#( who btw will start by targeting the least understood people that YOU love to hate )

[sinfvlwishs]

( so uhhh idk i've been thinkin abt opening anon asks on this blog cuz i think it'd be fun to answer anon questions esp if they're teasy about the boys but idk. thoughts from anyone? )

[misterbitches]

I ship muren and li cheng bc i only saw it through gifs then i watched this episode cos i was like im only starting this show if they kiss im waiting and they did and it was nice and i got so anxious that i was about to fucking vomit. I really like them together. The top/bottom shit is dumb and i hope if they must mention it they all build a bridge and get over it so they can switch cos who gives a shit. I didnt realize how large they all are like most “tall” men on tv are lying. But bc that kid is so thin and tall and the other one (idk the stepbrother) is huge too. Li cheng is shorter than them both but more ~manly~ but still short so why doesnt he take a DICK UP HIS BUTT XD since that’s all that fucking matters and there’s only 2 genders and 2 eays to have sex lmao so nothing else otherwise ur screwed

Hd a terrible past couple of weeks personally and because i keep seeing my peopl eget murdered and things ripped from us ^_____^ anyway here’s Some libertatrian communist dumb bitch discoars so i’ll tag it:

keep in mind these are my opinions’”” when i engage in discourse. I am not the end all be all and I don’t need you to agree. There’s some shit I am non-negotiable on but thsi is just exchanging of information. Any authoratative tone I take on comes from my beliefs, my life, my experiences, and what I choose to cultivate as a person and an artist. I dont have control over your feelings, you do. If it hurts you then either tell me the issue and be PRECISE about it, understand that context matters which is why i type so much in engagement, and do not fucking lie or misconstrue my words. Do not call me western ever in your life either. I am a black-american. I have adhd and bc i am a black woman if ur automatically thinking im brolic i am accepting money in my paypal for ur wellbeing to get me to shut the fuck up.Thanks.

The stepbrothers storyline is stupid and lazy writing. I really want to counter people that say it’s written well and that it’s interesting because it isn’t. Even if it was illicit and fucked we can write a story out about this. Let’s rethink what they could have done shall we:

- become stepbrothers at about 16 and their parents mismanage the relationship and they fail in trying to get an integrated family together (this is what happened in the #iconic transit girls and that was fuckin’ weird but hey dude guess what we watched it and it was weird but not unethical and we know one is like 19 and the other is 21 and a girl so it’s like wow you avoided so much and handled their stepsister story very…….um lightly given the end lmao but it was there and people had AGENCY)

-OR you realize that freak is obsessed with him and then he realizes it and is like “bitch i swear to god” and in typical shtity trope BL fashion they can find a way from obsession, to loss and independence when you lose your obsession, to “love” if they choose

- have the fucked up shit but make it clear what the issues are and you literally cannot write your way out of it so do not try

But why can’t fucked up things be shown? Also this is realistic.

0. Well according to you but no one said that they can’t. So that’s on your interpretation of critique (that is, again, not bullying or harassment.) They can, i just gave plenty of scenarios in which it is affective and not just annoying to witness, trope-y, and frankly ridiculous and offensive. Sorry! They don’t do it well. You can come up with alternatives too. See #2 btw.

1. No it isn’t doing a good job of reflecting life because life has consequences. The exaggeration in drama doesn’t mean the arc shouldn’t be there. Almost always things that aren’t heavy with the message or meant to be sobering in a deep way are COMPELLING. The realism is the basis for art because we are human. This is not the way real humans act.

Someone said Tharn Type was mature and I had to laugh because no, no one acts that way and is “in love” if they act that way that means they fucking hate each other and they’re immature and frankly it’s just not that interesting for many of us to watch because the dramatization of the “realism” is fucking bonkers. That was such poor writing it is unbelievable and someone has the audacityt o say it’s how real adults act. Fucking murder me if I’m with someone for 7 years and we break up over a miscommunication and for some reason I am not as horny as my always horny boyfriend. The fuck? What kind of lives do you lead? Either you are not an adult or you are an adult who needs therapy.

I also hear the “realistic” argument but then people try and temper it with “but also it’s fiction.” What do you think fiction is? Why do you think filmmaking exists? Number one, it’s propaganda in the sense that you want others to buy into your presentation and see what you see. That means that the creators are telling people and influencing them WITH ART BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT IT IS about their feelings around a situation. That’s why it is imperative to be responsible as a filmmaker and artist and underline the deepness of creepiness if that’s what they want. If they want to relay that rape sometimes ok and psychos are crazy so they get boy (??!?!?!? BITCH?) then they achieved it with no innovative information. We know people get raped bc we are human beings and many of us live with that fear. You know, being the target demo and all. And bc BL loves that trope it’s rape fantasy peddled to young people and women. Just like shitty wattpad fics or NYT best sellers. Hooray, what now? Or are you trying to purport that this isn’t glorified fanfiction? Which it literally is

2. This is the issue with these shows. No one is saying that fucked up shit cannot be shown. There’s a film about a woman who is raped and she falls in love with her rapist (because he was masked but i think we find out later that she knows. Binoche is in it.) I have no desire for that film—i think it’s by a man and i extra dont care—but I hear it’s sort of powerful for many. I heard it was a good film. But the act itself is always eschewed and the conflict comes from how fucking ridiculous it is especially finding out that she knows. The power imbalance adn the possibility. They may not have handled it in a way I would have cared for but it was there.

There’s simply no imagination because these people do not care that much and aren’t great writers and filmmakers because they simply do not have to be. Sorry.

The industry doesn’t rely on the best they rely on efficiency (this is everywhere.) You can tell by the camera angles, the editing, the camera itself (idk if it is multicam but the flatness is typical soap flatness without the glowboxes to soften their faces.) Simple constant lighting. Now the surroundings are mostly beautiful. But even to some of the costumes. And those edits are abysmal, some of that camera work.

So with all that said even with the couple I extremely enjoy I see its (H4) faults. Add into that a lazily thrown together “shocking” love and if they are trying to get us to feel a type of way about its sexiness they fail. This is why movies like 50sog, 365 days, etc aren’t enjoyable to people because it’s fucking strange situations that they dont want to entangle or make enjoyable to viewers across the board. They know what people will take. It’s just that bitch what are we here for if even the sexiness isn’t there for ur stupid story.

At least with that teenager and 30 yr old man in MODC (which i do not love but i like them in theory if it wasnt totally repulsive to me and also if it was developed in a way that was good TO ME) they had their, er, “sex appeal” i talk about this as well the main couple in MODC to me, visually, was a miss. Not bc whatshisface was small and stuff but bc he was so sickly and they needed that to propel the story but it was just not appealing given how the story progressed. A missed opportunity in tying the two together besides making him look waif-y and sickly only to have the “did ur mom die in a car crash? No, cancer” type of move in not another teen movie. But the opposite. And not funny. Wayne tho????? GORL. Eggs. Cracked.

fandoms have a very warped sense of harrassment and discourse.

Most fandoms have harassers who are “protecting” the cast and crew who don’t need their protection (or maybe the crew does since they probably dont get paid well but why the fuck would anyone care about that lol) but very few have the people who have concerns or massive critique about the show are not going to be “bullying.”

If people are saying “if you like xyz, u suck” then sure it may suck for you to see but who fucking cares. Either talk to the person or don’t be friends with them. That is not bullying or harrassment. Things that are shitty get criticized. Fuck, things that aren’t shitty don’t. Get away from this idea of cancel culture and people misunderstanding the story. We have the ability to.

Think beyond your noses of personal preference. You don’t have to convince people of what you believe. Discussing it is good but critique is not bullying, harrassment, or hate. Neither is fucking roasting shit because even this shit I like (manner of death lets say) deserves it. Art is meant to be critiqued and if you dont fucking like the bullshit people make then say it. They know stupid stories like this are scandalous and they don’t give a shit in how to present them.

And guess what? You won’t like everybody. Many people can’t stand me i’m sure. Oh well. I mean frankly I don’t like that and I feel very unsettled when I don’t feel understood. That’s ok! I have to temper it. Sometimes calm myself down. I won’t get anything and everything I want. And you won’t like every opinion and sometimes it’s like “man am i a dummy?” But the part of growing up is fucking maanging that and beng honest about “bashing and harrassment” and “bullying” and growing up. Yuo can like what you want the “let people like what they want thing” is so fucking juvenile and THAT is not the real world. Which is probably why so many people feel that way, they dont want to live in the real world. Unfortunately, you do.

Think beyond our noses of personal preference and what we feel emotionally in conjunction with others. You don’t have to convince people of what you believe. And you can say things that you believe to be true but it doesn’t make them so or maybe it isn’t received that way to people. And many times we learn new things in the discussions “oh shit i didn’t see it that way” right? Discussing it is good but critique is not bullying, harrassment, or hate. Neither is fucking roasting shit because even this shit I like (manner of death lets say) deserves it. Art is meant to be critiqued and if you dont fucking like the bullshit people make then say it. They know stupid stories like this are scandalous and they don’t give a shit in how to present them. Usually the “opposition” in these situations aren’t the popular beliefs that permeate through society. Trust me lmao

Antiblackness

Antiblackness is a thing. It permeates everywhere. It permeates in this genre and it permeates in fandom. Get it the fuck together. Also do not conflate cultural relativism with being repsectful. They are not barbarians, they are smart human beings either making work or deciding to. We all have diff cultures but we have fucking sense in what is respectful and not. And if we don’t we fucking learn. You cannot excuse things and say “oh culture” when you have 0 idea of that culture or actual people who are radical etc and are fighting against it. Additionally the word westerner is an ignorant term when referring to people in the US or UK who are black. Because we are not. We extend sympathy to other groups and empathy since we know so there is no inherent power imbalance between a black viewer and their subject. Don’t suggest that because it’s wrong and ahistorical and contextless.

