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soyouareandrewdobson · 4 years ago

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Dobson’s favorite cartoon reviewed: The adventures of spandex girl in New York aka the Miraculous Ladybug movie

So THIS is not going to be about a Dobson comic, but rather with the lack of Dobson posting shit out here, I thought I give my opinion about something Dobson would have likely sperged out within the last few months. What could it be I want to talk about? The riots? The death of RBG? Cuties?

Are you insane? My brain may function better than Dobson’s, but even so I am not touching those subjects with a tong, seeing how I myself am lacking detailed knowledge on such subjects. No. I am talking about the cartoon that makes Dobson’s little brain (and dick) all tingly: Miraculous Ladybug.

For starters, let me just say that despite being an animation fan myself, I am not really into this show at all. For a magical girl show that goes on for over three seasons at this point, I just feel like nothing happens in it. Sure, A LOT of tokusatsu and magical girl shows run on repetitive monster of the week formulas, but overall they will still have some progression to themselves. Growing up with Sailor Moon, I always loved the first season and how it actually made me feel like things are increasingly at stake as the story progressed. Especially in the final episodes when the Senshis actually died protecting Sailor Moon and it was only thanks to a Deus ex machina everyone was reincarnated again. As melodramatic as Sailor Moon could be, at least each story arc had a beginning and ending that did not overstay its welcome. Ladybug meanwhile can be summed up as followed:

Teenage girl is thirsty for obvious blond boy whose dad wants to get magic jewelry to necromance his comatose wife. Teenage girl gets magic jewelry and turns into heroine in ladybug mustered spandex suit that makes rule34 artists all tingly. Same goes for boy she has the hots for, only he becomes gimp catsuit shota bait. Bad guy transforms random citizens who feel down for some reason (often times connected to a blond whose family name Dobson can’t write) into action figure like super villains. Ladybug and Cat Noir defeat them, the damage is reseted, Ladybug and Cat Noir never figure out who the other one is despite things being so obvious Ray Charles could have seen that shit coming. Repeat not just for one, but ALL seasons so far and add as little as possible storywise to increase the roaster of characters, but not progress the plot.

All that said, I can say that there are worse shows out there and for a show meant to sell toys to girls and be about a female hero, it is not THAT bad. But a) the creator is an asshole (think of functional Dobson) and b) there are still better shows to watch, even within the preteen magical girl genre, than this. Not to forget that this thing may be the indirect successor of Totally Spies and give certain people internet related fetishes within the next few years.

So, why am I believing Dobson would talk about the show at least for today more than he already tends to do on average? Because Ladybug actually got now a movie.

Well, it is called a movie, but in reality it is more of a 3 parter to start the fourth season if you really look into it. The thing is called Miraculous World: New York – United HeroeZ. It clocks in around 65 minutes and focuses on Marinette and Adrien in New York, teaming up with new heroes that are so unsubtlety promoted in this movie, I expect them to get their own spin off series by the end of next year so the showmakers can milk the cow even drier.

Let me try to elaborate in what is going to be a less than just a bit snarky summary with a few critical points and jokes at Dobson’s expense thrown in here. In other words, the typical biased youtube reaction channel/movie review. Spoiler warnings are obvious and I promise than unlike certain pedos on youtube I am not going to focus on the assets of underaged French girls. I do warn however for increased levels of making a fool of myself by writing a multi page “mock summary” of this thing.

So because the movie is based on a children show, it has a very basic set up; Adrien and Marinette’s class is invited to spend one week in New York, because of a pointless international collaboration thing referred to as French-American Friendship week. The sheer existence of this showing that a) we needed any reason to get them there and b) this special was worked on LONG before COVID19 hit us all. And yes, I know animation takes its time to be done, I just think it is funny how in today’s international political climate and health situation this thing has become outdated already, when it is hitting the tv just now.

At the same time, Adrien’s dad suspects that an artifact currently shown at a museum in New York may be a missing Miraculous that was owned by the Marquis de La Fayette and gifted to George Washington during the American Revolution. And yes, we are going there and you can guess what Hawkmoth’s goal this time is, while at the same time history gets fucked up the butt.

But before we can get to any action in New York, we have to deal with the one thing Ladybug is known for best: Cringy shipping bait.

