#( meta. ) i’m a helpless soul with a hopeless hand.

[cheatdeathsarchive]

META: six post sierra madre.

note: canon divergence. any npcs mentioned are in direct reference to the storyline i use for six when i write her alone, and is not what i anticipate or expect out of the rpers who portray said characters.

upon coming back to the mojave, six is traumatized, which... i mean, obviously. the first thing that six did upon coming back was beeline to the brotherhood bunker, express she had news about father elijah, and used the opportunity to infiltrate the bunker to blow it up. upon returning to the lucky 38, she is a mess.

the sierra madre jumpsuit, a bruised and chafed neck. her hair is matted, uncombed, and dirty, and she’s covered in dried blood and dirt with makeup that was applied and ruined at least a week ago. mr. house did not care about any of this when she went to see him, which was the very second thing she did. six then gives herself about a week to recover, feigning that it’s just because she wants the injuries where the collar had been around her neck to go away, but even as it’s gone she deals with much more beyond.

it takes her a bit of time, but six is able to bury deep all the trauma, heal from it some, and eventually move on best that she can. she finally closes the book on it all when dean domino makes his way to new vegas and starts performing at the tops, and when she happens upon god/dog in jacobstown who is healing and doing better as well not too long after. seeing both of them moving on makes six finally feel like maybe she can, too. both dean and dog/god’s arrival to the mojave occur post dam.

before then, however, six challenges her traumas head on thanks to knowing that it isn’t “normal” and it would definitely alarm the people who know how she tends to behave. things like walking by the king’s school and seeing the speakers outside terrifies her, for example. her usually enjoying the radio but shooting the one in her suite soon as she gets back another. she doesn’t like the way people look at her during those moments of panic.

those things are not normal, and so six spends quite some time coping in private ( that week she grants herself ) before allowing herself to go out and feign normalcy again. it is also is helpful that the war for hoover dam occurred so soon after she didn’t really have time to keep hiding away. she had places to be, things to do. she had to be there, and that distraction helped pull her back out of the sierra madre to the mojave.

i’m trying to not jump around too much. here are the main areas that affected six the most:

killing: while she has killed out of necessity and self defense before, for quite a while after returning six keeps a cosmic knife close to her at all times. she is not strong, has not been strong, nor will ever really be strong, but after killing raiders, fiends, and the ceasar’s legion assassins who tail after her, she methodically and extremely detached from herself mutiliates the bodies with the knife. it’s a reflection of the ghost people who, to her horror, kept on coming back. it was paramount to destroy their heads, and it’s something she does basically on autopilot. it just... needs to be done. it’s a reflex to ensure survival.

addiction: sleeping was unsafe anywhere the toxic cloud was. because of this, six comes back to the mojave dependent on psycho, steady, and other uppers to keep her awake. she is also addicted to sierra madre cocktails. with the help of julie farkas she is able to curb the addictions with a lot of fixer and detoxing, though she denies that sierra madre cocktails have addictive properties and continues to knock those back even after she has curbed her addiction to the others. she hides them everywhere. eventually it comes out that they are addictive, and six dumps the rest and has a very ugly time recovering from her dependency on the rat poison dorito blend.

the radio: six cannot stand the radio for awhile post return. her radio in her room she shoots until it’s a smoking mess. she makes victor take all the radios off the floor that the presidential suite is on until she misses music so much that she recruits help in someone turning on the radio and letting her take a few steps towards it, holding her breath, and seeing that it won’t blow her up. she runs dozen upon dozens of tests, disassembles and reassembles every radio in the lucky 38 she can get her hands on, and to this day the sound of radio static leaves an unpleasant feeling in her heart that takes a few moments to shake after it’s gone and music replaces it.

the collar: six does not like things around her neck, does not like people touching her neck, and does not like having her neck exposed. for a long time after, even once the physical injuries are gone, six has a small habit of holding her neck in her hands and rubbing the skin there, a soothing reminder she does not have a collar on.

her pip-boy: six paid someone to get her as many pip-boy supplies and mick and ralph would sell her. because of how elijah took away so much of her freedom with those collars, and how he spoke out of her pip-boy, a large part of her felt hypervigilant and paranoid about what might have remained in her pip-boy. she also spends a few nights, still high on things to keep her awake and alert, on breaking her entire pip-boy apart, making sure it wasn’t bugged, tampered with, etc. she finally feels comfortable enough to not do this any longer after the third time of doing it and seeing nothing had changed.

veronica, christine, and the others: this is the big one. without thinking six took vera keyes’ dress, the one from her suitcase because she had a feeling veronica would think it was beautiful. despite meeting christine and putting it all together, she didn’t tell christine that she knew about any of it. post elijah’s death, all who had been brought together by elijah met up and sort of... made sure they were all on the same page about things being safe. that the collars were not working. they took inventory, made sure that six promised up and down that elijah was dead, and then all went their own ways quietly.

six gave dean a business card to the tops and the one gold bar she could carry out. she gave dog/god a map to jacobstown. and christine, she gave elijah’s pip-boy, a kiss, and an apology that the brotherhood in the mojave was wiped out -- that ncr did it after they failed to hold poseidon energy and as the ncr was finding their footing in the mojave.

not all of it was a lie -- and the parts that were lies that six could correct she did upon immediately returning.

something else to add but doesn’t deserve it’s own whole category is that it only reinforces her absolute fear of the dark, people sneaking up behind her, and loud booming noises.

