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artistically-ethereal · 8 years ago

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Healthy Emotional Release, getting this off my chest.

First off, dont worry, I’m fine now.

I just have things i need to get off my chest , just a release I’ve sort of been feeling down in the dumps, not feeling motivated, feeling like I’ve sort of came down from where ive been before. I remember being able to do things. Go out with friends, sleepovers, go out with my mom and just do things. Now it seems like a cage, im stuck, trapped and just overall i feel upset with myself, though knowing it’s not my fault and there is nothing i could’ve done. Though i do have myself at fault for a few things. My lack of self motivation, my lack of communication, distracting myself with useless things, letting my time go (waisting it on such silly things), Ive napped longer then i should, escaping into a black pit of no dreams. Though when i dream, it shows me things i want, but can’t have. I’ve distanced myself from people, for a while, pretending i had things to do, in reality i knew i just wouldn’t be able to go or just feel like the “third wheel” in a crowd with plenty, the one that walks behind everyone so i can let people into conversations to not exclude anyone but instead exclude myself. I’ve had more problems with my mom in the past few years than ive ever had, my sister and a good friend of mine being an emotional lifesaver keeping me from drowning in this self hate.Ive tried getting motivation feeling it get dragged out of my grasp from my moms stinging words, unknowing her affect. If i bring it up im bombarded with words of “so? I am an adult i can say what i want im your patent and i have ownership of you im boss” i have no way to put one word in, nothing can be put into her one track mind , she doesnt let people say she’s wrong, her voice had to be louder than mine , im weak and unable to stand up for myself, scared.im Bi, though leaving way more towards a lesbian, my mother is homophobic, but only with her kids, she doesnt care if someone else is gay, just not her kids. I brought it up and there was a great mention of disownership, that id have to choose between her or who i love, i mentioned what she said a year later, she lied saying she didn’t say that, though it was drilled into my mind, i knew she meant it. I am treated like an infant, being watched over not being allowed to leave, I am no older then that of a five year old, craddled at home, just waiting for time to pass till i can reach the next stage of maturity. Ive been unable to support anyone, having been unable to support myself in desperate times, my own mother blames me for her lack of motivation , hoping i do everything for her, but i cant, i get a “you dont do anything”. I do things, i am living, breathing trying to stay alive in a world that has fate trying to exclude me from society, in a more literal sense, i do everything for her. Ill come to her when called even though i was calmly listening to music all the way from my room just to grab a remote that is literally in arms reach away, ill massage her when i am at my most busiest, ill go to the car in freezing weather for her, ill do things for her but in return when I don’t do one thing for her its always a push of blame and a guilt trip of “you dont do anything” , “i gave you life” , “who’s boss still?”. I am honestly scared of my mom, i know when im 18 im free, but im still scared shes my mom , my little bit of retaliation can lead to lots of my pain, it already has once.This year my art has gone down hill, ive found myself doing things last minuet not caring about it as much anymore, wanting to just pull my hair out in frustration knowing i suck, but i dont. I havent painted in my favorite medium, finding a way to punish myself for no reason with out causing physical harm to myself and causing worry, im not sure why i would do this. Ive worn no sweaters in the cold, wash my hair in the morning letting it freeze, have refused to shower at times, let my laces stay untie and let myself trip, i guess ive let myself go, abused myself in subtle ways, not knowing what ive done, not taking care of myself the way i used to, i get sick more than i ever have in the past few years, colds, flus, coughs. I don’t feel great here in this state it emotionally drains me, i used to live in California, i visit and that is when i feel healthy,; taking daily showers , wanting to go outside, cleaning my room, going to recreational places, finding i talk to people easiest there, i know we did this move so i didnt grow up in the bad parts of California, but still i long to be back. I gained some motivation, and i am working harder now, but i feel like i get a mental slap every time ‘someone’ opens her mouth, just turning me down. In a way im scared for the future, knowing it holds a dark path i must trudge through, many battles ill have to face. Turning 18 will be the worste one. Ill start college and have to find a way to get away but still be financially stable. I know ill have a few concrete smooth slabs on this path making it easier, but im just hoping this year isn’t a dissapointment. Im feeling better, getting myself turned around, at least im trying and knowing i have some amazing friends, and have some motivation, ive liked my body a little more and have found my type of things (music, art, sights), ive gotten rid of some emotional toxins in my life, i’ve seperares a bit from someone who’s influenced me so much but hurt me in the end, I’ve learn to observe and do things, im trying and thats all that matters, ive had good times with my family, its just there are things i have to try to handle. Ive decided to make a personal blog to help do a daily log, and vent more often, im taking care of myself more.

This honestly was hard to write and hard to post, but im happy that i did.

And really im fine im doing better.

DONT ANY OF YOU CALL SAFE TO TELL, BECAUSE I ALWAYS HAVE A FEAR THAT ILL BE TAKEN AWAY FROM THEM, because when i was 5 i was a daredevil and always hurt myself while playing and was sent to the hospital so many times im on a record for child services when really is me being not save and im afraid one slip and ill leave my family. Im the most different one in the family, i know is hard but I’m almost there, i feel better now than i have in the last few years. Thank you, and once again I AM FINE. Im not looking for help, or a reader just to help myself calm

#me #myself #my post #emotional #im fine

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agilenano · 5 years ago

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Agilenano - News: 20 Of My MOST Favorite Things {January 2020}

Can I tell you a secret?

