#( anyways anyways dao mage tower bit was Not a good time for him )

[endawn]

so, the replacement for vampires in his da verse would be hunger abominations. so, what led to his undeath was him and his men walking into a trap set by what remained of the mythic dawn cultists. who willingly allowed themselves to become possessed by demons in order to have a change to fight the detachment of legion soldiers pax brought with him. keep in mind, one abomination is a massive problem for multiple templars. in this case, the bulk of what they fought were abominations. the mythic dawn no longer had the numbers, so they turned to other means. pax and his men walked to their slaughter.

[wren--bee]

Three DAO fics

@ithinkthiswasabadidea inspired/encouraged me to share my fics so… I am doing that!

 These were written during my last playthrough of Origins, where I came to see a few things about my character differently. They’re three quickly written moments from within the game, with a heavy spin of my Mahariel’s journey and shifting relationship with Alistair, and a little headcanon in there too.

 (Theron Mahariel, Dalish elf, blood mage with rogue/dual wield abilities- heavily modded game. Romanced Zevran, had something of a queerplatonic relationship going on with Alistair at the end.)

 (I might do the same with my Alistair-romancing Cousland, but that would be written from scratch, since I didn’t write fics for her last time I played her!)

Moment one- Theron, the ogre, and Falon’Din (Tower of Ishal at Ostagar)

Preamble

 Theron’s vallaslin is of Falon’Din, guide of the dead. I didn’t originally choose it for any meaning, but by the time I was attached to it I was also attached to the idea of the god. But I never quite understood Theron’s relationship to death- it was something he was comfortable with, for sure, and he was good at bringing it about. But beyond that I wasn’t sure- until I got to the animation of Theron killing the ogre, and I saw… something. And things clicked into place. (It’s also based off something I saw someone post about the tower.)

Warning- bit gorey.

The fic

 They were dead.

 Theron knew it. He suspected Alistair did as well. The tower guards accompanying them probably had known it too- briefly, before not knowing anything at all.

 Theron wondered if the darkspawn knew, when their time came- did they feel the clutches of death upon them, look upon the one who brought it, and find a peace in the end, however unfair?

 Probably not.

 His ribs hurt. His blood burned. His arms ached, his magic spent, his gloves a strange combination of slick and tacky with blood- some of it his own. 

 One last push- a leap of faith, literally, Falon’Din’s name in his heart and his lungs, to give him long enough for what was needed before guiding him from this place- he nearly fell from his blades, hanging from where he had sank them into the ogre’s chest, but the impact instead toppled it and he clung to his daggers and to it, it’s heat and stench rolling over him.

 It was dead, too. But it still moved, body not entirely aware of that fact, and he managed to wrench one blade from where the throat and the chest met- 

 There was a brief moment as he stared into it’s eyes. They were dead- not in the way that he had killed it’s body, but in a way that implied they had never truly been alive. No soul to be guided to any resting place, only darkness and taint, but he felt a connection to it anyway, a closeness, an intimacy.

 He slammed the blade into the eye socket.

 A small but violent upheaval in the ogre’s body and then it lay still; a small geyser of blood, blinding and vile, nearly splashed into his own eyes. He used his hand as a shield, looking down into the dead darkspawn’s face for another moment.

 He had killed before, of course- although recently it had mostly been creatures corrupted or already dead and reanimated. There was always something… special about it. To end a life to preserve that of his people was a sacred thing- how many times had he guided animals to Falon’Din to nourish his clan? Or ended a threat? Those were lives, real and vibrant- and the darkspawn were not. 

 And yet. It still felt somewhat… right. To do what needed to be done- to end them, by magic or blade. 

  He managed to yank both blades free while Alistair lit the beacon- he’d die with them on his person, not buried in some corrupt creature, his blades from his clan, all he had left. He staggered off the giant body of the ogre- barely keeping his feet- and stumbled over to where Alistair had collapsed next to the beacon, now lit, their job done. Every movement hurt- in places it should not, inside his chest, lower down, all blurring together in one blend of pain that was more distant than it should have been.

 He welcomed that. He managed to slide down the wall next to Alistair who looked up at him. Blood clogged one eye- the Warden (his fellow Warden, his mind managed to recall, I’ll die here with a shem as my brother)- the Warden managed to grin.

 “Hey, we did it. Guess now we wait for the good news, huh?”

 Theron took in a breath to reply and pain- sharp and unwelcome- cut through the fuzziness. He coughed instead. Each cough hurt. Each breath hurt.

 Finally he had enough breath to respond.

 “Right. Just… just have to wait for word from Duncan, right?”

 “Yep. Keeping me out the battle again. Hah.” Alistair’s breathing didn’t sound great either- better than Theron’s. He tried to sit up to look down at the sh- the hu- at his fellow Warden. The attempt didn’t work. The pain flashed again and he flopped back down, only serving to move closer to Alistair, head flopping against the armour on his arm with a donk.

 That was nice. He wasn’t alone. It wasn’t his clan- but if they were both Wardens, it sort of was, wasn’t it? Yeah. That worked.

 He started to recite a prayer to Falon’Din in his mind- not trusting his voice to finish it- asking for guidance to the Beyond, for peace. 

 To find Tamlen there.

 He didn’t get far- or get lost in his thoughts- before Alistair’s voice intruded.

 “Hey. I’ll look good with an eyepatch, right?”

 “Oh.” He wouldn’t wear an eyepatch. He wouldn’t get the chance. They both knew that.

  “Sure,” Theron said. “Very… dashing?”

 “Extremely convincing.”

 “I’ll w-” Another caughing fit stopped Theron’s words. “I’ll work on it,” he forced out once it stopped. “I’ll convince you when you have it.”

 Alistair laughed at that. “Great. It’s a deal.”

 “Yeah.” Theron didn’t have the strength to nod. It was easier to close his eyes and just focus on each breath, to ensure the next happened.

 “It’s a deal.”

