#( ... ) CEREMONIALLY — TABITHA SHAYE.

[destage-arch]

CAST ( IN ORDER OF APPEARANCE )   ,     CEREMONIALLY IN THE ROLE OF TABITHA “TABBY” SHAYE   ,     DESTAGE IN THE ROLE OF EVAN “BUCK” BUCKLEY   .     THE SCENE OPENS TO THE SOUNDS OF A BUSY DAY IN THE DISPATCH ROOM, TWO BODIES OFF TO THE SIDE IN THE LITTLE STAFF KITCHEN.  ( @ceremonially )

he’s  met  her  in  passing  a  few  times ,   attention  always  paid  but  often  too  busy  to  spend  a  moment  within  it .   tiredness  had  worked  into  bones  but  becomes  swiftly  replaced  by  gratitude  towards  maddie’s  inability  to  leave  stuff  alone ,   even  if  it  means  getting  home  later .   there’s  a  gentleness  to  the  way  he  smiles ,   though  it  spreads  out  boyishly  across  his  cheeks ,   engulfing  expression  as  he  watches  her  momentary  struggle  towards  the  mug  on  the  top  shelf .          ❛   do you need a hand?   ❜

[firebucks]

iv.     ships      ‚

[destage-arch]

CAST ( IN ORDER OF APPEARANCE )   ,     CEREMONIALLY IN THE ROLE OF TABITHA ‘TABBY’ SHAYLE   ,     DESTAGE IN THE ROLE OF EVAN ‘BUCK’ BUCKLEY   .     THE SCENE OPENS TO A BENCH OUTSIDE THE DISPATCH CENTRE, THE AFTERNOON TICKING ON, A CLOCK THAT SAYS THEY’RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME. ( @ceremonially )

TABBY : wait, you think i’m cute?

an  easy  laughter  takes  over  the  expanse  of  his  faces ,   eyes  lit  up  so  that  blue  shades  shine  brighter ,   dimples  engulfing  cheeks  until  every  inch  of  him  holds  light .   he  lets  it  linger  a  moment  in  the  warm  breeze ,   watching  the  sun  as  it  catches  on  her  cheeks ,   sticks  to  her  as  if  it  is  making  marble ,    enshrining  her  beauty  so  the  whole  world  can  pay  tribute .   he  knows  nothing  of  poetry ,   taught  too  young  by  an  old  woman  dreary  enough  to  make  even  the  most  amusing  an  ageing  affair ,   but  for  a  moment  he  wishes  he  paid  attention ,   that  he  knew  the  kind  of  big - enough  words  that  he  thinks  would  fit ,    that  might  impress  her .   as  it  is ,   with  his  words  lacking ,   he  adjusts  himself  on  the  bench ,   lets  one  arm  fall  against  the  top ,   fingers  so  close  he  could  catch  a  strand  of  her  hair  between  them ,   if  temptations  were  surrendered  to . 

and  so ,   with  an  arm  almost  around  her  shoulders ,   knees  so  close  he  can  almost  feel  the  warmth  of  her ,    he  relies  on  honesty .         ❛    i think you are very cute.    ❜      eyes  remain  wide ,   a  depth  to  them  that  feels  too  deep ,   too  intense ,   like  the  moment  will  strip  him  down  and  leave  him  raw .    he  never  did  learn  how  to  hold  a  delicate  thing ,   always  too  tight ,   glass  smashed  between  his  fingers .    elsewhere ,   a  woman  chases  her  dog  down  the  road ,   a  man  speaks  too  loudly  on  the  phone  about  being  in  a  rush ;    the  moment  slips  away .    later ,   he’ll  wonder  if  he  should  have  said  something  else ,   called  her  beautiful  in  a  way  that  would  prove  the  reverence  he  holds  for  her .   he  always  has  known  how  to  carry  regrets .       ❛    as cute as someone about to go into work and leave me on my own on my day off can be.    ❜

[destage-arch]

CAST ( IN ORDER OF APPEARANCE )   ,     CEREMONIALLY IN THE ROLE OF TABITHA ‘TABBY’ SHAYE  ,     DESTAGE IN THE ROLE OF REBECCA JESSEL   .     THE SCENE BEGINS ... IN A SUN - DRENCHED GARDEN, LAUGHTER FALLING LIKE RAIN AROUND THEM, WARMTH IN EVERY BRUSH OF AIR AGAINST HER SKIN.