Look, I know that shipping is a part of magical girl shows in general, but the shit going on in this cartoon is not only drawn out tediously even for children tv standards, I find it makes some characters outright dumb and unlikable. We get it Marinette, Adrien makes you tingle. But can you stop cringing your way through life around him in a manner that would make Tomoko Kuroki say that you are freaking pathetic?

I don’t want anybody else. when I think about Adrien I...

Just three minutes into this movie she essentially melts away at a poster of Adrien and throughout the first 15 minutes she just simps away in the big blue yonder. For example by asking Adrien’s dad to allow his son to travel with the others to New York, obviously stumbling upon her words when she needs to remind herself that she can only see Adrien now as a friend and not love interest (because this is supposedly set after season 3, when she decided to go for the second price in form of the guy who plays guitar), insisting that she is only “friends” to the point even her best friend Alya gets fed up. Or when Marinette gets more than just “a bit” nervous at the chance of sitting on her flight to New York next to Adrien, resulting in her fucking that chance up so badly, I felt an headache approaching.

Not gonna lie, I had to pause a few times because it got so cringy for me, I wondered why Dobson makes primarily jokes on Adrien’s expense when Marinette herself is female thirst personified. Even the movie seems to point out how the two are so obvious to each other, when Alya has the following to say about them: I can’t decide if they are the most cutest people I know, or the most embarrassing.

Thankfully it is at 18 minutes into it, we FINALLY get something of a conflict. While still on the plane (And Adrien and Marinette watching a sunset through a window) a villain shows up, trying to steal the jet engine midflight.

Just roll with it

Thankfully, before the plane can go down thanks to a Gremlin on the wing- I mean TECHNO PIRATE, the real stars of the movie show up.

Wait, you thought this thing was going to be about Ladybug and Cat Noir being the primary heroes? WRONG!

Okay, to put the summary on hold and explain what I mean: This “movie” introduces us to “United HeroeZ”, a group of American superheroes. Yeah, turns out Miraculous is essentially set in your average “Superheroes are everywhere, but primarily US dominated territory” world and this story is meant to introduce us to them and have Ladybug and Cat Noir team up in order to save the day. And while I don’t necessarily HATE the characters, I have to admit that I can’t help myself but snark quite a bit about them. Not only are they for the most part just expies of well known superheroes, the way how prominent two of them in particular are featured in this movie makes it very, VERY obvious that (As I stated earlier) this thing aims just to create a tie-in show for the creators to make more money of the property. Not just that, but their presence in a way reduces Adrien and Marinette’s importance as characters, even though the new ones at best would count as supportive characters overall. Which again makes me wonder, what does it say about Ladybug and Cat Noir’s “impact” in their own franchise when I actually find myself more interested in the side characters made to promote new toys, than the actual leads?

Anyway, United HeroeZ defeats Techno Pirate and in doing so we are introduced to the main members of the group which are relevant for this movie:

So please, give an applause for…. MAJESTIA (aka actually decent Powergirl redesign/Non Superman)

SPARROW (Aka yet another Robin that may get hit by a crowbar)

UNCANNEY VALLEY (aka The Shipper on Deck/Cleopatra in Tin Foil/Vision as your Waifu/the dumbest name you could have chosen for a character!)

NIGHT OWL (aka Alan Moore is going to be pissed!/Oh look, it’s Batman!)

You get where I am coming from when I call them expies, right?

Anyway, with the plane safe the class finally gets to New York. Both Sparrow and Uncanney Valley get tasked to go undercover with the students and assure they are save during the trip, because plot reasons and New York is supposedly enough of a safe place that their services aren’t needed to fight bigger threats currently. Which confirms at the very least that a) this is not the Marvel Universe cause at this point the town may be ground zero yet again and b) a way more enjoyable version of the Big Apple than the real deal.

By the way, these are Uncanney (left) and Sparrow’s (right) civilian identities :

I can now imagine Dobson wanting to proclaim how problematic the character is for being a native American who looks the way she does. But believe me. It gets kinda worse in all the right ways.

Also, we are 28 minutes into the movie and we are introduced to the dumbest thing in the movie yet. The arch enemy of the Condiment King; Hot Dog Dan.

A superhero hot dog vendor seller with a flying hot dog truck, whose hot dogs give you temporarily some random superpowers when you eat them. And it seems he uses hot dog tongs as weapons.

I don’t know what the people making this show take, but I am torn between wanting some of that myself and putting them into rehab.

