#( shanjie | answered )

[tragedicn]

I could be so much worse. For example, I could start acting like my father. - hjsj cos i think they are so funny

"that counts as worse?" eyes squinting, "what if it's better? trust me, anyone else but you could be better." a smug satisfaction crossing his visage, "perhaps, you'd be more reasonable if you act more like your father."

[tragedicna]

@prerodinu  /  unprompted.

Tonight was about them, nothing else was going to interfere. He placed a glass of wine on the table looking over at Shanjie with a slight blush on his features. He had hoped the other would have been resting a bit more but it seemed he would awake when Dacian wasn’t around. And didn’t they just make Dacian wanna snuggle back into bed with him. “Come I made us a fancy dinner.” He had wanted to spoil Shanjie after so long away. He moved grasping at the others hips to pull him close. “After dinner I do have dessert.” He leaned in placing a very soft chaste kiss against Shanjies lips unable to hold back from kissing the other. These moments were few and far between so he had to sink himself into these moments and make sure he got his fill before the time came for the other to leave. “Hungry?” He whispered pushing his nose into Shanjies neck not wanting to let go but also not wanting to let a moment waste.

            arms finding way around dacian's figure the moment the other approached him  ,  shanjie loved the warmth that radiated from the other  .  it made him feel safe  ,  made him feel normal  .  when dacian leans in for a kiss  ,  shanjie is eager to meet the other halfway and a sound of malcontent falls from his lips when dacian pulls away just a tad bit too early  .  before the other could speak again  ,  shanjie leans forward and presses a LONGER kiss  ,  ❝  don't tease me like that  .  ❞  he huffs  .             listening to the other speak  ,  shanjie looks towards the dining room  .  so that's what he's smelling . . . the delicious meal that sat waiting for them to eat . . . his chest flushes with warmth  .  he's so used to eating bland cafeteria food on the base  ,  or having to cook his own meals . . . to have something ready for him  ,  with such a loving manner and having someone who'd wait for him to dine together  .  he leans in to plant another kiss to dacian's lips  ,  ❝  thank you  .  ❞  he mumbles  .             brows raising at the mention of desserts and soft laughter leaves his lips  ,  ❝  is it you  ??  ❞  shanjie jokes  ,  a soft sigh eking from his lips as dacian's nose presses against his skin  ,  he wants to remain like this a little longer . . . a hum at the query  ,  ❝  we should eat before the food gets cold  ,  ❞  he comments  ,  gently nudging dacian in the direction of the dining room  .  ❝  we can continue this later . . . for dessert  ,  ❞  he teases  .

[shcnshi]

shanjie but it's quotes from songs i listen to and sob about :

Dark Signs -- Sleep Token

And if you saw the marks on my dashboard / The new scars that I didn't ask for / And would you call asking for answers?

ComE dOWn -- Woosung

What do I do when I come down / Don't leave me here alone to drown / Floating around like fireflies / Slowly sinking in my thoughts / Teeth feel like Jaws inside my mouth / Clenching my tongue to stay alive

Natural -- Imagine Dragons

That's the price you pay / Leave behind your heart and cast away / Just another product of today / Rather be the hunter than the prey / And you're standing on the edge face up / 'Cause you're a natural / A beating heart of stone / You gotta be so cold / To make it in this world

Die For You -- Valorant

Feeling like there's nothing I can do / This could be the end it's mine to choose / It's taken me my lifetime just to prove / This could be the day I die for you / Don't let it be the day

Work Song -- Hozier

When my time comes around / Lay me gently in the cold dark earth / No grave can hold my body down / I'll crawl home to her

[tigerop]

@shcnshi ASKED;; “ truth is just a matter of perspective. ”  

The KorTac operative didn't reply immediately and it raised the question as to if he'd even heard the other man. The fact his darkened sunglasses hid away where he gaze landed did little to help answer this either, the only indication being how his head shifted just slightly to indicate his gaze drawing from elsewhere to instead focus on Shanjie. It was still a beat that passed, heavy as any pause was in this sort of occupation and all adjacents. 

It was with a sharp chuckle that the silence was sliced through. Horangi's shoulders shook just so with it and he tsk'd, muttered some sort of amused expletive in his own native tongue before continuing. ❝ I sure hope they treated you to drinks at least before they shoved that shit down your throat. ❞

❝ The truth is the truth or it isn't. Perspective is just the added bullshit that gets thrown in. Simple as that. ❞ but he wasn't here to argue the semantics of what truth really meant. He was here to steal a goddamn little stick of data. 

