#( happy saturday! i've been seriously slacking on things since this week was a hot mess and a half asdfsg )

[lgcbk]

⌜ JOURNAL ENTRY / MARCH '23 ⌟ TRAINEE MISSION 011 / WC: 402 ( +5 PERFORMANCE )

I don't know how to start this.

I've never kept a journal before. I guess I'll start here. If I did this a few weeks ago I don't know if I would have written much. I didn't have a lot to write about. Nothing good anyway. I was pretty angry. At first. Why should I be punished for something someone else did? I was annoyed.

I'm still pretty annoyed. There was a chunk of coal in one of my sneakers the other day and I didn't realize until there was a welt on the side of my foot. When I'm not in my usual workshops I'm preparing for the new ones. I don't have much time to relax. I like to be well-rounded. Mental health is important. The staff tell us this often. I used to be able to relax by cooking, but I was so stressed that every time I tried to make my signature sauce it came out tasting like ketchup. I don't even use ketchup. I don't know why it tastes like that. It went on like this for a week. I just gave up.

Instead I just started to sit around and think. Think about how someone could be so careless. Look where we are. Did they ever think about how this was going to reflect on everyone else? But then that made me think about myself. I'm not faultless, either. I don't always think things through when I should.

We're supposed to learn something from all this, right? I think I did. I understand my weaknesses better. It's not as easy to improve as I thought it would be. The volunteering was hard too, and I was pretty tired. But it wasn't about me being tired... or hungry, or thirsty, or my hands freezing... ... ... It was about us working as a team. When I played sports it was a lot easier to do that. Think about the team effort. It didn't matter if you made one goal if you can't help your team make the rest of the plays. You all lose. And I don't like to lose.

I won't always get things right. I'll probably get things wrong a lot. But I'll try to think about others more. Be more understanding when they make mistakes.

Sorry this is my only entry. I'm not good with these kind of things. Maybe I'll start writing more.

- BK.