-------------------

 Footnote-

 the post that inspired this was talking about how much more effective they thought it would be if the Warden and Alistair weren’t suddenly jumped by darkspawn from below, but were badly wounded from the fight up the tower. This was partly because in their first playthrough Alistair was knocked out on the way up and had an eye injury. That little detail got lodged in my head, and- yeah, it’s how I see things now. (I really wish I could find it again!)

Alistair’s Light

Preamble-

 This takes place after Alistair’s personal quest, and after taking the option that hardens him. It largely follows the in-game conversation.

The fic

They were relaxing at camp- for a given value of “relaxing”. Or “camp”, but it wasn’t as if they stayed in one place for longer than a night- all they needed was enough to keep them warm and dry. Warm and dry enough. 

 Evenings were the time Theron missed the clan the most. Instead of being busy travelling, fighting or doing something else to- in theory- further their goals he watched, and listened. Sometimes he talked. He served the role of Keeper for a clan he had not chosen and cared for more as a sense of duty than a sense of affection. 

 He was sat apart from the others- as was not unusual- watching the group while he ate. Zevran often joined him, or Alistair- Zevran was in conversation with Wynne, a situation unlikely to leave either remotely satisfied, and Theron idly wondered if he should interfere. She would judge, or he would make a point of winding her up, or both.

 He glanced around and caught Alistair’s eye, and his fellow Warden decided his actions for him by getting up and ambling over to join him, looking completely nonchalant to anyone not paying any attention. 

 He sat next to Theron but watched the fire. Theron glanced between it and Alistair, seeing Wynne and Zevran separate- the former looking irritated, the latter looking as unbothered by the world as ever- an act which likely fooled Wynne, who Theron considered to be far less observant than she thought herself.

 “Alistair.” Theron gave him an opening before taking another spoonful of the unappetising- but edible- attempt at stew.

 “You know, I’ve been thinking…”

 “Mm?” Theron made a noise around his mouthful, but when it didn’t seem to be sufficient he swallowed in order to speak. “What have you been thinking about?”

 “Back when we left Goldanna’s, you told me I needed to look out for myself more than I do. I’m beginning to think you were right. I need to stop letting everyone else make my decisions for me. I need to take a stand and think for myself for a change, or I’m never going to be happy.”

 Theron swallowed another mouthful of food. “Don’t let me influence you, Alistair.”

 “No, what you said made sense. You were right. I should be looking out for myself more. Or did I not understand you?”

 Theron bit back a laugh. The topic clearly meant a lot to Alistair- laughing about it was not going to help, despite the irony of Theron encouraging him to look out for himself more resulting in him seeking approval for doing that.

 “You understood me fine, Alistair,” he managed when he trusted his voice. “But if you did it because I said so that would defeat the point- you don’t have to do what I say.”

 “I don’t have to do it, I want to. What you said made sense. I should have done this a long time ago.” Theron- mouth full of food once more- was unable to reply immediately, but Alistair took his nod as enough and continued.

 “I just wanted to thank you. You’ve been a great friend through all of this, the one bright spot in everything that’s happened.”

 It was good Theron had swallowed before Alistair had finished. He looked at the human- his fellow Warden, his brother in arms. For a moment the lump in his throat was too much to speak past.

 “Thank you, lethallin. I’m-” Theron swallowed again, turning his gaze unseeing to the camp. “You’re a good friend too.”

 “Huh. What does that mean? If that’s okay to ask.”

 Theron nearly laughed again- glad to be fighting that instead of the warmth he had felt choking him up.

 “It means- brother. One of mine, my people.”

 “Oh.” There was a pause- Theron glanced at Alistair only out of the corner of his eye. Alistair seemed to recognise the weight of being included as a Dalish elf’s people- or at least, recognise that it had weight. After a moment he continued.

 “Thank you. I- that’s an honour.”

 “Mm.” Theron had purposely filled his mouth so he couldn’t say anything more; and once he swallowed the topic shifted, to his relief. He didn’t want to say anything more about it- in case he said too much.

 But the truth was Alistair was- he was- Theron wasn’t even sure. But he was glad to know him- glad that they were brothers in arms, Wardens together. This was a path he could never have chosen for himself and he knew that he would have been uncomfortable at considering a human close, meaningful, someone he wanted to- what, carve a life with? They were Wardens together, after all. That could happen- for whatever they had left of one. 

 “Lethallin” was correct. Theron was somewhat shamed at how ashamed he would have been at the prospect- feelings which still lingered a little, despite how he felt. He would never want Alistair to know that- that it felt like a tie to his past and his people being severed to look upon a human with such fondness. But- it was also a tie to a future, and perhaps-

 Perhaps that was okay. To have a future with Alistair as his brother at his side.

And then it was over.

Preamble

 I headcanon that (as Theron’s romance) Zevran knew about Morrigan’s ritual- and the cost if she’d played them false… or made a mistake. This takes place at the top of Fort Drakon.

The fic

 

It was Theron. He was, Alistair had considered more than once, the strongest, the smartest of them. The most quietly observant- honestly, the most terrifying, in a way that had made him thankful all over again that he’d never become a full Templar, that he’d never had occasion to meet Theron as anything but an ally. 

 He’d known- as they entered Denerim proper, as they forged through the city- that if they succeeded at all, it would be Theron. It would be thanks to him they’d made it that far, of course, but it would be him- if Riordin hadn’t made it (and he had not) it would be Theron who would find the moment, the weakness, the brief, temporary opportunity to strike- and it would be Theron who would take it.

 He hadn’t even realised it had happened until it was too late.

 He’d heard Zevran cry out- glanced over, seen the anguish and fear on the elf’s face, realised that he knew, before his own grief and fear took over. Theron was- he had killed it and he was struggling, fighting, unable to free himself from, from something, something that was happening, that held him in his grasp- and it tore Alistair apart to see it.

 It should have been him. He hadn’t been able to save Duncan- only avenge him, but there was no vengeance here. No anchor for anger but it lashed out anyway, curling back on himself-

 It should have been him! He had found something beautiful in Theron- a friend, a brother, family beyond blood or oaths, he had been the best thing to come out of all of this and Alistair had not saved him.

