#'she was a rebound' I DONT CARE THESE ARE MY FEELINGS THIS IS MY BLOG

[k3n-dyll]

But Maddie - FUCK MADDIE. ME AND MY BITCHES HATE MADDIE. FUCK THAT BOOTLICKING SCOTTISH BITCH I DONT WANNA HEAR IT.

[mostlymalena]

August 20th 2024 12:33pm

I stopped writing on this blog for a bit to award some situations I was going through some privacy. I am retracting that and will never ever ever again mute myself for the sake of others.

I dont even know where to begin. I feel so angry which is a given.

Let write this all out so therapy can be easier and organized friday.

When grace and I broke up a month ago and she posted all that fucking slander - we did not stop talking. Hell we were still intimate. So while she was talking all her shit around town and telling a certain story we were fucking in her bed. Can you tell im over this lmao? There is no shame to be dealt here. We are two people who have the unfortunate fate to always feel a pull and a certain type of love for each other. Shaming any couple for trying to figure out themselves at this young age is fucking weird. I think everyone who has had SO MUCH to say about two people that are not them just prove they can only speak when it benefits themselves. Im saying this all now because I wanted to be respectful and give us the chance to try and work things out no matter the outcome. So I ignored all the fucked up shit. This of course fucked me up mentally and her as well. We tossed no contact back and forth to allow ourselves to heal and about two or three weeks ago I finally decided to uphold it and blocked her on everything. We still had ways to check in on each other indirectly but we did not speak or communicate directly at all. It started working.

About two weeks ago I started hanging out with someone who I met through a mutual friend a while back and recently (talking days lmao) we became lovers. I was RACKED WITH GUILT over it for a day or two. I felt dumb and I was afraid Grace would find out. Turns out it doesnt even matter because she took a lover herself mere days after no contact. Rebounds are just where it's at I guess. Its fun and goofy and silly and something nice I hold dear. I feel bad because I am so closed off. He reminds me a lot of Adam from the Bible because of a rib reference that we have. I am also leaving thank god in a couple months and at this point might not come back.

Grace and I took time apart and chilled the fuck out. Saturday we followed each other again on socials and we are 100% civil. WE STILL ARE. Saturday I have a movie night with Jo and we watch A Walk to Remember and I cried like 4 times lmao. Adam from the Bible goes out that night and I do not join but I do offer to pick him up when he done. Long story short I go to fetch him from bluepost and say hi to a couple of mutual friends we have and as we are getting ready to leave Grace shows up. I havent seen her in a couple weeks so I immediately feel sick to my stomach. My best friend Bay is with her and she sees me and we go to the bathroom. When I come out Grace asks to talk and we go smoke together and I am a nervous wreck. I am always nervous around Grace because I seem to be the only one who understand the power she holds over me. We smoke and small talk and it's fine. I go back in to fetch Adam from the Bible and as I am, Grace's best friend's wife, Alexis, rushes me while I am standing with my group and started yelling at me. I do not remember what she says but I say something like "I am not going to fight you girl" and some other person is pulling her back and she rushes me again and I shove her back and she tries to swing and then the bouncer drag her outta there. Grace comes to check on me a couple times - tells me she loves me and I get upset about that and leave with Adam from the Bible. My quick 10 minute pick up turned into a 20 minutes ordeal. But I mean, of course right.

Alexis is upset with me because I referenced her abuse and adultery on my blog a month ago. I did not name names but used her as an example of someone who cheats that our friend group tolerates. Now, I don't fucking care to keep that to myself. Is she wants to post things about me on her story then all is fair game now!! I personally think since such a large group knows and does nothing about it then why should I be the crypt keeper. All this info I have is from Myah and Grace so the reality of the situation of their marriage is none of my business and the only real opinion I have about it is that I hope Myah gets away from her. Myah has always been such good person in my eyes and I really just want her to get outta that. That stems from the information I was given and my interactions with them personally. Of course I don't know their inner workings. She has sent me some choice dm's which I will post now since she decided to publicly assault me lmao.

This was after her lovely exchanging of words and a sloshing of one drink on my jeans. Note the child reference which is where we get into the part where I become angry.

Monday I get a call mid work day. It's DSS. On Sunday someone reported me to CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES. They claimed I leave Olive home ALONE to go get drunk at the bars and that I make him run laps around my house as punishment.

Where to even fucking begin with this petty bullshit. Of course by law I cannot know who submitted the report. I am assuming it's Alexis because of the timeline of events and she has the information needed. It could also be Ava who has been attempting to make herself relevant again by posting things about me on her story and harassing my sister at the bars. I think she misses that the most attention she ever got was when I exposed her for LYING ABOUT BEING AN ORPHAN, GRADATING COLLEGE, AND BEING STALKED BY HER EXGIRLFRIEND LMAO. Ava you fat grotesque waste of space here is your acknowledgement, here is what you want. I am publicly acknowledging Ava!! If you ever see me out and try to fight me like you claim you will I will simply just run away because the image of you trying to move your fat beefy limbs at any speed above whatever it takes to feed your face so you have energy to continue lying will taste much sweeter than just pulling out your clip in extensions and beating the fuck out of you. Cheers to being relevant for another 3 days if even that. You telling Grace that you know who made the false report but you are not telling is so manipulative and just a lie. You just are ALWAYS LOOKING FOR A WAY IN. God you are so gross!! You only hate me because I caught you in your web of lies. You are a retched terrible person!

Here is to whoever did this:

I do not post Olive and I RARELY speak about him publicly. THIS IS WHY. It's been me and Olive since the beginning. His bio dad does not know our address or where we live. Because you decided to be a dumb petty jealous cunt and report me to CPS thinking it was some cute joke they have to attempt to contact him to let him know there was a report. We are AFRAID OF HIM. Were you trying to inconvenience me? or even worse if you are trying to ruin my life and out of what? Beef? You really truly in your heart of hearts think of yourself in such a high manner that you put me and Olive's safety in jeopardy? I hope to god you did not fully understand the consequences of your actions. My 5 year old having to speak to a CPS agent. I was a CPS kid. You never forget that shit.

You as a full grown adult are pulling a CHILD INTO YOUR OWN ONE SIDED DRAMA WITH ME??? Does it piss you off that I don't give a fuck about you? Is that what it is? That I do not respond to your dms or your shit talking. Being such a jealous vindictive person over the fact that I just live my life and don't give a fuck about what anyone says or thinks about me???

You wasted that poor agents time. The report is being dismissed you literal fucking idiot. She has actual real cases to worry about and you wasted her time.

Anyways. Not only did I and Jolie, Brooke, my therapist, not deserve this but OLIVE did not. After the breakup I stopped writing on this blog, I stopped posting on my story about personal stuff, I stopped reaching out to Grace, I stopped going out on the weekends. I kept to my fucking self and guess what. You fucking people do not care. Instead of celebrating someone who does not fit into the wilmy norm fucks you all just hate it. I might be locally hated but anyone who has ever come to me with their shit we have worked out on the spot. I'm not some evil sorceress who lives in a cave overlooking the town. I just do not fucking care about what you have to say or think about me. TRY IT.

