#( musings. ) it's just bearable it has to be i don't have a choice

[thedoctorsaysimwrong]

jack related tags ::

( verse i. ) pre children of earth ( about. ) a man out of his time alone and scared ( musings. ) it's just bearable it has to be i don't have a choice ( headcanons. ) for a second there i felt so alive ( isms. ) then i take it back alright? i take it all back but not him!

( verse ii. ) live long enough to see yourself become the villain ( about ii. ) i listened to my wife die over and over and over again ( musings ii. ) yes i've changed... pain does that to people ( headcanons ii. ) there's always something left to lose ( isms ii. ) i have lived so many lives time to find another one

( verse iii. ) pre torchwood ( verse iv. ) post miracle day ( verse v. ) coe | house of the dead

[a-tale-of-legends]

Oh btw. I know I already said this but it was in a more rambling way than a coherent thought process so! About Jude

She's still an orphan but instead of having grown up in an orphanage, they grew up with the International Police

^ the reason for this was bc he was found after a failed attempt of catching their father, who was wanted for his association with various underground criminal organizations. Jude was practically left for dead by her father, but was picked up by IP.

Because they were an aura user much like their father, Jude was practically raised as a potential weapon. Sadly, I still haven't figured out the specifics, but I get the vibe that growing up with IP was very strict.

Because of this strict lifestyle, Jude enjoys the fact that they are "special". He knows that aura users are a rarity- her father said as such- and because they're so rare with such a specific power, they are valuable. Too valuable to get rid of. Jude knows that IP won't do anything drastic with them no matter how many times they disobey rules because he knows they don't want to lose a valuable resource. And that makes them feel powerful. Enough to make the fact that they're trapped in a cage more bearable.

Jude is still rather mean- both due to what their father taught them and due to how powerless IP makes them. Eat or be eaten. Take what little control and power you have for yourself.

The reason they are even in Kalos at all is bc Diantha privately contacted IP to investigate Team Flare....but IP didn't exactly see them as an immediate threat, not yet anyway. Though given the track record of recent years, they decided to still send in someone who could sniff out what's happening. Not Looker, though he is definitely back up- but rather Jude. Being able to read Auras is a boon here...though. Um.

Jude is not that great of an aura user. Their father thought them the bare basics and IP never had skilled aura users to train her. So while aura reading and sensing can be done, it's not. Great. Still good enough to go on missions though ( that plus Jude has pretty good detective skills on his own...though that may just be the general lack of trust LMAO)

Anyway, Jude needs a cover, so they'll be posing as Grace's adopted kid,who's moving with her to Kalos, Grace's home region.

Speaking of Grace: this is where things get tricky cause you can't tell me that Grace suddenly having a teenager child isn't going to raise suspicion. And honestly, I'm still very much working through that part. But I've thought of an interesting idea. It doesn't smooth things over exactly, but it's still pretty good I think. Grace has ties with the international police. She was never a part of it lol, but I was thinking a family member used to be part of it or something? I know she has a husband in canon but honestly, I love my always single flirty Grace so unless I'm reallllly struggling I could go with the dead husband who was an IP agent route lol. But for now it's a family member!

Grace was contacted bc they needed a smooth way to get Jude into Kalos. Grace, who has never taken care of a human child ( her Ryhorn is her baby lol) be like bro, wtf, I just retired and wanted to move back home. Why????? Are you doing this??????" Not that she had much choice in the matter lmao.

Hmmmm. Okay just musing on the timeline of events here: maybe I can have the first few sightings of Team Flare be at least a few years prior XY? And given the recent track history over the years Diantha is like "I! Should probably look into that". Again, she isn't fully convinced it's anything but better safe than sorry ( she heard horror stories from Cynthia). So Jude was assigned to Grace like. A few years prior to XY? And thus not making the whole thing super suspicious? Hmmm. I dunno. I'll work something out. IP is probably good at forging documents anyway.

This makes the dynamic between Jude and Dante a bit different? Bc Jude is just here for a job and Dante is over here crashing out bc his ego is actively getting crushed. Tbf though, Jude is outside of the watchful eye of IP for once. Sure, they're playing a role, but this role is arguably the most freedom they've had in a loooong time. So. I think Jude might still be a bitch. Might indulge in the rivalry bc not only do they get to feel strong but have someone actually push them to do so ( Dante, despite losing a lot, is genuinely someone who keeps Jude on their toes).