 He tried to approach- to do something, to intervene, dully aware of Zevran trying to do the same but they were both buffeted backwards by the waves of magical energy emanating from Theron-

 And then the shockwave of an explosion knocked them off their feet, all of them, heat and light and pressure that held him to the ground like weights- and once it rolled over him, it was replaced by the weight of emotion instead.

 He would have to get up. Theron had believed in him… but at that moment he didn’t see how he could. He didn’t want to look, didn’t want to check and see, didn’t want to hope for what couldn’t be—

 So he lay there, cold stone under him, numbness holding everything at bay while it could, hearing Zevran get up to do what he could not. Until finally sounds reached him and he managed to lift his head—

——————————————————————————

 No. No no no- Zevran forced himself up, bruised and sore and exhausted and unaware of it in the moment, knowing instead desperation and panic and a different, far worse pain. Theron lay, flat on his back- unmoving and still- it couldn’t, it couldn’t—

 He’d known, of course. The risk. To all of them but especially the Wardens- but Morrigan had said- it couldn’t be real—

 He managed to regain his feet, a moment of unsteadiness fooling him- he thought he saw movement-

 And Theron raised his head, lifting himself up, and Zevran broke into a run to reach him, falling to his knees to pull Theron into his arms. The Warden made a noise of pained protest but fell into his embrace, clinging back with arms that trembled against Zevran’s back. There were no thoughts- just relief, almost as painful as the prelude of grief had been, almost too much to bear.

 “It worked…”

 Zevran couldn’t reply to Theron’s choked whisper. He had thought he would lose him- that maybe he had lost him- and for now, for now it was enough that he hadn’t.

 For now they were alive. That was enough. It was more than enough. It was everything.

——————————————————————————

 Alistair couldn’t believe his eyes. If Theron moving and clinging to Zevran like a lifeline wasn’t enough of a clue, his mabari Da’Fen bounding joyfully around the pair was enough to bring it home.

 He looked at the archdemon. It was still- shifting as gravity took over, head lolling, but no movement of life. The darkspawn had broken the moment Theron had- well, Alistair had known from how the ‘spawn had reacted, fleeing. It was dead. He’d have put money on it. Theron had killed it.

 And he- he lived, they all did. 

 He climbed to his feet, feeling every ache in his body as if ignoring them during the fight had increased their power. He staggered, first few steps faltering, then breaking into a run, falling painfully to his knees next to Theron- unaware of how closely his actions mirrored Zevran’s–

 “You’re–” His voice caught in his throat but it was enough to get Theron’s attention- he pulled back from where his face had been buried into the crook of Zevran’s neck and instead turned to Alistair, green eyes bright and full of life, he was- he was–

 “You’re alive!” The words were barely more than a sob. Enough to elicit a smile from his best friend, his brother, and as he opened his mouth to speak Alistair reached for him- maybe to drag him into a hug–

 “Alistair!”

 The call cut through the moment. They all looked around- they were not alone on the rooftop. Eamonn was limping towards them- there was a small group of mages nearby, a few dwarves, Sten closest of all, sword still in hand, alert for danger even now–

 Whatever moment there was to celebrate the relief of their survival it would have to wait. Unlikely that they’d get another quiet moment like this. He looked back to Theron who simply gave him a small smile, and Alistair settled for letting his outstretched hand clasp his fellow Warden’s shoulder- a moment to really satisfy himself this was real- before climbing to his feet.

 He didn’t know what would come next… but he predicted that there would be little time to relax before a very different responsibility would be his, and his alone, to shoulder. He took a deep breath, straightened his back and turned to head towards Eamonn.

 This had been his choice- and doing it with Theron alive to support him gave him everything he needed to face the future. Whatever came next, he had that.

It was enough.

 It was more than enough.

 In that moment… it was everything.

[annoyed-galaxy]

Fictober 2024 ~ 12

"did you hear that?"

Fanfiction: DAO If I had a nickle for everytime Cullen taught an elven mage how to fight with a sword, I'd have two, which isn't a lot but weird that it's happened twice. Can also be found on Ao3

Feril was light on her feet, slowly crawling out of her bed without making a noise, dropping deftly onto the ground from her bunk. Once she landed, she looked over her shoulder to her bunkmate, Jowan, to make sure he didn’t wake up. Luckily the young man was snoring the loudest of the apprentices, masking any sound she made from her movement. She chuckled inwardly at her friend’s unintended help and bounded away to the door. 

There were some apprentices still up, speaking in hushed whispers to each other. If they noticed her slip out of the dormitories, they said nothing. It was an unspoken rule most apprentices had with each other: mind your damn business. If you saw someone sneaking out the dormitory, no you didn’t.

Besides, most people didn’t want to tattle on Feril anyways as she was a star pupil and getting on Irving’s bad side wasn’t on any of their lists. 

Feril made her way quietly down the halls towards the storeroom. There was the shuffling of Tranquil still up and about, counting inventory and such. Feril was so light on her feet, they didn’t notice. Once she got to the storeroom, she looked about quickly before heading to the great door that led to the caves. 

Unfortunately, the caves did not lead to the outside world and were just there as most of the tower’s storage. However, Feril was here for a different reason. She slid through the door, expecting it to be unlocked as it was. She then allowed herself to settle on her feet fully, no longer sneaking about on her toes. She walked normally to the center cave and looked around, her ears flicking about for any sound. She heard a shuffle behind her and spun around, swiftly dodging the sword that came down upon her. 

The man holding the sword smiled and nodded. “Good reflexes,” he complimented. In his other hand was a another sword, smaller and a bit more rusted.  He offered it to her and she took it with a smile. 

“I’ve not had bad reflexes, Cullen,” Feril insisted walking to the other side of the cave, swinging her sword around her, testing its weight.

The curly-haired man just smiled. “Right, that’s why I’ve scared you how many times now?”

Feril rolled her eyes. “Those don’t count.”

“Uh-huh. Shall we begin?” 