[dotthings]

15.06. A great wrong has been righted. Hope is allowed in this narrative. I hope Chuck is brooding in his brooding dark castle somewhere, gnashing his teeth and cursing the heroes like a proper villain.

The Dean and Cas breakup and Rowena’s death are in the “Then” so I knew this was going to be a doozy.

Excuse me, random witch I don’t know STOP TOUCHING QUEEN ROWENA’S THINGS THIS INSTANT STOP THAT.

Back in the bunker, Sam is not looking good. Tired, a bit damp-eyed haggard, and randomly cruising weird lore and stuff on the internet, like he’s throwing spaghetti at the wall, any lead, any hunt, just something, that will help them or keep him from feeling helpless. Jared was so great in this ep, showing Sam’s anxiety about Chuck, his ongoing sadness about Rowena, but also hope and joy because of Eileen, and my heart just aches.

Dean’s still stress eating, shoving dry cereal in his mouth and pretending to be cheery and marathoning Scooby Doo (comfort watching). He turns down going with Sam on the milk run and is hanging around in his bathrobe. This is a lot like Dean in S14 after being possessed by AU Michael. Anyone still think Dean has been perfectly okay since 15.03? LOLOLOL. Nor is this just because of finding out Chuck is still out there. Dean’s been stress eating and day drinking and trying to hide behind food pranking before they found out Chuck was back. He’s still reeling and avoiding his Cas feelings, which were complicated by the nihilism Dean feels because of Chuck, and now on top of that, they know that Chuck isn’t actually gone.

While Cas’s coping mechanism is to go fishing, something he says he learned from a friend is a way to find some peace. So Cas is getting away from his feelings by emulating the person causing the feelings he’s trying to avoid right now. Also note, in S11 Cas dealt with trauma by turtling in his room marathoning tv shows, which is also a Dean method of coping with trauma. We get to see Cas standing on his own, an autonomous and competent hunter, and that’s important, but Dean’s impact on Cas, his link with him, their similarities, doesn’t go away.

I really like we get to see Sam jogging. It’s one of those things, like sparring, we’re told happens and don’t get to see. Cas goes fishing, Dean hides out in his bathrobe eating sugary cereal watching Scooby Doo, Sam goes jogging. Everyone’s got their way of coping.

EILEEN!!! EILEEN IS A GHOST IT IS GHOST EILEEN HI EILEEN HI HI!!!!

So she’s been trying to get them to see her and Sam finally does. Little bit of a parallel back to S8 and Dean haunted by seeing Cas everywhere and Cas turns out to be real.

So Eileen needs help getting her soul into Heaven. I’m disappointed she actually really was killed instead of my theories because the way she was killed irritated me so much but I’m really happy that despite that actual narrative mistake where spn mis-stepped, her story isn’t over, this hole in my heart is healing wow thanks spn.

Dean seems weirdly okay with the idea of Sam as heir to Rowena’s magical lore and I honestly expected him to be more resistant but a lot has happened, characters grow, Dean cared about and trusted Rowena. So that’s interesting. He’s for it.

Sam’s sad face is just getting to me all over this episode.

“I need to find my son.” Cas’s sad sad face listening to this distraught parent. Of course he’s going to help her find her son. Of course he is. Of course his fishing trip is over. A hunt found him and of course he can’t turn his back on a parent who wants to save her child. What we see in this ep is Cas enacting what Sam and Dean have been saying about why they do what they do, even if things are miserable and it seems hopeless, but if they help others, that makes things better for the world.

Sam empathizing with Eileen about having been in Hell. Oh, my poor babies.

All right, Columbo, I mean “Agent Worley” is on the case. And the local law enforcement wants to check with his supervisor OH GOD OH GOD THE PHONE IS RINGING IN THE BUNKER DEAN IS ANSWERING IT

“He wants to talk to you” OH THAT’S FINE MY HEART JUST DROPPED TO MY TOES THAT’S COOL COOL COOL

“Sam’s been trying to call you...check your damn messages” and Dean checking on Cas and warning him about Chuck. Listen, I am Cas in this scene, Cas is me. Cas just LOSES IT and so did I. Dean, wtf, my dude, my pet, my love, my dumbass, it was your idea to alienate him, and *now* you’re telling him not to be a stranger, and warning him about the big bad that is a threat to them all, oh Dean, oh honey, you really do suck at being done with Cas, and Cas sucks at being done with you.