Ive been planning and looking forward to todays post for MONTHS!

After almost 7 years of sharing my favorite things on the blog each month, I went back through ALL my previous Favorite Things posts and hand-selected 20 of my MOST favorite things to share with you for the start of 2020!

These are the cream of the crop. The products I use daily (even 7 years and 3 more children later). They are products I recommend regularly on the blog and in real life. They are my most favorite and worth every penny (in my opinion!)

Im also using a new format this month one that I hope will make the post more readable and more easily shoppable. Simply click the button link under each description to be taken directly to the sales page on Amazon (or whatever website the product is available through).

And if youre interested in reading my original review of each product, Ive included that too. Just click the dated link directly under each picture.

Ex: Originally shared in September of 2016.

DISCLOSURE:None of these products are sponsored; however, some of the links below are affiliate links which means that at no cost to you, I may get a smallcommission. Please know thatI use these products dailyin my own home and life. Readmy full disclosure policyfor more information.

Also, check out myAmazon Marketfor all my favorite things.

I wont make you wait any longer

Here are 20 of my MOST favorite things!

(In no particular order.)

USA Pan Bakeware

Originally shared in April of 2019.

The USA Pans are so fantastic, I recommend them for any kitchen and any cooking style. They are 100% completely non-stick, super heavy-duty, and cook very evenly. Plus, they are made in the USA!

I have the 8" loaf pans, the mini loaf pans, the XL sheet pans, and cookie sheets -- and I'm always looking to grow my collection as I use them all on a weekly (sometimes daily) basis.

I honestly cant say enough good things about this brand!

NOTE: Here's how I prep, store, and reheat all my roasted veggies.

Shop USAPan Bakeware on Amazon

Wet Brush Hair Brush

Originally shared in April of 2015.

Many years ago, after mentioning Nora's extreme sensitivity to having her hair brushed, many of you recommended the Wet Brush... I am forever grateful!

Literally, the very first time I used the brush on Noras hair, she was a completely different person. She didnt whine, complain, and cry ouch the ENTIRE time I brushed. Instead, she just sat there and even made the comment this brush doesnt hurt my head!

We now have 3 Wet Brushes (one in each bathroom) and 2 Mini Wet Brushes for traveling.

They are, hands-down, the best hair brush I've tried -- perfect for children and adults, straight or curly hair, thin or thick hair, wet or dry hair.

NOTE: Here's a link to my homemade hair detangling spray, and here's a post about my favorite hair styles for little girls.

Shop Wet Brushes on Amazon

Velvet "Huggable Hangers"

Originally shared in October of 2013.

Our family uses velvet hangers exclusively for all our closets (we use heavy-duty plastic hangers in the mudroom).

I have adult size hangers for our closet, kid size hangers for the older 3, and I even found baby size hangers for the nursery.

They are so slim and they really "hold on to" the clothing so well.

We have had a handful break over the years -- but that's a byproduct of 4 children who like to pick their own clothing out!

I've always recommended velvet hangers for all my organizing clients, and I will continue to use them in my own home.

NOTE: Here's a link to all my posts about clothes clutter!

Shop velvet hangers on Amazon.

The 5 Love Languages Book

Originally shared in February of 2018.

I first read The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman when I was in college, after Dave and I got engaged. He read it too, and we quickly realized we have very opposite love languages!

Since then, I've reread this book many times.

I think both Dave and my love languages have morphed and changed a bit (Im totally acts of service now, and I used to be more gifts) but I cant tell you how valuable it has been for us to not only learn the other persons love language, but also realize that we both have very different love languages.

I think it saved us lots of frustration in the early years of our marriage and even still today.

I highly recommend this book to all dating, engaged, and married couples, as well as any of the other books in the growing "5 Love Languages" collection.

NOTE: Here's how I make more time for reading (even with a very busy home and family!) And here's one of my simplests "secrets" for a happy marriage.

Buy This Book on Amazon

Gecko-Loc Shower Hooks

Originally shared in July of 2017.

Several years ago, I replaced all our suction shower hooks with Gecko-Lock Super Suction Stainless Steel Double Hook, and we LOVE them!

They are so easy to install and VERY strong. Plus, the stainless steel looks so much nicer with our Chrome shower fixtures than the plastic hooks I previously used.

We've never had any issues with them losing suction or falling down and if/when I want to move them, I just unscrew the knob and the hook immediately comes off the shower wall with no pulling or tugging on my part.

NOTE: Get the recipe for my homemade shower cleaner (it's one of the most popular posts on my site!)

Buy These Hooks on Amazon

got 2b Hair Products

Originally shared in October of 2016.

Dave and I both use the got 2b hair products every day (for years and years)... and we have no intentions of switching to anything different.

He uses the got 2b Styling Glue.

I use the got 2b Spiking Wax and the Glued Blasting Freeze Spray.

They hold amazingly well all day long, they wash out easily each night, and they are extremely frugal compared to salon products!

NOTE: here's a video tutorial of how I style my short hair!

Shop Got 2B Items on Amazon

Topseat Child's Toilet Seat

Originally shared in January of 2018.

I'm certainly not an expert when it comes to potty training. However, I have found some really great tools to help simplify the process a bit!

The Topseat toilet seat has been a life-saver for our busy bathrooms these past several years. It's such a simple, convenient way to always have a child's toilet seat available when needed -- and out of the way when not needed.