Feril nodded and held her sword up in a defensive position. She and Cullen circled each other. Cullen seemed relaxed in his templar armor, sword by his side. His eyes gave no indication of his next move so the two of them just continued to prowl each other in a circle. Feril finally got tired of this game and charged after Cullen. The templar brought his blade up and deftly parried her attack. She recovered quickly and immediately went after him again, but he simply continued deflecting her attacks. He decided he was done playing nice and began to press his advantage, forcing Feril to go on the defensive. 

Cullen was stronger than Feril, neither of them argued that, but Feril tried to use her elven mobility to her advantage. However, Cullen was just as fast and blocked her at every attempt of hers to get the upper hand. Feril was starting to get frustrated and felt a spark ignite in her. Cullen must have felt for he jumped back and clicked his tongue. “Hey! We said no magic, remember?” He used a tone that a teacher would use against one of their students. 

Feril groaned and extinguished the spark, readying her sword once more. 

Feril and Cullen had been meeting secretly like this for almost two years now. Both of them were young, not yet adults. Cullen was one of the few templars Feril ever talked to for he was the only one who seemed to actually like her presence rather than just view her as an abomination waiting to happen. Other than Jowan, Cullen really was her only other friend. When Jowan whined too much around her, she would find the templar and seek his company. It was a strange dynamic considering she was a mage, but things seemed to work out. 

Feril expressed her interest in learning swordplay some time ago and Cullen had offered to teach her. She was so ecstatic when he told her that she had hugged him. He had blushed so hard that Feril made fun of him for it. Ever since, she and Cullen had snuck into the storeroom and started practicing almost every other week, sometimes a couple nights in a row. They had almost been caught a few times, but so far things had seemed to go smoothly. 

Cullen had to admit to himself he enjoyed these stolen moments than he should have. While Feril was terrible with a sword, he admired how much she improved every training session. And she was just as beautiful every time. The way her reddish-brown hair flowed around her with every spin, the glint of thrill in her eyes with each contact their blades made. Sometimes, she was able to win against Cullen, claiming her victory triumphantly and he couldn’t help but stare at her. She was so beautiful and gorgeous. He wanted nothing more than to hold her close to him and kiss her. 

But he was a templar. And she was a mage. It would never work. So he enjoyed these moments when he could, enjoying her company and the opportunity to see her in all her beauty. 

Feril practically danced when she fought, morphing some of the stances Cullen had taught her into something more convenient for her body. Feril was tiny. She was short, probably one of the shortest elves Cullen had seen, and so lithe and skinny. It contributed to her speed, but her strength was still lacking. Cullen had tried to train her in that regards, but she was still stumbling with it. 

As they clashed swords once more, both of them froze at the sound of a voice. “Did you hear that?” Immediately, Cullen and Feril dashed to the furtherest corner of the cave, hiding behind a couple crates. They steadied their breathing, peeking over the boxes as a couple of Tranquil appeared in the open area. They looked about, their expressionless faces scanning over each box with scrutiny. 

Cullen tried not to notice how close Feril was to him. Her cheeks and tips of her ears were flushed with adrenaline and he couldn’t help but think how cute she was. The freckles that littered her face were emphasized by the red on her cheeks. His heart fluttered. 

The Tranquil looked at each other and shrugged. “Perhaps it is nothing,” one said.

The other one nodded. “It may be the creatures again. We should report this to the senior enchanter in the morning.” 

The first one that spoke nodded their agreement. Then they left. Cullen and Feril waited for a few more minutes before finally letting their breaths out and coming out from behind the crates. It wasn’t unusual that Tranquil would come in here. A lot of Tranquil stayed up in the late hours of the night and often heard the two sparring, but they hadn’t been caught yet.

Feril patted Cullen on the shoulder and beamed up at him. “I think that was a good one today.” 

Cullen nodded and held out his hand for the sword. Feril gave it to him, her fingertips brushing against his hand. “You are definitely getting better.” He smiled at her.

She put her hands on her hips and puffed out her chest. “I will be one of the greatest swordsman in all of Thedas!” She seemed so hopeful, so proud and happy. Cullen’s heart cracked a little bit. They both knew that probably wouldn’t be possible. Feril was a mage and thus would be confined to this tower for the rest of her days. Even if she did want to become a swordsman, her magic would always be a danger to the world. And while Feril was one of the better mages at controlling her magic, she never really used it. It seemed like she was naturally gifted with it. Other mages called her a slacker because she didn’t take her studies too seriously, but why did she need to? She was already so great with magic. The only thing she actually studied with as much passion as swordfighting was healing magic. She had told Cullen several times how much she imagined herself as a battle healer, cutting down her enemies with blades and keeping her allies by her side with her magic. 

She had big dreams and imagined herself always outside the tower in every single one of them. Cullen knew that she knew they would be just that: dreams. She was never going to leave the tower. This tower was their home, her prison. He didn’t think it was fair. She was such a good person. Even though she hadn’t done her Harrowing yet, Cullen felt she would pass easily and then be unsatisfied with her life. She already was and she usually vented to him about it. He wanted to help her, but he couldn’t. 

Feril let out a sigh and then wiped the sweat from her brow. “Thanks for another session Cullen.” 

He nodded. “It’s my pleasure. I’m happy to see my training go so far.”

Feril chuckled. “Maybe one of these days I’ll keep the advantage over you.” 

Cullen snorted. “You’ll have to calm your emotions a bit for that to happen.” 

Feril smiled and gave him a hug. Heat immediately rose to his face, but he leaned into the hug giving her one back. They were friends. He hoped she would never discover his debilitating crush on her and risk losing this friendship he had with her. 

[moondustocean]

OC/PC Masterpost because there are many of them and I love talking about them c:

First things first: my canon run is always a bit chaotic, I try not to reload and only go for the choices the character I roleplay would make. That's how I get the most fun out of RPGs c: (I had a hard time falling in love with Inky and when I finally found a canon one he chose the opposite of anything I'd have done.)

• Cyberpunk | V - the one who deserved better

only got a bit cyberware installed after the voodoos betrayed him - is a beast anyway | canon ending: the tower | 2079 is like waking up from a bad trip and all the guilt hits him at once | he's a fixer now and tries to make NC his city

• Dragon Age (I need to make a "collage" for my DAO babies and Hawke as well someday. I haven't posted about any of them yet, so no links for now.)

