#( eventually he will also get a miyagi - do tree to match daniel )

[teachesmercy]

i  need  to  do  a  proper  post  about  all  of  johnny’s  tattoos,  but  his  new  favourite  tattoo  is  the  one  he  got  to  match  daniel  ( @teachbalance ),  different  but  same  with  their  initials  on  his  left  forearm.

[hammerofthezods]

Movie Review - THE Karate Kid - PART 2!

This is the second movie in the Karate Kid action series.  I'm starting with part two because that's what was on last night after I had finished drinking my one-hundreth beer of the day.

So, there's this kid (man?) named Daniel Larusso who used to be really bad at karate until he got pretty good at it and beat Johnny Lawrence and the way cool Cobra Kai team in the All-Valley Karate tournament.  Johnny only makes a brief appearance in this movie when he gets killed by his old karate coach at the beginning.  Daniel is played by Ralph Machio who you probably remember from your collection of Tiger Beat magazine covers.  While Ralph is a total heartthrob, his character Daniel is LAME. AS. SHIT.  Seriously, Daniel Larusso is probably the worst kid ever.  He whines constantly and acts like a little bitch, but somehow still manages to date questionably attractive girls and win karate fights on the reg.  Another super lame thing about Daniel is his mom who is literally the worst.  His mom is really terrible and I just cant even...   

The movie starts just after Daniel defeats Johnny in the big fight.  Daniel walks out to the parking lot where his teacher, Mr. Miyagi, is bitching about being hungry.  Before they can go celebrate at Bennigans (because you just know that's where they're going), Miyagi has to fight the leader of the Cobra Kai because he just broke Johnny Lawrence's neck as retribution for losing to lame ass Daniel.  So then, I guess they go to Bennigans to eat.   

The next scene starts when Mr. Miyagi is at his house trying to catch a fly with chopsticks.  By the way, is this not the dumbest activity ever? So, Miyagi actually catches a fly and is super proud of himself when Daniel rolls up in his car that is on fire.  Daniel has just come from his school prom and his wearing the same tuxedo that Jeff Daniels wore in Dumb and Dumber.  This movie was made in 1986 and I'm pretty sure that nobody was still wearing these terrible tuxedos, but I guess the costume designer decided not to give a shit about historical accuracy that day.  Anyway, Daniel is all pissed because his girlfriend, Elizabeth Shue (sometimes hot), dumped him for some other guy who probably wasn’t nearly as insufferable as Daniel.  I guess she left Daniel on prom night which is a total player move.  So, Daniel is pissed and Miyagi is all like "You always come over here and bitch about shit.  The only way to feel better is to help me build stuff in my backyard."  So Daniel learns how to hold a hammer and then he feels better.         

Daniel is getting ready to go to college when Miyagi finds out that he has to go to Okinawa, Japan because his dad died.  Daniel says "I'm going with you because I just know that I'm going to get bullied in college".  So now they go to Japan and on the plane Daniel reads a book about Okinawa because that's just how damn awful he is.  When they get there, they get picked up at the airport and driven to meet Miyagi's best friend in a  warehouse.  Miyagi's friend's name is Sato and he actually hates Miyagi because they used to try to date the same girl.  Sato is way rich and pretty much owns Okinawa. Sato tells Miyagi that while he's in town they are going to fight to the death because I guess that's a thing there.  After Miyagi says no to the death match, he and Daniel go to Miyagi's dad's house and there we get to meet some Japanese people.  I forgot to mention earlier that Sato has a nephew named Chozen which is a totally dumb name.  It's obvious that Chozen is going to be a main villain in this movie because he acts pretty tough and intimidates Daniel greatly.         

So, Daniel wakes up the next day and finds Miyagi sitting in the family dojo.  There's a bunch of spears and shit on the walls and Daniel probably wishes that he had some weapons like that.  Now Daniel and Miyagi walk around the village and Miyagi tells him that the secret to karate is learning how to play with this weird looking hand drum.  Just in case you weren't clear on how dumb Daniel is, when Miyagi tells him about the drum, Daniel's all like "Oh yeah, I totally get how that would make me good at fighting".  Terrible.  Anyway, Daniel is now walking down the street when he sees Chozen selling carrots to the villagers.  They are paying for the carrots with what look like ancient caveman money, which Jesus, they had actual money in 1986 so stop making us think that this is some feudal village.  Daniel thinks that Chozen is ripping people off with the caveman money, which is such a boss move, and he totally calls him out.  Chozen is super pissed about this and calls Daniel an asshole.  Now the rivalry is on and I cannot wait to watch Daniel get beat up so hard.          

