#'would people want to be friends with X' is a good judgement for any pokemon tbh
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Appletun works as a Pokemon because someone at GameFreak asked the question "would people want to be friends with an apple pie?" and the answer is of course yes
#pokemon#pkmn#appletun#outdesign posts things#'would people want to be friends with X' is a good judgement for any pokemon tbh#'would people want to be friends with an egg' yes#'would people want to be friends with a haunted sword' oh HELL yes
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Yes
Staraptor x reader
Your POV
My boyfriend and I came up with a bet, I would have to answer anything and only say yes to whatever I was asked or told.
I am stubborn and wanted to prove to him I could do it so I of course said yes, big mistake.
Here's what happened
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We were walking around town when a guy came up to us and asked for a picture so I answered yes. He took the picture and left.
Then we went to the flower shop and the lady working there asked what kind of flower I wanted. Because of the bet I said yes. She looked really confused while my very helpful boyfriend was behind me smirking, what a jerk! I pointed to some daisies and said yes again.
I got another look but she gave me the flowers and I gave her some of my Pokedollars. We left the shop and Star suggested we go to the park.
There were little kids everywhere and I wanted to go on the swings so I tugged at Star's arm and pointed to the swing set. He understood and we went over.
There was a child already on the swings and I wanted to go on so I just stared at him, hoping it would make him get off.
The kid said "you want a turn?" And I nodded.
He laughed and kept sitting there. I was furious at this point. I stomped over to him and grabbed him under the arms. He started squirming and yelling at me. Luckily there were no parents around so I turned him around and punted him across the playground near the sandbox.
I quickly sat in the seat and smirked triumphantly. I looked over at my boyfriend and saw him in shock at what I did. I gave him an innocent smile and started swinging.
After swinging for a while I decided to go to my friend Green's house.
Telling Star to shift, we flew to his house and arrived in no time.
Kicking open his door, I found him laying on his couch surrounded with peanuts. Not questioning it, I tackled him and we rolled off the couch and onto the floor. Startled, Green looked at me and said "What the hell was that for y/n?!"
Grinning, I was about to answer when Star gave me a look and I quickly said yes.
Green was confused at this point and just told me he was taking us to the park where I had punted the child away from the swings, unbeknownst to him.
When we got there, the same child saw me and dragged us to a battling arena, demanding I fight him.
Shrugging, I threw my pokeball, releasing Gardevoir. I didn't know how many pokemon this small child had and I couldn't command my pokemon saying only yes so I threw out my Gardevoir who understood my looks and could hear my thoughts.
This angry kid sent out a Pachirisu, signaling he was ready to battle.
He attacked first, commanding his Pachirisu to use spark. Gardevoir got hit but quickly got up.
Gardevoir read my mind and used moonblast, hitting the small pokemon and knocking it out.
Thinking the battle was over, I was about to withdraw Gardevoir when angry child kid over there threw out his next pokemon, a Beedrill.
Beedrill attacked and used pin missile, missing, and giving Gardevoir a chance to use double team and then use psychic, causing the Beedrill to fall out of the sky and hit the ground hard, knocking it out.
The little child then told me this was his last pokemon and threw out an Umbreon.
Gardevoir took the first move and used moonblast, knocking the Umbreon back but not out.
Umbreon then used pursuit, knocking my Gardevoir out.
I panicked, I didn't have any other pokemon that could read my body language or read my mind. I was doomed.
Searching through my pokemon, I found Yveltal.
Throwing him out there, the small child was in shock as was everyone else watching the battle, even Green and Star.
Looking at Yveltal, I gave him a look of hopelessness and silently begged him to understand me.
Nodding his head, Yveltal turned around and screeched at the opposing Umbreon.
I yelled "Yes!" At Yveltal and he screeched. I hoped he chose a good attack. My prayers were answered and he used foul play hitting the Umbreon hard. The little boy started screaming at his pokemon to get up, and it did to all of our surprise.
Umbreon shouted at us and released feint attack, hitting my poor, helpless, defenseless Yveltal.
Screeching in anger, Yveltal looked at me and I nodded at him.
Yveltal released a full power oblivion wing, knocking the Umbreon out and winning the battle for us!
Cheering, I ran up to Yveltal and hugged him, petting his head and nuzzling it.
He released a coo and nuzzled back, then returning to his ball.
I walked up to the child and went to shake his hand, when he slapped it away and claimed I cheated for using a legendary.
I glared at him and walked back to Green and Star, laughing at their faces, still shocked at the revealing of my Yveltal. They asked to see my entire team so I called out all my friends, well except Gardevoir. Until Green healed her.
Out came Gardevoir and Glaceon.
They looked confused as did the onlookers, questioning where my others went.
Silently asking Star to talk, he nodded.
"All the rest are a bit shocking!" I yelled. The crowd and Green and Star nodding in understanding.
Then out came Yveltal, Darkrai, Suicune, and lastly, as if all my legendaries weren't enough, Arceus popped out and joined my circle of pokemon surrounding me.
Gasps came from everyone, not expecting me to have all those legendaries, let alone Arceus.
Green and Star looked at me shocked, terrified, and amazed.
"There you have it folks, all my pokemon or friends as I like to say!" I belted out.
"Friends!" I cried out, the pokemon surrounding me looked at me.
I held up a finger signaling to wait.
"Arceus dear, lay down so I can ride you."
Everyone started yelling at me, saying how I shouldn't disrespect our god and how he would never listen to me. Others were yelling about how I captured them all against their will.
A little hurt but still going, I shrugged off their words and looked at Arceus expectantly.
Nodding his head, the god of pokemon laid down and let me climb onto him, then standing up again.
Still a little upset about what the people had said, my pokemon could sense it and started shouting at the crowd, proving them wrong.
