#'the belt and the spoon make him run faster because Mom is gonna hit him with them'

[seshrat]

talking to my gf about binding of isaac items and how the dev decided to make the same joke twice with the wooden spoon and belt both being items that increase your speed and she was like "wait what's the joke" and i was like holy shit some kids really didn't get threatened with violence

[araliyaintheskywithdiamonds]

Say It First - A CrissColfer Fic

A story about vulnerability, and what it means to love and be loved in return.

Massive thank you to @everett-potter, for the invaluable ideas and without whom this fic would not have been posted. Grab the tissues for this one, my loves. 

Word Count: 2725 AO3

*Title and Lyrics from Sam Smith’s Say It First

(You're not what I'm used to You keep me guessing with things that you do I hope that they're true)

Darren’s silken tenor fills the fogged up room, rising over the low murmur of the attendants of the party. It’s someone’s birthday- one of Darren’s many Starkid friends that Chris is less familiar with- but that hadn’t stopped Darren from inviting him along in the first place.

They’ve rented out a bar for the occasion, and Chris sits alone while Darren sings, sipping his vodka and diet coke and grimacing (because apparently age doesn’t matter when you’re famous). He’s trying not to stare too obviously at Darren, who’s belting out Can’t Take My Eyes Off Of You while he accompanies with his guitar. It’s heartfelt and passionate, and the lilting notes make Chris’ heart skip beats.

(The thin sheen of sweat on Darren’s skin, catching on the stubble on his throat and seeping into his shirt, certainly doesn’t help matters.)

The song ends, and Chris manages to unfreeze enough to clap his hands along with everyone else. He expects Darren to come straight down to him- after all, he is Darren’s plus one, but a girl stops him before he’s barely even gotten off the stage. The intimate way she leans up to murmur something in his ear, coupled with the hand Darren rests at her waist, twists Chris’ insides painfully.

His assumptions are confirmed when Darren bounds over to him, dishevelled and breathless and beautiful.

“Look Chris, I gotta run, okay? Are you cool to get home by yourself?” He says this while distractedly looking back several times, motioning to the girl to wait.

Chris smiles weakly. “I’ll take a cab.”

Darren grins and hugs him quickly, and Chris doesn’t have the heart to not hug him back.

The guy sitting next to him- (whom Chris has pointedly ignored all evening)- must see him watch Darren as he leaves, and he smirks.

“Darren’s kind of a slut, didn’t you know?”

Chris’ stomach churns, and he doesn’t spare the guy a second glance. Instead, he pulls out his phone to check whether he has enough time to get home, open the awaiting tub of honeycomb ice cream in the freezer, put on some Avatar, and maybe call his mother.

***

His mother’s voice is a comforting sound in his impersonal and rather bland LA apartment. She might not understand a lot of things in Chris’ life but she’s always been there for him, and for that Chris is grateful.

“Chris, sweetheart,” She says as soon as she picks up. She’s surprised, he knows. Chris doesn’t call her as often as he should, mostly because recently the conversation’s been leaning precariously towards whether he’s found someone yet, because apparently he’s been alone for far too long and you really need to find someone, honey.

Chris wants to tell her- I met a boy, mom, I met a boy and he’s beautiful, I met a boy who for once, I think I'm in love with, but mom, he could never love me back. He knows that when his mother asks him rather pleadingly if there's anyone at all that she’s getting desperate.

And he wants to tell her the truth, he really does, but he just can't. Because saying it out loud will also mean admitting it to himself- making it so much more real and he's just not ready for that.

Chris isn’t really ready to break his own heart.

“Hi, mom,” he replies, lifting the spoon to his mouth, laden with a hearty helping of ice cream.

“How are you, darling?” His mother asks, and Chris can almost feel her happiness when he tells her he’s doing fine. They talk about work and the weather and Hannah and cousin Stacey’s new tattoo and Chris pretends he’s not all that alone.

(Come on baby Do your worst)

***

(I know you'll take me higher

So come on darling)

The night wind whistles in Chris’ ears, intermingling with their soft moans and gasps. It is warm with the summer air, even in this late hour, yet goosebumps still erupt all over his skin.

