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straw-of-the-hat · 5 years ago

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Hey!! I love your work and your stories always manage to put a smile on my face when I’m feeling down! I was wondering if I could get some Harper, Dabi, and Kurogiri shenanigans?? I honestly love the dynamics that the trio have and would love to see a lot more of it!! Thank you and continue the great work! ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

Three's A Crowd: Dabi, Harper, and Kurogiri shenanigans

Wrote this fella on my phone so expect typos and such, my guys.

The one-shot this corresponds with this fic.

Dabi doesn't hate his job or anything. It's actually pretty lax, all things considered. Could be better, could be worse: he's not here to complain. He gets paid good, has met some people he sorta-kinda sees as friends, and half his job is just sitting there and occasionally tackling a grown man composed mostly of gas.

To lay down a basic outline, Kurogiri is extremely attached to Harper Rye, Dabi's initial client if he's being honest with himself. By watching Kurogiri, he's technically protecting her indirectly as well. It's all rather complicated. He doesn't have the full story, so can't say why the warp-gate user is so terribly attached to her. Something about emotions? He has no idea.

It doesn't matter. If Harper is gone for more than ten minutes, or if he even thinks she'll be gone for longer than that, he freaks. Completely flips his fucking lid. It's astonishing how fast he can go from being a composed, ordinary man with impeccable manners to... Well, this.

"She's going to die out there! It's too much!" Kurogiri insisted dramatically, glowing eyes rounded in horror. He was once again latched to the girl's legs like a koala, leaving her to stand there stationary and contemplate why she was still alive. "She can't go out in a storm. She'll catch a cold and die!"

"Dude, it's only sprinkling. I need tampons. This isn't a debatable trip. It's either happening or I'm sleeping in the bathtub with an old sheet." Harper explained blandly. Dabi felt just as dead inside as he girl looked. When he signed on to be a bodyguard, he hadn't been expecting this. Man children and period talk.

"She's right. Let go before I pry you off." Dabi said, tone bordering on exasperated. Harper experimentally shoved at Kurogiri's shoulder, just to test his grip. Solid.

"I can't. It's suicide." Kurogiri was being dramatic, but didn't seem to realize just how irrational his thoughts were. Dabi sighed, running a hand down his face and bringing it down to massage his jaw. This was great. Fine! Totally cool! He wasn't on the verge of exploding and setting this entire place on fire, himself included. He would never.

"You know how human biology works, right? You heard the girl. It's not optional. She either goes or we all suffer. What the fuck do you think Tsukauchi will do to us if he comes home and finds his kid in a tub covered in a ratty sheet and her own bloody? He'll chop me up and feed me to the gators, and you'll be thrown off a cliff!" Dabi insisted. He wanted to say he was exaggerating, but he 100% wasn't. Harper sighed.

"Look. It's heavy flow season down south. Do you know what that means?" Harper raised her brows down at Kurogiri, who sniffled tearfully back. "It means we have about an hour before our time is up. Yeah, I know. The clock is ticking ticking, and it's your heads if my favorite pair of sweat pants gets ruined."

"See, this is a dire situation. Clearly life or death. So let her go, she'll get her shit, and then she'll come right back." Dabi coaxed, his voice not as soothing as it should've probably been, but close enough. Kurogiri stared for a hot second before tightening his grip on the brunette. Harper's eyes narrowed. Ah.

"It's dark out. She'll get murdered." Kurogiri really did turn into a pessimist asshat when experiencing pre-separation anxiety, didn't he?

"And it'll be a blessing, too." Harper breathed. Dabi shot her a look before taking a deep breath. He didn't want to do this. His face looked worse than an eighty-year-old patchwork quilt that had been thrown through a wood chipper, and Kurogiri was still wanted. This was the last thing he wanted to suggest, but Harper's thin thread of patience was about to snap.

"Alright, fine. You did this to yourself. You don't want her to go alone? Fine. Looks like we're tagging along." Dabi marched last them and towards the front door. The sooner the left, the sooner they could get this suffering over with.

"You're shitting me." Harper was horrified. Kurogiri was immediately calmed. He let go of his adopter and got to his feet, straightening his shirt as he did so and brushing off his pants as though nothing had ever happened. Dabi and Harper stared at him with the dryest expressions they could muster. He was pretty composed for someone who'd been wailing like a chicken being murdered a moment ago. Too composed.

"Very well. That will suffice. Thank you very much, Dabi. Harper Rye." Kurogiri gave a formal nod. Harper and Dabi stared for a moment more before sharing a look. Their expressions were alike in the fact that they both appeared completely and totally done with life.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Put your damn shoes on so we can get this over with." Dabi grumbled. It was just a trip to the store. What could possibly go wrong?

-------------------------------------

So, they were at the supermarket, and literally everything had gone wrong.

Again, Kurogiri was still wanted, so they decided to walk. The rain had pretty much vanished, leaving the sidewalks soaked and the roads full of puddles. The store was only a block and a half or so down, so it's not like they had far to trek. Dabi took the lead while Harper and Kurogiri followed behind him, Kurogiri insisting on holding Harper's hand for "safety purposes." As in he was afraid she'd befall a tragic death and leave him stranded and alone in the world.

Getting to the store? Easy. They'd done it as anyone else would. They walked up, entered the store, and boom. That's when it all went to shit. They got twelve steps in before something went wrong. Twelve steps.

Someone barreled through the swinging doors behind them. A humanoid, bull-like figure with twisting horns and a cow nose, along with the ears and frame to match. Like Hound Dog, but a bovine rather than a canine. Glass sprayed everywhere, all dramatic-like, almost like something out of a movie. The store clerk let out an ungodly shriek. Harper just sighed, and Dabi groaned. Kurogiri let out a scream of his own.

He had the best intentions, but he panicked by mistake. He opened a warp gate in time to stop the bull-man from running into them. But he didn't think too much about where they'd pop out, apparently, because they fell from another portal at an angle. An angle that sent them flying into the shelves.

The resounding crash made everyone wince. Everyone but Harper, who'd heard worse to be honest.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Dabi breathed, more to himself than anyone else. Harper massaged her temples as Dabi stared in mute horror at the destruction. "I'm not paying for all that shit."

That wasn't the end, because, uh, why the hell would it be? Dabi's day was going less than stellar at this point. And then boom. Four guys filter through the demolished front door with guns bigger and longer than Dabi's arm in tow. Harper just stares, Kurogiri is just standing there blinking in confusion as he tries to process the mayhem occuring around him, and Dabi? Dabi has accidentally set the floor on fire.

"On the ground, hands up! Now!" One of the men shouts. Customers are panicking, dropping down. Fire is spreading, the floor is melting, and then, the fire alarm goes off. Which caused the sprinklers to come on. But Dabi's fire is hotter than normal fire, so it doesn't go out. It just creates a shit ton of steam.

"Oh my god." Harper groans, dropping down low as the building fills with a muggy fog that's so thick you can see through it. "I just want a box of tampons. Is that too much to ask? Why is it always me?"

"You have some bad damn luck, kid. I'll tell you that much." Dabi snorted. The glow of Kurogiri's eyes pierced through the fog.

"I'm unsure of where the intruders are, and can't warp them away. What do you suggest we do?" He asked in a level tone. Harper rolled her eyes. So he freaked out over nothing and assumed she'd due from the rain, but was ready to chill out during a robbery. Makes sense.

"We leave, that's what. I'm sure a hero will get here eventually." Dabi sniffed slightly. But things weren't that easy, of course. Shit just had to get worse.

So the robbers had been blinded, essentially. People were screaming in every direction, making it impossible to actually aim and take anyone down. Except for Kurogiri. Who had glowing eyes. So naturally, they shot for the light. Their aim was shit though, so all it did was lodge in his right shoulder.

Harper and Dabi jumped at the deafening bang that left their ears ringing. The screams increased, Harper's headache for worse, and her cramps felt like they'd intensified, just as a last 'fuck you' from her body and she and Dabi both gaped at Kurogiri. The man seemed surprised, gazing down at the wound.

"Oh." The warp gate user said. Harper inhaled sharply.

"'Oh' is right, dipshit! You just got shot!" The sound of sirens were getting closer. There was another shot. No screams or thumps followed. "Just- shit, close your eyes. So they don't do it again."

"Are you not in any pain?! I thought you had a body under there." Harper hissed out lowly as Kurogiri did as he was told, closing his eyes. She was huddled up next to Dabi, hating everyone and everything. She had school tomorrow!

"Ah, yes. It hurts quite a bit. But I'm sure you've noticed that I'm screaming in the inside." Kurogiri reached out blindly, finding her hand and patting it. "I heard bottling up your emotions was healthy."

"Literally who the hell told you that?" Dabi scoffed. Another shot whizzed part, and he and Harper both ducked on instinct. Harper yanked Kurogiri down with them when the idiot didn't follow. The steam was so heavy they could barely breathe. They were too afraid to move, to be honest. Better to wait it out while the gunmen raided the register anyway.

"Sansa." Kurogiri said. As if on cue, a fresh set of people entered the store.

"Heard you were talking shit." Sansa's voice said from somewhere near the door, and then, "Oh, yeah. Police! Put your hands up and drop your weapons!"

Harper and Dabi could barely see each other through the fog, but there was enough visible for them to know they were both grimacing. Because honestly, they really couldn't do anything anymore without some shit like this happening.

