#( / ). ʀᴇʟᴇᴀsᴇ ᴍᴇ ғʀᴏᴍ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘʀᴇsᴇɴᴛ; ❪ s2 ❫

[herinterface]

😘

a long, angsty meme.

1

her lips are perfect  &  full,   the way they are pursed carries the weight of the threat she poses,   the risk of this exchange coursing between them like electricity.      she’d never focused much on lips before,    just vessels for lines she had heard time after time   &  had to smile through for the benefit of whatever fool she was winding around her finger.       not unless they were quivering with fear,    or if they were telling her exactly what she wanted to hear-----  &   shaw’s were doing neither.           &  yet.      she was in parts entranced by them as she held the iron against her throat,   feeling the perverse desire to mark her,      hear the sweet hiss of the burn,     see how her body would flinch away---- or inch closer.    

but she had a feeling that it would take more than that to crack her,     &   idea after idea swirled in her imagination of all the things she’d like to try.       still,    the mark would look pretty on her face,    &    on her neck,      red   &    raw   &    in her custom form.       she delighted in the idea of leaving her with a souvenir,     &   as her free hand brushed her thigh she thought about how the mark would look on the smoothness of the skin there.     she wouldn’t forget her easily,     she’d already made sure of that   (   &  shaw had played on her mind like an infatuation with a toy she longed to have in her hands to play with,    so it was only fair that she returned the favour    ).  

though something told her that beyond those lips was a mouth that would be more accommodating,   surrendering to the push of her tongue as it glided across hers.     she had consumed her file like a novel,    had seen what she had withstood out in the field,     &  maybe it was just wishful thinking but she thought that she could get through to her this way.       or perhaps,    she just wanted to surprise her,   truly take her off guard as her body pushed between her legs   &   her mouth acted like a cruel weapon of its own.     sharp   &   wicked,    like glass in her mouth as she stole her breath,      &  when she felt shaw’s mouth respond,     she’d press the hot surface slowly against her bared throat.      

she thinks shaw would’ve liked that.     it was just too bad she had more important things to attend to.       but she was sure that even without the burn that she’d made just the impression she was hoping for.  

2

the samaritan fortress was left behind them    &     only with one bullet hole to show for it    (     though a more permanent mark had had her name on it if it weren’t for shaw playing white knight  ).       parked away,   in the back seat of the getaway car they had stolen,     the sun was slowly starting the rise.    with shaw’s leg hoisted between the front seats as she laid beneath her,    she only had eyes for her,    watching intently as release was painted across her features,    fingers working relentlessly between her legs.          unlike the drawn out foreplay of their prior engagements,     this had been urgent,     it had been nails scratching down her front,    fingertips burning into her waist as she fucked her to drown out the world around them,      dark eyes watching for her every reaction.     she had needed this,    the rush,    the familiarity of her body bending to her will,     covering her chest in teeth marks that would linger for longer  (  just   )  than she was gone.   (   so did she need more   ?  or was it just a fantasy brought on by the thought that something was being taken from her  ?   )

she couldn’t deny that she felt an all consuming fear for someone else beside the machine   &  harold.    maybe it had existed for some time now,     buried deep beneath step after step of preparation  &  coy smiles .      the end of the world they once knew it was upon them.      but they would survive   &  that’s all that mattered.        

adrenaline seemed to fail her now,    the sting of her arm guiding her back to reality.     shaw was catching her breath beneath her,   eyes closed in a way that weighed down at her chest.       she gazed down at her lips,     parted   &   unaware,     wanting to take one more thing from her before this was all over.              but there was too much that her bruising kiss would surely say that she wasn’t willing to,   that would be beyond her control.         she felt it nagging at her,    no permeant place,   or things,   &   yet  there was permanence here    &   there was a dull ache that was steadily increasing as she was moments away from giving it up.        

&  then she heard Her  &  it truly was all over.

like flicking a switch her hands were on shaw’s arms,    sliding higher,     “  time to go.  ”   &  she tried to fake the confidence in her eyes,   the tight pull of her lips but it felt like she was swallowing defeat.    because they were.     she stared down at her,    &    with one last glance at her lips she turned her face,   taking in the rush of information She had to tell her before she too would be gone.       the loss of the warmth of her body was instantly felt    &   she rubbed the space behind her ear,     “   not long now.    ”   she felt the loss already.

3

a grimness spread through her bones,  sinking in to her very core as she willed her body to catch up to what her mind had accepted already.    her body betrayed her as every beat of her heart was louder than the next,    chiming in with regret.    harold’s attempt at convincing her of her ties to this world only made the internal dispute louder.             she had always thought that was one of the reasons she was chosen----- there was nothing  &  no one tying her down,   holding her back.   no place,   no people,       this was the purpose she was made for,    serving her.      

but he was right   &  she knew it.     she was leaving something behind this time   &  it gnawed at her,   the unfamiliar,   uncomfortable feeling.    but so was she,    they couldn’t all survive this.    without sacrifices they would never win,   not against an enemy that went through bodies like they were disposable.        

she thought about the last time she had seen shaw,    prior to that day,         leaving her apartment in the middle of the night with no goodbye,   because none was necessary.      she came  &  went,     goodbye gave voice to the constant state of things----     the left side of the bed that had become hers,       the takeaway containers piling in the bin after each visit,     the laptop she left on her coffee table.    

but a part of her regretted not following her out as she left the hotel room,    into the empty hallway.       she couldn’t say it,   but maybe she could’ve seen her eyes light up in that particular way they did,    one more time as she named a time  &   suggested making good use of the room they had booked for the night.       a moment of normal.        but then she would’ve gazed down at her lips,    as she had done when she was still in the room,     craving for something more before she met her inevitable end-----    to leave her mark,    to say what was unspoken between them for a reason.       words weren’t their preferred method of communication,        but she could have made it known through lips connecting with hers,   slow but firm,    confirming everything just one last time .          

but this was for the best.    she had a job to do    &   she couldn’t be held back on the human plane,  as much as harold might believe otherwise  .    she was the same but not the same as them,   she had a higher purpose.    he had done his job,   giving Her life,    &   this was hers.

