#( &&. rosella hood | para )

[facrytalcs-blog]

playing pretend.

it’s funny how finding out a single thing can change everything.

          ROSELLA DIDN’T KNOW how long she’d been poring over the old archives, searching for something that might seem familiar to her, but she’d come up with nothing, and was that really surprising ?? she barely knew what she was supposed to be looking for in the first place. all she’d learned through what she could understand ( which was a decent amount for a girl of eight years ) was more about the isle of the lost, and just how horrible a place it was.

          all she had known growing up was that it was a place where ❛ bad people go ❜, at least according to her teachers, but her parents had never liked the idea of it, and so she hadn’t, either. she had never had a personal attachment to the place.

          until now.

          she wasn’t stupid. she’d known from an even younger age that she was adopted. she looked nothing like her parents, or her extended family in corona. she had always been different, and her parents had always been upfront with her when she asked, and so she hadn’t had any problems.

          that was until she’d been walking past the parlour and heard her name mentioned in a loud scottish accent, which of course meant it could only belong to lady kluck. always nosy when her name was mentioned, she’d been about to go inside when she actually caught the gist of the conversation.

          ❝ you have to tell her eventually, marian, she already knows she’s adopted. she’ll find out sooner or later, and it’s best that she hears it from you. ❞

          ❝ i know, i know. ” her mother sounded so resigned, voice soft compared to lady kluck’s. ❝ i just wish i knew how to answer the questions she’ll probably have. there are so many, i... ❞

          ❝ relax, lovey, she’s a good kid. she’ll understand. you and robin have taught her well. it doesn’t matter if her parents are on the isle. they weren’t people with bad intentions, it was an accident, they were threatened. they wanted the best for their daughter, and so do you. she’ll see that. ❞

          ❝ she is, and i really hope so. ❞

          rosella had stopped paying attention the moment lady kluck mentioned the isle. when she’d asked a few years ago where her biological parents were, her mother had hesitated a moment before telling her they’d ‘ had to go away, but they love you, and would have taken care of you if they could. ’ now everything made so much more sense.

          but if her parents were from the isle, who they ?? and who was she ??

          which led her to now. there was a list of names of people who had been sent to the isle, but she couldn’t make heads or tails of it, especially since she didn’t even know her parents’ names. she’d tried researching about the isle, and while she hadn’t learned anything relevant to her problem, she’d succeeded in making herself feel worse than she already was. so many children had been forced onto the isle with their parents. what made her so different ?? if they deserved to be there ( which she didn’t think they did, really ), then shouldn’t she, too ??

          ❝ your highness ?? ❞

          the voice snapped her out of her thoughts, and she looked up at the maid beside her. she was smiling, as most of the castle staff did. they were treated well with more than adequate wages, and robin and marian were flexible employers, so why wouldn’t they be ??

          but did their job include keeping this big isle secret ?? rosella couldn’t be sure.

          once it was obvious that she was paying attention, the maid said, ❝ it’s time for dinner, your parents are waiting for you. ❞

          rosella forced a smile and closed the books, turning them on their fronts as she did so the titles couldn’t be seen. ❝ thanks, i’ll be right there. ❞

          SOMETIMES DINNER WAS loud, mainly when lady kluck was there, and little john, too, since he and her dad were always bantering back and forth. tonight, it was just herself and her parents, which was the perfect opportunity for her to ask questions.

          she was subdued for most of the dinner, which was already strange. she was usually so animated, telling her parents what she’d done that day, asking what was going on in town and the like. tonight there was none of that.

          her parents shared several concerned looks over the course of the meal until robin finally spoke up. ❝ rosella ?? is something wrong ?? ❞

          ❝ when were you gonna tell me i’m supposed to be on the isle ?? ❞

          well, there it was, she supposed. she wasn’t really known for beating around the bush, and it was even worse at her current age. children were already known for having no filter, and for her, it was even worse.

          marian let out a soft gasp, most likely realising that she and lady kluck hadn’t been as discreet as she’d thought. rosella couldn’t see her face. she was too focused on frowning at her plate.

          ❝ you’re not supposed to be on the isle, ❞ marian said. she leaned over the table to rest her hand on rosella’s. ❝ you’re supposed to be here, with us. ❞

          ❝ but my parents are there. my real parents. ” rosella’s hand curled into a fist beneath her mother’s. ❝ and when parents go to the isle, their kids go, too. so why didn’t i go ?? ”

          robin and marian shared another look and rosella wished they’d stop. it wasn’t reassuring, and she was so busy trying to figure out what they were thinking that she almost missed when robin said, ❝ we met your parents right before they were taken away. you were only a few days old, they asked us to take you. they didn’t want you to have to live on the isle. we promised we’d raise you as our own, and so we are, and we will. ❞ he smiled at her. ❝ you’re still our daughter. ❞

          ❝ this doesn’t change anything, ❞ marian promised with a kind smile.

