#( send me memes cowards )
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leatherebel · 3 months ago
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shakes u
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thatsafuckeduptale · 1 year ago
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Yo hit me with a G4 Starlo!!! or maybe F6 Martlet??
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The guys!!! <3
Expression meme
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maigetheplatypus57 · 10 months ago
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It's 1am and I need to be up in 4-5 hours but let me take part in the time honored mcyt tradition of making the messiest possible relationship chart on mspaint on my phone starring: the tommy-molly unethical polycule
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fxckin-blackbeard · 1 year ago
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ᒥ💀ᒧ—         Reverse Meme Call
Like this post and I'll go on your blog and send in an ask meme I find (or maybe send in my own sentence starter).
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curseplay · 1 year ago
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are u guys picking up what im putting down like for real
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deiscension · 11 months ago
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"🌬️ ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ 💞 💌 ❀🍃❀ ☼ 💓*^_^*"
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cronchcake · 2 years ago
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Song tag game
I got tagged by @autumnbois hehe thank u so much babe
a song for each letter of your URL!
C - Can't Sleep, K.Flay
R - Rly Don't Care, chloe moriondo
O - overwhelmed, Royal & the Serpent
N - No Pulse, Pacific Rim OST, Ramin Djawadi feat. Tom Morello
C - Choked Out, the Mountain Goats
H - Human, Anavae
C - Cringe (stripped), Matt Maeson
A - Anniversary, Autoheart
K - Kid Midnight, IRONTOM
E - Emotional Anorexic, Svavar Knútur
(and yes I made this on spotify too just to have it nice and clear)
Tagging: @crowreys-wormstache @straw-hat-moro @what-in-the-name-of-dread-wolf @intricatecakes (hiiii I follow u from my other blog hiii it's me cronchy)
& obviously anyone else who wants to try, consider urselves tagged. If you see this and ur not tagged, that means I probably wanted to tag u and didn't think you would enjoy this, so if u would, please set the record straight & give this a shot! 👀💕
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silentstaresfanficandfanart · 9 months ago
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How do I girlboss hard enough to order a lovely taco i am abandoned in this Mexican restraunt and have been forgotten and lost to the sands of time
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wonderhevrts · 2 years ago
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i’m gonna do some starters for some of my babes this weekend! idk yet for who, but guess you’ll just have to wait and see..
BUT if y’all have requests, on who you want starters from, do let me know! comment on this post and i’ll see what i can do! 
thnx! <3
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shaylene-the-praline · 6 months ago
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So I got some weird dm talking about how I'm a coward for having anon asks off 😭....
I'll be a coward then if it means having the choice to not have people that don't know me sending weirdly personal animosity towards me lmao. I say weirdly personal, because it wouldn't be just your friendly "fuck you bitch", it would be things that'd make you think I genuinely did something to the person, when all I do is excessively post ass, tits and memes!!!
I'm not exactly sure what people make up in their head that I've done...all I know is posting ass and tits is fun for me, and to keep it fun, I'm not allowing any of that weird shit any access.
Yes it sucks because im sure there's plenty of people wanting to send positive anons or questions....but that's the sad reality.
Hopefully that explains my COWARDICE 🫣
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passmethatcokezero · 2 years ago
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Breakfast in bed (18+ // hoshi!friends to lovers au)
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soonyoung x fem!reader 7.8k words warnings: minors dni! first timers (breaking your fasts as virgins *wink wink*), unprotected sex (this is pure fiction! please wear protection irl!!), horny soonyoung like so horny since he has been wanting you since years ago and he finally gets to lay his hands on you, smut with oh so little fluff at the end, thinking if I will be writing a part two just because i think this needs more lol. visual gifs here and there.
a/n: it has been a long time since I posted. anyway this has been in my drafts, so here you go!
Ding dong ding dong ding dong!
The impatience gave it away. It's probably your very first lover - so fresh it all finally began yesterday. All the mutual pining, push and pull, every tease from his clique, every set-up from your friends – all did not go in vain when Soonyoung courageously, albeit oh so painfully slowly confessed his erratic heart beats whenever you send him a meme, his voice memos full of unspoken feelings he records every time he thinks he is going to explode (and he doesn’t want to let his friends know), and his little dimple that only comes out of his shy smile upon getting a whiff of your perfume that lingered in his car.
“Hi, girlfriend,” he smirks as you open the door right when the clock strikes seven. “Flowers for the lovely lady who looks gorgeous with bed hair.” a cute remark followed by a sweet peck on your lips, but nonetheless earns him a smack on the chest as you tried to fix your “bed hair”. Although you have already prepped up and showered after your early morning workout, nothing beats staying on your bed on a Sunday.
“What makes you so early – all dressed up?” you set the flowers in your empty vase by the tv as he makes himself comfortable on your sofa, all the while thinking if you missed a prior commitment as Soonyoung’s default plus one.
“I did not dress up! This is how good I usually look,”
“Nah you’re trying to impress your girl, aren’t you?”
“I am just ALWAYS this impressive, miss.”
“Okay fine, mister,” you pulled him into the dining area for breakfast. “Come, I’ll make you breakfast before that gets in your head.”
Of course, being in love with him for years had you yearning for his warmth, but you have never imagined how Soonyoung can be clingy like this; he just cannot leave an inch between your bodies ever since he stepped in your apartment. 
“What are we cooking?”
“Well…” you leaned your back on his chest, stroking his arms that embraced your waist. “...what does my boyfriend want to eat for breakfast?”
It was ticklish, the way he nozzles his nose against your ears, kissing your temples in the midst of it. “Hmm… what do I want for breakfast…?” he softly speaks.
Your legs started to tremble as his deep voice swiftly raced to your core. “Y-Yeah, I have eggs, pancakes? Or maybe you want salad –”
“You…”
The word escapes his mouth as soon as his lips distanced away from your temples from a sweet kiss.
More than ticklish, it was arousing to the fact that you almost gave in when his hands traveled inside your shirt.
“S-Soonyoung…” you chuckled lightly as you faced him. “You’re so funny you know!”
“What?”
“You’ve been wanting me like this all this time, and you never said a word?”
He bites his lip in embarrassment, or in something else as he locks his sight in yours. “Well… okay I was a coward I admit. But now, I am brave enough to make advances since you’re mine.”
“As early as seven? Come on, we can do that later I promise. Let’s just –”
“That can wait.” He caught your lips for a kiss he had always wanted to share with you, other than the sweet one yesterday. The lip-locking went on for a while, going wet in less than ten seconds into it. You can feel his eagerness to savor every second of it, probably to make up for all the wasted opportunities he could have had.
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You felt yourself being lifted up to the counter as he settled himself between your thighs without tearing away from the kiss. His desperation was on the surface now; he wanted you ever since, he wanted to kiss you so hard, so deep he might not feel his jaw afterwards. He wanted to touch every single inch of you, enough of just a friendly tap or high-five. He wanted you all his life, more than you know, more than what he confessed yesterday. More than your own feelings for him.
He gasps as he breaks away from the lewd kiss, realizing his hold on your thighs have been too tight for his own sake.
“Fuck, I could have kissed you like that every single day since junior high.”
“Damn, that long?” he trails kisses on your neck as he groans in frustration. “Well then… we should make the most of it now I guess?”
He perks up with a smile he can’t hide. “So… what do we do now?”
“I don’t know… whatever couples do.” you winked at him.
“Whatever adult couples do.”
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Your body sprung on the mattress as he discarded his layers somewhere in the room, growling an authoritative “don’t” when you almost followed suit taking off your cozy, (sultry, in Soonyoung’s vocabulary), weekend wear.
He swims through the bed on his way to his prey kissing all the skin he passed through. “Let me do the undressing, princess.” With movements seemingly driven by excitement and arousal at the same time, every contact he makes feels electrocuting and the way his misty, naked body glides over makes your camisole dress reveal some of your torso.
“I can’t… I can’t believe it…” he chuckles, head dropping low as he settles on top of you. “You are mine now?” Looking up to meet your eyes, with his a bit moist with tears.
