#(( it's a childhood nickname and held SO TIGHTLY bc it's ONLY FAMILY that uses it

[ircnwrought]

if morgan ever lets your muse call her anna, never let her go

[sup-hoes-its-me]

With Time (Tobirama x Reader)

A/N: I'm a terrible writer, I know. Tobirama x reader bc this guy doesn't get enough love. I really love the song anxiety by blackbear so here's a one shot inspired by the vibes i get from it.

word count: 4732

Part one/Part Two/Part Three

I am a Hatake. Naturally I loved dogs, right? They were our family’s summon, our most important companions (other than our human ones), and the one true beast we trusted with our lives. You’d think I’d get along with every dog and mutt out there, regardless of breed, right?

Wrong.

There was one absolute dog that I could not stand. His name was Tobirama Senju. He was the bane of my existence.

Ever since we were children growing up together, I couldn’t stand him. I was always close with his older brother, Hashirama, or as I nicknamed him, “Hashi-kun”. We would run through the forest together, playing silly games like cops and robbers, and pretending we were explorers from a far away land. Then, when we grew of age, we started to train together in our shinobi natures. While he was the only living person known to use the Wood nature, I inherited the Lightning nature from my father.

We were raised in the Warring States period, and although most clans were at war during this time, the Hatake and Senju never had issues with each other (idk if this is even true, just go with it, fam). It was mainly us against the terrible Uchiha who threatened our lives each time we battled. When we were old enough to engage in combat, we did. That’s how our childhood was. We fought for our lives if we could use our chakra, if not we stayed at home and did what we could to support our clans.

For the most part, I was a friendly, easy going girl. I liked normal things, like eating dango and climbing trees and making friends. But for some goddamn reason I could not bring myself to like Tobirama. Frankly, I thought he was a grumpy bitch, and I didn’t want anything to do with him.

Still, Hashirama insisted that I attempt to become friends with him. After all, they were brothers, and if I was to be one of his best friends, I would need to be civil with his only surviving brother.

But it was just everything about that mug that made me want to punch him in the face. His stupid spiky gray hair that almost matched that of my clan. I hated the way he marked his face every morning with that red paint. His face protector was the ugliest, stupidest thing I’d ever laid eyes on.

And god, was he rude to me. Always had been since I first met him at six years old. Six! He was five and I was six, and he completely embarrassed me in front of my friends by telling me my lightning release was weak, and his baby brother could do better. The comment was far from necessary, and it made me fume.

Not to mention he had to be better at everything. He had to best me at Water Release, and he always one upped me when we trained. Hashirama would laugh and always congratulate both of us for our skills, but I was always shamed I couldn’t impress anyone. He always had to show off in front of his clan, my friends, even my dad.

Even my summon, Popo, had taken a liking to him after I specifically told the dog that the boy was pure evil.

To put it simply, Tobirama was my rival and a pain in my neck. I’m not sure he was fully aware of how I felt because I tried to keep things civil, but I could tell from sideways glances and scoffs that he knew something was up between us.

The first time I actually spoke to him alone, without the comforting presence of Hashirama was almost eye-opening. I was sitting in a tree, the ripe age of seventeen. It was my birthday, and I spent it alone. Ever since my father died, I spent the majority of holidays alone.

I let my feet swing below me, hanging from the thick branch. I pulled one of my knees to my chest to hug, pressing my nose to my skin to hide my face. I wouldn’t cry, but I couldn’t help but feel empty. Being isolated in this way really damages a person.

The tree I sat in was producing bright green apples, and they hung around me. They were still sour, not quite ripe yet. I could smell them, the intense scent of freshly picked apples, like the ones my mother used to bring home to bake. They reminded me of a time when my older brother ate so many sour apples because of his and got so sick to his stomach he was throwing up for two days.

Suddenly, I jumped when an apple came hurtling my way and knocking into the trunk I leant against. I cursed under my breath and glared down at the ground, looking for the culprit so I could give them a good whack on the head. Instead, I was met with someone unexpected, and most definitely unwelcome.

“What the hell, Senju?” I growled at him, picking an apple by my head and throwing it down at him with deadly accuracy. He sidestepped it though with a soft ‘tsk’ under his breath. When he said nothing for another few moments, I persisted. “Well? Do you have an issue because I’d rather not be harassed by-”

“Shut up, Y/N. I’m not here to give you a hard time,” he sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose between two fingers. “I’m actually here to give you something.”