Meena: canon HOF | dwarven commoner | rogue | sacrificed herself because she didn't really understand magic and wasn't sure if she could trust Morrigan's ritual | was a warden with all her heart

Diem: elf | circle mage | used to despise blood magic but ended up taking advantage of it anyway to save his friends | travels the world and looks for a cure at the moment

Kiwa: warden commander | human | rogue | took Anders in after he fled from Kirkwall | gives wine evenings at the warden's keep

Hawke: mage | purple | I went with canon male Hawke bc I played DAI first and instantly fell in love with him. He's in the fade rn ._. I hate my Inky sometimes.

Feodore: the inquisitor | human | mage | made everyone believe he's the herald of andraste because he liked the attention that came with it | was an arrogant idiot until he saw the future | most of his decisions were based on his hunger for wisdom | loves forging

Vi'Alla: elf | mage | got adopted by an old couple when she was one | was on the run from the templars but ended up in a circle for two years until she was sent to the conclave | has a thick accent

Yumaí: dwarf | rogue | if there are potions missing in Skyhold she has them | Sera will probably follow Yumaí around when she joins the wardens because she distrusts them and loves Yumaí so much

Ha'Jae: elf | rogue | lost one of his twelve cousins at the conclave, and wanted to avenge them so badly that he joined the Inquisition, even though he dislikes everyone but the dalish

• Baldur's Gate 3

Sandalion: half-elf | rogue | chaotic good | was an adrenaline junkie and did everything to get a kick | he slowly became somekind of "hero" who still stole from everyone around him | leads the Guild now

Cyanahara: high-elf | bard/babarian | chaotic neutral | is a "if you want something to be done right do it yourself" - person | Sandalion just needs to breathe and Hara is annoyed by him

Osha: tiefling | druid | lawful good | would do about anything to avoid fights | loves to adopt random stuff - pets, strangers, plants | is extremely glad about being a druid

• Mass Effect I'm not going to share much about my Shepard online bc he's my dearest PC.

earthborn | soldier | ace | clean for 15 years now | stone-cold until he "died" in ME2 and slowly learned to feel and function like a normal human being again. "Oh no! by Mariana and the Diamonds" is the best way to descripe my man.

[secretsfromwholecloth]

Hey. Hey, everyone. I don’t have to be back at work until the 31st, so LET’S AGE SOME MOTHERFUCKING DRAGONS WHOOOOOOOOO.

You know, between my unimpressive eyesight and the godawful lighting in all of DA’s character creation screens, I’m not actually sure what color any of my babies’ eyes are.

No goddamn lie, I would commit actual murder for another dozen bun/updo/tied-back/braided hairstyles. This is probably the main philosophical difference between me and the creators of all the hair mods out there.

I’ve already used the single and double buns for other characters, and I envision this one also having fairly long hair that she binds up, so Baroness hair it is, I guess. *sigh*

If you expect me to create a character in DAO without pushing up the cheekbone sliders at least one or two notches, you don’t know me very well. I did restrain myself and only push them up a little bit this time, though.

Anyway! Everyone, meet Isaura Amell. Most of her personality will have to reveal itself to me as I play, as the plans I have are mostly a) fairly nebulous and b) for later in the game.

For the record, I think her eyes are gray. Who the fuck knows if I’m right, though.

Fine, Valour, Isaura will play your game...Oh, what’s that, you’re just handing her a staff? Very nice of you.

You tried, Mouse. Thanks for the lesson.

Jowan gets less whiny when he’s out of this specific situation, right?

Goodness, that’s what Niall looks like outside the Fade.

Now that I get a good listen to him, yeah, I can hear that he shares a VA with Serafen from Deadfire.

Ah, hello, Duncan. Is it good to see you? I think it is.

Jowan, I swear, you get the worst ideas sometimes.

Hello, Cullen. Apparently you’re 19 here, though I’d be hard-pressed to say you look it. You know what, I was a total shithead when I was 19. I get it.

Isaura is going to call Cullen’s bluff and offer to “continue the discussion” in private as much because it makes her feel in control for once as anything. Maybe she understands deep down that someone wanting to fuck you isn’t the same as having power over them, though I don’t think she’s yet had to learn it the hard way, but when you live in a Circle tower, you take your happiness where you can.

Also, there’s no way she’s older than maybe 23, probably closer to 20 or 21, which is still a good age for shitheadery.

She really just wanted to toy with Cullen, and I doubt she was thinking far enough ahead to have a plan for what she’d do if he took her up on her offer. The running away part was an amusing if unexpected bonus.

Keeping Jowan and Lily’s secret, and helping them out (which of course means they owe her and know it), is a similar “being in control” kind of thing.

So the Storage Caves are like a tiny little mini-Deep Roads, huh?

Huh, this is the first time I’ve seen the tower basement outside the context of Witch Hunt.

Whee, time to murder our way through the basement!

Oh, hello there, Eleni Zinovia.

Oops, got caught, time to play dumb.

Isaura certainly had an idea Jowan was dabbling in blood magic, but she didn’t think he was quite foolish enough to go and do that in front of Irving and Greagoir. Really, Jowan. The worst ideas, Jowan.

Hello, Cailan. You’re very enthusiastic for someone about to have such a very, very bad day.

Isaura has had enough of antagonizing the powerful for one week, so she’s going to be polite and deferential to Cailan and laugh at his jokes. We’ve all been there.

A “secret ritual”, huh, Duncan? Isaura just wants to know if she’s going to have to fight any more demons.

Ooh, my first crash! Luckily for me, I saved a couple of seconds before, knowing it’s always a risk when I cross the bridge into Ostagar for some reason. And it didn’t take the whole computer with it and wipe out all my typing.

Hello, Wynne. Fancy seeing you here.

The glitchies already? The Ostagar quartermaster’s clothing textures aren’t loading.

Hello, Alistair. Meet your future girlfriend.

Oh, look, a baby Templar. Well, some kind of former baby Templar. Quite possibly still a baby Templar at heart. Isaura can play with him like she used to do with Cullen, and then get all surprised when she grows to really, genuinely like the guy. (What? He’s sweet. Stop looking at her like that.)

