#( * MTM:U - YEONJUN )

[tangerinewrites]

DAY 20: YEONJUN

11/20/2020

wc: 1640 

Yeonjun feels as if deep down, he knew that K-Arts wasn’t in his future. And rather than being upset about it longer than he already was, he had decided to accept it in the end. It’s not like he an expect his parents to pay his tuition at this point. And even if he was willing to make music to go through the audition process again, he felt as if it wasn’t worth the effort if he’d be staying in college longer. After all, he felt as if he knew a good amount to get him out into the real world with his music.

So when his parents let him know that he could move out but that they won’t pay for his tuition in both K-Arts AND SNU, he accepted it. He didn’t ask any other questions and he simply told the both of them that he’d try to get out of their hair as soon as they can. It’s why he’s in the process of packing everything together to move over to San’s house. And it wasn’t that much, considering the boy practically spent most of his nights there nowadays.

As he was cleaning out his room, he hears a knock on the door. “Come in,” he says.When he turns around to see who’s at the door, he isn’t at all surprised over the fact that it was his mother. Though he didn’t get along well with the both of them, she was always the one that made an attempt to communicate with him. Not like he cared too much about that anyways, since they both preferred Seojun in the end anyways.

"Do you need help with anything?” she asks. It confuses him at first, as he wasn’t really used to her caring for him. But he doesn’t think about it too much. After all, he had to focus on getting out of here as soon as he could.

“I’m good. Thanks,” he says, sounding as polite as he could. Even if he didn’t really want to interact with her, the other woman was still his mother. So rather than talking to her, he tries his best to bring his attention on finishing his task at hand instead.

She sighs. That can’t be good. It looks like she wants to say something. “Yeonjun, can we talk? Please?”

He looks at her for a split moment and contemplates for a second on what he should do. On one hand, he could end this “polite” act with her and continue to pack just so he could get out of here as soon as he could. On the other hand, besides the fact that he didnt want to straight up be rude to her, whatever she had to say to him could be important enough to him.

So, he puts what her was holding to the side and he looks at his mother, waiting for her to say what she had to say to him. “What’s up?”

“Do you really think that your father and I don’t care about you?”

The question alarmed him, but he thankfully already knew his answer to it. He knew it a long time ago. He nodded his head.

Just from that, the woman’s face dropped. “Oh, Yeonjun. I’m so sorry.”

“Why?” he asks. “Why are you sorry?”

“I never realized how much we hurt you growing up,” she responds. “All this time, I just thought we were giving you tough love. Your father and I just thought we were giving you some advice for the future. But to know that we hurt you? That’s so…”

He furrows his eyebrows. “What do you mean? Are you saying you were not aware?” he asks with a bit of an accusatory tone. “If you were going to just give me tough love, why did you not give your oldest the same type of treatment? Just say you had a clear bias and leave.”

“That’s the thing. We only realized that after you told us on that one night,” she explains. “When you told us about how hurt you felt over the fact that we have always showed favoritism over your brother rather than you, we realized we were not treating you like proper parents. And… on behalf of both your father and I, we’re really sorry about all the pain we have caused you.”

When he listens to her apology, he wishes he can just ask her to leave his room so that he can continue cleaning. After living with them for so long, he has doubts over the possibility of them ever changing their ways for him.

So the first thing that he says after she confesses that is a statement. “You know you’re not going to change my mind about moving out, right?”

She sighs. “Is this what you really want?”

“Considering the fact that I only felt comfortable at my own friend’s house than I did with you guys, yeah. It is what I want.” He crosses his arms. “You can’t expect me to forgive you after years of you guys making me miserable. Whether it was intentional or not, you still are responsible for the negative emotions I felt in this house. So I don’t want to have to continue associating with that any longer than I have to.”

The response seems to have affected his mother a lot, but it’s not like Yeonjun regrets what he said. She knew that, too. He wouldn’t purposely say these things only to hurt her. So rather than trying to argue with her son anymore, she accepts defeat and nods her head.

“I understand,” she says, sounding defeated. Yeonjun isn’t sure if it’s genuine or if she’s just acting to get some sympathy from him. “I can’t really convince you to choose otherwise. So, all I can do is wish you the best and hope you know what you’re doing.”

