#'you get down you big fat pink fuck' lives in my head rent free

[spyroforlife]

made a compilation of the cat in Wilburgur's Sims series, because why not. Tyler Kakashi Junior. What a lad

[hansolmates]

(secret) lovers | m

summary; the (not) best friends 2 lovers spin-off where jungkook and you are trying to hide your relationship from his old best friend  pairing; jungkook x reader (f) genre/warnings; established relationship, jiyu is now an old friend and mc went to high school w them, weeb!koo, jk n mc be kinda stanky bc they’re only going to this party for the free booze, soft dom!mc, switch!koo, whiny koo, mc calls jk a slut, cockwarming, gets really soft n’loving at the end, heavy use of the pet name [redacted] i really think this couple is meant to be diabolically dumb together w/c; 2.7k a/n; this couple is really out here living rent free in my mind. jk, mc and jiyu really just are that thruple that i love to hate and hate to love. hope u enjoy this lil spin off! 

[series masterlist]

“You made it!” 

Jiyu flings her hands out, knocking both your heads with hers in the middle in a surprisingly strong hug. It’s a complete episode of déjà vu, from the way her body smells like the peach lotion she used after gym class to the shade of coral lipgloss. From the corner of your eye, you can see the caramel brunette’s tiny face is inching closer towards your ride, her head tucking in the crook of his neck. 

“Jiyu,” you beam. You’re the first to speak, the first to dip their toe in the water. “You look great!” 

“Thank you!” she pulls away, popping her hip against the doorway. The silky material of her coverup gleams in the sunlight, the silvery material showing off the silhouette of her bikini-clad body. Despite the fact that you’re the one who compliments Jiyu, her gaze floats over to the person next to you, “what a coincidence you two came at the same time and—oh my, and where are my manners! Come in, come in!” 

She moves away from the door, revealing an ornate lobby and two twin stairwells. You can’t help but light up at the beautiful crystal chandelier, flecks of pink and blue flickering in your eyes.  Further down the hallway you spot open glass doors that lead to a large backyard that overlooks the lake. Some people are already sitting by the dock, lounging about with drinks and happy smiles on their faces. 

“Actually,” Oh, he speaks. You think with a small smile on your face, side eyeing the man of the minute, “I forgot the rest of my luggage. We’ll meet you inside.” 

“Okay!” Jiyu smiles, “I’ll make you guys some drinks.” 

As soon as the door shuts, Jeon Jungkook, your boyfriend for three years blurts out, “She still has a crush on me.” 

You snort, taking off the duffle bag that’s hiding behind your back. Continuing to stand awkwardly at the front door, you prepare yourself to console your boyfriend’s worries. “She still has heart-eyes for you, Koo,” you tease, pinching his side. 

His eyes are big and swimming with guilt, “We should tell her.” 

“Oh, baby. We can’t break her heart this weekend.” 

“But love, it’s her birthday.” 

“Exactly,” you chirp, bumping your head against his arm, “can’t break her heart on her birthday.” 

Jiyu is an old high school friend. Class president, straight As, and even vied for prom queen. The only thing she wasn’t able to obtain throughout her high school years was Jeon Jungkook, the object of her affections. They were best friends in elementary school, eventually turning into distant friends as their interests changed and they got older. Yet, Jiyu still tried to insert herself into Jungkook’s life. Back in high school it was surely cute, the way she’d pine from the back of the room and place anonymous love letters in his locker, but Jungkook wasn’t interested and avoided any of her advances. Fast forward ten years later and it seems like old flames never die out. 

The meetups with Jiyu have been scarce since college and only in large groups. As former class president, she decided to hold a little reunion for her old friends, taking advantage of her stellar job benefits. A weekend in the woods, perfectly balmy and far away from the city. 

“I don’t wanna lie,” Jungkook nearly whines, pink lips warbling at your inability to budge. 

“Mm,” you hum, tracing the fingers across the seam of his back pocket. His boardshorts hide nothing, and you curl your fingers around the swell of his plump bum, “be good for me and tell a little white lie, will you?” 

Jeon Jungkook, former President of the Anime Club, prom king candidate and your favorite nerd in the entire world. 

A teeny tiny lie won’t hurt anyone. After all, you haven’t seen your high school buddies in literal years, and they wouldn’t dare bother to make a fuss about your relationship. In fact, they don’t know of your relationship with Jungkook. The two of you reconnected randomly, some spontaneous holiday party Kim Seokjin is always inclined to throw. You barely made eye contact the first two hours into it, not really wanting to go back to the hellhole that was your late teenage years. Nevertheless, by the end of the night the two of you couldn’t help yourself. 

As you look around the room with utmost confidence, the two of you have made the finest glow up by far. At first you wanted to keep the white lie to save face, you don’t owe anyone an explanation as to how you and the President of the Anime Club hooked up. However, you’re starting to enjoy the ruse. 

Jungkook’s sitting on the other side of the backyard, looking absolutely delicious as he sips on whatever fruity cocktail he created. Judging from yours, you have a feeling his drink probably consists of 95% orange juice and 5% alcohol. 

Jiyu and him are sitting in the large netted hammock, swinging lightly. Gravity is doing its thing, and Jiyu is practically laying on top of Jungkook’s lap, her body pooling to where his meets in the middle. As soon as his thigh touches hers, his eyes flicker to you in panic. He’s shirtless, only with a pair of mid-cut shorts to protect him. The skin that touches him probably burns. 

You wink and wave him away, assuring him it’s fine. Pretending to flip your hair, you turn back to the conversation you’ve been ignoring for the past five minutes. “Man, Jungkook’s so sexy,” Im Nayeon cooes, looking longingly at Jungkook’s form. 

“Jiyu’s so lucky,” Rina eggs on, taking another shot from the tray (a tray for herself, you might add.) 

“Do you think Jiyu’s gonna get some birthday sex tonight?” 

Nayeon snorts, covering her flared nostrils with her hand. That hand eventually loops around your thigh, eagerly pushing you two together by pressing on the meat of your bare skin. “If she’s lucky! Besides, we all know Jungkook had that big crush on you junior year!” 

Her pretty bunny teeth tease you, and you can’t help but smile back in return. “What do you mean, he really liked me?” you ask innocently. 

“Oh yeah! Drew so many little pictures of you in the margins. Little anime versions of you in his favorite outfits.” Of course, you know about Jungkook’s old crush on you. He’s mentioned it in passing, paired with an adorable blush on his cheeks. Hearing it from Nayeon, the shameless grin on her lips and the ease of champagne on her breath is much more entertaining. “Rina, do you remember when Jungkook set up her desk with rose petals and chocolate in a little heart? And then in the morning the janitor sweeped it up? He was so sad!” 

“Yes! I really felt for him,” Rina pouted. 

“Oh, poor baby,” you didn’t know that bit of information. You put a hand over your heart, watching as Jungkook shares a drink with his old friend Kim Mingyu. He looks so different, yet all the same since you’ve been acquaintances in high school. He carries his own weight now, an air of confidence that he’s finally reached over time.  

“Definitely not a baby anymore,” Rina scoffs. She clicks her tongue back to where Jungkook is seated. 

The sun is doing wonders for him, highlighting every crevice of where his biceps curl and twist as he lifts his hand in another drink. Their side of the lawn is doing a toast. For what, you don’t know. You do know however, that Jiyu is trying very hard to cheer right over Jungkook’s thighs, spilling some liquid over his knees. You smirk when Jiyu sends him an apologetic grin, dabbing a napkin up and across his thighs, far away from the wet spot. 

Jungkook, the poor guy, discreetly shoves her off. He brushes his hands and gets up, letting Jiyu fall back in the hammock all by herself. Avoiding the teasing gazes of his friends, he looks into the lake, hiding his blush. 

Still a baby, you think. Your baby. 

“Jiyu was practically sitting in your lap, baby boy,” you card your hand through his dark locks, fresh and shiny from the shower. The feeling is soothing to Jungkook’s scalp until you tug, arching his neck towards your lips and twisting, “did you like that,” you mumble into his Adam’s apple, “my little slut?” 

“N-no! Never, ohgodnever—” Jungkook is sweating, fat beads rolling down his hairline and glistening across his face. His fingers are practically phasing through your skin, the crescents of his fingernails sinking into the swell of your bottom. 

You clench around his dick, your soft folds urging Jungkook closer to his release. But he knows better not to move, and instead shudders from the ministrations, breaking apart from you to dip his head into your chest. His nose pokes at the bouncy flesh, nuzzling into your breast like the softest pillow. 

“Sh-shit, love,” he cries into your skin, “you feel so warm n’soft.” 

“You need to be quiet, baby,” you murmur, playing with the curls that hang around the nape of his neck, “unless—you want someone to hear? My little slut wants everyone to hear that I’m fucking you?” 

“Mm, no,” you grin at his honest reaction, and you can feel his neck heating up at the thought. Your fingers make their way, finally ending towards the apples of his cheeks. You squish lightly, loving the way his tanned skin puffs under your fingers. “I’m—ah—not a slut. I just really love you, only you. Really wanted to hold you in my lap today and show you off,” he whimpers at the unconscious clench of your folds, “just uh—slut for you, love.” 

You giggle, tightening your thighs around your boyfriend’s tiny waist. Your other hands trail down to the ridges of his abdomen, where you two are connected. You absolutely love the way your thighs wrap around his lean waist. 

Jiyu split the floors by girls and boys, as if you’re still in high school. It took forever for everyone to fall asleep, but you managed to sneak away with your bare feet slapping against the hardwood floor. Call yourself needy, but you couldn’t imagine yourself falling asleep with at least one good night kiss. Jungkook was ten steps ahead of you. Your boyfriend was already naked when you arrived, pumping his cock across the bed and getting himself ready for you. His eyes instantly zeroed in on you in his shirt, the black material hanging off your shoulder and begging to be pulled away by his teeth. 

“If I crawled in your lap today,” you murmur into his shoulder, “our whole secret would’ve been thrown out the window.” 

“I wouldn’t have minded, even if Jiyu got hurt,” Jungkook admits, running his hands up and down your back, “I wanna marry you, y’know.” 

You freeze in your ministrations, suddenly feeling the room go cold. Not in an unpleasant way, but the room freezes, the blue-white light of the moon igniting the seriousness in Jungkook’s gaze. You force yourself to stay on his lap, let his cock settle between your folds. The juices of your coupling are dripping down each other’s legs, cooling at your thighs and onto the white blankets. 

“You wanna marry me?” you echo, running your thumbs across his shiny lips. 

Of course, you’re at that age. Everyone around you is getting married, heck many people your age are already in the middle of creating a family, going on vacations to Disney and picnics in the playground. And yes, you also have thought about marrying Jungkook, he’s the only man you can picture marrying. Yet, hearing it out loud and from him only further fuels your desire to make these thoughts a reality. 

He kisses your thumbs, lips smushing against the pads. “Of course I do, love. You’re it for me.” 

You relinquish, slowly pulling yourself off of him. He’s still hard as you untack yourself, his member slapping against his belly button as he watches you in confusion. You make a show of fluffing up the pillows, arching your back and wiggling your ass as you make yourself comfortable to lay on your back. 

“Show me, baby,” you spread your legs for him, gesturing for him to come closer with a curl of your finger, “show me how much you want to marry me.” 

