#( idk i just really love music and it means a lot to me. i like to share. but we'll see! )
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girls being nice to me gets me higher than ecstasy ever could
#SORRY for the corny post but this is how i truly feel not waxing poetic here like literally it does#i just met the cool girl i keep talking about & IT WAS SÅ FREAKEING ÅSUM ^_^_^_^_^_^ YAY#HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY HAPPY HAPPY JOY#OK sorry for screaming But i really am very excited...#turns out she is autistic & we discussed our neuroses while eating & ugh she is just as cool as i thought she was#always tell people you think have Swag that you noticed it on them see how it worked for me#i was so scared of spilling my spaghettis but turns out that was exactly what i needed to do to be friends ^_^ YAY#we went to a lot of different libraries together & i got a small old eyeless bunny plush from the event we went to caus i felt bad for it#i even showed her my pony art & i told her about my cringe interest (that music event i like...♯RealOnesKnow )#& she thought it was COOL.& i felt like it was really genuine & she talked about reading BL LOL we discussed fujos together#we even talked about finding moids ugly#it was so awesome she was so cool & Nice To Me... i feel like i am on CUMULONIMBUS ( cloud 9 ) ^_^_^_^_^_^#talking to her in person was so much better than online OMG now i wish i really was friends with you muties IRL#i wish you a Girl Friend experience just like this to those who post about wanting them i really do#also the reason why i even like my Music Event so much is because the first time i watched it was with a bunch of women#& i had so much fun & they were so nice to me i keep returning & now that Event means so much to me & I LOVE IT sorry (NOT)#i know this sounds like tumblrina fiction i would not believe it either IDK what to say to make it sound legitimate 0_0 like it is so crazy#to me as well IDK i can barely get over it & IDK if i really want to so um well YAY ^_^ AIMU SO HEPI :DDD
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#i love swifties for a lot of reasons but one of my favorites is that ultimately they're extremely predictable#i mean this soooo lovingly like this isn't a hate post at all. they're a lot like taylor in this exact way which makes sense#like every time without fail they will receive information completely out of context and go into fight mode over it#and not once do they seek the full story or question the inflammatory way headlines convey info for clicks because#they don't even click lmaooo#and most of the time they blow stuff out of proportion and upon discovering it just pack it up and move on so like#they're pretty harmless in that regard. they're just extremely passionate and thereby reactionary and its fun to watch#and makes me laugh every single time it happens which is quite often. entertaining to me to watch the rise of vitriol and then#the subsequent cool down of oops we took things out of context again and reacted emotionally about our blonde woman#like this week its the tweet going around about the NYT ranking the albums which is NOT AT ALL WHAT THEY DID#the popcast is a podcast where many writers and critics talk music very seriously and smartly and fairly yess#but the popcast (deluxe) is a secondary show where two of the main hosts shoot the shit and talk about personal opinions#and how would swifties know that i know and i don't blame them for not knowing that but if you give it a little bit of idk#looking into or give it a listen you would find that#in this one episode they didn't even rank them definitively they just talked about their personal favs and not favs#ranking the album based on their personal opinions really#and one guy who is a huge rep stan and a folklore hater proclaimed rep his fav and evermore his least fav#and the other guy who is a folklore/early taylor stan and modern taylor hater said speak now was his fav and midnights his least#that's all like that's literally all it was alsdkjfslkfkldfj#but now the nyt music desk is considered this Evil Entity of No Taste and its like man..... here we go again hahahahahah#i'm not discoursing or mad about it i'm just like lmaoooooooooo CLASSIC swiftie move#anyway i love the popcast guys and i love the nyt music desk and think they're one of the last bastions of great music criticism#one things swifties are gonna do is take the click bait and CHOMP on it. i gotta get up and fish the hook out of their cheek
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I finally saw the mean girls musical (the movie one) I have so many fucking thoughts oh my god
