part and his pupils shake. His eyes were trained on you, frozen like the rest of his body. The wind brushed his soft, dark hair and lights reflected on his glasses, creating a galaxy of stars, chocolate eyes in orbit. Prettier than the sky.

Mark shifted so you were face-to-face.

“You shouldn’t joke about things like that, you know?” Your breath was bated as you felt his on your skin. You smelt the sharp, tangy-sour scent of beer and mints. He gingerly placed a warm hand on your cheek, tucking hair behind your ear. His thumb brushed your ice-cold nose playfully, “especially not with a boy who has feelings for you. It might give me false hope.”

“You—I think you’ve gotten something wrong here,” you lean into the warmth. His hands tremble for a split second. “That hope isn’t false.”

Then, he called out your name. You’ve never heard it so melodic and beautiful on someone’s tongue. He whispered something into the midnight air before stealing a soft kiss. 

“I like you.”

[nonasuch]

dogfather update: the unicorn

As always, everything dogfather-related is tagged with the dogfather and story updates are tagged with dogfather story post. If you get antsy waiting for the next update, check out my AO3 or the zines and comics on my Gumroad. 

Of course, Malfoy has to ruin things for everyone. Hagrid’s so annoyed that he sends Harry and Padfoot off with him instead of Neville. He apologizes for it, in a whisper that’s much too loud for Harry to hope no one else can hear it. “But he'll have a harder time frightenin' the two of you, an' we've gotta get this done," he says.

So Harry sets off into the heart of the forest with Padfoot and Malfoy and Fang. Without Hagrid to protect him or Neville to frighten, Malfoy starts to get nervous again. He keeps wittering on about werewolves, and what they ought to do if they run across one.

“I dunno,” mutters Harry, too low for anyone but Padfoot to hear, “offer him a cup of tea and a chocolate bar? Ask if he’s read any good books lately?”

Padfoot can’t laugh, exactly, when he’s dog-shaped, but Harry knows his I’d-be-laughing-if-I-were-the-right-species-for-it bark very well. Malfoy doesn’t, and it makes him even more skittish.

The trail gets easier to follow as they go, even as the forest gets thicker and harder to push through. Harry starts walking directly behind Padfoot, who’s big enough to trample down the undergrowth a little. He considers suggesting that Malfoy do the same with Fang, but decides against it.

It looks like there might be a clearing up ahead. Harry sees something bright white through the trees, gleaming on the ground. Malfoy swats a branch out of his face, grumbling, and then notices that Padfoot-- and Harry, behind him-- have gone absolutely still.

It is the unicorn, and it’s dead. Harry doesn’t think he’s ever seen anything so beautiful, or so sad. It lies as if it’s only just fallen, unexpectedly, its legs at odd angles. Harry feels as though he ought to do something-- turn it properly onto its side, arrange the shining mane so it’s not tangled about the poor thing’s face. He’s never seen something dead like this before, that he can remember; goldfish don’t count.

Harry takes a step forward, and then freezes again. Padfoot is growling, very low, just loud enough to hear. And there’s something else, too, some other noise-- a slithering, dragging sound.

Out of the shadows, a hooded figure comes crawling across the ground. It’s like something out of a horror film, the kind Harry’s not supposed to watch til he’s older. When the cloaked figure reaches the unicorn, it lowers its head over the wound in the animal's side, and begins to drink its blood.

Everything is so quiet that the next sound Harry hears nearly frightens him out of his skin. It’s Malfoy, of course.

“AAAA--mmph!”

Sirius claps his hand over Malfoy’s mouth before he gets most of the way through screaming, but it’s already enough. Harry turns back to the clearing to see the hooded figure raise its head and rise to its feet. It has unicorn blood all down its front, Harry notices, in a cold, removed sort of way. He feels frozen to the spot. Fang has already bolted.

“Both of you, run,” says Sirius. “I’m right behind you. Go!”

He gives Harry a shove, not hard but enough to jolt him into action. His head hurts like it’s splitting in half. Harry grabs Malfoy’s arm, and starts to run.

They don’t get far before Harry hears something crashing through the forest towards them. For a heart-stopping moment, Harry thinks that the hooded figure has got ahead of them somehow, but then a centaur comes crashing through the trees, and leaps clean over Harry and Malfoy both.

“Aaaaah!” Malfoy yells again, and stumbles. Harry still feels like his head is on fire, and finds that he can’t keep his feet either. But then Sirius is there, helping Harry up, patting at him to make sure he isn’t injured.

“Are you all right?” the centaur asks. He looks younger than the other two, palomino with fair hair and bright blue eyes.

“Yes -- thank you -- stop fussing,” Harry says, this last to Sirius.

“What was that?” Malfoy demands, his voice too high and too loud. “Who are you? What’s going on?”

This centaur doesn’t seem any keener to answer questions than the other ones had been. "You are the Potter boy," he says. "You had better get back to Hagrid. The forest is not safe at this time -- especially for you. Can you ride? It will be quicker this way.”

He adds, frowning at Sirius, “You had best keep close, Animagus.”

“Right,” Sirius says. “Up you get. You too, Draco,” he adds, helping them both up onto the centaur’s back. Malfoy looks as though he’d like to protest, but he’s still too frightened. A distant part of Harry wants to point out that he’s the MacIntyre boy, actually, but the rest of him hasn’t yet caught up.

“My name is Firenze,” the centaur says. Sirius nods, and changes back into Padfoot.