"See, they are my friends!" I yelled, surrounded by Pokémon who loved me and cared about me.
Dismounting Arceus, my pokemon took that as a sign to all cuddle me, trapping me in love.
A man, woman, and Meowth tried to capture my legendaries for their own bidding.
Growling, I commanded,
"Gardevoir go and use Moonblast, Glaceon use blizzard, Yveltal use oblivion wing, Darkrai use dark pulse, Suicune use hydro pump, and Arceus use Judgement on the count of three! One, two, three! Attack Team Rocket!"
They all released their attack and sent Team Rocket flying off into the distance crying about blasting off again or something.
Laughing and smiling, I kissed each one of my pokemon before returning them. Not bothering about the rude crowd.
Turning around, I dragged Green and Star back to Green's house before dropping Green once more into his couch of peanuts and dragging Star home to the backyard, releasing my pokemon and cuddling with my boyfriend and favorite friends.
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J’ai tout ce qu’on rêverait d’avoir (Shiro x Coran)
Summary: Skint student Shiro signs up to a Sugar Daddy finder. Ironically, of course.
Pairings: Shiro/Coran, Sven/Slav, past Alfor/Coran
Warnings: death mentions, adult humour
Notes: Thanks to @phyripo for listening to me ramble about this terrible idea
I don't even know how to explain this. Ever start writing something for a laugh then get weirdly invested in the characters and their backstory? Also I fucking love Shiro x Coran unironically fite me.
AO3 lonk
...
He was doing this ironically, Shiro told himself.
He’d made one damn joke to Matt and in the one hour he’d set aside to take a nap, had been inundated with… websites. Websites he hadn’t even known existed, let alone been aware of how abundant they were. Thanks, Matt. He was now a little less innocent. And had a little less faith in humanity.
In all honesty, Shiro should probably just message Matt back telling him to fuck off and get back to his assignment. Or do a late night food shop. Or do literally anything that wasn’t browsing sugar daddy websites. But his body was on autopilot and he probably couldn’t stop himself if he tried.
He didn’t actually want a sugar daddy, right? It had been a joke! He’d just wanted to vent his frustrations at having yet another asshole treat him like an intruding bug at work because God dammit it wasn’t his fault if a meal wasn’t up to the customers’ standards, or was taking too long. Did he look like some verbal punching bag or something?
Also he was doing his masters degree now, and accumulating more debt than he knew what to do with. He wasn't sure he could pole dance with one arm either.
Could he actually get a sugar daddy to agree to pay off his tuition fees? Or at the very least his maintenance loans and groceries.
No because he wasn’t actually after a sugar daddy!
Most of these websites only accepted female sugar babies anyway. He did find a few that he could join, but for the love of all things good in the world he wasn’t about to for real.
Shiro leaned back in his desk chair, imagining, just for a moment, what it would be like to have a sugar daddy. Horrible. It would be utterly horrible. The image of him wheeling some 90 year old around Abercrombie and Fitch then having lunch at some overpriced boutique restaurant whilst everyone glared at him judgementally because they would all know what the fuck was up was not a pleasant one. And then they’d go back to his penthouse apartment overlooking the Thames and-
Shiro thought he would throw up.
This was a terrible idea.
Thankfully, his phone beeped and gave him an opportunity to think of something else for a second, even if it was his best friend’s lasy ass messaging him on discord from the next room.
DankMattMatt: Yo you check out those links yet?
Shiro scowled at his screen.
DankMattMatt: Reply, coward.
Shiro decided to not do that. Five minutes of staring at the login screen of one of those websites he was not going to join later, and Matt had something else to say.
DankMattMatt: oh MY GOD ARE YOU SIGNING UP TO THEM?????
Shirohfuck: nOOOOOOO
DankMattMatt: you aRE!!!!!
He wasn’t! He swore it!
Shirohfuck: Yes but ironically???
DankMattMatt: ironic sugar daddy?
Shirohfuck: yeh
DankMattMatt: moronic sugar baby
Shirohfuck: No.
Shirohfuck: I can’t think of a good username????
Unsurprisingly, his mind was devoid of any intelligent thought as he told himself over and over again he was mostly curious about what the website looked like once you were set up on it, how it worked and what sort of questions he would be asked.
And maybe to see if there were some guys on there that didn’t look one shag away from a heart attack.
DankMattMatt: hmm
DankMattMatt: How about Takashi_Shirogains
DankMattMatt: because you’re always at the gym working on your gains???
Shiro snorted. The last person who should be talking about gains was Matthew Holt.
Shirohfuck: that’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard
Shirohfuck: I love it!
Shirohfuck: I’m not always at the gym though???? Just when I need to de-stress.
DankMattMatt: So all the time??
Fuck you, Matt.
Shiro ignored him and typed in his new, terrible, username. It didn’t matter, really. He was just here to have a look around, and see just what kind of people signed up to this and what kind of messages he’d get.
He was a man of science, and therefore curiosity only came naturally to him.
DankMattMatt: oooh, I got it!
DankMattMatt: fifty-shades-of-shirogrey
Shirohfuck: NO!!!!!!
The next page seemed to relate to the bulk of his profile, either what people could see or what the site would base his matches on. He didn't fucking know. It also looked longer than some of his assignments.
Shirohfuck: holy fuck that’s a lotta questions
DankMattMatt: bring your laptop out here dude I need to see this
Shiro sighed, scooped up his laptop and downed the last of his beer. The idea of signing up to a dating site for a laugh with Matt didn’t seem so bad. He’d probably liveblog it which technically counted as writing down their findings, and therefore it was an experiment not anything else. For science!!!
