#( dash chat: freddie merrick )

[addiedevereaux]

[ private ] well, at least you know they're designer. but no thanks, i don't want them stretched out. and why should i give you that opportunity? i'm not upset, and i don't think that because that would imply that i think about you.

[ private ] i want to walk a mile in your designer shoes, sue me. i don't, doesn't mean i couldn't learn more? truth be told, i couldn't tell if you were being sincere or not. please don't get upset, i'm not as big of a jerk as you think i am.

[addiedevereaux]

[ private ] and yet, you talked about wanting to be in me freaky friday style... which, literally means you want to be me. only a natural conclusion. oh darlin' you don't know a thing about me, or my kinks. or what i have to be. but here i thought that strangers were easier to talk to because there were no repercussions or expectations. my mistake. won't happen again.

[ private ] whatever you say, babe. i don't want to wear you like a skin suit, you freak. god, you're a kinky little one aren't ya? i'm into it. i think you're probably ruthless, and maybe you have to be, but i'm not about to spill my guts to someone i barely know. not really my thing, princess.

[addiedevereaux]

[ private ] damaged??? i will not have you slandering miss dana like this. my hair is very healthy and cared for by my hair stylist, thank you very much. yeah, see, that's not helping your case of me thinking you want to wear my skin like a gimp suit. you're too big for it. you want to understand each other better but i get snarked at for asking if you're okay, hmm makes sense. i didn't say you did, i'm saying you think i'm one if that's what you think i would do to someone. so thanks for that.

[ private ] fine, you wore me down. i dream about brushing my fingers through those bleach damaged locks. please please let me braid your hair, barbie. i want to be inside you, sure. but not in the sexual sense, in the sense that i want to steal your aura and live out a freak friday type plot with you so we can come to understand each other better. hey, i would never call a woman a bitch.

[addiedevereaux]

[ private ] oh please, as if you totally don't want to touch and braid my hair with how obsessive you are about it and get me to spill all my own secrets. be honest, do you want to be me? do the whole skin me and wear it as a suit thing. is that it? oh wow, you really think i'm a massive bitch, huh?

[ private ] i'm one of the girls in a hype squad way. not really in a delve into your deepest parts and bare your soul way. plus something tells me you're not really looking out for the sad little guy in me and more for something to hold over my head next time i accurately predict the future of us.

[addiedevereaux]

[ private ] weren't you just saying you were a feminist and one of the girls two minutes ago? jeez, sorry for attempting to care and asking. my bad, i'll think twice before i do it next time.

[ private ] i missed the part where we became girlfriends who braid each other's hair and talk about our feelings, but thanks.

[addiedevereaux]

[ private ] oh yes, i want you, i need you. oh baby, oh baby. is that the response you're trying to get? it's not happening. but i'm serious, you okay? that joke seemed kind of... i don't know, pointed. like you needed a hug, or something.

[ private ] god you're obsessed with me. you want to fuck me so bad you look stupid baby girl. don't worry, like i said, i won't tell.

[addiedevereaux]

what do you do it for then? oh.

[ private ] sweetie, are you okay? do you need to like… actually talk about that? because that sounds, a little… i don’t know. not helping with the going blonde, because that will actually look like a cry for help.

nope, i don’t see it. sounds like you’re buying time to think up excuses for not having the expertise you claim.

i don't do what i do for the attention of boys. i do it for the attention of my dad, like every good slut. careful now gorgeous, you'll make me go blonde to make a point. and i already hold too much power as a brunet.

i think you know. you're already half way there.

[addiedevereaux]

i only support basic bitch’s when they’re actually girls and you’re acting more ‘pick me’ than most girls. it wasn’t even cute when meredith grey did it, sugar. i would never discredit my hairdresser’s hard work, hence saying i would give you her number. if you say so, you just don’t have the bone structure for it. i’d stay a brunette if i was you, five nights. not all people are cut out for the blonde lifestyle.

oh, and what exactly qualifies you for that title? i don’t see any credentials to back up your claims. oh, when things change? how and when would they change exactly?

did i ever claim to be original? some of us are basic bitches and the fact that you're dunking on that kind of makes you not a girl's girl. you're blonde and tiny, do you not claim those things? because you work pretty hard keeping those roots in check just to not claim it, baby girl. i could totally pull off blonde, the fuck?

i am a specialist in this area of expertise, never claimed i wasn't babe. but i will be expecting a handwritten apology when things change for you. don't worry, i won't even say i told you so, i'm good like that.

