#( al as he is in hell is what human al was in his worst manic state possible. but he's like that 24/7 now with considerably less empathy. )

[hostradio]

△ What was it like when you were human? What hobbies did you have? Did you ever fall in love?

ah,  this  is  a  bit  trickier.  he's  always  made  it  a  point  to  be  quite  particular  about  what  details  he  shared  of  the  life  he  lead  before  —  well,  his  death.  the  radio  demon  is  as  much  a  person  as  he  is  a  concept.  the  shadow  pooling  in  the  corners  of  the  room,  a  rumor  spoken  of  in  whispers  as  hushed  as  they  are  reverent.  there  is  a  fine  line  between  drip-feeding  enough  class  and  character  to  cement  his  name  in  the  public  consciousness  and  humanizing  himself.  (  the  death  knell  of  all  intrigue!  )  fortunately,  these  questions  are  relatively  benign.  perhaps  a  four  out  of  ten  in  terms  of  discomfort  —  it's  more  the  time  period  that  alastor  takes  issue  with  than  the  actual  inquiries.

perhaps  unsurprisingly,  the  jovial  facade  he  outwardly  projects  doesn't  falter  for  even  a  moment.  ❝  oh,  not  too  terribly  different  from  how  it  is  now!  ❞   although,  the  company  in  this  abysmal  pit  leaves  much  to  be  desired  —  all  the  more  reason  to  treasure  the  few  exceptions  to  the  rule,  really.   ❝  i  liked  to  cook  —  though  i  hadn't  been  introduced  to  long  pork  quite  yet.  i  shudder  to  think  of  how  much  perfectly  good  meat  i  allowed  to  go  to  waste. ❞  so  many  bodies  to  bury,  so  little  time.  (  nothing  attracted  suspicion  like  the  scent  of  decay!  )  ❝  and  of  course  i  did  have  my  radio  broadcast!  if  there  is  one  point  i  will  certainly  give  in  hell's  favor,  there  is  no  shortage  of  delightful  mayhem  to  report  to  the  masses.  ❞   a  slow  day  is  simply  cause  to  go  drum  up  a  bit  of  trouble.  see  that  the  streets  turn  slick  with  blood  —  paint  the  town  red!  and  if  someone  happens  to  slip  and  fall  on  the  viscera,  that's  even  better!

❝  i  do  miss  the  night  life. ❞  a  touch  of  wistfulness  bleeds  into  his  voice  unbidden.  ❝  the  music!  the  speakeasies!  the  dancing!  nothing  in  hell  quite  manages  to  recapture  the  feeling  —  you  really  had  to  be  there!  it's  a  shame  most  of  the  crowd  i  spent  my  time  with  went  to  the  OTHER  place. ❞  he  adores  mimzy,  of  course  —  but  they  were  two  pieces  of  an  even  larger  puzzle.

well,  with  any  luck  those  women  lived  more  pleasant  lives  without  their  husbands.  he  assumes  that  they  did.

right,  right.  but  there  was  another  question,  wasn't  there?  the  radio  demon  pauses  for  a  moment  to  consider  it  —  then  abruptly  exhales  a  harsh  bark  of  laughter,  the  sound  accompanied  by  the  static-leaden  cackling  of  some  invisible  (  pre-recorded  seeming  )  audience.  ❝  fall  in  love?  ❞  HAH!  oh,  they  are  a  hilarious  one,  aren't  they?  ❝  is  that  a  genuine  question,  or  are  you  downright  STARVED  for  drama?  ❞   well,  he  supposes  whatever  visual  junk  food  vox  is  inclined  to  shove  at  the  masses  does  little  to  curb  one's  appetite  for  real  entertainment.  still  chuckling  softly  beneath  his  breath,  alastor  shakes  his  head.   ❝  no,  no!  sorry  to  disappoint,  my  friend  —  but  cupid's  arrow  has  never  struck  true  in  that  life  OR  the  next. ❞

INVASIVE QUESTIONS.

[slickbackdani]

Batman Movie Villains Ranked from Worst to Best

Recently, a YouTuber I follow by the name of Mr. Rogues released a list of Batman villains ranked from worst to best. I have nothing but the utmost of respect for Mr. Rogues as a content creator, but I took issue with his list because his long-standing biases were often the deciding factor in many of his rankings. So, I decided to do a list of my own.

I’ll be going over every Batman villain to appear in the movies, briefly analyzing their portrayals and ranking them on a scale of 1 to 5. To prevent the list from being too cluttered, I’ll be separating the villains by which movie series they’re part of. Here we go!