His knife weighed heavy in its holster at the tiger's thigh, fingers itched like a dog's teeth yearning for its bone. It was the sort of anxious buzz only a mission like this could yield. A quiet op with two duo squads: himself from KorTac and Shanjie from MPSSC and two SpecGru operatives-—the latter conveying just how important this USB drive was if it was getting the whole lot of them to play nice and team up.

Their comm devices fizzled to life and the signal was given in the wake of a security shift change to push onto the objective entrance. 

❝ Guess Philosophy 101's over for now. ❞ he nods in gesture, weapon already ready to move out. ❝ On your six. Ready to move. ❞

[shcnshi]

            shanjie flushes  ,  eric is too close . . . his heart beats against his ribs quickly and harshly  ,  so much so that he thinks it's going to BURST  .  shanjie hasn't had anyone stand this close to him before  ,  with that sort of gaze that eric sported  .  one of WANT  ,  but despite that  ,  eric remained still and never advancing further  .  shanjie's hands rested against the male's chest but there was no effort to push the other away  ,  instead  ,  he finds himself savoring the warmth against his palms and his mind is briefly distracted from his current  '  predicament  '  towards how the other's figure feels against his calloused hands  .

            "  h-huh  ??  "  he stammers  ,  eyes flickering up to meet eric's glance again  .  a mistake  .  shanjie feels his reolve tremble . . . did he have resolve before  ??  the other's eyes seemed full of something he couldn't quite PLACE  ,  and it causes his logic to crumble just a bit more  .  his mind couldn't quite focus on the other's words  ,  trying to form an answer to the query . . . if he had been thinking straight without his mind drifting  ,  he'd have appreciated eric's wait for consent  .             with crumbling resolve  ,  "  i-i . . . well . . .  "  shanjie stammers  ,  hands now crumpling the front of eric's clothes  ,  a quiet answer to the question  .  he doesn't push away or turn away  ,  now mesmerized by eric's eyes  ,  the way the man speaks  .               they've spent quite a fair bit of time together  ,  even if a lot of shanjie's time was spent doing research  ,  he did appreciate the company  .  eric seemed to be able to draw shanjie away from work  ,  inviting him to some leisure activities like a few games of chess  .  it was lovely  ,  if he had to be frank  .  no  .  it wasn't the PLACE that was lovely  .  the company he had was lovely  .  nice  .  he did come to like ERIC  .             "  n-no . . .  "  he mumbles  ,  eyes quick to drop down  ,  averting his glance out of embarrassment of his admisison to his wants  .  he gives in . . . he wants this  ,  he can't deny he's had some attraction to the master of the manor  .  enjoying his company  ,  lingering glances  ,  he looked forward to their leisure times together . . . sometimes  ,  he finds himself looking towards the door  ,  wondering if eric was going to drop by  .             "  don't . . .  "  he says quietly  ,  what would it feel if he allowed it  ??  would it fill that WANT in his chest he tried to ignore  ??

   He can’t explain what came over it. Maybe it was the creatures inside of him, maybe it was just the several hundreds years he’s spent celibate. Ever since his wife he hadn’t pursued anyone, hadn’t felt the need for that. He fed the creatures inside of him in other ways, things he won’t want to discuss. He keeps it all carefully contained underneath him, a thick cage around it in a sense. He’s alright, normally. 

   Then Shanjie came to stay at the Manor and he can’t seem to stop the way his gaze constantly seems to drift over toward them, linger and watch. Shanjie is here for research, he knows. Something about this place, questions and needs from Eric. He’s given him what he can, what the other seems to need, and he doesn’t leave. 

   Eric finds himself not wanting Shanjie to leave.

      The other man is quiet, keeps to himself, but still spends time with Eric. Something that he enjoys. He likes the quiet, loves quietly reading with someone just close by. He shares every piece of the Manor with people and often enough they flicker in and out, without sparing the time to sit down with him. Shanjie does that, and more. Even sharing quiet meals with him. It’s nice, he wants to coax him into a game of chess sometime. Though this already feels like one.