FIRST the fallacy of representation as freedom makes people fucking complacent, individualistic, and doesn’t let them think critically. Consumption and discourse around consumption is not helping material conditions of the marginalized communities in your home, the black ones who are ignored, those intersectionalized in these communities. Groups talk about art and what it means for them outside of just what we see and because we also don’t have access to a bunch of Thai reviews or what movements or going on we are less likely to know if we don’t FUCKING SEARCH for it. Because art is constant...which leads me to....

Representation is difficult. It matters and it doesn’t.

Tthese shows are not meant to overturn the LGBTQ+ community.

There are queer filmmakers and artists in these countries. Deep illustrious film careers or even TV that is moving and deliberate. We can even see it with the dude from “your name engraved” in their short series he was in beforehand. BL is no wa pejorative because it is simply not “qu**r” storytelling whatever that means. But know it has always existed everywhere and there are also out artists or radical artists in all these countries who do no respect mediums that are cash-grabs and poorly made.

ex: As much as “Like in the Movies” sort of isnt for me and is a bit hamfisted you can tell how much love goes into that. Love of the characters, acting, and message. Yes it’s cringey to see some of the lines (like very tbh subtlety wasnt exactly their strong suit) and yea naming them after lenin and marx is just 0ihgoaudgijposkagjihou BUT GUESS WHAT? THEY FUCKING DID IT. THEY TRIED. And class was a large component as well bc u cant fuckin ignore it. The show is aware of the machinations in its world as a show but also in the philippines and for a fuckin reason. And duatarte? Loooooooool so like yea not so sure bl makes him love his ppl but the show isnt trying to do that

It’s not a transgressive genre and it has no reason to be. No ethical anything under the way we live it’s just trying your fucking best to be. That’s it. They serve societal ills and capital’s purposes. Which is fine but it is not revolutionary.

These countries in SEA or even SA do not have as big budget for even mainstream dramas—though things are changing and that’s bc REVENUE like revenue from kpop is fucking huge for SK and again so much about that is bc of what happened in their history from japanese imperialism to WWII to the US—so for “queer” stuff it is sort of now important to make that an export and it sure is one. Not only globally or to the west but a lot of these places make their money within asia (duh!) outside of their countries. OBVIOUSLY. so BL is a way to output and gain money. The thing is, it doesnt seem to be put back into the industry at all. For people in all these countries to make works that aren’t for mainstream or wont reach as many people there’s a difference between trying and just shoving shit in your face and going here it’s gay you like it right? But dont antagonize the inherent patriarchal nature of BL.

Another thing: did you guys know thailand was never colonized? You should look it up. There’s little hints of things in ITSAY to represent french influence still. Isnt that fascinating? Find out why. It’s certainly interesting that the representation, though damaging and dubious many times and also incorrect like any media, is huge in asia and this isnt a commodity here (the US) exactly. A lot of that has to do with colonial ideas of gender of which I am sure. But listen………lmao

Sometimes people dont give a shit. And it very much shows. Here is the thing once again. GOOD TRANSGRESSIVE WORK exists.

Een within the capitalist Bs paradigm or you can see people trying (I can sort of applaud parts of lovely writer) also queer media has always existed everywhere the reason you don’t know about it is because it gets takena nd commodified into a mainstream product. We hvae little incentive, particularly if we are not fans of cinema or art in gen, to search fror others when the output is right here. Being dictated by others and the state and who will give you money. No longer an effort of a cast and crew who want to convey things. But google [any country] independent cinema, radical cinema, queer radical cinema, or even retrospectives on the cinema and rethinking what is queer and radical in film. What if we took that, diluted it, got rid of the creators who put themselves through all the work, ignroe al the nuances and do……………….two actors who are conventionally attractive with no chemistry making out.

It’s the same here lets say daniel kaluuya winning the oscar for the film about the BPP. I heard it was okay and not too offensive but it still isnt’ enough. It still isn’t like hwood isn’t trash, nnati black, misogynistic towards BW and women, and all that other shit. It was pushy but it can’t be enough where we are. Black KKKlansmen i think won an oscar, by circumstance i fuckin hate these award shows they mean nothing, and i like the film a lot but he has his misogynoir still resting in his films even if it is poignant. And it was a film that honestly wasn’t really made for black people. And should all art be a response to direct trauma or trying to make ourselves palatable when we’re just human?

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ and it’s importance (capitalism) but also sorta individual responsibility

Considering a lot of these actors are rich and then just dip that’s another problem. Mainstream isn’t what sustains marginalized art ever. It doesn’t change in the vast ways we think it does. What changes is the people of these groups pushing, fighting, forcing and then capitalism trying to make it work under capitalism. It will not. It cannot.

This is why artists and labels often don’t mix or you see people like Sonic Youth doing whatever they want and pissing off their label but making them give them money. Same with Nirvana. Vince Staples. The thing is they can fight and make good shit but what capitalism helps people….not care? They don’t respect the audience? We’re getting those returns on poor executed product placement, lighting, editing, framing, fucking acting. And you surewon’t see mixed black asians in these shows. WHY R U is the oNLY one i have seen it in and he just disappears (but that was pretty cool.) so who the fuck is this representing? And before you start: asian countries are not homogenous the way we believe them to be. There are marginalized communities outside of even mixed people that are harmed. So you can skrrt cause on that one: you’re wrong buddy. But it gives us the IDEA of a paradise which is what they NEED.With representation and visibility comes consequence and responsibility as artists. What it allows them to do is coast and not think complexly because why should they; it’s mostly the fantasies of some older woman who probably has money and much less interaction with the world. It’s bonkers. And what that allows even further is for them to say YOU ARE THE THING THAT YOU CONSUME and the THING THAT YOU CONSUME IS YOURS. It is not, it is not your identity, form a close bond but figure it the fuck out. Especially for adults who are hellbent on twisting their minds into pretzels and can’t acknowledge what’s just laziness in art and not giving a fucking shit. Truly.

There’s damage that has been done from Parasite as he was supported by CJE&M and the bullshit obsession america had and eveyrone’s poor interpretation of it if they are rich. BJH is a socialist and he is a filmmaker. He has made films that are outstanding and cost a lot of money. But now a fear for indie filmmakers is just not being able to raise that much or have that much attention. Getting funding that helps them instead of expecting the Next Big Thing that is a fad because capitalism is trash. Yes this funneling of money is absolutely harmful to us artists. Even buying in is strategic. Additionally, that film is probs one of the most radical films to have that wide release and accolade (unlike “Sorry to Bother You” which i have a lot of thoughts about. One being that asian exports are acceptable but black ones are not. This is an overall art critique and global media critique. Blackness is removed, not respected.) However, filmmaking isn’t green, it can’t be socialist, and it’s a lot of work. They used tons and tons and TONS of water to do a huge beautiful feat but we still know there is a cost. We have to figure that out because it shouldn’t be. It doesn’t go back into the crew’s pockets the way it should and the work becomes that of the director’s and actors solely. It’s fucking hard. We have to do our part but it doesn’t mean we are doing it perfectly. We just have to try to do better. So does BJH cos he needs to not be a misogynist but anyways i digress.

additionally and this is something some users fail to understand: people in the media sphere generally have fucking money. I went to film school that was international with super fucking rich kids. Taiwanese kids, kids from south asia, china, thailand. They had money. No not upper middle class money, not “rich” money, not some paltry 1m that’s chump change. Fucking money. Fucking RICH-RICH. MILLIONAIRES. BILLIONAIRES. WHICH IS DISGUSTING MIGHT I ADD. The domestic people didn’t have the money for school (in the UK) and i am in a massive amount of debt like every other black student that went there. You do not understand how much money is needed to survive so people who turn to these crew positions even casting etc need this fucking money usually. OKAY. A lot of the people that do well in these dumb shows or even on a larger scale HAVE MONEY. The reason these industries are small and struggling is because of lack of people and lack of resources to independent shit because oh gee it takes money to make things.

Why should I try? Well you don’t have to really if you have money or a name. Yet...

We can tell when like those Tik Tok shows or DCOMs dont give a shit (anymore.) You know how frustrated we get when content for young people is garbage? Well, see, BL is literally that under that system. Occasionally we will get something good now but there is virtually no need in any sector in the world at this point to truly figure out how to make it better and what to do to enhance artistic literacy, outreach, teaching people new things, getting people from these communities there and having true realistic says. Art and culture is IMPERATIVE TO WORLD LIBERATION but not when it is so stiffly trying to bend to capital’s idea of progressiveness. No. Neoliberalism. No.

That’s why in a way ITSAY is a huge feat; it takes from films etc and they clearly had money (the actors rae rich too which….lmaooooo j’aime pas) but it was a respected fucking script, acting was important, blocking, framing. There’s very little to critique as a visual medium for that because I understand what they are trying to do, their market is going to be mostly young girls, but they RESPECT THE FUCKING AUDIENCE. And guess what guys? You can make money from it!!!! WOAH! Since that may be the only goal which is disgusting and repulsive.

HOWEVER AND THIS IS WHAT IS SAD: itsay is an ex of a great show however knowing the actors backgrounds and the pseudo trouble it stirred when they weren’t supporting people protesting against the coup in the summer it really put a damper on my enjoyment. And this is how we can see that:

a) it’s honestly just a show and a good one but b) now what?

