#( sorry this isn't like super coherent IT'S JUST THE VIBES ) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

a-tale-of-legends · 2 days ago

Text

Oh btw. I know I already said this but it was in a more rambling way than a coherent thought process so! About Jude

She's still an orphan but instead of having grown up in an orphanage, they grew up with the International Police

^ the reason for this was bc he was found after a failed attempt of catching their father, who was wanted for his association with various underground criminal organizations. Jude was practically left for dead by her father, but was picked up by IP.

Because they were an aura user much like their father, Jude was practically raised as a potential weapon. Sadly, I still haven't figured out the specifics, but I get the vibe that growing up with IP was very strict.

Because of this strict lifestyle, Jude enjoys the fact that they are "special". He knows that aura users are a rarity- her father said as such- and because they're so rare with such a specific power, they are valuable. Too valuable to get rid of. Jude knows that IP won't do anything drastic with them no matter how many times they disobey rules because he knows they don't want to lose a valuable resource. And that makes them feel powerful. Enough to make the fact that they're trapped in a cage more bearable.

Jude is still rather mean- both due to what their father taught them and due to how powerless IP makes them. Eat or be eaten. Take what little control and power you have for yourself.

The reason they are even in Kalos at all is bc Diantha privately contacted IP to investigate Team Flare....but IP didn't exactly see them as an immediate threat, not yet anyway. Though given the track record of recent years, they decided to still send in someone who could sniff out what's happening. Not Looker, though he is definitely back up- but rather Jude. Being able to read Auras is a boon here...though. Um.

Jude is not that great of an aura user. Their father thought them the bare basics and IP never had skilled aura users to train her. So while aura reading and sensing can be done, it's not. Great. Still good enough to go on missions though ( that plus Jude has pretty good detective skills on his own...though that may just be the general lack of trust LMAO)

Anyway, Jude needs a cover, so they'll be posing as Grace's adopted kid,who's moving with her to Kalos, Grace's home region.

Speaking of Grace: this is where things get tricky cause you can't tell me that Grace suddenly having a teenager child isn't going to raise suspicion. And honestly, I'm still very much working through that part. But I've thought of an interesting idea. It doesn't smooth things over exactly, but it's still pretty good I think. Grace has ties with the international police. She was never a part of it lol, but I was thinking a family member used to be part of it or something? I know she has a husband in canon but honestly, I love my always single flirty Grace so unless I'm reallllly struggling I could go with the dead husband who was an IP agent route lol. But for now it's a family member!

Grace was contacted bc they needed a smooth way to get Jude into Kalos. Grace, who has never taken care of a human child ( her Ryhorn is her baby lol) be like bro, wtf, I just retired and wanted to move back home. Why????? Are you doing this??????" Not that she had much choice in the matter lmao.

Hmmmm. Okay just musing on the timeline of events here: maybe I can have the first few sightings of Team Flare be at least a few years prior XY? And given the recent track history over the years Diantha is like "I! Should probably look into that". Again, she isn't fully convinced it's anything but better safe than sorry ( she heard horror stories from Cynthia). So Jude was assigned to Grace like. A few years prior to XY? And thus not making the whole thing super suspicious? Hmmm. I dunno. I'll work something out. IP is probably good at forging documents anyway.

This makes the dynamic between Jude and Dante a bit different? Bc Jude is just here for a job and Dante is over here crashing out bc his ego is actively getting crushed. Tbf though, Jude is outside of the watchful eye of IP for once. Sure, they're playing a role, but this role is arguably the most freedom they've had in a loooong time. So. I think Jude might still be a bitch. Might indulge in the rivalry bc not only do they get to feel strong but have someone actually push them to do so ( Dante, despite losing a lot, is genuinely someone who keeps Jude on their toes).

I think pokemon is a special case for Jude. The only way for mega evolution to work ( without maximum drawbacks) is with a proper bond. You would think, with Jude wanting to feel power and control due to it being taken away from him throughout his life that he would be cruel to her pokemon. But I don't think they are. It's most definitely projection, but maybe Jude feels like they're a kindred spirit with pokemon. Eat or be eaten. Caged, made as tools ( again. Projecting. This is Not how things are in reality!!!) So I think, while still cold.... they're rather soft with pokemon. He pushed them bc he believes that can be something greater. But I think she does end up recognizing that the way they were trained doesn't have to be the way he trains his pokemon. If that makes sense.

I really think it ends up surprising him how much their pokemon ends up loving them. Faults and all.

Raaaah I wanna say more but I'm running out of steam. I will say! This version of Jude, I feel, could have genuinely become a villain if they went a different path. Like they never went to Kalos and was kept under the oppressive watch of IP. At some point, they would snap. At some point, they would want a lot of power for themself. And they would be cruel and unyielding. I couldn't really say that for old Jude. They were mean, yeah I couldn't see a potential where they could have ended up being a straight up villain. I think I can say that for this Jude though. Thankfully they got blasted with the power of friendship and good parental figures ( Grace. Sycamore is on thin fucking ice. Diantha is more like an aunt that pops in now and again)

Also also all of this is still a work in progress!!!! Jude still feels a bit wonky despite me liking this direction for her. Especially since he now feels more detached to the main plot than anything but. Who knows mainly that'll change.