I am so very fucking sorry that my normal ass existence bothers your equally normal and boring existence as well. God how absolutely fucking flattering it is to mean this much to basically strangers. A lot of people view me as some sort of entertainment which I get because I am vocal and I don't let people just get away with bashing.

Instead of being so fucking "scared" of me or whatever you cucks say trying joining me or just leaving me the fuck alone lmao.

Ive made all my social media private and have removed anyone I simply just don't fuck with. This blog will stay public and I will continue to write whatever the fuck I want and how I want to write it. Start your own fucking blog if you hate this one so much.

Noting that this is all so fresh and this is being written out of pure disgust and anger. Im usually all fun and games and gossip but you fucking freaks brought my FAMILY into your boring petty lives so congratulations.

[izzatira147]

SUMMER LOVE

Hi everyone, 

This is the first post for this blog. Just a disclaimer, this writing will based on real life experience of mine. So , it’s more like story telling rather than articles or blogs. I used to have few blogs but its more on general life experience as a whole. I decided to give it a try once more and now it will focus more on my relationships interest. Hence, to relate back to my topic as above, this is to the shortest and yet a bit meaningful relationship that I ever had

It all started on certain social media platform that I used, and happen to be that they assisted people to find their significant other by posting certain information about own-self and what are we looking for a partner. You can actually write your significant’s other characteristic that you want/ like. In order to understand the whole story, you need to know a little bit background of mine. I have been in few relationships before and two of them were serious and quite long relationships. To summarize it, the last time I got out from my 4 years relationship was in 2017. ( I will post another entry for that specific relationship). So it has been three years since the last time I’m with someone. I decided to give it a try. After a day, someone actually dm’ed me to know me a little bit more. His name is ‘ A’

‘A’ also the same age as me and we clicked right away. He has a few check lists that I wanted as a future partner. He has it all. From the chats only, I can tell that he is genius, talented and very passionate person in terms of education and career-wise. I admit, those are the points I admired. I like the way he start the conversation and also trying to keep the conversation alive. From dm, we changed to messaging in just two days. One thing that I feel a bit weird, the way he rush into things. In just two days, he actually asked me on date. But, I took it as a positive sign as he mentioned that he dont want to know me on online platform and he wants to know me personally. Again, thats a point to admire as I know he is serious. Another side of him that I actually didnt really expect, about his dating rule. I’m not gonna mentioned it here but, he actually more open than me. A little bit liberal, I guess? I ignored the red flags as who am I to judge people, right ? 

On the first date, I pick him up at his university and first time I met him, he is soooo different than any of the picture! He was different in a good way and he is kind of cute. We went to two shopping mall and a bank. Fast forward till the end of the first date, he confessed to me and I blindly accepted as I thought maybe he is the one ? I know, stupid right ? Well, love is blind. 

To relate back to our title , a week full of summer love begins. We exchanged texts and video call everyday. He would compliment me everyday, say how beautiful I am even without make up on, in my ‘house’ attire, my after work face and it actually makes me happy to the moon. He lift up my confidence; about my beauty and till this day I do appreciate his effort as I love myself the way I am now. 

One day before the conflict happen, we went on our second date at one of my favourite mall in town when suddenly my mom called and wanted to meet with him. I told him and he agreed. I actually surprised and and at the same feel impressed as he actually was serious to know more about my family. So , he met my parents and sister at one of the cafes. When I see him doing well with them, again, I fall for him because he accepted the challenge. 

After the date, when I was on my way home, his ex girlfriend dm me and say that my current bf is someone’s else future fiance and 6 years of relationships and she wish me nothing but happiness. Basically , she wanna tell me that I stole her future fiance. I thought they already broke up few months ago. So, I gathered my courage and tell her to meet her to discuss and actually want to hear her side of story. I gave her my number and asked her to meet me the day after. I asked ‘ A’ , whom will he choose, me or his ex. He said he will choose me and he wanted to let go of his ghost of past. At the moment, I felt so happy. 

We met at one of the coffee shop at my town. As promised, I listened to her side of story. Turns out different and contradict with his side of story. It was all communication problem, the girl was hoping him to come back to her and repair everything and comfort her but the boy thought the relationship was over just because she ghosted him for a week. She asked me to back off but I stand with my decision to fight for him as I see a future with him. 

After meeting with her, I went home and did not contact him for few hours. I actually was hoping that he contacted me first but no, he ghosted me for five hours. At 10 pm, I called him and asked about it. Only then , he finally said ‘ sorry , I choose her... “ 

It broke my heart so much and I felt like I was being used by him. After all, I’m just a rebound girl to him. Luckily, it only lasted for a week. 

To ‘A’, thank you for the short ride and even it is only short period of time, I learnt a lot from it. Learn not to trust people easily, communication is the key and so on. Thanks to you, this blog is actually born. You encouraged me to write again.So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. It may meant nothing to you, but to me, that one week meant something. Its like  a glimpse of hope/ a ray of light to my happiness. Unfortunately, it didnt work out after all. So, take care and all the best is all I can say. 

You came into my life unexpectedly but I never thought that you could leave the same way too

[meetnombre]

I promised myself that would keep this blog sfw. That I would fill it full of things that would make many other people happy and to help them escape from the outside world. It was supposed to be my little corner of the web that would be free from real world politics. I guess, today is finally that time where I have to break that promise.

The whole thing started just as Hasbro released the last episode of the first season of My Little Pony. I discovered it all at once when I marathoned through the first season. For 6 months afterwards, I have been following the pony fandom with a passion, but from a distance. Checking out other peoples art, lurking in forums, sending anon messages to other people’s tumblrs. That kind of stuff. (what can I say? To this day, I am still a bit of a social outcast)

It wasnt until one fateful day when I came across a certain someone’s tumblr blog through another person’s livestream. Not gonna mention any names (SilverBlaze! XD), but anyways! It was through this person’s tumblr that I was encouraged very strongly to introduce myself to someone from the fandom for the very first time. What pretty much happened was that I whacked this awesome guy an anonymous donation through his paypal associated with his new tumblr. What immediately happened afterwards was that his OC absolutely freaked out. Maybe I shouldnt have anonymously sent the post: “Here! Have a bag of free money!” as an anon...oh well XP This person helped me to muster the courage to create an online identity that I could use to interact with the fandom a lot better. He drew me my very own pony! (I still remember the livestream, where Silver started drawing “nombre” without a reference…remember the “meet nombre” image that used to be at the top of my tumblr? That was a modified screenshot of what Silver actually drew for me XD. He then scribbled it out, and began drawing my very own nombre! He asked me if I wanted nombre to be a boy or a girl, as he already started to draw long eyelashes for nombre. I was like “Nombre is a boy! NOMBRE IS A BOY!”, and he quickly removed the eyelashes after that X) ). I eventually took my brand new oc, created my very own tumblr…but then decided to wait until a better time to reveal my tumblr, as I kind of accidentally got Heart Lift, Sparks, and Toast Lift to swap bodies on purpose XP

But yeah! Finally went public with my tumblr, and eventually met someone else (Kappa! XP). I visited quite a few of her livestreams (when silver wasnt streaming, obviously XP), and we just…talked. We caught up with each other so much…we really gotta catch up with each other some more. But what happenned eventually was that Kappa invited me to a group chat where Silver and so many other awesome people got to hang out with each other. I met so many idols of my time and so many new faces, all of which soon became mutual friends. I literally felt like one of the richest people on the planet. I even met someone (Andie!), who soon became my girlfriend!

