#( aka the buttons aren’t buttoned and it’s not tucked in and nor does she wear a tie

[roseguided]

quinn has several piercings ! most of them are on her ears , but she has a tongue piercing as well as both of her nipples.

[substituted-shinigami]

Learning to Breathe

(aka Please Remember To Put On Your Oxygen Mask Before Assisting Others)

Characters: Rukia, Renji, Byakuya, and some Fourth Division OCs, (RenRuki)

Genre: Hurt/Comfort, some Angst, some Humor, Family

Rated: T (for mentions of medical tools such as needles and depictions of anxiety, but nothing is graphic or even really overly described. This story is more about the emotions than the medical drama)

Story Summary: Turns out purple eyes and short stature aren’t the only things that run in Hisana’s family, illness does as well. As Rukia and Renji try to help each other navigate through this new storm in their lives, will they remember to take time to breathe? (Rukia gets the same disease that killed Hisana (Bloodlines AU), Post TYBW, Post renruki engagement)

Click the link to read below or click here to read the story from the beginning on AO3!

(2/7)

Chapter 1: Lift Off

(AO3 chapter link)

Chapter Summary: Welcome passengers aboard the Stress Soul Society Airlines. Please fasten your seat belts, and prepare for liftoff. Thank you, and worry not about the bad weather forecast. You can rest assured that you will have a safe trip with us! (The chapter in which Rukia and Renji get ready for a major doctor’s appointment.)

I faced an execution. I faced an espada's blade. I even faced a man who could literally murder me with fear. And yet, tiny medical needles are too much for me? You are utterly ridiculous, Kuchiki Rukia… Rukia thought glumly to herself, as she laid in bed one chilly morning before yet another doctor’s appointment. She began chuckling wryly, I've heard the pen is mightier than the sword, but I think the medical needle might be mightier still.

Rukia stared up at her bedroom ceiling, the sound of the room's clock ticking loudly in her ears. She'd been laying there for hours as sleep frustratingly eluded her. Sighing, she tried rolling over and closing her eyes again, but she couldn't shut out the anxious thoughts that plagued her mind.

I really hope today’s tests don’t have them. If I can’t get through these appointments without stressing out everytime I see one, then I’ll never convince him that he can rest, because I’ll be okay. That it will all be okay in the end. Hopefully…

Suddenly, Rukia’s thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the alarm on her soul pager going off. Again. Rukia’s hand shot out, flipped the infernal device open, and managed to press the snooze button for the third time that morning without even looking at it. She went back to staring up at the ceiling.

Guess I better get up now, huh? Can't keep putting it off, after all… My friends, my brother, and…Renji… they’re all so worried about me, so I can’t… I can’t be weak… I must be strong for them.

Rukia sighed, her stomach already all up in knots. Taking a deep breath to center herself, she forced herself to sit up. As she looked out her bedroom window towards the sky, she saw that it was pitch-black, that even the stars were blocked out by clouds.

Hmmm… Looks like a storm is rolling in too… Figures…

Rukia slowly pushed off her blankets and got up to search for her clothes. She thought about just wearing her black shinigami uniform, but she already knew neither her third seat nor her escort were going to let her go back to work this afternoon. Speaking of her escort…

Rukia left her room, a neatly folded dark blue kimono tucked underneath her arm, and approached the door of the guest room next to hers. She lifted her hand to knock, but paused.

I could just leave without waking him… she thought briefly, Let him sleep in. Gods know he needs it. That way, when I make it through the appointment on my own, he’ll see he has nothing to worry about! But she quickly shook herself. No! No, I don’t do that anymore! I don’t just run away... I talk about it. We talk about it. And even if we can’t figure it out, we still do even that together. Rukia took a deep breath, glared resolutely at the door, and knocked.

“Oi, Renji, you awake in there?” She heard what sounded like a groan to the affirmative. “Okay, just so you know, we’ve got to leave in an hour.”

“Mhmm… Yup. I got you,” he responded groggily. This was soon followed by the sound of very fast shuffling, a very loud bang, an almost as loud curse, and then more shuffling. Rukia raised an amused eyebrow at that.

“You good in there? All your limbs still present and accounted for?”

“Ha ha. Very funny. And yes, I’m fine. Thanks so much for your concern.”

“Of course!” Rukia smirked. However, the heavy feeling inside her soon dragged the corners of her lips back down. She took another deep breath. Here we go… "Oi, Renji…" she began quietly, "If you are too tired, it's okay, y'know? It's like I said before, it’s basically just a long doctor's appointment. I'll…I’ll be okay going by myself."

