#( If perfect's what you're searching for / Then just stay the same ) Scott & Julie

[in--somnium]

@forgivingtouches (I’m too lazy to find the meme, but you know what this is lmao)

It might have sounded a little macabre to say, but Scott always assumed he’d die first. In fact, he was practically counting on it. Julie had come to the school looking to learn control of her powers, but she was not built for battle. She didn’t want to be. But Scott? He’d been fighting this fight most of his life. He threw himself into it without hesitation, took his role as a leader almost too seriously. It was uncommon that he walked out of a fight before the last of his team got off of the battlefield. Because that’s what leaders did- they looked out for their own. They made plans, formulated strategies. He knew he could tell them “C Formation” and his team would get to their positions without question because they trusted him. He was strategic. He was intelligent. He was a fighter and a survivor. And he was a mentor. Because first and foremost, this was a school. They kept the battles elsewhere as often as they could (though the occasional ambush on the mansion happened, they were generally fairly rare and quickly stopped). The kids here, even the adults like Julie who didn’t want to fight, were meant to be kept safe. To be kept away from the worst parts of the world. To learn in comfort and peace for as long as they so chose. And, generally, that’s what they had- rather normal lives. 

Yet when you have as large of a target on your back as mutantkind does, it’s not easy to hide in the shadows forever, even if you wish you could. It’s only a matter of time before something, or someone, finds you. In this case, there was no attack on the school. There was no attack on the students. There was nothing, as far as any of them were aware. Because the day had been typical in every sense of the word. Good morning kisses. Breakfast. Classes. Lunch. More teaching. And so it went, all things falling into place as usual. Until he couldn’t find her. He’d dismissed his last class of the day about 15 minutes early, an odd feeling settled in the pit of his stomach. He had texted Julie about half an hour earlier and not heard back yet. That didn’t usually happen. Hell, she hadn’t even left him on “read”, just on “sent”. Maybe she’d lost her phone? Or maybe she was busy? He hoped it was one or the other. What else could it be? But this typical day had just taken a turn, and Scott was, for the next half hour or so, completely unaware of it.

Being not only a mutant, but the leader of the main team of X-Men, Scott didn’t just have a target on his back- he was the target. His enemies would do anything to undermine him, hurt him, destroy him. And while some, like the Brotherhood, were usually against killing mutants (as they were simply trying to help their kind, much like the X-Men, albeit with a darker approach), there were plenty of others who wanted them dead. What was happening to Julie, he would soon discover, was meant to be a warning.

Not seeing her around was strange. Not being able to contact her was even stranger. When he asked around, no one had seen her recently, and it was this that really tied him in knots, made him feel like he might be sick. But he wasted no time in rushing to the professor, getting him to use Cerebro to find her. No questions were asked, no alternate options offered. Scott was clearly in a state of panic, and Charles knew better than to hesitate when Scott came running. Even when it came to Julie, he was usually pretty level headed, after all. There was a short wait as Charles tried to pick up on her thoughts, and when he finally did, it took self-control not to gasp. “I’ve found her.”

It was a rush to edges of the woods just beyond the small lake at the center of the grounds. She wasn’t dead yet, but she was already on the brink of it. And it wasn’t just Scott who had come- Logan had followed him for extra protection, Hank for any immediate medical attention, and Jean to try to calm and stabilize Julie’s mind and levitate her back to the mansion more steadily than human hands possibly could. Despite that, though, Scott held Julie’s hand the entire way back, his jaw set firm, glad for the ruby quartz sunglasses that hid the already forming tears- something between relief for having found her and sorrow for the state of her. Bloodied and broken and dying. 

The wait was the worst part, though. Nearly 3 full days, about 67 hours, of waiting. Pacing. Sitting at her bedside in case she should wake up. And for a time, on day 2, they had her stabilized, thought she might just be okay. But even all the advancements they had here, all the medical technology at their fingertips, wasn’t enough. And it was at that 67th hour, with Julie hooked up to life support, barely alive and still comatose, that Hank finally caved in, told Scott that he should prepare to say his goodbyes. And it was at that 67th hour, also, that Scott felt that he might just die, as well. Because the atmosphere was so heavy he was suffocating. Hell, he thought his heart might have stilled in his chest, threatened to stop beating altogether for the words that Hank had just said.  The moment he was alone in the room with her again, he pressed one of her hands between his, rested his forehead against her, and sobbed his heart out onto her shoulder. It wasn’t supposed to end like this. It couldn’t. There had to be- there had to be another way. Something. Anything. Yet he knew that if Hank was the one saying there was nothing else to be done, then it was because he had already tried everything.

In the hour or so that followed, people gathered. Not everyone was informed, only those whom it would concern most, and Scott had to watch them as they slowly filed in and out of the room to see her one last time. The whole while, he didn’t leave her side. If anyone wanted to hug or kiss her or hold her hand as they said their goodbyes, they’d have to round to the other side of her bed, because Scott wasn’t going to budge. And though he had stopped with the body shaking sobs of a man losing everything, he had not stopped crying. He wasn’t an overly sensitive guy most of the time, and if the circumstances weren’t so dire then he supposed that someone like Logan might have even teased him for a little. But no one said a word directly to Scott, except to apologize. As if any of this had been their fault. As if any of them had had any bit of control over the situation. Why did people apologize when someone died? It was, he supposed, the proper thing to do. The kind thing when no other words could reach a person. But it felt so... so distant. Julie was still lying here breathing through a machine, still alive as someone could be when they had only minutes left to live, and all anyone could muster was an “I’m sorry”. Later, in hindsight, he wouldn’t feel so angry about it, but right now it was like he needed to direct his anger somewhere. His rage at the whole situation. How cruel fate was to ruin her like this. To take someone as soft and kind as Julie and to throw her away so suddenly. And all for what? To make a statement? To enact a brutal bit of vengeance? (Oh, when he found out who did this, he would show them vengeance).