Jungkook smirks, hands immediately pumping with a squelching sound resulting from yours and his combined arousal. You love it when Jungkook takes the lead, just as much as you do. It makes you feel like a pillow princess, especially when you feel lovey sex is on the way. “Will you be quiet? Just like you tried to make me quiet?” he rasps, wrapping a hand around your waist to arch you up. 

“Depends on how good you are.” 

The head of his dick rubs against your clit, slapping lightly at the shiny skin. You both moan when he finally gives you what you both need. As soon as the tip of his dick sinks down, you feel like you’ve both hit home. It doesn’t take long for him to find his pace, naturally throwing your leg over his shoulder for added leverage. 

“Oh—fuck, baby,” you tug at his hair, pulling him in for a wet kiss. You don’t care that you’re slobbering all over him, the bed creaking and squeaking against his minstraitions. “I—uh, you feel so deep—yes!” 

“When we’re married I’ll fuck you every day like this, love,” he whispers between your lips, thrusting in a particularly sensitive spot that has you arching your back and pulling your chest to his, “I—ugh, I love you so much.” 

“Love you. Love youlovelove—ah! Kook, I’m—” 

The two of you don’t spare any time, the sun will eventually rise and you’ll be back to playing strangers. Jungkook pounds you into the mattress, nails you with enough cum for you to last the next day without having to sneak into each other’s room like horny teenagers. The roughness is smoothed out by love and bliss, eager at the thought of going home and anticipating a permanent life together. 

Five minutes later, you’re starting to feel a little too sticky. “Ohmygod—I need to fucking pee,” you pull yourself away from Jungkook’s sweaty body, palming around for your t-shirt.

“Just pee on the bed,” Jungkook grins. 

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you,” you make a face, “nasty.” 

“You like that I’m nasty.” 

“Yeah yeah.” 

With one last kiss, you skip away from his bedroom and close the door behind you. Unfortunately, as soon as you take five steps in the direction of the bathroom, somebody emerges from the shadows. 

“Holy shit, Jiyu,” you put a hand on your heart, eyes widening at her peeking in from the hallway. “You scared me.” 

“I’m so sorry,” she frowns, squinting her eyes to make you out in the dark. It’s easier to see her in her white slip, a thin chiffon material that barely covers her thighs. 

You don’t question why she’s out in the hallway in really pretty lingerie, or why she’s on the boy’s side of the house. So much for being discreet. Then again, there must be an ulterior motive for her if she’s already here, five feet away from Jungkook’s room. You wouldn’t have been caught if she hadn’t been so sneaky. (Well, not so sneaky. You got to him first.) You smell like sweat, arousal, and Jungkook. The shirt you’re wearing feels far too short and the cum in your panties feels tacky and gooey. You feel like a teenager being caught smoking. 

“Why?” Jiyu’s voice suddenly sounds as dark as the early morning, no sign of the sun. 

“Why what?” you answer, furrowing your brows at the sudden change in demeanor. 

“Why?�� she hisses, eyes wide with pain and confusion, “why Jungkook?” 

You frown, not liking her attitude. Did she think it was a contest to who would fuck Jungkook first? Did she think she was being slick, sneaking away into a bedroom she has no business being in, even if he was single? You could laugh. So despite your height you steel yourself, looking at Jiyu straight in the eye. 

“Because Jungkook’s mine, and I’m marrying him.” 

As you pad down the hallway as fast as you can, you send Jungkook a quick text. 

[5:44AM] love: pack it up. Plan b go fake a fever we gotta go lol

[coll2mitts]

#77 Grease (1978)

Slick your hair back and grab your team jacket, we’re hand-jiving our way through Grease, a movie about bunch of hot, self-motivated ladies with their whole futures ahead of them settling for a bunch of schmucks.

Grease is a strange experience to relive as an adult, because it was (as I suspect with a lot of people) ever-present in my childhood, and I didn’t understand the great majority of references then.  This movie was intended as an 8th birthday present from my mother; I came home from school one day and the VHS was sitting on our kitchen countertop unwrapped.  I didn’t recognize it, so when I asked my mom what it was, she feigned confusion for about 10 seconds before she gave up and said, “I bought it for your birthday, I guess you get it early now.”  She promised me I’d like it when I popped it into the VHS player, and she wasn’t wrong.  I hadn’t watched this movie in over a decade and I still could recite the majority of the dialogue.

While this movie is a toned down significantly from the stage show, it is still fairly raunchy in parts.  What is kind of hilarious to me is Grease’s gradual shift in categorization over time as a “kids musical”.  In 5th grade, my sister played Sandy in her elementary school’s production of it.  I asked if she remembered any of the lines they changed to keep things “appropriate” (the Kidz Bopification, if you will) and she responded, “No, I just thought it was weird I had to go out and buy a sexy outfit.”  Conversely, my 5th grade play was about the history of America and I dressed up like Martha Washington.  I’ll never forget the 50 Nifty United States from 13 original colonies... SHOUT ‘em, SCOUT ‘em, TELL all about 'em, ONE BY ONE till we’ve given a day to every state in the U-S-A.  AL-A-bama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, California, Colorado, CON-NE-TI-CUT...

Anyway, do I think it’s weird that a movie about a bunch of horny teenagers has become Baby’s First Adult Musical?  Sorta.  Not really.  I mean, the dudes act like children for the majority of this, so I’m not surprised, at least.  It had, for sure, turned me off from wanting to date high school dudes when I was in high school.  The high school girls, however... we’ll get there.

It’s the first day of school, and the oldest high school seniors I’ve ever seen are poised to take on their last year at Rydell High.  The “T” Birds and their very uncool matching jackets are reunited after a summer apart and their super-senior leader Kenickie, played by the late Jeff Conaway, regales the tale of lugging boxes to earn money for a sweet ride, which you could feasibly do back in the 1950s.  Danny, played by John Travolta, spent his summer getting action at the beach, which he eloquently describes as “flippin’”.  

Frenchy and her new neighbor Sandy rendezvous with the Pink Ladies, who have very cool matching jackets and the unabashed confidence to go with them.  Stockard Channing, who plays Rizzo, is turned off by Sandy’s pure, seemingly holier-than-thou persona, and is dismayed when Sandy starts to describe her sickly sweet summer romance.  Her interest is only piqued when Sandy mentions her hunky date was notorious playboy and Rizzo’s ex, Danny Zuko.  

Sidenote: When I was a child, I thought Sonny asked if her “jugs were bigger than her nets”.  I asked my mother what “nets” were, since I surmised that jugs meant breasts, and she didn’t know, which I thought was weird.  It wasn’t until THIS MOMENT that I realized he was asking if her jugs were bigger than Annette’s.  Who the fuck is Annette?  Like the Mickey Mouseketeer Annette?!  Rizzo sings about her later and I’m just like.. this revelation has lead to more questions than answers.

Rizzo hatches a plan to call Danny out on his shit and reunite Sandy with Danny at the school pep rally, as they know her boyfriend is an asshat.  He predictably reacts maturely; Not wanting to admit his previous story of getting fresh with some cute Australian girl down in the sand was somewhat hyperbolic, he plays it off like he doesn’t give a shit about her, reducing Sandy to tears.  Frenchy comforts Sandy like the supportive queen that she is and invites her to join the Pink Ladies at a sleepover.

Honestly, a Pink Ladies sleepover looks lit as fuck.  As a kid (and now, tbh) I was Jan, I wanted to be Marty, I wanted to fuck Rizzo, and I wanted Frenchy as my best friend.  I would totally be down to drink champagne, eat Twinkies and mutilate our body parts with needles.  Sandy is a bit of a late bloomer and reacts to these series of events by puking.  Rizzo decides to be a bit of a slag and make fun of Sandy for being an inexperienced virgin before shimming down a drainpipe to get laid by some jerk with a shitty car and a 6-year-old condom.

Sandy, whose night has done nothing to alleviate her heartbreak, sings a song about being in love with a coward.  Part of the deal Oliva Newton-John signed to be cast in this movie specified she have her own solo number, so “Hopelessly Devoted” was written and filmed after the rest of the movie had been completed.  This feel pretty obvious, since it gives off a very strong 1970s pop Best Original Song vibe.  When I was a kid, I used this song as a break to use the bathroom or grab a snack, but as an adult I find myself humming it every so often.

Speaking of contract-obligated solos, we’re treated to a Travolta-led “Greased Lightning”, which I always thought was weird, cause like, who is going to sing a song about their friend getting tit in their sweet car?  Jeff Conaway played Danny on Broadway, he deserved better...  Also, I’m CONVINCED this song got the Pop-Up Video treatment, but couldn’t find it online anywhere.  Otherwise, how the hell else would the fact that they thought John Travolta putting the saran wrap on his crotch was too racy live rent free in my head for like 20 years?

After encountering Sandy on a date with a jock, Danny decides he’s going to join a sports team to prove to her he can be a motivated team player.  Instead, he just physically assaults several members of his school, but it’s fine because he’s wearing a uniform when he does it.  This is enough to impress Sandy, as she accepts Danny’s invitation to the school dance.

The other gang members are going through their own drama, as Rizzo is sick of giving it up to Kenickie without receiving a modicum of respect.  

“A hickey from Kenickie is like a Hallmark card.  When you care enough to send the very best.”

Danny regresses and continues to act like a shithead to Sandy in front of her friends.

“I don’t like tea.” “You don’t have to drink tea!” “Well, I don’t like parents.”

Jan and Putzie begin an innocent and adorable romance, which proves it’s possible to start off a relationship with mutual respect, even if your friends make fun of you for it.

“I also think there’s more to you than just fat.” “...Thanks.”

I love this scene, there’s so many good lines.

Frenchy, who had dropped out of Rydell to pursue a career in cosmetology, is also in crisis as her stint in beauty school went very poorly.  After hours, she somehow hallucinates Frankie Avalon advising her to get her high school degree.

As a child, I was so proud of myself when I realized all these women played other roles in the movie, as if facial recognition was an important skill.

The day of the big dance finally arrives, as National Bandstand comes to Rydell High with roofie-wielding predator and television host Vince Fontaine.  Rizzo arrives with the leader of the rival gang, while Kenickie has his best girl, Cha Cha, as his date, because they are both very well-adjusted teenagers that know how to work through conflict by communicating and not using desperate attempts to make each other jealous.  Danny and Sandy are cutting up a rug until Sonny attempts to physically assault Sandy, and Danny just lets it happen because another one of his exes, Cha Cha, starts to dance with him while Sandy is rebuffing Sonny’s advances.  Cha Cha and Danny subsequently win the contest.  Honestly, this is so fucked up, I would have dropped Danny after this lapse of good judgement.

But no, Sandy still allows him to take her on a date to the drive-in, and it’s not until he elbows her in the boob and then tries to cop a feel in front of everybody that she finally blows him off.  Then he has the absolute gall to act emo about it because he’s afraid people will think he’s a loser.  Jesus Christ.

Kenickie is also hurting, as he discovers that Rizzo is pregnant and she doesn’t want anything to do with him, regardless of what being an unwed mother will do to her reputation.  He decides to process these emotions by racing Greased Lighting for pink slips, as he likes to live his life a quarter mile at a time.  Unfortunately, Danny steals Kenickie’s thunder (road) yet again, as he’s forced to take his place in the race because of a car door-related closed head injury.  Sandy is impressed by Danny’s driving skillz and decides to sex herself up for an unreliable and emotionally manipulative teenager.  Danny has a similar inclination and decides to put on a nice sweater to win Sandy back, which is something, I guess.  They declare they’re the one each other needs, oh yes indeed.