At that, Rukia heard the stomping sound of footsteps coming rapidly towards her, followed by the shoji door immediately sliding open with a sharp bang. Renji looked rather frazzled, with his sleeping robe half hanging off of his shoulder and his hair loosely pulled into a messy braid. He also looked rather cute…at least until he started shouting.

“WHAT? NO! OF COURSE I'M COMING WITH YOU, IDIOT!”

“QUIET, RENJI! ARE YOU TRYING TO WAKE UP THE ENTIRE HOUSEHOLD WITH YOUR RACKET?!?”

"You are way louder than me!" Renji replied in his terrible attempt at a whisper, "In any case, don't try to change the subject like that. You are downplaying it again, I know it. They are running medical tests today too, and I know those tend to make you nervous.” He managed to actually say that last part quietly. Then he smiled at her, “We're in this together, ya?" His lips might have been smiling, but Rukia saw his eyes. He was exhausted. She felt her heart lurch into her throat.

"Ya, well…don't go overdoing it, okay?" Rukia told him firmly as she fixed his robe for him, but her fingers lingered on his shoulder. Renji placed his hand over hers.

"Hmph… As if I could ever do too much for you… I'm fine, Rukia, really. Go get changed."

"Okay…" she murmured quietly, looking down. However, her face must have betrayed her troubled thoughts, because when she tried to remove her hand from his shoulder, Renji held it firm. She looked back up at him and he tilted his head down closer to hers.

"I love you~" he whispered to her in a cheeky sing-song voice with that toothy grin of his. He was clearly trying to lighten the mood, to make her smile or push him off and call him a dork, but instead Rukia felt her heart, already firmly lodged in her throat, leap even higher into her mouth.

“I know…” she barely got out, “I know Renji, but…”

“Uh uh. No ‘buts’, Ru. Go ahead and take your bath. I’ll see you in an hour, alright?” He winked and let go of her hand as he cheerfully went back into the guest room, closing the door behind him.

Rukia, on the other hand, just stood there, staring at the floor.

__________________________________

Renji…

Rukia sat in the outdoor bath, watching the sun slowly try to rise behind a blanket of clouds. She sighed as her thoughts inevitably turned to her fiance.

They had been spending even more time together as of late. In fact, almost all of their spare time was spent in each other’s company. At first it was because they had finally gotten officially engaged, and needed to plan for the wedding. And while that had all been quite hectic, it had also been exhilarating thinking about what their future together might bring.

But then, less than a month later, the diagnosis came in after what was supposed to be a routine check up at the Fourth Division. Rukia had CRVS, also known as Chronic Reiatsu Vent Stenosis. It was a disease in which the invisible reiatsu vents at the end of a soul’s wrists began to slowly shrink over time. Since these vents were responsible for cycling spiritual pressure in and out of the body, when they were damaged, the body would take longer to heal after strenuous activities, such as traveling long distances across the Rukongai in the search of a missing sibling.

The vents also acted as a filtration system for foreign reishi or spirit particles. When spiritual pressure is released in bursts, such as when battling tough hollows and arrancar, it can absorb the spirit particles it collides with, and then bring these foreign particles back with it into the body. When working properly, the vents are supposed to filter this out, but when they are damaged by disease, they just can’t.

And overtime, this unreleased, unfiltered, reluctant to replenish spiritual pressure would slowly damage the body, eventually leading to the person’s death, to Hisana’s death. But it had been fifty years since then, there were more options now., new medications and treatments available. There was even a new experimental surgery that had the potential to actually extend the patient’s life! But you couldn’t get it right away, you had to wait, be put on a list, and survive until your name was called.

But if there was one thing that we know how to do well, Rukia thought to herself, it's to survive.

They changed everything.

Instead of visits with the wedding planner, it was visits with the doctor. Instead of planning out wedding dishes with their bar's chef, they planned out new healthier meals with her nutritionist. Instead of visits to the florist it was visits to the pharmacist.

Instead of going on dates, it was going to treatments.

Before they spent all their time doing wedding planning, but now, it was the furthest thing from their minds. If getting engaged had completely changed Rukia’s life with an upward swing, getting this disease made it come crashing back down again and right through the floor. But Renji was right there with her through it all.

He really is my rock, Rukia thought with warmth, But…he’s starting to break. It had been months since this all began, and Renji had run himself ragged.

So when Rukia had found out that she had to go to yet another early morning, three hour long doctor’s appointment at the Fourth Division to get some testing done, she was resolute on the fact that Renji did not have to come. For the entire week leading up to the appointment, she did her absolute best to downplay the whole thing.

She joked with him, “The appointment is three hours long, Renji. If you're going to be sitting doing paperwork all day, you might as well be at the office where you can at least yell at Rikichi at the same time!”

She bragged at him, “Nervous? Of course not! I am Kuchiki Rukia! I will ace those medical exams for sure!”