#legendverse #oc: jude bellrose

3 notes · View notes

tricoloured-cat · 1 year ago

Text

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KUNIKIDA! sorry guys decided to do this instead of what you wre expecting HAHA anyway

my top 5 kunikida cards from mayoi

based on a mix of strength, utility, art, and just vibes

NOTE: this is purely based on what Mayoi has blessed me with. that, unfortunately, does not include the Masquerade and Chinatown ones WARNING: barely coherent ramblings and lots of simping HAHA

5: [Harvest Moon]

Oh the tears of joy I wept when I finally got this even after the event... how could I not cry? Look at it! Kunikuni with a bunny! AND it's animated! tho ngl not a fan of the animation

Art and concept aside, it's part of the top 5 because it's actually pretty useful. Decent ATK, one-hit-kill + azure orbs to omni, not to mention its leader skill reduces turns for active skill? Pretty good!

4: [Doppo Poet]

A classic. His first SSR. But it really is good and I do use him a lot because of how strong his active skill is. 100% ATK and 100% marble force increase, and best part is it lasts for 3 turns! Not one I'd put as the leader definitely, but it's a great support for the rest of the team.

3: [Rainy Season]

The first smiley Kuni card I have would be the [Resplendent Banquet] - and imo it's STILL the cutest sprite and skill animation - but aside smile I have to give it to [Rainy Season] for giving us a beautiful, colorful, and amazing leader of a card. I ADORE the skill animation as well, but this card isn't ranked higher because the active skill isn't that great.

2: [Year of the Tiger]

I'm a big fan of the traditional stuff - better if it's got the traditional vibes like this one! The washed out colors, the composition of the main art, and just the overall concept is definitely in my taste. Another smiley Kuni (ofc) but more subtle and more of a proud type. I just LOVE this card because it has a great leader AND active skill. It's just not higher because I'm biased towards...

1: [Joyous Night]

This is my second SSR Kuni ever and it's still my favorite to this day. I gave nearly all my moons then JUST for the art (card change one) because LOOK. He's SMILING. He's HAPPY. He's got his HANDS in his POCKETS. He's HOT in his SUIT-

No but seriously as a concept plus the colors and composition of the main artwork AND the cute contented sprite - I just HAD to get it. Thank you Mayoi for blessing me with this AGH

The reason why it's also one of my all-time favs is because of its active skill. I'm biased towards high ATK (150%) increase + something else, and that something else just happens to be "piercing marble" effect which is super useful. You could finish two waves in just two turns with this one.

HONORABLE MENTIONS: FAV SRs

3: Fish- I mean [Vivid Color]

It's a strong SR. The leader skill isn't great BUT paired with other SRs its active skill is actually pretty decent. Also, fish.

2: Azure Ki- I mean [Tarot]

Honestly, the only reason why this ranks higher than Vivid Color is because the art is *chef's kiss* HAHA The active skill is meh but at least the leader skill is good!

1: Fish again- I mean [Enjoying Nature]

Great leader skill. Decent active skill. Man's about to enjoy his favorite hobby. Need I say more?

---

AAAAND that's it! My mini-Kuni tribute for today. Just looking for an excuse to gush about him and the amazing art dedicated to him... ugh I love him sm GIVE HIM MORE CARDS, BSD MAYOI!

#bsd #bsd kunikida doppo #kunikida birthday 2023

24 notes · View notes

five-and-dimes · 1 year ago

Text

20 Questions for Fic Writers!

I was tagged by @seiya-starsniper! 🤘

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

38 currently, but I orphaned a few in the past and am considering orphaning a couple more of my older ones, we'll see ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

220,579 - holy shit, when did that happen??

3. What fandoms do you write for?

At the moment just Sandman, although I still have some Umbrella Academy wips that I might try to go back and finish before season 4.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

lol I think just due to the nature of them being fics that have been on AO3 for a decade (which... holy shit I'm old 😂) my top five are four Teen Wolf fics and one Voltron fic

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Not really. I'll respond if someone, like, asks me something in a comment. I know I should respond more, but I often get overwhelmed and don't know what to say. So, uh... sorry everyone 😬

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hm, none of my fics have, like, angsty endings... I think the closest might be Now I Lay Me, just because it's more of a hopeful ending as opposed to explicitly happy (although I'm writing a sequel specifically so I can write the explicitly happy ending, so... that's me in a nutshell lol)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I would definitely say Smile Like You Mean It. That one is the most fluffy happy ending for sure.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Nah. The worst I ever got was way back in the beginning on some of my Teen Wolf fics I'd get those comments that were like "you should have written it THIS way-" which were annoying but nothing I'd call "hate".

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

lol I wrote actual, explicit smut for the first time a few months ago with Undisclosed Desires. My fic famously will have almost-sex before something tragic happens and gets in the way lol, and even my one smut story is still very hurt/comfort. As much as I appreciate reading smut of all kinds, I think if I ever wrote more it'd be the same h/c vibe. I'm a one trick pony.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Nah, the closest would be in my bandom phase? But I never fully understood if those counted as crossovers or not lol

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

As far as I know I have not

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yup! I can't remember which ones, but I remember approving requests to translate a couple fics.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I did once, and I had a lot of fun with the idea part, but the actual writing a coherent, publishable fic together was stressful. I love just bouncing ideas with people, expanding on topics together, yes and-ing with friends, etc., but I think fully writing a fic with another person isn't really my thing.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

lol it's hard to say I have an "all time" favorite. I tend to just have my favorite at any given moment. Obviously I'm super into Dreamling right now, but I've had tons of ships that I still love and reread stuff for.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Honestly, there's a bunch of batman wips that I started ages ago and still really like, but I just haven't been able to get into them (Sandman took over the brain real good lol)