The school year ends, and all the boys end up paired with the girls.  Rizzo finds out she’s not pregnant and reunites with Kenickie?!  Marty ends up with Sonny even though he’s a handsy creep.  Danny and Sandy are just an mess with incompatible expectations of each other.  But at least Jan and Putzie and Frenchy and Doodie are fairly inoffensive.  The end.

This movie is great, even all these years later.  The entire cast is fantastic, even those with smaller bit parts.  I was *living* for the school staff, Principal McGee and Coach Calhoun especially.  Grease also jump started my lifelong love for Stockard Channing.  She’s great in The West Wing, but her part as Sister Husband in Where the Heart Is may be my favorite performance of hers.  I’ve watched that movie so many times I can’t even call it a guilty pleasure, I love it so much.

Olivia Newton-John wasn’t even sure she wanted to be in this movie and requested a screen test so she could see if she was good at acting.  John Travolta was enamored with her and helped convince Olivia she was perfect for the part, and he wasn’t wrong.  She gives such a strong performance as Sandy; I bought her transformation from clean-cut cinnamon roll to sexpot completely.  John Travolta was also unbelievably charming as Danny, and I found myself giggling at his line deliveries constantly.

The songs are also unbelievably catchy (albeit somewhat annoying after you’ve heard them 700 times).  Barry Gibb, my favorite Pras-adjacent composer, wrote the theme for the movie and it just bops so hard.  As a well-documented detractor of Doo Wop music, there’s not a whole lot else here for me, but that’s not going to blind me to the excellence of this soundtrack.  There is a reason this movie is revered as much as it is.  10/10, fun for the whole family, as long as the kids don’t understand the references.

[reddieorrnot]

Eddie tries Richie’s clothes on as a joke but Richie loves it

aww this ones cute, thanks anon :) hope you enjoy!

“The ‘rents said you could sleep over”

Eddie smiled into the telephone, feeling a little stupid realizing no one could see him. Then again, it was better than Richie actually seeing the plastered grin on Eddie’s face. Eddie had had a stressful week at school, studying for hard tests and track meets nearly every day at school, it was a Friday afternoon and he needed to spend his night in an enjoyable way. For most teenagers, that would have meant a party or sneaking into a bar with a fake ID, not for Eddie. His idea of relaxing and having fun at the same time simply consisted of hanging out at the Tozier household. There, he knew he would find comfort in Mr. Tozier’s jokes and Mrs. Tozier’s unmatchable affection. Lastly, he knew he would also spend time with Richie Tozier, his favorite person. He’d never admit that last part out loud though. There were a lot of things involving Richie in Eddie’s mind that he wouldn't say out loud. Things that had been boiling up for a while now. 

“Oh cool, I’ll get packing then.” Eddie replied looking around his room, already mentally picturing what to wear and bring. 

“While you’re lying to your mother’s beautiful face about how you’ll be at Billy boy’s house instead of mine, give her a big fat kiss for me,” a light laugh came from Richie's side of the call. Unfortunately, all that got out of Eddie was an eye roll. 

“I think I speak for all women when I say she’d decline the kiss. Anyways, I’ll be over in like an hour.”

“All women huh? You saying I could still get a nice o’ smacking on the lips from you, cutie?” 

“That’s my cue to hang up.”

“Wait-”

Eddie put the phone down, ending the call and letting out a small chuckle. He knew Richie’s comments were just for fun and jokes, but sometimes Eddie couldn’t help but picture the things he said. 

What if he could kiss Richie what if Richie wanted that too? Pushing those thoughts aside, Eddie turned his back on the phone and looked around his room, trying to decide what to change into, as he had been lounging in the same clothes he had worn to school that day. Walking over to his closet, he picked out something simple enough to look decent around Richie’s family. No effort was rude, always. Picking up a white t-shirt and some light jeans, he made his way over to the bathroom, grabbing his towel additionally on the way out. Even if Eddie had done an hour of track after school today, he would have still needed to wash up before heading out to Richie’s. Sure, he could shower at the Tozier’s, but there’s something about using one’s own bathroom that doesn’t match any others. Eddie found it funny that here he was, looking at himself in his bathroom mirror before hopping in the shower, and Richie was probably just getting high at this exact moment to some loud band. 

After a quick wash, the curly headed boy decided to remain as just that. Instead of blowing drying his hair, he would just let it air dry, meaning his curls would be wild and free for the night. His mother hated when he didn’t keep his hair straight and neat, but she wasn’t going to home until far later than when Eddie would leave. She had loosened up over the years. But it wasn’t a type of loosened up where she understood that Eddie was growing and deserved some more freedom. It was the type that indicated she had just stopped caring. She spoke to herself a lot, mostly only acknowledged Eddie to yell at him about chores in the house and getting his meds. To be honest, Eddie believed that his mother's head had become so clouded by all the food she ate and how much television she watched every day, that there wasn’t much space to comprehend anything else. 

He grabbed a duffel bag and first stuffed it with some things from his bathroom. Those things including his toothbrush, his mouthwash, and basically just a sweep of his hand pushing all the medication in his cabinet into the bag. Deep down, he knew all the pills his mother had given him growing up didn’t actually do anything. But for some reason, he felt weird without taking the placebos. Mike once told him that it could be linked to anxiety, and just feeling more normal when Eddie did something he grew up used to doing. Eddie just accepted it though, not trying to fight the urge to bring his inhaler everywhere or these pills when he spent the night somewhere. Most of his friends understood where he was coming from. Richie though, always rolled his eyes when Eddie brought his bag full of meds. 

Eddie kind of liked that though, he enjoyed it when Richie would say, “You don’t need that bullshit.”

It made Eddie feel strong. 

Suddenly there was a knock downstairs at the front door, catching Eddie off guard. He clutched his duffel bag’s strap in confusion, keeping it on his shoulder. Eddie walked down the stairs wondering if it could be his mother, but that didn’t make any sense. Why would she knock? She had also told him multiple times she’d be out late. Peeking through the peephole, Eddie let out a relief sigh, but then was filled with confusion once more. He opened the door with scrunched eyebrows. 

“Why?”

Richie stood in front of him with a smile from ear to ear, “I came to pick you up! Couldn’t wait a whole hour to see you, my Eds.”

“Don’t call me-” Eddie was interrupted as Richie took the duffel bag from his grasp.

“Come on, let’s just go! Maggie was making some food when I left, and it smelled good.”

Eddie shrugged, “Alright, let me just leave my mom a note. How’d you know she wasn’t here, anyways? Could’ve risked her seeing you.”

Eddie spun on his heel and retracted to the kitchen to grab a pen and paper. Writing his mother a short note that he had a project to do with Bill and would just be spending the night there. There was little chance she would actually even read the note, but there was also a little chance she would even notice Eddie was gone. 

“I lied, I came FOR your mom, like I do every night, and wanted to show you that she’d never deny a kiss from this hunk,” Richie expressed as he flexed his bicep, or as much of a bicep he had, “Was quite a disappointment when I noticed her car wasn’t outside, but then I realized I could always just take you home tonight instead.” 

Now that it was something said in person, Eddie couldn’t hide his pink cheeks behind a telephone. He always got a bit red when Richie made jokes about his best friend, if Richie noticed, he never said anything. 

“Shut it, fucker. I’m hungry and want your mom’s food.”

Letting out a loud laugh, the taller boy draped his arm around Eddie. Fortunately, Eddie didn’t move away, he let the arm engulf him and grabbed the spare house key to lock the door behind him as they walked out. Richie rambled about his day,, talking of his horrible math teacher and the way today’s cafeteria lunch sucked horribly. 

As they got into Richie’s car, Eddie let out a soft laugh. “You wouldn’t have to eat the cafeteria food if you actually remember to pack a lunch sometimes.”

Starting the car, Richie slightly nodded, “I guess, but for some reason I feel like eating that trash-” 

“You are what you eat!”

“Sure, funny, now shut up,” Richie continued through Eddie’s fit of giggles, “I feel like eating that junk builds character in a way. Like how trauma makes people funny, that’’s why our friend group is so fucking funny.”

Eddie just looked out the window, watching the houses pass, “I guess so, you still could just bring lunch from home.”

Richie didn’t say anything to that, and instead turned on the radio and just drove. Eddie liked driving with Richie, it made him feel calm. Doing anything with Richie made Eddie feel some sort of underlying emotions of calmness. Even if Richie was batshit crazy sometimes, and liked to smoke cigarettes on top of buildings after midnight. Even when Eddie followed him and scraped his knee climbing the ladder to the roof of a store, he felt calm. Maybe not as calm as he did right now, but in his heart he felt calm. Richie just sort of felt like home. 

They were both silent until Richie’s house, but it was nice. 

“We have arrived at your castle, my majesty.” Richie broke the silence as they pulled into his driveway. 

“Majesty? Finally decided to show me the credit I deserve, I see.” Eddie told him as he opened his car door and got out. Instinctively reaching for his bag, he realized Richie had already grabbed it from the back. Feeling thankful for the action, he just gave the dork a smile when Richie walked around the car to face Eddie, duffel bag in hand. As they walked up to the front door, Richie just pushed it open without having to unlock it.

Not everyone thinks the door constantly needs to be locked no matter what, Eddie thought to himself. 

“Eddie! Is that you?” A sweet woman's voice rang through the house.

“Thanks mom! Glad to see you too!” Richie replied first, obviously joking but making sure to chime in annoyance in his tone. 

Maggie appeared in the living room from the kitchen, looking as beautiful as she always did. Richie’s genes didn’t just come from his father. Maggie looked 10 years younger than her age, bright eyes and perfect smile catching anyone's attention. She was tall and lean, yet still had a warm feeling to her aura no matter who she spoke to. The jet black hair that usually cascaded down her back was in a bun, seemingly to be out of the way as she cooked. 

“Oh Richard, you know I love you. My favorite friend of yours is here though, let me give him some attention.” Eddie felt bashful as he was pulled into a hug by the women who had always treated him more like a son then the one he came home to every day. Her hugs were like heaven. 

“I’m gonna take your bag upstairs, Eds.”

Eddie didn’t have the energy to correct Richie, who was already going up the stairs to his room. Instead, he followed Maggie into the kitchen as she asked about his day and he did the same. Turns out, she had been making cherry pie. The smell made Eddie’s stomach ache as he remembered he hadn’t eaten anything since lunch at school. Maggie must have heard his stomach’s growl since she chuckled and started taking out two plates. 

“Oh gee mom, so when Eddie isn’t here yet I can’t have a slice but when he arrives we can feast? Seems a bit unfair to me.” Richie’s presence was made known as he stepped into the kitchen, eyes locked on the pie. 

“Pie is always better when you enjoy it with those you love!” Maggie claimed as she turned to cut two pieces for the boys. Neither of them noticed how their eyes widened in the exact same ways. “Here you two are, have them at the table and be careful, cherry stains.”

Richie and Eddie both nodded and moved to the dining table. Taking their seats, Eddie marveled at Maggie’s baking. While he did that, Richie wasted no time taking the first bite. 

“Mom!’ Richie said with a full mouth, “My taste buds thank you!”