And she even tried teasing him, “Hmn? What is with that worried look? Are you trying to beat Ichigo in a scowling contest? It’ll be fine, Renji!”

Still, despite her best attempts at reassurance, Renji could not help but ask her one more time.

“Hey, Rukia?” He began worriedly, when she came by the Sixth Division office after work, “Are you absolutely sure you don’t need me for your appointment tomorrow? They are running an awful lot of medical tests, and I know...how you feel about those.” But Rukia waved him off.

“Medical tests? Please! I laugh in the face of all those who would test me!” Rukia bragged with a smirk, but Renji continued to look at her seriously, resolutely unmoved by her teasing. Rukia tried a different approach. “Seriously, Renji, it will be fine,” she continued a little more gently, “You don’t have to come to every single one, y’know? Besides, it's really early in the morning, and you have work tomorrow. It will be fine.” But then, just when she thought she might have been getting through to him, her brother entered from the other room.

“Captain!” Renji said, as he stood up. Rukia’s head swung around towards the office entrance.

“Niisama!”

Captain Kuchiki Byakuya looked between the two of them, and then spoke, “Vice Captain Abarai Renji, I’ve come to inform you that I have approved of your request to have tomorrow off. Spend it however you wish.” Rukia shot Renji a look. Renji just looked confused.

“Ummm, thank you, sir? But I don’t remember-”

“Also,” Byakuya continued, cutting him off, “I have a problem that I need you to take care of.”

“Sure, Captain, whatever you need-”

“Taiyaki," Byakuya said abruptly, "The Kuchiki chef has accidently ordered some, and you know how much I despise it. Please come over and dispose of it in a non-wasteful manner. It is imperative that you do this tonight.”

“O-Okay…”

“Once you finish that odious task, I imagine you will be quite tired. You should sleep it off in the guest room, so that you will be in top shape for your day off. The one you usually use, the one down the hall from the kitchen, is unavailable, so you will have to use the guest room next door to Rukia’s room. That is all.” And with that, he turned on his heel and left, leaving the pair with their mouths hanging open, the matter already decided. Rukia fumed.

“Well…at least I’m free now…” Renji said a little tentatively.

“Yeah," Rukia growled through gritted teeth, "Sorry, I’ll be right back.” And with that, she stormed out of the room and marched right after her brother.

“Niisama!” Rukia said firmly. Byakuya stopped, but didn't turn around.

“Niisama…” Rukia repeated more slowly, barely keeping the anger and frustration out of her voice, “I appreciate what you are trying to do…but please do not push Renji so. He is tired, Niisama.”

“Perhaps…but I do not push him any further than he already wishes to go. I simply give him the permission to do so. Something that was not given to me when…” But he trailed off, shoulders drooping a little. Finally, he straightened up again and continued, "In any case, it is imperative that you have support at appointments, both for your physical and emotional wellbeing.”

“Niisama...I appreciate that, but…couldn’t you take me just this one time? Just to give him a break?”

“I… Rukia, he needs this, just as you do. Take this time to be together so that way there are no regrets.” And with that, he was gone, only dust in the wake of his shunpo. Rukia returned to the room, a mixture of anger, sadness, and dejection fighting for control within her.

“Listen Rukia, if you really don’t want me to go…”

“It’s not about wanting or not wanting, Renji!” she snapped, but slowed upon seeing him flinch, “Sorry, I…I just don't think you should have to go to them all, that’s all.” Renji put his hands on her shoulders.

“It’s alright, Rukia, I like going with you! Now I gotta go home and grab a change of clothes for tomorrow, but I’ll see you tonight, okay?”

“Okay…” she sighed. He kissed her on the cheek and headed out the door, completely ready to keep on running himself ragged, all for her.

Well of course he is! He’s worried about you, you jerk! Rukia’s brain shouted at her, It’s your own fault for always looking so miserable at your appointments!

“That’s right!” Rukia said aloud to herself, grabbing her towel, and vigorously drying herself off as she stepped out of the bath, “Renji’s only exhausted because he’s worried about me! If I can just show him that I’ll be okay, even during the longer, scarier appointments, then he’ll finally know that he can take a long, well deserved break, and might even start taking care of himself!” She quickly put on her clothes, and marched back to her room with renewed resolve.

After she finished packing her bag, including something to read during the long waits between testing, Rukia headed towards the front hall to wait for Renji. But when she got there she found him already standing there, a bag swung around his shoulder as well.

Figures he’s already here, she thought, Oh well, no time to practice, might as well jump right in.

“Ready to go?” Rukia asked with as much cheerfulness and confidence as she could muster as she strutted up to him. Renji’s face lit up the moment he spotted her.

“Yup! My bag's all packed, and I'm raring to go."