They’re rocking together in the papasan chair on their balcony. Chris can feel the hard lines of the bamboo against his back through the cushions, but it is nothing compared to the sensation of Darren inside him and all around him. He’s got two arms tucked under Chris’ shoulderblades, pulling them flush together, and Chris curls his own loosely around Darren, one tangled his hair and the other high on his back.

The slow, rhythmic creak of the chair punctuates the air among the wind and their murmurs, and Chris feels inexplicably like he is drowning. Going under fast, but instead of fighting, he’s opening his arms wide. Welcoming it.

Goosebumps erupt faster over his pale skin, and the hairs on his arms rise visibly in the moonlight.

Darren lifts a hand to brush Chris’ hair off his forehead, and his eyes glow with warmth. His movements are slow, slow enough that the pleasure is less of a burning ache to release, and more of an unceasing thrum through Chris’ body. It’s like music, like his body’s singing. A poetic cliché that Chris never knew he would be lucky enough to experience.

Darren’s touch is impossibly gentle against his skin, and right there, in that moment, on a hotel balcony that overlooks a midnight blue pool that looks like shattered glass as it reflects the moonlight- Chris wants to say it.

He wants to put words to this sensation, the one that makes him feel like he’s suffocating with how much Darren makes him feel. In an opportune burst of courage, he gasps out, “God, Darren, I-”

But he doesn’t finish the sentence. He can’t. Not yet, not when they’ve only just started this- this whatever it is, and Chris knows he’s got to be in this so much deeper than Darren. He can’t let himself be that vulnerable, not when Darren has the ability to hurt him so.

And isn’t that a laugh, especially taking into consideration the fact that Chris is at the most vulnerable he’s ever been in his life, naked in the twilight, with a beautiful and equally naked man wrapped around him.

Darren seems not to take notice of his abruptly ended sentence, and kisses him soft and sweet. He doesn’t press, and in the end, Chris’ unspoken words join the wind, the creaking bamboo, and the slick slide of skin, in the mélange of their own little atmosphere.  

(If I'm all that you desire,

I promise there'll be fire)

***

(I need to hear you,

say those words)

The first time Darren tells him he loves him, Chris almost cries.

They’re laid out on the enormous bed (Chris tends to sprawl, and Darren is a cuddlewhore), and Darren is answering emails while Chris scrolls uselessly through his phone.

He’s been on a particularly adorable instagram page of baby animals, and been letting out squeals of varying intensity over the past couple of hours. Chris comes across an absolute gem about two years into the page- it’s of a baby panda sneezing, and scaring the shit out of his mother. Chris ends up laughing so much that he has to put the phone down and bury his face in his hands, heaving silently.

When he’s shaken himself of his hysterics, he pulls his head back up to look at Darren, who’s staring at him with a strange expression on his face.

“What?” Chris asks, rubbing at his cheeks from how much they’re aching. “I don’t look that bad when I smile, do I-”

“I love you.”

It’s said so seriously and succinctly that Chris knows it’s not a joke. He feels like the ground underneath his feet has just opened up and he’s falling, falling, falling. Chris scrambles for words, that glaringly obvious reply, the one lit up in his mind like a flourescent billboard, flashing repeatedly.

They won’t come out.

Chris feels a crushing disappointment in himself that might be even worse than the miniscule moment Darren’s face falls, before brightening back up again.

“It’s okay,” Darren whispers, moving up the bed to grasp Chris’ hand in his own. “I know I kind of lay that on you a bit suddenly- you don’t have to say anything back.”

“I really-” Chris chokes out, but Darren shushes him with a kiss to his lips.

“I know, baby. I know.”

Chris settles back on the bed, lets Darren drop kisses all over his body, and lets him hate himself.

('Cause I'm never gonna heal my past If I run every time it starts)

***

(I never feel like this I'm used to emptiness in my heart And in my arms)

Chris wakes up stiflingly warm. Darren radiates heat in his sleep, and from the way he’s clinging to Chris like a koala, it’s no wonder he’s overheated. Chris pushes the duvet off their shoulders to rest at the foot of their bed, baring their bodies to the cool air. The sweat on his skin evaporates almost immediately, leaving it blissfully cool.