It's much cleaner than removable potty seats, and it looks a lot nicer in our bathrooms too!

NOTE: Here's a before/after look at the kids' bathroom upstairs.

Learn more about these seats.

3 Citrus Face & Eye Cream

Originally shared in March of 2013.

This was in the very first Favorite Things post I shared way back when... and I still use this exact same product every single night after I get out of the shower.

I've been using the 3 Citrus Face & Eye Cream from Prairieland Herbs since 2010, and I just LOVE it!

We also use their Ultimate Healing Wand for all minor cuts, burns, bites, rashes, etc. It's the best and works SO well.

Their all-natural products are all hand made in small batches by a mother-daughter team, and I just love supporting their work through my purchases.

NOTE: They have offered an exclusive discount to my readers!! Get 20% off your entire order from their Etsy Shop with the code PAMPER (now through 2/29/20)

Visit Prairiland Herb's Shop

Vera Bradley Crossbody Wristlet

Originally shared in September of 2018.

I've used a Vera Bradley Wristlet as my main "purse" for probably close to 10 years now, and although I'm not one to be brand loyal, I REALLY love these wristlets (and I researched several other brands).

They can be pricey, but considering I'm only on my 2nd one in 10 years, they are worth it for me.

I love that my phone fits inside (along with everything else I need to carry around) and that there's a clip for my keys. Plus, I can wear it as a wristlet OR a cross-body bag depending on which strap I use.

It looks like my polka-dot fabric isn't available on Amazon right now, but there are TONS of other really fun (or simple) fabrics to choose from.

NOTE: Here's how I use this wristlet in conjunction with our diaper bag.

Shop VB Wristlets on Amazon

Presto Electric Griddle

Originally shared in July of 2018.

I use our electric griddle almost daily... and this one is HUGE! I can easily make 12 pancakes or 9 grilled cheese sandwiches at one time!

I love that this specific griddle is a square (not a longer rectangle) so it fits in my kitchen cabinets better.

I've taken this griddle on many family vacations, and even thought about trying to smuggle it in my suitcase when we fly! It's probably my most-used small appliance.

NOTE: These are our favorite whole grain oat pancakes... and these sourdough pancakes are the perfect use for leftover sourdough starter.

Buy This Griddle on Amazon

Big and Easy Colouring Books

Originally shared in November of 2018.

After years of coloring with little children, these Big and Easy Coloring books are still my most favorite (and my kids' favorite).

Even the older kids love coloring the extra-big, simple pictures!

We've given SO many of these as gifts, and oftentimes, the parents text or email me to ask where we found such a nice coloring book!

NOTE: Here are 10 of my favorite NON-MESSY crafts for toddlers and young children.

Shop Big and Easy on Amazon

Nutrimill Artiste Mixer

Originally shared in December of 2019.

The Nutrimill is the one and only mixer I use for everything from homemade whipped cream and butter to whole grain bread dough -- and anything in between.

Its so powerful and has a huge mixing capacity, but its much more compact and lighter-weight than KitchenAid Mixers so its easier to store and lift and carry around my kitchen.

NOTE: Here's my recipe for 100% whole grain bread dough, and my recipe for monster cookies (a HUGE batch that I've never been able to mix in anything other than my Nutrimill!)

Learn more about the Nutrimill

Britax B-Agile Single Stroller

Originally shared in May of 2018.

After almost a decade of pushing babies and toddlers around in various strollers, bike trailers, etc. my most favorite single stroller is the Britax B-Agile.

This is the stroller I use most often for the last 2-3 years as it's very light-weight and SO easy to push around.

The wheels glide everywhere and turn on a dime. Its technically considered a jogging stroller, but you know I dont jog! I just really do like having 1 wheel in the front as its easier to push.

We are nearing the end of our need for strollers -- but I have a feeling I'll keep this one around for a few years in case we have baby visitors who need to be pushed around.

NOTE: Read about all our favorite strollers and bike trailers, learn how to clean strollers and bike trailers, and see how we organize all our kids' gear in the garage.

Learn more about this stroller

Preen Weed Preventer

Originally shared in July of 2016.

If I could onlypick one product to use in my garden all year long, Preen would be it.

Year after year, Preen continues to save me hours upon hours of pulling weeds because it STOPS the weed seeds from germinating, which means there arent many weeds to pull!

I apply Preen to all my planting beds 4 times every season:

1. Mid-March, right after the weather starts to warm up.

2. Early May, after we spread mulch

3. Mid to late July

4. Late October, to hopefully prevent weed growth in early spring.

In May and July, I use the Preen + Fertilizer, and then I use the regular Preen in October. The added Fertilizer is great for perennials, annuals, shrubs and trees, and even in vegetable gardens.

The only caution is that you do NOT want to spread Preen in your veggie garden until all the seeds have germinated as Preen PREVENTS seeds from germinating.

NOTE: Here are a few more of my favorite weed-fighting tools (pictured above). And here's a post about our sort-of crazy way to prevent weeds in our vegetable garden (since we don't always use Preen around our veggies).

Shop Preen Products on Amazon

MAM Baby Products

Originally shared in June of 2016.

I first got hooked onall the amazing MAM productsway back when I FINALLY got my almost-2 year old, Nora, to drink water from a MAM sippy cup. She previously refused all sippy cups, bottles, water bottles, etc. so it was a BIG deal!