I really bring the character just up because he is as a concept in itself so ridiculous that part of me thinks he is a fever dream of Dobson. Otherwise he has no real bearing on what is going to happen on the rest of the movie. He is just relevant for a three minute long scene of a house roof party during which Adrien and Marinette dance for a bit.

Speaking of relevance, the next day the class finally gets to do something on the trip that leads into conflict for our heroes to face. During a visit of the museum where the La Fayette related Miraculous is hold, Uncanny and Sparrow decide to play shipper on deck by forcing Marinette and Adrien in a room and attempting to set a really stupid plot into motion (and no, I don’t mean they enforce a reenactment of Steven Universe or something). At the same time the villains finally do something, when Hawkmoth (now in New York) turns Techno Pirate into his latest minion and have him attack the museum to steal a saber by La Fayette as distraction, while he takes the charm he is out for. Long story short: Our heroes FINALLY transform and have to fight with Uncanney and Sparrow against Techno Pirate on the roofs of Manhattan.

And while I don’t think it is all that great of a fight, it still means something aside of Marinette cringing her way through the plot is happening and the heroes are actually in decent peril. Plus during the fight the movie gives me one of the funniest moments possible. You want to know what it is?

Well, while fighting the bad guy, Cat Noir and Ladybug obviously trigger their miraculouses. And what does Ladybugs miraculous turn into this time, to help her develop a strategy to defeat the villain and save the day?

A bikepump.

... yeah, I am going to give all of you now 5 minutes to laugh it off. Believe me, I needed them too.

Sure, it is a cartoon and I doubt anyone working on the show is even aware of our favorite uncare bear, but come on. At this point the universe itself is either mocking Dobson or tries to set up the perfect opportunity for an obvious joke from my side.

Not helped by the fact that once the bike pump shows up, the dialogue between characters that follows is, and I quote:

Cat: A bicycle pump? What are you going to do with that?

Ladybug: I may have an idea, but you wouldn’t like it

Anyway, believe it or not, the fight actually ends with a surprising shock moment. Cat Noir, while having his cataclysm powers active (you know, the powers that make him decompose anything he touches), being thrown by Techno Pirate at Ladybug, resulting in Uncanney protecting her and being turned into scrap metal. Which in turn causes Techno Pirate to make the acquaintance with Majestia’s fist, as Uncanney is more or less her adopted daughter and I guess she has seen what was going on (but did not interfere because the plot says so) until now, pummeling him so hard he flies through a few buildings and causes at least three 9/11 to happen on this day in New York.

So, yeah. Uncanney is dead. The heroes experiencing their darkest hour in the movie.

… welp, can’t have that for long, so less than 2 minutes later Ladybug uses the Magical bikepump…

5 minutes of laughter later

Got it out of the system? Good. As I was saying; She uses the fetish toy to reset all the damage done by the akumatized villain and in doing so fixes Uncanney too.

Welp, that was a waste of tension. Guess someone watched the entire Lars dying thing from Steven Universe.

So, damage undone, but Majestia and Night Owl pretty pissed at what happened, want Ladybug and Cat Noir to give up their miraculouses (I assume that is the correct plural) until they leave New York. You would expect this to result in some dramatic chase scene or confrontation with the older heroes, but because this movie has just like 22 minutes left and we need to close act two now, our heroes instead flee and end up in the sewers of New York.

There they do NOT team up with a group of mutated reptiles, but have a heart to heart talk (I never thought I would agree with Dobson on something, but I have to agree on this: The show is kinda fixated on having important stuff happening in sewer channels) that is sort of an argument Cat Noir and Ladybug also had during the fight. You see, because those two idiots haven’t figured out their respective civilian identities yet (something even Sailor Moon would have figured out AFTER THREE SEASONS!) Marinette assumed that Cat Noir would be in Paris while she is in New York to keep the city save. And Adrien/Noir was okay with making the promise of keeping the city initially save, because his dad only allowed him on the trip the day after he made the promise. So when the two transform out of sight of the other in New York and meet, instead of asking some logical questions (like “where is Marinette/Adrien and why is Cat/Ladybug here?”) they kinda argue wtf Cat is doing here while Paris may be in danger.

Long story short, she is angry at him, he feels guilty for having disappointed her and the thing with turning Uncanney into scrap, Paris was attacked by Hawkmoth’s secretary unleashing temporarily some monster clone because Hawkmoth thought that distracts the heroes in Paris (and really just results in damage that makes a city that experienced the destruction of Notre Dame the year prior just feel numb) and because this is the turning point in the plot, our hero needs to do something just a bit too melodramatic. Which is that Adrien gives up his powers and runs away.