I still remember bits and pieces of the first group voice chat that I had with this group. One of the guys first impressions was “Is this guy serious?” (Kaipo XP), and “I’m more concerned that this guy works with live explosives for a living” (Rainboom XD)

It didnt last forever. Nothing lasts forever. One of my close friends from that group was forced to leave because he kept on getting anonymous hate from someone else. He didnt know who it was, so he was about at that stage where he was going to shut himself off from ‘everyone’. Good job anon! Good job! *slow clap*

I remember very well the time when that group that helped me with my depression got themselves a new certain member. Things were all good for a while…until that certain member made a techno remix, and asked the group as to what they thought of it. The problem was the title that he chose for it, as it was completely unrelated to the music itself, completely unnecessary, and pretty offensive to a lot of people (I’m pretty sure it was something like “Retarded Austistics” or “Autistic Retards” or something simular…..yeah…). That person was eventually removed from the group, but there was a bit of mayhem in the process, as ‘every single member of the group had moderator powers’. The incident served as a wakeup call to the group, so what happenned was that everyone was disbanded from the old group, and a new group was established…

…but here’s the thing. Not everyone was allowed into the new group. There was one person, who apparently the slim majority at the time decided that they didnt want in the new group. A lot of dramas happened since this event, but this particular separation in my opinion was a pretty big deal, as she was kind of a big part of the group at the time, and a big part of my life.

So! The one big group of people who meant so much to me ended up splitting into 2 separate groups. I stayed silent about the whole thing since then, hoping that someday maybe everyone will let bygones be bygones, because we were all friends once. Instead the opposite happened. Years later, a lot of people started forgetting each other. I could have been more proactive at the time to try and preserve what we all had, but I was worried about hurting someone in the process. I didnt know what to do.

My girlfriend broke up with me, and it was pretty much my fault. After being together for 3 months, she approached me and said that she needed some time apart...and I absolutely flipped my shit. I ended up saying a ‘lot’ of stupid shit that sent her into an absolute chronic panic attack. This drove her to the point where she told me straight up that I was no different from any of the other horrible people in her life. I felt like a real asshole when she said that. I said a lot of things that I shouldnt have said that day.

I was very fortunate to still have her as a friend after all of that. ‘Very’ fortunate.

It was about 3 months after this however that she decided to close her tumblr and delete her skype. She told me that she found happiness outside of this world that she built up. Over 2 years passed since she sent me that post, 2 years that she went missing. That’s long enough to legally declare anyone dead (not kidding either. After all of the low’s that she had been through, my mind was really starting to wonder into some pretty dark places as to what might have happened to her. I was so scared). But everything was okay! I actually got a message from her after all of those years from her telling me that she was doing very well and has settled down with someone else.

All I wanted was the best for her and for her to be happy. Nothing has changed. Even if is with someone else, I dont care. She ‘is’ happy, and she ‘is’ doing what is best for her, and thats all that matters. Hell, I’d approach this guy and shake his hand if it wasn’t for the fact that it would probably make things awkward for everyone XD

But as for me, I’m stuck. I dont really know what to do with myself anymore. When you give someone your heart and things dont work out, most people would get over it. Most people would have found a rebound relationship right now or something, but I guess I’m just not like most people. It’s not just because of my past, but its also because of my toxic present and future. I work in a workplace that can be pretty toxic at times. It’s like, you go back to work after your rostered days off to be meeted by ‘many’ old fashioned people who ask you inappropriate questions like “Hey Nombre! Did you get a root on break?” or “Hey Nombre! You should go get a hooker! You might like it!” over and over because they think its funny to do so, it just puts me off so much. I’m fine as I am! I dont mind being single, even if its for the rest of my life...but there are a lot of people out there who think its okay to treat other people like shit because they are ‘different’, when in reality, my workplace is full of old dirty perverts.

Meanwhile, I’m hardly ever online anymore. Every time I do manage to return to eavesdrop on everyone, it feels like everyone is just becoming more and more isolated from each other. I saw a post on ‘that’ group from someone who said that they wondered what I was up to, to which someone else replied that I pretty much only use tumblr now...and that really hurt me a lot. I cant blame them for thinking that way though, given that I hardly appear anymore. I deserved that.

Every time I look into my tumblrs past posts, I always have dramas. This was supposed to be a place of fun, but because the peak of my tumblr career involved the misadventures between myself and my ex and a certain red horse, looking back always brings up a lot of repressed memories.

I dont want to quit tumblr. But at the same time, I dont want to keep going. I dont know what to do. I really wish that things could have been like they were back in the first quarter of 2013. I liked that.

Over 5 years since then, and I dont know how to move on. I really dont.

[masterturner]