“Sure you are.” I rolled my eyes as I replied. He had to be pulling my leg. I mean, what would he have to give me other than a bad day and embarrassment. I crossed my arms over my chest and waited with my nose stuck in the air. He looked just as unimpressed and irritated as I did, but I could see some foreign emotion flashing through his red almond eyes. I questioned flatly, “What is it?”

He pulled a small box from his pocket, about as big as the palm of his hand and tossed it to me. I caught it in my hand and held it up to inspect it. It didn’t look dangerous, but it could have a paper bomb inside for all I knew. I pulled the box into my lap so I could glare down at him.

“Why are you giving this to me? What is it?”

“It’s just something I had lying around. Don’t think much of it, Hatake,” the boy told me gruffly before turning on his heel. Just as he made it a few steps in the other direction, he abruptly came to a stop and tilted his head forward. I wondered if he was contemplating something as he stood there with his hands strictly shoved in his pockets. I thought for a second to throw another apple at him, but decided against it. I’m so glad I didn’t.

He peered over his shoulder for a quick second before looking away again. “Happy Birthday, Y/N.”

I gaped at him as he walked away. When he was out of my sight, I looked down at the small box in my lap and narrowed my eyes. Was this really a birthday present from my rival? I took a deep breath and untied the wire holding the lid closed.

Hesitantly, I opened the lid and put it to the side. Inside the box were two absolutely beautiful shuriken. They were razor sharp, two of the best I’d ever seen. They were so new and polished that they glimmered in the sunlight. I gasped as I picked one up and held it in my hands. It was weighted perfectly and sat in my hand like it was made for me.

There was no way he just kept shuriken of this quality just sitting around. Tobirama must have bought these special for me. For my birthday. No one cared about my birthday anymore. Not even my brother who lived with his wife and family. As I held the shuriken in my hands, I let out a hitched breath.

Tobirama, you bastard.

_______________________________________

The second time I was alone with Tobirama was actually during a confrontation. Never in my entire life did I think I would defend the Senju, actually protect him from harm like I cared about him, only that’s precisely what happened when he encountered a certain Madara one day when he was in the forest training.

Tobirama had a special place he preferred to train. It was right at the edge of the forest beside the river. He was so skilled in his water jutsu and worked on this developing one. I forgot what it was called, but it involved beautiful water dragons. I watched him conjure it once while I worked on the side with Hashirama. I was completely captivated. It was beautiful, what this man had created.

I was walking through the forest with my summon by my side. He was a majestic husky with intense blue eyes and reddish-brown fur mixed into the white. I loved him like my own family, and often let just walk around with me when I was lonely. He was nice company.

He knew all about my conflicted feelings towards Tobirama. He knew how I thought that his jutsu were gorgeous, and that I’d been moved when he gifted me those shuriken for my birthday. He knew all about it. And he often teased me. It was like having an annoying older brother around, I swear.

“Are you aware that you’re leading us directly to where Tobir-” I swiftly cut Popo off before he could say anything else.

“I just wanted to visit the river today and sit on my favorite rock, Popo. I doubt he’ll be training this late, anyway.” That was a lie. I knew Tobirama would be training at this time. He trained nearly every day at six sharp, and it was a little after seven. He probably wouldn’t finish up for another hour.

I didn’t quite understand why I wanted to see him, but I was convincing myself it was just to thank him for the shuriken he gave me a week ago. That had to be it. I wasn’t going to visit Tobirama for my own satisfaction, was I?

My dog laughed to himself, but continued at my side obediently as always.

The forest was oddly tense as we approached the river where he would normally be. I could faintly make out his figure from where I was, but also there was another figure just beyond him, dressed in all black with black hair. My gut immediately told me, Uchiha, and I gasped. My hand subconsciously slipped out one of the shuriken from my pocket, clutching it tightly between my fingers as I approached on silent feet.

And as I listened in on their conversation, narrowly avoiding their range of sight behind trees and thick brushes, I realized the danger in this confrontation. I bit my lip and fiddled with my weapon, ready to pounce on Madara if needed. Strangely, I felt the need to protect Tobirama. It was like this odd burning desire in my stomach, and I desperately wished to smother the thought.

Only, my mind was on more important things.