When he trudged into the living room of their flat he found Matt still working on his drinks cans Christmas tree, a weird tradition they’d had since they’d been freshers, because Matt saw someone do it on the internet and therefore needed to try it himself, the walking meme.
Oh well, saved on buying an actual Christmas tree.
Shiro wondered whether they’d bother buying real decorations this year or, like always, just balance Matt’s pokemon toys and alien waifu figurines on it again. Probably the latter. Who said a Japanese guy and a weeb couldn’t be best friends?
Whilst Matt was occupied with sellotaping energy drinks and beer cans together, their other flatmate, Sabhajit ‘Slav’ Pawar was typing away at a laptop, probably doing something more productive than signing up to - thanks, Matt.
“Oy, sugar pup,” Matt drawled, pulling tape out of his hair, “while you’re up, grab that bottle of Absolute in the cupboard and two shot glasses – wait, Slav?”
“Wot?”
“Wanna watch Shiro sign up to a sugar daddy finder?”
Slav raised an eyebrow at Shiro, who flushed an ugly shade of maroon and buried his face in the kitchen cupboard.
“You know that there’s a 38% chance this is the reality where I fail to hand in my assessment on time?” He did seem to be looking over with interest though.
“Those are pretty good odds,” Matt reasoned, “and besides, how often do you get to see Shiro try and pull creepy old men?”
"Oh, next to zero." Slav nodded, but he still looked unsure. Matt groaned.
“Just bring your work over here. And Shiro? Make that three shot glasses.”
“I’ll definitely be needing it,” Shiro placed the vodka on the coffee table, sweeping empty cans onto the floor and ignoring Matt’s protesting.
“So, if it works out for you, should we all think about signing up?” asked Slav, settling down on Shiro’s other side, just to make sure he was sandwiched between the two terrible enablers.
“You’re dating my brother,” Shiro reminded him, “you’re not allowed.”
“Well I’m gonna,” said Matt, “unless, you know, it doesn’t work out for you Shiro. Our pioneer. Boldly going where no Holt or Pawar has gone before. Or at least I hope my sister has never been on these sites.”
“Thanks,” Shiro scoffed, then his smile fell; “I kinda feel bad, you know? I don’t wanna catfish people.”
“You’re not catfishing anyone,” exclaimed Matt, “you’re literally filling in your profile honestly!”
Shiro chewed his lip. “But what if someone sees my profile and falls in love with me? And I’m just doing it for a laugh.”
Matt rolled his eyes. “Yeah I don’t think it’s that kind of website. Slav?”
“Yeah?”
“What’s the chance of Shiro meeting his soulmate on here?”
“Zero point five percent.”
Matt grinned. “See? Now, what profile picture should you use?”
They soon decided a selfie Shiro took on a lads holiday to Ibiza last year really fit the bill, given that he was shirtless and at the beach. It screamed 'I suit luxury, please pamper me'.
“Don’t worry,” Matt assured him, “you’re the best-looking guy I’ve seen. Ever.”
“And with this picture showing off how strong you are,” added Slav, “there is an 80% chance you’ll find a millionaire willing to date you within seconds.”
Shiro wasn’t so sure. “Guys, d’you think a picture without my prosthetic would be better? What if it puts people off?” That being said, why the fuck did he care?
“Shiro,” Matt placed a hand on either side of his face, “I’m gonna be honest with you: if someone has a problem with your prosthetic, they’re not worth your time. Like, even if they’re millionaires, don’t bother. They’re scum and you don’t need them in your life.”
Shiro stared straight into Matt’s eyes, at his steely determination, and nodded. “You’re right, bro.”
“I know I’m right! And besides,” added Matt with a wink, “there are probably people into prosthetic limbs. Like, I bet there’s websites and everything.”
How in the fuck – Shiro was speechless. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know further.
“Well that’s a load of shit,” he mumbled, turning back to his profile.
“I’m fairly certain it’s what Slav has,” commented Matt.
“I just think his arm is cool!” Slav cried, a little too defensively. Shiro wondered if he was qualified to launch himself into space yet.
“Whatever,” he grumbled, “I’ll just keep the picture.” He still had a lot of bullshit questions to get through before he could start nosing at other people’s profiles.
“What’s next?” asked Matt.
“Age, location, simple enough.” Financial information? He chuckled at that. “Where’s the ‘broke as shit’ option?”
“Just pick the lowest bracket I guess,” offered Matt. “Minimal, yeah that sounds about right. Hmm, build?”
“Is there a ‘sculpted’ option?” asked Slav. Shiro snorted.
“Athletic, buddy.” He clicked the box, hoping the profile pic suggested as such; he’d been on some strong cocktails and donner kebabs for the entire week. “I need a heading, apparently, like a title?”
“Space daddy,” said Matt immediately.
“I’m looking for a daddy, genius,” Shiro’s face fell; “I don’t actually have to call them ‘daddy’, do I?” A couple of his exes had taken to calling him that and he'd soon acquired a slight distaste for the word.
“Space puppy?”
“Why do you keep calling me that? Pup?”
Matt scoffed. “Don’t you even know sugar bowl terms? A sugar pup is a male sugar baby. So you, now.”
“I wouldn’t call myself one yet,” Shiro groaned, “the profile’s not complete. There’s still an opportunity for me to pull out.”
“Oh I think there’ll be a few opportunities for you to pull out,” Matt commented, then, when Shiro groaned and cradled his face in his hands, slung an arm over his shoulder, “you kinda walked into that one, buddy.” His other hand was used to execute a terrible high-five with Slav.
“I know and I hate it.”
The three soon decided ‘lost space boy’ was probably a better header.
“Hey you can add more photos,” Slav commented.