He’s about to try to get back to sleep (unlikely now that his sleep cycle’s been interrupted), when he’s distracted by the sight of Darren laying next to him. He’s laid out on his back, hand resting above his heart, lashes dark against his cheeks. His halo of curls fan out on the pillow, and his chest rises and falls minutely.

He looks like an angel.

Suddenly, there’s a lump in Chris’ throat that blocks off his air, that makes him gasp and swallow futilely, tears stinging his eyes and blurring his vision like the aftermath of a blow to the chest. Chris can tell it’s a panic attack, but not like any other he’s had before. It’s never hit this randomly, never made his heart ache like someone’s clutching it in their fist and squeezing.

When Chris closes his eyes and lets the tears dissipate under his lashes, he sees the face of that someone. It’s Darren.  

Nothing can prepare him for the onslaught of feeling that rushes over him as he takes in the man next to him. Is this what it’s like to love someone? When your heart is no longer yours but someone else’s entirely? When they can do as they please with it, because you let them, because you love them?

Chris raises a shaking hand to Darren’s hairline, brushing the hair away from his face, revelling in the feather-soft touch against the pads of his fingers. He traces the arch of his eyebrows (thick and beautiful), the line of his nose (that lists slightly to the left), the bow of his upper lip (truly shaped like Cupid’s bow), the plane of his jaw (dusted with a smattering of stubble).

Chris replaces his fingers with his lips, pressing a dozen kisses to Darren’s forehead, ignoring the tears that roll down his nose and only stopping to wipe them away once they hit Darren’s cheeks. He kisses a path down Darren’s face, down his neck, across his collarbone, to the skin above his heart.

He moves Darren’s arm so that he’s curled up under it, so that it’s resting over his back to cup his shoulders. This time, he welcomes the heat.

Leaning his forehead against Darren’s breastbone, Chris begins to speak, the words barely above a murmur. His lips catch on the grain of the hairs that are growing back from being removed for a scene. They tickle as his mouth forms words.

“I love you. I know I’m cheating- telling this to you when you’re not even conscious, but in case I never get to say it, I want to do it now. Maybe it’ll seep into one of your dreams and you’ll hear it there.

“I’m so scared, baby. I’m so scared that I’ll give myself to you, every single piece of me, and end up getting hurt. Because that’s what happens, Dare. Happy endings don’t exist in real life, and they most certainly don’t exist in Hollywood.”

He takes a deep breath, steeling himself to say what he says next.

“It’ll happen. You’re beautiful and kind and smart and strong- you’ll find someone else. They’ll- she’ll give you everything- kids, a family, acceptance- all the things I could never give you. You- you’ll make an amazing dad, Darren. God, you’ll be perfect. They’ll have your smile and your hair, and they’ll probably talk your ear off-”

Chris laughs thickly, but it’s short and bittersweet.

“And once the show ends, you’ll call me once or twice a year, and I’ll hear them in the background. They’ll be singing, Dare, they’ll have your sweet, sweet voice.

“Then the calls will taper off to the odd card every Christmas, and knowing me, I’ll probably collect every one of them and keep them in that box on the top shelf of the closet, simply because they’re from the man I love.”

Chris is suddenly shaking, sobs wracking his chest. He presses his lips above Darren’s heart over and over.

“I love you, Darren Criss. I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you-” His words blur into a garbled mess, and he lies there and lets the tears take him, curled under the protective embrace of his boyfriend’s arms.

Darren sleeps on, dead to the world.

(I think of you while I sleep I dream of what we could be if we grow Together unfold)

***

(Say it, say it, say it Won't you say it to me)

“Okay, Christopher, spit it out,” His mother’s voice comes from the other end of the line.

“What?”

“You’re doing that thing when you ramble about random things before you get to what you actually want to say. I’m taking Hannah out soon, so I have no time for your deflecting.”