#thoughts#oni talks#mean girls 2024#I think I may be the only person to kind of like it? like don’t get me wrong it is kinda ROUGH but it has so much potential and there’s bits#and pieces that I actually really enjoy or wish they had more of or just aahh#I’ve been nonstop thinking about the ideal version in my head like there’s so much potential obviously I’m biased by like a lot#since for one I know I tend to like stuff other people hate or don’t like but for two this sequel was weirdly way more relatable so maybe#I’m just projecting from my own personal experiences but Idc the POTENTIAL THERES SO MUCH ID WANNA DO INSTEAD#like there’s so many little details and characterizations that I wish was expanded on or fleshed out and it’s just like it feels like either#half baked or that it’s gone through too many edits it’s like it’s scared to exist?? like there’s some differences I love and wish they lol#leaned into but it’s like it was terrified to be too different? or like they were rushing the end especially#like in my ideal form it’s a tv show coz I think they honestly have enough that could be genuinely expanded in a way more interesting way#via that format probably not like a super extended series like you COULD but you’d definitely need more expansion but I could see the potent#but like idk one SOLID musical season with expanded character story and not like one of those rush cram shows like a good solid one#like Regina’s characterization is so fascinating but also feels like slightly off and like they could’ve leaned way more into things?#like I think keeping Regina as a closeted lesbian gives the greatest potential and interest for an expanded story#like I loved maybe the first half of the movie the most like that one song she sang to manipulate Aaron would work so much more perfectly if#she’s singing it about/to Cady? I also think in my ideal brain an cool flashback episode for Janis and Regina would be so cool coz there’s#so much you could flesh out in a flashback than you could in a retelling which while I do like the retelling since it lets you imagine thing#I just! potential! I also want more of them interacting and I do think changing Janis to be a lesbian works if they leaned more into it?#I also think in my ideal form janis would have more comeuppance or acknowledgement of her shit? I also think an arc of Regina coming out#like one thing they missed from the original is Regina playing soccer at the end & I think they could hint more towards that and maybe lean#more into her at home life in an expanded story way coz her mom is clearly like… yikes. granted maybe some of my views on the movie are too#biased by personal experience but like the way she snaps at her mom usually in my experience isn’t out of nowhere? like parents behind#closed doors. or frustrations with what her mom has clearly been putting on her the way she tells her mom not to talk about her body is very#like idk a lot of the characters in this version feel more real to me bc they act really similar to people I know irl so the expanded story#could be cool. another one that in my ideal brain would have more is Gretchen and especially her relationships with Regina as well as with#that one guy and her parents I wanna see more of how that works and her arc to feel more meaningful when she dumps him & mentions family#also as much as I didn’t care much for the straight plot stuff there’s 100% missed potential there that I could see in the differences like#iirc in the original it’s regular algebra not AP calc which I think could’ve been used as an interesting characterization opportunity for
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The Me who bought tickets to see TMBG in february 2023 and the Me who's going to actually go to the show next month are two completely different people
#slash extremely negative#it's funny to actually live this whole sort of cliche of: the time between buying tickets and going to the show can be so absurdly long#with what was supposed to be my 1st 'real' concert no less#'i bought the tickets as a teenager but i'm going to see them in my 20s etc' and stuff like that#and then when it gets rescheduled too... well. a year and 9 months is in fact a pretty long time!!!#and i'm not even talking about rescheduling due to covid because god at least i didn't have to deal with that i guess#(it IS funny though that by the time the 30th anniversary of flood tour ends#flood will be 2 months away from turning 35. so yeah lmao a lot happened in the meantime huh)#anyways day two of going crazy going insane for no reason other than well i guess that's just my life now!!!!! 😃😃😃#me when i say i'll stop documenting my rapidly progressing mental breakdown online and then keep doing it anyway#but idk maybe this will heal me in some way. my only hope rn no joke#and my mom actually seemed to be unsure if i we should book the hotels and stuff because. ig i'm this obviously unwell even over the phone#but BY GOD this is the only thing i can really look forward to right now i really need this to survive#(trying to forget how i was doing in september of last year when they rescheduled the tour#and i couldn't even be sure if i'd ever get to see them in the end lollllll#and at the heights of my tmbg obsession this was my number 1 dream. i mean it still is)#also i think i'm finally entering my tmbg autumn era now with some more frequent listening after not doing so for a while#how could i let myself pretty much forget that i love tmbg??? and that their music is so good and makes me happy???#they're still my fav band of all time just like they were back then. THAT didn't change at least#it's just that now they share that spot with sparks also lol. can't choose between them and why should i anyway#what else. ig i just hope i get the energy to finally draw tomorrow at least#because if i don't turn the ideas i have into reality then they will never become real! and that would be so sad#so maybe this can be my main reason to continue for now. whatever#goosepost
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Night shift or short attention span for the wip thing?