long drawn out personal post

this is a bit stream of consciousness, so if you’re reading this and trying to make sense of it, im sorry. its okay if youd rather not. its a lot and its emotional labour to even read it probably. it’s been almost a year since the breakup now. every day closer to the anniversary of it, i feel a little more broken. i’ve had two suicide attempts since then, a prolonged IOP thing, and i no longer see a therapist (though i really should start again). im not crying about borderline personality disorder though. this is all breakup shit. still.  im still holding together somehow. i dont really know how, some days. ive gone through the whole cycle of grieving multiple times now, cycling again and again through denial and bargaining and all that, ‘til i reach acceptance and think the hurricane is at its end. then i find i’m just in the eye of the storm, and it’ll soon pass as i get caught up in the winds again. then i do the whole cycle over and over again. thats what the therapists in the IOP said it was. a grieving process. you can grieve the terminus of a relationship the same way you grieve a dead person. it sounds so silly when i make that comparison. they also said that progress and healing are nonlinear and that it’s not really necessarily going to be as simple as passing through the grieving process a single time.  i said it sounds silly. its not silly though. its real, and i have to remind myself of that from time to time. i dont usually talk about anything personal on here, and its a little weird that im doing it now. but i guess im doing it because i dont know where else to do it. i could do it on facebook, but it feels attention-grabby, needy in a way i always feel weird being. doing it here under a little ‘read more’ thing feels less obtrusive and private, but not so private that im completely trapped in my own skull again. i hate feeling trapped in my own skull.  the anxiety bubbled up and got bad again pretty constantly. it got that way tonight. i felt my heart race while i tried to sleep. usually the worst points stemmed from me looking my ex up and seeing how their life was progressing along without me. unlike me, my ex has a drive and interest in the performance of social media that i generally lack. my social media experience begins and ends in shallow ways: i look at cute butts on tumblr, reblog dumb memes and get vague impressions of things going on in the world and such through the sometimes nonsensical things other people reblog. thats about it. my ex, though, shes the kind of person that does things like update her facebook profile picture at least once in a 6 month period, unlike yours truly.  i dont even follow her or have her friended anymore on facebook. heaven forbid i had an instagram to see what kind of stuff was going on there. it always got the worst when i saw her with her new SO. now i get to look at that every time i get the nerve to message her. its literally painful to even look to the extent i have to archive or delete every stray line of text we send to one another afterward.  i was seriously in denial - i talked myself into believing the SO wasnt an obstacle, wasnt a big deal, he was just a rebound and it didnt invalidate me. it didnt make me lesser, and it didnt mean that i was being replaced. after all, what stranger can replace 5 years of memories and experiences together? but i was a rebound too, and that led to a deep and intense relationship. why couldnt it this time too?  i was naive, i think. hopeful and naive, and i really wanted to believe this and that. ‘i know her’ i’d tell myself. ‘i know her, and i know she wouldn’t think this’ or ‘she wouldn’t do this’. but it’s wishful thinking.  maybe a part of me always did know better. maybe i stopped listening to that part of my own psyche because i started to recognize how harmful it was.  it’s kind of messed up how that works though? like... you can be happy with someone, but also be terrified of that day when they realize they can do better. and then it becomes a sort of twisted, fucked-up self-fulfilling prophecy because that thought sucks the life and passion out of you. it’s insidious and slow.  and it’s tempting to look at it like ‘i was right all along, everyone will leave me’, but that’s not really how it necessarily is. thats just the trauma talking, the fear, the part of my mind that’s lazy and resigned to suffering and collapse. it was that fear that made it real. maybe if i’d learned to manage that fear, though, things could have been different. would have been different.  it’s pointless to speculate on that though. the reason i say it isnt to speculate though, it’s because im trying to remind myself that it can apply to right now. the friendships and relationships i have now - few and far between as they may be, stretched thin as they may be, damaged and in dire need of repair as they may be - aren’t doomed to failure just because i’m afraid of loss and abandonment. the collapse doesnt have to be inevitable.  maybe talking like i’ve learned and figured something out from all this will make me feel better. maybe believing it all had a purpose will make it feel like it was worth it. eventually. right now, though, it doesnt.  i’m still so upset. i’m still miserable and i still long for things i can’t have. i miss affection. i miss being touched, even in a plain and nonsexual way. i miss being kissed and i miss being hugged. i miss being wanted, and every day i wonder if ill ever feel that again. and then i get to thinking, would it be enough to feel that from just anyone again? why do i feel so starved for... any kind of affection at all? why do i feel so desperate for something - anything like this? could anyone ever love me the way my ex did? i guess the cynical and plain answer to that is no, but thats okay. and maybe someone else can love me better. and maybe that desperate longing to be loved, cherished, cared about, touched, anything is just a symptom of an addiction that’s yet to pass. kind of a cold and clinical way to put it though, and i dont know if thats really me. yet i dont want someone else because its not enough to just have anyone. my ex left me, and now i still have that feeling of being invalidated, devalued, abandoned, and ultimately replaced. even if someone else came along and professed undying love for me, no matter how i welcomed it, that feeling of being tossed aside would remain. and i dont know how to come back from it.  i hate how much my mind... fixates on it. like... everything makes me think of it. i cant make a status on facebook without wondering if my ex will see it, what she might think. i cant leave my house and go somewhere without wondering, what if my ex sees me? what would she think of what im doing? would she approve, or be proud of me? would it impress her? or would it disappoint her? it saps the joy out of almost everything i do. i cant watch an old show without feeling bad im watching it without her. i cant help but wonder if she feels the same, or if shes gotten over it. and a part of me doesnt want to know the answer to that wonder. does she still listen to mili? coheed? does she listen to ‘old flames’ on repeat like i do? when ‘sweater weather’ comes on, does she think of me or someone else?  even now as i write this, i wonder if my ex still stops to peer at my dumb blog from time to time for a hint of how im doing and what im thinking. and i dont even know if id want to know, because seeing this message in that light casts a pall over it that makes me feel sick. i didnt want my ex to see how not okay i am. i didnt want her to see the part of me that feels so sick still. and i dont want to know that she doesn’t look at this either. so here i am at an impasse, writing words and tossing them into the void of the internet, hoping for and expecting only silence, while also hating and fearing the very same. id like to think that maybe this is a sign i dont care anymore, but i think i know better than to really believe that.  i force myself every day to just... not reach out. not say anything to her thats real or vulnerable - the few times ive talked to her it feels forced and fake. and it feels like ive cut off a limb, because im so used to leaning and relying on her. but i feel like i have to, because expecting that level of emotional labour from someone that has cut those ties with me seems silly and foolish... not to mention selfish.  why? maybe a part of me thinks that by hiding it, i’d win her back someday. or maybe im just afraid of being burdensome and difficult. or maybe i just... genuinely do want her to be happy without me. i wish it was that last one. i wish i could just back off and be happy that shes with someone else that maybe will treat her good in a way that i couldnt, or didnt.  i dont know what i want, though. i know what i dont want though. i know i hate feeling like this and i wish i could make it stop, but i cant. its not really getting easier. i had the borderline shit before this, and i could end up meeting the criteria my whole life for all i know. the breakup is just a massive complication in that whole mess, but i dont know if id even know what was wrong with me if i didnt have that relationship in the first place.  there was a day a few days ago, or maybe a week or two ago (i dont remember) where i wanted to hurt myself (not physically though for whatever reason), and in order to do it, i made myself do something i was starting to break the habit of doing. i browsed her facebook profile and scoured it for anything that’d make it sting again. i succeeded - it didnt take much. a few pictures, a relationship status change, that was pretty much it. my mind filled in the blanks after that because of course it did. it snowballed into full blown catastrophizing. they’re probably madly in love. they’re probably moving in together, if they havent’ already done so. they’re probably making plans to get married. they’re probably this and that and this and that - like it matters. like it affects me somehow.  but it doesnt. not really, not physically anyway. i dont have to look, and its like i hope not looking will make it hurt less. but not looking makes me hope, and hope has bred more hurt than anything else in the past year.  since i last looked her up in that fog of need to hurt myself emotionally, a lot of that dreadful hope i had that i could win her back drained away, and i want to believe that the pain will go away now. i havent talked to her since then. i still think about her. i still dream. i still fear and i still wonder and reflect. but i havent talked to her. is that good? is it bad? is it anything other than what it is? does it matter? maybe someday ill be over this. a part of me yearns for that. and a part of me is afraid to ever let go, because what if love wins in the end and all the time we had together meant something after all?  did it not mean anything if it didnt end up taking the shape i wanted it to take? no, it still meant something, but does that matter now?  i dont know. all i know is that to this day it hurts and... that’s all. thats all i know.  eleven months later and it still hurts. but i guess expecting it to be all better after 5 years of dating is a little unrealistic. i thought we were gonna be together forever. forever is a long time, though, i guess.  she makes it look easy, but maybe it isnt for her either, even if she’s better at making it look a certain way. i have no way of knowing and thats maddening in its own way. if i had the ability to close that distance... hear her out, be there for her, could i do it? could i get over my own fear and hurt to build a connection again? id love to find out. but i cant seem to get that far.  it doesnt matter though. its her life, and she has every right to move on without me. its easy to say ‘poor me’, but theres two sides to every story. a lot of pain that led up to the end. questions i still have that will never go answered, and closure i might not ever obtain.  ctrl+a, delete, backspace. that’s all it’ll take, tyler. then maybe you can sleep.  but no, instead you’re going to post this. for what? why? is it a cry for help? complaining for the sake of complaining?  i dont know. i cant leave it all in my own head though.  but the silence that i get back in response is liable to be deafening all the same  

[dancingqueen707]

6/24/18

IAL #36 My VLD S6 review + My Predictions for S7

Hey hello guys welcome to another Sunday and so it’s been a week since s6 of voltron dropped and literally the fandom is dead. If you are from my writing blog my author name is Tidus S. Queen but on my personal account I am Kat. I am going to be telling my opinions about this season and how good and amazing it was

Disclaimer: these are just are my options please respect them if you don't care just dont read the post and have a nice day. I am also giving 0 hate to ships this is just my views/take on the latest season.