Alistair, dearie, the woman wearing Circle robes and carrying a staff slung across her back “[doesn’t] look like a mage”? You didn’t think that one through, did you?

Hello, Morrigan. *sigh*

Part of Isaura wants to be friends, part of her wonders if there’s really room in her world for another young mage woman who spent her youth shut away from the bulk of humanity and who has a tendency to talk like a book because of it.

But as long as they’re the only two women around, “let’s be friends” will win out. Anyway, she doesn’t know any of this yet.

It’s so weird seeing Flemeth without her hair and makeup done.

“Your woman’s mind”—at this point, I just wonder what she’d ask of male Cousland, who’d have nothing to distinguish him from the other three in terms of gender, species, or magical ability.

Tower of Ishal time!

What, I don’t get a rogue for this part? Dammit. Well, it was worth asking.

I sure do love Flame Blast.

Flaming Weapons doesn’t look too shabby either.

Well, time to clean the place out like we’re not on a deadline.

Ha, the ogre went down like a chump. I love Winter’s Grasp, too.

Well, that’s done. To Lothering!

Oh, hello, doggie. Now, what do I name you? Hm, how about Rashvine?

And after the first of many, many conversations where Alistair and Morrigan snark at each other a whole lot, I’m being forced to pack it in for the night, so more in the morning.

[jamiedodgerart]

the fade is a liar sometimes

aka, a really long post about how mal hawke survived dragon age inquisition. warning for big but kinda vague spoilers for dai and mentions of alcoholism

ok full disclosure i dont know how he survived the fade. but im thinking the nightmare like. didnt wake back up in time to block the way through the portal, and so never caused the Do I Kill The Warden Or Hawke dilemma. cos. that was kiiiiiiiinda bullshit. 

i had to pick between alistair and mal. and i really didnt want mal to be actually really dead bc at the time of here lies the abyss he’d be in a really shitty place, mentally, and i didnt want him to just! die! without resolving that! so i gave canon the finger and concocted a convoluted plan to give mal a better ending

background, after the events of da2, he ended up leaving kirkwall and fuckin’ around in the woods for a bit. i imagine he was helping refugees get out for a little while, until anders showed up and convinced him to help groups of renegade mages/circles on the verge of winning their independence. at this point he was pretty sick of the world at large, didn’t know what he wanted or where he was going to go next, and let himself be (guided? directed? pushed around?) by anders, drinking himself into oblivion and generally feeling like garbage. he fell out of contact with most of his remaining friends and began convincing himself that he was guilty for the explosion, by trusting anders (he’d suspected something was wrong with the ingredients anders was asking for and confronted him about it, but trusted him and helped him by distracting the grand cleric)

i rambled about this on my private twitter but mal and anders... ended up not being a great fit for one another and past me said it better than present me can

eventually, the inquisition came into being and grew in power. anders, still being a wanted man and mal too by association, avoided the inquisition’s patrols pretty easily. but stories started to spread about the inquisitor and his... particularly creative justice. see, pica really likes choices that have some poetic irony to them that also focus on rebuilding (he had alexius work for the mages, stuff like that), generally avoids executions, and is pretty chill with mages. the inquisition is also independent of any government, really, and is about as impartial as you can get in thedas. so when mal gets word from varric that corypheus is back, a problem, and something they need mal’s help with (that is also, in his professional opinion, his fault), he gets an idea.

he heads to skyhold, meets pica (who read the tale of the champion, asks varric questions about it constantly, was expecting a hero, and was not expecting the hero to be a depressed alcoholic) and iunno here lies the abyss happens with the aforementioned edit of no one important dying (i guess i could kill alistair and preserve a kind of important turning point in pica’s character with an added bonus of giving mal another thing to have survivor’s guilt about but i dont think i could go through with it. imagine the emotional toll. pica could get that change some other way anyway) mal by this point has gotten to know pica fairly well and has found what he’s heard to be true, and gives him a proposition

(i would like to add now that while ive read asunder, until i looked it up just now i didn’t remember where it sits in the timeline relative to da2, and it wasnt super clear to me just how much each of the two events affected the mage/templar war. so some text in sketches might be inaccurate, historically)

so you can imagine that anders is Pissed Off by this development, but justice is kinda like 

cos like. pica Is a real actual authority figure. who is down to dispense some quality justice esp re mages. and is coming at it from a “yo i know you meant well and you did kinda have a point but you also killed a lot of people so there does have to be Some kind of consequence of that”

(but neither of them are at all happy with mal turning them in)

anyway the trial ends up including a full investigation of the events in kirkwall, as well as the events at the spire (cole, rhys, and evangeline all give their testimony) and it’s more a straightening out of what was up with the whole start of this shitshow anyway, cos the confusion and misinformation about it is probably the worst part. 

pica finds anders guilty and sentences him to community service, which a lot of people disagreed with. pica thinks it was a GREAT IDEA though because that community service comes in the form of anders teaching the inquisition mages about healing magic!! something that anders is good at, loves doing, and can actually help people with!! why are we still fuckin about with herbs when there’s magic!!!!! this also has the added bonus of making mages less scary to the general populace- chuckin’ fireballs is a lot more alien and intimidating than healing up a broken arm, yknow? it can help mages seem more human and good for society than they were, separated from the public in towers.

anders is still a prisoner, though, which hes super not happy about, and part of his sentence is also that dagna gets to study him. he and samson are in grudging solidarity in the face of tolerating her extreme cheerfulness. and maybe he gets a cat too. i wonder if he and samson could talk about how shitty the chantry is re: lyrium addiction in templars? its obvs not on the scale of mage shittiness but it could be an interesting discussion

see in the grand scheme of things mal really didnt do all that much. he was duped by a lover into doing something he 100% would not have done if hed known what was actually going on. i feel like the most anyone could bust him on was aiding and abetting. and maybe helping hide an apostate. mal was found, as pica informally put it while distracted by looking at a transcript of a kirkwall templar’s testimony, “kinda guilty? just like. if ur asked to help blow up a chantry dont do it again” but cassandra elbowed him really hard and he said “look ok your sentence is, fuck, i dunno, work for the inquisition. what do you wanna do”

that was not what mal was expecting and he didnt have an answer. and pica looked at him and said “ill give you some time to figure it out, ok. just. take care of yourself, man. u look like shit” which got him another elbow, which he returned to cass with equal force

anyway. mal is now officially Not Guilty in the court of the law. which fuckin sucks bc that assessment does absolutely NOTHING to stop his shit brain from keeping being guilty about everything. so he tries to quit drinking, fails, and just has a rough time in general, while also sometimes visiting anders in prison. which probably really doesn’t help.