These kids (actors, who are like idk 19? 20?) are rich and not saying anything while countless actors, who were filming, did. Even tul who has $$$$ and the thing is the protesting against the coup legitimately attacks the rich. As it should. The protests going on were cries for help, against a dictatorship and fucking coup, asking people to get fucking help for covid, having kids be able to live. There’s a mini on VICE about this and it probably doesnt go too in depth but there’s a kid in there who talks about his friends getting into drugs and how he just wants to make music, have fun, skateboard. And it’s harrowing to see. This is a direct example of what these things do and don’t do. Yea we know a good show is here, we know growing up and slice of life, we know this is a bit of escapism and idealism but the idealism is reflected in the way these actors also choose to live their lives. So what progress? To who? For who? How is this helping me? What purpose does it serve? I say ITSAY serves its purpose as a piece and a glimpse into possibility of growing up but i do not say it antagonizes a broader issue that needs to be relevant in some sense but simply is not. It’s very singleminded and, well, it’s sort of like “besides my sexuality, what do i have to worry about?” But for real humans like....a lot. I do not respect their decision at all.

Why can’t we do our jobs and make something decent and respect our audience? No time, gotta make that sweet sweet sweet cash baybee. Look how progressive we are! Don’t look at history and material conditions. Thanks in advance, management.

History 4 does not have that respect. Many of these shows do not. Sometimes we hit good, sometimes we don’t. But in the end we cannot settle. And I won’t. If I am critiquing something I will not be shy and if I am meant to enjoy something as escapism then these shows NEED to highlight that and it’s rare sometimes (the best twins is a good reminder like that show is bad but man do i Brain Empty when i turn it on and i like that and there’s not much in it that makes me want to kill myself from annoyance but there are transphobic jokes i dont love however the whole show is a comedy about this dude’s crazy homophobic sister and she is constantly positioned as wrong and they talk about the aforementioned trans women as the actor was in drag. Interesting that they can manage that, huh?)

Oh btw.....taiwan has a very complicated history but ignore all the bad stuff it’s good now you can kinda sorta get married and stuff. KMT? You know how i learned that? I care about human beings and read about it lmao. I am not Taiwanese and look at that. So now I have historical and DIALECTICAL~**~*~****~*~*~ context so i can judge it as an artist, a black woman from america, and from the knowledge i have to pick up on their history to see if this fits into a broader picture besides the micro-one of sexuality on an individualized level. And this is kinda where it comes full circle: these shows are not you, you are not them, they do not exist in a vacuum because nothing does. The failure to critique now means continuing on as it has and it will still do so. History and time are not linear in the sense we think it is. Someitmes things are better, sometimes things feel more austere. We are not living under liberation though and these shows are not going to do so. So they are not US nor are they for a nebulous “us” of which the groups are all fractured and have diff opinions anyway (my opinion as a black american is going to vary from an asian woman’s say and that could really clash and i do not feel solidarity with all those in every community i am for several reasons.)

Final thots that have taken up my time and the only thing i actually wanted to write but got distracted:

Anyway my dissertation is that I ilke Muren and LiCheng a lot a lot and i like how cute they are and how truly dumb li cheng is. This is an example of mostly good writing, decent actors, nice chemistry, and sort of a calmness to them. And I super enjoy how Muren is pretty forward with LC in the sense that being together is like very important to truly be together. When he was like “no i didnt forget!” Or when LC asked him something in the office I forget it was 6 am and again i almost threw up and muren nodded and then LC leaned on him. Very cute. I want more of them tho i may have to skip that othre couple (the cameo the ones from MODC) but omfg the younger one HIS HAIR GREW SO MUCH HE LOOKS SO MATURE AND CUTE OMFGIJ0HUG9SAOGIJPKOAGJSIOHUAGIJP hahhaha the one good thing i will say about THEM.idk how old the actor is i figure he was young idk it makes me happy to see him he’s very cute. I hope he’s in something i can watch and not gag at. Is he hot? Who knows but he is a cutie!!

Anyway muren and lc have a good thing going it’s nice to watch ho\pe they dont fuck it up but im truly a sucker for some true finds 2 luvas i think some user on her\e was like i’m not a fan of friends ot lovers bc it doesn’t seem like they’re actually friends and maybe they were referring to this show idk. But it made me think and it was a very good observation. So i think they are friends and also luvrs <3

[yangxiaoshorter]

Why Utsuro was the perfect Gintama villain.

(Taken from reddit, with permission from the poster. Posting it here because more Gintama fans need to see it).

Warning: This won't have any manga spoilers, but inevitably, a lot of anime spoilers.

So while most things in Gintama are universally loved by the fans, by comparison, Utsuro seems to be slightly more contraversial. He isn’t hated by any means and most Gintama fans still like him, but there are a few who think he is just a generic overpowered final boss that the show didn’t need. I want to explain why Utsuro is not only great, but the perfect villain for this show. For this I will have to talk about two characters: Utsuro himself of course, and the main character, Sakata Gintoki. Brace yourselves, because we are going to go deep here.

Before I start though let’s just quickly summarize what Utsuro is on the surface though. He is the most powerful being in Gintama. He is the biggest threat that the show had so far. He is an immortal being who is so hard to kill that even he himself has trouble killing himself. On that regard you could compare him to characters like Madara Uchiha from Naruto, or Aizen from Bleach. But that is far from everything that there is to Utsuro as a character. And most of it is because of what Gintoki is as a character.

Sakata Gintoki is one of the strongest main characters you can find. I’m not talking about “blowing up planets” or “cutting through dimensions”. I’m talking about the fact that Gintoki has such a strong personality, beliefs and conviction that almost nothing can shake him. This is partly because of his personality, because of all the suffering he went through (more than anyone else) and of course, Shoyo’s teachings. In a normal Shounen, “Death” is the biggest threat a character can face. But like it was pointed out in Rakuyo arc “Death and Breakfast are equally close to Gintoki”. Gintoki doesn’t fear death. For him it isn’t just “I would sacrifice my life” type of thing like most others. He literally doesn’t fear death. After seeing so much of it death is just another part of life for him. For a man like him, it doesn’t matter how strong a foe is. The worst they can do is kill him, which doesn’t scare him. The only thing that shakes Gintoki is when people around him get hurt, but even then, after overcoming everything in his life, Gintoki now believes that he can protect them no matter what. Even during the few times Gin loses control (like with Jirocho or Oboro) he recovers quiet quickly.

There is something Kamui says to Gintoki in Rakuyo: “You don’t see me when you fight. With Housen and with Shinsuke too. You aren’t fighting the one in front of you. Who is it that you are fighting?” This is the main point of where I’m coming from. No villain, not even his closest friend can shake Gintoki, because when he fights, he fights himself and his own weaknesses, not the opponent in front of him. There can be a lot more that can be said about it but I’m sure most of you know this part so I’m going to keep it brief. So why is Gintoki’s character so strong? Because the “foundation” of his beliefs are so strong that no attack on them can even shake them. So the only way to even shake Gintoki would be to attack that “foundation” itself.

There is a saying that a hero is only as good as their villain. Which is true in most cases, but there is also the opposite: A villain can only be strong if he confronts a strong hero. Otherwise, your audience might start finding the hero they were supposed to root for annoying and start agreeing with the villain, which is the last thing you would want as a storyteller. Now as we established, Gintoki is really strong as a character. He can emphatize with everyones suffering, because he suffered more than any of them. He knows people can come out as a better person after all sufferings because he himself managed it after far worse. That is where Utsuro comes in.

Every aspect of Utsuro’s character is specifically created to challenge Gintoki. His very existence, ideas, his past, his actions… everything about Utsuro is an antithesis for Gintoki. Let me explain what I mean by that because there are a few reasons. First being of course, that he is Yoshida Freaking Shoyo. The man who made Gintoki who he is. Everything Gin is started with this man. While what happened to Shoyo was one of biggest regrets in Gintoki’s life, he still overcame that and mostly made peace with it. He finally accepted (not over night btw. You can literally see it happen throughout the show) that he could forgive himself. That he did his best. That Shoyo would be proud of what he did and does. That was because he knew who Shoyo was. Thanks to his teachings, Gintoki learned to forgive people, people like Takasugi, or himself. But then Utsuro appeared. An embodiment of all of Gintoki’s fears and regrets. For Gintoki, Utsuro was created by one of the biggest regrets in his life. He was literally a walking talking version of everything Gin tried to overcame. Not only that, but Utsuro’s existence also shook one of Gintoki’s core beliefs as a person. That you don’t have to be empty. That you can overcome any pain. Gintoki was baseing those beliefs on his own experience and Shoyo, and throughout the show, he always challenged people who run from pain (like Jiraia, or Takasugi). But now Utsuro’s existence on its own meant that he could be wrong. That the only reason he wasn’t empty was because he didn’t suffer enough. Because even the person he trusted the most could be broken and become empty with enough pain. That is what Utsuro’s existence meant. Everything that gave strength to Gintoki was suddenly shaken by Utsuro’s very existence. It also meant that Gin himself still wasn’t safe. He suddenly started fearing that with enough suffering, he too can become empty again. Become like Utsuro.