He looks at her with a tight smile. “I’m not a little baby anymore, mom. I know what I want to do with my life.”

And with that, she turns to leave her room as he continues to pack his belongings to move away.

The moment he uploaded his song on a TikTok, he didn’t expect it to get as much attention as it did. So when it made its rounds to not only San’s “For You” page, but also his friends from SOPA’s, he was definitely shocked. Never did he think a song like his would ever go viral on the internet, let alone get any attention at all. The fact that even his famous friends decided to use it for their audios warmed their hearts and soon enough, he was able to get contacted by an entertainment company.

He still lives with San, thankfully. He wasn’t signed to a company that required him to dance and train. All he had to do was make music in the comfort of his own home and give it on specific due dates. And with his increasing TikTok fame, he could even promote himself on the app so that his fans could listen to it and be determined to stream. It’s strange to think about, him being able to follow his dreams in a different way than what he thought he would. But he was definitely satisfied with the results.

He decides to go LIVE on TikTok for the first time. It’s been a while since he had gone live on the app, with his schedules constantly taking up his time. If it wasn’t that, he’d also be spending too much time with San. Not like it was an issue though, considering the fact that he had been out to his fans for a couple of months now.

Like his usual LIVEs, he would joke around with his fans and answer some questions that they had about him. Obviously, he would ignore the ones that he had already answered or anything that made him uncomfortable. But there was one comment that gained his attention and he felt as if he had no choice but to answer it as soon as he saw it.

“‘I’ve been struggling a lot mentally with life, but your music always manages to make me get through it. Thank you so much for all you do, Junie.’” After he reads that, he looks at the camera with a smile. “You have no idea how happy those comments make me feel,” he says with genuine earnest in his voice. “Honestly, I want to be able to make music that could make others happy and go through difficult moments in their life. I have struggled a lot mentally in the past myself and I felt like I always needed someone to help me out. So knowing that I’m able to be that person for you really warms my heart. I’m so glad I could be that person for you. And I hope I’m like that to you all as well.”

After he says that, all his fans respond with the pleading face emoji and he finds himself laughing before he tries to imitate that face. As soon as he goes back to his normal face, he continues to read comments. “‘When’s the album coming, king?’” he laughs as soon as he sees that comment before he looks at his phone camera with a wink. “Can you guys chill? I just released a song yesterday. You can’t rush perfection!”

After he says that, he brings his phone up to his lips to whisper something. “Watch out for it in a month. If I reveal anymore, I’m going to get in trouble with my manager.”

After that, he puts his camera back on its tripod, noticing a text notification from none other than the big guy himself. Well, once a little shit, always a little shit.

[tangerinewrites]

DAY 13: YEONJUN

11/13/2020

wc: 546

ac: this was awfully written um :D anyway 

More than half an hour has passed and Yeonjun finds himself at San’s doorstep once again. He’s used to going here often as a way to avoid talking to his parents. In most cases when he did this, however, he would always let his parents know beforehand that he would be there. This time, however, he went there with the mindset of staying there for a while.

He wasn’t going to move in right away. He felt like he wasn’t ready to do that to begin with. But it just made sense for him to come here instead of be at home right now. Especially with how he ended the argument, he felt as if he didn’t want to go back there for a while.

Thankfully, he had called San earlier about everything. So when he knocks on the door, the other is quick to open it and let him in.

“Do you want to talk about it?” San asks him. Yeonjun shakes his head. “Do you just want to lie down and cuddle?”

“Yes, please,” he responds glumly.

“Of course,” San says with a understanding smile before he goes on his toes to give the other small peck on his lips, making the frown on his boyfriend’s lip curve up. “You know I love you, right?”

Yeonjun nods. “I love you, too,” he responds back to him, small smile forming and all.

San reaches out for his hand and Yeonjun grabs it, following after the other as he drags him to his bedroom where they’d lie for the rest of the night.

One of the smartest things that Yeonjun remembered to do before he has run off to San’s to live there for a while was bring his MacBook and his small MIDI keyboard. He had a feeling that he’d have to bring the both of them, considering he found himself being more productive at San’s house more than he did at his own. But the fact that he was actually considering on moving in given the recent circumstances, he wanted to congratulate himself for leaving his things at the other’s sooner.