The visible food in Richie’s mouth and the loud smacking of his chews made the other boy cringe as he took a fork of the pie. Maggie laughed in reply and her footsteps up the stairs were identifiable, along with the shutting of her room door. It tasted better than any desert Eddie had ever tried before. Not that his mom let him eat many sugary things, so basically it was the best desert Maggie had ever fed him. Overwhelmed with excitement to grab another bite, Eddie didn’t pay enough attention to how much of a hold his fork had actually gotten on the next piece. As said fork was brought to Eddie’s mouth, the piece of pie fell off, trailing down Eddie’s white shirt. 

“Fuck,” Eddie let out, remembering the cherries did, in fact, leave stains. 

“Uh oh, is it your chest’s time of month?” 

“Real funny, dumbass. I gotta change out of this and see if running it under water helps at all.”

Getting up, Eddie quickly left the dining table, quick enough to miss Richie sighing and kissing a piece of pie on his fork. “I’ll be back soon, my love, must go help my other love with a crisis.”

They made their way up the stairs and Eddie headed to Richie’s room, knowing he had an attached bathroom there. Eddie wasn’t really thinking of anything besides cleaning his shirt, so the second Richie passed him when entering the room, Eddie closed the door behind him and went to take his shirt off. 

“Alright, so you can just lean and put that bad boy under the sink and-” Richie stopped in his tracks when he faced Eddie, who was now shirtless with the stained garment in his hands. 

“What?” Eddie’s face flushed in embarrassment, realizing he was now essentially half naked in front of a guy he’d liked for years. Of course, this wasn’t unusual, but the timing felt weird. They weren’t swimming or just relaxing on a hot day. Eddie was just shirtless in Richie’s room, not to mention without warning after shutting Richie’s door. Still, Eddie’s first thought was to defend himself. “You got some joke to make?” He angrily said. 

Richie just stood there for a second, staring. Finally he choked out, “No! No… You uh, you looked toned. Very nice. I mean you look very nice.” 

Raising an eyebrow and putting a hand on his hip, Eddie questioned, “No joke?” 

“No joke.”

“Oh, well… Thank you. Guess I’ve been losing weight from track and then building muscle.” Eddie noticed Richie’s unbreakable stare, wondering if this is what always happened when Eddie was shirtless. Had he just never noticed? What else didn’t he notice? Without saying anything, Eddie proceeded to the bathroom, leaving Richie stuck in his trance. He turned the water on, not sure whether to make it cold or hot, but he wasn’t even sure if this would help anything. He tried rubbing the fabric together, just letting it soak, and even applying some hand wash. But nothing helped. Accepting defeat, Eddie turned off the water and walked back into Richie’s room.

“Where’s my bag? Can you toss me a shirt I packed?”

Richie nodded and walked to his closet, pulling out Eddie’s duffel bag and searching through it. “Hey… Eds? Only your meds are in here.”

Rubbing his hand over his eyes n frustration, Eddie wanted to call Richie stupid for a second, wondering how that was possible. But quickly he remembered how he never did grab any clothes, and had just opened the door for Richie after stocking his bag with pills and left. Richie looked at Eddie, waiting for a response. At first, Eddie could just sigh. It wasn’t that big of a deal ,but he had a bad week, this was supposed to be relaxing.

“I never grabbed any clothes. You knocked at the door while I was grabbing the pills and my inhaler and took my bag. I didn’t realize that was all i had, should’ve noticed at some point the weight was unreasonable.”

“Is it my fault?” Richie pouted, genuinely apologetic.

Tilting his head to the side, Eddie felt bad. “No ‘Chee, it isn’t your fault. Just a dumb mistake on my part, I can just borrow some clothes from you, right?” Eddie joked with a laugh to lighten the mood. Without needing an answer, Eddie kept the joke going by walking to Richie’s closet. He knew this was bound to make the taller boy smile, something that would also make Eddie happy. Eddie looked for a second, then grabbed some band t-shirt he didn’t know of. The shirt was black and brown, with the band’s name written across. It must have been new, because Eddie hadn’t seen this shirt worn a lot. He knew Richie wouldn’t mind though, and as Eddie slipped it on, he took note of how soft the fabric was. It was also very over sized, seen as Richie was a tall guy. 

Eddie smiled as he walked out of the closet (and made a mental joke to himself) to look at Richie. Expecting a grin or some sort of joke about Eddie being so tiny, instead he was once more greeted by Richie’s staring.

“You okay?” Eddie asked, concerned at the amount of attention he was getting, short on or off.

“You’re so beautiful.” 

Now it was Eddie’s turn to be speechless. He was taken aback and didn’t know what to say. What his brain wanted to say, was that Richie had it all wrong. That Richie was the gorgeous one. Richie and his black hair that just was perfectly messy, his smile that could melt anyone's heart, his sharp jawline, the way he spoke with his hands. Especially his laugh, it was like someone playing a harp to Eddie’s ears. That’s what Eddie wanted to say. Sadly, he didn’t have the courage to.

“Not really.” 

“Shut up.” 

 Instead, Eddie mustered up all the courage he did have, and walked to Richie, wrapping him in an embrace. 

“Thank you.” He mumbled into Richie’s chest. 

Richie wrapped his arms around Eddie, letting out a breath. They stood like that for a while before Eddie finally pulled away.

“You have the right to wear any of my clothes, literally. Take it all. Leaving me butt naked is worth seeing you wear my shit. It’s like sexy in a domestic kinda way.” Richie said scratching his chin in thought. 

“You’re too much Tozier, get your head out of your ass,” Eddie laughed out loudly, secretly wishing he could tell if Richie was serious or not.

Guess he’d find out at some point.

[magratpudifoot]

Anti-Love Collection Track List

Below the cut is a list of every track on every disc of the Anti-Love Album. I thought pretty seriously about going through and linking to music videos and bandcamp and whatnot, but, yeah, that’s not happening tonight.

Disc One(Chaotic/Static Cling Enterprises)

1.  Could You Use Me?                            Harry Groener and Jodi Benson 2.  Hit the Road, Jack                           Ray Charles and the Raelettes 3.  Down with Love                                                Caxton Swing 4.  You're No Good                                              Linda Ronstadt 5.  It Ain't Me, Babe                                              The Turtles 6.  Already Gone                                                    The Eagles 7.  Paradise By the Dashboard Light                                   Meatloaf 8.  Don't Believe a Word                                           Andy Taylor 9.  I Will Survive                                               Gloria Gaynor 10. I've Done Everything for You                              Rick Springfield 11. Love Stinks                                              The J. Geils Band 12. Don't You Want Me                                         The Human League 13. Goodbye to You                                                     Scandal 14. Love's Been a Little Bit Hard on Me                           Juice Newton 15. I Could Be Happy                                            Altered Images 16. What Do All the People Know                                    The Monroes 17. Jukebox (Don't Put Another Dime)                                The Flirts 18. No More Words                                                       Berlin 19. She Don't Love Nobody                                            Nick Lowe 20. So In Love                               Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark 21. Let Your Love Go                                                     Bread

Disc Two(Chaotic/Static Cling Enterprises) 1.  Would I Lie to You                                              Eurythmics 2.  Keep Your Hands to Yourself                         The Georgia Satellites 3.  Twisting                                              They Might Be Giants 4.  I Don't Want Your Love                                         Duran Duran 5.  One More Minute                                          Weird Al Yankovic 6.  What Part of No                                             Cactus Country 7.  Itty Bitty Little Single Solitary Piece O' My Heart             Lari White 8.  That Was Yesterday                                            Wynonna Judd 9.  Jane                                                      Barenaked Ladies 10. Better Things to Do                                            Terri Clark 11. Bury the Shovel                                                Clay Walker 12. No News                                                           Lonestar 13. Spiderwebs                                                        No Doubt 14. She Won't Change Her Mind                           The Band with Rocks In 15. Me Neither                                                    Brad Paisley 16. Waste                                                          Smash Mouth 17. Goodbye Earl                                                  Dixie Chicks 18. Giving up on Love                                                   Ataris 19. Kiss This                                                     Aaron Tippin 20. Last Chance to Lose Your Keys                                    Brand New 21. It's Only Me (The Wizard of Magicland)                    Barenaked Ladies

Disc Three(Aberration, Inc.) 1.  Can't Hold Us Down                        Christina Aguilera feat. Lil Kim 2.  The Frug                                                        Rilo Kiley 3.  A Man/Me/Then Jim                                               Rilo Kiley 4.  Nothing Came Out                                        The Mouldy Peaches 5.  All That She Wants                                             Ace of Base 6.  You Oughta Know                                          Alanis Morissette 7.  The More You Ruv Someone                                          Avenue Q 8.  Roses                                                              Outkast 9.  Day Tripper                                                    Live 10. Sexx Laws                                                             Beck 11. Vienna                                                          Billy Joel 12. Sunday Girl                                                        Blondie 13. You Don't Own Me                                          The Blow Monkeys 14. You Give Love a Bad Name                                          Bon Jovi 15. Protons, Neutrons, Electrons                                    Cat Empire 16. Girls Just Wanna Have Fun                                     Cyndi Lauper 17. Mix Tape                                                          Avenue Q 18. 31st & M                                            The Daycare Stranglers 19. Fuck It (I Don't Want You Back)                                      Eamon 20. Inside Out                                                           Eve 6 21. Beep                                    The Pussycat Dolls feat. will.i.am

Disc Four(Aberration, Inc.) 1.  Just One of Those Things                                     Frank Sinatra 2.  Just Friends                                                  Gavin Degraw 3.  Defying Gravity                         Idina Menzel and Kristin Chenoweth 4.  Sugar                                                  Tick Tick Boom Cast 5.  Gold Digger                                    Kanye West feat. Jamie Foxx 6.  Bag of Money                                                  The Low Life 7.  Scotty Doesn't Know                                                 Lustra 8.  I'm So Alone                                               The Mad Caddies 9.  World at Large                                                Modest Mouse 10. Get Over It                                                          OK Go 11. People Got to Be Free                                          The Rascals 12. Tainted Love                                                     Soft Cell 13. Don't Do Me Like That                                            Tom Petty 14. What's Love Got to Do with It                                  Tina Turner 15. He Wasn't Man Enough                                          Toni Braxton 16. Undone (The Sweater Song)                                           Weezer 17. Funny Honey                                                Renee Zellweger 18. I'll Never Be Jealous Again                   Reta Shaw and Eddie Foy, Jr. 19. Everyone Else Has Had More Sex Than Me                       Ambient Irony 20. Dirty Little Secret                                   All American Rejects

Disc Five(Chaotic/Static Cling Enterprises) 1.  Will you Love Me Tomorrow                                    The Shirelles 2.  Desperate But Not Serious                                         Adam Ant 3.  Ready to Run                                                  Dixie Chicks 4.  I'm Gonna Miss Her                                            Brad Paisley 5.  Love Is Hell                                                    Ryan Adams 6.  It Ain't None of Your Business                             Missing Persons 7.  Stupid Boy                                                     Keith Urban 8.  Before He Cheats                                          Carrie Underwood 9.  You Don't Love Me Anymore                                Weird Al Yankovic 10. The Song That Goes Like This           Christopher Sieber and Sara Ramirez 11. (I'm Gonna) Run Away                         Joan Jett and the Blackhearts 12. I'm Not in Love                                              Talking Heads 13. You Keep Me Hangin' On                                           Kim Wilde 14. Don't Let's Start                                          Common Rotation 15. That's Enough of That                                           Mila Mason 16. Leave in Silence                                              Depeche Mode 17. Sign of the Times                                          The Belle Stars 18. Break Your Heart                                          Barenaked Ladies 19. Signs of Life                                                      Journey 20. Cell Block Tango             The Six Merry Murderesses of Cook County Jail