“Nice, I guess.” And so Shiro wasted another five minutes trying to decide which photos made him look the most athletic, and handsome. He wanted a wide range of messages, after all, to collect the best data. Science!
“I don’t have children,” he said aloud when they reached the next page, “unless we count you too.”
“Please don’t,” whined Matt, “we’ve both hit on you – that’s weird!”
“Now you know how I’ve felt for the past half hour.”
“Smoke?”
“Nah.”
“Drink?”
“Yes please.” Shiro took another shot before checking the ‘casual drinker’ box. Matt and Slav just judged him silently. Shiro ignored them, filling in his education level instead.
“Oh, an ‘about me’. How fun.” Shiro never knew how to fill out those damned things, but with the help of his two terrible friends, he managed to cobble together a not-totally-terrible description of himself.
Hi, I’m Takashi Shirogane, and I’m a 25 (well, 6 if you only count leap years) y/o postgrad student studying astrophysics. I’d love to become an astronaut one day, or failing that help launch astronauts into the void.
In my spare time, I can usually be found at the gym, or exploring the city. I’m particularly fond of the science museum! I’m a hard worker, and my idea of fun is a well-earned rest, or reading a good book. I like my alone time, but I also value strong friendships with my wonderful bros. So even if we don't hit it off romantically, we can always maintain a friendship!
And now to tell the potentials what he was actually looking for in them.
“Money,” said Matt firmly.
“You can’t put that,” argued Slav, “you have to beat around the bush!”
“I know, damn.”
Shiro ignored them, wondering just what he’d want if he was being serious about this, and began to type.
What I’m looking for is someone to have deep conversations with, someone who will make me feel special and cared for. I don’t want a walking credit card, but someone I can have a fun, adult relationship with. Someone with similar interests would be a bonus too! Not looking for short term or FWB, sorry.
“Not bad,” Matt gave a whistle as Shiro added a few tags, and that was it. Profile complete.
“Well now what?” asked Slav after ten seconds of silence.
“We wait for the daddies to roll in, duh,” Matt rolled his eyes, though Shiro had to wonder how long that would take.
“Oh wait,” he muttered, leaning closer, “my profile hasn’t been activated yet. They have to check all my information, I guess.” And with that thought in mind, the trio dispersed. Shiro made his way into the kitchen, Matt promising to call him if he got any messages, and threw a prawn tikka masala in the microwave. Slav was finally released from his curiosity hostage situation long enough to continue his assessment.
Dinner made – at 1 in the morning – Shiro settled down to have a browse whilst he waited. Apparently, he could make a Wishlist of things he wanted to be bought, but decided against it, much to Matt’s protesting that he needed a new laptop. Shiro told him to go back to his Christmas tree of disappointment.
A two hour nap later, and Shiro had ten messages.
The first message was asking for nudes. The second wanted pictures of his feet, of all things. Shiro decided not to reply to either.
Shiro, Matt and Slav amused themselves by taking turns to do dramatic readings of increasingly creepy messages until they were blushing up to the ears. This continued with each new message, until they got to one that wasn’t as awful. Thankfully.
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: I'm attracted to you like the Earth is attracted to the Sun-with a large force inversely proportional to the distance squared
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: I’m also a fan of your muscles!!!
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: I don’t know why I said that
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: both those things, really!!!!
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: I’m so sorry!!!!
“Fuck that’s actually sweet,” Matt commented.
“Yeah, he seems nice! Or shy, at least.” At last, someone he would actually like to message back.
“Might want to tell him you’re not mad then,” said Slav, “before he completely has a breakdown.”
“Oh, right.”
Takashi_Shirogains: Hey dude don’t worry!
Takashi_Shirogains: Honestly this is the sweetest message I’ve gotten yet??
“Should I send him a silly chat up line back?” he asked.
“Go for it!”
Takashi_Shirogains: Every time i look at you i feel like an astronaut...your beauty makes me float.
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: !! aww!!
“I should probably check what he looks like,” Shiro commented, hurriedly clicking on this strange man’s profile. Hopefully this guy wasn't a munter, or old as fuck. There had been a tiny profile pic, yes, but hardly visible, just an orange blur. Like Garfield's pubes or something.
Now he could see quite the collection of photos.
“That’s… that’s a pretty big moustache,” Matt noted.
It was. It nearly covered his mouth, bright ginger to match his hair. There were two other things Shiro noted immediately, the first one being his love of brightly-coloured shirts – sequins, swirls, the lot. The second one was that his smile: no matter what picture he was in, he always had the goofiest but kindest smile Shiro had ever seen. It certainly put him at ease.
"Could you fucking imagine that thing tickling your balls," exclaimed Matt, still on the moustache, apparently.
Slav gave a whine. "Matt, please!"
"Oh yeah! I'm sure your boyfriend knows all about that."
Shiro mimed throwing up whilst Slav scratched at his patchy beard and moustache. "That's my actual brother you're talking about!"
“45 years old,” Matt commented, ignoring them, “could be worse.”
“Yeah at least he’s not 70,” agreed Shiro. He wasn’t that bad looking either. Yes, the moustache was ridiculous and he was somewhat older, but there was something charming about him, charmingly handsome, even. He looked like he’d be equally able to provide a good joke and the exact comforting comment you needed to hear.
“Even his name is eccentric,” said Slav, “Coran Hieronymus Wimbleton Smythe. Who has four names? Especially ones like those.”
“I’ve never met a ‘Coran’ in my life,” Matt added, “didn’t even know it was a name; thought it was a book, to be honest. Then again, if my parents named me that I’d probably end up being a little eccentric.” He already was a little eccentric, but the other two decided not to comment.
Shiro just stared at the photos. Everything about this man was batcrap insane and, for some reason, he absolutely loved it. Maybe he just gravitated towards weirdos, but he wasn’t complaining.