With that being said, Yeonjun had been working on something ever since the day he had that talk with his parents. For the last few days, he had been skipping classes just so that he could find some time to focus on his creation. He wanted to be able to capture all of his emotions into one song, as well as something that anyone could be able to relate to or enjoy. So, with the end product, he had come up with lyrics and a song in the matter of days.

As San was sleeping by his side on his bed (that Yeonjun was sharing for now), he had finally finished mixing the song. After hearing the end result of it through his headphones, he smiled as he finally closed his MacBook to pride himself of finishing such a long project. As he puts the MacBook to the side of the bed, Yeonjun looks to his side to see his boyfriend sleeping soundly. With a smile, he leans down to give the other a soft kiss on the head before he gets himself comfortable to lie down and fall asleep by his side.

[tangerinewrites]

DAY 6: YEONJUN!

11/6/2020

wc: 1729

note: this was written in a rush im sorry FJWIJIO he deserves better 

Choi Yeonjun is not sure if he is truly happy yet.

Despite the fact that he was finally got to be with San, there was also the fact that his life still didn’t feel as good as he wished it would be. Even if one of the many things that lead to his slump has gotten better for him, he still felt as if he wasn’t fully satisfied with how life was going for him. Even if he does feel a little bit happier than he usually does, there’s still the fact that he’s living under a roof with people who didn’t really love him like he wanted to. Not only that, but he was also stuck in a program that he didn’t like at all. And with the fact that he was living a life he didn’t want to live, he still felt unmotivated with his life overall.

He skips classes often due to the fact that he lacks the motivation to go. Whenever his family was home and were preparing to do something that would make him feel at least a little irritated, he’d give an excuse just so that he can leave the house and not have to deal with them. The only thing getting him through life right now was the fact that he had the support of his boyfriend and he was slowly posting more and more content onto YouTube and TikTok. Even the little song covers he posts on both apps get some attention and compliments on them, making him only want to post more and more.

He’s over San’s apartment one night where he’s scrolling through the notifications on his phone. The TV was on, playing some random sitcom, as he and his boyfriend cuddled on the other’s couch. There was not much space on the small couch to begin with, but Yeonjun didn’t mind that at all. The closer he is to his boyfriend, the better.

“Jjuni~ what are you doing~?” San whines loudly, trying to get Yeonjun’s attention.

With a small smile on his face, Yeonjun looks over at him. “I’m going through TikTok, silly,” he responds before he hits the other’s nose lightly with his phone. “You do it all the time! Don’t act like you don’t.”

The boy whines again and it makes Yeonjun laugh. “You’re mean~” he whines back. Yeonjun rolls his eyes before he puts his phone away. “I just want your attention! Pay attention to me.”

“You could be paying attention to the show!” Yeonjun interjects before putting on a pout of his own. “Come on~ don’t leave the poor TV hanging!”

San huffs. “You’re impossible.”

Yeonjun laughs at his boyfriend before he leans in to give him a peck. As soon as he pulls away, he suddenly says something that changes the overall mood of their hangout. “Can I ask you something?”

“Mm?”

Yeonjun sighs as he tries to think over how he was going to phrase his question. “You know how I’m majoring in business in SNU? Instead of doing something music-related at K-Arts?”

San sighs dramatically. “Unfortunately.”

“And you know how I’m living with my parents? … even though I think I’ve been at your place more often than I have been with them?”

That automatically turns the other’s frown into a smile. “Yes,” he says with a giggle.

Yeonjun pauses before he continues, feeling hesitance with what he should say next. “How… would you feel… if I decided to transfer and move in with you?”

San blinks, his facial expression showing from sleepiness to being more alarmed. “Huh?!”

“It’s just-” Yeonjun knows his boyfriend well enough to know that he was not panicked by his answer, but he still tries to hurriedly explain his reasoning. “I’ve been so miserable. With how my life is going now, it’s really hard to find something to get into. I feel like the only thing that’s keeping me going is talking to you and also wanting to post more content on the internet and stuff… and the delicious food in Korea, too. I can’t really forget about that reasoning.”

San snorts at that part of his explanation. It’s deserved. Yeonjun sounded kind of stupid when he said that.

“I don’t know. I just want a new pace of life,” he continues to explain. “I miss feeling… motivated by something. I miss being excited for what’s in store. And I feel like I could be able to be happy and free from this cloud over my head, but only if I change some things about my life first.”