Since then, we've used the MAM brand of bottles, pacifiers, teathers, and sippy cups exclusively for our babies and toddlers.

I also still use the MAM bottle cleaning brush to clean all our water bottles and other long, skinny kitchen items. That thing is the best!

We give MAM goodies to all our friends and family members who have new babies!

NOTE: Here are several more of our favorite "Kids' Kitchen Gear" items -- as well as how I store and organize them all in our kitchen and pantry.

Shop MAM Products on Amazon

OLUKAI Footwear

Originally shared in July of 2018.

As many of you know, I buy the vast majority of all our family's clothing from local thrift stores for pennies on the dollar.

And I rarely ever spend anywhere close to "full price" on anything.

However, one thing I'm willing to pay a bit more for is good quality footwear (especially since I've had lower back problems for the majority of my adult life).

The OLUKAI line of women's footwear is one of my favorites -- I live in their flip flops in the summer and their slippers in the winter (slippers pictured above).

Their shoes are SO supportive, so comfortable, and actually pretty stylish too! I've had mine for years and they still look brand new!

Shop OLUKAI Footwear on Amazon

BABYBJRN Bouncer

Originally shared in June of 2013.

This bouncy seat is one of my most-used baby items EVER! I used it daily for all 4 babies -- and honestly, Clara still uses it now (at 27 months).

It is THE BEST bouncy seat around... the only downside is the price tag.

Thankfully, I was able to find my Baby Bjorn used on Craigslist before Nora was born... and it has served us well for over 8 years now. This bouncer is one of the very few baby things I plan to keep for whenever babies visit our house (and if I'm willing to hang onto something we don't necessarily NEED, you know I really really love it!)

I love that the fabric easily comes off to wash, and that it folds completely flat for storage. I love that it doesn't require batteries or installation or assembly. And of course, the fact that even small infants can easily bounce themselves in this chair is just the icing on the cake!

Start looking for a used one, or splurge on this amazing bouncer for yourself (or a new parent in your life). You will not regret it!

NOTE: Here's a list of things I'm SO glad I had for my babies... and another list of things I wish I had found/purchased sooner.

Research these bouncers here.

Glad Press'n Seal Wrap

Originally shared in July of 2013.

If youve ever been frustrated with plastic wrap that doesnt stick or sticks too much you definitely need to make the switch to thePress'n Seal wrap.

I use this every day in many different ways obviously to cover food dishes and plates, but also to line my paint trays, wrap paint brushes, and many other random things all over our house.

This wrap sticks amazingly well with just a little bit of firm pressure and (at least in my experience) it can be used over and over again without getting ruined or getting jumbled up into a sticky balled mess (can you tell I absolutely hate traditional plastic wrap?)

NOTE: here are 10 clever uses for Press'n Seal Wrap.

Buy Press'n Seal on Amazon

Originally shared in January of 2018.

I've been using a Personal Planner for 7-8 years now (Dave uses them too) and it's still my favorite.

I love that there are so many customizable features and the fact that it always seems to function perfectly for my schedule, my family, and my life.

Since I remember best when I write things down, my planner is an invaluable tool to help me simplify and better organize my life!

There might come a day when I switch to a digital system, but for now, you will always find a Personal Planner sitting on my desk!

All my Personal Planner Posts

Wsthof Knives

Originally shared in July of 2019.

I am not a professional chef, nor do I aspire to be one but having GOOD knives to use in my kitchen has made a huge difference for me over the years.

Ive slowly switched almost all my knives (and kitchen scissors) over to the Wsthof brand, and I can honestly say Ive never once been disappointed. They are super sharp, they feel amazing in my hand, and they cut, slice, and chop better than any other knife Ive used.

Heres a short list of the 3 knives I would recommend starting your collection with (all pictured above):

1. Micro-Serrated 4.5-inch Utility Knife

2. 6-inch Serrated Utility Chopper Knife

3. 10-inch Classic Bread Knife

I use these 3 knives EVERY single day usually washing them in between meals as I use them SO regularly!

Shop Wsthof Knives on Amazon

One runner-up item was my braided rugs but I cant find them on the website anymore, so I didnt include them in my list.

Whew you made it!

I hope you find at least one item on my list youd like to try.

Also, SO many of you tell me these posts are some of your favorite posts is that still true?Im trying to decide if these posts are something I should continue writing each month or not your opinion is very helpful!

As always, check out my previous months favorite things and let me know if youve tried any over the years!

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Agilenano - News from Agilenano from shopsnetwork (4 sites) https://agilenano.com/blogs/news/20-of-my-most-favorite-things-january-2020

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themoneybuff-blog · 7 years ago

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How to find your purpose in life: 12 powerful exercises to help you discover purpose and passion

Shares 298 Happy blogiversary! Twelve years ago today, I launched a humble little blog about personal finance this blog, Get Rich Slowly. It was meant as a way for me to share the things I was learning as I dug out of debt. It turned into so much more. For the next couple of weeks, Im on the road in the southeastern U.S., speaking to people about personal finance and meeting with readers. This morning, for instance, I spoke to the 76 people attending Camp FI in Spring Grove, Virginia. My topic? No surprise: The importance of having purpose in your life. As you can see, I am a PowerPoint genius