#dabi #boku no hero academia #mha aizawa #Harper #mindboggled #sansa #bnha manga #bnha oc #bnha #bnha todoroki #mha #kurogiri #league of villains #dabi my hero #my hero academia #my hero academy fanfiction #fanfiction #fanfic

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f4liveblogarchives · 5 years ago

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Fantastic Four Vol 1 #117

Thur Jul 25 2019 [07:22 PM] Wack'd: Previously on the Fantastic Four [07:22 PM] Wack'd: Diablo: After 100 years I'm free! Time to conquer Earth! [07:22 PM] Wack'd: Ben: Fuck off *punches him so hard he's trapped again, then drops a castle on him* [07:22 PM] Wack'd: Diablo: After five issues I'm free! Time to conquer Ea--*falls through a frozen lake, presumably drowning* [07:22 PM] Wack'd: Diablo: After a heartfelt engagement and eight issues I'm free! Time to fuck a weddin--*gets fucked up off-panel* [07:23 PM] Bocaj: He also showed up in an Avengers story that was pretty meh [07:23 PM] Wack'd: Good to know [07:23 PM] maxwellelvis: It gave us Hank's new identity as Goliath, though. [07:23 PM] MousaThe14: Diablo, that’s the F4 villain that does magic potions, right [07:23 PM] maxwellelvis: Yeah [07:23 PM] Wack'd: He's an alchemist and also has a dragon robot [07:23 PM] maxwellelvis: He's the guy who turned Ben into a really creepy halfway version of himself [07:24 PM] MousaThe14: It’s been a time since I listened to the Fantasticast so memory isn’t the best [07:24 PM] Wack'd: We now return you to your comic book, already in progress [07:25 PM] Wack'd: Johnny has decided to go to the Inhuman City to recenter himself [07:25 PM] Wack'd: I'm sure everyone will be thrilled to see him [07:25 PM] Wack'd: *cough* [07:25 PM] maxwellelvis: "How's it going douchebag?" [07:26 PM] Bocaj: The most notable thing I think about the Avengers Diablo story is that Diablo tried to create AN ARMY OF DRAGONS MEN and also that Hank studying Dragon Man was the start of his Ultron program which thoroughly shits his life down the shitter [07:26 PM] MousaThe14: Johnny only brings good things with him [07:27 PM] MousaThe14: He’s a dummy [07:28 PM] Wack'd: PREVIOUSLY ON FANTASTIC FOUR [07:28 PM] Wack'd: Crystal: I need to go home, Johnny [07:28 PM] Wack'd: Johnny: No you don't! You're being brainwashed! [07:28 PM] Wack'd: Crystal: No I'm not [07:28 PM] Wack'd: Johnny: I'm gonna fight your family! [07:28 PM] Wack'd: Medusa: Good fuckin' luck! [07:28 PM] Wack'd: Johnny: I'm gonna burn this entire city to the ground! [07:28 PM] Wack'd: Crystal: I'M HERE BECAUSE BLACK BOLT IS DYING [07:28 PM] Wack'd: Johnny: Haha my bad. We cool? [07:28 PM] Wack'd: Crystal: We cool [07:28 PM] MousaThe14: That is so dumb [07:28 PM] maxwellelvis: He threatened to go supernova inside the city. [07:28 PM] Wack'd: I'm...not really exaggerating [07:28 PM] Wack'd: That's basically what happened [07:29 PM] Wack'd: Right down to Johnny making the conscious decision to destroy an inhabited city [07:29 PM] MousaThe14: Comics write high drama back then [07:29 PM] MousaThe14: You know how it is [07:29 PM] MousaThe14: Teen hormones run high [07:29 PM] MousaThe14: Soap opera emotions are intense [07:30 PM] MousaThe14: Sometimes you just gotta blow up a city [07:30 PM] Wack'd: Crystal did an about-face and came back with them [07:30 PM] Wack'd: She later returned to Inhuman City anyway because air pollution was killing her [07:31 PM] MousaThe14: Makes about as much sense as anything, complete with environmental message [07:32 PM] maxwellelvis: Crystal only ever seems to serve on the FF for short periods of time, probably because being the Avatar, Master of the Four Elements makes her a bit hard to write drama around. [07:32 PM] MousaThe14: They never had her be as powerful as she was [07:32 PM] Bocaj: As I said, consequences are for people without superpowers or money [07:32 PM] Bocaj: Which is a superpower [07:32 PM] Wack'd: Yeah they did! A couple of times! [07:33 PM] MousaThe14: Did they? Well that’s good. I guess they didn’t Sue her, huh [07:33 PM] Wack'd: She had the highest kill count when Mad Thinker and Puppet Master sent an army of robots after them for the 100th! [07:33 PM] MousaThe14: I thought they had [07:33 PM] Bocaj: Crystal will fuck you up [07:33 PM] maxwellelvis: Oh, it was the 100th that they had to run that gauntlet? [07:33 PM] Wack'd: She got seven named dudes on top of an entire hoard of robot Atlantans [07:33 PM] Bocaj: Crystal: "I'M THE AVATAR, YOU GOTTA DEAL WITH IT" [07:34 PM] Wack'd: So anyway Johnny arrives and immediately gets shot out of the sky, which as we've established is probably a reasonable and proportionate response [07:34 PM] MousaThe14: Indeed [07:34 PM] Wack'd: But it turns out it's because Maximus has conquered the Inhumans [07:34 PM] Wack'd: Again [07:34 PM] Bocaj: He's always up to that [07:34 PM] maxwellelvis: How typical [07:35 PM] MousaThe14: He has no other powers besides persuasion, right? [07:35 PM] maxwellelvis: Try to blow off steam by crashing at your girlfriend's place and family drama's going on over there, too [07:35 PM] Wack'd: Johnny is unimpressed by this plot twist

[07:36 PM] maxwellelvis: Does Maximus still have his Schmott Guy hat? [07:36 PM] Wack'd: We've yet to find out [07:36 PM] MousaThe14: I mean, how do they allow that to happen [07:36 PM] MousaThe14: I think at this point, the royal family deserve to be conquered [07:37 PM] Wack'd: He typically has an army of loyalists with shitty powers like "being a centaur" who provide armed backup [07:37 PM] Wack'd: But as Johnny quickly proves they're not very impressive [07:37 PM] maxwellelvis: He has a very trustworthy face https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/452938861807403018/604094860819169281/clean.png [07:37 PM] maxwellelvis: They don't even warrant names most of the time. [07:37 PM] MousaThe14: I mean, when you keep getting beaten by 1 dollar store Master, you deserve to stay conquered [07:38 PM] maxwellelvis: https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/452938861807403018/604095064200839170/maximus-is-pleased.png [07:38 PM] Wack'd: So it turns out, Crystal never came back to the Inhuman City

[07:38 PM] maxwellelvis: I'm telling you, it's like looking in a mirror https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/452938861807403018/604095198829477918/gilsnicehat_3200.png [07:38 PM] Wack'd: No one actually knows what happened to her and Lockjaw when they left the Baxter Building for the last time [07:39 PM] Wack'd: So we're probably not actually gonna see Maximus this issue, max, sorry [07:39 PM] maxwellelvis: Alas [07:39 PM] Wack'd: Franklin, Sue, Ben and Alicia, meanwhile, have decided on a relaxing weekend getaway at Agatha's [07:40 PM] MousaThe14: Some say Havok has the worst hat in the Marvel universe [07:40 PM] MousaThe14: And that’s because they haven’t seen this monstrosity [07:41 PM] Wack'd: Reed, Sue, and Franklin play out in the yard, while Ben--reluctantly--hangs out inside so Alicia can feel Agatha's art collection [07:41 PM] maxwellelvis: If there's anything that sums up the Jack Kirby aesthetic of character design in one image, it's Maximus in that armor. [07:42 PM] Wack'd:

[07:42 PM] Bocaj: In fairness to the Inhumans Maximus mostly gets opportunities to keep conquering them because Black Bolt insists on keeping him around because he's his brother. [07:42 PM] Bocaj: Just goes to show loyalty to family is dumb [07:43 PM] MousaThe14: Oh yeah, that’s right, Ben is terrified of the supernatural [07:43 PM] maxwellelvis: Once again, Agatha's place just makes Ben think about his stories [07:43 PM] Wack'd: For the record this is the last issue of 1971 [07:43 PM] Wack'd: And thus probably our last Dark Shadows namedrop for a good long time [07:44 PM] MousaThe14: Man, Agatha’s just got an amazing design. Gotta love a witch with that face. [07:44 PM] MousaThe14: The face of a witch you can trust with your unreasonably powerful toddler [07:45 PM] MousaThe14: I’m not being sarcastic, I think she looks great [07:45 PM] Wack'd: I love Agatha's whole vibe and will be sad when she eventually becomes more of a Avengers/Strange supporting player [07:45 PM] Wack'd: They don't deserve her [07:45 PM] MousaThe14: Awws [07:45 PM] MousaThe14: Too bad [07:45 PM] Bocaj: she's not really an Avengers supporting player [07:45 PM] Bocaj: She hangs around them briefly but only for Wanda [07:45 PM] Wack'd: She has a whole thing with--yeah [07:45 PM] maxwellelvis: She's more of a Scarlet Witch supporting-yeah [07:45 PM] Bocaj: and then fucks off out of the book when she decides Wanda has probably learned enough [07:46 PM] Wack'd: Scarlet Witch doesn't really have her own book enough for the words "Scarlet Witch supporting player" to sound right [07:46 PM] Wack'd: Anyway Johnny pushes himself to the brink of exhaustion getting back to North America so he can ask Agatha to find Crystal [07:47 PM] Wack'd:

[07:48 PM] MousaThe14: So, was Lockjaw a person before the Terrigen Mists or a dog, does anyone know? [07:48 PM] Wack'd: Unfortunately the effort is too much for Agatha and all she can give Johnny is a glimpse [07:49 PM] Wack'd: MEANWHILE... [07:49 PM] Bocaj: A dog [07:50 PM] maxwellelvis: I now associate those sorts of big MEANWHILE...'s with Baywatching, so I'm almost expecting David Hasselhoff to show up cooking some sort of meat. [07:50 PM] Bocaj: There was a time when it was claimed that Lockjaw was an Inhuman person who was turned into a dog shape and made unable to talk by the terrigen mists but it was later later revealed that the Inhumans made up that story to fuck with Quicksilver [07:50 PM] Wack'd: "Meanwhile... a dog" is accidentally correct [07:50 PM] Wack'd: Crys and Lockjaw ended up on some desolate, decimated world, a bombed-out city somewhere in space [07:52 PM] Wack'd: Turns out Doom banished Diablo here in Marvel Super-Heroes #20 so I'm just gonna...check the wiki real quick [07:52 PM] Wack'd: Okay so Diablo tried to blackmail Doom into a partnership by kidnapping Doom's childhood friend [07:52 PM] Wack'd: Doom retaliated by using the time machine to strand Diablo in a post-apocalyptic future [07:53 PM] Wack'd: Turns out Doom's childhood friend isn't suuuuuper thrilled he grew up to be a supervillain and runs off [07:53 PM] Bocaj: Doom has childhood friends he hasn't flayed into skin armor? [07:53 PM] Wack'd: Did [07:54 PM] Wack'd: Past tense [07:54 PM] Wack'd:

...unbeknownst to her, Doom had made a pact with a cabal of nether demons who offered unimaginable mystic power in exchange for the sacrifice of something of irreplaceable value — and Doom had chosen the life of the only woman who had truly loved him. Valeria was killed as the demonic spell unleashed by Doom consumed her body, her flayed skin becoming Doom's new enchanted armor [x]

[07:54 PM] Bocaj: Eesh [07:54 PM] Wack'd: I am now spoiled on a *Fantastic Four* comic from 2003 [07:55 PM] Bocaj: Wait. He named his godchild after the woman he ritualistically slaughtered to make skin armor? [07:55 PM] Bocaj: SUE DON'T LET DOOM BABYSIT ANYMORE [07:55 PM] Wack'd: Okay in fairness [07:56 PM] Wack'd: Valeria Richards was born 13 issues before Valeria Lastnameunknown got flayed [07:56 PM] Bocaj: Hm [07:56 PM] maxwellelvis: Is that right? [07:57 PM] Wack'd: Yeah [07:57 PM] Bocaj: Anyway sorry for spoiling you on a Fantastic Four comic again [07:57 PM] Wack'd: It's fine [07:57 PM] Wack'd: (Honestly I'm pretty sure I read that one and didn't realize it was the same lady from Marvel Super Heroes #20) [07:58 PM] Wack'd: Man Doom isn't even in this one, we're waaaaaaaay down a rabbit hole here [07:59 PM] Wack'd: So Diablo knocks Crystal and Lockjaw out with ALCHEMY until he can figure out how to make Lockjaw take him home, also presumably with ALECHEMY [08:00 PM] Wack'd: Meanwhile, back at the haunted house, turns out Agatha forgot to turn off the globe [08:00 PM] Wack'd: And it shows Crystal, Diablo, and Lockjaw to Johnny [08:01 PM] Wack'd: Aw jeez Diablo Princess Leiaed her!

[08:03 PM] Wack'd: Now that the three of them are back in the present things are getting positively retrograde up in here

[08:03 PM] Wack'd: I think we can all see where this is going [08:05 PM] Wack'd: So Diablo wants his own country so he can be Doom's equal [08:05 PM] Wack'd: And go kick his ass [08:06 PM] Wack'd: And Crystal makes the perfect fake god on account of the whole "avatar" thing [08:06 PM] Wack'd: This guy is very punchable

[08:07 PM] Wack'd: "Central America! You know, all of it, I guess!"

[08:08 PM] Wack'd: So this is, what, the second consecutive civil war Johnny's refused to get involved in this issue? [08:09 PM] Bocaj: Marvel is very bad at non America [08:10 PM] Wack'd: Yeeeeah [08:10 PM] Wack'd: *sigh* [08:11 PM] Wack'd: I might as well finish this arc so I don't need to look forward to more of this specific racism [08:11 PM] Wack'd: Other racism, maybe [08:11 PM] Wack'd: But not this one

#1971 #Archie Goodwin #John Buscema #The Main Book

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littlelovelymemes · 7 years ago

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✰ BOB’S BURGERS SENTENCE STARTERS

‘ only strippers shave above the knee. ’ ‘ your ass is grass and i’m gonna mow it. ’ ‘ i’m a smart, strong, sensual woman. ’ ‘ time for the charm bomb to explode. ’ ‘ i’m no hero. i put my bra on one boob at a time like everyone else. ’ ‘ i’ve logged over 3,000 fantasy hours on my relationship. ’ ‘ just when i think i’m out, those cheeks pull me right back in. ’ ‘ that’s lipgloss? i thought you’d always just finished eating rotisserie chicken. ’ ‘ is it possible to be in love with 25 people at once? ’ ‘ oh, it’s okay. i guess i wasn’t meant to have a good life. ’ ‘ if boys had uteruses, they’d be called duderuses. ’ ‘ if you need me i’ll be down here on the floor dying. ’ ‘ here’s a bunch of numbers. they may look random, but they’re my phone number. ’ ‘ if he has a butt for touching and lips for kissing, i’m going for that. ’ ‘ if we see any mermaids, i’m gonna ask them where their merginas are. ’ ‘ hey, jennifer slowpez! get out of the way! ’ ‘ do you think horses get songs stuck in their heads? ’ ‘ i’m just a little tired. also, i might be a pimp. ’ ‘ i think i have the best legs in the family, and the smoothest bottom. ’ ‘ our gang is called the broken glass kids. we’ll cut you. ’ ‘ i want that on my tombstone. seriously. i do. ’ ‘ i’ve eaten nine birthday cakes and i still feel empty. ’ ‘ camera, take the day off. i added ten pounds to myself! ’ ‘ i don’t get drunk. i just have fun. ’ ‘ mommy doesn’t get drunk. she just has fun. ’ ‘ i don’t appreciate your lack of sarcasm. ’ ‘ you’re my family and i love you, but you’re terrible. ’ ‘ uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. ’ ‘ i am not drunk! i’ve only had half of four bottles of wine! ’ ‘ sorry, i’m saving my spit and blood for my honeymoon. ’ ‘ i just want to slap his hideous, beautiful face. ’ ‘ yeah, she’s pubing out real bad. ’ ‘ quiet dignity? have you met us?! ’ ‘ why don’t you try speaking in words instead of your damn dirty lies. ’ ‘ i hope they’re using protection because i am not taking care of that baby. ’ ‘ clean up, aisle ‘my panties’. ’ ‘ i didn’t know our country was bi. good for us. ’ ‘ i’ve seen your life and i’m not impressed. ’ ‘ let’s see your ‘everything is okay’ face. ’ ‘ it sure is cold in here. i wish some strong, chivalrous man would lend me his jacket... or pants. ’ ‘ when i shut my eyes and cover my ears, i feel like i could maybe spend the rest of my life with her. ’ ‘ it smells... exotic, like ranch dressing. ’ ‘ it’s rated ‘r’ for ‘really boozy’, starring me. ’ ‘ gee, even your testicles are failures. ’ ‘ aw, i gave it a shot. time to give up. ’ ‘ well, i’m glad you’re excited, because i am going to kill myself. ’ ‘ kids are horrible. why do we keep making them? ’ ‘ oh my god, i don’t know. go to sleep. ’ ‘ admit it, you look up to me! ’ ‘ i’m the alpha turkey. ’ ‘ i deserve this. i’ve been coasting. ’ ‘ i changed my mind about having kids. i’m gonna have one and feed it to that bear ‘cause i love him so much. ’ ‘ love you, cutie pie. sorry. i’ll think of a better one than ‘cutie pie’. ’ ‘ you’re my angel... dust. sorry. that’s a drug. ’ ‘ uh, you’re kind of exaggerating. ’ ‘ i’m exaggerating?! that is literally the stupidest thing that anyone has ever said in the history of mankind ever. ’ ‘ is that a euphemism for his ding dong? ’ ‘ you’re a couple of sluts! ’ ‘ what is this feeling i’m feeling right now? it’s like i’m sad for another person? is that a thing!? am i going crazy?! ’ ‘ i made this friendship bracelet for you. ’ ‘ why would you head-butt me?! ’ ‘ i was gonna punch you, but i’m holding wine. ’ ‘ the sign says ‘no running’ and you’re running your mouth. ’ ‘ my cat was right about you! ’ ‘ why do men have to ruin everything? ’ ‘ gotta keep the players happy. flirt a little, wink a little. ’ ‘ last year for halloween, i was a mummy. this year, i’m a mommy mummy. i’m single, i’m working two jobs, and i’m just trying to get back out there. ’ ‘ are you drunk enough to be any fun yet? ’ ‘ put some mistletoe on my butt and kiss it. ’ ‘ a world without me is not a world i want to live in. ’ ‘ oh my god. i never noticed how annoying you are. ’ ‘ you’re the baddest girl in detention. ’ ‘ summer is awful. there’s too much pressure to enjoy yourself. ’ ‘ i don’t need a boy to pay attention to me. i’ll pay attention to myself. ’ ‘ hey, you don’t wanna mess with her. she’ll wear down your self esteem over a period of years. ’ ‘ i’ll probably be sad for the rest of my life. but besides that, i’m good. ’ ‘ i’ll stay here cause it sounds like where you’re going is outside. ’ ‘ i’m gonna drink. a lot. ’ ‘ you can’t hurt me. i’m already dead. ’

#ask meme #sentence starters #indie rp #askbox meme #rp meme #starters #sentence starter meme #rp sentence starters #inbox meme #rp ask #rp ask meme #rp ask box meme #inbox memes #rp inbox meme #Inbox Starters #rp sentence meme #rp

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ollyee · 6 years ago

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Pretty.Odd Ryden theory

Okay, so I decided to put all songs from Pretty.Odd together and make one, big Ryden theory from it. I know this ship is almost dead, but I believe something had to be between them. If you have some theories, feel free to send them to me! I will always have time to read about my OTP. And by the way: sorry if I made some mistakes, english isn’t my first language. Anyway, enjoy, folks!

Ready? Here we go!

Nine in the afternoon (SW: everyone)

“Your eyes are the size of the moon.”

Totally don’t know whom this verse refers to, but I’ve written it down because of the “moon” thing. Still searching who is who!

Do you know what I’m seeing? (SW: everyone)

“I know it's mad, but if go to hell, Will you come with me, or just leave? I know it's mad, but the world were ending, Would you kiss me, or just leave me? Just leave me.”

Okay, so maybe it’s just me and I’m misunderstanding the lyrics, but... This may be about Brendon questioning himself if Ryan would go with him no matter what, no matter when. But since this song was written by everyone, those are just my crazy theories.

That Green gentleman (SW: everyone)

“Little deaths in musical beds. So it seems I'm someone I've never met.”

Same as in the previous one. Just a theory, because everyone wrote this song, BUT. Yes, that’s a big “but”. Leeet’s see what Wikipedia has to tell us:

According to Wikipedia: La petite mort (French pronunciation: [la pətit mɔʁ], the little death) is an expression which means "the brief loss or weakening of consciousness" and in modern usage refers specifically to "the sensation of orgasm as likened to death".

So, maaaybe it’s a tiny reference to ryden having sex near the ocean JJJ

“Things have changed for me, and that's OK. I feel the same, I'm on my way, and I say.”

This is reaaaally crazy theory and don’t take it seriously, okay? I feel like Brendon is trying to say here: “Things have changed for me (I’m gay), and that’s OK (because I have Ryan by my side)”

I have friends in holy spaces (SW: Brendon)

Aaaand that’s where things get interesting. Since this song was written only by Brendon, we can start making theories!