So Cas has a smol nervous breakdown because DEAN and rubs his hand hard over his face and can’t hold character as Agent Worley then pulls it together to maintain his cover.

I know, Cas, I know. Dean can be A LOT.

Sam finding Rowena’s journeys has got me all thinking about how Sam goes from blood relative legacy of John’s journal that Sam didn’t really choose but eventually appreciated as legacy to found family legacy of Rowena’s journal, a bond and a legacy Sam chose.

Sam telling Eileen what happened to Rowena OH MY HEART. This episode is a lot.

Eileen trying to comfort Sam and her ghostly hand goes right through him...and at the end of the ep they can touch. I WILL BE SHOUTING ABOUT THIS FOR A WHILE.

“Her magic. This is how she kept control.” Sam talks about how Rowena understood how the deck was stacked, Sam talks about Rowena in a way that shows how deeply he understood Rowena. *cries*

Sam wants to bring ghost Eileen back to flesh and blood life. *screaming internally*

Seeing Cas in researchy mode, helping others, giving others hope, being a competent autonomous hunter THIS IS SO GOOD.

Loved the way Sam and Eileen use sign in general. And Sam signing “my brother” to Eileen so she can get help for him as he’s captured by the witches.

Seems weirdly apt the actress who played Chuck’s publisher now plays one of the witches who kidnaps Sam.

We’ve often seen spn use toxic siblings as dark mirrors for Sam and Dean, cautionary notes and red flags. In this ep the toxic sibling mirror seems to allow to highlight the functionlity of Sam and Dean. The witch sister pranks that were malicious and harmful vs Winchester pranks that aren’t harmful, but done out of affection, and to lighten the strain they’re under from what they do.

Enjoyed these scenes with Melly and Cas as Melly talks about her son and how they fight but “we’ll get through.” Relevant familial stuff there, and applies for parents and kids, siblings, or, y’know, whatever pseudo-spousal thing Dean and Cas have going on. Cas also relates to Melly as someone who rejected their expected roles put on them by higher ups in the chain, and wanted something better. Free will.

Yes I so like that Cas gets a win in this ep. He finds the missing son, reunites a family. Melly and her son seem to take the whole supernatural being savior hero thing fairly calmly, considering. And this ep also reminds us, very clearly: Cas is a hero. Sam and Dean are not the only heroes of this story.

I enjoy badass Cas and Cas was an able hunter in this ep but he really is NOT okay. A simple clean kill would have been enough for this djinn, but the way he kept stabbing the monster over and over, splattered in blood that isn’t his own, he’s compensating or something. Cas looked anguished. Cas is dealing with a lot. Feeling rejected by Dean, losing the only family he has, and his anger at Chuck for messing with them all so severely. Cas went to the woods and the lake seeking peace and wound up covered in blood.

Hm, so Cas can heal the boy’s ankle but he struggles to use his grace, which seems to be spluttering like it’s low on fuel. Looks like those human Cas metas are still pointing in likely directions.

“If I stay nothing changes...it’s time for me to get back in the game.” Yes he could stay in the woods and the lake and fish and take the occasional hunt, and hide forever from the ones he still loves but doubts his place and hide from the urgent main fight. But he can’t. Back the game...is also coming home.

Ghost Eileen is a badass and saves Sam HELL YEAH. Rowena’s legacy, Dean racing in last minute, and ghost Eileen, all saved Sam in this ep.

“I learned from the best.” Sam using Rowena’s teaching to defeat the witches. There’s that legacy again.

The spell to restore ghost Eileen to flesh and blood involves a bath that seems ritualistic, with Sam performing the spell. I am NEVER getting over how Sam is shaking with emotion while he courteously keeps his back to her. Never ever ever. And then their hands...finally touching. Clasping each other. And Sam hugging damp Eileen. Sam’s FACE. Oh my god I’m never ever getting over this.

This is so hopeful and joyful and it still hurts, Sam has been through so much and he’s had so much pain, and since Eileen was introduced, she seemed to bring out a light in him that gave me a pang right here *taps chest*. We’re seeing it in this episode. OUCH OUCH MY HEART.

Eileen is a great character in her own right and I love her and disliked how she was killed off so so much and it helps so much that SPN did this and restored her, and Eileen and Sam together, just gets me. Right in the chest.

This last Sam and Dean scene. “I don’t know what’s God and what isn’t” says Dean. HELLO WHAT HAVE I BEEN SAYING AND SAYING ABOUT DEAN’S STATE OF MIND AND WHY HE’S ACTING THE WAY HE DID TOWARDS CAS.