Burton/Schumacher Tetralogy

Bane: Perhaps the only villain in this series I’d call “bad.” The calculating tactician of the comics is nowhere to be found here; instead, he’s reduced to a monosyllabic, brain-dead stooge for the other villains. Overall, he does nothing that couldn’t be done by a random henchman. 1/5

Two-Face: A deeply layered villain in the comics, Two-Face sadly gets upstaged by the other major rogue in the movie, but that’s not to say he doesn’t leave an impression. Tommy Lee Jones gives him a manic and mercurial demeanor that, combined with his colorful design, wouldn’t be out of place in the Adam West series. The size and scope of his criminal organization make him a genuine threat, and there’s something darkly fitting about Batman’s former ally being responsible for the creation of Robin. 3/5

Poison Ivy: Mr. Rogues for some reason ranked her as the worst Batman movie villain of all time, and frankly, I don’t see why. Like Tommy Lee Jones as Two-Face, Uma Thurman gives this character a delightfully over-the-top demeanor that combines with a colorful, comic-booky ensemble to make for another great “what-if-this-character-appeared-in-the-Adam-West-series” take. She does a good job juggling the differing facets of Ivy’s character: she’s the put-upon cynic, the craven opportunist, the radical eco-terrorist, and the suave seductress all in one package. 3.5/5

The Penguin: Fuck the Razzies. Danny DeVito made this role his own and set the stage for the character for years to come. He’s a bit of a departure, but a welcome one: far from the refined gentleman of crime Burgess Meredith portrayed, this Penguin is an animalistic thug warped by a lifetime of anger and hatred of the society who rejected him due to his deformities. His signature wardrobe, trick umbrellas, and Penguin gimmick are all there, but DeVito sells the role by showing amazing versatility: he can go from a comical and pitiable weirdo to a terrifying sociopath at the drop of a stovepipe hat. 4/5

Mr. Freeze: I honestly can’t say much about this character that my mutual @wonderfulworldofmichaelford hasn’t already. Arnold Schwarzenegger perfectly encapsulates both popular versions of this character: the flamboyant, pun-loving criminal genius from the Adam West series and the Animated Series’ traumatized scientist desperate to cure his loving wife of her terminal illness. Sure, the puns and hammy one-liners are what this version character is known for, but Ahnold definitely knows when to apply the brakes and give a greatly emotional performance as he tries desperately to cure his wife. 4.5/5

Max Shreck: Probably the only time you’ll see a movie-exclusive character on this list, and deservedly so. Corrupt businessmen are dime-a-dozen in Batman stories, and most of them have little personality outside of being greedy scumbags who either get defeated by the hero or betrayed by the other villains. Shreck, however, is different. Not only does he have an eye-catching fashion sense on par with any of Batman’s famous rogues, but Christopher Walken brings his signature manic intensity to the role, creating a character that’s as wicked and sinister as he is cool and stylish. You totally buy that the general public sees him as the good guy. His warm relationship with his son is also a delight to watch. 4.5/5

Catwoman: Michelle Pfeiffer does a lot to really make the character her own. She gets a lot of genuinely badass moments, but underneath all of her coolness lies the undercurrent that she’s a broken, traumatized character lashing out at the people who abused her and took her for granted. Even when she takes these ideals to unreasonable extremes, you never stop feeling like the retribution she brings on her enemies is at least a little warranted. Also, she has amazing romantic chemistry with Batman and her costume is fucking metal. 5/5

The Ridder: It’s Jim Carrey. 5/5

The Joker: This role is perhaps the one that set the standard for future Jokers to follow: Jack Nicholson’s humorous yet unnerving performance signaled to audiences early on that this would not be the goofy trickster of the Silver Age, but a different beast entirely. This Joker is a film noir gangster on crack: a disfigured mob hitman who quickly takes the entire criminal underworld by storm and unleashes his special brand of chaos and destruction across Gotham. He’s an artist, a showman, a charismatic leader, and the man responsible for ruining Bruce Wayne’s life. 5/5

Christopher Nolan Trilogy

Talia al Ghul: You know that recent trend in Disney movies where a side character we thought was harmless and inconsequential turned out to have been the villain all along in a twist with no buildup or foreshadowing with the reveal happening too late in the movie for this character to really do anything cool or impressive before being unceremoniously defeated? That’s Talia. DKR is the weakest of the three Nolan films, and I feel like it would’ve been much better received without this twist villain contrivedly shoehorned in. Also, while I could kinda forgive the trilogy’s whitewashing of other villains like Ra’s al Ghul and Bane due to the talent their actors display, Marion Cotillard doesn’t get a pass because she just doesn’t have the charisma or screen presence needed to pull it off. 1/5