If you think that I’m overanalyzing this I want to remind you of the first things Utsuro does when he appears: Literally, before he even appears on screen, the first thing he does is throw a sword at Kagura. Something that would have at least fatally wounded her if Nobume hadn’t pushed her out of the way. Later, he almost stabs Shinpachi on the forehead, who was saved by Sougo at the last second. Then in Silver Soul arc, he almost kills Sadaharu. This is not a coincidence. Who are Kagura, Shinpachi and Sadaharu to Gintoki? They are the Yorozuya. As in, they are the embodiment of everything Gintoki build since he started overcoming his weaknesses. Symbolically and physically, Utsuro was trying to destroy Gintoki from the very beginning.

I also want to give you a few examples on that. First, remember what Sougo says to Gintoki in Silver Soul: “When you confront that man, you lose control and see nothing but that guy. You don’t act like yourself”. Indeed, throughout the show, especially in Silver Soul arc, Utsuro is constantly making Gintoki lose control. There are 3 instances in the show where Gintoki almost “gives up”. First being when he loses his memories, which obviously doesn’t count. Second being in 4 Devas, which was just an act to keep the kids out of trouble. So the only time Gintoki falls into despair and almost gives up is in Silver Soul, when he thinks about how he didn’t make progress even now, right before the Shinsengumi shows up. Again, all these is just shows how much Utsuro gets to him. More than anyone else in the show ever could.

Because Utsuro is not only Shoyo, not only is he everything Gintoki fought to overcome before, but he is a product of the humanity Gintoki always wanted to believe in. He is the monster Gintoki was scared of becoming. Noone can deny the fact that Utsuro has one of the worst pasts in the show. He was tortured again and again. People killed him again and again and no matter how much he wished for it, they didn’t manage to kill him. Which made them fear him even more, which made them hurt him even more. For decades, he was killed, tortured, went through pain that would easily kill anyone else, but he wasn’t even granted the escape that was death. He was stuck in a prison that was the world that didn’t want him. That he didn’t want to be in. Yet he couldn’t escape. The monster that was Utsuro was created by humans. He became Utsuro (Hollow) because of them. And Gintoki understood that. That is why he couldn’t ignore his stance like the other two. For Katsura, Shoyo was dead and he made peace with it, and Utsuro was just a villain threatening his new life. For Takasugi, Utsuro was the one who killed Shoyo. He hated him, but he was just another target for his revenge. But Gintoki understood what Shoyo and Utsuro were more than anyone, and that is why he was affected more than anyone else.

So what does all this have to do with Utsuro? Well as I said, a great villain, especially a final villain, should be able to challenge the hero on every aspect, not just at swinging swords. And Utsuro stood against everything Gintoki stood for. I’m not going to give manga spoilers here, so just going to say that Gintoki has to overcome all his weaknesses, fears and traumas if he wants to truly defeat Utsuro. And Gintoki’s beliefs are important because they make up the core of Gintama’s ideology. Every villain in some way challenges that ideology: Even the likes of Takasugi and Isaburo. However, none of them go against it as clearly as Utsuro does.

So where does Utsuro himself stand in all this: Some people don’t understand his motivation. Saying that it is weird that he would say that he wants to die but then fight people who want to kill him, but while this isn’t the point of the post I’m going to briefly explain that first to avoid misunderstandings:

Utsuro isn’t just an immortal being who wants to die. He also wants to get revenge on everyone. Not just because for the sake of it, but because he wants to proof himself right. He more than anyone knows how deep humanity can go. So if Gintoki fights to proof that humanity is worth saving, Utsuro fights for the opposite. He wants to proof that despair can overcome anyone. That humanity will abondan everything, their believes, their loves, their ideals when they are confronted with a fear that they can’t overcome. Utsuro doesn’t just want to die. He wants to end the humanity that he sees as a curse on everything.

So in the final battle of the war, when he is about to cut Nobume but hesitates, that was the main conflict coming back at him. It wasn’t Shoyo literally coming back as a seperate entity to hold him back. That was symbolizm. He hesitated because everything those people who he was fighting did at that moment, was going against all his core beliefs. They didn’t despair. They didn’t give up. They didn’t leave each other. Even when everything was hopeless, they kept getting back up. If Utsuro was an antithesis for Gin, then Gintoki himself was the same for Utsuro. Utsuro believed that enough suffering could make anyone “hollow”. Yet no matter how much suffering that boy (Gintoki) when through, he didn’t break. He didn’t become hollow. While the story isn’t done yet, this was the main confrontation of Gin and Utsuro’s ideals and this was the first time since FS where Gintoki cleared his mind and truly fought like he always does, fighting for himself instead of fighting to escape, while Utsuro for the first time, lost that secure belief he always had. This was the true triumph for Gintoki over Utsuro. However, after that Utsuro decided to jump into the Altana, because he refused to accept what Gin said. He denied what he was seeing. He still defended that the humanity would destroy himself. That’s why he jumped. He wanted to win that final argument. He wanted to show that with him out of the picture, the humanity would still destroy themselves on their own. And he wasn’t completely wrong either. As in the next two years, people tried to revive him, gain his power and overall almost started another war. It comes down to Gintoki and the others to win that final gamble Utsuro made.

So yeah, I could probably write more but this is way too long already. Basically, Utsuro is not only a powerful, charismatic villain with an amazing voice, but he is the perfect villain to represent the opposite of everything Gintama stands for. He has such a strong backstory, that you can’t help but understand even the worst of his actions. And most importantly, unlike most final villains in other Shounens, he is connected to the main character more than anyone else. He isn’t just a random powerful guy. He is the only person who was closer to Gintoki than Takasugi was. He was the only villain the show could possibly get after Takasugi. That personal connection to Gin and the others is what makes it so compelling too.

I hope this will give some light on what Utsuro represent as a character. This might have been a bit of a mess, and I apologize for that, it was tougher than I expected. Thanks for reading.

[pinkykitten]

Standing Up

The Greatest Showman

Three - Legged Man x female! reader

Warning: the mob being buttholes, bullies, violence

Specifics: romance, fluff, man vs man, fall, pumpkin, race neutral reader

People:  Francesco “Frank” Lentini (three-legged man), you, the mob, P.T. Barnum (mentioned), P.T. Barnum family (mentioned)

Words: 1,732

Request: By anonymously Hi there! I've been reading through your blog (mainly tgs tag you have) and love your writing! 💕 I was wondering if I could maybe request a story for Frank, the three legged man? Maybe where the mob finds out about the two dating and start to target her and it gets to her, so Frank comforts her? Hope that's a good enough of a description 😄 Thanks!! ❤

Authors Note: hiya! thank u so much for liking my tgs writing. im so happy that i write for this fandom cuz honestly it deserves to much luv. thnx for requesting and i hope this was good enough. btw i luv this character like i would point him out every time i saw him he looks so cool! im sorry this took so long pls forgive me! i hope you enjoy and pls feedback is much appreciated. thnx!

You and Frank have been dating for a couple of months, loving every single moment you both shared with each other. 

Intertwining fingers, overwhelming hugs, countless of kisses, and so much more is the love you both posses. 

Meeting Frank was the best thing that has ever happened to you. You and Frank had greeted through a friend, and a very known friend at that. It was through Ralph Krooner aka the elephant - skinned man. Everything was history. 

You did not at all mind about Frank’s extra leg. You knew he was self conscious about it and just knowing that fact made your heart ache in sadness.

Unfortunately Frank wanted to keep your relationship a secret. Not wanting even a homeless cat to know. 

His reasoning? “I don’t want people to find out, love, because I don’t want you to get bullied or hurt because of me.”

You understood and respected his wishes. You didn’t want him to feel like he couldn’t trust you. 

“Oh look at how big this one is Frank!” You called to him, waving your hand in the direction of the object you were wanting to show Frank. It was Fall, you were bundled up enough but not too much. You had wanted to go to the market so badly last Fall but Frank was not comfortable yet to go. This time he made the effort to attend the Fall market. All just to make you happy. 

Frank walked to you and as he walked people stared. Some children and some adults. Scoffing, whispering things to each other. 

You so badly wanted to tell them off, tell them how rude they were being and how they should teach their children manners. But again, you had to keep your relationship with Frank a secret. 

It was hard in public. You wanted to call him love, sweetheart, all these pet names but you couldn’t, you had to call him Frank. You couldn’t even hold his hand in public. It was a nightmare! 

“What is it y/n? Are you okay?” He asked concerned. 

You nodded your head, “yes silly I am alright, but look what I found!” You squeal in delight as you show him a huge pumpkin. 

With a struggle you picked up the orange fruit (if it got seeds then it a fruit, at least thats what ive heard) to show to Frank, closer up. Frank tried to help you the best he could.

He did help immensely. 

“I’m sorry I can’t be much of help,” he looked down ashamed of himself. 

You softly placed your foot by his and he looked up wide eyed, “Thank you good sir for helping me carry this. You are very strong.”

You bit your lip as you saw how his muscles flexed from the weight of the pumpkin. Frank saw you admiring his arms and he smiled with a little giggle. 

“You are very welcome, beautiful madam.” 

You grinned and asked him if he could carry it to the paying tent. 

As you and him walked there more people stared, more people whispered. Some even laughed. Out of the corner of your eye you saw the worst of these bullies. The mob. They tormented and treated people differently from them with evil acts. They spit, threw things at them, and called them names. You glared at the leader of the mob. 

Maybe you shouldn’t have done that. 

As you went to the paying tent, the mob came to his side. 

“Oh look another freak!”

Frank, still holding the pumpkin, pushed you behind him, setting and arm in front of you in case anything were to happen you would be protected. 

“Men, we don’t want any trouble. Please let us get on with our day with no confrontation.” Frank tried to avoid the situation. 