I’ll choose night shift basically Akihiko has this nightmare based on a real memory where he and Shinji got into a very heated fight that dissolved into like, chaos and angry beatings on Akihiko’s part and his nightmare is a warped version where he just keeps punching Shinji in a blind rage until there’s nothing left of him. He wakes up terrified and unsure of what’s happening and Shinji isn’t there BUT ITS OKAY HES FINE he’s just at work I think sadly unfortunately my man has to work a shitty convenience store job to make some money while trying to figure life out and he’s temporarily working night shifts so that’s why he’s gone and Aki does call him at work in the middle of the night for reassurance and asks if that incident really went down the way he remembers it (it didn’t). It’s kinda dark but has a nice ending at least
#ask#idk if ill ever like. finish and post that one hm#but what triggered this idea was like. the pain of a loved one crying and screaming over you but all you can do is sit there unfeeling#akihiko was mad at how removed shinji has become and how he just doesnt seem to care about anything anymore and its very upsetting#and aki gets really emotional and theyre fighting and hes crying and shaking but shinji isnt fighting back hes just letting it happen#hes just lying there and seeing his friend on top of him sobbing doesnt seem to affect him in any way cuz hes so emotionless#and akihiko just gets more mad at that and thats what causes him to freak out cuz why isnt shinji fighting back anymore#and then you know in the nightmare its warped with guilt and fear and ends with aki being so caught up in his reactions#that he doesnt notice how hes hurt shinji and its too late and hes killed him#cuz id say once everything settles down post canon theres a lot of lingering anxiety about everything#aki fears that he pushed too hard and drove shinji away and didnt notice his pain until it was too late#but when he calls shinji to get the real story it obviously isnt how aki remembers cuz he first off didnt kill shinji#what really happened was akihiko was sobbing and kinda just swinging haphazardly everywhere and landed some hits on shinji but not enough to#really fuck him up and it ends with him giving up and laying on top of shinji crying#shinji kinda awkwardly embraces him cuz what else can he do when he still cant feel anything but hates to see his friend upset#so the actual incident wasnt very pretty or happy but they made it out alive and are working things out now#very bittersweet very angsty shinji is so goddamn emotionally repressed i mean they both are actually#also on a lighter note shinji was just like on the phone with his bf during his shift and aki is like wait are you slacking off#and shinji is like bitch you literally called me??? and who cares id like to see these bitches try and fire me 😤#hes behind the register in a stupid uniform while horrible music plays theres like one customer there#theyre making direct eye contact the entire phone call
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I'm going to preface this story by saying: I don't necessarily believe in karma, but
I may have been walking through today with a vague sense of disbelief tainted with unkind smugness after my tiktok fyp was flooded with poor fans who tried to get presale ticket to one mr n. kahan's new tour only to find that demand was through the roof and GA pit tickets were seriously going for $300, in presale, and even the "worst" tickets in the lawn were going for $70
and while I undoubtedly think it's deeply unethical for both platforms (thanks ticketmaster) and artists to allow such dramatic ticket cost inflation, I also generally don't relate...
I (VERY LUCKILY) gravitate towards smaller acts, and the most I've paid for a ticket all year has been, like... $90 for a ticket to beyonce, which got cancelled and I was refunded lol. if I look back at all my receipts from shows this year, most have been around $50/ticket after fees, and several have been closer to $20. my favorite show I've seen all year was a $15 ticket.
it's mostly luck—I tend to like smaller acts, and I've been seeing mainly rock acts this year, and those tickets simply don't run as high as pop acts. and part of me is honestly very grateful that I haven't been swept into any of the really recent huge acts.
I think of all the people scrabbling for boygenius or taylor swift tickets and how much money they've had to shell out... how a lot of them don't even GET to see the acts they want to see because they've been priced out or tickets sold out. I can't remember the last time a show I wanted to go to sold out lol. maybe bastille in london?
and again, it's just a matter of luck that I'm not really into any of these megastars and therefore don't have to compete in the gladiator arena to try to see shows I want to see, but sometimes luck manifests as a feeling of self-satisfaction, you know? who among us hasn't experienced a little self-superiority from time to time.
look, if YOUR tiktok was flooded with people saying concerts have been awful since 2021 (including rock and metal shows), but every concert YOU'VE been to since 2021 was amazing and the crowds were really good and you always got tickets and it never broke the bank, you'd feel pretty validated in your choice of musicians and the crowds they attract too, alright?? sue me! I felt frugal AND undeservedly clever!