“We’re the guys who break the rules.” WOW LOOK IT’S MY METAS ENACTED VIA DIALOGUE

Sam is basically taking my position—that while Chuck manipulates some events, he can’t control everything and they make their own choices and do the unpredictable things. While Dean is caught in the nihilism of believing everything was manipulated, almost nothing was real.

Just as I don’t think Chuck wanted Cas to come back in S13 and that was an unpredicted twist, I don’t think Eileen is back due to Chuck’s meddling. Eileen’s spirit sought out Sam and Dean, Rowena’s legacy, her unfinished spell for Mary, is what allows Sam to perform the ritual spell to restore Eileen. As Cas has been tied to Dean’s sense of hope, Eileen has been an immensely hopeful figure for Sam. I don’t think Chuck wants them to have this. Can’t be 100% sure, maybe he wants them to have their hope just so he can crush them even harder, but these relationships being part of breaking out of Chuck’s machine, to make their own rules, find hope despite those machinations, makes sense to me.

“I need my brother.” Yes, you do. You both do. Sam and Dean don’t just need only each other, but they are rule breakers and they do need each other. Team Free Will is essential to break Chuck’s machine, and Team Free Will is Sam & Dean, Dean & Cas, Sam & Cas, and all 3.

While the ice has broken a bit between Dean and Cas in this ep, they still aren’t talking about Cas. But their biggest wild card is on his way home and they are Team Free Rule Breakers, all three of them.

[cheatdeathsarchive]

meta: courier six and robert edwin house

for a bit of time, six wasn’t sure who she wanted to back. it was between benny or house. it was why she spent a lot of time... not waffling, but working for both. benny was confident she would see reason. house was sure of the same. she asked house a lot of questions, he allowed her to stay in the lucky 38 as benny was illusive and slippery and she needed the perfect opportunity to steal the chip back. while she did, and benny knew what for, he spent the time teaching her what it was to live in new vegas. in their own ways each, house and benny really grew six into who she became.

benny was not afraid to get his hands dirty. he was working in the thick of it, had ambition and understanding. he was onto something when he said house’s being hands off. she could understand benny’s perspective in that regard. almost backed him. the reason she didn’t was because house saw her. or she felt like he did. i’m going to be jumping around a bit as i explain this, but there are several quotes that really resonated deep with her.

"You see that you and I are of a different stripe, don't you? We don't have to dream that we're important. We are." 

a lot of six’s failings with people and connections is that she feels she’s on the outside looking in, or that there is an invisible wall that keeps her from relating to people. she sees house as a man who is in the stars, who is also outside looking in, and the fact he is brilliant and that he saw her was powerful. it sounds romantic, like poetry, and it didn’t take long for her to associate this indebted feeling she had as passionate love. he was brilliant. he was so unlike everyone else, and those individualistic traits are things that six really finds herself drawn to.

he was smart. and oftentimes six would spend time between his jobs just... talking to him, hearing about his life before the war, about his academic pursuits. she ate it all up and house kept spoon feeding it to her. six has never been one to want to look back on the old world as a paradigm of how to live but? the way house speaks is so poetic and his accomplishments are so impressive that she feels like... for once, she is talking to someone who she understands as a rather intelligent woman herself.

he just... he saw her. he called her out, and he chose her. maybe not at first, not when she had just been a faceless courier who was traveling from the NCR to new vegas, but afterwards. he saw her enough to bring her back, to share with her his visions and plans, and to trust her enough to set them into motion.

unlike benny, house is not to be bothered by the things that both most people. his concerns are more to do with the bigger picture and what happens down the line. benny? not so much. six asked him plenty of questions too. his plans for this and that. he never really had any. she has always been someone who looks ahead, who cares about making things better, not maintaining a status quo. benny liked the luxuries he had grown used to. house didn’t see them or care about them. old money or something like that, idk lmao for example:

"Nothing to impede progress. If you want to see the fate of democracies, look out the windows." 

"I'm not offering you an incentive as crude as money - though there'll be plenty of that. What I'm offering you is a ground-floor opportunity in the most important enterprise on Earth. What I'm offering is a future - for you, and for what remains of the human race." 

“With all that money pouring in? Give me 20 years, and I'll reignite the high technology development sectors. 50 years, and I'll have people in orbit. 100 years, and my colony ships will be heading for the stars, to search for planets unpolluted by the wrath and folly of a bygone generation.”

it was through all this that six decided house was the man to follow. he was handsome according to his pictures, he knew his way around computers and machines and she finds a very special attachment to those things. he had clear plans in mind and they were all for a greater good. he lived and existed beyond a localized moment. he wouldn’t be corrupted. at least, in her eyes he would not be. there was no room for it in his great vision to continue the progress of humanity.

six has always known her love for him is one sided. she has known from the beginning he is a man more enthralled with his pursuits and plans to care. she is aware of how she is the new world, one without proper decorum and manners. she’s killed, she is dirty. she is not like jane or marilyn. still to be in his vicinity helping him has been enough. at least until the brotherhood things, which really broke her heart.