Chris is in the kitchen, watching his latest baking endeavour morph in the oven, while Darren takes a shower.

“I’m in love, mother.”

He deadpans it, but with the silence that comes after it, he knows his mom is uncovering the truth behind his words.

“Christopher! Oh my goodness!”

Chris has to hold the phone away from his ear so as not to damage it with the pitch of her squeal, and smiles to himself.

“Really?” She sounds so happy that a warm tingle settles in the bottom of his stomach.

“Yes, really.”

“With Darren?”

“Who else, mom?”

“And have you told him that?”

Chris freezes. This time, the silence is of a different timbre.

“Oh, Chris,” she says, the sympathy in her voice evident.

“I’m trying, mom.”

“For how long?” His mom’s voice is gentle. She understands, having watched him put up every wall around him as he crawled through adolescence. She’s witnessed him lay every brick.

“Since the very first day I met him.”

It seems that those walls ended up being of no use against Darren. They didn’t stop Chris from falling into his orbit, unable to escape from his gravity.

“Chris, darling,” she says, and he imagines being wrapped up in her arms like she did when he was little, smelling her familiar perfume. “It’s okay to be afraid.”

It’s like she can read his mind.

“How-” he starts, and she laughs her beautiful laugh.

“I’m your mother, Christopher, I know.” Her voice grows gentle again. “Now, I’m going to have be fast, because I really do have to go, but you need to know this. It’s not a bad thing to be vulnerable. It doesn’t mean being weak, but being courageous. And that feeling sweetheart, when you let yourself be vulnerable, is so fulfilling.

“When you open yourself up to Darren, and you will, darling, because you are the bravest person I know, you will feel how worthwhile it is. Because one of the greatest things you can find, is someone with whom you have a safe place, to be afraid together.

“I have no doubt that that boy’s just as scared as you are, so all you have to do is be brave. Saying those three words are just that first step.”

(Say it, say it, say it Won't you say it to me)

***

The first time Chris tells him he loves him, Darren feels as if he could fly.

[lyssala]

You’re Idiots, The Both of You

Additional Pairings: N/A

Setting: Elementary School aged; Terra and Aqua are 10 &9, Ven is 5

Rating: K

Notes: We never get to see Ven as a little one so how could I possibly resist writing him as a babu with his two favorite babysitters. I love writing Terra and Aqua as kids, and throwing a very young and happy Ven in there was just so sweet to watch. I love this AU, someone needs to rescue me before I write a million stories for this world. Also its weird for me to add in the Final Fantasy characters even though they’re KH canon BUT I made Cid canon in this AU so might as well use the others too LOL ALSO don’t question the ages too much; I couldn’t keep it totally canon as some people don’t have firm ages or had such large ages gaps they’d never interact so I fudged it some.

AO3

Sweets

“And if eating cake is wrong, I don’t want to be right.”

-Lorelai

“Terra,” Ven said in that whiny voice of his meaning he wanted something.

Which meant Terra wasn’t gonna answer. He merely adjusted his arms so he could hoist his brother up higher on his back. Ven was only five so it’s not like he was that heavy but after carrying him once around the town square already, Terra was getting tried.

“Terra,” Ven tried again, this time a small hand moved from Terra’s shoulder to grabbing into his hair.

“Ow, ow, okay, I’m listening, Ven, stop.”

Ven let go, though with a small giggle. He dropped his hands around to Terra’s neck, leaning down so Ven’s face was pressed right up against Terra’s. “Can we stop for candy now?”

He hoisted his arms up as he took another step, making Ven bounce a bit, laughing as he did. “You’re as bad as Aqua.”

A slight huff told Terra she wasn’t as invested in that book she was reading as she was appearing to be. Seriously, she was the only person he knew who could read and walk at the same time and not fall on her face.

Ven leaned back, nearly pulling Terra backwards but he caught his balance before that happened. “That’s okay. I like Aqua.”

That time she did look up from her book, a smile on her lips. She reached over to ruffle Ven’s hair. “Well, that’s funny, I like you too, Ven.”

“Does that mean we can stop for candy now?”

