#(( its not funny to anyone but me but my sleep deprived ass was up till nine doing random quests and getting aether currents

[dirtytransmasc]

this is really really random, sleep-deprived thoughts, from someone who has yet to read most the books; aka, this might be wrong, I don't care. but I can't stop thinking about the symbolism between Mal and Nikolai cause listen... they feel so fruity to me, and I think I have proof.

ok ok ok so, follow me into my brain mush;

mal leaves alina by telling her he lost his true north, that he wasn't so sure she was his home anymore. he lost his direction, his compass per say.

what does nikolai give him? his compass, the compass that was his for a pretty long fucking time it seems (I know they talk about it, how/why its special, but I'm to lazy to go hunt that conversation down for the specifics. I just know its important to him and that he almost never parts with it, till now), the compass that sparks their friendship back when they met (in a way, nikolai replaced his compass with mal, symbolically). it was when mal proved to be better then this compass, in the most simple words, that nikolai opened up to him, putting the compass down, and taking up a friendship with mal. then, when he has to let mal go, he gives him not only his compass, but his ship, his crew, and his whole persona (that he has for a number of reasons)... he just handed it over, and the show sort of brushes past it, but if that is not the most like... compelling and heartfelt and frankly romantic gesture anyone can give another person. like, nikolai gave him a chance to find his true north again. he gave mal a new life, a new home, a new family in one foul swoop, when he realizes his friend is lacking all 3 of his own (I mean he has them, but they aren't truly his anymore, not at the moment).

like just think about it. mal was lost -> nikolai gives him a compass. pile on all the weight of both of those statements, that's gotta mean something, even in the slightest. and as someone who doesn't love malina (I just don't like childhood bestfriends to lovers alright, they always end up feeling like siblings to me, which gets so uncomfy) I really hope this doesn't end up twisting into mal going back to alina because of nikolai (I'm pretending that this isn't the most likely scenario, because I can).

I might be looking into this a little too much, but I need these two to mean something, anything, doesn't even have to be romantic per say, more than friends. I need, in some sense, for nikolai to become mal's true north, because it just feels right (I just want to see nikolai's puppy dog eyes again tbh, and he gave mal the biggest sweetest puppy dog eyes it wasn't even funny).

any who, if any book wanna get on this, either to pull stuff form the book in agreeance, or to put me on my ass and tell me wrong (nicely ofc, please, I'm very sensitive) go ahead. I just wanna my boys happy, and I just think they're friggin adorable together, mal being brash but kind spirited, and nikolai who is a total sweetheart, in the way a sassy golden retriever is a sweetheart, y'know? I just wanna smush them together.

[holyxvi]

Matthias @ Mateus: *hands him a cactaur cutting* *hands him a cactaur cutting* *hands him a cactaur cutting* *hands him a cactaur cutting* *h-