I think pokemon is a special case for Jude. The only way for mega evolution to work ( without maximum drawbacks) is with a proper bond. You would think, with Jude wanting to feel power and control due to it being taken away from him throughout his life that he would be cruel to her pokemon. But I don't think they are. It's most definitely projection, but maybe Jude feels like they're a kindred spirit with pokemon. Eat or be eaten. Caged, made as tools ( again. Projecting. This is Not how things are in reality!!!) So I think, while still cold.... they're rather soft with pokemon. He pushed them bc he believes that can be something greater. But I think she does end up recognizing that the way they were trained doesn't have to be the way he trains his pokemon. If that makes sense.

I really think it ends up surprising him how much their pokemon ends up loving them. Faults and all.

Raaaah I wanna say more but I'm running out of steam. I will say! This version of Jude, I feel, could have genuinely become a villain if they went a different path. Like they never went to Kalos and was kept under the oppressive watch of IP. At some point, they would snap. At some point, they would want a lot of power for themself. And they would be cruel and unyielding. I couldn't really say that for old Jude. They were mean, yeah I couldn't see a potential where they could have ended up being a straight up villain. I think I can say that for this Jude though. Thankfully they got blasted with the power of friendship and good parental figures ( Grace. Sycamore is on thin fucking ice. Diantha is more like an aunt that pops in now and again)

Also also all of this is still a work in progress!!!! Jude still feels a bit wonky despite me liking this direction for her. Especially since he now feels more detached to the main plot than anything but. Who knows mainly that'll change.

[battlelaine]

double-edge for evelyn, rage for morgan, thunder for dana and psychic for nita!

Technical Machine Headcanons!

Double-Edge — Does your muse have any personality traits that are a double-edged sword?

Evelyn's kindness, or more over her desire to be 'good', is a double edged sword. I feel like this is a pretty common trope for characters with archetypes like Evelyn's but it's very true for her. Evelyn desperately wants to be a good, kind person for the sake of simply being good and kind. That is a good thing because offering kindness to the world simply makes the world a more bearable place for all those in it. It's also good to strive to better oneself whenever possible. By wanting to make oneself a better person means wanting to allow oneself to grow into a stronger person. However where it becomes a problem is when oneself starts harming themselves over it. Which is the point Evelyn has reached. Evelyn pushes herself to be a good, kind person so much that she constantly panics over doing something 'wrong'. Evelyn's kindness only goes so far as to reach others and there comes the question of what good is kindness if it cannot be offered to oneself? Evelyn cannot forgive herself easily for even little mistakes because it means she is a 'bad' person and if she is a 'bad' person then what worth is she? She can only measure her personal worth by how useful she is to those around her. Whether that is by making them feel emotionally better or of being of service to them in someway. Her desire to be 'good' both makes her the better, stronger person she wants to be. But it also hurts her incredibly deeply and makes it so she has trouble even functioning as that better person she desires to be.

rage — what’s one thing that makes your muse inconsolably angry?

When Morgan thinks about what they gave up in order to run the Maison. Don't get them, if they were forced to do it all again, they'd make the same choices and take over the Maisons once more. However whenever they take a moment to just think about their childhood, their dreams, their aspirations, everything they lost because of tradition they become incredibly angry. They are furious over everything they lost due to having to run the Battle Maisons. When they think of the person they could have, the person they wanted to be, before they were told they had to dedicate themselves to running the Battle Maisons all the anger they've held in for decades just bubbles up. They don't talk about this with anyone. They haven't even told their sisters. Dana vaguely knows about everything Morgan lost so she could become head of the Battle Maisons. But she doesn't know the anger that seethes within Morgan over it. If she did, she'd likely be more understanding of her older sister. But Morgan doesn't want to be understood. Not really. She wants her actions, everything she lost, to be justified. So she pushes herself and her sisters to make the Battle Maisons better then they've ever been. Make the Maisons more popular, make the family name famous again, make her ancestors proud. Just so everything she lost and so all her anger is something. But she doesn't even know if that will really soothe her anger. Will all she's done ever feel justified?

thunder — describe your muse’s voice: is it soft, loud, grating, soothing, etc?