It was a little funny, him being emotional on the edge, but no doubt he has once again tugged your heartstrings. Soonyoung, your loud and energetic best friend, always fiery and full of passion, the diligent hard worker who plays harder, who is popular among his colleagues even past working hours, who most think he can't get enough of everyone’s attention when all he craves are yours…
Fuck. What's with Soonyoung's kisses? Just a moment ago, you were able to think straight and yet here you are, mind all hazed as if caused by your heavy, warm exhales. His kisses went everywhere, tasting every bit of your skin as his tongue travelled from your neck to your now bare chest. Heck you didn't even notice at which part did he undress your one cloth on.
No words were exchanged nor let out by any of you, only savoring the moment as if speaking might lose your focus - him, on his every act to make you feel good; and you, on feeling his hot cavern devouring fragments of your untouched flesh.
He starts to suck on one of your mounds as one hand grasps on the other, playing on both buds to stimulate you even more. 
"S-Soonyo…" you cannot even finish his name. You've never made out with someone else, moreso gotten laid ever. It has always been you helping yourself, touching here and there, playing with yourself when your body aches for it.
Everything was new to you that it keeps you sending goosebumps all over, and getting your folds dripping since the session by the kitchen.
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The anticipation rose as he goes down further, his kisses trailed in your abdomen to your waist, automatically making your thighs magnet upon feeling ticklish.
"Baby… can I…?" He asks softly, looking at you whose eyes shut to pleasure. Your contorted face feeds his ego to the core, smirking at the sight he himself created. "I bet you're so wet, you needed my mouth to sip all of it, huh?"
Your lips must have been bloodied right now. A fuel in the form of his words ignited your arousal to its peak, feeling some hot liquid dripping into your undies.
"Shit… just fucking do it."
The lack of touch for a while made you look at him, only to see a Kwon Soonyoung looking intently at your face, irises so dark and cloudy.
"Fuck... you look so hot like this. Can I hear you beg for me, baby?" He says, rather innocently and monotonously. But all you know he is already going nuts inside, hearing him choke on his own saliva.
"Please…" you wanted to rub your thighs together so bad you were almost squeezing with him in between. With all the desperation on your voice you blurted out with a moan, "Please… Soonyoung…. Please…."
Cursing in his breath after a groan, he aggressively pulls your panties down, rummaging your folds with his hungry mouth. Mind once again goes blank as you try to feel his every movement.
Finally, you got your pussy be eaten out. Oh the wonders it does, the nirvana it brings. You only heard stories and watched some on the dirty world of internet, but fuck. Being eaten out must have been the most pleasurable thing in the world to humans. You never realized if it has always been like that but the pleasure made you even want to thank the heavens for creating your pussy so sensitive, and so ready for eating.
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His mouth conquers your south, savoring your arousal as he slurps on it. All the rubbing, the kissing, and the teasing was enough to make you a moaning mess you didn't even mind if your neighbors can hear. You've indulge in your fair share of overheard sex; now must have been the payback for it albeit unsure if they're at the other side.
"You're so sweet, baby, mhhm," His breath tickles your south as your mind went blank. Soonyoung had to smirk seeing your mouth hanging, feeling all good because of him. He continued moaning here and there as he pleases you in all the angles he knew, teasing you as he figured the vibrations must have been producing all this wetness: more for him to slurp.
"Ahh Soonyoung, you're so fucking good," you managed to speak in between breaths. "Soonyoung… ahhh… please… more."
Even when he is already feeling dizzy from all the arousal he's trying to control and haze surrounding his eyesight, he still managed to give you what you want. His tongue goes up a little, playing with your shiny button as he plans to give you more.
His hand then introduces itself to your drenching hole, one by one, a finger goes in to give you friction and the second to scissor and stretch you out. With a hole that tight, he's aware he need one more finger to go in, but not so soon when he enjoys the view of your face in a mess and back arching as a reaction.
"This tight and warm pussy too, all for me?" He asks innocently sounding and yet full of crimson red, almost criminal, thoughts.
Your moans were already too much especially when he hits your spot from time to time. He was too serious about it like his life depended on it. He was doing an excellent job, even adapting a rhythmic pattern to fucking your hole with his hand all the while stretching you and hitting your spot.
"Shit… i think I'm close…" you were heaving breaths, eyes still shut, tighter when you felt his tongue pressing a little harder with your clit and a finger rubbing your most sensitive spot. You almost screamed at the sensation, but you were so quick to cover your mouth with your arms when you had your release (too considerate of your neighbors but a little loose for Soonyoung to savor it all).
Soonyoung himself had made it known he too was overwhelmed of the arousal that drowns his consciousness. It was as if he was drunken by your juices; mind going insane at how your moans mixed with his make such a good music to his ears.
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Until he can't take it anymore and reached for his boxers, feeling his hard stick.
"Gahh…" for a moment he took time to feel himself, his warm breath hovering over your exposed wet folds. He was grunting by himself, frustrated that he can't control himself ㅡ he wanted to feel you right then, rummage into your hole and pleasure himself to his limit. But he is not gonna do that on your first time. Maybe the second, he could be more upfront about how he wanted to fuck you so hard and pound against you until his thighs give up on him.
"Soonyoung, are you okay?" Worried after hearing his gentle cries, you asked.
"I'm sorry babe, I am just…"
"Come here, baby," you were weak, but tried to raise yourself a little. "Need a little help?" You asks as you pulled him to your warmth by his lips. He kisses you back a bit more aggressive than the first contact. Lip-locking went so deep you didn't realize your were both craving oxygen by the time your body was sinking in the mattress. With a hiss, he breaks the kiss and smirks.
"Fuck… why do you make me want you so bad?"
"How bad?" You tested him.
You knew him from the tips of his hair down to the last bit of his toe nails. The way he is acting, you know he desires your whole being, you know he wants every inch of your skin no less than a millimeter distance from his. And you know he craves it hard and rough.
"Oh you don't wanna know,"
"What if I do?"
He looks at you, irises sparkle at your consent. Head spinning, he is going crazy, but he can't admit it. "Should I… show you then?"
You nodded at him. He dives in for a kiss one more time before he positions himself to your entrance. His hot girth sweeping sticky juices against your folds, coating himself while doing so.
"Ready, babe?"
You were actually thinking twice - are you? You were virgin your whole life, untouched and unkissed. Being too nitpicky about relationships had you missing out on so much fun and pleasure ㅡ heck you even never noticed your friend's hints at you nor the obvious teasing from the others. You chose to build a parasocial relationship with that actor you've been following for quite some time. The thirst traps were enough for you to attend to your wet needs. The fanfics even more so ignite that sexual tension you had with someone who have not seen you ever.
Then came Kwon Soonyoung's shy but passionate confession when you two were left alone inside Jihoon's studio. You never thought someone ever thought of you or seen you like how he does. Adding fuel to the fire was that, ever since you met him again in college, you can't deny the fact that he had grown into such a fine man. The girls in your class gush at him, and envy you for being a close friend of his that he gets to walk with you to the subway. And most of the time eat with you for lunch every Wednesday when your schedule does not match your girl friends.
While you never knew, Soonyoung bottled up all the jealousy to himself. That one mathematics professor who had been kind to you not knowing he was a friend of your mother; that senior guy named Seungcheol whom you have kept your eyes on and screamed your lungs out for during one basketball game; your neighbors Mingyu and Wonwoo whom you have grown close spending holidays together for some time now; even your girlfriends who don't ever want to leave your side. He had no rights to being jealous and it angered him so bad why reality hits him that way.
Not until now, all the jealousy vanished to none when his reality slapped him back a gift he had always been trying to manifest in his life; the only person he promised to ever lock his heart with. You.
His hard cock was welcomed by your tight entrance. Breaths were heavy and eyes almost well up as he tears your hole. The silence was too loud in the room that only your sensual sounds vibrated throughout the space. It was such an experience, having your hole stretch to his girth. Painful at first, stinging if you may even say so. The arousal you had prepared for him was almost not enough to lubricate his way in. You thought he was too big for an inexperienced hole.