   He’s not too sure of the next move to make. Shanjie’s hand is against his chest, attempting to push him away, and though he doesn’t want to let him do that–he wants to respect the other’s opinion on the matter too. If he truly doesn’t want this, Eric of course isn’t going to push it on to him. That isn’t right.   At the moment he does move though, keeping his crimson gaze locked with the other’s brown. It’s a nice color, a shade of wood.

“Do you really want me to stop?” He questions, a clear implication that if the answer is yes, he will. “Because right now, I want to put my mouth and hands on you.”

[malibvnghts]

"There always exists more than one opportunity for you to grow." His Mandarin rusty, but nonetheless manageable, the Nara heir casts a quiet, weighing looking at the young man. An imperceptible smile pulls up one side of his mouth, gauging the other's reaction with an unyielding stare. - For Shanjie !

            brows raising at the sudden words of wisdom spoken his mother tongue yet somewhat foreign sounding to his ears  ,  his head tilts with curiosity as his gaze trails from his hands to the other  .  words of wisdom . . . or is it perhaps a challenge  ??  shanjie remains silent for a moment  ,  seemingly pondering the words  ,  he lets out a quiet hum  .             “  growth would be very boring and linear if there is not other ways to advance  ,  ”  he finally breaks his silence  .  "  you speak as if you have been confined before . . . unable to seek other ways to grow  ,  ”  shanjie comments  ,  words sounding as if the youth is seeking advice . . . he’s trapped in his father’s grasp  ,  heavily missing his mother and brother  .  unable to escape and forced to mold himself into what his father wishes  .

[firewclking]

Shanjie - Agrimony. Amaranth. Asphodel.

flowery asks | accepting | @anscendie

Agrimony - What events/people in your muse’s life are they most thankful for?

            SHANJIE IS most thankful for meeting his current team ( task force zeta ), they’ve become his family in this harsh world. he’s thankful ( but also resentful ) for his parents’ divorce because without it, he would not have met the amazing friends he had right now. he is thankful to his team and those that helped him grow to become the man he was now.

Amaranth - If offered immortality, would your muse take it? For what reasons would or wouldn’t they, and under what conditions would it take to change whatever their answer is?

            NO, FOR him, life is both fleeting and suffering. he would rather live in the moment as best he can rather than live FOREVER and forget what is precious to him. because things are fleeting, it is important to him ; he finds happiness in what he has rather than what he doesn’t. as for conditions, if it meant to exchange his life for someone else’s...such as to live forever to ensure the happiness and life of those close to him, if that makes sense.

Asphodel - Does your muse have regrets that they wish they can fix, but never can?

            HE HAS several but he rather not dwell on them as it hinders him from thinking clearly. he pretends he doesn’t have regrets and would rather not mention them but there were times where he DROWNS in his regrets, forgetting he’s just a boy...there were many things he wishes he could fix, but he knows that life isn’t so kind in letting people to fix their mistakes.

[malibvmuses]

“  i always wonder what it’s like to have a normal life  ,  you know  ??  ”

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[shcnshi]

he listens to her speak . . . winter , thunderstorms . . . all messy weathers that shanjie rather disliked . though , he supposes they could be advantageous if he prepared thoroughly for missions in such conditions . he preferred milder weathers -- warm but not too humid , cool but not freezing . . . any weather that isn't too HARSH or severe , anything that wasn't too temperamental . . . but that's all wishful thinking . he takes a sip of the overly salty soup , well . . . he can't be picky . this is perhaps the only meal he's going to have the next while , so he'll finish it . . . and just hope the salted product doesn't cause dehydration much later -- he's not sure where the nearest fresh water source is , his map had long gotten lost in the chaos when the team had to split up to avoid capture . his eyes finds interest in the dark contents of the soup can , not quite making out just what sort of ' vegetables ' and ' proteins ' made up the dish . . . he can make out just bits and pieces , barely tasting the flavorings and additives ; though , this is much more FLAVORFUL than he's used to . . . perhaps that's why he finds this much saltier than he's used to . silence settles at the query , shanjie doesn't know how to answer that query . . . he's never thought about it . not that he wasn't expecting to die , but rather what his last meal would be . his eyes darts to the can he held in his hand , then back to the woman . " dunno . . . i expect to keel over at any moment , " he says , a rather dark comment . " probably this . . . or some hardtack . . . or whatever granola bar my teammate stuffed in my vest a few hours ago . . . " he muses , he doesn't know what they gave him . he wasn't PICKY . " if you wanted to be anywhere but here , where would be it ?? has to be a real place , space doesn't count , " he says , pushing past the previous subject .