“Great! Now…did you get anything to eat for breakfast?” She asked as she reached him. Renji bent down to give her a quick kiss, and she rose up on her tiptoes to receive it.

“Do you count?” He murmured huskily to her. Rukia cocked an eyebrow at him.

“No.”

“Then, nope!” he shrugged with a smile as he stood back up. Rukia felt a blood vessel pop in her forehead.

“Renji…” she said slowly, trying to sound encouraging and not frustrated, “I told you last night, it’s okay for you to grab breakfast. The appointment is going to be three hours, and you need your strength.”

“Yeah, I know, but…it just doesn’t feel right eating when you can’t,” He said, scratching the back of his neck, “If you can wait till after your appointment, then so can I. ‘Sides, I think I am at least as strong as you, you know,” He finished with a smirk.

“Debatable,” Rukia sniffed, teasingly.

“Yeah, yeah, alright Ms. Acting Captain,” Renji said, throwing his arm around her and pushing open the door. “Come on, let’s go. We don’t wanna be late.”

Rukia leaned against him as they walked out the door, a well of warmth bubbling up inside of her, but it was quickly muddied with guilt, “Renji, thank you, for coming with me, really, but please get something to eat and take a nap after this.”

“Sure, sure,” he agreed easily, “But for now, let’s just get you well.” However, he didn’t look at her as he said this. Rukia looked up at him out of the corner of her eye. The worry and the exhaustion, still shone quite clearly on his face. She quickly turned her gaze forward, her stomach knotting up all over again.

I’ll have to try harder, she thought.

[evolsinner]

⊱┊24

days go by, another one comes across. however, today is that day, and by ‘that day’ i mean, can we all please have a drumroll, it’s fucking parent~teacher interviews! aka an interrogation under the guise of pleasantries. i thought if i didn’t think about it, it’d just fucking disappear, but hey no, it’s still here.

but that’s okay, you see my parents don’t know a thing about it. i shredded all the notices they’ve sent us and made sure to cut the line every time my sneaky ass school called home. so when it came to my last class for the day, which is english lit obviously, i was quite happy that i didn’t have to stay behind like some students.

the class is empty, it’s almost 4 sharp.

“it’s only interviews,” i try to ease mr killian’s nerves. “just tell them what they wanna hear ~ easy peasy.”

“i wish, but it doesn’t work like that, luv. you know,” he looks up from his paper and removes his reading glasses to rub his weary eyes, “believe it or not, but we hate this day just as much as you kids do.”

“really?” i’m shooked. “thought you teachers just loved taking your sweet as revenge on students on this devilish day. it’s practically reverse halloween where the educators aren’t in costume for the first time, huh.”

mr killian places his pen behind his ear, entertained. “‘reverse halloween’, aye?” he leans back on his chair, arms folded and an ankle~on~knee. “you’re too funny.”

“‘funny’?” i walk over to him, admiring the tantalising dark circles underneath his scintillating eyes. “yeah? and what else?”

he possessively pulls me in between his legs, squeezing my booty in fistfuls. “and sexy and fierce and delicious.”

“do you want a bj?”

“oh, and very fucking naughty too!”

“what you gonna do about it?”

“gee, you’re tempting me.”

“mhm,” i bite my lip.

“you are in serious need of punishment, little girl,” he flicks an eyebrow up. “slide down your panties and lean over my desk.”

my eyes open wide, “no.”

“pardon?”

“i mean, there’s no space on y~y~your desk,” i glance at it. “there’s those booklets, essays, midterms, finals, your laptop...”

“i’ll make space.”

“uh, umm,” i step back.

“nuh~uh,” he pulls me in again so that i’m standing with my thighs directly opposite his thingy. “slide ‘em down right in front of me.”

“that’s too close,” i squeak, going red.

“what difference does it make? you a step back or not, i’ll still see it. c’mon,” he feathers a finger down my bare thigh, “you can’t still be shy? i’ve seen every part of you, every inch of you. the hills, the slopes, the blemishes... want me to go on?”

ok, imma prove him wrong. i undo the button and zipper on my shorts, exposing the bright red lacy panties i got just for him.

“you were hiding those from me?” he points to them, sounding offended.

slowly, i rub my hand over the skimpy fabric, sticking a finger behind the elastic.

“such a tease,” sir leans back. “congratulations, darling, you’ve earned yourself 5 more spanks.”

the thought of him spanking me…

“want me to go easy on you?” he asks, and i see rare mercy dancing around in his eyes.

i nod, prolly a goner if i were dumb enough to take my chances with this guy.