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm good at the emotional parts- it's why I like hurt/comfort so much. I will gleefully spend half a story ripping your heart out, but then I'll work hard to give it back. I think I'm good at writing inner thoughts in a way that helps evoke whatever the character is feeling. And I think I'm good at imagery.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Well for one thing I write out of order, so if I ever do multichapter fics I have to finish the whole thing before I can post it lol 😂 Also I think I struggle with action and plot. My writing is very heavy on character introspection, and I like my fics, but if you take a step back from them not a lot really happens in them.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I personally prefer not to, just because I'm monolingual. I'll either just do the italicized words and "they said in x language" or just say "they spoke in x language" and have the pov character not know what they're saying type of stuff.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Heroes. Does anyone remember that show?

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Oof, I will reluctantly narrow it down to three lol. Now I Lay Me (I love the concept), Sloom (love me some family angst), and Recoil/Release (A Voltron fic that is currently my longest fic, and was another one that I was really proud of the concept and characterizations)

I don't know who's already been tagged, but I'll tag @gabessquishytum @cuubism @softest-punk @magnusbae and @pellaaearien

#tag game #writing shiz #I cannot beLIEVE I've been on ao3 since 2012 #that's wild I need to sit down

9 notes · View notes

nerves-nebula · 2 years ago

Note

The problem isn't the characters it's the writers/j

THIS. This is just my approach to most of these conversations. Like I love the 2012 discussion being had rn (for as little of it as I remember), and I’m not saying a poorly written piece of media isn’t still a piece of media to be overanalyzed. It’s just that I feel like a lot of people don’t keep that in mind.

For all it’s shortcomings, and greatest moments, 2012 was an action/comedy made in the 2010s. I always feel that, that fully communicates the vibe being put down. The show’s not always going to be smart about how it’s characters and dynamics are handled, because that’s not what their focused on. Is that bad writing? Yes. But that’s the fault of the writers, not the characters. People get so heated discussing them like their real people, and I’m not saying they shouldn’t immerse themselves, just that they could stand to be more objective about it. More reasonable.

(Sorry that wasn’t super coherent. I tend to loose the thread of what I was saying when I try to put stuff down like this…)

(going back to the 2012 asks)

yeah tbh i see these things as like. stories. this is a story and it was set in a time frame and there's a reason things are the way they are, but knowing that makes it MORE fun to critique imo. like i think the 2012 dynamics are AT LEAST dysfunctional, and part of that was on purpose for like drama and character conflict, but a lot of the ways they go about it are really more of a symptom of when it was written.

which is fascinating, because then the issue becomes more about reality/society as a whole than like, idk, "raph is a bad person" or whatever.

fun times!

#nnstuff #ask #tmnt

13 notes · View notes

windvexer · 10 months ago

Text

Hi! I'm reblogging because it's too many words to reply back.

(Sorry if I'm less coherent today, I was up super late traveling last night and I'm a little brain melty)

In the way that I work sorcery there is a difference between enchanting an item to fulfill a purpose, and then filling that item with power so it can do its job.

If I took an unenchanted item which has never been magically worked over, and then did a proper feeding charm and applied enchanted feeding oil to it, then I wouldn't really expect anything to happen at all. I wouldn't even necessarily expect the current "vibes" of the object to be amplified. It's like taking gasoline and pouring it onto the ground.

To me, the act of enchanting an object is similar to the act of building an engine. Something can be built to fulfill a purpose/function, but lack the gasoline to make the cylinders fire. The feeding oil is the gasoline. It can be applied during the object enchantment process, but also afterwords in the normal course of the spell's life to empower it and recharge it.

But also, for me at least, it's like a numbers thing!

I am a sort of low-energy practitioner and the act of directly feeding/charging any spell using direct energy work is very tiring for me.

When I've got, idk, a protection amulet and it needs to be recharged, sitting down and directly funneling energy into it could literally take an entire day or two of my magical juice. I'm just not high octane enough to do it on my own.

So a solution to that is to dedicate physical offerings to a spell, just as you would offer to a spirit. Oil, food, incense, liquor, honey, etc., are all substitutes to feed/charge a spell when it runs dry. This way, you can sacrifice a physical offering instead of doing direct energy work (so I can feed all my spells in one day and be drained, instead of feeding only one and being absolutely wiped out).

I also believe that properly feeding a spell isn't as easy as smearing some olive oil on the spell jar; there is also a bit of a charm to help the spell "find" the food and gorge on it. This feeding charm takes some amount of energy as you are, I suppose in a certain sense, guiding an astral beast to the physical world and helping it find the smeary oil to feed on.

An enchanted feeding oil simplifies the process a couple of times over, by A) being ritually empowered to be powerfully vivifying to all spells, above and beyond what a simple mundane offering could provide, but also B) by virtue of being enchanted, it's a lot less draining to do the actual feeding process.

If something is already lit up on the astral plane for the purpose of readily combining with a spell, that cuts out a heck of a lot of having to manually work with the spell and get it to feed. It's like if a steak dinner had legs and a neon sign that says "Eat Me!". The feeding oil (or other prepared substance) will do a lot of the legwork on it's own.