I could barely make out what he saying at first, but finally I could hear what Tobirama was saying, and it left my heart racing. “-the only way to end this is to kill you.” He sounded so serious, his voice deep and terrifying. Although these two boys were only teenagers, barely seventeen, they were fully capable and ready to slaughter each other.

My back pressed to a tree, feeling the bark scratch my skin through the fishnets. The shaking through my hands was almost uncontrollable, and I had to steady them to keep from dropping my weapon. I was scared. I admit it. I was terrified. I didn’t want to just stand here and let Tobirama get hurt, but Madara, all of the Uchiha really, were terrifying.

“The day I allow you to raise a hand to me will be the day you die, Senju,” the other boy replied.

“So be it. We will see who really is superior.”

Then, the sound of a sword unsheathing made my head snap up and breath to suddenly inflate my lungs. The fear for myself left my body as I rushed out from behind the tree. I felt like crying as tears gathered behind my eyes. There would not be a fight to the death on this day, at this spot, if I could help it.

I threw myself between the pair. I thankfully kept myself on my feet as I gasped, gritting my teeth to keep myself from crying. I held up a hand towards Madara, as if I had a chance of keeping him from destroying me and getting to Tobirama with the snap of his fingers. My entire body was trembling so violently that I could barely keep my balance.

Tobirama was completely shocked to see me, his eyes wide and concerned. He noticed the glint of his shuriken in my hand and the tears streaming down my face. He was beginning to say something, but only my name left his lips.“Y/N-”

Madara rudely interrupted, his eyes scanning my quivering, minuscule form with amusement in his eyes. “Who is this? You’re little Hatake girlfriend? Can’t defend yourself, Tobirama,” he mocked. I glanced up at him finally, having enough courage to face him. He had no emotion in those blank black irises. Nothing. I felt another rough tremor run through my body at that.

“Please, don’t. N-Not here. Not now, M-Madara,” I whispered through my teeth. I took another step closer to Tobirama until I could feel the heat from his body. I kept my eyes on the Uchiha though. He had no right to threaten my friend like this. He had no right to cross this river where Tobirama trained and threaten to steal his life. “Tobirama, please,” I whimpered. His rough, calloused fingers touched my upper arm before wrapping around and tugging me closer to him, almost behind him in a protective stance.

His gaze was enough for the Uchiha to get the hint. It was not the time. “Fine,” he replied grimly. “Another day we will finally see who prevails.”

With those words being his last, he left into the forest.

I let out a sob, pressing my hands over my eyes to cover my pathetic tears. Why was I even crying? I wasn’t sure. Was it because of my fear, or because of my overwhelming rush of adrenaline? I felt like I was drowning in my emotions, and the only thing I could do was cry.

Tobirama sighed, brushing a few strands of my hair behind my ears. “Y/N, why did you do that?” he mumbled.

“I couldn’t just let you get hurt. I thought you might die, Tobirama!” I cried, burying my face further into my palms.

“Do you doubt my abilities?”

“Tobirama, please. I-I just couldn’t stand the thought of you getting hurt; even if you are strong, you can still make a mistake, you idiot!” I bawled, finally taking my hands off of my face. Before he had the time to protest, I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck and pulled him close to me, burying my snotty nose and salty eyes into his shoulder. “You dumb idiot. Are you trying to get yourself killed?” I scold him against his collarbone, my lips just barely skimming his skin.

He was awkward and tense, wrapped his arms strictly around my shoulders and patted  me on the back.

“Don’t do that again!”

“Y/N-”

I hissed against his skin and tightened my grip on his neck. “Shut up. Just promise me!” I cried. He nodded begrudgingly, but that was enough for me. I melted in his hold and kept crying until all the tears had drained from my body. And he didn’t utter another word.

___________________________________________

The third time was different. The third time I knew I felt something for Tobirama at this point that I would have never even given thought to before. I was twenty, living alone in my single room apartment. I was a weak shinobi that woke up every morning, wore nearly the same outfit,  drank the same tea from the same tea shop, saw the same faces on the street, and reported to the same hokage each morning.

But I rarely slept. My sleeping schedule ran wild and irregular. It was because I could never get him off my mind. The brother of the first Hokage, the boy who gifted me those shuriken when we were seventeen. The boy who threatened an entire clan and could probably succeed. The boy who held me when I cried and promised me things would be okay.