“You remind me of a former love that I once knew”

He could be talking about Ryan here.

“We were holding hands walking through the middle of the street It's fine with me, I'm just taking in the scenery”

So, IF he is talking about Ryan, then I interpret this verse in this way: Brendon and Ryan were walking through the street and holding their hands. We all know it’s not usual to see two men holding hands, right? But he says: “It’s fine with me, I’m just taking in the scenery”

“You remind me of a few of my famous friends Well, that all depends what you qualify as friends”

Ryan might remind Brendon about some of his famous friends. And of course – Ryan IS his friend. But, well, it depends what you qualify as friends.

“I'm not complaining that it's raining, I'm just saying that I like it a lot More than you think, if the sun would come out and sing with me”

So now it gets pretty intense. And I’m going to talk more about it in the Northern Downpour. Some of you may know, that after Ryan’s 21st birthday party, Ryro flew to Seattle, just to see with Brendon. And Seattle is rainy. So my theory is that they met in the street, while it was raining. But, of course Brendon wasn’t complaining it was raining, he was happy. And what about this “sun” part? It’s my first argument for Ryan being sun. As we know, Ryan was originally a singer in the band, but then everyone agreed Brendon would suit for this job better. Ryan has some backing vocals, but has never sung in some kind of duet or something. So I think in this verse Brendon is trying to say: “Hey, Ryan, come out and sing with me!”

Yes, it was in Seattle. And yes, those are the same clothes Ryan had on his birthday party.

It is believed, that this event is an inspiration to Northern Downpour. Because, you know... Seattle is in the north, and it’s rainy. Also, the fan said he has seen Ryan and Brendon in a restaurant together. Oh, and by the way: “One day we’ll settle in Seattle.” – Ryan Ross in his livejournal, Feb. 6, 2006

So, now let’s move on to the Northern Downpour! Ryan said in one of the interviews:

I’ll say more about it later.

“If all our life is but a dream Fantastic posing greed Then we should feed our jewelery to the sea”

Being gay is not something normal. And if Ryan ever loved Brendon, it’s obvious this feeling was really bizarre at the beginning. If I loved my best friend, which is also a girl, I would consider my life being a never ending dream. And sea... As I mentioned already, this album has a lot of references to the sea/ocean (they were there while writing this album) and there’s a theory that Ryden had sex there.

“Hey moon, please forget to fall down Hey moon, don't you go down”

This could have two meanings. First: Ryan flew out from NYC to Seattle in the middle of the night. So he didn’t want the night to end, he wanted to keep that moments with Brendon forever. And second: Here’s my argument why Brendon is “moon”. Ryan doesn’t want to lose him. He want to be with Brendon forever.

“I missed your skin when you were east You clicked your heels and wished for me”

So, yeah, Seattle is in the east, and NYC in the west. Brendon missed Ryan for sure, that’s why Ryro flew all this way to him.

“I know the world's a broken bone But melt your headaches, call it home”

And here we have the line, Ryan told Brendon to pay special attention to. The meaning of this is that the actual world sucks and there’ll be always bad things happening. (Like, most of the society doesn’t accept people being homosexual) That’s why Ryan tells Brendon not to worry about it. Moreover, you remember in previous song, which was written by Brendon, he said: “if the sun would come out and sing with me” So, Northern Downpour is the first song in this album, where Ryan sings WITH Brendon, not just doing some backing vocals. Also, I have to mention that Brendon, when performing Northern Downpour in 2011, he stuttered in this peculiar moment. And in the end, he was almost crying. Here is this video.

When the day met the night (SW: Ryan)

“When the moon fell in love with the sun All was golden in the sky All was golden when the day met the night”

So, as we know, Ryan and Brendon are considered to be Sun and Moon. But there are a lot of problems in identifying who is who.

“In the middle of summer All was golden in the sky All was golden when the day met the night”

Panic! Was writing Pretty.Odd since March, 2007. So, they were working on the new album in the summer too. And this album has a lot of references to summer/dreams and love. I also think, that if Ryden was real (and I’m more willing to say it was, after reading so many theories), the best period for Ryden was in summer 2007.

“Well he was just hanging around Then he fell in love And he didn't know how But he couldn't get out Just hanging around Then he fell in love”

I know some people say, that Ryan is the Moon, and Beeboo is the Sun. I think it’s in the opposite way. Because, well, this song was written only by Ryan. So the lyrics are more about Ryan, not Brendon, who only sings it. This song contains two major characters: he – Sun, and she – Moon. Here, Ryan refers to him as the Sun, saying that one day he unwillingly fell in love with the Moon – Brendon.

But all of that is complicated, because in some songs it feels like Ryan is the Moon and Brendon is the Sun.

Behind the Sea (SW: Ryan)

“The men all played along To marching drums And boy did they have fun Behind the sea”

And another song written by Ryan, that refers to the sea and probably summer. In addition, this song is more deep, when you hear it really closely. In the background there are plenty of things said by Ryan and Brendon, but as I said you have to listen very closely. Here: https://reiventbeebo.tumblr.com/rydenconspiracies is the full explanation. Excellent work, girl!

Folkin’ arodun (SW: Brendon)

“Allow me to exaggerate a memory or two Where summer's lasted longer than Well longer than we do When nothing really mattered Except for me to be with you”

And yeah, another song about summer and... relationship with someone. (Probably Ryan)

“Your melody sounds as sweet As the first time it was sung”

I think here Brendon wanted to say he fell in love with Ryan’s voice. (well, since he has lots of singing parts in this album)

She had the world (SW: Ryan)

“She held the world upon a string But she didn't ever hold me Spun the stars on her fingernails But it never made her happy”

She - Moon (I think it is about the moon, because of the “spun the stars” part). Ryan is sad, because the Moon never noticed him.

“The sun was always in her eyes She didn't even see me”

And that’s... Kind of problematic. In this part Ryan can’t be the Sun, because he wasn’t noticed, right? But maybe... (again, don’t take it seriously, it’s just my crazy theory) Moon has been always looking at the Sun (Ryan), but didn’t ever noticed him. You know, Ryan and Brendon were friends from the band, and Brendon was seeing Ryan almost every day. But he has never seen Ryan as something... more than a friend.

Mad as Rabbits (SW: everyone)

“We must reinvent love. Reinvent love Reinvent love”

Here gets pretty interesting. In one of the interviews Ryan claims, those lyrics were inspired by homosexual French poet Arthur Rimbaud, who has written: “I do not love women. Love has to be reinvented, we know that.” (Another Rimbaud reference was in „She’s a handsome women” too. In the line “I wasn’t born to be a skeleton”.) Also, Ryan even had a T-shirt with this quote.

If anyone made it through to the end... Congrats.

#ryden was real #ryden #ryan ross #brendon urie #brendon patd #panic! at the disco #pretty.odd #panic at the disco pretty.odd #beeboo #ryro #ryden theory #panic at the disco theory #pretty.odd theory

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skywalker-3-1-7 · 7 years ago

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The Walmart Debacle: A Spider-Man One-Shot

Genre: Comedy, Humor, Adventure

Characters: Peter Parker, Ned Leeds, Michelle “MJ” Jones, Karen

Pairings: Peter Parker/Michelle “MJ” Jones

(***first installment in series***)

Spider-Man. That's me. I'm Spider-Man. Which is cool and all, but it's not a huge help when it comes to American History.

"Why does it matter what year Benedict Armstrong defected?" I groaned, slamming my textbook shut and tossing it carelessly onto my bedroom floor. Ned, perched on the bottom bunk of the bedset, threw me a dirty glare, shaking his head in disapproval as I hung from the ceiling listlessly.

"It's Benedict Arnold," he corrected, setting down his stack of notes. "And Peter, you need to study if you're going to pass finals next week. You're barely getting by in History."

"I've had more important things to do," I mumbled.

"Oh," Ned retorted. "Like that ATM robbery the other week where you almost stopped the cops from getting the guy?"

"Besides that."

"Or the time three days ago when you skipped third period because you were convinced the janitor was dealing drugs, but he was actually just having an affair with Mrs. Johnston?"

"Hey, he looked fishy," I exclaimed indignantly.

"I think the world can do without Spider-Man for a few days," Ned replied, his gaze growing more serious. "Besides, I thought May went all psycho-aunt after finding out and grounded you or something."

"That was months ago," I said. "And Mr. Stark took her out to a nice dinner and explained the whole thing, talked some sense into her, you know. Everything's cool now. Except I can't be out past 11, but other than that."

"Wow," Ned murmured sardonically. "A superhero with a curfew. Better hope all the ATM robbers don't find out." I frowned, then snatched an empty soda can from my bedside table with a web, chucking it at Ned's head while he chuckled to himself. Slipping down to the floor, I strode to the window and parted the curtains, peering outside.

"I just don't wanna miss anything," I said quietly.

"You won't," Ned assured me, shifting on the bottom bunk. "Now come on, let's go over the Revolutionary War again." I sighed heavily, running a hand through my dark hair.

"Alri -"

Before I could finish, I was interrupted by an alarm ringing loudly from my computer. Leaping across the room in a single bound, I clicked excitedly until I discovered the source of the alarm.

"There's an armed robbery at the Wal-Mart ten blocks from here," I practically shouted. "It looks like they have a hostage!"

"Peter, it's Tuesday," Ned said with an exaggerated yawn. "Can we let the police handle it for once?"

"I gotta go, Ned," I argued, tossing him an earpiece as I stripped out of my t-shirt and sweatpants. "Besides, if you didn't want me doing this kind of stuff, you shouldn't have helped me hack into the emergency dispatch network."

"Fair point," Ned relented, abandoning the stack of books beside of him and sauntering over to the computer, where he took a seat and began clicking away.

"Thanks, bro," I murmured, smiling appreciatively as I dawned my suit. Adrenaline rushed through my veins as I slipped the mask over my head, and a soft, familiar voice filled my ears.

"Good evening, Peter."

"Hey, Karen," I mumbled, giving Ned one final nod as I slid open the window and darted outside.

"A little close to curfew, aren't we?" said Karen as I propelled myself across the street.

"I have 37 minutes," I protested, slinging my body across another block as a long web shot from my wrist. "Plenty of time for a robbery and hostage situation."