“then touch yourself, sweetheart,” the mercy evaporates from his eyes completely. he just went from a saint to a sinner in a millisecond. “mhm,” he nods to my hesitant expression, “slide your hand through your panties and touch yourself for me. if you don’t moan my name whilst finger~fucking your cunt, i’ll give you the belt.”

heck no, i don’t want to get spanked with a belt! that’ll hurt so much more!! i’ve seen it on 50sog!

“y~you w~want me to m~masturbate for you?”

“did i stutter?”

no, but i did.

shocked at how strangely turned on i’m feeling, i slide my fingertips under the double thin lines of the red covered elastic bands. tell me, why did i wear this again? i inch my fingers down further, my breath hitching up and pelvic muscles contracting.

sir slides his hand into his pants and gently strokes his cock, scarring me with imaginary ciggy burns from the way he’s staring at me doing me. “hurry it up, little one, time is of the essence.”

3 knocks on the door and it swings open with a, “hello?”

mr killian speedily sits up.

and i step back right away, pulling my hand out and tugging my shirt over the open zipper. “mum?”

“roséah,” she squints, “what on earth... dear lord, you have a lot of explaining to do!”

i refuse to blink. i think i’m having something like a heart attack. “w~what do you mean?”

“well, for starters,” she struts up to me, “you didn’t tell me that today was parent~teacher interview night.”

i exhale deeply, relief has never felt this good.

“mr killian, i presume?” mum says, holding her hand out.

i quickly fix myself up behind her.

“please,” he smiles, shaking her hand, “call me isaac.”

why the fuck would mum come here without informing me about it?!?

“apologies for not booking in a time slot and barging in like this. had i known,” mum gives me an irritated look, “i would have been more prepared.”

“it’s no worries, mrs blackburn,” sir tries to downplay it. “i reckon i can squeeze you in before my first interview. so please,” he motions to the two seats preplaced in front of the desk, “have a seat.”

“christella will do just fine,” and she takes no time in making herself comfortable.

i roll my eyes, so fucking annoyed and anxious at the same time.

“if you don’t mind my saying so,” sir gracefully says, “but now i know where your beautiful daughter gets her beautiful looks from.”

mum titters, tucking invisible strands of hair behind her ear and straightening out her pencil skirt.

tf.

sir glances at me and it’s so provocative in nature that i can’t look away, hence he does it for me. “do we have a common friend that can get both of us acquainted with one another?” he causally asks my mother with a chuckle.

aren’t they supposed to be talking about me?

“i don’t suppose so, isn’t that a shame?” mum smiles.

“‘shame’ would be an understatement, stella…can i call you stella?”

“you can call me whatever you want, isaac.”

“ahem!!” eww. ew. “mum,” i shake my head at her like ‘did you forget you have a husband?’, “you might wanna..”

“oh, yes, of course! silly me. so do tell, isaac? how has my daughter been doing?”

“well, to be candour, i’m rather impressed at how dedicated rosé is on learning.”

“hm, is that so?” she gives me a suspicious glance.

“indeed,” mr killian sends me a secret wink.

“does she slack off? because you’d tell me if she did, right?” mum asks.

“mum,” i grumble, she’s so embarrassing sometimes.

mr killian chuckles, “you’d be the first to know, stella. fortunately, that isn’t the case. rosé has quite the eye for accomplishing her goals.”

i’m getting lost in him again...

“gets all her work done on time, doesn’t send inappropriate text messages in class,” he proceeds professionally, kinda cocky, “nor does she ever has to stay back late.”

all of which i do the opposite of, i give him a guilty grin.

mum looks rather very taken aback, considering how i am at home. “seems like she’s quite the student?”

“you’d be surprised by what goes on in these walls.”

that not so hidden half~smile sir gives me pauses my mum in her tracks with her next question. i look at her sudden stiffness and notice how she’s surveying mr killian intently, her eyes narrowed into slits. oh crap.

“ahem!” i shift in my seat quickly.

sir coughs and swiftly brings in another topic.

mum gradually returns to her usual manner.

that was close.

when they finally say their farewells, i feel relieved as a fucking kite flying high up in a blue cloudless sky. mum did a few more interviews before she finally decided to go home. mr killian had given her false hope and high expectations, so it was funny when my other teachers informed her that my grades were declining from b’s and c’s to d’s and e’s.

oops, my bad.