Because I am way to obsessed for this show I rewatched S3 to S5 before the season dropped so I knew everything for this season.

My thoughts on Lotor:

S5 cliffhanger was Lotor and Allura going to the Altean world called Oriande to learn more about altean alchemy. Then we learned about lort how he is literally a space indiana jones and zarkon was a prick as a father to him and you feel bad for him. I’m gonna state right now I NEVER TRUSTED NO MATTER HOW HOT HE IS. The first time we meet the prince lotor is in S3 when he literally was teasing the paladins and to see if they can become voltron, but they can't because we lost shiro in the astral plane and he died in the s2 finale. So yeah thanks dreamworks for hurting me in the feels.

One more thing I wanted to point out Dos Santos one of the co-executive producer said that lotor was gonna be like a “justice league villain” in an article and as someone who loves superhero and villains I knew lotor was going in to help voltron with a bigger ulterior motive and once he got it the quintessence he literally played himself because he actually had real feelings for allura but we then learn this season that he killed f the alteans hw saved to get more enriched quintessence. Do i Feel he is not dead? Nope we saw no body therefore there is a total possibility we are going to see lotor in future seasons . Do we think he get a redemption arc like zuko? Maybe there are a lot of possibilities

My thoughts on Allura and Lance :

Another character I want to talk about is Allura guys I felt for A llura for this season so much because she literally got played by lotor all allura wants to do is see her people and altea again. We know that Allura loves her people and her dad and she lost her planet to the galra since the very beginning of this show. The question I have been seeing non-stop is that do you think Allura is using Lance as a rebound ? NO NO NO Allura will never do that to Lance ,and Lance respects her too much to be a douche to her he cares about her he is protective friend ( i don’t blame him} . lance did get friendzone this season yes but he is not gonna be a douche to Allura because he got friendzone. Lance has manners and respect Allura. I love their platonic friendship in my views. If you ship them romantically I respect you

A lot of people are hating on dreamworks for pushing Lance over this season. Hello hi people who are thinking that that is how the vld staff and created story tell the characters arcs in this show. Do I want lance to be happy? hell yess. But Lance can’t just get random happiness as a writer and creator of any story you have to make characters suffer in order to make them grow in a story. I know personally think they are setting up Lance's arc for that reason .In my eyes lance and allura friendship are going to get stronger as the seasons progress.

My thoughts on Keith: FINALLY FINALLY WE GET THE ORIGIN STORY OF KEITH’S PARENTS AND HIM AHH IM SO HAPPY THANK THANK YOU DREAMWORKS. Also keith has matured so much found his mom and probably bonded with we the two years that him and his mom were on space dolphins. I think that Keith need the 2 year gap with his mom. He probably learned stuff for her and he now understands his origin. Keith becoming the black paladin he is now the leader that shiro wanted him to be reference in s2 when they were going to the BOM headquarters. Keith also got a pokemon wolf when everyone else was playing dnd space version. Keith go shiro back and his mom and he has definitely grown since season 1. His fighting scene with shiro was so heartbreaking to watch but he knew how to handle the clone and respect kuro. Shiro is Keith father figure form what we saw in the flashbacks with keith dad wearing Shiro’s outfit from season 1 -2 and their bond is so deep I love them so much. I do believe that Shiro did save Keith and I love their brotherly love I really do. You ship them relatively good for you I am not hating on the ship this is just my opinion on their bond.

My thoughts on Romelle: I love this pretty altean conspiracy theorist who literally busted lotor. I love romelle I hope we see her in future seasons.

Thought on Hunk,Pidge, and Coran : they did amazing the whole season hunk defeated galra with galran policitiscs. Pidge our wonderful pidge saved the universe.. Coran has muscles he looked amazing and did great this season.

My opinions on the 7 eps:

Ep1: Omega Shield

We meet lotors nanny. (she reminds me of space yazma from the emperor's new groove lol”

Hunk learning galra politics are schooling the galrans to stop fighting (im so proud our diplomatic boy )

Ep2 : Razor Edge (more like keith and his mom bonduing ep and I’m all for that”

I love krolia, i love we get keith’s origin about his mom and dad how they met, how she got there

Texas kogane saving keith name from being yorak (lol)

BABY KEITH

They she protected keith from the blast (ahh my heart the feels)

How keith and shiro met (finally i have been waiting since s1)

How keith acted in the garrison (poor boy he fought someone )

Keith gets a pokemon who loves and it is very valid to be (also what's it’s name yorak or keith dad’s name?)

Ep 3:Monsters and Mania

The chilliest ep for the paladins

The dnd ep is my fav. I love dnd i got all their jokes about dnd

Kuro being a literal nerd yass

Lance is an adorable dork and i love him

Pidge growing to defeat coran

Allura looking like a queen being amazing with a bow and arrow

Hunk rocks every look i love how his va tyler labine made him talk man oh and punk friendship is just beautiful

Ep 4:The colony

Romelle losing her brother over quintessence

Her not believing in lotor

The ep allura threw lotor and he deserved and it was right after they kissed

Romelle being a literal badass

Ep 5: The Black Paladins

Keith and Kuro fight was so beautiful and emotional

Keith being the black paladin and has matured so well

I loved this episode too it was amazing the animation everything the soundtrack is beautiful too

Ep: 6: All Good Things

The ep that allura dragged lotor when they were fighting between the dark voltron vs good voltron

I called that lotor was gonna make a bad voltron

Allura summing the blazing sword

Coran needs to wear more muscle tees and show of his muscles more

Ep 7: Defender of all universes

The actual ship that matters the castle of lions has to be destroyed to close off the quintessence field

And the montage yeah that gave me all the feels

SPACE DAD IS BACK

Looking amazing with white hair he is now a silver fox and he gets to rest FINALLY

Allura doing her own version of avatar state to put shiro essence into the clone body

The ending and the parallels . ALL THE PARALLELS THIS SEASON

I CAN’T WAIT FOR SEASON 7 WE GOING BACK TO EARTH

My favorite episode was ep 3 because I love dnd and everyone got to just chill and play game.

My thoughts on season 7

Road Trip season i heard it's going to be from the co executive said in a recent articles

I want keith to play dnd so badly I want him to hang out more with the paladins and be super goofy

Shiro actually seeing matt again

I want to see hunk’s and lance’s galaxy garrison stories

Lance arc might happen

What’s keith pokemon wolf name?