… so, up to the final part in which things to care about start to happen.

Hawkmoth now has the Miraculous and unleashes its Kwami who is this eagle themed little thing referring to itself as the “Kwami of Freedom”.

… Yeah, this thing was NOT around for the last 200 years, wasn’t it?

Anyway, it states that its powers are based on “freeing” people of limitations to achieve their full potential. What does that mean practically? It means that when Techno Pirate holds its powers on top of his regular powers increased by being akumatized, he can unleash some energy attack that removes moral inhibitions when getting hit by it.

… So it basically unleashes the Purge.

Which is exactly what happens to Majestia and Night Owl, turning one into Man of Steel Superman causing nine additional 9/11s on top of the three prior (how the fuck did this movie manage to turn an American tragedy in a measuring unit?) and the other into All Star Batman.

Oh and it turns the President of the USA into a worse war monger than people accuse Trump of being.

Oh, this is NOT going to sit well with anyone...

… Yeah, sidenote: The president of the USA in this movie is essentially Michelle Obama who ALSO is a superhero with an American flag theme and besties with Majestica and Night Owl, trying to protect the exchange students. Because supposedly NOTHING better needs to be done. Once she gets hit by the “Freedom Feathers” or whatever you want to call the Kwami power, she pulls out the Football and activates turrets all over the USA, ready to blow up anything that moves into smithereens. Including at least 10.000 such turrets on the roofs of New York and a nuclear missile in the bay near the Statue of Liberty.

I’ll take it to the people with the eagle not the dove. If there is one thing that obedience is symptomatic of, it’s W-E-A-P-O-N-R-Y... WEAPONRY, from above!

(BTW, the rocket is animated like shit!)

I get the feeling someone on the production team is not the biggest fan of America.

Anyway, with the heroes being useless and Marinette and Adrien mopping around for what happened during the battle (and Adrien being tricked by his dad to leave New York and get back on a plane cause this town is not save and Adrien can’t fucking stand up to his emotionally abusive father), Uncanney and Sparrow have to get the ball rolling so the day can be saved. Which means that Sparrow and Ladybug try to fight and distract people for time (off screen mostly), while Uncanney hijacks Adrien’s plane and brings him back to take up the gimp suit of Cat Noir again. Oh yeah, almost forgot, Uncanney, cause she is a robot, has figured out easily who Ladybug and Adrien really are cause scanning. Making our heroes literally dumber than a walking toaster.

So the four finally together, fight Techno Pirate on the Statue of Liberty a second time (after some hijinx with another corrupted hero whose power is literally to create portals through doors, but he is irrelevant for anything so I skipped him up until now) and defeat him. He loses the Miraculous, Sparrow takes it on and becomes its next official owner, resulting in her costume turning into THIS

So now we have the native American girl turn into an eagle based superhero with a costume that looks like out of a western based Lego set.

Real talk here: Unlike Dobson I do not believe that everything is political or offensive or some other shit. In fact I hate his comic where he talks about “skin color changes” of the black characters in Ladybug, because he essentially tries to create a race issue and tension where there is none, just because he is a social justice moron. Which gets especially funny when his ideas for a progressive female results in characters like the black rat pirat who kicks you in the face for being hetero or infantilizing the characters of Patty to make them visually more appealing to Max Karson.

That said, in this day and age, doing a character like that… kinda yaiks.

Like, on one hand I think the girl has an enjoyable personality and the design of her hero outfit is okay for a kids cartoon. It’s not like she also talks in some cartoonishly native way or has suddenly a tomahawk as a weapon.

On the other hand, it is kinda stereotypical from multiple ankles and unfortunately there is nothing to the character past this point. Oh sure, Sparrow has now Miraculous powers, but really, all she does now is just use her powers to nullify Techno Pirates influence on the adult heroes before Majestia manages to reenact the bad ending for Majora’s mask and that is it.

Granted, there is Hawkmoth also almost starting World War 3, but that is really just happening at the site and dealt with almost instantly. To be more specific, because Ladybug and Cat Noir did not hand over their Miraculous, he lets Techno Pirate launch one of the missiles near the Statue of Liberty (worse president than Trump, honestly) but before the thing can hit anything, Majestia sweeps it away and throws it into the sun.