@ceremonially :          he's cute... and single.

there’s  an  ocean’s  width  between  this  and  where  she  ran  from ,   so  much  space  that  sometimes  she  can  think  she  made  it  out  of  the  nightmares ,   that  the  claws  around  her  throat  have  loosened  and  she  can  breathe  again .   and  then  the  wind  blows  the  wrong  way  or  a  phrase  comes  out  the  wrong  way ,   and  the  water  rushes  up  to  her  ears ,   and  her  lungs  strain  against  their  cages ,   and  she’s  dragged  back  to  where  the  lake  lies  waiting .    they  tell  her  this  is  healing ...   she  thinks  she’s  just  getting  stuck  again .   cheeks  warm  with  the  words ,   no  need  to  question  who  the  he  is  in  question ,   knowing  her  eyes  had  been  drawn  that  way  all  through  the  strange ,   loud  family  barbecue  she’d  been  brought  out  to ,    but  that’s  a  thought  for  another  time ,   another  her  who  still  knew  how  to  make  the  words  fall  like  roses .    she  makes  no  move  for  denial .       ❛   he is cute.   ❜      a  honey - sweet  gaze  and  smile  that  would  weaken  the  knees  if  there  were  space  to  fall  for  that ,    and  she  thinks  her  name  felt  safer  in  his  mouth  than  she’d  heard  it  in  months ,   and  there’s  another  version  of  this  story  where  she  sinks  into  the  feelings .   she  was  good  at  flirting  once ,   when  her  bones  didn’t  feel  so  waterlogged  and  she  didn’t  plant  flowers  in  her  throat  to  hide  away  the  rot .      ❛   i just ... i don’t date.   ❜

[destage-arch]

CAST ( IN ORDER OF APPEARANCE )   ,     CEREMONIALLY IN THE ROLE OF TABITHA ‘TABBY’ SHAYE  ,     DESTAGE IN THE ROLE OF EVAN ‘BUCK’ BUCKLEY   .     STARRING IN A PRODUCTION OF ...      MEME UNKNOWN   ,    ❛ I WANT YOU TO KNOW, I’VE HAD NO LOVE LIKE YOUR LOVE ❜

there’s condensation on the café windows that wasn’t there before,     one of those rare days when the skies open and the streets coat with rain and he knows it’s an unrealistic thought,     but he almost imagines that he conjured it,     that all the aching inside of him has found a way to leave his body and affect the world.     he watches the rain because it hurts too much to look right at her,    because even though he wants to collect every image of @ceremonially he can get,     keep them in a scrapbook so he can remember her when she leaves again,    he knows the ache in him is too raw,    too real.    didn’t he want the world for her?    the truth is,    the love remained,    had worked itself so deep into his bones that he cannot see for the way it threatens to spill out of him now,    and he doesn’t want guilt for her,    doesn’t want her to know that he can still feel the knife,    that the blood still remains.     he knows if pushed,    he would hand her the last of him,     place it into her hands and let her rip him into smaller pieces,    let her do what she wants until there is nothing of him left;    he cannot imagine loving in another way.

there’s a strange feeling that comes with the words,    a horrid sense of pride that he feels when he knows it was him,    only him,    who made her feel like that,    and he recognises it with a bitterness that brings bile to his throat.    there’s a contradiction in him,    a desire to be unforgettable and cling to her life like a ghost,    and the desire to know she is happy,    that she is loved and the world is giving her everything she wants.     but he is hers,    he is hers in a way that cannot be undone,    and he has tried everything to wash her from his skin,    to erase her smile with pretty ones elsewhere and he has looked for her in every one.    how can he sit here and pretend that he isn’t pleased that she didn’t forget him,    that he isn’t happy that he didn’t vanish from her mind?    he should be a better man.    he meant to be,    but she’s here and she’s so beautiful that it hurts to breathe when he looks at her,    and he can’t bring himself to regret any of it.