And his dad name?

Hagger is gonna be the new villian along with sendak

I have no idea what else is gonna happen next season but i’m already hyped for it

If you have read through this whole review thank you for reading it sorry it is full of rambles but this is just what I think of this season. I loved it. I hope you are having a nice day, night or ,afternoon and what are your thoughts on this season? Did it make it or break it for you? What do you think is gonna happen in s7 or future seasons? Please like or reblog and follow my main or my writing blog I post these IAL every sunday at 9EST. And again thank you for reading my review.

[takemetomorrowandbeyond]

2020-06-07

im so fucking stupid. the only thing i can do to make myself feel better is to hit myself but even then it doesn’t last long enough. my family is right. i am just a dumbass and i don’t deserve anything i have.

im such a fucking crybaby. like a week ago i was suicidal again and yesterday was fine. i cant seem to do anything right and i miss my friends. megan invited me to her house bc she has a new hottub that she and ravayn are gonna swimmie in but i said no because im an insecure fatass and made an excuse about being too fat and not having any swimsuits that fit me. it’s partially true. i only have 4 swim things. one is shorts because insecure and 2 are just tops. only one is a full one piece and ive had it since i was little when i used to do swimming at the y. i dont know why i had it then because it was meant for people my age now and i was in 2nd grade then.  it probably stil fit me even then because ive always been incredibly fat. 

i miss my friends. i dont know when school ends but i hope its soon because im so tired of doing work. corona is a bitch but it isnt that bad really. theres a low chance of me dying if i get it but i hope i do die. that’ll be nice. i wrote this in the notes on my phone but it’s not like anyone is actually going to miss me lmaooooooooooooooooooo. itd be funny as fuck seeing them trying to bust out crocodile tears and failing to do so at my funeral because they just cant be bothered to give a shit. i don’t care though. i’ve accepted that nobody will actually ever love me. 

you can thank miss ezri for that!! bitch is trying to fake being trans by dressing up as a fuckboy lmao who does she think shes fooling.  the amount of transtrenders at my school is astonishing and im not surprised she joined them 💅💅💅💅💅 she always was a manipulative liar and she’s just doing what she does best. can’t believe ravyn still likes her. i know shes trying to get over her too because she’s dating The Most Desperate girl ever, emma as a rebound. they wont last long, maybe a couple months at most.  really funny how theyre dating too considering the last time any of us heard ravyn talk about her it was her complaining about how emma was being desperate on her instagram story after riley/megan broke up with her because emma was being toxic and clingy lmaoooo. ravyn should know better but shes probably lonely bc of corona so i’ll give her a pass.

i don’t even care how bitchy i sound writing this because thats just who i am and nothing is going to change that. besides, when i started writing this i was all crying and shit and now i feel fine. issa vent. wonder if future me is gonna find this blog and be like “wow i was such a shithead back then good thing im better now” no bitch you arent. you probably doing the same shit right now. its not gonna change sis!!! just accept that nobody is gonna love or care about you and stop trying to convince yourself otherwise!! don’t take other people’s shit and think it’s true. listen. Nobody is going to love you, not now, not in the future, certainly not in the past has anyone ever loved you or even liked you for that matter. just accept it and if you find the time, do yourself a favour and kill yourself.

[casual-confessionsxwhynot]

SO! I have a confession. I've been a serial monogamist most of my dating life. Since my first real boyfriend in high school i think i've had over 30 boyfriends. Whether they were long term or short term I was bouncing from "relationship" to relationship for almost half of my life. Since it was high school and i have a healthy amount of shame i didn't sleep around with all of the people i dated, only a relatively small fraction. Still it seems weird that I spent so much time getting tangled up in someone else's mind.

Fast forward to now; I'm single and actually kinda happy! But the biggest downer i encounter is when i realize how alone i feel (and actually am).

You see, i have a lot of siblings. Like 10, no joke. But i am the second youngest, and my mom had me when she was 40 years old. My next oldest sister was 12 at the time i was born. That also means in her late 50s she was trying to deal with two teenaged girls. And while i have my reasons that i don't speak with my mother anymore, that whole situation still sounds like a certain kind of hell to me.

The point i'm getting at is that my single working mother was perpetually exhausted. Also neglectful and manipulative and emotionally abusive and a whole slew of things I will likely delve into later on my psychological deep dive. Anyway! I never felt like i was given enough attention from....anyone. I had no dad in the picture, a mom who was too exhausted, and a ton of siblings growing into adulthood and balancing their own lives. I have one younger sister, but as we are only a year apart in age growing up we didn't really like each other.

Despite what my dating history might suggest i was quiet and shy. Definitely have always been an introvert. Dating was a way i found myself finding a type of attention and a way to fill a void in my life. I think the void was someone to know and to know me intimately. And not intimate in a sexual sense, but someone to talk to, some one to know how i think and feel and process the world around me. And vice versa of course. I didnt get that from my family, my mom talked a lot but never a lot of details about her life. And my younger sister kept to herself too (may have also been a serial monagamist? But i don't wanna speculate on her psych too, love you!) I would always be jealous of my childhood friends, who were sisters. They knew each other so well it seemed. They would argue sure, but always came together in the end and be there for eachother. If my sister and i fought it would never get resolved it seemed. We would just carry that anger, go our separate ways and just remember we didnt like each other (things are different now)

It had me feeling like i was different, i honestly wondered if i either fell on the autism spectrum or if i was a socio or psychopath because there was something wrong with ME. Because i didnt have these relationships with my mom and my sister. I see now my situation didnt foster the healthy kind communication and attention that comes with those relationships.

Fast forward again to now. I am single as of early May 2019 and it is now September 2019 . Only last week did i delete my tinder app. I started swiping just before i broke up with my ex, (together on and off for ~ year and a half/emotionally abusive narcissistic selfish asshole) i wanted to rebound and find someone better to prove to myself that i deserve and can find better! But it was hard! Online dating sucks ass. Pardon my phrasing. But for real my dudes. I dated around a little but i realized that i dont really know what i want or what i like.

Here we are

Ladies and gentlemen, after this long unorganized rant i've finally arrived to the point of this blog.

I'm documenting, in blog form, my journey to discovering my true likes and dislikes. Being tethered for a good chunk of my life didn't really allow me to know what I like. And yeah i mean i know some stuff, like i really hate bowling, and mini golf. But i mean, i've been tangled up trying to attend to my significant others emotional, mental, physical needs. WHAT ABOUT ME? I haven't made myself a priority. So this is it. My selfish time.

So yes, i deleted tinder and have stopped looking for someone to date but that doesn't mean i'm closed off to finding someone. It just means i'm making my self my number one priority and if in my quest to push myself to do things i didnt think i could do by myself and i happen to meet a really nice guy (OR GIRL!??!) Then dooooope.

I have done 3 things so far that i feel were me making myself try new things.

1) Yoga

2) walking at a park

3) pierced my nose! (Most exciting)

The yoga thing isnt all that exciting honestly. I didnt want to go to the gym one day and pulled up youtube and did a 20 min beginners yoga thing. I actually didn't really like it. I had never done yoga before and its difficult to watch a video and have them tell you to close your eys and then move thos foot forward this back and this is a warrior pose etc. And pull your navel to your spine but also deep breathe in and out! It was too much. If i want to continue with yoga i need to try a class with an instructor and a more hands on experience/guidance. (Minds out of the gutter please).