Disc Six(Aberration, Inc.) 1.  Designated Drinker                          Alan Jackson and George Strait 2.  Video Game Heart                                  All Girl Summer Fun Band 3.  Twisting                                              They Might Be Giants 4.  Fighter                                                 Christina Aguilera 5.  Found Out About You                                            Gin Blossom 6.  What Is This Feeling                    Kristin Chenoweth and Idina Menzel 7.  Therapy                                      Amy Spranger and Raul Esparza 8.  Since U Been Gone                                           Kelly Clarkson 9.  Number One                                    John Legend feat. Kanye West 10. Material Girl                                                      Madonna 11. Build Me Up, Buttercup                                           The Goops 12. Schadenfreude                         Natalie Venetia Belcon and Rick Lyon 13. Happy Now                                                     Gwen Stefani 14. Why Don't You Get a Job                                          Offspring 15. Cry Me a River                                           Justin Timberlake 16. Ugly Ugly Mustache Girl                                      The Skakabobs 17. You Don't Know How It Feels                                      Tom Petty 18. Pink Triangle                                                       Weezer 19. Let Me Be Lonely                                                 Will Hoge 20. Buttons                                                 The Pussycat Dolls 21. My Love (The Christian Bale Experience)                 Sweet Tired Kitten

Disc Seven(Chaotic/Static Cling Enterprises) 1.  Let's Hear It For Love                                       Smoking Popes 2.  She Hates Me                                                Puddle of Mudd 3.  In and Out of My Life (In a Day)                              The Pandoras 4.  Cry of the Wild Goose                                        Frankie Laine 5.  Way Away                                                        Yellowcard 6.  Blue Monday                                                      New Order 7.  Kerosene                                                   Miranda Lambert 8.  Don't Shed a Tear                                             Paul Carrack 9.  Ghost of Love                                              The Proclaimers 10. I Write Sins Not Tragedies                              Panic at the Disco 11. Smile                                                           Lily Allen 12. Goodbye Says It All                                              BlackHawk 13. Careless Memories                                              Duran Duran 14. Nowhere Girl                                                       B-Movie 15. Hard to Be a Husband, Hard to Be a Wife      Chely Wright and Brad Paisley 16. Not About Love                                                 Fiona Apple 17. Take Out the Trash                                    They Might Be Giants 18. U + Ur Hand                                                           Pink 19. Good News                                               Neurotic Outsiders 20. Love You                                                       Jack Ingram 21. Time for Me to Fly                                          REO Speedwagon 22. What Is This Thing Called Love?                             John Barrowman

Disc Eight(Aberration, Inc.) 1.  Stripped, Part 2                                        Christina Aguilera 2.  Girls Lie, Too                                                 Terri Clark 3.  What Goes Around Comes Around                            Justin Timberlake 4.  Believe                                                               Cher 5.  Subtract One Love (Multiply the Heartaches)                           Cake 6.  Knock 'Em Out                                                   Lily Allen 7.  All That She Wants            ��                                Ace of Base 8.  You Don't Love Me                                                The Kooks 9.  You're So Damn Hot                                                   OK Go 10. Billie Jean                                                Michael Jackson 11. Losin' You                                                      Amy Millan 12. Oh, Goddamnit                                                 Hot Hot Heat 13. You Oughta Know                                          Alanis Morissette 14. You Don't Own Me                                          The Blow Monkeys 15. Girls                                                         Beastie Boys 16. Next Ex-Girlfriend                                        Bowling for Soup 17. Never There                                                           Cake 18. You Are Everything                                            The Low Life

Disc Nine(Chaotic/Static Cling Enterprises) 1.  Love Potion No. 9                                            The Searchers 2.  My Lovin' (You're Never Gonna Get It)                             En Vogue 3.  Liberty                                                        Duran Duran 4.  Da Da Da I Don't Love You You Don't Love Me Aha Aha Aha               Trio 5.  Hole in My Head                                               Dixie Chicks 6.  Your Woman                                                      White Town 7.  Murderess                                                    Power Station 8.  Good as Gone                                               Little Big Town 9.  One Night in Bangkok                                           Murray Head 10. Endicott                                         Kid Creole & the Coconuts 11. Kiss You Off                                               Scissor Sisters 12. I'll Take You Back                                            Brad Paisley 13. New Toy                                                        Lene Lovich 14. Every Word Means No                                           Let's Active 15. Broke in Two                                          They Might Be Giants 16. My Friends                            Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter 17. He Can't Quit Her                                               Gary Allan 18. When You're in Love                                        The Proclaimers 19. Don't Think You'll Be Missed            Aileen Stanley with the Virginians 20. Why Say Anything Nice?                                    Barenaked Ladies

Disc Ten(Aberration, Inc.) 1.  Don't Trust Me                                                       3OH!3 2.  Atari                                                 Lucky Boys Confusion 3.  Get Over It                                                          OK Go 4.  So What                                                               Pink 5.  Have I Been a Fool                                             Jack Penate 6.  Flavor of the Weak                                          American Hi-Fi 7.  There's a Fine, Fine Line                              Stephanie D'Abrazzo 8.  99 Problems                                                          Jay-Z 9.  Don't Want You Back                                        Backstreet Boys 10. You Turn the Screws                                                   Cake 11. Breakin' Up                                                     Rilo Kiley 12. More Boys I Meet                                          Carrie Underwood 13. They'll Need a Crane                                  They Might Be Giants 14. Should've Said No                                             Taylor Swift 15. Hound Dog                                                    Elvis Presley 16. Take Me or Leave Me                                                   Rent 17. Your Kisses are Wasted on Me                                  The Pipettes 18. Just a Girl                                                       No Doubt 19. Bust Your Windows                                         Jazmine Sullivan 20. Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)                           Beyonce Knowles 21. There You Go                                                          Pink

Disc Eleven(Chaotic/Static Cling Enterprises) 1.  I Hate Myself for Loving You                     Joan Jett 2.  Her Royal Majesty                                             James Darren 3.  What If I'm Right?                                              Sandi Thom 4.  I Hear You Knockin'                                            Fats Domino 5.  Go Your Own Way                                              Fleetwood Mac 6.  He'll Have to Stay                                            Jeanne Black 7.  Du Hast                                                          Rammstein 8.  Ampersand                                                    Amanda Palmer 9.  Another Girl                                                   The Beatles 10. Can't Do It Today                                               Gary Allan 11. No Scrubs                                                              TLC 12. Cold Cold Heart                                               Tony Bennett 13. Gunpowder and Lead                                         Miranda Lambert 14. True Romance                                             She Wants Revenge 15. Brand New Lover                                              Dead or Alive 16. Ex-Girlfriend                                                     No Doubt 17. Nothing Suits Me Like a Suit                    Neil Patrick Harris, et al 18. Don't Say You Love Me                                              Erasure 19. Red Rubber Ball                                                     Cyrkle 20. Strange                                                      Reba McEntire 21. Mr. Spock                                                      Nerf Herder 22. See You Later Alligator                          Bill Haley and His Comets

Disc Twelve(Aberration, Inc.) 1.  Right as Rain                                                        Adele 2.  She Ain't Got                                               LeToya Luckett 3.  Fly on the Wall                                                Miley Cyrus 4.  Telephone                                          Lady Gaga feat. Beyoncé 5.  Love Drunk                                                 Boys Like Girls 6.  Bye Bye                                                      JoDee Messina 7.  Analysis of a 1970s Divorce                                  David Dondero 8.  I'm Not Crying                                     Flight of the Conchords 9.  Every Breath You Take                                               Police 10. You Owe Me an IOU                                             Hot Hot Heat 11. It's Over                                     John Legend feat. Kanye West 12. Mood Ring                                                        Relient K 13. Picture to Burn                                               Taylor Swift 14. Gives You Hell                                        All American Rejects 15. Hit Em Up Style                                               Blu Cantrell 16. Beautiful Girls                                              Sean Kingston 17. It's Oh So Quiet                                                     Bjork 18. Pastures                                                      Lil' Justice

Disc Thirteen(Chaotic/Static Cling Enterprises) 1.  Fox on the Run                                             Sweet 2.  Angel in Your Arms                                          Hot 3.  Say It Right                                                 Nelly Furtado 4.  Gimme Three Steps                                           Lynyrd Skynyrd 5.  Heartbreaker                                                   Pat Benatar 6.  Don't Bet Money, Honey                                       Linda Scott 7.  Two Out of Three Ain't Bad                                        Meatloaf 8.  Too Many Fish in the Sea                                   The Marvelettes 9.  Pet Name                                              They Might Be Giants 10. Cold as Ice                                                 Foreigner 11. Jezebel                                                      Frankie Laine 12. Dark Lady                                                             Cher 13. (She's So) Selfish                                               The Knack 14. Evil Woman                              Electric Light Orchestra 15. Lipstick on Your Collar                                     Connie Francis 16. Stereo                                                         John Legend 17. Too Fast                                                    James Marsters 18. I Don't Wanna Go on with You Like That                          Elton John 19. It's My Life                                                     Talk Talk 20. Cold Hearted                                                   Paula Abdul

Disc Fourteen: Suck It, Marshall(Chaotic/Static Cling Enterprises) 1.  Told You So                                               Barenaked Ladies 2.  The Sign                                                       Ace of Base 3.  Bulletproof                                                        La Roux 4.  Victim of Love                                                     Erasure 5.  I'll Never Fall in Love Again             Kristin Chenoweth and Sean Hayes 6.  Are You Fucking Kidding Me?                             Kate Miller-Heidke 7.  Leeds United       Amanda Palmer and the Born Again Horny Men of Edinburgh 8.  Bringin' Me Down                                               Andy Taylor 9.  Alejandro                                                        Lady Gaga 10. Go Where You Wanna Go                              The Mamas and the Papas 11. Hate on Me                                                      Jill Scott 12. Shop Around                               Smokey Robinson and the Miracles 13. Anti-Love Song                                                Raven-Symoné 14. Don't Come Around Here No More                                   Tom Petty 15. King of Anything                                            Sara Bareilles 16. Endgame                                  Tommy Körberg and Barbara Dickson 17. I Am a Rock                                            Simon and Garfunkel 18. Don't Ask Me                                                         OK Go 19. Gonna Get Along Without Ya Now                       Patience and Prudence 20. I Quit                                                             Hepburn 21. The Mixed Tape                                            Jack's Mannequin                                                                

Disc Fourteen-and-a-Half: The Robot Falls in Love                             (Static Cling)                                                                                                                  1.  Rolling in the Deep                             Adele 2.  Rolling in the Deep                                             David Choi 3.  Rolling in the Deep                                            Jodie Aysha 4.  Rolling in the Deep                                           Kina Grannis 5.  Rolling in the Deep                                             David Cook 6.  Rolling in the Deep                                             Wonderland 7.  Rolling in the Deep                               PS22 Chorus feat. Denise 8.  Rolling in the Deep           Adele, Jay-Z, Biggie Smalls, and Voodoo Farm 9.  Rolling in the Deep                                             Tahj Mowry 10. Rolling in the Deep                                           Tim Halperin 11. Rolling in the Deep                                        Melissa Tojones 12. Rolling in the Deep                                            Mike Posner 13. Rolling in the Deep                                             Chris Ning 14. Rolling in the Deep                                         Haley Reinhart 15. Rolling in the Deep                                           Darius Dante 16. Rolling in the Deep                                            John Legend 17. Rolling in the Deep (live on Ellen)                                  Adele

Disc Fifteen(Aberration, Inc.)