“Dude he’s fucking loaded!” cried Matt, jostling his shoulder and pointing at Coran’s earnings, or what he claimed were his earnings. Shiro tore his eyes away from Coran and his garish shirts to actually study his profile.
Okay, he was a casual drinker too, interested in men, didn’t smoke. Under number of children he’d put ‘prefer not to say’. Shiro wondered what that meant. Did he have like ten?
“Woah, he’s a CEO of his own company,” he commented, “congratulations to him, I guess.”
Matt looked at him curiously. “A little infatuated, are we?”
“He seems nice,” Shiro reasoned.
“Yes but what has he put about himself?” asked Slav, scrolling down.
Matt snorted. “So what’s the probability of this guy being a serial killer?”
“Five percent.”
“I’d risk it. For that money.”
“Did either of you see he was a widower?” asked Shiro with a pang. Poor guy. How did he even bring that up in conversation? Well, not right now, for starters.
“What if he murdered his husband?” asked Matt. Slav looked at him in horror.
“You can’t say that! That’s horrible!”
“It might be true!”
“It’s highly unlikely!”
Shiro just busied himself with reading Coran’s profile and holy fuck did it confirm the man was the strangest human being on the planet.
Erm, hello there, weary internet traveller!!! I, Coran Hieronymus Wimbleton Smythe, would like to welcome you to my dating page!! I hope you find out what you need to know here, but to help, let me tell you a little about myself. I must say, it is quite the saga!!! I shall try not to tell every story here though, or we’ll have nothing to talk about ourselves!
Forty five years ago, on quite the historic day, I was born in Wellington, New Zealand, with a dream. Although, I probably didn’t have this dream as a baby, I probably dreamt about shitting myself and drinking milk. Anyway! The dream was education!! As a boy, I was fascinated by the world around me, and beyond. My interests were varied, but all relating to science. Then again, I suppose everything relates to science, in a way. I kept a collection of crystals and interesting rocks, whilst simultaneously looking to the stars with my little telescope. I also had a collection of fossils I’d found, and it was safe to say my parents were probably a little relieved when I packed my bags and went off to university!!!!!
It was there that I studied astrophysics whilst maintaining a love of drama and the arts, naturally. In my time I’ve travelled to the US to work with NASA before settling down in the UK, where I remain to this day. Not counting holidays and business trips, I suppose.
I am now the CEO of New Horizons, a company that makes science kits and equipment for the curious child!!!
It has not been an easy climb to the top, and I’ve had to deal with everything up to fighting a bear!!!! Yeah, I don’t live in the US anymore for a reason. I also had some trouble with a shark on holiday to Australia once and it didn’t end well. For the fucking shark!!! Shame, really, I hate hurting animals but you must do what you must in the name of self-defence, right?
I would say I was closest to my grandfather as a boy, and he taught me all he knew about geology! And everything, really.
As well as science, my hobbies include museums, watching plays, writing screenplays, water skiing, butterfly collecting, yodelling, flying, engineering and dance. I also love spending time at the beach!
I speak various dialects of English, as well as Māori, French and Mandarin, and apparently, I can do quite a convincing range of accents! I also love learning new languages, so if you speak a language I do not, never fret! I will soon learn it for you, my future dear!
I'll also just say it right fucking now: I will drink you under the table!!!
My favourite colour is baby blue and my favourite films are ‘what we do in the shadows’ and ‘hunt for the wilderpeople’. I listen to anything really, though I prefer classical and jazz. I have heard some of your young people music, though, and I must say I’m fucking impressed!!!
Oh fuck, it seems I’m running out of characters. Well, I hope that was enough to glean something of my personality.
Cheerio!
“I love him,” Matt muttered, “like, I wish he was my uncle or something. Or even just a guy I could go on the piss with. I’d probably end up dead but it’d still be the best night of my life!”
“I want to listen to all these stories of his,” said Slav, “he’s probably a genius!”
“Not as big a genius as you though,” said Matt, “is there anything you don’t know?”
“How to be emotionally stable?”
“Dude, same.”
“I’m speechless,” muttered Shiro, silencing them both. This couldn’t be a real person, surely. His mind seemed incapable of working after reading about Coran’s life, and yet, he was pretty sure he’d be willing to believe it all.
Also, pray tell, what the fuck Coran?
“What does he want though?” asked Slav, “what is he looking for in a person?”
“Himself, probably,” Matt smirked. Shiro ignored him, and read on.
I suppose what I want in a romantic partner is romance, plain and simple - a deep bond and something long term. If that sounds intimidating, I’m sorry and I hope you find someone more to your tastes!!!
I can be incredibly doting, I promise, but I guess I also want long conversations about science and our lives too. I also would like someone not opposed to more cultural days out, though I’m open to fun of a more simplistic nature too!!!
“He means fucking,” said Matt.
Shiro rolled his eyes. “Or going to a club, maybe?”
I’m also partial to discussions regarding conspiracy theories, and am always interested to know which ones you believe, and which you find completely ridiculous. If you have any experiences with aliens, I’d love to hear all about them too!
“Shiro, run. He’s probably part of a cult.” Matt’s jaw had almost hit the floor by now.
“I think he sounds interesting,” Slav sniffed. He, for one, loved a good conspiracy theory, and was certain this was the reality where alien invasion was inevitable.
I don’t want to dwell on the physical, but I do have a thing for muscles!
“He’s your soulmate,” said Matt with such determination that Shiro couldn’t tell if he was joking or not.
“He is brilliant,” he reasoned.
“Why don’t you message him back then?” asked Slav.
Fuck. He’d forgotten about that little message notification.
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: You still there?
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: I haven’t scared you off, have it?