"Shall I replay some audio from the last time you missed curfew?" Karen queried. There was a crackle, and then my head was suddenly slammed with the sound of Aunt May yelling nonsensically.

"Okay, okay, I get the picture," I grumbled, and Karen promptly shut off the noise.

"I'm with you on this one, Karen," came Ned's voice over the comm.

"You know," I said, "You guys could try being encouraging."

"Don't die out there, buddy," was Ned's response.

"I echo Mr. Leed's sentiments," Karen added.

Grunting to myself, I closed the distance between myself and the approaching Wal-Mart. At last, I reached the roof. Glancing to the streets below, I spotted a squadron of police cars gathering by the entrance. A swarm of cops were standing by, talking into their walkies and swaggering about with their guns bared.

"Any word from the police channels?" I asked, pressing a finger to my ear.

"There are three men and one woman, all of them armed," Karen answered. "They're in the back of the store in the electronics section."

"Okay," I mumbled to myself. "Not too bad. How many hostages?"

"Two," said Karen. "An employee and a civilian. There's a ventilation shaft fifty feet behind you, which will take you close to the electronics section."

"Thanks Karen," I replied, sprinting across the rooftop to the top of the shaft.

Removing the metal plate on top took a minute or so, then I carefully crawled down the shaft. It was cold, to say the least, and I shivered underneath my suit.

"Your body temperature is decreasing rapidly, Peter." Karen remarked. "Shall I activate the suit's heating system?"

"Yeah, th-that'd be great," I responded through chattering teeth. A rush of warmth began to seep into my skin, and I blinked, clearing my focus as I neared the end of the tunnel.

Popping my head into the open, I gazed down to find myself directly above the children's clothing. No customers in sight. Relief flowed through my veins, and I crawled into the high rafters of the ceiling with a boost of confidence.

Across from the clothing lay the electronics. As I navigated towards the section, moving carefully across the rafters, trepidation began to sink into my heart. I picked up the sounds of shouting, and I strained my ears to listen in. Peaking in between the rafters, I noticed a group of four, all dressed in black and wearing ski masks. Two, a man and a woman, were carrying rifles, while the others bore pistols. On the floor between the four of them sat the hostages.

"I've got eyes on the hostages," I murmured.

"What's it look like in there?" Ned asked. I glanced over the two hostages. There was a middle-aged, red-haired man wearing a Wal-Mart uniform, and a young girl with curly black hair and a familiar jacket. I squinted, peering closer at the girl.

My heart stopped.

"Oh no..." I said. "No no no...'

"What is it?" Ned inquired, his voice spiked with panic.

"It's her, Ned," I replied in a rushed tone as terror shot through every inch of my body.

"Who?" Ned shouted. "Please tell me it's Jennifer Lawrence. That would be so hot."

"It's MJ!" I hissed, my voice starting to tremble.

"Michelle?" Ned screeched. "Are you kidding me?"

"What do I do?!" I asked to no one in particular.

"Well you can't let her die!" Ned answered. "She's the Decathlon Captain! We'll suck without her, and I need to get in as many extracurriculars as I can."

"Although Mr. Leed's priorities are a bit skewed," Karen broke in, "I agree that you should offer your assistance as soon as possible in ending this dilemma."

"Alright," I whispered. "I"m going in."

I sneaked noiselessly across the rafters, drawing ever closer. I could feel sweat dripping down my forehead underneath my suit, although I wasn't sure if it was from the heating system, or the pressure that had suddenly crashed into my pounding skull. As I paused directly above MJ and the rest, I finally caught on to the words of her captors.

"The cops are gonna storm this place any second," the woman was saying in a nervous tone, her words muffled ever so slightly underneath her mask. "We should just go. We'll get enough cash with all these devices." My eyes swung to the left, and I realized the man and woman with the rifles were both hefting large, bulging bags across their backs.

"That idiot manager will be back with the money from the safe in a minute, Cat," one of the men with a pistol growled. He suddenly reached towards MJ, grabbing the collar of her jacket and yanking her backward. Her face was etched in fear, but she remained silent as he jammed the business end of his pistol against the side of her head. "And if he plays any tricks, then we'll give these tiles a makeover with the girl's brains. I think red would add a nice bit of color, don't you think?" A wave of anger shot through my body like fuel as the man and his cronies burst into laughter, and MJ squirmed uncomfortably. Without another thought, I swung silently from the rafters, hovering just a few sparse inches above the man's head.

"If you ask me, I think yellow would be a better choice," I said, struggling to keep my voice calm.

The man whirled around, and was greeted with a thick web splattered across his face. Squealing like a newborn piglet, he began scraping away the webbing. I launched an aggressive kick into his stomach, sending hims sprawling to the floor, his gun clattering loudly onto the tiles.

"Then again," I continued, shrugging nonchalantly as the other three turned towards me. "I'm not much of an interior designer."

In the blink of an eye, the men sprung towards me while the woman attempted to gather the bags of stolen goods and keep a gun trained on MJ. Still dangling from the ceiling with one arm, I kicked off from a nearby stand, then shot a web around the two men as I spun in a tight circle around them. Stuck together, they shouted angrily as I snatched their weapons and deposited them by the first man's pistol.

Wal-Mart Man was making a run for it, and the woman let the employee run into the clothing section as she struggled to carry both of the massive bags while forcing MJ alongside of her.

"Hey!" I shouted, latching a web onto a pillar just ahead of them. "Why don't you try these electronics!" As I swung past, Karen switched to a personal favorite web-combination of ours, and I zapped the woman directly in the back. Electric tendrils zig-zagged across her torso, and she burst into a fit of convulsions, collapsing to the ground. "Yeah!" I exclaimed ecstatically, pumping a fist into the air in celebration.

Then, I face-planted into the pillar. Not my best moment, I admit. I slid to the floor, my face flaming brighter than the outside of my suit.

"Wow," an all-too familiar voice said from behind me as I picked myself off of the tiled floor. "So graceful." I gulped, trying to look casual as I spun around to see MJ dusting herself off.

"Are you ok?" I asked, my embarrassment forgotten as I noticed a bruise already swelling on the side of her face. I started forward, then stopped myself, clenching my fists as I cleared my throat. "I mean, they didn't harm you?"

"You could at least try not to sound like a prepubescent, Peter," Ned's voice teased in my ear.

"Nothing serious," MJ answered, crossing her arms over her chest as she studied me through narrowed eyes. "Do you remember me, Spider-Man?" she queried, her tone almost taunting. "D.C.? Washington Monument?" I swallowed the lump in my throat, pretending to appear shocked.

"Oh, D.C.," I said, chuckling lightly and waving the comment away. "Yeah, that was... that was nothing, really. Glad to do it."

"Um-hmm," MJ murmured, raising an eyebrow. "Well, you should really be going before the cops get here."

"Right, yeah," I replied, glancing upwards towards the rafters, shooting a web to the nearest beam. "Have a nice night M-" I coughed, correcting myself. "M-Ma'am. Have a nice night, ma'am."

"Hey," MJ called after me as I raised myself into the air towards the ceiling. "Thanks," she said, and I glanced down in time to see a rare smile light up her face.

"Y-yeah, no problem," I stammered, giving her a thumbs-up before scurrying back up to the rafters.

My heart slammed in my chest as the leftover adrenaline pumped through my blood.

"Sounding a little nervous there, Pete," Ned commented through the earpiece. "Don't get me wrong, she's cute and all -"

"Shut up, Ned," I riposted. "MJ's a friend. I... I just didn't want her to get hurt."

"Uh-huh," was Ned's response. I rolled my eyes, and didn't say anything else for the remainder of the journey back home. I re-entered my room through the window just as the clock struck 11 o'clock.

And thus another night as Spider-Man came to a close.

(Thanks for reading, let me know what you thought! Follow for more one-shots!)

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incorrectknb · 7 years ago

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two-year tribute to furisting

happy furisting anniversary, everyone!! I, for one, can’t believe I’ve done this, but I guess if I’m going to actually write for this blog it might as well be for one of my favorite quotes of all time

~1.5k, this is PG, Disclaimer: NO FISTING ACTUALLY TAKES PLACE NOR IS IT DESCRIBED IN DETAIL, GRAPHIC OR OTHERWISE

...

“Oh my god,” Furihata says, and the dawning horror in his voice is so startling that Kawahara actually puts down his pencil and abandons the homework he has due next period so he can watch the expressions his friend is about to make. It’s lunch time, which is fortunate, because that means they’ve pushed their desks together along with Fukuda’s, giving Kawahara a front row seat to this show.

“Oh my god,” Furihata repeats, like a man realizing he’d misread the project due date and everything was actually supposed to be turned in on the 4th instead of the 14th. (It’s possible that Kawahara’s modern Japanese teacher is going to flay him alive, but he just can’t look away from whatever it is that’s making Furihata use that voice.) Kawahara would swear he can see his friend going through the five stages of grief right in front of his eyes.

“You okay?” Fukuda asks, squinting at him. Furihata looks over at him, face so grim that he might as well be staring down a firing squad.

“Izuki-senpai thinks I don’t know what fisting is,” he breathes.

Fukuda jolts in surprise, driving the plastic straw of his juice box up into his soft pallet and coughing loudly. Kawahara gleefully marks his project down as a lost cause. This is clearly going to be the most important thing to happen to him all week.

“Why do you say that?” Fukuda sputters, eyes watering as he uses his sleeve to wipe juice from his chin.

“It was a misunderstanding,” Furihata says. “Oh god-” he puts his face in his hands- “it was misunderstanding, I didn’t hear him right because the captain was already shouting at him for bringing it up, and now he thinks I don’t know and he’s going to tell the other upperclassmen and they’re going to overreact.”

Kawahara leans over his desk and claps him on the shoulder. “There, there,” he says, maybe less sympathetically than he could.

“Why would the second years be weird about this?” Fukuda asks. “It’s not like whether you know what fisting is or not is going to affect how well you play basketball.” Kawahara knows he’s grinning like a loon, but he can’t help it.

“They’re weirdly invested in our sex education,” he tries to explain. “Weren’t you there when coach and Tsuchida-senpai gave Kagami the talk?”

Fukuda frowns. “They never did that,” he says, eyes narrowing in suspicion.

“They did,” Furihata moans into his palms, hunched so far over in his seat that his forehead is brushing the edge of his desk.