ENTER WARDEN-COMMANDER OF FERELDAN, MADRANA “MAD” TABRIS, AND HER PARTNER/GF/ADULT SUPERVISION EMMARIE “EMMY” COUSLAND

(you may also know mads as hester, as i called her in previous playthroughs. hester’s not a really elfy name and shes grown far enough away from her namesake that i felt a change was warranted. also emmy was created by @1500birds. i love her)

thats them (mads then emmy) so mad tabris, legendary fighter, unkillable blight-ender, bather in darkspawn blood, and general bottle covey is looking for a challenge. its been like ten years since shes had an actually hard battle to win and she’s near skyhold, and she’s heard that mal hawke, another legendary fighter, is also in the area. oh and some cadash guy. hes apparently good too. also, she’s looking for some way out of the whole grey warden death sentence thing. shes not keen on dying unless she’s killed, ydig, and apparently skyhold’s doing a lot of groundbreaking research these days

she and emmy swing on in to skyhold and finds that hawke is, well, a mess

important background. mads is not good at dealing with other peoples’ emotions. so shes not really equipped to deal with this. emmy, however, is kind, has nerves of steel, loves to help people, and is Very equipped to deal with this. and so the two of them adopt mal. (even though hes older than both of them.) 

theyve got really, really different ways of trying to help mal. emmy is a great listener, and understands survivor’s guilt and the lost-all-my-family brand of trauma pretty well. she helps him sort through all the shit that’s happened to him and offers a lot of support. and hugs. by god shes a hugger. also theyve got a symbiotic cuddling relationship bc emmy is always cold and mal is always warm, so they platonically nap together sometimes. mads is unfortunately too wriggly and pointy to be a good cuddler :’( she squeezes in the mix sometimes anyway though and it’s uncomfortable but nice

mads’s method of helping mal is in her area of expertise: getting out pent-up negative emotion by fighting. for a long time, mal has internalized a lot of shit, and mads is really good at annoying him into either yelling or punching out that shit. shes doing it out of concern for his well-being, she swears, and not because she takes joy in pissing people off. she does but thats not the point. it’s not a perfect strategy but it does help a lot

unfortunately for her, sometimes mal can be downright vindictive when drunk and angry, and can hit on the few things she’s insecure about

(i would really love to make a post about mads sometime, cos she ended up being a lot deeper of a character than i originally intended. i really just wanted a really sharp angry lady who fought with the subtlety of a brick to the face, and ended up getting that plus bravado covering up a whole host of insecurities. i feel like i should finish dao before writing it up though ahah)

(what mal said is also not totally accurate- mads cares very much for emmy. but yknow how when things get heated it doesn’t really matter if they’re really accurate anymore- they just have to be close enough to get a reaction, ydig)

anyway! the two of them together help mal get his life back in order- he cuts down and eventually quits drinking, starts taking better care of himself, and gets more of a handle on life. i guess you’re probably wondering where varric is, right around now. so am i mal pushed away a lot of people close to him after da2, including varric. but varric kept looking out for him (lying to cassandra to protect him, using his network of contacts to keep an eye on where he and anders were operating). when mal comes to skyhold i think he’d try to avoid varric out of guilt- yknow how when it’s been a really long time since you’ve talked to someone, and you know you should have called them back, but you never did, and they kept asking how you were, and you want to be in an actually good place before you call them back, but shit keeps happening, and it’s been like two years since youve said anything to them, and then you see them and do some serious acrobatics trying to stay out of their sight so you don’t have to confront their honest interest in your well-being that they have no right to still have after so long with no word from you, and you have to make it seem like you havent been avoiding them because that would be rude, and really it’s just easier to be constantly vigilant of where they are and make sure youve got plausible reason to be leaving casually yet quickly

well mal did that. emmy had to physically bar his way from escaping a room once when varric came in, and dragged him by the scruff of the neck to talk to him. varric was painfully understanding and ended up hitting it off nicely with emmy

so! someday mal gets a job. specifically, pica gives him one. because he still owes the world some community service. with his experience as a hunter and highwayman, he becomes a scout!

whoaaa color

more specifically, mal becomes a... specialized type of scout. some idiot who shall not be named but whose name sounds a whole lot like pica cadash gave him command of a small squad of scouts, heavier armored and armed than average inquisition scouts but not heavy enough to count as infantry soldiers. their job is to dismantle highwayman and rogue mercenary bands, in whatever way necessary. so! originally this was supposed to mean sneak attacks on their strongholds or whatever, but mal talked with him about his own experiences with crime (mostly that most people in his crew back then were in it out of necessity, and needed money to support family) and the squad kind of became. really heavy recruiters. it became kind of a joke that the inquisition would take anyone- and they would! practically any skillset could be used in an organization as big as the inquisition, and at this point it was still growing

like. barely any exaggeration here

so that’s where he is pre-trespasser! thank u for reading and if youve got questions or want to learn more PLEASE ask i lov my ocs and love talking about them

i want to add that in @1500birds‘s latest playthrough (miranda trevelyan, a pro-chantry mage cullenmancer) mal rags on cullen endlessly

that was supposed to be the playthrough where he survives the fade, but then bran realized that miranda would kinda hate mal and would 100% leave him behind

[elusianknight]

hello! i only played dragon age inquisition once but i'd like to know what's the beef with cullen and why people dislike him, or if you could maybe point me to a post that explains it? i'd be grateful, thank you for your time :D

@dalishious​ has written much on this, and much better and more concisely than I (im SORRY THIS IS SO LONG), so definitely check out her literal CULLEN MASTERLIST here.