Victor Zsasz: While the idea of redefining Zsasz as an over enthusiastic mob hitman instead of a serial killer is very interesting, it’s ruined by the fact that he barely even appears in the movie and doesn’t really do or say much of anything despite the buildup he gets. 1.5/5

Two-Face: Aaron Eckhart portrays Harvey Dent as a character of tragedy in a slightly different way than other tragic villains in superhero movies: he’s lashing out at a society he feels wronged him, but instead of being a lifelong outcast or put-upon loser, he was a handsome, successful crusader for the common good who lost everything he once held dear all in one fell swoop. You really feel for him even as he does horrible things. If I had to nitpick, though, I am slightly bothered by the fact that he plays some comic book movie cliches straight (i.e. they never call him by his alias and he dies at the end,) but it’s a solid performance overall. 3/5

Scarecrow: I’ll be upfront and admit that I’m more than a little annoyed that certain facets of the character had been changed in the name of “realism” — once again, they never call him by his villain name and he never wears a comic-accurate costume — but other than that, I can’t complain. Cillian Murphy plays the character with a smarmy, eerie charm that really makes his scenes stand out, his willingness to ally himself with other villains suits his character well, and the fact that he appears in three consecutive films with a different evil scheme in each really helps tie the movies together. 3.5/5

Catwoman: Much like other secondary villains in this trilogy, she really doesn’t get a chance to shine compared to the main antagonist — and, once again, it pisses me off a little that they do the whole “never refer to her as Catwoman but vaguely hint at it” thing — but she’s everything a modern Catwoman should be. She’s sly, manipulative, really holds her own in a fight, has great chemistry with Bruce Wayne... it’s all there. It’s also great to see Anne Hathaway break away from her usual type casting to play a role this dynamic. 4/5

Ra’s al Ghul: He’s a character that was in desperate need of mainstream exposure, and by God that’s what he got. Making him Bruce Wayne’s mentor adds a layer of personal tragedy to the climax where our hero has to stop the man who made him who he is from destroying Gotham with his admittedly brilliant plan. Add in a strong, captivating performance from Liam Neeson before we found out he was a racist asshole, and we’ve got one hell of an overarching villain. 4.5/5

The Joker: Everybody’s already discussed this version of the character to hell and back and likely will for years to come, so I’ll keep it very brief. He’s funny, he’s badass, he’s terrifying, he has great dialogue, it sucks that Heath Ledger didn’t live to see his performance reach the audience it got, and he basically makes the entire film. 5/5

Bane: Mr. Rogues actually ranked Bane higher than Joker on his list, and keeping it 100, I actually agree with him here. Finally, after decades of being dumbed down and misrepresented outside of comics, Bane is finally portrayed as the tactical genius from the comics. Tom Hardy plays Bane to perfection, being very believable as the peak of human physical and mental achievement, the man who broke Batman physically and emotionally. His design is iconic, his every line is quotable, his voice is weirdly fitting, and the memes are funny. 5/5

DC Extended Universe

KGBeast: Another point where I agree wholeheartedly with Mr. Rogues. He is absolutely wasted in BVS, being nothing but a generic henchman for Lex Luthor. He doesn’t wear his costume from the comics, he’s never referred to by his alias, he doesn’t have his signature cybernetic enhancements, and he never does or says anything noteworthy. 1/5

The Joker: Ugh. I don’t know what’s worst: the tacky clothes, the stupid tattoos, the weird Richard Nixon impression that passes as his voice, the fact that promotional material hyped him up as a “beautiful tragedy” of a character even though he’s only in the movie for like 10 minutes and barely does anything, Jared Leto’s toxic edgelord behavior on set done with the flimsy pretense of “getting into character,” or the fact that he’s just trying to copy Heath Ledger instead of making the role his own. 1/5

Victor Zsasz: Chris Messina proves undoubtedly that Zsasz CAN work as a secondary villain in a Batman movie. He’s once again a mob assassin who enjoys his job a little too much, but unlike Batman Begins, he really gets time to shine. He’s just as sadistic and depraved as in the comics, but he also has this disarming, casual demeanor about him like he’s just indulging a hobby instead of slicing innocent people’s faces off. His close friendship with his boss Black Mask adds some depth to the character as well. 3/5