If youve spent any time reading my material, you know that I believe purpose is the foundation on which all plans financial and otherwise ought to be built. Purpose is a compass. It helps you set big goals, sure, but it also acts as a guide when times get tough. Your mother died? Your wife left? Your husband lost his job? If you know what your primary purpose is in life, these stressful events are much easier to deal with. For this presentation, I added a new twist. You see, a lot of folks who are interested in money tend to pick things like getting out of debt and becoming financially independent as their purpose or mission. But I think these are poor choices. Ive seen far too many folks make debt elimination a goal then fall right back into debt once theyve achieved it. And there are plenty of people who reach FI (or retire early) only to find they no longer know what to do. (Its like aiming to reach a certain weight instead of choosing to make lasting lifestyle changes that lead to weight reduction.) Instead, I think its important to recognize that your financial situation should be side effect of pursuing some greater purpose. Financial independence ought not be your aim; its merely a means to an end. When I speak about purpose (which is often), I tend to fall back to the George Kinder/Alan Lakein personal mission statement exercise. I feel like its one of the best available tools for helping people find focus. But its not the only tool. Today, to celebrate this sites twelfth birthday, I want to present twelve alternative exercises for discovering your purpose and passion. If youve tried one (or more) of these without success, try another. One of them is sure to be useful for you. Note: Ive done my best to credit sources for these exercises. (Many come from Barbara Shers excellent book Wishcraft, which is all about crafting the life you really want.) At the end of this article, Ill give you a list of recommended reading and tell you what I think is the single best book for discovering passion and purpose. Your One-Hundred Word Philosophy The first exercise is one I created myself. Its based on CrossFits world-class fitness in 100 words statement. Theres no time limit for this exercise, but it could take a while so be prepared. Your aim is to write out your life philosophy in exactly one hundred words no more and no less. This can take any form you want, from a statement of values to a list of instructions. Begin by writing down your core beliefs and values. It might also be helpful to think about books that have had a big impact on your life or powerful advice youve received in the past. Based on your experience and beliefs, what is your life philosophy? As an example, heres my own hundred-word philosophy, which Ive written as instructions to myself:

