#( threads: hvstocrats )

[letterfulls]

valentina's entire body froze. she knew what to expect when coming back home, which faces she would run into, which ones would be full of judgment, which mouths would be filled with hateful words, and those very few who would welcome her with open arms. she wouldn't fall into any hugs; a hug was just another way to hide your face, after all. she was ready for all of it, for all of them—but not for her. valentina had never been ready for the thunderstorm that was takana.

she stared at the insides of the car, broken pieces just like her own. she didn't dare close the hood and turn to face her. a beat. silence filled the room. what was there to say? could she even trust herself to open her mouth and speak in coherent sentences around her? what was she still doing here in this town? she was too big for a place like this; valentina had always told her that.

"you always expected too much of me." late nights spent tracing patterns on her back and whispers of promises that would never come true. all of that amounted to nothing now.

she tried not to have regrets. clinging to the ground like grave-dirt underneath her fingernails and the memory of something that once was always ended with her and a bottle of rye whiskey. she always tried to pretend that she enjoyed the burn but in the end, it was just her own path to self-flagellation. she doubted the priest would call drunkenness and tracing the phantom touch of someone else on her body holy. light crept from the garage windows leaking like spilled paint against the asphalt. she swallowed hard. this was a bad idea. grass crunched underneath her boots mud still caked from the warm afternoon rain. it wasn't like she cared what val was up to anymore. val had made it very clear when they'd broken up for the fourth time and she up and disappeared. she'd searched desperately for her absence, tried so hard to forget that her face, smell, and body seemed permanently etched into the back of her mind. but everywhere she looked in antioch val lingered. it was almost worse than death. disappearing. she wrapped her fingers around the door handle chipped blue nail polish glinting against the chrome. "no thanks." she said dryly letting the door clunk closed behind her. "my therapist gets enough of my money as is, don't need another one." naomi stilled and took in the sight of her; her tan arms gleaming and the familiar smell of motor oil and tobacco hanging in the garage. she felt sick. "you could have at least had the decency to tell me you were back in town. but i don't know what i expected from you."