"Soonyoung, w-wait…"
You didn't notice how you were digging your nails at the back of his hands - which you didn't also notice holding yours against the mattress.
"Baby…" He wipes the tear that formed in your eyes. "I'm sorry, is it too much? Should I… stop?"
There he goes again with that fucking soft voice he only has for you.
"No…" you assured him hastily with a faint smile. "Just… this… it's my first."
That alone, he figured how to handle the situation. It was his first too, but not the first time he imagined it happening. He know he had to take it slow, just as how he learned from the videos he imagined could be the both of you. It might seem he was a little perverted, but he had and would only be so just for you.
"I'll be careful," He kisses your forehead and you nodded.
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Accompanying with a sweet kiss, he went on entering your heat as slow as he can, as careful as his patience can take. It had you whimpering, but you trusted Soonyoung. You know how loyal the guy can be, especially with his words. He indeed treated you like a delicate gem.
"You're so fucking good in taking me in," He lightens up the mood with the compliment. "Just a little…. More…." And he gasps as your hole engulfed him fully.
"So warm…." Your breaths exchange through each other's mouths as you take time adjusting to his size. You can't believe how huge he was, filling your hole so perfectly like it was molded inside of you.
A lewd mouth-conquering once again starts, now ever passionate than the first ones. It was like both of you were feeling each other: your warmth, your wetness, his length, and that stupid throbbing that makes you go crazy; taking time to internalize how both you are now one, connected by the tension you two had been denying.
"I can stay like this forever," you managed to say to which he giggled. "Fuck, do you feel how wet I am?" 
"I know right, you want me so bad." He boasts himself, "Be honest, am I too good for a first timer?"
"First-timer my ass!"
"You don't believe me? Look I'm trying to give you caution that it might get clumsy as a beginner…" He teases you as he circles his hips, which earned him a hot moan from you.
"Ah shit, keep doing that…"
"I can…" He groans, "But I have other plans."
He dives on to your neck as he starts kissing it everywhere, while his hips started to rock slowly. The slight friction was already making you go crazy, you can't even think of anything but Soonyoung taking your virginity away from you. How his gentle body rolls make your pussy so well attended, you can even picture how he does it with that dancer hips of his. Hot - it must have been so hot, so fiery, so sexy.
"Fuck, you're so good baby ahh~" you thought saying something might encourage him instead of just having you moan endlessly (although that is not as bad, too.)
"You like it?"
"So… fucking much…. Ahh…" 
You can't help but moan, it was just too pleasurable.
"Your moans… fuck…. Making me want you more," He said, groaning in frustration. He didn't realize he was gaining speed, which you didn't mind as well. His thrusts also gained force, his length starting to thrust in from a distance. He was going harder, and faster.
No words were exchanged. Just moans and hisses and curses in between the slaps of his skin to yours. The mattress then joining in with the creaks, visibly and audibly trying to handle the intense workout going on. Your moans reached a note you didn't know you can and his going deeper notes from his range. Suddenly you felt a knot on your tummy. This must be it, you thought. You are cumming.
"S-Soonyoung… I am…"
"Shit you're getting tighter fuck," He drowned your words with his own. "Come again?"
"I think I'm gonna… cum…" 
"Oh yeah?" He was thinking of holding his for a while. He too felt like cumming but he was having too much pleasure.
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He just loves going in out of your warmth, feeling your moist hole as he slams his, the pressure on his thighs and even arms that support his weight, the slapping sound and the hint of arousal in the air, he wanted to make the most of it.
"Do I make you feel that good, baby? Do you like my cock? How big it is that it fills and stretches your tight pussy, huh?"
Foul-mouthed Soonyoung must have been a turn on for you. He cannot believe he just heard the loudest and longest moan from you tonight, followed right up by your hot release.
He smirks at his fault. You were drained.
As the scent of sex fills the room, you felt a kiss on your lips as he goes on helping you with your release. You were too sensitive as he slowly rides your high, you wanted to stop him for a while but shit, the process felt so good if not more sensual than the rest that happened that you almost bit his lips.
"Ah… I'm sorry."
"Nah, that was…hot…" 
He finally let's out when you've stabilized your breathing for a while. The absence of his cock from inside you was another kind of loneliness you never knew existed.
"Have you… cum yet?" You asked him faintly, as he settles beside you. 
"I can't cum inside you can I?" He thought for a while as he pumps himself, eyes closed.
You smiled at his consideration. Albeit giggling at the fact that there even might be precum leaked inside. Anyway, you have your stock of pills, no problem with that.
"Then let me at least finish it for you?"
He was about to let you know his confusion when you already had your hand in his cock, replacing his.
"Ah… sssshit." It was an image he had pleasured himself with once or twice if he will be honest. You, pumping his hard, reddened cock, and then taking it to your mouth.
The gutteral groan he let out was a sound you never thought would come from him but it did.
Your tongue was the first to welcome him from the tip, circling it as if tasting your own cum and his leakings, later on conquering the head with your mouth. He was holdng on to the sheets so hard he was crumbling them in his fists.
"Fuck…" you thought you heard more curse but you were too occupied to hear them.
He too was too focused on how his cock finally got an attention he had been wishing for. For him indeed, to be eaten is the best feeling in the world, unaware of your mutual notion.
His eyes were shut tight, eyebrows furrowed and mouth agape; he cannot control his delight upon the materialization of one of his dark crimson fantasies.
You went in deeper, as much as your mouth can handle. Too bad your mouth must have been quite in the smaller size you had to seek help with your free hand to give him the blow job of his dreams.
"Shit now I'm doubting this is your first…" He managed to blurt out after he exhaled deeply, looking at you with a pair of hooded eyes you never saw from him.
"We learn things out of curiosity," you smirked. "I'll show you one thing I learnedㅡ" you cut your own words, hand still rubbing him sultry. "ㅡif you're such a good boy, and promise to moan as loud as you can if you like it. Hmm?"
You giggled how you saw his lips started to redden to his bite. Oh you just know how much you affect him, its kinda unfair, he must have thought.
You went back to sucking his cock, hollowing your cheeks with a suck he did not see coming. The moan he let out was almost a cry, but he kept his promise. It was loud, even lingered for a quite a while turning into some kind of a growl.
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"That so fucking hot of you, baby…" you whispered. "You like that?"
A groan was enough for your to go back to your business, sucking him dry, gradually increasing speed. He was writhing, a moaning mess, underneath you and fuck, it was such a sight to see and hear him in full lustful glory, almost like an underling to your prowess, all because of you.
His shy hand was trying its best not to hurt you with its pull of your hair as you pushed your self deeper, his tip causing a gag you were quick to deny. 
"Fuck…" his voice cracked a bit and it was then his loans turned octaves higher than his usual.
Music to your ears, and your wet pool in the south.
You sucked him faster, gaining momentum and rhythm with your head as he meets your mouth with his hips. He says he couldn't help it, you heard him mumble albeit not too audible.
"Babe… babe you can… stop now." He said between breaths which caused you some confusion, and a bit of self doubt. Is there something wrong?
"Babe please come here…" He cooed as he fixated his back against the headboard, signaling you to come closer. You settled at his thigh, moistened bodies touching, foreheads resting against each other as both race breaths.
"Did I… do something wrong?"
He was still whimpering by himself, suddenly taking your lips on a lock once again. You let him be, taking time to answer what could have been a little sensitive at this time.
The kiss took long enough when you felt his body, shaking a bit hard on on your leftㅡhe was pumping himself too fast which you didn't know he had been helping himself as soon as he kissed you. 
He rests his head against the wooden board, while you take in the hottest image you have seen of him so far. You know he was near his release when his teeth started gritting, eyes and brows shut to pleasure.
"I'm… cumming…."