anyways back to karma. guess who got invited and subsequently agreed to shell out $70 to sit in a lawn and listen to mr. n. kahan sing. I'll give you a hint, her tumblr username starts with an r and ends with an s
#I KNOW LIKE. A SINGLE ONE OF HIS SONGS.#the thing about me is I'm earnestly really good at not judging other ppls music taste because:#I have a whole 1000-song playlist dedicated to music I love but don't play for other ppl bc I regard it as my Fun Time No Taste Music#and it's not that it's bad it's just not as curated as I prefer my music showed to other people lol#and that means I don't judge people for getting really into a band that doesn't do it for me personally#but. I will admit that I have that deeply annoying personality trait wherein if a billion people get into something...#for unknown reasons my own desire to learn about and get into that thing plummets. hashtag hipster. hashtag annoying#so that's kinda why I've never explored a lot of mega-popular musicians#(see: hozier; mitski; boygenius; taylor swift; one direction; noah kahan; etc etc)#+ obviously I don't make quality judgements off of that. I've heard some hozier songs. he's very good. I like handfuls of TS and 1D's music#but I don't have the drive to Also Get Into It#which means I never have to fucking melee for tickets in the queue ahaha and I am very grateful for that#but idk. I think there's something to be said for purposefully seeking out midsize or small acts. I don't really like stadium shows!#my fave concert this year had less than 100 attendees and the lead singer walked right off the stage into the crowd#everyone was chill and gave him space (this was the friday pilots club show)#and I think I can compare it to big vs. small fandom#small fandoms tend to be well-behaved bc everyone knows everyone and beef poisons the whole space lol#and also it's a matter of numbers! the more people who are in a space... the higher likelihood someone's an asshole#and I've been in tiny fandoms that blew up (hellooooo omgcp) and saw that happen firsthand#and I sort of suspect that rule holds true for concert spaces/music fanbases! more people = more variables = higher likelihood of foolery#hell I think of when I was really into 2010s alt rock DURING the 2010s and had to deal with assholes at alt j concerts hahahah#and it was just because I *was* into the music that WAS of-the-time in 2015!!!!#and now as an agèd 20something who likes metal shows I'm just chilling and watching pits form at lowkey 1400-capacity venues#because that's the scene! and I'm not in the thick of it with the current Music Of The Hour#anyways all this is to say that I don't think noah kahan is bad or untalented or unworthy of seeing!!!!#clearly he is if I'm going to fork over $70plusfees to see him with my friend#it's just that I'm grateful my tastes have veered into the cheaper side of the music industry.#I think I'd keel over if my favorite artist was TS and I had to deal with. all that. to go see her.#stronger than the marines etc etc
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after surgery i'm buying myself pentiment goddamnit
#reasons to live#also new doctor who episodes#i've been wanting to play for soooo long but haven't really had the money to spend#so i'm using this as an excuse#trying to focus on all the fun/good/cool things that i can do after#seeing hozier later in the summer#watching the wild flowers come up in the backyard#this is hell but i will get through it and there WILL be an other side i will make sure of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#there's a chance we can get it done tomorrow if the doctor thinks it won't be super complicated#i hope we can cause the longer this goes the more we suffer#i just want it to be over#once i'm all healed i am going to smoke a cigarette and savor every fucking puff i haven't been able to smoke for over a k month now :/#another thing to look forward too#and i think i have a vinyl preordered???? am can never remember what other parts have bought#oh and i'm going to binge rewatch the hunger games (all of them) after surgery#been meaning to do that & im using this as an excuse to do nothing but watch movies all day#got some audiobooks downloaded that hopefully they'll let me listen to during (unless it's going to be loud (??) then i have music)#i'm taking my puppy stuffie husband got me when we had to live apart for a summer before we got married#puppy is so special to me#he goes everywhere with me#i love him so much#i would just hold him and cry and cry and cry when husband had to leave :((((#i am so scared#there's so many young parts too who are just i mean they are the ones holding a lot of this shit like i cant imagine what it's like for the#the little bit that leaks through to me is horrific and makes me want to fucking vomit#i'm worried for them#they're splitting bad :((( and i don't have any way to help#we're doing our tapping and tre and everything but idk how much that helps on the inside#idk man#it's all so much