“No, I think we’re good here. You helping out this young woman?” They all started hooting and hollering at you, whistling for you to come over. “C’mon little darling, we can show you a good time.”

Frank placed the pumpkin on a nearby table with anger, “How dare you talk to a woman like that? You outta be ashamed of yourselves.”

The leader of the mob cackled, “All women are whores!”

At that Frank almost lunged at the man, but quickly you placed your hands on Frank’s shoulder. Stopping him. 

Frank took deep breathes and you saw his hands turned into fists. He was very irate!

The men laughed so hard, holding their bellies. “What kinda man are you? Can”t even protect your whore. I mean look at ya, god must’ve hated you when he created ya. I mean he gave you an extra leg.” They all laughed again. 

You could tell Frank was trying to hold back his tears. Feeling useless. 

You became furious! You, elegantly walked up to the men. They all hushed and the leader raised his brow, thinking you were coming for some alone time. 

Next thing you knew, you slapped the man hard on the face. His eyes went red and he looked so angry. 

“You don’t ever call me that again, you hear! I am not some toy that you get to play around with. I am a woman and I should, no I deserve respect. And you should go to hell for saying those mean comments to my love!”

Everyone seeing the scene and the mob gasped. 

“Thats right, I, a woman, love him,” you point to Frank who is standing there shocked at your words. “You do not have the right to bring people down and to hurt their feelings just because they look different. You have no right! He deserves the same respect as everyone else. He is so amazing and so kind, he shouldn’t be treated this way. So I think that is enough, and if you would like another slap, you know where to find me.”

You then took Frank’s hand in yours and walked to the pumpkin to buy it. As you almost picked it up the leader of the mob grabbed it first and with a snarl said, “I don’t like your little threats whore, you best be careful what you say now, or else.”  

He then raised the pumpkin high and threw it to the ground making the pumpkin splash everywhere. 

“I was gonna buy that you monster!”

You were so excited for this pumpkin because you had wanted to make so many dishes and desserts for Frank. But now it was ruined, you seeing the pumpkin patch was empty of pumpkins. 

“Too bad,” spit the leader, giving you a hard slap on your face as well. You fell to the ground, your cheek already swelling. Your dress ruined with dirt. And the people, the people laughing. 

Frank flung himself to the leader and started punching him with all his might. Lets just say Frank was winning. Not letting the leader out of his sight. 

Just then P.T. Barnum came out with his family in the back of him to break up the fight. He held back Frank and you can tell Frank was happy to see him.

Frank looked to you feeling like he wanted to comfort you but you just stood up and ran away. 

“My love, wait, please,” you heard Frank’s calls. But you didn’t want to, you couldn’t stay anymore. 

Tears streamed down your face, they were never ending. You felt this day and age people will never understand you. You felt lost. You felt weak. You were pretending to be this tough girl when on the inside you were fragile and scared. But you don’t regret any second of it. You got your point across, you showed the world that you do love Frank, and that you would take any slap for him. 

You went to your house and hurried with your keys to unlock the door. You sprinted inside. 

In your house you felt safe and protected. Nobody could see or hurt you. 

You sat on one of the kitchen chairs and just wept. They were uncontrollable. You felt humiliated. 

“Oh god, I’m so terrible. I even left Frank there. Well, at least Phineas is there.” You spoke aloud to yourself, sniffling in the middle. You grabbed a handkerchief and blew your nose. 

You then hear your doorbell ring. You try to regain your composure and make yourself look presentable.

You look through the blinds to see Frank standing there. His hair all disheveled, his clothes out in some places. He looked very worried. 

“My love are you okay?”

You stood there, leaning on the door frame. You smiled and the tears came back, you hugged Frank crying on his shoulder. 

“It hurt me what they said to you Frank.” 

Frank nodded and placed both hands on your cheeks, kissing the swelling of the slap. “Y/n, I didn’t want you to do that for me. You got hurt because of it. I knew this would happen.”

You looked up at him and shook your head. “I did what I was meant to do, protect you. Defend you. You don’t deserve to be treated that way. And I don’t care who sees anymore, I want the whole world to know that you and me are together, in love.” You laced your fingers with his, and kissed his hand. 

Frank looked at you adoringly, “are you sure, beautiful? You may regret it.”

You brought his face to you and whispered, “never.”

You and him shared a deep, emotional kiss. Some people passing by looked at you two. You didn’t care anymore, you wanted to shout to the heavens how much you loved this man. 

After the kiss Frank leaned his forehead against yours, “I am so sorry they hurt that perfect face of yours. Thank you y/n, for standing up for me today. Nobody has ever done that except Mr. Barnum. I love you so much.”

You smiled, Frank brushed your tears away. “I love you, my sweetheart.” You kissed Frank again. 

“I have a surprise for you,” Frank chuckled grabbing something from behind him. 

“What is it?”

Frank then brought out a huge pumpkin, bigger than the one you had earlier. You jump up and down in delight. 

“Oh my god thank you so much Frank! I love it, its perfect!” You hop to him, giving him a big embrace. “Its perfect,” you whispered to him. “Just like you.”

[randisnotonfire-blog]

Daisy Love  Stan Uris X Reader

Summary: The reader is having on and off occuring dreams of when she had to face her fear when going to Pennywise’s house with the Losers’ club. Her dreams always went something like this: Every member of the Losers’ Club including her splitting up to go kill off Pennywise, but he catches her in the blink of an eye trapping her in a room. He would start to fill the room with water, which drowning was one of her fears, and then he would leave. Which meant she was trapped in a locked room without anyone knowing she was. The room would fill up with dark deep water and she would shout out their names, “Stan!? Bev! Richie! Someone please help!” she would always scream out their names. Starting to realize what is happening she gathers enough oxygen to swim, trying to break the door open it was helpless. She started to drown, floating to the top of the water. Thankfully her friends heard the screaming before and ran to the room, Stan, Richie, and Bill would bust the door open to only realize you were floating at the top of the dark water. “She is drowning!” Richie would cry out, you would fall down with the rest of the water when the door burst open. You were lying on the floor while everyone was frantically panicking. “What the fuck do I do?!” Richie had begged for a answer. “Give her freaking CPR dippy!” Bev would shout at them. Stan would be the one to give you CPR he tried everything until you woke. Starting to cough out water you balled up, your knees’ meeting your face. You would cry. Then you had woken up from the dream. The dream had happened when you spent the night at Stan’s house and he would try to comfort you which causes unexpected daisies 

Warnings: Fluff, light cursing,mentions of drowning, all the other spooooky stuff you would find on my account for fan fics lol also SPOILERS

Requested: Nope ;-;

A/n: Sorry and SORRY that the summary was sooooo long lol but I had to describe the occurring nightmares that the reader was experiencing! It was kind of deep but also not my idea for the nightmare scene, I don’t remember who came up with the idea but I am trying to give them some type of credit. ALSO this is my first ever IT fan fic btw, and if you didn’t know. The movie IT is based off of Stephen Kings thriller/drama book. The 2k17 version is just a remake of the book and the original movie. And I HAD to make a IT fan fic for Stan bc like he is a angel lol. AND NO I DIDN’T SEE THE MOVIE JUST JEEZ I’M SORRY!  allssoooo sorry this is like rlly long lol ALSO lol I changed the age of their group to like 16/17 

                                                          *  *  *

                                                          *  *  *

                                                             Prologue:

       When you were younger you always did hang out with Stan,Bev,Bill,Richie and Eddie. They were technically your only friends considering you were kind of a loner, but you befriended them easily since they were easily attracted to your personality. Richie on the other hand was kind of a asshole to you, but you both knew you loved each other like a family. All of you were like family to each other actually. But when Bill’s brother had gone missing and was known dead things changed. Almost everything did. Bill acted differently, your friend group know as “The Losers’ Club” didn’t hang out that much. But then Bill changed all that when he started talking about clowns. From there on you all knew about Pennywise, you were all a target for him. And in the grand scheme of this it seemed that Eddie and Richie were too close to be friends or even best friends. They Richie hadn’t came out about it yet since the death of Eddie and now your all sophomore’s in high school. Still traumatized from that stupid clown. But at least he brought you guys closer together. But the worst things that he had ever done to all of you left scars and horrid memories, I mean first of all he killed George and he almost killed you too from drowning you and he killed Eddie. He tried to kill all of you guys and got away with one person. You still remember the day when Eddie died. While you guys were fighting IT for the last time in the sewers, Pennywise manifesting as a giant spider ripped off Eddie’s arm. Which caused him to bleed out and die, you remember the fear in his Eddie’s eyes when this happened.  I remember his last words being to Richie, you and Richie both insisted on carrying the poor boys body out of the sewers. But everyone was saying to leave him there, and that’s the horrible decision that we made. To leave his corpse there to rot and decay, they acted foolish considering Eddie was like the baby of our group but still the mother. You remember how strong Richie was for kissing him on the cheek and leaving him. You always wanted to see what Eddie would be when he was older, see if he would travel the world. See the stars that shone from infinity miles away in a different view. You always felt guilty about leaving him there, and always will. But now times have changed and you and the rest of the Losers’ Club are sophomores in high school. 