You know, if the show writers want to make Adrien’s dad even remotely “sympathetic” or interesting/intelligent, they increasingly fail. Cause I don’t know about you, but causing World War 3 does not really feel like it will benefit in bringing your comatose wife back.

Bottom line: Nuke has been burned, Techno Pirate gets defeated, all the damage reseted, Sparrow is now the official owner of the latest Miraculous and renames herself Eagle, everyone is happy, there is a big celebration for the class and Hawkmoth is convinced there might be other missing Miraculous all over the globe he wants to get his hands on, meaning season 4 may have more globe trotting Miraculous “action” once it starts.

And also the last scene of the movie shows Eagle and Uncanney meeting some other guardian of the Miraculous box who wants the Eagle charm, but she seemingly convinces him to team up, solidifying that this one hour “movie” was really just a backdoor pilot for a tie in series about an American centered heroine that is so big, a freaking monster truck could pass through this backdoor.

Yeah, if you can’t tell, I am not a big fan of what I saw.

Look, I will openly admit that my opinion on this is in large parts already tainted by me not being part of the demographic which enjoys the show. So this was never going to be considered “good” in my opinion. That said, I tried to be neutral to it for the sake of fairness. And I kinda failed.

Sorry, but I genuinely do not think this is a good “movie”. First, with barely 65 minutes I don’t really consider it a movie and more of a tv special meant to lead into the next season of the show. Second, I expect of a movie based on a tv show to have slightly higher stakes and presentation value to it than what you would expect from any average episode it has to offer. Which this thing doesn’t. Oh sure, the animation is slightly improved in some scenes, but overall just the same. And frankly, the writing is just still as “bad” as in the original show, if in parts not even worse. Aside of the typical stables, such as the cringy romance that does not move forward but is kinda on the forefront, the main heroes stumbling more or less into the situations instead of being more active in their duties, Hawkmoth not even in a movie having a genuine plan aside of “get this, see how it will help me defeat two kids and fail”, the movie also just never manages to induce a proper escalation of conflict to make it feel like something “special”. For example, we have a shitton of temporarily corrupted heroes. Do Ladybug and Cat Noir ever properly face them off at one point or have meaningful/fun interactions with Sparrow and Uncanney or each other outside of the first three minutes of the movie? Nope! I can name a few movies based on animated shows that gave me enjoyment, even those following basic shonen anime rules. But this one isn’t really among them. And taking into account that I consider at least the Steven Universe movie enjoyable in a dumb way, that says something.

There is also just the fact that it takes away from Ladybug and Cat Noir too much. Sure, I don’t like the romance stuff with them because I think it plays out in some of the cringiest way possible. But I would have been okay with them or other already established sidecharacters doing other stuff and having to face some conflict that is centered more around them.

Instead the movie finds this bizarre disbalance where it focuses too much and yet too little on completely new characters, that feel shoehorned in to create a starting point for a spin off, making Cat Noir and Ladybug secondary characters in their own movie.

I mean sure, I have seen many shonen anime based movies where there is a set of “movie only” characters interacting with our heroes, but they don’t take too much away from the heroes being heroes. Say what you want about the 13th movie of any long running shonen anime, at least Luffy, Naruto, Son Goku etc. are still the central characters of their respective franchise affiliated flic. Here however we take too much away from Ladybug and Cat, while at the same time focusing also too much on their “struggle” as Marinette and Adrien (or rather just Marinette making a fool out of herself while Adrien is utterly obvious to her behavior) while the major heroics are reserved for the movie characters only, that this entire thing should just be renamed “The Adventures of Mummy Robot and Not Robin, also starring two underaged kids that Dobson is obsessed about!”

All that said, I will give it a few things.

1) Uncanney and Sparrow/Eagle, despite my jabs, are kinda enjoyable in terms of personality. So are their partners/parents (Majestica and Night Owl are actually the (adoptive?) mothers of their sidekicks and also a couple openly caling themselves love, so yay, L(GBT) representation) and if the show would ever decide to focus also a few episodes on other characters aside of Ladybug and Cat Noir, I wouldn’t mind to see them. I just don’t think they are the most original characters out there and I think I may speak for some fans of the show when I say it sucks, that when it comes to the “action” within this “action adventure show”, they take up the spotlight from the actual main characters.