“In any case... this is an employer - employee relationship. I've given you an assignment, and the directions are clear.”

six fought house for hours until he hung up on her and didn’t answer again until the job was done. to hear him say that out loud ruined all her daydreams and fanciful wonderings. just as well, because those kinds of things were unrealistic and she knew it, but it really does drive home for six just how business minded and focused he is on his goals. she went through with it after leaving the mojave to go to the sierra madre, and in her time away learned to understand that benny couldn’t have been the one to lead new vegas.

she is more professional after she blows up the bunker, pushing down her fancy and adoration, borderline idolizing of house, once she returns. she knows she doesn’t have the moxie to lead. she comes back humble, and though it hurt, it only strengthened her loyalty to robert edwin house.

six knows she is not someone who is meant to be loved. she is an outsider. if she can be an outsider with robert house that is good enough for her.

[cheatdeathsarchive]

MASS EFFECT: SIX’S LOYALTY MISSION.

Six’s mission starts out with wanting to learn more about herself. She knows very little about her life before Cerberus brought her back with the Lazarus Initiative. Only bits and pieces, things like growing up on Earth and enlisting in the Alliance. She would ask Shepard’s help if she trusts them enough, not wanting to waste their time with her fool’s errand of tracking down people who might have known her at one point.

If Shepard offers their help however, Six is not one to refuse it. With their connections to the Alliance it isn’t hard to see that after a tour on a ship she did not enlist for another tour of service. Eventually it would lead to her career as a Courier across space, delivering packages of varying legality.

No matter what though, it would eventually lead to Cerberus. It would be then that she discovered that she was, in fact, murdered by the people she currently works for. From there her goals would shift -- she would want to find the people who ordered the hit on her. Find the assassin, get answers, and probably some well deserved payback. At least, that was what she kept on saying.

When she gets there, however, Six has a change of heart. She doesn’t want to kill anyone. She got her answers and understands it to a certain degree. From there Shepard could encourage her to go through with her plan, or let her leave without killing anyone. Regardless, if they have offered to help her unprompted throughout the “mission” they earn her loyalty.

[cheatdeathsarchive]

META: six, hopeville, nipton, and freeside.

ulysses talks about how because the courier used the route to hopeville a community began to set up there, and though i have negative brain cells i’m still going to talk about how this kind of behavior, this fixer-upper sort of mindset, has always been apart of six.

she feels a deep calling to rebuild nipton, though is unable to do so until the hoover dam is won and the legion is not so close. it takes quite a bit of time for her to get others from primm and novac to help out, but upon the jason bright’s return the ghouls are happy to help restore the town minus all the corruption.

a more active hands on role is the one to make freeside better for all the inhabitants there by encouraging the kings and followers to work together. she is fortunate to have arcade as a friend as they go in between the kings and the followers to develop the city more. because the strip is sort of... lacking clientele for a bit of time after the war, when the troops are mainly pulled out of the mojave and there is a bit of protest by the NCR not to support the independent state of new vegas, six tries to take advantage of that downtime by explaining the financial advantages to house. he is willing to indulge, and even invests a small amount of his cap on top of the stipend six regularly gets post her assisting him.

it’s something that fills her with a purpose. that is something she struggles with, feeling aimless and without goal. it’s why she clings to work to do, whether it is helping others, fixing things, etc.

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i had thought that six coming from new vegas to the commonwealth she’d vibe with the minutemen but. i don’t think that anymore. i think she would start extremely wary of them, ask pointed questions and challenge their intentions until it was abundantly clear that the general and their methods did not mirror that of the legion’s.

she has seen first hand what it is to have a group of cosplaying soldiers absorbing tribes and settlements under one common banner. sure, perhaps things would be peaceful in their territory, but colonialism is garbage y’all. obviously they are not r*pists or slavers. just farmer and a rag tag militia but... she would be wary until she saw that was the honest truth.

[cheatdeathsarchive]

@recalescents​ sent:  lilac, pansy, sunflower, and hollyhock for both main + me verse!

lilac :   what was your muse’s childhood like ?   how has their upbringing affected them as they’ve aged ?

in both verses, her parents were very encouraging of her curiosity and supportive of her desire to learn. she inherited her father’s charisma. on the downside, however. her childhood was a lonely one. she had no consistent children to play with, and so as she has grown up she has painfully craved interaction and companionship.

main: her childhood was very much a comfortable one, or as comfortable as a post apocalyptic world could be. her parents loved her, were present and supportive, and taught her well. she spent most of her time on the road, familiar and comfortable with travel because of it. her parents taught her things through doing them, and reading whatever books came and went thru their caravan supplemented the rest.