His breaths sounded so hoarse, and you thought of nothing but to kiss that sumptuous long neck right in front of your eyes, and paint his thigh the arousal that once again made itself known.
Not too long and he releases strands of his cum, accompanied by his deep moan that resonated to your core.
"I don't know… how to end this…" He giggled, still chasing his breath as he kisses you once more, pulling you closer to him as if there was any distance left. "I'm… sorry," He began to speak, caressing your chin with his fingers. "I'm…"
"Hmm…?"
He sighs in defeat. "I'm… too shy to cum… inside your mouth. Or just… cumming… like the idea of having these sticky liquid all over you… inside you… I… it's making me shy, you might think it's… dirty or anything? I mean it's our first so… you might not be used to it yet… and the fact that... i dod not wear any protection... felt like violated you, my love."
You saw how hard he constructed that ment of his, which earned him a soft giggle from you.
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"Oh my God… Soonyoung." You gave him a peck before continuing, "why are you so cute?" and gave him a hug so warm, so endearing. "Don't worry about those things I don't make you even think of. I'm all good."
He blushed moreover from his aftersex glow. "Well... I wasn't being cute!" He lets you rest on his chest. "Anyway… this is just the first. I'll be more confident in our next." His breath felt closer to your ear, as his airy voice filled the room. "Unless you need help with that wetness right now?"
You just know his face have turned smug now, so proud of how he can make you feel aroused so damn fast.
Of course, you gave in. You needed another release, manifested through not just the wetness, but also the aching of your inner thighs. You want him again, and again. His fault for being too hot for your sake.
"How about a ride before we get to eat breakfast?"
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flowerandblood · 1 year ago
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I'm back
And I'm back with my oneshot with Michael Gavey. He fucking came back from the dead. Some can call it resurrection.
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I needed these 24 hours just for myself to think about why I was writing at all and why I was doing it.
To talk about it with my husband who, as always, knowing me inside out, said that I didn't deserve to have my work and commitment here wasted by people who don't have the courage to write to me under their own nickname.
Just to be clear - it doesn't matter when or if any of you would read my oneshot. When, why or if you will do it is neither something to feel guilty nor proud of, like reading or not anything I wrote or will write.
I remind you that's my space, not yours. Anon asks stays off, because I know who you really are.
Cowards.
From now on, I will be much stricter about what other people "opinion" should and should not be.
I will block anyone, anons, writers or readers, who cannot watch their words - even if it's on your blogs, in your asks, comments, reblogs or statements - I don't want to see any ironic, hurtful bullshit on my wall anymore.
I will block them, but I will never nag them. I just don't need them in my life, in my space. Learn from me, anon haters. I hope me coming back is your stick in the ass and not in the pleasurable way.
I don't care if you think I'm a sweet and innocent author with no flaws - I'm not. I've never been. I don't care about maintaining this image either.
Yes, I can't stand anons who send me and other authors baseless criticism. They were and will remain my enemies. I will never be nice to them, because by hiding they lose the last of my respect.
However, I have never been and will never be unpleasant to people who ask me thoughtful questions with the respect that one person can and should expect from another. Usually it's not about the question itself, but about how it was asked.
Writing anonymously to others that you wish their pets to die, that it's good that they lost their child, or to me that I don't really love my husband and I'm cheating on him because I write fanfics is not the smartest idea.
You are just sad, jealous idiots.
Now.
A few of people here are trying to keep this sticky tape glued fandom from falling apart and I sincerely admire them: @ewanmitchellcrumbs @targaryenrealnessdarling @oneeyedvisenya @theoneeyedprince @valeskafics @black-dread
This fandom doesn't deserve you, but there you are.
+ I wanted to say 'thank you' to all of the writers who just reached me to say that they are sorry, to say that I have a right to write whatever I want. Do what I want without being judged.
Finally, I cannot help but mention the wave of anonymous and non-anonymous messages from my fans, to which I apologize for not responding. I've read them all.
Many of you came out of the shadows and wrote to me for the first time, showing me how much my stories mean to you. Thank you for all the memes, photos, drawings and words of comfort, very long and very short messages.
If it weren't for you, if it weren't for my husband who told me that I needed a break - not to destroy everything I created, I would have deleted this account a few days ago. He said that I should care more about my own mental comfort, which I intend to do.
I deleted my Discord account to withdraw from the fandom a bit and to put what happened behind me. I don't have good emotions right now that I could share with you in these groups, which you deserve. I don't want to be a ghost account there.
If you want to talk to me or explain something, you can reach me in private messages.
So. Karawana jedzie dalej, as we say in Poland. Those who want to be tagged, please let me know here or privately.
I don't know when I will publish my other works, but I will.
Welcome back.
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oddinary4bts · 2 years ago
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The Forgotten Spaces | ch 6 (jjk)
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☆summary: you've been dancing on the same dance crew since your teenage years, and you finally have an important role in it. It feels like life is taunting you when your rival comes back after disappearing for a year, ready to tease you every chance he gets. Will the teasing turn into more, or are you going to take him down with you?
☆pairing: photographer and dancer!Jungkook x dancer!female reader
☆rating: 18+ (minors DNI, there is mature content in previous/later chapters)
☆genre: slow (SLOW) burn enemies to lovers, college!au, slice of life!au, angst (oop), smut and fluff
☆warnings: mentions of sex/hot tub scene. hickey. angst (oops), might be a curse somewhere in there?
☆word count: 5.8k
☆series masterpost here
☆a/n: I am very sorry for all the angst that is to follow. Please don't hate me and please enjoy reading still haha! Thank you to @moonleeai for her beta reading on this fic, I won't ever thank you enough, you're the best <3
☆Read What Was Hidden here, the fic that inspired this whole story, written by @daechwitatamic, one of my fav human beings on this app <3 It follows the story of Jo and Taehyung before The Forgotten Spaces
☆☆☆☆☆
For this meeting of our end of the world
It's with you that I want to sing
On the threshold of the memories the dead of today
Them that breathe for us
The forgotten spaces
Je t'écris - Gaston Miron (rough translation by me)
☆☆☆☆☆
Sunday, July 8th
                Waking up next to Jungkook feels weird. You reckon it might be because you haven’t slept a lot, and people are already moving around the cottage. You’ve refused to open your eyes so far, just because you’ve heard Jiho and Hobi whispering about you and Jungkook and you feel too much of a coward to admit you probably fucked things up with him already.
You think Jiho has taken a picture. Knowing her, she definitely has, and you wish you could just disappear for a time. You eventually force yourself to get up though, before Jungkook who is still dead asleep when you move to the kitchen. You suffer through Jiho’s questioning, but she quickly notices that you’re shut off, lost in thought and maybe even dabbling in a little regret too.
From there she shuts down everyone that asks questions, and by the time Jungkook gets up, everyone is just pretending they haven’t noticed that something definitely happened between the two of you.
Jungkook doesn’t really look at you. He eats breakfast chatting with Taehyung and Jin, avoiding you like the plague. You can tell you’ve hurt him, but you don’t know how to fix it. After all, you’ve never really been acquainted with feelings yourself. Especially not after your parents’ divorce.
The day feels heavy. It’s still warm outside, far too much, and a veil of dark clouds is looming over the horizon by the time you have to leave the cottage. Your mood imitates the weather, and you find yourself brooding more than you usually do.
You haven’t been able to talk to Jungkook yet. Mostly because he’s been avoiding you, yes. But also because you don’t know what to tell him.
“Hey, I’m shit at relationships and feelings, yesterday felt too real” sounds like too much of a confession. Even though it is the truth, you’re a coward, through and through.
Jiho’s been trying to get your mind off things. Texting you random stupid things, sending you memes as Hobi drives the four of you home. Heather is riding with Chaeyeon, Lance and Bridget this time around, so there’s a space between you and Jungkook. This time, when he falls asleep, he falls asleep with his head resting against the window, and not on your shoulder.
It starts raining halfway home, and Hobi drives slower, windshield wiper going on full blast. Jiho sends you yet another meme – something absurd you can’t bring yourself to find funny. It earns you a frown from your best friend, and a second later your phone vibrates in your hand.