                                                        *  *  *

            “Oh come on Y/n! Why would you choose that answer for a math quiz” Richie exclaimed as he skimmed through your already graded math quiz, “Its not my fault Mr.Allan wasn’t specific for #8″ You rolled your eyes playfully as Bev walked in to Stan’s living room. “Hey guys” She smiled, you waved and the other boys had their fair share of saying their greets. You turned on the TV and flipped through the channels but stopped when the news channel turned on, “Hey!” Stan said as he snatched the TV remote from your hand. You sighed when you saw the news talking about important stuff like the robberies and deaths or missing kids. Stan saw your reaction and quickly changed the channel. “Where is Bill?” Beverly asked as she looked around. “He is probably stuck at home with his parents” Richie spoke then handed you back your science quiz paper. “You did good though Y/n” He said “Thanks Rich” you turned around and smiled at him. Richie was still having emotions flowing through him like crazy ever since Eddie passed away sadly, but he was good at hiding it. There was a couple of people who understood Richie’s emotions like he was a open book to them. You, Eddie, and Bill completely understood him out of the group. After a hour or two of just you all talking about school,music, and whats been happening lately Richie finally agreed that it was getting late out considering that it was now 11pm. “Bye guys” Richie said with Beverly. “Bev do you need a drive home? Or did you bring your....” Richie started talking to Beverly as he left the room and the house. “Are you gonna stay the night again?” Stan asked which snapped you back into reality because you were still thinking about what had happened a couple years back. “Y/n?” He asked waving his hand in front of your face to capture your lost attention. “Y-yeah” You said with a smile when you looked at his face. “Cool” He smiled back at you

                                                   *  *  *

         You had already packed some clothes, which you had just changed into when you walked into the bathroom, walking back out you saw Stan cooking a small meal for himself. “Oh hey Y/n” He said while being focused on not burning the cheese sandwich, you walked over and sat down on the couch. You turned on the TV and started looking for something remotely interesting to watch, “Please don’t turn on the news channel, okay?” Stan said as he finished making the food for himself. “mk” He walked over and sat on the floor so he would get crumbs on the floor, which made it easier to clean up.  

  Soon enough you guys got tired and walked to his room, “Are you sure you want to share a bed? You can always sleep out on the pull-out couch Y/n” Stan asked. “I’m okay with sharing a bed with you Stanley” You said, he hated when you called him ‘Stanley’ because he thought it sounded weird sometimes. He rolled his eyes “Fine”, he walked into the bathroom to brush his teeth while you got into the side of the bed that faced the wall. When he was finished getting ready he walked back into the room. He climbed into bed with you, making sure both of your backs were facing each other. It was somewhat kind of awkward but comfortable silence. After a couple of minutes you could hear the soft sound of him sleeping. You on the other hand were kind of scared to go to sleep in fear you might have the same dream again. And it only happened when you would think about when you were 15 and all the traumatizing stuff that happened. Shit. You already expected it to happen. When you fell asleep after 4 hours, it would be 3am, the dream happened. 

     Every member of the Losers’ Club including her splitting up to go kill off Pennywise, but he catches her in the blink of an eye trapping her in a room. He would start to fill the room with water, which drowning was one of her fears, and then he would leave. Which meant she was trapped in a locked room without anyone knowing she was. The room would fill up with dark deep water and she would shout out their names, “Stan!? Bev! Richie! Someone please help!” she would always scream out their names. Starting to realize what is happening she gathers enough oxygen to swim, trying to break the door open it was helpless. She started to drown, floating to the top of the water. Thankfully her friends heard the screaming before and ran to the room, Stan, Richie, and Bill would bust the door open to only realize you were floating at the top of the dark water. “She is drowning!” Richie would cry out, you would fall down with the rest of the water when the door burst open. You were lying on the floor while everyone was frantically panicking. “What the fuck do I do?!” Richie had begged for a answer. “Give her freaking CPR dippy!” Bev would shout at them. Stan would be the one to give you CPR he tried everything until you woke. Starting to cough out water you balled up, your knees’ meeting your face. You would cry. As they tried to comfort you in hopes to help you get up and leave the place forgetting what happened. 

                Then you woke up to realize it was only just a dream, thankfully. You tried not to cry so you wouldn’t wake up Stan, you only called out his name. “Stan?” You asked hoping he would wake up. And he did. “What?” He asked groggily, “I-I had a nightmare...” You said quietly. He turned around to look at you but only to see just your clothed back. “Is that my shirt?” He said as he wrapped a arm around your waist unknowingly. His eyes widened for a moment then realized that you didn’t have a reaction to his arm around your waist. You closed your eyes at the touch of his cold hand wrapped around you, “No, it’s Bill’s. He gave it to me when it didn’t fit him anymore. But it’s a  bit big on me” you said. He smiled then shook his head, “Sometimes I wonder if you ever get to close to the boys” you turned around so now you were facing him. He wrapped his arm back around your waist and you rest your arms around his shoulders, “Seriously?” You asked as if you were surprised. Stan rolled his eyes “Yeah dummy” he said with a shit-eating grin. You smiled and buried your head in the crook of his neck. You took a moment to realize that you were actually “cuddling” Stan Uris, your best friend. He wasn’t no stranger to being like this but he did have a soft side. One that you sometimes would see, but he was more mature and clean person. The only time you would ever be seen like this with him was when having a movie night with him and everyone else from the Losers’ club. “Y/n? Will you tell me what the dream was about?” He said as he looked down at your tiny figure, “Would you be mad or ever surprised that I still haven’t gotten over Eddie’s death and when I almost drowned to death” you said when you looked up at him. “No, why would I get mad at you for something  that had horribly happened in our past. That’s a serious topic Y/n” He sighed, he always knew that you would never get over anything that happened a couple years back. He always had felt guilty for ever letting something like that be seen by you and everyone else. “I know you wouldn’t bu-” You started to talk but Stan nicely interrupted you by saying “Just please tell me the dream”, you sighed. “You remember when we went to IT’s house and how I got stuck in t-that room and the water and me almost dieing” You spoke softly as you rested your forehead on his. “That was the nightmare?” He said as he looked at you with his dark fawn colored eyes, you nodded. “Oh” There was that familiar silence that fell upon the room when you had to tell something to Stan or say the truth.

             “Y/n, he is dead why would still think, talk or ever have nightmares about him?” Stan said as he lifted his forehead away from yours. “Stan, I’m sorry” You said as you looked down. “Why would you be sorry?” He asked, you started to cry from the horrid memories of everything that happened, “No Y/n, please don’t cry” He said as he lifted your chin up so you made eye contact. He didn’t know what to do from the moment he did that, you both didn’t know what to do. He furrowed his eyebrows and took a moment to realize what he was about to do. Then suddenly your worlds collided with one simple kiss. You blushed like crazy then buried your head in the crook of his neck to hide your embarrassment, his eyes widened and then his eyes wandered looking around the room just to take a moment to realize what he just did to his best friend. “Wow” you mumbled. He scoffed, “Was is really that bad” He asked quietly. You shook your head, “Your really asking your best friend if the kiss we just shared was good Stanley” You smiled. 

                                                      *  *  *

   And that’s it lovelys for this creative Stan Uris fan fic, it was so fun to write. This was totally unexpected and look forward to new fan fics since my internet is running smoothly (Yey!) But this was a creepy but yet fluffy fan fic and if you would like a part 2 where they decide to tell everyone else that they kissed and what happens after that let me know by direct messaging me! Like I said this is my first ever Stan Uris fan fiction because I absolutely adore the cast and the characters! Thank you so so SO much for reading this, and I hope you have a wonderful day my lovely’s! <3 

[din-skywalker]

Special Children Part 1

( @thanxololtl and @alliedoesstuff I think you two help me with this idea. It's the first part to that idea I had a few days ago. The title sucks tell me if y'all have a better name):

Mark told them that they're special kids. And, Dark would have to believe this, because yeah, they are special. Mark just won't tell them how they're special. He always avoids the question like it were poison, keeping whatever secret he's hiding to himself. Though, Ethan and Amy seem to be in on it, too. Maybe they're special kids because they all look alike don't have parents. Dark doesn't remember much. He just remembers a bright light, a terrible pain, and then waking up on the floor of their living room with a few of his siblings around him. Now, of course, he has the memories he gains everyday as he goes throughout life but he wouldn't count that as of yet. He also remembers that… presence always being there. That darkness in the back of his mind, stalking the edges like some kind of morbid predator. He's so terrified of what it could be that he never lets it take over, no matter how much it whispers to him about how it could help him. How it is him. He also knows of the constant pressure and constant disapproval Mark has for him. He has some kind of disapproval similar to all of Dark’s siblings, but he always seems to focus it most on Dark. Dark doesn't understand why. Mark just sometimes acts like he killed someone. Or someone's. Him and his siblings would stay at home all day doing nothing until at one point Amy actually spoke to Mark of sending them to school. A few of his siblings agreed. Wilford banged his fist on the table and grinned madly with approval, his face needing a shaving as short whiskers had begun to pop up all over the skin of his chin and cheeks. It made him look messy. Which, in fact, while being the oldest of the siblings, Wilford acted like the youngest and most childish. It sometimes made Dark scowl because he's the second youngest but still more mature than his only older brother. Even Yandere, their youngest… sibling- he doesn't know what to refer to them as. They constantly tell about being a female even though they're clearly a male- is by far more mature. They always sit there quietly, staring off into space as they are. Mark had thrown Amy a look. The kind of look that Dark has come to learn means: “We aren't supposed to talk about that them around!”. Which is totally understandable. This seems like the kind of conversation they should have behind doors, privately. They may not be their parents but they are certainly their guardians. “I would love to go to school!” Wilford exclaimed because of course he didn't see the way Mark had sent a “secret” message to Amy. Dark thinks him to be a complete and utter idiot who loves the color red far too much. But, then again, he is his idiot. He doesn't really want Wilford to go to school because he already knows the older teen would get bullied for the way he acts. His hand clenched at the thought just as Wilford bangs another hand on the table. “I think I'd enjoy it to an extent,” Google said from his side of the table. For some reason, they all have strange names like Google, Dark, Yandere or… the Host. They don't question why. Or, at least, Dark doesn't. He's just grown used to the fact. “Until, of course, I excel farther than every other peer in my grade. Then I would become… bored.”