Later on, Daniel is cruising around downtown looking dumb as usual and he walks into a bar where a bunch of guys are punching sheets of ice for bets.  Daniel, in his terrible whiny way, tells everyone that he can break all the ice because he knows karate.  Just as he's about to totally embarrass himself, Chozen shows up and is like "I got six hundo on the ice".  Daniel, complains that he doesn’t have that much money, but then Miyagi walks in and says he'll cover the bet.  Then Daniel breaks all the ice because he prays and asks Jesus to make him not lame for just this one time.  Now Chozen is way pissed off because he lost.  Later on, Daniel is getting ready to hit the town with this girl he met and Miyagi tells him that if he gets into a fight (because Miyagi knows that Daniel gets the shit beat out of him everywhere he goes), hit the other guy in the balls.  Solid advice.  So, Daniel is 50's dancing with the Japanese girl, which, why is everything in this place about 3 decades behind the rest of the world?  When they get done dancing, Chozen rolls in to take his money back from Daniel.  Daniel, hits him in the balls and keeps his money.  Later that night, Chozen shows up at the Miyagi house with his gang and they vandalize the dojo with spears.  They also break a bunch of potted plants for some reason.  Daniel walks outside and then gets beat up a bunch before Miyagi comes over and rescues him as usual.  Overall this fight scene was pretty terrible.         

The next day, Daniel and his new Japanese girlfriend get married by doing some stupid tea drinking ceremony.  When they get finished, Daniel puts on a Peter Cetera song and gets ready to make it with his new wife.  Just as they start to get naked, they hear a gong go off which means that a tornado has touched down.  They run back to the village and go into a bomb shelter with everyone else.  Chozen comes to the shelter too and says that is uncle Sato is dead because he got hit by the tornado.  Miyagi goes to look for Sato and finds him, alive, trapped underneath a log.  Miyagi rares back to chop the log in two when Sato, in possibly the best line of the movie, yells out "I knew you were a bitch-faced coward. I'm trapped and you're going to chop my face off!".  Miyagi, of course, just chops the log and then drags Sato to the shelter.  Then, Daniel sees that a little girl is on top of a telephone pole for some reason and is about to get tornado-crushed.  He runs out to save her and all the villagers think he's so awesome for this, but we all know that he's still just lame-ass Daniel.  Now Sato is way thankful that Miyagi saved his life using karate on that tree so he says that the village can have a dance at this castle that he owns.   

At the castle dance, everyone is smiling way too much and drinking alcohol out of the same jug that just gets passed around.  Then, Daniel's new Japanese wife says she wants to do a solo dance.  So, she's dancing for everybody when Chozen shows up and does some serious butterfly knife tricks right before he threatens to stab her.  Daniel wants to do something but he is so scared.  Finally, Chozen tells Daniel that they will have to fight to the death because of that time he cheated the villagers on those carrots and also because Daniel punched him in the balls that other time.  Daniel knows that he's about to get karate-killed.  You may be asking why Miyagi is going to let Daniel go get his face kicked off.  The answer is that Miyagi hates Daniel just as much as everyone else does.  So, Daniel and Chozen start to battle.  At first, Daniel thinks he's going to win by doing this incredibly stupid kick that worked on Johnny in part one.  Chozen is all like "You are fucking terrible at karate and that is the dumbest kick move I've ever seen".  Then he beats the shit out of Daniel for like five minutes.  Just as Daniel is about to die, Myiagi and all the villagers pull out those stupid drums that make people good at karate.  Now Daniel starts to win the fight.  Eventually, and much to our dismay, Daniel has Chozen on the ground.  Daniel asks him if he wants to live or die and Chozen chooses die because he'd otherwise have to go through life knowing that he got totally owned by the worst person ever.  Instead of putting him out of his misery, Daniel honks his nose and then leaves.  I'll say that again, HE. HONKS. HIS. DAMN. NOSE.  This is literally the dumbest finishing move ever.         

So that's it.  Somehow Daniel beat up a far superior man again.  There is no doubt that Daniel will continue to be terrible forever.