Walking outside at a park! This one isnt really a big deal to most people. But being the serial monogamist that i am i'm uncomfortable being alone and i have told myself that it is UNSAFE to walk at a park alone. That and all of the true crime/murder podcasts i listen to dont help. But i did it. One friday night i told myself i should go on a walk at a park i had been to with friends before. So the next saturday morning, ya girl did it! I walked back and forth on a lake front for like an hour. And i could have done it almost all day because it felt peaceful....but i had other shit to do lol.

THEN on a whim i decided i wanted my nose pierced. But not really on a whim, i've wanted to do this for like a year but never had the courage. Also my emotionally abusive ex was abusive to the environment around him and didnt really care about not hurting me by "accident" so i never felt safe having a fresh hole in my face that could be damaged by mistake around him.... ANYWAY this whole week. Starting monday i told myself that i was gonna go get my nose pierced on friday. By wednesday i was too excited and i went to a tattoo shop 11 min from work and got it done. I had seen the videos and read the after care instructions and done my research. I was ready. It was done and now i have to care for it everyday and let it heal for 4-6 months. HELL YES QUEEN! I really want to get a hoop but for initial healing the stud is best. Also, not many people at work have noticed ( i work at a job where piercings and tattoos are ok). Which might have upset me about a year ago. But i truly did this for me. And not anyone else, so i feel that's why i wasn't disappointed that some people didn't notice. I'm feeling good! I feel this is a positive change for me. I'm excited to meet myself.

Next:

I think i want to get another cat?

New work out routine?

Plan a solo vacation?

Actually go to the library?

Dye my hair?

Go for a drink at a bar by myself?

Paint the trim in my house?!?!? (lol not adventurous, just something i need to do.)

Challenge yourself! Take a chance and do all tje things!

[iitsqii]

6/24/18

IAL #36 My VLD S6 review + My Predictions for S7

Hey hello guys welcome to another Sunday and so it’s been a week since s6 of voltron dropped and literally the fandom is dead. If you are from my writing blog my author name is Tidus S. Queen but on my personal account I am Kat. I am going to be telling my opinions about this season and how good and amazing it was

Disclaimer: these are just are my options please respect them if you don't care just dont read the post and have a nice day. I am also giving 0 hate to ships this is just my views/take on the latest season.

Because I am way to obsessed for this show I rewatched S3 to S5 before the season dropped so I knew everything for this season.

My thoughts on Lotor:

S5 cliffhanger was Lotor and Allura going to the Altean world called Oriande to learn more about altean alchemy. Then we learned about lort how he is literally a space indiana jones and zarkon was a prick as a father to him and you feel bad for him. I’m gonna state right now I NEVER TRUSTED NO MATTER HOW HOT HE IS. The first time we meet the prince lotor is in S3 when he literally was teasing the paladins and to see if they can become voltron, but they can't because we lost shiro in the astral plane and he died in the s2 finale. So yeah thanks dreamworks for hurting me in the feels.

One more thing I wanted to point out Dos Santos one of the co-executive producer said that lotor was gonna be like a “justice league villain” in an article and as someone who loves superhero and villains I knew lotor was going in to help voltron with a bigger ulterior motive and once he got it the quintessence he literally played himself because he actually had real feelings for allura but we then learn this season that he killed f the alteans hw saved to get more enriched quintessence. Do i Feel he is not dead? Nope we saw no body therefore there is a total possibility we are going to see lotor in future seasons . Do we think he get a redemption arc like zuko? Maybe there are a lot of possibilities

My thoughts on Allura and Lance :

Another character I want to talk about is Allura guys I felt for A llura for this season so much because she literally got played by lotor all allura wants to do is see her people and altea again. We know that Allura loves her people and her dad and she lost her planet to the galra since the very beginning of this show. The question I have been seeing non-stop is that do you think Allura is using Lance as a rebound ? NO NO NO Allura will never do that to Lance ,and Lance respects her too much to be a douche to her he cares about her he is protective friend ( i don’t blame him} . lance did get friendzone this season yes but he is not gonna be a douche to Allura because he got friendzone. Lance has manners and respect Allura. I love their platonic friendship in my views. If you ship them romantically I respect you

A lot of people are hating on dreamworks for pushing Lance over this season. Hello hi people who are thinking that that is how the vld staff and created story tell the characters arcs in this show. Do I want lance to be happy? hell yess. But Lance can’t just get random happiness as a writer and creator of any story you have to make characters suffer in order to make them grow in a story. I know personally think they are setting up Lance's arc for that reason .In my eyes lance and allura friendship are going to get stronger as the seasons progress.

My thoughts on Keith: FINALLY FINALLY WE GET THE ORIGIN STORY OF KEITH’S PARENTS AND HIM AHH IM SO HAPPY THANK THANK YOU DREAMWORKS. Also keith has matured so much found his mom and probably bonded with we the two years that him and his mom were on space dolphins. I think that Keith need the 2 year gap with his mom. He probably learned stuff for her and he now understands his origin. Keith becoming the black paladin he is now the leader that shiro wanted him to be reference in s2 when they were going to the BOM headquarters. Keith also got a pokemon wolf when everyone else was playing dnd space version. Keith go shiro back and his mom and he has definitely grown since season 1. His fighting scene with shiro was so heartbreaking to watch but he knew how to handle the clone and respect kuro. Shiro is Keith father figure form what we saw in the flashbacks with keith dad wearing Shiro’s outfit from season 1 -2 and their bond is so deep I love them so much. I do believe that Shiro did save Keith and I love their brotherly love I really do. You ship them relatively good for you I am not hating on the ship this is just my opinion on their bond.

My thoughts on Romelle: I love this pretty altean conspiracy theorist who literally busted lotor. I love romelle I hope we see her in future seasons.

Thought on Hunk,Pidge, and Coran : they did amazing the whole season hunk defeated galra with galran policitiscs. Pidge our wonderful pidge saved the universe.. Coran has muscles he looked amazing and did great this season.

My opinions on the 7 eps:

Ep1: Omega Shield

We meet lotors nanny. (she reminds me of space yazma from the emperor's new groove lol”

Hunk learning galra politics are schooling the galrans to stop fighting (im so proud our diplomatic boy )

Ep2 : Razor Edge (more like keith and his mom bonduing ep and I’m all for that”

I love krolia, i love we get keith’s origin about his mom and dad how they met, how she got there

Texas kogane saving keith name from being yorak (lol)

BABY KEITH

They she protected keith from the blast (ahh my heart the feels)

How keith and shiro met (finally i have been waiting since s1)

How keith acted in the garrison (poor boy he fought someone )

Keith gets a pokemon who loves and it is very valid to be (also what's it’s name yorak or keith dad’s name?)