the only time things ever were tense was when her uncertainty for her own personal life path sort of... contradicted all that her parents had in mind for her. these days she really doesn’t remember it, but the things that she learned have stuck with her. for all that she wonders how much of her in this life is the same or different, the only thing that has really super changed is her sense of having a purpose.

mass effect: similarly, six grew up in an affluent home. instead of owning a trading and caravan company, her family in mass effect are well to do buying and developing spaceship engines and other parts for commercial crafts. she, like in her main verse, joined up with the  army ( the alliance instead of the ncr. ).

pansy :   does your muse often reflect on their own actions ?   do they ever think a lot about the past ,   and what they could have done differently ?

main: she does. six is a queen of internalizing most things, if not all of them. she seldom remembers her successes, attributing them to the hard work of others. failures on the other hand, she pins entirely on herself. she thinks her failures define her more than her successes do. when she does dwell on her mistakes. six is hyper vigilant when doing anything to not repeat mistakes she has already made once. her failures usually result in people dying, which does not help. ofc i’m talking about veronica. :’)

mass effect: in this verse, not as much. she doesn’t have as much ... idk, angst? in her life? she isn’t as introspective? idk, she is impulsive in both her verses, but in this one she just generally is more carefree. it is only after something goes wrong that she sort of goes oops, and with her remorse does what she can to make amends.

sunflower :   what brings your muse the most joy in life ?  

main: answered here! but here are some more things: getting something that was broken or something that needed a little bit of tlc up and working again. drinking by a campfire with cass, watching things from far away in binoculars with boone. talking to arcade in latin, walking aroung with ed-e as he plays old world songs. trying on pretty dresses with veronica. listening to lily’s stories. playing fetch with rex. repairing things with raul. watching the sunrise. a bubble bath. swimming in a lake and drying off by laying on the beach and letting the sun do the work.

mass effect: her joy is in stability. six yearns for comfort, in having a place she can stay for long periods of time. traveling, while fun, is sort of lonely when she is doing so as a lone agent. she finds joy in making friends.

hollyhock :   how strong is your muse’s sense of ambition ?  what’s something they strive for in life ?  

main: not very strong. she is more of a supporting role to big players on the strip. all six wants, deep down, is to be loved. she wants to do good things and help others, and that for all that she is a workaholic and is constantly doing things to make the wasteland better or to make sure that people’s goals are realized, it is not for her own power grab.

mass effect: in this verse, it is a bit greater. cerberus, unlike house, sort of puts humanity into some kind of position, in their mind, of like... deserving things. she is someone who cares about making humanity not just be one of the races that are lesser than those of the council. in this verse, she’d be happy earning a place to be a politician or someone who would advocate for humanity interests.

[cheatdeathsarchive]

i have made this post before but idk where it went so i just wanna like.. talk about how much i love benny and how i just really love how he and six are beautiful foils to each other.

this man doesn’t care who he steps on. he will do what he needs to for his goals. if he pisses people off? oops. tough luck. at least he gets what he wants.

and six, six is a people pleaser. she needs to make sure at the end of the day, even when she is getting her goals, that people aren’t mad at her or that she closes any doors because she just can’t deal with being disliked. she pissed off BOTH veronica and house trying to make them agree with her which just. ugh. UGH!!!!!

[cheatdeathsarchive]

@bleedingflames​ sent:  salvia, fern, sunflower

fern :   does your muse believe in magic or cosmic forces ,   or are they more likely to think their life is ultimately a matter of their own control ?  

generally speaking, six is not someone who believes in magic or anything supernatural. she believes in science, hard facts, and logic. the concept of supernatural forces or even, in her case, her abnormal luck, are things that are better chalked up to coincidences.

things like fate or destiny don’t really cross six’s mind. i sort of see those things as like... pre war ways of thinking. the modern day is very much about survival, about things that are a bit more secular? food sources, guns. ways to keep humanity alive. it’s all things people are just... meant to do. to put a fancy label on it is self righteous in her eyes, which is why she can’t stand caesar lmao.

house on the other hand is a good example of like... he is just a man. a bright man who wants to use his talents and smarts to make things better. it’s not, in her eyes, for a sense of ego, praise, or adoration, but rather just for the sake of progress, and that’s the kind of pragmatism that shakes her charlies.

salvia :   is your muse possessive over people or things that matter a lot to them ?  how do they express that possessiveness ,   or lack thereof ?

six sort of... believes that she doesn’t deserve what she has despite hard work. she is always ready for it to be taken from her, and in that, she cherishes each and every single thing that she has, because at least in that moment she has it. she’s always bracing herself to lose friendships, relationships, her status, her affiliations, etc.

she never really reaches a place that she feels confident or secure in herself. it’s why she is always expressing her love, doing favors, etc. she needs to continue to cultivate her relationships. if anything goes sour with her relationships and such she is quicker to blame herself for it all going wrong. she is the queen of internalizing.

sunflower :   what brings your muse the most joy in life ?  

in short: anything and everything. six likes to derive joy from the littlest things. jokes, good humor in others. in a good bottle of sarsaparilla, in the pretty lights of new vegas in the distance. a pretty picture. a nice dress. being with her loved ones. hearing her favorite song on the radio.

for six, there is a lot of joy everywhere. sometimes it’s easy to find, and other times it just takes a little bit of looking.