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: Ooops, in that case I’m sorry!
“I’d have messaged him quicker if his profile wasn’t so damn long. And terrifying.”
Takashi_Shirogains: No no! I was just reading your profile!
Takashi_Shirogains: Interesting life!
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: Why thank you!!! All true, I can assure you!!!
Takashi_Shirogains: good to know!
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: nice to meet another scientist, may I add!!
Takashi_Shirogains: same!
Takashi_Shirogains: nice to meet someone who doesn’t want dick pics
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: Now I never said I didn’t
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: I’m joking!!!!!
Takashi_Shirogains: good to know omg
“He’s not joking,” Matt insisted.
“Shut up.”
Takashi_Shirogains: so what brings you to the sugar bowl?
Takashi_Shirogains: I mean I signed up for a laugh but you seem nice so?
“I had to be honest about that,” he explained, “I’m not catfishing this sweet old man!”
It was imminently clear from Matt’s face that Shiro had said something dumb as fuck. “Okay, firstly, you’ve used all your correct information, so it’s not catfishing, still, and secondly, maybe he’s catfishing you. Also he’s on a website in the hopes of basically paying people to date him.”
Shiro gave a pout. Although he hated to admit it, Matt had a point.
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: Sugar what?
Takashi_Shirogains: sugar bowl
Takashi_Shirogains: you know, what this whole scene is called, apparently. Idk that’s what my roommate said anyway
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: scene?
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: like, online dating? I’ve never done this before, I have to admit.
Matt snorted. “He’s either senile or majorly taking the piss.”
Or both, Shiro supposed.
Takashi_Shirogains: …
Takashi_Shirogains: like… sugar daddies and sugar babies??? This is what this website is for??? it's not my kink but i'm not judging???
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: hold on I need to google some things.
It took a full minute to receive Coran’s reply.
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: …
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: ..,
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: my
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: my son said this was a website for successful people
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: I was wondering why no one I matched with seemed to be in the same bracket financially
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: not that I have a problem with that! It just confused me
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: Takashi????
Shiro wanted to reply, but Matt was buried in his chest, laughing with tears streaming down his face. Slav was on the floor, and Shiro wasn’t sure he’d ever seen the guy laugh so hard. He himself was certain he’d have a ten-pack by the time he’d stopped laughing.
Takashi_Shirogains: OH MY GOD
Takashi_Shirogains: you poor man!!
Takashi_Shirogains: are you oka y????
Takashi_Shirogains: Also call me Shiro everyone else does
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: I’m so embarrassed!!!!!!
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: I asked my son and he fessed up but he won’t stop laughing!!!!!
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: This is almost as bad as the time he added gimp masks to my shopping list and I actually asked the guy at tesco if they sold them because I didn’t know what a gimp mask was.
Takashi_Shirogains: how in the fu
Takashi_Shirogains: ck
Takashi_Shirogains: holy shit
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: yeah, that sums it up pretty nicely, Shiro
“So… how do you feel about being a stepdad?” asked Slav, “your sugar daddy might not be a sugar daddy but he’s at least a dad?”
“Fuck, he has a kid.” Shiro blew his tuft of hair out of his face, sinking back into the chair. He honestly didn’t know what to make of that information.
Takashi_Shirogains: so you have a son?
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: I have 3 kids
Takashi_Shirogains: holy fuck
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: yaa I didn’t want to put it on my profile because it might attract creeps
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: sorry if that puts you off but I should mention my kids will always come first???
Takashi_Shirogains: yeah no I understand! It just came as a little shock but I don’t mind!!
He wasn’t sure he didn’t mind, but that would be something he’d have to think about later.
Takashi_Shirogains: how old are they?
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: a little younger than you actually. My oldest just started uni!!!
“At least you’re not gonna be a toyboy who’s younger than his own kids,” Matt reasoned.
“Never call me that again.”
Takashi_Shirogains: so you don’t need me to babysit?
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: haha no!!
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: oh, you weren’t expecting an actual sugar father, were you?
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: sorry to disappoint you
CoranCoranGorgeousMan: although I could try that if you want?
Takashi_Shirogains: no it’s fine! Like I said, I signed up for a laugh. Uni life got me broke and all
Takashi_Shirogains: also it’s sugar daddy omg
Shiro didn’t know what happened, but somehow he ended up talking to Coran throughout the night, eventually passing out on the sofa long after Matt and Slav had dragged themselves to bed. They talked about themselves, their lives and Coran’s children, and when Shiro woke up the next afternoon, he felt strangely giddy and lightheaded. He'd signed up ironically; what the hell happened?
#shiran#coran#vld shiro#takashi shirogane#matt holt#slav vld#coran hieronymus wimbleton smythe#coran x shiro#voltron fanfic
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Namelessshipping: What If...
Chapter 7
Pairings: Red x Green Oak
Warnings: None
AU: Canon Divergence.
Red pushed Green away from him by the hands on his old friend's arms, holding him at a distance to keep Green from trying to kiss him again. Everything about this situation was wrong and it was not the way he envisioned his first kiss would go like. It was supposed to be romantic and have great meaning, where he would admit his feelings towards Green and Green would reciprocate. Not Green reeking of alcohol and bad decisions. Red scowled, making his expression serious as he felt like reprimanding Green, but when he caught sight of Green's face finally, all his anger deflated almost instantly. He was still upset and hurt, but when faced with this, Red knew his weakness.
Green was crying.
It was a rare sight, one Red had only seen once or twice in his childhood whenever Green had a bad dream. Late at night in the darkness so Red wouldn't be able to see Green's lapse in strength. Seeing him cry as an adult wasn't any better, the light from the lamp prevented Green from hiding his tears now. The way they watered his hazel eyes and Red hated to admit he found Green beautiful in this moment. Even though his friend was drunk and crying his eyes out, the emotion he could see in those amber depths was raw and unguarded. Red wanted that, wanted Green to look at him without his usual guards up. He just wanted the real Green, but that didn't mean he was going to accept using alcohol as a form to get what he wanted.