Scott asked for a few more minutes alone with her before they let it all end, before the machines were shut off and her body grew cold. Just long enough to kiss her goodbye. To sit with her a little longer, sing her her favorite song one last time as his finger gently brushed an already tepid cheek. He wondered if she was in pain. He hoped not. He hoped that Jean’s attempts to soothe her mind had helped, and that the morphine still steadily dripping into her veins was keeping her comfortable. Keeping her numb to the extensive injuries. “I’m sorry, Julie.” He said softly, bringing her hand to his lips, pressing a kiss against her knuckles, “This is all my fault. I shouldn’t have- we shouldn’t have-” She would have been safe if they weren’t together. The attack had been targeted at him, to hit him where it hurt most. And she had been a casualty in this fucked up game. Who would go to such extents to hurt someone like her? To decide to kill an innocent bystander who dared to love a soldier like him? It was disgusting. It was pure evil to do something like this. And Scott could feel the rage still settled deep inside of him, rising the more he thought about it.  But right here, right now, was about Julie. It was about being as close to her as he would ever be again. It was about brushing her hair back with his fingers and watching her, pretending that she was just asleep. As much as he wished he wouldn’t, he’d always have this image of her like this trapped in his head. It would live with him until the day he died- seeing her so pale, so helpless. Seeing her shallow breaths forced by a mask feeding her oxygen. “I hope you know I love you.” He continued, that same soft tone, his lips still brushing her skin ever so slightly, taking it all in, trying to breathe her in like he could keep her here inside of himself forever. In a way, he would. Always, “I had a ring picked out and everything. Jean and Kitty helped me plan a proposal.” The smallest chuckle, melancholic and ending with a soft sob, “Guess that’s kind of meaningless now. But I hope... I hope you would have said yes. And that, in some universe, somewhere, you did. And we get to live our own little happily ever after. I don’t know what that would have looked like-” because he tried not to plan too far ahead for exactly this reason- life had a way of ruining things, “but it would have been nice, right? You and I. Maybe a kid someday?” He didn’t know that he could have made fatherhood work, but he would have tried if it was what she wanted, “I think we would’ve been really happy, Julie.” Happier, even, than they had been up until just a few days ago. And while Scott knew he was far from perfect, he’d been trying to change that. He’d been trying to be better for her. He hoped that, even if he’d never gotten as far as he’d wanted to, that she had been happier for the things about himself that he had tried to fix to be better for her, “I hope there’s something more for us beyond this life. Because our time wasn’t meant to be up yet. I can feel it.”

“Scott?” He turned to look at Hank, and the other man nodded. If he was ready, it was time. And while Scott would never actually be ready, he supposed he was about as ready as he could be. To prolong it was doing neither him nor her any favors. But as the oxygen mask was removed and the only sound left was the slowing sound of the heart monitor, he kept her hand between both of his, “Julie, baby-” he said softly, “It’s okay. You can rest now. You can go.” He assured her. If there was any part of her still fighting, he wanted to assure her she could stop. Not because he didn’t want her to survive, but because he knew that it was a pointless battle. A war she needn’t wage, “It’s okay.” He said again, his voice shaky with emotion, the tears that he’d only just managed to quell now rising up again, “I love you, Julie. This isn’t over for us. I promise.” Those final words were met, only a moment after, with the earth shattering hum of the heart monitor flatlining. One last breath leaving in a rattle. And shock set in for the next fifteen seconds or so as he said her name again, then once more, as if doing so might make her wake up. But when nothing changed, and Hank turned off the heart monitor, Scott wept. Not the self-indulgent sobbing of before, but the anguished weeping of love lost. He wasn’t sure how long he stayed there like that, clutching her limp hand between his own even as her skin cooled. It could have been 5 minutes. It could have been 5 hours. It was all meaningless, anyhow. Everything felt meaningless without her. And it was Jean who finally quietly helped him leave the room as they covered Julie’s body to take her out. He would find whoever did this. He would hunt them down if need be. And he would show them no mercy when he finally ended their sorry life. Not because it was what Julie would have wanted, but because someone who could do something so awful didn’t deserve the kindness afforded by living.

[in--somnium]

 send me “now, honestly…” and a question and my muse(s) will answer: // Scott, do you want to marry Julie?

@forgivingtouches

"I do. Eventually." He doubted that came as a surprise to anyone. Or... maybe it did. He was vocal about his love for Julie, without a doubt, but he hadn't actually told anyone that he wanted to marry her. But he did. Without question, he did, "Not... right away." Not because he was nervous or questioning himself or anything, mind you. He had his reasons, though, "There are things about myself that I want to get in order first, though. Right now? I'm not suited to be a husband, or to have a family. I have too many other responsibilities, and when I propose to her I want it to be with the knowledge that I can devote more of my time to her, to our lives together, like she deserves. So yes. Not right now, but someday."