-ˋˏ ༻🍷༺ ˎˊ-

it’s late, a major thunderstorm has hit and maxi being the scaredy~cat he is has crept into my room for the night. incoming call from isaac. i decline it. so he calls me again. and i decline it again. busy tryna shoot him a text which he keeps interrupting with phone calls.

daddy🔐 is my furry baby avoiding my calls?

tf he just called me??????

me im not avoiding ur calls jus ctrn cuz baby bro is sleeping in my bed thunder isnt his strong suit :/

daddy🔐 why am i jealous?

lol, seriously? i smile, rolling over to the edge of my bed.

daddy🔐 can’t stop thinking about you...

me jus stop its not dat hard

god, i suck at this.

daddy🔐 i really need to be fucking inside you right now!

uh, what the fuck do i text back?!

daddy🔐 would it be inappropriate of me to ask you what you are wearing since you’re with your kid brother?

haha.

me wow, ur quite the gentleman, arent ya ?

daddy🔐 i try my best.

feeling kinky, i silently remove my oversized graphic tee and take two pictures of myself. then i quickly pop my tee back on before curling up on the bed and hitting ‘send’.

daddy🔐 mmmm leopard panties and no bra, sexy. though i do wish you could move your arm out of the way so i could see my two girls?

no, my boobies are too small and i’m shy!

daddy🔐 such unspeakable things i could to your body right about now. would you like to know, baby?

i’m so tempted to text back ‘yes’, but that’d just get me too hot and bothered which is not a good idea when your lil brother is lying right next to you.

me behave (;

daddy🔐 how about we finish off what we started back in the classroom?

me we hv company rmbr ?

daddy🔐 right.

there’s a while with those 3 flashing dots before he texts back.

daddy🔐 considering we have an audience tonight, i’m willing to keep it pg. on the contrary, was nice talking to your mother today.

me were u flirting w her ?

daddy🔐 i don’t know. was i?

me u so were ! nd evry subtextual sentence u uttered !! she cud hv caught on yanno ?!

daddy🔐 that, i couldn’t help. the look on your face was hilarious. hers too.

i almost lol by just picturing my mum’s face, but i suppress it.

me jus bc u made me laugh dnt mean im not still mad !

daddy🔐 allow me to make it up to you?

me go on...

daddy🔐 there’s this soirée i’m holding with my crew for the long weekend. lakehouse, few beers, great view - thank kinda thing. i want you there.

me y do u want me der ? (;

daddy🔐 ‘cause i wanna fuck you hard on my mate’s couch whilst everyone else is out by the lake.

oh?

daddy🔐 and also because i want you to get to know my people more. (:

he used a smiley face! he never uses smiley faces!

me hmm, guess ill hv 2 think bout it

because i have to ask my mum first!!

daddy🔐 hope this helps?

he sends me a photo or two back, like it was a trade or something. but jesus christ, isaac killian! he was definitely not kidding about having me on his mind!

daddy🔐 don’t ponder too much. goodnight, love.

“rosé..?” maxi murmurs behind me, rolling around.

shit. i drop my phone in an instant and cringe for my luck. “yeah?”

“you’re taking all the blanket and i’m cold..”

“oh, right...” i exhale with relief, placing my phone on the bedside table. i turn around, shifting the blanket over him and putting my arms around him. phew.

i rest my eyes for a second when maxi is like, “what was that?”

“hm?” i smile as he snuggles between my arms.

“that big cucumber looking thing on your phone.”

i almost choke on my saliva. “t~t~that was...you’re dreaming, maxi. this is all nothing but a dream...” i add some whooo noise effect to make it more believable.

“no i am not!” he asserts.

“yes you are! now shut up or go back to your own room.”

thunder cracks intensely and he doesn’t say anything further. thank you, sweet jesus.

[petescycleco]

2020 Polaris Slingshot R First Drive

Everything about the Polaris Slingshot invites a reaction. What it is, what it looks like, who buys one, and how they accessorize it all produce hot takes made for a Twitter world. It's fitting, then, that I finally found the words to describe my feelings about the Slingshot on Twitter.