“They did,” Kawahara confirms. “It happened just after Kagami got that confession, remember? There were diagrams, and then coach made Tsuchida-senpai give him a practical condom demonstration. I think that was probably why Kagami turned the girl down, since he was too embarrassed to even look at her after all that.”

Fukuda’s expression is slowly changing to match Furihata’s own horror. “Why was Tsuchida-senpai-”

“He’s got a girlfriend!” Kawahara says. It’s possible that he’s enjoying this a little too much. “So obviously coach decided that he had the most experience and made him show Kagami how to put a condom on.”

“She brought a cucumber and the condom,” Furihata adds, still speaking into his hands. “The cucumber was uncomfortably lifelike.”

“I thought Kagami was going to die,” Kawahara says. It had been an incredible day. He and Furihata hadn’t even been ordered to attend the little presentation, they’d just happened to be in the room when Riko had marched in with her props and Tsuchida in tow and ended up staying out of morbid curiosity. Aida Riko was nothing if not thorough when it came to ensuring the health of her players. “There was even a quiz afterwards to make sure he understood the material.”

“This never happened,” Fukuda says, but it’s pleading, like he’s asking them to tell him it’s all just a bad joke. He looks at Furihata who is still trying to fold himself up into a ball of human shame origami. “The second years are good people,” he says desperately. “They wouldn’t make Kagami talk about his dick. Or where he might put it in the future. Or how he should put it there and not be at risk for disease. Or even say the word ‘sex’ and make eye contact with any of them at the same time.”

“They can and they did,” Furihata moans.

“Kagami actually already knew a lot about different forms of contraception,” Kawahara muses. “Do you think he’s smoother in English? Maybe he got lots of dates in California.”

“Impossible,” Furihata mutters, still miserably creeping towards the floor but unwilling to pass up a chance to roast Kagami. “Last week I saw him sneeze onto his lunch and then eat it anyways.”

“Remember when he got a new phone case and then forgot and panicked because he thought he’d accidentally stolen someone else’s phone?”

“Two days ago he was trying to show me how to moonwalk before practice but he couldn’t do it without taking his shoes off and then coach came in and yelled at him for not being changed so he tried to run to the locker room in his socks and fell on his face.”

“I saw that,” Fukuda says. “It was spectacular. Also, he’s a terrible dancer.”

There’s a brief, peaceful silence where they all ruminate on Kagami’s total lack of moves, and then Furihata brings them all back around to the topic at hand by making a wounded noise.

“I can never go to practice again,” he says. Kawahara is pretty sure he’s actually underneath the desk now. “It was almost funny when it was Kagami, but if I have to listen to any of the second years try to explain any sort of technique-” all three of them shudder at the word- “I will actually disintegrate. Into dust. You can fill an hourglass with my remains and use it to time passing drills or something.”

Fukuda is nodding along, equally somber. “You’re definitely screwed,” he says, voice grave. “I’ll tell your brother you love him,” he promises.

“No,” Furihata says, “don’t do that. He owes me 1500 yen and I’m not speaking to him until he pays up. If I die without that money, then he’s unforgiven forever. And I will definitely die without that money because he doesn’t get paid until Monday and Izuki-senpai won’t make it to the end of the week without bringing this up again.”

“Oh, come on,” Kawahara says with a sigh. He figures he’d better at least start trying to be supportive. There are only a couple minutes left in the lunch period and he’s not so bad a friend that he’s going to make Furihata sweat over this until practice. “You really think it’ll be that bad? The upperclassmen might actually be crazy, but it’s not like this is going to haunt you for the rest of your life. No one is going to obsess over fisting, for god’s sake, not even Izuki-senpai. It’ll be over by the end of the week.”

“I’ll be over by the end of the week,” Furihata mutters, from somewhere around his ankles.

“Listen,” Kawahara tries again. “Worst case scenario, you can’t explain to him that you actually do know what it is in time and you have sit through an explanation of it - which, by the way, will be fine because you already know what it is, so it’s not like there’ll be any surprises - and then the second years laugh a little bit and then you go on your way and we only bring it up once or five times a year when we want to hold something over your head. That’s it. No more fisting, you’re free forever.”

“Really?” Furihata asks, sounding more skeptical than Kawahara thinks is reasonable. The basketball team is weird, but they’re not that weird.

“Yeah,” he says, as reassuringly as possible. He punches Fukuda in the shoulder get his attention and makes a frantic gesture to signal him to back him up on this.

“Yeah!” Fukuda agrees hastily, oddly cheerily for a man who was just helping Furihata plan his own funeral. “It’ll all blow over! Just wait until someone else says something dumb and then you’ll see, none of us will remember any of this.”

“Alright,” Furihata says, more confidently than before, and he must unfold a bit because Kawahara can suddenly see the top of his head behind his desk. “Okay,” he says, and stands up, cautiously resettling himself in his chair. He looks pale, but that’s probably to be expected. It’s one thing for the coach and Tsuchida-senpai to run a presentation on practical sex ed, it’s totally different to have the threat of one of Izuki-senpai’s famously colorful and flashy slideshows hanging over your head. Especially when the subject matter is as….extreme as fisting. Lesser men would weep. Or try to switch schools. Luckily, Furihata is made of stronger stuff.

He takes a couple deep breaths. “If it looks like he’s not going to let this go, I will tell him that one of you has never heard of…whatever’s worse than fisting, I guess,” he threatens.

“You can’t just throw us under the bus like that!” Fukuda cries, clutching his chest in exaggerated betrayal.

Kawahara frowns at him. “That would definitely be a dick move,” he says.

Furihata’s expression is stony. Determined. Damn him and his stronger stuff.

“Sacrifices have to be made,” he says, and then the bell chimes to signal the end of the lunch period. “If I’m going down, I’m not going alone,” he tells Kawahara, as he pushes his desk back to its correct position.

“You’re not going down,” Kawahara insists, and god, he hopes he’s right. It was just a simple communication error. It’s not like the second years can take it very far before Furihata gets a chance to clear it all up, right? Right?

#if this sucks we can say it's bc it was literally all written after midnight #on several different days #fanart #not a quote #furisting #I guess this is probably #a main mod original™

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zibizuba · 6 years ago

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Today we present: Best Hilarious Funny Facebook Status Updates. You can chose your best one and also update your facebook status to funny.

List with Hilarious Funny Facebook Status Updates!!

I know the world isn’t going to end in 2015 cuz my yogurt expires in 2016!

I like to name my iPod ‘Titanic’ so when it says ‘Syncing Titanic’ i click cancel and it makes me feel like a hero.

Hello, everyone. Look at your status, now back to mine, now back to yours, now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn’t mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine. Look down, back up. Where are you? You’re on Facebook, reading the status your status could be like

Is wondering if you can grow marijuana on Farmville then sell it on Mafia Wars?

I love it when my computer says ” are you sure you want to continue unprotected “

Roses are redish, Violets are blueish, if it weren’t for Christmas, we would all be Jewish!

When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?

One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and too stubborn to ask for directions.

decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!

Most Hilarious Funny Facebook Status Updates

I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak.

sometimes, not remembering may be the better.

X says my computer just beat me at chess…but it was no match for me at kickboxing.

X is color blind and trying to solve a Rubiks cube… This could take a while.

X is the girl next door…if you live next door to a whore house.

What is fat, ginger and pregnant? Nothing..

slept like a baby last night…. Waking up every 3 hours crying for food.

wanted to kill the sexiest person alive…But suicide’s a crime.

X is proud of herself. She finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.

People say that love is in every corner……gosh! maybe I’m moving in circles.

More funny articles on Homepage

I use to be great at wordplay. Once a pun a time.

Sometimes? Late at night? I rearrange traffic signs. People need to be challenged.

I guess if you spoke your mind, you’d be speechless, huh?

X thinks that 100-calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off!!

Alcohol does NOT make you fat…it makes you lean…against tables, chairs, walls, floors and ….Ugly people!!!

what has two ears and can’t hear? —————–.> GRANDPA

I’m not a racer….But I can fly.

press the star below and watch it glow

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I think my neighbor just caught me stealing his Wi-Fi internet.

Teaching your own mother how to use Facebook is like willingly signing your own death warrant.

X is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of “liking” my own comment? Of course, I like my own comments. I’m awesome.

Every day, man is making bigger and better fool-proof things, and every day, nature is making bigger and better fools. So far, I think nature is winning.

I swear my pillow could be a hairstylist I always wake up with the weirdest hairdos.

X just received a coupon in the mail: Buy one sock, get one FREE! While socks last.

X believes that if you tell your boss what you really think of him, the truth will set you free.

¡ǝɯıʇ ǝɯɐs ǝɥʇ ʇɐ ʞooqǝɔɐɟ ǝsn puɐ puɐʇspuɐɥ ɐ op ʎןןɐuıɟ uɐ��

pense lol funny facebook status

Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.

Oh I’m sorry! I didn’t realize you were giving me a dirty look…I just thought you were ugly like that all the time!!

wants to merge MySpace, Facebook, YouTube and Twitter and call it: MY FACE YOU TWIT.

X says don’t look at me in that tone of voice.

Is anyone going to put anything funny on here?????

If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.

eat eat and eat….but don’t eat my brain.

I married my wife for her looks. But not the ones she’s been giving me lately!

a guy knocked on my door today asking for a donation for the local primary school’s pool. I went away and came back with a cup of water….. Is that wrong?

ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

All men are born free and equal. If they go and get married, that’s their own fault.

too cool for school.

trying to think of clever things to say after inhaling from a helium balloon.

the kid next door’s imaginary friend.

–^v–^v–^v–^v-_____^v–^v–^v– For a second there, I was bored to death.

definitely not watching what not to wear.

forcing my dog to learn how to google.

kissing a girl and may or may not be liking it.

Got out of jury duty by prefacing every answer with “according to the prophecy”

X is Loading ████████████ 99%

Don’t you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?

U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to Life. How many fish do you have? Stop counting smart one. Fish can’t Drown.

X went to the book store earlier to buy a ‘Where’s Wally’ book. When I got there, I couldn’t find the book anywhere. Well played Wally, well played.

Hi, my name is Damimeve. The ‘mime’ is silent.

I’ve always wondered if film directors wake up screaming “CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!” when they have nightmares.

In an interview, “I can multitask housework with facebook!”

