#( okay gn ily all bbies )

[clochanamarc]

@wnterslder wanted to know what happened the first time aisling had to kill one of her variants. and now i'm here, listening to hozier as he serenades yet another traumatic moment for my muse! bon appetit! AND THIS GOT SO LONG PLS I NEED TO BE STOPPED-

" did you know? "

despite the soft gentleness in her whispered words, ajay finds himself stiffening with that terrible prickle of fear at her words. funny; just three are necessary to tear apart another well-meant but poorly-received facade. how many more will she uncover? how many more will he design, before finally accepting the futility of such lies? " i didn't hear you come in. "

" i was here when you and trent arrived. " she leans forward, leather cushions creaking as she tugs the cord of a nearby lamp and illuminates the room. now, he sees the quiet, stunned look in her face. a woman who has seen the impossible, understands it, but struggles to reconcile with it. he isn't sure if that's what causes his pulse to rise, or if it's her calm acknowledgement of his connection with trent.

" ah. " ajay abandons his cup of chai, and sinks into the seat across from her. " i did know. "

a small, muffled sob escapes her, barely controlled by her white-knuckled fist.

" which universe did you go to? "

" 53. "

ajay bows his head, hands clasped in front of his lips as though in prayer. one of the better versions of her, by far. but against the young woman he has had the pleasure of knowing... earth-53's aisling jones is a breed of darkness unknown to many.

" so, you knew. you... you knew the universes, the other versions of me... and you didn't think to tell me?! "

" what good would it have done? "

" i went looking for a universe where my life turned out perfect, and i found my reflection killing off the avengers one by one. and you have the nerve to suggest it wouldn't have done me any good? "

" aisling... " he hears the plaintive tone, and closes his eyes.

" is that who i am? "

" no, of course not-- "

" i don't know, ajay! " her anger mingles with that terrible rise of panic. tears fall in streams down her cheeks, and he sits forward, grabbing a box of kleenex and urging her to take some. she doesn't. " i don't... i can't think beyond it. i can't! i saw her take them all out like they were just paper dolls, and now it's all i can see when i close my eyes! "

" you are not her! aisling, sweetheart, please, you are nothing like the others! "

" we don't know that! we don't, ajay... because i killed her. "

that steals all words and air from him with no other effort necessary. she drops her head, hands clasping over her mouth. the tears are still flowing. but she somehow speaks with a tremulously quiet tone, nevertheless.

" i just... she looked so terrifying, you know? like, like something out of a nightmare. she just kept going, and going, and... i tried to get her to stop. but then bucky tried to take her out, and she just... i used the stone just as she was using hers. and then there was this blinding light, and... she wasn't there when i woke up. but bucky told me she evaporated. like in the snap. "

" you were trying to protect him. "

" maybe. i mean, i know that's what pushed me to do it. but... what separates me from her, in the end? what separates me from the rest of them? all the other aisling's are evil, right? they run themselves into it. so why are we assuming i'm going to be the lucky one? "

" it's not a curse, dear. it's... it's all choice. it's what we choose to do, to say, to become... we may never know why 53 became what she did, nor why any of the others followed their paths... but i know you. and i know you choose love, every single day. "

" i let eoin die. " she looks so small, all of a sudden. back to ten years younger, shivering on a lifeboat, holding her dead lover in her arms under the dying light of a flare. ajay reaches forward, pushing back tousled blonde curls and gently cradling her cheek.

" he chose that. and you chose to listen. you both chose to save billions of innocent lives. perhaps that's part of what divides you from them. " his other hand releases the kleenex, and pulls a woollen blanket from the arm of the sofa. " now. you get some rest. trent insisted on making omelettes in the morning-- "

" jesus. "