[1:23 pm] Jiho❣️: u’re supposed to laugh☹️ [1:23 pm] You: i want to talk to Jungkook but idk what to tell him🫠 [1:25 pm] Jiho❣️: what really happened yesterday? i wanna help but it’s hard if idk [1:26 pm] You: we made out in the hot tub then fucked when we were supposed to sleep🤡 [1:26 pm] Jiho❣️: bruh i wish i had a make-out session in the hot tub [1:27 pm] You: 🙄🙄 [1:27 pm] Jiho❣️: sorry [1:27 pm] Jiho❣️: pretty sure more than just fucking happened considering both of you are upset [1:30 pm] You: i told him we shouldn’t have fucked after and he got upset [1:31 pm] Jiho❣️: bitch he’s into u ofc he’ll be upset [1:31 pm] You: u’re not helping [1:32 pm] Jiho❣️: are u into him?
You don’t know the answer. You ask yourself that question for the rest of the day, and you reckon you really don’t know. A lot changed between you and Jungkook over the weekend, but it’s hard to ignore the fact you have never really liked him. Because he was a dick and a bully to you for years.
It’s not something you think you can just forget because you’ve had sex with him once. And you don’t even know if you’d be interested in a relationship with him anyway. You’ve never been in a relationship before at all, and the thought of it terrifies you.
The thought of Jungkook being upset with you terrifies you in equal measures, but you refuse to admit it to yourself. Maybe because you’re trying to protect yourself. It’s hard to tell. You feel like you won’t be able to go through your feelings by yourself – they’re overwhelming, all of them.
Thinking about Jungkook is overwhelming. Thinking about dancing under the stars, about his scar, about the way he held onto you after he finished. Everything is overwhelming, and it makes you anxious. Jumpy, even, as you’re sitting in your room in your mother’s empty house later at night.
You’re halfway through a Studio Ghibli movie that was supposed to help you relax when you decide to text your therapist to schedule an appointment this week. It feels like the right thing to do – you know Mary has always been able to help you sort through your thoughts, even though you haven’t seen her in months.
You don’t expect her to reply tonight considering it’s late in the evening, but you linger on your messaging app. You can’t resist but scroll down a little, down to where Jungkook’s name lies on the screen. You click on the conversation, rereading the last messages he sent you from when he was drunk a little over a week ago. It makes your heart squeeze in your chest a little, and you scroll all the way up to the first time he texted you in April. You haven’t talked much at all, so it’s not like there’s a lot, but you can’t help yourself. You reread everything, entirely ignoring the movie playing on your laptop.
When you’re done reading, you find yourself typing a text even though you don’t know what to say. It seems your fingers know, because a moment later you find yourself staring at a fully formed sentence. It looks as if it’s taunting you, and you reread it so many times the words start to lose their meaning.
[9:47 pm] You: hey, i really enjoyed the weekend with u and i’m genuinely really sorry about yesterday…
It takes you all the courage your body can conjure up to press send. You immediately turn off your phone to focus on your laptop and on the movie, though it doesn’t really work at all. The anxiety the message has brought up in you makes the story of Totoro way too hard to follow, and you’re merely watching the scenes, barely even blinking.
When the movie ends, you get ready for bed. You haven’t dared check your phone yet, but a little bit of anticipation has been steadily building inside of you. Because you hope he’ll answer. You hope you won’t have to explain why you are the way that you are for things to go back to normal with him. Maybe because offering him your vulnerability feels like too much of a commitment for someone that doesn’t do commitments at all.
You know you’ll hate yourself at your internship the next day, but you can’t really sleep after you’ve settled under the comforter in your bed. It’s way past midnight when you finally gather the courage to look at your phone, teeth worrying at your bottom lip.
Your empty notification screen stares back at you, as if to say ‘you really thought that would change anything?’
You sigh, putting your phone away on your night table before turning on your side, grabbing a pillow to hold. It’s still raining outside, and your brain focuses on the splattering of rain on the panes of the window. You think maybe Jungkook went to bed early, considering you didn’t get a lot of sleep in the last two days. Maybe he’s asleep and will reply tomorrow…
You cling onto that hope as the sound of the rain finally lulls you to a troubled sleep.
Tuesday, July 10th
                Jungkook has been in a shit mood. He knows why, and it’s strange to think that it’s not his leg for once. What makes it worse is that everyone around him knows too, thanks to the hickey on his neck.
And it’s only worse when you don’t show up to dance practice. Jiho mentions something about you being stuck at your internship, but Jungkook doesn’t ask. He feels like maybe he could text you to make sure you’re okay. His heart wants him to do it, but his mind is stronger.
And his mind has been winning the war against his heart so far. He won’t cave in now. But he’s still in a shit mood when he gets home after practice. It feels even worse when he sees Taehyung and Jo cuddled up on the couch, and Jimin sprawled up on the floor.
Jimin’s texting away on his phone, and Taehyung meets Jungkook’s gaze where he stopped by the door.
“Practice is already done?” Taehyung asks.
It brings Jimin and Jo’s attention to Jungkook. He just stands there for a time, not knowing what to say.
Not wanting to admit he wrapped dance practice earlier because he was pissed that you weren’t there.
“Yeah,” Jungkook lets out flatly. He finally starts moving again, aiming straight to the kitchen.
He misses the way Jo and Taehyung exchange a concerned look when he passes in front of them, or maybe he just ignores it. He’s been ignoring Jo since the weekend, because it feels like too much pressure to admit that her plan worked and failed in the same night.
Yes, he got to sleep with you, but he’d take it back if he could. Just so it wouldn’t lead to where you’re standing now. Because he’s never replied to your text on Sunday night. Maybe because it was too early, and seeing it just pissed him off more.
Or maybe he’s just trying to preserve himself because he’s realized being with you might be a lot more complicated than previously thought.
He’s pouring cereal in a bowl when he receives a text. He fears that he’s conjured you up for a few seconds, but then he reads the name at the head of the notification. Laura. He furrows his brows, reading her text a few times over to make sure he’s read well. On his fifth reading he reckons the words won’t change even if he keeps glaring at them.
And Laura doesn’t deserve him being upset with her too. Actually, he realizes she might be just what he needs – a distraction, perhaps. Because all he wants is to forget how it felt to be with you last Saturday. And it’s not even about the sex. No, the part that’s been sticking with him is the moment between the hot tub and the sex. When he laid his heart on the table for you.
Had he known you were going to step on it a little under an hour later, Jungkook knows he would have never asked you to dance. It was a stupid request, one that made everything too real.
He can’t really blame you for getting scared. Because he knows that’s what it is. You got scared when he told you you should have slept together before, and he’s been embarrassed since then. Because he said the words in the heat of the action, and even though he meant them – means them – he’d rather not have told you.
Because now when he thinks of you he’s embarrassed, upset, and of course he’s pissed. He’s been in a shit mood after all.
He sighs, pushing his hair back before moving to the fridge to grab the milk. He pours some in the bowl, before grabbing a spoon in the drawer and making his way to the table, where he sits to eat the cereals. He’s halfway through his bowl when he finally decides to open his phone and reply to Laura.
[9:01 pm] Laura: Hey, I gotta admit… I’d like to see you sometime this week? If you’re up for it ofc [9:08 pm] Jungkook: yes ofc! i’m free tmrw evening if u want😌
He doesn’t even know if he actually wants to see her. It makes him think of when he helped her with her camera last week. Laura is sweet. Cute and shy. She’s his type, he can’t deny it. But she’s nice, and he doesn’t think she deserves him using her as a distraction.
He reckons he’s a mess. You’ve been messing with his head far too much, and he doesn’t like that you have that power over him. He doesn’t want anyone to have that power over him.
Yet it’s relieving that for once his mind isn’t clouded with dark thoughts related to the accident. Because he can’t really think about the accident when you’re there whenever he closes his eyes. When he can almost feel your warmth lingering under his fingers, along his body. When he thinks he can still smell your shampoo, and feel your soft skin.