2) The fight scenes against Techno Pirate were okay overall. Nothing mind blowing animation wise but okay for the standards of this franchise.

3) Eagle’s costume design is not the worst despite my jabs at it being “stereotypical”, at least under consideration of cartoon designs (again, I can think of more offensive shit from the 90s or the Dobbear himself)

4) Well, it wasn’t for me, but I can say it was at least still on the same level of quality as the show. Make out of that comment however whatever you want.

My verdict: Three out of five Dobson’s would approve this movie. The other two would rant about stereotypes and be too busy incest shipping Majestia with Uncanney based on one shot of the movie. And none of them would acknowledge the flaws that make the “movie” a badly disguised jumping point for a spin off that makes the Equestria Girls look subtle.

Hope you got some enjoyment out of this rant that ironically may have been overall more retarted and detailed than anything Dobson may ever say in regard of this movie.

#miraculous ladybug #movie #marinette dupen chang #andrew dobson #so you are a cartoonist #syac #movie sperging #animated movie #sucks #mock #review #adrien x marinette

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jesseneufeld · 6 years ago

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The 2018 Primal Gift Guide (and One Awesome Book Deal)

It’s about that time of year. Whatever your inclination or creed, whether you celebrate Christmas or Hanukah or nothing at all, gift giving is a solid, time-honored way to establish and maintain bonds and friendship, show people you care, and make another person happy (and, as you’ll see after today’s post, healthy). Today I’m going to lay out some of my favorite products. These are purchases I’ve made and loved, gifts I’ve received and given. (And I’m throwing in one of the best deals I’ve ever offered that combines new and old favorites on the Primal scene—but you’ll have to scroll to the end.)

Without further ado, here’s the 2018 Primal Gift Guide.

ChiliPad

Full disclosure from the outset—I’m an investor in this, and I only invest in products, services, and companies that I strongly believe in and use myself. This one I’ve used for about two years now, and it’s made a substantial difference in my sleep. ChiliPads are climate-controlled mattress pads with microtubes of water running through them. Heat the water, and the bed gets warm. Cool the water, and the bed cools off. The Single Zone pad can do one temperature at a time. If you or anyone you know has ever fought with their significant other about the temperature, they need the Dual Zone pad. It has two temperature zones, so the bed can be warm on one side, cool on the other.

Primal Kitchen® Gift Kits

We’ve got a few to offer. Got someone who you know wants to take the dive into keto but doesn’t quite know where to start (or who can’t cook a lick)? Grab them one of the Primal Kitchen Keto Starter kits. They’ll get mayo, dressings, avocado oils, and other delicious products to make eating keto easier, tastier, and healthier. If you’ve got a general foodie on your hands, get the Primal Kitchen Gift Kit, which includes a great chef’s knife and an engraved cutting board with some Primal Kitchen staples.

Instant Pot

For the two or three remaining people who don’t yet have one, an Instant Pot countertop electronic pressure cooker is a must-have. Goes great with the Keto Reset Instant Pot Cookbook.

The JOOVV

This is the best light therapy device I’ve used. It provides both near infrared light and red light that enhance healing, improve collagen production, and boost ATP production. I lay my JOOVV lengthwise on the ground against a wall and lie down next to it for 5-10 minutes a day. That’s plenty.

Xterra Inflatable Standup Paddleboard

If you’ve been reading this blog for any length of time, you know how much I love standup paddling. Anyone with access to a large body of water—the ocean, lakes, rivers, canals, reservoirs—should consider getting a paddleboard. Inflatables are the easiest entry point, and the Xterra is probably the best one around.

Meat Boxes

Buy Ranch Direct is offering free shipping on any order with this link. In addition to the great beef, poultry and pork offerings, they have a killer All-Natural Salami Variety Pack.

Vibram KSO Trek

Vibram just re-released their classic KSO Trek, my favorite model of theirs ever. It’s leather, and I actually wear it as a “dress shoe” with suit and tie (not that I recommend showing up to your big interview in a pair—unless it’s with me), jeans, and pretty much anything else. I keep several in rotation, shifting them to “turf shoe” once they lose their newness. I haven’t used better footwear for playing Ultimate Frisbee.

Alitura Santal Black Oil and/or the Instant Radiance Package

If you know a man looking for a good moisturizer, beard oil, or cologne alternative free of artificial fragrances, look no further than Alitura’s Santal Black Oil. It’s great for women, too, but I’ve found that men respond pretty well to it. Another option for anyone who digs a bit of pampering without leaving the house is the Instant Radiance Package, which offers spa-grade facial treatment.