X is coloring on your wall! ((̲̅ ̲̅(̲̅C̲̅r̲̅a̲̅y̲̅o̲̅l̲̲̅̅a̲̅( ̲̅̅((>

never judges a book by its cover. She uses the paragraph on the back, it tells you what the story is about.

a day late and a dollar short.

Insert coin to view my status message.

If somebody offers you a lifetime supply of candy and there is just one piece, don’t eat it: It’s probably poison.

We have so much in common. You want to travel, I want you to go.

happy that you finally broke up with that slut. Now I can tell you VIA facebook update that I boinked her.

seen pictures of you naked on the internet.

remembers the day when blackberry and apple were just fruit.

> $20 in my bank acct. Drinks on you home.

20/20 hearing!

Short funny joke

Boy: So, sex at my place? Girl: Yah! Boy: OK, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother and he thinks we’re making sandwiches so this is the code. Cheese= Faster. Tomato= Harder. Girl: OK? ~Later~ …Girl: CHEESE CHEESE TOMATO CHEESE! Brother: Stop making sandwiches! You’re getting mayo all over my bed!

why do we need school??? music~we have YouTube for that. Spanish ~I watch Dora. English ~everything is shortened anyway (brb,idk,lol). geography~i will buy a globe. history~they are all dead anyway. math~that is why we have the calculator. spelling~we have spell check on the computer.

People make the world go around but at some point don’t you wish it were flat so all the idiots would keep walking and never come back?

NEVER trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes.

I love how, in scary movies, the person yells out, “Hello?” As if the bad guy is gonna be like, “Yeah, I`m in the kitchen! Want a sandwich?”

“how do you spell gay?” “g.a.y?” “noooo! j.u.s.t.i.n b.i.e.b.e.r!” (;

what’s the difference between puberty & a water bottle? a water bottle hit Justin Bieber first! (;

Going to McDonalds for salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.

Roses are Red, Nuts are brown, Skirts go Up, Pants go Down, Body to Body, Skin to Skin, When it is Stiff, Stick it In, The Longer its In, The stronger it Gets, It goes in Dry, Comes out Wet, It comes out dripping,and it starts to Sag, Its not what you Think …its a Teabag xD

Mrs. Bin Laden just updated her Facebook status to single.

Sometimes your Knight in shinning armour is just an idiot wrapped in tinfoil.

We guys have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see us without an erection, make us a sandwich !

Me and my mom were shopping for new Cd’s and she asked me.. Mom: honey, Who’s your favorite artist? Me: Eminem Mom: The candy? Me: no the rapper Mom: What’s so special good about Candy Wrappers?

If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrehea…does that mean one person enjoys it?

status: I can’t log into facebook

A bug just landed on my computer screen and my first reaction was on try and scare it away with the curser

*BLOND GOES TO THE DOCTOR TO FIND OUT IF SHE IS PREGNANT* Doctor: your pregnant Blond: *smiles* Doctor: your having twins Blond: *crys* Doctor: is’ant that good? Blond: i dont know who the father is for the other baby Doctor: LUCKY IM A BRUNETTE !!!!!!!

Did you know in Japan girls keep their phones on vibrate and put them down their crotch? Don’t feel bad if they don’t answer. It means they’re busy All i want to know is, where can i get a number?

Your make-up looks so pretty:) lol jk it looks like a crayola raped your face!!!

My friends status said, “standing on the edge of a cliff :/”…so i poked him.

Have you ever looked at someone and thought to yourself “Dude, that’s the sperm that won???”

Sometimes i fill up my blow up doll with helium so its playing hard to get.

i know three facts about you, one you can’t say M without your lips touching, two your trying it now and you look like an idiot alien, three now your smiling

Guy: Did It Hurt? Chick: Did What Hurt? Guy: When you fell from… Chick: Heaven Awww :’) Guy: No, when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down!! Chick: ………. Guy: Hahaha BITCH!!

Sorry, Ke$ha the party dont stop till I walk in.

honk if you love Jesus Textwhile driving if you want to meet him.

Last Night I Dreamt I was Eating A Giant Marshmallow……..When I Woke Up My Pillow Was Gone.

How much coke has Charlie Sheen done?……………enough to kill 2 1/2 men….

I love how justin bieber can hit high notes but not puberty!

Roses are red, violets are blue, a face like yours, belongs in the zoo, don’t be mad, i’ll be there, not in the cage, but laughing at you.

Relationships are like Tom & Jerry: They tease each other, knock down each other, irritate each other, but can’t live without each other.

I WISH i could be a status, so you could LIKE me.

I tried to log on to Facebook. It said, “Cookies are required to operate.” I thought to myself, “Me too, Facebook. Me too.”

A divorced man walks over to his ex-wifes new hubby n asked…so how does it feel enjoying 2nd hand goods?..Doesn’t bother me, he responds..actually once u get past the 1st 3 inches, the rest is all brand new.

I wonder what will happen if Steve Jobs dies…. His tombstone may read – iDead…

Got into a fight with my alarm clock this morning it wanted me to wake up i disagreed now the alarms broken and im wide awake…not sure who won.

I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was “You’ll never find anyone like me again!” I’m thinking, “I should hope not! If I don’t want you, why would I want someone like you.

A kid got bad marks in his test, he showed his test to his mom. His mom said ” what is this”? He answered teachers star stickers were finished so she gave me a full moon!!!

Please copy and paste this to your status if you know someone, or have been affected by someone who needs a punch in the face. People who need a punch in the face affect the lives of many. There is still no known cure for someone who deserves a punch in the face, except for a punch in the face. But we can still raise awareness!

One day a chicken crossed the road and met james bond and said whats your name?? ….bond james bond… whats yours??..ken chick ken!

Behind every great woman is a man looking at her ass!

I’d rather Cry over cuts & stitches. not sluts & bitches !

Don’t ever laugh in the bathroom it will make people think ur playing with yourself.

Check also Tree Puns Funny Memes, Birch Please

Artykuł 100+ Best Hilarious Funny Facebook Status Updates pochodzi z serwisu PENSE LOL.

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likeliterally-blog1 · 7 years ago

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Oslove pt. 1 (Oslo, Norway)

“Å være midt i smørøyet.”

- To be right in the best possible spot

One annoying reality about where I come from is that it is not exactly strategic to travel to different countries and get your passport some new stamps in a short period of time. Especially when I live in Java, can you imagine hopping on a bus which travels to Malaysia from Java? It’ll take multiple broken bones due to the roads condition and the whole years of my law school to get there (okay I exaggerated but you get the point.) It took us two days to travel from Indonesia to Norway, and I do count the five hours of layover in Kuala Lumpur and nine hours in Dubai. We were practically stranded a lot in the airports.

My mom and I arrived earlier in the airport than two of my friends. My mom even came to Jogja for this special occasion, which brought us to these questions: where the hell are we going that we’re already in the airport at 6 am in the morning with my mom? And why? Welp, looking at my huge suitcase and bags, people would easily assume that I have been disowned by my family and now need a new place to stay. But no, me and my friends are going toooooo *drum rolls* NORWAY! YAAAAY!

(yeah I edited my name a little bit in there e_e)

It is not for mere holiday that we were going there. We were participating in this annual competition for law students which is called the International Negotiation Competition, my friends being the negotiators, and me being the team manager/observer/national representative (ikr, I’m still confused about my role there but never mind.) Mind you, that was our very first time of going to Europe and it’s supposed to be a very fun journey. Like heck, that was the furthest I’ve ever been from home (6,795 miles! I googled.) This competition is held in different countries every year, and after previously being held in Switzerland, it was held in Norway this year. It’s basically where you as lawyers negotiate your client’s interest with other lawyers from different countries regarding certain matter given to you in the cases. It’s super cool, and I’m calling out to law students out there who would want to join; JUST JOIN!

We flew to Malaysia without any problem, however problems found us right when we were about to check in for our flight to Dubai in KLIA. This check-in lady (in very thick accent it was painful to try to understand) told us that we couldn’t fly since our Schengen visa was applicable from the 24th of June, and that we would arrive in Dubai on 23rd at 11.30 pm. We had to pay more so that we could catch another flight which will get us to arrive there at 24th. Now what the actual fuck, IT’S NOT EVEN VISA FOR DUBAI??? IT’S SCHENGEN VISA FOR FUCKS SAKE. We would arrive in Norway on 24th, so like.. whaaaat?

But then it was all solved and we were allowed to go on the last minutes. Seriously I was real pissed.

We arrived in Dubai at midnight, still having to wait for nine hours to fly again to Norway. At that point, none of us really wanted to go around because we’ve been batshit tired even though Emirates was very pleasant (food and everything was perfect, even the flight attendants ;-;) We found some lounge with long chairs and slept there, woke up every few minutes to check our things. I made a new friend though, some guy that I forgot from where, and I didn’t even ask for his name. Does that count as a friend? I have no idea. But finally, it was boarding time and I could not contain my excitement (said the girl who got so hyper in the first two hours but then spent the rest of the flight snoring like an old dog.)

The plane landed smoothly and I could feel as the wheels touched the ground, with a little of vibration, that we were finally in Norway. NOR-FUCKING-WAY! Everything felt surreal to me, like I was dreaming and I got so scared to being woken up. Two days ago I was in a small city of Yogyakarta with very persistent (and often smelly) taxi drivers surrounding me, but then I was in Gardermoen, where Uber is allowed to pick up passengers (it doesn’t work that way in Indonesia.) Fyi, I’ve been wanting to go to Europe REALLY bad that it was one of the things I put on my bucket list, and that me finally being there was a dream come true. Call me tacky, but it was a real dream coming true, I couldn’t be any happier than that, you have no idea. It held even more emotional values since as a manager, I was the one who worked so hard gathering over 70 million rupiahs to fly all of our asses to Norway all the way from Indonesia. Dream. Really. Do. Come. True. I love the fact that my first time going there has deeper meaning than the usual holidays, I worked real hard to get all of us there, and it felt sweeter than anything I’ve ever had in my life. *cries*

We went through the immigration with no problem at all. Some people from the Indonesian embassy in Norway picked us up in the front gate, and after some hugs and kisses on the cheeks, we dragged all of our belongings outside and walked into the sun shine (not even kidding, the sun was real bright.) I refused to wear jacket, I just wanted to feel it, how the air felt like as it touched my skin, reminding myself that ‘AY, BITCH! THIS AIN’T A DREAM, YOU ARE IN NORWAY, AND YOU DESERVE IT!’ Just hold up, let me just.. oh my God.. I can’t even explain… This is me being real tacky here..