Ep 3:Monsters and Mania

The chilliest ep for the paladins

The dnd ep is my fav. I love dnd i got all their jokes about dnd

Kuro being a literal nerd yass

Lance is an adorable dork and i love him

Pidge growing to defeat coran

Allura looking like a queen being amazing with a bow and arrow

Hunk rocks every look i love how his va tyler labine made him talk man oh and punk friendship is just beautiful

Ep 4:The colony

Romelle losing her brother over quintessence

Her not believing in lotor

The ep allura threw lotor and he deserved and it was right after they kissed

Romelle being a literal badass

Ep 5: The Black Paladins

Keith and Kuro fight was so beautiful and emotional

Keith being the black paladin and has matured so well

I loved this episode too it was amazing the animation everything the soundtrack is beautiful too

Ep: 6: All Good Things

The ep that allura dragged lotor when they were fighting between the dark voltron vs good voltron

I called that lotor was gonna make a bad voltron

Allura summing the blazing sword

Coran needs to wear more muscle tees and show of his muscles more

Ep 7: Defender of all universes

The actual ship that matters the castle of lions has to be destroyed to close off the quintessence field

And the montage yeah that gave me all the feels

SPACE DAD IS BACK

Looking amazing with white hair he is now a silver fox and he gets to rest FINALLY

Allura doing her own version of avatar state to put shiro essence into the clone body

The ending and the parallels . ALL THE PARALLELS THIS SEASON

I CAN’T WAIT FOR SEASON 7 WE GOING BACK TO EARTH

My favorite episode was ep 3 because I love dnd and everyone got to just chill and play game.

My thoughts on season 7

Road Trip season i heard it's going to be from the co executive said in a recent articles

I want keith to play dnd so badly I want him to hang out more with the paladins and be super goofy

Shiro actually seeing matt again

I want to see hunk’s and lance’s galaxy garrison stories

Lance arc might happen

What’s keith pokemon wolf name?

And his dad name?

Hagger is gonna be the new villian along with sendak

I have no idea what else is gonna happen next season but i’m already hyped for it

If you have read through this whole review thank you for reading it sorry it is full of rambles but this is just what I think of this season. I loved it. I hope you are having a nice day, night or ,afternoon and what are your thoughts on this season? Did it make it or break it for you? What do you think is gonna happen in s7 or future seasons? Please like or reblog and follow my main or my writing blog I post these IAL every sunday at 9EST. And again thank you for reading my review.

[abstergx]

june 2 | 2018

so its been 4 days since S has been messaging and its been a whole rollercoaster of a ride. its such a fucked up situation that i still cant fully wrap my head around it. its so easy to fall back into talking with him in a way bc we used to be so close but this bitch dont fucking deserve that. im going back to being pretty blunt and replying more slowly. i talked to E today about the situation and asked her about her take on it. everything that she told me further encouraged my choice of being less engaging. even A is telling me to be careful. im thankful that i have friends looking after me though. it gives me this sense of... i dont know.. being cared for? 

a little general recap of shit said between me and S - he can tell that im not fully engaging in conversations but i tend to at nighttime for some reason; im kind of okay with messaging him but at the same time im very weary about the whole situation; i asked him why hes talking to me now and he said it was because he was free and could do what he want and always wanted to talk to me; he then asked if i ever had a thing for him back then like wtf, he was like a brother to me like A was - i asked him why he asked that and he said he didnt know where he stood with me back then and im still so very confused by the situation; im going to be seeing him at As birthday at the end of the month and he said he wanted to talk to me then but only if i wanted to | i dont remember much

we talk most at night especially since i tend to reply more and faster, he even called me out on it. gotta keep myself in check because i cant be betrayed by this asshole again. i have this weird feeling that hes talking to me as a sort of rebound thing. not to get into my pants or whatever but as a distraction as well. E said hes trying to fix his friendships but he also need to learn that these things cant be fixed in a day. i want him to learn his fucking mistake and i dont want to be friends with him the in the same way we used to be. i just cant trust him like that again.

on another note, some random guy on tumblr started messaging me on my studyblr like a week ago. and like we dont even follow each other or even have the same blog. at first i was like wtf this guy is high or something bc his message was so deep and weird. i decided to entertain him just for the fun of it but now its turned into a deep conversation. we only reply like once or twice a week to each other but i think its nice being able to talk to a complete stranger like this. its a breath of fresh air. in a way it lets me be real with someone about shit, although some of my replies are written in a way to kinda match his tone bc its such a serious conversation. i hope we keep talking for a while and i hope hes doing fine

6288

[slightlynightowl]

The last word

Because i know he’s gonna say more bullshit (so what else is new) I’m taking the final word.

1) if you post anything on a public blog, anyone can see it and they are within their rights to respond, comment or whatever else. It’s public. Therefore you have made it everyone’s business. Get over it.

With that out of the way…

2) if you send anything back to me, i will send it back to you and charge you for the shipping cost. So dont bother. If you dont want to keep anything I gave you, give it away. Also you have the stuffed dog and a mug. So stop being dramatic about things to remember.

3) God your timing is just impeccable. After all those long winded text heavy messages proclaiming your everlasting love, and that i would always be your first choice..etc.etc. once you get some ho’s attention you’re suddenly so ready to let me go. Lmao there is no other word for that but rebound. You cant admit it to yourself and you cant admit it to me either. Once you find a safety net, it’s suddenly hella easy to not mean a single word of your promises and declarations.

4) I dont give a flying rat’s ass about anything anymore. I finally said what i needed to. You have cost me a great amount of time , headache and unhappiness. Calling me a whore after PROVING you can’t keep your facts straight is the final straw, never mind the “ she never acknowledges what she does wrong ” thing. Bull. Shit.

I know that ive made mistakes and there were people hurt because of it. I never justified what i did. I did have reasoning but i never said that made it okay. I told everyone that I hurt that i was sorry, as i have to you many times before. It doesnt mean you can ignore my experience and spread all this shit to all of your oh so great friends. It was none of their business, and you went shit talking to them before you EVER heard me out. It is not “x happened and that’s all there is to say.” You have always ALWAYS done this. You downplay everything about what split us apart. You insult me by squishing it all down to “well you didn’t like my friend and that’s why you’re a bitch.” As. If.

This just shows how little you pay attention and that you still pick and choose what you use for “ammo”, ergo, i was right about you. You never fucking change what matters. You never treated me like my words or ideas, or standards meant anything. I can’t count the number of times you have talked down to me or made fun of how i looked (to which you’d then mess up ny hair) or sneer at small things I did like picking up change in the street or making fun of a show or hobby I enjoyed. You acted like i was an embarrassment to you! You made me feel so self conscious and picked apart. What about when i brought up concerns to you? Like feeling uncomfortable with the majority of your friends (only to find myself justified, HAH)Or trying to encourage you to save money for emergencies ( what did i tell you about covering a roommates rent?… I’ll wait.) Or how about when you went out drinking with a bunch of girls? Or going out with (in your DIRECT words)“very attractive best friend” BEHIND my back, knowing FULL well that we had talked about this until the end of time. You had no respect for me or anything i wanted for myself and this train wreck of a relationship. It should be no fucking wonder why i wanted someone else. So i hope whatever piece of ass you’re letting me go for is prepared for the shit you can give to someone you supposedly still “ love and care for so much.” Buckle up, bitch.😘💋