1.  Just You Wait                                                 My Fair Lady 2.  You Can Make Him Like You                                  The Hold Steady 3.  Like a Boy                                                           Ciara 4.  Marionette                                                 The Marvelettes 5.  Through with You                                                  Maroon 5 6.  Bye Bye Baby                                                  Janis Joplin 7.  Let It Die                                                    Foo Fighters 8.  Blow It Out                                                       Ludacris 9.  Take It Easy (Love Nothing)                                    Bright Eyes 10. The Line                                                         Skakabobs 11. Fuck You                                                      Cee Lo Green 12. Grenade                                                         Bruno Mars 13. Jar of Hearts                                              Christina Perri 14. Love the Way You Lie                                  Eminem feat. Rihanna 15. Potential Break-Up song                                           Aly & AJ 16. Cooler Than Me                                                 Mike Posner 17. What the Hell                                                Avril Lavigne 18. Tired                                                                Adele 19. My Give a Damn's Busted                                      JoDee Messina 20. Ignorance                                                         Paramore 21. Hot and Cold                                                    Katy Perry

Disc Sixteen(Chaotic/Static Cling Enterprises) 1.  Almost Sorry                               Scissor Sisters 2.  Drama!                                                             Erasure 3.  Stop Draggin' My Heart Around                   Stevie Nicks and Tom Petty 4.  Runaway Baby                                                    Bruno Mars 5.  I Have Learned                                            Barenaked Ladies 6.  All Cried Out Redux                       Jill Scott (feat. Doug E. Fresh) 7.  If Only                               Grey Delisle and Neil Patrick Harris 8.  Nobody's Side                                 Elaine Paige and Murray Head 9.  Human                                                        Charlene Kaye 10. Maneater                                                      Hall & Oates 11. Mr. Big Stuff                                                  Jean Knight 12. Used to Love U                                                 John Legend 13. Bad Medicine                                                   Bon Jovi 14. Treat Me Right                                                 Pat Benatar 15. We'll Sing in the Sunshine                                    Gale Garnett 16. The Last Song                                                 Tim Halperin 17. Bills, Bills, Bills                          Darren Criss and the Warblers 18. Modern Girl                                                  Sheena Easton 19. Chain of Fools                                             Aretha Franklin 20. Dreams Be Dreams                                              Jack Johnson

Disc Seventeen(Chaotic/Static Cling Enterprises) 1.  Dead Memories                                                     Slipknot 2.  Poison                                                        Alice Cooper 3.  Paper Gangsta                                                    Lady Gaga 4.  Maneater                                                     Nelly Furtado 5.  These Boots Are Made for Walkin'                             Nancy Sinatra 6.  50 Ways to Leave Your Lover                                     Paul Simon 7.  Stutter                                                         Joe Walker 8.  Solitaire                                                   Laura Branigan 9.  Runaround Sue                                        Dion and the Beltones 10. Life Goes On                                                  Little Texas 11. Me Party                                       Amy Adams and Eric Jacobsen 12. Coin-Operated Boy                                        The Dresden Dolls 13. Smoochy Smoochy Pukey Pukey                          Harry and the Potters 14. I Know There's Something Going On                                    Frida 15. Evil Ways                                                          Santana 16. Your Cheating Heart                                             Joni James 17. Harden My Heart                                               Quarterflash 18. Rest in Peace                                               James Marsters 19. That'll Be the Day                                          Linda Ronstadt 20. (I'm Not Your) Stepping Stone                                  The Monkees 21. Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye                         Steam

Disc Seventeen-Plus(Static Cling) 1.  Ready to Go (excerpt)                    Nicholas Strauss and Brian Holden 2.  Please Don't Touch Me                                       Megan Mullally 3.  I Want You, But I Don't Need You                                     Momus 4.  The Longest Text Message                                  Childish Gambino 5.  Makin' Whoopie                                               Amanda Palmer 6.  Fuck You/Gonna Get Over You                                    Sara Bareilles 7.  Getting Rid of Britta     Eric Christian Olsen, Chevy Chase, and Tom Wolfe 8.  Geek in the Pink                                                Jason Mraz 9.  Look It Up                                                 Ashton Shepherd 10. Poison                                             Bel Biv DeVoe 11. Used to Love Her                                             Guns N' Roses 12. Irreplaceable                             Beyoncé (feat. Ghostface Killah) 13. How to Write a Love Song                                   Axis of Awesome 14. The Girl Next Door (To Everybody Else)                 George Watsky 15. I'm Tired                                                    Madeline Kahn 16. Jubilation Day                   Steve Martin and the Steep Canyon Rangers 17. Making Circles                                              Christian Kane 18. Tyrone                                                         Erykah Badu 19. The Rake's Song                                           The Decemberists 20. The Succubus                                   Isaac Hayes and Trey Parker 21. There Ain't Nothing Like a Dick           Nicholas Strauss and Devin Lytle

Disc Eighteen(Static Cling) 1.  She Runs                                                      Tim Halperin 2.  Boy Toy                                            Tanya and the Hot Girls 3.  Misery                                                            Maroon 5 4.  Grown Man Cry                  Amanda Palmer and the Grand Theft Orchestra 5.  Ooh La La                                                   Counting Crows 6.  The Truth About Love                                                  P!nk 7.  Bones                                                           Gary Allan 8.  Good Girl                                                 Carrie Underwood 9.  I Don't Think She's in Love Anymore                          Charlie Pride 10. I'm Not Your Toy                                                   La Roux 11. Kids                                                      Childish Gambino 12. Lesson in Leavin'                                           Jo Dee Messina 13. Mockingbird                                                     Rob Thomas 14. Say You're Sorry                                            Sara Bareilles 15. Can't Wait to Say No to You                                       TalkFine 16. You Lie                                                     The Band Perry 17. I'll Feel a Whole Let Better                                     The Byrds 18. Turn on the Radio                                            Reba McEntire 19. Bye Bye Baby                                                         OK Go 20. Leave the Pieces                                              The Wreckers

Disc Nineteen(Static Cling) 1.  Rumour Has It                                                        Adele 2.  Woman Up                                                     Charlene Kaye 3.  No Surprise                                                       Daughtry 4.  Nylons in a Rip                                                Nikka Costa 5.  How Am I Doin'?                                             Dierks Bentley 6.  Hermione                                               The Moaning Myrtles 7.  Baby Don't Get Hooked on Me                                      Mac Davis 8.  The Apartment Song                                               Tom Petty 9.  I'm Like a Bird                                              Nelly Furtado 10. At Seventeen                                                     Janis Ian 11. Le Disko                                                    Shiny Toy Guns 12. Strippers                                               Ghost of the Robot 13. You Don't Like Me                                     They Might Be Giants 14. Shame on You                                                   Jerry Minor 15. The More I Learn (The Less I Understand About Love)           Ronna Reeves 16. Bad Blood                                                  Natalie Lungley 17. To Be a Man                                 Brian Holden and Joseph Walker 18. Her Daddy Was a Dalek, Her Mummy Was a Non-Stick Frying Pan  Martin Gordon 19. Men                                                   The Forester Sisters 20. Rashida Jones                                   Prometheus Brown and Bambu 21. All You Really Need Is Love                                   Brad Paisley 22. Alone with You                                                   Jake Owen 23. Wind It Up                                                Barenaked Ladies

Disc Twenty(Static Cling) 1.  You Will See Me                                dan le sac Vs Scroobius Pip 2.  Pumpkin Soup                                                     Kate Nash 3.  Girls Ain't Nothing but Trouble         The Fresh Prince and DJ Jazzy Jeff 4.  Sigh No More                              Catherine Tate and David Tennant 5.  Tough Goodbye                                                   Gary Allan 6.  Survivor                                                   Destiny's Child 7.  Trade Mistakes                                          Panic at the Disco 8.  I Don't Wanna Be in Love                                    Good Charlotte 9.  Poison Apple                                                 Charlene Kaye 10. Hey Robin, Jolly Robin                                     Paterson Joseph 11. Sitting, Waiting, Wishing                                     Jack Johnson 12. Blow Me (One Last Kiss)                                               P!nk 13. Better off with Him                                                      A 14. Let Her Rip                                                   Dixie Chicks 15. Don't Think Twice It's All Right                                 Bob Dylan 16. Shut Up                                                    Black Eyed Peas 17. I Hate Everything About You                              Three Day's Grace 18. Eden                                                        Sara Bareilles 19. Amsterdam                                                           Guster 20. Erase Me                                                    Ben Folds Five 21. Good Day                                                 The Dresden Dolls

Disc Twenty.Five: Keep Your Hands off Will You Damn Fancy Cannibal(Static Cling) 1.  Goldberg Variations: Aria                                      Glenn Gould 2.  Sympathy for the Devil                                  The Rolling Stones 3.  Fee Fi Fo                                                  The Cranberries 4.  Civilized Man                                               James Marsters 5.  A Place Called Home                                             Kim Richey 6.  Gravity                                                  The Dresden Dolls 7.  For Reasons Unknown                                            The Killers 8.  A Formidable Marinade              Mikelangelo and the Black Sea Gentlemen 9.  Your Own Worst Enemy                                  They Might Be Giants 10. Temptation                                                            VAST 11. Exterminate, Regenerate                                  Chameleon Circuit 12. Thankless Job                                         Anthony Stewart Head 13. Demons                                                              Guster 14. Let's Kill Tonight                                      Panic at the Disco 15. Crime and Passion                                              Duran Duran 16. Polly                                                              Nirvana 17. Hello, My Treacherous Friends                                        OK Go 18. I Know Things Now                                         Danielle Ferland 19. Monster                                                          Lady Gaga 20. One Tiny Thing                                                        8in8 21. Stand By Me                                                           Mona 22. Vide Cor Meum                                              Patrick Cassidy 23. Hannibal (Censored)                                              oswinlost

Disc Twenty-One: The Oklahoma Legacy OR Musical Anachronism(Static Cling) 1.  Girl in a Country Song                                        Maddie & Tae 2.  Mister Nice Guy                                             Invisible Inc. 3.  You Don't Know What Love Is (You Just Do As You're Told) The White Stripes 4.  What You Call Love                                                  Guster 5.  Because It's Not Love (But It's Still a Feeling)              The Pipettes 6.  Upside Down                                               Barenaked Ladies 7.  Lasso                                   Sister Sparrow and the Dirty Birds 8.  Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down)                                 Nico Vega 9.  If Your Kisses Can't Hold the Man That You Love                  Rasputina 10. Epiphany                                                 Chrisette Michele 11. Wishing He Was Dead                                               The Like 12. Stunner                                        dan le sac Vs Scroobius Pip 13. Forgot to Laugh                                            Bridgit Mendler 14. Delayed Devotion                                                     Duffy 15. Switch                                                                 TLC 16. I Love It                                       Icona Pop feat. Charli XCX 17. Leaving You Behind                                            Amanda Blank 18. Love Don't Love You                                               En Vogue 19. Drowning                                                             Banks 20. Building a Wall                                         Brian d'Arcy James 21. Truce                                                    The Dresden Dolls