Redmond Real Salt Kosher Salt

Harvested from ancient Utah sea beds, Redmond Real Salt is loaded with trace micronutrients and great flavor (it’s not just “salty”). If you’re shopping for a serious cook, Redmond Real Kosher Salt should be on your list.

Big Rhino Cleaver

This thing can handle a lot. It won’t quite do a beef femur, but I’ve successfully chopped through pork feet, ribs of all kinds, and lamb bones. Poultry parts part like butter. What’s great is that in addition to the bone-splitting power of the main blade, the upper curve is surprisingly sharp and agile for making smaller, more detailed cuts.

Sous Vide

I’m going to recommend two sous vide products. If you’re shopping for a serious cook who wants permanent sous vide residency on the counter, Dr. Eades’ Sous Vide Supreme is a good purchase. If you’re shopping for someone who just wants to try the sous vide method in several different settings, get the JOULE—an immersion sous vide device that turns any container of water into a sous vide.

AmazonBasics 15″ Cast Iron Skillet

Stumbled across these recently and didn’t even realize Amazon was making cast iron skillets, so I took the plunge. The quality is pretty good. Takes seasoning, gives a good sear. I’ve got mine up to the point where I can scramble eggs without them sticking. I credit lots of bacon and roasted chickens. If 15 inches is too big, they have smaller ones.

Chest Freezer

You can go one of two ways with the chest freezer, both relevant to Primal eaters. Your giftee can use the freezer as a freezer, as a way to stock up on meat or even buy a quarter cow. Your giftee could go the way of Brad Kearns, who keeps a chest freezer full of cold water and hops in it for a few minutes every single morning (***after unplugging the unit). What would I do? Buy the freezer and pass along the article where Brad lays out his use of the chest freezer as a cold plunge tank so whomever receives it can decide.

Eat What You Love: Everyday Comfort Food

This book isn’t out til December 4th, but it’ll definitely arrive in time for the holidays. It’s a great cookbook for people who want to eat the comfort food we all (let’s face it) miss and stay gluten-free, Primal, and dairy-free.

The Whole30 Slow Cooker

No, it’s not a crockpot that instantly turns off whenever a Whole30® non-compliant food is added. It’s a cookbook for Whole30 people who don’t have the time or inclination to slave over a hot stove or pot. For people who want the convenience of tossing a bunch of healthy ingredients into a pot in the morning and coming home to a delicious home-cooked meal.

The Keto Reset Set of Books

What can I say? It’s the ultimate set of resources for understanding the logic of keto and for implementing keto as the healthy, nourishing and delicious diet it can be. Get step by step instructions for making the full transition in The Keto Reset, and enjoy hundreds of amazing recipes you can easily make in your own home kitchen in The Keto Reset Diet Instant Pot Cookbook and the The Keto Reset Diet Cookbook. They will literally change your life.

And Now For the Deal…

The award-winning Primal Connection was my favorite book to write, and it remains the top resource for extending the Primal Blueprint beyond the realm of physical health to encompass everyday peace, prosperity and fulfillment.

It also happens to make a pretty awesome gift…for anyone looking to deepen their Primal commitment or for someone who’s totally new to Primal. (I’ve had a lot of folks tell me over the years that The Primal Connection was their entry point to Primal living.)

To celebrate the gift-giving season—and to highlight the New Primal Kitchen® sauce line, I’m offering one of the best deals I’ve ever put together here.

Buy Classic and Golden BBQ Sauce + Steak Sauce, and I’ll throw in a Classic Primal Kitchen Mayo…plus a copy of The Primal Connection. But hurry—this deal expires 12/7/18 at midnight PST.

Click through HERE or use code GETSAUCY at checkout on PrimalBlueprint.com.

For those of you unfamiliar with The Primal Connection, here’s a bit about it. Head on over to PrimalBlueprint.com to read an excerpt, too.