Author, journalist, and photographer Linda Tirado shared a piece of advice. She was talking about something much more important than a car review, but the great thing about wisdom is you can apply it to all sorts of situations. "Know who you want to be and then you never have to decide how to live," she wrote. That's the Slingshot. It defies categorization except unto itself. It knows exactly what it wants to be. Where some look at it and find confusion, driving it clarifies. It exists solely for people who want a Slingshot, specifically. There are a lot of them. We didn't review one when it first came out in 2015 because we didn't know what to make of it, either. It's not a car, but it's not a motorcycle, either. It's sort of a street-legal side-by-side or UTV, but with three wheels. Legally in most states it's considered an "autocycle," an old-timey categorization for bicycles with engines and mopeds that weren't really bicycles or motorcycles. My colleagues in the press who did drive it told me it was neat, a good first effort, but needed work. It was quick, they said, but not too quick. The brakes were soft and spongey. The steering was slow. The materials felt cheap, and the controls were clunky. Polaris listened. The 2020 Slingshot is what we'd call a major refresh if it were a car. The old GM-sourced 2.4-liter inline-four was never an inspiring or memorable engine when it was in a Chevy, and it wasn't doing the Slingshot any special favors, so it's been replaced by a Polaris-designed and built 2.0-liter I-4. It revs higher and makes peak power at redline rather than falling on its face at high rpm like the old engine. Plus, it makes more power: 178 hp in the standard SL trim and 203 hp in this top-end R trim, up from 173 before. It does make less torque, 120 and 144 lb-ft, respectively, but it doesn't matter that much in a vehicle with a claimed curb weight under 1,700 pounds. Polaris says it'll do zero to 60 in as little as 4.9 seconds now, sixth-tenths of a second quicker than before. That would also make it a tenth quicker than a Honda Civic Type R. That's downright quick, and it feels even faster on board. Losing the roof, the windscreen, and the doors will do that. Jeeps feel faster when you take the doors off, too. It's science. The even bigger story is the new Autodrive five-speed automated manual gearbox, aka an automatic transmission. Polaris figured out real quick it was leaving a ton of sales on the table with only a five-speed manual, and that's been corrected. You can still get the manual on this R model, but I guarantee you the vast majority of Slingshots sold from now on will be automatics. Most people can't drive stick and aren't going to learn. Don't let the automated manual thing put you off, either. I know, usually those suck. They shift slow and give you whiplash every time they change gears. This is the best automated manual I've driven, and that list includes Lamborghinis and Aston Martins. You still feel those gear changes, but it just gives you a little head bob. It still shifts slowly by modern automatic standards, but not slowly enough to really complain about. It's geared for performance with a single overdrive ratio, so you'll be turning 3,000 rpm at 65 mph, where cars these days are turning 1,800, but it means it pulls harder in higher gears as a result. Bombing around town couldn't be easier. Just push the D button and go. There's a small hesitation when you set off as the clutch engages, and pushing the gas harder just means it'll drop the clutch and chirp the rear tire. It'll also roll backward at a stop if you're on a hill because it won't engage the clutch until you hit the gas, so watch out for that. It even has a Sport mode. They call it Slingshot mode, and it works pretty well. Press the big red button on the steering wheel, and the transmission will hold gears out to redline regularly and downshift more aggressively. It's no Porsche PDK, but it's a hell of a first effort. It could use a little work, particularly in long, sweeping corners, where it gets confused. The computer sees the steady throttle and speed and assumes you backed off, so it upshifts. When you get to the end of the curve and deeper in the throttle, it panics and drops a gear hard. That could be a recipe for disaster with only one rear tire to handle the lateral g's and the shock from the powertrain, but it isn't. Revisions to the suspension have planted the Slingshot on the pavement. The staggered 18-inch front and 20-inch rear wheels with their 225-width front and massive 305-width rear Kenda tires on the R model hang on tight even when you're really thrashing this thing on a mountain road. Yeah, I had to Google Kenda, too. It's a Taiwanese company that custom-makes this tire for Polaris. You can only get it at Polaris dealers. Past reviews found the Slingshot would understeer slightly in hairpins and kick the tail out if you goosed the throttle. Not anymore. I whipped this thing as hard as I could on a mountain road, and it wouldn't let go. At most, the rear end shifted slightly if I absolutely threw it into a corner. With the automatic transmission it wouldn't overpower the rear wheel (I tried), though I'm sure a clutch kick or just a bad shift with the manual would do it. I might've gotten it to misbehave had I been more confident in the brakes. They seem to fall in with the 30 percent of parts carried over from before, and they need more bite if you're going to drive it hard. People love customizing these things, and I'd start with a more aggressive pad compound. They're fine tooling around town, if a bit spongey. When you stand on them, though, they just don't have the bite. Brake early. The good news is they don't really fade noticeably, either, so they don't get any worse.