Long post incoming, my friend!  Here’s my personal explanation, but check out that link too for more examples / concrete evidence lol.

Okay, here’s my honest opinion on the subject.

So the first game, Dragon Age: Origins.  You can pick from six (seven) origins, and two of those are the Mage origin--the only difference between them is that you can play as either a human, or an elf.  All the other origins are dependent on race (dwarf commoner, human noble, city elf, dwarf noble, Dalish elf).

I chose an elven mage on my first playthrough, and you start out in this Circle of Magi--so like, the big tower place w the mages.  Specifically, Kinloch hold, aka the place Cullen was at.

As you play through the origin story of your character, if you’re a girl, it becomes clear that he has some weird crush on your character.  Some people thought this was cute, but that’s overlooking some real, uh, problems with it, to say the least.  He says that he would, literally, kill you if you failed the Harrowing (a test every mage has to take to evolve from being an apprentice to a full Circle mage).  BUT, he says he’d rather not.  So I guess people think it’s sweet that he’d regret killing you, despite doing it willingly...?

Later in the game, you come back to the Circle, and shit’s well and truly fucked.  Demons everywhere, lots of dead mages and templars all around.  But toward the top of the tower, you find Cullen in some weird magic circle thing.  He’s just sitting there, hunched over and mumbling to himself.  Apparently he’s been ~tortured~ as he says in DAI, but all it seems is that he was shown visions.  

And if you’re playing a female mage, those ~visions~ are of your character.

He says they’re “taunting [him] with the one thing he always wanted but could never have, using [his] shame against [him]... [his] ill-advised infatuation with her, a mage of all things.”  Now, I honestly don’t remember if this is just me imagining things or if this actually happened, but I’m rather sure he ALSO will make an additional comment about how she’s an elf, too, as in, just another thing to be ashamed of.  But I think the rest of the dialogue speaks for itself.

The woman who wrote the origin, Sheryl Chee (she wrote Leliana, too, in all games) was confused when people thought he was cute (back in the days of DAO, way before DAI).  She said the only sort of romance Cullen would have with the female mage Warden would be something “quick and violent” and just “to get her out of his system.”

One of the possible ending slides in Origins will mention that Cullen killed three apprentices back at the Circle before he left Kinloch Hold.  This is the ending slide that I got on my first playthrough of the game.

So that clearly colored my opinion of him, but also, when I played DAO i was struggling w my sexuality a bit.  Like, I think I knew I was gay, but I was dealing with homophobia from myself and my family, and I certainly didn’t feel good about it.  The romance with Leliana and my warden honestly brought me to tears at parts because it was so wonderful to see a relationship between two women portrayed as something so sweet and normal (well, as normal as it could be. considering they’re fighting to save the world and all that stuff).  So Cullen’s creepy comments were definitely NOT appreciated.  

And that's aaaaaaaaaall just in Origins.

In Dragon Age II, regardless of what ending you got in DAO, he moves to the city of Kirkwall (where Hawke goes to) and is somehow promoted to the Knight Captain... the second-in-command of Meredith Stannard, the Knight-Commander of Kirkwall.  And if you thought Kinloch Hold treated their mages bad, then hooooo boy, do you have another thing coming!  Because the Circle in Kirkwall is literally called “The Gallows.”  And rest assured, it lives up to its name.

Mages are hunted down and turned Tranquil (made into empty husks devoid of emotion)... illegally.  If a mage passes their Harrowing, Chantry law apparently states that they can’t be made Tranquil, at least without a very good reason--it’s considered a last resort, of sorts, because it leaves the mage alive but unable to use magic (or dream, or have emotions).  But in fact, it’s not a mercy at all.  It’s used as a form of control and widely abused in Kirkwall.  This leaves open room for any number of abuses, because Tranquil are all about ~logic~ and no emotion and what that boils down to is them doing anything, anything, that Templars tell them.  And of course that’s taken advantage of--demonstrated by the fact that a Tranquil mage in Inquisition will tell the Inquisitor that she wouldn’t want to be cured, because she didn’t think she could handle what happened to her while she was Tranquil.  

Anyway, back to Kirkwall.  Meredith keeps up a horrendous system of abuse of mages, such that if you walk near the gates of the gallows you hear people being tortured, like whip lashes and, iirc, screams of pain.  At the end of the game, Hawke can side with mages or templars, and if you side with the templars, Meredith will kill Hawke’s mage sister unless you explicitly stop her.  

And in the end, Cullen sides with Hawke against Meredith, because she’s lost her mind to Red Lyrium... but here’s the thing.

He’s her second in command. He could have prevented some of the abuses in Kirkwall--or if anyone could have questioned her authority, naturally, he could have.  But he didn’t.  Not until the last moment, when he sides with Hawke at the end... as in, sides with the unstoppable force (Hawke and co.) that’s torn through the city anyway.  If he stood with her, he’d have been cut down for sure.  

Finally, Cullen doesn’t even get over the mage warden EVEN in DAI.  If the Warden romanced Leliana, and if he didn’t romance the Inquisitor, he will ask Leliana about the Warden.  The first part makes sense, but the second part kinda confirms that he is literally still thinking about the Warden in such a way.  Which is at least kind of creepy.  It’s been ten whole years.

In the broader scheme of things, a lot of this boils down to the fact that he is a Templar infatuated with a mage.  He held direct power over the mage in question (literally tells the mage warden he’d kill her but feel sad about it???) so there’s not really any way for their relationship to have ever been equal, even if it wasn’t predatory to begin with (her being his charge directly).  

Because, as we know, Cullen can romance a mage in Inquisition.  And it is creepy as hell.  Like, “you’re okay because you’re not like other mages” kind of creepy--calling her an exception, rather than an example, of her people.  There’s other things in DAI--like how he never ACTUALLY apologizes or takes any sort of blame for what he did in Kirkwall--but check out the link because I avoided him as much as I could in DAI lol.