Honking horns, loud office chatter and whirring machines batter our ears with incessant noise. Artificial light and digital stimulation overstress our nervous systems day and night. Traffic jams, long lines, interruptions, distractions and big egos pervade daily life in such a manner that we don’t even realize the piece—or rather the peace—that’s gone missing. Mark Sisson, the leading voice in the Evolutionary Health Movement and author of the bestseller The Primal Blueprint, extends the primal theme beyond diet and exercise basics in this much-anticipated sequel. The Primal Connection: Follow Your Genetic Blueprint to Health and Happiness presents a comprehensive plan to reprogram your genes and overcome the flawed mentality and hectic pace of high-tech, modern life so that you can become more joyful, carefree and at peace with the present. You’ll learn to make scientifically validated, highly intuitive connections in all aspects of your life, and emerge with a renewed appreciation for the simple pleasures of life and our most precious gifts of time, health and love. The Primal Connection allows you to have it all; you’ll honor your ancient genetic recipe for health while still enjoying the comfort and convenience of modern life.*

Now let’s hear from you. Write in down below with the health and fitness-related gifts you’ll be giving and receiving. I’m always interested in something new.

Thanks for reading, everyone. Take care.

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milenasanchezmk · 6 years ago

Text

The 2018 Primal Gift Guide (and One Awesome Book Deal)

Without further ado, here’s the 2018 Primal Gift Guide.

ChiliPad

Primal Kitchen® Gift Kits

Instant Pot

For the two or three remaining people who don’t yet have one, an Instant Pot countertop electronic pressure cooker is a must-have. Goes great with the Keto Reset Instant Pot Cookbook.

The JOOVV

Xterra Inflatable Standup Paddleboard

Vibram KSO Trek

Alitura Santal Black Oil and/or the Instant Radiance Package

Redmond Real Salt Kosher Salt

Big Rhino Cleaver

Sous Vide

AmazonBasics 15″ Cast Iron Skillet

Chest Freezer

Eat What You Love: Everyday Comfort Food

The Whole30 Slow Cooker

The Keto Reset Set of Books

And Now For the Deal…

To celebrate the gift-giving season—and to highlight the New Primal Kitchen® sauce line, I’m offering one of the best deals I’ve ever put together here.

Buy Classic and Golden BBQ Sauce + Steak Sauce, and I’ll throw in a Classic Primal Kitchen Mayo…plus a copy of The Primal Connection. But hurry—this deal expires 12/7/18 at midnight PST.

Click through HERE or use code GETSAUCY at checkout on PrimalBlueprint.com.

For those of you unfamiliar with The Primal Connection, here’s a bit about it. Head on over to PrimalBlueprint.com to read an excerpt, too.

Now let’s hear from you. Write in down below with the health and fitness-related gifts you’ll be giving and receiving. I’m always interested in something new.

Thanks for reading, everyone. Take care.

The post The 2018 Primal Gift Guide (and One Awesome Book Deal) appeared first on Mark's Daily Apple.

0 notes

fishermariawo · 6 years ago

Text

The 2018 Primal Gift Guide (and One Awesome Book Deal)

Without further ado, here’s the 2018 Primal Gift Guide.

ChiliPad

Primal Kitchen® Gift Kits

Instant Pot

For the two or three remaining people who don’t yet have one, an Instant Pot countertop electronic pressure cooker is a must-have. Goes great with the Keto Reset Instant Pot Cookbook.

The JOOVV

Xterra Inflatable Standup Paddleboard

Vibram KSO Trek

Alitura Santal Black Oil and/or the Instant Radiance Package

Redmond Real Salt Kosher Salt

Big Rhino Cleaver

Sous Vide

AmazonBasics 15″ Cast Iron Skillet

Chest Freezer

Eat What You Love: Everyday Comfort Food

The Whole30 Slow Cooker

The Keto Reset Set of Books

And Now For the Deal…

To celebrate the gift-giving season—and to highlight the New Primal Kitchen® sauce line, I’m offering one of the best deals I’ve ever put together here.

Buy Classic and Golden BBQ Sauce + Steak Sauce, and I’ll throw in a Classic Primal Kitchen Mayo…plus a copy of The Primal Connection. But hurry—this deal expires 12/7/18 at midnight PST.

Click through HERE or use code GETSAUCY at checkout on PrimalBlueprint.com.

For those of you unfamiliar with The Primal Connection, here’s a bit about it. Head on over to PrimalBlueprint.com to read an excerpt, too.

Now let’s hear from you. Write in down below with the health and fitness-related gifts you’ll be giving and receiving. I’m always interested in something new.

Thanks for reading, everyone. Take care.

The post The 2018 Primal Gift Guide (and One Awesome Book Deal) appeared first on Mark's Daily Apple.

0 notes