I've yet to find a good voice claim for Dana as I imagine her with a fairly unique voice. But I imagine her voice being sort of demanding of attention if that makes sense. It's a little loud though not in an obnoxious way more in an authoritative attention drawing way. She doesn't exactly have an accent due to the fact she's lived in so many places. Sometimes she can be mistaken for having a Galarian accent or a Kalosian accent or even a Hoennian accent. It just fully depends on who she is talking with or what language she is using. There is a certain soothing nature to her not exactly one that puts you at ease or makes your particularly trusting. But once again it's the confidence she speaks with and carries herself with, her voice holds this sort of authority that lets people think she has everything under control. Even if she doesn't. She does have a tendency to speak rather quickly like she's always in a hurry to be off doing something else. Her voice and tone are really reflective of what she's feeling, she can never hide her feelings from her voice it always gives her away. Which is only fitting as she often wear her heart on her sleeve.

psychic — does your muse have any intrusive thoughts? if so, what are they?

Nita IS an intrusive thought tbh. Okay for real though Nita DOES deal with a lot of intrusive thoughts regarding violence towards others or dangerous actions towards herself. As well as intrusive thoughts regarding her sisters feelings towards her. Sometimes these violent thoughts towards others will be in moments of arguments or when they've angered her thus making her feel 'vindicated' to act out on these actions. Other times she'll just be waiting for the train and her brain will tell her to push the person in front of her onto the tracks which will freak her out tremendously. Worse is when she receives intrusive thoughts of hurting her sisters whether they feel vindicated or not. Those thoughts freak her out to the point she actively has to separate herself from her sisters. Her intrusive thoughts regarding herself are usually regarding taking reckless actions. Like riding the top of the train to Kiloude City or jumping from the roof of the Maison not to kill herself but simply just cause. Depending on the severity of these actions and if she can rationalize them to herself she might actually try some of these actions. For example she knows what would happen if she jumped from the roof of the Maison and has no desire to try that. However riding the top of the Kiloude City train is a very tempting offer. For her family she deals with a lot of intrusive thoughts regarding them secretly hating her. These thoughts affect the most because they scare her the most. She hates the idea that her sisters hate her and is terrified that it just might be true. Due to that fear she's never talked to her sisters about these thoughts, worrying that they might just be right.

[secrettyrant]

Nina doesn't glance to her brother, attention solely on her phone save for the quirk of her brow in response to his white lie. "How very Felix of you." she responds dryly, taking the moment to win ever needed brownie points. Her thumb holds down the microphone, eyes darting from the screen to her brother. "That will all be perfect, mor. Not a bother at all. Oskar is with me and we'd be delighted to help you this month." Nina releases the button with a soft smirk, an internal groan almost leaving her lips as she immediately sees Agneta's text dots. Knowing it will be a while, Nina slips her phone away. "That's a curious choice of words, Oskie. Do you feel demoted when you're here?" Nina fires back her simple quip, now taking it upon herself to patrol the office space. "Maybe emasculated is a better fitting for you." she adds, smirking again. Although, she has to say she agrees. The institute isn't quite in their blood, and she is of course only here because of their brother.

Nina's shoulders droop, only in slight dramatics, to Oskar's admission and she turns from studying the art to give him a quick glare. "Well, you created this monster. It will be your job to fix it." she says, unsure if Agneta will get bored of knowing her voice can literally find her offspring no matter where they are in the world. Nina lets out a slightly thoughtful hum about Felix, however, and is back to a slow march around Oskar's office. "Yes, I saw that." she muses about their brother's Parisian escapades. "Have you not spoken to him since the big conversation?" she glances to Oskar, her head then tilting with a knowing expression and a small sigh of exasperation. "Please don't pretend you and him were inconspicuous in the smoking lounge. Father came and hassled me and mother for twenty minutes because of it." Nina adds, now getting comfortable in the seat by his desk as a small laugh leaves her. "What? Made it slightly more bearable to be in? You're welcome. I actually am here for something important. What happened for that cute little Russian witch to think you're a moron? Or did it just take..a general conversation with her?"

★・・・・・・★

Nina's saunter into the office space disrupts Oskar's concentration. His gaze momentarily slides from the computer screen to his sister's intrusion, met with a sardonic smirk as she shoves her phone in his face. "Ah, that's because I said I had back to back meetings today. Guess she decided to bother you instead." Oskar remarks simply, an attempt made to get back to his work. "She wants us to plan that...monthly dinner." he explains, words interrupted momentarily with a deep sigh because he wishes to avoid the responsibility entirely. Nina's jest about his office elicits a quick scoff from Oskar, prompting him to recline in his chair with an air of nonchalance. "I should hope so, since you've been demoted to a supernatural babysitter now." he quips, ignoring the fact he is currently sitting within the institute with the same work day. His only glimpse of it that week before he is back dealing with numbers instead of people.