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top 9 albums you listened to this year? totally random question 🤪
Unlike last year I did listen to a lot of new music this year so 2022 albums this time weee it was even hard to pick a top 9 but in order of release (probably):
Nilüfer Yanya - PAINLESS
ROSALÍA - MOTOMAMI
Kendrick Lamar - Mr. Morale & the Big Steppers
Harry Styles - Harry's House
Steve Lacy - Gemini Rights
Joost - Fryslân
The Snuts - Burn The Empire
Louis Tomlinson - Faith In The Future
Little Simz - NO THANK YOU
ramble in the tags
#yeah i totally did not basically beg to be asked this thank you for taking the bait askldlsakjskl#albums of 2022#Nilüfer Yanya - PAINLESS only discovered recently and it sent me into a zone a Z O N E do get in there do it#ROSALÍA - MOTOMAMI when that one came out it was blasting in the house like this only for a good while#Kendrick Lamar - Mr. Morale & the Big Steppers I feel like I'm listening to something not intended for me but i should be hearing ?#like it just wrecks me from a place that was never there just unknown and i cant begin to imagine what it can do for people where its known#Harry Styles - Harry's House I THINK IVE SAID QUITE A LOT ABOUT THIS ONE ON HERE#Steve Lacy - Gemini Rights what in the masterpiece is this ??? like????? seriously? SERIOUSLY WHAT IS PUT IN HERE#Joost - Fryslân THIS IS MY BABY he makes this variant of dutch white trash music that is horrid in the most delicious way#unserious but THEN he comes in hard with extremely painful honest lyrics in between utter crap LIKE#love it when music doesnt take itself seriously and still has a huge heart and soul and this is that#this dude is making me cry singing about the grief of losing both parents and minutes later interpolating crazy frog.#The Snuts - Burn The Empire obviously introduced by Louis. I didnt really take them in properly till we saw them at#Lokeren. I did listen to some songs here and there.. Glasgow was a fav. and that was kinda it. but then they came with this album#i always feel regret when i start listening to an artist bc they impressed me live like i should have known before.. which is weird.#that happens. but hearing burn the empire live i was like FUCK and then i was hooked#Louis Tomlinson - Faith In The Future I MEAN YOU KNOW WE KNOW I KNOW EVERYBODY KNOW WE ALL LIVE IN A FITF#Little Simz - NO THANK YOU this one was released this week! still taking it in but like? FUCK? HELLO? fav: No Merci#honorable mentions (sorry):#Björk - Fossora how the fuck you make an entire album sound like a heavily distressed mycelium network beats me but call me a shroom (idk)#Taylor Swift - Midnights had a bit of a meltdown over this (understatement)#IDLES - Five Years Of Brutalism okay okay it's a rerelease but THERE ARE LIVE VERSIONS
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i do not know if i ever sent this to you. i have posted it. i hope you like it Princess.
#uhhhhhm no you HAVE NOT SENT THIS TO ME BEFORE?!?!#I literally am speechless#I’m not super talky right now#but even if I was I feel like I’d still be fucking speechless#like I already said I love your writing 🩷#and it fucking BLOWS ME AWAY when people write about me or use me as an inspiration#like????????? what??????? me???????????!#I’m going to keep this close to my heart and look at it whenever I’m feeling down#I don’t remember if I said that already but it’s true#I need to get a journal or a cute box to put things like this in so I can just grab it and look through them when I’m feeling shitty#one thing I needed to say is the fact that you shared this with me now of all times??? is kinda crazy to me#idk if it’s a coincidence or if the universe/God/whoever/whatever is trying to tell me to go back into music and singing#not going to go into it too much but I’ve been looking at my life a lot lately#and I’m realizing I’m not getting any younger…. I know I’m still young but if I don’t do something soon -#my life is going to completely pass before my eyes and I really really don’t want that#I’m *finally* going to get mental help soon (long story but I have to wait a few weeks)#and once I’m actually mentally stable I can focus on what I want to do with my life#so I’ve been thinking a lot about my performing arts background and then randomly a get an email from a choir director I know#asking if I could please join the choir for their Easter performance cause they could really use my high notes#and she just kept complimenting me and it felt really