Some of those admonitions are my own invention. Some come from books like The Four Agreements and The Power of Now. Refuse to let fear guide your decision-making process, was advice from my girlfriend. Create your own luck is based on my friend Michelles advice to create your own certainty. Again: Target one hundred words exactly. Itll force you to spend time thinking and editing and being introspective. As you can see, I paid an artist friend to create a pretty letterpress poster of my 100-word philosophy, which Ive hung on the wall here at home. I look at it every day. Obviously, you dont have to go that far. Your Original Self This next exercise, which comes from Barbara Shers Wishcraft, sounds hokey at first. Turns out, however, that its a lot of fun to complete. Heres how it works. Set aside about half an hour for quiet contemplation. (Theres no writing involved in this exercise only thinking.) Let your mind wander back to your childhood. Remember what you used to do to have fun especially those times you especially treasured. When you were allowed to daydream or do whatever you wanted, what did you choose to do? Try to answer these questions: What sorts of things attracted and fascinated you when you were a kid?What sense smell, sight, hearing, taste, touch did you live through most? Or did you enjoy them all equally? What kinds of sensory experiences do you remember best?What did you love to do (or daydream about), no matter how silly or unimportant it might seem now? Did you have secret aspirations and fantasies that you never told anyone about? After thirty minutes of unstructured reverie, ask yourself a couple of questions. First, do you feel like theres a part of you that still loves the things you loved as a child? What do you miss most? Next, ask yourself what talents or abilities these childhood dreams and passions might point to in the present. What can you do today to reconnect with some of who you were as a kid? As I mentioned, I enjoyed this exercise. Although you dont have to, I wrote down what I liked as a kid: When I was a kid, I loved the outdoors. I loved to run and play outside. We lived in a small trailer house but were surrounded by acres and acres of land. We had freedom to romp across the fields, explore the nearby woods and orchards, and to browse the banks of the creeks. My favorite family vacations were those that involved camping. (Unfortunately, there werent many.) I loved looking at the insects and the plants. I liked digging in the dirt. I liked finding bones and rocks and shards of glass. I enjoyed playing games outside tag, dirt clod fights, whatever. I especially liked building forts. I liked going down to the big tree and hanging out under its branches. Yes, theres still a part of me that loves this sort of thing. I think thats one of the reasons Ive come to treasure the morning walks with the dog. Its an opportunity for me to explore the same stretch of ground over and over and over again. I truly enjoy watching how the woods and fields change a little every day. And thats probably one of the big reasons I enjoyed the RV trip. It forced me to connect to the world outside in a big way. What talents and abilities might this interest point to? Im not sure really. Who Do You Think You Are? This activity is short but effective. On a blank piece of paper, spend 5-10 minutes answering the question: Who do you think you are? How would you describe yourself to a total stranger? Be objective. What are most important characteristics that define your identity? There arent any right or wrong answers here, and theres only one rule: Dont overthink this. Put down the first and surest answers that come into your head, the ones that make you say, This is me. [This exercise also comes from Wishcraft.] Focus on Five Well explore the next exercise in greater depth next week when I write about goals. Youll find a version of this in nearly every book on productivity or positive psychology. This version is taken from Angela Duckworths Grit (which in turn borrowed it from billionaire Warren Buffett, who may have taken it from Alan Lakein). Heres how it works: Write down a list of your top twenty-five goals (or more). This might seem impossible at first, but give it a try. List all of the projects youre currently working on, both at home and at work. List all of the things you want to do but feel like theres no time. List at least twenty-five. More is beter.Next, review your list. Which goals are most appealing? Do some soul-searching it doesnt matter how and narrow the list to the five highest-priority objectives. Just five. Circle them (or copy them to another piece of paper).Lastly, look at the goals you didnt circle. These you avoid at all costs, writes Duckworth. Theyre what distract you; they eat away time and energy, taking your eyes from the goals that matter more. Harsh but true. If you need help prioritizing your goals it can be tough to sort through so many! rate each one on a scale of 1 to 10 based both on how interesting it is and how important it is. Then multiply those numbers together. For instance, if one of your goals has an interest rating of 9 (very interesting) and an importance rating of 3 (not that important), its score would be 27. Compare the scores. Higher is better. Duckworth says that she would add a fourth step to Buffetts exercise. Ask yourself: To what extent do these goals serve a common purpose? The more closely aligned your top five goals are, the better youll be able to focus on your passion (or purpose). When I write about goals next week, Ill ask you to do a different version of this exercise drawn from Sonja Lyubomirskys The How of Happiness. A Letter to the Future Heres another exercise thats common in self-help manuals. Youre going to contemplate and describe the personal legacy youd like to leave in this world. Think about how you want to be remembered by your grandchildren or great-grandchildren. (If youre childless like me, youll have to pretend.) In the form of a first-person letter, write a summary of your life, values, and accomplishments as youd like them known to your descendants. Pretend like youre near the end of your life and want to share the greatest hits version of your personal story for posterity. One common way to approach this is to pretend youre writing your own obituary. In The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen R. Covey offers the following variation: In your minds eye, see yourself going to the funeral of a loved one. Picture yourself driving to the funeral parlor or chapel, parking the car, and getting out. As you walk inside the building, you notice the flowers, the soft organ music. You see the faces of friends and family you pass along the way. You feel the shared sorrow of losing, the joy of having known, that radiates from the hearts of the people there. As you walk down to the front of the room and look inside the casket, you suddenly come face to face with yourself. This is your funeral, three years from today. All these people have come to honor you, to express feelings of love and appreciation for your life. As you take a seat and wait for the services to begin, you look at the program in your hand. There are to be four speakers. The first is from your family, immediate and also extended children, brothers, sisters, nephews, nieces, aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents who have come from all over the country to attend. The second speaker is one of your friends, someone who can give a sense of what you were as a person. The third speaker is from your work or profession. And the fourth is from your church or some community organization where youve been involved in service. Now think deeply. What would you like each of these speakers to say about you and your life? What kind of husband, wife, father, or mother would you like their words to reflect? What kind of son or daughter or cousin? What kind of friend? What kind of working associate? What character would you like them to have seen in you? What contributions, what achievements would you want them to remember? Look carefully at the people around you. What difference would you like to have made in their lives? Make no mistake: This can be a powerful exercise. Tear-inducing, even. Thats okay. By thinking about how youd like people to remember you in the future, after youre gone, you can take steps to align your present self and actions with that ideal vision. 20 Things You Like to Do Heres another exercise from Barbara Shers Wishcraft. She says she borrowed it from Sid Simons Values Clarification. To begin, list twenty things you like to do. You must come up with twenty. Thats the only rule. Dont cop out and make a list of four things you like to do. Or twelve. List at least twenty. (You can write down more, if you like.) Now youre going to make a chart. Take a fresh piece of paper. Down the left side of the page, in the first column of the chart, copy your list of twenty things you like to do. (The order is completely unimportant.) Now, across the top of the page create 8-10 columns. Label them like this (you might have to write tiny): How long since you last did this activity? Free or costs money? Alone or with somebody? Planned or spontaneous? Job related? Physical risk? Fast-paced or slow-paced? Mind, body, or spiritual? Feel free to add other categories that occur to you. (At home or in the world? Spouse likes also? Enjoyed a decade ago? Whatever. Its your list.) Now go through your chart and fill it out for each of your interests. What patterns emerge? What do these patterns tell you about your self and life? To illustrate what this chart ought to look like, I did the exercise myself. It was enlightening. And it took me longer to complete than I expected. I could come up with sixteen things I like to do, but expanding the list to twenty was tough. Heres a screenshot of my list. (Because Im a nerd, I used a spreadsheet instead of a piece of paper.)

Kind of sad (and hilarious) to note that this list is in the order I thought of things. So, that means computer games came to mind as something that I like to do before sex did. Yikes! Looking at my list, it seems like I do a pretty good job of doing the things I like to do. Not perfect but good. Theres also a good balance of free activities vs. activities that cost money, and an even divide between social and alone time. But its clear that most of the things I like to do are spontaneous, not work-related, mental, and most of all slow. The only activity on my list thats truly adrenaline-inducing is riding my motorcycle. Who Do You Want to Be? This exercise is based on a conversation I had with my friend Tyler Tervooren. On a blank piece of paper, make a list of qualities and habits youd like to develop. Do you want to ride your bicycle every morning? Do you want to be more patient with your children? Do you want to be more helpful to your co-workers? Do you want to read the Bible every day? Do you want to drink less alcohol? It doesnt matter what order you write these in. Take as long as you need to make your list. When youve finished, reframe each item using the following format: I am the kind of man who [blank] where [blank] is the habit or quality youre trying to develop. (And obviously, if youre a woman please reframe each of these as I am the sort of woman who [blank].) For example, if you wrote down that youd like to get in the habit of waking 10,000 steps every day, you might reframe that as: I am the kind of woman who walks 10,000 steps every day. Or, better: I am the kind of woman who walks everywhere she can. If one of your aims is to talk less about yourself and pay more attention to others, you might write: I am the kind of man who listens first and talks second. Im genuinely interested in what others have to say. Now copy each of these sentences onto an index card one for each habit. Place these index cards by your bedside. Every morning when you wake up, train yourself to look at these cards first thing. Read through all of them to remind yourself of the habits and qualities youd like to develop. Finally, choose one to make your focus for that day. Keep it in mind as you go about your normal routine, and do your best to live up to the affirmation. Tyler says this habit helped him make real and lasting changes to his life. He built new habits to replace some of the tendencies that had been giving him trouble.