The way that he feels disgusts him. It makes him scoff, and he’s frowning as he finishes eating his cereals. The frown only relaxes when Laura texts him again.
[9:12 pm] Laura: I’m available too! There’s a restaurant I’ve been wanting to try? Is that something you’d like to do?
The way that she texts sounds formal. It makes him laugh, and he finds himself replying,
[9:13 pm] Jungkook: wait, so then it’s a date date uh? [9:16 pm] Laura: Maybe?☺️ [9:17 pm] Jungkook: is 7 o’clock good for u?
He doesn’t really know what he’s doing. He doesn’t usually do real dates, preferring hanging out at the girl’s place or inviting her over for one of the many parties they usually host. But he needs the distraction, right?
And when he’s texting Laura, he realizes he’s not thinking about you as much. It’s relieving after the last few days, and really, maybe he should just give her a chance.
Wednesday, July 11th
                Your therapist works in a building that’s surprisingly not too far from your internship. You were able to schedule an appointment for tonight, which is a relief.
You’ve been thinking about this weekend so much you haven’t been able to focus at the internship. So much so that you were stuck at the office later yesterday. You didn’t mind having to skip the dance practice though – you were glad you didn’t have to see Jungkook.
But now, it’s time for you to sort out your thoughts about the whole situation. As much as pretending that everything is fine can be fun, you also hate the way your mind wanders every night. Especially considering Jungkook never replied to your text last Sunday.
You feel like he’s slipping through your fingers. And maybe he is, and maybe all of this will be for nothing.
Well, not necessarily nothing, since it’s always good to get a grip of yourself.
You sigh, and you walk into the building right before a rain shower starts. You’re relieved you were able to avoid getting wet, and you walk to the front desk to give your name to the lady. She puts you in the computer and then tells you to sit in the waiting room. You thank her, and you’ve barely had time to sit when Mary comes to get you.
Mary’s office hasn’t changed one bit since the last time you sought her help in February. You sit on the same couch, and she offers you a glass of water as she greets you. And then she asks what brings you there.
At that you still. You freeze, like a deer in headlights, because for a moment you’re terrified of having to say the words aloud. Terrified to admit you felt something last Saturday, and you think you’ve already screwed it all up. She listens to you intently, and you watch her scribble on her pad as you do so. You’re tempted to read what she’s written; you’ve always wondered what it is that therapists write on that notebook of theirs.
Is she piecing out your soul the way that you feel like she is?
You tell her everything. You tell her about how Jungkook came back into your life, differently this time. You tell her about the dance practices, and about your internship too. You tell her about last weekend, and you reveal every little dirty thought your brain dared to think. Mary doesn’t judge, and when you’re done, the only thing she says is, “You’re really good at psycho-analyzing yourself”.
You reckon she’s right. Because you know exactly why you acted the way that you did – with the example your parents gave you of love growing up, it’s hard to actually love. It’s even harder to deconstruct it, to deconstruct the fear until you can build yourself back into someone that can love.
It’s not that you think you can’t. You love Jiho, Jisung and their family plenty. But it’s different when it’s love with a big L. It’s always been, and you’ve never once really wanted to change it.
But now you do. You’ve been using your fears to protect yourself from others for far too long.
Mary makes a plan with you. Nothing too big, but she does suggest scheduling another appointment next week. Because you knowing what you need to do is half of the work, yes, but you still need to put it into practice. You agree with her, and you leave her office feeling lighter than you’ve felt in days.
The plan is for you to ask Jungkook if you can talk. You have the option to wait until tomorrow at dance practice, or to text him tonight, just so he knows in advance that you want to talk to him. Mary favoured the latter, saying that it’d give him time to prepare if he has things to tell you too.
You have no idea if he does, but the moment on Saturday felt heavy. You doubt there’s been nothing on his mind since then… because you were there. You know how it felt like, under the stars and after that. And the whole weekend, if you’re honest to yourself. You doubt he was immune to it.
You decide to wait a little before you text him. Just to make sure you really are going to do this. Because it feels like you’re standing at the top of a cliff, and you’ve never been a cliff diver. No, you’re far too afraid of heights. But the fact that you haven’t been able to get Jungkook off your mind tells you enough: you’d jump off the highest cliff for him.
Because if you don’t risk it, what is there to win?
So it’s later that night, when you’re rewatching your favourite anime, that you find yourself pausing the show. You go to your messaging app, and heart beating out of your chest you type a message. Something simple, something straight to the point. Because the fact he ignored your last message says enough: Jungkook won’t cave in for apologies, especially not over text.
You settle on,
[9:31 pm] You: hey jk! can we talk tmrw after practice?😌
You press send before you can convince yourself that this is not a good idea, and anxiety blooms in every inch of you. It’s a foreign feeling: you’ve never been so anxious when it came to someone else before in your life.
Watching your favourite anime after that has never been so hard.
Thursday, July 12th
                You don’t want to go to practice. Everything feels like it’s going too fast and too slow at the same time: waiting for Jungkook to reply is excruciatingly long, and having to head to the dance studio is coming far too quickly.
Jungkook hasn’t replied. You texted Mary about it – she said to see in person if Jungkook wants to talk, but to also respect it if he doesn’t. It makes you far less hopeful than you were when you got out of her office yesterday, but you know she is right.
If this is his way of setting a boundary, you will have to respect. No matter how much it upsets you.
So it’s in an anxious state of mind that you make your way to the studio. You run into Jiho on the way, and you’re worrying at your bottom lip when she asks, “What’s wrong?”
Your steps falter a little, and you throw her a side glance. “Uh?”
“What’s wrong with you?” she asks.
She knows that you used to see a therapist. But telling her that you saw Mary again about Jungkook feels like too big of a confession. It gives him too much power, and you’re not sure you’re ready for that. But you can tell some parts of the truth, can you?
“I’m going to try and talk to Jungkook tonight.”
Jiho remains suspiciously silent for a time. “Are you sure you want to talk to him?”
“I guess,” you say, shrugging your shoulders. “I just feel bad about this weekend.” Jiho offers you a sad smile, as your eyes fall to the concrete in front of you. “It’s just like, I don’t know, I liked where last weekend was going and I don’t want it to go back to the way things were before.” You pause, already feeling a little lighter now that you’ve started talking to your best friend. “Like I know I got scared and all, but he’s actually pretty decent?”
Now, Jiho’s smile has turned knowing, and she nudges you with her elbow. “I think I saw that coming from miles away but I didn’t want you to kill me.”
“Uh?” you let out, feeling a little confused.
“Everyone always thought you two were into each other,” she admits, and she laughs loudly when you push her. “Exactly why I didn’t want to tell you,” she says when her laughter subsides as you offer her a fake glare, lips jutting out in a small pout.
“I mean, I don’t even know if that’s where things are going,” you say. Your fear returns, and you’re back to nibbling on your lower lip. “Like, maybe I just fucked up too bad?”
“Did you talk since then?” Jiho asks.
You refuse to look at her when you reply. “No. He ignored my texts.”
From the corner of your eyes you see Jiho wince. Because she knows just as well as you what it probably means, and you don’t want to hear her say it.
“What did you tell him?”
You shrug your shoulders, trying to act as indifferent as possible. “Sunday I said that I was sorry, and I asked him if we could talk after dance practice yesterday.”
“And he said nothing?”
It’s rhetorical, so you remain silent. You’re reaching the bridge, and you know the conversation will soon come to an obligated end anyway.
“Babe…”  Jiho lets out carefully. “Maybe you shouldn’t talk to him.”
It makes you scoff. “I’ll be chill, don’t worry.”
“I’m not saying you won’t be,” Jiho says. She grabs your arm to make you stop. “Maybe he just doesn’t want to talk.”
You free your arm from her grip, though she was already letting you go. “I’ll ask. We’ll see. I just want to clear the air.”