It was everything or nothing, Red would accept no less.
Still though, he didn't have the heart to push Green away as the other male looked so vulnerable and flighty, as if any moment he'd run away after being rejected. Green would thank him tomorrow, or not considering he'd likely fall back to old habits again.Red pulled Green close, wrapping his arms about his friend to hug him close. He wouldn't kiss, but hugging was just fine to comfort Green. It made him wonder if Green ever cried in front of anyone else before, if they would hold him with silent care like Red did. Instead of going to his own room where he assumed Green's lady of the hour was, he had stumbled to Red's room. He didn't want to think too much into it, but he was just glad that he could be there for Green, he just wished he could be there more often.
As Green quaked with silent sobs, Red stroked his back, letting the other man let it all out. Red knew of Green's habit of keeping everything in, it wasn't healthy so he wasn't about to interrupt this moment. Already he could feel the tears soak in his red and white shirt, wondering why Green of all people was crying for. Red had assumed Green was happy, his friend had all his dreams come true. He was famous, had the attention of many, people admired and respected him. He was an idol to so many, maybe Red wasn't looking hard enough. It made him feel like a terrible friend for missing the fact that Green was suffering over something. He lifted a hand, curling a light brown spike of hair around his fingers, watching the way the silky strands brushed over his skin. He didn't know if he'd ever get the chance to touch Green like this again, so he allowed himself to be a little indulgent.
Eventually, Green was slumped against him heavily, he had stopped shaking with his hard crying, leading Red to believe he passed out finally. Slowly, Red began to half carry, half drag Green over to the only bed in the room. Eevee and Pikachu made room for Green as Red eased him down onto the bed, it was when Red was pulling to covers up over Green that he noticed his old friend was watching him with dry, red-rimmed eyes. Red hesitated a moment, trying to figure out what he should say or do. He had a thousand questions to ask Green but he would feel guilty about taking advantage of Green's current state. It was wrong to pry when Green was this exposed, he didn't want his friend to regret it later and hate Red for it.
"Why?" Was all Green asked as he stared up in confusion, Red glanced away, unable to look into the very eyes that haunted his dreams. Now he would be haunted by the memory of Green crying in front of him, he wasn't certain if he could take much more of this. He had thought meeting up with Green again would be nice, but it was only making his yearning for something he couldn't have even worse. Red raised his hands, about to sign something but stopping himself, hand gestures wouldn't get his feelings across. Red licked at his slightly chapped lips before swallowing roughly. After so many years, he finally broke his silence. His voice was low, soft, and a bit scratchy from lack of use.
"Because... I love you too much."
The next morning, Red was at his desk working on his latest research paper on the Kanto water Pokemon here in Alola. Green was still asleep in his bed, having passed out after Red had admitted his feelings towards him. Red was almost certain Green wouldn't remember it, torn between wanting Green to forget or to remember. He'd been so stressed over it, he couldn't sleep. Instead, he stayed up the rest of the morning to work on his research. He only stopped to go downstairs and grab some coffee and breakfast, also grabbing a bottle of water and aspirin for Green. Red didn't know much about drinking, but he'd overheard and seen enough on television to know that after getting drunk one typically had a hangover. The coffee didn't help ease Red's nerves though, only served to make them worse since he wasn't a coffee drinker.
He leaned his elbows on the desk, stopping his typing to rub at his tired eyes. What the hell had he been thinking? He shouldn't have said anything, but having Green kiss him like that had thrown him for a loop. Did Green really feel something towards him? Or was the alcohol making Green have bad decisions? A low groan filled the room, but it wasn't from Red. Green was slowly starting to wake from the sounds of it, making Red tense. The hour of judgement was upon him and Red wasn't ready in the slightest. He glanced at the door, wondering if it wasn't too cowardly to bail while he had the chance. He didn't want to face Green after last night, afraid he had just screwed up any hope that he could at least be friends again with Green.
"...The hell... What're you doing in my room, Red?"
Too late to run. Red couldn't stall any longer as he turned to look over at Green. He paused at the sight of Green sitting up in his bed, his silky black shirt wrinkled and that brown hair a complete mess. Despite the soured and pained look on Green's face, Red's breath caught in his throat. When Red didn't answer him right away, Green's glare turned harder. Quickly, with a faint tint to his cheeks, Red raised up his hands to answer.
'This is my room. Do you not remember last night?'
From the panicked expression on Green's face, Red assumed not. Green's hands reached to check to see if he had all his clothes on, Red couldn't help but to feel a bit insulted at the fact Green thought Red would do that to him. Red looked away with a scowl and knitted brows, making the point know that he was upset that Green thought he'd have sex with a drunk guy.Green looked around the room to confirm that this was Red's room after confirming all his clothes were on except for his sandals. Once Green spotted the bottle of water and aspirin on the bed stand, he immediately dove for it. Tossing a couple of pills into his mouth, he washed out the taste of alcohol and bad breathe down with water.
"Last thing I remember was having a good time at the tiki bar." Green admitted, then it seemed to dawn on him that he'd forgotten about Eevee. In a panic, he jumped to his feet, Red could see he immediately regretted it as a hand flew to his temple. "Eevee?!" He called out with strain, the brown fox Pokemon lifted her head from resting on Red's lap. She seemed to feel sorry enough for her trainer that she jumped down and strolled over to Green. Green crouched down, but he lost his balance and fell back into a sit. Eevee took the opportunity to jump onto his lap and bump the top of her head under his chin affectionately. Green seemed relieved by her forgiveness and Red watched with a softening gaze. However, now that Green was sober, Red needed some answers.