Before they can go far, though, Harry hears the sound of more galloping from somewhere past the trees behind them. In what seems like the blink of an eye, Ronan and Bane are flanking them, and both centaurs look furious. Padfoot growls, his ears flat and his hackles up, but they hardly pay him any notice.

Harry doesn’t understand what the centaurs are shouting at each other about, and he’s too distracted to make sense of it. Padfoot is too close for comfort to their great heavy hooves, and Malfoy, sitting behind him, is clutching Harry’s middle tight enough to hurt. His head throbs, and his thoughts are fuzzy.

The argument doesn’t last long, anyway. Firenze gives up on shouting at the other two, and takes off into the forest at a gallop, Padfoot racing along behind them. Ronan and Bane don’t follow. After a little while, Firenze slows to a walk, and warns Harry and Malfoy to look out for low-hanging branches.

For the first time since they found the clearing, Harry’s heart stops pounding quite so fast. Malfoy must calm down a little, too, because he stops trying to squeeze all the air out of Harry.

He’s the first one to find his voice again, too. “I want to know what’s going on,” he says. It sounds like a bad impression of his usual voice: like he’s trying to be imperious and failing.

And it’s a question worth asking, anyway. “So do I,” says Harry. “What was that thing? What were Ronan and Bane so upset about?”

“What?” says Malfoy. “Who are Ronan and --”

“The other centaurs,” Harry says.

“How do you -- no. No!” Malfoy says. He pushes away from Harry, and clambers ungracefully down from Firenze’s back. “I am not going anywhere with you people until someone tells me what just happened!”

“Do you know what unicorn blood is used for?" Firenze says.

“Nothing good,” says Sirius. He goes to Harry, to help him down, but Harry shakes his head and climbs down himself. He still feels a little wobbly on his feet, but Sirius is right there with a hand on his shoulder, steadying him.

Malfoy seems to be knocked even farther off-kilter by this, though. “Your dog’s an Animagus,” he says faintly.

“It is a monstrous thing, to slay a unicorn," said Firenze. "Only one who has nothing to lose, and everything to gain, would commit such a crime. The blood of a unicorn will keep you alive, even if you are an inch from death, but at a terrible price. You have slain something pure and defenseless to save yourself, and you will have but a half-life, a cursed life, from the moment the blood touches your lips."

Malfoy, already paler than usual, goes paler still, almost greeny-white. Sirius looks grim.

"But who'd be that desperate?" Harry asks. "If you're going to be cursed forever, death’s better, isn't it?"

"It is," Firenze agrees, "unless all you need is to stay alive long enough to drink something else -- something that will bring you back to full strength and power -- something that will mean you can never die. Do any of you know what is hidden in the school at this very moment?"

“Yes,” says Sirius.

“Of course,” says Harry.

“No!” says Malfoy.

Firenze goes on ignoring Malfoy. Centaurs are very single-minded, Harry decides.

"Can you think of nobody who has waited many years to return to power,” Firenze says, “who has clung to life, awaiting their chance?"

Everything goes cold again. Harry feels as if someone has replaced his heart with a ball of ice.

“No,” says Sirius. Harry has never seen him look afraid before, not really. Not like this. “You can’t mean -- he’s dead. He’s dead, it’s over --”

“What is he talking about?” Malfoy says. He looks to Harry, pleadingly, as if Harry is the only person around who might make the least bit of sense.

“He means,” Harry croaks, “that was Vol --”

"Harry! Harry, are you all right?"

Hermione comes running toward them down the path, Hagrid puffing along behind her. Sirius changes into Padfoot and comes to sit at Harry’s side, leaning into him.

“We’re fine,” Harry says. “I think. The unicorn’s dead, Hagrid, it's in that clearing back there."

"This is where I leave you," Firenze says. He nods at Padfoot. "You are safe now. The skies are clearing.”

“Thank you,” says Harry. He elbows Malfoy, and after a confused moment Malfoy stammers a thank-you as well.

"Good luck, Harry Potter,” Firenze says. “The planets have been read wrongly before now, even by centaurs. I hope this is one of those times."

After Firenze canters off into the forest, Harry remembers to shout after him, uselessly, “It’s MacIntyre, actually!”

All Harry wants to do is trudge back up to the castle and fall over in his own bed. But Hermione is staring at him, and Malfoy is staring at Padfoot, both of them full of questions about to spill out into the air.

Hermione puts the pieces together first, quick as ever. “Neville’s gone back already,” she says. She glances sidelong at Malfoy. “Did he...?”

“Yeah,” says Harry.

“Granger knows about all this?” Malfoy says.

Hermione draws herself up into her most puffed-up state of self-righteous know-it-all-ness, and Harry has never been more grateful to have her for a friend.

“Some people can be trusted with important secrets,” she says. “Can you?”

“Of course I can,” Malfoy says, too angry at the insult to be afraid, or even to remember how he normally treats Hermione.

“Then prove it,” Harry says. “If you want to know what’s happening, prove we can trust you with it.”

“My word of honor as a Malfoy,” he says. He holds his hand out, and looks expectant. There is a long, silent moment. Padfoot’s tail thumps in the dirt behind Harry-- once, twice.

“All right,” Harry says. He shakes Malfoy’s hand. “But -- in the morning, yeah?”

All three of them remember, at more or less the same time, that it is extremely late at night, and they’ve all spent quite a lot of time running around frightened out of their wits.

“...Fine,” says Draco, and fights back a yawn.