#( RUSSICNRAT ;; 003. )

[hereromeo]

         ❝ I CAN AT LEAST TRY !!  it’s more than i’ve ever done, try.... ❞

" you can’t always be the hero. "  \  @russicnrat​ .

[lagaudiiere]

                𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐂𝐑𝐎𝐖𝐍 𝐋𝐈𝐄𝐒 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐋𝐘 𝐔𝐏𝐎𝐍 𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃, 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐒 𝐅𝐄𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐀𝐒 𝐈𝐅 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐘’𝐑𝐄 𝐂𝐋𝐎𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐈𝐍 𝐎𝐍 𝐇𝐄𝐑 — everything is just too much. She can’t breathe. To go from the street sweeper in the cold streets of Petersburg, to go from empty streets ( & empty stomach ) to this ; this opulent display of everything that should feel familiar but isn’t is too much. Perhaps it’s the lack of familiarity. Maybe it’s the fact that she does remember, bits & pieces, a haunting reminder of another life, but one she can never go back to, even if she wanted to. That girl, the one who should remember, is gone, & here lies Anya instead, standing behind a curtain, watching the event unfold, yet unable to join it. Too many eyes on her, too many expectations & all she is is Anya. All she has are distant memories & ghosts of another life, but also very real memories of something & someone else ( memories of their lives on the street shared, dancing & laughter after a few failed attempts, finally trusting someone, being spun around in joy, a ride on a train — & a gunshot, kindness spoken in the dark to dispel voices she can never rid herself of, remembering a day in the summer a lifetime ago when she’d smiled when she wasn’t supposed to, an almost something. ) It’s all too much & she feels as if she can’t breathe. She needs air, she needs to leave, she needs —

           𝐒𝐇𝐄 𝐃𝐎𝐄𝐒𝐍’𝐓 𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐎𝐖 𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒 𝐓𝐎 𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐈𝐒𝐇, 𝐀𝐋𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐘 𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐎𝐍 𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐇𝐄𝐄𝐋 & 𝐖𝐀𝐋𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐃𝐎𝐎𝐑. She keeps walking, pace brisk & eyes searching. She’s not quite sure what she’s looking for though she keeps going until she runs into another.  ❛ Sorry I was just — ❜ Footsteps finally cease as does the too-fast beating of her heart as she recognizes him, warm smile forming at the sight of him. ❛ Dmitry. ❜ Already, she feels the tightness in her chest loosen. Suddenly, she’s a little self-conscious, the weight of the crown on her head somehow even heavier, eyes averting as she ducks her head momentarily. They haven’t had a chance to properly speak to him once everything was set in motion. She forces herself to look back up, her smile softer but still there. ❛ I think … ❜ Realization dawns on her like a flower slowly blossoming. ❛ I think I was looking for you. ❜  //  ( @russicnrat​ )