Jiho holds your defiant gaze for a while, before nodding once. “Alright. Sounds good. You let me know what he says.” She pauses for a few seconds, before adding, “And we’re still on for Thirsty Thursdays after that.”
Of course you are, and of course you’ll tell her. She’s your best friend after all, and you don’t remember a time when you really hid anything from her.
It doesn’t stop your heart from aching in your chest as you near the studio.
*****
                Dance practice feels weird. You can’t help your eyes from diverting to Jungkook where he’s standing, next to the mirrors. He’s good at pretending he doesn’t feel your gaze on him, yet more than once you catch him already looking.
He looks good. He’s in paler clothes than his usual today – light blue jeans with an oversized white t-shirt – and his hair is ruffled by the way he keeps running his hands through it. He looks like he doesn’t care, almost. Because you can tell he’s anxious about something whenever you catch him pulling at his piercing, eyebrows slightly furrowed over his eyes.
You don’t know when you started being able to read him so well, but you surely can now.
He calls dance practice off earlier than his usual, and he still hasn’t really looked at you. You’re pretty sure everyone has noticed by now, especially considering the fact Jiho hasn’t really been subtle about it. She’s glaring at Jungkook most of the time, and he just shrugs his shoulders to her.
It’s weird. Something is off, but if you’re going to do this, you’ll do it, right?
It’s in that anxious state of mind that you approach him as everyone filters out. His hands are buried in his pockets and he’s leaning against the mirror. It’s like he’s waiting for you, and you figure maybe he did read your message after all.
The first few seconds of standing in front of him are far more awkward than anything you’ve ever experienced in your entire life. You don’t know what to say, don’t know where to start, and Jungkook’s head is hanging too low for you to be able to catch his gaze without invading his personal space. So you stay rooted in your spot, and you wait for him to look at you. It takes a while, but he eventually looks up.
You’re taken aback by the bitter annoyance his features hold. “What?”
You’ve written in your notes app what you wanted to say. You’ve even practiced it, but now you don’t remember a single word.
His eyes are sad. It’s the only thing that feels different on his features. The rest is all annoyed: his eyebrows are furrowed, the corners of his lips are pointing downwards. His shoulders are low, defeated, and he seems to realize it because he straightens and folds his arms on his chest.
“Uh,” you choke out against the anxiety that’s building up inside of you. “I just…”
“If you want to apologize again, I received your message last Sunday.”
You brush a strand of your hair behind your ear, before folding your arms on your chest too. “Why did you ignore me?”
He shrugs, shaking his head a little as he looks away. “I have nothing to tell you.”
“Jungkook, can you please not? We’re adults.”
“Yeah, and I’m choosing to not be talking with you. I’m sure you can respect that?”
You can. You definitely can. But at the same time you can’t. Not when he says it like that, like it’s some sort of an insult.
“Why are you overreacting like that?”
“Because I’m fucking embarrassed about last weekend!” he bursts. “I wish it never happened.”
It hurts. It stings and burns, and you hold your arms tighter against you. “You’re embarrassed? Is that why you said you wished we did it earlier?”
His gaze turns vicious, like he’s a viper waiting to strike. “See, that’s exactly why I do not want to talk to you. I don’t think we can be friends either. We’ve never been friends, like you oh so kindly reminded me, and that won’t change.”
You close your eyes, taking a deep breath to relax, because this is not where you want this conversation to be going. “Listen,” you say after a few seconds of silence, “I really don’t want to be fighting with you. I just want to clear the air.”
“The air is cleared,” he says as you open your eyes to meet his fiery gaze again. “I don’t understand what you’re trying to do.”
You’re struck then. You feel like you either have the choice to confess or to stick to your anger. And you try to confess, you really do. It’s not like with Jiho – Jungkook was part of the moment Saturday, he was there with you under the stars. So it shouldn’t be too hard to tell him, to say you got scared.
You open your mouth to say the words, and shut it immediately as he scoffs.
“See, I don’t even think we should be speaking at all,” he says. There’s a fraction of a second when you’re convinced you can read pain in his gaze before he continues, “I’m actually seeing Laura, and I don’t want to fuck that up.”
Every word you’ve ever known vanishes from your mind. You just stand there for a moment, mouth hanging open, ears ringing as you look at him. You feel like you’re falling, or maybe you’re getting crushed. It’s hard to tell. It’s equally as hard to breathe, and your lungs burn as oxygen fills them.
“What?”
“I went on a date with Laura and I actually like the girl, I don’t want to fuck things up by talking to you,” he says, slowly, as if he needs to hammer every word into your head.
Laura? The girl from his class?
“Isn’t that the girl you told me you don’t care about?”
Your voice is somehow flat. Empty of the emotions it held just a few seconds ago.
“I went on a date with her and I like her,” he repeats as if you’re stupid and didn’t understand the first time around. As if your heart is not breaking in your chest, infinitely so.
You didn’t know how big your heart is until this moment, when every beat just breaks a little more, and all you can think to do is hold yourself tighter. As if it’ll stop the breaking.
“When?”
“Why do you want to know?” he asks, and his eyes fall shut as he pinches the bridge of his nose. You really do feel stupid then, stupid and foolish and everything in between. Like you’re a five-years-old that keeps messing her right from her left.
“I… how the fuck did you go on a date with her already, it’s been four days?”
“A lot can change in four days, Y/n,” he drawls.
You think your nails might be digging in your palms from how hard you’re clenching your fists. “Wow.”
The studio falls silent. It’s heavy, and maybe the silence is what’s been crushing you. Because you were expecting it – the moment you and Jungkook wouldn’t have anything else to tell each other. Because for everything you were willing to confess, now there’s just an empty spot inside of you.
You hold his gaze. He doesn’t look all that infuriated anymore. Defeated, yes, and maybe a little deflated. He looks like he didn’t expect the conversation to go there.
But you were right. Turns out you were right and you are too late. You can’t help but hate him for it.
“You don’t waste your time, do you?” you ask, and you scoff bitterly. “You fuck one girl and then another in just a few days. Suits you well.”
He rolls his eyes. “As I said, I wish we didn’t sleep together. If I could take last weekend back I would.” He shrugs then, shaking his head a little. “I’m sure you understand.”
You purse your lips, trying to keep them from trembling as you feel a lump form in your throat. “I can’t believe you’re already fucking some other girl.”
“Okay, Y/n, as if that’s going to change anything.”
You nod, and you find yourself fleeing his gaze. Because you don’t want him to see how you’re breaking inside. How every piece of you turns inside out, until you’re bleeding out standing there in front of him.
“Just…”
You think about the stars. You think about the way he led you in that dance, the way his eyes shone as he looked at you.
Jungkook is cataclysmic. He really is. And cataclysms are rarely good, are they? They can create, yes, the way the universe was once created, but they destroy. They destroy and destroy until nothing remains, until you just feel like you’re drowning and burning all at once.
“Save your breath,” he says. You think his gaze is shining again, and you don’t think it’s shining for the same reason that it was under the stars. “And I mean that in the most respectful way.”
“Right. As if that would ever sound respectful.”
He rolls his eyes again. “Yeah, whatever. I’m done here.”
It occurs to you that you’re about to watch someone you care about walk out of your life again. You want to reach out and hold him, to tell him how you feel, to say how everything has started to hurt, but you can’t. You can just look at him, hold his gaze until he makes the decision to go.
He’s gone before you’ve truly assimilated just how bad everything went. Just how far south things went, and how fiercely everything burns. And you stand there for a long time, holding yourself, waiting for the heartbreak to stop. But the thing with heartbreak is that it never fully stops, does it? You just learn to deal with it better.
It’s weird. You never thought you could be cold and burning at the same time. But if this is hell, then hell has frozen over because you’re shivering, just holding yourself.
You feel like you’re sixteen again, like you watched your dad walk out of your life again. Maybe because Jungkook really was the cataclysm to you, and now you’re stuck with the aftermath.