nice ☺️#then when I went to the first rehearsal I sat next to this girl and we were singing a part and the first sopranos go up to a high A#and I can hit it easily but most of them couldn’t so it felt like I was going this mini solo lol#but she asks me what my range is and I told her that back when I trained I could sing queen of the night which I think goes up to an F6#and she was talking about how impressive that is#and it made me think about if I actually trained and got back into it how good I actually could get#I don’t mean this to be like ‘look at me look at me I’m so good’#it just feels nice to have a little bit of a direction again#who knows if I’ll actually go down the music path again but it does sound damn exciting#I miss it with all my heart - I miss singing and performing and acting… I even miss music theory#anyway rant over and i ran out of space but thank you so much I seriously can’t thank you enough 😭🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷
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Hi hella! I love love your writing and have done so for years and liked your posts but above all else I am a social media lurker at heart. But I wanted to tell you that following you for so long I’ve seen you go off to college and strike out on your own. Your self reflection and how you move through your life is so inspiring. I feel like your proud distant auntie sometimes cheering you on from afar. Growing up and going through school and into your adulthood is so confusing and frustrating and depressing sometimes but I’m a bit on the other side now and can tell you you’re doing so well. Absolutely killing it and it’s a privilege to read about. Your openness often has me reflect on my own life! I appreciate you bestie 🫶
reading this was genuinely so emotional BESTIE WHAT THE HELL
#IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE I PROMISE I MEAN THIS IN THE MOST POSITIVE OF WAYS#because it just made me really reflective ig? like so much of my life and so many of my issues surround this huge isolation#either ive been made to feel isolated or ive used isolation as a coping mechanism or even that i romanticised my own capacity for it#but regardless i have a really rigid acceptance that im on my own through life#and as a kid that was terrifying and was probably what got me in my head so much#like staring at the enormity of it all and going 'i am alone. i am a singular vessel whose intricacies are inaccessible to anyone else'#and that is TERRIFYING. and yes while it will always be true to an extent ive realised it doesnt have to be entirely#you can share yourself with others and find love in that and friendships and it's taken me years but this year more than any#i feel like ive finally come out of a very long dark tunnel and no one else around me has any idea that any of this is a big deal to me#bc they never had any idea what i was going through#but like?? at some point or another you guys started tagging along and i overshared a shit ton lmao#and a lot of you have been here for YEARS and like. wtf you're RIGHT ive taken you guys along with me for everything#my sexuality crisis my writing journey getting a new job starting uni going into second year making and losing friendships#testing out romance listening to music watching new shows. like every part of myself that's too small and silly to share irl is something#i tell you guys without a second thought like i started this when i was SEVENTEEN and now im twenty you guys have acc watched me grow#im so emotional over this esp bc lately ive focussed mainly on the DOWNSIDES of me being online in these years#idk i needed this more than you know bestie tysm for sticking by my side and same for the rest of you <3 ily ily ily#ask
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Reminder that being punk is also about the music guys. Remember it’s all about the music. There’s are other things you can put on your stuff that isn’t another trans flag. Being punk isn’t being lgbt, being lgbt is being lgbt.
Love the crossover and overlap my two communities have always had but y’all DO know that there’s more patches than the anarchy symbol or “fuck the cis” right? Your diy patches don’t have to be gay related, you can paint or embroider any bands logo there.
Like I SWEAR I love the creativity and obviously I don’t care if ur trans but remember to throw some DIFFERENT stuff on there. If the only thing that makes u unique is that ur trans then idk man ur jacket isn’t original ig.
All the stuff I’ve been seeing is just a jacket or vest that makes me go “I know, ur trans, ur a tranny. Cool okay but I can’t tell anything else about you other than you like to blindly hit reblog after seeing anything w the anarchy symbol on it.”