At the end of the day, for me, preparing a feeding substance is draining and takes plenty of time and energy as any major ritual would. But, it's something I can do once every several weeks (as I like to regularly re-enchant), and then as needed, I can feed and empower spells very often without draining myself to the point of literal fatigue, headaches, or other issues. So it doesn't take the place of enchanting an object, but it helps out (IMO) a heck of a lot in maintaining an object to keep working as often as I need it to.

(Especially since I find that when I need all of my fancy little magical spells to work, it's because I'm in an emergency, probably a stressful one where much of my energy is already going towards helping those around me, or dealing with a crisis, and I really can't just nope out of life for several days so I can personally charge all my spells. As I mentioned above, for me it's a numbers thing; it's a bigger upfront investment but it pays big dividends)

(Sorry I really hope this addressed your interest, when I get worn out my reading comprehension kind of sucks and it can be hard for me to organize thoughts)

To prepare a feeding oil for spells, for the purpose of charging spell vessels without direct energy work

In my strain of witchcraft, feeding of any spell (such as amulets or wards) is best done by applying a charmed physical substance, such as oil or incense. To use direct energy work is a stopgap solution not suitable for normal upkeep. To imagine the spell refilled with energy, without active energy work, is never a suitable solution.

Feeding of spells can be made from a chore into a breeze (*1950s commercial transition*) with the use of a small quantity of pre-charmed oil, such as olive oil, or any shelf-stable cooking oil (not E.O.). The most basic of these formulas is only a fat or oil with no other ingredients added.

Charming about an ounce or 30ml of oil will last months or more, even if you use it often.

The preparation is best performed on a Monday or full moon, or from the turning from midnight to the new day. Re-enchant the oil as often as desired, especially if it couldn't be initially enchanted under ideal conditions.

Put the entire quantity of oil you want to use in a clean, sealable container. Take the oil to a place free-flowing with magical power, such as under the full moon, in the presence of your allied gods, or within a cast circle teeming with elemental power.

Enter magical headspace through trance or any technique you prefer.

Using a clean stirring stick, or with a very clean finger, stir the oil clockwise while petitioning the powers in your presence. Call to the full moon, gods, elementals, and so forth, and ask them to bless the oil for the purpose of feeding, so that when spells consume it, the spell is revitalized and made fat with power. Speak plainly or plan a rhyme ahead of time. Work over the oil with constant stirring for several minutes, or until every petition is made, or until you have said everything that needs to be said.

When intuition advises, or when there's nothing left to be done, perform a sealing charm ("so mote it be" or variants) over the oil.

Thank all present powers and, if your tradition recommends it, provide payment as necessary.

If any energy is left raised, ground all of it into the oil.

Seal and set aside. Close the ritual as you normally do.

To feed a spell as you are casting it, or after it has been cast, dab a bit of the oil onto a tissue or Q-tip and wipe it on the spell vessel. Avoid sticking fingers into the jar as bacteria helps oils go rancid.

Re-enchant the oil in the same method as often as you like. To top off the oil, add more oil and re-enchant.

239 notes · View notes

bitter-sweet-coffee · 3 years ago

Text

look idek what warning to put here, but there's like, a novel and a half below the cut that's just... 6 hours of me going on tangents i never finish or clarify. no proofreading. no organization. it's absolutely not worth your time. but... i literally spent so long writing it that if i don't hit post it'll somehow be even more pointless?!?

basically there are no positive outcomes in any scenario with this post but the only remaining tragedy achievement is me writing all this and then deleting it. what proof will i have that i wrote nonsense for HOURS to avoid my research because i double dosed my meds and had too much caffeine?!? i gotta save this for the memories because no one will believe me if i tell them i live a fucking crazy life and use this as an example.

also for the record i'm goin thru it psychologically at the time of writing this. like, mania-turned-psychotic-episode, overstimulated, disassociated, exhausted, and currently procrastinating a LOT of serious things which only adds to my stress and scatterbrained gibberish. so like... please be kind but also don't get all freaked out either; i have enough psychological control rn to assure you i'm fine and this is just how i am sometimes... but i usually don't make extensive posts online during my more unstable periods. i gotta use the internet rn anyways tho so who's gonna stop me from hyperfocusing on the WRONG tasks?!? 🤪

okay, just had to say all that, and if you think my disclaimer is long? honey... you don't even have a big storm coming just keep scrolling and don't look back. don't click read more. it's not just "read more" like, it's MORE. a LOT more. too much. and like, there's literally nothing valuable there it isn't like my usual longposts that have a point or vague coherence. it was simply a huge waste of my time and it'll be an even bigger loss for you.

i can't even recommend mental stability as armour or a requirement since taking that away from you will make me feel bad, so if you're healthy please don't damage yourself with this.

ADMISSION REQUIREMENT: freaks, executive dysfunction regulars, people in boring classes, insomniacs, and sadists can proceed. and i'm STILL sorry to y'all because i didn't enjoy this either.