But you don’t cry. No, you hold the tears in. Force them to dry without having rolled on your cheeks, convince them that you don’t care. It’s something you’re good at. Pretending. Because maybe you’ve been pretending you hate Jungkook for a lot longer than you thought. Maybe that’s the reason why it hurts so bad.
But you won’t cry, no. You won’t cry for Jeon Jungkook.
You get home later that night, after having walked through a daze for the whole evening. You’re drunk, and you’re still aching from the inside out. Your phone is in your hand, and you’ve been on Jungkook’s conversation for so long without blinking that your eyes have fully gone dry.
You watch the text you’ve just sent, the only proof that you ever cared about Jungkook.
[2:31 am] You: i reall y wish things ddn’t go so bad
It takes you three days to realize it never delivered.
Friday, July 20th
                It takes Jungkook a little under two weeks to officialise things with Laura. It’s moving quickly, he’s aware of it, but he’s been trying to ignore the way he saw your heart break in your eyes. It seems the best way to do it is to watch feelings swell in someone else’s gaze, and so he asks Laura to be his girlfriend after their third date.
She says yes, beaming like she’s the sun personified.
Still, when Jungkook closes his eyes at night, all he sees is your heart breaking in your eyes.
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☆☆☆☆☆
yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh.. my bad. I really went far with this angst uh? What do we think? What's going to happen next?
All rights reserved to @/oddinary4bts 2023. Do not copy, repost or translate.
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364 notes · View notes
amaibambina · 3 months ago
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hey, i wanted to give my condolences for all the shit that went down with the rain code takes blog. imo it was pretty obvious that you had no ill intent, and even if it was offensive (which, as someone who is plus-sized, i didn't find it to be), it certainly didn't warrant that much hate from the community + shit-stirring on the part of the mods. frankly, i think everyone involved needs to go outside and touch grass.
well, thank you for still supporting me, i appreciate it! ❤️ are people still on about that? i said my response, blocked their blog and moved on, lol.
there was nothing bad about my post, it was appreciation for the badge. i even liked the post bc i agree with it. the mods warped it into being a fatphobic thing. they called her ghost form "a blob" while i never said anything mean. i like how big she was drawn, it's cute!
it's so funny that people who i never once spoken to think i'm fatphobic. it's not like i'm dating a beautiful plus-sized woman or anything. 🥰💞 lowkey became a meme between us bc this "controversy" is stupid. (no shit bigger woman are human too. i never said they weren't. how tf— nevermind)
but yeah, it's just a bunch of people getting mad about something they made up in their heads and total cowards for sending hate asks as anons, LMAO
real ones know i don't spread any form of hate or bullying. (i ignore any posts i disagree with) in fact, my friends say i'm too kind and overly sweet for my own good 😅
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fandomsniper · 7 months ago
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I'm bored so I'm posting quotes and memes earlier than I planned 🍪
----
Veers: I want to make you scream.
Piett: I'm not going to watch that horror movie with you, Max.
Veers: Damn it!
----
Motti: Hey, do you think I can fit fifteen marshmallows in my mouth?
Needa: You are a hazard to society.
Veers: And a coward, do twenty.
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Krennic: Started from the bottom, and somehow managed to get even lower.
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Motti, holding the door open for Jerjerrod: After you.
Jerjerrod: No, after you.
Motti: No, no, I insist, after you.
Piett, pushing past both of them: After me.
----
Krennic, drunk: What is toothpaste, if not bone soap.
Tarkin: Existence is a prison and being married to you is maximum security.
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Jerjerrod: Come on, I want to show you something.
Jerjerrod: *turns and walks away*
Motti: Nice.
Jerjerrod: That's not it but thank you.
----
Piett: Do you want to explain the message you send me last night?
Veers: That was autocorrect.
Piett: Autocorrect wrote "You are so hot. Please step on me"?
Veers: Yes.
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dumbkatsu · 2 years ago
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You ask and I deliver! I'm so happy everyone is enjoying the Mu Qing hc, so let's start:
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Mu Qing would notice the littlest things about you.
From how you style your hair, how you prepare your coffee/tea, what you put first in the bowl if it's the cereals or the milk to the little gestures you do when you're nervous.
He just loves your little mannerisms so much. He finds them endearing.
Even the way every week you organize your books in a different system
He would notice how you sometimes forget to take care of yourself properly so he would help.
If you are a very busy person in the morning and forget to eat breakfast he'd prepare it for you to take away with a sticky note saying: "Don't forget to eat dummy"
When you first introduced him to MBTI he was really confused.
And when you explained the concept to him he low-key thought it would be another zodiac thing.
Which made you really pissed
So you made him do the test.
(And during the test he was a bit bored ngl)
It gave him ISTJ
At first, he was confused but as he read his results he was starting to doubt his convictions and so he became interested in mbti's
Cue you sending him a shitton of mbti memes 24/7
And whenever he saw a meme roasting your mbti he would def sending you
You would def make him dress up as your mbti for Halloween
But he wouldn't mind
Because if it made you smile he would do anything for you
When it comes to communication in a relationship, he can get a bit shy and insecure, so there will be times when he won't say wants to say. But if you talk to him and show him that you can give him a safe space to express his feelings he will become more confident and it will show.
OH! I totally feel like mu qing is the type to avoid you when he realizes his feelings for you (pre-relationship)
If you were close friends before and this starts happening it can be very hurtful.
You try to corner him but to no avail, he just gives a half-assed excuse and weasels his way away from you again.
It takes Xie Lian, Feng Xin, and even a tiny roast from Hua Cheng to make him apologize and confess to you
"Mu Qing you should be honest about your feelings, it's clear that they like you too!"
"Yeah bro you need to go head in and do it, it's been too long and now that you decided to very obviously distance yourself they've kinda been upset these past few days"
"Only a pussy bitch boy wouldn't admit their feelings and just confess instead of causing mindless hurt to both parties, isn't that right Mu Qing?"
"San lang..."
Yes that was basically the last drop for Mu Qing and he decides to drive up to your place
(cliché warning: I'm about to be so corny on this one I hope you can forgive me)
It started pouring rain and Mu Qing cursed himself for not doing this sooner and just being a blatant coward.
When he reached your driveway he calls your phone
"Hey, why are you-"
"Come outside"
"Mu Qing it's raining"
"I don't care just come outside, I want to take you somewhere"
"Fine. Give me a minute"
You basically leave in your pajamas and go on a late-night drive with Mu Qing.
He obviously gives you the aux cord bcs he likes your taste in music
You guys drive for a bit until he stops at a place with a nice skyline
You guys stay silent until he turns the engine off.
Mu Qing sighs to himself as you look at him expectantly
"Look Y/n I'm sorry. I have been a first-class dick these past few days and I really didn't want to hurt you by doing it but...it's just that... " he stops.
The words he wants to say can't get out of his mouth it's stuck in his throat until he feels your hand on top of his giving him an encouraging nod
It's incredible how you make him feel like he can conquer the world without uttering a single word really.
"I have feelings for you y/n. I never felt like this before. I feel like I don't deserve to feel like this, I feel like I don't deserve you in my life because I can't treat you like you should be treated. You've been here for me through thick and thin and I would do anything for you. But I am honestly feeling very fucking scared for what it might happen next."
You stay quiet trying to process all of the information you were just told. It was a lot to take in. Until you broke the agonising silence.
"I like you too Mu qing. I always have" you said with a beaming smile
"And yes you were being a total asshat, I was so confused. I thought you were upset that I ate the last chocolate pudding in your fridge"
"SO IT WAS YOU?? I THOUGHT I WAS FENG XIN! I MADE HIM BUY ME 4 MORE"
You two broke in silly laughter and when you opened your eyes you saw mu qing really close to your face.
He was looking at your eyes with such adoration that it was hard to maintain eye contact with those grey eyes.
He momentarily looked at your lips and his Adam's apple bobbed
He looks back at your eyes again moving closer. Your lips almost touching
"Can I k-kiss you?"
You guys can figure out the rest ;)
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