'Why were you drinking?'
Blunt as always but Red now held some concern for his childhood friend after last night. Green had responsibilities and he couldn't just get drunk like that. At least not alone and not telling Red so he wouldn't worry. Green hadn't even thought about Eevee and it was starting to remind Red of their Pokemon adventure all over again. Green seemed to find something interesting on the wall as he refused to meet Red's gaze, his hand absently petting Eevee. Red was about to press for answers again, but Green finally gave in.
"You damn well know why." Green groused, sounding like a sulky kid again, reluctant to admit his true feelings. Red tapped his fingers on the desk for a moment, implying he was waiting for Green to elaborate because Red wasn't going to take that as an answer. He'd been fine with Green acting like a jerk when Red had thought he was happy with life, but finding out something was wrong had put Red on edge a little. He needed to know, for his own peace of mind. "I was pissed that Eevee chose you over me, just like everyone else did!" Green shouted, getting angry at having been put on the spot. Eevee growled in annoyance at such shouting, puffing up a little. Even Pikachu who had been laying on the desk seemed to grown upset and defensive.
Even after all these years of getting everyone's admiration towards him, Green still wasn't satisfied. Green had everything except his grandfather's approval and love, that Red could understand why Green was upset over. However, Eevee had just reasons to be upset with Green and it was a shame that her trainer couldn't understand her. Red rubbed his jaw in thought, he couldn't simply tell Green that Eevee just wanted him to stop being a jerk.Green would likely just get more upset and angry at having his flaws pointed out to him. If Green thought no one would choose him for being who he really was, then that meant Green didn't remember what Red had admitted last night. If only he could get Green to look past his own insecurities to see that someone would pick Green, that someone had been there the entire time waiting.
'Battle me. Only use Eevee and I'll use Pikachu.'
#namelessshipping#originalshipping#trainer red#trainer green#trainer blue#green oak#blue oak#what if#fanfic#fanfiction#au#alternate universe#canon divergence
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1-85 pleaseeee ❤
Here you go anon ❤️ basic answers but if you want more in depth, just ask x
NSFW asks1. Are looks important in a relationship? Yes, to a degree
2. Are relationships ever worth it? Yes, bad times teach you lessons and good times teach you love
3. Are you a virgin? Ha no
4. Are you in a relationship? Nope
5. Are you in love? Nah
6. Are you single this year? Yep
7. Can you commit to one person? Of course
8. Describe your crush. Don’t have one
9. Describe your perfect mate. No such thing
10. Do you believe in love at first sight? Nope
11. Do you ever want to get married? If I find the right person
12. Do you forgive betrayal? No
13. Do you get jealous easily? Depends
14. Do you have a crush on anyone? Nope
15. Do you have any piercings? I have 8
16. Do you have any tattoos? I have 7
17. Do you like kissing in public? Yes
20. Do you shower every day? Yes
21. Do you think someone has feelings for you? Nope
22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? Probably my best friend
23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? Definitely.
24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? Probably not
25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year? No
26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? Yes
27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you? No
28. Have you ever been cheated on? Yes.
29. Have you ever cheated on someone? No
30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body? I’d get my stomach tucked
31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl? Who hasn't
32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love? I think so
33. Have you ever had sex with a man? Yes
34. Have you ever had sex with a woman? Yes
35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you? Yes
36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends? Yes
37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? No
38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? No
39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? No
40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone? No
41. Have you had sex so far this year? Pfft yes
42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander? Depends who I’m with
43. How long was your longest relationship? 2.5 years
44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? Um not sure
45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013? Probably like seven
46. How many times did you have sex last year? Pfft no idea
47. How old are you? 22
48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? Nothing
49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her? Don't
50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept? No
51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for? Yes
52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why? Yes, the cons outweighed the pros
53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? I don’t think so
54. Is there someone you will never forget? There are many
55. Share a relationship story. My bestfriend and her boyfriend used to come on double dates with my ex and I, but we would all jump in my car and I’d drive around so the guys could catch Pokemon
56. State 8 facts about your body. I have long hair, my veins come out when I’m hot, my pinkie fingers are bent, my smile is crooked, my ass is my best asset, I’m only 5'4, my hands are small, my fingers and toes turn blue when I’m cold
57. Things you want to say to an ex. Nothing
58. What are five ways to win your heart? Listen, never lie, remember little things about me, try to understand me, accept all of me.
59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!) I’ve got several, just search my name on here
60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners? 9 years
61. What is the first thing you notice in someone? Their eyes
62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you? Give me a full body massage that leads to sex
63. What is your definition of “having sex”? Sexual penetration in some form
64. What is your definition of cheating? Being with someone else, in mind or physical
65. What is your favourite foreplay routine? Lots of kissing and touching
66. What is your favourite roleplay? Don’t have one really
67. What is your idea of the perfect date? Drive in movie and then going somewhere to watch the stars
68. What is your sexual orientation? Fluid
69. What turns you off? Lying.
70. What turns you on? Passion
71. What was your kinkiest wet dream? Never had one
72. What words do you like to hear during sex? Praise
73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you? Bring me roses and take me to the beach at night
74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for? Physically fit
75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you? I don’t know
76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone? Saw something and bought it for them
77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships? No judgement
78. What’s your dirtiest secret? Not telling
79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why? I don’t remember
80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? Last night
81. Who are five people you find attractive? I’ll have to come back to that one later
82. Who is the last person you hugged? My sister
83. Who was your first kiss with? A boy on a bus
84. Why did your last relationship fail? He left.
85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet? Possibly
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