... so tell me why social media discourse takes itself more seriously than these people.

i've had profs with multiple doctorates and influential publications that changed academic discussions forever who like, roleplay deltarune characters on discord with students to avoid marking papers or cancel the last 2 weeks of class because they don't want to do 9 am lectures and know that we're all busy and probably gonna skip anyways. profs who change their mind and take assignments out of the syllabus since no one wants to do them and they don't wanna mark them. profs who forget their own publication deadlines because they were reading fanfiction, profs who hate the university administration more than you do, profs with mental health issues, queer profs, profs who play video games, or have tumblr, or make spotify playlists for every lecture and think the grading system is stupid, profs who hand out extensions if you ask because they weren't going to mark them all at once anyways, and profs who assign weekly pdf articles instead of big books and 300 dollar textbooks— even their own— because they're exhausting to read and super overpriced.

so many instructors in english literature are shifting away from academic essays and towards multimedia creations and fun writing prompts. "i don't want to read a 30 page research essay when i can read a brief informal paragraph explaining how this video game has the same vibes as this anonymous poem!" and "you can record a podcast or paint a picture or write fanfiction or do a minecraft letsplay as a character or honestly? do whatever you want as long as there's passion with coherent thoughts behind it!" and "word limits are stupid because adding nonsense to drag out your argument makes the paper worse: write whatever comes naturally as long as you sufficiently explain your argument but please don't make me read 70 pages in a 200 level course this is supposed to be easy on everyone"

i'll be real with you: academics are fucking bored. the content is stale. students dismiss profs because they seem like pretentious assholes who don't care about who/what they teach, but 99.9% of the time profs only seem dry and unapproachable because no one reciprocated their enthusiasm, and it was super awkward during classes, so they stopped trying.

some younger profs haven't stopped trying because they understand and haven't gone numb to their own content yet, and it's so painful to watch them put out good vibes and get ghosted by hostile students too focused on marks or checking things off their to-do list when the profs themselves would prefer conversations over the stupid assignments they're required to give you.

we talk about gamers, artists, other freelancers, musicians, thespians, dancers, and so many other career paths that require sacrifices, risks, and prejudice THAT I AM NOT DISMISSING but at least there are people acknowledging the isolation, instability, mental and physical health issues, social-wide neglect, and resilience of these people. to some extent anyways. people who break free from the mold and do something they love in spite of the consequences?

well, haha, if you voluntarily pay a fuckton of money and spend the duration of your 20's in school when everyone around you is actually earning money from jobs or at least enjoying their friday nights THERE IS SOMETHING DEEPLY WRONG WITH YOU!!! even if you get placement, if you don't have tenure (hard to get) the faculty is gonna dump extra shit on you that needs to be perfect or say goodbye to your crappily paid job. do you know how many publications and conferences and deadlines and actual work goes into that crap?!? you're supposed to answer questions no one in your field gives a FUCK about with no guidance or support or outline even though everyone is demanding you get your research done and then they're never happy with it. the elders in your field hate you (a cycle that hasn't been broken yet because those older esteemed people with tenure were in your boat once too) and i have a feeling no one outside the academic world likes you either since you're too hard to understand, pretentious, have no life, etc...

oh and on top of that? you gotta teach a bunch of people who don't wanna be in your class, hate the content because a) another instructor ruined it for them or b) it's a degree requirement and tbh you probably didn't have a choice either since 9/10 times this isn't what you wanted to teach and/or the faculty admin made you include it anyways. all that other work? well now you have to grade shit that a bunch of people didn't wanna write: even if profs have TA's to help with grading they're still required to handle a chunk of it and also deal with TA questions/concerns/regradings/pissed students/policies they're confused about that you're ALSO confused about. oh and a bunch of stupid questions since people don't read instructions and decide blame you for that?

also... do you know HOW FUCKING HARD IT IS TO TEACH??? you have to like, triple understand it and predict/plan for every fucking misunderstanding/question/problem that you can think of. including stupid questions. you'll also get a lot of people who ask things you either don't have the answer for or have the answer for but someone doesn't like it. and even if you're a flawless instructor who can handle every academic/behind the scenes/personal/basic human responsibilities or task (unlikely but i know profs who come close for at least 2 of those) someone is gonna be a dick about it.

... that dick is probably a student who is pissed they had to actually go to at least one lecture, semi pay attention, and read assignment instructions to get a good mark.

... brats who get mad about deadlines because they have other responsibilities and need extensions who go batshit insane when marks aren't released yet

... some y'all aren't gonna like this one: disabled students who say academia is ableist and profs are always evil if they don't accommodate and show sympathy because mental/physical health hinders their performance... but the thought that their prof might be disabled never crosses their mind. just like how you don't need to disclose that information, they don't either! profs can be neurodivergent. they can have conditions you aren't aware of. suffer from chronic pain. are battling an illness you don't know about. they can have mental illnesses. trauma. so many other examples, and this isn't a disability per say but THEY CAN HAVE PERSONAL EMERGENCIES TOO. maybe it's menstrual cramps, executive disfunction, someone close to them died, they relapsed on SH or addiction, are being abused or have been abused in the past, forgot their meds that day, cried all night, couldn't get out of bed, their favourite/comfort character died so they're feeling sick and can't focus on the lesson, didn't have time to eat because a loved one needs them, got triggered by the subject matter and don't know how to teach it, have a surgery next weekend and are worried about giving extensions since they won't he able to grade/put your marks in before THEIR deadline, had a bad interaction or just woke up feeling like crap so they're crossing their fingers the lecture runs smoothly, only to get shitty emails or bullied on rmp?

and y'know what? i don't care if your prof seems like a dick, because we're open minded about those appearing to be rude who are actually victims that didn't receive enough support to to their personal experiences and/or generational/ethical conditioning... until they're a 60 year old white guy who rolls his eyes when someone slyly ask a question or counters something he said to "school him" and "prove he's an overpaid, outdated, problematic bigot." maybe it seems really badass to people who are 2 weeks into the course... but he's been correcting that crappy misinformation for 30 years and your "okay boomer" attitude couldn't be more misplaced; this guy has probably been in the field longer than your parents have been alive and you think he missed this obvious oversight after teaching this course for decades?