The cold wind hit my face, despite the fact that the sun was shining so bright that you couldn’t look around without squinting. I’m not sure what’s so special with that, or how I got overly excited that I knocked off my own luggage, or why I felt like crying in front of people, but when I felt the coldness in the air, it legit made me feel like it was heaven. YES, CALL ME OVER TACKY, WEIRD, OVERDRAMATIC ALL YOU FUCKING WANT, CAN’T A GIRL ENJOY HERSELF?! So there we were, looking not very fashionable but still gorgeous.

This job as a team manager has been the source of literally all of my stress for the past six months because I was expected to get so much money on my fucking own. Not often that I worked in bitterness, felt like strangling some people very often, but hell it was all worth it.

After dragging my big ass suitcase and putting it into the car, we finally drove to the Sentrum to buy sim card and exchange money. The road itself was pretty, full of green fields with lots of lavender on the sides. The houses looked like something you’d only see in fairy tales, small, alone, and aesthetically pleasing. I took pictures as much as I could as we drove past beautiful scenery, trying to contain everything. Norway never ceased to amaze me from then on, that wherever I went, it was never disappointing. Call me weird, but I couldn’t help but notice that Norway has its own smell. Does that make me a weird person for saying it? Everywhere I went in Norway, somehow it smelled the same, and it surely was different than Indonesia. I can’t quite explain it, it smelled like soap and ocean at the same time. I am weird.

The Sentrum itself was full of people speaking in languages that I’ve never heard before. Dilla, which is one of the people from the embassy, led us to the sim card shops and exchange thingy in the area called Brugata 8. Everything was new to me and that was the first time I’ve ever been surrounded by white people (is this racist?) Literally everything fascinated me, from the people who dressed up weirdly, the buildings surrounding us, people in suits who rode bicycle, etc. I couldn’t help but to look around so fast like an owl. I didn’t even realize how heavy my bags were. The wind was still cold even though it’s supposed to be summer already.

After everything was set, we went to Frogner which is where our apartment was located. We booked the apartment on Airbnb and it was 20 minutes away from the UiO’s Faculty of Law (which was where our competition mostly held.) Dilla bought us hamburgers and took us to a place we were about to call home for the next week. After giving us salmons, bread, jams, fruits and others, she left us and we started to explore the apartment. This is the surroundings, though.

The apartment was cozy to begin with. There’s a fireplace next to the sofa, kitchen was well-equipped (even though they weren’t very clean), there are approximately five mirrors in there in which I don’t understand why, and there are lots of electricity plugs (I really like it because the three of us wouldn’t have to battle against each other to charge our phones.) There are one bed and one sofa bed. I took the sofa bed since I move a lot in my sleep and I’m really not good at sleeping next to people (personal space duhh.) The sofa was actually comfortable and I placed a blanket over it due to my mild OCD. There are electricity plugs next to the sofa which is very useful for the next seven days, and the fridge had some things inside which we didn’t dare to touch. Moreover, there are some inappropriate pictures being put on the fridge, one of them was a picture which I thought was of glazed donuts, but then I realized it was a picture of tanned butt, another picture of a granma surrounded with half naked guys with the caption “too busy to write” on it, other pictures of men flexing their muscles with their pee pee hidden under some leaves, and other weird pictures I’ve never seen in my entire life. Why did I give you this bit of information? I’m not really sure myself.

The heater worked marvellously (we set it to 35 degree Celcius. The epitome of Indon.) and everything was great. I slept on that sofa wearing my mom’s huge sweater and another blanket, and it was so nice and warm I wanted to melt. It was certainly one of the very best moments I’ve had in my life, knowing that me, Ceciliong, was currently in Norway, the land of Vikings, and trolls, and everything else awesome, a country rich with history and legends. I slept very early that night, couldn’t really believe that we were there. I’m not sure if I can call it jetlagged since the time difference between Indonesia and Norway was only five hours, but whatever it was, I slept peacefully that night, thinking life couldn’t get any better. I woke up at two am, looked over to the bar table, seeing one of my friend standing there. But then I looked up beyond my sofa and saw two butts on the bed. Confused, I looked back at the kitchen table and there was no one there. It was probably my imagination because I was really tired, but anyways, I fell asleep again and woke up happily.

yes, I was holding a banana.

#Oslo #Norway #Travel

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a-sloths-diary-blog · 8 years ago

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"Naivety can only blind you for so long"

5th, 11th, 15th and 20th, respectively these are very critical in my arrival back from and my start to University again. Unfortunately, these are not positive however very negative as the surrounding issue is of something less fortunate.

On the 5th Mai returned, I was so happy to see her, all the annoyance and anguish dissipated out of my system and I was so delighted to see her, we enjoyed the entire week being drunk and just having fun. Maybe I should host sessions like that again to recover the broken bond, the chains that were holding us as one have been shattered slightly as time went on from that period. The first week of university was decent. She and I were very amicable and ordinary, despite her being dramatic, sometimes over the top, and bitchy (we all are a bit) I decided to let it go because of my happiness to no longer be alone.

This suddenly changed on the 11th when we had our first argument over the most silliest of things. The TV show named the “Undateables” appeared on her feed and she showed me and Joe three clips of the show. Just beforehand we collaboratively made a Shepherd’s Pie together so a good aura and energy was in the air. I have a date that was planned the following day so I was pretty nervous but excited. Anyway to the point, after the three clips were shown of these people who had learning difficulties of some sort being paired with others of a similar heritage, I made the comment saying “Oh, I feel bad for them”. Joe and Mai inquired so I continued, explaining how I felt it was a little mean to brand them as “Undateable”, how they didn’t really have a choice of being with somebody that was “Dateable”. Being called “Undateable” isn’t particularly a nice comment. I had no background knowledge of the show, my opinion was merely an assumption with no valid evidence behind apart from the three clips I had watched. Joe agreed with my comment but Mai on the other hand did not, fair, you can not agree with everything a human says right? She stated that its not being they get to date people who do not have learning disabilities. I continued and said “But, a TV show with the name “Undateable” with people who were born a certain way, its feels mean” she said that I was wrong – that at the end of the show its liberating, fulfilling and all these amazing other things towards them because they find a match and blah blah blah – in her eyes I was wrong, there was no methods or ways for me to be right in the situation. Joe reluctantly said that he agreed with what I said, trying not to take sides I’m guessing which fair play to him, I would’ve done the same. Either way, I stated that my comment was my opinion and I and she would have to agree to disagree because we can’t agree on everything that is set out in front of us. Instead of burying the hatchet, she prefers to have the last word conveying that “In my opinion, I think you’re wrong” blah blah blah, social justice, self-righteousness, evidence A and B. I should of maybe left it there but she kinda ticked me off and so I continued, “It’s not as black as white as you think it is, there are shows such as the ‘Batchelor’ that have ‘desirable’ men and women on their – compare to this show about ‘Undateable’ people from the three clips I’ve seen and the name seems hurtful in its brand. I’ve only seen three clips but I’m not talking about the end game of the show, I’m talking about the name” she replied with another self-righteous comment to which our bickering made Joe shortly yet promptly, leave the room. She blamed me saying “Look what you’ve done”, - “Mai, this is a 2 person debate, It was both of us” I’m not speaking to a brick wall that is not replying. I got up for a drink and we continued and continued and I saw no way of her leaving the situation where it was, she just wanted to win and have a different opinion that others – its amazing to be individual don’t get me wrong but to the point where you’re doing it purposefully to just have a title in an argument of having a different point to convey for the sake of debating is pointless. I left saying “I’m leaving it here before it gets worse, its just a debate nothing personal or serious” to which she replied as I was leaving “Yeah you’re just walking away, your like those self-entitled feminist bitches that think everyone is being oppressed”. I ignored and went in my room – it was almost time to sleep almost 12 (not that that was my excuse for leaving) but at least it was not like 5pm where I would not have a lot to do maybe.

Anyway she also stormed off to her room 5 minutes after me, slammed and locked her door. Dramatic as per usual but what you gonna do.

I went to sleep, annoyed, overthinking as usual but got some rest eventually. The fire alarm had to go off in the morning at 3AM didn’t it, gotta love the halls of residence. Not even exaggerating I was in bed thinking it was a dream, I had my hands over my ears but after realising this illusion, I got up to get my stuff. Slightly opening the door, forgetting my slippers, Mai is outside my room “Come on babe, fire alarm, we have to go”. I, with a face that could properly turn Medusa herself to stone was like “I need my slippers”, I was so tired and annoyed at being awoken from my slumber.

When we got outside the halls of residence, Mai apologised saying she took it too far, at the time I didn’t apologise back, I was overwhelmed with the situation of the alarm going off and being tired and grouchy that I just said its no problem, it was nothing personal. In the morning, I did apologise saying that I was tired in the previous situation and that’s why at the time I did not say much about the scenario but she seemed to take full responsibility of it and we moved on. I still held it at the back of my mind for later reference but still, I was glad we were kind of normal once again.

It was after this that I noticed more of her bitching side more often, as soon as someone left the room she would start saying negative things about them. I do the same don’t get me wrong, but at least before I do it, I slip it into the conversation its usually going to be directed towards. E.g. Joanne will say something “I moan a lot” and I’ll agree saying “Yeah, more than a lot”. So at least if I do talk about it with someone, and they hear it, at the very least it does not come as a surprise to them.

She talks about Cat frequently and her dishes not being washed up “She never washes her plates up and expects others to do it for her” I disagreed with her last time conveying that I saw her do so.

She also made a sly comment about me today but I think she was getting my reference towards her and her ignorance with cleaning the kitchen. She was like “People need to wash the communal stuff once it’s been used” and Sasha was like “That doesn’t bother me too much with Mai, or J_____ because he always cleans my knives as soon as he uses them” Mai’s reply? “Oh okay, maybe we can forget about that one.”

As I distance myself away from her, I feel crude but it’s not done maliciously but rather because she’s annoying me. We may be growing apart this way but it saves an argument that she will try to dominate. As much as I tell her the things that annoy me about her, she will try to match it with things that annoy her about me. Which is fine, nobody can synergise that well without there being a single issue, trust me, you’re a fool if you believe so. Naivety can only blind you for so long until you start to see the truth in people.

#student #cliques #rant #sorrynotsorry #diary entry #personal

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zibizuba · 6 years ago

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