❛   i don’t —  ❜       it takes a strength he doesn’t know he holds to look at her,    to force his eyes to blink away tears that threaten to form and look her straight on,     pretend her beauty doesn’t feel blinding when it isn’t his to hold.     there’s a softening to the set of his shoulders,    a way his cheeks turn upwards to spare her any unnecessary pain,     to pretend she hasn’t just twisted the knife a little deeper.         ❛  i don’t want you to be unhappy. i never wanted that, tabby.  ❜         that bit,    at least,    isn’t a lie.     somehow he thinks it’s the most honest thing that he could have said,    that it is the only thing he needs her to know.    he wants a whole world for her.        ❛  i always hoped you’d find love.  ❜

[destage-arch]

CAST ( IN ORDER OF APPEARANCE )   ,     CEREMONIALLY IN THE ROLE OF TABITHA SHAYE   ,     DESTAGE IN THE ROLE OF EVAN ‘BUCK’ BUCKLEY   .     THE SCENE BEGINS IN THEIR FLAT, WARDROBES WIDE OPEN AND ITEMS SPILLING OUT ACROSS THE FLOOR AS HE SITS ACROSS ON THE BED.

@ceremonially ,        help me choose something to wear?

there’s  a  present  urge  to  tease ,   to  upturn  cheeks  in  her  direction  and  give  her  that  SIGNATURE SMILE  that  encompasses  an  entire  expression ,   to  craft  light  in  tension  and  find  a  way  to  soothe  charred  nerves .    he’s  seen  the  tightness  to  her  shoulders ,   the  way  she’s  reorganised  everything  on  the  makeshift  desk  he’s  set  up  for  her ,   shifted  pens  and  plants  and  lights  until  they’re  sitting  just  the  way  she  wants  them ,   watched  as  she  paced  out  her  overthinking  until  the  floor  seemed  to  wear  the  marks .   the  stress  seems  physical ,    looming  in  a  way  he  can  almost  feel ;    he  can’t  fix  this  one  for  her ,   the  thought  lies  heavy  upon  him .        ❛    i’d say you’re looking good right now.    ❜       with  a  wink ,   with  cheeks  upturned  and  a  smile  working  across  their  expanse .   it  takes  two  steps  to  end  up  behind  her ,    arms  wrapping  around  her  stomach  to  draw  her  into  warmth ,    a  soft  kiss  pressed  to  the  top  of  her  brow .   he  cannot  love  the  stress  away  from  her ,   cannot  even  face  this  fear  in  her  place ,   cannot  even  be  there  to  hold  her  hand .        ❛    but yeah, class in a towel probably isn’t the best first impression.    ❜

it  takes  a  moment  before  he  turns  her ,   cups  her  cheeks  between  palms  and  upturns  her  gaze  until  it  meets  up  with  his .   every  inch  of  his  body  burns  with  the  need  to  calm  her ,   to  shoulder  some  of  the  burden ,   locking  themselves  into   everything  together ,    as  if  he  could  knit  bones  into  one  another .         ❛    it doesn’t matter what you wear because you are going to walk right in there and own that course. and everyone is going to be jealous because you’re the prettiest and the smartest person in there.    ❜       there’s  a  gentle  tone  he  uses ,   a  softness  that  he  locks  them  up  with ,   kisses  pressed  back  against  her  cheek  bones  before  working  a  pathway  to  her  lips .       ❛    so maybe not something too nice, give the others a chance, yeah?    ❜