[addiedevereaux]

oh wow, do you get all your jokes out of a 'comedy for dummies' book from the 2000s? because dumb blonde jokes? fairy jokes and size jokes? those are so original and totally not something that's been done a million times before. it's not even beating a dead horse at this point, the horse's bones have turned to dust. try being funny with actual material. do you wish you were blonde, freddie? is that why you're hyperfixating? are you jealous of my hair? i can get you the number of my hairdresser if that's the case. i'm not so sure blonde will be the look for you, but not much is with that face.

guess it's just a special talent then. especially because you'd know all about pains in the ass and annoyances, huh? oh please, i am not ending up anywhere near you. that's just too bad that i'm not that into gentleman then. thank you for the interest expressed, though. it's as insulting as it is flattering.

i was simply separating myself from the pack, since you refused to. which might be tough to understand, probably on account of all the bleach seeping into your brain. ( that was a dumb blonde joke, in case it went over your head )

i'm hugely size-ist actually. and you're minuscule, but somehow still a giant pain in the ass, wonders never cease when it comes to annoying cheerleaders. this is going to suck so bad for you when you end up under me, isn't it tink? it's okay, you can just admit how into me you are now and i'll delete the thread like it never happened. i'm a true gentleman like that.

[addiedevereaux]

but you did think i meant you, though. so... if the shoe really didn't fit, why would you think i meant you when i was speaking about those neanderthals, make it make sense. but i feel like you're just gonna talk that back around into a circle so agree to disagree?

i take offense to it being used in any sense, it's like the wise queen of disney once said, you shouldn't call someone a fairy when you're trying to say they're bad or annoying. it's still got the negative connotation to it. well, am i giant or minuscule? make up your mind. it can't be both, they're sorta mutually exclusive. people were probably just too polite to say it to your face, but i've certainly been hearin' things so i'm not the only one. got any material that doesn't connect to my size? because it's beginnin' to give size-ist.

i literally just said the shoe wasn't fitting, babe. didn't we just agree, it was a sad state of affairs? i think we did.

sorry i didn't realize you were a gay man that might be offended by that specific implication of the word fairy and not a miniscule, giant pain in the ass. i've never had any complains about my scent actually, but i suppose with your tiny little nostrils it's hard to smell anything beyond your own bullshit.

[addiedevereaux]

i was speakin' in the general 'you' in context to the hockey team, which you admit to being part of. but hey, if you felt like the shoe was fitting you when i said it... well, that's somethin' you probably need to evaluate on your own time. sad that the cpatain had to mandate it.

freaky little fairy? not this the day after pride week in october. wow, thumbelina. how original. i only worry because it's a public health hazard at this point, gigantor. we can smell you boys comin' from a mile away. i know you think all those layers of padding keeps it contained, but it does stick on ya when they come off.

hey i said the team, not me. but you're right, sad to think they could only behave towards a bisexual for a week, and because it was mandated by our captain.

didn't say the invitation was open to freaky little fairies. don't worry about my showering habits, thumbelina.

[addiedevereaux]

were they not being the neanderthalic assholes they've always been deep down the past week for pride? how noble, i wouldn't have thought you boys had it in you. i wouldn't say i'm proud, but hey! you did that, you accomplished being a normal human for a week, look at you boys go!

oh honey, i don't know if people want equal rights to that. you said you were less neanderthalic, but did you mention showering in that week? i don't feel like ya did.

pride week was fun and all, but i, for one am ready for my hockey team to go back to being the neaderthalic assholes they were meant to be. they were being so nice during pride week i was actually starting to worry about how the rest of the season was going to go. don't worry princesses, i can be into dudes and still body check you into next week.

and for all the ladies out there, this guy is a feminist. men and woman have equal rights this this di-