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@apogeaned​ sent: hyacinth, lavender, poppy, and zinnia

hyacinth :   is your muse athletic ?   does it come naturally to them ,   or have they had to work for their physique and/or skill ?  

her in game stats that would apply are:

strength: 1, endurance: 3, and agility: 5

she is decent when it comes to reflexes and being limber and quick, but athleticism is not in her wheelhouse. she tries her best if the need arises, but six oftentimes puts herself into a situation where she does not have to do things that require strength. not without trying -- if like boone ( @tread-the-bear​ ) or another companion is working out then she tries too, but it is a sad display of mistakes.

lavender :   how easy is it to gain your muse’s trust ?  once their trust is broken ,   how might one go about mending it ? 

for all that she is friendly, earning her trust is highly unlikely. trusting people means being emotionally vulnerable, honest, and sharing all facets of oneself. six would sooner never drink sunset sarsaparilla again. 

she will be friendly, get to know someone, take a vested interest in them, but they will still never not see her doing her best or being her best if she has any say in the matter. she likes to stay well guarded. the times someone does by some rare accident do and they do not hold it against her or treat her any different does great things to make it past her barriers. that is where trust begins for her. if she is able to piece together who someone is and they are authentic inside and out it helps bring her out of the carefully crafted persona she always wears and encourages her to be honest with them.

as quick as she is to forgive about most things, earning her trust back after a betrayal is oftentimes not easy if not outright impossible. it really depends on the context of the betrayal and what kind of relationship had been cultivated up until that point.

poppy :   what comforts your muse ?

feeling loved. a lot of physical touch. reassurances, verbal and otherwise, that she is still worth something.

zinnia :   how has the loss of fallen comrades and/or loved ones affected your muse ?   has it taught them anything or given them any new perspectives ?

this is such a good one and i’m so excited to answer it ala you have my whole life i hope you know that. i’ll go by each one that i can currently think of!! most others who have died are like... idk not really her comrades/loved ones/friends so i’m not counting them. there are probably more but i’m forgetful lol

yes man: she felt really guilty shutting off yes man. though he saw it coming, he couldn’t really stop her considering the way benny and emily set him up. she felt like a huge asshole. his ‘death’ made her have to come to terms with who she had become thanks to benny and the strip’s influence on her.

veronica: this is the very, very big one. veronica shattered all of the confidence in herself she had developed over her work on making things better. she had  talked her way all across the mojave, done some pretty spectacular things. to have someone who she thought liked her as much as she liked her not listen and in fact try to kill her was... hard to cope with, so she didn’t really cope at all -- partying, drugs, drinking. she really lived it up on the strip in defiance to house and to numb her grief. with veronica dead, she had no reason not to blow up the bunker, but she just... couldn’t. she was in too much pain.

it was one of these nights where she was drunkenly playing with her radio that she found the sierra madre broadcast. the promise of forgetting it all and letting go was too great a temptation. she just needed to get away from it all, feeling the weight of her failure too greatly.

dog/god: though not technically dead, losing him was painful. for all that everyone trapped in the sierra madre was generally unpleasant, six still formed an emotional bond with all of them because really, they were dependent on each other and in stressful traumatic moments like that it’s hard not to. helping dog/god consolidate the two parts of them, no longer making him dependent on elijah as a master or whatever else was the right thing to do, but it still hurt not being remembered after the fact. it happened so soon after veronica which made it feel a lot worse, and it was actually losing god/dog that really set her off after elijah stepped foot into the vault with her.

she thought about them first. that bled into thoughts about christine, and dean, and above all else veronica. she buried all her grief with his corpse. she had planned on sparing his life, finding something ironic in him being locked in the place that he wanted to get into so badly, but she saw him and knew that wasn’t her call to make.

god/dog and the entirety of the sierra madre made her realize that she just... could not call the shots. she couldn’t trust herself to do right by anyone. to think she could run the strip herself would have been irresponsible.

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CYBERPUNK 2077 AU: MISC. INFO DUMP. thank you to pastry for talking with me and encouraging me to post this!!!

Dorothy started out in night city as the daughter to some high profile corpo personalities and wanted to become a ripperdoc. Mainly, her interests were in cerebral mods and neurotech. Arasaka recruited her for proxy work after she showed promise in school, offered her internships and covered the rest of the expenses her parents could not. As soon as she graduated, they hired her on the spot.