"See that's a tricky one." It was complicated to say just what weather was her favorite. Each season and what came along with it had it's perks. In summer she could roam around the forest, discover all the small cracks and crevices that had been hidden below snow just months before. She could bask in a flower field under the warm rays of the sun and come out smelling nothing short of heavenly. Spring gave her budding flowers and animals coming out of hibernation. She could watch the newly born deer hobble around with their mothers. Inhale the crisp, warming air that would soon turn to summer. Oh... and the rain. How she loved when it came. Soil had an appealing scent- especially when wet.

"If I really had to pick... I think I'd go with snow, but thunderstorms are a close second." Winter and Fall were the best for her given that it was colder during those times, and for someone who's temperature ran as high as it did she faired best with the cold. "You can't say waking up to a winter wonderland isn't a bit stunning. Going to bed seeing dead trees and grass and then bam- glistening white all around you. Still untouched by the world. It's like it freezes time, even if only for a short while. At least that's how I'd explain it. This is more deep than you probably care to know."

With a shrug she sips her food. Already half gone she was just putting it down at this point. There were far more pressing matters at hand, and she needed all the nutrients she could get. Heaven forbid she was going to need to do something stupid to keep this guy safe from hunters. "If you knew you were going to die in a couple hours what would your last meal be?"

[tragedicn]

oh shanjie, gēgē is very tired from work. i need your attention~

a snort. "then shūshu should stop being a bother to the working people and go rest elsewhere."

[tragedicna]

@prerodinu  /  200 random dialogue prompts.

❛ no more lies, no more secrets. ❜

            he can hear the desperation in dacian's voice  .  it tugs at his heart  ,  the sensation is so stifling . . . biting the inside of his cheek hard enough to cause it to bleed  ,  shanjie finds it so hard to breathe  .  how could he make his loved one beg like this  ??  guilt swarms his mind  ,  weighs down upon his figure and he feels so SMALL  .  so incapable  .  his breath barely fills his lung entirely as his hands curl into fists  ,  blunt nails digging harshly into the meaty flesh of his palm . . .             shanjie wants to come clean  .  oh  , he desperately wishes . . . he doesn't want to see dacian in anymore pain  .  the look on his lover's face reminds him of his mother's . . . the look of despair and agony  ,  it makes shanjie almost wish that he had been dead so he needn't see this again  .  so that dacian can MOVE ON and not dwell on a man like himself  .  shanjie knew he should have left before things go serious  ,  before he grew dependent on the love and affection  ,  on the NORMALITY dacian and the pack gave him  .             he wonders what his face looks like right now  .  does he look just as desperate as dacian  ??  can the wolf see how he's struggling . . . how he wants to speak and yet something holds him back  ??  anxiety floods shanjie's figure and he trembles  ,  if he comes clean . . . would dacian still stay with him  ??  an abomination  ,  a killing machine  ,  a heartless murderer like him  ??  he can't even fend for himself and say that he had no choice but to raise his blade against innocent people . . . would dacian's view of him change  ??                the beeping of the heart monitor is muffled in his ears  ,  he ended up in the hospital again  .  each time  ,  he can see his lover's patience slip . . . as worry begin to show through the facade  ,  and each time  ,  shanjie's determination to keep quiet slowly begin to slip and crack  .  the only thing that holds him back is FEAR  .  oh  ,  what a  C O W A R D  he is  .             drawing his knees up to his chest  ,  despite how his body protests at the posture  ,  he hangs his head between his knees as if to hide his face  .  sucking in a breath that gets caught in his throat  ,  ❝  okay  .  no more lies  .  no more secrets  .  ❞  he weakly repeats after what seems to be hours in his mind  .  he doesn't have the courage to speak yet  .  he doesn't  ;  but he's scared that if he doesn't  ,  dacian might leave and he may never see the man again  .             ❝  no more secrets  .  ❞  he mumbles again  ,  eyes squeezing shut  ,  ❝  where . . . do you want me to start  ??  ❞  he asks  ,  voice so quiet that could have been a whisper  ,  so quiet it could have been something one imagined  .  he's not ready  .  he'll never be ready . . . but he feels  ,  the thing he's even less ready for is losing dacian  .  he knows if he doesn't speak  ,  he'll lose the other permanently  ;  and if he does  ,  maybe he'll have a chance to redeem himself  .