I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I couldn’t stop thinking about the way he smirked when someone did something stupid, or the way he rolled his eyes when his brother spoke about gambling and laughed like a complete lunatic. I couldn’t stop thinking about his face, and how he looked just right when the sun was shining in from the east. I liked the color of his hair, and that his eyes were a unique red, unlike the sharingan, but perfect for him.

His jutsus were outstanding, and his speed rivalled that of no other. He was amazing.

I was entranced by Tobirama Senju, and no one was to know. Not even my best friend, Hashirama. Definitely not him. He would no doubt attempt to meddle and ruin everything. He would be ecstatic and tell me that his plan or whatever worked out, that he was jumping for joy that his best friend was interested in his little brother.

The mere thought of that man’s reaction made me want to be sick.

I’m not sure why I suddenly had this infatuation with the light haired warrior. I wanted I drown out those thoughts, but they kept coming back. I could barely keep my composure when we were working together. He was so handsome, and each time we touched I felt jolts go up and down my arms. Not only was it embarrassing, but incredibly frustrating. I couldn’t get my work done properly with him around.

The only one to know about my feelings was, of course, Popo.

‘Y/N, I’ve known since you were five years old that you were interested in that Senju boy,’ Popo would tell me as if he really knew this would happen all along. He would say,  ‘Although, he doesn’t seem like the dating type, and is quite cold, I believe that you two have history and chemistry to work through the dents.’

And I always scoffed. I did not want to pursue a relationship with him. He was still the annoying Senju I’ve always known, only now he’s grown up and isn’t as rude and ugly anymore. He might even be helpful and attractive...at times. That’s all I’m saying.

Anyway, after the village was created and Hashirama took place as Hokage, he was quick to let me take the place as his personal assistant, which basically meant I just helped him with paperwork and advised him on some important issues facing Konoha. Tobirama was also there to make decisions. We all worked together to keep the village afloat and developing.

I sat beside the long-haired man’s desk with Popo sitting by my side, his head resting in my lap. I stroked his fur softly with my free hand as I filled out paperwork with the other. Hashirama drank tea and scanned over his lotto tickets from earlier that week. He was quite the gambler, and he’d even passed the trait onto his granddaughter, Tsunade. Cute little girl, I tell you, but god was she stubborn.

I took a break from the work to sip at my own green tea, my eyes sliding from the work to my friend. He caught my gaze and grinned. “Y/N, you really don’t have to fill that out if you don’t want to. It’s my job after all.”

“It’s fine. Gives me something to do.”

“Or we could just talk, like old times! What do you say?! It’s been weeks since we had a long, fun conversation, don’t you think, Hatake?” he asked with a chuckle. I nodded, a smile growing on my lips as well. I set down my tea and placed my pen into the ink pot.

“How’s life? Treating you well?”

I nodded, wondering why he was asking. He saw me everyday, and asked the same question each morning, and then after lunch. “I mean, yeah. I don’t have anything to complain about,” I replied, trying to come up with something other than “fine” or “good” like usual.

“Any suitors yet? I know you’ve been single for a long time.”

“Hashi-kun, you know me. Lonely as always. None of the other shinobi catch my eye,” I lied through my teeth. And as always, my cheeks turned a bit red. They always did when I was thinking about Tobirama. When he mentioned suitors, I hated that my mind immediately went to him. “Well, there might be one person, but it’s not plausible.”

He quirked a brow, and I noticed the bright smile growing on his face fill with mischief. I guess this is why he’s my best friend. “Oh? Care to share?”

“Not particularly. I don’t want to get your hopes up,” I laughed, but it was obviously to cover up my nervousness. He noticed.

“Ah, I see. Well, if you need help, I’m all ears, and I can be quite the matchmaker.”

We talked about some other stuff, like his family and my dogs, especially Popo, who remained asleep in my lap for the conversation. The door finally swung open an hour or so later after the sun had begun to set and our tea run cold. Without a knock or anything, the door creaked open and in entered Tobirama in his casual clothes, forehead protector nowhere to be seen. That was my favorite time to stare at his face, as weird as that is. He just looked so...manly. Kinda...well, hot! He was hot as fuck with his hair falling down and his face clear.