Killer Croc: Sadly, he doesn’t get much time in the spotlight, but he’s pretty cool nonetheless. The makeup and prosthetics used to create him look amazing, and Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje’s deep voice and imposing body language make him really stand out as an intimidating presence. He’s often in the background, which fits his role as an outcast by choice and a man of few words, but whenever he does get focus, he has everyone’s attention. It really would be a shame if this character’s only appearance was in a mediocre schlock action movie, but he makes the most of what he has. 3.5/5

Deadshot: Another highlight of what would otherwise be a forgettable film, Deadshot is just as cool and competent as he’s always been in other media, but this portrayal stands out for one simple reason. Will Smith was a very odd choice to play the role, but it worked out for the best here because you get the sense he truly understands the characters. He’s ruthless and pragmatic, but has just as enough charm and depth to make him likable. 4/5

Black Mask: I, like many, was skeptical when I saw early trailers depicting Roman Sionis as a foppish weirdo who doesn’t wear his signature mask, but upon seeing the final movie, I really feel like he has the high ground over other DCEU villains. Ewan McGregor is endlessly captivating in the role, portraying him as a swaggering dandy who is nevertheless dangerous due to his boundless narcissism and explosive temper. Sure, those who deal in absolutes would be put off from the differences with his comic counterpart — who is far more cold and humorless — but from a certain point of view, this flamboyant take on the character isn’t so much a departure as it is an addition to make him stand out while keeping his role the same. Black Mask has always been a middleman between the traditional mobsters of yesteryear and the colorful rogues that plague Gotham today, and this portrayal perfectly encapsulates that. He works in the shadows, but isn’t afraid to get his hands dirty; he flies off the handle and gets reckless at times, but there’s no question that the whole operation was his idea. 5/5

Harley Quinn: Margot Robbie owns this role. She’s unbelievably dazzling as a badass, funny, sexy antihero who deals greatly with tragedy and proves that there’s always been more to her than her initial role as the Joker’s sidekick. Again, not much to say, but she’s almost perfect. 5/5

[2p-usa]

finite

pairing: veggie burgers / 1p x 2p america rating: teen and up; tw for discussion of (no actual) death, somewhat suicidal themes tags: nationverse, drabble words: 1.3k  summary: Late-night escapades for Allen and Alfred are not unfamiliar to reckless activity and philosophical ponderings. During a manic high, Alfred can't help but to let himself wonder: if we can't die, how do we disappear? read on ao3 or under the cut:

"If the world decayed, where would we go?" Alfred ponders the question. Lets it sit in his mouth like the smoke from a cigarette drag and exhales it slowly. Allen, with his head on Alfred’s shoulder, looks up at him.     “I mean, do you ever just think about that? Like—” Alfred takes a deep breath in and the dark-haired man holding him can feel his chest rise as he does so. Alfred Jones does this every time he’s about to go on a spiel; Allen took careful time to observe the way he adjusted his glasses—his hands, hands of a gladiator etched in childlike wonder—pushing them up carefully. If he whipped his head around any faster, they would fall off and into the water below them. The gaze Allen is met with is electrifying and maybe a little scared.     “We can’t die.” Allen chuckles softly into Alfred’s chest. This is a fact that everyone knew; nations couldn’t die per se, the way that humans did. Their mortal fate was met with a withering disappearance that branched off into newer colonies and newer countries; taking the language with them as they adapted and aged, and all the like.      “That’s the thing. We can’t.” Alfred’s voice is suddenly grave.      “Good. We can spend the rest of eternity fucking.” Allen jokes.      “You don’t understand. Like, people have this…this heaven and hell, this reincarnation, like, they all seem to have understandings of an afterlife and perhaps that’s where humans go but like, where do we? All these dead languages and shit, like, we know Latin, we know the great inventors, philosophers, whatever of the ancient world, but where is Rome?”      “I think Feliciano hangs out with him sometimes.” Allen responds as if it wasn’t a rhetorical question.      “No, he doesn’t. He sees him in like, apparitions and shit. Like, do we have a heaven and a hell?” Alfred was freaking out. Allen wasn’t quite there yet.      “You’d only know when the time comes.” He snuggles closer into the blonde.      “That’s what scares me, Al. I’m—we—we’re closer and closer to ending up like that. I don’t feel like I’m even me anymore, or what I stand for, I’m controlled by the people who fucking own me—and you—I’m scared they’re even watching us right now—and all the people who live here, I’m scared for them too. They don’t know what’s coming. I’m scared I’m getting too big. That they wouldn’t be able to handle me anymore one day—that one day, something real bad’s gonna happen, I—” Allen kisses a soft, chiseled cheek. He peppers his lips over his face and to Alfred’s lips, kisses him slow as an attempted act of reassurance.      “I’m scared too, now that you mention it.”     “There’s just…nothing we can do about it. And the worst part is watching everybody die. Like, I’ve seen so much that I should be used to it at this point but it’ll never stop getting to me. Way back when all the life I had to see disappear and it was ultimately my fault for not keeping my citizens safe. All the shit I’ve gotten myself into…Al,” His voice grows somber.     “Yeah?”     “You’re the only one I can be this vulnerable with.”      “I know, baby. It’s okay. You got the weight of the world on your shoulders, I don’t blame you.” Allen takes the liberty to lock their fingers together and kisses Alfred’s hardened knuckles. No matter all the shit he’s been through, all the trauma of being the United States of America, all the hardend-ness he was required to show, to Allen, he was always soft. He never really grew past a scared boy, and Alfred allowed himself to expose that side of him to Allen when they were together. Allen was not like the others��simply put, there was no other entity besides Alfred’s counterpart that could complete him and made them United in the sense that they were. There were surely others like Allen, (the “alternate” nations as they were called, born from demographic differences and other varying factors) but none of them had the same bond that Alfred and Allen had. They were truly one. Without one, the obverse couldn’t exist.     “I wanna die with you.” Allen murmurs.     “Well duh, you will when I will. If I will.” A little sentimental humor.     “I got an idea.”     “What?”     “Let’s die.” Allen smirks. He looks over at their feet, dangling over the edge of the bridge there were sitting on.     “What—? No.” Alfred squints.     “C’mon Alfie,” Allen lifts his head off Alfred’s shoulder and straightens his back. He holds both of the blonde’s hands in his. “You wanna know what it’s like so bad, well damn, let’s do it then.”     “You want to jump off this bridge?”     “Yes. We’ll do it together.”     “That’s not gonna kill us.”      “I know, but it’ll be fun won’t it?”      “Yeah, you’re right.”      Alfred stared down at the water ebbing and flowing below his feet, then lifted his glance to his counterpart beside him. Allen looked at their hands; entangled, fingers slipping between the spaces of the other's, both calloused in their own ways. His crooked smile spreads across his face as he meets Alfred's gaze. "Ready?"      Alfred doesn't know why he's nervous; he's surely been through worse. He squeezes Allen's hand and returns a smile, bright and sunny. "Ready as ever."     Doing dumb shit was no new thing for the two of them. Making out in stolen cars, skinny dipping in the Pacific Ocean, getting drunk and stumbling for hours, getting lost under desert skies—there was no comfort like the comfort shared between the two of them when doing said dumb shit. The last time they did anything like this it was driving one of the old cars that Allen had abandoned working on straight into a soon-to-be demolished building. A win-win situation it was; since neither building nor automobile were going to be much use anymore anyways. Allen recalls the blood dripping down their foreheads and how they had laughed.     When they jumped, hand in hand, there was the stomach lurching, churning of the internal organs as gravity suddenly weighed heavily upon them and hurled them like rocks towards the depths of the ocean water. Then they felt nothing. There was no glass-shattering of bones, no sudden, stabbing pain through their backs. This is the same feeling that Alfred would feel when bullets hit him; he acknowledges that it went through his body, and it hurt, but there were no effects that lasted past a few hours.     As expected, there was no black out. There was no sudden flashing of life’s slideshow before them. It was as if they had just jumped off a diving board. Immediately, Allen had the instinct to embrace Alfred. He saw that he was still below the depths, grabbed him by the hand to immediately (attempt to) hold him close, laughing like an absolute maniac. The adrenaline rush was always worth it. This wasn’t the first time he had jumped off a building just to see what would fucking happen. When death wasn’t an option, the chance to destroy oneself as much as possible for the fun of it was always prevalent.     Alfred was gasping, eyes still struggling to blink the ocean away and to face his counterpart. Allen smiled wide, kissed him on the mouth, hitting his teeth, and smoothed his hands through wet hair. Alfred struggled to kiss back. For a couple breathless moments this is all they did; the mashing of their tongue and lips, the grabbing of cheeks, smiling and laughing the entire time. If they were human, this would be the end. In retrospect, the both of them had already met multiple ends, that this did not faze them as anymore than a fun, impulsive activity.     “I love you.” Allen says breathlessly.     “I love you too.” Alfred is smiling too, then pauses.       “…Fuck, my glasses.”