After a few seconds of taking all of what he said in, San decides to say something. “Well, you know that I always I want you to be happy,” he says as he looks up at Yeonjun and even if he’s used to the fact that they are dating, he feels as if he’d never be able to get over the butterflies in his stomach whenever the boy looks at him. “Not only because of the fact that I’m your boyfriend, but also because I care a lot about you. And I know you’ve been struggling to live with your parents since high school. And I know that your true passion is in making music, not worrying about statistics or… math.”

Yeonjun snorts. He really couldn’t get over the fact that his boyfriend was so damn adorable. “What are you getting at, babe?”

“What I want to really say is… are you absolutely sure you want to move in with me and transfer to K-Arts?” he asks. “Transferring from a business major to a composition major is not easy, babe. Especially with the fact that you’ve already been in this school for a while.”

The boy sighs. “Yeah, I’ve thought a lot about that,” he responds. “Actually, that was one of the things that made me really think hard about wanting to go through with this decision or not. But…” he motions at San to sit up straight and thankfully, his boyfriend understands. He follows suit so that he can be able to focus on the other as he says his words. “Whenever I come here, I always feel more comfortable. And I want to be able to wake up and not dread going to school every day like you. So… I’m sure that I want to do this. I just wanted to know what you think.”

San smiles brightly at him. “I was already thinking that you should go ahead with it, anyways.”

The boy laughs. “Why? Is it because you want me to live with you so bad?”

“And what if it is?” San giggles before Yeonjun pulls him into a short, but sweet kiss. “Yeonjun, I love you. You know that whatever makes you happy is what I think is the best choice. Just know that I’m always here to help you… ‘de-stress’.”

“I already know that, baby,” he smiles before he pushes the other down on his couch again before showering him in a bunch of kisses while his boyfriend gigges underneath him.

“I want to move out.”

it comes out suddenly during the middle of dinner at his parents’ house. He was already showing the fact that he wasn’t really wanting to eat at the table, but his parents dismissed that anyways. However, after that sudden announcement that came in the middle of nowhere a few minutes into it, the both of them stae up at him in shock.

“Yeonjun? What do you mean?” his mother asks suddenly, giving a concerned look at her son.

“I’ve been thinking about it for the last few months, and I think now is the time where I do it,” he responds. “I also want to transfer. I have a place in mind to move and it’s not too far from the school I want to go to.”

“Don’t tell me it’s that stupid art school you always talked about,” his father says, putting his bowl of dinner to the side. When Yeonjun remains silent in response, his father looks at him with a serious expression. “You can’t be serious.”

“Why would you want to go to that school?” his mother asks him. “Schools like that aren’t going to get you anywhere. Getting a music degree will lead you nowhere!”

“Mom, dad, look around! There’s endless examples in Seoul where a music degree can get me somewhere!” He tries not to raise his voice at the table in hopes of not upsetting his parents. “You need to stop being so close minded! The world isn’t what it was like before.”

“If it isn’t what it was like before, then why is your brother doing better as a doctor than any of those broke musicians you want to be like?” his father inquires, a roughness to his voice that never fails to intimidate his son. But just the fact that he is once again compared to his brother in this conversation is enough to fire him up.

“Why do you keep on bringing Seojun up?!” he asks, tears filling his eyes as he recounts every occurrence in which his parents have shown their blatant favoritism over their oldest. “When I told you about this in the past, you brought him up. You told me about how he was doing well with his career because of the fact that he went to school with a real job. You always think about him, even when it’s not time to! Why is it always about him even when it should be about me, huh?!”

“Yeonjun, calm down!” his mother orders. “Do not raise your voice-”

“He wasn’t always perfect! He was a horrible brother when he was around. All he ever did was pick on me, but you never paid attention to that. Because it was always about him, right?” Yeonjun takes a deep breath, feeling his tears streaming down his cheek as his voice shakes with what he says next. “You three ruined my life. He ruined my childhood, but you ruined my future. All because you could give less of a shit about me.”

As the two adults look at him in shock, he turns around to leave the room, grabbing his keys and jacket before he leaves his house.

He didn’t want to deal with this for the night. All he wanted to do was be by San’s side.