He froze when he noticed me sitting at the desk with his brother and my summon. Eyes scanned my form, and I felt myself shift under his gaze. “Tobi,” I hummed the sweet nickname I adopted about a year or two before.

Tobirama rolled his eyes at my nickname, still not used to the casualness behind it. His hand went to rub the back of his neck. “Y/N, I didn’t know you were here.” He averted his gaze from me to the floor.

I noticed when he walked it that he looked clean and rid of sweat and dirt. He must not have trained today, or a least not at the usual time. He maintained that evening practice long into his adulthood. “I thought you would be training. Normally you’re out until eight or so working on your new jutsu,” I said.

“I decided to relax today.”

Satisfied, I smiled up at him and clapped my hands together.“That’s great. You deserve a break, you know. After all, you work so hard during the day trying to bring peace to Konoha and all.” It felt awkward: what I saying, praising him this way, the way he was looking at me as if I was the only one in the room that mattered.

Hashirama noticed the air between us, smugly crossing his arms across his chest and flicking his gaze between us. I gaped at him like a fish and quickly ducked my head, burying my face in my dog’s fur. He stirred from his slumber, but didn’t move, only sighed.

“I hope your conversation wasn’t too important-”

“Nope. We were actually just discussing you.”

I bit my lip, trying not to explode. What the hell were you doing, Hashirama? I screamed in my head. If he exposed me, I would kill him. Godlike shinobi or not, I would actually murder him.

Thankfully, Tobirama said nothing.

“What did you need, brother?”

“Tsunade was calling for you. She wishes you read her a story before bed,” he muttered sheepishly, a phrase I never thought I would use when talking about the man. Sheepish. He was the most blunt, brute man that I knew. Hashirama laughed as he stood from his desk, nodding his head.

He really adored his kin. I admired that about him. He had so many children and grandchildren, no wonder he was such a happy man. I peeked up from Popo’s fur to see my friend leaving the room. He waved to me and saved me a wink for when he was shutting the door. Dammit, Hashi. Like I thought, he was a meddling bastard.

“Y/N, how are you this evening?”

I bit my lip and looked to the side, not daring to look in his crimson eyes. My heart would no doubt skip a beat.

“I’m good, I guess. Just a lot of paperwork,” I told him softly, just barely below my normal speaking voice. He nodded firmly, and suddenly I couldn’t handle the tension between us. If possible, you could cut this tension with a knife. It was awkward and tense, and I could feel my pulse in my chest with every anxious, confused breath.

I stood from my place at the desk and brushed down my skirt, straightening my top as well. He scanned my form; I could feel it from the corner of my eye. I placed the files and papers in a neat pile on the desk, threw the pen in the bucket, and patted Popo on the back, as a signal we were about to leave.

He raised a non-existent brow at me, judging me with that dog logic of his.

“Are you leaving?”

“Yeah, well, Hashirama is gone, and I don’t have any more work tonight so-”

“Right, right. I won’t keep you,” he agreed, his voice lacking his normal confidence. He seemed tired, or even disappointed. Yet, I was too distracted with my own feelings to take much notice. “It was...nice speaking with you.”

I tried to gaze up at him, a small, lopsided smile on my lips. But his face was just too much for me to handle. I loved the way his lip was curved up in a weird grimace, almost a smile but almost a cringe. He looked hilarious. I liked the way his eyes stared out the window as if he felt nervous. He held his head high, chin in the air, but he looked so timid at the same time. He was completely adorable.

No doubt my cheeks were red as I turned my head down once again. “It was nice seeing you too, Tobi-kun.” My voice, as light as a feather sighed. I started to walk to the door and had my hand on the knob when my dog grabbed at my sleeve, making me pause if only for a split second.

But that second was enough.

“Y/N.”

Swiftly, I peered over my shoulder at him. The strange urgency in his tone made me take a second guess. I wasn’t sure how either of us were feeling in that moment. His emotions were hard to read that night. I felt like I was staring at a puzzle, an impossible one.

“Yes?”

“It’s nothing. I don’t know why I called your name. Carry on, Hatake.” My heart broke when he called me by my surname for the first time in years. Once again, I turned around and grabbed the doorknob, only this time I pushed the door open and left the room.

Popo sighed loudly as he trotted by my side down the long corridor. “You are a fool, Y/N. An absolutely foolish little girl.” And I couldn’t say anything back. I knew he was right.