Slowly, Oskar returns to his computer but a brow arches to his sister's question and a subtle grin forms. "I did." he confesses with deep amusement. "I was sick of the three texts for one thought." Oskar adds, now happy to see that Agneta is burdening Nina for the day. The remark about their mother's lifespan however, shifts his grin into a frown as his gaze follows Nina's glance to the door. "Comes for us all." he mutters, once again an attempt made to focus on his work as Nina asks about their younger brother. A sigh starts Oskar's answer, fingers clacking away at the keyboard. "Barely. He was more interested in Paris with the Arison witches. Minus Filippa." he mumbles before amusing himself. "Though, would never surprise me if he went to Europe with that nutjob too." Oskar's chuckle is weak for a brief second, waving a dismissive hand to his sister. "Unless you want something important, can you go? You've changed the entire atmosphere in here within seconds."

[sharp-teeth-and-archived]

intothewildsea asked : 👫 for niamh and robert if you want?

Send a 👫 and I’ll write four headcanons I have about our muse’s relationship / @intothewildsea​​ -- accepting

- So the fact that he has Niamh to listen to him means a whole lot to him. I imagine in the gang, he wouldn't have too many friends. I think just his general vibe would rub off the wrong way on people (and his unhealthy obsession with Jesse), and how really egotistical he can be -- it leaves a small gap for people he could be friends with. He wears his emotions on his sleeve and will say something if someone makes fun of him, which makes him even more humorous to others to pick on him (because he gives them the reaction they want, especially to Sean). So with Niamh actually giving him a chance and talking to him, he takes it highly. He doesn't show his affection through anything physical, he’s not a person who gives hugs, so he'll show his appreciation by including her in things. He'll give her coffee, give her something she thinks she might like, seek her out to talk.

- Going off that, I think with Niamh and his friendship -- it makes him feel better about camp more. I don't think he was really a big fan of Dutch's gang, to begin with, never really reached to talk to them, but it makes it more bearable with people like Sean picking on him. He hates being seen as the loner, being invisible in the gang -- so Niamh's friendship and kindness makes him feel better.

- When he rats out the gang and works closely with the Pinkertons, he doesn't just give money to Niamh for her generosity for him -- he also either leaves out her name entirely when he gives information to the Pinkertons or completely certifies that she will not be targeted by them. (He'd threaten to not give them any information and completely expose Micah's involvement with the Pinkertons if they wouldn't. May even use slander to help him completely destroy their plans with the gang). It doesn't make his actions any better, but he isn't completely heartless.

- I know we haven't exactly gotten to the point where they have a really deep connection & friendship, but Robert would tell her his most innermost thoughts. I feel like, at some point, he might even tell her about everything. Or at least think about doing that. It's either from a room of pride or it would just slip out and he thought he would receive a pleasant reaction in return.

- Not exactly four but he would probably try to get her to be his partner in crime at some point. She doesn't have to follow through with it or agree to it, but he would suggest at some point for the two to rustle cattle, steal something small, something that isn't too large for the two of them. He might even suggest robbing a stagecoach if he feels really confident.

- Kind of going off the whole headcanon of him doing little things for her (like getting her coffee or giving her something), he would be really observant towards her choices with her physical appearance. If she styles her hair a different way, wears something he didn't think she would pick out, he will notice it and may even pay her a little compliment about it (something short and sweet, in the most awkward way possible, with a shy grin). He'll join her after stew is served and have a quick chat at a table or by the fire (or wherever she decided to sit).

- I saw a thing on your blog where Niamh likes to name animals? (It was chickens on your blog). Robert never named any of his horses any name because he thinks it's silly. He takes care of his horse and paid a lot of attention to all of the horses his family had due to being placed on horse duty for his chores, but he just doesn't see the point in it? It's a childish thing to do, in his opinion. What if Niamh named his horse for him? He won't say it aloud and disregard it, in a playful manner, to be humorous. But he'll find it really adorable that she pays attention to those small things.