if you think for a second that someone like my imaginary prof has it easy because of gender/race/sexuality/religion/ableness there are so many flaws to you logic because a) you can't confirm any of that shit and b) do you think extensions, accommodations, and other resources were available when they were getting their degree or even during most of their lifetime? i mean shit, we're all about helping meemaw understand what pronouns are and how they're used until it's your prof who was beat by his dad and classmates because "university is for devil worshipping snobs and faggots! if you think you're too good for the family business you're dead to me" and thinks this is normal. it doesn't matter if his peers/instructors were all "cishet white men" (since no one else counted as a person and they couldn't be anything else anyways) because if they were all forcefed toxic masculinity and misinformation that literally no one else could correct, embracing the privilege was their only move.

yeah yeah this isn't limited to profs since it's a sloppy and reductive commentary on entire generations that i'm not putting enough effort into, so take it with a grain of salt and try to hear me out in good faith since i'm improvising as i write this in a very unstable state with no intentions of proofreading or ensuring my point is clear. basically, the privileges we acknowledge in others are not the only ones out there because WE have privileges they don't. if you want "privileged people who benefit from the prejudiced foundation of a society that oppresses and profits off of suffering minorities" feat. more social media hot take discourse buzzwords etc etc etc.

"fuck reductive labels because they're inaccurate and build on outdated western mentalities, but also i'm gonna continue to judge someone based on labels i give them because i 100% know a person's race/gender/sexuality/ableness/psyche/religion/other things i consider to be privilege better than they do because they don't know what these things are and if they do it's wrong!!!"

okay, maybe YOU can pick and choose queer content based on if a contributor has a "your fave is problematic" entry or if the representation is approved by the community, take "am i gay?" quizzes in middle school, overcome internal prejudices through social media discourse, learn ethics through fandom trial and error, see enough cancellations to understand what NOT to do, or get enough adhd tiktoks on your fyp to self diagnose/get a formal diagnosis/access medical support/read articles and understand the medical side of things to validate your experiences/practice coping mechanisms and google tips/talk to other people with adhd/work on accepting you aren't a defect who didn't try hard enough/receive accommodations/know you aren't alone even if your current environment doesn't accept you because other places and people do. maybe this segment is too long but you at least has the time and ability to read it, on an electronic device, which you can access almost any time btw, and it'll give you access to endless content (which is somehow even more endless if you download a vpn and switch regions: yeah, infinity plus infinity level shit. oh and that's like 1% of the internet we're using all the maths in this parentheses tangent that's within a tangent within a tangent multiplied by a billion more regressed all inside a whopping procrastination activity. yay me! ok no more meta shit i already forgot where this fragment/sentence/paragraph/section/rant was going 7 times now)

okay. maybe you got this far and are totally lost, and i have no way of knowing how extensive the psychological damage is because I'M not even reading this post, so the real conversation is between you and the words on your screen, i have nothing to do with this experience. my fingers may have typed everything so far but my brain has been playing shrek 2 the entire time, so this is your mental health check since there is no thesis or sense of direction but i'm exhausted despite not being mentally present unlike you. i am just typing words as they appear based on writing patterns and routine from when i'm awake.

^^^ that's not a joke or shitpost btw so even if i've led you to believe it is at some point, so i am gonna be fully transparent in the caplocked paragraph below. it is as close as you're getting to me, bitter-sweet-coffee or whatever name you know me by, being aware and in control of my actions for the entirety of this derailed rant:

OKAY, BEFORE WE RESUME OUR SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING, I AM FORCING MYSELF BACK INTO MY BODY AND STEALING BACK MY SENSE OF SELF JUST TO EMPHASIZE WHAT I'M ABOUT TO SAY, SO YOU KNOW I AM BEING HONEST. BABES, I AM REGAINING CONTROL OF MY PSYCHE TO ENSURE THAT AMIDST ALL THIS DISASSOCIATED WORDVOMIT, YOU CAN TRUST SOMETHING 100% THAT I ACTUALLY MEAN. A MOMENT IN THIS BITCH THAT MY LESS UNSTABLE SELF WILL ALSO AGREE WITH. CLARITY BURIED IN THE 11TH HOUR OF THIS NEVER-ENDING STREAM-OF-CONSCIOUSNESS WALL OF TEXT. MY DARLINGS, i have no fucking clue what this post is supposed to be. there was probably an outline or vague concept 3ish hours ago when i started, but good luck asking me what it is now! some parts read like a viral tumblr psa but there are way too many rushed ideas that branch into tangents and unanswered questions. yeah i know there's no fucking coherence, but even though i'm aware everything i'm putting online this week is extremely concerning, it doesn't make anyone feel better if i say i know or put disclaimers because instability makes people uncomfortable. yeah we like freaks on the internet and y'all expect this shit from me by now, but even this is too much for my shitposting reputation, because at least i typically have enough control over my brain to proofread or follow a train of thought. i mean shit, not even i'm following this and it's my writing, which isn't even the most confusing thing i'm able to decipher, so unless you're god or extremely unstable this is probably the most incoherent thing you've ever read or at least since beowulf... or like, french. or russian cursive. or doctor-handwriting. or flat earth conspiracies. or the code to sonic 06 because NO ONE knows what the fuck happened there. actually, if you've used wattpad or twitter there's a chance you can make sense of this, but if you use either of those apps enough to comprehend their contents you're probably not fluent enough in actual recognized languages to successfully open tumblr and get here in the first place. okay, i can't think of anymore jokes that aren't even good so let's move on! basically, i love y'all, and even if i know this post is a train-wreck of a mistake that will worry people, it ain't gonna stop me. sure i might be goofy, unstable, informal, and hard to understand, but i also have credentials as an academic, well-spoken, published, articulate, accomplished, REPUTABLE person when i need to be in formal settings offline. FOR THE RECORD that's not a flex: we know i don't do labels or ego stroking beyond semi-satirical rarepair supremacy jokes and sonic lore flexes. my genuine intelligence has been my saving grace because i just KNOW if people thought i was some american teen from tiktok with no formal education or career accomplishments who regurgitates misinformation they saw on twitter y'all would REPORT ME!!! I WOULD BE BULLIED OFFLINE! "who's this cunt with the bad takes?!?" followed by "no no dw it's just another bsc moment on tumblr" is so important to bring up rn because it's not supposed to be a brag guys, my educational reputation is all i have to justify the stupid shit i post on here 😭 if i didn't remind people i am smart and accomplished when i need to be you'd think this is all i'm capable of and conclude that my stupidity is my full potential... THIS ISNT EVEN MY FINAL FORM! gah, i'm getting imposter syndrome and this was supposed to be the shorter heart-to-heart in a "brief" intermission that turned into another derailment. alright, even if there are glimmers of big brain theses buried anywhere that just needed an author from a healthier time and place, we know damn well i'd procrastinate/overthink/forget them if i deleted or drafted this monstrosity for another day... also i'm on mobile we know tumblr won't fucking save this LMAO IF THIS DELETES OR THE APP CRASHES (if you're reading this it obviously didn't, so idk why i'm @ ing a nonexist target) I'M GONNA BE SO MAD EVEN THOUGH THIS IS GARBAGE, SO A GLITCH FROM TUMBLR WOULD DO EVERYONE A FAVOUR. ITS MY GARBAGE THAT I WASTED VALUABLE TIME AND ENERGY ON!!!

wow. i discovered the text-block limit, that's embarrassing. at least it forced me to finish a thought (kinda) and complete my moral takeaway from like, 3-5 thousand words ago. SO LET'S GET BACK INTO IT!

okay look, i'm not suggesting it's everyone's job to be a doormat to mean old professors. that was where this was going, right? because even though spent a really long time on privilege and how older generations that are stuck in their ways deserve more compassion, you shouldn't let some dude hatecrime people and torture students. generally speaking, you shouldn't write off bad behaviour as a trauma response because even though i believe everyone is a good person if they have enough support, compassion, resources, and are encouraged to want to change... bitch this isn't a fucking utopia we're living in a fucking death circus. the last thing on people's minds is giving harvey fucking weinstein a redemption arc even if that would fix some shit because awful people learning to be good people teaches growth and self awareness that leads to more accountability and prevents more bad people from hurting others because resources and normalized support and systemic causes for bad people blah blah blah even I'M sick of my own tangents.

actually... this proves my point— the most recent unfinished one that is. YEAH, WE CAN UNPACK THE MORALITY AND PROGRESSIVE IDEAL COURSES OF ACTION AND UTOPIAN TAKEAWAYS FOR EVERY FUCKING SITUATION. NOT EVERYTHING IS BLACK AND WHITE. NOTHING YOU SAY CAN EVER BE ALL-ENCOMPASSING BECAUSE WORDS ARE HUMAN INVENTIONS THAT ARE NOT DESIGNED TO ACCOMMODATE EVERY SCENARIO. YAY, MISQUOTED NIHILISTIC DERRIDIAN HOT TAKES FOR MY GAY SONIC BLOG, RIGHT?!?

we all get it (probably). everything has an exception. but, as i stare anxiously at my clock and try to calculate how many hours i've been typing for instead of working on my actual work that matters, it's kinda obvious:

we don't have the fucking time or energy to do in depth discussions for every conceivable thing. no position will ever be enough, no words will capture truth in its rawest form because humans... have no clue what the FUCK they're doing. language, arts, the scientific method: the tools we use to express ourselves, the very resources we rely on as we try to pinpoint something undeniable, something constant, the way we go about actually PROVING something??? we can't even fucking agree on those! we made maths and sciences and words and arts but we can't even trust them because... well. if WE fuck up a lot and established ways to not fuck up... they're also fucked up.

sure we programmed computers and say they make perfect numbers but girl,,, WE made the computer and the numbers. sure it finishes our formulas better than we do but did the guy making the formula do a good job? maybe, but how do we know it hasn't been warped over time to an unrecognizable degree. there are billions of languages with endless dialects and regional variations for each one. WHO GENDERED THE FUCKING NOUNS IN FRENCH??? YOU'RE TELLING ME THERE ARE WORDS THAT ONLY EXIST IN ONE LANGUAGE? LIKE, THERE ARE NO TRANSLATIONS??? okay, so what the FUCK does that mean if we're the ones inventing translations in the first place? don't make me think about all the dead languages and their secrets or all the lost texts and stories... aight now i'm just sad

sceptic prompts aside, i hope you understand what i mean when i say we're never gonna do a perfect job of explaining shit. that's probably why i started so many things here and got distracted because i predict "what if's" and feel the need to sub-explain every ambiguity. that's not a valid excuse for this literary hatecrime but it's a bit of context i suppose.

where was this going? see my point?!? okay this was supposed to be the quick return to my pre-intermission thoughts that fixes shit, but nah it caused more problems. adding to the never-ending pile of jibberish.