          EXCEPT IT DID change things. not with her parents or home, but with everything outside of it.

          the first time she went to a royal event after the revelation was difficult. all it took was one look at the fancy gowns, the delicious food, the high profile people for her to realise she didn’t belong there. it hadn’t been a problem when she’d found out she was adopted. she wasn’t the only royal child who’d been adopted, after all. but now it was different, because she was certain she was the only one who was supposed to be on the isle.

          ❝ go find your friends, ❞ marian said as she waved to queen eilonwy. ❝ you haven’t seen them in a little while, have you ?? i’m sure they’d love to see you. ❞

          rosella nodded, but didn’t move, even after her mother had disappeared into the crowd. perhaps her friends would be happy to see her, but if they knew the truth, then surely, they wouldn’t be. she didn’t have to tell them, but she couldn’t pretend that everything was fine, right ??

          she walked along the edges of the room, avoiding the dance floor and the food tables, feeling like a lone ant in a big city. she didn’t belong here, that much was obvious. even seeing her friends didn’t change things. everything was as it always was, with theo and emrys bickering in the corner, izzy falling asleep on her food while rosie tried waking her up, olyssia forcing all her friends in the immediate vicinity to dance with her. yet everything felt different.

          they hadn’t changed, but rosella had.

          it was that realisation that started the domino effect of her avoiding everyone. she didn’t want to be their friend, only for them to find out that she was keeping such a big thing from them and have them reject her. she knew that most of them didn’t like the isle, that they would likely be nice to the children there if they met them, but this was different. she was masquerading as one of them. she was being something she wasn’t.

          so the best option was to keep to herself as much as possible. she would only go to meet with them if her parents forced her to, and even then she would keep to herself. finding places to escape to during royal events became a talent after a while, and she would spend entire parties without talking to anyone, then pretending she did when her parents asked. they knew. they had to know that something was wrong, but she would shut them down whenever they tried to talk about it. no one was about to get her to changed her mind.

          she was eventually cornered in the bathroom at one of cordelia’s events. perhaps ❛ cornered ❜ wasn’t the right word, though, because helena would never do anything so aggressive.

          rosella was staring at herself in the mirror when helena walked in, a soft smile on her lips, clad in an olyssia original. they probably all were tonight. rosella was now exception, as much as she’d tried to resist, because olyssia was pushy.

          helena smiled at her, a gesture rosella didn’t return, mainly because she could barely look her in the eye. ❝ hi, rosella, are you enjoying yourself ?? ❞

         ❝ yeah, ❞ rosella lied, half-hearted. ❝ you guys have good parites. ❞ that part wasn’t a lie.

          helena’s smile grew at the compliment, but it soon faded away, replaced with a look of concern. rosella knew that look because she’d seen it on her mother plenty of times over the last few months, and she knew what was coming.

          ❝ did we... did we do something wrong ?? ❞ helena asked softly.

          ❝ no, ❞ rosella said, maybe a little too quickly, but it was the truth.

          helena seemed to accept her answer, nodding slowly, but she wasn’t done. rosella could tell. ❝ we’re just... we’re a little worried about you. you haven’t seemed yourself lately. ❞

          too bad rosella didn’t know what ❛ being herself ❜ even meant anymore.

          ❝ just know that if you ever need anything, you can talk to us. ❞ helena hesitated a moment. ❝ even if i’m not the best at giving advice -- and it doesn’t have to be me. i’m sure any of the others would be willing to listen to you. ❞

          rosella forced a smile. it was a small one, maybe even a sad one, but it was something. ❝ thanks, helena. ❞

          helena curtsied quickly, her version of a ❛ you’re welcome ❜ before leaving back the way she came. rosella waited for the door to shut before turning to the mirror again, and it was no wonder that helena and the others were worried about her. there were bags under her eyes ( from worrying about the party all last night ) and her dress didn’t quite fit right ( because she’d refused to come into the city for olyssia to measure her, so she’d had to guess how much she’d grown since last time ).

          she felt like a four year old’s dess-up doll.

          she felt like a sardine amidst a school of angelfish.

          she felt like a criminal among nobles.

          her fingers curled around the sink, nail polish scratching off and sticking to the basin. her grip was so tight that she thought she might break it. the only reason she let go was because she didn’t think she would be able to face the charmings if she did.

          SHE WAS ABLE to hold her emotions in throughout the remainder of the party and during the ride home, though her father could tell something was wrong. he always could. still, he didn’t question her about it, also knowing she would likely lie and say she was fine.

          the moment they pulled up outside the castle, she jumped out and ran through the double doors, ignoring her mother’s calls behind her. she didn’t want to speak to them. she didn’t want to speak to anyone.

          she ignored all the maids and butlers, ignored little john as she rushed past him on the stairs, ignored everyone and everything until she was safe inside her room. but that didn’t change anything. the feelings didn’t go away and she let out the screech she’d been keeping inside since seeing herself in the mirror.

          she tossed her tiara to the side of the room and ripped the skirt of her dress until the flower pattern was completely ruined. she would regret it in the morning when she woke up with dried tears on her face and her hair in knots, but for now, she needed to let it all out, and let it out she would.

          because she wasn’t a princess. she was just playing pretend.