Polaris fixed the steering. Lots of people complained it was just too slow for sporty driving; 3.5 turns lock to lock is like putting Camry steering on a Miata. Now, it's just 2.5 turns lock to lock and feels much sportier for it. The electric assist is nicely weighted and even gives you a little feedback through the thin-rimmed steering wheel. That steering wheel is now festooned with buttons controlling the in-house Ride Command infotainment system and cruise control. Right out of the box, it's got a 7.0-inch touchscreen and a 100-watt Rockford Fosgate stereo that's more than loud enough to be heard through a helmet. Please be courteous and turn it down when you're driving in traffic or neighborhoods. Don't be that guy. There's a pair of USB ports and Bluetooth connectivity, and you can even get navigation. Polaris has remounted the screen vertically so it doesn't get washed out by glare as easily and updated the processor so it works as quickly as any system in a car. While they were at it, the Polaris team reworked the rest of the interior, too. There are cupholders now and a spot to put your phone, plus storage under the armrest. The commodious glove box remains, as do the lockable storage compartments behind the seats, which are just big enough for a backpack, picnic basket, or a helmet each. The seats themselves have big, fat bolsters to keep you in place, though the seat was rather wide on me, so I slid from bolster to bolster. The seat bottom cushions are also a little short. I'm told the materials are better this time around, but they look to me like what you'd get on a side-by-side or UTV, so they must've really been something before. The seat belts are still mounted in the middle of the vehicle, so you'll be reaching in the wrong spot out of habit for a while until you force that into your brain. It's a good thing those seats are squishy, because this R model rides like a sports car. It's not harsh or teeth chattering, but it is stiff, and you're going to feel every bump. The adjustable Bilstein shocks previously available are gone for 2020, so you just have to deal. It may ride like a sports car, but it doesn't really sound like one. Granted, that old GM engine didn't sound good, either, but it sounded like a car. This Polaris engine sounds like, well, a Polaris engine. If you've ever driven one of their powersports toys, you know it, even if it's bigger and has more cylinders than any other Polaris has built. The exhaust being tucked up behind the front right wheel still eats into the passenger's legroom. With basically no body work to block it, the engine is a bit loud by car standards. A helmet blocks some of it out. We should talk about helmets because it's a sticky situation. Polaris has single-handedly revived "autocycle" as a classification of three-wheeled, street-legal vehicles that are neither bicycles nor motorcycles. Why go to the trouble? Because thanks to Polaris' lobbying, 48 states now recognize autocycles as street-legal vehicles that can be driven with a standard driver's license (rather than a motorcycle license) but don't have to meet the crash and emissions regulations of a car. (The federal government considers them motorcycles for regulatory purposes, but legislation has been introduced in Congress to change that.) This means if you live anywhere but New York or Massachusetts, you can do what I did: step over the side, buckle the center-mounted seat belt (after searching for it in the usual place), and hit the road. Whether you have to wear a helmet like I did depends entirely on your state's law, and they're all over the place. Many require helmets the same as riding a motorcycle, but several specifically exempt autocycles either entirely or with conditions. Even if it isn't the law where you live, I'd recommend you wear one. The standard windscreen does a remarkably good job of directing air up and over the seats even at highway speeds, but it won't stop rocks and larger bugs. I've taken both to the helmet while riding motorcycles and have been glad for the protection. You may want to invest in a Bluetooth helmet communication system, though, so you can talk to your passenger while moving. I get why you wouldn't if you didn't have to, though. You only really feel the wind on the top of your head, so it's not unlike driving a convertible in terms of hair restyling. It's a much more visceral and exposed feeling than driving a drop-top, though. Getting rid of the doors will do that. Windscreen or not (and I'm going to keep calling it that, not because I'm British but because it ain't a shield), it feels like driving a side-by-side or UTV capable of 125 mph. On the street. In traffic. On the interstate. Next to big rigs. Yes, you can drive the Slingshot on the freeway. I doubt many people do. It's loud, it's windy, and you can't help but feel vulnerable with a skeletal frame and a pair of roll hoops your only impact protection. People who buy Slingshots don't want a motorcycle, because they don't know how to ride one, because theydon't feel comfortable (read: safe) on one, or because of a physical limitation. They want the open-air experience, though. They want the outsider image. And man, do other people pay attention to this thing. It got far more looks and questions than the Ferrari I tested two days later. Here's the thing, though. You've seen me mention the Mazda Miata in this review already. It's just about the most fun per dollar you can buy when it comes to cars. It's also $27,525 to start and tops out in the mid-30s. It comes with things like air bags, heating and A/C, a trunk, doors, and a roof in case it rains. (Polaris will sell you a bolt-on roof) The 2020 Slingshot starts at $26,499, and this R model starts at $30,999. That's a lot of scratch for a third vehicle, a toy you only drive on the weekend and maybe the odd summer night. Then again, the folks who buy these love throwing thousands of dollars of accessories and modifications at them. Put it all together, and it's a narrow demographic. You wouldn't think there would be a lot of people with the money to spend 30 grand on a weekend toy who want the open-air experience and rebel image of a motorcycle but can't ride and don't want to learn and like the sense of security from seats and seat belts. Joke's on you. Polaris has sold somewhere north of 40,000 of these things already, and that's with a manual transmission. You think you see them everywhere now? Wait until people find out you can get 'em with an automatic. And this ain't the only three-wheeler on the market. There's the Harley trike, the Morgan 3-Wheeler, the Campagna T-Rex, Vanderhall Venice, Can-Am Spyder, and more. The 2020 Polaris Slingshot may not be for you, but don't make the mistake of thinking it's not for anyone. And for the people it's for, it's better than ever.

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