Disc Twenty-Two(Static Cling) 1.  Dickhead                                                         Kate Nash 2.  Love Is Like a Bottle of Gin                           The Magnetic Fields 3.  Same Old Love                                                 Selena Gomez 4.  Burn                                                          Phillipa Soo 5.  Turn Me Loose                                                     Loverboy 6.  So Long                                                             Guster 7.  Free Fallin'                                                     Tom Petty 8.  Love Sick                                                        Bob Dylan 9.  Look for the Woman                            dan le sac and Scroobius Pip 10. Opposite of Blue                                              Raining Jane 11. Leave                                                     Barenaked Ladies 12. L.A. Devotee                                            Panic at the Disco 13. How to Be a Heartbreaker                           Marina and the Diamonds 14. The Sad Truth                                               Shauna Carrick 15. Here                                                          Alessia Cara 16. Hungover Heart                                                  Gary Allan 17. Cupid's Got a Shotgun                                     Carrie Underwood 18. Ex's & Oh's                                                      Elle King 19. If This Is It                                      Huey Lewis and the News 20. You Rascal You                                             Hanni El Khatib 21. Merry Happy                                                      Kate Nash

Disc Twenty-Three(Static Cling) 1.  Casanova (Your Playing Days Are Over)                         Ruby Andrews 2.  You Finally Said Something Good (When You Said Goodbye)     Teddy Thompson 3.  Allez-vous En                                       Kate & Anna McGarrigle 4.  By the Sea                            Helena Bonham Carter and Johnny Depp 5.  One Night Stand                                               The Pipettes 6.  You Can't Go By That                                              Ricochet 7.  Goodies                                            Ciara feat. Petey Pablo 8.  Neutron Dance                                              Pointer Sisters 9.  Trouble                                                             Avicii 10. Smoke Rings in the Dark                                         Gary Allan 11. So Gone                                                        John Legend 12. You're Easy on the Eyes                                        Terri Clark 13. Better to Leave                                               Jordan Brown 14. Second Chance                                                    Shinedown 15. Ballad of Mr. Steak                                            Kishi Bashi 16. Hunter's Kiss                                                    Rasputina 17. The Jeep Song                                            The Dresden Dolls 18. My First Stalker                                                    Watsky 19. Parasites                                                       San Fermin 20. End Love                                                             OK Go

Disc Twenty-Four(Static Cling) 1.  Doin' It By Myself                                                  Guster 2.  Me, Myself, and I                                  G-Eazy feat. Bebe Rexha 3.  Duct Tape Heart                                           Barenaked Ladies 4.  Instant Pleasure                                          Rufus Wainwright 5.  Please Don't Tell Her                                           Jason Mraz 6.  Mr. Know It All                                             Kelly Clarkson 7.  Set Me Free                                                    Leela James 8.  Turning Tables                                                       Adele 9.  Hard Hearted Hannah                                             Bea Arthur 10. Here I Go Again                                                 Whitesnake 11. 455 Rocket                                                     Kathy Matea 12. She Had the World                                      Panic! at the Disco 13. Heartbeat                                                 Childish Gambino 14. Your Love Is a Lie                                             Simple Plan 15. Flake                                                         Jack Johnson 16. Little Rock                                                  Reba McEntire 17. Four Little Diamonds                              Electric Light Orchestra 18. What Makes You Cry                                         The Proclaimers 19. The Fog                                                          Overcoats 20. Sorry                                                              Beyonce 21. Motherfucker Got Fucked Up                                        Folk Uke

Disc Twenty-Five(Static Cling) 1.  Welcome to Hell    Saoirse Ronan, Cecliy Strong, Kate McKinnon, Aidy Bryant 2.  A Kiss Is Not a Contract                            Flight of the Conchords 3.  Leave Me Alone                                                The Veronicas 4.  Simple Machine                                                       Guster 5.  I'm Moving On                                                Chyvonne Scott 6.  Daddy Lessons                                                       Beyonce 7.  As the Crow Flies                                                Gary Allan 8.  Five Minutes                                   dan le sac vs. Scroobius Pip 9.  Love Will Tear Us Apart                                        Joy Division 10. Now I Know                                                       Lari White 11. That's My Girl                                                Fifth Harmony 12. Bling Bling                                                     Junglepussy 13. Bye Bye Bye                                                          *NSync 14. It Was a Shit Show                                          Santino Fontana 15. Paper Mache (Single A.F.)                                        Miss Eaves 16. Daria                                                                  Cake 17. Sleeping Beauty                                            Helen Trevillion 18. Justice for Lavender                                         Shauna Carrick 19. Philosopher                                                      San Fermin 20. No Means No (But So Do Other Things, Too!)                  Grumpy Princess 21. Flirtin'                                                             El Pus 22. Pink Lemonade                                    Watsky with Invisible Inc. 23. Stake a Claim                                  dan le sac vs. Scroobius Pip

[zoebechtle-blog]

Unlikely Chapter 11

Saturday I’d convinced my jailers to let me escape back to my own apartment. Niall wasn’t huge on the idea, I could tell, but I was scared of wearing out my welcome. And I really wanted to walk around in my underwear, something I would have been fine doing at his house if it wasn’t for the roommates. I was very much used to living alone, and being stuck with three guys, even though I was secretly in love with one and adored the other two was like living in a fraternity house. A very clean, well organized frat house, but nonetheless...beer bongs and FIFA. I missed my pink towels and Tocca hand soap, and quiet. I really missed quiet.

Deo had been feeling a bit neglected and pouty, which I pointed out to Niall that morning after we got out of the shower (shower sex was my new favorite because he had a detachable shower head that did glorious things. He offered to buy me one, as well. Finally, a gift I could get behind.). Their friend Matt was coming to town that afternoon, so I suggested that we go our own ways for the night, which he agreed to begrudgingly. He tried to get me to take Phil with me, but I assured him Aaron would be man enough to protect me. Besides, had he seen my right hook? I’d snuck on my phone before Niall woke up that morning, and googled my name. There was the shit I was expecting (including a not-flattering picture of me drunk at a football game in college), but also quite a few really, really nice comments. People genuinely happy for Niall, commenting on his adoring smile and lovesick expressions. I felt decent about the whole she-bang and confident about where it was all going.

A night of dinner and dancing was on the books as I headed out to Soho with Aaron, Hannah (Willie, too, was on the lads night), and Carly. We hit two gay clubs, and I decided it was my night’s mission to get Aaron laid while we danced to some of the best house music around. Never one to put style over comfort, I’d worn battered fuschia Chucks with my little black dress. I wasn’t looking to be picked up, and I couldn’t throw shapes in heels like Carly could. This was a night about letting loose with my friends after what had ended up being a very long week. And I was there for it. I was goofy and drunk and in love with the world. So naturally I started drunk texting Niall.

“Hi buggaboo! I miss youuuuu.”

“Petal . Have we been drinking ?”

“We? I assume you have.”

“Secret?”

“Yes .”

“I’ve been drinking. Shhhhhhh :)”

“Going to get Aaron laid. He needs ridden like a cowboy.”

“go mission babe”

“heyyyyyyy”

“hi pretty girl .”

“Where are you?”

“On the way to Libertine.”

“Need a ride?”

“Zo ?”

“you ok ?”

“Yeah. Sorry we’re moving bars.”

“Someone Carly knows is getting us into the teddy bear bar.”

“The Toy Room ?”

“Yes! You’re pretty and smart, Niall Horan <3”

So The Toy Room was almost as insufferable as Libertine, based on my previous experience with Paul. I was regretfully underdressed and not even my cleavage or Hannah’s mouth could get us a second look by the bartenders to get a drink. The buzz I had was wearing off and we’d lost Carly within seconds of arrival. Also, a girl waiting in the queue had called me Niall’s fat ass girlfriend. Spotted.

“Toy Room sucks.”

“Come to Libertine.”

“I’ll give them your name.

“Count to ninety,” I told Hannah.

“Giving them a timeframe?”

“Yup. No drinks in ninety seconds or we bo-”

“Excuse me?” A very large, very bald man with an in-ear headset tapped my shoulder.

I looked up at him with wide eyes. Whatever he said, I totally didn’t do it. Jess and I made eye contact, and she squeezed my hand. Aaron’s eyes were filled with fear. Hannah stood by, ready to get in between me and Lerch. The only times club security approached us we ended up getting kicked out for something. Or Carly was being arrested (it’d happened before).

“Zoe Bechtel?”

“Yes?”

“Mr. Styles would like to invite you and your friends to the private room.”

What? “I’m sorry, you must have the wrong person. I don’t know Mr. Styles.” Baldie repeated this information into his headset.

Hannah elbowed me in the ribs. “What? I don’t know him.”

Aaron then decided to lean in, “Z, it’s Harry Fucking Styles.”

“Yeah, even your mom wants him, Aaron, I know.” He flipped me off.

“Miss? He said he’s your boyfriend’s bandmate, and that he’d like to meet you.” I’m sure Harry wasn’t accustomed to people turning down his invitations.

“Is there booze?” I was going to need it.

The security guard grinned at me. “Tonnes.”

We were lead back to VIP by Clark (of course I’d asked for his name and was trying to get his life story). Aaron and Hannah each took one of my hands, and Hannah showed Clark a picture of Carly to see if he could round her up as well. I was nervous as hell and gnawing the nail on my index finger. Goddamn it, Niall. We passed a number of London celebutantes and other A Listers, and I was just staring at my Chucks. My life seemed to be a series of poor wardrobe choices.

“Zoe!” A deep Northern accent yelled at me, and before I could registered what was going on, I was lifted off the ground and my face pressed into a silky shirt. We were hugging. Okay. We’d reached hugging territory.

“Harry, put the poor girl down!” The voice of a nasally sounding woman called out, and I was forever grateful to her.

“Hiiiiiiiii,” the tall, dark haired man grinned at me.

“Hey,” I straightened my skirt and saw Hannah cracking up. “You’re Harry, I take it.”

“Yup. You’re Zoe. Even prettier than Nialler said. So glad to finally meet you.” He pinched my cheek. He pinched my fucking cheek. I resisted my urge to slap his hand, but before I could, he hugged me again.

“Jesus, Harold, paws off the merchandise!” A pretty blonde, the one who got me put down, stepped around him. “I’m Gemma, Harry’s much wiser sister.”

I shook her hand, liking her already, “Zoe. And my friends Hannah, Jess, and Aaron.”

Everyone shook hands, and Hannah went in for the hug on Harry. Aaron, too. Jess had the good sense to avoid eye contact and hide behind me - this is why she and I were friends. Apparently Niall and Harry had been texting (news to me - he rarely discussed his bandmates and I had no specific questions to ask. We talked about the experiences more than the people.), and Harry had invited him to the party he was hosting for a friend tonight. Niall had declined, but texted him a bit ago that I was at the club with friends. Harry had then showed four different security staff a picture of me that Niall had sent him, pilfered from my IG, and had me hunted down. Well, at least there was plenty of booze. Gemma hooked us up with vodka, and we were officially kind of fancy.