Who You Might Have Been Imagine you grew up with all of the resources financial, emotional, educational you could have possibly wanted or needed. Your interests were encouraged and fostered. You had help and encouragement in all that you did. You werent limited by time or money or location. In a perfect world, what do you think you would be doing now? What would you already have done? What kind of person would you be? Think big. Be as extravagant and far-fetched as youd like. Whats the one big dream you would have pursued if everything had gone your way? If you really would have wanted to become President, then say youd be President. If you would have become a movie star, say youd be a movie star. Dont hold back. Let your imagination fly free in whatever direction it desires. Dont pull any punches. Answer truthfully. Describe what this ideal life might look like. [This exercise also comes from Wishcraft.] The Ideal Schedule In David James Duncans The River Why, Gus, the main character, decides at a young age that in an ideal world he would fish 14-1/2 hours per day. Hes still in high school when he formulates the following plan: The Ideal 24-Hour Schedule sleep: 6 hoursfood consumption: 30 min. (between casts or while plunking, if possible)school: 0 hours!bath, stool, etc.: 15 min. (unavoidable)housework and miscellaneous chores: 30 min. (yards unnecessary; dust not unhealthy; utilitarian neatness easily accomplished)nonangling conversation: 0 hrs.transportation: 45 min. (live on good fishing river)gear maintenance/fly-tying/rod-building/log-keeping, etc.: 1 hr. 30 min.fishing time: 14-1/2 hrs. per day! Then, in true money boss fashion, Gus brainstorms ways he can pursue his purpose: Ways to Actualize Ideal Schedule finish school; no college!move alone to year-round stream (preferably coastal)avoid friendships, anglers not excepted (wastes time with gabbing)experiment with caffeine, nicotine, to eliminate excess sleepdo all driving, shopping, gear preparation, research, etc. after dark, saving daylight for fishing only Result (allowing for unforeseeable interruptions): 4,000 actual fishing hrs. per year!!! I love it. (And I intend to use this example in future talks, so be prepared.) Gus knows his purpose and by brainstorming his ideal schedule, hes able to figure out ways to put this dream into action. In Wishcraft, Barbara Sher suggests a similar exercise. Heres how it works. Grab paper and pen. Seclude yourself somewhere quiet. Close your eyes. Imagine your ideal day. Imagine a day that would be perfect if it represented your usual days not a vacation day. Just a regular, average day if your schedule were ideal. Spend a few minutes visualizing what such a day would look and feel like. Once your ideal schedule begins to become clear, write down what its like in the present tense and in detail from getting up in the morning to going to sleep at night. I might say, for instance: I wake up at 5:30 already in my gym clothes. I grab a piece of fruit, hop on my bike, and ride to the gym. I do an hour of Crossfit. I ride home, grab the dog, and take her for a walk. When we get back to the house at around 8:30, I spend four hours writing about money. And so on. As you write about your ideal day, think about the following: Whats the first thing you do when you wake up? What do you have for breakfast? Do you make it yourself or does somebody bring it to you? Do you take a long, hot bath? Or do you take a cold, bracing shower? What clothes do you wear? How do you spend your morning? How do you spend your afternoon? How do you spend your evenning? At each time of the day, are you indoors or outdoors? Quiet or active? With people or alone? As you envision your ideal schedule, focus on what, where, and who. What are you doing? What kind of work? What kind of play? Dont limit yourself. If youd like to sing or sail but dont know how, in this fantasy you do know how.Where are you? What kind of place, space, and situation? Are you on a farm in rural England? In a New York office building? On a sailboat in the South Pacific? In a fully-equipped workshop? Again, youre not on vacation. Youre imagining a normal day but an ideal day. Where are you?Who are you with? Who do you work with? Who do you live with? Who do you talk with? Who do you sleep with? Maybe its the same people you work and sleep with already. Maybe its somebody else. Let your imagination go. Dont put down only what you think is possible put down the kind of day youd like to live if you had absolute freedom, unlimited means, and all the powers and skills youve ever wished for. Note: Before (or after) you complete the ideal day exercise, you might find it useful to figure out how you actually spend your time right now. For that, I suggest performing a week-long time inventory. On the advice of Paula Pant, I tracked my time last summer and it was very enlightening. It helped me see where I was frittering away my minutes and hours. For more info and instructions on doing a time inventory, visit Laura Vanderkams website where you can grab free downloadable PDF forms and spreadsheets to help track your time in fifteen-minute increments. What Color Are You? This exercise from Wishcraft is for the more right-brained artistic folks. You analytic engineer types might not like it. (On the other hand, it might be good for you to actually complete it!) Heres how it works. Choose a color that represents you. It might be your favorite color or it might not. It ought to be a color that, at this moment, feels like you. The best way to do this is to have an array of colors in front of you. If you have a box of crayons, go get it. If not, heres a page with a bunch of colors. Youre now going to role-play that color. You are going to pretend you are that color. Youre going to think like that color, speak like that color, act like that color. Take a sheet of paper. Write: I am red or I am orange or I am carnation blue. Do not say I like blue because or I think blue is. For the rest of this exercise, you are that color. Now, in a few sentences to a few paragraphs, describe what qualities you have as that color not as yourself. For instance: I am dark blue. Im quiet and deep like the ocean. Or: I am yellow. Im bright and cheerful, intelligent and warm. There are no right answers to this exercise. If youre black, be black! I think Suzanne Vegas Small Blue Thing is a great example of what you might do with this activity. [embedded content] What color am I? Im orange, of course. The 14-Word Description This exercise comes from my friend Amy Jo. Several years ago, she did a photo project in which she took portraits of people she knew. Before each session, she asked the subject: What are the fourteen words that best describe you? For our purposes, I want you to brainstorm as many words as possible to describe who you are. You should come up with a minimum of fourteen, but its better to brainstorm more. Dont ask others to describe you. Your aim here is to describe yourself. How do you see yourself? If you come up with more than fourteen words to describe yourself, narrow the list to only the fourteen that fit you best. Lastly, for each word write a short sentence that describes why you chose it. For instance, if one of your words was athletic, your descriptive sentence might be, I enjoy playing sports and being outdoors. Here are the fourteen words I chose to describe myself six years ago. (Theyre all still accurate.) Adventurous I love to try new things.Creative I love to make new things.Curious I love to learn new things.Evolving Im a different man today than I was yesterday.Independent I make and act on my own decisions.Intelligent I am smart.Playful I like to joke and jest.Positive I look on the bright side.Resourceful I search for ways to get things done.Sociable I enjoy the company of others.Tenacious I pursue my goals with vigor.Unguarded I share myself freely, and I accept the word of others.Versatile I am good at many things.Zealous Im passionate about my friends and hobbies. Heres one of the portraits from our 14-words photo shoot. I look so serious!