[changqwi]

@v-iciious​  /  moon sentence starters  |  accepting  

❛  something  doesn’t  feel  right ,   that’s  all .  ❜ / for shanjie !

            sitting back on his haunches  ,  careful to pull himself higher than the cover of the grass he’s hidden in  ,  the barrel of his rifle drops to the ground as he turns to look at lir  ,  “  in what way . . .  ”  he asks cautiously  .  sure  ,  things have been a little too quiet  ,  even the radio itself . . . no activity  ,  not even animal movement  .  something isn’t right  ,  but there’s not much evidence to substantiate that something has gone wrong  .  “  i know it’s QUIET  ,  ”  he says slowly  ,  “  have we been made  ??  ”  he asks  ,  lips tugging into a frown as his attention shifts from lir to their surroundings  ,  that’d be bad news  .  maybe that’s why the comms have been so SILENT  ,  could his men be hunted down right now and he just didn’t know  ??  the grip on his firearm tightens  ,  careless is the first word that pops to his mind  .  he’s been CARELESS  .             hand reaching for his radio  ,  “  this is sierra-1 . . . does anyone copy  ??  ”  he asks  ,  biting his lower lip as anxiety wafts through his figure  .  “  i repeat . . . this is sierra-1  ,  what’s your status  ,  team 2  ??  ”  he asks again  ,  pulling himself up even more  ,  body stiff  .  eyes flickering to lir  ,  should he move from his cover and move towards the other team’s position  ??  should he just wait and trust that everything’s alright  ??  but shanjie knew is intuition is always correct  ,  and lir’s senses are much sharper than his own . . . who does he trust  ??

[shcnshi]

            a tilt of his head at the other's words  ,  soft laughter bubbles from pale lips as the seat creaks beneath his weight when he shifts his position  .  such a soft and gentle tone  ,  it's different from the usual hardiness shanjie is used to  ,  but he supposes there's quite a difference between NOW and when they have a weapon pressed into their palms and enemies before them  .  price speaks with such experience  ,  a complete opposite from naive shanjie  ,  in his thirty years of life  ,  he's yet to have a proper relationship aside from friendships  .  he rarely entertained his own whims and desires . . . perhaps price saw that  ,  and prompted shanjie to act  .  a rare feeling overcomes the operative  ,  leaning forward as his hand moves to prop up his head  ,  elbow resting atop his lap  ,  "  and what is this MORE you offer in your built cosmos  ??  "  he asks softly  ,  a tilt of his head as he awaits an answer  .

john price ft being cosmically gay

for @shcnshi based off this starter call.

"Desire has existed since the cosmos began - I refuse to believe that things such as existence, complex as they are, do not have a basis in the most primal of human connections. We are made up of that same stardust, to some degree, you and I - why deny yourself the very basics of what makes the cosmos be cosmos? Let yourself feel and want as you see fit, Zhao. I am here to listen - or offer more, should that be what you want at your core." Price offers him a smile, softer than what he usually gives. "You seem unsure of yourself, so why don't you sit on it for a bit? I'm not going anywhere, you know?"

[shcnshi]

anonymous queries  :  

when you die...who'd sit at your grave the longest?