Terra looked over to Aqua who had a hand over her mouth, the other one holding her book by her side. She was laughing at Ven, but it was pretty clear she wasn’t in any sort of opposition. “Fine,” Terra sighed.

Ven scrambled so fast down from Terra’s back he almost couldn’t catch Ven before he was hitting the ground. He started to take off down the sidewalk but Aqua was faster, grabbing a hold of his hand before he got too far.

“Not so fast there,” she said, tugging him back a little. “You have to go with both of us or not at all.”

Ven gave an overdramatic sigh but didn’t try and run off again. He reached out to take Terra’s open hand, but didn’t let go of Aqua’s either, choosing to walk between them and swing both their arms around.

It was the middle of the summer so there were a lot of tourists wandering around; why, Terra had no idea. If he could travel somewhere it wouldn’t be here. Still his mom was never that worried about them being alone around so many strangers. He knew just about every person who owned the businesses in the town center or if he didn’t know them they knew his parents or Aqua’s. Pretty much everywhere in here was safe.

Plus him and Aqua were almost black belts now, they could take on anyone who had one too many maple candies or whatever people came here for.

Seriously, what did people come here for?

“What’re you gonna get, Aqua?” Ven asked.

“Oh, I don’t know.” She hummed in thought, as she let Ven swing her arm as he pleased. “Maybe one of those cream puffs with the chocolate on it.”

“I’m gonna get all the gummy worms.”

“That’s a good choice too. Maybe they’ll have some fresh chocolate pudding you can eat them in. You like that right?”

“Yes! I love that.” Ven was practically bouncing down the sidewalk now.

Terra must’ve made a face because Ven was looking over.

“You don’t want any candy?”

“It’s too sweet,” he shrugged. “Usually at least. Tastes gross.”

“You’re weird.”

“Hey!” Terra reached his free hand over to push at Ven’s head. “Maybe you’re the weird one.”

“If I’m weird then so is Aqua.”

“I already knew that.” When he looked up with a grin she was already rolling her eyes at him.

The candy shop wasn’t that far away, just at the end of this block without any streets to cross. It was connected to the flower shop, owned by the same family so it always did smell nice in there even if Terra only liked a few select things.

“Hey, Ven.” Terra pointed in the distance where the wooden sign was blowing slightly in the wind. “Race you there. Loser buys the other’s candy.”

“Deal!”

Aqua sounded like she started to say it wasn’t a good idea but Ven already started to run so Terra wasn’t about to lose. He chased after his little brother who was already really quick. Terra avoided people’s bodies and legs, the outdoor advertisements and signs.; it was pretty easy when he grew up on these sidewalks.

He looked over to Ven who was still pretty close but Terra could probably still win if he tried. The candy shop was just in reach now.

He saw the uneven crack in the pavement before Ven did. He didn’t look like he was looking anywhere but the candy shop sign. Terra really didn’t have to think about it, he already heard Aqua’s feet behind them as she ran after them.

Terra side stepped into Ven so he was pushed backwards where Aqua would hopefully be there to catch him.

“Hey!” Ven called meaning Aqua’s hands already grabbed him from falling.

Terra tried to step over the crack so he could force himself to stop but he wasn’t as fast as Ven or as graceful as Aqua. He felt the slight falling feeling as he still tried to catch himself. Instead he found himself flat on his face, hands and knees already stinging.

He groaned as hot tears pricked at his eyes. He clenched them shut, he was gonna cry over something stupid like this. It was just some scraped skin. Nothing  new.

“Are you okay?” Aqua’s voice was soft like it always was when she was worried. That was one of the nice things about her. Even if she was right in the first place, she never made him feel worse.

“Yeah, M’fine.” He tried to push himself up off the ground, but it only made his hands hurt more.

Aqua nudged her head under his arm and used her weight to help get him up to his feet. He looked down at his dirty, pavement scratched hands, the slight trickle of blood down the leg he must’ve hit harder.

“Terra?” Ven poked his head out from behind Aqua, blue eyes wide as he looked up.