When I gave Amy Jo my list, she made an interesting observation. When adults do this exercise, their words are always positive, she told me. But when kids do it, they describe themselves using both positive and negative words. Its as if theyre more aware of their shortcomings or at least more willing to admit them. Three Questions about Life Planning Last of all, heres the exercise I use most often. The father of the life-planning movement, George Kinder, is a certified financial planner and the author of The Seven Stages of Money Maturity. To identify and clarify your direction in life, Kinder suggests thinking about three hypothetical situations: Imagine that you have enough money to take care of your needs, now and in the future. How would you live your life? Would you change anything? What would you do with the money?Now imagine that you visit the doctor and she tells you that you have 5-10 years left to live. She says that you wont feel sick, but youll have no notice of the moment of your death. What would you do in the time you have left? Would you change your life? How?Finally, imagine your doctor shocks you with the news that you only have 24 hours left to live. If you only had a day remaining, what dreams would you leave unfulfilled? What would you wish you had finished? What would you wish you had done or been? What would you have missed? These questions which are based on the work of time-management guru Alan Lakein are powerful tools for figuring out what you want out of life. If you take the time to really ponder them and answer them honestly, they can help you clarify your personal values and set meaningful goals. Over the past five years, Ive shared this exercise with hundreds of people. Many who took it seriously have written to tell me it changed their lives. It changed my life too. Maybe itll change yours. Recommended Reading In this article, Ive done my best to credit sources. A couple of these exercises are my own the hundred-word exercise, for instance but most are not. Most are borrowed from books. But there are plenty of excellent books out there that can help you figure out what you want out of life even if they dont ask readers to fill out forms our meditate on whats important. Victor Frankls classic Mans Search for Meaning, for example, is a work that almost everyone refers to. Its a ground-breaking short book about how to find purpose even under the worst circumstances. But it doesnt contain any reader homework. Here then are a few of my favorite purpose-related books. You might like them too: To my mind, however, the best book on this subject is relatively new: Angela Duckworths Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance. This was my favorite book of 2016. If I could make it required reading, I would. Its that good. Ive listend to the audio version nearly a dozen times (including yesterday during my 21-hour trip home from Florida). Grit is dense with information and ideas. Duckworth makes a convincing argument that passion and perseverance or, in Money Boss lingo, purpose and patience are the best predictors of success. If you can hone in on a single top-level purpose then doggedly pursue it, your life will be filled with meaning and happiness. Great stuff. I hope to publish a review of the book sometime soon. As I said at the start, your purpose is your compass. Its your mission. Its what gives your life direction and meaning. To support your purpose, however, youve got to set up a personal action plan built around a hierarchy of goals. Next week, Ill share some thoughts (and exercises) on how to set goals and structure life to pursue your purpose. How do you put your personal misson statement to use? Well talk about that in just a few days. In the meantime: Tell me about your purpose. What is it? Do you have a personal mission statement? Which of these exercises do you find effective? Are there others that are better? Shares 298 https://www.getrichslowly.org/finding-purpose/

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