& still,    she wanted her to know.      discomfort tightened her chest as she looked up at harold,     taking in a breath,      “  if you could give shaw a message...  ”       dozens of sentences flew through her mind like a hurricane,       but they were cut off.    

&  he was right again.    words weren’t enough.    

4

she knew what shaw was about to do.   of course she did.    back turned to her,    like she was about to walk,   to run,   to leave for good.       she knew the line shaw followed was wildly different to hers,   but similar in one respect----- where it ended.        but she wouldn’t,   couldn’t let it happen.     the mission---- was the most important thing,    &  She,    She was counting on them.    but there had to be another way.     sickness writhed its way up her throat,      colliding with the pounding anger   &  desperation.        a hand  &  a body that surged forward,    to stop her,   keep her here before she disappeared.    

&   she was stricken,    by the resoluteness she glimpsed in her features,   every fear confirmed.          she wanted to kiss her right then,    an instinct,   a deep urge from their time together.      force her lips upon hers like she always did,      her lips insistent,   commanding,     (   reminding her that she owned her body,    or at least a piece of it   )     convince her to stay in the way that normally worked for them.             but she never did own her.     it was always the other way round.      every time she pulled the rope tighter around shaw’s wrists she was condemning herself,    tying herself up in everything that was shaw,    like a drug she intentionally dosed herself with.        every possessive bite  &  mark she left behind were tethers,    anchors that drew her back time  &  time again for more.       it was pointless then.   she couldn’t convince her  (   she never could,   she had always been willing  )   &  she hated her for it.     but she would stop her,   she had to.    

she felt like this was limbo,    &  perhaps it was----- an elevator,   soon to be closed,     &  here as she waited,    shaw was neither here nor gone.      she was dangling,   anchor-less now,   adrift.    on her lips,  shaw,   don’t do it.    ,        let me find another way.   ,           you can’t.     ,  please,  sameen.      but she never got the chance.    

it made sense,   the kiss.   like the final unfastening of the cord between them.     but it was a goodbye,  it was a trick of the light,   so quick that it had stolen her breath    &    was gone.     she felt anger begin to well    &   not because it had been a ploy     (    her own advances had initially been of the same nature   )   but because it meant something,     the breath they shared as she tried to catch her own,      she was sure of it.     &  because she had done this to herself,   trapped herself here,   with these people----  with her.            &  once again,    she knew this would be the moment that she’d look back on,    when she could’ve done something.    

(  except this time she wouldn’t turn her back on humanity.    they would take the full force of her wrath because this couldn’t be over ).    

5

not a wink of sleep for either of them,    it was one of those nights.     she felt her emotions eating away at her,   so incessant that she felt they wouldn’t stop until there was nothing left.         but all she could do was steel herself   &  pretend like she was completely fine with this.    what what her plan with the machine entailed.    like she always was.  

she changed clothes slowly,   gaze straying to the woman in the bed,    her eyes finally closed.   she had to move forward,    &   she knew that her body would carry her feet over to that door for potentially the last time.     but she couldn’t say goodbye.     maybe she didn’t have the strength to,   maybe that’s what it had come down to every other time      (   though she knew she had never needed it as much as she did now,    now that she knew to vividly what she had to lose       ).       shaw had been strong enough to do it last time,    &  she knew what that had done to her.       she supposed though that this time the unspoken truth between them had risen to the surface  in the way that she held her close at night,      her nose running soothingly across her shoulder blade as she heard shaw’s uneven breathing.        shaw knew,    she was sure.     but that didn’t make it easier,    it wasn’t enough   ( she wanted to stay ).      she gazed at her,   as she sat on the bed after pulling her boots on,   watching her dozing lightly,   finally.    

she lifted her body,   palm sliding over shaw’s blanket covered leg as she walked around to her side of the bed.      her soft groan threatened to undo every ounce of her preparation.      eyes shined slightly as she crouched next to the bed.       she was worried for her,   but she knew she would make it,   with or without her.    her path was one that could never be veered from.      she settled her hand softly on her cheek,   fingers trailing down to her jaw,  to her neck as her mouth dipped to cover hers.        

a smile that didn’t quite meet her eyes,    a deep breath in as she tasted her on her lips,      “  be good.   i’ll be seeing you soon, ”    &  at her questioning look her smile inched higher----- always leaving gaps for her to fill.      she let shaw touch her forearm,    &  in response her fingertips brushed the hair from her face,   eyeing each strand as they fell off her jawline,          “  get some sleep.   ”     &  as she stood she felt the weariness of having to leave things behind,   of hiding,  of running catching up to her,    but she supposed that ironically this plan was the answer to those prayers.         so she would bear it,     holding the truth behind her lips.      she had to believe she would come back.