            there is a pause that fills the air  ,  shanjie's hands slows and comes to a stop  .  he doesn't lift his gaze just yet  ,  it's as if he's THINKING of an answer  .  actually pondering the thought  ,  but the answer that comes isn't an answer  ,  but another QUESTION that only people  --  a select few  --  could really ask  .  "  which death are you talking about  ??  "  he asks  ,  this time  ,  looking up at the other  ,  though visage blank of expression  .             the question sits heavy between them  ,  shanjie doesn't know if it's the surprise that he's already died ONCE or an imagined sheepishness that seemed to seep from the other . . . he waits for a second long before continuing with his response  .  there's no harm in just saying it  .  perhaps he's just venting his frustration  ,  perhaps it's been a burden on him for so long that he just wants the weight off his chest . . .             "  the FIRST time  ,  my mother did  .  i was forced to leave before the end of the service  ,  but from rumors and the groundskeeper  ,  she sat at my fake grave the longest  .  i don't actually remember how long  ,  "  he says  ,  a lie  .  he knows how long  .  he knows how many times she's returned to the place . . . sometimes  ,  he returns to the grave just to see if he could catch sight of her . . . it'd be the only time he sees his mother  .  in technicality  ,  he's sat at his own grave the LONGEST as well  .             he stops for a moment  ,  as if lost in his thought  ,  nervous all of a sudden . . . or was it insecurity  ??  maybe anxiety  ??  his hands begin to fidget with the items in front of him  ,  eyes focused intently on the object  .  he takes in a soft breath and it comes as a shaky exhale  ,  eyes slipping as his jaw tightens  .  then as if snapping out of a trance  ,  shanjie shakes his head and leans back in his seat  ,  the chair CREAKS in protest . . .             "  IF i was to die again  ,  no one  ,  "  his answer comes simply and without garnish  .  "  no one would know i died  ,  no one would know where i died or where my grave is  ,  "  he hums  ,  words spoken with such NONCHALANCE as if he didn't care  .  "  i don't exist  ,  so even if i died  ,  there would be no record of it  .  "  he continues  ,  eyes lowering to the table between them  .  he'd have no comrades who'd sit with him and talk  ,  place gifts and offerings  ,  remember where he's buried and carry his legacy  .             there would be NO ONE who'd do the same as he's done for them  .  shanjie knew where all his fallen friends lay  ,  he knew their names  ,  their birthdays  ,  their last operation  ,  their favorite food  ,  their bucket list . . . he'd sit with them the LONGEST  ,  but if he dies . . . all that dies with him  .  if he dies  ,  no one would do that for him  .              no one would remember where he died  ,  when he died  ,  how he died . . . no one would know what his name is . . . when his birthday was  ,  what he liked  .  no one would recall what he sounded like  ,  looked like  ,  acted like . . . so why would anyone sit at a grave where there's nothing  .

-> [ unprompted asks ]

[tragedicn]

was that kiss too much?

            a tremble traverses his figure  ,  hands clutching to hyunjae's arms as if to hold himself up  ⸻  not that he needed to as the other has him in their hold  ⸻  and his eyes shut  ,  afraid that opening it would mean the end of this dream  .  but perhaps  ,  hyunjae took it as a different reason . . . when shanjie refused to open his eyes to match his gaze  . 

            it was too much  .

            it was also not enough  .

            lashes fluttering against his cheeks as he finally opens his eyes  ,  he's at a loss for words  .  his usual snappy retorts doesn't come . . . there's none  .  there was nothing he wanted to say  ,  and there was also plenty he wanted to ask . . . yet  ,  there was only ONE thing in his mind  .  his breath comes as a shaky exhale  ,  he feels the other's hand graze over his cheek gently  ,  almost concerned and loving  .  

            hyunjae's concern is so suffocating and ever so welcomed . . . it's strange  ,  the emotion that fills shanjie's chest is SO FOREIGN  ;  yet  ,  but he doesn't want to resurface from that sea  .  he wants to drown in hyunjae's warmth and affection  .  he doesn't want to speak yet  .  lest he breaks this dream  .  he wonders if he asks . . . would hyunjae INDULGE  ??

            ❝  again  .  ❞  comes the hushed reply  ,  a demand spoken like a secret  .  a plea spoken as his hands move from hyunjae's forearms to cup the male's cheek as he surges upwards to have their lips meet again  .  it steals his breath away again  ;  but if he was to die in this way  ,  shanjie believes he wouldn't mind it  .

[tragedicn]

"my shanjie, gēgē is here now!"

            he bristles at the other's words  ,  lips tugging into an IMMEDIATE frown as he cringes away from hyunjae  .  ❝  back off  ,  freak . . .  ❞  he hisses  ,  he doesn't understand hyunjae's obsession with being called GĒGĒ  .  a slew of curses in his mother tongue  ,  shanjie gets up from his seat to run away from the older man  ,  not wanting to get cornered by hyunjae  .  ❝  what the hell is your obsession with that . . . pervert . . . psycho  ,  stay away from me  .  ❞  shanjie says  ,  a threat edging on his tone  .