RIGHT THE CRAPPY PROFS. yeah you have bigger things to worry about just don't be a dick and treat academia with a petty attitude but then demand acceptance and understanding because peace and love and social justice mantras. the diversity you're advocating for should extend to those who didn't have it, even if those people are shitty and misinformed as a result of their less progressive upbringing.

BASICALLY, EVEN THE PEOPLE YOU DONT THINK HAVE IT HARD DESERVE THE COMPASSION I WAS PUSHING EARLIER. the sobstory profs and the absolute cunts you want to strangle are both dealing with shit and i don't expect you to "fix them" but if i see people using bad prof anecdotes to justify hating all/some educators i'll eat your skin like it's kfc or something. idk, apparently people LOVE chicken skin! insert a featherless biped joke here if you want and if it'll make sense for you, i just wanted a threat that wasn't gonna be too mean because reading to this point is punishment enough even if you deserve worse lmao. the "privileged" profs still went through hell and the last thing we need are more generalizations based on profiling. mean profs could have been nice once so maybe power through the rbf and dryness by continuing to be nice and attentive: you might just save someone! and future students! and your gpa!

okay, no more lectures. here's some crap i wrote at the beginning that kept getting pushed lower and lower as i went on a billion tangents. it's probably more academic advice and silliness but i'm not gonna bother checking so uh, take it away past me...? yikes, good luck:

so, you don't wanna do that assignment? well, the prof doesn't wanna read it, neither does the TA. same shit new term, no one benefits, and they're marking a LOT more essays than you'll ever have to write

so, you didn't understand the reading and are afraid to say something in lecture in case you don't know what you're talking about? chances are your prof is either in the same boat and has no coherent plan for the lecture and also doesn't know wtf is going on, or this is their special interest they dedicated their career to and they'd rather just infodump the whole class anyways.

"i'm scared to go to office hours" these guys either have no social life and/or family, or they do and none of them understand what the fuck they're saying. do you know how hard it is to have normal conversations or make small talk when 99% of your brain is shit no one but maybe 4 other scholars in the world give a shit about?!? EXAMPLE FOR YOU FANDOM FOLK: IT'S NOT JUST INTERACTING WITH NORMAL PEOPLE, IT'S TRYING TO MAKE FRIENDS IN A DEAD FANDOM WHEN YOUR FAVOURITE CHARACTER IS A NOBODY AND YOUR FAVOURITE SHIP HAS NO CONTENT BESIDES YOUR OWN, EXCEPT FOR MAYBE 2 OTHER PEOPLE WHO YOU'RE TOO AWKWARD TO INTERACT WITH BEYOND FRIENDLY TAGS WHEN YOU REBLOG THEIR ART.

short answer to that ^^^ go to office hours. especially humanities profs or weird science profs, not just because you will do a LOT better on assignments but because they're lonely and appreciate it. when i go to office hours my profs are either trauma dumping or incoherently rambling about blorbos from their manuscript or batshit crazy theories no one wants to write/hear about.

like, think about how you feel when you get asks or nice tags or comments on your fanfic/art/videos. even questions about your au or opinions! hot takes maybe?

what about when new people follow you or ask questions about the fandom you've been in for years: when someone asks a silly question about the lore are you more likely to see red and fucking kill them, or use this as an excuse to infodump and excitedly point them towards secondary content and inform/motivate them, even splashing in your own personal theories? i know it's the second one don't lie to me or yourself.

at the end of the day, i just want people to know that the stimulating debates people have online in the 21st century are the fucking green forums, while the "scholars" and esteemed academics that so many people write off as pretentious or too serious are fucking losers. they're freaks. i want every academic to have tumblr because they're SO FUNNY OH MY GOD!!!

when i see y'all talk about blorbo from your shows all i can think is "damn this is more coherent than when i ask my prof a question and she excitedly rambles for 20 minutes without actually answering anything because she's so overjoyed someone finally asked" and am reminded of all the special interest/hyperfixation positivity. researchers are just people paid to get lost in their own thoughts and words because their niche is their universe and it gets lonely when no one else bothers to check in.

oh, and if they're dedicating their entire life to something no one gives a shit about and worker their ass off to make it profitable... they're one of us. probably into fandoms. assigns music to their work. make memes about their theories because no one takes them seriously anyways. absolute fucking LEGENDS

TLDR which i know y'all need:

profs are based as hell fjdksldldlds go talk to your instructors they're lonely like you are and listening goes a long way. the internet is way too serious now to the point our "serious" communities that we believe are more strict are actually the most lax places.

so like... when we talk about tumblr being the worst place ever and brought up it's cursed reputation for YEARS but then actually witness 2022 and go "nevermind.... this is the only fucking place online to exist safely" because what the FUCK are those other places doing???

yeah. that's academia. the tumblr of conversations (aka full of freaks but the fun kind: WAY LESS THREATENING AND PSYCHOLOGICALLY DAMAGING than the "silly sites" which have evolved into... no i don't even have a metaphor or joke for this one. it's just awful lmao)

cool idk how to end this after wasting 1/4 of a day making no sense, here's george:

6 notes · View notes