Dark has never understood why Google speaks and acts the way he does. He could be considered your typical “computer nerd” though he seems to take it a step further by acting like one himself. “I.. would rather not…” the Host mumbled beside Google, blind eyes downcast. Dark would also rather not have all of them go to school because of the Host. The Host’s name added with the fact he's shy, soft spoken and blind would make him a main target of many terrible people’s attention. He quietly clarifies, “go to school…” “It would probably help all of us in some way,” Doctor pointed out and while he has a point it could also be devastating to some in different ways as well. Doctor lives by his name and always tries to doctor people. He's just not always good at it.

“I would love to meet new people!” Bim exclaimed in agreeance, his normally loud voice even louder to bring attention to him. Wilford bangs his head up and down dramatically as a nod, grin only widening as he hears people agree with him. “I think that it would be a pain,” Dark finally spoke, using the lapse in silence to speak. All eyes turn to him and he revels in it. He's always been best in the spotlight and his siblings have always taken his word above anyone else’s. Well, they normally ended up spilt between Dark or Wilford’s opinions. Wilford maybe childish, but he's also loved, “and unnecessary. Why should we go? A lot of us would not be well suited to school life.” And a loud argument erupts between those want to go and those who do not. Google stays silent, not really caring like he never does. Wilford speaks passionately, banging his hand on the table continuously. They all continue to yell before Mark stands and they all cut off to look over at him. “We haven't made a decision yet,” Mark pointed out and Dark clears his throat as his eyes land on him. He pulls at the collar of his shirt because he knows Mark blames him for the argumental outbreak. He blames Dark for everything. “We will discuss it. Until then, you have to wait.” Wilford bangs his hand on the table one more time before turning with a roll of his eyes, pulling at the feathery scarf he wears everyday to sloppily take his fingers through it. Bim stands with a huff but says nothing else, hurrying after Wilford. Those two get into all sorts of mischief. Slowly the others disperse until it's only Mark, Amy and Dark at the table. Dark already knows Mark will wish to speak with him over what happened. “Dark,” Mark began in that condensing tone and Dark clenched his hands on the table, hating how he's belittled almost every night. “You know better than to start arguments. You're the most mature one here and I expect more from you-” “Yeah, yeah, I know,” Dark interrupted because he's heard this a thousand times. He doesn't normally interrupt but he's had enough of it for now. He pushes from the table, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “I won't do it again. I gotta go help Host with something now.” He can feel Mark’s gaze burning into his back as he walks out of the kitchen. He'd get his mind off of that once he helps the Host.

----

Also, I'm basing Wilford's behavior on my autistic younger brother. Tell me if that's not correct or offensive, however. I only have my experiences.

Tell me if y'all want more, btw

[survivormyanmar-blog]

RITES OF PASSAGE

Linus: Wow this feels like a long time ago. Back in week one you hardcore targeted me for some reason. Maybe it was because of that one time we played a mini and Johnny and I caused "hold one I froz, can som3 one on for me" to become a meme :^ )

Linus: The mini version of the mess that was Carolynn. I really had nothing against you so again it really sucked that you were also trying to target me so hard :( 

Ashley:   We didn’t get to interact a whole lot, but I hope to get to know you and maybe be in another season with you sometime! 

Linus:  Love you <3 (Well, I don't know you, but Im sure I would love you if I did :P 

Tommy: OMG RICHIE! I really enjoyed the time we had before you were voted out. I hope all is going well with you. You had one of the brightest personalities among the cast.

Ting Ting: I was really sad to see you go but the brief time that I spent talking to you was really nice. You seem like such an awesome person, I just wish I could’ve gotten to know you better! brave the dangers of australia. Btw your dog is absolutely adorable and I want it. http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/t_original/1318327549856060774.gif

Linus: You are the one and only person I feel like the age gap might have screwed over a bit. You we're definitely more active than some other people and were also probably  going to stick with the fans honestly, so you probably could have gone deep had we not been on a preswap losing streak :( 

This game was definitely a new experience for me, I tried hard to make friends and try my hardest to at the very least fit in with the group, but I wasn't that successful. I came back for redemption, or at least a chance to get a second shot in this community, and honestly it doesn't really feel like I got my second chance. I reconnected with some people, and met some people who piqued my interest, but other than that, this season wasn't what I anticipated. Although, here's to looking forward to talking to some of the fans!

Ashley:     Oh Gaston, I really truly did adore you. That tribal that you went was between you and Sam, I fought for you to stay but it is hard when the numbers just weren’t with me. Not wanting to cause anything so early in the game, I had to go with the numbers. But I hope to play with you again, once we actually started talking I really liked you and would have wanted to pursue working together, sorry it ended up the way it did. 

Linus: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VuJTqmpBnI0

Tommy: Omg considering your vote out was one of first on the season it was one of the hardest of the season. You were so robbed. I think you have an amazing job though.

Ting Ting: Literally you are such an awesome person! Like I felt like I could really relate to you especially because we both seem to live in like the middle of nowhere…yikes. But anyways, I definitely wish I could’ve worked with you more in the future because you are hilarious and it’s sad to see someone go because they happened to vote in the minority. Also Canada is amazing and I want to move there because…well…

“It was an amazing game! I loved every second of it and it sucked that I did the most work on the tribe and it didn't pay off. I'm proud of how long I stayed in the game, and i wish that it didn't end so abruptly, but I have no regrets.....”

Ashley: Adrian I think we talked a little bit, not as much as I wish we had. But tbh the video we made was kinda bad. I know it isn’t your fault but like damn. Hope we get to play together again!

Linus: My one official ally on the starting fans tribe!! The swap happening totally sucked because you did not deserve to go at all. You were good in challenges, in the fan majority alliance, had people in the minority feeling dependent on you, you were so well setup until that extra vote came out :( 

Tommy:  You're a really nice dude. Again so robbed by the Fans vs. Favs dividing line. I really did wanna work with you in this game and you always tried your best in the challenges.

“This game being my first ORG ever actually was very interesting. I loved the challenges and the Mata tribe was amazing. To top it all off going on a blindside just made me love this game so much”.

Ashley: Nehe you could have worked with Amanda and I but noooo, you just had to go spreading rumors that literally followed us through the whole game. This ain’t no Gossip Girl. 

Linus:  Oops you got  caught being shady af :^ )

Tommy: You were definitely one of the more interesting personalities this season. You were pretty iconic before and after being voted out. You got pretty far considering you were the youngest person on the cast and never played an ORG before.

Linus: Like Adrian you were a fan who was super well set up, so the swap was super unfortunate :( . Im sorry I had to go for  you at the swap because I really did like you and want to work with you. 

Tommy:  I've heard so many good things about you. I really wish you would have made merge because I'm sure if you did we would of worked together at some point. I thought you had the best cast intro of everyone on the season. P.S. Your tweet being read on the Mvs.GenX live show finale was really cool.

Krysten:  I unfortunately didn’t really get the chance to get to now you because we were never on a tribe together for that long…but when we did talk you seemed like such a nice and amazing person! I mean just going off your like 15 second intro video, you just seem like such a ball of happiness ((sun)) https://media.giphy.com/media/10d3NDzD40xb0s/giphy.gif

“I came into this game hoping for another shot at redemption so I could make my dreams come true, unfortunately Fiji and other factors ruined that, but at least I'm repping myanmar in all stars, I'll try to make you guys proud”

Ashley: My love!!! Ugh I miss being able to talk to you so much. I can’t wait to be able to reconnect after this game is through. The way you went had me annoyed, but I understood it was a strategic move. I just really was looking forward to working with you down the road. After that hell of a ride in Westeros, I am so happy we got to play this game together. Can’t wait to catch up!

Linus: Rip the alliance between you, Christian and I :P . I think the fact that you went as a merge boot is a testament though to how crazy this season was with people voting all over the place. By all means you had one of the best social games and I really think in 4/5 seasons you're name wouldnt even be thrown around when it was.

Tommy: Omg let me just say, MICHELLE YI'D. You were an awesome social player in this game and a huge threat and I could of saw you winning this game. You were one of the most friendliest but also most dangerous players in this entire game because you were so friendly and had amazing social bonds. I enjoyed our convos we had especially the night we were all suffering during the pre-merge paintball challenge.

Ting Ting: STEFFEN OH MY GOD! plz do good in life and everything! i missed you when you left because you were always so active on all the chats ever and were such a beautiful little ball of energy and fantabulousness (?). I miss screaming into the void with you and definitely being close with you throughout the game was amazing. I’m so sad that you left and were basically blindsided but it’s ok because now you’re in allstars (which you better do well in because i’m pretty sure i drafted you. don’t screw up my draft.) your daily snaps a works of like lowkey ugly art but it’s ok. also bless your legacy advantage. boi that saved my ass.

"In Fans vs. Favorites, the fans have to work hard to not be overshadowed by the favorites while the favorites have to work hard to live up to the name they've made for themselves. It is absolutely incredible how hard the majority of the cast played to leave their mark on this game that we love. I certainly gave it my all."