#punk is a music related subculture#I mean yeah fuck cops and anarchy for all is certainly a punk view#but it feels like a lot of trans people get into making diy stuff#and they aren’t really punk they like indie shit and act hard about their views#when it’s like ‘hun I could t see u being comfortable at half the shows I go to’#like idk making your punk jacket should.. have band patches too!#not just the main 6 bands I see everywhere either#love all the trans people I see at shows it makes me feel really safe#but when I see a jacket covered in trans stuff I’m like#‘oh okay this is your whole personality’#and there’s nothing wrong w that I just don’t vibe w people like that generally#vent#oof
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.... OK I really hope I can keep this dude ♥
#miranda talking shit#Like... I just want him around me... Yeah. First visit I thought it may be how I felt. Now I'm like lol yeah#8+ hour visit later... Not even that I just... Am being used for sx like we talk so much#We talked about past experiences and love and children etc. Like... I guess we just vibe. Or rather I feel like we do#We make each other laugh and he seem to want to touch me and want to tell me about things#He talked about metal (or we about music but I'm not a metal head so) and he played songs for me#He found my reactions to them funny. Some song did some guitar thing and I was like “woah!”#He laughed and after the song went into explaining what it was. How it was done and such#“i wonder what you think about this... Or... Well maybe you won't care. But I think you may find it interesting?”#Me already clawing at the phone: yes yes I'm interested show me!!!#I love having people show me things willingly. Like even if it's embarrassing or whatever like hey I am going to love it#He showed Warhammer figures he had painted and talked about that#I love hearing people info dump like omgggg hiiii tell me everything uwu#I took up the... Idea of being fwb and being like... Exclusive about it. And he was like “I mean... I haven't really been seeing anyone els#Mainly bc I don't want to and bc it's so... -makes eye contact with me-“ me: tiring?”-deep sigh-yes so tiring.... “#He shared a lot of personal things in general and one thing in detail he definitely didn't have to#I mean I casually say I got daddy issues but that's like... Yeah my dad never cared for me and my siblings that's just how it is ya know#Idk man. Been a while I... Felt so... At ease and.... Open so quick with anyone. I liked Linus quick but not in this way#I hope I get to keep him around me for more... Like he's.... I think we have things in common but we are definitely still different enough#Want to learn everything I can about him. Plus he let's me be... Overly affectionate and serviceing him like an doting mom (how I want to#Treat everyone in my life but I know majority don't accept it). I get to bring him a drink and help him get dressed to go outside#Men who just goes along with how I want to express affection and not hate it is great#I mean. I don't think he have been touched this... Affectionately before either. I'm very intense and like.... Yeah it's like I'm in love#With you. Sorry I'm stroking your face and looking into your eyes and all :/#He just smiles. Me with basically heart shaped eyes and he's like: :)#Some nerdy brunette: hi (: me: omg? Spend all your free time with me???
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"I will not be made a fool. I am no man's jester and no woman's cuckold! I am Andre Dacor Benicieux, le Duc de Monroth!"
🎥: @starcuffedjeans
#moulin rouge! the musical#moulin rouge broadway#dylan paul#andre dacor benicieux#i just really love him as a performer okay?#look i have seen him as christian as well and he's just so good with body language and acting decisions i think#i just love him so much#i love the way his body moves after teasing zidler in the first gif#also he already had a great reaction to the doll but then he had to widen his eyes and tilt his head and it just makes me wheeze#the head tilt and the nod as he looks at satine in sympathy for the duke is so attractive to me???#the smile before he touches toulouse's scarf oof#i can never get over his mocking little 'she wants to die for love?!'#nothing super special about the way he acts in the last gif but he does look more offended and upset instead of smug#i do feel like his younger duke has more insecurities because young can sometimes mean inexperienced and he doesn't like that?#also a lot of people don't take younger people seriously so i'd have to imagine that has to affect him in many ways#it adds more to the 'i'm no man's jester and no woman's cuckold' line even more i feel?#le duc de monroth#idk if he forgot zilder's first name was harold in character or out of character but i find it sort of fitting#dylduke?#moulinrougeedit#musicaltheatreedit#theatreedit#broadwayedit#i added the dylduke scene where he just sucks his finger and smiles because that made ME squirm like... you nasty nasty man#and i love how in the last gif he looks at her like ''oh you just made the biggest mistake of your life''#he does the smile at ''i can see that you do'' in the new boot but even wider and more taunting and i think it's a fun choice#but i like how he genuinely seems hurt here
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i genuinely feel so bad for my ex's gf though because she's out here posting on her insta that it's their 3 month anniversary but boyo is making me playlists with unrequited love songs and posts stuff about being nostalgic about when we were dating, keeps complimenting how i look, and literally yesterday was telling me he still has the sticker we stole from the library where we held hands and cuddled like. he's such an important friend to me but really i guess i will have to cut him off (again) bc i thought we were both over this but apparently not and it's just going to hurt a lot of people if i don't