Harry took me around and introduced me to the pretty people who filled the lounge. Most could have cared less, and a few gave me down right withering looks, but at least they pretended to be polite since I was with Harry. I said lots of hellos, threw out fake smiles, gawked a bit, and noticed Aaron in the corner with a morning radio DJ who appeared to be quite the close talker. I settled down onto a lounge, and tried to find Hannah and Jess. As the minutes ticked by and they didn’t return, I stood to find them dancing with Gemma. Feeling too self-conscious to join them, and having been abandoned by Harry because something shiny had caught his eye, I plopped back, bored.

“Having me hunted down and brought to VIP, eh?”

“Not to be rude, but there are ppl in here wearing socks that cost more than my rent. HELP ME.”

“Hannah might be leaving Willie for Gemma, FYI.”

Messing with Niall was very little fun when he didn’t play along.

“Carly has appeared. And has her tits in H’s face. He doesn’t seem to mind.”

“My god, someone just asked me if I was Harry’s AUNT. AN AUNT, NIALL.”

“Fuck me, I just spilled half a bottle of Goose on Alexa Chung.”

“Tell Deo I’ll be his wingwoman for the rest of his life-just come here and save me from this personal moritification.”

“Niall, if you love me or even just like me a little, you will come take me away. It’s your fault I’m being made to socialize with pretty ppl.”

No sooner had I sent the last text than Harry plopped down next to me, holding a bottle of booze.

“Sorry, been a shit friend. Had to do the host thing.”

“Harry, we literally met an hour ago. You’re not a shit friend. It’s cool.” As I talked, he turned his body to face me.

“Nope. We’re gonna bond. You’re my Nialler’s girl which makes you one of my best friends by default,” he gave a smile so full of dimple that I could see what women swooned in his presence. He had his own energy cloud floating around him. “He said you like Jameson. I have tequila. Will that work?”

I shrugged, “I’m not picky.”

“Hey, I have those same shoes!” He had good taste at least.

Turns out, good tequila is really, really good. And doesn’t taste like a rattlesnake’s asshole (my previous description for cactus nectar). Also, Harry was a riot. By the time we’d done our third shot we had declared ourselves official best friends and started playing fashion police. He invited me to take over for his personal assistant on his film shoot. Or to leave Niall and marry him. When I informed him that I couldn’t be with a man who was better dressed than me, he pulled me into his lap for a cuddle. Hannah joined us, finally, and made herself at home on Harry’s other knee. I kinda of adored this big man child.

“So I take it you don’t need me to take you away anymore?” The Irish accent growled in my ear. I spun around, freeing myself from Harry’s grasp.

“Buggaboo!” I launched myself from Harry’s leg to Niall’s lap, grabbing his neck like a spider monkey, kissing his flushed cheeks.

“Hey, babe. I see you made friends,” he nudged Harry with his knee.

“Nialler!” Harry piled on our hug, squeezing me in the middle of them. Women worldwide would pay to be part of this sandwich. “I missed you!”

“Harold and I are going to take over the world,” I proclaimed.

“I like this one,” Harry motioned to me. “She’s evil.” In sync, he and I raised our hands to make claws and growled at Niall.

“What have I done?” He gave me his whole face delighted smile, and I shot my own back at him, caressing his stubble. God he looked

“Whatcha doin’ here?”

“You said if I loved you I should come take you away. So here I am.” Well, that was a very exact way to word the statement.

“Here you are,” I said back to him, slowly.

“Yup.” He bopped my nose.

“Because you love me.”

“Because I love you, Zo.”

“Cool.”

“Cool?” He lifted my chin to look in his eyes. Mine had tears in them.

“Yeah, it’s really cool. ‘Cause I love you, too.”

My text alert started buzzing at 7:00. We’d been home about 3 hours at that point, and Niall was snoring like a freight train next to me. I got up to try locate the missing iPhone, tripping over his boots and landing on a leopard print jacket I didn’t recognize. What the hell? Strange gasps were coming from the other room. Then my phone’s loud ring (Sherlock theme song, natch) started playing. What the the hell? I pulled myself up and stumbled into the living room, trying to locate my handbag. One Harry Styles was passed out on the loveseat, limbs askew. Jess was drooling on the sofa pillows. I located the offending technology and lifted it above my head like a trophy. Jess raised her head a bit and groaned. The call was from Paul.

“Where are you?” He sounded concerned. “Who are you with?”

“Home. Niall and Jess are here. And Harry Styles.” I blew a piece of hair out my face.

“Well, you’re going to want to get the boys up. The Sun tweeted pics of you on Harry’s lap last night and people are freaking the fuck out.”

“What? No, we were hanging out! I was on Niall’s lap most of the night.” I leaned against the counter, holding my head.

“And Harry giving you a piggyback ride outside. Your granny panties are showing.”

“Fuck! I was wearing Spanx.” Shit, this is no good, very bad news.

“Oh, I know, baby doll. I’m looking at them. And you assholes went to the The Toy Room without me? Rude.”

I worked my way back to my room and grabbed my iPad, flopping on the bed. “Let me call you back, Paulie.”

Niall raised his head, “What going on, babe?” I ignored him and went to the Twitter app, pulling up the The Sun’s account. Motherfucker. There I was, in all my glory, sitting on Harry’s lap, leaning back against his chest, both of us hysterically laughing. If you didn’t know it was nothing, it did looking semi-intimate. And then the offending Spanx pic - lord. You could actually see the stretch marks on my thighs. I slapped my head. Niall was following us and grabbing my ass as I clung to Harry’s back. I remembered stepping out of my untied shoe as we made our way outside. Harry scooped me up (surprisingly strong, that one. He only looks like Gumby.), and Niall grabbed the shoe. I could see very easily how someone would get the wrong idea about this picture. Jess and Carly were right behind Niall (Hannah had been dragged home by Willie after she tried to kiss Gemma and Aaron had disappeared with the DJ), but they’d been cropped out. We went out a backdoor into a waiting car. I didn’t recall even seeing photographers. I covered my mouth. I looked like a drunken slag.

Niall peered over my shoulder at the tablet, and made a noise that I would only describe as animalistic. “MotherFUCKERS! These are fucking cell picss - it was someone in VIP. The only person in the alley were employees of the club. I’ll fucking have them fired.” He grabbed his phone and started firing off a text.

I still sat in shock. My God, my patients’ parents would see this. My coworkers would see this. “I look like I’m about to take on both of you. My God, Niall. I look like a whore!” Tears ran down my cheeks silently.

“You’re not a whore, baby. You didn’t do anything! Fucking FUCK. You made us get kebabs and you fucking tucked in Jess and Harry. You walked Carly to her damned door because ‘bad people lurk, Niall!’”

My voice had approached shrieking, “Yeah, well, that’s not obvious here!”

Jess poked her head in the open door, “Zo, you okay?” I looked at her, shell shocked. It takes a fair amount to rattle me to the core, but we’ve reached that level. Ni looked terrified.

“C’mere.” Jess sat down beside me and wrapped me up in her arms, whispering words of comfort.

“HAROLD!” Niall got up and walked into the living room, and we heard him rattling Harry awake. “Look at this fucking horseshit!” Harry was still 90% asleep and drunk, and he groaned and made weird noises. “Look at this, Haz! They’re dragging Zoe through the fucking mud!”

“What the hell?” From the bed, we could see Harry sit up and take the iPad. “Shit. These aren’t pap shots. That was someone in the alley.”

“Yep.”

“It was one of the people out smoking, I bet. Look at the angle. Jesus Christ.” The two stared at one another, communicating silently.

“Yeah.” Niall was pulling his hair.“Get your goddamn lawyers on the phone. I’ll pay whatever fees. I want this shit gone!” I buried my head back into Jess’s shoulder.

“It’s a whole new world, baby girl.” She kissed my hair as Niall started talking to someone on the phone. Kimmy, if I was gathering it correctly. Harry was on his phone, too, talking in a low voice.

“Guys.” I walked out into the living room. Niall turned from the kitchen window, and Harry covered the speaker on his phone, reaching his hand out to me.

“I’m so sorry, Z.” He looked heartbroken, and I mussed his short hair.

“S’okay.”

“The pictures are out there, yeah?” Niall walked back into the room and sat down on the couch beside me, and put this phone on speaker. “Kim, Zoe is talking.”

“Hi, Kimmy. I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this.” What a way to wake up on a Sunday morning - I could verify. “Anyhow, the pics are out. They’ve been retweeted. Even if The Sun pulled them would it make a difference?”

“It could,” Harry started, as Kim said, “Not really.”

We finally decided that Harry would have his attorneys look into it. He called a security guard to retrieve him and Jess, and gave me hugs, apologizing for the incident. He was headed to France to start the film soon, but he promised to be in touch. He and Niall bro-hugged and leaned their heads in, whispering to one another. I hated that me being stupid was causing Niall issues. For a boy that a week ago had really never had much public drama, he was sure getting his taste now.

He put on a huge (fake) smile. “D’ya want breakfast? We could get something delivered?” I shook my head and walked back into the bedroom, throwing myself on the mattress. My face rested on the pair of offending Spanx, and I threw them against the wall. Niall stood in the doorway and stared, chewing on his poor, abused thumbnail.

“I’m so sorry, Niall.” I said it more into my pillow than outloud. God, he’d just finally told me he loved me last night, and less than twelve hours later I wouldn’t blame him if he cut bait. “This is humiliating for you.” When all else failed, my natural instinct was to blame myself. I suddenly felt fifteen again. Kyle the Worst, my high school boyfriend, had been caught cheating on a geometry exam and kicked off the football team. It was my fault because I hadn’t prepared him for it properly, and the bruised ribs I got the evening after he was removed were my punishment. When I fought back, he slapped me across the face.  When my mom saw the wounds and told my dad, he agreed that Kyle might have been out of line, but really, why else would he be dating the smart girl? (My dad taught me how to throw a punch when I was 8 in case of bullies, but the ones you date didn’t count, I guess.) That’s how my brain processed the first twenty plus years of my life, and right now, I was back there. Seven years of progress being pushed to the side.

“Zoe, why the fuck are you sorry? Baby, you didn’t do anything wrong. My God, no.” Niall knew this story. I’d told him one night in his dark bedroom, my face buried in his chest as he rubbed my shoulders. He just listened and told me they were wrong. So wrong.

He fell on the bed and pulled me into his lap. “I’m not humiliated, I’m pissed off at the idiot who took those pics, The fuckin’ Sun, and anyone who thinks they have to right to say shit about you. I fuckin’ love you. I love you so much. I meant it when I said it last night. Wanted to tell you forever but I was too big of a pussy. My heart is breakin’ because you’re hurt and it’s because you’re with me.” He was crying, too. My God, I’d made him cry.

“No! No crying!” I furiously rubbed at his cheeks, trying to get them stop by friction alone.

“Then no cryin for you,” he mimed my actions, making me laugh. “There’s m’girl. Listen,” he lowered his eyes so we were staring directly at one another, “I will fight someone to the death for you. It’s only been two months, but I’m pretty sure you’re the love of me life, Zo. I knew I loved you the second I saw your smile in person. Cupid shot me in my arse. I tried to pretend it was somethin’ else until that night you played with my hair and wore my hat. I was so far gone for ya. Ya get me. You’re smart and kinda. Ya make me laugh my tits off. And you’re the prettiest woman I’ve ever met, inside and out. Everytime I see ya I feel like my heart is gonna jump out of my chest.”

Well now the tears were for a completely different reason.