She had a bad feeling about the work she had done, work that she pieced together, and after some digging and found it connected to the Soulkiller project.

Another man, one by the name of Robert House, also had a rather invested interest in Dorothy and her talents as a medical student. It was then that she decided to take him up on the offer he left on the table and fled to New Vegas, as much of her research in hand as she could carry as well as a copy of her own Engram in case something went arwy.

Radiation plant mishaps had the Mojave turning into an irradiated wasteland, and al the open desert space in the Mojave that hadn’t been power plants had been used for factories. It made the desert disgustingly polluted and uninhabitable for quite some time, come the late 2040s, owner of Robco, Robert Edwin House, bought out the abandoned city at bargain-based prices to restore it, turning it into a place corpos could go to spend money and do more dubious things with little worry.

He found the security he needed in Nomads who were tired of their lives on the road, Raffen Shiv and others who wanted a roof over their heads and stable income. Their contracts were signed, new ‘clan’ names designated, and thus a new era of debauchery in the land once known as Las Vegas had begun.

Still, there were plenty of other Nomads who were not bought out like the ones now running major parts of the reborn city. For a time Dorothy worked with a clan still independent of any outside influence. It guaranteed protection and a stable job. A young woman from a Corpo background had no guarantees of making it across state lines on her own. Throughout this time, she worked as a Courier.

Upon getting to New Vegas, however, Dorothy, known as Six, now hides behind House’s protection. Not for free, however -- she has to earn her keep, just like anyone else. Her contract is signed, and she follows it to the letter.

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loose timeline things:

upon coming back from the dead, it took six nearly a year to make it to free side. from there it wasn't hard to get into the strip thanks to her standing with the ncr.

she met with house, and then with the evidence she compiled confronted benny. unlike in the game, he actually did mean it when he suggested they worked together -- for whatever reasons ( also this is subject to change if i'm writing with a benny, or anyone really -- i don't want to force a dynamic or a timeline in a place where portrayal might see it differently!! ) and for awhile they went back and forth, six working for mr. house on the down low, waiting for a chance to steal the chip back. in this time she is introduced to yes man. in this time she and benny start a physical relationship.

benny leaves to fortification hill leaving six in the lurch, knowing she is as big of a bastard as he is and that she can't be trusted. six follows, upgrades the securitrons, and instead of killing benny outright convinces caesar to keep him alive, at least for a time.

she travels through arizona in this time, teaching this and that with vulpes as a companion. she hates it. this is when she hears about new canaan and zion in more detail. she builds up enough trust with caesar and helps in his diagnosis; he trusts her to perform surgery on him, and she elects to intentionally let him die on the table.

then she goes on the lam, bailing benny out of fortification hill as the legion hold funeral rites for their dead leader. to lay low for a time, she decides to just... leave the mojave for a bit, and that is when the events of honest hearts kick in for her.

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Does Six miss not remembering her old life, especially her family, or is she content to live and let live?

Six finds it hard to miss what she doesn’t remember. She’s plenty curious about it, learns a whole over time. A big part of what she remembers is the disagreement between her and her father, one that makes her think they wouldn’t be happy to know she’s alive. Then again, maybe they would b? But she’s not the same person who she was, and what if they are disappointed?

Fear often has her waffling back and forth between wanting to reconnect with who she was in the past and who she is now. One week she might be absolutely for trying to find her parents again. Then suddenly it’s like she’s never entertained the idea in the first place.

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that fuckign dash game made me emotional and reminded me of this message i sent somebody recently: six knows she is weird, so she doesn't mind what people think one way or another. they have made up their minds and she'll play what role they want her to. if she fits the role, then maybe they'll love her

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WHAT IS YOUR PRIMARY FEELING LONGING?

hope

In longing, you feel hope. You're on a long road, you know this. Your desire is strong, big in your chest but you don't feel weighed down. You've had your hardships, but you know what you truly seek is, or could be, not far from your grasp. Not to say you don't feel the burning in your heart for something more, but theres still a spark in you, a voice that says, "don't give up, what if?" You can be patient. You know you must be. Your yearning is felt like a campfire in rain, the circumstances say the flame should be out, but yet it burns, as long as god willing or sheer effort keeps it alive. You feel the pull in your gut that makes your throat tighten with the ache of your heart but you softly smile, it's just a reminder of your love. You aren't afraid of your feelings in the way that would make you push them away because you're familiar with them and you know the payoff would be well worth the grief. You're doing great my darling, you will find your love if you have not already.

Tagged By: @seahaloed​ the love of my whole butt Tagging: whoever would like. please say i tagged you!!

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idk how to add this to my info docs but post l.onesome road six’s charisma is bumped from 10 to 11.