#also in all honesty i am scared that i will do something stupid without realising it or while in a not very lucid state#like once after we broke up i let him fall asleep on me around 4am then we watched the sun rise together until i finally left to find#my own bed#like i knew i shouldn't be doing that but i hadn't slept in over 24 hours and#he was so sad and so was i and i just needed someone but he just needed me. and we really did seem like we could but perfect#but yk what this relationship has taught me a lot and still does because to him? we should have been soulmates and i get why#i mean we read the same poetry and cry at the same music and he loves it when i infodump about greek mythology and i love it when he sends#pictures of his cats and our art is so desperate for another person to See Us and we danced in the rain once#and it was one of the most beautiful moments of my life#but it's never going to be right and idk he can't accept that i don't and never will and never have loved him. i'm sorry it seems perfect#but it's a good reflection moment for me too in all honesty yk#bc the boy i'm obsessed with also could have been someone fated for me i mean#what's the chance we live on the same street twice despite having travelled the world?#what's the chance he and i-both very private and solitary individuals-immediately felt we could confide in each other?#but apparently that doesn't mean shit to him#and idk maybe he's also just as sorry and as apologetic and maybe even a little#heartbroken over it#just like i am w my ex but. idk#i do not know#anyways once i get the motivation to write a full novel then it's over for everyone#until then you get my shitty journal musings#blue screams into the void
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top 5 oboe concertos 👀
kalliwoda. yes i am counting it even though it's labelled a concertino. idc. it's great and i love it
mozart. yes i know this answer is Basic. but if it was good enough for flutes to steal it's good enough for this list
marcello. i have a soft spot for baroque, sue me. also if this counts then the kalliwoda definitely does. play it in c minor if you're a real one
strauss. idk i just like strauss
vaughan williams. honestly not my thing to play but with the orchestra accompaniment it really is something special to listen to
also honorable mention has to go out to the grunge concerto by scott mcallister. i heard someone play two movements of this at oboe camp a couple summers ago and it's like...the concentrated essence of contemporary composition. it is So
[ask meme]
#sasha speaks#ask meme#sleepover saturday#nablah#ty!#limited myself to oboe and excluded EH here but if i didn't know that the fiala EH and clarient concerto would be on this list#this was tough! i don't actually listen to or play concerti that much. i am very much not a soloist#(<- says the person playing kalliwoda for her recital next month. and played the donizetti EH concertino for the competition last fall.)#(well the rest of my recital material is chamber music. and i have a collab piano major accompanying the kalliwoda.#so i won't be alone up there. i always play better when i have someone to play with anyway)#and tbh once you push past like. the 1840s. a lot of solo oboe rep starts to lose me...#idk i just do not stylistically Get a lot of late romantic and modern stuff from a musicality pov#like it's lovely to listen to but i have such a hard time interpreting it in my own playing#i had a haaard time learning the vaughan williams. i gave up on it ngl. not for me#and i'm not really into a lot of modern concerti. i think they tend to prioritize crazy technique over like...sounding good#and i'm in it for the musicality anyway not the technique. no one will call me a virtuoso by any stretch and i am fine with that#anyway. the grunge concerto gets an honorable mention cause it kind of broke my brain when i first saw it performed lmao#the third mvt is titled 'headbanging' and when i heard it i was like. wow. someone invented metal for oboe. finally#anyway albrecht mayer has an album called Lost And Found that's just a bunch of lesser known 18th century oboe and EH concerti#and i'm obsessed with it. i would list all of those here but that's cheating since...i mean they're Extremely Classical and they all#kiiind of sound the same lmao. but idc!! classical is my bread and butter i LOVE that shit#i really ought to get the sheets to some of those and learn em myself. and the strauss too. finally a late romantic i can get behind...#well my eyes were on something fiala next i think. so we'll see#oboeposting#LONG RAMBLING IN THE TAGS. sorry lmao. i have a lot of thoughts#sorry goossens but i don't care about you <3 idc if you win competitions i'm keeping kalliwoda
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rewatched in the soop 2 and now i have the its song stuck in my head... also restarting in the soop 1 :D life is fun fun fun
#idk i just. seventeen <3#they really make me want to? live?#ig#and i don't mean like 'oh i want to d*e' but like they make me want to have fun#to love#to be loved#to sing and to miss notes and to make bad jokes and to eat good food#and to cry a little to have deep convos and then tease someone to get into something to read a book#like they make me want to enjoy life to its fullest#to really and truly try to get everything good out of this world#and like. god only knows you can get lost with all the bad things in this world#and yet there is always#there is constantly something good happening#and my constant right now#is seventeen#theyre my something good i wake up to everyday#and you truly dont need a lot in life#some good people food music and id make it out on the other side#anyway. i love seventeen with my all heart and im grateful we live in the same world#im grateful i live in this world#(this is what goes on in my mind when i watch its)#(im an overthinker in case u didn't notice)#sammy's podcast
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