Ashley: Aweee Brett! I really loved our conversations about food that would always make me hungry, and how you would always tell me the sketchy things you were hearing around the tribe. I am very appreciative of the support you gave me when I was worried I would be voted out. You told me to figure it out and that I could get through it, and I did, so thank you for that. I can’t wait to talk to you again once this is over. <3

Linus: Yooooo! The unofficial leader of the fans! Like Steffen it was shocking  that you would be cut  so early in the merge. Then Brett being booted I  think is what  forced me to play as aggressively as I did the rest of  the season. I was very much against the flip to get rid of him, but I saw the numbers just were not there to make a change so my only chance was  to flip and hope for some change ups later on down the line.  

Tommy: screech Omg you have me shook every time you say something, you are hilarious. Like I literally laugh out loud at some of the things you said to me. I really like the friendship we have and your cat is super kawaii. I miss the way we would just chill out and just talk about random things like sailor moon or how we hate Trevor for making us do challenges that cause us to lose sleep. LOL

Ting Ting:  Well I never really talked with you that much but when we did you seemed like a great person. unfortunately there was a lot of talk about you being rude and stuff to some of the girls but since i never got to know you as well as i would like i only had pretty positive things to go off of. I just wish that you could’ve stayed in the game so that i could actually get to know you better to form a better, more well rounded opinion of you. ((heart)) 

“I came into this game the ultimate newbie; I had no idea Tumblr Survivor or even ORGs were a thing. I played my hardest, put everything I had into the game and even though I didn't win, I went out with a bang and couldn't be happier with how I played!”

Ashley: Keegan! My little buddy I was always trying to work with. I really was willing to make some moves with you, I hope you know that. It just got to the point where we all thought you were working with Brett, and that was kind of scary, so the numbers yet again screwed over my plans of working with someone. Hopefully we can play in another game again and we can work something out!

Linus: After Adrian I always considered  Keegan my closest Ally on the fans tribe. Especially after we stayed up for that endurance comp. Even though we never had an official alliance or anything, but I think to an extent we tried to have each others back. Sadly it just wasnt in the cards for my game when he went home :( 

Tommy: fist bump Omg Keegan I can't believe when we did the music video you got those Christmas lights. I was so happily shook you have no idea. I really think you're a cool and down to earth dude. I also think you're really caring with the stuff you tell me you do in your everyday life. Great things are ahead of you.

Ting Ting: Keegan i am soooo sorry i couldn’t get you past that tribal. literally you were an amazing person to talk with and i realized that after the brett vote, i shouldn’t be basing votes on things that other people said without formulating my own opinion. Of the times that i talked with you, you showed yourself as such a nice, genuine, and transparent person and it didn’t make sense that people wanted to vote you out like that. like i really don’t think you deserved go home especially since you were actually participating in the game. 

Ashley: Christian this game was kind of hard between us. You having been my ride or die in Sicily and then coming to this game was a bit of a transition. I am upset that we never truly got to work together but I figured it could be too obvious if people found out we had been an f2 before. Since we really hadn’t had that much interaction I figured I would go with the numbers and prove we were not as close as we once were, I am sorry it had to happen the way it did. I do miss you though and hope we can reconnect! 

Linus: I think one of my turning moves in this game was becoming friends with Christian since that really gave me an in to work with the other Favourites. It was hugely disappointing to see you go since I really did want to go far in the game with you and your vote was the only one in the whole game that I think truly blindsided me. 

Tommy: We barely talked this season, all I know about you is that you're a Meme Queen. However, I hear you were the most honest of everyone on the cast so props to that.

Ting Ting: that girls alliance was iconic (i’m pretty sure you made that). like literally it was so amazing and it was an awesome idea continuing that alliance and having it there in this game. also all of your votes were so iconic. feminist icon.

"pls don't call me a hypocrite again last time i cried"

Ashley: Okay Jay, I probably know how you are feeling about me right now. But I just hope you know it definitely wasn’t anything personal, tbh we all just felt really threatened by an f2 of you and Sam. Girl, you are a fighter though I will give you that. You had us running around like crazy before that vote trying to figure out what the hell was going on. I really do respect your game, but in the end it has to be about who you can beat, and I didn’t think I could beat you. I am sorry, and I adore your snapchats of you cooking because it always makes me hungry and I hope we can look passed this game after and be able to be friends.

Linus:  I don't think theres a ton I have to say about Jay since it was probably blatantly obvious to everyone that you were my closest ally. It was super fun playing with you and Im really glad you were here for my first Tumblr org.

Tommy: You played one of the most entertaining games this season. Like if I were a viewer I would be mesmerized by the entertainment value you brought. I think you were a huge kingpin of the season. I think your vote out symbolized a whole new direction in the game for everyone. As a person I really enjoy talking to you about personal life and hearing about your life.

Ting Ting: You were such an amazing player throughout this entire game. and unfortunately that’s the reason that you were voted out in the end. like if i could have your strategic mind my life would be so much easier. like girl you slay life. your hair is amazing and you are amazing and i absolutely loved working with you on votes and just having conversations with you. literally stay beautiful.

“For being the flop I was I'm expecting drags out of all four of you.”

Ashley: LEAH!!! Okay, so once I heard people were thinking you, Amanda and I were an f3 I was like what? And came to you to talk to you for literally like the first time and omg, I know now that I should’ve gotten to know you sooner. Girl you are freaking hilarious and I loved that we were basically the same person. Too bad that f3 wasn’t actually a thing. We could’ve run like everything! But noooo, people just had to think we were some strategic masterminds when we really just love It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I miss you already and really can’t wait to be able to talk again. <3

Linus: I always feel like Leah and I were kind of forced into the position of being rivals in the game. She was gunning for me for a while, especially after Keegan went, which sucked because going deep with Leah would have been a really good game move, but such is life. 

Tommy: If anyone has personality this season, it's you. You're loud and not afraid of saying what's on your mind or how you feel about people. You were the last female fan standing which is a huge accomplishment AND you're a part of the 7th place chat with Trevor, Sam, and I! Lastly, CHEETAH is an icon know that

Ting Ting: Girl. girl. girl. you are a ball of absolutely sarcasm and just doneness with life and i can relate to you soooooooo much. plz don’t hate me for voting you our but you are fucking fantastic and amazing and i hope that we can work together in bb.

“I can't emphasize how damn proud I am with my gameplay this time around. I overcame a reputation as a player that would only get me as far as early merge, and yet, by the end, I believe that I changed that rep into one that made me a true contender to win.”

Ashley: Sam. I tried so hard to be able to work with you. But you were just so sketchy. It was literally terrifying to my game. So, I may have been the one to get you out. I hope you can understand this, as I know you know this is just a game. I tried my best to be honest with you and not come apologizing after the first time I sent your name around. I hope you can respect that and we can work together sometime in the future! Because damn, you are good. 

Linus: Sam was truly given the short end of the stick in this game because Jay was after him so heavily. Sam never did very  much to lead anyone to believe he was untrustworthy, and he seemed like a really good ally to have. Sadly, along with Jay's rhetoric putting Sam at a disadvantage when it came to people wanting to vote him out, it also gave him a big advantage if he got to the end since he would have been someone everyone was always talking about yet he pulled through.

Tommy: Stop picking your nose on snapchat you RAT. Anyways it was such a pleasure to work with you basically all game leading up until Final 6. We've had so many convos on skype and you know I think you're fantastic. I'm really happy for you that you ended up changing your game. Maybe you're not the cut throat rat/snake everyone made you out to be, maybe you're really a penguin who likes to dance in place or blow kisses in the mid air LOL. Give me a good review of Slaybells at ponderosa for me.

Ting Ting:  i’m crying. i’m actually dead. when you got voted out and seamus found out he messaged me and we were both so sad. literally why? that’s the only question. your tribal was sad and it makes all the good people out there sad. #shots4sam

Ashley:     Amanda, my love. My ride or die. My partner in crime. Omg how I already miss you. I am so sorry about what I did. The whole situation was ridiculous. I really feel as though I found a friend in you and I know you can look passed this. We understood how this game could end up. I am so happy I got to know you through this and I can’t wait to be able to fangirl over Hamilton with you again. I will now quote Disney movies that remind me of you and make me feel better. 

You’re the Terk to my Tarzan “And you'll be in my heart Yes you'll be in my heart From this day on Now and forever more” 

You’re the Woody to my Buzz“You've got a friend in me You've got a friend in me If you've got troubles, I've got 'em too There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you We stick together and can see it through Cause you've got a friend in me You've got a friend in me”

You’re the Timon to my Pumbaa “Hakuna Matata! What a wonderful phrase Hakuna Matata! Ain't no passing craze It means no worries for the rest of your days It's our problem-free philosophy Hakuna Matata!Hakuna Matata?Yeah. It's our motto!What's a motto?Nothing. What's a-motto with you?”Love you!!!!! <3 <3 <3

Linus:  Despite being one of the people I talked to the least, Amanda was actually one of my downright favourite people to work with. We had a non aggression pact if you will for a large portion of the post merge where despite us not being officially aligned, we would keep each other safe to both progress. Even though we weren't allies to the very end, I truly do think neither of us would have done as well as we did had each other not been in the game and I enjoyed being able to skip a lot of the smalltalk since we could both see that each other being around improved our position.

Tommy:  I was so happy I got to finally play a game with you because I see you're in different seasons all the time in this community and we never got to play together before. You're super intelligent and smart. I really enjoyed our convos about threatre/plays. You have a really kind heart.

Ting Ting: you are so beautiful and amazing and nice! i so wish you were on more and active more so that we could more conversations and stuff but when we did talk you were such an absolutely amazing human being. yas queen.