“I’m fine, don’t worry.” Terra gave his brother a smile but he was pretty sure it came out as a wince as he tried to use his hands to brush some of the dirt off his shirt and shorts. “Sorry I pushed you like that. Are you okay?”

Ven nodded. “Aqua caught me before I fell.”

She smiled down at him as she placed a hand on his head before looking back up to Terra. See, he knew if there was one person who could somehow read his mind, it was her. She always had his back.

“Kids? Are you okay out here?”

Terra looked up to the candy shop’s open doorway where Mrs. Gainsborough was standing.

“Someone came in and told me you might be hurt.” She was the owner of both the candy shop and the flower shop and was always really nice, sometimes slipping Ven or Aqua extra treats or adding a little more ice cream to Terra’s bowl.

Still, Terra waved her off. “Nah, we’re all good.”

Mrs. Gainsborough arched an eyebrow at him as she glanced down probably at the blood that was still on his leg but really he had scrapes all the time. It didn’t even hurt anymore, though his palms still felt a little numb. “Not by my standards.” She stepped out of the doorway, one hand gesturing inside. “C’mon, all three of you, get inside and out of the heat. We’ll get you bandaged up, Terra, then I’ll get you whatever you’d like to eat.”

Honestly, when in a few minutes he was sitting inside the little parlor with bandages on his hands and knees and a bowl of plain vanilla ice cream in front of him, it wasn’t that bad. His cuts still stung a little but the cool ice cream in his mouth was helping significantly. Aqua was sitting at the high counter next to him, a plate full of those cream puffs already half gone as she delicately licked her fingers from the last one she ate. On his other side was Ven, who was so small Terra had to pick his brother up to even get him in on the stool. He was currently spoon deep in pudding and gummy worms; Mrs. Gainsborough even sprinkled Oreo crumbs over it too. Ven was doing an okay job keeping it off the table but his face and shirt were covered in chocolate. He liked beyond ecstatic though so Terra didn’t bother trying to keep Ven clean.

It was weird. Terra was only Ven’s age when their mom told Terra he was gonna be a brother. He wasn’t too sure about it even though he did like his step dad just fine. Terra really wasn’t sure about it when all Ven did was cry all night, but the less newborn baby he got Terra found he liked Ven quite a lot; he was pretty cute and laughed a lot as a baby. Little brothers could be annoying sometimes but Terra didn’t mind especially when he could see Ven happy like he was now. Even if Terra was probably gonna get in trouble when they got home.

He leaned back a little on the stool to see the parlor better. It wasn’t terribly big but there was a few people at some of the tables, some others in line to take out some treats back onto the street as they walked around. He didn’t recognize many of them except one girl in the back corner. She was sitting by herself, a book on the table and long brown hair flowing down her back. Terra didn’t know her personally, she was a little older than him but he knew it was the owner’s daughter.

Terra sat back on the stool, taking another bite of his ice cream when he realized Aqua was watching him. “What?” he asked through a mouthful of ice cream.

“That was really sweet of you,” she said, this sort of smile on her face. “Getting Ven out of the way even though you got hurt.”

Terra shrugged. He honestly didn’t know why she was making a big deal about it. Not like he wouldn’t have done it for her either. “Yeah, he’s my brother.”

It was quick. Aqua leaned in and brushed her lips against his cheek. Then she was back to looking down at her cream puffs, biting into one carefully.

His ears felt hot as he watched her, unable to really move though she didn’t quite seem as concerned; granted she wasn’t looking at him at all. Not that it was weird or anything…was it? He held her hand sometimes and when she stayed over his house they’d fall asleep together, usually with Ven crawling over the both of them to sleep too. It wasn’t weird, she was his best friend. Sure most boys his age didn’t have best friends who were girls, but Aqua was different. Though he still wasn’t sure why his face felt so hot then.

He was about to question if it really even happened when he saw Mrs. Gainsborough’s daughter still sitting at the table but looking up at them. Her eyes had a certain sort of amusement, a teasing smile on her lips that made Terra look away immediately like she caught them doing something they shouldn’t have.

He quickly shoved a spoonful of ice cream in his mouth.